September 20th, 2017

Thao Pham
Peer Review of Isabella Zhang

Summary:
The paper focuses on the courses and experiences the author had from high school to
college, along with the authors feelings of liking and hatred. The first paragraph mainly talks
about Mendel and his legacy, followed by recent studies on modifications based on his ideas.
The next subject is about a course that the author didnt like and didnt want to pursue a future in
that direction. The author then followed another path by taking psychology and biopsych, in
which helped shape the authors interest. The mention of patient H.M. and Dr. William Scoville
is really interesting. The author then tells a story of working in a lab on campus as well as
working in a sleep lab, quickly mention Nathaniel Kleitman is the pioneer in sleep studies. It
ends with the author questioning about the future, likes, dislikes and uncertainties.

Major Points:
The first paragraph (introduction) looks a little overwhelming and too informative. This
paragraph mentions quickly about the authors favourite teacher and started explaining Mendels
work without any personal narrative/thoughts/feelings. I think the author should shorten it and
move the explanation of Mendel to a body paragraph, as well as add more narrative into that as
that based on Mendels work, how have the authors interests changed or shaped, instead of a
long autobiography about Mendel. As the paper goes on, the author should break it into smaller
paragraphs.
The author through out expressed likes and dislikes of courses. The flow and the order of
story is great, just need a little work on transition. The paper overall shares the experiences of the
author, changing in many directions. There seems to be a lot of information.
The conclusion for me is a little confusing, the author goes back and forth with being
unsure and lost in options then to something certain and back to unsure. I think the message that
we should be open minded is great, however, the author should talk about their direction and
further/other directions in which we can be open minded about, not too much the negativities
such as uncertainty and unsure.

Minor Points:
Some grammars and spelling mistakes need to be revised, as well as connections between
paragraphs and ideas.