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FAMILY GUY
Written by
Daniel Quitério
Antonio Lujan
Matthew Redman
FAMILY GUY "INVASION OF THE GRIFFIN SNATCHERS" 2.
ACT ONE
EXT./ESTAB. GRIFFINS’ HOUSE - DAY
DAVID
HAL
(monotone)
DAVID
ship.
HAL
STEWIE
LOIS enters.
LOIS
nap.
STEWIE
CONNIE
Oh, hi Mary.
MEG
stuff.
CONNIE
Uh, okay.
MEG
CONNIE
MEG
CONNIE
PETER, Lois, BRIAN, and Stewie sit on the couch watching TV.
PETER
Eh, there’s nothing good on TV
SONNY
CHER
SONNY
(nervous)
CHER
PETER
now?
LOIS
PETER
Brady?
BRIAN
never a convict.
PETER
Sure he was.
CHRISTOPHER
(voice cracking)
BANK TELLER
CHRISTOPHER
CHRISTOPHER (CONT'D)
LOIS
MEG
PETER
STEWIE
CHRIS
Hi Mom. Hi Dad.
PETER
Hey champ.
BRIAN
(watching the TV)
LOIS
(bitter)
their dog.
P.O.V. TV CAMERAS
LOIS
natural look.
Scooby trips over the cord of Lois’s hot glue gun and tumbles
into the cameras.
PETER
studio tour.
PETER
Simpson!
TOUR GUIDE
REGINALD
(in British accent)
FLEA #1
FLEA #2
FLEA #1
you.
FLEAS
(in unison)
sir!
FLEA #1
Damn straight!
MEG
LOIS
CHRIS
(laughs)
you.
MEG
LOIS
STEWIE
LOIS
STEWIE
Peter enters.
FAMILY GUY "INVASION OF THE GRIFFIN SNATCHERS" 11.
PETER
LOIS
Meatloaf.
PETER
BRIAN
STEWIE
Stewie pulls a lever and turns some dials. The device shoots
a beam of light into space.
GYE
HAL
DORIS
HAL
him.
DORIS
Lois washes the dishes. Suddenly, the house shakes and the
sky changes colors.
LOIS
What on earth?
STEWIE
Peter walks inside from the backyard, leaving the back door
open.
PETER
out there.
Stewie runs out the back door.
FAMILY GUY "INVASION OF THE GRIFFIN SNATCHERS" 13.
STEWIE
A pause.
STEWIE (CONT'D)
(speaking loudly)
Satan!”
ACT TWO
LOIS
LOIS
STEWIE
will die!
LOIS
HAL
STEWIE
domination.
BRIAN
in the garage?
PETER
(overly anxious)
LOIS
PETER
disappearance.
A pause.
PETER (CONT'D)
circus. Or something.
FAMILY GUY "INVASION OF THE GRIFFIN SNATCHERS" 16.
LOIS
to find him.
PETER
LOIS
What plans?
PETER
or later.
LOIS
Peter!
BRIAN
LOIS
(seductively)
PETER
PETER
BRIAN
PETER
BRIAN
Peter reaches into his pocket and takes out his phone.
PETER
cell phone?
PETER (CONT'D)
Hello?
LITTLE GIRL
PETER
BRIAN
PETER
backyard.
BRIAN
PETER
BRIAN
PETER
LOIS
BRIAN
LOIS
BRIAN
STEWIE
HAL
STEWIE
your head!
HAL
STEWIE
STEWIE (CONT'D)
(clapping his hands)
time!
BRIAN
PETER
BRIAN
One of who?
PETER
One of them!
PETER (CONT'D)
pleasuring yourself.
Peter and Brian stand by the back door after having just
entered. Meg enters the kitchen.
MEG
PETER
MEG
PETER
by aliens!
MEG
PETER
PETER (CONT'D)
MEG
Okay, whatever.
Meg slams her door and heads for her bed. When she is about
to lie down she sees Gye, the alien teenager, standing next
to the window.
MEG
Ahh!
GYE
Ahh!
MEG
me!
GYE
MEG
What?
The two lock glances. Meg gazes at him from head to toe, and
then smiles.
MEG (CONT’D)
GYE
Gye extends his hand out and the two shake hands.
MEG
GYE
MEG
Why?
GYE
me.
MEG
BRIAN
PETER
BRIAN
rifles instead?
PETER
stinking rifle.
Suddenly, the deer stand on its hind legs, pulls out a golf
club from behind him, and pummels Peter with it.
PETER
BRIAN
PETER
traps.
FAMILY GUY "INVASION OF THE GRIFFIN SNATCHERS" 25.
BRIAN
PETER
of all time!
PETER
trips.
BRIAN
BRIAN (CONT'D)
spaceship.
PETER
SATAN
PETER
your way.
Satan flashes Peter the peace sign and exits the scene.
Meg and Gye are sitting at a table in the crowded food court.
QUAGMIRE, who is holding a bag from Victoria’s Secret, walks
up to them.
QUAGMIRE
MEG
QUAGMIRE
Boyfriend, eh?
QUAGMIRE (CONT'D)
Alright!
QUAGMIRE (CONT'D)
(whispering)
MEG
What?
FAMILY GUY "INVASION OF THE GRIFFIN SNATCHERS" 27.
QUAGMIRE
Is it green?
MEG
QUAGMIRE
G-G-Giggity!
Quagmire leaves while Connie and her friends approach Meg and
Gye.
CONNIE
MEG
CONNIE
or something.
MEG
(to Gye)
LOIS
all afternoon.
(MORE)
FAMILY GUY "INVASION OF THE GRIFFIN SNATCHERS" 28.
LOIS (CONT'D)
CHRIS
LOIS
CHRIS
LOIS
Peter and Brian are hiding behind a tree in the far end of
the backyard. They see Lois walking out the back door.
Their eyes widen. Two other aliens walk out of the spaceship
holding laser guns and head towards Lois.
LOIS
Oh, dear!
Lois tries to run back inside, but the aliens catch her.
LOIS (CONT'D)
Peter runs out from behind the tree and charges at the
aliens.
PETER
The aliens drag her inside the spaceship. The guards point
their laser guns at Peter and start to shoot.
PETER (CONT'D)
Ahh!
FAMILY GUY "INVASION OF THE GRIFFIN SNATCHERS" 29.
ACT THREE
STEWIE
LOIS
STEWIE
LOIS
STEWIE
Fool.
STEWIE (CONT'D)
BRIAN
PETER
Of what sort?
BRIAN
Some sort.
PETER
A pause.
PETER (CONT'D)
BRIAN
PETER
(giggling)
PETER
PETER
BRIAN
BRIAN
PETER
Brian pushes the joystick forward and the car begins moving.
P.O.V. CAR The car bumps along the grass and the alien guards
are in full sight.
The car stops at the aliens’ feet. Brian moves closer to the
door. A single flea jumps from Brian’s fur and begins
hopping towards the aliens.
BRIAN
(imitating Stewie’s voice)
prisoner.
GUARDS
(in unison)
Yes, sir.
FAMILY GUY "INVASION OF THE GRIFFIN SNATCHERS" 33.
The car moves forward, but the wheels can’t get it up the
ramp.
The flea jumps on one of the guard’s feet and begins crawling
up his leg.
GUARD #1
GUARD #2
GUARD #1
Earth flea!
GUARD #2
GUARD #1
Lois sits on the ground in her cage. Stewie enters the door
and carries a plate of broccoli.
STEWIE
(aside)
once.
STEWIE (CONT'D)
LOIS
Hal and a guard rush in. Hal pushes the button to release
Lois from her cage. He grabs Lois while the guard picks up
Stewie.
STEWIE
HAL
The guards walk briskly out the door, pushing Lois forward
into the backyard. The alien carrying Stewie hands him to
Lois. They rush back onto the ship and close the door
quickly.
Brian and Peter come out of the bushes to join Lois and
Stewie.
BRIAN
their kryptonite?
LOIS
Stewie back.
STEWIE
comeuppance!
MEG
understands me.
GYE
forever.
The spaceship comes flying through the air and hovers over
them. The door opens and a bright white light shines out.
Hal appears in the doorway.
HAL
GYE
HAL
white on rice.
GYE
Gye lands inside the ship and the doors close. The ship
flies away with a gust.
Peter sits on the couch in front of the TV. Brian sits next
to him reading a magazine. Lois walks in carrying Stewie as
Meg follows. Meg’s eyes are still red and swollen from
crying.
LOIS
STEWIE
LOIS
LOIS (CONT'D)
PETER
(to Homer)
HOMER
Who?
CUT TO BLACK.
THE END