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Daily Double, Volume 48A, Issue 16
Daily Double, Volume 48A, Issue 16
W h o i s t h i s beau t i f u l
cr eat u r e? W h er e i s h e f r om ? W h at does h e l i k e? We
deci ded t o f i n d ou t
By Stephen Fitzpatr ick and Calvin Kocher
Ever ybody loves a good nicknam e! I?ve been called ever ything fr om ?Feces Butt? to
?Insane-icor n? to ?Rotton Ralph the Rutebega?. Gr anted, those all cam e fr om my sister s. But, if you?ve
ever w anted a nicknam e but didn?t r eally have one, I?ve solved that pr oblem ! Her e you go, kiddos.
Her e?s how it w or ks: each fir st and last letter of your fir st, m iddle, and last nam es gets a syllable.
Com bine then in or der (fir st, m iddle, last) and get your new nicknam e!
Fir st & last letter of fir st nam e Fir st & last letter of m iddle nam e Fir st & last letter of last nam e
A- Sm ap O- Soy A- Ay O- Fr ay A- M an O- Nor m
B- Oke P- Hoop B- Sku P- Vite B- Sith P- Causer
C- Sha Q- Laze C- Eye Q- Coh C- Haps Q- Tench
E- Loo R- Har E- Han R- Yi E- Glo R- Lindle
F- Zeck S- Plup F- Wau S- Tay F- Egler S- Pair
G- Ra T- Shay G- Oy T- Lin G- Zan T- skur e
H- Nay U- Nar t H- Yak U- Fr o H- Tont U- Tiffer
I- Keke V- Thop I- Un V- Unt I- Fite V- Ow lst
J- Woy W- Lig J- lie W- Ayay J- Cor e W- Ar ch
K- Tif X- Yat K- Day X- tee K- Sate X- Kir e
L- Ebe Y- Or e L- Om e Y- Noo L- Bint Y- Sunsuh
M - Bam Z- Gr en M - Aim Z- Ick M - Est Z- car m it
N- M op N- Kite N- Plat
Hu m an z ar e Hu ge Ev i l Th r eat s i n t h e Wor l d
By Geffr ey Fr iedm an
We hum ans ar e evil. I m ean ser iously, w ho w ould disagr ee? Ther e?s know w ay to defend your self if
you disagr ee. We killed off m any species of anim als, like the donkey-m an, the unifish etc. Natur e put
itself in balance, and w e r uined it. All of M other Natur e's har d w or k ... GONE! Ther e's a r eason w hy
anim als attack us, it?s called r evenge, people. We killed their little babies and cousins, and fr iends, and
ancestor s; and they ar e getting us back ... w ith DEATH. They know w hen w e ar e about to attack . W hich
is w hy if you leave them alone they (m ay) leave you alone. We also cause pollution, w hich is w hy w e
w ill have to colonize M ar s, but it doesn?t m atter because the sun w ill expand and then explode, and w e
w ill die if w e som ehow sur vive global w ar m ing. I m ean, yes, w e ar e tr ying to do som ething about this,
but it r eally isn?t w or king too w ell. Let?s face it, the hum an population w ill soon star t to r apidly dr op,
and eventually w e w ill go extinct. That's w her e new life star ts, and the new life of w hatever it w ill be,
w ill br ing peace to M other Natur e. The w or ld is now in com plete peace and ever ything is happier now
that hum ans ar e all dead. Ther e's no m or e r obber s, only cheetahs, and lions. But one hum an fossil w ill
r em ain and the scientist chipm unks w ill figur e out how to br ing the hum an r ace back so they can steal
their cr ops fr om gar dens that ar e w or ked ver y har d on. Point being... nothing good com es out of us
hum ans. We ar e the m ost danger ous w eapons, fr om m aking anim als extinct, to cr eating too m uch
pollution that w ill slow ly kill off the hum an r ace. But ther e is one good thing that com es out of us? w e
m ake gr eat dinner s for m eat eater s, and our gar dens feed the chipm unks.
Hat e Col u m n #5 Th e Can dy M assacr e Par t 2
By Ar iel Reinstein By Piper New m an
I think that you guys finally under stand the pur pose Hello cam per s! You m ay have hear d
of this colum n. I?ve gotten five actual subm issions. I w as my Candy M assacr e Par t 1, but if the
star ting to doubt the intelligence of my fellow cam per s, but it second one got pr inted befor e the
is clear now that it?s only slightly below aver age. fir st, I?m looking at you Walker !
The candy m assacr e has spun out of
1. Pizza w ith too m uch sauce. contr ol, fr om gir ls sneaking candy in
Nobody r eally or der s pizza for the sauce. It?s m or e of a sm all the gir ls locker r oom (I found a jolly
flavor ing factor that enhances ever ything else. M any, m any r ancher stuck in my locker and I
pizza places don?t r ealize how m any people agr ee w ith this. didn't put it ther e), to festival
They obnoxiously slather the tom ato m ush all over the fluffy offer ings giving out lollipops and
br ead and then use a m inim al am ount of cheese on top. You gum !!! I hope you can get your
think I like that? I happen to have a r elatively r efined pizza hands on w hatever you can!
palette and that DOES NOT m eet my standar ds. I assum e Sincer ely,
ther e ar e those few people w ho actually pr efer that P.N.
abom ination to the w ay that pizza should be, but som etim es
they w on?t even give us the option for extr a cheese, and
som etim es I don?t w ant extr a cheese just less sauce. Th e Spon gebob Son g
Som etim es I?m not expecting them to scr ew up the pizza. By Oscar
Either w ay, it isn?t ideal.
Heeeeee lives in a pineapple under
1. Bikini?s on little kids. the sea spongebob squar epants
Ok, fir st of all, ?bikinis? not ?bikini?s?. And yes, It does kind Absor bant and yellow and aw esom e
of m ake m e uncom for table w hen I see a five-year -old is heeee
spor ting som ething m eant to sexualize the fem ale for m , but If nautical nonsense is som ething
it isn?t a big deal. It isn?t other people?s place to tell kids w hat you w ish for
to w ear. If they w ant to w ear bikinis, it?s pr obably the Then dr op on the deck and flop like
m edia?s fault for m aking little gir ls think that they need to a fish for all you?ve got
sexualize them selves. I bet som e of them don?t even r ealize Cause heee?s spongebob
that they ar e. It?s r eally kind of sad, honestly. squar epants!!!!!
Cam per s, I w r ite this ar ticle w ith Hey, CRCAP, I?m not getting any questions
gr ow ing fear. The daily double is being anym or e! Please ask your questions, ther e?s
used? .BY THE ILLUM INATI! Deep w ithin the nothing to do in the W hite House and this
ar ticles cam per s w r ite, ther e ar e coded cur es my bor edom !
m essages to the spies her e at CRCAP telling
them w hat to do next. The com puter s ar e Q: W hy build a w all?
specifically m ade to contr ol the cam per s m inds, A: To keep the M exicans out. They br ing us
and then give them ideas. I w as once par t of bad people.
this, but I w as able to br eak fr ee fr om the
com puter ?s gr asp. I see the plot now , and I Q: Folded paper , outside says ?don?t r ead?,
know w ho these spies ar e. AVOID THEM AT inside says ?I hate m ustaches?
ALL COSTS ONCE YOU HAVE READ THIS. A: M e too. I feel they decr ease som eone?s
TRUST NO ONE. dom inance and pow er. Like, take Ted
Roosevelt. He had a m ustache. And he w as a
People not to tr ust: bad pr esident. Hated him . Stupid. Just plain,
1. David Baler helps Sar ah Di Angelo Contr ol flat out stupid. This is w hy this countr y is
cam per s?m inds w ith her fr iendship br acelets w r ecked. Because you elected a m an like
Roosevelt as your pr esident. W hy w ould you
2. All the Advice Colum nists: they ar e also using elect a m an w ith a m ustache as your
the advice they give to im plant ideas that w ill pr esident? Stupid, stupid Am er icans. That?s
eventually cause the illum inati to dom inate the the one r ule in elections; never tr ust the
galaxy m ustache.
Hello cam per s! We inter view ed cr eative star ts. We expected four or five kids but w e got m or e.
Q. W hat's your favorite Flower Thank you for r eading our ar ticle!
A. Daisy+4, Roses+2, Ir is.
Fi n d Th e Let t er
By The M ost Ter r ible and M er ciless Henr y Thacher !
Hello, hello, hello, and w elcom e to Find! The! Letter ! Hosted by ever yone's favor ite host, The
M ost Ter r ible and M er ciless Henr y Thacher ! Bow dow n! Bow dow n, or you ar e doom ed! This is a gam e
show w her e his m ajesty the em per or w ill put dow n a w hole lot of the letter ?h?, and m ixed in w ill be
five letter ?n?s?! If you cannot find them , his im per ial em per or ness shall have you thr ow n into the
dungeons! You m ay begin.
?Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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hnhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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W hat?s your favorite animal? If you got B: You ar e Spir ited aw ay! I have seen
A: Cats! (buses) this m ovie at least 30 tim es, It?s an am azing m ovie.
B: Radish spir its? Does that count?
C: I don?t know ? If you got C: you ar e W hen M ar nie w as ther e. One
D: Fir eflies! thing to say: WATCH IT!!!
E: Dogs
F: Lapitan r obots If you got D: You ar e the saddest m ovie in the
w or ld, Gr ave of the Fir eflies. So you should w atch
W hat do you do in spare time? this m ovie BUT BE WARNED it is the m ost
A: I like explor ing! depr essing thing ever. But none the less it?s a
B: Tr aveling into spir it w or lds beautiful m ovie w ith a lot of histor y.
C: I like sketching
D:M aking my little sister happy If you got E: You got How l?s M oving Castle AKA
E: I like to w atch the ocean possibly the best m ovie ever. But I can't lie this is
F: I like finding castles in the sky w hat I w ould say about ever y ghibli m ovie
W hat?s your favorite food? And if you got F: You ar e Castle in the Sky! Alr ight
A: Rice this m ovie is pr etty dar n cool! If you like
B: Dum plings adventur e and the envir onm ent this is for you!
C: I like uh tom atoes
D: Fr uit dr ops! And just for good m easur e you should also
E: Toast DEFINITELY w atch: Ponyo, Naussica Of The Valley
F: Ever ything Of The W ind, Pr incess M ononoke, Kiki?s deliver y
Ser vice, Your Nam e ( Even though it?s not Ghibli),
W hat?s your favorite colour? Only Yester day (But w atch it in Japanese w ith
A: Pink! subs!) The Secr et Wor ld Of Ar ietty and If you?r e a
B: W hite cat fan The Cat Retur ns is a m ust.
C: Pur ple
D: Red
E: Blue
F: Gr een