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SAMPLE SOP 3

My dream of bringing good health to everyone dates back to my childhood. On

my fifth ve year-old birthday, my mom gave me I got an interesting cartoon
named “Doctor Aibolit, ” from my mother. This book told an interesting story Comment [s1]: Use my correction as a guideline
and try to make your writing more concise so that
about Doctor Aibolit, an old kind-hearted doctor who went around the world to you have space for more important content.

bring happiness for to everybody by healing curing them of many diseases. I

was attracted to the idea of this story that bringing health means bringing Comment [s2]: metaphor conveyed by this story

happiness for everyone. As I grew older, this idea attracted me even more as I Comment [s3]: becomes more and more
attractive
realized health plays a vital role in life and many people around me need aiding
and caring of health. My dream came closer to fulfilment in 2003 when I Comment [s4]: help with taking care of
themselves.
graduated from high school and enrolled in Hanoi University of Pharmacy,
Comment [s5]: that close? More like “a step
ranked the best pharmacy school in Vietnam. closer”

Until the third year of university, I still thought believed that after graduation I
would choose to work as a pharmacist in hospital or pharmacy to guide the way
to use drugs for patients. However, life is full of twists and turns. You may find
it interesting that my aspiration to be a manager in health area actually began
when I did the worked as of a contributor to for a newspaper, interviewing Comment [s6]: again, try to make your
sentences more concise
making an interview(who?) about health insurance issues in our
countryVietnam. One of the questions I posed to the public health experts that Comment [s7]: so this is the point when you
became interested in health care management?
day was: “In your opinion, in our country, why are people apathetic
withindifferent to buying health insurance?” This One of the experts answered Comment [s8]: I would say "why people in my
country couldn’t care less about health insurance"
me metaphorically thatcame up with this metaphor in his response: “An
ignorant doctor may directly cause the death of a fewa patients. But an ignorant
manager, especially in the healthcare sector, may indirectly cause the death for
of millions of people as a wrong policy will deprive many people of their Comment [s9]: mismanaged? You are talking
about managers or policy-makers?
entitled opportunity to access to health services. Unfortunately, in our country,
the number of good managers in the health area areis rare”. This answer Comment [s10]: this is a good point. But don't
quote him verbatim. Paraphrase it and make it
evokedSomething clicked and I was inspired in my curiosity and inspired me shorter and more to the point.

to learn more about issues related to health management and policy. Comment [s11]: see, you can cut out a lot of
words.
Fortunately, at that time, I had an opportunity to approach the management
theory when taking the Pharmacoeconomics course in university. I realized that Comment [s12]: ??? Why don’t you just say you
took a course about that topic
I could be more helpful offer to my people more by researching and working in
the health system management area.

This strong will to understand the theory of health system management and
health policy, combined with my innate indomitable character, has always
motivated me to pursue achievements inexcel in related subjects in university. I
devoted much of my time actively searching relevant documents in Vietnam
and in international context. Thanks to my effort and perseverance, I achieved
excellent results in both coursework and research of this field.
Comment [s13]: how many theories are there?
Just one?
Comment [s14]: your competitive nature?
Comment [s15]: evidence for this? So far, you
talk a lot about how you became interested in this
field and what motivated you. And then when you
switch to what you did to achieve your academic
goals, you become vague -> unbalanced.

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Mr. Vu's English Classes (https://www.facebook.com/vuclass) - Class materials

However, in the way to become a good manager, I realized that not only
academic theories but also practical knowledge are needed. I registered to be a
trainee in Bach Mai Hospital, one of two biggest hospitals in Vietnam and was
chosen to carry out research there. Working as a clinical pharmacist in hospital,
Comment [s16]: is it hard to do so? If the
hospital is very selective when it comes to whom
they would admit as a trainee, emphasize that fact.

I had a great opportunity to be directly involved in the organization and

operation of a state health services along with issues related to health policy Comment [s17]: pay attention to grammar

such as health insurance reimbursement or accessibility to medication of people

in different areas. Also after graduation, I was selected to work for Pfizer
Representative Office in Vietnam where I gained more insightful
understanding about the differences in principles, policies and practicalities
between a foreign health entrepreneurship and a state-owned one. Comment [s18]: wordy. Make it more concise.

What I need to complement such experience and practical knowledge to reach

the long-range career goals is a systematic health management education which
can be fulfilled through a Master’s course in the United States. Comment [s19]: can you be more specific about
the obstacles? Even with the gained theoretical and
practical knowledge, what stops you from achieving
Firstly, within the course, I plan to specialize deeply in health policy. I would your goals? Why it must be graduate study and in
the US?
like to investigate the major elements involved, such as the influence of
political parties, civil organizations, private involvement, and legal
frameworks. At the same time, I want to overview the historical and intellectual
context of recent health policy developments. I would like to make a
penetrative study ofresearch and compare ison of health policies y \in the
context of various developing and developed countries. I believe that by the
end of this course, my integrated, multidisciplinary knowledge and skills
obtained will give me valuable resources to take home and contribute for my
countryVietnam’s health system, especially, shaping health policy.

Secondly, the United States is a developed country with an abundance of Comment [s20]: so here are reasons why it
must be US
medical resources and an advanced health care system. So, studying in the
United States will provide me a chance to acquire a direct, first-hand
understanding of them. If possible, during my second year in the US, I hope to
take an internship at health administration of US to understand clearly about
health system in US, the method of its operation and the context leading to
health policies. Comment [s21]: strong sense of purpose. You
seem to know very well what you want to

Thirdly, the course in the United State would give me a great opportunity to
learn from famous scholars and excellent students around the world. Being
familiar with working in diverse environments with many different types of
job, I believe that I can quickly adapt to new environment, to accept
differences, to learn from others and easily get connected in a network.
Besides, building an international network connection with expert in Public
Health around the world through this course will be also helpful for my future

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Mr. Vu's English Classes (https://www.facebook.com/vuclass) - Class materials

career since it creates a dynamic channel for exchange viewpoints, knowledge

and experience as well as cooperation at an international-level. Comment [s22]: it's getting a bit long for this
section. Can you make it more concise (all of the last
three paragraphs).
After graduation, I plan to return Vietnam working for Ministry of Health. It is
an agency of government, performing the state management of health system as
well as shaping health policies. Thus, working there would provide me an
opportunity applying my knowledge and experience achieved in the US to
shape health policies which would be suitable with the Vietnam condition.

A professional in the field of health management and policy needs

multidisciplinary knowledge, sense and skills. Even I am a young person, my
enthusiasm and activeness extend not just to academics, but to other aspects of
life. I have obtained good communication skills and improved interpersonal
skills through working in various organizations and professional environments,
such as Young Reporters Club of Radio the Voice of Vietnam, Vietnam
Student Newspapers. I have had an opportunity to build network with many
correspondents. This also has helped me to develop a range of skills, in
particular those of analysing complex information, team working, and
leadership ability. Comment [s23]: This seems out of place to me.
What's your point of placing it here? Move it up and
work it into the paragraphs about what you did to
I sincerely hope that your program can provide me the chance to study. I am achieve your goals. If you run out of space, you can
leave it out. Your SOP has enough substance
aware that my objectives are ambitious that require my efforts and persistence already.
to pursue in my lifetime. However, the Master’s program is an important step
for me to make my dreams come true Comment [s24]: good job. Clear, specific and
strong sense of purpose. Just condense your writing,
re-organize a bit and add even more specific
examples, and you'll be fine.