TAKING CRITICISM

Dealing with criticism positively is an important life skill.

At some point in your life you will be criticised, perhaps in a professional way. Sometimes it
will be difficult to accept – but that all depends on your reaction.

You can either use criticism in a positive way to improve, or in a negative way that can lower
your self-esteem and cause stress, anger or even aggression. There are two types of criticism -
constructive and destructive – learning to recognise the difference between the two can help
you deal with any criticism you may receive.

Constructive and Destructive Criticism

The difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism is the way in which
comments are delivered.

Although both forms are challenging your ideas, character or ability, when someone is giving
destructive criticism it can hurt your pride and have negative effects on your self-esteem and
confidence. Destructive criticism is often just thoughtlessness by another person, but it can
also be deliberately malicious and hurtful. Destructive criticism can, in some cases, lead to
anger and/or aggression.

Constructive criticism, on the other hand, is designed to point out your mistakes, but also
show you where and how improvements can be made. Constructive criticism should be
viewed as useful feedback that can help you improve yourself rather than put you down.

When criticism is constructive it is usually easier to accept, even if it still hurts a little. In
either scenario always try to remember that you can use criticism to your advantage.

Some individuals are critical by nature and do not always realise that they are hurting the
feelings of another person.

If you know a person who is critical of everything try not to take their comments too
seriously, as this is just part of their character trait. If you do take negative comments to heart
it can create resentment and anger towards the other person, which could damage the
relationship.

Taking the Positives Out of Criticism

We all make mistakes all the time, it is human nature. As we go through life we have
plenty of opportunity to learn and improve ourselves. Therefore, no matter what kind of
criticism is aimed at you, analyse it to find something you can learn from it. In material
matters at work, school or social clubs for example, try to take criticism on board to help you
improve. When somebody is attacking your character it is hard to accept, but that does not
mean you should ignore it.

Also bear in mind that the criticism aimed at you may not make sense at the time. Generally
speaking, there is usually some truth in criticism, even when it appears to be given out of
spite and bitterness. It is often the case that a slight on your character is a fair reflection of
how another person sees you at that point in time. Take a step back and try to see things from
the other person’s point of view, perhaps ask a friend for their honest opinion – use criticism
wisely and as a learning experience. See if it is possible to learn a little about how others
perceive you, you may be able to use criticism to improve your interpersonal skills.

We all learn by making mistakes, and learning how to deal with criticism positively is one
way that we can improve our interpersonal relationships with others.

How to accept criticism

Stay calm. It is natural to feel defensive when you are being criticized, but allowing yourself
to get upset and show your emotions will not help the situation. Keep in mind that we all
make mistakes when we are learning a new skill, so criticism is inevitable and if you deal
with it in a constructive way you may learn something valuable as a result. So try to stay
calm even if the person who is criticizing you seems agitated. Do not match their emotions
because it may make you seem incapable of handling criticism and it will interfere with your
ability to learn something from the criticism.

 Take deep breaths. When you are being criticized, focusing on your breathing can
help to keep you calm. Try counting to five (in your head) as you breathe in, then hold
your breath to the count of five, and then exhale slowly.
 Try to smile. Even a small smile can help you to feel better and it may cause the
person who is criticizing you to relax a bit too.

Give yourself time to cool off. Before responding and even before thinking about the
criticism that you received, give yourself time to cool down. Do something you enjoy for
about 20 minutes such as listening to your favourite type of music, reading a book, or taking
a walk. Giving yourself some time to cool down after receiving harsh criticism will help you
to deal with it in a constructive way, rather than just reacting based on your emotional
response.

Consider the motivation for the criticism. Sometimes criticism is not meant to help, it is
meant to hurt. Before you decide what to do about the criticism you received, take some time
to think about it. Ask yourself some questions to try to understand why the criticism was
made.
 Were the comments about something you can control? If not, why do you think they
are being made?
 Does the critical person’s opinion of you really matter? Why or why not?
 Are you in competition with this person? If so, could the criticism be a reflection of
that?
 Do you feel like you are being bullied? If so, have you sought help for the problem?
(If you feel like you are being bullied at school or at work, talk to someone who can
help such as a teacher or human resources representative.)