Week 8 Picks:

Seven weeks are down in the RvP 2019 season, and with just six to go the only team truly out of
contention is the winless-sackless-dickless wonder known as Theon’s Missing Membr. Week 7
saw the final undefeated team falter (yours truly) to the evil Night-King-Marti, making the race
for the playoff byes back in full effect! My predictions were a less than accurate 2-5 last week,
but it was enough to keep me in a tie with Kyle at 26-23 on the season. Meanwhile, Sir Matty of
House Y put together another stellar week, coming in with the top spot at 6-1! He’s so hot &
cold I can’t figure out if he’s part of the dead army or the devil in disguise!
Last week’s Heroic Pickup of the Week goes to the Harcarian Hero, who grabbed Jason Myers
off the wire and played him for a solid 13 points, bravo! Last week’s Samwell Tarley Moment
goes to Kyle, who trusted the Cardinals cryptic injury news all week and played David Johnson
over Edmonds, leaving him a 35-point performance on his bench while his starter locked in a
0.2. Fortunately for him, this did not cost him the win!
Will I have my first losing streak of the season? Will Micah ever get a fantasy win in 2019? This
and more as we move on to the picks!

Crows Before Hoes vs. The HarKarstarks:

Way back in week 4 of this season the King of the North did battle with the HarKarstarks, and
things did not end pretty for team Stark Jr. This time around, yours truly is severely weakened
by bye weeks (seriously, what kind of warrior simply takes a week off Sir Ezekial?!) and multiple
severed hamstrings, while the HarKarstarks have gathered the full strength of their forces
against me. What is this, a new warrior has arrived to the battle in the Week 8 Character
Announcement of the Week? That’s right lady and gents, welcome Chris as Arya Stark! My
former sister turned cousin was in disguise all along (she’s good at that) and we all know she’s
the most badass assasin in all the land. The HarKarstarks with the W, and a new #1 team!
 WinterIsHereBitches vs. Hodor:
The Night-King Marti has conquered Jon Snow and begins his march to reclaim the grid-iron
throne with a renewed vigor. Saved once against by his special force of “Patriots”, who rather
than rise from the dead seem to raise opponents on the football field from the dead who have
neither legs to run from them nor arms to hold onto the football. Coming into the start of Week
8, the New England Patriots Defense was the #2 scorer in all of fantasy, behind only Lamar
Jackson. What’s most baffling about this? How in the hell is Kyle only 4-3?! This week he faces
off against a Hodor team that is at full strength, but just doesn’t have the firepower to match
the Ice King. Look for WinterIsHereBitches to roll to another victory.

DaBears&MaidenFair vs. The Imp Pimp:

Sitting atop the Lannister division is a Matty-Y led team that has come quite a long way from
missing the draft. Seemingly every week I pick him to lose, he wins, and the few times ive
picked him to win, he loses. This week he faces off against CJ – The Pimp Imp himself as he
prepares for this crazy roller coaster ride known as father hood any day now. In honor of his
great entry into fatherhood, and probably as a favor to Matt since I’m picking him to lose, The
Imp Pimp! With the W!
 Boomroasted vs. The Winning Hand
Rolando enters week 8 with a 2-5 record despite outscoring his opponents 913 to 845. He faces
off with a Kenny led team that has one more win than him, despite being outscored 731 to 885.
What does this all mean? Fantasy ain’t always fair folks. If you want to win, you have to push
through it all, say damn it all to hell with the rules and be a master of strategy. That leads me
to my Makeup for Week 7 Character Announcement of the Week with Rolando as Tywin
Lannister. Year after year Rolando manages to find a way into contention, and I somehow
doubt a 2-5 start will stop him from doing it again in 2019. Look for The Winning Hand to get
back to his winning ways in week 8! Why?

The Kingslayers vs. Theons Missing Membr:

This week we have the man with the missing hand verse the man with the missing twig and
berries in a battle royale. I’ve lost track of the amount of times I’ve attempted to correctly
predict that “first win” for Micah in the 2019 season, but with Sir Ryan short both his right hand
Jackson and his left hand Ingram, this may be yet another shot. I will get this right one week ,
or Micah will match Kevin’s disastrous 2018 season. Either way…Theons Missing Membr!
 The No Arm Raven vs. Mother of Dragon:
Adams….out. Gallup…bye week. Jackson…out forever it seems. Matt Ryan….out. Our Mother
of dragon’s is good a politicking and good at burning the living shit out of things, but promoting
team health is apparently not her forte. It’s a sad sad day when I’m forced to do it, but The No
Arm Raven with the W! (Sorry love!)

Game of Jones vs. VonHugen Balls:

The winner of 2-straight, the new raddest name in RvP 2019 keeps knocking down opponents,
despite my failing to pick him. He faces off this week with Sir Huge Balls, our STD riddled friend
who is one of two failures refusing to get with the theme in 2019. My gut says pick Sir HB to
lose, but my heart says, if I pick him to win, It means Jones will actually win. Ok ok, the
Gumby’s reverse curse lives on. VonHugen Balls with the W!