Name: Samantha A.

Francisco

Date: 2021, August 13

Level of Essays: Elementary & Middle

Topic 1 (Elementary): Imagine you become the president of South Korea. What two
things would you like to spend more money on? Give reasons and details to support your
answer.

When I can be a president in South Korea

when (When) I am a president, I need to study hard English, Korean, Maths, and

constitution in our country. (I need to study English, Korean, Math and Korean Law well)

also, I need to spend money to be prudent.

But, I wondered How to spend money wisely? (Note: These two sentences may be

written as one sentence because these are closely related. Quotation marks should be

used so readers won’t be confused when they are reading quoted phrases or sentences.)

First, I want to spend money in a medical (medical) way.

It will treat sick people with Covied -19 (COVID-19).

I can make more hospitals to treat people.

It will be a wise choice. (Note: These two sentences should be combined as one

sentence.)

Then, I will use money in Welfare facilities for the disabled.

It will be a good choice too (Note: These two sentences should be combined as one

sentence.)

Because l saw a disabled person who didn't give (was not given) him welfare.

when (When) I can be a president, I want to spend money that (those) two way (ways).

(Note: This last sentence should be placed before the sentences that enumerated the

ways that money will be spent.)

STRONG POINTS
 The student knows the importance of signal words/cohesion devices and uses
them when needed.
 The student tries to convey their ideas in the simplest way possible
 The student uses good punctuation and apostrophes.
 The student is good at identifying proper nouns and capitalization.

WEAK POINTS

 The short sentences can be improved as a compound sentence for more

organised ideas
 Capitalisation at the beginning of some sentences is forgotten
 Signal words are used when it is better to leave them out. Too much signal words
can cause more confusion and noise to the reader.
 The student needs to practice the proper use of demonstrative adjectives
 The student needs to practice the use of quotation marks.

OVERALL COMMENTS

 The student actively tries to convey their ideas through small correlated
sentences, but these can be improved when they are rewritten as compound
sentences
 More practice is needed in using demonstrative adjectives, quotation marks and
capitalization
 The student uses signal words to organize their thoughts, but these should be
used sparingly and only when needed.
Topic 2 (Elementary): Staying healthy is an important part of life. In what two ways
can people make sure they live a healthy lifestyle? Give reasons and details to support
your answer.

Do you like exercising? Do you like fruits?

Many people have hobby (hobbies) and people eat foods (food).

Two ways can people (people can) make sure they live a healthy lifestyle are by

exercising and eating health (healthy) foods.

First, people can have a health (healthy) lifestyle by exercising.

Ride (Riding) a bike is healthy.

Also, I like (I also like) riding my bike.

For example,I riding (ride) my bike in the park with my friends.

Second, people can have healthy lifestyle by eating healthy foods (food).

I like healthy foods is fruits.

Moreover I like tomatoes. Tomatoes are very delicious. (Note: This sentence can be

improved and rewritten as one sentence because both are related to food that the

student likes.)

For instance, I eat tomato salads (salad) and drinking (drink) some tomatoes (tomato)
juice.

STRONG POINTS
 The student uses correct punctuation and spelling.
 The student uses indicator words correctly.
 The student states their main idea at the first part of the sentence.
 The student uses correct capitalization at the beginning of the sentences.

WEAK POINTS
  The student needs practice in differentiating gerunds from -ing forms of verbs
 The student needs to improve their usage of verb tenses
 The student needs to improve their usage of singular and plural nouns
 The student needs practice in differentiating the sentence structure of
interrogative sentences, and declarative sentences.

OVERALL COMMENTS

 The student organizes their sentences in the correct order, but some sentences
can still be improved by rewriting them as a compound sentence.
 The student uses some gerunds correctly but needs practice on when to not use
them.
 The student also needs practice on using singular and plural nouns.

Topic 3 (Middle): It has recently been announced that a large shopping center may be
built in your neighborhood.  Do you support or oppose this plan?  Why?  Use specific
reasons and details to support your answer.

Today, thanks to the growth of economy, (Note: This is a run-on sentence and can be

improved by separating the clause ‘thanks to the growth of economy’) more people

spend amount of money on enjoying leisure time. Of course, the rate which presented

(presents) the people’s consume (peoples’ consumption) tendency have rose. So, the

shopping center is one of the essential facilities to live more comfortable (comfortably).

And (,and) the effect which is brought by the building a large shopping center is

enormous such as community finance and development of transportation. (Note: The

actual effect of building a shopping center was not said but only the aspects of the

community which will be affected) Thus (Because of this), I think the shopping center

must be built in our community.

At first, as I mentioned above, shopping center is helpful to the community. Following

the economic theory (Economic Theory), growing the number of person (The growth of

the number of people) who utilizes (utilize) the community in which the big shopping

center is built affected (affects) the community’s financial (finances). For example, the
economics of city, (Cities of) Seoul, New York, Tokyo which the fluid of person is high is

prospered. (Note: Wrong word choice, this phrase is may be rewritten and improved.

The word ‘is’, is also redundant.)

Thus, if the shopping center is built, the citizens receive more benefits. (Note: ‘Citizens

receive more benefits’ may be used as the first phrase)

Secondly, it is better to build more necessary facilities. In my opinion, being built

(building) the shopping center reduces the citizens’ the inconvenience which could not

caused when the shopping center is far (near).

Finally, it influences the development of transportation. By (Note: these sentences can

be written as just one sentence by using a semicolon ‘;’ and removing ‘By’) the growing

the numbers of the people who use this community shopping center have a (also

grows the) need to formulate more organized traffic signal system. And the

community should have a plan to extend the road and magnify (increase) the numbers

of transportation.

Because of the (these) three reasons, I think that the shopping center must be built in

our community. And as a effect, (so that our) citizens enjoy more comfortable life.

STRONG POINTS
 The conclusion/main idea closes the paragraph at the end.
 The order of the sentences and its indicators are organized correctly.
 Ideas of the sentences are conveyed logically and gets the point across, despite
some mistakes in word choice
 Most sentence structures are written correctly and has good subject-verb
agreement.

WEAK POINTS
 Some sentences need additional words to add context to the passage.
 Redundant use of ‘the’, sometimes it is also misplaced in the sentences.
 There are some incorrect words need to be replaced and are not fit for the
sentence.
  Words such as ‘Economic Theory’ and ‘City of ..’are proper nouns and need to be
capitalized.

OVERALL COMMENTS
 Some proper nouns should be capitalized because they should be read in
context as a phrase with the related words such as ‘City of New York’, and
not ‘city of New York’ because the words are parts of a proper noun.
 Although there are some grammatical mistakes, most of the the sentences
still convey the correct ideas to the reader.
 The paragraphs have a good body, the main idea and supporting ideas can
be easily identified and it is structured well.