Boys Club

by @timsterne

They were somewhere around Lilydale on the edge of the suburbs when Jason ran out
of Werthers Originals.
Bum, he said.
Marcus kept his eyes on the road.
What?
I'm out of Werthers.
You what?
Werthers Originals.
We have Lifesavers, Fantails...
I need Werthers for travel sickness.
I don't...
They help take my mind off the road. The curves. I need something to suck.
Jase, I've got something you can suck.
It was one of the Bickerstaffs.
Don't use that sort of language, Anthony.
I'm Trevor, Anthony said.
Don't use that sort of language, Trevor, Jason said.
I'm Anthony, Trevor said.
Whatever. Marcus glanced at Jason. Do we need to stop?
No, just try to keep it smooth.
Jase, I've got something you can keep smooth.
Anthony--
Im Trevor.
Trevor. Anthony. Whoever. Stop saying that.
What?
That you've got something. Something I can do something with.
In the far back seat, Little Shane began screaming.
Stuart hit me!
Quiet! Jason said. He stretched the rubber band he wore around his wrist and
let it go.
Snap.
 Marcus lurched in his seat. There was an impact and the van swerved to the side
of the road where it came to a halt. The younger boys began crying.
Jesus Christ! Marcus said.
Gosh! Jason said.
Marcus blinked and smoothed his eyebrows.
Ive hit a bloody wallaby!

I'll brick it, Marcus said, sizing up the twitching mound of fur and blood.
The Bickerstaffs hooted with bloodlust.
Boys! Jason said. He turned to Marcus. Cant we just, uh, put it to the side of
the road?
And let it suffer for hours, maybe days? Marcus folded his arms. Thats not
very Christian, Jason.
Christ suffered, Little Shane whispered. He was staring at the wallaby, tears
wobbling in his lashes.
Apt, Shane, Jason said solemnly.
I know Christ is meant to be everywhere, Marcus said, but Im fairly certain
Hes not before us as a mangled wallaby.
Thats not what I meant. Jason despaired. He looked at Marcus. He looked at
Little Shane. He looked at the Bickerstaffs emerging from the bush carrying a log.
Euthanasia squad to the rescue! they shouted.
No! Jason lunged towards them.
Before he could reach the Bickerstaffs, they launched the log at the dying
wallaby. Jason let loose a strangled cry, his mind flashing images of crushed bone,
blood, distraught children, angry parents, a Roman soldier sticking a spear into a
crucified mans side. The log tumbled through the air for what felt like an age, before
finally making contact with solid matter in the form of Marcuss right shin.
Jesus fucking Christ on a fucking rollercoaster! Marcus clasped his leg and
hopped about on the road. Jason went to put a consoling hand on his co-leaders
shoulder.
Dont touch me! Marcus shrieked. Just dont! He stopped hopping and rolled
up his jeans leg. Blood covered his shin. Marcus dabbed at it gingerly with his hankie. It
bloody hurts! he said.
The Bickerstaffs looked on impassively.
We wouldnt have stuffed the throw if this dickhead hadnt gone to grab us, one
of them said.
Nice work, Jase, added the other one.
 Jason stared at them.
My fault? You were going to... Do you know what... I just... The words wouldnt
come. Marcus, you know I was only trying to stop them harming the wallaby.
Yeah, Marcus said. Look, whatever. Weve still got to deal with the thing.
The group turned to look at the wallaby. The three younger boys were crouched
beside the animal. Little Shane was gently stroking one of its ears.
Dead, he said, without looking up.
Well, that solves that. Marcus rolled his jeans leg back down, pulled the van
keys from his pocket and threw them to Jason.
My legs fucked, he said. Its your turn to drive, sunshine.

Jase! Jase! Come quick!

Jason threw the sponge into the tub of soapy water and ran to the bushes next to
the large tent.
What? What is it?
The Bickerstaffs were standing in a clearing, arms folded, grinning.
Trevor found a snake in his pants, Anthony said.
Yeah. I went to have a piss, and there it was.
Trev said it winked at him. Did you know snakes can wink, Jase?
I reckon he does, Tone.
Thats more than enough, Jason said.
Trevor smirked. So the girls tell me.
Thats unnecessary, Trevor.
Closer to the truth, Anthony said. His brother punched him on the shoulder.
Jason sighed.
You two havent contributed anything more than crude comments since we
arrived.
Were special comments men.
Comic relief.
The jokers of the pack.
The terrible twosome.
The life of the party.
Be a dull old world if we were all dull and old.
Gotta laugh, dont you?
Have you finished? Jason swatted at a mosquito. Quite?
Oh, quite finished, said Trevor.
Yairs, Anthony said. We hairve.
 Furnished. Quart.
Good. I expect better of you. Jason delivered the lie without blinking. Youre
the senior Boys in the club. The little ones look up to you.
So trusting, Trevor said. So innocent.
Anthony laughed. Kids, eh? Keep you young at heart.
Lets go back to the site and enjoy the fire. We have marshmallows. Marcus
brought his guitar.
Marshmallows!
A singalong! The twins froze in poses of satirical mirth.
Move! The boys were momentarily taken aback. Please. Please, just go.
Anthony and Trevor shuffled towards the camp. Jason slumped against a tree.
He breathed slowly and with great concentration for a full five minutes, picturing tension
dissipating, floating on his exhalations into the crisp forest air.
Holy Father, he intoned, bless this Boys' Club and its--
That was as far as he got before he noticed the ants crawling inside his shirt.

The leaders tent smelled of wet socks and flatulence. The night was dark, and eerily
silent.
Holy Father, bless this Boys Club and its members
What are you whispering for? Marcuss voice floated on the beer-fugged air.
Its four a.m. Why are you whispering at four a.m.?
I cant sleep. Im praying.
Im praying that you shut your face.
Marcus.
Dont Marcus me, Jason.
Im reciting the Boys Club prayer. If you must know.
Jesus.
Marcus.
Sorry. But: Jesus.
The boys are innocents. We are their shepherds.
Marcus was silent for so long Jason thought he had fallen asleep.
Jase, about the bushwalk.
Yes?
Youll have to take them.
What? No. What?
My leg is stuffed. I can feel it throbbing. I cant walk down a mountain with it
hurting like this.
 But youre the bushwalker. I dont even know how to read a compass.
Youre not setting out for the South Pole. Its a mountain. A large hill. As long as
youre heading in the general direction of down, you cant stuff it up.
Even still...
Jase, youll be fine. The trail is signposted. Its a leisurely stroll.
Marcus farted, rolled over, and went to sleep.

Jason could feel Weet-bix mush in the hollows of his molars. He stank of tent sweat.
The Bickerstaffs were stepping on and beating to a pulp as much flora and fauna as
possible. Little Shane had a welt on his leg from where something had bitten him.
Ashley had wet his pants. Stuart wasnt speaking because his teddy bear had been
stolen during the night and crucified outside the leaders tent. The sun was too hot. The
ground was too hard. There were too many insects.
Jason was fairly certain they were lost.
Jase. Skipper. Mind if I call you Skipper, Jase? Anthony Bickerstaff twirled a
stick close to Jasons face.
Jason will do.
Will he?
Will he what?
Do.
Whatll he do, exactly?
Hey, Jase. Trevor now.
What?
Nothing, just sneezing. Ah-uh-Jase! He wiped his nose on his sleeve.
Jason consulted his map. By his reckoning, they were about a kilometre from the
end of the trail, where Marcus would be waiting with the van.
Marcus. Jason didnt like to use foul language, but Marcus could be a real
dropkick. Hobbling around on his bandaged leg that morning, he had refused to help
prepare breakfast. Later, while Jason and the troop - minus the Bickerstaffs, who were
off throwing rocks at the river - had busied themselves tidying up, Marcus had lain
across the back seat of the van, reading a sports magazine with a half-dressed woman
on the cover.
When Marcus dropped them at the top of the mountain, his goodbye had been
brief.
Do me a favour, Jason. Dont kill any of them. Deliberately, anyway. Then hed
raced off down the mountain, blaring the horn.
 How much further? Shanes plaint set the other young boys off on another
round of whining.
Just be quiet! Jason glared at the boys in turn. Everybody be quiet while I work
out where we are.
There was a moment of silence. Jason closed his eyes and tried to picture an
azure sky above an emerald sea and a golden beach. A dolphin slid gracefully onto the
sand, winked at Jason, then flipper-kicked him a mocktail complete with paper umbrella.
Jase?
Hmm? He opened his eyes, then leapt back, making an undignified noise.
Is this one venomous, dya reckon?
Trevor dangled the battered snake from his grubby fist while Anthony
round-housed it in the head.
Jason was almost sorry to realise the snake was dead.

They were lost. The little kids were hungry. Stuart and Ashley had now wet themselves
too. The Bickerstaffs had moved beyond random acts of destruction and were now
poised on the precipice of mass murder. Jasons underarms and nipples stung where
his shirt chafed.
Now it was getting dark. There were rustlings in the bushes.
So whats the plan, J-Man? The Bickerstaffs were building a cairn in the centre
of the clearing, as a memorial to the soon-to-be-fallen. Jason couldnt look in their
direction without shivering.
We wait.
Wait? Thats not a plan. In the near-dark the Bickerstaffs voices were
indistinguishable.
We cant just keep wandering around. The map is wrong. Or the trail signage.
Or the leader.
I dont see either of you coming up with a better plan.
Pray, Jase. Thats how it works, isnt it? Pray they find us. Pray like the wind.
I do. I am.
And lo, the Lord said unto Jase
Dont be such a useless poof!
The Bickerstaffs crashed off into the bush, laughing.
Jason sighed and spat out the remains of a fly. The younger boys were stretched
out on a patch of moss near a trickling stream. At least they had stopped complaining. If
only they would stop urinating.
*

The voices came to Jason through a fog of exhausted half-sleep.

Stuart first, definitely.
I say Ashley. He has more on him.
Ashley would have nice marbling. Thats what you want. Marbling.
What did you say about me?
Nothing, Ash-rash. Go back to sleep.
Sleep tight, little mate. Rest your limbs.
Try not to get too tense. Its bad for the meat.
Shut up, Trevor.
You shut up, Ash. Go to sleep! This is mans talk.
Speaking of men, what about ol Jase?
Maybe for a stew or casserole.
Tough as.
Which is ironic.
The irony is delicious - much like Ashley.
If you could preserve the meat, Jased get you through a long winter.
Salted?
Jase jerky.
He wouldnt be into that.
No herky-jerky for Jase.
Not while Gods watching, anyway.
Gods always watching.
He sees you when youre sleeping, he knows when youre a-wank.
Thats Santa.
I said shut up, Ash!
Jesus, its so difficult to have an adult conversation on this mountainside.
Jason drifted back to sleep, thinking about sleighs and meat and marbles.

Jason? Jason? Wake up.

He was inside a bush some way from the clearing. He must have rolled in his
sleep and been trapped in the foliage. It was morning. Stuarts perpetually flushed face
hovered above him.
Jason! Nobody knows where Anthony and Trevor are.
Wha
Anthony and Trevor. Theyre missing.
 Jason felt an unaccustomed rage rise in his chest.
Bum. Bugger. Balls!
The boy looked distressed.
Not you, Stuart. You did the right thing.
Jason raised himself on an elbow and looked at the clearing where the troop had
spent the night. Ashley and Little Shane were sitting on their folded jumpers, playing a
complicated clapping game. The boys backpacks were in a row on the soft moss,
where they had been used as pillows.
See. Stuart waved his hands at the total absence of Bickerstaffs.
For the love of Pete
The Bickerstaffs had taken their backpacks and water bottles. Scouting around,
Jason found footprints in a patch of mud at the start of one of the four trails that lead
from the clearing. The footprints could have been made at any time since they had
stopped, but it was the only obvious lead.
Jason attempted to convert his anger into resolution. He picked up the most
impressive, staff-like stick he could find and planted it in the soil.
Right, kids. Lets pack up and roll out.
The boys stumbled to their feet, shielding their eyes from the morning sun.
Oh, and can everybody please make sure they pee before we get going?

After an hour or two, Jason began to experience aural hallucinations. The trees, the
rocks, the sun itself seemed to roar, and everywhere he heard the Bickerstaff boys
voices shouting Jase, Jase, Jase
The troop was heading vaguely downwards, but the mountain - which had
seemed so small, so meek, the previous morning - appeared infinite. Even the boys had
stopped asking how much farther there was to go. It was as if they all, Jason included,
were resigned to an endless hike, a purgatory from which the only possible release was
death - or at least the reappearance of the Bickerstaff brothers.
As he trudged on, Jason began to mutter.
All in service in service to in service to the Lord
Far behind him a small child began crying, but Jason pushed on, swiping at
spider webs and going out of his way to step on any ants that crossed his path.
Silly ants. Bloody ants. Fucking bloody silly ants.
Lashing out felt good, better than prayer. No, not better - different.
I am an edged weapon, he told himself with a cackle. Unstoppable. All will bow
before me.
But what about God?
 The thing about God Jason slashed at a low-hanging vine. The thing about
God is
A squabble broke out among the tired children in the rear. In the distance a
helicopter could be heard.
The thing about God isThe thing is
Jason threw his stick at a passing lorikeet, spread his arms and shouted into the
valley:
He doesnt bloody exist!

Ten minutes later Jason was sheepishly making up with God in an eternally looping
inner monologue of shame. He wasnt in his right mind, and sometimes frustration just
boils over, and surely even God Himself must sometimes feel that
Wait.
Whats that sound?
The boys cocked their heads and listened intently.
A bellbird?
No, its not a bloody bellbird, Ashley!
Ashleys face dissolved in tears.
Uh. I mean yes, very good, Ashley. I can hear a bellbird, too. But listen. Theres
another sound.
The wind shifted and the sound became clearer. It was a youthful voice, a voice
ordinarily used to convey barbed wisecracks, but now given over to pathetic shouts for
help.
You little bastards. I found you.
Jason pulled off his rucksack and handed it to Stuart.
Hold this. Everybody, follow me!
He took off through the bush toward the voice. It was close now, and Jason could
make out what it was saying.
Help! Help! Jase!
A dozen disaster scenarios quickly presented themselves for Jasons perusal.
Snakebite. Broken leg. Human sacrifice gone all-too-right. Soon he was clear of the
bushes, and there was Trevor, hands cupped around his mouth as he shouted. Seeing
Jason, he stood up. He was on the verge of tears.
Trevor, Jason said.
Jase. I Were sorry, we
Trevor, wheres Anthony.
Jason noticed that Trevor was standing on the rocky edge of a cliff.
 Oh God. Hes not
The boy pointed.
Jase. Hes down there.

Anthony was five or six metres down, wedged between two narrow outcroppings.
Incredibly, the Bickerstaffs had climbed down the almost sheer face and back up again,
before Anthony decided to have another go and had fallen. He had hurt an ankle but
was otherwise uninjured.
Jason didnt allow himself time to think.
Boys, give me your jumpers and coats.
Why?
Just do it.
They did as he asked, and he set about tying them together into a makeshift
rope. Trevor paced the clifftop, his face white and childish, stripped of its customary
adolescent arrogance.
When the rope was finished, Jason tied one end around a large boulder and the
other around his waist. Then down he went, slowly, the five metres seeming to stretch
to ten, fifteen, twenty. Finally, with little slack to spare, he drew level with Anthony and
wedged himself into a crevice.
Anthony
The boy looked up. He had been crying.
Anthony, are you hurt?
No. Im just Im scared, Jase.
I know. You have to climb up. I dont have enough rope for us to go down, but
you can use it to help you climb, see?
Anthony looked dubious.
My ankle hurts. Also, thats a rope?
Look, its all I had. It will do.
The boy looked thoughtful.
Jase.
Yes?
Ive had an accident.
Jason felt relief. He had smelled something on his way down and feared the
disgrace was his.
Lets not worry about that now.
Jase, I cant
 Anthonys words were cut off by the simultaneous arrival of a search-and-rescue
helicopter above and several vehicles below. Various police officers and rescue crew
members began to swarm busily around the base of the cliff. Marcus was among them.
Hi Jase! he called, waving.
Hi! Jason waved back.
I told you not to kill anyone!
Jason could see Marcus grinning inanely at his joke. He raised his face to
Heaven, retrieved some phlegm from the back of his throat, and spat it in Marcuss
direction.

The rescue team were in no hurry. They were sending down a stretcher from above,
first for Anthony, then for Jason. The other children had been led to the clearing below
where they were given blankets and drinks.
Jason and Anthony slumped against the rock face in silence. Every so often,
Anthony wiped his nose on his sleeve. The stench from his trousers was getting worse.
Jason could see the stain spreading down the legs.
You know something, Anthony? Jason said.
What?
Im a shy person. A quiet person. Even now, suspended here with you, Im
holding myself back. I dont like to impose myself or cause a fuss.
Anthony fixed Jason with a classic Bickerstaff look of derision.
Im just saying I tend to let people walk all over me.
So?
So nothing, really. I was just thinking.
A quiet minute passed.
Why did you do it? Jason said.
Do what?
Run off like that. Why do you and Trevor try to make my life hell? What have I
done to you?
Nothing. Anthony sniffed. Nothing at all.
Thats what I thought.
Another silence.
Still, I want to thank you. You and Trevor.
What for?
I dont know if I could even begin to explain it. Maybe youll understand one day.
Or not. I suspect not.
 There was the sound of scraping from above as the stretcher was prepared for
descent.
Jase?
Yes, Anthony?
Please, Jase. Dont tell Trevor that I shat myself.
I promise I wont tell Trevor.
The boy smiled and Jason placed a consoling hand on his shoulder.
I promise Ill tell absolutely everybody.