+ THE OLD SOLDIER by Murray Dopking

The Old Soldier slowly opened his cloudy eyes as the morning sun began to fill the room.

Looks like I made it through another night.. Not a complete success though, My Diapers
Soaked again ! Oh yah, Delores says the proper term is Incontinence Pad..
Still a damn Diaper to me!
Straining to see the clock on the wall he guessed it was around 6; 00 AM.
The Caregiver wont be here til 7:30 He said out loud.
Gotta get this stupid thing off, dont want to end up with a rash!
Laughing mournfully at his woeful plight.
How did it ever come to this?
I used to be one of the toughest guys in our unit he thought to himself.
Seen some pretty bad stuff over there, Nazis shot me up a couple of times,
Slowed me down a bit, but I survived!

Forcing to make the boney old fingers work, he managed to get the Velcro straps
Un-done. Yes! Much better!
Now I wonder if I can make it down the hall to the bathroom with out killing myself.
Theres a conundrum he thought. Would that be a bad thing or a good thing?
Nope! I didnt spend 90 years trying to stay alive, just to give up when things got tough!
A deal is a deal, he thought, I promised the kids & Delores Id play out my hand
(Delores was the head Palliative Caregiver liaison.)(The kids were his Niece and husband
Who were well into their fifties?)
They would allow me to stay here in my trailer to die, as long as I agreed to co-operate
And play nice.

He was a man who treasured his privacy and independence.

Ed came from a poor immigrant family, having nothing more than the basics of education.
His passion for learning came after the war, pushing him well into the upper echelon of Mathematics,
And Physics. He loved to debate the complexities of obscure mathematical formulas and said
everything could always be proven or disproven with numbers.
Of course most people once engaged in conversation with him, found him eccentric and a bit strange.

He had no children, and his wife had died years earlier.

When his mother and sister passed away, he made the decision to leave Alberta and find a warmer
climate in southern BC.
This was a new start, new beginnings and new friends.
Being his next of kin, we were far enough away not to be pests and close enough to act on his
Behalf in medical and legal matters.
So keeping tabs on the old curmudgeon was tricky.
We resorted to enlisting his friends and neighbors and caregivers in covert spy operations.
Every day someone would drop in to chat and then give us a report.
We always knew how he was doing.
She knocked on the door mostly as a courtesy, knowing full well it was never locked.
Mr. Nielsen, Its Maria! Im coming in!
OK came the hoarse reply. Come in!
The sharp acrid smell of urine assailed her senses as she pushed open the door
and made her way down the hall.

How are you doing, Mr. Nielsen?

Dont worry Maria Im still alive he replied.
Youre not out of a job yet!
Thats good, Mr. Nielsen. My family and I are grateful!
she giggled in her Portuguese accent.

Over the past three months or so, the two of them had become friends.
The back and forth banter seemed to be the best way to handle the difficult
situation. Up front and head on, no timidity. Just be honest and forthright.

My, My, Mr. Nielsen it looks like you need my help, Im opening these windows.
It smells very bad in here! She spoke, while putting on her disposable gloves.
Yah, it probably does, he said I cant smell a thing; the damn Cancer has even taken that
away from me.

We knew the inevitable phone call was coming, just not when.
Linda? Hello, this is Ron from Osoyoos, Yah, Its time. Your Uncle is in bad shape.
He needs you two down here right away, come as soon as you can!
Oh No She sighed. Thanks for the call Ron; we really appreciate all your help.
Well catch a flight to Kelowna tomorrow and then drive down the rest of the way.
Itll take a couple of days, but we will get there as fast as possible.

Two days later we climbed the steps, knocked on the door, pulled the handle and let ourselves in.
Anyone home? I hollered in.
Ron was sitting in a chair directly off to Eds side.
Well look whos here! His loud friendly bombastic voice stated.
Ed its your favorite nephew and niece from Oil Rich Alberta!

Ed waved a boney skeletal hand in our direction.

What the Hell are you two doing here? Im not dead yet!
A brave attempt at Graveyard Humor .
Nice to see you too Ed, I replied.
Linda and I heard you were lonesome, so we came for a visit I said.
A sly smile came across his face, his eyes misted up, and he said in a quieter voice,
What took you so damn long..? Thanks for coming
We need to talk about a few things. .
Delores took her time, trying to choose the right words.
Well, weve come a long ways, since our original decision
Hes reached the point where he needs 24 hour care. Ive stretched the
Home Care as far as I can.
Its just not right leaving him here alone and in pain at night anymore.

Ed and I had agreed in earlier times that when we can no longer

properly look after him here; he would have to go into Palliative care in Oliver.
His vital are signs are failing, the drugs are making him hallucinate,
He is losing control of his bowels and is incontinent.
Im sorry, but its time that we have to move him .
Do you two want to tell him or should I? She asked.

My wifes trembling voice replied Delores, you seem to be the only one he hears.
He wont listen to us. That stubborn old Dane is going to do; only what HE wants
to do
Please help us to make him understand its out of love and respect
That this has to happen.

She looked at us with a puzzled expression.

You really dont know do you?

Your Uncle and I have had many conversations about you two.
He knows of the sacrifice, time and care you spent, in looking after his Mother and
Sister.
This crotchety old man has a problem showing his feelings, most men of
His generation does. Add to that, what the war did to him, and you start to
understand why he can be difficult.
Believe me; he holds the two of you in the highest esteem.
Its the Cancer that is mainly causing his orneriness.
Besides, its not about you, its about him.
Try to make peace, if possible, there isnt much time left!

The fire engine and ambulance were blocking the narrow road into the Trailer Court.
There were six of us: Firemen, ambulance attendants and his nephew,
Trying to gently lift him down onto a waiting gurney.
His sunken dark eyes staring ahead, skin stretched impossibly thin over a feeble old skeleton.
As careful as we were, a sudden jar caused his already emaciated body to cringe.
A painful curse escaped his lips as finally we got him out and into place in the Ambulance.
Suddenly, that boney hand was in my face.
Its time Murray! Its time! Sell the trailer!
Taken aback at his outburst I replied I will! I will Ed! Dont worry, everythings OK
All that you have asked, I will do, just like we talked about.
He then relaxed, laid his arm back down and quietly repeated.
Its Time.. Yes, its time to go

The Ambulance worked it s way out of the tight pathways in the park.
Everyone went back to their homes, and all was quiet again.
Ed died about a week later. He had lapsed into a coma almost immediately
And just decided it that was time to leave.
Just as we had promised, we took his cremated remains back to a plot in Edmonton.
It was there his beloved wife was waiting for him.

The Osoyoos Legion conducted Eds service with Full Military Regalia and Honors.
I gave the Eulogy, trying hard not to let the lump in my throat get the better of me.
Trying to sum up a mans life in such a short time is not easy.
His friends, neighbors and care givers participated by getting up and sharing
Many MR.ED stories.
All in all, a fitting, respectful memorial to one of Canadas aged Veterans.
Im sure Ed would have approved.

Care giving comes in many shapes and forms, from the hard working salaried medical
Workers, to the efforts of family, neighbors and friends.
All of us doing the best that we can.
The reality is, that No One Gets out Alive.

Maybe, if were lucky, some kindly Care givers will help us, through our last days.

I know of one old Soldier who appreciated it .