Heeeeeeeeeereeeee’s Johnny!

That’s right
folks, not only does week 9 mark the beginning
of the first 6 team bye week - leaving many of
our RvP owners “dead” in the water. It is also
the oh so wonderful week of Halloween!! That
being said I hope my readers will enjoy the first
ever Halloween Picks!

Last week the commish went a ghastly 3-4 to fall to 32-24 on the season, good for 3rd place in the Pick
‘Em. Rolando “I only shit gold” Ortega came in at an insane 7-0 last week to take the season lead, bravo!

Last week’s Pickup of the Week goes to CJ, who for $12 nabbed at 23.2 point resurgent Larry Fitzgerald!
Last week’s Benching of the Week goes to Micah, who left a 30.9 point Marlon Mack on the bench and
didn’t even care! His team went on to lead the week with 182.99 points and blew out Kenny’s second
best score of the week.

In other RvP news, Kevin Keller fell the 8th straight week to open the RvP season and is now tied with
Ryan Fellenzer “Fellenzer Engineering” for the record of the longest losing streak in RvP history. Will
Kevin make it an uneven 9 and go for RvP non-glory?! Read on to find out!

Power Rankings:
1.) Little Kid Lover (E): What is there left to say about this team, it’s so good he has players every
other team in the league would start on his bench. You know what that means Micah? Doomed
for a second place finish!

2.) The Funky Cat (E): Two of the Harcarian Heroes 3 best players we nabbed in the 11th in 14th
round. If that ain’t an RvP title story I dunno what is!

3.) Did I Stutter? (E): I always knew he'd come back. In this league, Rolando Ortega is a myth. He's
the Boogeyman. A ghost story to scare kids. But this Boogeyman is real. An evil like his never
stops, it just grows older. Darker. More determined. 10 months ago, he came to our league to
kill. He killed my friends, and now he's back to finish what he started, another championship.
Who’s ready to stop him?
4.) TOBY!!! (+1): MJ is back in the win column and with the Rams headed towards a porous Saints
D this week he’s gonna keep the good times rollin!

5.) Threat Level Midnight (-1): When you win by a total of 97 to 86, you take a hard look at your
fantasy roster and you think. These guys don’t do anything for me, they’re gazebos! They’re
bullshit!

6.) Cousin Mose (E): Ryan got what may be an RvP first, a guy who is having his second bye week of
the season thanks to a Golden Tate trade deadline move. Despite that, the rest of his team is in
play and Sony Michel is back…things are looking up!

7.) AthleadorStumpany?: Nothing stresses Kyle out, except having to seek the approval of his
inferiors. In this week’s case, he still has 7!

8.) Boomroasted (+1): Kenny lost last week despite the second highest score. This week he has
Saquon Barkley on bye and is starting Trenton Cannon. Let me get this straight..he lost and his
best player is on bye and he moved up a position? That is the sad state of RvP in 2018!

9.) Schrute Farms B&B (+1): C.J. nabbed a win last week but faces serious trouble in week 9.
Despite a solid trade flip for Chubb he is still a massive underdog with both Luck and Fitz on bye.
10.) BearsBeatsBattle*G (-2): A loser of 5 straight, Matt’s 3-0 start is a distant memory . Matt’s
fantasy decisions when his team starts to lose remind me of that Geico commercial where the
group of kids is running from a killer. Lets hide in the attic! No in the basement! Why can’t we
just get in the running car?! Are you kidding me… Let’s hide behind the chainsaws! If you’re in a
fantasy horror movie Matt, you make poor decisions, it’s what you do.

11.) VonHugen Balls (+1): Don’t look now, but Powell is out of the RvP basement and just 1 game
out of the playoff hunt. Speaking of Matt implosions, Powell recognizes something Matt
doesn’t. When you’re 3-5 wins now are what are most important! He deftly flipped Le’veon
Bell and Kyle Rudolph into Stefon Diggs and two startable pieces!

12.) Scrantonicity II (-1): Earlier this week I reminded Jenna to set her lineups before TNF. I also
reminded her that it was a good week to start Mostert over Riddick. What did she do? Started
Riddick while Mostert went off for 20 points before shattering his forearm in epicly grotesque
fashion! Sounds like something a fantasy team that fell back a position in this week’s power
rankings would do!

13.) Scott’s Tots: Scott has dropped 6 straight and now faces an elite Rolando led squad just one
week removed from playing Chris. With two guys in his lineup projected to score less than 4
fantasy points..all hope is lost.
 14.) Kevins Famous Chili: As I alluded to earlier…Kevin is on pace to set an RvP losing record if he
falters this week in a contest in which he is heavily favored to lose. I’ll just say it
now….welcome to the loser’s club asshole!

Threat Level Midnight vs. TOBY!!!:

Yes that’s right folks, Alshon Jeffery, T.Y. Hilton, David Johnson, Leonard Fournette and Jack Doyle are all
on bye. But you know what? It’s gonna take a lot more than a bullet to the brain, lungs, heart, back and
balls to kill Michael Scarn!!! Threat Level Midnight with the W!
Little Kid Lover vs. VonHugen Balls:
It’s early Friday morning as I write this portion of the picks, and despite Powell trading hard in his bid to
take down Micah this week, Micah is still sitting back all cool-calm-and collected with a 0 in his lineup
and his whole bench on bye. Micah is a lion..Powell is the gazelle.. have you ever seen a lion limber up
before it takes down a gazelle?! Little Kid Lover

Kevins Famous Chili vs. The Funky Cat:

Oh look, another glorrrrrious matchup for Chris, makes me sick! A week removed from decimating
Scott, Chris lands another juicy matchup with an RvP basement dweller in Kevin. On All Hallow’s Eve,
when the moon is round, a winless virgin will summon Chris from under the ground. Oh oh! He shall be
back, and the lives of all the teams of RvP shall be his! You may think this is all a bit of Hocus Pocus…but
Chris is destined for an RvP title! The Funky Cat!

BearsBeatsBattle*G vs. Boomroasted:

The first rule of Pick ‘Em should be, don’t trust Matt on a losing streak. I went with him Thursday and
forgot to switch to Kenny after Matt imploded his fantasy hopes in a series of bad trades just prior to
kickoff. Seriously people, I think it’s great we’re “helping” Matt, but we also need to think of our own
safety. I mean, his team is bleeding all over and you guys know that there’s an AIDS epidemic out there
right now, as we speak right? I mean, my friend Kevin in New York City got it just by touching a dirty
pole in the subway and enough of AIDS blood got into his system from a hangnail. Now he’s 0-8!
BearsBeatsBattle*G ??

Scrantonicity II vs. Cousin Mose:

Jenna’s fantasy season is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions. What I mean is Old Testament,
real wrath of god type stuff. Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Theo Riddick and Peyton
Barber in your starting lineup. Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes,
volcanoes….Cowboys2011 rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, Matt trading type mass hysteria! Get
the point yet?! Jenna’s on pace for her worst RvP season ever and Cousin Mose has one 4 out of 6.
Ryan with the W!

Schrute Farms B&B vs. AthleadorStumpany?:

I was working on the picks late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For kyles fantasy team from the slab began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise

It did the mash

He did the fantasy mash
The fantasy mash
It was a graveyard smash
He did the mash
It caught on in a flash
He did the mash
He did the fantasy mash

From his laboratory in the State College west

To the dining room where the Vader feasts
Kyle’s fantasy players all came from their humble abodes
To get a jolt from his fantasy electrodes

It did the mash

He did the fantasy mash
The fantasy mash
It was a graveyard smash
He did the mash
It caught on in a flash
He did the mash
He did the fantasy mash

Look for AthleadorStumpany to do the mash all over CJ’s playoff dreams this week!
Scott’s Tots vs. Did I Stutter?:
This showdown is a rematch of the week 6 matchup between these two teams in which Rolando blew
Scott out by 40. I don’t really have a lot to say it what will clearly be yet another Rolando domination.
Instead, I’ll close by saying until next time, remember: Cardio, seat belts, and this really has nothing to
do with anything, but a little sunscreen never hurt anybody. I’m the commish, from RvPland, saying
good night!