Last Beginning

It was a general day; I woke up in an old small apartment, the sunlight spilled through
the windows that were covered with old curtain. I got up and looked around, everything was still
the same, some piles of old book, used clothed struggle on the floor and a lot of bottle of beer in
the corner of the room. I put on the sweater and jeans then grabbed my phone and wallet before
went downstairs. My father was sleeping on the sofa holding a bottle of beer. I checked the time
and went out. In the next five blocks, there was a minimart. I walked in and got a loaf of bread,
some butter and a pack of sausages. I gave him (the cashier) money for those stuffs. I walked
out the store, the temperature was slightly warmer, but there were just few people got up to
work.

Actually, the area I lived used to be a commercial area, but the war led to poor
economics – many shop and industries were closed, and that is the beginning of everything…
My father used to work in a company around here. At that time, I was only about seven or eight
years old, our house was opened as a bakery. Every morning, I would smell many kinds of
bread and dessert that mom made, sweet and full of love. When the economy went down, most
of the companies were collapsed, my dad’s too. He got stressed and used alcohol to relieve his
stress. He became a hot-tempered and violent person. The gentle and kind man was
disappeared when alcohol got in his body. He started to injure me and my mom.

Finally, when I was twelve, it was a limit of her tolerance. My mom came to me with a
huge luggage, she gave me a piece of paper that wrote her new address and told me to keep it
a secret. Then, she left us. Guess what was happened when my dad came home. He hit me,
and rebuked that mom was a bad woman that fled away with her adulterer – I got the scar at the
ending of my left eyebrows and a large lesion at my right shoulder at that time, but I know he did
not care. Dad destroyed everything that were belonged with mom; pictures, her clothes or even
kitchenware.

As I walked home thinking about many things that passed many years ago, Austin, my
best friend, ran to me. He was a funny person, no matter what happened he always be besides
me. I did not know can I go through those bad situations if I have not met him.

“What’s up Nick! Are you going to the bar tonight?” asked Austin. I nodded.
“Where is Harley? Isn’t she with you, Austin?”
“Nah, she texted me that she is blamed that last night she came home late.”
 “Hmm… last night, didn’t t we go home after we finished our work?” I asked.
“Yeah, but I had a surprise, can’t you remember? I thought that I have told you already.”
“Oh I get it, and did she say yes?”
“Yes!!”
“Congrats! Oh, sorry I have to go now, bye.”
”Uh-huh, see you later.”

Austin and Harley were only friends I had; they were very good to me. I knew that they liked
each other. So, I was not a surprise that they were on dating. I quitted thinking about them and
walked home quickly, roasted some bread and sausages for myself and dad and placed the
plate on an old wooden table besides the sofa, then went upstairs starting to pick cloths up and
gather bottles of beer to the trash.

After I finished cleaning, I pull a box that I hid under my bed; the box filled with album of
old family pictures, letters from my mom… and a piece of paper that was written the address. I
started reading all of the letters again and again as I did every day. I knew that she wanted me
to live with her since several years ago, but how can I leave dad alone. Even, he hurt me; he
was still my dad. After mom left us, I had to do everything by myself; cleaning, cooking, or even
earn money. I worked in many places, but at last I decided to work at the bar near my apartment
as a bartender. The salary is quite good compared to working duration and the duty that I have
to do for each day. The work started at 5 pm, and I should leave home now before I went to the
bar late. I usually went to meet Austin and Harley at the old parked before we went to the bar
together.

“”Hi” I waved when I saw Austin and Harley sitting on a bench in the park.
“Hi, Nick” said Austin and Harley.
“Have you waited long?” I inquired
“Nah, it’s alright.” Austin replied.
“Oh, Nick, I have something to tell you, your mother has sent you the letter, but I forgot
to give it to you. I los…” Harley talked to me, but I did not listen to her until she finished
her sentence.
“Uh-huh, I think we should go to the bar first or we will be late” I

“Oh no! That old miserly man gonna deducted my salary for sure, hurry up!!”
We ran from the old park to the bar quickly, Austin push the back door of the bar open and go to
the change room. I followed him putting on my uniform, then grab tripe and went outside to wipe
tables. Harley and Austin came to help me later; suddenly we heard the edgy noisy sound that
we got used to it. The voice came from the obese frustrated old man, Mr. Carter Hilton; he was
the owner of this bar. We all knew that he is kind. He had no child, so he treated us like we were
his child; although, he got frustrated easily.

“Ahem… can anyone explain me? Why are you late?!” shouted Mr. Carter.
Austin lied. “Err I…I got diarrhea.”
“Aw, are you okay, Austin? If you don’t, you can rest for today.” Mr. Carter replied
attentively.
“Oh! I am fine I…I just… err” Austin said jerkily.
“Okay, then get to work if you are not okay just let me know.” He told Austin, and went to
his manager room.

We waited until we were sure that he cannot hear us, Austin winked to Harley and smiled crafty.
Harley laughed out loud and hit him gently.

“Whatta sly boy~ huh, you are so funny hahahaha. You got diarrhea, seriously?”
Austin laughed “Did you see his face? It was very hilarious, haha.”

I did not say anything shaking my head, and continued doing my work. Customers came into the
bar gradually. Harley worked as a waitress, Austin worked in the kitchen, and I worked as a
bartender. The salary is not the only factor that made me decided to work here. This bar was
not far from my house much, so my dad usually went to this bar too. Yes, I’m here to take care
of him.

Tonight, the bar was quite bustling; many people came in the bar. I swept my eyes over,
but I have not seen my dad yet. Then, I saw Harley walked to me to receive drinks.

“Uh… Harley…”
“Hmm?” Harley Replied.
“Did you see my dad?” I asked with suspicion.
“Err… I think I have not seen your dad yet.” She answered looking around.
“Oh… really,” I mumbled.
“What’s happened?” she asked me again.
“Nothing” I unsurely responded her.
 “Oh! Did you remember when we were at the park I had something to tell you,” She said
nervously.
“About my mom’s letter? Okay, give it to me then.” I asked her for my letter.
“That is what I have to tell you… Umm I thought I lost your letter…” She stammered.
“Don’t be worried, that’s not a big problem I will sent mom a letter to tell her.” I explained.
“No! It was not that part, before I came to the park my mother told me that she saw your
name… So, she has sent the letter to your house!!” there was a dead-air for a while…
“I’m so sorry, but I did not know that my mother will send that letter. I think you should go
to get it before your dad would see it.” Harley apologized.

I was stunned, I thought that if I told mom to send to letter to Harley house instead, I could keep
the secret that my mother contacted me, but maybe it was not anymore… I took my apron off
and ran out from the bar thinking what will be happened if dad knew it. It did not take long time
to get back to my house, but I just stood in front of the door. I am frightened to see what
happened. I took a deep breath and pushed the door slowly… The lights were turned on; my
dad was sitting on the sofa holding a bottle of liqueur. On the table, there was a piece of
paper… I was praying I wish that paper must not be the letter, but it seems my wish does not
reach the god…

“What is this?” He asked coldly.

“…” I stood in silence.
“I am asking what this is!!! Huh?!?! Don’t you hear me???” He bawled.
“I… I don’t know it is nothing…” I said while almost crying.
“Duh… So, that is not yours?” Dad shouted.
“…” I don’t know what to say…
“Clang!!!” Dad threw the bottle he was holding to the floor.

Pieces of broken glass scattered all over the floor. Some of them pricked into my skin, but I did
not care about it.

“Dad…I…I…” I was trying to say something, but I don’t know where my voice was gone.
Before I could say anything, he yelled “Shut up!! I should know… on ones really love
me!”
“No… Dad I love you.” I replied painfully
“But you still want to live with that fucking woman right?!? Don’t you remember? She left
us with that son of a bitch!” He bawled louder and louder, and I know that he reached his
 limit already, but he might not know that I reached my limit too.
“Dad! You should not blame mom like that!! I bet you have not seen mom with any guys.
You just made the story to deny that it was your fault!!” I said with anger.

Dad was stunned, we were both in silence, but then he slowly walked to me, and slapped me in
my face.

“How dare you!!!!” He yelled at me.

“For what reason, should not I dare? If you cannot remember it, I will remind you.
You hurt mom and me, you almost killed her!! That’s why she left!!!”

Dad did not listen to me anymore, he pushed me down. I can feel the scattered glass under my
hands. I cried, but it was from my heart not my hands. Dad grabbed another bottle that placed
on the table and approached me. I look at his eye; did not know what did he feel at that
moment… angry…sad or disappointed? He looked painful, and also hated me at the same time.
He thrashed my head with that bottle the liqueur was mixed with my blood covering my body.
Dad kicked me in my stomach. I had colic and lied down on the floor. He continued beating me
up… I tried not to cry, but I cannot. I knew that it was hopeless to calm him down, but I still tried
to say.

“I’m your son not a thing that you can put it out on…” I whined.
“Then, you are not my son anymore!” He pointed right in my face and said with serious
harsh tone.

I have not thought he would say this before… My tears were dried, but the pain in my mind got
more and more. I was speechless while he continued hit me. I did not know how long the time
passed, I lied at the same place, but dad was gone. I slowly stood up staggering to get out of
this house… When I realized, I was in the middle of nowhere sitting on the footpath asking
myself what I am living for…my mother? I think she was already happy without me. Dad? It
seemed that he did not need me anymore, and maybe he might hate me instead.

I grabbed my phone and texted to Harley. It was not her fault; I did not want her to feel
guilty for the rest of her life. It was my own decision. Then, I texted to Austin next, there were
thousands of word that I want to tell him, but “Thank you” might be the one that could describe
my feeling the most. I was still sitting on the footpath looking at the moon and stars. I took a
deep breath; it might be the last day of my life… The noisy sounds from the racing car began, in
this area there usually had racing car competition every night. I stood up, and saw a pair of car
that was driven on a high speed. I walked and stopped in the middle of the road. The light from
the car was so bright, so I raise my hand to cover my eyes… I heard someone was running to
me, but it was too late, I smiled although I did not even know who he was…

“No!!! Nick!”

I felt the thrust from the right side, my body was pushed and my head hit the footpath, soreness
appeared throughout my body. Before everything shut down, the last thing that I heard is the
sound of car crash and someone was crying…

I woke up in the small clinic, I look around and found Harley was sleeping besides my
bed…

“H…Harley?” I said with a hoarse voice.

“Hmm… Eh? Nick! You already wake up, thanks god.” She said with pleasure, her tears
ran from her eyes
“What was happened?” I asked.
“No, do not say anything yet. Let me call the doctor to see you first.” She told me.

After a doctor and nurses came to check me already, I started to ask Harley again.

“Harley, what was happened? Eh? Why you goy puffy eyes? Have you been crying?” I
asked with suspicious.
“Can’t you remember anything?” She asked me back
I tried to think what was happened last night, and I was shocked.
“Why… Why I have not died yet…?” I mumbled.
“Austin… Austin helped you.” She answered me bending her head down.
“And where is he?! Tell me Harley, is he okay?” I asked anxiously.
“He is dead” Harley started to cry sorely.

I repeated thinking about him, he died because of me, that was my fault. Suddenly, I thought it
was because of dad, but that thought went away rapidly… if I accused him, I would be the same
as him. I hugged Harley, and lightly patted her back.

“I/m so sorry Harley, that was my fault.” I said.

“It’s would be okay I just need some time to deal with my feeling… I understand.” She
told me. “And, what you are going to do next?” She probed.
“I cannot go to my house anymore; It is too hurt to see my dad again… I think I will find
 mom.” I responded.
”Good luck with your own way, remember I will always be here if you need help” She
smiled while tears ran down her face.
“Thanks for everything Harley…” I grinned back.

After I talked with her, I decided to write a letter for dad. I would tell him everything in my mind.

Dear beloved dad…

I’m sorry for everything, if I have done anything that made you angry please forgive me. I
know that you do not need me anymore, but I still be worried about you. This is the last
thing that I would like to request from you… Please take care of yourself, drink fewer
liqueurs and eat more food that good for your health. All of my money is in the box under
my bed… I give you all. I’ll be with mom. I’ll take care of her as good as I can. I
promised.

Love, Nick

A few days later, I came out from the clinic and got back home to bring my clothes and placed
the letter on the table. I look at my home for the last time and walked out. I did not know am I
right to do like this… I did not know would it be my last beginning. Somehow, whatever that will
be happened; I have to accept them and go through them; just like I had done before.