CAE Essay

CAE Essay: Living in Cities

Why do young people choose to live in cities?
As we all know we are living in a competitive world. The more we
go for better opportunities the less we wander in life. But why many
young people now prefer to live in cities? There can be a wide
range of reasons for the cause.

In one perspective (1) the factor which influences young people to

live in cities is work. There is a greater range of jobs available in
cities. Even if a person is uneducated or had poor performance in
academics could find a job in cities. (2) On the other side,
many MNC’s builds their base (3) in cities offering a different
range of positions for youth. (4) Even though it seems expensive in
the short run, it is far more beneficial that cities offer a wide class
of jobs.

Moreover, there are several other factors which (5) influence the
young to stay in cities. When considering the factors education is
the other main reason. Most universities are in big
cities. The (6) young people being more concerned in studies
choose a university in the city. As a reason, in order to be
economically stable, they prefer to shift (7)to the city. This choice
has more advantages either you could do a part-time job in any
shop in cities or find more time to work for your academics.

To conclude the motive of the young people to live in cities is a

worthful choice. The most significant factor among the two is work.
As stated before there is a greater range of jobs available in cities
which the young people can do as far as their potential. It is not
that important that a person has a well-paid job it is needed that
they can earn anything for their daily life. (8) So, it is job
opportunities that influence many young people to prefer to live in
cities.
(305 words)

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The

numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is
taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested
correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the
original phrase or sentence.

1. I’ve never encountered that particular introductory construction

and googling it gave me no relevant search results. I would
suggest using a different wording for your introductory phrase.
2. Even if a person is uneducated or had poor
performance academically they could still find a job in
cities.— we need to add ‘they’ because there is a new clause that
needs a subject. I changed academics to academically, an even
better option would be poor academic performance. Still is
added for emphasis.
3. Avoid using obscure acronyms and abbreviations. You
used many which implies plural, yet builds is in singular. I
believe that by base you meant something like headquarters or a
head office?
4. You are referring to young people as one big body of individuals
so it should take a definite article. E.g. the police.
5. Check this article on relative clauses
6. In this case you imply a certain group of young people. I would
avoid using the definite article.
7. I have not found any cases of the word shift used to convey the
meaning of people moving.
8. This sentence contains three determiners (that). Consider
rephrasing the sentence to make it more cohesive.
9. The word ‘city’ is used 17 in this essay. It is a word that is
somewhat difficult to paraphrase (the only option coming to
mind is ‘urban agglomeration’), so consider building some of
your sentences in a way to avoid using the word. E.g. :
Original sentence: To conclude the motive of the young people
to live in cities is a worthful choice
Alternative: To conclude the motive of the young people to live
 in densely-populated areas is a worthful choice.
Of course, the meaning changes somewhat, but not dramatically
so.
A simpler approach is to use adverbs of place (there) or
determiners (that) to refer to previous sentences and thus avoid
using the repeating word.

Despite numerous suggested corrections this essay is quite nice.

The author has a respectable command of English, both
grammatically and lexically. The essay is adequately structured and
has fluid, convincing arguments. It would be improved by commas
placed more aptly and closer attention to articles usage.

CAE Writing Part 1: Time Abroad

What are the benefits to a country from people spending time
abroad?

– business
– culture
– understanding

Choose two of the areas in your notes. You should explain why the
areas are important and provide reasons in support of your answer.
It goes without saying that spending time abroad is an enriching
experience and with the fact that the people have gained
experiences trough it. It also brings benefits to the society in which
they live.

Firstly, there are advantages for business. If people have spent time
living in another country, they will have acquired some knowledge
of the spoken language. Even though they may not become fluent,
they will be able to communicate in an adequate level (1). As a
result they understand and get a sense of the mentality and culture.
Furthermore languages skills will stand them in a very good stead,
when it comes to doing business with this country (2).
Secondly, there are cultural advantages. People who have lived
abroad will know the way of living in the country different from
their own. They get in touch with new food, music or arts.
Especially if they want to become an artist it may influence their
kind of art they did before. In other words knowing new arts have
a positive impact on their creativity, which in turn will bring
benefits to them as individuals as well as to their own society.
Consequently the impact of living abroad has a great influence on
both society and the people who lived there for a certain period.

As shown above the two benefits the two benefits of society of

spending time abroad which have been discussed, the more
significant aspect is, in my opinion, the business own (3). Despite
the fact that the globalization brings countries closer and is
important for growing, a successful business between nations has
all sorts of positive consequences; from increased employment
opportunities to better working conditions. The travel experience
for itself plays only a small factor contributing to business success,
but it certainly is not a significant part in this.

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The

numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is
taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested
correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the
original phrase or sentence.

1. At an adequate level — Wrong preposition here. See this article

on prepositions to know the most basic cases and avoid mistakes
in the future.
2. As a result they understand and get a sense of the mentality and
culture. Furthermore language skills will stand them in a very
good stead when it comes to doing business with this country
— language should be used in singular. The comma after ‘stead’
can be omitted.
3. the more significant aspect is, in my opinion, the
business one — it seems that a wrong word has been used here.
Even though the essay contains several inaccuracies, they do not
get in the way of understanding it. It has the required structure, all
of the required points are mentioned and there is not much that can
be improved, other than a slightly longer introductory paragraph.

CAE Writing Part 1: Helping Immigrants

Your class has watched a television documentary about the benefits
of helping immigrants to integrate into their local communities.
Notes:
-Language
-Culture
-Work

Choose two of the areas in your notes. You should explain why the
areas are important and provide reasons in support of your answer.
Nowadays, it is said that immigration is a problem that is
constantly rising. Within the upsides of helping immigrants are the
ethical and moral disciplines. In this essay, the issues of language
and culture will be covered.

Firstly, we must take into account how difficult and hard it is for
foreigners to adapt to our language. We ought to give our help to
these people on this matter, but the question is: how? One answer
to this enquiry (1) could be to set an obligatory language exam
before the integration for foreseeing how the immigrant will do in
the future with our language. Courses could be offered too, paid by
the government of each country. However, these measures won´t
be effective if we don´t participate. The change in mind must start
from us.

Another point to consider is culture. On the one hand, it is true that

we could loose (2) our national identity and traditions, but on the
other hand, our culture would be enriched too, being this a superb
advantage (3). Immigrants would give us difference (4) and
amongst all, tolerance, both essential elements in today´s society.
In this issue we must also contribute, just by reducing our
selfishness and helping others in the daily aspects of life.

To sum up, both areas are necessary and therefore important, as

they are the key to modern society. In other words, we couldn´t do
without language or culture nowadays. Personally speaking, I
believe that we all must participate in this global and ethical
change happening and we should happily “celebrate
diversity” (5).

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The

numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is
taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested
correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the
original phrase or sentence.

1. One answer to this matter/problem could be — I wouldn’t use

this synonym to ‘question’ here as it is not a literal question but
instead a matter or a problem that has to be dealt with.
2. On the one hand, it is true that we could lose our national
identity — ‘loose’ is an adjective that means ‘not firm or tight,
having slack’. If you did imply that, then the verb would be ‘to
loosen’.
3. Our culture would be enriched too, this (or the latter) being a
superb advantage — if I understood this right, thisrefers to
culture getting enriched. Both suggestions would make the
connection more clear.
4. Immigrants would give us variety/diversity — variety or
diversity would fit in better. Difference does not possess the
implies positive meaning.
5. I see no reason for parentheses here.

Some minor vocabulary inaccuracies aside, this is a very well-

written essay. The author is confident with their usage of English,
the grammatical and verbal constructions are varied and well-
structured. The general structure is in accordance with the task
requirements and all of the relevant points are sufficiently
developed. Well done!

CAE Writing Part 1: Life and Technology

Which aspect of our life has been effected most by technology?
– Communication
– Relationship
– Working Life
Technology has an important role in our daily lives and it is used
in almost the whole globe (1). In this essay, I will discuss
about (2) its influences in (3) our relationships and what has
changed in our way to communicate.

To start with, we can connect to people who used to be our

schoolmates or college colleagues (4) Alternatively, there is the
chance on (5) making new friends with whom we share our same
ideas or opinions on a large variety of topics, such as politics,
education and economics. Nevertheless, being isolated in our own
rooms may cause many forms of depression, as scientists have
recently found out. Therefore, we should be careful if considering
young people because they could be victims of cyber bullying or be
attracted by paedophiles.

The second point to consider is its positive effect on the

communication. For instance, not only are our messages sent and
received from one corner of the world to another in a few seconds,
but also the search of information and news has recently become
faster. Despite this brilliant innovation, many grammatical
features are used more inappropriately than before. Consequently,
our language will become easy to manipulate and it will be
easer (6) to write and world-widely spread fake news which can
influence our opinions.

To sum up, technology is a massive presence impossible to delete

and will continue to influence our lives (7). In my opinion, the
major aspect to consider most carefully is the second point
discussed because we should pay attention on what we read and
always find the sources of websites consulted.

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The

numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is
taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested
correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the
original phrase or sentence.

1. Technology has an important role in our daily lives and it is used

almost all over/around the globe — preposition ‘in’ isn’t used
with ‘globe’ here, it would imply that something is located
literally inside of it. See this article on prepositions.
2. I will discuss (I will talk about) its influences — do not use
‘discuss’ and ‘about’ together.
3. Influence on — if you mean that something directly or indirectly
affects something else, then you should say that it has an
influence on it.
4. College colleagues — colleagues are people you work with.
Unless you worked in college together e.g. as teachers you
shouldn’t use the word. Try ‘classmate’ for people you studied
with.
5. Chance of — If there is a probability of something, then there is
a chance of it happening.
6. Easier — make sure your spelling is right. Also check this list of
words that can be difficult to spell right.
7. To sum up, technology has massive presence that is
impossible to overlook/ignore/get rid of and will continue to
influence our lives — ‘to delete’ is a more technical term and it
doesn’t fit well into the sentence stylistically.

This piece of writing has several inaccuracies with prepositions and

occasional vocabulary mistakes. Nonetheless, it is well-structured
and all of the points are sufficiently developed. The writer has
chosen two of the three points and clearly stated his preference for
one of them, as required by the task.
CAE Writing Part 1: Money from
Authorities
Which facilities should receive money from local authorities?
-Museums;
-sports centres;
-public gardens.
Write an essay discussing two of the facilities in your notes. You
should explain which facility is more important for local
authorities to give money to, giving reasons in support of your
answer.
When it comes to public spending, there is always a heated debate
regarding its destination. One of such debates features facilities:
some political figures suggest that public money should be destined
to museums, while others consider sports centres more deserving.
Public opinion is divided as well.

Firstly, some might think that sports centres could improve

personal health- and rightfully so. Practising physical activities
regurarly (1) is helpful to people for (2) being healthier and living
longer. This habit leads also (3) to another positive outcome: if a
consistent (4) part of the population improves their physical
health, public healthcare will become less expensive for the
government, which may adress (5) its money to a different service.
A valid objection to this argument is the possibility of practising
physical activities autonomously: people do not necessary (6) need
a free gym membership since they could go hiking, running in a
park, walking around the city or dedicating themselves to any other
activity which may improve their health conditions.

On the contrary, museums offer a service which cannot be self-

provided: education. Museum visitors have the chance of seeing
several items of historical or scientific value that cannot be seen
anywhere else. Some sceptics suppose that the same service might
be provided sitting behind a computer screen, but first-hand
experience is irreplaceable and creates a bigger impact on the
visitor’s mind, helping thus in receiving a unique educational
experience that could pay off in a possible future career.

If offering a completely free service is not possible, boosting the

number of visitors through group discounts, free visits in specific
days and special offers for students and families would be
advisable and beneficial.

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The

numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is
taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested
correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the
original phrase or sentence.

1. Regularly — this word is very tricky to spell right. Check

this list of words with difficult spelling to avoid such mistakes
in the future. And make sure to proof-read before handing your
exam paper in!
2. Practising physical activities regularly helps people to be
healthier and live longer. — The construction you are using
here is a bit complex and therefore difficult for the reader. It is a
matter of personal taste more than anything else, but I suggest
using clear and concise ways of expressing your thoughts,
especially when it comes to writing. I’ve been recommending
this to all of my CAE students and most of them end up scoring
high in the Writing part. However, there is nothing wrong with
using more advanced constructions — just use your own
judgement to make sure that they are effortless to understand.
3. This habit also leads … — you normally put ‘also‘ before the
verb, unless it is a modal verb (i. e. ‘can’, ‘may’, ‘should’ or if
the verb is ‘to be’.
4. Did you mean to use the word ‘considerable‘ here? Or did you
mean that the part of population doing sports should remain the
same over a certain period of time?
5. Address. Two d’s, two s’s, both in noun and verb forms. See
this list of words that are difficult to spell.
6. People do not necessarily — make sure to use the right part of
speech.

This is a well-written text with both points sufficiently developed.

The writer presents clear arguments to support the suggested ideas.

Essay has clear structure with the exception of the conclusive

paragraph, which serves more as a part with additional suggestions
to the idea. It is advisable to have a dedicated conclusion that
summarises the idea presented in the text.

Both vocabulary and grammar are of appropriately high level. No

mistakes were made that would possibly impede understanding of
the ideas. Certain minor grammar and vocabulary flaws do not
affect overall impression detrimentally.