The Subverser
The unapologetic fourth rag of the temporarily unemployed
Riddle Me This
How many managers does it
take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to get the bulb and one
to call someone who actually
knows how things work.
How many college administrators
does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
Two. One to assure the public that
the darkness is facultys fault while
the other screws a bulb into a
water fountain.
How many college students does it
take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but it takes 2-3 years. Wait,
now its 2.5 - 3.5 years.
How many college presidents
does it take to screw an
entire province of professors?
24. No joke. Thats trivia.
How long does a strike last?
Twice the length from the
beginning to the middle.
How long does it take the CEC to
fix a broken bulb?
Four weeks and counting, but if
you vote YES, the broken bulb
can be re-inserted immediately.
Issue 4
Wisdom I Wish I Had Known in Week 1:
If you wear a hoodie or low-fitting toque, nobody in their wildest
dreams will ever suspect that youre using it to hide your earbuds.
Bonus: if you talk up your love of Radiohead and/or Arcade Fire,
nobody will suspect youre listening to ABBAs greatest hits.
Ignore the forecast and layer your clothing. Bonus: doing the sexy
dance on the sidelines while stripping off said layers. Penalty:
watching colleagues do the sexy sideline dance.
Whether you believe in the magic of Epsom salts or not -- according
to science you shouldnt bother a warm bath after your shift will
improve this day and the next.
If you cant come up with a clever retort for angry drivers, improvise
by shouting what youd say if you stepped barefoot on LEGO.
Dont joke about snow in week 1. Your week 4 colleagues will
remember and will not be impressed.
The Subverser accepts reader contributions (200 words max).
Strike Line Important Terms and Vocabulary
Hold the line (v ph). 1. Make a large gap in the line so a vehicle can move
through. 2. Close gaps in the line so a vehicle cannot move through.
Clear the line (v ph). 1. Let a vehicle through. 2. Go home.
Mind the gap (v ph). 1. Close the hole so that cars will not rush through.
2. Have a mindful, overall awareness of the massive hole youve created.
Stoke the flames (v ph). 1. To rally ones coworkers on the line. 2. Throw
miscellaneous garbage into a burn barrel and give it a good blow.
Batten the mizzen (v ph). 1. To secure the middle hold in such a way that
the larboard jib and halyard are not compromised by a leeward tack.
Amazeballs (adj). 1. An emphatically positive descriptor or exclamation.
See also verb forms at amazeballing and amazingballsing.
Langer (n). 1. An angry driver who shouts something incomprehensible
from the window of a speeding vehicle. 2. Anyone on the CEC.

Dear Editor,
I really enjoy the rag. It
warms my frozen toes
and ears when picketing
at 7am in November
because I stuff discarded
copies into my walking
shoes and hold others
over my ears for
insulation purposes.
Thanks for that!
Just an FYI: in the money
talks section of Issue 2:
"6% of Fanshawe.... That's
less than 200" should
read "That's fewer than
200.
Signed,
Former Fanshawe ELI
grammar - nazi (PhD)
currently Professional
Pylon Mover (PPM) at
Doon
Picketer Profiles You May Recognize:
Spontaneous Stoppage Shawn
This easygoing picketer is neither happy nor upset to be on the line; he just flows
with it, man. Until he doesnt, stopping frequently with a suddenness that
certainly surprises those behind. Reasons for his halt may include seeing a car,
hearing an announcement, not hearing an announcement, or having an
unexpectedly deep thought. Already chill in his natural state, the curious aroma
wafting around this picketer suggests that his level of Zen may be artificially
enhanced.
Pizza Panic Pete
If it were not for the free snacks, this chap may have given up the cause in week 1.
This picketer packs a particular penchant for pepperoni and parmesan, but is also
temporarily tickled to take a bite of a transitory Timbit or two twenty. Beware if
youre hungry. By the time the captain calls out Theres free, this picketer has
already devoured half of the delivery, growling at anyone else who approaches.
Shuttle Sprint Sharlene
This slippery striker slogs slowly on the sidewalk until the appearance of the
OPSEU shuttle causes an instant metamorphosis. With a blistering burst that
would make Usain Bolt blush, she abandons the line and is already buckled into
the vehicle before it has come to a complete stop. Her friends Shirley and Shania
are only milliseconds behind.

The Subverser March (to the tune of Solidarity Forever)

We've been marching week on week in sun and rain and cold
Our belts are getting looser and our shoes are getting old
It's not too much for glory but our story must be told
Forever marching on

Planar fasciitis is horrendous company

And plantar warts are sore of course, but so are hips and knees
But CEC don't know us if they think these things will slow us
Forever marching on

We're nommin mostly ramen cause our fridges now are lean
And pizza on the line is fine to get our day's protein
Each winner here is thinner but our vision remains keen
Forever marching on

A gig economy for you or me is a disgrace

And pigs will fly before A.I. will ever take our place
Our cause is just and so we must keep up this friggin pace
Forever marching on (figuratively we all hope).