Earth’s trade capital (Is this how a title should look like?

The great wise Confucius once said, “The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the

home.”

(On)A clear sunny summer morning on September 11, 2001, the city of New York is bustling as

always, streets filled with all kinds of peoples. Roads buzzing with cabs, buses, and sedans (This

part is a little confusing here) but Vesey Street, the West Side Highway, Liberty Street, and

Church Street are the four streets that are particularly the busiest since they encompass the World

Trade Centre, Earth’s trade capital.

“That plane seems to be flying surprisingly low,” remarks an aged chess hustler at the nearby

Prospect Park.

“Yeah, sure,” responds his equally aged opponent who is clearly stressed about his piece

position.

“It does seem to be heading toward the towers,” observes the chess hustler, thinking of how to

respond to his opponent’s check.

“Don’t make too much of it and oh, it’s a checkmate,” the opponent says with a grin on his face.

At the nearby building in 90 West Street, apartment 18C, Jilly, a 6-year-old girl living with a

single father(,) is getting ready for school with excitement as it is her first day. She walks into the

sitting room all prepped and jolly for school.

“Just a moment dear,” Sam, her dad(,) calls out the moment he notices she is ready and then he

walks out dressed in his bunker gear.

“Dad, you said you would take me to school,” Jilly said holding back tears.
“I’m sorry Jil, but I need to go and save lives,” Sam responded(,) kneeling down and embracing

her with a hug, "you just wait here for aunt May to pick you up”.

“I hate you!” Jilly screamed(,) escaping her father’s embrace and running to her room.

Sam had no time to waste,(;) he had received a code 10-91 (EMERGENCY; FD NOT

REQUIRED.) after a 10-77(HIGH-RISE MULTIPLE DWELLING FIRE).

Sam rushed out of his house to go and put his firefighting skills to the test.

Sam and Jilly never saw each other again.

These are just two of the many possible stories of the September 11 bombings. America did not

falter at its darkest hour. It stood firm as one with a reinforced will, strength and patriotism.

What is it we can learn from this? Terrorism kills. (You did mention in your email that you cut

this short because of your Pathfinder camping this weekend. It’s already pretty good, but I hope

you will take the time to improve it later on by adding more stories about different 9/11 victims.)

I really like your choice of topic; it’s one of the most interesting topics in your class. I

like how you gave us a more personal point of view of that terrible incident. People might be

moved to tears by this story. I also like how you portrayed the apathy of some of the common

folk before the disaster took place. There’s quite a lesson we can learn there.

I want to commend you again for the choice of topic for your story. I do indeed hope you will

find the time to continue this essay later on. You have several grammatical errors, so as a result

you will receive 45/50 on your essay. I’m afraid this is also late work, so your final score is
42/50. Still, thank you so much for your effort. Keep on writing. You’re good at it. May God

bless you more.