The chart below shows the results of a survey of people who visited four types of

tourist attraction in Britain in the year 1999.

The pie chart compares four different tourist attractions in terms of the number of people who
visited them in the year 1999 in the UK.

Overall , theme parks and museums/galleries were more popular compared to historic buildings and
animal parks in Great Britain. However, the highest proportion of tourists went to Blackpool Beach in
comparison with other theme parks.
In 1999, 37% and 38% of the surveyed people visited theme parks and museums respectively,
whereas only 9% were interested in safari parks and zoos. However, historical places accounted for
Commented [AB1]: I would use ‘in addition’ here. You are not
offering a contrast with the previous sentence. You could say –
‘While/ although the highest proportion of tourists went to
Blackpool Beach in the other theme parks had a lower proportion’
– this provides a contrast in the new sentence.

16% of the total. Commented [AB2]: ‘the other’ – ‘the’ is better here as we can
see ‘the other theme parks’. They are known to us.
Looking at the theme parks, Blackpool Beech was the most favourite and almost half of the British Commented [AB3]: Again ‘additionally’ is better here. You are
citizens preferred to go there by 1999. By contrast, only 16-17% people made plans to spend time in adding to the previous information. The contrasting information
was in the previous sentence.
Alton Towers and Pleasureland .Finally, the figures were same (10%) for both Legoland and
Commented [AB4]: Spelling - ‘Beach’
Chessington World of Adventures.
Commented [AB5]: ‘the most popular’ – ‘favourite’ already
Comments: means ‘most favoured’ so
Commented [AB6]: The grammar is not quite right here –
IELTS Marking Criteria My comments Band score
‘preferred to go there in 1999’ or ‘had preferred to go there by
1999’ – if you have ‘by’ you need the past perfect.
Task Fulfilment Addresses the requirements Commented [AB7]: ‘at Alton Towers and Pleasureland’ -
of the task. Presents an these are places.
overview with information 7.5
appropriately selected a lot At is commonly used with names such as buildings or organizations;
businesses.
of relevant detail. Clearly
presents and highlights key For example:-
features/bullet points - you I first met her at Harrods.
draw relevant comparison of Commented [AB8]: ‘were the same’ – ‘the’ is always used with
key points using accurate ‘same’.
time references and details.
Cohesion and Coherence Logically organises

Lexical resource
Grammatical Range
and accuracy
Overall score: 7.0 + A good piece of writing which is effective. The issue with ‘however’ was one
thing that affected the general score.
information and ideas; there
is clear progression 7.0
throughout the task, however
the use of ‘however’ is not
quite accurate here.
‘However’ is used to refer to
a previous idea.
Uses sufficient vocabulary
for the task. Flexible and
appropriate use of language.
You used some sophisticated
language which is mostly
accurate and relevant. Some 7.0
occasional errors – ‘the
same’; ‘most favourite’ but
on the whole appropriate.
Good and some error free
sentences. Produces some
good sentences with a good
combination of simple and 7.0
more complex grammar
structures. A good and often
accurate piece of writing.