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6 Facts That Will Clear Up You


Confusing Life
By David Wong | May 22, 2017 | 69,792 Views

#3. The Job Market Is A Hilariously Broken System

Imagine a giant machine called society, one that is sputtering and smoking because it is missing
many gears. Now imagine a cliff looming overhead, and down from it tumbles millions of loose
gears being carelessly dumped out of a box. They kind of bounce around the machine until some
of them land in gaps and start turning in conjunction with the rest. Many others roll off and land in
the dirt, doomed to rust in the rain. That's how the system works right now. It is at times cruel
and/or unfathomably stupid.

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tolokonov/iStock

"Sure, we can drag you up and roll down the hill again, but be aware that does cost about $50,000."

It's not your fault. You didn't design the system. Nobody did. Everyone is making this up as they
go. This, incidentally, is what everyone in the Western world is so mad about these days. It always
comes out as anger about "the economy" or "outsourcing" or "immigration," but all that's truly
happened is a gross failure to connect people to jobs. Over here we have a river of the anxious
unemployed, and over here we've got a dry desert of industries begging for workers. If that last
part of the metaphor confuses you, it's because you've been told the ridiculous lie that there are
"no jobs out there." Ask any manager or HR person, and they'll rant about how they can't nd good
people. Hell, they won't even wait for you to ask -- simply get within earshot, and you'll hear them
talking about how the kids today lack skills and work ethic, all that bullshit.

If only they knew that the perfect engineer they're looking for is currently working in a Dunkin'
Donuts in Indiana, and was never trained to be an engineer. She went to college to be a
veterinarian because she loves animals, realized her mistake with her hands wrist-deep in sheep
guts, then had to drop out and take a job to help pay the bills when Mom's disability checks got
cut off. She quickly found that society will offer virtually no help whatsoever in getting her into the
job where she can do the most good for herself or society. Even if her motivation is to get off food
stamps and become a more productive citizen, the response is all snide mockery and talk of
bootstraps. "You say you can't afford college, but I see that you have A PHONE!!!"

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oatawa/iStock

Because you can totally get ahead without one of those.

In fact, she will nd that society actively stops her at every turn. Maybe she pulls off a miracle and
gets into a school for engineering, only to nd out that eld is 87 percent male, and the men tend
to treat the women like shit. Oh yeah, that's the other thing: Some of the gears on our proverbial
machine don't want more gears around. Never mind that the whole thing works better with more
gears -- people with jobs make life better for everyone -- on an individual level, they don't want the
competition.

This is why you get that weird paradox whereby those bitter unemployed people, the stereotypical
Trump voters the news keeps interviewing, seem to be making a series of incompatible demands:

"We have too many lazy foreigners coming here and sucking up our welfare!"

So you want them to get work?

"And steal our jobs? NO!"

So you want them to stay in their home countries and build up their own economies?

"With China and Japan already eating our lunch? The last thing we need is another economic
powerhouse ooding the world with exports!"

So you want them to stay home and remain in poverty?

"No, you fool! That's what makes them come here in the rst place!"

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tuulimaa/iStock

"So you want them to die in a ditch somewhere?"

"And have them taking up all our ditches? Not in my America!"

They don't know what they want, because they aren't mad at the right thing. They need work, and
there's plenty of work that needs done; there just is no pipeline connecting the two. It's not their
fault. Our system uses human talent about as eciently as a dog eats peanut butter.

Dog Eating Peanut Butter

Pictured: capitalism.

#2. You Were Built For Another Time

I wish I could give you someone to blame -- Wall Street, the politicians. Those people are bad at
managing the problem -- they seem to think it's cheaper to give up on humans than teach them --
but they didn't create it. This system feels like a shitstorm to you because you weren't built to live
in it.

Our culture changes much, much faster than humans can evolve to keep up. For example, your

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brain was not built to handle the information overload of the internet. How could it be? You'd need
hundreds of generations sexually selecting only those who are ... good at the internet, I guess.
Your brain also didn't evolve to keep up appearances for 4,000 Instagram followers or to plan your
damned life 40 years in advance. For most of human history, even reaching old age was a fantasy.
And you sure as hell didn't evolve to completely learn a new skill set every ve years.

Charles R. Knight

It's a lot easier to plan for the future when your retirement plan is "Get eaten by a tiger."

That's not your fault.

If you look around you, you'll see the world is full of people trying to follow their natural instincts
and banging their heads against society's rules, like a panicked housey trying to escape through
a closed window. It's silly to ask why the world is full of violent criminals. For most of history,
violence wasn't a crime; it was how you won the best mates and perpetuated your genetic line. It's
ridiculous to ask why there are so many lazy people when it appears that hunter-gatherers may
have only worked 15 hours a week. It's cruel to mock someone for not having a large circle of
friends when there's a good chance they were descended from nomads who for the most part
spoke only to their families.

You're not weird. You're the pinnacle of evolution, a marvel of nature, part of a species so
mind-bogglingly adaptable that we'd already be living on the moon if the place hadn't turned out
to be so boring. It's the world that got weird.

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Crisalx0/Pixabay

We may have mentioned how weird the job market can get before.

#1. Time Isn't Wasted If It's Spent Doing Stuff

The best things and the worst things are often the same. For example, freedom.

You know how everybody used to fantasize about ying cars? It used to be a catchphrase ("It's
1995, where are the ying cars, damn it?"). Well, imagine you climbed into a car for your morning
commute and the thing suddenly took to the air. For a moment there would be a sense of wonder.
You can go anywhere! All of those congested roads can suck it! Then you hit the accelerator and
the car launches itself forward at 600 miles an hour. Before you even stop screaming, you've
crashed into a mountain, where your broken body will remain until a wolf comes along and eats
your genitals.

Flying is great, trac and potholes suck, but you need a whole new set of tools to navigate this
situation. That's freedom in a nutshell. Freedom is the best thing in the Universe, but it takes a
massive amount of mental energy to deal with it. More than what evolution has given you. You
were born in the aftermath of a world in which the path of a human life could only branch a few
different ways, into a world in which you can, depending on how you play your cards, either freeze
to death on park bench or make six gures unboxing toys on YouTube.

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VinokurovYury/iStock

"If only I'd buckled down and learned to stand in front of a camera and be impressed by new phone accessories."

So if you ask me what skills you need to survive this marvelous, idiotic, out-of-control ying car of
a society, I won't talk about learning to code or mastering the art of robot repair (though those
can't hurt). I would instead say that you need to learn the art of quitting. Knowing when and how to
walk away, to restart, to deal with the anxiety of uncertainty. That's what this is really all about:
learning to ignore the sunk costs of time and effort and push ever forward, sensing when you're
stagnating, realizing that most humans prefer the comfort of misery over the terrifying risk of
change.

Along the way, you have to remember that there is no such thing as wasted time, as long as you're
trying. That bad job still taught you skills you'll absolutely need down the line (time management,
patience, interpersonal relations, organization, and, most importantly, the knowledge of what
elements to avoid in your next job).

Camrocker/iStock

For example, any help wanted ad containing the phrase "Make $$$$ 2Day!" means "Door-to-door pyramid scheme."

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broadcast journalism, failed in that eld after less than two years, took a series of minimum-wage
oce jobs, attempted to go back to college, washed out, put myself deep in debt to earn several
PC repair certications, failed to get a job doing that, all the while spending 30-40 hours of my
spare time writing comedy on the internet for no pay. In the few years before Cracked hired me as
an editor, I had gotten turned down for jobs working in a Social Security oce and a UPS
warehouse, and considered myself lucky to have worked my way up to being the lowest-level
supervisor in an insurance company's data entry center. I had $15,000 in credit card debt, and was
trying to gure out how to borrow the money necessary to get a certication in MS Access.

And you know what? In this ridiculous job, I've wound up using every bit of that shit. The ability to
research and fact-check ( journalism school), write on a deadline (my brief time as a local TV
producer), create and manage spreadsheets (from doing billing in a law oce), give clear quality
control feedback (my years doing QA in an insurance oce), and to adapt to an industry that
abruptly changes every six months (an entire decade of costly, frustrating, discouraging career
reboots).

hkuchera/iStock

And there's nothing like learning to ght off genital-eating wolves to prep you for online feedback.

As far as I can tell, that's all you can do -- keep trying, keep learning from your mistakes, keep
listening to other people in order to learn from theirs. But through it all, realize that this uncertainty
is normal, a product of a haphazard, unfair system no one would have ever designed on purpose.
The anxiety is a side effect you have to manage -- it's not going away. And, most importantly of all,
realize that you're not lost in the woods waiting for your life to start. This is your life, and some of
the shit you hate now is the same shit you'll miss later.

But don't let this nonsense system -- or the people lucky enough to feel at home in it -- make you

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hate yourself. Here's a little girl mistaking a hot water heater for a robot:

Little Girl Mistakes Water Heater For Robot

David Wong is the Executive Editor at Cracked. His new book, WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST READ,
is available for preorder now at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Indiebound, iBooks and Kobo. For more
must-read life advice from David Wong, check out Why Anxiety Is The Plague Of The Modern
World and 6 Secret Beliefs That Are Making Us All Unhappy.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out Show and Tell: A Cringe-Worthy Look at Our
Teenage Notebooks, and other videos you won't see on the site!

Follow us on Facebook, and we'll follow you everywhere.

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398 Comments Votes Recent You | Show Profanity

detroiter +2 2 0

05-26-2017 | 6:12 PM

This is just brilliant. Thank you!!!

I have come to similar conclusions wandering through my own life story. I think we'd all be a lot
healthier (emotionally and otherwise) if we realized this going in rather than looking back.

Reply

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perzephone +3 3 0

05-25-2017 | 3:07 PM

That last part really spoke to me, as a 40-something who just quit a job I've had for almost two
decades (before I could get red)... Unfortunately, I think I'm better at ghting wolves off my
genitals than I am at impressing interviewers.

Reply

Mugatu +3 3 0

05-25-2017 | 2:52 PM

In the last couple of years I've been struggling with depression, nishing my degree and
unemployment.

So, being broke, I made a quick search about Group Therapy, and found no groups in my city.

Yesterday I saw my cousin, a psychologist, and told him "Did you know there is no group
therapy in this city? I don't know how, but we should see if there's a way to make a non-prot
organization to offer group therapy to people with no money!" And he replied "I was thinking
about it with a friend, you know, you can charge a hundred bucks each person, and you'll be
making a decent amount of money..."

I felt a bit naive, I thought about something non-prot, when I don't even have a job to pay my
own bills yet. But a part of me refuses to stop being an idealist.

Still, I felt the depression kicking my door. And now I read this article, and I feel a little bit less of
a loser now. So thank you.

Reply

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N1R0 +4 4 0

05-25-2017 | 8:02 AM

Not to mention around 50% of exiting jobs will be gone over the next 10 years due to
automation and advancements in AI, and those are numbers of jobs that will be impossible to
make a dent in let alone replace. That's a snowball that's only going to start rolling bigger and
faster, but that isn't bad news and there is help on the way. If the human race shared all of the
necessary labor in the world right now, we would all work about 12 hours a week, down to 6 in
10 years, but up a little bit because there are children and elderly that won't be part of the
workforce. So let's say that is 8 hours a week. That's one shift and all labor is done, we receive
universal income by taxing automated companies for all the jobs they do not provide, with
extras for people willing to do either extremely dicult jobs, work more than their share, or do
jobs that require massive amounts of training such as a surgeon. It is the only way forward I've
heard of that makes any sense at all. Capitalism was a decent compromise during the industrial
revolution and before and it certainly was a better choice than communism, monarchy, or
fascism, but technology is rendering it dead. And we have a really short time to come up with
something else or we are going to wake up around 2030 to an economic s**t storm that
nobody wants and will be an absolute gargantuan task to unravel.

Reply

Beernpotatoes +3 3 0

05-25-2017 | 5:31 AM

Sometimes the old ways are best.

One of the main reasons that I left the partnership I had at my old rm to start my own rm was
to make sure that, if my kids' other plans don't work out, they'll have at least one place where
they can get a job.

Reply

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Beernpotatoes +3 3 0

05-25-2017 | 5:23 AM

RE: "Until very recently in human history, there existed exactly one job: survive. Hungry? Get
food. Tired? Sleep. In danger? Run or ght. The future did not exist -- the concerns of the
present occupied all of our brain power. If I'm making this sound beautiful and natural, keep in
mind that only 25 percent of humans made it past age 40, and that most deaths were due to
brutal violence or horric accidents -- step in a hole and break your ankle, you lay there in the
snow until a wolf comes along and starts gnawing at your genitals."

This is pretty much what I was taught in school and has been the prevailing view of ancient
man. But more recent research has shed better light on the subject and it's probably time to
admit that we need to rethink early human culture. The old view is actually pretty arrogant,
because it assumes that we, MODERN humans are so much better than our ancestors - not just
that we've accumulated more knowledge, but that we are physically and mentally superior. We
aren't.

For one, recent research has proven that humans are generally hardwired to cooperate, even
with strangers. Part of that cooperation is division of labor. We seem to instinctively understand
that the group as a whole benets when we divide up tasks. In other words, it is our natural
state to give ourselves "jobs."

Second, life span and life expectancy are deceptive statistics. Early humans probably had a
higher infant mortality rate, and certainly mortality rates for any humans with physical and/or
mental limitations were probably very high in a physically demanding world. Those facts skew
the life expectancy downward. In reality, it was probably more like: if you made it past childhood
and didn't get terribly injured or sick, you could probably expect to live into your 60's.

Reply

bobismeisbob +1 1 0

05-26-2017 | 3:30 PM

Yeah the moment one human is better at hunting and another is better at carving up
the meat you'd have an economy and trade.

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Jcover +2 2 0

05-24-2017 | 8:27 PM

So enjoy reading Wong write things that I think but would take me 6 months longer, per word,
to express myself.

Reply

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Subowtie -11 0 11

05-24-2017 | 8:01 AM

Wouldn't be Wong without a hot take on sexism and Truimp voters.

The reason they seem contradictory Jason, is that you lump them all together, just like you lump
all women, all men, all engineers etc.

Can you see the problem with collectivist thinking yet Pargin?

Reply

seti42 +5 5 0

05-24-2017 | 4:07 PM

; comrade. Be patient with trolling the capitalist pig dogs.

Shm33 +2 2 0

05-26-2017 | 6:44 AM

I wish, I wish, I wish, people wouldn't keep on intentionally misunderstanding


arguments about society. The perfect example is "not all men" you just used. If
someone says "there is a problem of systematic sexism/ discrimination in industry x"
they did not just say "all men -or even all people -in industry x are sexist and racist".
And if you would actually listen to what they just said, you'd notice this. But instead,
you decide that they have just called everyone sexist racists, or even that they have
called you, Superbowtie, personally an abhorrent person who's individually
responsible for every injustice in the last two thousand years, and proceed to duly
lose your s**t at the unfairness of this. Which would be rational enough if that's what
they said, problem is, it's not. If we say that ON AVERAGE women, say, have worse
time in engineering school, your anecdote about a girl you know who had a swell
time there disproves nothing. Good on her, but it's irrelevant.

What is being critiqued is the system, and inbuilt tendencies of it. Not you personally,
or "all men". Although if and when you choose to decide that every last thing in
discussion about society is about you personally, because Superbowtie is the centre
of everyone's universe, congrats, you've now became part of the problem you

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HesitentComment +9 9 0

05-24-2017 | 12:51 AM

It's a wonderful idea that nothing is a waste as long as you always nd the strength to get back
up, but honestly I'm out of energy to keep slogging. I'm out of blood to open more doors; My
proverbial veins are dry. Honestly, I'm just waiting to die at this point. It's gonna be a long 30
years.

Reply

AzmanAbdula +3 3 0

05-24-2017 | 6:55 AM

...and then they extend our lives by hundred of years....

...and to think i already lost my gallbladder to drinking *Sigh*

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Sentientmonkey +9 9 0

05-23-2017 | 9:04 PM

Have a s****y degree. Was working on a second degree until I realized, through practical
experience, that the job I was working towards was going to kill me. Trying to nd an entry level
job with libraries in my city, applying for every job that pops up. Spreading out my search until
I'm applying to almost literally everything I can that isn't my s****y grocery job. Even apply at
f*****g McDonald's, because even they would get me better hours. In the last six months, they
are the only ones who call me back.

"We'd like to interview you at [this time, tomorrow]"


"I have a shift at [that time], is there possibly anoth-"
*Click*
I got hung up on by f*****g McDonald's.
This is a very low point in my life.

Reply

Brad2325 +4 4 0

05-23-2017 | 10:23 PM

That does suck, but if they couldn't be at least a little exible and try to nd another
time for your interview when you tell them you have a work shift, they're not worth
working for, trust me.

Danielnogo19 -2 1 3

05-23-2017 | 7:51 PM

All this can be summed up with: no s**t sherlock

Reply

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sally wolf +2 3 1

05-23-2017 | 6:21 PM

My current position consisted of 2 weeks training for another position, working that position for
2 years, and then training 3 days for a totally new position. As for when i was a cashier, that
considered of about 4 hours of training. Companies need to put in the effort if they want quality
work, and they avoid doing so like the plague for some reason, then commit wage theft
whenever they think they can get away with it.

Reply

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alexrs +2 4 2

05-23-2017 | 4:46 PM

Truthfully I couldn't really understand what this article was about but it sounded like career
advice so here's some from a 23 year old who has done the whole college drop out, minimum
wage job thing:

Try to think of a job you might like to do. Go pursue that, however, be smart about it. I don't
think you should look for a job that you'll LOVE. No, nd a job that you can be proud to do,
gives you meaning, or simply doesn't make you want to kill yourself at the end of the day and
that you can live a comfy life off of.
If it involves a four year degree, go to a tech school for your rst two years. Make sure the
credits transfer over. It will save you thousands in the long run.
Apply for all the scholarships you can.
If you absolutely have no money to go to college, well, try out the military. Do your four years,
get your GI bill, and use that to go to college (I'm not sure if the GI bill has changed recently so
denitely look into that.) You don't have to do a combat job. 98% of the people in the military
don't have combat jobs.
In previous times I think the point of college was to educate people and teach them how to
think and write and problem solve, however nowadays it seems like it's just extension of
childhood. So skip the humanities degree and try and pick a degree you have the highest
chance of getting a job in, like engineering or nursing or accounting. If you want to educate
yourself read books and listen to lectures online.
Or go to a trade school. Welding, plumbing, electricians, etc. Learn a skill that people will pay
you for.
The only person I've ever met who actually achieved her "dream job" just sort of fell into it
completely randomly, so don't be discouraged if you land a job that you don't like. It's all a
stepping stone. Whatever job you fall into doesn't have to be your job forever if you don't want
it, use it to your advantage. Make your money, get your s**t together, and pursue other
opportunities while you can.
AVOID AS MUCH DEBT AS YOU CAN!!! Seriously. When you're in debt you're screwed. Do
whatever can to make the most money while spending the least amount.
Good luck guys.

Reply

MMatthews -2 1 3

05-23-2017 | 6:17 PM

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kjazzw 0 2 2

05-23-2017 | 2:07 PM

I could write a tonne of paragraphs here explaining briey into the life I'm living right now. But
I'm gonna keep it simple..

24, still living at home, in a low-paid job I hate and feeling like I've wasted the past 8 or so years
going round in circles in various minimum-wage jobs trying to better my life.. safe to say, this
article made me feel a whole lot better about myself.

I'm forever stating how the system is backwards, unfair and completely random. You no longer
get hired based on your skills and work ethic (which, sadly, I found out the hard way), no. You
get hired based on how good you look on paper and if you wear the right shoes to the
interview. It's all about "making yourself stand out" and in no way related to the job itself any
more.

I'm sick of working with dumbfucks who stand around and talk, while I'm sweating my arse off in
the background scrubbing and cleaning to pass the time. Worse yet, not only do they often get
the same hours as me, a lot of times they actually get more.

Anyway, currently in the process of signing up to the army as it seems to solve a lot of my
problems (plus, I like to keep t as well). It's been a few months worth of researching, meetings,
career chats and homework to make sure this is what I actually want to do and it's not just a
snap-decision. Hopefully I'm a lot happier after I've made my decision.

A lot of people want big houses fancy cars and a million kids. I just want to be able to stand on
my own two feet.

Reply

SexyReno +5 5 0

05-23-2017 | 3:56 PM

the army wont help.


brother in law went into the army and came out a wreck. worse then going in.
they give zero life skills and toss you away when your tour is over.

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CowJunior -4 2 6

05-23-2017 | 1:30 PM

I don't think you understand engineers and engineering. I knew from a young age that I wanted
to design and build things. After going the wrong way (broker) I became an engineer, and I love
my job. 90% of my fellow students were also tinkerers and knew all along that engineering was
for them. It's totally possible to know what job you want when you're young, though I concede
it's very easy to get thrown off course.

Also, we aren't the ones keeping women out, they're self-selecting out. I don't hear anybody
saying that it's the 'system' that keeps men out of nursing. We just don't like it.

Reply

SexyReno +4 7 3

05-23-2017 | 3:56 PM

thats because women welcome male nurses.

CowJunior -1 2 3

05-24-2017 | 8:13 AM

...and men welcome women engineers. Looking at your history on this article alone,
you should get a hobby besides being a bitter contrary douche.

napalmtree 0 5 5

05-23-2017 | 10:53 AM

I have one fact that would denitely clear things up for you, Jason: your name isn't David Wong
and you don't need to use a pen name anymore. Stop pretending to be Asian.

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MuseEffigy 0 1 1

05-23-2017 | 10:47 AM

The Qun is the answer.

Reply

EvilWayne +8 8 0

05-23-2017 | 10:43 AM

"...most humans prefer the comfort of misery over the terrifying risk of change."

I'm pretty sure this is the motto of my subconscious.

Reply

Rizine -13 2 15

05-23-2017 | 10:21 AM

men do not "treat women like shit" if you are in a eld that is mostly men, you need to act they
way they do or get so good they respect you. women always want to control how men and
society behaves.

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Rizine -10 3 13

05-23-2017 | 10:22 AM

i should have read the writers name Wong is a self loathing misogynist who over
corrects to misandy

seti42 +10 11 1

05-23-2017 | 11:43 AM

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Terytha +5 6 1

05-23-2017 | 9:59 AM

Thing is, there's so many jobs out there, and many of them don't have an associated degree. I
can take an overpriced, 2 month long course in what I do now, but what a friggin' waste of time
and money. I'm already doing it, with my completely unrelated Geography degree. And I
wouldn't get a degree, I'd get a stupid certicate. I've got 6 of them on my wall right now from
day classes that cost a fraction of that long course.

Of course, I can't move to another company.

Higher education is, in SO MANY CASES, not useful. You wanna be a doctor/engineer/architect,
then yeah, you need to go to school, if only so you gain the vocabulary you need to understand
wtf anyone is talking about. But I guarantee there's nothing that stupid 2 month course can
teach me that I haven't already done in the last two years of guring this s**t out with Google.

But try convincing anyone of that. The entirety of employers seem to have raging hard-ons for
degrees.

Reply

jpbond04 +6 6 0

05-23-2017 | 1:57 PM

I have an English degree and I run a security team in a high rise oce complex.
Preach.

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