THE WANGS

S4E4

"Ginormous"

Harry Jonathan Chong

12/6/2016

Researchers discover the body of an immortal giant laying dormant

in the frozen wasteland that is Canada.
EXT. NUNAVUT - DAY

Nunavut, Canada...

Its the dead of winter. Whiteness everywhere. A team of

researchers, wearing parkas, and backpacks, are walking
through a snow storm.

Theres: BARRY, JERRY, LARRY, and TERRY.

They walk past a huge hill of snow, where theres a giant

foot sticking out.

At the same moment they all stop, and take a look back.

Barry, Jerry, Larry, and Terry go over to the hill of snow.

Jerry approaches the giant foot, and brushes off a bunch of

the snow to show part of a leg.

JERRY
What is this?

LARRY
Looks like a large foot, and a leg.

JERRY
I know that. I was being
rhetorical.

TERRY
Hey, I know. Why dont we dig it
out?

BARRY
Why would we do that?

TERRY
I dunno. Boredom?

CUT TO:

Barry, Jerry, Larry, and Terry, with extendable shovels, dig

out SANJEEVAN -- a living, immortal giant. He seems
unconscious. His legs, and hands are tied up.

The four researchers curiously stare at him.

BARRY
Is it...a giant?

TERRY
I wonder how it tastes.
 2.

LARRY
Dude, gross.

TERRY
Hey. Im hungry.

JERRY
Omigod. You guys dont even
understand what this means. Well
be famous! We discovered the
worlds first giant!

But SANJEEVAN isnt dead. He coughs out some snow, and opens
his eyes. He turns his head to the researchers.

SANJEEVAN
Who the hell are you guys?

The researchers look at one another like, Huh? Hes alive?!

EXT. HUDSON BAY - DAY

Sanjeevan is standing on the deck of a research vessel, with

Barry, Jerry, Larry, and Terry.

BARRY
So, ah, whats the deal?

SANJEEVAN
Deal? What deal?

JERRY
Who buried you in that snow?
TERRY
Ye whats your back-story?

SANJEEVAN
I am an immortal being. I was tied
up, and trapped in that snow by an
angry mob, who thought I voted for
Donald Trump.

LARRY
Did you vote for Donald Trump?

SANJEEVAN
Yes, but thats not the point. I
shouldnt be tied up, and buried
under the snow because I voted for
someone based on entertainment
value.
 3.

BARRY
Thats why you voted for Trump?
Entertainment?

SANJEEVAN
Its like my grandpappy used to
say: If youre gonna be butchered,
pick the butcher that entertains
you the most, because at least then
you get to die laughing.

JERRY
Oh, thats terrible...and what type
of butcher is actually
entertaining?

SANJEEVAN
I dunno. A Jewish butcher?

Jerry seems confused. Sanjeevan licks his lips.

SANJEEVAN (CONTD)
Now, enough about that. When are we
gonna eat? Whats for din-din?

TERRY
Poutine.

SANJEEVAN
POO? TEEN?

LARRY
Oh, man! You dont know what
poutine is? Stay right here.
Larry leaves, and returns with a large pot of poutine. He
shows it to Sanjeevan. He sees the French fries sitting in a
bath of gravy, and cheese curds.

SANJEEVAN
Holy crap. Is that French fries,
swimming in gravy, and cheese?

LARRY
Its our dinner.
(to Barry)
Barry, go get the bowls, and forks.

SANJEEVAN
No, its okay. I dont need those.

Sanjeevan takes the pot of poutine, dumps it all in his

mouth, and swallows it in one gulp. He tosses aside the now
empty pot, and wipes his mouth, and burps.
 4.

SANJEEVAN (CONTD)
Not bad if I say so myself.

TERRY
You bastard! That was for all of
us!

SANJEEVAN
So you dont have anymore?

BARRY
That was our entire supply of
poutine.

Jerry holds his tummy as it rumbles.

JERRY
Im so hungry, I could eat a
baby...seal.

SANJEEVAN
I cant believe you guys. Youre
like drug Lords. You get me hooked
on this poutine stuff, and now you
say you dont have anymore? This is
more egregious than a short supply
of NES Classics! Im, Im so angry!

BARRY
Easy now. When we get back to land,
we can find more poutine.

SANJEEVAN
Its too late for that!
Sanjeevan grabs Barry, and Jerry, and throws them off the
ship, and into the icy cold waters.

Terry, and Larry, who are petrified, stare at Sanjeevan, who

then turns towards them.

But soon they realize the danger, and start to flee.

Sanjeevan gives chase.

Sanjeevan picks up a large, metal, storage box, on his way,

and tosses it.

The box crushes Terry.

Larry though is still running. However, Sanjeevan grabs him

by the leg, and holds him captive, upside down.

Sanjeevan growls at Larry.

 5.

LARRY
Please! Dont kill me! I hear that
dying is very unpleasant.

SANJEEVAN
(calming down)
Okay. Ill spare your life...

LARRY
Thank you.

SANJEEVAN
...But only because I need someone
to steer this ship.

LARRY (V.O.)
Heh. Jokes on him. I dont know
what the fuck is going on.

EXT. NORTHERN SHORES OF ONTARIO - DAY

Larry, and Sanjeevan are on the research vessel. They look

out, see that they are headed towards land.

LARRY
Well, were almost there.

SANJEEVAN
Hey, wait a minute, if youre out
here, whos steering the ship?

LARRY
I have a chimpanzee who fills in
for me when I need a break.

INT. RESEARCH VESSEL, WHEELHOUSE - DAY

A chimpanzee, wearing a captains hat, is at the helm,

steering the research vessel.

He gets excited, and starts SCREAMING for no reason.

EXT. NORTHERN SHORES OF ONTARIO - DAY (RETURN TO SCENE)

We return to Larry, and Sanjeevan as they head to the shore.

SANJEEVAN
Argh, I cant wait any longer. Ill
swim to shore.
 6.

Sanjeevan jumps off the boat, and dives into the water. He
starts swimming away.

LARRY
Whew. Good riddance, hes gone. He
kept asking me if I accepted Jesus
Christ as my Lord, and savior.

As Larry stands about, a smoke stack appears in the

background, emanating from the middle of the ship.

Larry sniffs the air, and turns around. The research vessel
is roaring on fire.

LARRY (CONTD)
Aaah, shit...

NOW SANJEEVAN REACHES THE SHORE.

He climbs out of the water, and gets to his feet. He looks

back, and sees the research vessel engulfed in flames, nose
up, sinking into the Hudson Bay.

SANJEEVAN
(belly laugh)
Broo-ha-ha-haaaaa!

EXT. NORTHERN ONTARIO AIRPORT - DAY

Theres a large plane on the runway, readying for take off.

Sanjeevan sneaks onto the scene, and climbs onto the

airplane, and straddles it like a horse.
His weight obviously is bearing down on the plane, which
lowers down from the extra poundage.

INT. AIRPLANE COCKPIT - DAY

PILOT #2 looks to PILOT #1.

PILOT #2
What was that?

PILOT #1
It was shut the hell up, and know
your place, copilot!

Pilot #2 sighs, and frowns.

 7.

EXT. NORTHERN ONTARIO AIRPORT - DAY (RETURN TO SCENE)

With Sanjeevan on the airplane, the airplane begins going

down the runway.

It seems to be struggling at first, but then takes off, and

climbs into the sky without trouble.

EXT. SKY - DAY

Sanjeevan is still riding the airplane in the sky. He looks

down below.

SANJEEVAN
Looks like this is my stop.

Sanjeevan dismounts the airplane, and drops through a cloud.

EXT. OLD LIBRARY - DAY

Were now in California, no longer in Canada.

A man named PERRY is sitting on a bench, near the library,

reading a book.

SANJEEVAN drops out of the sky, and lands in front of him.

The impact knocks Perrys book out of his hand. Of course,

naturally, he looks ahead, and sees the giant.

PERRY
...What the?
Sanjeevan rises to his feet, and stares back.

SANJEEVAN
What are you looking at, ant?

PERRY
Ant? Im not an ant, yooou fucking
guy.

SANJEEVAN
How dare you call me a fucking guy!

PERRY
Its a free country...

SANJEEVAN
Dont you say it! DONT YOU SAY IT!
 8.

PERRY
...You fucking guy.

SANJEEVAN
Oh, that does it!
(points)
I am so murdering you!

Sanjeevan balls his hand into a fist, and swings it down at

Perry.

But Perry jumps out of the way, and (unintentionally) dives

to the ground.

Sanjeevans fist smashes apart the bench that Perry was on.

Sanjeevan now turns on his heels, and points himself in

Perrys direction.

Frightened, Perry scrambles to his feet, and starts running

toward the library.

INT. OLD LIBRARY - DAY

Perry comes through the front doors of the library, and

sprinting, goes to the nearby counter, and leans against it,
catching his breath.

The LIBRARIAN smiles at him.

LIBRARIAN
Mr Perry, back so soon?

PERRY
Call. The. Police.

LIBRARIAN
Why? Is there a dirty whore
outside?

PERRY
What? What the fuck? Why would that
even matter?

LIBRARIAN
Have you ever heard of a thing
called super AIDS?

At this moment the library begin shaking. Everyone around

stops what theyre doing, and look to the front doors, where
the noise seems to be coming from.
 9.

Then Sanjeevan the giant literally bursts inside. He glares

at Perry.

SANJEEVAN
Argh! Mother fucker!

Sanjeevan places his hands against two support columns in the

library, and pushes them so hard that they crack, and break.

EXT. OLD LIBRARY - DAY

A bunch of people run out of the library, and then it

collapses, and becomes a pile of rubble.

We have a moment of silence, and then Sanjeevans hand pops

up through the wreck. He climbs out, and walks away unharmed.

Amped-up, he pounds his chest, and roars like a gorilla.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES, BACKYARD - DAY

Were at the Wang household, in the backyard, where we have

Changs OVERSIZED SHED in which he does his experiments.

INT. OVERSIZED SHED - DAY

Mindy enters the shed. She sees Chang biting his fingernails,
standing beside a shrinking device, a large machine that kind
of looks like a ray gun.

MINDY
Chang, have you seen Emily? I need
to ask her something. You know,
women stuff.

CHANG
I, uh...

MINDY
You, uh, what?

CHANG
Honey, I miniaturized the kids.
And Craig.

MINDY
Are you cereal?

Chang gestures to his shrinking device.

 10.

CHANG
I was testing my machine, and they
just came in here like idiots, and
now theyve shrunk, and I dont
know where they are!

MINDY
Relax. Theyre probably still in
here. We just have to look
carefully.

CHANG
Actually, I think they might be
outside.

MINDY
What?

CHANG
Im sorry. I farted, and it was
really stinky, and I opened the
door to get in some fresh air, and
then there was this huge gust of
wind, and --

MINDY
Theyre gone.

CHANG
Yeah...

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES, BACKYARD GRASS - DAY

Were in the backyard of the Wang household... But it looks

like a jungle, because we find ourselves deep into the grass
as if insects.

Harry, Emily, and Craig are here, carefully trekking through

what seems wilderness.

HARRY
Awww, man. Were never gonna get
out of here.

CRAIG
Relax. Were in your backyard.
Whats the big fuckin whoop?

EMILY
Yeah, Harry. Calm your shit. Well
be fine.
 11.

Harry, Emily, and Craig cut through a dense collection of

grasses, and coming out the other side, they spot a sandwich
cookie.

Since they are miniaturized it looks enormous. As large as a

building. They stop, and stare up in awe.

HARRY
Whoa! A giant cookie!

CRAIG
Its not giant, were just small.

EMILY
I remember this cookie. I threw it
at a squirrel this morning.

HARRY
You mean to a squirrel?

EMILY
Nope.

Harry, Emily, and Craig go over to the cookie, and climb onto
the edges, where they each scoop out some of the cream, and
start eating it.

HARRY
Mmm, its so sweet.

CRAIG
I cant taste anything, but I like
being part of the team.

EMILY
Hey, do you thinks this cookie has
palm oil in it? I hear the palm oil
industry is bad for the
environment.

As Harry, Emily, and Craig eat they hear a distinct clicking

noise. They stop eating, and turn around, and see an ANT
staring right at them.

EMILY (CONTD)
Oh, crap.

HARRY
Maybe its a friendly ant, like in
that movie, uh... Gerald the
Friendly Ant.

CRAIG
Thats not a movie.
 12.

HARRY
Isnt it?

The ANT lunges at Craig, and using its mandibles, snips off
his legs.

CRAIG
Aghhhh!

Harry, and Emily step back in horror.

Craig looks up at them, and reaches out his arm.

CRAIG (CONTD)
Save yourselves...

Harry, and Emily start running away.

CRAIG (CONTD)
...for marriage. BUT HELP ME OUT,
YOU COWARDS!

Through the grass the Ant chases Harry, and Emily.

They run a bunch, but then reach a wide chasm in the ground
(a deep footprint) and come to a stop.

Now, they turn around, and face the Ant, whos slobbering,
and inching forward.

Emily though spots a discarded toothpick on the floor. She

picks it up, and wields it like a spear. She thrusts it out
at the Ant as a gesture of hostility.

EMILY
Stay back!

Emily then throws the toothpick at the Ant -- but it totally

misses.

HARRY
Ah, good one, Emily.

Emily glares at Harry.

The Ant steps forward, and opens its jaws as wide as it can
go.

As doom seems imminent we hear an unexpected noise of wings

rapidly beating.

Harry, and Emily look, and see a PARASITIC WASP descend from
the sky.
 13.

The wasp gets between Emily, Harry, and the Ant.

The Ant turns around, away from the Wasp, and tries to flee,
but the Wasp follows, and (seemingly) stings the Ants
abdomen.

The Ant collapses, and falls onto its back.

The Wasp then flies away.

As Harry, and Emily watch, the Ant begins shaking, and its
belly grows, and grows, until it bursts open, and a hoard of
baby wasps fly out of it.

EMILY
What the hell?

HARRY
Damn, nature, you scary!

Harry, and Emily notice not all the baby wasps have left. Two
are still lingering behind.

Harry, and Emily look at each other.

EMILY
Are you thinking what Im thinking?

HARRY
Yes. The ant is a metaphor for
love. You have this person that
gets inside of you, emotionally,
and then they just tear you apart.

EMILY
Ye... No. The baby wasps, we can
ride on them, and escape the
backyard. What do you think?

HARRY
Its a good idea... Probably.
Maybe. I have no clue. Lets just
do it.

Emily nods. So, she, and Harry sneaks up behind the baby
wasps, and they quickly jump on their backs.

As soon as they do, the baby wasps take off into the air.

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES, BACKYARD - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

Emily, and Harry on the backs of the baby wasps leave the
grass, and fly upward at a rapid speed.
 14.

Having no control over these insects, they spin, and turn,

and roll as if on an airborne roller coaster.

HARRY
I think Im gonna be sick!

And Harry throws up. His vomit streams back immediately, and
much of it splatters onto Emily. Shes absolutely disgusted.

EMILY
Hey! Watch where youre barfing,
numb-nuts! Im not your Japanese
girlfriend!

HARRY
You wut?

Now the two wasps that Harry, and Emily are on speed forward,
EVEN faster than before, and they do a dive.

Harry, and Emily are barely hanging on. Their feet, and legs
are unplanted. The wind is pulling back on their skin.

Theyre screaming bloody murder.

HARRY (CONTD)
Eaaaaaagh! Were gonna die!

THEN WE PULL BACK -- we get a different perspective.

Harry, and Emily on their wasps look like two tiny dots.
Which travel down, and then come up a bit, and circle around
as insects do. At this angle its rather under-whelming.

EXT. GENERIC CITY STREET - DAY

We find ourselves on a generic city street. It seems like

its been dealt some blows, and vandalized, there are some
upside down cars on fire, but its not fully ruined.

Around the corner, Sanjeevan appears. Hes carrying a

bloodstained axe, suitable for his size, which is resting
against his shoulder.

He stops by a building, and starts swinging his axe at it.

Its getting pretty wrecked.

Then a guy named PRAN, whos staring at his cellphone, comes

by, just casually strolling down like nothing is happening.

Then a piece of debris knocks away his cellphone.

 15.

Looking annoyed, he turns his head, and notices Sanjeevan. He

looks up in shock like: Ho-lee shiat!

PRAN
Ho-lee shiat!

Pran runs inside a nearby phone booth, and calls the police.

PRAN (CONTD)
(on phone)
Hello? Police? Theres a giant on
the street Im on, and its
destroying the fuck out of a
building with a novelty-sized axe!
(listening)
What do you mean, Im a lying
piece of dog doo-doo? Im telling
you the truth! This guys bigger
than Yao Ming! Hes like three Yao
Mings!
(listening)
Uh-huh, uh-huh. Well, fuck you,
too!

Pran hangs up the phone, angrily slamming down the receiver

onto the hook.

The next moment he looks out of the phone booth, and spots
Sanjeevan marching his way.

SANJEEVAN
Fee-fi-fo-fum! I smell the blood of
an Indian man! Be he alive, or be
he dead, Ill grind his bones to
make my bread!
Pran lowers down, and cowers, hoping to hide.

However, Sanjeevan spots him. He swings his axe at the phone

booth, and chops the top clean off.

Pran shrieks, but is still alive.

SANJEEVAN (CONTD)
(staring down)
GET. UP.

Slowly, Pran stands up, and reluctantly makes eye contact

with Sanjeevan.

PRAN
Please, dont hurt me. Im a
cartoonist!
(MORE)
 16.
PRAN (CONT'D)
I bring joy to children -- and
adults who act like children!

SANJEEVAN
Ill give you 10 seconds to make
your escape. Ten...

Pran leaves the decimated phone booth hes in, and gets on
the street, and starts running opposite Sanjeevan as fast as
he can.

SANJEEVAN (CONTD)
...Nine, eight, seven.
(fast)
THREE, TWO, ONE!

Sanjeevan throws his axe.

The axe hits Pran, and chops him in two, straight down the
middle. Its like a perfect Mortal Kombat fatality.

SANJEEVAN (CONTD)
(laugh)
Broo-ha-ha-haaaaa!

EXT. 90 KERRY CRES - DAY

We find Sanjeevan standing in the middle-front of the Wang

household, angrily punching it. But hes not doing it so hard
that it totally breaks down.

SANJEEVAN
Stupid ex-girlfriend...
(punching)
Thinks shes too good for me...
That stupid, British whore...

At this moment, the WINDOW to the master bedroom opens up,

and Chang sticks his head out.

We notice he has on some sort of headgear that is holding a

magnifying glass in front of his face.

CHANG
Excuse me!

Sanjeevan pauses, and looks at Chang.

CHANG (CONTD)
Do you mind?! Im trying to do
something here!
 17.

SANJEEVAN
You ant! How dare you tell me what
to do! I should crush you!

CHANG
I have a better idea. Why dont you
suck a big, fat, nasty, wet --

Sanjeevan grabs Chang with his enormous hand.

CHANG (CONTD)
Ugh!

Sanjeevan turns around, and starts walking away.

Shortly after, Mindys head comes out the master bedroom as

well, and she sees whats happening. Her eyes are wide.

Chang reaches out to her.

CHANG (CONTD)
MINDY! Take care of the family!
Youre in charge now!

MINDY
I was always in charge!

CHANG
Nows not the time to argue!

Sanjeevan and Chang leave, and Mindy is left behind looking

very worried.

MINDY
Oh, man. What am I gonna do?

INT. 90 KERRY CRES, KITCHEN - DAY

Still miniature in size, Emily, whos leading, and Harry are

trekking atop the kitchen counter.

Craig is with them too, except Craig has no legs, and hes
being carried on Emilys back like a rucksack.

HARRY
Sooo, whats the plan here?

Emily points to a rounded bottle filled with water. Its near

an open box of off-brand Cheerios, laying on its side.
 18.

EMILY
When we get behind there, itll
magnify us, and then we can be
seen.

CRAIG
Genius! Absolute genius!

HARRY
Oh, yeah. Right up there with
Einstein.

CRAIG
Hey, do you think if Einstein is in
heaven, hes aware that his name is
constantly used for sarcasm?

EMILY
Einstein knows, and he doesnt give
two shits.

CRAIG
Two shits, how come its always
two? Why not three? Or seven?

EMILY
Craig, your guess is as good as
mine.

CRAIG
No, its not.

Now, Emily, Harry, and Craig arrive at the rounded bottle

filled with water. They pause to look at it.
EMILY
Welp, here we are.

The three get behind the bottle, and are magnified.

EMILY (CONTD)
Now all we have to do is play the
waiting game.

HARRY
The waiting game is boring.

Harry jogs to the box of generic Cheerios.

EMILY
Harry, get back here!

Harry gets inside the box, and sits in one of the Os.
 19.

HARRY
Look! Its like that video game!
Uh, whats it called? TOOBIN! Yah,
thats it! Toobin! Im Toobin,
you guys!

EMILY
Harry. Stop dickin around.

HARRY
Make me!

Emily leaves her spot behind the glass bottle, and enters the
cereal box with Harry.

Standing before him, she has her hands on her hips, and is
impatiently tapping her foot.

EMILY
If you dont get out of that
Cheerio, I am going to kick your
arse.

HARRY
Its not a Cheerio. We cant afford
that brand. This is a toroidal,
wheat, cereal piece.

EMILY
That does it! Cmere, porcupine!

Emily grabs Harrys foot, and tries pulling him away.

But Harry digs his fingers into the toroidal, wheat, cereal
piece, and holds on.
An arrow, and words flash, indicating why the cereal piece
itself is not moving.

Stuck to cereal bag because of sugar, it says.

AND THEN a (normal-sized) hand grabs the cereal box, and

lifts it up.

We see that the hand belongs to Mindy. She takes the cereal
over to the nearby table, and pours it into a bowl filled
with milk.

Emily, Harry, and Craig fall into this bowl, where they all
hang onto a Cheerio to keep afloat.

Now, Mindy sits down, and pulls up her chair.

 20.

She takes a spoon, and with her eyes up, as if thinking,

accidentally scoops up Harry, Emily, and Craig.

The three stare into Mindys mouth as they gradually move

towards her hungry teeth.

CRAIG
Ohhh, shiat!

HARRY
Were doomed!

EMILY
Wait, wait a minute...

Emily puts her fingers into her mouth, and whistles.

Harry, and Craig stare at her, confused.

HARRY
Why are you whistling?

Emily turns her head to look away at something; Craig, and

Harry do the same.

Then we see the ears of RORY the raccoon perk up, and he
comes running out of the blue, and jumps onto Mindys face.

Mindy yelps, and drops her spoon.

Harry, Emily, and Craig fall to the table, shaken, but

unharmed.

Mindy gets up from her seat, and, in a panic, starts

spinning, and turning as she tries to pull off Rory, whos
firmly latched onto her with his sharp, little claws.

Mindy spins so much that she exits the kitchen.

Harry, and Emily, whos still carrying Craig, are standing,

staring at this sight.

We hear the struggle of Mindy, and Rory. There is a loud

commotion -- crashing, banging, and screeching.

EMILY
(looking)
Uh, maybe whistling was a bad idea?

HARRY
It got the job done.
 21.

CRAIG
Do you think that raccoon has
rabies?

EMILY
I dont know...

EXT. JACKSON FOREST - DAY

We find ourselves in a clearing. Sanjeevan is here, and he

has Chang tied up to a tree.

Sanjeevan, holding a flaming torch in one hand, stares at

Chang with a little smirk on his face.

SANJEEVAN
Do you have any last words?

CHANG
This isnt the first time Ive been
in danger. Im 99.25% sure that
Ill get out of this.

SANJEEVAN
Bold words for a man who is about
to be burned to a crisp.

Chang spits at Sanjeevan.

CHANG
Eat shit, and die!

SANJEEVAN
Argh!
Sanjeevan uses his torch, and lights Chang on fire.

Chang screams in agony.

CHANG
Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaah!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

SANJEEVAN
Broo-ha-ha-haaaaa!

As Sanjeevan belly laughs, Chang burns to a crisp, and body

consumed, his flames die out.

SANJEEVAN (CONTD)
(pleased)
Enjoy your stay in hell.
 22.

Sanjeevan throws away his torch, which lands in a puddle. He

then turns around, and begins to walk off, but CHANG
REAPPEARS, and stands in his way.

Chang, who looks in perfect health, faces Sanjeevan with his

hands triumphantly on his hips.

CHANG
Hello, fat head! Did you miss me?

SANJEEVAN
Wait a minute.

Sanjeevan glances behind, and sees the Chang that was burned
to a crisp. And then his eyes return forward, and he seems
rather confused.

SANJEEVAN (CONTD)
I thought, I --

CHANG
You thought wrong, mother fucker!
You actually killed my clone, not
me! You done goofed, Sanjeevan.

SANJEEVAN
Sooo, you sacrificed your clone?

CHANG
Yeah, what about it?

SANJEEVAN
Its cruel, dont you think? I
mean, he was a clone, but for all
intents, and purposes, wasnt he a
human-being too, with feelings?

Chang thinks for a moment, and then realizes hes in the

wrong, but is still defensive. He points his finger.

CHANG
...Dont you take the high road on
me, Sanjeevan!

SANJEEVAN
You. Sir. Are. A. Bastard.

Sanjeevan swats Chang aside. When Chang is laying on the

ground, unconscious, Sanjeevan goes over to him, and lifts
his foot up to squash him.

SANJEEVAN (CONTD)
PANCAKE TIME!
 23.

But then we hear a voice.

HARRY (O.S.)
Hey! Scumbag!

Sanjeevan turns his head, and is suddenly hit with something.

All he sees is a flash.

He is thrown back by the impact, and lands on his back.

Sanjeevan shakes his head, and stands to his feet. He sees

HARRY AS A GIANT, with Mindy, Emily, and Craig.

We notice Emily, and Craig are back to their normal size, and
not looking worse for wear.

Now, Sanjeevan wipes some blood off his mouth, and glares at
Harry.

SANJEEVAN
Okay. Lets do this.

Sanjeevan, and Harry, who is also a giant, head towards each

other, and square off; they put up their dukes, and circle
around.

Then Harry comes forward like hes going to throw a punch,

but he is disrupted when Sanjeevan counters with a combo:
JAB, UPPERCUT, LEFT, RIGHT, AND LEFT.

The last strike makes Harry fall to the ground.

Mindy, and Craig appear very worried, but Emily shouts at her
brother.
EMILY
Get up, Harry! You have to hit him
back!

So, Harry gets on all fours, and just barely stands up. He
faces Sanjeevan once again.

Harry attacks Sanjeevan with a front kick. But Sanjeevan

parries this kick, and then rushes in, and grabs Harry, and
lifts him up into the air.

Sanjeevan then drops Harry down onto his bent knee to do a

bone-breaking backbreaker.

Mindy, Craig, and Emily are in shock.

Now, Sanjeevan pushes Harry off his knee.

Harry is unconscious, laying on the ground, on his belly.

 24.

Sanjeevan places a foot onto the back of Harrys neck, and

raises his fist in the air, proud of his victory.

SANJEEVAN
Float like a butterfly, sting like
a bee-atch! Thats what I say!

Craig, angry, runs over to Sanjeevan, and starts punching him

in the leg, but to no effect.

CRAIG
You big bully!

Sanjeevan sees Craig, and grabs him.

CRAIG (CONTD)
Hey, let go of me, you big bully!

Sanjeevan picks up a log on the ground, and throws Craig up

like a baseball.

Sanjeevan then swings the log as one would a bat, and hits
Craig, sending him flying into the sky, where he disappears.

Nonchalantly, Sanjeevan tosses away the log, and starts

walking away.

SANJEEVAN
Welp, time to go home, and watch
some tentacle porn. Im feeling
rather Randy today.

We see Mindy whispering to Emily.

We then focus back to Sanjeevan. On account of Mindy, his

back is hit with numerous spells, which dont do much, except
get his attention.

SANJEEVAN (CONTD)
What the fuck?

He turns around.

Mindy, who has her wand out, and Emily are standing in front
of a huge tree with a hollow in the middle.

MINDY
Come at me, bro!

SANJEEVAN
No, thanks. This looks like a trap.
I dont know what it is, but it
seems like youre trying to goad me
into something.
 25.

EMILY
No... Youre being paranoid.

SANJEEVAN
Am I?

MINDY
Yes, and you smell like a hamster.

SANJEEVAN
Wut! How dare you say that I smell
like a hamster!

Then Sanjeevan charges at Mindy, and Emily.

But at the last second the two jump out of the way, leaving
the giant to trip on a root, after which he dives head first
into the hollow of the huge tree.

Naturally, he tries coming out, but at that instant Mindy

zaps the tree with a spell.

The tree seems to come to life, and it begins wrapping around

Sanjeevan. Sanjeevan struggles, but at the end he is trapped,
and except for his face he is completely encased in wood.

He has become one with the tree, and cannot move -- yet he
still tries.

SANJEEVAN (CONTD)
(trying to move)
Egh! Egh! What the fuck is this?!

Mindy, and Emily stand up.

EMILY
Its called a fuck you spell! You
know how they have fuck you
money? This is a fuck you spell!

MINDY
Thats not what its called.

Mindy puts away her wand.

SANJEEVAN
(angry)
When I get outta here, Im gonna,
Im gonna --

MINDY
Youre gonna what?
 26.

SANJEEVAN
Im gonna rip your balls off, and
crush them in a hydraulic press!
For YouTube!

EMILY
First of all, gross. Secondly,
girls dont have balls.

SANJEEVAN
Youre kidding.

EMILY
No. Im not kidding.

Sanjeevan is stunned at this new information.

SANJEEVAN
Wow... WOW. If I was wrong about
women having balls, maybe Im wrong
about the direction in my life.
Hmm, I have a lot of things to
think over. Can you guys gimme some
alone time to contemplate?

MINDY
Ah, sure. I just gotta collect my
husband...

We see Chang on the ground, snoring.

MINDY (CONTD)
...And my son.

Harrys also on the ground, snoring as well -- but way

louder.

CUT TO:

Sanjeevan, still encased in his tree, is alone, staring out

at the forest.

Then a WOODPECKER lands on his forehead. He looks up.

SANJEEVAN
Hey, get down from there. Thats
not a landing spot.

The woodpecker pecks on his forehead.

SANJEEVAN (CONTD)
Aaagh! You son of a bitch!
 27.

Sanjeevan sticks his tongue out, and tries using it to swat

away the bird...

SANJEEVAN (CONTD)
Ill lick the shit it you, I swear!

...but being too short it does nothing. He gives up.

SANJEEVAN (CONTD)
Ah, forget about it.
(sighs)
I guess this is my life now.

SANJEEVANS MONTAGE

This montage shows a passage of time in the forest with

Sanjeevan as a tree. After each scene, we see his facial hair
grow longer, and longer.

- At first, Sanjeevan looks bored. Nothings happening.

- Then a couple is having a picnic in front of him. He seems

none too bothered.

- But then a group of hippies are holding hands in a circle

around him. They are hugging him, and he looks really
annoyed.

- Next, a girl, and boy stop in front of Sanjeevan. The boy

takes out a knife, and carves a heart, and initials into the
trees bark. Sanjeevan looks to be in pain. He can actually
feel it.

- Now, a dog stops by Sanjeevan, and it takes a piss in front

of him. Sanjeevan is angrily disgusted.

- A hipster is beside Sanjeevan, playing an acoustic guitar.

Sanjeevan cant stand the music.

- The woodpecker from before returns. It lands on Sanjeevans

face. Sanjeevan in response struggles, and manages to shake
his face. The woodpecker then flies off, and goes onto the
lower area of his tree. It pecks this area, where one might
expect a wiener to be. Sanjeevan is going, Oooooooh!

- Sanjeevan has a swing set up on one his branches. Here a

child is swinging upon this swing.

- The trees around Sanjeevan are all chopped down by a lumber

company, but Sanjeevan is spared, and left behind. This area
is then speedily turned into a shopping center.
 28.

- Chang, Mindy, Emily, Harry, and Craig are walking this new
shopping center. Chang notices Sanjeevan in his tree form. He
points it out. Everyone stops to look.

- (CONTD) Sanjeevan seems annoyed. Then a stranger comes by,

and Chang asks the stranger if he can take a photo. The
stranger nods, and Chang hands him his smart phone.

- (CONTD) The stranger steps out of frame. Chang tells

everyone to gather around, and they all pose in front of
Sanjeevan, who is scowling.

- (CONTD) The Wangs all say cheese. The picture is taken.

Chang gets his phone back from the stranger, and the stranger
leaves. Chang glances at his phone, and then puts it back
into his pocket.

- (CONTD) Chang gestures, and tells everyone lets go. So,

he, Mindy, Emily, and Craig leave. Sanjeevan is left all
alone.

- (CONTD) But a moment after, Emily returns, and she has

something in her hand. Its a decoration. As Sanjeevan
stares, wondering whats going on, she places it on one of
his tree branches. She gives him a hug, and goes on her way.
Sanjeevan cracks a smile. He seems happy.

END MONTAGE

CREDITS.

EXT. SHOPPING CENTER (FORMERLY JACKSON FOREST) - DAY

Were back with Sanjeevan, and hes still a tree. Out from
the air returns the infamous WOODPECKER.

The woodpecker lands on Sanjeevans face.

SANJEEVAN
(looking)
Oh, no. Not you again.

The woodpecker pecks on Sanjeevans forehead.

SANJEEVAN (CONTD)
(in pain)
Aaagh!

Now, the woodpecker comes toward us, and hovering in the air
laughs.
 29.

WOODPECKER
Hoo-hoo-hoo-ha-ha! Hoo-hoo-hoo-ha-
ha! Heh-heh-heh-heh!

Then theres a loud gunshot. The woodpecker is shot dead, and

he drops to the ground.

A HUNTER appears, holding a rifle, and picks up the birds

body. He bites off the woodpeckers head, and chews on it
like an apple.

Sanjeevan is disgusted.

SANJEEVAN
Aw, Jesus.

FINI.