____________________________________________________

Dream Diary From March 2019

Torquay Pedestrian Harbour Bridge.
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CONTENT.

Introduction

Spring Chapters
March 2019 --- verses 1 - 62 (62)
April 2019 --- verses 63 - 112 (50)
May 2019 --- verses 113 - ()
()

Summer Chapters
June 2019 --- verses - ()
July 2019 --- verses - ()
August 2019 --- verses - ()
()

Autumn Chapters
September 2019 --- verses - ()
October 2019 --- verses - ()
November 2019 --- verses - ()
()

Winter Chapters
December 2019 --- verses - ()
January 2020 --- verses - ()
February 2020 --- verses - ()
()
____________________________________________________

Introduction:

This is yet another year long dream diary written by Adi Cox. Each
verse is one dream that has been written down. I do my best to
capture the essence of my dreams in order to understand them.

So the Shadow Work Continues: I understand that at the heart of

every dream there is an anxiety. No matter how nice a dream
appears to be on the outside there is a kernel of anxiety within it.
So to recognise your dreams is to do your shadow work. By
looking into your dreams you look into where your anxieties stem
from, so that you may address them. It is all a part of doing your
inner work. So that you may live the healthiest and most peaceful
life possible.
This is where I live. I live in a guest house room pictured above in
Torquay, South Devon, England. There are so many benefits to
living in a guest house. Mainly it is the affordability, but also there
is less responsability in life when you live in a guest house. This
suites me so that I can then concentrate on the things in life that
really inspire me, mainly music.
And this is me, Adi Cox playing at an open mic night at the pub
Route 16 in Babbacombe on 17th January 2019. I am a busker.
Mainly I like to perform in the streets. I sing and play guitar in the
summer. I work in the winter for about six months as a care
worker. I save up my money and then I take the summer off work
to sing and play guitar. My summer usually lasts from the end of
April until the beginning of October.

____________________________________________________

March 2019

____________________________________________________

(1) A Song Of Similes.

(2) Eating Out?
(3) Cleaning Up This Shit.
(4) American Trash.
(5) Compulsive eating.
(6) A Shift In The Quantum Field.
(7) Over Here.
(8) I Need A Maternity Test!
(9) To See The Sausage.
(10) A Social Event.
(11) Joyce And Her Mother.
(12) Under A Cloak.
(13) A Smirk Of Recognition.
(14) Women On My Back.
(15) Too Young To Care.
(16) A Bureaucratic Nightmare.
(17) The List Of Candidates.
(18) There Is A Tune On My Mind.
(19) Lyrics And Chords.
(20) Beat It (On my mind)
(21) The Cat And The Rat.
(22) My Grammar School In Our Estate.
(23) A Detailed Analysis.
(24) Such A Radio Face.
(25) A Protected Species.
(26) Retro Supermarket Rock Band.
(27) Prod, The Intradimensional Being.
(29) The Lost Chord.
(30) So Much To Do.
(31) Foolish Hope.
(32) Just Fine.
(33) Another Cover To Play.
(34) When The World Was Only Black And White.
(35) Harmonic Reactions.
(36) "I'm So Heterasexual."
(37) Crossing The Line.
(38) Going To Nowhere.
(39) Regulations And Control.
(40) Me And My Neighbourhood friends.
(41) The Charlie Chaplin Appreciation Society.
(42) Paid In Millet.
(43) An Object from Un-less-ness.
(44) I Travel with Care.
(45) So Pleased.
(46) Karma's A Bitch.
(47) A Ride In Her Comfy Chair.
(48) In An Unpredictable World.
(Even predictive text is unpredictable)
(49) This Contradiction.
(50) "Would You Like A Sweety?"
(51) He protests Too Much.
(52) Over At The Gig House.
(53) We Need An Enemy.
(54) An Ally Creeper.
(55) So Naughty!
(56) Meal Time.
(57) In Confidence.
(58) A Precarious Village And A Woman Who Sleeps.
(59) A Disfunction Of MP's.
(60) This Opaquness.
(61) These Days.
(62) Other Worldly.

1-3-19

(1) A Song Of Similes.

"Like a bird in the springtime."

These are words to Annies song that are being sung in my dream.
This song is by John Denver. I hear this song as I am going along by
the seaside down by a promenade where the seagulls like to fly.
Where they swoop down and they glide in the sky all around.

"Like a sleepy blue ocean."

Annies song goes on to say as the waves crash in, on the worn out
brick work of the promenade pathway that is obscured by the
white surf that washes around upon it.
(2) Eating Out?
I am in a cafe. Before I am served I am told by a waitress, "You
have what looks like four tablets up your nose sir." I am surprised
by her comment. I blow my nose and sure enough four tablets
come out of my nostrel. I dispose of these tablets immediately.
These days even in cafes there are X-ray machines checking you
over. I get my meal but I decide not to stay in the cafe to eat my
meal. As I am just about to walk out of this cafe with my meal I am
told, "There is a good place for you to eat your meal around the
corner. If not there then there are some tables along the mall, sir."
Says one of the cafe staff as I am about to walk out. I am slghtly
disturbed by this. I am slightly disturbed by the intrusion into my
comings and goings here, but the staff here are so polite.

As I walk through the mall it is so chaotic. There is so much activity

here; deliveries, trolleys, vehicles and people shouting
exhuberantly as they do their work. One chap even rams a trolley
with his van. He shouts out of the window of his vehicle
exhuberantly to the people all around him. Things are getting
done here, but I do despair at all this activity. I am just walking
along but all this activity slows me down and I am wanting to eat
this meal that I am carrying along with me on this tray.

(3) Cleaning Up This Shit.

Snailer is still alive I hear on the radio as I do my thing. I am
pleased about that. He is old school. He is thin with light brown
hair and a mustache. I am cleaning up a vehicle inside. It is shitted
up from all the dogs being in there. I disinfect it. I dettol it down.
This is no ordinary shit. Some of it is white and somehow the
stools resemble skeletal bones. What sort of wierd shit is that?
2-3-19

(4) American Trash.

I am asking where things go. I have walked from an American
house to an English house. I have brought some clutter from the
American house. It is American clutter and it now sits on a table in
this English garden. I ask the people around here, "Do you want
this stuff?" There are bits of car engine and other bits too. I ask
these people if it is just junk for throwing away. They come across
and take a look, but they do not make their minds up about this
clutter and besides they have more important things on their
minds. There is a man amongst them who is a cannibal and so I
am very wary of him. These people they look after him. Whose
meat does he eat anyway? I wonder to myself. It is all vey hush
hush.This human meat eater is always very quiet and I always get
a dark feeling about him. He freaks me out to be honest with you,
but I keep a cool head on when I walk past him. Yes, he really
creeps me out!

I go back to the big American house and I see a little English

caravan in the vast grounds of that big American house. I am quite
alone. I just gaze at this little English caravan and I go deep within
myself. I get a real feel for the difference between the American
and the English, but that is too deep within me to be put into
words.

3-3-19

(5) Compulsive eating.

All the people share their packs of sweets. "These are so
moreish!" I exclaim out loudly to everyone and we just keep on
eating them. They are like little white chocolate balls and they just
fall out of the packet into our hands and then into our mouths. I
think that I am going to stop eating them and then a white
chocolate ball that is slightly larger than the others just randomly
rolls off the pile of the other white chocolate balls and with so
much emotion I think to myself, "I've got to have that one!"

(6) A Shift In The Quantum Field.

I find myself on next door neighbour's roof with another lad. The
roof is covered with tarpaulin with bitumen on it. This roof is very
fragile and I have to be so very careful whilst I am up here, but
then I make a bad move and some of the beams dislodge. There is
a big crash and a big gaping hole now through the roof into the
building below. Whilst I make myself safe up here I am wondering
how to get these beams back to how they should be.

My dad suddenly appears. He climbs up on a ladder and peers

around. "When did you have all this done?" My dad asks this
question with great enthusiasm and I am aware that he is asking
this question to someone within the building of the roof that we
have damaged. My dad has startled me with the urgent tone in his
voice when he spoke. I witness a CD within the building start
spinning. I witness this through the hole in the roof that I am sat
on. "Where are you?" My dad asks out loudly and although I
cannot make out the reply to my dad, I am aware that the CD is
talking to my dad and so I am only getting half a conversation.
"You are travelling arn't you" My dad says to the CD with sudden
realisation in his voice. I am then aware that my dad is not talking
directly to the CD, but he is talking to someone who is beyond
somehow. Somewhere in another space within this CD. "Oh, I
used to love listening to those stories being told." My dad says
with such longing in his voice. "I have not done that since
seventeen sixty six." He goes on to say.

I am so surprised by these words of my dad's as this can only

mean one thing, that he is talking about a past life memory of his.
Not only that, but a past life that he relishes and misses in this life
that he has now! Since when did previous lives feature so heavely
in this life of his? I wonder this to myself and so now a whole new
level of speculation has opened up within the quantum field of my
life. A whole new vista of realisation has penatrated my
consciousness and I find myself transposed onto a new timeline.
One that I really did not expect myself to be on.

4-3-19

(7) Over Here.

I am listening to some people sing or maybe they are painting or
eating a meal or something like that and as I am listening to them I
am watching them also. I am inside or maybe I am outside as I
keep an eye on these people and now I forget all that I have done
with them. I have been in a far off place as I collect myself now,
but I cannot find a trace of that place that I have just come from. I
am right here now.

5-3-19

(8) I Need A Maternity Test!

I have a microphone and I have an audience. I decide to invite
Andy up on stage because he is a friend and a fellow musician. I
introduce Andy over the microphone, "Will you please welcome
Mister Andy up on stage! Come on let's hear it for Andy!" But he
does not get up. He is hiding in the audience. This is very
predictable behaviour from Andy. So confidently I announce Andy
up on stage again, but this time I walk into the audience and there
is Andy in a big white plastic chair facing the wrong way with his
back to me and as I walk up to him he sticks three fingers up in the
air. What does this mean I wonder.

The next thing I know I am looking into a mirror and I can see
myself in this mirror staring back at me as the young twenty one
year old that I used to be back in nineteen eighty six. I am
supporting a little white alien on my right shoulder and I am so
chuffed as a proud father of my little white alien hybrid baby boy. I
have tears in my eyes as I hold my little alien with one hand and
point to him with the other. My alien baby looks like a little white
plastic robot stood up on my young bare shoulder. So who and
what is the mother? What alien creature bore my hybrid son? And
where is that little alien hybrid son of mine now?

6-3-19

(9) To See The Sausage.

We are all artists and writers, musicians etc. But the dynamics of
this group means that I do not always get what I want out of this
group. Danny was late doing his lecture which has thrown
everyone else now. I am just getting creative doing some chalk art
on the wall and then it gets cut short because people in this group
have to swap around their job roles which affects me in turn. It
just messes me about, but there is nothing that I can do about it.
Mark comes down to join in with this group and I have to explain
to him how everything has changed around here so now we are
going to Sausage's house.

(10) A Social Event.

I ride this push bike with two small wheels, along with with two
girls who are both on bikes also. We get into this school building
and there is a long corridor with red brick walls and tiled floor. We
cycle down this long corridor until we get to a big hall. It is very
square in shape. Soon enough many other people also arrive and
flood into this hall. I am just about the oldest person here. It is all
very lively and we get ourselves into groups. It is very informal. We
just chat with each other and wander around this large building.

There is one lass who gets personal with me. She asks me all sorts
of questions. She seems to allude to a lot of sexual talk. We get
talking about my past relationships and even I am surprised at
what she gets me to talk about. I make up a lot of the answers
that I tell her, she is fun and she seems to like me, but I decide to
break away from her inquisitions about my personal lives.

So now just about everyone has left the building. There is not
many people around now. I do not know where the two girls are
who I came here with on my bike. I guess that they must have
gone back now and left me here. So I am looking down this long
corridor trying to find my push bike. There are other bikes here
but not mine. Then suddenly I remember. I took my bike into the
big hall when I joined in with the group of people in there. So I go
into the hall and sure enough there is my push bike layed down on
its side on the tiled floor. That push bike of mine with little wheels
and a blue fold up frame.

7-3-19

(11) Joyce And Her Mother.

There is a young blonde haired lady who relaxes within the flames
of this fire with her lover. I watch within these flames as they
settle down with each other. Her mother is the breeze that speaks
to the young lady through an open window. Her mother warns
her, "You are getting too hot, move forward, away from the centre
of the fire." So then the young lady obediantly moves forward
with her young lover and they both settle down once again. I
watch and I see all of this within the flames of this fire that dances
around with joy. I listen and I hear all of this within the breeze that
gently blows from time to time through an open window and into
these flames that I watch.

(12) Under A Cloak.

As I make my way down this road there is a potential for
indecency. A little chance of nakedness. Carefully I make my way
down this road. There is an art to traveling these streets you see.
There is an art to your approach with the best way to go and the
people who you meet. As I make my way straight down this street
I am careful not to reveal myself to those who I meet.

8-3-19

(13) A Smirk Of Recognition.

I go back to school. After thirty eight years my old classmates and
myself we all go back to school. I have a difficult time working out
which room I should be in. I see another lad wandering around
this school who I half remember and we manage to find our form
room as we are in the same form from all those years ago. So we
arrive a little late and our teacher marks us as present in the
register. Curiously the teacher has not aged at all and yet all the
students have become much older. Our teacher does not talk to
us. He just has a smirk on his face, that tells me that he recognises
us from all those years ago.

(14) Women On My Back.

I have just been taking part in some music show for radio which
has just finished. I see Jeremy Clarkson and he has a strange smile
on his face. I find out that he has just gone round a corner in his
vehicle at the bottom of the hill and something has fallen off. I
only find this out because I am walking behind him as he walks
back down the hill to get what looks like a square metal plate
which is lying on the road.

I decide to walk back up the hill to where the music radio show is
and there is another host doing another music show which plays
different music to the radio show that I took part in. There is this
woman there. She is not the best lookng woman, but she is
attractive to me. She is in good spirits mainly because she has
been drinking. She decides to attatch herself to me. She clings
onto my back in a drunken fashion and I find myself carrying her
around when I come across my ex who is interested to know who
this woman is on my back. I would like my ex to go away, but she
hangs around me because she is curious about who this woman is.
This feels awkward to me and so I am stuck in this situation, not
knowing how to deal with it.

(15) Too Young To Care.

The teacher is very discrete around here. We can just about get
away with doing anything. We tease each other. I find myself
climbing down this screen which is a technology that a teacher
looks through. I know that I should not really be doing this, but
the teacher does not say anything to me. Like I say, "We can just
about get away with doing anything." The screen has a moving
picture on it. It is very bright green and blue as I climb down it and
I am aware of a number twenty four on this screen for some
reason. After I climb down the screen I look back at it and notice
that it washes itself. There is like a soapy solution running down
that screen which seems to soon evaporate away.

Later I find myself in a back room. There is fresh food laid out. I
guess that this must be for our next meal time. There are like
edible cacti plants on plates in there. I find a little lizard in the the
groove of one of the cactus plants, so I flick it away with my finger.
Then this little twerp comes into the room and teases me about
masterbation. "At least I can get an erection!" I shout back and I
look intently over to where he is for a reaction from him, but I just
see his back as he walks away from me and out of the room.

9-3-19

(16) A Bureaucratic Nightmare.

There is this bloke who wants my paperwork, but I do not have
the correct paperwork. We keep going over the same thing, "I
really need your paperwork." He tells me. I think that he will let
me in eventually, but he keeps trying to tease this paperwork out
of me. This paperwork that I do not have. So I am stuck here for
the time being unable to move forward.

(17) The List Of Candidates.

There may be some problems being interviewed with this job. I
am just going over things now. I might get an interview with Daren
Warring. I am just going through the paperwork now. I am looking
at the times and the various people's names who have interviews,
just to make sure that my name is down here. I think that I am
down for two O'Clock, but I am not confident about getting
through this interview.
10-3-19

(18) There Is A Tune On My Mind.

I'm saying within the fifty six of a minute to face these tunes of six
fifty six amongst the greenary of this day. I'll take it all away, to
bed...

All the above is being sung in my head to the sound of Self Control
by Laura Branigan:

"I'm saying within the fifty six of a minute.

To face these times of six fifty six.
Amongst the greenary of the day.
I'll take it all away.
To bed... "

And so this song goes on.

(19) Lyrics And Chords.

I am in group 2. Someone asks for me to play a song that has rude
verses in it and so I do a switch. I play a group one song without
telling them what I am doing. They are surprised with my choice
of song that I play, but they do not come back to me about this
switch a roo that I do. I have this book of songs that I play from
you see. This book of songs is a reference for me.
11-3-19

(20) Beat It (On my mind)

(Verse)
[Em]They told him don't you ever [D]come around here.
[Em]Don't wanna see your face you better [D]disappear.
There's [C]fire in their eyes, their [D]words are really clear.
So [Em]beat it, just [D]beat it.
[Em]They're out to get you better [D]leave while you can.
[Em]Don't wanna be a boy you wanna [D]be a man.
[Em]You have to show them that you're [D]really not scared.
[Em]You're playing with your life this aint no [D]truth or dare.
They'll [C]Kick you and they'll beat you and they'll
[D]tell you it's fair.
So [Em]beat it, but you [D]wanna be bad.

(Chorus)
Just [Em]beat it, beat it. [D]Beat it, beat it.
[Em]Showing how funky and [D]strong is your fight.
[Em]It doesn't matter [D]who's wrong or right.
Just [Em]beat it, just [D]beat it.
Just [Em]beat it, just [D]beat it.

(The verse is is a mixture of verse 1 and verse 2, but the chorus is

correct.)

(21) The Cat And The Rat.

I am up in the attic. I am searching for clean underwear to wear.
Paula is up here, "Here you are, you can have these." She says and
then she is gone. At first I do not know why she has said that and
then I notice some underpants hanging on some of the clitter up
there. Paula must have thrown these underpants over to me. So I
change my underpants because the ones that I have on do not fit
me properly and so they are uncomfortable. Suddenly I jump as I
am aware of something close to me. Underneath all this clutter up
here I quickly glimse a rat quickly creep away. I look for some thing
to throw at this rat but there is nothing suitable to throw. There
are cats up here. I think to myself. Why have they not got this rat?
I wonder, as I watch one of the cats on the trail of this rat.

Adi Cox at Ilfracombe, North Devon 11th March 2019.

12-3-19

(22) My Grammar School In Our Estate.

I am affectionately showing off my estate. I give an empationed
speech to my compatriot, as my compatriot and myself walk
through this estate:

" ... And this is where I hide all the stolen cars. I like this estate
because there is the gravel pits there behind it, so there is not a
lot of through traffic. I would not want to ruin this estate, it is for
children. I want to keep this estate nice for the children. Do you
know what I mean?"

" Yes I do know what you mean, but I must get a move on because
there are things that I need to do." My compatriot informs me and
so we just have a quick walk through this estate which I have so
much affection for. I go on to say:

"Hence this is where a come from or should I say whence this is

where I come from?" I question my own grammar.

"It is whence not hence because it is good king whencelesslass

and not good king hencelesslass." I am reliably told as my
compatriot points out to me while we both walk through this
estate that I have so much affection for.

(23) A Past Life Karma.

What I have done I have brought on myself. I am in this room for
punishment. The police have caught up with me, so now I am in
confinement. I am forced to do training. This is what they do for
punishment now you see. They put you through compulsary
training. We are mocked and inflicted and forced to do study. A
punishment for the crime of a lack of attention.

"The truth shall set you free." Apparently. I have an old memory
from a previous life on a prison planet in the Andromedon galaxy,
which goes as follows:

I am in this baren dry sandy prison yard. There are prison units like
container units here. I get myself on top of one of these container
units which has like man hole covers on top. There are four of
these man hole covers one in each corner on these container
roofs. Each man hole cover has four bolts. I loosen these bolts on
one of the man hole covers and I place them back loosely so as to
not make it look suspicous. A gaurd catches me up on top of that
container roof. These guards are people not like us. They are dull
and witless people and follow their orders with robotic precision.
They bring me down into the yard from off of that container roof,
but they do not know that these bolts are loose. So please do not
tell them.

(24) Such A Radio Face.

I am push biking home. There are people everywhere. They get in
front of me as I cycle along. People are walking in all directions.
Sometimes they get annoyed at me. Sometimes I get annoyed at
them. I come to a stop and I find myself listening to a radio
presenter. She presents a radio show from her little red car parked
up in a vast carpark, her and her boyfriend Daren who is parked
up next to her. So I am in this car park now as I listen to this
presenter's lovely female voice in fine stereo. I am on my push
bike close to her car and I can see her now sat in the driver's seat
as she speaks with her radio voice and with her head out of the
car window. First I am struck by how young she is, as I look her
straight in her eye and then I realise that she has only one eye in
the middle of her forehead. Her eyeball rolling around in its socket
searchingly looking in all directions as she speaks out thoughtfully
with her perfect stereo radio voice. As she speaks out with her
limited vision of a cycloptic contextual nature and as she speaks
out with a limited content that is such.

13-3-19

(25) A Protected Species.

I am here to investigate someone's math skills. It is like a friendly
and voluntary interogation. This maths prodigee is welcomed to
participate. He tells me about some of his mathematical insights.
As we do a maths problem I ask him, "What shape do you see?"
And he tells me that intuitively he sees the geometric outline of a
diamond shape regarding this mathematics problem that he is
doing. He had invented M numbers. (mirror numbers): See
examples* So now now after his respectful investigation this math
prodigee is free to go.

So now in turn I am set free to roam around. I am free to go out

into the forest and immediately I catch a fox. I am aware that I am
being watched. I am protected as my watchers gain insights into
my reasoning and gain insights into my actions. I have been gifted
and I have been honoured, so with that comes my protection.

Examples*

Ax^2+Bx+M=0 is a family of quadratics where M=A+B. We decide

to look at the sub family where M=0.
Example 1: x^2+x=0

Ax^2+Bx+M=0, therefore A=1, B=-1, M=0,

x=[-B(+/-)sqrt(B^2-4AC)]/[2A]
---> x=[1(+/-)sqrt((-1)^2-4(1)(0))]/[2(1)]
---> x=1/2(+/-)1/2
---> x=0 and 1,

Example 2: -x^2-x=0

Ax^2+Bx+M=0, therefore A=-1, B=1, M=0,

x=[-B(+/-)sqrt(B^2-4AC)]/[2A]
---> x=[-1(+/-)sqrt((1)^2-4(1)(0))]/[2(1)]
---> x=-1/2(+/-)1/2
---> x=0 and 1,

therefore we get the trivial answer and conclusion that regarding

the quadratic solution to x then:

x^2-x is exactly equal to -x^2+x,

This is a simple algebraic mirrored result that has resulted from

using the mirror number M within the quadratic equation.

Other suggested investigations are:

Mx^2+Bx+C=0, where M=B+C.

And
Ax^2+Mx+C=0, where M=A+C.

(26) Retro Supermarket Rock Band.

There is a band that has turned up at the check out in the local
supermarket. There are four members to this band and I am
particularly interested in their equipment. One of the band
members has an unusual electronic box that he is plugged into.
This band is an old band. The members are old and the electronic
box that one of them is using is particularly old, but it does the
job. They are very proficient at what they do and I am fascinated
with their act. The personalities of each of the band members
comes across very well, particularly the one who is plugged into
the old style electronic box.

(27) Prod, The Intradimensional Being.

Suddenly this memory comes to me: I am partialy aware of this
mysterious dark, thin humanoid figure who comes across to me
within a foggy vision of my subconscous. This humanoid figure
who incoherantly communicates with me every so often, as it
prompts me with a poke of their finger at certain time intervals
inbetween their incoherant communications. A poke of its finger
on various parts of my body. It is only the prompting of their finger
that helps me to acknowledge their visit to me and it is these
prompts that makes it feel like I have received some kind of
blessing.

(28) I Rest My Head.

I go on a journey. I go on a journey of the mind. I look around to
see who can notice me, in this place where I find myself now.
Deep in my consciousness I settle where I am. I hang around in my
head space and in my heart space. Within that place of something
or other.

14-3-19

(29) The Lost Chord.

e 0
B 0
G 2=A
D 1=D#
A 2=B
E 0

I am just listening out to play through the wall the B chord on my

guitar here. Monica does not often do this room for me because
usually I do my own room here in this guest house. I see the B
chord deep in my mind's eye and I am conscious of how this
room's progress regarding it being cleaned up and the laundry
being done. I think that the chord is more precisely a B7(no
5th)/E.

(30) So Much To Do.

I am deciding what to do. I am here there and everywhere. I have
to think where I left my car. I go to the social club. I need a pass to
get in and Geoff the treasurer is busy doing umpteen different
things. I go into a back room and I find my coat hanging up in a
doorway where I left it last week. I have not even missed it as I
have been wearing another coat. I am surprised that my coat was
still there. I am surprised that I have not lost it. So Geoff gets his
jobs done in the social club and I have been waiting for him in this
back room to finish his jobs for ages. I have been waiting to get my
pass for this social club from him. So then Geoff comes into this
room with a big white cleaning machine that he is manouvering
around amongst all this junk on the floor. There is also another
chap in here who is helping Geoff out. This room is all a bit messy
and there is a lot of jobs that need doing. Geoff's helper gets side
tracked and he starts looking at some sex tapes that are stacked
up in this room. "I keep meaning to have a look at them." He says
to no one in particular, half joking and half serious. Meanwhile I
am still stood here in this room waiting for my pass. I have got so
much to do and I am undecided on how I am going to get all that I
want done, done when I have finished here.

15-3-19

(31) Foolish Hope.

There are many people to fly back home, but before we do I take a
good look at this work complex that I am in. I take a good look at
how the buildings all around me have sprouted up over time. I
take a good look and I can see how there is so much work out
there for people now. There is far more work now for people than
there has ever been before. In fact employers are finding it very
difficult to find their employees and so there is a meeting to
address this fact. We are all stood around outside at this meeting
and there are some frank exchanges of views here. I laugh
because there is one man who is totally pissed off and he is
venting his vexations and his frustrations of this working
environment that we all find ourselves in. He is hidden from view
but his feelings about a lack of job satisfaction are articulated so
well that I feel that I can totally resonate with what he is saying.
There is a constant and unceasing barrage of comments that
eminate from him. There is an unleashing of emotion and a
constant stream of consciousness that conveys a total lack of
respect for his employers and that makes me laugh, to know that
anyone could get so extreme and blue about their place of
employment and I can SOOOOO relate to how he feels. It is just
that this man can express himself so much better than I ever
could. This emotional outburst is the product of the inner turmoil
that is so often present within the workforce. A workforce who
have been down trodden and been given no hope for so long.

So now it is the long flight home for everyone, but no one really
knows the way home. We just follow our instincts. We all think
that we know where we are going. We all have our ideas, but
what if this is futile. We all have our own aeroplane and we all set
off on our own journeys home. For some reason I am the only
person who does not fly my own aeroplane but I do have the
ability to flit from one person's aeroplane to another. With the
power of my will I can just dematerialise from one plane cockpit
and then materialise into any other plane cockpit of my choosing.
So I fly with the pilot of one homeward bound aeroplane only to
transpose myself to fly with the pilot of another different
homeward bound aeroplane, just as I like and this I do constantly. I
chat to these pilots who believe that they will find their way
home, but I know otherwise. I find myself in one such cockpit with
the pilot of an aeroplane and I look out side to see us fly through
stringy jet black clouds that look like black diesel smoke and I ask
the pilot "Don't you ever feel lonely up here flying this aeroplane
on your own?" He hears what I say to him but he does not answer
my question and I can see that within him his anxieties show
themseves as a nervousness to get back home, but there is no way
home from here, not in this realm of airspace and so this flying
endeavour is futile. And the same goes for every other pilot in
every other aeroplane who all take different routes to find their
own respective homes. There is no way home from here and I
know that this is true now and I know that this journey home is a
doomed mission of foolish hope.

16-3-19

(32) Just Fine.

I am driving along amongst the speed cameras. I get myself caught
speeding in the speed cameras to know how I am getting on with
my girlfriend, as somehow she is an integral part of this speed
camera system. And so this is how things are between us.

Just Fine.

I am driving along amongst the speed cameras.

I get myself caught speeding in the speed cameras
to know how I am getting on with my girlfriend,
as somehow she is an integral part
of this speed camera system.
And so this is how things are between us.

(33) Another Cover To Play.

I sing and play guitar to the Chris Rea song, Road To Hell. I have a
few attempts at this song which I feel are not bad attempts. I
decide that if I am meant to play a song then it should not be too
difficult for me to perform that song. If I struggle with a song that I
am learning then I should maybe forget about playing that song.
(34) When The World Was Only Black And White.
I talk to a chap in a cafe who says that he is a quantum physicist. I
tell him that I am interested in quantum physics and I tell him
about the famous quote: "If you think that you understand
quantum physics then you really do not understand quantum
physics." We get chatting and this quantum physics chap seems
very approachable. He is very keen to share his love of quantum
physics with me, as follows:

Things get very old fashioned, very 1950's. Everything becomes

black and white like I am in an old 1950's movie and there is an
invisible man being thrown around and up in the air as an
experiment. We laugh at the invisible man because he constantly
has a pipe in his mouth that he smokes at all times. It is only
because of this pipe that we know where the invisible man is as he
is being thrown up and about in the air cosistantly. We watch as
the pipe spins around in the air in a most unnatural manner. I then
point out to this quantum physics chap that there are some
incosistances with this invisibility experiment. I feel that these
inconsistances are demonstrated to me somehow by the fact that
a physicist who is conducting this experiment is forcing the
invisible man to have a bottle of beer in his hand. It seems to me
that the idea about what should be invisible and what should not
be invisible has not been thought through properly in this black
and white 1950's experiment of a movie, that I find myself in.

17-3-19
(35) Harmonic Reactions.
I am at the sound and music show which has technology to
reproduce the sounds of tiny molecular spaces, but this is the
latest in technology and there is much more fine tuning that is
needed to demonstrate this new technology better. These
demonstrations are brightly coloured spheres that have
movement in slow motion. This slow motion makes these tiny
molecules sound deeper than they otherwise would be and so
now they may be audiable.

So I am walking around this music show and there is much

intereaction from the people who turn up. I have a drum stick and
I am encouraged to bash things with it rhythmically as I walk
around this show. It is like a big market. A big sound and music
market with people who are stood around at stalls that present
their various sound and music exhibits. Each stall has objects
which give out an interesting sound when you hit them and so
there is this fantastic rhythm that is being created collectively by
everyone who is here and I am enjoying myself as I join in with
this percussion, as I creatively hit these objects on each of the
market stalls with my drum stick. I so like to join in with the
rhythm of the collective ensamble as I pass by these interesting
objects that resonate so well and which give off such nice sounds.

There is this lad here called Mark and his personality comes across
so well with the people here and I am astounded by his presence,
as I can feel the deep reverberating pattern of the sound
frequency of his high vibrational being.

(36) "I'm So Heterasexual."

I am in this gay band. I play bass guitar but it is the worse band
that I have ever been in. I am really not interested in the songs
that we play. I do not like the messages of the songs and I am
really not included much. I just sit there and play my bass guitar
half heartedly. On top of that someone critisizes my bass playing
whilst saying how great the other members of the band are. I do
not react to this insult. "I keep a lid on it." So to speak. I respect
other people's creativity even though it may not be my sort of
creativity. Even though it may not be the creativity that appeals to
me.

I meet Russell Brand. "I've just bought a house!" He exclaims

excitedly.

"You are such a capitalist." I tell him, teasing him about is

purchase. Knowing that he would not want to be known as a
capitalist.

Russell looks stunned at me and he is unusually taken a back for

an instant and then he says, "I don't know if I have done the right
thing. It hasn't properly sunk in yet what I have just done."

I laugh at his hessitency. "Well at least you didn't buy your house
when you were drunk." I tell him trying to make light of his
situation.

Later I meet up with some girls. We mess around as we walk along

a path. I do fancy the blonde haired lass as I cheekily play with her
bottom when she lets me. And these lasses do seem to like my
company, but they tickle me and they get me back for my
indiscresions and all this tickling and teasing gets the better of me.
These girls are really too much for me, but I do love their company
as they are so much fun.
18-3-19

(37) Crossing The Line.

It takes me a while to pluck up the courage to cross onto the
railway line and after a while of being held up there on that line it
takes me a while to pluck up the courage to come away from that
railway line. I am so conscious of everyone who is on that line, as
they peer across at me and watch me intently. Their penetrating
eyes affect me and it affects all that I do. I worry about the use of
their guns that they always carry about with them and so I am
ultra aware of everyone who watch me from the vantage point of
that line and that is why I feel their emotions. Everyone of them in
turn. It is so easy for everyone to watch me now from that railway
line because that line curves around a bend which exposes me
and gives everyone a better angle and a better perspective of me
and so now they see who I really am.

(38) Going To Nowhere.

It is a constant look out to see what I am good at. I go deep within
myself and then I go on a journey, but I do not remember that
journey. I only remember the feeling of how that journey leaves
me. I am searching, but I am left with only those feelings that are
vague and incoherent. I am searching, but my seeing is so feint
that my vision is only a blur.

19-3-19
(39) Regulations And Control.
I run a business from this shop building. Some of the electrics are
faulty and the owner of this building is in here. He points to a
connection box and he says that three quarters of the electrical
energy is going into working around that connection box. For
some reason I do not think that this is a fault that is simple to fix. I
have a dispute with the owner, but I make my point to him and I
make a point of keeping my cool. I am polite to the owner because
I know that I need to keep the owner on my side, so to speak. He
could make things very difficult for me. So I am very careful not to
put any blame onto the owner whilst I clear myself of any wrong
doing. I put all of my energy into working around this problem
with the owner.

(40) Me And My Neighbourhood friends.

We live in a big house my mum dad, my sister and myself. This
house is so exposed out here. Our house has got so many big
windows and anyone can just look inside. I sometimes hide
underneath the window when people are passing by our house,
so that they cannot see me. There are many other children who
live around here. Most of the children seem to be related to my
sister's boyfriend who is very witty. Everyone laughs at my sister's
boyfriend especially when he, "gets his hair off." When he, "loses
his cool." Which seems to be quite often. There is a strange dog
around here. He belongs to my sister's boyfriend's family. This dog
has bright red hair and rows of nipples along each side of its back.
It is a nice dog. It looks young, alert and healthy and it has a placid
nature. We all just hang around here, we don't really do anything.

20-3-19
(41) The Charlie Chaplin Appreciation Society.
I arrive back home to my mum and dad's house. Unusual things
have been happening to me. This young lad out jogging nearly
runs into me and there is a bag of cast iron bits and bobs at my
mum and dad's drive way gates. For some inexplicable reason I
decide to climb a ladder that is already set up at my mum and
dad's house. I decide to climb into a first floor bedroom window,
but the ladder is unsafe as I climb up it and as the ladder wobbles
I am suddenly aware that my mum has gotten hold of the ladder
at the bottom and is holding it steady for me. "There is something
wrong with this ladder." I tell my mum, surprised to see her there.

Later I go out for a jog up town. My dad decides to jog up town

with me and on our jog up town we come across a gathering of
people. There is an applause for some reason, but jogging is on
our minds and we need to get up town. I make my way along this
varanda and I squeeze past these people. It is the only way that
we can get through. There are some shards of sharpe focused
bright light that is visable even in the bright light of the day that
eminates across this varanda. I determinedly make my way
through these shards of bright light and then to my surprise the
crowd and more immediately a girl next to me all make a fuss
about me being there. It turns out that the crowd are there in
respect to Charlie Chaplin and I have just gone and walked
through the projector light that is projecting out a Charlie Chaplin
film in front of all these people. I imagine a breif blackout in the
film as my legs block out the projection light just as everyone is
watching this film. The girl close to me is the person who is
opperating the projector and she is horrified at my intrusion. She
makes this known to me by her impassioned "Argh!" noise that
she makes. This is a very apt response coming from her, but not
very articulate I feel. I also feel that maybe I am being
disrespectful to Charlie Chaplin, but I get over this feeling because
I am more focused on jogging into town with my dad.

21-3-19

(42) Paid In Millet.

For all their musical troubles Joe Strummer and the rest of the
band are left with a ton or two of grain. "I don't even know what
this grain is?" Joe Strummer confesses. There is also some sort of
machinary that goes with all this grain. I feel that I need to go on a
google search to help these people to find out exactly what type
of grain this grain is. They need to shift all of this grain and it
would sure help them if we could identify exactly what we are
dealing with here. "So WTF is this grain?"

(43) An Object from Un-less-ness.

It is a different realm. There is this fan here or maybe it is a screen
or a shield. It is something or other like nothing I have ever seen
before. It sits beside what looks like a swimming pool, or maybe it
is not a swimming pool, but something that mearly looks like a
swimming pool. This fan or shield or screen rotates and turns. It
has three blades on it and it can shield me, but shield me from
what? I do not know, but shield me it does.

22-3-19

(44) I Travel with Care.

I do my best with regards to using this travel system with regards
to traveling these roads. I get someone up from their slumber.
Gently I work on them. I work on them the best way that I can.
Thoughtfully I introduce myself and convincingly I navigate these
channels of movement.

(45) So Pleased.
Apparently, Karen's arms used to be as big as her hair dryer, so
Eira says. I never knew Karen back then, but now Karen has lost a
lot of weight. I am pleased for her, really I am. She has changed so
much, apparently.

(46) Karma's A Bitch.

I am a bully and I get involved in violent crime. I attack people and
put them down. I always regret doing this although I do not know
this in myself, because I regret getting caught for the violence that
I dish out more. There are some lads that I terrorise but they
forgive me for my dispicable actions. I make their lives a misery
and they just feel that sadness for me. I sort of get away with the
violence that I dish out, but not really. My violence just makes my
victims want to love people even more and my violence just
makes me sad and lonely. These people fear me and the scared
person within meenjoys this control that I have over them, but
deep down inside it makes me empty. So even though no one
snitches on me for my anti social behaviour it all comes back on
me. It really does me in.

(47) A Ride In Her Comfy Chair.

It is all the fun of the fair. Although she is slumped asleep in her
chair. This is how it goes as follows: Zzzzz ...
It turns out that I mved off so quickly that four girls took a walking
step backwards. I left my job and moved away you see, to create
the life that I have today.

(48) In An Unpredictable World.

(Even predictive text is unpredictable)
I am at work. I do some sort of engineering. I have taken a few
things into work to me today. Like a video and a video recorder,
but I have forgotten to take in my flask of hot drinking chocolate.
Someone has set up my video and it is playing. I watch the video
that I have created and recorded myself. I am doing various things
on this video from playing guitar and doing mathematics to
creating an intricate chalk drawing. I am pleased with this video
that I have created and I am proud to let it play on in front of
everyone here at work except for the fact that I do not know what
else is on this video tape. It would be embarrassing to me if a
naked BBW suddenly appeared displaying her ample assets, which
is quite likely and so I go to switch the video off and take the video
tape out. My boss has collared me. He wants me in the next room
for some reason, but I feel that it is more important to get this
video first. I wonder what my boss wants me for?

23-3-19

(49) This Contradiction.

I live in a guest house and I casually talk to a lass at this guest
house:

"How well Monica does to run this guest house keeping everyone
happy with a smile on her face, discretely going about her
business and if someone cheats on someone else behind their
back then it is not Monica's fault is it?"

"Yes it is my fault." Says Monica who has been listening to my little

speech from somewhere in the back and beyond of this guest
house. This response from Monica throws me. I did not expect an
intervention from her and so as I go on to talk to this lass with our
conversation that has now been inculcated by Monica's
interjection. I go on to talk in a more diffuse manner. I am forced
to intergrate Monica's interjection into the back of my
subconscious mind as I speak. I am literally not really sure what I
am saying anymore.

24-3-19

(50) "Would You Like A Sweety?"

I meet a very dodgy chap. He seems polite and respectful but I
know what he does. I get a confession out of him. I quote him as
follows:

"I poisoned her and I gouged out her mouth with my teeth. I
gouge out her intestines with my hands. I used my sharpe nails. I
gouge out other parts of her body too."

There is no remorse in his voice. I do not trust this man. He puts

his hands on me. I tell him to take his hands off of me and he just
stands there defiently. He will not take his hands off me. I ask for
some help from a friend of mine, but my friend does nothing. My
friend just stands there wet and weak. So somehow I subdue this
man. Do not ask me how I manage terminate and incapacitate him
because I do not know. I find a sealed white plastic bag on his
incapacitated person and in this white plastic bag there are things
that rattle inside. Suspiciously I clumbsily rip open this bag to see
what is inside and fruit jelly sweets of all different fruity coloured
flavours fly off into the air and fall to the ground. I love fruit jelly
sweets but these sweets are tainted, they belonged to someone
bad. These sweets are tainted, a dodgy past they had.

(51) He protests Too Much.

Sometimes everything in life just appears crazy, so that when
things appear to be going wrong then your spiritual guidance
system will check in with its higher self, "This guy is rioting. Are we
here to learn something?" And the higher self will respond
appropriately.

25-3-19

(52) Over At The Gig House.

I play guitar and sing. I have got some new songs to play in front of
new people and so I am careful to get things right. Ronnie is here.
He tells everyone that when I hit a high C note back at his place, it
transposes to an A down here at the gig house. So I go through
the procedure to perform my music. There is some paperwork and
some mental preperation. I think that I am pleased with what I am
doing here. I have some new songs to play and I am developing
my style. I have some new ideas. So if I seem a little vague, it is
only because this is a trial run.
26-3-19

(53) We Need An Enemy.

I am told that there is a fighting force who are unknown. No one
knows how many. No one knows who they are. They do not reveal
themselves ever. They are on our streets and in your shopping
malls. They are beside you in your cafe's and in your shops. The
invisible force who roam around. Or is this just a fabrication from
our own intelligence service who are made weak and who
become unfunded by the prospect of peace?

We Need An Enemy.

I am told that there is a fighting force who are unknown:

No one knows how many.

No one knows who they are.
They do not reveal themselves ever.
They are on our streets
and in your shopping malls.
They are beside you in your cafe's
and in your shops.

The invisible force who roam around.

Or is this just a fabrication
from our own intelligence service
who are made weak
and who become unfunded
by the prospect of peace?
27-3-19

(54) An Ally Creeper.

I do not know exactly what I am doing, but on a personal level I
feel that I am one to one with someone. The plan is to finally to
get a machine to clean up around the peripheral. I do the
individual and the machine can finish off. It does the heavy work.
The residual mess that piles up in the ally.

28-3-19

(55) So Naughty!
We talk about all the naughty things that we used to do at school.
"I used to have a smoke with him at break times and he wasn't
even at the same school as me!" I exclaim to the others with a
sense of misguided pride.

"Well he gave me thrush!" Retorts the lad pointing back at me.

This is rediculous obviously, but the banter has started.

"Yeah that's right let's see how delinquent we can be." I say
sarcastically. There are smiles all round but I am cringing inside.
"Fucking thrush!" I exclaim in disbelief, disbelief that he could
come out with such a thing.

(56) Meal Time.

I am dishing out priorities. I have to be careful how I give this lady
her book, because she usually gets baked beans on it. It is a
recipie for meal times. I go through the motions. It is a skill that
you aquire. These patients have lost so much that their lives have
become dire.

29-3-19

(57) In Confidence.
There is this woman here, she is very helpful. Everything has
gotten so confusing for me. She tells me that her friend came
round, that she stayed the night and that they were talking. Her
friend is getting married and she is also supposed to marry me! It
is all very messed up. This woman confides in me. She tells me all
about her friend who I am supposed to marry. She tells me all
about her woes and the troubles that she is in. I feel so honoured
that she would share these secrets with me.

We all sit outside in the garden on this dark night and the wind is
howling by. It is blowing a gale and blusters through our hair. "If
you wake up in the morning and you find me in the gutter of this
house, then you shall know why." I tell them as I am blown about
in my seat.

Later I find myself talking about sex to these people. I cannot

remember what I say exactly, but then my mum tells us, "My
nipples are a little bit larger than most." My mum is quite serious
here, but we all have a little snigger at this revelation.

"Too much information!" I exclaim as we all get blown about in

our white plastic seats on this dark and windy evening. There is no
light in this night out here, but we all make the most of what we
all have to share, as we all talk loosely and we all talk without a
care.
(58) A Precarious Village And A Woman Who Sleeps.
I am playing my guitar in this tiny village on top of this cliff. There
is nothing much more than crop fields to this village on top of
these sandstone cliffs. The sky is blue. The sun is shinning and the
crops are a golden glow. There is a steep decline to the cliff edge
top. I feel the gravity push me to that edge. I fight the gravity and I
imagine that one day this red sandstone ground, as flimsey as it is
will crumble down. That this tiny village will tumble down, as the
cliff face falls. But in the meantime we are safe.

The rain has come now to this tiny village on top of this cliff. I am a
guest in a house, just my landlady and myself. But the landlady is
fast asleep. I need to go now, back on my travels, out into the rain.
There are six packets of clear plastic rain coats on the table here. I
could really use one of these raincoats now. They are six pounds
each in the shops to buy, but they belong to the landlady. So I take
a raincoat and I leave her ten pounds on the table. I leave a note
to the landlady telling her exactly what I have done. I feel cheeky,
but I am sure that she will not mind. She needs her sleep now. I
will not disturb her. I will leave her to unwind.

30-3- 19

(59) A Disfunction Of MP's.

Now this is a Westminster-ish place and there is a lot of
squabbling around behind the fascard of respectability and there
lies a burning bone of contention. With their due process I see a
grid of objections. A matrix of choice. A catalogue of resentments
behind those people of Parliment who give their voice. I feel an
anger. I feel the rejection of ideas. A policy of denial. The
implimentation of lies. I feel the passion of hatred that burns so
out of control. A momentum of condesention. The lack of
fulfilment of its role. The role for direction and clarity. The role for
repose and constraint. The lack of a picture, a Banksy. A truthfull
image in paint, on the walls of this chamber that echoes its vote to
a questionable system that delivers us nought.

Whatever happened to Brexit Day the 29th of March. A divorce in

Europe that is now overdue. There is a block in the way and no
one knows what to do. They write all these bills out but nothing
gets through. The psychie of a nation is broken and torn. There is
an impass in Britain and nothing here will dawn. There is a
constitutional crisis. A broken promise to all. A stumbling block of
conviction that has built up a wall.

(60) This Opaquness.

"I will help you to figure out what you need to do." I am told by
someone who I assist. If they need help then I am here, but the
help that they need is not always clear. If only I had a clear vision,
one that was true. Then I would surely know exactly what I should
do. The dream is confusing and needs to be worked out. The
clarity is gone as it quickly fades out.

This Opaquness.

"I will help you to figure out what you need to do."
I am told by someone who I assist.

If they need help

then I am here,
but the help that they need
is not always clear.

If only I had a clear vision,

one that was true.
Then I would surely know
exactly what I should do.

The dream is confusing

and needs to be worked out.
The clarity is gone
as it quickly fades out.

31-3-19

(61) These Days.

I just busk these streets. People are invited to come along and join
in with me. I sing and I play guitar. I encourage people with my
behaviour. I encourage them to, "Have a go." In any way that they
can.

(62) Other Worldly.

Suddenly I find myself upon a floating raft. This is no ordinary raft.
This raft is huge. It has a roof and a heating system that burns out
flames like a furnace to keep us all warm as we float upon it. You
see the sides of this raft are open to the freezing cold elements
outside and this is why there are furnace flames that burn around
the edges of this raft to keep us warm. I am sat on this raft close to
the water's edge and I tend to these large floats that have slabs on
them. These slabs are about one metre square and ten
centremetres thick. They are like brittle wood and they are being
prepared in the freezing cold outside. These slabs stand on their
edge neatly packed in rows upon large floats that aimlessly float
around on this still ocean. I inspect one of these floats with brittle
wooden slabs upon it. I decide that they are not quite ready yet
and that they need to stay out in this extreme cold a little longer.
So I push this float of slabs out into the freezing cold ocean with
the other floats which are also full of slabs upon them. But this is
no ordinary ocean of water. Although the water feels freezing cold
it never forms into solid ice and although it is cold outside, I am
nice and warm on my raft. This heating system of torch flames
burns intensely from the sides of my raft and all around me.

____________________________________________________

April 2019
____________________________________________________

(63) They...
(64) A Pleasure Ride (that comes to a stop).
(65) So Much Traffic.
(66) The Underclass.
(67) A Subtle Awareness.
(68) Making change.
(69) Loud And Proud.
(70) When Three Becomes One.
(71) Taking The Michael.
(72) The Rhetoric:
(73) At A Deeper Level.
(74) Seven.
(75) "Hello Lovers!"
(76) "Hello Lovers!" Part 2.
(77) More Service To Others.
(78) A Passenger.
(79) Put To The Test.
(80) I Find Myself In Vascillation.
(81) A Rate Of Change.
(82) Geometrical Time Travel.
(83) The Life And Soul.
(84) When Silver Turns To Gold.
(85) We Have Lost Our Spark.
(86) If The Body Was A Face.
(87) All That Transpires.
(88) An African.
(89) Way Past My Station.
(90) X2Y2.
(91) From A Dark Place.
(92) An Attitude Within The Combinatrics:
(93) In Comparison And In Contrast.
(94) A Zooalogical Nightmare.
(95) Mixing With The Smart People.
(96) In The Showtown Public House.
(97) Trundling Along.
(98) What A Flipping Carry On!
(99) An Aimless Meander.
(100) The Mild Janitor.
(101) This Charming Mole.
(102) The Fight Club.
(103) A Not So Discrete Piss.
(104) A Merry Dance.
(105) Two By Two By Two By Two.
(106) Showtime In The Cathedral Of Life.
(107) The Detective Agency.
(108) The Classroom Display.
(109) As Serious As Cancer.
(110) I Am Two Different People At The Same Time.
(111) Breathe In The Air.
(112) Breaking The Trance.

1-4-19

(63) They...
There is this woman who travels through her phone. She explores
a virtual world beyond its tiny screen. "I'm not Mad!" She says as
she talks continously about where she finds herself. She gives a
running commentary of all that she sees.
Like a goldfish in a goldfish bowl. In a goldfish bowl with many
dimensions. A magical goldfish bowl with so much to explore. She
floats around in her virtual chambre. In her virtual liquid of clarity.
In a never ending world of never ending new insights and sounds.
She travels with her girlfriend who she talks to and they are both,
as one, as bubbles in their collective mind's eye, they ...

(64) A Pleasure Ride (that comes to a stop).

I get a glimpse of a naked woman who drives her car around a
bend. She drives so fast, but I see her in slow motion. Then there
is a little cloud of black smoke from her engine above the bonnet
of her car.

I am on this large double decker bus. I peer out of this bus down
onto the road outside and I can see the naked woman who is out
of her car now. She is lying on the ground. She has a dildo that
does things to her. She has a dildo with a mind of its own. I get an
eyeful of her. I cannot stop looking at her nakedness, as she gets
so much pleasure from her rampant sex toy. But I am in a crowded
bus and my staring is too obvious. There is a bloke behind me who
sees what I am looking at, "Oh I've seen all this before!" He says in
a dismisive kind of way. We are on the top deck of this bus. The
doors open and I go to get off. It is such a long way down to the
concrete ground below, but my mind is on the woman who is just
in front of me, who is climbing down the steps below me. Her
shoe comes off as she climbs off this bus. I am surprised that she
does not fall. It is such a long way down. These steps are so steep.
When we get off, this bus is so big and its chassis is so high that
we walk underneath it and so this bus becomes our bus station.
2-4-19

(65) So Much Traffic.

I live in a caravan. There is a list of activities. A timetable of things
to do. I look at this timetable to see just what is likely to be
coming through. Because there is a car outside that makes an
awful sound. I imagine this car crashing through my wall, as I sit
here looking around. But this moment of crisis passes without any
dramatic event. The roar of this car engine just came and then
suddenly went. This caravan does not feel so safe. This room does
not feel okay. All this traffic disturbs me. It is like I am on a
motorway. Like we are parked up on a roundabout or in some
busy layby. There is so much traffic outside and I am trying to find
out why.

So Much Traffic.

I live in a caravan.
There is a list of activities.
A timetable of things to do.
I look at this timetable to see
just what is likely to be coming through.
Because there is a car outside
that makes an awful sound.
I imagine this car crashing through my wall,
as I sit here looking around.
But this moment of crisis passes
without any dramatic event.
The roar of this car engine
just came and then suddenly went.
 This caravan does not feel so safe.
This room does not feel okay.
All this traffic disturbs me.
It is like I am on a motorway.
Like we are parked up on a roundabout
or in some busy layby.
There is so much traffic outside
and I am trying to find out why.

(66) The Underclass.

As a matter of principle we all squat here. The windows were
boarded up, but we get back in. In a room full of people I am
waiting to be evicted. I find it hard to sleep. There is a pretty lass
in pink with a room all to herself. I make myself at home in a room
that is very full. I make a get out plan in my mind for when I need
to escape. It is not right this, the way that they treat us how they
do. So I sleep with one eye open and I sleep with an ear to the
floor. Ready for when the evicters come flying through that door.

3-4-19

(67) A Subtle Awareness.

There is a vagueness that goes largely unnoticed, but in the back
of my mind I know that they are there. The vagueness they
discretely track us down. They follow us in everything that we do.
But my awareness is scarce and my recollection is poor, because
they are in a place in my mind that is difficult to view. I get a trace
but only fiently of this vagueness coming through. This is how it
has always been, this is nothing new. I just try to remember. What
else can I do?

A Subtle Awareness.

There is a vagueness
that goes largely unnoticed,
but in the back of my mind
I know that they are there.
The vagueness
they discretely track us down.
They follow us
in everything that we do.
My awareness is scarce
and my recollection is poor,
because they are in a place in my mind
that is difficult to view them, for
I get a trace but only fiently
of this vagueness coming through.
This is how it has always been,
this is nothing new.
I just try to remember.
What else can I do?

4-4-19

(68) Making change.

I am playing my guitar and singing correctly some song that I have
never sung before. Some song that I have never covered, or even
heard of before. I play correctly all those little chords. Out in the
precinct, to those hordes of people passing by. I sing this song out
in the street and I get that vocal high.

Making change.

I play my guitar and sing correctly

some song that I have never sung before.
Some song that I have never covered,
or even heard of before.

I stand upon those concrete slabs

with persons on my mind
Out in the precinct I play my pitch
and my rhythm I do find.

I play correctly all those little chords

to those hordes of people passing by.
I sing this song out in the street
and I get that vocal high.

(69) Loud And Proud.

I am out doing the rounds. I am playing my songs. Someone is off
sick and so I cover for their sickness. I do a little ditti and I play
around with my song. Working the streets is what I have to do. I
stand upon a corner and I play a tune for you. This is far out man!
This is me playing at my best. Songs just keep on coming. There is
no time to rest.
5-4-19

(70) When Three Becomes One.

We all strole out upon the grass and we stake our claims to where
we can go and to which piece of land that we can use. There are
grid lines that we use and we find these grid lines. We all have our
own plans. We all have our own ideas on how we are going to use
these resources upon this grassy field.

Later when we have created our displays we walk the grass and
we look at these displays. These displays are quite something. I
look intently at one of these displays and there are people frozen
in time. I do a show piece that looks at the invention of the
acoustic guitar. "I would have liked to have done a research
degree." I tell this lad who has also been out in the field creating
his own display. "Have you done a research degree?" I ask him.

"Yes I did a research degree on tri-energy. I concentrated all my

energy just on that, so then I became quite employable with all
my knowledge on tri-energy." He tells me.

6-4-19

(71) Taking The Michael.

To pass on the floor in the round. Remember to do things twice,
do things twice. She was more like a movie queen in a movie
scene. To pass on the floor in a round ...

(72) The Rhetoric:

"Why do you inhibit the other life force here with pitch forks and
things?"

I am asked this question in a rather unusual way. In a way that I

cannot explain and from a place of nowhere in particular. I feel I
cannot answer this question. There is nothing that I can say, to this
benevolence of concern, that has come my way.

(73) At A Deeper Level.

I go to a shop to buy a particular video game and I get chatting to
this lad behind the counter there, but there is a cross purpose
here. Our conversation is more than just about the video game
that I purchase. I delve deep into the psychie of this lad and I have
a fish around whilst we have our casual conversation. He seems a
little perplexed as to why I keep him talking.

I find a little baby, a little transparent techno baby who just sits
alone on show. He does not get much human interaction and so I
connect with this techno baby on an emotional level and I just
start to laugh. I watch and I listen as this baby copies me. He gets
to laugh too, as if for the first time ever and so something
awakens within him, something human, something very bright.
Something so delightful that will forever shine a light.

7-4-19

(74) Seven.
I live among the hills of Torbay, these seven hills of Torquay. I live
within my dreams through the night and through the day. These
seven days and nights within my week. My solidity I seek. I know
my days are numbered and my life is very much on show oh oh,
oh oh oh, oh oh.

(75) "Hello Lovers!"

There is such a big library of interactions with this lovely big
beautiful woman and so many other big beautiful women too. I
am careful, so very careful that these ladies never get neglected.
They all need some tender loving care as they all flounce around
with nothing much to wear.

(76) "Hello Lovers!" Part 2.

I find myself amongst these people who I prepare a meal for. I
check to make sure that they are all well, as I am working on this
floor. (There is so much more to this but words are not enough to
explain.)

(77) More Service To Others.

I am on this bus/coach, as I get sorted with these ladies, all that
they have, by all the things that I do. I give them my undivided
attention and I se the focus of my job through.

8-4-19

(78) A Passenger.
My mum flies a helicopter in this club that she belongs to. At first
she is not very confident and she does not know what she is
doing. She squeezes those rotating helicopter blades between the
trees as she climbs impossibly steep. Many times I think that she is
going to kill us in her hesitation. But after many dangerous
manouvers she gets a feel for this craft. She really gets a feel for
flying this thing and we are all safe, those of us on board.

(79) Put To The Test.

There is a team of us and we test things that come off of this
shipping that docks here. There are just so many ways that we can
do this. So many calls to make. It is very interesting work. The
team that I work with are proficient. There are two ladies and
another man. We work well. We do what we can.

9-4-19

(80) I Find Myself In Vascillation.

As I look down this street I am aware of the people who live here.
Out of my window across the road is a massive picture of stick
people. It is an advertisment for a coffee-book shop. I have been
transported here through my consciousness. For some reason this
is where I should be, but this reality is permeable. It is just a
passing phase that I must vascillate through.

(81) A Rate Of Change.

I see a former self of how I used to be in this life, and not so very
long ago. I go through things in my mind, the way that I used to
be. Thoughts that I used to think about and those things that I
used to see. There is a shift that is happening at this time. I feel it
within me. Things are differentially different now and
parodoxically this is integral to these times.
(82) Geometrical Time Travel.
I am avoiding this bloke who lives in the same building as me. I
have had some interesting conversations with this man, but he
can be obnoxious too. He is so messy and chaotic. Although I keep
my distance from him I like to have the odd chat with him and the
chat that we have is very odd.
It seems to me that my incarnation this time is mainly about time
travel. I have learnt about dimensional spaces in mathematics and
I have created a higher dimensional model of a merkaba using a
coordinate geometry that I have created. A merkaba is an eight
pointed star that represents a space to astral travel in. This
mathematical model of coordinate geometry that I have created
into the shape of a merkaba stored within my head and heart and
so in deep meditation I use this model to travel within the astral to
anywhere in time and space.

10-4-19

(83) The Life And Soul.

There is a lot of arguing and tension within the houshold. There is
a new lad who lives here. There seems to be a lot of dissatisfaction
aimed at me and I have started smoking again. I do not know how
that happened. I was so pleased that I had stopped smoking and
now I am back outside with my roll ups smoking away. So I go
outside and smoke with my dad. We are a bit arsey with each
other, but it is my dad's initials that are R.C. and I remind him
about this. My mum is complaining about the humility of putting
on weight when clothes do not fit her. There seems to be much
tension in the household about tidying up. The new lad has made
great efforts to tidy up in the house and so reluctantly I do the
same also.

I have a computer chair on wheels. I have a laugh with my sister

and we decide to go up town in Lincoln. I take my computer chair.
I try the chair out and free wheel down the cobbles of Steep Hill.
We have a laugh doing this. "Knowing me I will roll of the hill the
wrong way." I say to my sister. I then go on to say, "I will probably
find myself in Kingsteignton." I am being rediculous here because
Kingsteignton is in the county of Devon and Lincoln is obviously in
the county of Lincolnshire. These counties are about two hundred
and fifty miles apart from each other across England. I am such a
hoot!
(84) When Silver Turns To Gold.
There are silver wishes to do this lady's personal care. She has
dementia you see and she is not so clear in her mind. Whilst her
pad is full of urine she hallucinates, so there are golden wishes to
get her personal care done. She is somewhere else, lost you see.
She is looking for her son.

11-4-19

(85) We Have Lost Our Spark.

I am in the house. They were supposed to get the heating fixed. I
turn the gas on and click the ignition spark but nothing happens.
There is a car driving around outside and I make room for it to
drive into the living room. I get out of the way and stand on a
chair but it does not come inside and enter the room. It just
makes a lot of noise instead. I click the gas fire again and still
nothing happens. So then I throw a flame at it and voomph! The
gas ignites finally and we suddenly have our heating on. If only
relationships were that easy to fix.

(86) If The Body Was A Face.

There is more personal care to do. Yesterday I did Mrs Fretwell.
Today it is Mrs Greetwell. Mrs Fretwell worries too much, but Mrs
Greetwell is alright. They both have short black hair, but Mrs
Greetwell's boobs sag much lower than Mrs Fretwell's boobs. If
boobs were eyes then she would always be looking down. She has
a nice smile though : )

(87) All That Transpires.

I am left to work this machine with a woman who has advanced
dementia. She makes no sense at all when she speaks. This
machine is big and long and shiny and silver. It is a convayor belt
system that stretches a long way. I have been trying to get
something together through this machine on these convayor
belts, but to no avail and so this task becomes hopeless. A
member of the public politely chats to the woman with advanced
dementia and then politely retreats when she realises that there is
only none sense in her return replies. I witness this whilst trying to
be productive on this convayor belt machine. The convayor belts
are transparent. So as these convayor belts roll around I can see
trapped items roll around underneath the transparency and so the
futility of this task is becoming clear also.

12-4-19

(88) An African.
I meet this musician with ethnic roots in black music. There is a
clash of cultures, but we get on alright. He questions me. I perplex
him you see. He has a strong personality and his music takes over,
but we are cool. I decide to move on and meet a couple of young
lads who ask me about this musician. I start to explain as to why
we are here and what we have been doing here together, but it
gets too difficult to tell them correctly and so I give up. It is just
too intricate to tell them the exact story and to simplify this story
would be to mislead them, so I choose not to say anything at all. I
choose not to say anything about our involvement in live
performances and those videos on Youtube that we have both
done together.
(89) Way Past My Station.
I am at a train station. The train has stopped and I am fixing the
brakes. I have someone with me who is on an apprenticeship and I
explain to them exactly what I am doing. "There is a small bolt
missing off of the brakes. If you look around the tracks you will
find a bolt that will fit the brakes." I tell the apprentice. They are
astounded by the fact that sure enough there happens to be a bolt
that is the right size and with the right thread that fits these
brakes, that is just lying there on the tracks between the sleepers.
I have just a short time to fix these brakes before another train
comes and so I am under pressure.

I do not like this job that I do now. I would really like to pack it in
as soon as possible. It is too dangerous. I do not have a vocation in
life. I am one of the many people who do not fit a job label in
society. I have much work experience in many areas, but there is
nothing specific that I want to do and so I do not feel like I really
belong anywhere in my work life. Unlike the bolt, "I do not fit"
with regards to any vocation in life.

(90) X2Y2.
This man leaves a machine running in the workshop. It is a heavy
cylindrical thing that randomly moves across the floor. I manage to
catch the man who has set this machine up and running. I just
manage to catch him before he leaves. "Hey! Is this machine
meant to be doing this?" I ask him.

"Yes." He replies succinctly before he quickly diappears. I have

never seen anything like it before. It is like a dense heavy shining
silver R2D2 that washes the floor unsupervised. I am just fettling
this thick steel plate in the workshop. There are some nasty burrs
along its edges that I need to take off and I am distracted by this
machine that is rotating all over the place. Even though it is
moving about, this machine is very fixed to the floor. It like sucks
the floor as it goes along. I get the feeling that it would be very
difficult to knock it over. If you would ever want to do that.

13-4-19

(91) From A Dark Place.

I am in bed. It is late at night. I knock the bed headboard against
the wall. My dad bangs on the wall from his bedroom next door.
He is raging and he yells out, "Shut up!" I want to knock on the
wall and shout back at him but I am paralyzed. I try to shout back
but a quiet pathetic voice is all that I can muster.

"Shut up" I say back to him, but this is hardly loud enough even for
me to hear. I keep trying to find my voice, but each time my words
come out meek and passionless. Over time I begin to be able to
move about and I notice a tunnel that runs through the thick
concrete wall that seperates my mum and dad's bedroom from
mine. I turn my ear to the wall and I can hear my mum talking to
my dad as they are both laid in bed. I cannot make out what she
says exactly. I peer down the tunnel in the wall which is wider in
diameter on my side of the wall. It ends with a horizontal slit on
my parent's wall side. So the tunnel in the wall is funnel in shape.
My room is in darkness. The slit in the hole in the wall has light
coming through it. The slit is just big enough to make out my
mum's head. I can just see my mum's hair sometimes when she
moves her head as they have their light on in their bedroom. My
bedroom is dark with purple walls and somehow I have been
silenced. The only light that I can see comes through that slit at
the end of the funnel tunnel in the wall from my parents'
bedroom. My room has no windows to it and I am in a dark place.
I am a prisoner to my parents. I am totally under their control. I
will build up my strength and I will fight this, but in the meantime I
am totally under their control.

(92) An Attitude Within The Combinatrics:

"I know that they are short staffed, but I am not "busting a gut"
here. I will do; Anna, Barbara, Cammy, Dee Eileen and Flo. If they
don't like it then they can "go fish!" Someone else can do the
other twenty names of the alphabet."

Factorials!
0! = 1
1! = 1
2! = 2x1 = 2
3! = 3x2x1 = 6
4! = 4x3x2x1 = 24
5! = 5x4x3x2x1 = 120
6! = 6x5x4x3x2x1 = 720
7! = 7x6x5x4x3x2x1 = 5040

Anna:

(4!)/[(2!)(2!)] = 24/(2x2) = 24/4 = 6

1, aann
2, anan
3, anna
4, naan
5, nana
6, nnaa

Barbara:

(7!)/[(2!)(2!)(3!)] = 5040/2x2x6 = 5040/24 = 210

Cammy:

(5!)/[(1!)(1!)(1!)(2!)] = 120/(1x1x1x2) = 120/2 = 60

1, acmmy
...
60, ymmca

Dee:

(3!)/[(1!)(2!)] = 6/(1x2) = 6/2 = 3

1, dee
2, ede
3, eed

Eileen:

(6!)/[(1!)(1!)(1!)(3!)] = 720/(1x1x1x6) = 720/6 = 120

Flo:
(3!)/[(1!)(1!)(1!)] = 6/(1x1x1) = 6

1, flo
2, fol
3, lfo
4, lof
5, ofl
6, olf

14-4-19

(93) In Comparison And In Contrast.

We are comparing photos. Photos that look very similar. There is
one photo with four or five people in a row and somehow they
glow. There are some unusual vibrant colours of greens and
yellows and pinks and purples within this picture of these people.
They shine out colourfully at night like a single beings with many
legs.

I am comparing grassy hills. The way that the land lies. The
curvature of the earth beneath those lush green blades of grass. I
compare how steeply and gradiently those elliptic and hyperbolic
earthly surfaces of lush green grass merge together to form a
rolling countryside that lies all around us. I feel the geometry of
this countryside deep within me. I internalise those surfaces as
they move within me. Those surfaces that are covered in lush
green grass.
(94) A Zooalogical Nightmare.
I go back to the house where I live. It is not my house. It is a big
old house. My landlady lives here too. So as I am in the house, I
look out of the window and I see two big tigers on the lawn laid
out in the back garden. There are deep earth patches in the grass
where they have dragged their carcasses of meat that they eat. I
trust that these tigers are kept securly on the back garden lawn
and I go out the front door, outside and I wander down the drive
when I noticed an unusual looking cat. At first sight it took a split
second to get the cat's scale of size right and I imagine it to be a
big cat and scare myself half to death. So as I am walking down
the driveway I notice a very exotic bird. It is very colourful and
unusual. A bird that I have never seen before, not even in pictures.
By now I suspect that these animals and birds belong to someone
as they are not the wildlife that are usually seen around here. But
I have this fear now that I will turn a corner and be greeted by a
big wild cat. What would I do if I met a tiger face to face? I have a
bottle in my hand and I imagine that I smash the bottle in my hand
to use the sharp glass as a weapon to fight the tiger to death with.
Only I cannot imagine winning this fight. I know what killing
machines tigers are and a broken bottle would be insignificant
compared to the teeth and claws of a tiger. So then I imagine that
I see a tiger from a distance. What would I do then? I decide that I
must stop this. This fear that I have with my imagination running
wild, but there are some really strange animals roaming around
here now and I really cannot get a grip of what is going on here.

15-4-19

(95) Mixing With The Smart People.

I socialise with some lads who are very confident. Some of these
lads are from my school days. One of the lads is so confident that
he makes me feel slightly awkward. There is a lad on a motorbike
with a knackered helmet, or "skid lid" as they are often called. His
skid lid has evidently been in an accident because there are deep
groove marks in his helmet. There is a lot of banter from people
regarding his damaged helmet, but the lad with the broken
helmet is cool and confident. He does not say much. He is not
phased by any of these comments that are being made.

My ex Paula is here and I am surprised at how she gets chatting to

one of the bikers. She gets talking about the mechanics of the
bike. The biker tries to tease Paula with witty comments, but this
does not bother her. She seems to know what she is talking about.
She talks about unscrewing panels off of his bike and taking his
engine out.

I get a sense of fame somewhere around here. There is an

intuitive awareness of a guitarist. A very famous guitarist called
Slash. He has his energy all around here and yet I do not see him
anywhere. All in all there are some very confident people around
here. The heat is on and yet they know how to keep their cool and
this makes me nervous. They know how to keep their nerve under
pressure. These people are used to a lot of pressure.

(96) In The Showtown Public House.

"Nicholas Witchell was in town with Johnny Rotten and he was a
doave ..." (Radio transmittion ends abruptly.) I am left wondering
what the hell that was all about and what is a "Doave"?

I see Mick Jagger talking to Keith Richards. (This is not a joke.)

They are sat at a small table next to the wall in the pub chatting
away to each other. I am chatting to someone else in the pub
when Mick Jagger calls me over and I pretend not to hear him, or
maybe I am mistaken, maybe he did not call me over. Then Mick
and Keith leave the pub without me noticing. As soon as I notice
that they have gone I search the pub for them. I go to see if they
are smoking outside, but they are not there. I have lost them. The
trail is cold. I have missed my opportunity to interact with Mick
Jagger, or maybe I am mistaken.

There is this radio host she is performing live now from this pub.
She is on all day and she has only just started. She can, "talk for
England" this woman. She is all linked up and broadcasting. I can
see her through the pub window, she has gone outside and I can
see her in the distance. It is all just radio noise. Her voice is so loud
that it drowns me out and I am not interested in what she has to
say. It is just waffle. It is just superflous radio talk without
substance and I cannot hear myself think!

16-4-19

(97) Trundling Along.

I am looking for the path of hope down to the sea. Where the
warm sunshine beams down onto me, on this glorious day. I am
looking for the path of hope where I can take my "poor of health"
friend in his comfy chair on wheels, down to the sea where the
waves crash into shore that give a rainbow sea spray that blows in
our face and then drifts away. The path of hope lights up the way
in silent determination. I make something of this day for my "poor
of health" friend who has nothing to say. He is asleep in his chair
all along the way.
(98) What A Flipping Carry On!
I am sat here in the lounge reading some jokes to a patient in a
comfy chair. I do not know why I do this. The jokes are not funny
and I have sat in something wet. I am unsure as to what I am
doing here and it all feels a bit awkward, but I carry on regardless.

(99) An Aimless Meander.

I am outside and I feel, out of touch. I feel that I should be out
somewhere doing something, but there is nothing to do. I am a
little too old to be into those video games. I am at a loose end and
I could go round to see someone, but I really do not feel like doing
anything. Although it is daytime, it is getting dark now because
there is a big black cloud in the sky and I can feel a few speckles of
rain. I make my way over to the empty house where I stay. It is not
my house. I just live there. Then I notice Dave in his back garden
and I go over for a chat with him. I half heartedly say to Dave,
"Maybe we should have a game of something?" But no, Dave
declines and I am pleased really. He has a bandage on his hand
you see and I do not want to play a game anyway. I do not know
why I mentioned it in the first place.

17-4-19

(100) The Mild Janitor.

I have my first day at Bristol University today. "There has been a
demonstration and a walk out, probably for the first time since
nineteen seventy two." I randomly hear someone say.

There is a cleaner here who we are talking to and someone here

has thrown lots of bits onto the carpet as we chat to the cleaner.
They are being funny with the cleaner and I feel a little awkward
about this. So the noisy hoover is switched on to vacume these
bits up. A noisy hoover is being pushed around with its bright
orange cable that dangles around from the hoover to the socket. I
just watch as this young cleaner seems to be oblivious, as to how
this student is being funny with him. Funny He He rather than
funny Ha Ha, I would definitely say. It is all a bit jouvenile, but then
we are the young students here and we like to protest. There is
some witty remark and a play on words, about being protestant
rather than being catholic, but that is very much tongue in cheek.
And I would guess that this was said without any religous
conviction what so ever. I just watch the cleaner unplug the
hoover and roll up the cable. I am just releaved that this noisy
hoover has finally done its job. So then to the sound of a bell, we
all make a move to our respective classes in this fine institution,
just to see what lessons we can learn today.

(101) This Charming Mole.

The grassy ground is so wet, yet I drive my huge lorry over it
without sinking in. I am just concerned that I may skid and slide. I
test the brakes and they do not respond well over this slippery
ground.

My friend Mark is here. He is very English in his ways. He talks

proper English very well like a stephen Fry, he speaks eloquently.
He has a charming maner with the ladies who stick around him as
he entertains them with his soothing chatter.

I get back in my lorry and I check the ground as I drive over it

again. It is still wet and the brakes still do not respond too well. I
struggle to stop this lorry where I would like to because of all the
slipping and sliding on the muddy grass. I am picking Mark up in
my lorry, but it is very difficult to pick Mark up. I watch him from
my lorry cab. I watch Mark burrow into the muddy ground like a
mole. He totally disappears under the muddy ground and then
reappears out of the muddy ground some distance away from
where he first disappeared under. His behaviour is most bazar, but
I am used to this behavour by now and so this is nothing strange
to me anymore.

(102) The Fight Club.

I have a laugh and a joke with the woman who works here. We
pretend to do some boxing. We lightly tap each other with jabs.
Her friend joins in and these women really get into this boxing.

There is another woman who is preparing a table of food for a

buffet because it is someone's birthday here. I recognise her face
even though I have never seen her before, because she looks like
the woman whose birthday it is. I guess that they must be closely
related.

So these two women continue to box me. They do not have

boxing gloves on, but I notice that one of the women has brightly
painted finger nails. I end up being dominated by these two
women. I do not put up much of a fight to be honest, as I find
them to be such good fun. I am being dragged around by them as I
give them some cheeky banter. Why would I ever want this fight
to end? And why would I ever want to win this fight?
19-4-19

(103) A Not So Discrete Piss.

I use a toilet, but this toilet is so unusual and it is not fitted
properly. It is more like a coffee machine that stands on the
landing floor near the staircase. It automatically cleans itself when
you use it. Only it cleans the whole staircase as well and everyone
around it. I try to have a discrete piss in its circular filter paper like
thing that is on the floor. Then its own cleaning system starts to
rain on me. This draws the attention of Darren who starts to walk
up the stairs. He casualy starts a sensible conversation with me
about this strange toilet system that automatically cleans itself, we
casualy have this sensible conversation whilst we both get wet
and rained on by it.

20-4-19

(104) A Merry Dance.

There are squares dancing around in my mind and a vision of what
to do. I see a young lass on TV. She is one of the Allen's. I am in
awe of her genes. She is a perfect woman. Then I take a good look
at my genes and I feel that I was in the back of the queue. You see,
my genes impede me, they really let me down. I am out of the fast
lane and into the slow and simple lane. I see this woman, one of
the Allen's. She is on TV in her big convertable car, she is looking
back with her beautiful eyes. I feel inadequate in comparison to
her, but I do have these squares that dance around in my mind
and I do have a vision of what I should do. So despite my poor
genes, I shall see my way through. Despite my genes, I know what
to do.
21-4-19

(105) Two By Two By Two By Two.

I have two fireworks in my hand, two dances to dance and two
songs to sing. I dance with two friends. "It is my pleasure to dance
with you both." I courteously tell them as I throw the first firework
down to the ground to tease out its pyrotechnic display. To my
first song I dance my first dance. I dance so tall and they measure
my height. You see I am a wobbling seaweed in a street in my
town. I wobble my first dance right down to the ground. My friend
and I we work as a team. We are awesome and creative and we
dance like a dream. I am a wobbling seaweed my costume is
brown. Like a ribbon with bobbles this seaweed wobbles as I make
a spectacle of myself in a street of my town.

23-4-19

(106) Showtime In The Cathedral Of Life.

I get drawn into a spiritual show. I open the door to a large
building and uneasily I walk in. I can hear the people performing
their musical show and I take an interest from the gallery room
above. I look down on the stage and I watch them dance. There is
a large inflateable cathedral with wobbly towers.

A man comes up to me with a rock that is a conglomeration of

stones and there is some angle iron in there too. "If you come
around here and you go into the corner. You can break a piece of
this conglomerate off and you can take it away with you." I am
told by the man who seems to be interested into getting me
involved here.

I take a look around and I am drawn into a conversation between

a group of people who are all sat around. Although I do not speak
I listen to what they have to say. They are all elderly people and
they seem to speak in some sort of code. The language is in
English, but the words are encoded in spiritual meaning that I do
not fully understand.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Allotment Venue Sunday 21-4-19 And Tuesday 23-4-19.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

27-4-19
(107) The Detective Agency.
I am at a crime scene. There is an unprecedented amount of
security. Someone has been shot and we are tracing back the
bullet. We are re-enacting the crime scene, just to see what has
exactly transpired. I have been through the cupboards of the lady
who has been shot dead. I opened a packet of hair dye by
accident. My thumb pressed through the cardboard packaging and
now I fear that I will be inculcated into her murder. This lady was
shot by a single bullet that penetrated her car windscreen before
it penetrated her head. All angles are being looked at.

(108) The Classroom Display.

"There is so much poetry that I have written and I have a sample
that I have brought with me here." I tell the lady who appears to
be in charge.

We have the best

And the worse.
We have all
Types of verse.

"I meant to tell you to bring some bad verse with you, so thank
you for that." I am told with authority by someone who clearly
likes to organize people. There is a lot of lifting heavy poetry
around and so I get stuck in to help out and to put it all in order.
"Thank you for bringing your light weight poetry in. It makes
things so much easier." I am told by the lady who is so organized.

28-4-19
(109) As Serious As Cancer.
I am in the library and I listen in on three people who are having
an emotional conversation about people with cancer. There is a
man who is venting angrily:

"I do not want people sent to London when they have cancer. Is it
not difficult enough without having to go to London? I am angry at
the government for letting this happen."

He speaks his words forcefully and yet in a controlled maner.

There are two ladies stood with this man and one of these ladies
makes a case for moving these cancer patients around:

"But it is cheaper. We can get these patients the treatment that

they need ..."

She looks away unable to say any more. She is in tears. I am stood
there discretely with these people. Maybe I should casually make
my move away now. I have heard enough. I am feeling emotional
myself just listening to this conversation. If Paula was here she
would be balling her eyes out by now.

29-4-19

(110) I Am Two Different People At The Same Time.

I am on a retreat with my mum and dad. I have an argument with
my dad. He cramps my style and stifles me. The truth is that I
wanted to stretch my legs. I wanted to stretch my legs out whist I
was sat relaxing in the chair, but my dad was sat in a chair right in
front of me and I lost my composure. I started attacking him. He
was very good. He never retaliated and it was obvious that I was in
the wrong here, but there is more to it than that. He was annoying
me with his chatter in the first place.

I am also sat outside and I am aware that there has been a

disturbance inside the venue. The disturbance is nothing to do
with me. A few people come outside from the venue who have
witnessed this disturbance. They are obviously unsettled now and
they chat about what has happened inside. I cannot hear what
they say exactly but they are obviously distraught because I can
hear a sense of agitation in their voices when they speak.

30-4-19

(111) Breathe In The Air.

We are outside. I am in a gang of lads. There is one lad who comes
around and who tries to intimidate people. He tells you not to say
anything. He looks at you with a serious face and grunts out,
"Don't say anything." And we do not know why we cannot say
anything.

We are all sat around in a gang spraying poisons in the air. These
poisons drift across and we all breathe them in. "What's in these
sprays anyway?" I ask out of curiosity and knowbody knows. We
do not even know why we are spraying this stuff in the air in the
first place, but nobody thinks to ask that question.

(112) Breaking The Trance.

I watch this man who is being controlled by people. He was in a
male gang who got caught for some petty criminal activity. The
gang has to be slow danced to the cell, all of them. I watch each
gang member together with their own female law officer dancing
slowly to their respective cells. Like they are in a ball room. It is
like these gang members are in a trance, unable to move properly.
But then one of the gang members suddenly and unexpectedly
breaks his trance and runs off. His law officer chases him and she
runs into a wall. There is blood on the wall from this female law
officer's bloody nose, "Why do I keep doing this!" She exclaims,as
she is disappointed in her reaction. The gang member who was
slow dancing with this law officer did not go far because he is
teasing her now. He is taunting her for running into the wall. This
has opened my eyes and I find it all quite extraordinary.

____________________________________________________

May 2019

____________________________________________________

(113) The Travel Canteen.

(114) Portal Technology.
(115) Trying To Be Intimate.
(116) Catch Up.
(117) I Do Not Use My Nails To Play Guitar.
(118) Colleages.
(119) The Wandering Minstrel.
(120) A Strange Feeling In A Strange Room.
(121) Between Two Realities.
(122) This Seascape And I.
(123) Selective Mutism.
(124) Certifiable.
(125) Musicians Who Do Not Fit In.
(126) She Does Not Come Alone.
(127) That Yellow Smile.
(128) Naughty But Nice.
(129) So Close.
(130) Using My Initiative.
(131) I Do Not Know Why I Am Laughing.
(132) The Light Language. (meditation)
(133) For The Hungry People.
(134) Crawl Back In Your Hole.
(135) Be There Or Be Square.
(136) Like A Movie Director.
(137) I Am Lacking.
(138) On The Level.
(139) Call Yourself A Musician?
(140) Some Mysterious Man.
(141) In Quiet Expectation.
(142) The Go Between.
(143) Avoiding Behaviour.
(144) I Need My Phone In The Closet.
(145) Left Outside.
(146) Things Are Just Not Coming Together.
(147) I Forget Myself.
(148) This Lad.
(149) The Boss Man.
(150) Skilled Labour.
(151) Love Between Races.
(152) Minstrel Upon The Down.
(153) Not Good.
(154) I Have Not A Lot To Say.
(155) Fruits Of The Garden.
(156) By The Stream Of Consciousness.
(157) Exponential Love.
(158) I Just Want To Get Back Home.
(159) In Seperation. (meditation)
(160) I Am Tinkering About.
(161) The Daily Enlightenment.
(162) I Open Up A Door Into Their Minds.
(163) She Is, "Stressed To The Max!"
(164) Taking The Piss.
(165) The Shit That Comes Out!
(166) The Art Of Laundering.
(167) A Visit From Maz.
(168) Setting A Boundary.
(169) A Wealth Of Words.
(170) Picking Up The Pieces.
(171) I Have Been Burnt. (meditation)
(172) She Is Like Putty In My Hands.
(173) Lost Inside The Black Hole Within My Mind.
(174) The Pathological Crowd.
(175) Mother's Berry Pie.
(176) I Am On The Side Line With My Ruler.
(177) Uninspiring.
(178) The Intervention.
(179) To Know Yourself.
(180) Sacha/Violet.
(181) Set That Song Bird Free!
(182) Fat Shamed!

1-5-19
(113) The Travel Canteen.
I find my way around the transport. I am busking. I find myself in a
train all set up for people to climb aboard. This train has its own
dinner service and all the vessels are stacked up on the work top
surfaces. I get a feel for this transport to take me about.

2-5-19

(114) Portal Technology.

There are some special portal technologies that are a triple door
system. The first door opens by swinging from the left. The second
door opens by swinging from the right within the same space as
the first door. This would be impossible in reality but we are in
astral here. To make things more complicated these doors often
appear invisble and so people can come through seemingly from
nowhere. The third door is similar to the first door but at ninety
degrees. So once inside the first two doors turn left for the third
door.

There is also another type of triple door where the third door
allows communication. So you do not actually go through this
door physically in astral, but you may go through it
communicatively in astral.

I am made aware of one particular communication doorway and

behind this doorway is a large room full of technitions working
behind their computers. These people are in a different dimension
to us altogether. It is my idea to communicate with these people.
We need some answers so I suggest that we ask them some
questions.
Another portal doorway that is more in the real world is the one
through music. To learn new songs off by heart and to sing and
play these songs often opens up new possibilities and promotes
the creation of new timelines, but only if they are played often
enough and it is best if they are played in public.

(115) Trying To Be Intimate.

I suddenly find myself with Anna. We have not seen each other for
ages. She is very relaxed around me and we get chatting. We seem
to be getting along fine. I know that she loves me and so I decide
to try it on with her. I put my hand up her skirt and she berates me
for this. She tells me off saying that I nipped her lips and so I back
off for a while.

Later I see Anna again. I go up to her, but then she disappears. She
has not gone far and I catch up with her. She shames me in front
of everyone. "He put his hand up my skirt." She says, teasing me
with a smile on her face. In the background I can just hear
someone say something about me being a boy and that I have just
come away from this woman who I cannot see anymore.

"Well I am a man!" I interject proudly trying to put them right for

my indiscretion. I then find myself watching Anna who suddenly
starts dancing with this bloke. He spins her around. She is flying all
over the place and it is quite impressive to watch. I am thinking to
myself that things could be good between me and Anna.
3-5-19

(116) Catch Up.

I am walking along down the street. I have a white shirt on and I
notice that it is creased. My shirt is open so I do up some buttons
and I stretch the creases across, but my attempt to remove these
creases are in vain. I am aware of a car behind me. This car is
driving very slow. I do not think too much about this car at first,
but then it just keeps following me. Every turn I make this car
slowly follows me behind. I get to my destination which is a cafe. I
go inside and they put some bread in the toaster for me just as I
notice that Daren and his girlfriend are getting out of that car that
has been following me. They come into the cafe and we have a
catch up conversation.

(117) I Do Not Use My Nails To Play Guitar.

This lad asks me to play a cover of a Jam song on my acoustic
guitar and so I do. I later find out that he is a big fan of The Jam.
So I hope that I have done this song justice.

There is a woman who likes the songs that I play. She has recorded
some of these songs on her phone. She says that half of the
people like what I sing and play on guitar and the other half don't.
I can live with that I think to myself.

I go swimming and Mick is there. We get talking about how long

our nails are. I have slightly long nails on my left hand and short
nails on my right hand. Mick goes on about how he caught
someone with his nails when he was swimming. I am not really
interested but he keeps going on about it like it is important or
something.
4-5-19

(118) Colleages.
I am leaving my job. There are all these different personalities
where I work. So which ones do I see before I leave? I have not
time to see them all. In my mind's eye I flash through them; their
faces, their bodies, their clothes. Like flash cards they appear to
me and then they are gone.

(119) The Wandering Minstrel.

I am walking along the beach sands of Goodrington. There is a
woman who I meet and who I speak to about all that I do. She
gives me advice and I keep walking along until I decide to play out
a song. I sing along and play my guitar upon a concrete water
break, along the beach sands of Goodrington.

5-5-19

(120) A Strange Feeling In A Strange Room.

I get up out of bed and I walk around my room. I do not feel as I
should do. I move slowly like I am deep under water. For some
reason I jump up in the air and bang my head on the ceiling. I do
not want to wake anyone up. I do not want to disturb anyone in
the next room and so I decide to tone my noise down. I feel most
unusual inside myself. Maybe I am ill, but I am not scared. Maybe I
will die soon, I think to myself. I get back into bed and I imagine
these shapes of blocks come at my face through the duvet and I
attempt to bite them like a dog would, but these blocks just flow
through my face. Then I wake up with chills running down my
spine and a memory of this other bedroom that was surely unlike
mine.

(121) Between Two Realities.

I watch the cars on the road, they drive so fast. It is as if they are
in a rally race. The roads are wet and this car, a white mini skids
into the back of another car which was stationary and so this then
that car starts to skid and slide along from the momentum of the
impact. After that things seem to settle down, but then I hear a
man crying out in distress from his mini car. I think that he is
trapped inside his car. He is desperately asking for help. There is
no one else around only me and I do not have my phone on me to
call for help. I consider just walking away from all this, but I would
not be able to live with myself if I did that. I imagine that the
driver probably has horrific trauma that I really do not want to
see. I will have to wake up and come out of this dream to find my
phone to call for help, but maybe he will not be there in the world
of reality if I wake up, I think this to myself whilst I am in my
dream. What should I do?

6-5-19

(122) This Seascape And I.

I think about all those times that I have been with you, but now I
am flying high with you. Along the coastline where the tide it
turns. Those beaches with sunshine hope they glisten in a deep
and sandy red. I am free as I gaze around at the view, on a salty
seaway like today. We do nothing but pass time by, myself and this
view, but then I guss that that is nothing new. I am living my
dream life it is true.

(123) Selective Mutism.

I am getting my tongue looked at. Hopefully there nothing too
much wrong with it. The worst case scenario is that I may need an
amputation of my tongue, but I do not think that it will come to
that. I look at all manner of diagrams to do with the tongue and I
am worried that their may be something terminally wrong with
my tongue. I have always been quiet but if my tongue is
amputated, depending on how much they amputate, I may need
to learn to talk again. But I really do not want to talk about that.

(124) Certifiable.
I am writing out certificates for what people do. My dad says that
driners shit, smokers piss and vapourers eat. I mae a mistake on
one of these certificates as I write it out. I put the wrong name in
and I have to cross it out. That will not do. I have made a right
mess of that certificate. What shall I do now?

7-5-19

(125) Musicians Who Do Not Fit In.

There is a man here who is sounding off. He is making a point:

"Look! This man is singing to a recording. There are plenty of

musicians here. So why is he having to sing to a recording?"

This singer is discruntled. I can see that he feels that he has been
negated by the fact that the musicians around him do not connect
with him and particularly with his singing.

There is also a big issue about musicians sweating. There is one

such musician who needs his hand holding. He is very clingy and
he is sweating profusely all the time. He seems to hold people
back with his clingyness. He just seems so stifling.

(126) She Does Not Come Alone.

There is a lovely girl who calls me on the phone. She decides that
she will come to my house and visit me in two days time when the
months of winter are finally over.

So now she visits me. She knocks on my door and I invite her into
my home. She shows me her new tattoos on her arm that we have
talked about previously in emails. These are the tattoos that we
have both designed.

"The bringer of God."

It says in one tattoo, in gothic writing on the white skin of her fore
arm. She is the girl who I truly Love and I have been waiting so
long to see her again.

8-5-19

(127) That Yellow Smile.

I see a woman and I tell her how much I love her. How I think
about her. I tell her how my love for her changes the things that I
do. It changes the way that I do What I do. But that was yesterday.
Things have moved on now and I find myself alone with my
luggage that is packed full of my clothes. It is packed with a smile
that I shall never wear quite the same again. A smile that shines
out within a case full of white underwear.

(128) Naughty But Nice.

This girl and myself we are back in the past. We pinch food to eat
latter and then we run away. We are careful which foods we steal.
It has to be neatly packaged you see. I find a caramel slice
belonging to someone. A caramel slice that has been made
especially for them. I pick it up. "How nice this would be?" I say to
the girl, in response to my temptation to eat it. "But I can't! It's
too personal!" I exclaim in frustration. I would not sink so low as
to eat this caramel slice that has been especially made for this
person. I find mixed fruit tarts instead all individually packaged
and neat. I take two for the girl and I take two for myself. We run
away with our tarts, through this old school building as fast as we
can. At first I get stuck with anxiety too nervous too run, before I
find a spring in my step. We leg it both of us, out of this building a
safe distance away. To eat as we may, those mixed fruit tarts all
packaged and neat.

9-5-19

(129) So Close.
This is where I feel the love for the girl, as I go rambling and she is
rambling too. You see we walk for miles but she does not notice
me, not really. She sometimes sees me. She sees that I am there
with her, but not how much. As she wanders the countryside I am
with her, truly with her in every aspect of the way.

(130) Using My Initiative.

There is a gang of us. We are all tidying up the garden. There is a
fridge box on wheels. "Where does this go?" I ask one of the
women in the gang.

"Well where do you think it goes?" She sternly asks me back. "Oh
it's not obvious is it." She suddenly says in sudden realisation and
then she smiles at me in an appologetic way. You see the fridge
box is full of veg and it is not electric powered. There is no lead
and plug on it to plug it in. In order to keep the veg inside the box
cool and fresh, I guess that this fridge box will have to go into the
big fridge.

"I will just leave this fridge box here. If it is in the wrong place then
the next team who come on shift after us will be able to sort it
out." I say this with authority. Slightly pleased with myself that I
am confidently making a sensible decision. And so there it is left.

10-5-19

(131) I Do Not Know Why I Am Laughing.

It comes up in conversation about which DVD films we have
watched. I do not watch films. I seem to let it slip out of my mouth
that I do not know how to use a DVD player. This is quite
embarrassing. People are astounded at my lack of knowledge in
this area. I end up laughing so much at my incompetency. I try to
hide this reaction, but I just cannot stop laughing. I can see no one
else laughing but there are tears of laughter rolling down my
cheeks. Then I notice someone else laughing at me. "Help me!" I
plead to them as I watch their eyes well up and they try not to
show that they are laughing also. For some reason they are in a
car, driving it slowly. I walk up to them beside the driver's door.
They do not want to look back at me as I watch them and we both
keep laughing out of control. Somehow it seems much funnier
when you try not to laugh.

(132) The Light Language. (meditation)

I have just read "The Two Pictures" chapter seventeen in the book,
A Course In Miracles. In meditation I get a feel for the text. In my
imagination I run my fingers over the printed words. They feel soft
and light to my touch. It almost feels like a sheet of polystyrene,
only more natural, not synthetically made like polystyrene.

(133) For The Hungry People.

I am in the lush green hilly countryside and I make myself
something to eat. It is not so easy to cook when you are out in the
sticks. Somehow I manage to cook up a large selection of food. I
tell people:

"You can eat for free here. Just make sure that you wash your
bowls out before you leave."

I will most likely end up washing all the bowls out again myself,
but it is the principle of the matter. If I provide free food then the
least that they can do is to wash their bowls out.

(134) Crawl Back In Your Hole.

There is an amphibian who lives inside my mind. He has gone back
to his pond in the rock, where he sits patiently and where he
belongs. He came out for a breif time in unusual circumstances,
but now those circumstances have past me by and so he cannot
be pursuaded to stay out any longer.

11-5-19

(135) Be There Or Be Square.

I am in a cafe with a woman. We make a connection and this
woman tells me all about it. About the way that we all fit in, in this
cafe, in the square where you will find us. Sitting there, in a
dream, in a cafe, in a square.

(136) Like A Movie Director.

All the light bulbs within this system are in alignment to be
moved. Down this street together with the great traffic system of
the countryside. I am just a witness to the great role that this
lighting system plays towards the traffic system of the night. I am
told how to think differently. I am told how to make the most of
my mind by changing my thought patterns and so by changing this
movie that is being played out of my life.

(137) I Am Lacking.
The sea gulls they distance themselves from me. They do not take
any food from me because I do not have any food.

12-5-19

(138) On The Level.

I do not watch television because I get deep into my spiritual
practices. I wonder if I am doing the right thing here with regard
to my spiritual practices. I give Simon my nephew his seventy five
pounds that he lent me a while ago. He seems to be surprised by
my payment back to him. I feel good that we are both square
again with each other and that I do not owe him any money
anymore.
(139) Call Yourself A Musician?
I am talking to someone about playing the song, I'm Dreaming Of
A White Christmas. I am playing the melody on the low E string on
my guitar. I am not very good at playing it as I am still working the
notes out. "I am playing nearly every fret here!" I exclaim in
protest, as there seems to be a lot of notes to play in this tune and
I am really not very confident here.

(140) Some Mysterious Man.

I meet this chap who knows Betty Burns and Jane Burns:

"I used to like Betty and Jane. What are they doing now?" I ask
this man. He is very quiet. He has googlie eyes and a smile on his
face, as we are both sat on this settee. His googlie eyes look
around the room as he is thinking what to say.

"Jane is working in sales." He finally tells me.

"I used to fancy Jane." I confess to the man. "I was a bad little boy!
I must have been about five years old when I moved away. So
these memories will be back in the late sixties. I always remember
Jane being very shy."

I am so excited to meet someone who knows Betty and Jane.

Betty is Jane's mother you see. I am hoping that I will get to meet
Betty and Jane again after all these years.

13-5-19
(141) In Quiet Expectation.
I am deep in the countryside of Torbay with Tina Louise Spalding
who trance channels Ananda. I make my polite excuses to be with
the collective consciousness of Ananda within the countryside of
torbay, Devon. You see Tina will be channeling here at the
Balmoral hotel here in Torquay in July 2019. I have paid £222 to
hear Tina Channel. I am interested in extra terestrial channeling
and I am interested in raising my vibration.

(142) The Go Between.

I am living in this place where the people they do not know what
they do. They come into my life. They go out of my life and they
circumvent my life.

I am listening to some music on my music player which is wired to

an amplifier. I listen to my music through my head phones when
suddenly there is a tug on the cables and all the wires that my
music system has get pulled out.

"Oi! Oi! Oi!"

I shout to make these people aware that they are caught in the
wiring of my music system, but my amplifier gets damaged as it
gets pulled over. I untangle the wires around these people who
have been caught up in my music system. I take a good look at my
amplifier and it just melts. The plastic folds up and my amplifier
melts down in a most unnatural way. It is then that I realise that I
do not need an amplifier to listen to my music because I have my
head phones. Then I take my broken amplifer to be trashed in a
skip outside. So I have down sized. My music system is smaller
now, but it still gives me the music that I need. There is not so
much wiring now for people to interfere with and get tangled up
into. They have interfered with my wiring for far too long. So now I
live a simpler life and my music system reflects this.

14-5-19

(143) Avoiding Behaviour.

I am avoiding this girl. She is the C, F and G chord within me and
so I must keep myself well away. I see her this day as I roll upon
the uneven grassy slopes. I roll myself into a doorway, well away
from her. Her name is Dawn or Dana or Deana. She is the Dawn,
Dana, Deana of me. I need to walk past her this day, but I just turn
around and then walk the other way. She really makes me
nervous. I find her in my heart. She can play any song out of me,
as long as it is in the key of C. Yes, she can certainly play a tune on
me. I really need to make sure that I am free from her and so you
see, I must letter B.

(144) I Need My Phone In The Closet.

I am with these two people. One is a tiny young girl and the other
person is a woman who is instructing her with her dancing for the
show. We are all in this tiny room, no bigger than a cupboard. I
have a drink in a plastic cup in my hand and I look for a place to
put my cup down so that it is out of the way. I am uncomfortable
in this tiny cupboard of a room in case we get locked in here,
unable to get out again. This happened to me once in a toilet. The
handle was broken and I so could not get out of the toilet. It was a
tiny toilet with no windows. The toilet door opened inwards, so I
could not break it open. Luckily I had my phone on me and I called
for help. People laughed at me because I was stuck in a toilet, but
to be honest it stressed me out. So I keep opening this door in this
tiny cupboard of a room just to check that we are not trapped
inside. I have my phone on me here also.

(145) Left Outside.

She is beautiful. She can come to my birthday party anytime. She
knows this. I feel her vibration and she feels fine. I go into my
house. I will invite all the people in when it is good to do so. Her
dad is outside. I see him glance in through the window once I am
inside. His clean white shirt bright in the sunlight stands out. The
impatient dad who wonders what is going on, but I will not be
rushed. I will tell them when it is time to come inside.

(146) Things Are Just Not Coming Together.

I am in class and I just cannot seem to get caught up with the work
that we have to do. I have also lost the work that I have done. I
have been cutting out bits of paper to fold them into three
dimensional shapes. These are called nets. I have been searching
through all the bits of paper on the tables and desks, but it is
other peoples work. What is more, is that I cannot find the other
students who I work with. I do not know where they are. I search
through my pockets which are full of bits and bobs but not
anything that I am looking for. I think that I will give up on this
lesson time today. Hopefully I will be able to catch up with all this
work the next time that I am in this lesson. I just do not seem to
be able to get it together today.

15-5-19
(147) I Forget Myself.
I see Ann. As a doctor I see her. "It is good that there are people
like you in the NHS." She tells me and secretly I remind myself that
this is not exactly the job that I want to do. But I am happy to
receive her compliments. There maybe more, much more to this
but I do not remember for now.

(148) This Lad.

This lad is being quizzed by the quiz master on TV. This lad is quite
nervous but he is doing well. He is finding those correct answers. I
have spoken to this lad before and he knows about some esoteric
knowledge that I have also discovered to be true. Sometimes I feel
that we have left most of the world behind. You see I have spent a
lot of time on myself doing my inner work. I have spent thousands
of hours listening to channelers who channel extra terrestrials and
their information. So now I feel that I know some deep truths that
most people do not have a clue about. Occasionally I meet
someone who has some of this esoteric knowledge and this lad is
one of them.

(149) The Boss Man.

I am in a car park for a DIY shop. I get told to take some broken
bits of trolley away and to get a trolley that works properly. Only I
do not find this task easy to do. Somehow I get confused as to
where I should go. I take so long to do this simple task. I am
frustrated and annoyed because I have been told what to do. You
see I want to follow my own lines. I want to use my own guidence
system. I do not need people bossing me around.
16-5-19

(150) Skilled Labour.

It would be nice to have some of the skills for working on the land,
but I know that I do not have these skills because I have tried. A
man says that he will get me started with some work on the land.
"But I do not have those skills." I tell him. "I would love to be able
to do what they do and to get it all recorded on video, but it is too
difficult for me." I conclude to this man and he admits to me that
he does not have these skills either.

(151) Love Between Races.

I work in this place where people they get quite gnarly. There is
one lad, he is a bugger, but he gets on with his job. He gets his
work done. I take some photos of people. These people are
holding hands. A black person and a white person holding hands. I
capture their contrasting hands holding each other's, as they walk
around. I find two couples lie this. Black and white holding on
tight, as a symbol of diversity.

17-5-19

(152) Minstrel Upon The Down.

I have made myself known upon the plane of this existance. I
reside my peaceful life within the confines of my seaside town of
Torquay. I go upon the Downs of Babbacombe to play my guitar
and to sing my songs. There are those who know me. For I
practice my art every morning after my big guest house breakfast.
So I have my place within this seaside town, because I am the
minstral upon the down.

18-5-19

(153) Not Good.

There are these cancer patients and a list comes out everyday
with the names of people who will become the most ill for that
day. So this is a big deal and those patients who read their names
upon this list must be brave. These lists are written in a sheet of
iron and they are stuck with pop rivits upon the sign posts along
the pathways of diminished hope.

"Come on be brave! People can live on these lists for ages!"

Someone astounds with this positive message of hope and I think

to myself, what must it be like to be in the shoes of those with
such an illness?

(154) I Have Not A Lot To Say.

I have been careful with what I have to say. I come across a shop
full of chocolate. They reward you with what you have to say in
chocolate. So I get my box of chocolates and I eat what is due to
me.
19-5-19

(155) Fruits Of The Garden.

I find myself in a beautiful English garden with another musician.
There is no need to play together now. There will be plenty of time
for that. I live in the appartment block next to these gardens. I will
be able to while the hours away here. There is nothing more than
that, just the freedom to play music on a beautiful summer's day.
What more could I want?

(156) By The Stream Of Consciousness.

I am a part of this tree and yet I am apart from it. I look at this tree
from different angles. I look down through it, through a deep
tunnel of branches. I play with the different perspectives of this
tree. The tree that stands on the edge of my consciousness, with
the branches that leaves me in the peacefulness of its vague
memory.

(157) Exponential Love.

I can see the rhythm of her heart beat in numbers. There are
regular fluctuations and a nice curve in the repeating pattern of
these numbers, but there is something else going on here,
something more complex, because there are imaginary numbers
that superimpose themselves upon this graphical number line.
Upon the heartbeat of this rhythm. There is an underlining
passion in these numbers too prominent to ignore. There is
something quite irrational. The like I have never seen before.
20-5-19

(158) I Just Want To Get Back Home.

I am in town with some other people. I have given them a lift into
town in my car. There is a lot of chatter with these people as we
decide that we shall buy a take out meal from one of the fast food
shops. There is a little confusion as to whose meal is who's, as it is
all boxed up in the back of the car.

So latter on I am driving back in my car on my own. I get close to

my home and I find the only space left to park my car in, but it will
be a little walk around the block to my house from here. I get
walking around the block back home from my car when I realise
that I have not got my chips from out of the car and so I have to
walk back to the car to get my chips. There is a van driving around
this estate and it aproaches me from behind, as I walk back to my
car which disturbs me slightly. It is late at night and other than this
van the night is still. The road is wet and I can hear the wet tyres
on the road as the van passes me by on this housing estate. I have
difficulty finding where I have parked my car, but eventually I find
it parked next to a bright red post and I get those chips out of the
car. I am impatient to get back home now and to eat my chips. I
dash through those wet streets with my chips in my hand in
anticipation for my late night supper.

(159) In Seperation. (meditation)

We have been through some rough seas. It is alright for me
because I have been on this huge ship, but for her she has been
bobbing up and down in her little boat navigating those rough
seas all on her own. She is so stressed out, but you see for me on
that big ship those rough seas feels so much calmer for me. It is
just the way that things are between Anna and myself.

(160) I Am Tinkering About.

I have gone out in my bright red car to the fuel garage. I go there
to fix something on my car. I do not even now what it is that I am
trying to fix. I just now that it is a component on my car. I now that
I have taken something apart which belongs to my car and I
cannot put it back together again. There are springs and things
lying on the floor here. I have had a few attempts at putting this
component back together, but it does not seem to go back
together properly. There are wires that clip on somewhere and a
shutter that does not slide down properly, now that it has been
taken apart.
I am aware of some lads who are here near me. One lad comes up
to me and asks me, "Have you been doing some gardening?
Because there are some trees that need clipping just over here."
And he points across to the corner of the garage, over to some
large trees that are swaying in the breeze.

"Well I have been doing some gardening but not here. I have been
gardening at home. I have just come here to fix something on my
car." I tell the lad which seems quell any further conversation
between us.

(161) The Daily Enlightenment.

I am going through a daily newspaper. I am looking through one of
the tabloids and I am has struck by how much the contents of this
newspaper has changed. It has been a long time since I looked
through a newspaper. They are full of so much more spiritual
articles than they ever used to be. I am guessing that this must be
due to this ascension that we are all going through. That photon
belt that our whole solar system is going through in space, with all
the information from those photons raising our consciousness.
Even the filty press is cleaning its act up now. I never thought that
I would see the day.

21-5-19

(162) I Open Up A Door Into Their Minds.

I am singing to some friends. I am singing, Riders On The Storm.
This is not my best rendition of this song. I cannot remember
many of the words. So I improvise, I make up bits to this song
whilst I sing it. I am not all that confident with my performance
and so I decide to finish this song quickly. My friends have been
patiently listening to me, waiting for the moment when I finish
this song. I see one of my friends stir from behind a big speaker
where he was hiding. I am told in no uncertain terms, "Thank you
for that, but we do not want to hear any more." I am just grateful
for an audience. I am just grateful for that attention that they have
just given me. Even though my friends are not so grateful for my
singing performance, we can all relax now and enjoy the rest of
the evening without me singing.

22-5-19

(163) She Is, "Stressed To The Max!"

It is Anna's celebtation but she is continually having to comply to
regulations which push her into a lower frequency. It pushes her
into a lower vibration. I see her speech written down, which is so
affected. There is the evidence of so much cohersion between the
quotation marks of her speech that there is no chance for peace
of mind to be expressed by Anna. There is so much manipulation
for the poor girl to contend with that it becomes troubling. It
becomes troubling for me to hear her disturbing tone of what she
has to say and so now you see I keep well away. I keep well out of
her way.

(164) Taking The Piss.

There are a lot of extremely tall people in this establishment, in
this big old building. The tall people are always the managers.
Those who are in charge. Those who ignore you and who open
their huge doors to their offices and go hide inside.

I go off to look for a toilet. There are a lot of toilets but often they
are in use by someone. I get myself into the wrong toilets and this
lady politely explains to me where the gents toilets are.

"That's strange! I am sure that the gents were here. This building
must have changed, unless there is another building here very
similar."

I tell the woman this, who does not respond to me again and so I
start to doubt myself. This estalishment has me baffled, but in the
meantime I really do need to have a piss!

24-5-19

(165) The Shit That Comes Out!

"Remember when you was young?" My sister asks me. "You was
really thin back then." she points out to me.

I have just been to the toilet and opened my bowls and my mind is
still thinking about the toilet paper and the wiping of my arse. My
mind is still on the brown marks on the once clean white toilet
paper tissue and the skill that it takes to clean yourself up after
such a bowl movement.

"We were all thin back then, except for mum." I suddenly
remember.

"Yes, she was never thin." My sister concludes.

(166) The Art Of Laundering.
I am doing an art course in Totnes. This course claims to have an
old washing machine that is seventeen years old. This course
always does very well. This is a summer school course and there
are hundreds of students who have arrived to take this course. I
wonder with so many students, how this course is going to work
out in reality, but I am sure that we shall all find a way. God knows,
we all need the money!

25-5-19

(167) A Visit From Maz.

My sister Maz comes down to see me here in Torquay. "I don't like
it down here." Maz tells me. "You know that lad really doesn't like
you." She informs me as she takes notice of the people around me
in my social circle.

"He's alright. He is just not happy at the way that things are going
at the moment." I give Maz some insight into how things are down
here. I give her an insight into the dynamics between the people
down here.

"You know you should get yourself a good photo done for your
work so that you can get yourself a good job." She suddenly
advises me.

"I am not a career person Maz. These care jobs are not good. You
are expected to do everything. There is no bounds to your job
role. How can anyone enjoy a job like that? How can anyone enjoy
a job when you are treated like a slave? The wage that you get
being a care worker is not enough to allow you to be a part of
society because you are priced out of doing things in society. The
money that you get as a care worker is barely enough to survive. I
would rather be out of the system. I would rather be off grid. If I
can save up some money and live a meager existence out of work
through the summer then that is a much happier life style for me."

My sister is quiet now. She is thinking about all that I have said
and there is no come back from her. You see I value my freedom
more than my work and I am very clear about that.

(168) Setting A Boundary.

I have a girlfriend. She is so beautiful. She is the girl of my dreams
and we get on so well together. I dote on her. Her name is Sacha
Marran, but she does not love me like I want her to. She does not
have the passion for me that I have for her. She is just far too
ambivalent towards me and this drives me fucking mad! So I look
around upon the ground and I find a straight edge and I draw a
line.
 Sacha Maran M.A.

26-5-19

(169) A Wealth Of Words.

"Let me grow in your in your substance. Let me always be with
you. Let me walk in your sunshine. Let me walk in your rain."

I have a throat full of words and I worry that I might choke on

them. I have my gold jewelry on whilst I sleep and I awake to the
wearing of these adornments. I worry that I may lose them. I have
been told that wearing gold when I sleep will help me to lucid
dream, but my gold rings just makes my finger sweat and my gold
chain just hangs as a weight around my neck. A thousand pounds
worth of gold jewelry to help me through my sleep. To help me to
find my dreams, so that these memories I may keep.

"Let me grow in your in your substance. Let me always be with

you. Let me walk in your sunshine. Let me walk in your rain."

(170) Picking Up The Pieces.

I will go to see my parents, but I will not go to see my girlfriend
who lives near my parents. This girl has hurt me too much already.

I think these thoughts about my girlfriend as I tidy up my room, as

I look through the used stamps that I have saved for my stamp
collection. These stamps still stuck to a small piece of envelope
that have been torn away around each stamp. I go through a pack
of cards that have long since been abandoned, that have been
allowed to seperate themselves all over the place. I pick them up
one by one and I wonder if all fifty two cards will be found. These
playing cards are old. They are bent and torn in places. These
cards show the stress and strain of many of the games that have
been played with them. A bit like the games that have been played
between myself and my girlfriend. Well that stops now! I must
never see her again. This will be for my own peace of mind,
because there is no future for us to be together and I know this
now. So I write a poem:

I became the joker.

You wouldn't deal me in.
I never had the chance to play
And so I couldn't win.

If you had been my queen of hearts

then I would have found my place,
by being the king in the pack
 I could have laid an ace.

(171) I Have Been Burnt. (meditation)

The spark that I feel between Sacha and myself is very painful in
its seperation. Only when I am with her am I truly happy and we
spend a lot of time apart. Often I feel that those anxieties within
me, within my emotions are unbearable. It will be a long time
before I get over this. It will be a long time before I get over these
passions that I have for her. It will be a long time before I find my
peace of mind again, from the affliction of those affections that I
have for her.

(172) She Is Like Putty In My Hands.

I like carry someone in my back pack, but not really. It just weighs
so much that someone jokingly asks me, "Have you got someone
in there? A dead body maybe!" I just politely smile at them.

There is a girl who I imagine. I imagine that I chase her. I crack her
arse with my hand as I catch up with her. This is not a girl who I
know, but someone who I think up in my mind and she is so
playful. I think about her most of the time. She is fantastic. She is
my fantacy, my fancy. She comes and goes as I feel like, because
she is not real.

(173) Lost Inside The Black Hole Within My Mind.

What is that? Beyond the clouds the moon breaks through and
there is a light that is cast from the surface of the moon. It is like a
search light that flashes across in a bright instant at about two
O'Clock on the moon's surface.
I will place this event with the other planetary events that I have
experienced. But the other planetary events that I have
experienced have not been written down and they have become
so vague as to be cast from my mind completely. There is an
unexplained mystery here. Which is generally the nature of all
mysteries. I had the information in my mind for this mystery. I had
its revelation, but now that information is irretrievable and so, for
now, it must remain beyond the veil.

27-5-19

(174) The Pathological Crowd.

There is this woman who used to live out close to the natives. She
was shouting out one day and the natives heard her, which gave
her position away. There are so many natives out there in the
wilds. They stick to well used routes out there in the forest. There
are many crowds of these noisey natives moving along these
paths which form the main routes of travel and these natives they
are all shouting. They usually do not hear anything much in the
jungle for they shout so loud to each other so that they do not
hear others. But as I say, there was a woman who was not
descrete enough and she gave her position away. She shouted so
loud that even the mindless crowd could hear her. You can live out
in the jungle in relative peace if you do not give your position
away. If you do not make yourself known to those mindless
crowds who travel along those well worn paths.

(175) Mother's Berry Pie.

I am asked to look for some berries in the back garden of our
house, by my mother. I am not sure what sort of berries she
wants. I trace a huge bramble branch that is as thick as my body
and it grows over our house roof top, from out of the back of our
garden and it hangs across the front of our house into the middle
of our street. I am concerned that traffic will hit this branch if they
drive down our street. There are some berries forming on this
thick bramble branch, but when I show my mother this branch she
just wants to hide it behind one of the large trees that grows
beside the road. She believes that this bramble branch is ugly and
that it will deter our visitors, whoever may come to visit us. For it
is a monster in the eyes of my mother. But I am just a child here so
what do I know?

(176) I Am On The Side Line With My Ruler.

I am in college working on computers. There are two students
who I chat to, but I do not seem to fit in well. They just want to
chat to each other and I get side lined.

There is an exam later and I just want to get this exam done, but
the teacher has left the classroom and she has left us with nothing
to do. It is quite annoying because we could be having a break
now. or even better we could be getting this exam done and out of
the way. I have everything that I need for this exam.

I am inspecting my fold up ruler. It is wooden and folds in the

middle. The wood in the middle near the hinge is missing and
there is an opaque resin like substance that is very tough and that
has been smoothed over and which blends into the wood nicely.

I have been side lined by these students too much now. They do
not seem to be interested in my conversation, so I concerntrate on
doing my work on the computer. One of the two students then
asks me for some help with his computer. I just ignore him. He can
go and fish now!

(177) Uninspiring.
I listen to someone comment on a game of local football. They are
not impressed with the standard of the players. Then he finds out
that these footballers are the new players for the local team and
he seems even less impressed now. I know nothing about football.
The game has never inspired me.

28-5-19

(178) The Intervention.

We have robbed a bank. There has been some confusion. The
woman who robbed the ban with me she ran the street. She
thought that I had been caught. She stayed out hiding out on
those streets that day. There was only one bundle of notes that
we got, but that bundle of notes stands thirty centermeters high. I
managed to catch up with my partner in crime, in her sexy black
cat suit. I new where she would be. I knew exactly where she
would go.

There was a mix up on the day of the job. There were helicopter
choppers flying around and we thought that they were onto us.
We cannot explain these choppers. They were nothing to do with
us. The authorities do not seem to now either and we feel that
this confusion has led law enforcements away from our trail.
All that remains now is to share the spoil, that massave wad of
notes. The following formula gives an approximate value of what
we shall each receive in English pounds:

s=(h/[2t])d ---> (0.3/[2(0.000113)])20=26548.67257

s= the spoil each in English pounds will be about £26,540.

h= the height of the wad of notes in meters, 0.3m
t= the thickness of each of the notes in meters, 0.000113m
d= the denomination of the notes, all notes are £20.

We need to use discretion now. The serial numbers on those notes

may be known by the authorities, so we proceed with caution.
How can we spend this money without being caught? We are
figuring this one out.

(179) To Know Yourself.

There are those who walk on. They scale some tall hill and so I
catch them up. I find myself. I really need to make my way. I find
my direction and those things that I need to say. This journey it
takes me so much time to travel, but diligently I craft my way. For I
am living in the moment, for every new today. I climb those steep
embankments. I scale a rocky shelf. The I am, within me is there to
find myself. Who am I? Well I am me! There is no need for
identification if you let yourself be free. There is no need for
justification just let yourself be. Open up your eyes. Step right up
and then you shall surely see afar. And then you will truely realise
finally, who you really are.

I am the writer because it crystalizes my thoughts. It is the writing

that gives my thoughts a structure in which to give my thoughts'
expression, but I am not my thoughts because I am the writer who
gives life to those thoughts and I am the writer who gives life to
those thoughts' expression.

29-5-19

(180) Sacha/Violet.

Sacha

I met a nice musician

who knows how to play people well.
She certainly played me
right down to the tee.

So now I'm just a mixed up metaphor

confused and out of touch
banished to a seaside town
where my life is such.

So now I'm just a mixed metaphor

mixed up in my head
someone who is screwed up
Someone who has lost the thread.

So now I'm just a mixed metaphor

or some simile instead.
Like a man with the blues
I'm like seeing red!
 She never really loved me
and this I know is true
It's all black and white with her
I can see through.

Can't you see I'm all mixed up

and you too will surely find
That when you fall in love
you too will become colour blind.

I need to get my colour vision back

this I know takes time.
About as long as a poet takes
to learn to write a poem that doesn't rhyme.

I'd like to end this discourse

but I don't know how I can.
It's all because of that musician
her name is Sacha Marran.

Violet.

I met a nice musician

who knows how to play people well.
She certainly played me
right down to the tee.

So now I'm just a mixed up metaphor

confused and out of touch
banished to a seaside town
where my life is such.
 So now I'm just a mixed metaphor
mixed up in my head
someone who is screwed up
Someone who has lost the thread.

So now I'm just a mixed metaphor

or some simile instead.
Like a man with the blues
I'm like seeing red!

She never really loved me

and this I know is true
It's all black and white with her
I can see through.

Can't you see I'm all mixed up

and you too will surely find
That when you fall in love
you too will become colour blind.

I need to get my colour vision back

this I know takes time.
About as long as a poet takes
to learn to write a poem that doesn't rhyme.

I'd like to end this discourse

but I don't know what to say.
It's all because of that colourful musician
her name is Violet Grey.
(181) Set That Song Bird Free!
Anna helps me to become a cleaner, through her lead. It is difficult
because this is not enough hours of the job that I exactly want.
You see the relationship between Anna and myself is very
strained. I tend to keep out of her way. For she is infatuated with
me, which is a surprise to us both. She really got it bad. The sex
was really good. The sex that we never had. And so it was all down
hill from there, but I have never felt so loved before, more than
when Anna showed me how much passion she had for me. She
keeps it under wraps now and that makes me feel quite sad you
see. She tends to ignore me now. I guess that it is her way of
dealing with things. Like the way she plays her keyboard, but yet
she never sings. I look back to those happy days when we used to
play and we would bounce off of each other in our own inimitable
way. But times move on and this is a new day.

(182) Fat Shamed!

I go to the caravan water park here in South Devon. I get chatting
to a lass there who says that she has been to the Skegness water
park in Lincolnshire. I am interested because that is a part of
England where I originaly come from. So I get myself wet on the
water slide as I splash down into the pool.

Later I am just stood there looking at a dispay of items for sale

that are on a rug on the ground and a woman suddenly exclaims
to me, "You've put weight on!" I am not impressed. I breath in my
stomache, but it is too late. I am suddenly feeling self conscious
now, cheeky cow!