The Triggers of Cacti Spaulding

Book One: Searching for the Lost Sulfur Mine in America

(c) God is Dead Comic Animation (2017)

1. 'There's nothing out there stupid!'

2. 'Yes there is.'
3. 'No, there's not. It's an urban myth- a legend, nothing but a tale.'
2. 'That's what you think.'
1. 'Look, no evidence exists of the asylum that is mentioned in the tale because it's not there.'
3. 'Easy check of property listings from the state You may be able to find something that existed-
a sale record, property listings for state institutions-
2. 'We don't know from what year.'
3. ' ...but I think he's right, all that exists now is just an old road to the river.'
2. 'Whatever, I'm going.'
1. 'You do know that is private property now. You'll be lucky to get busted for trespassing.'
2. 'I'm not worried about trespassing-'
3. 'You should worry about getting shot on private property, not trespassing.'
1. 'Besides, you don't know what kind of jackass freaks are out there.'
3. 'Whackos.'
1. 'Satanists.'
3. 'Cannibals.'
2. 'You two are crazy. Something is out there. Can't you feel it?'
1. 'Well, I'm not going out there to snoop around without a gun.'
2. 'Pennsylvania gun laws don't require a purchase permit. We can pick some up out there.'
1. 'You're crazy.'
3. 'More like fucking stupid. Can't you see the problem of walking onto private property fully
armed?'
2. 'So he'll call the cops immediately.'
1. 'Or god damn fucking shoot you. They'll think it's the god damn militia. Bad news.'
3. 'I can already see the headline- Militia Attempted to Occupy Farmhouse, All Killed.'
1. 'It's perfect for their argument.'
3. 'State terrorist fucking bullshit.'
2. 'Whatever. There has to be some evidence of the asylum out there.'
1. 'I don't think so. If there was they put a golf course on top of it to cover it up.'
2. 'See?'
1. 'What?'
2. 'You do think something may have existed.'
3. 'If it existed then, it sure as hell doesn't exist now.'
2. 'The first gate you can see by day, the others you can only see by night.'
1. 'Yeah, you have to put on your magic glasses to see the other six.'
2. (spitting on the crucifix)
3. 'I'm not running out there at night.'
2. 'Fucking pussies.'
1. 'Fucking freak.'
3. 'I heard there was nothing out there but couples anyway.'
2. 'Satanists?'
3. 'No- like couples making out because they can't make out at home because mom's a Nazi or dad's
a fucking bitch.'
2. '...or couples who are into occult shit & love to fuck out there.'
1. 'Impotent bastards who can't get it up when it's time to fuck their wives.'
2. 'Fucking on occult shit'
3. (smiling) 'Yeah, I've seen that in a movie. Very bad idea.'
1. to 3. 'I'm not going to cuff you.'
3. 'Even if I wanted you to?'
1. (smiles, mouths the word) 'No.'
3. (smiling, moving closer while getting sexy) 'I'll handcuff you'
1. (yelling) 'Fucking cop!'
3. (op. Cit. Pushing back) 'Fucking pig!'
2. 'Jesus, you two, get a fucking room.'
3. 'I mean seriously, there's probably some squatters, maybe a gang of god damn fucking jackasses
who think they're the incarnation of.'
1. 'Look, that's all old Quaker territory. A sanatorium exists 89 miles North-West of the location.'
3. 'That makes sense-'
2. 'Like the Quakers fucking killed them.'
1. 'Definitely. They didn't do well with witches, no way they would have been able to handle the
insane.'
3. 'Raped-'
1. 'Bound-'
3. 'Gagged-'
2.' Fucked.'
1. 'Then destroyed any & all records of the possession of land.'
3. 'Possibly'
2. 'That's a little anarcho for the Quakers, don't you think.'
1. 'If they controlled the court rulings due to religious preference'
3. 'It all falls back to the year.'
2. 'I think the Quakers were here before the constitution.'
3. 'If they were controlling the courts...'
1. 'Exactly.'
3. ' then the whole community would have wanted to distance themselves from such instances,
especially after the members of the fascist/rapist fucking piece of shit ecumenical elder council
died... they would have wanted to atone for the sin & move away from the entire experience.'
2. 'How do you explain the weird noises that they hear at night?'
1. 'Who?'
2. 'They?'
1. 'Who are they?'
2. 'Those who tell the story.'
1. 'I'm not even going to answer that.'
3. 'Look, the place is definitely haunted. Worst case scenario is there is some ship graveyards out in
the creek behind his house.'
1.' River.'
3. (smiles) 'OK then- river.'
2. 'Your minds are haunted.'
3. 'Your mind is haunted.'
1. (not paying attention) 'You're definitely right about that- the whole area looks like a lot of fun.'
2. 'Rifle?'
1. 'Shotgun.'
3. 'We can get both out there.'
2. 'No permit.'
3. 'Awesome!'
1. 'Just because I trust you now doesn't mean that I'm going to trust you with a gun in your hand.'
2. 'I don't think it really matters, I mean, you only die once.'
3. 'What in the fuck are you talking about weirdo?'
2. 'Nothing. I just meant when you die, that's it.'
1. 'You've just lost all gun privileges on the trip.'
3. 'Totally. We don't need no asshole throwing the directions into the fucking river.'
2. (while pointing at the sky) 'North, West, South, East. It's very simple.'
1. '& definitely don't need no asshole shooting us just for tagging along.'
3. 'Neither one of us do.'
2. (looking at them both)
1,2,3. 'Alright then.'

& the journey for the lost sulfur mine of Pennsylvania began.

(To be continued...)