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Keelea Krear

Ms. Jizi

UWRT 1104-015

1 February 2017

Final Essay

What Made Me Who I Am

I believe the situation that has made me the person I am today was the day my dad had

gone into cardiac arrest. It is a day that will forever be engrained in my memory. This moment,

for me, marks the switch from a self-absorbed child to a selfless young adult.

I was just about to end my seventh-grade year, when my dad had gotten the news that he

would need to remove his colon as soon as possible. The surgery would be due to his Crohns

disease causing severe inflammation to his colon. Crohns disease is a chronic inflammatory

disease of the intestines, especially the colon and ileum. Over 1.6 million Americans are affected

by this disease, however, the level of severity differs among everyone.

Honestly, this news did not surprise, nor scare me. My father has been in and out of the

hospital my whole life. From birth up until the end of seventh grade, he had already undergone

twenty surgeries. So for me, this felt routine. My family had gotten so used to the hospital life, as

well. Obviously, my family could not all sleep in his hospital room, so we would come early in

the morning, stay throughout the entire day, and leave around one or two in the morning to go

home and sleep. We would bring ample amount of Lysol and Clorox to the hospital, because my

family is germ phobic, along with tons of games and electronics to keep my sister and I busy.

Walking to Starbucks was a daily necessity, and my sister and I knew to never touch the elevator

buttons with our fingers. Planned surgeries were usually scheduled during the summer months,
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so that my mom would not have to take off work, as she is a teacher. A typical hospital stay for

my dad usually lasted anywhere from one month to three months, so many of our summers were

filled with the sterile smell of the hospital rather than soaking up the sun. However, my family

always made it work.

The day had come, in early May, for my dads surgery. This was way earlier than

expected, but a high fever had thrown my father into emergency surgery. My sister and I had

both taken off school, per ritual on surgery days, to send my father off into the operating room.

Tears always flowed, and watching him getting wheeled away, never got easier. Surgery days

always felt the longest. We would sit in the tiny waiting room, reading all the gossip magazines

we could find in the gift shop, while eating our weight in candy, and patiently waiting for the

doctor to emerge. We mostly sat in silence because my family tends to hold our emotions in, but

secretly we were all thinking the same thing. Finally, the doctor would come out, alerting us that

my father was in post-op, and we would get to check on him soon enough. I hated seeing my dad

limpless after getting out of surgery. He always looks drained and exhausted, and I feel like I

could break him with even the slightest touch.

My mother drove us back home later that evening, so we could prepare to go back to

school the next day. She explained to both my sister and I that she would need to go back to the

hospital for a little while longer, and that I was to take care of my sister. My mom left, and my

sister and I occupied ourselves with homework and television. This seemed to keep our minds

off of the current situation.

I will never forget the phone call we received, from my mother, later that same night. It

was around eleven at night. My sister and I were sitting on the couch, eating ice cream and

watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians. The news would hit us like a brick wall, and bring
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us to tears. It would shake us to our core, and test our faith in God. We would never be expecting

what my mother would be saying to us through the phone.

My mother always tried to remain calm and collected when telling us girls things, but

you could always sense the nervousness in her as her voice quivered getting it out. She explained

that my dad had gone into cardiac arrest, which is a sudden stop of the heart, and that she would

need to spend the night. She conveyed that the doctors were trying to resolve the problem, but

had not yet. This meant my sister and I were alone for the night, in a dark house, the first time we

would ever be left for the entire night.

My sister was inconsolable. Not only with the terrifying news about my dad, but with

having to stay alone for the entire night. She has extreme anxiety, and freaks out if something

does not go as planned. She has never trusted my mom nor I to keep her safe, my sister believes

my dad is the only person who could ever keep her from danger. So, you mix the fact he was

basically laying lifeless on the table, and was not even physically in our house, and you have a

completely terrified ten-year-old. However, I knew that me being upset about everything, and

showing my emotion, would only make matters worse for her. So, I quickly gathered myself,

pushed everything that was going on to the back of my mind, and focused on making sure my

little sister could confide and trust in me to take care of her. I think it was in this moment that I

realized that whatever I needed or felt had no importance. I needed to be there for my sister, so

that she could feel some sort of peace amidst the chaos occurring.

I believe in this moment I transformed from an innocent child to a young adult. I learned

that not everything is about me, or how I feel. Sometimes, you need to put all your energy into

someone else, before even thinking about yourself. This moment taught me how to have enough

strength to carry someone else through the tough times when they cannot get themselves
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through. I am the person I am today because I learned how to be the shoulder to cry on. I know

how to be the person you need to confide in, when no one else will listen, because of what I have

gone through. I learned to have empathy.

My father lived through the cardiac arrest, but had to spend six more months in the

hospital due to complications with his surgery. He is still struggling with Crohns to this day, but

his condition does not scare me like it used to. I think after that summer; our family is capable of

conquering anything that is thrown our way. We learned that life is not always a straight and

narrow path, and we must expect curves in the road.

My sister and I grew much closer together after that summer, and I now realize how

important my role is in my sisters life. I am not only her role model, but the person she leans on

for strength and guidance. God chose me as the person she will be stuck with for life, a constant

influence. I also now realize how hard it was for my mom to swallow her feelings all those years

for us girls. She has shown me how to be the confident and brave girl I am today. I hope that my

role as an older sibling allows me to become half the mother my mom is. I believe God put me

through this difficult time to teach me how to be a more selfless and giving person.