Running head: CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 1

Childless-by-Circumstance Women on Motherhood and Self-Esteem

Frances Billie Mariel M. Palomo

Christine Mae N. Pernites

University of the Philippines Visayas Tacloban College

CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 2

Abstract

This research study explored the experiences of 10 childless-by-circumstance women aged 30-80 years

old. Through one-on-one semi-structured interviews, circumstantially childless women were asked about

the circumstances they believe to be the reasons behind their childlessness, their thoughts and feelings on

being childless despite wanting to be a mother, and how being childless affect how they view their self-

worth. Results gave rise to three major themes: circumstances behind childlessness, childlessness and

motherhood, and childlessness and self-esteem; wherein above motherhood, the presence and

preparedness of a partner to be a co-parent is necessary, and a certain level of preparedness for the women

herself must be achieved before child-bearing. Further, that these women possess a level of understanding

of the role of a mother, that there are perceived consequences of their childlessness, and that being

childless does not limit these women to portray the role of a mother relative to their understanding of a

mother, and that this displaced motherhood addresses the existing desire for child-bearing. Despite

literature on experiences of grief over childlessness, all women reported of feeling happy and content in

their lives. Implications revolved around the value placed on the concept of family, the role of a mother as

perceived by society, and the role of being family-oriented in society in handling their childlessness.

Keywords: childless-by-circumstance, motherhood, childlessness, women, self-esteem

CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 3

Childless-by-Circumstance Women on Motherhood Self-Esteem

When an individual is born, he or she receives a biological identity (sex; i.e., male or female)

which serves as a blueprint of his or her being. This blueprint furnishes an individual with a set of gender

roles that directs his or her societal function (Cviková, 2003). In biology, though both sexes’ function is

to reproduce, differing biological sex-linked factors such as hormones and testosterone significantly affect

the manner by which women function in the society (Holt, 2015), wherein the function of the women’s

assets is for mating and childbirth (Garcia & Reiber, 2008).

The difference in gender roles is not limited to biology alone, but extends to other perspectives.

From a societal perspective, one factor contributing to the difference in gender roles emerge from

stereotypes attributed by society to the male and female sex (Blackstone, 2003). In fact, a research

conducted by Holt (2015) analyzing the different factors (circumstance, time frame, and society)

contributing to the womanhood of a person emphasized that care and nurturing ranked first in the list of

basic characteristics that an ideal woman must possess. Holt’s findings showed that motherhood must be

the primary goal of the ideal woman, wherein in order for a woman to achieve full development, she must

exert all her knowledge, experience and creative energy in behaviors that positively affect her

accomplishments as a mother and a spouse. This notion of being a spouse and a mother highly affects the

lives of women in general; married women feel more accomplished and possess higher levels of life

satisfaction and self-esteem than those who are single (Hansen, Slagsvold & Moum, 2009). Another study

comparing childless women with mothers states that child-bearing leads to a happier life and that the

opposite, which is childlessness, leads to an emotionally unfulfilling life (Hansen, 2012). A study by

Gabb, Klett-Davies, Fink and Thomae (2013) investigating relationships, happiness and parenthood

revealed that though mothers consistently scored low in happiness with their relationship, they scored

highest in happiness in life, as opposed to childless women in relationships who consistently earned a

high score in their happiness with their relationship, but scored the lowest in terms of happiness in life.

Women and Motherhood

Literature exposes how motherhood interplays with society’s concept of womanhood, moreover
CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 4

with women’s concept of it. For some women, motherhood is a crucial part of womanhood. Although

women experience detachment from themselves during their transition to motherhood, women view this

detachment period as a prerequisite in developing an extended and intensified version of their identities

(Hall & Laney, 2015). Most research studies give importance on the control of a woman’s standards as

well as of the society on the decision to become a mother. However, the decision to whether or not

become a mother is highly affected by several determinants: first, the current situation or life

circumstance of a woman; second, the possible personal consequences once a woman enters motherhood

as well as her conception of a good mother and a bad mother; and, third, the stability and status of

relationship that a woman exchanges with her partner (Sevon, 2015).

Women and Childlessness

It is important to note that the literature on the absence of motherhood or childlessness support

opposite ends of a spectrum. Some studies support the idea that childlessness actually contributes to

having a more positive partner-relationship; exhibited through childless women possessing higher marital

satisfaction and show more confidence when it comes to reciprocating affection and marital commitment

with their romantic partners (see Carl, Bengel, & Strauss, 2000; Gabb et al., 2013; Gillespie, 2003). In

addition amongst all marital groups, childless women are considered to be the least vulnerable to

depression (Bures, Koropockyj-Cox & Loree, 2009)

On the contrary, some studies reveal that childless women are more vulnerable to negative affects

in life such as low life satisfaction, more health issues, and psychological disorders such as anxiety and

depression (see Lechner et al., 2007; Zhang & Guiping, 2008). Some researchers believe that motherhood

causes a strain in a woman’s well-being (Margolis & Myrskylȁ, 2015). Given the negative effects of

childlessness on women, most cultures consider childlessness either as a misfortune, lack of sense of

responsibility, or deviance (Monach, 2003). Once branded as childless, most childless women receive less

positive ratings linked to womanhood and warmth (Valerie, 2001). Furthermore, childlessness springs

from two factors: voluntary, childlessness by choice or being “childfree,” and involuntary, childlessness

due to infertility. Studies which explored these two factors revealed differing ideas being attributed to
CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 5

these childless women; whereas voluntarily childless women receive ratings linked to gender-role

deviance, marriage avoidance, lack of sense of responsibility, deviance, and selfishness, and presence of

career hindering motherhood (see Graham, Hill, Shelly & Taket, 2013; Jeffries & Konnert, 2002;

Lamprecht, Wagner, & Lang, 2008; Letherby, 2002), Jeffries and Konnert (2002) emphasized that

voluntarily childless women have higher levels of holistic well-being, give higher personal evaluations of

autonomy and environmental expertise, and are less vulnerable to child-related regret. On the other hand,

women who are involuntarily childless often experience feelings of self-doubt; wherein the situation

contributes to feelings of guilt, incapacity and failure (Ulrich & Weatherall, 2000). Involuntary childless

women also possess higher vulnerability to distress and often consider childlessness as a disruptive

element that affects their self-esteem, life plans, and marital relationships (Dykstra & Hagestad, 2007).

Circumstantial Childlessness

Researchers believe that the road to motherhood is not limited to questions of preference or

ability only, and rather that a portion of childless women may actually want to have a child and are also

able to bear a child, but are currently childless due to certain circumstances. These circumstances leading

to childlessness may stem from various external constraints. For example, Graham et al.’s (2013) results

include concerns on finding the “right” partner or being in the “right” relationship, and/or having a

partner who does not want to have children as factors leading to childlessness. On the same note, Koert

(2014), emphasized intentional delayed childbearing due to the absence of an appropriate and well-

matched partner as a factor that contributes to the increasing rate of unintentionally childless women.

“Contingent mothers,” on the other hand, remain childless because of somehow falling behind their

fertility period; not being able to have a baby based on biological factors (Tonkin, 2010).

Further, Cannold (2004, 2005) categorized childless-by-circumstance women into two

subcategories based on “the attitude and intentions a woman has towards and regarding motherhood at the

start of her fertile years.” Women were subcategorized under “thwarted mothers" and “waiters and

watchers.” The former are considered greatly committed to being a mother, with few concerns on whether

their partners share the same interest or are capable of caring for a child. Age was also considered a
CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 6

variable in this subcategory; that is, the younger the woman is in the fertility spectrum, the greater

likelihood of choosing to leave a partner who is not interested in bearing children and/or not capable of

providing for her and the children’s needs. “Waiters and watchers,” on the other hand, were considered to

be open to the idea of motherhood, but are also open to childlessness; childlessness may stem from their

partner’s disinterest in or lesser commitment to taking care of children, and the difficulty experienced by

women in balancing their quality of life and motherhood.

These circumstances may lead to different emotional experiences such as grief over

circumstantial infertility, defined as “the inability to have children because one doesn’t have a partner

with whom to conceive” (Notkin, 2011). The concept of unintentional childlessness, a result of delayed

childbearing due to the absence of a suitable partner, also highly contributes to the existence of extreme

feelings of loss and grief among childless women (Koert, 2014). The inability to fulfill all desires and

expectations linked to motherhood and childbearing cause frustrations leading to feelings of loss and grief

in terms of societal purpose.

Self-Esteem and Childlessness

Self-esteem refers to “a confidence and satisfaction in oneself” (Merriam Webster, 2015), and in

many ways have been used interchangeably with other words such as self-worth and self-respect

(Blascovich & Tomaka, 1991). Changes in self-esteem in relation to childlessness has long been studied

(See Nachtigall, Becker, & Wozny, 1992; Sabatelli, Meth & Gavazzi, 1988) with results mostly

supporting the idea that childlessness contributes to low self-esteem (see Abbey, Andrews & Hallman,

1992; Hansen et al., 2009; van Balen & Trimbos-Kemper, 1993).

Hansen et al. (2009) reported childlessness as a key factor in life satisfaction and self-esteem

rating, with childless women rating significantly lower than mothers, also stating that age, marital status,

and education does not contribute to such rating. Further, that involuntarily childless individuals are

highly likely to be poorly satisfied with oneself and one’s marriage, and that the experience is regarded as

more emotionally-exhausting in women (see Callan & Hennessey, 1988; Hirsch & Hirsch, 1989).

The Proposed Study

CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 7

Being a pro-natalist society, women in the Philippines are introduced to societal roles such as

childbearing and motherhood; highlighting how both make up the ideal woman. Studies relating to

childless-by-circumstance women have minimal growth over the years. This research paper aims to

contribute to the studies on childlessness by providing information on childless-by-circumstance women;

that is, women who desire to have children, are able to have children, but are presently childless. This

research seeks to answer the following questions:

1. What are the similarities and differences between the circumstances leading to the childlessness

of childless-by-circumstance women?

2. How do circumstantially childless women feel about currently being childless despite wanting to

be a mother?

3. How do their experiences as a childless-by-circumstance woman affect their self-esteem?

Method

Participants

This research study interviewed 10 middle-aged women who are childless-by-circumstance.

These women are willing to bear and are capable of bearing a child of her own but are childless due to

various life constraints (e.g., delayed child birth, societal and familial responsibilities, absence of partner,

etc.). Further, the participants are between 30 to 80 years old, currently residing in Eastern Visayas, and

are natural-born Filipinos.

Childless married women or childless women who are cohabiting with a partner were also

allowed to participate provided that their childlessness is not due to medical or biological constraints (i.e.,

infertility or sterility of the woman) as this will now fall under involuntary childlessness.

Purposive and snowball sampling were used to search for participants with each woman screened

using the aforementioned inclusion criteria: age, marital status and reason for childlessness.

Measures

This study utilized an interview guide patterned after semi-structured interview specifics as a

method of data collection (See Appendix A). The interview guide contained questions tackling different
CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 8

aspects of the women’s childlessness such as the causes of their childlessness, their experiences as

childless women, their ideas on motherhood and womanhood, as well as the highs and lows of their lives

as childless-by-circumstance women. The interview comprised of two parts: the first part focusing on

establishing rapport between the researchers and the participant and the second part focusing on the

childless-by-circumstance experience.

Procedure

Data collection for this research study followed a two-step process which required participants to

accomplish two interview sessions which tackled the childless-by-circumstance experience.

Once participants were determined, each woman was given an informed-consent form (See

Appendix B) which contained the objectives and purpose of the study, and also questions regarding their

schedule and personal restrictions. Researchers then proceeded with the data collection. After the two-part

interview, participants were given incentives costing 150.00php

Data Analysis

Data gathered through the interview transcripts were analyzed through thematic analysis, wherein

concepts and ideas common to most, if not all, of the participants were generated into themes representing

the participants’ answers. Also, notable responses unique to an individual were presented to surface the

differing ideas of the childless-by-circumstance women.

Ethical Considerations

Participants were furnished with an informed consent form containing the objectives and the main

purpose of the study. Also indicated are the participant’s rights including the right to confidentiality and

anonymity and the right to withdraw from participating any time they wish to do so. All questions and

concerns regarding participation were addressed prior to the interview sessions. Further, pseudonyms

were used to secure the participants’ identities.

Results

Interviews with childless women gave rise to several themes that are of relevance to both

childlessness and motherhood.

CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 9

Circumstances behind Childlessness

What are the similarities and differences between the circumstances leading to the childlessness

of childless-by-circumstance women? Although all of the participants are circumstantially childless, the

reasons for their childlessness vary but still meet at a particular point. Statements observed during the

interviews emphasized circumstances women believe are the reasons why they end up being

circumstantially childless. It was found that circumstantially childless women have three common

circumstances (existence of other life priorities, presence status of relationship with partner, and fear of

not being ready) which they believe are the roots for the absence of childbearing.

Existence of other priorities. Consistent with literature emphasizing existence of decisions to

prioritize other aspects in life such as: first, the current situation or life circumstance of a woman; second,

the possible personal consequences once a woman enters motherhood as well as her conception of a good

mother and a bad mother; and, third, the stability and status of relationship that a woman exchanges with

her partner (Sevon, 2015). Results of the interview emphasized the current life circumstance of an

individual, particularly the existence of other life priorities such as needs of the family, work demands,

religious beliefs, etc. as reasons for delayed childbirth of the participants. Among the participants, work

demands is one of the dominant priorities which affected one’s circumstantial childlessness. Participants

gave strong emphasis on the influence of work and work demands on their experience of bearing a child.

Three out of ten participants claimed that work demands kept them pre-occupied until such time that they

have passed the peak of fertility. Lucy highlighted the idea of having too much work demands to meet is

the current reason why she cannot yet bear a child:

“Busy pa ha work. Damo pa man an mga trabahuon ngadi ha office so damo pa an dapat

unahon. Kun umabot hiya okay pero siring pa diri pa ito amo an akon priority so

far.”[Busy with work. There are a lot of things to work on here in our office, there are so

many things to do first. If I’ll have a baby it is okay, but it is not yet my priority so far.]

Lucia and Mae, on the other hand, considered the nature of their profession, a family-care provider in an

organization, as a factor which contributes to their childlessness:

CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 10

“Bagat waray naman ako makag anak kay siyempre an akon trabaho kailangan waray

ka anak. Kay dapat tanan na im attention aada it mga kabataan para matimangduan mo

hira hin maupay”[I was not able to have a child because of my work does not allow us to

have a child. All of of our attention should be given to the children. In order for you to

raise them well.]

Mae:

“Tapos siyempre an dati nabusy gihap ha work. An ak daily routine man gud kay sige it

travel travel tas pag uuli kapoy na waray na ko panahon para mag boylet shopping.”

[Before I was busy with work. I need to travel almost everyday and everytime I get home, I

am already too exhausted that I have no more time to look for a partner.]

Other than work responsibilities, identifying one’s identity and desires is also another priority that

influences the childlessness of the participants. Most statements highlighted the issue of not being

confident with one’s identity and desires as a factor that influenced their decisions regarding childbirth.

The need to gain awareness and clarity about their identity and aspirations is a struggle that most women

want to overcome before entering the process of motherhood. However, to some, the process of going

through this dilemma lasts longer than expected, thus causing delay on the childbearing of women. Jana,

who is a 40-year old lesbian, claimed that her desire to explore and know herself more was probably the

reason why she ended being childless:

“Sige man ako hit explore. Amo ito hasta umabot nala ako ka 40. Waray la gihap ako

magkapamilya. Damo lugod it nakikig asawa ha akon dati pero diri pa man ako. Nag

explore explore pa man ako.”[I kept on exploring (life) that I already reached 40 but

haven’t started a family yet. A lot of my partners wanted me to marry them but I still I

rejected their offer. I still explored (life) more.]

Presence and status of relationship with a partner. One of the reasons which women consider

before having a child is the presence of, as well as, the stability and status of the relationship that they

share with their partners (Sevon, 2015). Some women, despite their desire to have a child and start a
CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 11

family, cannot bear a child because of the absence of a partner. Mae, who is in her mid 40s, highlighted

the absence of a partner as a reason for her childlessness:

“Diri pa man ako nakag-anak kay waray paman may naabot na maarasawa. Diri man

kita makaghimo na usa la ak. *nagtawa* kun (sana) pwede daw la sugad.“[I cannot have

a child because I still do not have someone to marry. I cannot make a child on my own.

*laughs* I wish it were possible.]

Like Mae, most individuals perceive that it is easier to start a family when you have a spouse or a

romantic partner. However, the case is different for some women since the process of childbearing does

not only begin and end with having a spouse or a life partner. The status and stability of relationship as

well as the similarity of the goals and aspirations that they share with their partners is also an important

factor that women take into consideration. Ana, a 30 year old in a five-year relationship, emphasized the

need to fully evaluate a partner and the steadiness of the relationship before diving into parenthood:

“karuyag ko kasi, ito ba nga pag magasawa na ako, sigurado na, kay tak kabugtuan kasi

may anak pero waray mga asawa. Usa ito nga rason kay ano nadiri pa ako magkaanak

kay nakita ko tak mga bugto nga may mga anak hira pero waray hira mga asawa tungod

nga nagbubulag hira. Nahahadlukan ko na bangin maparehas ak ha ira nga may anak

pero bulag.”[I want to get married when I am already sure of my partner, because I have

siblings who have children but do not have partners. That is one of the reasons why I still

do not want to have a child because I see my siblings with their children without their

husbands because they separated. I am afraid to be like them.]

A notion shared by Lucy, who highlighted the importance of having the same aspirations and priorities in

life with one’ spouse or romantic partner before starting a family.

“Diri pa man kami nagmamatch hit amon mga priorities yana. Kumabaga nahulat pa

kami it perfect time nga magkakapereho na kami hit mga gusto ha life.”[We still have

different priorities in life right now. We are still waiting for the perfect time where our

aspirations and desires in life are already the same.]

CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 12

Fear of not being ready. Consistent with Sevon’s (2015) findings that the current situation of a

woman, the possible consequences of motherhood, and her ideas of a “good” mother heavily affects a

woman's decision to enter motherhood or childbearing, some participants reported that not being ready in

different aspects of their lives is an important aspect that women consider before opting to become a

parent. Similarly, Lili’s idea of a mother is a woman who is caring, loving, and sacrifices her needs for

that of her child’s/children’s–a depiction largely influenced by her experiences with her mother whom

she defined as “... duro la kamaalaga ha amon, hiya an amon breadwinner.”[... [She] was very caring of

us, she was our breadwinner.] and identifies her fears of not being able to provide fully for her future

child as a reason behind her childlessness:

“Nahadlok ako. Nahadlok ako nga an ginagian ni inay, maagian ko. Nahadlok ako nga

magasawa ngani ako, diri ko kaya mabuhi tak anak. Kay an pagaasawa diri mo man ito

masasabtan yana la, ada naman ito kun on-going na, amo ito. Nahadlok ako

financially.”[I am afraid. I am afraid that I will go through what my mother went through.

I am afraid that I will not be able to provide for my child if I choose to get married.

Because you cannot figure out marriage now, you figure it out when it is already on-

going. I am scared financially.]

The same emphasis on the ability to provide fully for a child was shared by Ana:

“adi gihapon ha akon hunahuna na bangin diri ko kaya na may anak. Kay nakikita ko ha

gawas na may mga babaye nga may mga anak pero diri nira kaya buhion, labi na kun

bayaan hira hit lalaki. An ak ginkakahadlukan kay bangin ba masugad.”[I also think that

maybe I cannot handle having a child. I see other women who have children but cannot

provide for them, especially when men leave them. I am afraid to be in that position.]

Childlessness and Motherhood

Role of a mother. Motherhood, despite the difficulties that comes with it, is perceived as an

important part of a woman’s identity. Motherhood as defined by Hall and Laney (2015) is seen as an

important prerequisite in developing an extended and intensified version of their identities. As a matter of
CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 13

fact, all of the participants viewed motherhood in a similar perspective—where motherhood is seen as an

essential component of womanhood. Lucia, an 80 year old woman, see mothers as: “baga hira hin guide

nga na-pass on hin knowledge ha younger generation.” [They act as life teachers who pass on

knowledge to the younger generation]. Lucy also perceive mothers as individuals who provide warmth

and joy in the household:

“Kun waray it nanay mamingaw. Damo tim diri mahihimo. Kay for example kinahanglan

mo hin kaistorya, it nanay ada la pirmi mamati ha im mga istorya.”[If mothers are not

around, life is dull. You cannot do a lot of things. For example, when you need someone

to talk to, mothers are always there, just listening to your stories.]

Child-bearing as a resolution to the fear of being alone. Some participants viewed

motherhood as a way of securing a company while growing old. Based on the responses, some women

see motherhood as an investment and that their decision to have a child is largely affected by their fear of

dying alone or not having someone who will take care of them when they age. Lili, for instance, pointed

out the influence of childlessness on a woman's idea of being alone:

“Makaharadlok ba nga malalagas ka ba na waray ka anak, waray ka kaupod pagkalagas,

usa amo ito hit akon ginkakahadlukan, kun magpakalagas ako waray ak bata nga maserve

ha ak or maupod naman la ha ak, usa ito”[It is frightening to grow old without a child,

you won’t have anyone with you while you age. That is one of the things that I am afraid

of, that I grow old without a child who will accompany me.]

On a similar note, Jana also perceives motherhood as an advantage because it allows an individual

to raise a child who will in return provide nurturing and care while she ages:

“Pamati ko maupay ada ito it may anak. Marisyo ada ito. Tas pamati ko mas

kakaruyagon ko nga magkamayda anak kesa asawa kay para ba may kaupod ka kun

malagas ka”[I think is nice to have a child. I think it is fun. I think I would prefer to have

a child than a husband so that I have someone with me when I get old.]

Displaced motherhood. Based on the narratives, it is revealed that acts of displaced motherhood
CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 14

serves as a means to address their fear of being alone. The participants contextualized motherhood as not

being limited to the act of bearing and giving birth to a child, they perceived motherhood as an act of

caring for others and practicing the basic activities of a mother whether it is their child or not. Thus, most

of the participants engaged in displaced motherhood in order to resolve their fear of aging alone. Through

displaced motherhood the participants were able to perform the duties and responsibilities of mothers

through acting as mothers to either their relatives or other individuals around them.

Caregiver of family members. Most participants claimed that although they have not experienced

giving birth to a child, they have already fulfilled and portrayed the responsibilities of being a mother

through taking over maternal responsibilities in the family. For example, Jana, who is an only daughter,

portrays all responsibilities of a mother and takes care of her parents and aunts:

“Okay. Pag aga magpreprepare ako hin breakfast iton amon apat na old ktapos hito

maglilimpyo ha ira kun limpyuhan tas magpreprepare hin lunch katapos hito

maglilimpyo naliwat. Amo la gihap ito nga routine na bagan nanay.”[Okay, when I wake

up, I prepare breakfast for the four elders, then I clean them if they need to be cleaned,

then I prepare lunch, then clean again, Just that daily routine of a mother.]

Similarly, in the case of Lili, her family is happy because her childlessness allows her to allocate more

time for her family and their needs:

“Malipayon hira na diri pa ako nakakaasawa, kay agi nga waray pa ak makakaasawa,

nakakabulig pa ak ha balay. Mayda ko napatapos na nga, since first year college hasta

naggraduate hiya ako an nagpaeskwela. An ak mga bugto nga lalaki waray

magpakatapos hin college, waray stable nga trabaho, kun nagkukuri financially ako man

it dalaganan.”[They are happy because since I do not have a family yet, I can help in the

household. I have sent some of my family members in school, since their first year in

college until they graduated, I paid for their education. My brothers did not finish college,

they do not have stable jobs, whenever they are struggling financially, they ask help from

me.]
CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 15

Acting as mothers to other individuals. Some of the participants expressed their maternal desires

through being mothers towards other people. Lucy, for instance, looks at her profession as an avenue

where she experiences being a mother to other children.

“Sugad hito yana na bagat diri pa ada ako nakag anak kay nabubusy pa didi ha work.

Bagat diri nakakalugar pa magka anak. Pero okay la kay damo man it bata dinhi. Bagat

damo la gihap it im naatimanan.”[Like now, I think, I still dont have a child because I

am very busy with work. I don’t have time to try to have a baby. But it’s okay because

there are a lot of children here. I have a lot whom I can take care of.]

In addition, another participant, Lucia, claims that their experience of providing care and understanding is

the same with that of women who gave birth to their children.

“Oo, diri ako nag-anak pero naging nanay ako. Nanay ako, mayda ko mga anak. Iton na

akon mga gin alagaan dinhi, naging maupay it mga kinabuhi, nakahuman,

nakapagtrabaho na yana, tas an iba nagkamayda na mga pamilya. Mga anak ko ito hira

tanan, ngan hasta yana nanay la gihapon it ira pagkita ha akon.”[Yes, I didn’t bear a

child but I am a mother. I am a mother, I have children. Those (kids) that I took care of,

they had a good life, they finished their studies, they are now working, some already have

a family of their own. They are my children and until now, they still see me as their

mother.]

Childlessness and Self-esteem.

As suggested by studies, childless women are known to be less susceptible to depression (Burres,

Koropockyj-Cox & Loree, 2009), and are more capable of building positive relationships with others,

specifically, with romantic partners (Carl, Bengel, & Strauss, 2000; Gabb et al., 2013; Gillespie, 2003).

These claims highly support the level of self-esteem that the participants possessed. Based on the

interviews, some of the participants do experience feelings of sadness and regret due to childlessness,

however, these feelings of sadness and regret are still dominated by a positive view of one’s self-worth.

In addition, all of the participants claimed to possess a high level of self-worth. Some participants
CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 16

perceive childlessness as a naturally-occurring instance; that a woman is destined to not bear a child and

a reason exists behind it. For example, Lili said:

“Ito nga babaye, kun waray hiya anak, siguro amo iton nakasurat ha iya kinabuhi han

ginoo na ginhatag ha iya. Kay ngatanan kita dinhi ha kalibutan … nakarecord ito ha

ginoo kun ano ito nga aton bubuhaton, so may purpose kay ano waray hiya anak.”[This

woman, if she does not have a child, maybe that is her written destiny given to her by

God. Because all of us here in this world … our purpose is recorded in God, therefore,

there is a purpose behind her childlessness.]

Also, Lucia claimed that she always had a positive view of her self-esteem since her childlessness

allowed her to serve a different life purpose:

“Waray man ako rason para maghamubo it akon pagkita ha akon sarili agi la na waray

ako makag-anak akay bisan diri ako nakag-anak, damo it akon napadako na bata. Damo

it akon nabuligan na mga kabataan dinhi. Ngan hasta yana bisan pa ako retired na,

nabulig la gihapon kami pag timangno it mga kabataan dinhi.”[There is no reason for me

to look down on myself just because I was not able to bear a child because even if I didn’t

bear a child, I was able to raise children. I was able to help children here. And even if I

am already retired, we (other retired mothers) still help on taking of the children.]

Other participants also emphasized their childlessness as a reason why they are able to view

themselves positively. According to them, their childlessness allowed them to fulfill their responsibilities

as a daughter, a sibling and a friend. Their childlessness gave them more freedom to do things that they

wish to do. Jana, emphasized that her childlessness allowed her to fulfill her duties to the people

surrounding her:

“Diba kay kun may anak ka, damo it imo responsibilities, kun may anak ka, diri ka maka

respond dali-dali it mga tuyo imo it mga tao. Tas sugad hito yana, Usa manla ako nga

anak, since waray ako anak, nakakahatag ako hin oras ha ak pamilya ngan kun

kailangan ako it akon mga sangkay sugad hito mga problemado, nakakadto ako diretso.
CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 17

Bagat para ha akon it akon pagiging waray anak, okay la, kay nakabulig hiya akon na

maging useful as an individual. Maging dependable ba.”[If you have a child, you have a

lot of responsibilities, if you have a child, you cannot respond immediately to concerns of

the people around you. I am an only child, since I do not have a child, I am able to give

time to my family and whenever my friends need me, I can easily go to them. it‘s like for

me, my childlessness, is okay, it helps me be useful as an individual. Dependable.]

Discussion

This study aimed to address an existing population of childless women beyond the usual

classification of voluntary or involuntary—that is circumstantially childless women, or women who

wanted to have children, are capable of bearing children, but are currently childless. The interviews with

10 circumstantially childless women revealed that there are indeed identified circumstances as to being

childless beyond choosing not to have a child and/or not being able to bear a child, that consequences of

being childless are also being perceived by these women, that these women take up measures to address

these consequences and their existing desire to be a mother, and finally, that being circumstantially

childless affects these women.

Parenthood Preparedness and Family Formation

For childless-by-circumstance women, it is evident that the desire to be a mother exists but this

desire seems to come only next to the desire of having a prepared co-parent and being a prepared parent

themselves. This concept of preparedness was commonly contextualized as to these women and their

partners being financially ready to provide for the expenses parenthood brings, and being psychologically

ready to commit to marriage and prioritize parenthood.

It is interesting to note that for most participants, the presence of a partner, moreover, the

qualities of their current partners are significant in their decision to pursue motherhood. That the absence

of a co-parent or the unpreparedness of this partner entails the absence of children, a result consistent

with studies (Graham et al, 2013; Koert, 2014; Sevon, 2015) emphasizing the role of a woman’s partner

in pursuing motherhood.
CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 18

Though it is not to say that the existence of a prepared partner is enough for a woman to pursue

motherhood, as is proven in some of the participants who prioritized their faith or their jobs over

motherhood, and stated such as the circumstance behind their circumstantial childlessness. One

participant opted to be perpetually celibate and thus sacrificed her desire to have a child in the process. A

total of three participants, on the other hand, prioritized their work demands over their desire to be a

mother, somehow consistent with Cannold’s (2004, 2005) “waiters and watchers” classification, with

these women having the desire to be a mother yet not having that strong of a desire so as to still prioritize

their careers or their faith before it; consistent with the idea of an existing imbalance between their

quality of life and childbearing. Further, these women’s reports of somehow running out of time due to

prioritizing their careers is consistent with Tonkin’s (2010) notion of “contingent mothers”.

Age and Childlessness

Another key idea in this study is the role of age in the experiences of circumstantially childless

women; wherein participants differed in their attitudes and feelings toward their childlessness with their

age. Participants in their 30s (n=6) were observed to be more optimistic towards the idea of child-bearing

and are more prone to delaying it, some believing that they have not reached the right age for

motherhood, or that motherhood can still wait. Meanwhile, participants in their 40s (n=2) tend to be more

in a rush with child-bearing, as they believe that they are now running out of time. On a different note,

older participants who aged above 50 (n=2), or participants who are beyond their fertility years tend to

feel more accepting towards their childlessness, that yes, they are indeed childless, but are fine with being

childless, even reporting that they still feel like a mother due to the roles they have portrayed in their lives

(teacher and family-care provider).

One central difficulty all interviewed women reported of encountering is their concern over their

welfare when they age. Thoughts on aging alone, having no one to care for them, or no one to talk to,

even, was central for all participants. Participants who are beyond their fertility years admitted that during

their younger years, they did experience having concerns over who will take care of them as older

individuals.
CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 19

Interestingly, the idea of having a child then shifts from opposite sides of the pool.

From having an individual to care for and nurture as these individuals grow to having an individual to

take care of these women as they age. It is evident that motherhood is now also perceived as an

investment for security of old-age welfare.

Life-Meaning in Childlessness

Interestingly, in terms of quality of life, all participants claimed to be living a happy and content

life despite their childlessness. This is contrary to studies indicating that childless women are lacking in

life satisfaction, happiness, and self-esteem (see Abbey et al, 1992; Hansen et al., 2009; Lechner et al.,

2007; van Balen & Trimbos-Kemper, 1993; Zhang & Guiping, 2008). Experiences of grief over not

having a child (see Notkin, 2011; Koert, 2014) were also not present for women involved in this study.

Though it is important to note that this happy and content life is contextualized by feeling a sense

of purpose with their childlessness. How did this sense of purpose come to be? Women highlighted the

opportunity for self-growth, which they explained as gained by having much greater time for themselves

relative to mothers. Another explanation behind this sense of purpose would be the opportunity to help

their respective families, as some are fulfilling the roles of caretakers for their old-aged parents and/or the

children of their siblings, also as financial providers for their parents and their siblings. On a similar note,

women who reported being able to help other people, especially children, by serving as educators or

family-care providers reported of being content with their lives, which is another contextualization of this

sense of purpose; having been able to portray the role of a mother, despite the absence of their own

biological child, contributed to the quality of life of circumstantially childless women. The context of

being a mother, according to childless-by-circumstance women, usually revolved around acts of caring

and loving—taking care of children, providing their needs, listening to their questions.

Interestingly, these acts of caring and loving was central to all participants, and an experience

researchers would want to refer to as displaced motherhood, which served as a means to address their

existing desire for motherhood. Further, as narrated by participants, these acts of caring and loving,

especially towards nieces and nephews, was a way of securing their welfare as they age—that hopefully,
CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 20

these children whom they cared for will be the ones to care for them, in return, when they age—which

somehow appeared as a way to address circumstantially childless women’s fear of aging alone.

Implications

In a way, results of this research study exhibits the emphasis on the concept of a nuclear family—

that a family must consist of a mother, a father, and their children, consistent with previous findings that a

good partner is necessary before entering motherhood. Further, apart from a partner, priorities such as

career or faith may also be a factor in delaying childbirth. The experience of circumstantial childlessness

brings about feelings of fear over one’s future, specifically aging alone, but do not directly affect the self-

esteem of an individual. On the contrary, all women reported to be content and satisfied with their lives

despite their childlessness as this have brought them an avenue for self-growth. Further, that despite their

childlessness, portraying mother-like roles in the family or to other children (students, orphaned children,

etc.) provided these women with a feeling of accomplishment as a mother.

It is important to notice how motherhood, through displaced motherhood, is now understood as a

role and no longer simply a biological phenomenon. That experiencing motherhood, in the context of

circumstantially-childless women, is possible through fulfilling the responsibilities of a mother, most of

which participants learned through their first-hand experiences with their own mothers. How do these

women fulfill these responsibilities? Some entered a profession which required interaction with children,

as educators or as family-care providers, while some took the role of caretakers for extended family

members.

Perhaps it is the family oriented characteristic present in Filipino society (Licuanan, 1994) which

paves way for childless-by-circumstance women to still live a happy and content life; that despite being

childless, the existence of their families played an important role in achieving a sense of purpose.

Displaced motherhood was very evident towards circumstantially childless women and their nieces and

nephews. Fulfilling the role of a child and taking care of their old-age parents was revealed to be one of

the found purposes in their being childless, which were all made possible thru their family orientation,

which is also what makes this study distinct from previous studies conducted in a Western context.
CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 21

Perhaps this is why the presence of the concepts such as circumstantial infertility and effects of

unintentional childlessness (Notkin, 2011; Koert, 2014) was relatively absent in the results of this

research study.

Limitations

Despite the results gathered by this research study, it is important to note that this research study

cannot be taken as to fully represent all childless-by-circumstance women. Nevertheless, the present

study provides readers with the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors of these women. The ages of

participants for this study (30-80) have also been proven to bring about differences in experiences as

younger participants are still hopeful in the possibility of motherhood while older participants have

accepted the reality of their childlessness. Therefore, it is recommended that further studies consider age

as a factor in determining the differences in the experiences of childless-by-circumstance women.

Further, that the concept of being family-oriented seemed to have played a role in these women coping

with their circumstantial childlessness and is therefore recommended that further studies explore the role

of family orientation in circumstantial-childlessness.

CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 22

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CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 26

Appendix A

Interview Guide

Part One: Establishing Rapport

1. Hi, how are you?

2. How old are you?

3. What have you been busy with for the past six months (work, family)? What is your daily

routine?

4. Any questions regarding our study?

5. Any concerns regarding your participating?

Part Two: Childlessness and Self-Esteem

1. What is your civil status?

If married/cohabiting:

1.1 How long have you been married/cohabiting?

1.2 How do you maintain communication?

2. What is your personal opinion regarding motherhood?

2.1 How did you form this opinion?

2.2 Was this opinion the same as the ones you had five or ten years ago?

3. What is your personal opinion regarding childless women?

3.1 How did you form this opinion?

3.2 Was this opinion the same as the ones you had five or ten years ago?

4. What do you think are the reason/s for your childlessness?

5. What are the opinions of the people around you regarding your childlessness?

5.1 Spouse/Partner?

5.2 Family?

5.3 Friends?

5.4 Others (workmates, strangers, etc.)?

CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 27

6. Do you feel any pressure to bear a child?

If yes:

6.1 How do you feel this pressure?

6.2 How does this pressure affect you?

7. How do you feel about being childless?

7.1 Can you tell us about the low points in your life because of being childless?

7.2 Can you tell us about the high points in your life because of being childless?

8. Do you think childlessness affects your whole being as an individual or the way you view yourself?

If yes:

8.1 How does it affect an individual positively?

8.2 How does it affect an individual negatively?

9. How do you think childlessness affects your relationship with the people around you?

9.1 Spouse/Partner

9.2 Family

9.3 Friends

9.4 others (workmates, community, strangers, etc.)

CIRCUMSTANTIALLY CHILDLESS WOMEN ON MOTHERHOOD 28

Appendix B

Informed Consent Form

Good day!

We are undergraduate students of Bachelor of Arts in Psychology from the University of the

Philippines Visayas Tacloban College (UPVTC) and are currently taking up the course Psych 199 -

Research in Psychology. For this course, we are required to contribute to the existing knowledge of

Psychology by conducting our very own research study. Our study is interested on Circumstantially

Childless women and we believe you possess characteristics which are fit for the participants we are

looking for.

Being a participant entails contributing to the data and results of this research study, and as a

participant, you have the right to remain anonymous if you wish to do so. Further, you also have the right

for all information you share with the researchers to remain confidential. Participating in this research

study would require for you to finish the two steps of data collection. The interview session may take at

least 20 minutes or more to accomplish.

Should you desire to participate, please write your name and signature on the space below. In the

event that you may wish to stop being a participant, inform the researchers immediately and the

researchers will return to you all your data and will no longer use these for the research study.

We are encouraging you to voice out your concerns and questions before agreeing to be a

participant. You may also contact us through the following digits:

+639154575093 – Christine and +639957965029 – Billie

If you agree to be a participant, please provide the following data below.

_______________________________
Signature above Full Name

_______________________________
Contact Number