Sexologies (2009) 18, 165—168
EDITORIAL
What is Seduction?夽
KEYWORDS
Seduction;
Sexuality;
Psychology;
Self-esteem;
Intimity
Seduction is not something we talk about very often
in sexology, and even less so in sexual medicine. And yet
in clinical sexology it is everywhere; indeed it could even
be considered the very ‘‘foundation’’ of clinical sexology;
sometimes because there is not enough of it, and sometimes
because there is too much!
Defining seduction
Seduction is a force, a powerful drive, but it is also quite
hard to define. At the heart of our desire for life, it expresses
the compulsion that pushes each of us towards the other, or
others. Seduction is a part of ourselves, part of our identity.
It comes from within and carries us towards the other with
the intent of arousing desire, echoing the desire that has
been awoken in ourselves.
Although it is directly related to the cultures and civi-
lizations that foster it, give it meaning and define its modus
operandi, it nevertheless has nothing to do with manners or
customs.
It is not a question of ‘‘know-how’’ either, and cannot
be reduced simply to a list of instructions, although it can
be learned, and can even become an art for some people.
It is based on codes and rituals that express the extreme
complexity of human civilizations (Mauss, 1935).
DOI of original article:10.1016/j.sexol.2009.06.005.
夽 This issue includes a French version: Colson MH. Qu’est-ce que
la séduction ?
1158-1360/$ – see front matter © 2009 Published by Elsevier Masson SAS.
doi:10.1016/j.sexol.2009.06.004
Seduction is common to all animal species; it dictates its
own rules, and is based on very strict procedures which if not
respected deny the animal access to sexuality and reproduc-
tion. In the human race, which is very innovative compared
to all the other mammals, codes of seduction are very com-
plex and strict, but they do have the original feature of
sometimes being somewhat remote from their objective.
For example, sometimes they take the form of power games
without any immediate intentional sexual or reproductive
gratification. Seduction is often, in our post-modern soci-
eties today an action of communication set within a vast
system used as much by advertisers and politicians as by
lovers.
Ambiguity
There is a lot of ambiguity surrounding seduction, and this
is why it is so difficult to decipher and define; an attractive
secret force that intrigues and frightens us at the same time.
It is a source of attraction and pleasure, but can also in some
cases be synonymous of illusion, manipulation, transgression
and danger.
The verb ‘‘to seduce’’ already gives clues to this ambiva-
lence, clearly revealed in the many meanings of its original
signification in Latin (Seducere, to seduce, but also ‘‘lead
aside’’, or ‘‘separate’’, or even ‘‘lead away from good’’).
And there really are three very different ways to seduce,
depending on the subtleties of modern conjugation, and the
different times of life.
‘‘Seduce’’, in the active tense, implying being enter-
prising, dominating and powerful. The seductive person is
working towards and for the other, to win them over, con-
quer them, indicate their interest and the strength of their
desire.
But ‘‘to be seduced’’, in the passive tense, involves much
more risk. Letting oneself be tempted and giving in to some-
one else’s powers of seduction can lead to disillusionment
and alienation, loss of identity in the face of the other’s
dominating desire.
166
‘‘Feeling seductive’’ is a different state again of seduc-
tion, neither active nor passive, but more receptive, a
special time in one’s life, which makes one feel more beau-
tiful and raises self-esteem, with a feeling again of power
over the other person, indeed power over everyone.
The ambiguity of seduction is somewhat similar to that of
sexuality, and has as many different meanings and ambiva-
lence. From the latin sexus, it means separating, cutting
away. But whereas sexuality is what separates men and
women biologically, it is also what enables them to unite in
the most intimate and profound way, making two into one,
thereby creating life. We need to be different and separate
from each other in order to continue to exist indefinitely
reunited, by leaving a little of each of us in our lineage
(Colson, 2008).
Seduction contains the same essential ambiguity and the
same dichotomy as sexuality. It does not have a gender, but
it is founded on social and cultural codes, on customs which
delve deep into the opposition between the two sexes. It
is difficult to compare male seduction to female seduction,
and similarly to sexuality, seduction is what divides men and
women, but it is also what brings them together. Like sex-
uality, it can sometimes tempt you away from the straight
and narrow, but without it, how would we ever manage to
find each other, to unite and discover the other at their most
intimate level; how could we awaken their desire with the
hope of consummating one day?
The problem with seduction is the strength at which it
draws us towards temptation, and the traps we know fully
well are awaiting. It is dangerous because it is potentially
alienating, but seduction is nevertheless one of the founda-
tions of intimate relationships.
Sometimes seduction takes the form of force used on the
other to make him or her accept one’s will or one’s demands.
But persuasion or force exerted to establish a relationship
of dominance and dependency without subtlety or play can-
not really be considered to be seduction. And when these
forces are exerted with violence and possessiveness, with-
out any attempt to understand or relate to the other person,
when the only aim is to use and abuse them, this is perver-
sion rather than seduction and the ultimate ‘‘erotic form of
hatred’’ (Stoller, 1975).
The roots of seduction
The power of seduction runs in parallel with self-awareness,
and is constructed by the individual based on his feeling of
identity and self-esteem, which is in itself related to the
quality of one’s image of oneself. It is important to know
oneself, have self-awareness, before being able to recognize
that one is unique and different to others. Only then can one
define oneself in terms of relationships with others, whether
it be to differentiate oneself from them, or on the contrary
to conform with others, to present oneself to others, or to
protect oneself from them.
Identity, self-image, self-awareness and
self-esteem
For Winnicott (Winnicott, 1970), identity develops very early
in life, in a two-fold movement of identification with oth-
Editorial
ers and distinction from them. Erikson built upon this initial
idea by adding the concept of cycles. Identity, far from
developing in a linear fashion, is developed, structured and
modified according to life-cycles and in response to rela-
tionships with others. It is strengthened and fortified by
periods of shared emotional commitment, and wanes and
retracts during periods of break-ups and crisis (Erikson,
1972).
But seduction is not purely a feeling of identity, it is also
self-awareness and self-confidence, built upon one’s self-
image, or what Schilder coined in 1935 as being ‘‘the way
our body appears to ourselves, both from a biological, psy-
chological and social point of view’’ (Schilder, 1935). This is
closely related in many ways to the ego, and plays an impor-
tant role in the development of an individual’s socialization
skills throughout their whole life.
The body and the awareness one has of it, one’s
self-image, are closely related to the development of
self-confidence that they will either foster or damage. Self-
image is built in the mirror of what other people see and
represents a major element in maintaining our identity, and
our acquisition of seductive powers. Winnicott was one of
the first to insist on the importance of the mother’s vision
of her child — an image in which the child should recog-
nise himself and be able to build upon for his own identity
(Winnicott, 1945). This fleeting snapshot represents the sup-
porting structure for the child’s self-image in a ‘‘founding
erotisation’’ (Decourt, 1999) as the source of auto-erotic
pleasure. This pleasure leaves a trace that will lead to
the construction of self-image through what Jacques Der-
rida called ‘‘self-memory’’ (Derrida, 1964). Maternal love
develops into self-love which enables later development
of a solid feeling of identity, reinforced by a positive self-
image.
The image that the child builds up of himself, his beliefs
and resulting self-representations become his psychological
foundations, a unique foundation on which he will select his
actions and social relationships. The construction of identity
and self-image play the essential role in developing strong
and identity-based self-esteem that is essential in the pro-
cess of seduction.
Relationships with others, self-confidence and
self-vision, capacity for intimacy
Ability to seduce goes beyond one’s own feelings of iden-
tity though; it also depends on relationships with others
and with the significant other. It develops according to the
quality of those relationships and the positive and com-
plimentary messages received from the important people
in our lives. ‘‘It enables us to access the best in our-
selves and to recognize ourselves as carriers of something
unique, something good and worthwhile’’ (Salomé, 2001).
It is therefore also self-confidence and self-vision, for exam-
ple the ability to project oneself into a possible future
resulting from self-construction. It will form the individ-
ual and relational project, and enable the individual to find
his vital force and feel seductive or to accept the play of
two-way seduction. It is a project which gives us a vision
of ourselves in which we are portrayed as seductive, and
which allows us to approach the other or to respond to
What is Seduction?
the other’s invitation and give body to the game of rela-
tionships and love. With the support of one’s centering,
self-vision develops mainly through one’s capacity to have
emotional and affective exchange with a significant other,
but also draws from self-image and the way one is seen by
others.
Seduction is therefore partly based on one’s own feeling
of identity and partly on one’s relationships with others,
but it must be determined in close association with the
capacity for intimacy, which gives access to sexual action,
for example the most secret and identifying thing that we
carry inside us and that we share with the other. Intimacy
creates a powerful emotive bond between two individuals;
a special emotional experience. The capacity for intimacy
develops progressively, and in parallel to that of identity,
firstly from the attachment to the parents in childhood, and
the confidence that is established or not with them. Confi-
dence allows abandonment and conditions the individual’s
future capacity for intimacy. Intimacy provides sexuality
with its dimension as a higher human activity, and seduction
is the language it uses.
Seduction: disorders and pathologies
Seduction disorders and pathologies are rooted in a dis-
turbed personal history, generally due to a lack of emotional
nourishment, but also sometimes due to a past history of
sex abuse, family violence or psychological abuse. Seduc-
tion is a complex and ever-changing construction, the living
synthesis of our emotional and affective experience, the
ultimate expression of our awareness of ourselves, which
is in turn closely related to the quality of our self-image
and self-esteem, and to that of our feeling of identity. The
different pathologies of seduction take root in disorders of
identity construction, and seem to start at an early age.
According to Adler (Adler, 1924), and for many other authors,
inferiority and superiority complexes start during childhood,
strengthened by the behavioral response of adults. This
is the age at which shame, guilt and self-doubt can also
have serious consequences on the experience of the future
adult and the quality of the self-esteem that will result
from it, and hence the capacity to develop seductive pow-
ers.
The idealization of the human body and the stereotypes
forced upon us relentlessly by the media are also an ideal
terrain for increasing torment and serious deficiencies which
will develop and be sustained in already fragile individu-
als. It is not rare to see, particularly amongst teenagers,
abnormal and self-destructive behavior such as eating dis-
orders or sexual deviances that reveal serious damage to
self-image and seductive capacity, made considerably worse
by the models portrayed in the media.
Certain educational situations, although at first sight suf-
ficiently supportive, can also hinder the development of
self-confidence. This can be the case in over-protective
families, or where the parents are too impatient, or too
demanding on the child, imposing ever-higher demands that
the child sees as impossible to achieve. This is also the case
for depressive parents, who develop a culture of failure with
their children where unexpected events, rather than repre-
senting a problem to be solved and overcome, or a skill to
167
acquire, become an impossible obstacle in the face of which
everything falls apart and for which there never seems to be
the right skill or competence available. It is easy to imagine
in such a context how difficult it is for a child or teenager
to embark upon a game of seduction with another person,
to face up to the desire — or absence of desire — of the
other.
At other times, when the identity and capacity for inti-
macy has developed normally for a given individual, there
are other difficulties preventing him from acquiring relation-
ship skills, social and affective competences. In particular,
current conditions for bringing up children, often uprooted
time after time because their parents have to move for
professional reasons, or get divorced, or separate, do not
always provide a strong framework for them to develop
social and affective skills in order to feel easily comfortable
and seductive.
Clinical sexology
The pathologies of seduction can be at the heart of male
sexual disorders or just as much of female sexual disor-
ders. For young adults, they could run in parallel with body
image disorders or body dysmorphic disorder, responsible
for sexual problems. At any age, they can translate into
the lack of self-confidence felt by the premature ejaculator,
the inhibitions of the pathologically timid individual, barring
all access to sexuality, or the inhibitions of the anorgasmic
woman suffering from a defective self-image, or that of the
elderly who think they are no longer seductive and suffer
from loneliness. Most couples who consult us have either
totally forgotten, or have perverted the game of seduction,
replacing it with awkward, hostile or inexistent forms of
communication.
When it becomes perverted, seduction adopts the face of
someone who does not know how to mediatize his impulses,
and has to find instant gratification, to the detriment of
others, and without being able to take account of others.
More mature, but just as dangerous, perversion can also
become an art of transgression and the pervert’s pleasure
is increased when he manages to drag an innocent individ-
ual with him along the road to perdition. The victim, often
a child, will suffer for it for the rest of his or her life, and
will nearly always develop sexual dysfunctions later in life.
In the couple, the perverted dysfunctions of seduction
are numerous, and they generate painful collusions and
arrangements which were extensively described as early as
1959 by W. Bion (Bion, 1959), then by Dicks in 1967 (Dicks,
1967) and J. Willi (Willi, 1982).
The road to recovery
It is of course always possible to correct things and acquire
the self-confidence that was not provided by parents or due
to a difficult personal history, regardless of the upbringing
one had or the trials and tribulations of past life. In the face
of a fear or a feeling of failure, it is not possible to eliminate
our emotions, but it is always possible to react to them in a
positive manner. ‘‘Self-confidence is therefore not a ques-
tion of willpower, but of creativity, creativity used for one’s
own good’’ stated J. Salomé (Salomé, 2003), And Bandura, in
168
developing his social cognitive theory (Bandura, 1977) was
one of the first to give us the key when he suggested we
should learn to transform thoughts into actions by means of
a process to adapt ourselves to our beliefs.
We can still triumph over adversity if we learn to believe
in ourselves and expect to succeed (Bandura, 1997). There
is no point in running away from our emotions or trying at
all costs to control them. It is infinitely better to learn to
use their energy potential to modify our actions for the
better. This is the basic premise that many other Ameri-
can psychological movements have developed, such as Kelly,
for whom anyone can build the future he wants based on
the way in which he projects himself into it (Kelly, 1955),
or more recently, with the positive psychology developed
on the other side of the Atlantic by D. Goleman (Goleman,
1995), and which led to the technique of ‘‘coaching’’.
Seduction, which lays the foundations for a loving
encounter and opens its doors, is the best possible example
of all the ambiguity and complexity of human relationships;
the one which forces us to define ourselves and find our
place both in terms of identification and rivalry with another
person. It is the melting pot in which a new dimension of life
together starts to emerge, with the hope of excelling one-
self in the face of the other, of another life that we always
think will be better. Seduction is a forceful and secret pro-
cess, inspired by sexual impulses, idealization of the other
and of oneself, that opens up new horizons. It mobilizes new
sources of energy in us, sweeps away many of our inhibitions
and taboos and heals old affective wounds. But it can also
lead to expectations that can never be met, fantasies
that can never be realized, and can turn into the battle-
ground for neurotic games of which one might not even be
aware.
Seduction is always an issue in clinical sexology, and we
should teach our patients not to be afraid of it, but on the
contrary to turn it into an essential opportunity for cre-
ation, for revelation of the other and of oneself, but also
for defining limits and boundaries and for mutual respect.
Self-awareness and self-projection into a shared, different
and stronger future should enable and facilitate intimate
exchange with the other.
Editorial
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M.H. Colson MD,
Director of DIU Sexology program at
Marseille Faculty of Medicine
Centre médical du Palais, 22, cours Pierre-Puget,
13006 Marseille, France
E-mail address: marie.helene@colson.fr
Available online 19 July 2009