Mendez 1

Eduardo Mendez

Professor Batty

English 28

May 31, 2017

What I fixed

For this essay what I fixed was making the audience feel what I was feeling. At first I had

felt like I wrote a good essay but then I said to myself, I can give more detail and talk about more

about like how the pain felt and how it was when I woke up in the hospital. The rough draft talks

about how I had a very bad pain, and the Original essay explains the pain more. It gives the

audience more details of how it felt. Weather it was shooting pain or just a pain that was there

and stayed there, I tried to explain it well I think I did. The first essay talks about how I woke up

in the hospital and that my family was there when I woke up, well in the revised essay I tried to

explain how I woke and what I saw when I woke up. I tried to make the audience feel like they

were waking up in that hospital as well. Other than that for this essay I fixed a few quotation

marks and spelling errors I had, which was not a lot but there was some. To me this is the easiest

essay we had to write for this class and I think I did good in the rough draft and way better in the

revised essay.