Thursday

13 November 2003
Published by the USSU
Communications Office
issue number 1068
free
www.ussu.co.uk

THE UNIVERSITY OF SURREY STUDENTS’ NEWSPAPER

BAREARTS - - LITERATURE ENTERTAINMENT I N T H I S W E E K ’ S PA P E R

Literature Editor Jen A special four page pullout from UNION | Neil Christie looks at the state of
Walker brings us her Alan ‘Disco’ Roy showing you our lectures at UniS | page 7
interpretation of the first all the exciting entertainments INTERACTIVE | Ben Berryman, with lots
installment of Tolkien’s coming up at USSU over the more entertaining puzzles | page 20
The Lord of the Rings. next few weeks! SPORT | Sailing, Bowling, Women’s Squash
Literature| page 16 Ents| centre pages and loads more | pages 23 & 24

STOP PRESS: The barefacts submission deadline has changed. It is now 5pm on the Friday before publication

USSU Closes Down

After an insufficient number of students attended its Annual General Meeting, Sussex Students’ Union have suspended all
their services for a whole week, including sports clubs, societies, advice and media as well as all their bars and shops.
BY SARAH BUTTERWORTH our very own students’ union, which is also suffering through lack of attendance at union council Union Council, but it remains to be seen
EDITOR IN CHIEF as whether these steps have a lasting effect
on the attendance, and also the relevance
THE UNIVERSITY OF Sussex Students’ Union of Council. All students are encouraged to
has taken the drastic action of closing all attend, and although only Union Councillors
their Students’ Union services, after the can vote in normal meetings (there are
number of students attending their Annual around 150 Councillors), everyone is able to
General Meeting last week failed to reach ask questions and discuss the issues raised.
the required quota to pass the year’s budget If you are unhappy with where you money
and make important decisions. The Union is going within the Union, then Council
states that it needs 5% of all students to is the place to air your worries, ask direct
be present to pass key decisions – that’s a questions, and hold the Sabbatical Officers
total of 573 students. On the front page of to account. If you feel the University
their website, the public part of which has are unjustified in charging the high rents
been suspended in the withdrawal of Union on campus, then bring your thoughts to
services, USSU state that “Union Council council, and mandate the Union officers to
is the forum in which these decisions are do something about it.
made, most particularly the decision to pass It is hard to justify people complaining
a budget for the coming year. Without a about things about the Union or University
photo: chris hunter

budget passed by students, the Union can’t
spend money. No organisation can run itself
if it doesn’t spend money, so the Union is
forced to shut down.”
In this drastic, but many believe, justified
move, Sussex have withdrawn all their teams
from BUSA Sports Leagues, and have also
closed Falmer House, the Union building,
where many societies hold their weekly
meetings, and all the Union staff have their
offices. In addition this week they have
not produced ‘The Badger’, their weekly
newspaper, as well as withholding their
Advice Service, which is similar to our own
USSU in offering advice and referrals on
students’ academic and personal problems.
In addition, the Union has also closed their
bars and shops, leaving students without
many of their favourite places to socialise.
Sussex’s Communications Officer stated in
an email to students “If you use the [union’s
facilities] you better hope there are enough
people at the next AGM or you might find
campus life changing drastically”. Sussex
are reconvening their AGM this Wednesday
(yesterday), so it remains to be seen whether
enough people attend to warrant the
reopening of their Union services.
As with the majority of Students’ Unions
across the country, including Surrey’s,
Sussex have been experiencing problems
with attendance at their Union Council.
To pass any motions or make decisions,
Council meetings must be attended by a
number of people specified in the Students’
Union’s constitution; in Surrey’s case this
number is 40. The last Union Council here
at Surrey was poorly attended, and numbers
fell just short of those required to pass any
motions.
Union Council is a forum which exists in
order to give students the chance to have
their say about the Students’ Union and its
services. Attendance at Surrey’s Council has
been low for a number of years, and several
Sabbatical teams have struggled to get to
the root of the problem – why aren’t people
voicing their opinions? With the election of
the new Union Executive Committee last
month, steps are being taken to show people
just what they can gain through coming to
in forums such as the USSU Bulletin Board,
or simply to their friends, when they do not
stand up and tell people that something
needs to be done. There are rumours that
other Unions around the country may follow
in the footsteps of Sussex if attendance at
their Union Council meetings drop even
further, and Surrey could well be one of
them.
USSU Union Council
Tuesday 2nd December
6pm
Helyn Rose Bar
One representative from every
society & sports club to at-
tend, as well as all other
Union Councillors.

Lots of Letters | page 3 Programme Reps | page 6 Matrix Revolutions | page 10 Sport | page 23
2 NEWS 13 November 2003

Oxford pub sponsors 300 UCAS Points = £1,000

EDITORIAL TEAM 2003-4
Editor in Chief
PhD students BY PHIL HOWARD Although it is believed to be the first of
Sarah Butterworth NEWS EDITOR its type by a UK university, the scheme is
comms BY PHILIP HOWARD not dissimilar to that offered by the Physics
@ussu.co.uk NEWS EDITOR MIDDLESEX UNIVERSITY HAS announced a new department here at Surrey; a £1,000 one-off
scheme to attract high achievers in which bursary for every student that enters the
Editor ST JOHN’S COLLEGE owns an old and popular they are funded to the tune of £1,000 a year department with an A in both Physics and
Chris Ward student pub which has refreshed its students for the length of their time at the university. Maths.
for some 500 years. Now, however, the pub The scheme will pay out to those who It is expected that similar schemes will be
cs21cw
@surrey.ac.uk is ploughing some of the profits into funding attain 300 UCAS tariff points or more - the offered by other universities as a way to
PhD students. equivalent of three B grades at A-level. It entice top students away from the traditional
Deputy Editor The funding provides for 3 PhD students up differs from many similar schemes (such Russell Group elite, and may become
Neil Christie to £12,000, with £9,000 paid out to students as those in place here at Surrey) in that it common if top-up fees are introduced. The
above their fee costs from the pub’s annual provides for all three years of study. 100 NUS fears this is a sign that universities
ms33nc
@surrey.ac.uk £50,000 profits. The research funded by the students of the 25,000 at Middlesex meet the were moving towards a more American
Lamb and Flag is that which is no longer criteria at present, a number the university system where cost is a significant factor in
Deputy Editor supported by funding coucils: “It’s mainly “plans to double - at least”, according to its students’ higher education choices.
Ben Berryman focused on arts and humanities, social Press Release.
sciences and maths because those areas
ma91bb
@surrey.ac.uk aren’t well funded. Last year one of the
students was looking at children learning
mathematics - how children learn maths.
Music Editor Another looked at women and madness in
Matt Badcock French literature” reports the Guardian.
ms01mb The venue has been a part of student
@surrey.ac.uk life for those attending St John, with the
likes of Tony Blair, CS Lewis, Tolkien etc
Music Editor frequenting it in their time.
Jon Allen Barefacts can only hope that a Roots
bs21ja scholarship is in the pipeline for urgent work
@surrey.ac.uk on student social habits.

Film Editor
Neil Boulton
cs21nb
@surrey.ac.uk
Leeds Student Paper May Go Private
BY PHILIP HOWARD advertising revenue. In moving to become contributors) have been nominated for best
Theatre Editor NEWS EDITOR private, the paper could apparently increase newspaper, best photographer, best feature
Daisy Clay this amount as there would be no union writer, best sports journalist, best fashion
ps21dc AWARD WINNING UNION paper Leeds Student control over which adverts could be run. journalist and also for the diversity award.
@surrey.ac.uk may choose to become entirely private, The union pulled the issue at a cost of some Surrey’s own barefacts has been nominated
according to the THES. In May an entire £1,500 of advertising revenue, and refused for best campaign for the ongoing Lights,
Literature Editor print run was pulped by the student union’s to fund the following issue, forcing the Camera, Action campaign started last year.
Jennifer Walker executive committee after receiving legal paper to fund it itself - with much success.
advice about an article contained in the Mr Powell said: “I think this was the straw Want to get your opinions
ph21jw
@surrey.ac.uk issue. that broke the camel’s back after a long heard?
Editor Mark Powell said of the the paper history of friction between the paper and the Then Email your letters to
“We have already demonstrated that we executive.”
News Editor can function independently.” The paper Leeds Student is one of the best known
barefacts@ussu.co.uk by
Philip Howard the Friday before
is thought to receive over £70,000 a year in the UK, winning the NUS’ Best Student publication at 5pm.
ph02ph from the union, which it refunds through Paper award last year. This year it (or its
@surrey.ac.uk

Sports Editor barefacts is an editorially independent

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13 November 2003 LETTERS 3

Letters to barefacts
Letters must be received by 5pm on the Friday before publication to be published in the next newspaper.
Letters may be edited for length or clarity | barefacts@ussu.co.uk

Dear barefacts,
As a dedicated student who utilises the
university bookshop on a regular basis, I
have been motivated on many occasions
to complain about the service offered
by the bookshop. One usually finds the
staff very willing to help and the shelves
stocked full of useful course texts.
However, as I understand it, the bookshop
has a monopoly on the provision of
books and stationery to all students at the
University of Surrey. It has a guaranteed
income from the students that can probably
be predicted with more accuracy than a
similar bookshop in a more commercially
realistic setting. This luxury would usually
mean an improved service that should
surpass the service encountered at other
similar establishments.
However, from my experience this is
not the case. The bookshop usually only
stocks books that it can guarantee to sell,
by stocking books that are prescribed by the
various courses offered at the University.
One would normally expect a bookshop
to stock books that allowed a potential
customer to peruse the shelves on the
chance of finding something relevant to
their interests. This perusal process is also
impinged upon by the process of placing
books in randomly located places under very
broad subject categories, that simply confuse
the regular book shop browser. One finds
oneself having to adapt to the unusual nature
of the University of Surrey’s bookshop
shelving habits. A third annoyance is the
inability of the staff to determine whether
they have books under a particular subject
or keyword heading in stock or actually
in print. This makes the avid book reader
having to resort to alternative catalogues
such as the extensive catalogue offered by
Amazon, who as a result probably gets the
orders for a good number of those books.
A fourth issue that I would like to
complain about, is the pricing policy that the
bookshop follows. All the books are priced
at their absolute maximum price. Surely, the
privileged position that the bookshop is in,
would allow it to sell books at a reduced price
that might compare to the various internet
retailers’ prices? Evidence of this being a
possibility is the current sales policies offered
by both Waterstones and WHSmiths in
the centre of Guildford.
YOURS SINCERELY,
JOHN CHIVERTON.
Dear barefacts,
Upon arriving at the University of Surrey,
all being freshers, we were all looking
forward to the new social life with great
anticipation. Upon entering Chancellors
Bar we were not disappointed: the friendly
environment mixed with an atmosphere
of open enjoyment gave us a place to go
for a relaxed drink before moving on to
later things. Imagine our surprise when
an odd change occurred within the ranks.
Where once we had been greeted by lively,
smiling and helpful individuals we found
ourselves face to face with ignorant, grumpy
neanderthals with a penchant for blatant
rudeness. Late Sunday night we strolled
into Chancellors for a quick pint, having
forgotten about Sunday trading hours (as
you do), it was 22.25 when we got to the
bar and bought our drinks. Whilst moving
towards a table, time at the bar was called
and we realised our mistake. As we reached
the afore mentioned table a member of staff
idled by and told us he would prefer it if we
didn’t use the chairs and finished our drinks,
as yet untouched, standing. This was done
(apparently) nicely. We proceeded to lean
upon the backs of the chairs (already stacked
in twos) and placed our drinks upon a table
to rest our weary limbs, the two of our
number of the fairer sex found unstacked
chairs and sat on them. Within three and
a half minutes a loud voice was heard to
proclaim that it was time to drink up and
leave. Having worked in bars for some time
now I was under the distinct impression
that drinking up time was twenty minutes,
at which point customers are politely asked
to drink up or give up, not just to leave
(once again, apparently nicely). Glancing
around the room I saw an array of equally
disgruntled faces, so we were obviously not
alone. As we downed our drinks, which
is decidedly less fun when you have no
choice, we were asked to leave and made
out to have been rude for the use of a table.
With still ten minutes to leave (unless I am
sorely mistaken in my earlier statement)
we stood and waited for those relieving
themselves and discussed earlier events.
A member of the bar staff overheard and
quipped “so don’t come back then”. I may
have already mentioned that I have worked
in bars before, and I was always encouraged
to keep customers, no matter how successful
the bar may be, and not to allow my current
mood affect the way I treated them. I highly
doubt that this letter (should it get as far
as the publishing stage) will greatly affect
the inflow of customers to Chancellors,
as it shouldn’t, for most of the staff and
pleasant and professional. I simply ask all
to think twice as to whether you really want
miserable, unprofessional, power mad arses
spoiling your night.
YOURS FRUSTRATEDLY,
UNSATISFIED CUSTOMERS

Dear barefacts, Dear barefacts, Dear barefacts,

I’m writing in response to Katy West’s letter last week
about the ‘What Do Women Want?’ article, and also as
part of the female race, my advice is...chill out!! It was
purely an amusing article showing just how complicated
and downright annoying women can be! It was written
tongue in cheek and was not meant to offend. She must
understand that we do some crazy things sometimes, she’s
probably done some herself (like writing that letter). My
friends and i read the article while eating lunch in Channie’s
and were laughing out loud in places. Neil Christie is a
brilliant writer and showed how us women can be a little
strange now and again, (why can’t my boyfriend read
my mind damn it!) even if it seems totally logical and
rational at the time. Maybe Katy should just relax...or
get a sense of humour transplant, whichever is easier.
THANKS FOR LISTENING TO MY RANT,
BECKY CLACK.
I think Katy West showed her ignorance in last weeks letter
when she wrote; “[the article made them out to be] heartless,
conniving sexaholics, which everyone knows isn’t true”.
Surely some women are like this and some are not, in the
same way that some men are. I think it is rather sexist and
offensive to women (and men) who can think beyond their own
impression of themselves, to group all women in such a way.
I can however answer her “hard to understand” conundrum
of why men leave the toilet seat up: Why should we have
to touch something we don’t wish to use? You [females]
are the ones who need to use it, so why don’t you leave
it up? I might also point out, that if you left it up in the
first place, then those of us [males] who are too disgusted
or lazy to touch this largely female apparatus, may not
soil it in a way that I’m sure you are familiar with!
This is written light-heartedly so try not to take everything
to heart, if everyone just tried a little harder to view things
from the others perspective we would all be better off! I
also don’t want lots of letters pointing out that guys also use
the saddle for secondary system evacuation, I already know.
I am writing in response to a letter published in barefacts
issue 1065, concerning my complaints about the lack of
communication skills of the staff in Rushes. The letter
implied that if I exercised more forgiveness and was more
relaxed with regards to mistakes by staff, that there would
be fewer mental problems in the world. I would like to state
my opinion that if staff make mistakes they shouldn’t be
crucified, but they should be reprimanded appropriately. My
complaint was that when I was served a meat pasty instead
of a vegetarian one the staff member in question was not
reprimanded and I received no appropriate apology. I feel
so angry at the fact that this staff member’s mistake lead
to my consumption of meat. This sort of mistake is hard
to forgive. Another thing to mention was that my personal
apology from the head of catering was less that satisfactory,
and at no time did he apologise for his mistake. Rather, he
told me about the changes made in Rushes and the action
he has taken to rectify the situation. Saying sorry is not
a difficult thing to do and understanding your errors and
making sure they are repeated is not hard either - we should

what do Sorry to drone on and on but I had to kill a bit more time today
due to the excess left over after drinking my Chancellors Cola
which it seems is now only served in a “medium” 90p glass.
know, we are students and we make mistakes all the time.

THANKS,
RAJIV DOSHI

women YOURS SINCERELY,

JEREMY FIELDING

want?
got something to shout about?
The Barefacts publication deadline has changed, so email your letters to
barefacts@ussu.co.uk by the Friday before publication at 5pm.
4 LETTERS & COMMENT
opinion
Could it be
our USSU?
SUSSEX STUDENTS’ UNION has been forced to close down
because of a lack of caring from their students and general
apathy with regards to their union council. Although
Surrey’s Union is not at the brink of closing down, the lack
of attendance at the last council was less than it should be, as
laid out in the constitution.
It’s probably worth reminding all students what the council
means for you. In terms of scope, the council can literally
do anything for you (within reason). If you wish to create a
motion to investigate the possibility of lower prices, it can
be done. If you wish to open up the possibility of amending
the union’s guest policy, it can be done. In fact if you want
to do anything that is related to the union, be it a change, an
introduction of something, or an eradication of policy, it can
be done.
Although only councilors can vote at council, anyone can
interact with council and put forward points of information
and argue the case for or against motions. Bearing in mind
that programme reps, heads of societies, the union executive,
and sports clubs representatives are all councilors, there are
plenty of people to represent the student body as best as
possible.
The council should be a buzzing atmosphere of debate and
discussion. Almost every student in the university would
want for some aspects of their experience to be altered
- and the council is where to do it. Moaning to friends in
peer groups or only sending in letters to barefacts makes a
point, but doesn’t act upon it. Students have a voice, make
yourself heard.
CCTV At Last
AFTER MANY MONTHS of waiting, there is now a CCTV
presence on the route from Tesco’s to campus. The camera
was installed last Friday and is positioned just beyond the
small underpass. It has a good view of the far exit from the
small underpass, and although it doesn’t appear so at first,
also has a line of sight to the long Tesco’s underpass.
This is good progress, but still not enough to tackle the
problem as a whole. The Lights Camera Action campaign
coordinated by USSU is asking for CCTV at the Southway
underpass, improved lighting, the cutting back of the foliage
on the route towards Southway, as well as occasional police
presence.
LCA will be discussed at next month’s Union Council,
on 2nd December, and keep your eyes open for more
developments on the campaign front.
Random Fact of the Week [from Alan Roy]
The foundations of University Court go as
deep as the buildings are high.
barefacts | be heard
Letters to barefacts
Letters must be received by 5pm on the Friday before publication to be published in the next newspaper.
Letters may be edited for length or clarity | barefacts@ussu.co.uk
Dear barefacts
In response to last week’s headline ‘We Don’t Want Students’
I would like to say that it seems unfair to brand the residents
of the Ashenden Estate anti-students as the article suggests,
when they are concerned about the impact 5 storey buildings
would have upon them and possible lack of parking leading
to students parked illegally. I myself am not against students
(I am a student here) but would also be concerned if my
neighbourhood was going to be subjected to 5 storey
buildings and possible lack of parking. They are to be
congratulated for raising these points and not subscribing
to the general apathy that affects so many people these
days who then whinge when it is too late. Hopefully
the planners and developers will listen to their views
and prevent any problems occurring in the future.
YOURS SINCERELY
CLAIRE HAMMONDS
In response to Ms Hammonds’ letter, Chris Ward writes:
As a resident of Ashenden myself, I do understand the feel
of community spirit that is evident through their campaign.
However, this also means that I have seen every piece of
information sent to residents in regards to the Manor Park
development. What I wish to emphasise is that nobody owns
a view. To complain about being “dwarfed” by big buildings
whenever they go to Tesco is ridiculous; and regardless of
any other excuse, this was the prominent factor emphasised
in the literature circulated throughout the estate.
I do not agree that seeing evidence against apathy is an
I Hate Hangovers
Josephine Bright has a mini-rant about the joys of the morning after a heavy night
I hate hangovers. No really I do, and I’m not a hate kind of
person. I dislike things (liars, cheats and mushrooms), but
I only get that overpowering, all-consuming hate feeling
towards hangovers. Actually I’m wrong – there’s one thing
I hate more than hangovers and that’s the people who don’t
get them. You know the type I’m talking about – they swan
in just after you’ve popped half a pack of neurofen, which
hasn’t had time to kick in yet. You know you look like
Godzilla’s ugly cousin, but by some unfair ruling of the
Gods, they manage to look fresh-faced and perky. Certainly
not like they consumed the best part of a litre of vodka a
mere 8 hours earlier.
But I digress. Hangovers. There are lots of reasons I don’t
like them, most of all because they don’t play fair. You
can consume a hardy group of sailors worth of spirits and
wake up with just a dull throbbing behind your eyes and
the appetite of a large jungle animal. But if you decide to
go easy on the quantities, and instead make the
deadly decision to combine wine and cocktails,
you wake up the next day feeling
worse than when you fell (quite
literally, and often fully clothed)
into bed.
So you turn to your two
trusty friends – neurofen
and water, frantically
hoping that they will work
13 November 2003
Dear barefacts,
I recently sustained a severely twisted ankle whilst
unloading the union van having driven back from an event
for Stage Crew. Lucky for me the St. Johns LINKS Society
was on first aid duty at the time, they immediately came to
my assistance and helped me walk down to the activities
centre and put a ice pack on my ankle for about half an hour.
I would like to thank Laurence, Emily and the rest
of the Society for their care and attention following
my injury. They were very professional and made
me feel comfortable despite the pain from my ankle.
So next time you are upstairs in the union enjoying a night
out, spare a thought for the people sitting downstairs ready
to come to your assistance should you have any problems.
Yet another example of unsung heroes of Union Events.
YOURS SINCERELY,
JON STONE
excuse to applaud them for making such a mountain out of
a mole hill. Just across the road from Tesco is the Royal
Surrey Hospital, which is a lot more than just five stories
high, with large chimneys as well, visible from most parts of
the Ashenden estate.
Illegal parking is a proper issue, yes, but perhaps the
residents’ association in Ashenden should concentrate on
these proper issues rather than the more pathetic ones.
YOURS,
CHRIS WARD
EDITOR
their magic and make you feel human within the half-hour
promised. It never happens. The water merely makes you
need to pee every ten minutes and the neurofen appears
to have had a nasty chemical (perhaps even nuclear)
reaction with the alcohol that, rudely, hasn’t yet left your
bloodstream.
Onto the next highly recommended cure – The Fry Up. It
seemed like a good idea, even when cooking it, though your
stomach’s reaction to the smell of bacon could be taken in
two different ways. But post-eating you still have an un-
relentless warrior banging VERY LOUD drums in your
head, a slightly nauseous belly, and to top it off you’ve just
added to the something-furry-died-in-your-mouth feeling,
and not in a Colgate-fresh way.
So instead you spend all day and most of the evening
watching Dawson’s Creek re-runs and feeling
incredibly sorry for yourself, before
deciding that bed is by far the best
idea, even though it’s only 9pm.
And it works. You wake up the next
day feeling suitably more human
and realising that the hangover has
claimed yet another day of your life.
But it doesn’t matter, because
you’re meeting the others
at the pub tonight to start all
over again.
13 November 2003
The Threat of AI, Terminator IV?
Continuing his random thoughts on life, this week Neil Christie dips his fingers into a totally different pie, and explores how the
discipline of Artificial Intelligence could provide a detrimental influence on society.
There’s no doubting that computer skills
are becoming an essential part of personal
repertoire in the 21st century. The various
‘Key Skills’ sessions that are run by the
university are there to ensure that everyone
has a basically knowledge of applications
used across the board (ie MS Office) so
that we can all go on our way progressing
through our degree using computers.
However, although I and many others have
‘grown up’ with computers around us and
are comfortable using them, to varying
degrees, there are lots of people around
that simply can’t use computers. If they’ve
managed up until now and they’ve only
started to use them because they’re coming
to university, why is there an incessant need
to get people IT literate?
Perhaps one of the main issues as to why
students are put through the programme is
because it reflects well upon the university.
If the university are seen to be encouraging
IT awareness and implementation, their
degrees are awarded better status because of
it. Or so one would think.
But perhaps the underlying reason is that we
as humans need to understand computers
in order to ‘get along’ with what could be
our friends of the future. I’m verging into
the concept of artificial intelligence and
robotics, which isn’t as far away as some
may think. In many countries, particularly
the US and Japan, there are robots doing
day-to-day tasks and they are actually
learning. They are thinking for themselves
COMMENT 5
by replacing workers, then services, until
finally machines can manage others, but it
also seems that people are willing to develop
machines that do their own job. In short, we
theoretically could be producing a new race
that will replace our own. Organizational
suicide?
It may not happen in this lifetime, but
if the boffins among us as a society are
developing machines that are so powerful,
soon it could be the case that these machines
are developing other machines themselves.
Although it’s questionable whether or not a
machine so ‘clever’ would be so stupid as to
try and replace itself with a superior model.
Which in effect is exactly what we are
doing right now with AI. It may well be the
greatest thing we have ever developed – but
isn’t that exactly the worst thing to happen?
‘We’ develop some incredible machines
that are superior to us in every way and just
hope that they won’t realise this? If there
are indeed no methods of counteracting
a machine from unplugging itself from
and adapting to new situations to find the capacity to take over us. restrictions imposed upon it, then feasibly
most efficient methods of doing things. In One thing that will always be true is that, there are no restrictions, as computers can
some ways this is great – us as humans from a management perspective, computers process things far more powerfully than
can leave the mundane tasks to the robots can do simple tasks a lot more efficiently the human brain. Sure, humans invented
we’ve got pre-programmed around us. In than humans and for cheaper. Think about computers, but if computers are given the
others, this could be the start of something an ATM. Would you rather go to a cash capacity to invent themselves, then it’s very
extraordinarily scary. machine, hit a few buttons, self-defeating.
I won’t speculate about It may not happen and get some cash out With most things there are social and
the possibility of it turning – or speak to an individual moral limits with how far scientists can
into a Terminator script, in this lifetime, but if behind a desk, that would go. Many, for example, may consider
but I had a discussion the boffins among have to use a computer cloning ethically wrong, and legislation can
with someone who is anyway to record how be passed to prevent this. However with
very into their AI about us as a society much you’ve taken out, machines there are no real ethics. Nobody
the possibility of robots are developing and take forever doing will criticise Athlon or Intel for developing
effectively taking over. I it. So it seems that from a processor a million times quicker than the
argued that (and I got this machines that are a business and consumer last – as it’s seen as advantageous to people
from a film, admittedly) so powerful, soon point of view, computers in general. But the issue is, where is the
humans designing the are favourable to people. If line for saying that developing a certain
robots could programme it could be the case both ends of the spectrum chip or board or machine is no longer
them to limit themselves. that these machines are pushing for computers advantageous but potentially deadly to the
That is, they can think to in place of people, AI is human race? We may only notice that line
a certain level, but never are developing other something that could come with hindsight, and if machines are already
be free of constraints that machines themselves. into our lives in a big way replacing humans now in certain areas, it
humans have put upon very soon, so long as the may well be the case we’ve gone too far
them. However I was told that because AI machines involved in the processes are already.
involves intelligence, it would evolve and simple to use. Meaning that we don’t have
work around this. My argument was that to understand the things in order for them
every computer is an input à process à to do our cleaning, washing, ironing, and
output device and is therefore only going vacuuming. Just like not many people know
to do what it gets told to. I was told yes, exactly how an ATM works, yet everyone
but AI has the capacity to no longer be a could feasibly use one.
computer and therefore becomes a ‘being’ Basically I’m saying we could be
– and will evolve into more than just a welcoming in machines that, unless
processing device. Basically it appears that we know more about them and start to
AI could fast become something that only understand them, can overwhelm us as they
a limited number of people understand, yet may start off doing what we want them to,
it would be utilised in society on a mass but could soon become bored with that (as
basis, and the ‘mass’ of us aren’t clued up on presumably an ‘intelligent’ machine would
computers, let alone AI. Effectively we’d seek for self-development) and start looking
be taking for granted and using something for other things to do. Not only will this
we don’t understand, yet potentially has the have massive implications on our economy
6 UNION 13 November 2003

Are You… Enthusiastic & Sporty?

UniSport and Disability Challengers (a registered charity
that provide play and leisure opportunities for children
and young people with any special need), run a sports club
each Saturday morning (10-12) in the Uni Sports Centre
for 6 week block durations. The new block starts from 8th
November, and there is loads of interest! Volunteers are
needed to help coach trampolining, climbing, sports and
dance. Fear not – you do not have to be experienced as
UniSport offer training – all you need is enthusiasm! You
do not even have to commit to each week – although most of
the current volunteers love it so much they go most weeks!

Are You… Musical?

Normandy Community Therapy Garden is a day centre
for disabled people which specialises in horticulture
and is always on the look out for willing volunteers to
help out in the garden, and with the clients. They have
an exciting one off event and they have approached the
USSU to help! – they are having an annual event and are
looking for a musician to play – either in the background
or a performance. The event will be held on Saturday
29th November in the evening, and you will get your
travel expenses paid, and free food for the evening!

Can You… Design A Website?

What a great project to get your teeth into – either on your
own or with a friend!…Surrey Welfare Rights Unit is part
of Citizens Advice Bureau, and they provide a specialist
consultancy service to all related organizations, and are in
great need of a website with their services on – can you do this?

Can You… Dish Out Food?

The Number Five Project is an emergency night shelter for
accommodating rough sleepers in the centre of Guildford, and

The New World Conservative Society

are searching for volunteers to assist in dishing out evening
meals and chatting with residents… you can commit to doing
1 or 2 evenings a month and this is a really practical way of

Re-launch Website
is Coming
actually helping individuals, as well as great life experience.

Can You… Be A Sounding Board?

This project is called First Steps, and it supports young
people aged 10-17 from all traveller backgrounds who may
need assistance and guidance. Travelling communities
make up one of the largest ethnic groups in Surrey, and
this project is so successful as it links you with a young
person and you can just chat with them, and help enhance
and give direction to the ideas that the young person
may have. Come and get a leaflet for more information.
Please contact me for more information on any of the
above fantastic opportunities, or to find out about other
exciting opportunities – the list is fun, and endless,
and gives you a funky certificate at the end of the year,
as well as looking absolutely stunning on your CV!
Carol Main | c.main@surrey.ac.uk | [01483] [68]3254
By Lisa Burgess and Anja Poroshina
Why don’t people go to classical music concerts anymore?
Over the past ten years the number of people attending
classical music concerts has declined causing concern for
people in the Arts industry.
In many people’s eyes classical music is viewed as an old-
fashioned form of entertainment. They hold the opinion that
it is boring and expensive to attend the concerts. This is not
true at all. There is a large variety of musical performance,
offering the opportunity of finding something that appeals to
everyone’s tastes.
Concert ticket prices are surprisingly low, especially local
concerts that can charge as little as three pounds and some
are often free. If you consider the recent Robbie Williams
concert at Knebworth, tickets cost forty pounds and you had
to stand in a field to watch it! Three pounds isn’t much to pay
at all! Low prices are offered in the hope that more people
will attend the concerts and will want to attend others. In
going to these concerts you would be supporting your riends
and fellow students and possibly trying something new.
The University Symphony Orchestra and Choir are
performing on Sunday 16th November at 7.45pm in the
University Hall. The perfect opportunity!
By Claymore Richardson
University of Surrey Conservatives finally re-launched
their website this week, three months later than originally
planned. Society Chairman Mike Chambers and Events
Director Hayley James have designed the new, enlarged
site.
The latest society news, and info on forthcoming events
and campaigns are contained as before, alongside four new
sections including a photo gallery. The layout has been
completely transformed, and bears no resemblance to it’s
predecessor according to Hayley James, who adds: “We’re
very pleased with the site. It’s far better than our first attempt,
which probably put people off! We’ve tried to make our site
as informative and user-friendly as possible, but we would
very much appreciate useful comments and suggestions”.
The Conservative Society site is at:
http://society.conservative.com
Want your society article in barefacts?
E-mail barefacts@ussu.co.uk with your article, in Times
New Roman font, size 10. Write about your society’s
event or activities, and email barefacts@ussu.co.uk!
13 November 2003 ACADEMIC AFFAIRS 7

The State of Our Lectures

In a slightly more official capacity than normal, Neil Christie reports on the things he has learnt since becoming USSU
Academic Affairs Officer, with particular focus upon lectures. He also puts his manifesto ideas into context, asking for
the student body to provide the initiatives for the future that could bring changes for the next academic year

Last week I sat in on a programme rep of the Dodo bird. From what I’ve learnt, it
meeting at a school other than my own seems that some lecturers themselves have
(Management’s mine, incidentally) and labelled recommended texts as ‘useless’
thought it was going to be the classic sit- in certain areas. Considering some of the
in-silence, with the chair trying to extract books weigh in heavier than Mike Tyson
information from those that sat around the and cost about as much as his pet tiger,
room. it would be very useful to know what we
Not so, and I was pleasantly surprised, and really should be buying, if anything at all. I
also comforted to know that the problems gather there are again issues with the books
I’ve experienced as a management student not explaining things properly, and if you’re
are being shared by others around the studying a science degree (which many do at
university. But really, as these problems are UniS) and have a very rough guideline to go
apparently common, something needs to be on for fusing nuclear atoms, it suggests that
done ASAP, and with any luck will be done there’s an accident waiting to happen.
as soon as the basic framework is in place And lastly, the ‘key skills’ sessions.
for changes to occur. One school had a 2 hour lecture on time
Essentially the common problems were management, and amusingly enough it
‘assumed knowledge’ in lectures, a less than of searching you’ve probably drawn more here to study. Again, it differs between seems when the speaker asked what was
adequate set of lecture notes and reading blanks than a western cowboys movie. schools, but surely it’d be a good idea to thought to be a waste of students’ time, a
suggestions, really rubbish recommended Some schools put lecture notes up on the point students in the right direction with few people answered with “this lecture”.
texts, and some ‘key skills’ lessons being web, some lecturers within schools do it. regards to reading, and The IT sessions which are
seen as a complete waste of time for some Some put it up before the lecture, others why we’re reading what we “Considering some of given by the university
students. do it after. Some put all the notes up at the are – i.e. its context in the the books weigh in serve an excellent purpose
By ‘assumed knowledge’ I’m referring start of the term, some put them up as and course. I’m not after being for allowing individuals
to the situation where when they can. The point spoon-fed information, but heavier than Mike Tyson who don’t often use a
a lecturer in subject X is, there’s no standardized ‘Guided Discovery’ is the and cost about as much computer to learn the
“The common method so most of the time teaching style I would have as his pet tiger, it would basic skills in a variety of
assumes you know the
background for that subject problems were the students don’t know thought is most appropriate
be very useful to know applications. However, for
and have studied it before assumed knowledge, what to expect. For my to university. That is, we’re students who are familiar
– usually at A-level. So subject I have three areas given suggested topics for what we really should with these applications,
less than adequate
for management students where notes may or may reading, where these are in the be buying” and those that may have
it could be economics, lecture notes, rubbish not be posted, and it’s pretty recommended texts, and why studied IT at A-level,
for biomedical students it recommended texts, intermittent as to when they we’re meant to be reading them. It seems they’re a complete waste of time. It
may be chemistry (slightly and key skills lessons” go up. One set was up at the I’m not the only one who reads a book, but wouldn’t be so bad if it were possible to
worrying when considering start of the semester, which really am not taking anything in because I do each ‘assignment’ straight off, back to
the health and safety was great and it seems to don’t know what I’m looking for or why I’m back, in one session. Instead it’s a weekly
implications of someone who doesn’t know be the best method. Occasionally there reading it. It’s all very well reading about annoyance for those that could spend their
what they should be doing but has the are changes made to the programme which personality types and their traits and what time more productively elsewhere. When
potential to severely injure themselves or means new lecture notes are e-mailed round kinds give certain reactions etc. but if there’s further considering that USSU’s training
those around them), and for dance students in advance, but apart from that it’s the most no context to place it in, it doesn’t help with initiative, DAVE, covers time management,
it could be assuming they’ve listened convenient method I’ve experienced. So association to the course. So a suggestion presentation skills, chairing meetings,
extensively to Now (That’s what I call one thing to be arranged is how the lecture is to provide a sheet for every student after communication skills, and a whole host of
Music) 33. Whatever it is, it’s assumed you notes are distributed. Clearly this may have each lecture that states what the lecture was other inter-personal skills, it seems DAVE
know everything there is to know about the to be different for particular schools, but about, what the aims of it were, and where to could be used to free up timetable space for
topic and it’s glossed over casually whilst standardization within a school would be a find material to support the lecture and build students, take pressure off of the university
about 98% of people in the room turn to each good start. on what was given to the students. staff, and allow students to arrange sessions
other and say “er… what?”. Lecturers then Then there’s the topic of the notes Thirdly, the recommended when it’s convenient for them.
think there isn’t a problem because nobody themselves. Some lecturers have “I haven’t paid texts. Spending over a There are other issues that come up, such
(well, almost always nobody – sometimes this strange inclination to missing over four grand for hundred pounds in the uni as cramped space in lectures or lab sessions
there is a saviour) will put up their hand and out slides with the reasoning that bookshop isn’t the best of (again, health and safety issues that really
ask what they meant. And to be completely if all the notes are there, people forty or so Power- experiences, but finding out need to be looked at for the safety of
honest, in a room full of 100-odd people you won’t turn up to lectures. Maybe, Point what has been bought won’t students), and I can’t hope to cover them all
don’t know, would you? back in the old days when uni was presentations” be widely referenced to by here, but if you have anything you feel is
So when the above happens, and it’s effectively free, this would be the lecturers or has any use just important and should be looked at, please
usually a few times per lecture, you sit there case. However, personally I haven’t paid cements the depression even further. For all please e-mail them to academicaffairs@
thinking “ah no problem, I’ll just read-up over four grand for forty or so PowerPoint the assignments I’ve written so far (a grand ussu.co.uk . Course-specific issues can
on what I need to know and learn it for the presentations. That’s not a degree and at the total of three) I’ve used precisely none of be directed towards course or programme
assignment / exam / course material / fun of end of the day that’s exactly what everyone the books I bought at the start of the term. representatives, who will do their best to
it”. So you wait patiently until the end of the is here for, which brings me onto another Perhaps they’ll come in useful for reading assist in any problems there are within the
lecture, don’t receive a handout so assume point. Going back to assumed knowledge, week, and I hope they do, but the fact remains course!
it’s on the internet, and run off eagerly to we’re here to learn. So therefore, reading that for supporting lectures at the minute
check the school’s website. After half hour is a very important part of the degree we’re they may as well all be written in the words academicaffairs@ussu.co.uk
13 November 2003 PROFESSIONAL 9

Telephone Warm Up Dr Russ Replies

Over Winter
DR RUSS CLARK | UNIS CAREERS SERVICE

Campaign Students living off campus in houses should be aware of

certain procedures that are necessary if the property is left
I’d like a temporary job. Can the Careers Service help?

You asked at just the right time. The Careers Service

empty during vacations. The Christmas period is particularly
vulnerable as water pipes, tanks even heating radiators may
freeze when the weather is very cold. Damage caused as
a result of this is normally the responsibility of the tenant
– even though you may not be in the house at the time.
is on the verge of launching a Student Jobshop. We
have been busy contacting local employers, 161 at the
last count, to see whether they have any part-time or
temporary vacancies. The replies are just starting to roll in.
How do I find out about these?

Houses/Flats with Gas Central Heating: All you need to do is register your interest with the Careers
The heating system should be left switched on during the Service. Simply e-mail jobshop@surrey.ac.uk and we will e-
Christmas period if you are away. Set the thermostat at a mail vacancies to you on a regular basis. You will then be free
minimum of 55 degrees Fahrenheit (15 degrees centigrade) to to respond to any that interest you. We will keep your contact
come on from 9pm to 6am. This is the very minimum setting details confidential and they will not be revealed to employers.
and if the temperature stays at or below freezing during the
day as well, this may not be sufficient. The fuel costs involved What sort of jobs will be available?
will be considerably less than the potential cost of repair of
damage caused by freezing pipes and subsequent flooding. We expect most vacancies will be in the more traditional
What could be so interesting that the Vice-Chancellor, his
areas of student employment such as retail, bar and
Development Director, the Director of Marketing and Public
Houses/Flats with Electric Storage Heaters: restaurant work. However, in our mailing to employers
Affairs, and Heads of Schools all want to visit within the
Storage heaters should be left switched on at a low setting we have mentioned that graduates have other skills to
space of a week?
to prevent freezing. offer and are hoping that some employers will offer
The answer…a room full of students! Not so unusual in
more degree-related work for those who would like it.
a University? This one obviously is! Of course they are all
In addition:
interested in seeing the Annual Fund Telephone Campaign.
Before you Leave: Can I register at any time?
We are now in week two of the campaign, our team
1. Ensure radiators are left on (gas central heating)
of student callers are sharing 6 shifts a week, and have
2. Turn off electric immersion/water heaters Of course. But even if you are not interested at the moment,
contacted over 500 alumni and have already raised a
3. Turn OFF mains water at stopcock (usually under it would be worth registering just out of curiosity. That way
considerable amount for the Annual Fund. Our alumni are
kitchen sink or in a downstairs toilet) you could keep an eye on the types of jobs that are available
delighted to hear about the University today, as many have
When you Return: and apply for something that happened to catch your eye.
not seen the campus since they graduated! Many alumni are
1. Turn ON mains water at stopcock
also very keen to support the students of today.
2. Wait 30 minutes before switching on water/immersion I mainly want a job for the money, but could it help me
This week, some of the callers will be calling our alumni
heaters in any other way?
abroad. Extra daytime shifts have been added to make
3. Check for leaks. If you find a leak switch off the mains
allowances for time differences between the UK and the Far
water at stopcock and contact your landlord. There is no doubt that graduate employers value work
East, where we have numerous alumni we hope to contact.
experience. They assume it will have helped you to
The students are doing a phenomenal job, and the
develop certain attributes such as team-work, customer
competition for highest number of gifts is about to begin!
care, commercial awareness and so on. Reference to
these qualities can help with some of the more demanding
questions on application forms and during interviews and
could make the difference between an offer and a rejection.

Do you have a question you think Dr

Russ could help with?

Just send it to
barefacts@ussu.co.uk or pop into
the careers service and
speak to an advisor

“well, that’s my film article out of the way - how about that other section
near the front?”
“you mean... Comment?”
“that’s the one - I really want to write something....”
“did you have anything particular in mind?”
“well, i’ve been skimming through the news and there’s a few things that
take my fancy”
“really? well, all you have to do is write something, between
about 400 and 1000 words, and then email it to the same
address - barefacts@ussu.co.uk”
“great stuff”
“Just remember to put it in Times New Roman size 10, and
get it in by Friday at 5pm”

barefacts@ussu.co.uk - easy as pie.

 LOTS OF EXCITING THINGS...
... in this week’s barearts section. A review of the Matrix
on the film pages, Lord of the Rings in Literature, and
the infamous Cats reviewed on the theatre page.
Could you ask for anything more?!

We’re Milking It Now, Mr Anderson

Richard Sharp dons his black suit and dark shades, and sternly analyses the final installment of the Matrix trilogy, in its first week on release.

The much hyped “Year of the Matrix” (Laurence Fishburne) taking the back seat to
draws to a close with the release of Matrix Niobe (Jada Pinkett Smith) driving the ship
Revolutions, finally in to cinemas. After the to Zion, and the little kid from the Animatrix
slight disappointment of Reloaded for most and Reloaded, joining the fight to stop the
people, Revolutions has a lot to live up to if machines.
all the hype is going to be justified. As the last film in the trilogy, it certainly
The film starts where the last left off, does its job of answering the fans questions,
with Neo (Keanu Reeves) in a coma, and as well as leaving things open for spin offs,
the machines still tunnelling to Zion to prequels and such. The more hardcore fans
destroy the last of mankind. Meanwhile of the films will leave at the end content.
in the matrix itself, the virus like Agent However, if you didn’t understand some of
Smith (Hugo Weaving) is growing larger in the first film and play the game, and watch
numbers and in power, and the oracle still the animated shorts and read the comics, and
speaking in riddles and baking cookies. bought the t-shirt you will probably come
Unlike the other films, much of the away a bit confused about bits but overall
action is in the real world, focusing on the you’ll be satisfied.
invasion of Zion itself, with the humans Overall, if you enjoyed the other films
battling the swarm of sentinels in their gun you’ll enjoy this, but if you don’t like sci-fi
toting, walking battle armour, and Neo and or action you’ll probably still see it just to be
Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss) travelling to able to talk about it.
the machine city. Don’t you worry though,
there’s still the slick bullet time kung fu
sequences. These sequences do make us feel
that the Wachowski brothers are starting to Theme Kung Fu Man versus
run out ideas. One particular fight sequence Machine Sequel.
early on stinks of the lobby scene of the first
film, and the major battle between Neo and
Rating 15
Agent Smith [only one of them this time, the Running
others watching] feels like something out of 129 minutes
an old DragonballZ cartoon. Time
Under all the action, the story carries The other 2 films
on although the main characters from the
Watch
The Terminators
first film have almost been brushed off this if Sci-Fi
the sidelines and instead focusing on the you like Big budget effects
new minor characters. Such as Morpheus

The Blues Brothers Classic of the Week

Hopefully this won’t be the start of a
frightening trend, but I would appear to find
myself looking at another musical. I’m pretty
sure I should be reviewing films where large
parts of a city explode and gunfire rains
down from a crimson sky. But no, another
musical… Anyway, The Blues Brothers
shall be the focus of this weeks glance at
the classics of cinema and it happens to be a
musical… ish.
While being released in 1980 the film’s
foundation lies further in the past – The
Blues Brothers started life as a Saturday
Night Live sketch. Saturday Night Live
is a comedy sketch show in the US which
has had most of the States top comedians
in its alumni (Mike Myers, Steve Martin,
Eddie Murphy, Bill Murray…) and it’ll
probably be the founding place for all the
new ones as well. The concept was extended
to feature length proportions by 2 S.N.L.
stalwarts John Belushi and Dan Akroyd,
playing the titular brothers Jake and Elwood
respectively. The movie opens with Jake
Blues getting released from a prison stretch
and upon his return to civilised society he’s
found that things have changed, his band
dissolved and Elwood’s traded in the old
“Blues-mobile” Cadillac for a ex-police
dodge (Elwood justifies the new blues-
mobile by jumping over a bridge) and the
orphanage where he and Elwood were raised
is about to seized in 11 days due to unpaid
taxes. Suddenly the Blues Brothers are “on
a mission from God” and decide to resurrect
their old band to pay the $5000 required to
save the orphanage. During the course of
their holy crusade they have to fight time,
the police, scorned lovers and Illinois Nazis
to save their childhood home, culminating
at the Palace Hotel Ballroom with a giant
crowd, unfortunately some of them are
representatives of Illinois’ law enforcement
community tracking the brothers down for
their trail of destruction.
The film successfully melds it’s musical
concept with a solid comedy base – The
musical interludes hardly ever resort to
everyone dropping everything and bursting
into song (Aretha Franklin does, but that’s
about it and she’s probably allowed to),
they’re more worked into the brothers quest
as they try and regroup their band and return
it to their former glory. Most importantly its
not just Jake & Elwood doing the musical
duties, there’s a veritable cavalcade of
musical stars abound. I’ve already mention
Aretha Franklin, but other recognisable
names are James Brown, John Lee Hooker
and Ray Charles (There’s also Cameos
by John Candy and Steven Spielberg, but
thankfully they don’t sing). The comedy
on show is top notch as well, the film is
littered with choice moments including
Jake offering to buy a family (I want to
buy your women...the little girl...your
daughters. Sell them to me. Sell me your
children!), their painful reunion with ‘The
Penguin’, the brother’s general dead pan
attitude to explosions, authority figures
and everything else that stands in their way
and not forgetting their eminently quotable
banter. In addition to this comedy element
– things get blown up! My initially fearful
introduction can be rebuked as buildings are
blown up and an unfeasibly large amount
of destruction is brought down upon a
Mall too. Although it’s probably the quality
tunes and the brothers classic monochrome
style that has successfully ensured the film
as a classic. The soundtrack to the film is
outstanding and when you hear the brass of
Henry Mancini’s Peter Gunn theme start to
play you know that things are going to be
good.
barefacts@ussu.co.uk
13 November 2003 FILM 15

Extra Terrestrial - The Week Ahead

Some of you may not be that pleased to hear that I’ve found another film on this week with Christopher Walken in it.
There’s a heap of big name films on this week. Well, almost a heap anyway. From special effect flicks to biopics, there
should be something for all and sundry on this week. It should be worth the effort of staying up for some of the later
films too.
BY NEIL BOULTON
FILM EDITOR
BBC2 | Ed Wood | There are too many good films on this Saturday… This one’s worth
1:00am – staying up for though, it’s Tim Burton’s nice little biopic of Edward D Wood
Thursday 13th November 3:00am Jr. a man believed to posses the title of ‘The worst director of all time’ Man-
of-the-moment Johnny Depp plays the titular director as the film takes you
Five | Hollow Man | Paul Verhoven’s new spin (Well, from 2000) on the invisible through his career. There’s also an Oscar winning turn from Martin Landau as
10:10pm – man premise, Kevin bacon plays the scientist turned transparent by his research an ageing Bela Lugosi.
12:25am team working underground. All is well until, unfortunately, his transcendence
to translucency affects his mind a tad and the rest of his research team find Monday 17th November 2003
themselves in grave danger. Five | A Perfect Murder | This film’s a newer version of Alfred Hitchcock’s 50’s
BBC1 | The Big Bus | I know little-to-nothing about this film but it looks really 9:00pm – film Dial M For Murder. Michael Douglas plays the husband on the brink of
12:25am – interesting… It’s described as a spoof disaster film where a giant luxury 11:10am bankruptcy who wants to have his rich young wife killed, so he can get his
1:50am nuclear-powered bus dubbed ‘The Cyclops’ goes out of control. Although mitts on her money. But he doesn’t know that she’s having an affair with the
unbeknownst to the passengers a group of terrorists is set to blow it up in the man he asks to do the dirty deed.
name of big oil. Sounds like a laugh. Channel 4 | Thelma And Louise | Ridley Scott’s famous road movie – Two women find
Friday 14th November 10:40pm – themselves on the run from the law after their weekend break goes sour. Their
1:05am initial idea of skipping out on their dull relationships and dead-end lives takes
Five | The Dirty Dozen | World War II drama about a pack of condemned criminals a tumble after Thelma is attacked and they’re chased by the law across the
9:00pm – given a chance at freedom through the military - Offered redemption-in-action southern states after they take the law into their own hands.
11:55pm they’re turned into a super Nazi busting squadron and are sent deep into
occupied France in what appears to be a suicide mission. Tuesday 18th November 2003
BBC 2 | The Funeral | Another week, another Walken. This time the creepy-looking BBC1 | Thief | Michael Mann’s directorial debut about a professional thief. So far,
1:20am – man himself is in a gangster drama concerning a recently bereaved mob family. 11:45pm - so obvious. The film tracks the work of the thief as he realises, after he gets
2:55am The younger brother of Ray Tempio (Walken) wants to seek revenge for the 1:45pm involved with a particularly nasty group of criminals that he can never settle
gangland style killing of his younger brother while other relatives plead for down and lead a normal life as he wishes. Good ol’ James Caan heads the
him not to seek revenge. billing as well as the red haired stranger, Willie Nelson.
Saturday 15th November 2003 Wednesday 19th November 2003
Channel 4 | Rain Man | The famous drama featuring Tom Cruise as a selfish-type who BBC1 | A Bronx Tale | Robert DeNiro starring/directed Bronx, New York set drama.
10:05pm – finds out he’s been disinherited by his family, then finds out the autistic brother 12:00am - The film is a look at life in the Bronx during the 60’s and concerns a father’s
12:40am Raymond (Dustin Hoffman), he knew nothing about, has been chosen instead. 2:00am woe as he’s powerless to stop the decent of his son into the underworld of
Mr. Cruise kidnaps Mr. Hoffman and due to Raymond’s refusal to fly the pair dangerous crime. Also stars Chaz Palminteri (Him from the Vanilla Coke
are forced into a touching road trip across the US. adverts).
ITV | Austin Powers – International Man Of Mystery | The first of the successful
10:50pm - Austin Powers spy spoof movies, you may not believe this, but this is the best
12:35am one and the other two pale in comparison. It has something more to it than it’s
hollow follow-ups. Anyway, funny stuff with Mike Myers playing the thawed
out 60’s spy and his arch-nemesis.

Film Quote Quiz Friday 14th November -

Thursday 20th November
by Neil Boulton
2003
Standard quiz rules as ever – name the film each of these possibly memorable
THE MATRIX 17.45 17.25, 20.30 SECONDHAND
snippets were cropped from and get yourself a point. If you’re feeling extra REVOLUTIONS (15) Sun-Tue 13.35, 16.20 Thursday only 20.30 LIONS (PG) [1hr
smart you can name the character that said the utterance, for a much sought [2hr 9min] (FLS) Sunday 11.00 49min]
after bonus point. Although you won’t actually win anything (despite points Fri & Sat 12.45, Thursday only 18.05 CALENDAR GIRLS Saturday 11.15
meaning prizes), you can feel smug in the knowledge you knew the answers. 13.40, 14.40, 16.00, (12A) [1hr 48min] Sunday 11.10
18.00, 19.30, 20.15, INTOLERABLE Daily 20.25
21.15 CRUELTY Sunday 18.50 LOVE ACTUALLY
1. We’re not worthy! Saturday 11.20 Fri & Sat 14.00, (15) [2hr 15min]
Sun-Thu 12.20, 13.20, 16.45, 19.10, 21.35 THE TEXAS (FLS)
2. Name’s Smalls. Leonard Smalls. My friends call me Lenny...only I ain’t got no friends. 14.00, 15.30, 16.45, Sun-Thu 12.55, 15.20, CHAINSAW Advanced Screenings
3. He died in a tragic gardening accident.. Authorities said... it’s best to leave it... unsolved. 17.20, 19.30, 20.00, 17.50, 20.15 MASSACRE (18) Sunday 20.15, 20.45
20.40 [1hr 38min] Thursday 12.10,
4. I’m just a mean green mother from outer space and I’m bad! KILL BILL - Fri & Sat 19.15 21.50 15.00, 17.20, 17.50,
IN AMERICA (15) VOLUME 1 (18) Sun-Wed 19.00, 21.20 20.15, 20.45
5. Never rub another man’s rhubarb. [1hr 46min] (FLS) [1hr 51min]
6. Don’t touch that!...That’s my lunch! Daily 12.55, 15.35, Fri & Sat 13.45, HOLES (PG) [1hr THE ELF (PG) [1hr
18.05, 20.45 16.25, 19.05, 21.40 57min] 42min] (FLS)
7. You didn’t get me down, Ray. Sun-Wed 13.00, Fri-Wed 11.45 Advanced Screening
FINDING NEMO (U) 15.40, 18.15, 20.50 Saturday & Sunday
8. And to think that in some countries these dogs are eaten. [1hr 44min] THE LEAGUE OF 12.25, 14.35, 16.50
9. I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years. Fri & Sat 12.15, SEABISCUIT (PG) EXTRAORDINARY
13.35, 15.00, 16.20, [2hr 21min] GENTLEMEN (12A)
10. I kick arse for the lord! 17.45 Fri & Sat 14.20, [1hr 50min] To book tickets
online, visit
Saturday 11.00 17.25, 20.30 Daily 11.45
Answers on page 21, along with the other Interactive ones, under Rawson’s Creek Sun-Thu 12.15, 15.00, Sun-Wed 14.20, odeon.co.uk
Literature
16
The Fellowship Of The Ring
Literature Editor Jennifer Walker enters the world of J.R.R. Tolkien, and explores the famous quest of Frodo and
the Fellowship as they journey to destroy the Ring of Power, and defeat the spirit of Sauron.
The Lord of the Rings trilogy perhaps
goes down as one of the most influential
book on modern fantasy literature; possibly
one of the most popular books around the
planet. The first of the “rings” trilogy is
the Fellowship of the ring; intended as a
follow up to his first book The Hobbit;
the fellowship begins in The Shire, where
Tolkein introduces us to some new Hobbits:
Frodo Baggins (the nephew of Bilbo – the
hero from The Hobbit), Samwise Gamgee
(Frodo’s friend and gardener), and his
retarded cousins Merry and Pippin.
However after Bilbo secretly leaves the
Shire, leaving the ring in Frodo’s possession,
the wizard Gandalf discovers the sinister
secret of the identity of the ring, and sends
Frodo on a quest to destroy it.
This out of the three books story wise in my
opinion this is the best, there is something
enticing about the adventures through the
Mines of Moria and the enchanted forest of
Lothlorien; and not to mention the horror of
their persute from the Black Riders, however
as a book it takes a while to get going.
Tolkein takes time to describe the characters
in detail, along with detailing their actions
and the locations they pass through, he also
spends a lot of the time giving “historical”
details of Middle Earth in the book. This
is not necessarily a bad thing as it adds the
feel of realism to a book which although the
whole setting is so fantastical; however the
majority of information given in the book
has no relevance to the actual story, and this
could get frustrating at times.
In the first book, the beginning seemingly is
padded out with smaller stories, for example
the house of Tom Bombadil and the barrow
downs (the willow tree can be argued
as being irrelevant, but it does give an
introduction to the Ents). These do not really
have any relevance to the actual quest, but
The Lamb
William Blake
Little Lamb, who made thee?
Dost thou know who made thee?
Gave thee life, and bid thee feed
By the stream and o’er the mead;
Gave thee clothing of delight,
Softest clothing, woolly, bright;
Gave thee such a tender voice,
Making all the vales rejoice?
Little Lamb, who made thee?
LITERATURE
some people like it for adding more depth to
the book, but the majority find it frustrating
and just want to get on with the plot.
But the story kicks back off again when
the company reach the “Prancing Pony” in
Bree, and the quest begins to get darker and
more sinister. The black riders are pursuing
them relentlessly now, knowing that the
ring bearer is near, so Frodo begins to feel
the danger. After taking on the company
Dost thou know who made thee?
Little Lamb, I’ll tell thee,
Little Lamb, I’ll tell thee:
He is called by thy name,
For he calls himself a Lamb.
He is meek, and he is mild;
He became a little child.
I a child, and thou a lamb.
We are called by his name.
Little Lamb, God bless thee!
Little Lamb, God bless thee!
13 November 2003
of Moria, or the beautiful yet sinister
Lothlorien. There is a bit of everything in
this book; adventure, action, magic, and
friendship. The is even a subtle undertone
of a love story between Aragorn and Arwen
(although Arwen’s doesn’t actually appear
in the books until the last one), but Tolkein
hints at their love and loyalty to each other,
which gives Aragorn more depth as a
character.
The main character in all the books has to
be the ring itself; and its influence over the
main characters. The ring promises power to
all who yield it, however it is the ring itself
that holds power over the bearer, it tempts,
seduces all who go near it with promises of
power, but causes them to be driven mad
by its power. Boromir, a man from Gondor
becomes obsessed with the ring, he desires
it as he believes it can be used as a weapon
against the enemy and protect his country,
however he is weak and the ring takes over
his mind and he tries to rob Frodo, however
in doing so Frodo realises he cannot trust
anybody and leaves the fellowship to
continue the journey alone.
The Lord Of The Rings is undoubtedly a
classic, it defined everything we associate
with fantasy fiction and film, and definitely
one of the most influential books of the
20th century. Despite it being slow to start
with, and having a lot of descriptions and
background put into it, it is what gives the
of Strider (later known as Aragorn) they book its epic status. Tolkein builds up the
continue on their journey to Rivendell, book slowly, developing the characters and
where the Fellowship of the Ring is formed, introducing his world to us, but the wait
and the quest begins to destroy the ring. is definitely worth it as it is a book that
The journey will entice you as the different everyone has to read. Delve into Tolkein’s
places that Tolkein takes you are either so enchanting world of hobbits, dwarves,
magical or horrifying, you cannot help but elves and orcs and be drawn into Tolkein’s
feel addicted to his world once you are deep fantastical yet almost real world.
into the story, whether it be the tranquillity
of Rivendell, the dark and gloomy mines
“To lose one parent, Mr.
Worthing, may be regarded as
a misfortune; to lose both looks
like carelessness.”
Fancy yourself being the next Oscar
Wilde (without the jail time)?
Get in touch with our Literature Editor,
Jennifer Walker, if you would like to write
reviews/articles/anything literature-ey:
barefacts@ussu.co.uk
13 November 2003 THEATRE 17

theatrereviews
CATS heads to Woking Theatre
Daisy Clay and Natalie Cotton review the famous West End production of CATS as it comes to Woking Theatre.
After 21 years in the West End, the world’s longest running
record-breaking musical Cats needs little introduction
to most. Immensely curious to finally see this notorious
musical, I hoped to discover the ‘magic’ behind it’s success.
Composed by Andrew Lloyd Webber and based on T.S.
Elliot’s Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats, the audience
are swept away into the secret and mysterious world of the
Jellicle cats who have gathered together for one special night
of the year. It is on this night that the cats celebrate who they
are, before the night’s grand finale where the renowned wise
Old Deuteronomy is to choose which one of the Jellicles will
be ‘reborn’ into a new life..
The production was not simply limited to the stage, rather
the auditorium became an extension of the cats’ playground,
with cats sporadically leaping into the audience from time to
time. The auditorium itself was decorated brightly with fairy
lights helping to enhance this magical atmosphere. The cats,
from tabbies to ginger to Burmese and Siamese, are initially
curious creatures, reluctant to allow the audience into their
world. What then generates the magic is the allowance of the
audience into a mysterious world, where the cats reveal their
secret lives, which are in many ways portrayed as similar to
those of humans. The stories told show the Jellicles pride for
who they are, and the song The Naming of the Cats explains
the three different established names of cats: one used daily
by the family, a more dignified name and a secret name.
It is thinking about these secret names which purportedly
keeps felines engaged in thought evident in their often aloof
manner.
As the cats dance around a larger-than-life junkyard they
move so gracefully that the audience could easily forget
these heavily costumed and made-up cast are in fact merely
human, and not part-feline. The time and effort put into the
costumes really shows, where every actor, adorned with fur
and heavily disguised with make-up, becomes one with their
own individual cat suit. Cats is unlike most mainstream
musicals, in that there is very limited plot (aside from a brief
kidnap, the rejection of an estranged cat, and the rebirth of
that same cat). The production aims to portray the diversity
and human-like nature of cats, so primarily spends its time
introducing us to an array of different cats, each with very
different lives and personalities. It is only when the audience
considers that this is the purpose of the play that they can
truly appreciate its qualities. Searching for a deep and
meaningful plot is certainly not worth doing so, rather it is
necessary to examine each cat and their character, and to
then see that for all their unique qualities and differences,
as Old Deuteronomy concludes, “cats are very much like
you”.
Of all the cats presented to the audience, there are several
which left lasting impressions. A favourite must be the tiger-
like cat Rum Tug Tugger (Stuart Ramsey) who, with his
skin-tight cat suit and flowing mane, emanates sex appeal,
winning the affections of not just the on-stage kitties!
Contrastingly is the entrance of Grizabella, the glamour cat,
who is overlooked by the rest of the cats despite being a
Jellicle because she left the group years ago but now returns
seeking forgiveness. It is Grizabella (Chrissie Hammond)
who sings THAT song which many of us can probably sing
backwards – the poignant and emotive Memories. Although that seemed to last forever, until we were sure that at any
having to wait until near the end of the first act to hear this moment balance would be lost and he would topple over.
song, once Memories is sung for the first time it then features However, this was not the case, and the pirouette ended
more heavily, much to the audience’s delight. The return stylishly only to continue into a sequence of summersaults.
of Grizabella, although unpopular, is still more welcome The cast of Cats truly put every ounce of effort into
than that of Macavity, a mischievous and villainous cat, their performances, and the sensational movement and
who is on the loose! The cats vanish from site leaving the choreography combined with numerous songs that will stay
audience guessing what will happen next. Giggling heard in your head for weeks after seeing the shows this is once
from the distance introduces the audience to Mungojerrie worth going to see. Although, as previously explained, the
and Rumpleteazer (Tom Dwyer and Katy-Jo Howman), two importance lies with the personification of the cats, so don’t
prankster fun-loving cats, who may remind many of their search for a deep and meaningful plot, just sit back and
own cats when they were playful frolicking kittens causing enjoy the show for what it is – an amazing display of vocals,
chaos. Lastly, but by no means least, a mention must be dance and acrobatics. The production continues at the New
provided for the Magical Mr Mistoffelees (Guy-Paul Ruolt Victoria until Saturday 22nd November.
de St Germain), who wowed the audience with a pirouette

Taking Sides - by Ronald Harwood

BY LAURA BIRCH
Taking Sides gives little indication in its title to the content
of the play, which in my case was a good thing; had I
previously known the play was based on the aftermath of
the war and an interrogation of a German composer I would
have been a little dubious about seeing it. However, I went
with an open mind. The set immediately created a post-war
impression through its simplistic worn down office, broken
windows, rubble and split sandbags, all of which had a great
impact on creating a historical atmosphere.
The cast consisted of six actors. The main characters were
Major Steve Arnold played by Neil Pearson, an American
interrogation officer and Wilhelm Furtwangler played by
Julian Glover, a great composer in Germany during the nazi
era. The play focuses on the interrogation of Furtwangler
conducted by Arnold and demonstrates the composing views
of the issues regarding the Germans who stayed in Germany
during Hitler’s reign.
Both main actors played their part extremely well, although
it was Pearsons Arnold that won my vote. The character
was humorous and cynical and as he said himself, “totally
uncultured” which made him a lighter and more likeable
character in the play although ironically, in theory he was
the callous interrogator.
Neil Pearson has previously appeared in many theatre
productions, as well as appearing in television programmes
and films such as ‘Between the Lines’, ‘Murder in Mind’,
‘Fever Pitch’, and ‘Bridget Jones’ Diary’. Julian Glover has
also starred in numerous productions across the country
including ‘Macbeth’, ‘King Lear’, ‘Romeo and Juliet’, and
‘Much Ado about Nothing’. He has also acted greatly in both
films and on television, with performances including ‘Harry
Potter – The Chamber of Secrets’, ‘The Secret Garden’,
‘Star Wars - The Empire Strikes Back’, ‘Lovejoy’ and
‘Midsummer Murders’, as well as many others.
Taking Sides is not a play to watch if wanting a light-
hearted production. Although a number of humorous lines
are delivered through Arnold, the play has a meaningful
and deep concept and the actors play their parts with such
emotion it is difficult not to be compelled to feel Harwood’s
motives and to overlook a lot of the humour. It questions
whether art and politics can be kept separate during times
such as Hitler’s reign. Through the characters of Arnold
and Furtwangler we are left to decide our beliefs. Did
Furtwangler and others like him stay in Germany because
of their patriotism for their country and love of music or as
Arnold says, because they were frightened?
barefacts | Fridays | 5pm
18
s
l e
g
si n
CHIKINKI
ASSASINATOR 13
Island/Universal
The track starts off sounding
very now, some uncomplicated
guitar starts things off then the
vocals enter and everythings
right with the world, until the
wildly unsubtle midi-sounding
bass kicks in. It could be the
mixing, but this was mixed by
Alan Moulder so, Im not sure
thats the problem. The whole
guitars and keyboards idea
sounds great on paper; maybe
if the song had some drums it
wouldve been a different story.
n.b.
BLINK 182
FEELING THIS
Universal Island
Blink have returned and they
appear to want to take things
seriously, and they appear
to have gone seriously bad.
Obviously having matured
slightly from their first two
albums this first single off their
fourth opus is dull, whiny and
generally quite poor. This is a
band crying out for attention and
have tried to change with the
times to do it. p.w.
HAPPYLIFE
BREATHE FOR ME
Albert Productions
This band’s name is a bit misleading, they don’t sound that happy
really – At the heart of it they sound gratuitously like Placebo with
some random drum machine interludes thrown in. The B-side Stand Up
sees them move away from the Placebo leanings and more towards a
standard melodic rock sound. There’s a video for the title track on the
CD too, traffic, schools and a dominatrix. Doesn’t feel very different
from anything before but competent enough.
EASTERN LANE
FEED YOUR ADDICTION
Rough Trade
Eastern Lane are one of NME’s
tipped British bands for 2004.
It’s not hard to see why. This
excellent piece of angular garage
rock sounds like a combination
of a slightly funkier Strokes, with
The Libertines’ Carl Barât and The
Pixies’ Frank Black sharing vocal
duties. The sound given out by
these guys makes it hard to believe
that they are all aged 18 and
under, especially after listening
to the sincere and gentle Lily of
the Morning, found on the b-side.
Keep an eye out for these guys – if
there is any justice in the world
they’ll be huge. j.a.
THE VEILS
LAVINIA
Rough Trade
Ok, so it doesn’t really get you
in that happy kind of mood,
more a state of contemplation.
Its soaring mellow, indie rock
along the lines of Starsailor and
Travis. The gravely vocals swing
up and down in a mournful tone,
and compliment the easy rolling
symphony in the background.
Its pleasant enough, but the guys
could do with having a bit more
enthusiasm about life and their
music. dm **
MUSIC
THE COOPER TEMPLE
CLAUSE
BLIND PILOTS
Morning
TCTC are back with some
more electronic-tinged rock,
daniel beddingfield performing live
albeit rather more sedate than
their earlier songs. Its still solid
stuff though; the electronics
take a sort of background role
now with the more traditional
song elements taking centre
stage. They sound a lot like an
anglicised version of Grandaddy,
whether this is a criticism or a
compliment is probably down to
personal opinion. I wouldve liked
something more lively but its still
a great track. n.b.
THURSDAY
Signals Over The Air
Mercury/Island
Thursday seem to have been
caught up in the recent rock trend
of bands involved with the prefix
‘emo-‘, so melodic emotional rock
is one the cards. They carry it
off well enough, although there’s
nothing about the song to separate,
or even differentiate it from all
the other bands shifting units in
the genre. As this is from their 3rd
album they’ve probably already
built up quite a following to not
make this an issue. n.b.
KING ADORA
DRAG
Discovery Records
King Adora return with their new
single Drag, as a follow up to
their chart bothering single (Born
to Lose/Kamikaze) of the spring.
Drag is a piece of repetitive light
rock. Its not particularly original
or good for that matter but is
quite easily listening. Overplay
of this song would lead to having
to submit yourself into a mental
institute. p.w.
BUSTED
CRASHED THE WEDDING
EMI
Busted are back! Amazingly,
these boys are the second biggest
selling band of this year (behind
Coldplay), and this is their first
single off the new album. On first
listen this is bog standard Green
Day/Blink 182 pop, with Charlie
(the one with two enormous
caterpillars above his eyes) and
friends telling us how he stopped
his true love getting hitched to the
wrong guy. However, the more I
listen to it the more I realise that
not only can I not get this song out
of my head, but it brings both a
smile to my face and an air guitar
to my hands! I don’t care what
you think – this is great pop! m.f
13 November 2003
RADIOHEAD
2+2=5
EMI
These Oxford lads have
evidently forgotten how to add
up! 2+2=5 off this years Hail
To The Thief will undoubtedly
not set the dance floor alight but
here they show all the whiney
and unhealthy aggression we
have become accustomed and
for that they have to be admired.
Regenerating a sound more
reminiscent of their early days
Radiohead have progressed into
one of the most innovative bands
around. m.b.
Tahiti 80
1,000 Times
Atmospheriques
1,000 Times, from the album
‘Wallpaper for the Soul’, is a
summery guitars-going-on-jazz
almost dance piece full of strings
and melodies and similar things
that make you think of fields,
breezes and sunshine. Maybe
it’s misplaced being released
in the onset of winter,
or maybe it’s destined
to alleviate the winter
blues. If it takes off it’s
destined to become a
coffee table classic.
Pleasant.
n.b.
13 November 2003
s
m
u
lb
a
Andrew’s piano work is brought to the front a bit more. Lyrically the
album starts off teaching us to believe in the party, but as the album continues
we’re taught to believe in ourselves as well. Stand out tracks are the 2 return-
to-the-fold openers ‘Long Live The Party’ and ‘Tear It Up’ along with others like
‘The Song’ and not-as-stupid-as-you’d-think ‘Totally Stupid’. The album isn’t as fast as
the last, though many of the songs on The Wolf would still be excellent with an increase in
tempo and a bit of the last album’s immaturity wouldn’t’ have gone amiss. n.b.
MARK OWEN
IN YOUR OWN TIME
Universal Island
Having achieved stellar stardom
in Take That as a young boy,
Mark Owen has returned with a
dose of indie pop for the charts.
From album opener and first
single (Four Minute Warning) it
appears that he may well have
been listening to Ronan Keating
while he has been away from the
mainstream music scene. The
second single Alone Without
You is written entirely by Mark
himself. In Your Own Time
shows he has potential but is no
better or worse than any other
ex-boyband solo release, an
average dose of indie pop. p.w.
SEVENDUST
SEASONS
TVT / Island
The distinctive vocals that have
such a harsh edge when brought
to its shouting climax and then
gently slip into a beautiful
melody are what makes this band
easier to listen to than some of
its heavier rock counterparts.
The rough vocals point out the
details in each verse and then
reaffirm the essence of each song
in a harmonic chorus. Dealing
mainly with life and how the
travelled path they have taken
has not been an easy one. They
may have fallen from the world
but have not forgotten how to
make a worthwhile heavy rock
album. This wont be everyone’s
taste, but if you enjoyed any
of their previous albums or are
looking for something catchy
with a heavy yet melodic tune
then this is a must. d.m.
MUSIC 19
VARIOUS ARTISTS
DESERT SESSIONS 9 & 10
Board Stiff Music
ANDREW Every year, Queens of the Stone Age’s Josh Homme and a group of
W.K. fellow musicians disappear to a ranch in the desert, jam for a week,
THE WOLF and finally come out with an album. This year he has been joined by
Mercury/Island such luminaries as PJ Harvey and Twiggy Ramirez amongst others.
The resulting album sounds partly like the Queens’ superb alt.rock,
“You cannot kill the party!” Andrew W.K. has but also has quite a proggy feel about it. The presence of PJ Harvey
defiantly returned with The Wolf and a slight shift in on many of the tracks provides an extra dimension, especially on the
ideas, this time around - The guitars aren’t as dominating and haunting There Will Never Be a Better Time and the raw punk edge
that she brings to Crawl Home. Several tracks from Desert sessions
have ended up on QOTSA albums (Monsters in the Parasol, Hanging
Tree) and that’s exactly where I can see the superb In My Head…Or
Something heading. OK, so it’s quite a difficult album, but persevere
with it and you will find fantastic riches within! j.a.
LAMB SUGARBABES
BETWEEN DARKNESS AND WONDER THREE
MUSHROOMHEAD Mercury Records Island
XIII
Universal Island The title of this album says it all Well if you haven’t heard the
really. Lamb’s fourth is much first single off this album, Hole
Mushroomheads new album XIII sees the band grow from more of an exploration of their in the Head, you must be living
previous album XX into a much stronger force in the darker side, as opposed to the in the quit area of the library.
world of nu-metal. With songs ranging from all out slightly mellower and more They have found a winning
screamers like opener Kill Tomorrow to the nihilistic melodic previous album, What formula that traps the chorus
Destroy the World Around Me. Standout tracks Sound. However, current single of their songs in your head for
include Sun Doesnt Rise and Nowhere To Go. The Wonder is a fantastic piece of hours on end, even if you don’t
first of which is a mid-tempo song produced by ambient, orchestral melodic admit to it. These girls have
Johnny K and the second is a dramatic and beauty which, followed by the always had that edgy pop appeal
melodic track also produced by Johnny tribal rhythms of Sun, forms and this album sticks with it.
K. This album is good but it doesnt grab the stand out duo of tracks. The Mutya, Heidi and Keisha have
you instantly but with the wide ranging album in general is very simplistic co-written all but one song and
varieties of songs there are some – various uncomplicated beats brought in some help from the
standout tracks but also some not and melodies accompanied by likes of Linda Perry on Nasty
so good ones, and it is a surprise the usual glorious vocals, with Ghetto, who did wonders for
to fine two incredibly long the simplicity partly highlighted Pinks career. It’s a funky mixing
songs one over 8 minutes by the titles (also including of hip hop, the bounce of pop
and the other over 9. XIII Learn, Please and Darkness). and the guitars of rock, which
is shows Mushroomhead Disregarding the gorgeous makes for an enjoyable listening
grow into a more tunes, it’s not particularly experience. d.m.
formidable force groundbreaking, but this is
in the nu-metal certainly one for the fans. j.a.
world. p.w.
Who’s in Your Top 5?!
A
s the end of another year draws near we ask what where the
best albums, singles of the year etc may it be Janes Addiction,
The darkness or Mark Owen let us know. With your assistance and
the outrageous views of the music team, the results of the poll will
be announced in the last issue of the
22-20s @ London ULU year. Don’t want The Cheeky Girls at
Number one? Then vote now with
T u e s 4 t h
N o v e m b e r one lucky entrant winning some
lovely music goodies. Top five
It’s not very often you see a gig where both the support bands have Best albums of the year, Best five
longer sets than the headliners. But then tonight, that wasn’t necessarily singles of the year, Best band,
a bad thing. Opening band The Duke Spirit reminded of the Yeah Yeah Best Live Act, Best new band
Yeah’s, with the female vocalist exuding pure sexuality. They were and Cock(s) of the year. Email
then followed by Dogs Die in Hot Cars’ funky ska guitar lines, plus the entries to ms01mb@surrey.ac.uk by
original edge provided by the singer’s voice, sounding very much like Monday 17th November.
Duran Duran’s Nick Rhodes. Then came the 22-20s, the closest thing
that we have to The White Stripes on this side of the Atlantic, although
their excellent brand of frantic, sludgy blues only contains half an hour
of material at the moment. They finished with the stand-out track Devil
In Me, an almost riot-inducing lump of steaming blues-rock containing This week’s music section is brought to you by:
depraved yelping vocals of which Jack White himself would be proud.
After a rather short acoustic encore they were gone, leaving the audience Matt Badcock, Jon Allen, Dina Mystris, Matt
screaming for more. These guys certainly know how to keep their fans
keen, and they are definitely a band for the future. j.a. Fisher, Pete Wigfield and Neil ‘Tree’ Boulton.
20 INTERACTIVE 13 November 2003

Guess The Mr Men We here at Interactive Section HQ have

come up with something rather different
this week - guess the Mr Men!
It’s really very simple, and doesn’t need
much explanation - all you need to do
is rack your brains, take yourself right
back to your childhood, and find out the
names of each of the Mr Men on the
left.
returns
Matt Adams is back, though the opinion of
the barefacts team seems to be that it’s not
quite so hard this week.
Apparently this was inspired by Rawson’s
Creek a few weeks ago - and you can’t get
higher in flattery than inspiring Eye Spy in
barefacts.

The Interactive page is positively

buzzing this semester, and we’re
always looking for more ideas, so if
you’ve got any thoughts at all on what
you’d like to see on this page, all you
need to do is email them across to
barefacts@ussu.co.uk.

We don’t bite, and really want to hear

what everyone thinks, so, what’re you
waiting for?!
Let us know what you think
Oh yes, and all credit for the Mr Man of the Interactive Page...
concept, and quiz, to the one and only,
Matt Adams. ... email barefacts@ussu.co.uk

Word Search
This week’s barefacts sees Neil Christie as our guest wordsearch creator. In keeping with
1
bfpub quiz
Who was the legendry son of Uther Pendragon?
The
2
the theme everyone seems to be talking about this week, all the words are related to
Matrix . All you have to do is find all 20 words, and then check them out with the

By Ben Berryman
Which classical composer wrote ‘Die Fledermaus’?

3
answers at the bottom of the opposite page. And if you find more than 20? Well then, you’re
an official barefacts genius. In which country is Montego bay?

4
Got 20 vaguely connected words swimming round your head? barefacts@ussu.co.uk.
What is a tsunami?

N
J
I
A
T
O
P
P
E
R
O
Y
S
W
L
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K
Y
I
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U
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K
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F 5
Is a sea cucumber animal, vegetable or mineral?

J
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A
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6 About
A bout which conflict did Winston Churchill say: ‘Never in the field of human
conflict was so much owed by so many to so few’?

G
E
L
P
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P 7 What is the longest river in France?

G M E T I I V G D N R W R W J 8
Which Latin word means ‘the water bearer’?

P
F
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V 9 In rugby, the Calcutta cup is competed for by which two countries?

H
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10 According to legend, Cleopatra committed suicide by holding what kind of
snake to her body?

F U O H H Y J P D R B C C P N Upsidedown answers to everything in the Interactive section, are

U K E Y M A K E R T S P H A A at the bottom of page 21
P V D A Y V Y B C O S R K X W If you feel in the mood for a
Q P I W V K E S U O M U D O E Chancellor’s Challenge, Chancellor’s [bar and] Restaurant at
8.30pm every Thursday night. Pit your wits against a variety of the
top quiz mastery brains around...
The answers to this week’s wordsearch are at the bottom of page 21, underneath Rawson’s Creek.
13 November 2003
Sabbatical Officers Ickle Sarah and Funkyberry give a random
slice of life from their humble dwellings within Surrey Court
Wey, Battersea Court Tate, and the Students’ Union...
A COUPLE OF hours ago Chris asked me
what I was planning on writing Rawson’s
about this week [yes, he’s getting his in
before me these days – miracles will never
cease]! After a bit of thought, I replied that
I was going to have a rant. I don’t rant very
often, but when I do it’s normally something
related to fees or student loans – the bane of
many of our lives.
HAVING graduated in June, today was the
day I’ve been dreading ever since the first
day of my last term at University when just
over a grand landed in my bank account, for
the last time in four years. Yup, in the post
this morning [forwarded onto the Union by
my wonderful mother], I received the piece
of paper telling me how much the final
amount I owe on my student loan is. Without
going into too much detail, I owe quite a lot
of thousands of pounds, having been a full
time student for four years.
I’D always expected something along those
lines, but it was the “ooh, we’ve put up your
interest rate from 1.3% to 3.1% that I wasn’t
quite expecting. Inside the handy “when
you pay back your student loan” booklet, it
informed me that I won’t be paying anything
back until I’m on a salary of around £12,000,
and even then it’ll only be £15 a month.
That’s too bad, I hear you cry... until you see
the £35 in interest that’s added to my debt
every month! Crazy stuff! So, apparently I
have to be on almost £15,000 to even keep
the amount I owe exactly the same as now.
I don’t think the full extent of owing this
amount of money has hit me until now, and
it scares me. I’m still going to be in debt by
the time my children are heading to Uni!
NOW back to a bit of normal Rawson’s
Creekiness. On Friday I headed to Salisbury
for a fireworks display with Ben. It was at
the MoD, so according to Ben, “they can
blow lots of things up there, and it doesn’t
matter!” And blow things up they did. It was
a pretty windy night, so the fireworks were
going off directly above our heads, despite
being launched from a field in front of us.
It didn’t worry me too much until a stray
rocket hit the ground not far from us, and
I started to notice bits of firework hitting
the ground, before exploding into a shower
of sparks. Still, Ben assured me there were
lots of pyrotechnics experts around, so I had
nothing to worry about.... I hope!
‘ickle sarah butterworth
eye spy answer | week 9 | yorkie’s bridge
6. Battle of Britain, 7. Loire, 8. Aquarius, 9. England and Scotland, 10. Asp | lyrics quiz: 1. Toto – Africa, 2. Wham/George
Michael – Careless Whisper, 3. The Bangles – Eternal Flame, 4. Tracy Chapman – Fast Car, 5. Michael Jackson & Paul
McCartney – The Girl is Mine, 6. Cutting Crew – (I Just) Died in Your Arms Tonight, 7. Culture Club – Karma Chameleon,
8. Chris de Burgh – Lady in Red, 9. Madness – Our House, 10. Bonnie Tyler – Total Eclipse of the Heart
LIFESTYLE 21
The lyrics Quiz
Wow, are your eyes deceiving you? No, they certainly do not - the Vice President
Communications and Marketing and barefacts’ Editor in Chief, Sarah Butterworth, has
actually dragged herself away from the wonders of laying up this ‘ere paper until 4am and
endeavours to provide you with this week’s classic lyrics quiz. It’s along an 80s theme, as
afterall, most of us are all 80s babies in theory, if not at heart....
I REALLY DO think that my greatest
inspiration comes when sitting on the toilet.
1 I hear the drums echoing tonight, but she hears only whispers of some quiet
conversation
I won’t mention any other juices, but the
creative ones do seem to have a habit of 2 I feel so unsure as I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor
flowing more than freely. For example I
usually have to plan about what I shall write
3 A whole life so lonely, and then you come and ease the pain
for Rawson’s Creek, but tonight it was all
sorted in an instant.
4 You see my old man’s got a problem, he lives with the bottle that’s the way
it is
THE first subject is kinda related, and is to
do with the search for a location in which it
5 I don’t understand the way you think, saying that she’s yours not mine
is socially acceptable to pass excess human 6 It must’ve been some kind of kiss, I should’ve walked away, I should’ve
walked away
gaseous waste (more commonly called
“farting”). There are of course places where
it is totally un-acceptable to release, e.g.
7 Loving would be easy if your colours were like my dream
anywhere within a 5 mile radius in less than 8 When you turned to me and smiled, it took my breath away
10knots of wind from any female standing
Father wears his Sunday best, Mother’s tired she needs a rest
upwind of you (don’t try it – they know!); 9
in front of your mother (yes mothers are Every now and then I get a little bit helpless and I’m lying like a child in
female, but you won’t generally date them); 10 your arms
on someone’s head while sleeping; in lifts;
and school assemblies.
DURING my childhood and teenage years it
seemed the only place acceptable to release
was in the gents, but this just isn’t true. A
number of times now I have released in a
gents to get tuts from other people in there,
and even shaking of heads! Well where on
earth can I do it then?!?!
THE next subject is something totally
un-related, and I found the pleasure of last
night. This is something that everyone can
do with just the use of your hands, and gives
a lovely warm feeling that leaves your body
tingling. What you have to do is this:
This week I am mostly … single-handedly keeping
Elastoplast in business as I keep tripping over my own feet!
1. Go into your kitchen and empty any
un-evolved washing up from the washing
Two things happen when there’s a Full Moon. Firstly, men are
up bowl. 2. Run the hot tap to get about 3
even more difficult to fathom than usual [don’t worry there’s
inches deep of water, as hot as you can bear.
no way near enough column inches here for me to tackle that
3. Take long slow deep breaths and slowly
thorny subject] and secondly, I get more clumsy than usual.
lower your hands into the water
Hard to believe, considering how spatially unaware I am at the
YOU will start to feel a fuzzy feeling in your
best of times - honestly, it’s a wonder I make it through these monthly lunar phases, I’m
tummy and around your back. If you don’t
an absolute liability. Yesterday was a particularly bad day – after slicing through my nail
then the water is either too cold (in which
with a sharp kitchen knife, treading on a upturned plug and sitting on a drawing pin, I then
case empty all the water out and start again),
proceeded to iron the back of my hand. Don’t ask me how one irons the back of one’s hand,
or too hot (if too hot then don’t move your
I just did, ok?
hands and wait for the feeling to descend on
I toyed with the idea of staying in my room today [that would show those malicious
you as the water cools). Once you have your
household appliances] but after careful consideration, I realised that wouldn’t actually
hands in the water, do not move them until
solve the problem. Even my bedroom is a minefield of knocks and bangs as I ricochet from
you feel kinda used to the fuzzy feeling.
one piece of furniture to another. You’d think I’d have some idea of their positioning given
Now move them and slosh the water a bit,
that I’ve been living here some four months now… no chance. My most recent calamity
and it will refresh the fuzzy feeling. You
involved my desk chair – full of good intentions to crack on with that pesky essay, I sat on
will now have found a relaxed state of mind,
it… and fell straight through. In retrospect, I was actually lucky to have fallen to the left –
although anyone that sees you will probably
had I veered to the right I would have hurtled out my window, rolled down the lean-to and
think you have lost your mind!
crash-landed in my next-door neighbour’s [incidentally also my lecturer] rhododendron.
Now that would have been embarrassing.
chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter
I guess [continuing with the positive mental attitude here] I provide a constant source of
amusement to my friends at least. Last New Year, walking home through the driving rain
quote quiz: 1. Wayne’s World (Wayne Campbell & Garth Algar) | 2. Raising after a miserable firework display in our local park, my sneaky idea of short-cutting over a
Arizona (Leonard Smalls… duh…) | 3. This Is Spinal Tap (David St. Hubbins) |
mini roundabout more than back-fired when I managed to knock myself out stone-cold on a
4. Little Shop Of Horrors (Audrey II) | 5. Batman (The Joker) | 6. Goldfinger (Q) |
7. Raging Bull (Jake LaMotta) | 8. Best In Show (Buck Laughlin) | 9. Pulp Fiction road sign. I hadn’t even started drinking.
(Captain Koons) 10. Braindead (Father McGruder) | mr men & little miss: 1. Mr. I sometimes wonder if my parents dropped me on my head as a child. Might explain a
Bounce, 2. Mr. Daydream, 3. Mr. Bump, 4. Mr. Clever, 5. Mr. Happy, 6. Mr. Lazy,
7. Mr. Messy, 8. Little Miss Naughty, 9. Mr. Funny, 10. Mr. Jelly, 11. Mr. Nosey,
few loose connections – the inability to walk in a straight line, to judge any sort of distance
12. Mr. Tickle | wordsearch: agentsmith, apoc, architect, choi, cipher, dozer, accurately, general common sense… I did put this to my mum once. Her first reaction was
ghost, keymaker, merovingian, morpheus, mouse, neo, niobe, oracle, persephone, shock-horror but once assured I wasn’t threatening to call social services, but was simply
rhineheart, switch, tank, trinity, wachowski | bf pub quiz: 1. Arthur, 2. Johann
Strauss, 3. Jamaica, 4. A tidal wave, 5. Animal, it is a marine invertebrate, matter-of-fact interested, she paused momentarily and replied diplomatically “I know I
didn’t drop you dear, how about asking your dad?”
Catherine Lee
22 LIFESTYLE 13 November 2003

Stars
silly
the
by guest psychics: Special
and Tree:mendous
(doing most of the work, as usual)!

Libra Capricorn Aries Cancer

Welcome to the jungle
- The union will be a
danger spot for you
this week, as are tall
buildings and small
children. You may think yourself safe. This
is a fallacy, children see you as a target,
their sweet innocent faces are mere screens
to hide their plans for your downfall. And
as for the buildings, they’re another story.
Scorpio
Jubilation friend! You
may have already
won! Just return this
horoscope in the
enclosed envelope and
you’ll be entered into our free prize draw to
win good luck for the week, or a carriage
clock. Winner’s name available on request,
the judge’s decision is final, terms and
conditions apply.
Sagittarius
Advice is your thing
this week, but you’re
not the Dalai Llama,
your words may not be
the golden edged words
of wisdom others seek. You might well be
uttering long and arduously on subjects you
know nothing about.
Horny? Well don’t be,
dammit! You’re here to
learn. Concentrate on
the prize or one wintry
morning you’ll wake
up to find yourself indecently involved
with next door’s letter box. Or a polar bear.
Given this is Guildford, I’d say letterbox.
Remember cheques can and will bounce.
Aquarius
You’ll be standing in the
shower thinking quite
a bit this week - fret
ye not for cleanliness
is next to Godliness.
You’ll also be wondering why the water
is so damn hot. Check the thermostat - All
will be well in your plastic sanitary world.
Either that or a callous individual flushed
the toilet while you were exfoliating.
Pisces
Keep watching the skies
Small flat discs will
be orbiting over your
head sometime during
the middle of the week.
Don’t chase after them,
you’ll only hurt yourself, or a small child
and you’ll worry passers by. Appearance is
everything. Lucky number for the week: J
Add noodles to 300ml
of boiling water. Bring
to the boil. Add contents
of flavour sachet and
reduce heat. Simmer for
4 minutes or until noodles have absorbed
the water. Stir occasionally. Remove from
heat and serve noodles in their sauce
immediately. Why not try adding a dash of
soy sauce?
Taurus
Do not put that in your
pipe and smoke it - No
one thought you would.
Unlike a small minority
of Pisceans this month.
The Pisceans will bring false prophecies
unto you. Be diligent, you don’t have to
feed the world, unwanted house guests
however are a different kettle of fish.
Gemini
Remember; don’t buy
train stations off dogs
or irons. Or top hats for
that matter or the little
old man who runs the
social club will mock you. Do you feel like
you’re just going around in circles every
day? Well, you’re right. Go directly to jail,
do not pass go, do not collect £200.
You remember that
letter from the screen
actor’s guild? What,
you don’t?! Err maybe
it was meant for Virgo.
Anyway, your lucky numbers are 3, 12 and
Sandwich. I think its about time I got some
new tarot cards, to be honest. Deliverance
hides behind the shed.
Leo
The moon is in the
eighth house and the
car has backed over
the flower garden,
everything is very
much in the air and you know it. Sort out
your loose ends and don’t give into the
saccharine smeared siren song of pastry
products. Check your pockets - things are
NOT as they seem.
Virgo
You know full well the
washing machine is
looking down at you;
it’s peering into your
soul with the evil eye.
Take it out before it gets to those shady
figures at the associated press. And before
you call my psychic hotline, yes, they know
about that indiscretion too.

- Barefacts Personals -
You all know the score - send your personals across to barefacts@ussu.co.uk, with the subject line ‘personals’ if you please, and as if by magic they’ll
pop up in the next issue. Whoopee. Ah yes, barefacts finishes for the semester in week 12 [that’s 3 weeks and counting...] so get your lovey dovey Christmas
personals in pretty damn soon! ah yes, guys - if you’re sending in more than one, pop then in the same email and i’ll be your bestest friend! Cheers.

Tamara, this is talal, forget bilal yas and moe,
i am the one for u baby. all my love sexy
momma T 4 T xxxxxxx
Nice try bells!
so close you old tart, next time you’ll score!
Oi Oi Sweetboy! Got any pineapple lollies left?
is a fat blonde guy supposed to be sexy? if not,
then why does he act like he is?!?
Lucy, Kat and Jamie how many each???!!
Pirates and pushbikes, stillettos and skirts,
That was the end of the night, but the start of
a fight...
Sweetboy is it true you’ve got 12 inches of
pure love sausage?!
Wanted - one new belt buckle...
lazy areses barely left channies and saw all the
fireworks!!!?? how rude - dude!
Rach - are you sure it’s really THAT SMALL???
Lol, BJ.
BOGIES!!!
in Leicester you said i was good
cullen and kebab will be making their
comeback in week 11 - watch out!!
Some little girls are more special than others.
xxx
bowl. e-mail: i_carried_watermelons@virginst
udent.com
they’re getting younger - we should really start
growing old gracefully
Been watching this space? Well hope youve
also been missing me - you wont have long
to wait now! Im back for fetish for a one off
performance of drunken trouble making!! See
you soon! xx Who says i should be all grown
up now?!

To the sexy basketball ladies! dont worry
about the loss, u still all looked sexy in the
union!
On halloween night we were in for a fright,
Woodlands road was the scene, it wasn’t too
too clean (til someone tidied!)
Red wine on the floor, lock pulled off the door,
“Fitty” Clare on the floor, Andy wet himself (we
all saw!)
Up the ladder went Ed, with Alex behind the
shed (!!),
Sarah sat on the stairs, Ruth starting to swear!
Ssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Everyone
downstairs!
Danny and Dave kept in line by “Teach”,
Well, if you’re not going to lock the bathroom
door Miss Smith, then you’ll just have to
practice being quicker with your hands!!!
i’m thinking the girlies are ready to unleash
the dragon on all those cheap - non-feeding,
dirty playing hairy women! that means were
gonna start winning!
Argh!!! PEMS!!!
with ring(lets) in her hair and BELLS on her
toes she will score try’s wherever she goes!
Are you Jon Noble?
katie got hammered! has anyone seen scott’s willy hat?
Did Ariel Sharon recently try to re-establish to Anna, you’re very cool. love from your ex
Naziism? housemate (see - you can’t say you never get
personals now!)
Dr Love and Nurse Euthenasia will be holding
a special clinic from 10.30pm at the Union this neil broadbent = sexy! lotsa love from little
Friday. Full body examinations available on miss ali x x x p.s. can I give chester uni a
request. mention?!!
oh pj & duncan !!!! Lets get ready to rumble
!!!!!!!! Everybody rumble!!!!!!
LUTH U STILL ALIVE AND SWIMMING?
WANTED: 1 fish tank asap to replace mixing
13 November 2003 SPORT 23

Coaching in the Community Womens Squash Show Talent

An introduction to the Coaching Opportunities at Surrey BY PIPPA CARTER were up next. I had a weaker opposition and
managed to drop-shot my way to a 9-1, 9-5,
The coaching in the community scheme is a fantastic opportunity for all students and staff This was our first home game this season so 9-1 win whilst Magda on the neighbouring
to obtain coaching skills and experience free of charge, all that is required is that you we were keen to show our supporters what court battled hard against a very fast player,
attend a coach education course and give only 15 voluntary hours coaching work to the we could do against a notoriously strong unfortunately losing. Maine had the daunting
community! By doing this you will develop new skills, meet new people, have great fun opposition – Kings College. First came task of playing last and found herself against
and of course aid your employability prospects. Cat - she had a good game against a very a girl who hit the ball at Mach 1 (‘very fast’
All courses listed below can be accessed through the ‘Coaching in the Community’ serious competitor but unfortunately lost 3- for those unfamiliar with the phrase!) with
scheme, so take full advantage and contact Vicki Hansford or Carol Main (details below) 9, 5-9, 4-9 - a score which does not justify very little effort and battled away resulting
and book up quick as places are going fast. the game. Next was Laura, the only player in an overall 4-1 loss for Surrey. With the
from last years squad to play. She was up majority of the squad being Freshers there
Athletics – Leaders Award against a fairly matched opposition who just is plenty of talent for the future so a loss to
Badminton – Leaders Award managed to get the edge and she lost 4-9, such a strong opposition definitely will not
Basketball- Levels 1&2 Coach Award 0-9, 2-9 in an exciting game. Magda and I faze Surreys determination in the future.
Basketball Leaders Award, Referee & Table Officials Courses
Climbing – Site Specific Climbing Instructors Award
Cricket – Level 1 Coach
Community Sports Leader Award
International Dance Teachers Association Basic Teaching Level
Football – Level 1 Coach Award
Hockey – Level 1 Coach Award
Netball – Level 1 Coach Award
Squash – Level 1 Coach Award
Trampolining – Level 1 Coach Award
YMCA – Exercise to Music

Additional Courses
Emergency First Aid for Sport
How To Coach Disabled People in Sport
Seminar
Good Practise and Child Protection
Equity in Your Coaching
Biomechanics Observation, Analysis & Video

For More Information on any of the courses

and for details of how to apply for places
contact:
Vicki Hansford : UniSport, 01483 689975 or
v.hansford@surrey.ac.uk
Carol Main : USSU, 01483 683254 or
c.main@surrey.ac.uk

BUSA Results | 12 November 2003 BUSA Fixtures | 19 November 2003

Mens Squash Mens Squash
Sussex 1st vs SURREY 1st 3-0 Kings 1st vs SURREY 1st
Badminton Badminton Brunel 1st vs SURREY 2nd
SURREY 1st vs Brunel 1st 5-3 Womens Kingston 2nd vs SURREY 2nd
SURREY 2nd vs KENT 1st 4-5 Womens
Basketball Basketball
Basketball SURREY 1st vs Kingston 1st 74-50 SURREY 1st vs Kent 1st Badminton
LSE 1st vs SURREY 1st 62-60 LSE 1st vs SURREY 1st
Football Fencing
Fencing Sussex 1st vs SURREY 1st 5-2 City 1st vs SURREY 1st Basketball
Sussex 1st vs SURREY 1st SURREY 1st vs Portsmouth 1st
135-95 Hockey Football
Imperial Meds 1st vs SURREY 1st 4-0 SURREY 1st vs Sussex 1st Football
Football SURREY 3rd vs SURREY 2nd St Georges Hosp 1st vs SURREY 1st
SURREY 1st vs LSE 1st 2-1 Netball SURREY 4th vs Chichester 3rd
Brighton 4th vs SURREY 2nd 4-0 SURREY 2nd vs St Mary’s 3rd 30-19 SURREY 5th vs Brighton 5th Hockey
Kingston 3rd vs SURREY 3rd 3-2 Brighton 1st vs SURREY 1st
SURREY 4th vs SUSSEX 4th 3-0 Rugby Union Golf
Chichester 3rd vs SURREY 5th 2-0 Roehampton 1st vs SURREY 1st 20-5 SURREY 1st vs Bath 1st Netball
Kingston 1st vs SURREY 1st
Golf Squash Hockey SURREY 2nd vs Imperial 2nd
SURREY 1st vs UWIC 1st 3-3 SURREY 1st vs GKT 1st 1-4 SURREY 1st vs Roehampton 1st
SURREY 2nd vs Portsmouth 3rd Rugby Union
Hockey SURREY 1st vs Brighton 1st
St Georges 1st vs SURREY 1st 13-0 for more fixtures and Rugby Union
results visit: London South Bank 1st vs SURREY 1st Squash
Rugby Union SURREY 1st vs London Met 1st
Sussex 1st vs SURREY 1st 4-1 busaresults.org.uk
24 SPORT 13 November 2003

Surrey Sailors Excel Again
BY DAVID ANNAN
Over the first weekend of November
a team of 8 sailors from the USSC and
their fan club travelled to Weymouth for
the 2003 BUSA Fleet Racing National
Championships. Surrey’s entry into the
event consisted of a team of four Laser II
class dinghies. The Surrey team continued
to build on their successes at the 2003 World
Championships with two boats finishing in
the top ten places.
The team travelled down to Weymouth on
the Friday and in true Surrey style hit the
town. The team showed superb stamina to
be the only people left in Yate’s at closing
time! As a result some of the crews were a
bit worse for wear when they were rudely
awakened after just four hours sleep for
breakfast.
Despite the poor forecast, the weather
conditions for Saturdays racing were nearly
perfect. The sun was shining and the wind
was blowing. In race 1 the Surrey boats all
got good starts with two boats rounding the
first mark in the top ten. Dave Annan and
James Nuttall finished the race in eighth
place with Pete Williams and Alistair Kerr
sailing well to finish the race in fifth place
out of 63.
Race two started in slightly lighter winds.
Williams/Kerr got a brilliant start and led
the fleet for most of the first leg. Richard
teamsurrey
Fruehmann and Amy Copeland also got a
good start and finished in 27th place.
During race two the wind was steadily
increasing and by the start of race three the
wind had reached force 5. In these more
challenging conditions some of the less
experienced sailors in the fleet started to
struggle which resulted in some spectacular
capsizes. At the front of the fleet, the
stronger winds made the racing even more
competitive as there was less margin for
error. Annan/Nuttall showed some superb
upwind speed to finish race 3 in fifth place.
Paul Simmonds and Adrian Woodroffe (who
had never sailed together before this event)
showed improvement to finish within the top
forty despite a capsize.
Race four was again sailed in strong winds.
Annan/Nuttall again sailed well to finish
the race in fourth place. They were later
protested for sailing the incorrect course
on the final lap of the race but in the protest
hearing the following morning the protest
was declared invalid and the fourth place
stood. However, a boat from Loughborough
University was disqualified from the race.
Freuhmann/Copeland scored their best
result of the event with and 18th place in
race four.
Saturday night saw the team again keeping
the Surrey name alive at the event social
in one of Weymouths night clubs. Vast
quantities of alcohol were consumed and a
great time was had by all. By the time the
hangovers had kicked in on Sunday morning
a Force 8 gale that had blown up which led
to the days racing being cancelled.
The Laser II fleet was won by a team from
Exeter University. However, Surrey was the
only University to have two boats finishing
in the top ten places in the overall standings
with Dave Annan and James Nuttall
finishing in fourth place and Pete Williams
and Alistair Kerr finishing seventh. Richard
Fruehmann and Amy Copeland finished 25th
and Paul Simmonds and Adrian Woodroffe
finished a respectable 42nd despite having
never sailed together before.
Overall the event provided an excellent
weekend with great sailing and some fun
socials. If anyone out there wants to get
involved in sailing, simply turn up at the
main union reception at 1pm on Wednesdays
or check out the web site for more details
(www.ussc.org.uk).
Think your sport is physically
or mentally demanding or simply
different from all the rest?
Then why not Challenge Chops
to take part in your sport and
show exactly what is involved.
Email sports@ussu.co.uk.

Ten Pin Bowling Team Strike SPORTS PROFILE

BY JAMES PARROTT
The Tenpin Bowling Club this weekend played its first
UCTBA match of the season against University of East
Anglia at Go Bowling, Dunstable. The team narrowly lost
9-7 in a very close match.
The draw for the match was made over 2 weeks ago. The
group consists of 4 teams: UEA, Hull, Essex and Surrey.
Even before the match day, we had to overcome several
minor problems. It was left for the University of Surrey
to sort out the venue and we had major problems with
travelling arrangements.
We were the first team to arrive and so we were the first
team in the bar. This could be a good reason why we
underachieved. Slowly but surely the other universities
arrived and by the time UEA were ready to play we had been
in the bar for nearly an hour.
Our A team absolutely annihilated UEA’s finest without
lifting a finger. Surrey’s A team won by over 500 pins and
The Sports Show on GU2
Thursdays 1-4 | With TUG & TIM
Campus phone: 811350 | Ex: 01483 681350
Email / MSN: studio@gu2.co.uk
Name: David Chapman
they also beat the high series record by over 50 pins. The B Age: 23
team however, only won 1 game out of the three. Sports: Surfing, Sub Aqua, Cycling
The C team should of won all their games but only drew 2 Nicknames: Chops, Chopsie, Lamb Chops, Lamby,
all. They lost the first two games by less than 10 pins each Lambo, Velvet Boy
time. That’s just one extra spare. The team recovered to win Hobbies: sports above, photography
the last game and to snatch the overall point too. Best thing about your sport: The amazing feeling
Not to forget, our brave ladies team. This was their first when you (eventually) get a good wave
competitive match. The opposition team included several Most memorable sporting moment: Making the top 40%
league bowlers and a BUSA member. They lost all the points at student nationals
but they can hold their heads up high in regards to their team Most
performance. embarrassing
Over the weekend there were some outstanding performances moment:
that shouldn’t go without a mention. The A Team beat the Losing track
high series by over 50 pins with a team average of 208. Two of my position,
members of the team played particularly well with Rob getting dragged
Kendall averaging 228 and 208 from Anthony Roots. Also, onto rocks and
Ashley Turner achieved his second highest game ever with a nearly drowning/
198 (only 2 away from the milestone 200 game). needing rescuing
The plug: Surf
Holiday to
Lanzarote in
January, 2 weeks
for just £400.
surf@surrey.ac.uk
The Sports Show on GU2