THE GARDEN PARTY THE GARDEN PARTY

CLERK: Or the programme of humorous stories from the

liquidation practice of Section 5 which have been written
down and will be narrated by the Head of Section 5 -
I
I

SECRETARY: And in which you yourself can participate, provi
you have sent the exact text of your story together with a
.).. health certificate and a permit from the Head of your Sec .
to the Secretariat of Humour and to the Ideological
:'"vJ Regulation Commission at die latest two mon s ore the
date of s gar en party.
CLERK: Provided you can obtain a permit from the Organizing
! Committee, you may even dance - i.e. in the area of the
, Dance Floor A - between 11.30 and 12 p.m. Large Dance
Floor A is reserved until 11.30 p.m. for the Liquidation
IMethod Section, and between 12 and 12.45 a.m. for the
People's Commission and the Delimitation Subcommission
SECRETARY: If you are interested in making use of Aids to
Amusement, such as paper hats, gay papier-mache noses,
etc., you may pick them up via the Head of your Section in
the Sectional Warehouse and then you may go and amuse
yourself with them within the area of Small Dance Floor C.
CLERK: Of course you'll have to respect the queue which has
forming outside the Small Dance Floor C since early
afternoon and which, I'm sorry to say, is inevitable in view
the relatively large interest in Self-Entertainment with Aids
to Amusement, and the limited accommodation within the
space of Small Dance Floor C . ...r---
SECRET ARY: !!!e sooner you start ueuing!l the sooner you get in.
HUGO: Excuse me, but Small Dance oor ISc early smaller
than the Large Dance Floor A. Why not move Self-
Entertainment with Aids to Amusement to large Dance
Floor A and the dance of Sections to the Small Dance Floor
C? Why stick one's nose into the hedge when even the robin
sings alone? Check!
(The CLERK and the SECRET ARY exchange meaningful
glances.)
SECRET ARY: At first glance there's logic in it -
CLERK: Unfortunately, this kind of logic is merely formal-
Ilht'
v: Moreover, the actual content of the suggestion
an ignorance of several basis principles.
lO
mean you'd approve if the dignified cou~?f
0\1 our
'l
ulen party were disrupted by some s?rt of dad~stIc
I I I1 In which would certainly ensue if such an Important
11I1 I it were junctional area as the Large Dance floor A
.' 11 tualitinesr;l
I HI be opened to unbridled inte ec
I A V: Moreover, what makes you think that Large ~ance
"HIl A is larger than Small Dance Floor C? Why deceive
If? . kn
ur -Iy our colleagues of the Organizin~ CoIDmlt.tee . ew
I Y w 11 why they restricted Self-Entertamment with Aids
III lI\usement precisely within the confines of Small Dance
I IIHI ,.
I I ARV: You mean you don't trust the resolutions of the
h uizing Committee? . . .
I ( .omposed of the leading officials of the L1qu1datIon
Hh .?
I I ARV: Old, experienced men..who long before you :w.er~-
I un were devotedly liquidating? - - .
I In conditions which your generation cannot even begin to
\\ ine? ;l
I (/interS) Well, well, well! How are things at the entr~ce,
11 ving fun? Conversation flowing? The garden party 1Sfor
y ryone!
. Thank you. It's flowing-
l'ARY: It's flowing- ,
Well, that's good! It's really sort of pretty good that you re
h r on duty - go on, sit down - make yourselves
omfortable _ relax - undress, if you like - take off your
h s _ damn it, aren't you just among yourselves? We~,
how did you like my inauguration speech? ~' eh? I ~ust
ve it a sort of human touch, you know, to liven, up things a
bit out here. Right down the popular level, wasn t 1t? Well
now I wasn't putting it on, you know. It comes sort of
nam'rallY to me. In fact, I hate phrase-mongering and I
resolutely reject all sterile cant. That's the way I am. You

12 13
 THE GARDEN PARTY
see, I'm quite an ordinary chap made of flesh and bones
milk and blood, in short - as they say - I'm one of youl
on, if you have something to eat, eat! We don't want to
bother about formalities, do we? You know, really, no
foreign is human to me. I mean it! Well, never mind.
thing, I've managed to establish this friendly, informal
atmosphere among you. That's the way I am. Wherever
come there's lots of fun. Never mind. The Liquidation
Office is a useful institution with a complicated and a
administrative agenda. ut in spite of it, I'm SOrrY..
to sa~
you do sometimes slip into bureaucratIc practk"es. Secti
ave1drea"dynotIC 1, It was discu a ve - and the
result is this garden party. But don't worry. Now - in the
first stage - it's only a matter of letting your hair down in
human sort of way, establishing among yourselves a nice
warm, human relationship and then frankly stopping to '
think how to ventilate the whole shop. Good gracious,
chums, you really don't live like people, and that's a factI
You know a woman can become pregnant on the Moon?
course she can. On the honeymoon! Damn it, aren't we all
sons of one big mother? Oh well- I must run along now.
Have to make sure that conversation in the whole area is
flowing. Try and have some sort of fun here while I'm awa
(Exits.)
(A long pause.)
CLERK: Well, how are things at home? What about the children
Quite a handful, eh?
SECRET ARY: They aren't really - I haven't any - I haven't-
CLERK: What? What's that? Aren't you married?
SECRETARY: No, I'm not-No-Are you?
CLERK: No - neither am 1-
SECRET ARY: And what about the children?
CLERK: Well- you know how it is - quite a handful- you know
(Pause.) .
SECRET ARY: Listen - Large Dance Floor. A - when we look at it
from the distance of time -
CLERK: Yes?
THE GARDEN PARTY
in a certain sense really-
, ?
I •IAuger than Small Dance Floor C -
III Ih ontext of the new historical situation, certainly.
1 ; They concealed it from us, didn't they?
III n w let's not be afraid to say openly: if we move
11 1.111 rtainment with Aids to Amusement to Large Dance
11. 11 A
1 v: We shall thus enable a greater number of employees
I. III [lain themselves with Aids to Amusement.
11 I y we no longer have to be afraid of Aids to Amusement!
I v: Wait-isn't it just another mouse-trap?
I1 your pardon!
I 1 AkV: I'm sorry. Large Dance Floor Aisindeedlarge! I
.t 11\1[ the courage with which it has been revealed to us!
11, h ware things at home? Whatabout the children?
lilt a handful, eh?
I J. 11 I. use me, but in direct proportion to the amount by
Illl h Large Dance Floor A is larger than Small Dance Floor
I Ihe number of employees who can .entertain themselves ,
Ilhfunnynosesatoneandthesameume. He who fishes near ,[
lntovy doesn't need to jump into the mulberry bush. Check!
III So what? To say these things today is no sign of courage.
I )lIn't you see that if we're going to repeat over and over the
11111 h for which the struggle has long ago been won, namely
Ih t the Large Dance Floor A is indeed large, we're only
ub titutingonehackn~ed braseforanother. No,no! The
point is that tod;y we need action, not words!
I I I 1'ARY: Precisely what I had in mind a moment ago -
I . (Enters) Well, well, well! Howarethingsattheentr~ce?
I laving fun? Conversation flowing? The garden party ISfor
veryone!
I c. nARY: Thankyou,it'sflowing-
I I I KK: It's flowing-
I A I : Well, I'm glad to hear that! I see I've hit the nail on the ~ead
with my inaugurating. And why the hell not! I'm no beginner
at inaugurating.
15
 THE GARDEN PARTY
THE GARDEN PARTY
r you, you know. We inaugurators like you
SECRETARY: Do you often inaugurate?
I 1111 11th ers sort of off the tops of our heads, as is .
FALK: What a question! Good gracious, it's sort of my job! "'1''''''''"'
all, I.' ex rt u tor of Parties Conferences workers.
hquidation officers like you inaugurators as
Celebrations. I work a~e Inauguration Service, Sec .
CLERK: As soon as you opened your mouth we knew you w
I Villi If -\ At a certain stage it's really important that )
real expert.
11 11 ly say to one another that they're sort of people.
FALK: I've had a long inaugurational practice and I specialize'
p 0 ress progresses and we mustn't
get stuck with ~
;I
garden parties. B~t I inaugurate from a sort of burning
"nUlmJ",
I
t proclamanons.
I1 I ou mow, always say man-
\ human need, not Just because it's my job.
SECRETARY: Are all inaugurators like you?
I I I And so, in ilie
same way, you too - now let's not

I
I1 ,tIll open our trap and say it aloud - you too must
FALK: I'~ afraid not. Th~re are two camps at the Inauguration
. S~fV1ce: old dogmatic phrase-mongers, and we young
I I" ,
chums, life -life is a bloody marvellous thing. 11
With a sense of humour. You see, even we have our int I I ylI\! think? I
problems. How then could one expect you to be without It
them! No, not every inaugurator has reached the level w Bloody marvellous-
1111 ven a liquidation officer has a right to his slice of a .
we'd like to see him. Not by a long shot!
11 11111- I mean, you know - er - full life! And each one is
CLERK: But you've reached the level where you'd like to see
III d III have
a human defect. They sort of - you know-
yourself!
tllll I hope that you - and you too - have some
10 people.
FALK: I'm trying to help my weaker colleagues, to show them
I I ,I or other. If not, we'll never really sort of get along
way. But actually the main thing is that, in spite of all the
I I Ih f. That's a fact. I refuse to work with paper
Inauguration Service as a whole s~s today in the fore
" 11 I ti ns. You may stake your life on that!
of the sUJ,l-",-e for tbC.DCW a roach to man.
SECRET ARY: We'll have to learn a lot from you! v: I have a defect-
CLERK: A lot! n h ve I. I'm obscene-
FALK: A lot! Have you read my booklet Towards the Popular /1 In what way?
I'v a filthy picture at home-
Character of Garden Parties Organized by our Institutions?,
SECRET ARY: I was just about to - I I o you? And what about you?
CLERK: So was 1- I I AR Y: SO do I.
• I ht's the spirit! Give it a go, chums, give it a go!. .
FALK: Well! No wonder, chums! I mean, really, one must sort of
...dness knows I hate them scrags that sticks their heads ID
follow what's going on! That's the least one can do, damn it! 11UU' l'
Iht and when faced with problematicals such as, et s .sa,y,.a
tIn my book I've developed the thesis that every garden party
It of emotional life! Now, take love, for example. Ain t it a
ought before anything else to be a platform for a healthy,
hloody useful thing - so long as one knows how to latch on to
popular and at the same time well-disciplined entertainment
1\ I Damn it, to catch hold of these things is after all a part of
of all employees. As a matter of fact, your garden party has
working with human material. As they say in my home town:
\ all the earmarks of becoming such a platform.
atch a rabbit and you'll have it! Well, what do you say-
SECRETARY: Thank you-
CLERK: Thanks- I1I
TARY: Oh, we agree. Absolutely.

17
16
 THE GARDEN PARTY
THE GARDEN PARTY
CLERK: Catch a rabbit and you'll have it!
I ••I V 'I he Large Dance Floor A is indeed large. I
FALK: Oh well - I must run along now. Have to make sure
Ila lour ge with which it has been revealed to us.
conversation in the whole area is flowing. Try and ha
sort of fun here while I'm away! (Erits.)
(Pause.) I
"I
IIll ,
rrow I "
but if an hour ago the Self-Entertainment with
CLERK: Look- 11111 ment had been moved to Large Dance Floor

SECRET AR Y: Yes? '111I \I ould have been shorter by at least a hundred

CLERK: Look - a sparrow! It's flying - moss blossoms _ m
I 11w •r going to repeat over and over the truth for
are a-humming - nature! I Ih Iruggle has long ago been won, namely ~at the
SECRETARY: What? I) I1n" Floor A is indeed large, we're only going to
I!lttll' one hackneyed phrase for another. The point is
CLERK: I say, sparrows are flying - the boss mlossoms _ the
meadows are a-humming_ I I w need action, not words! One should never fire a
I I 11111 into the nettles. Check!
SECRETARY: Oh, I see - nature!
lido disagree! Most emphatically! There are ~_
CLERK: Yes. Well now. You have hair! It's pretty-gold_ .
h 11 n ver become trite. And I shall never allow any_
buttercrumbs - I mean buttercups - and your nose is 1ike
III tI r to us as the truth that the Large Dance Floor A
rose -I'm sorry - I mean like a forget-me-not _ white-
SECRETARY: Look - a sparrow! I I I ell rge to be maliciously be~ttl~ ~y an~ references to
CLERK: What? '"1111 self-evidence. For nothing IS self-evident, so long
SECRETARY: It's flying! .11 I till lurks among us even one of those who would
CLERK: And you have breasts. I I I h) see us removed from every dance floor!

SECRETARY: I know. I I ly what I had in mind a while ago-

I nt , • wearing a gay papier-mache nose) Well, well, ~ell!

CLER~: Two -like two -like two - two little founts _ (Pause.)
things at the entrance? Having fun? Conversation
I m sorry - I mean footballs -like two footballs, that's w
meant to say - sorry- 11\1 III ? The garden party is for everyone!
SECRETARY: That's all right - go on _ I h nk you, it's flowing-
• A Y: It's flowing-
CLERK: And your eyes are like two - two -like two footballs-I
mean buttercups_ 11(1 what are you talking about, eh?

SECRETARy: How are things at home? About love-

W 11,that's lovely. Even love sort of belongs to.man. ~
CLERK: Well, you know - nature - I mean forget-me-nots_
th man oftoda has rich Cl lin much, much ncher than
SECRET AR Y: How about the footballs? Quite a handful, eh?
CLERK: Not really - they blossom - you know- ny preceding man! But that's exactly why we must e.
SECRETARY: I see, you're not married! d mned sure that our love doesn't go and. spill over a c~~ I
uptimum level of manageability. Otherwise our love might
CLERK: I mean they're humming - No! Sparrows _ moss _ boss-
) and awake in people some temporary sadnesses as well. J
like ~o - ~o - To h~ll with it! I'd like to know who though
I 'fARY: And these must be fundamentalIy.eradi~ted!
up this stupid campaign! Catch a rabbit and you'll have it!
Bloody fool! I I I : As long as the don't belong among onstructIv
SECRETARY: I beg your pardon! dnesses for we know those, too. We mustn proceed
mechanically, so we don't pour out the bath with the baby.
18
19
 THE GARDEN PARTY
THE GARDEN PARTY
1I SECRET AR Y: As long as the bath of constructive sadnesses d
) tI conceal destructive ones as well, of course _ Y
1111 that's what I call a fighting word! You know, !
CLERK: Regarding the question of sadness, I'm an optimist. 11IllIlI we're living in the century of technology - the {
"''''''''I-'Ih I I phone-the magnet-not even GillVemon .
SECRETARY: I, on the contrary, am an enemy of cheap op .
FALK: I'm so glad you're discussing! Today we must discussl
I III III anything like this! -.-J
while we're doing it we mustn't be afraid of contrary op'
III I r ad Twenty Thousand Leagues under the Sea.
III able to read at even greater depths!
'11
_Ev~ho's QQnest!Yinterested in Our common ca
I discoveries of Captain Nemo. He hasn't got-
1IIIIh
- o~ght to h . fr2!!!2ne to three contr~ qpinion.s _ as
, 11 I h hasn't! He hasn't got a clue - this Vemon-
mcely put ill the r~solution of the 23rd Inaugurational
11 Ih (h overies of our captains of science. Technology
Conference. You know that a woman can get pregnant on
Moon? I I 11' I . me an organic part of the life of each one of us-
SECRET AR Y: Yes, on the honeymoon. " 11111 Iy! At the very next meeting of the ':-iquidation
FALK: (Irritated) Jokes - jokes - nothing but jokes! Why don't 1IIIltllllugy Section I'll suggest that we reconsider the
"ihll of the chemification ofli uidation ~tU
talk about art, for example? There you've jolly rich mat
for discussion, all nice and ready. Good gracious you m ,,, Jum tlf) 'The chemification of liquidation prac~,:,::
11I1 you, it's good that you're inflamed by the question of
~e haven't still got a whole damned heap ofb~g probl
y but at the same time you mustn t sort of one-
ill matters of art?
SECRETARY: I was just going to mention art- I' 11I11I1l)

"IV uve;"ate technology and so sink into ~rilous .

FALK: Art - that's what I call a fighting word! I myself-sort of
pers~nally. - fancy art. I think of it as the spice of life. I think
our tune directly calls for great dramaticals full of full-bl
heroes - for courageous, audacious painting oflandscapes_
, 111I m which changes man into a mechanical cog m ~e
I I 1111I nized world of a spiritless civilization. As if we didn't
I whole damned heap of burning problems in matters of
I1 •
v: I was just going to change the subject and mention

j
I IA
the contemporary spectator needs more and more
contemporary plays - the more contemporary, the better! I1 ' .'1
ought to become an organic part of the life of each one of us 1\ that's what I call a fighting word! The colleagues ill
SECRETARY: Absolutely! At the very next meeting of the 1111 I 'partment of Culture surely know very ~e~ why I

Delimitation Subcommission I suppose to recite a few lyri

ih v're planning to publish a decree about arusnc courage.
epical verses! 11'11 Iake effect already in the second quarter. .
HUGO: (To himself) 'Lyrico-epical verses' _ I I AR Y: Quite right! Art must provoke through audacious

FA~K: Mind you, it's good that you're inflamed by the question of
I rimantation in form - Impressionism - that sort of
I art,but at the same time you mustn't SOrtof one-sidedly IllIng-
11. Cl. (To himself) Impressionism- .
overrate art and so sink into unhealthy aestheticism

') I
f
profoundly hostile to the spirit of our garden parties. As if we
didn't have in technology a whole damned heap of burning
problems.
J

J I
• It's good that you're inflamed. by the question of art. But

u shouldn't underrate technology-

: I was just going to change the subject and mention

CLERK: I was just going to change the subject and mention t hnology-
technology . : Technology - that's what I call a fighting word! The .
colleagues of industry surely know very well why they're
20
21
 THE GARDEN PARTY
planning the introduction of IJlachines already in the next
quarter.
CLERK: Quite right! Technology must make use of the latest
discoveries - the periodic table of the elements, for
example-
HUGO: (To himself) 'The periodic table of the elements'-
FALK: It's good that you're inflamed by the question of
technology. But you shouldn't underrate art.
SECRETARY: Art - that's what I call a fighting word!
FALK: It's good that you're inflamed by the question of art-
CLERK: But you shouldn't underrate technology!
SECRETARY: Technology - that's what I call a fighting word!
CLERK: It's good that you're inflamed by the question of
technology!
SECRETARY: But you shouldn't underrate art!
CLERK: Art - that's what I call a fightillg word!
SECRETARY: It's good that you're infIalDedby the question of
art-
FALK: Stop it, for God's sake! This way we'll never get along
together! If you mean to torpedo we friendly atmosphere
I'.ve ma.naged to create among yOUunder the guise of an open
diSCUSSIOn,and fUrthermore, to undermine the success of
our garden party - then there's no place for you in the
close-knit ranks of our collective! I won't stand for any
rowdyism here! If anybody starts a rumpus in this place I'll
catch hold of him with these two grabbers and send him out
of here spinning like a top! Don't yoUdare come near me
until you've made it up with one another in a human sort of
way! Hooligans!
(The CLERK and the SECRETARY back out in terror. HUGO
[ softly_1£, to hmuelf.)
HUGO: Lyrico-:pi~ verses - chemification of liquidation practice
- l.mpressIOIDsm - the periodic table of the elements +Iyrico-
epical verses - chemification _
FALK: Hey, you! What do you think aboutall this?
HUG?: Me? ~ell, at the beginning the argument was quite
interesnng, but then it got a bit out of band, didn't it?
22
THE GARDEN PARTY
Pause) I mean from the beginning a wrong perso.nal ton~
W is maintained, although throughout an interestIng topical
problem was under discussion, wasn't it? ~Pause.) Of ~~urse
line may look at it from different angles, SIdes and ~s1Uons,
hut at the same time one must never forget to consider all the
PfOS and cons, must one? (Pause.) In fact, they were both
ort of right and sort of wrong - or rather, on the comrarv-
I th were wrong and both were right, weren't they? I mean
they were, were they not? (Pause.) Yes, I agree, they were
not, though I don't think they were. In fact, th~
med to Mve for otte at in-theJuture arLand. -
l chnology will sort of harmoniously supplem~nt ~h ~~r
the Iyrico-epical verses Will e p ID e c eiillficau~~.
liquidation practice - the periodic ~bl~ of the elements w~
h lp in the devetopmenroffmpressloms - ~rY-
technologicarprodUct will be s~iall wired for the _
reception ofaes eticOriin waves - the chimneys of the
atomic power stauons will be decorated by our best
landscape painters - there will be public reading rooms
twenty thousand leagues under the sea - differential
equations will be written in verse - on the flat roofs of
yclotrons there will be small experimental theatres where
differential equations will be recited in a human sort of way.
Righ';l •
(FAL~ stares at HUGO who fearfully ta~s OU! his ~fica~
card and shows it to him. FALK, mistaking hISacnon, shows hIS
card to HUGO. Then they bOlh calm down.)
, Al.K: I like the way you speak. In a human sort of way. And
you're with it! I like you, you know! You're a born
inaugurator! Come on, tell me - when did you leave the
team?
IItlGO: I've always fancied inaugurating-
I ALK: Goodness gracious, how did you get stuck in the
Liquidation Office? Some injustice from the p~t?
IIUGO: Well, you know how it is, one gets blown this way and
that-
I ALK:Or an assignment, perhaps?
23
 THE GARDEN PARTY
THE GARDEN PARTY
HUGO; We all have our assignments_
FALK;Special field assignment, eh? That's it, isn't it? Pity, I 11
r what for?
wasn't really in good form t9day! I k that - have a little chat - that's all.
11 I
HUGO: You weren't too bad- 11 rh Inauguration Service isn't perfect, we all ~o~
I I here were mistakes. Main thing, the whole affair will
FALK: ~ou're all right, you know. Now you mustn't think I'm
trymg to butter you up - that's not my way _ but I must lit 11 the hands of a pro.
I've grown a soft spot in my heart for you _ I mean it! I I 11 he won't give me a hard time, will he?
HUGO: Same here:

FALK: My name's Maxy Falk, Why don't you call me Maxy!

HUGO: Why not, you old Falk, you!
I • I I 'of history is the dictate of history - he'll see that.
I1 h I ater men have had to see it. f fi
I 1111 lily quite an ordinary chap, you know, ~ade 0 . es
j
11 I I III ) milk and blood - and also to me nothing foreign
FALK: Listen, chum, what about a nice little chat straight from
the heart? 111111I10.

HUGO: Sort of man to man, Maxy? II t you'll proceed with feeling - you do understand
FALK: That's it! What about it? "1'1 and that's damned good. }1

HUGO: Why not! As a matter of fact, all this time I've been I III of course I hate phrase-mongerlngand.I.resolJJ.te_y_
thinking how nice it'd be if We two could have a sort of real I 11 cant! c
man-to-man chat! (He puts on FALK's gay nose.) Well, how's I III an it, clnu:n! You know me, don't you? . G:
the boss? Quite a handful, eh? 11 I lid I haven't even mentioned them scrags that sucks (.
11 •• r heads in the sand when faced with burning
FALK: The skipper? Has his faults, you know, but does his share
You'll find him at his desk even at this hour. • I'lIlhlcmaticals! .
HUGO: At night? ('v never been afraid of the truth! When the,cause IS at
FALK:What are you liquidating, in fact? Ilk all personal interests must go overboard.
HUGO: SOI could go and see him right now? III Cl r'~ sure he'll meet me halfway. Damn it, aren't we all
FALK: Are you going to? CIn of one big mother? .
HUGO: You mean I couldn't? I You bet! But you mustn't put us all, as they say, I-? one
FALK: Why not? By the way - what for? 1111 ket! Even in liquidating one must sort of appreciate the
HUGO: Just like that - have a little chat - that's all. differences! Take a chap like me, for example-
FALK: I see. I don't want to pry_ IIIC 0: N evermm. . d M·am, thing I've managed to createI here eallya
HUGO: Pry away- ort of friendly informal atmosphere - but now must r
FALK: May I? run along! Don't worry, we're not seeing each ~ther for the
HUGO: Sure. last time. Who knows, tomorrow I might be quite at home
FALK: Well-er-whatfor? among you!
HUGO: Just like that - have a little chat _ that's all. t AI.K: You'll be through with us in no time!
FALK: I see. I don't want to pry_ 1111 0: Well, that's that. Now try and have some sort of fun here
HUGO: Pry away- while I'm away! .
FALK: May I? I ALK: I see what you mean. These are tempestuous tlmes-
HUGO; Sure. everything's on the move-
HUGO: Do ha\1e a rest-

25
 THE GARDEN PARTY
THE GARDEN PARTY
I y'. lever! They are clever! (Halts.) Now, llet's see ·
FALK: Everything's evolving at breakneck speed- 1 11 • S . be liquidated under etter A,
HUGO: Calm down- IIIh ln8ugurauon ~rvlce ) Christ they're clever!
111111 I 1 iter B? (Agatnpacalles. ~y to me now?
FALK: What's new today will be old tomorrow-
Y' Sadly) Joe! Is that you cand
HUGO: Relax- , .' 'B glad it's all over! We must hurry an
)h omeon. e
FALK: We're searching for new paths- I Mi 1 W . mustn't be late!
HUGO: Make yourself comfortable- I I" I1 I - ss. e. . kl she starts toWards the
FALK: Opening windows - lit I!CRETARY ~~gtns ro s~t ~~ to follow. But before
HUGO: Undress, if you like-
It I'h c~k, smtltng happt!Y,. runs on the stage,faces
htnJe"me to leave, Falk, furtOUS,
FALK: The ice is breaking - the thaw-
HUGO: Take off your shoes- I ". landshouts.) . tart liquidating, I'll be
FALK: Yesterday the Inauguration Service was in the forefront,
tomorrow it'll bring up the bloody rear-
I'
,h,."..)
uu know what? By ~ebe~lne ~ls (Puts his tongue out at
dl That's where I 11. .
HUGO: Have a nap, if you like! Even inaugurators are sort of m
damn it! As they say in my home town - catch a rabbit and
you'll have it. Check!
(HUGO quickly leaves. FALK sits down in despair. The CLERK
and the SECRETARY gingerly t;lpproach. Pause. Then the CLER
slowly begins to deliver his 'message'. FALK sits motionlessly,
stares ahead and ignores them.)
U:RK: We've made up with one another now - we exchanged
vari us facts from our private lives - we threw pine cones at
ach other - we tickled each other - nudged each other-
tried to throw each other off balance - I pulled my colleague
the Liquidation Secretary by the hair - my colleague the
Liquidation Secretary bit me - but all just in fun, you know!
Then we showed each other various peculiarities of our
persons - we both found it very interesting - and we also
touched each other - and, finally, we even called each other
by our first names a few times!
FALK: Shut up! Well, why are you staring at me? You think I care
about you! Not at all! Not in the least! You're nothing but air
forme! You don't exist! I don't even see you! Well-goon!
the Inauguration Service is being liquidated, so you'd better
be there! You'd better not miss it! Hurry up!
(FALK angrily stalks out. The CLERK stares blankly after him for
a while. Then the penny drops and he begins to pace joyfully up
and down the stage.)
26