FINAL EXAM

The Daily Life of a Single Mother with Young Child:

Balancing Between Working, Parenting and Personal
Needs

Qualitative Study

Ezra Nehemia Pardede

16/398992/PS/07191

Faculty of Psychology
University of Gadjah Mada
Yogyakarta
2019
INTRODUCTION

Numerous studies have shown that a frequent case happening currently is the case of
single-parent family. According to BKKBN (Badan Kependudukan dan Keluarga Berencana)
in Indonesia each day there are approximately 738 cases of divorce. In which, 70% of the
case the plaintiff is the female partner. The data in 2015 shows that out of 67.6 million head
of families, 7.9 million parts of it is single mother, and this number is still rising. Single
motherhood was defined as mothers not living with any partner, including those not receiving
child care assistance from the biological father (Liang, Berger & Brand, 2018). Other than
becoming a single mother from a divorce, there is several reasons forcing the situation. For
example, a baby out of wedlock, deceased partner, adoption, couples living separately and a
lot of other reasons. Single parent in Indonesia still faces a lot of disadvantages in work as
well as in daily life.
Different with several other countries that has started to adjust to having a single-
parent family, Indonesia still lack in special regulations that can accommodate to single
mother or single parent in general. Being a single-parent family is still viewed negatively by
most people in Indonesia. Refuge Review Tribunal, 2010, mentioned that marriage in
Indonesia is described as the ‘norm’, while being a divorced woman or a single mother
carries a social stigma. The ideal type of woman, as encouraged by the Indonesian state, is
one who is married, and preferably a housewife. It is argued that this ideal type is used to
discriminate against and stigmatize women who fail to meet these criteria, including
divorcees, single mothers and unmarried women.
In addition to that, single mother in particular are still connected several
disadvantages, including lack of social support and emotional and psychological distress
(Kavas & Gündüz-Hoşgör, 2013). Mclanahan and Booth (1989) argue that women are
additionally disadvantaged with respect to psychological sources due to their gender; for
instance, single mothers have higher levels of psychological distress and anxiety than single
fathers do. Another aspect that should be noted is the physical health of a single mothers,
physical health is correlated with the amount of physical activities done by the single
mothers. One recent study demonstrated that single mothers were not meeting physical
activity guidelines and were less physically active than married mothers using objective and
self-report measures of physical activity (Dlugonski & Motl, 2013).
In conclusion, the wellbeing of single parent is still being neglected. Liang, Berger
and Brand, 2018, mentioned that single parent shows high level of life stress and also
parenting stress. The significant risk factors for general stress correspond to aspects for
depression and anxiety. Parents play a significant role in shaping the emotional and
personality development of their children. However, single parents encounter double major
roles, like the parenting role and the role of a sole breadwinner for their family. This double
role, leads a single working mother into having social and psychological problem (Hamid &
Saleh, 2013).
In their role as a parent, numerous factors affect the parental competency of single
parents. Kavas & Gündüz-Hoşgör, 2013, stated that there are 3 primary challenges facing
single mothers that includes; maintaining authority in the new family setting they formed,
struggling to keep a sense of a complete family and handling negative attitudes toward single
mothers and toward children from single-mother families.
Another one of the struggle single mother has to face are the financial status of the
family. Low financial status does carry weight in the low parental competencies of a single
parent (Glăveanu, 2015). There are a lot of studies and research on the distinct behaviors of
children in a single-parent family. Some of the study shows the correlation of single-parent
family and low levels of school attendance (DeLeire & Kalil, 2002,) but also with higher
level of the probability of occurrence, at the adult age, of the risk behaviors, alcohol and drug
consumption (Carlson, 2006), failure in romantic or conjugal relationship (Amato & DeBoer,
2001). There is no doubt that the absence of one parent requires extra work and arrangement
to make it works.
Study shows that women or single mother are more disadvantages than single father
in terms of financial factors. Single mother income reported to be 67% of their previous
income before becoming a single mother, however men income declined to 90% of the
previous income (Duncan, Greg & Hoffman, 1985). This shows that there is gender influence
in working fields of a single parent. The lack of recognition of female heads of households in
Indonesia‟s marriage law leaves single women who are family heads legally unprotected
(Zulminari, 2008). Harassment and discrimination of female heads of households has
discouraged these women from being active in their communities mentioned by The Jakarta
Post, 2009.
This research will concentrate on the life of a single mother because most of the
times, after separation, women is the one who will take the children in their care and provide
their education (Leman, 2006). Woman will most likely face more complications in work and
social problems than a single father, as most working field in Indonesia is still dominated by
men. Habitually women is seen generally as weak and helpless, who has the duty to take care
of children and house by becoming housewife. This conception or what usually known as
patriarchy system is still strongly believed by most Indonesian people.
In regards to the impacts on children, most of the literature views single parenting as a
social problem contributing to social ills such as delinquency, poverty and income insecurity.
Related with the child development, several literatures have shown the correlation between
single parenting and child’s school failure (Astone & McLanahan, 1991), dropout (Zimiles &
Lee, 1991), susceptibility to peer pressure (Steinberg, 1987), drug abuse (Emery, 1988), and
emotional and behavioral problems (Lee, et al., 1994).
Single mothers has also long been correlated with child maltreatment or bullying from
the society. Study in America shows the number of child maltreatment has been significantly
high. Data from Child Protective Agencies shows that there are approximately 638,000 cases
of child maltreatment in 2015. Moreover there are also influence of race in this cases, more
than black children, hispanic and white children are at greater risk of maltreatment
(Schneider, 2017). The role of social support as a deterrent to the emergence of stress has
been proven, with the presence of people around will help these people find alternative ways
of coping in the face of stressors or simply providing emotional support needed during
difficult times (Nevid et al., 2011). Social support means giving help or help to someone who
experiences stress, helps might come from someone else who has a close relationship like
family or friends.
A lot of research has been done on the life of single mother in outside of Indonesia,
however, there is lack of information in the condition of a single-mother family in Indonesia.
The condition, social environment and living situation of the previous research done on this
case is too different with Indonesia’s way of life, and so to compare or use it as a reference
will not be entirely effective. There is also lack in the data and assessment program for single
mother in Indonesia. This does not mean there are zero effort in assessing single parents,
however the low level of wellbeing in single parent shows the need to change in the societies.
This research hope to help people in broadening their view of Indonesian single mother.
Taken from the previous statements and research on the current condition of single
mothers, there are still several aspects that Indonesia still lacks in information or education.
So, the focus topics on this study are: the wellbeing of a single mother, the challenges and the
strategy on balancing working and parenting

Research Question
 Regards of the previously mentioned research focus, then the outline of the problem
in this research is understanding the everyday life of a single mothers most specifically in
Indonesia. That includes; (i) understanding their experiences, (ii) their parenting strategies
and (iii) their struggle.
METHOD

Participant and Surroundings

This data will focus on single mother with young children, in which the age of
children most suitable to the study is to be under 10 years old. The era from birth to age 10
includes all growth and development that occurs from conception through the prenatal
experience, infancy, early and middle childhood to the beginnings of adolescence. It is
perhaps the most remarkable of all developmental periods for the sheer extent of the changes
that take place.
During this timeframe, the structure, organization, and functions of the brain change
dramatically. In that stages the role of mother plays a big role in the child development. That
is why the effect of single parenting situation might be seen more clearly in the child’s
cognitive process or behavior. In this situation, it will also affect the way the mother does
things, the challenges will also be different with people who become a single mother when
their children is all grown up.
There is no specific requirement for the single mother, that includes a person with
mental disorder. With one condition, as long as the subjects are still able in communicating.
This research will view the variables in a more general way in every aspect that everyone can
at least slightly understand the basic point of view. There is no particular religion, educational
or financial background chosen as a provision, however those factors will be considered to be
supporting aspects in the single mother daily life study. One important specification is that
this research will focus on single mother in Indonesia. Each participant is members of Single
Parent Indonesia in Motion (SPINMOTION), which is a community for single parent that
was built in Yogyakarta. SPINMOTION is an open community, thus there is no
specifications or groupings inside the community.

Data Collection Strategy

This research will be a qualitative research study, in which it means the study will
focus on seeking an in-depth understanding of social phenomena within their natural setting.
The data will be taken by using a semi-structured interview. A one-on-one interview is a
personal interview that is carried out with one respondent at a time. This is purely a
conversational method and invites opportunities to get details in depth from the respondent.
One of the advantages of this method provides a great opportunity to gather precise data
about what people believe and their detailed personal experiences. This interview will be
conducted in two ways, a face-to-face conversation and using phone calls. Each interview last
between one until two hours. These are some of the main points of the questions:
1. What are the difficulties you have to face as a single mother?
2. What is the child’s daily schedule?
3. Is there any noticeable difference in the child’s behavior?
4. How are you doing with your current job?
5. Is there any financial difficulties with your situation?
6. Do you receive any help from relatives? Financially or emotionally?
7. What is the biggest struggle in being a single mother?
8. What is the sweetest experience while becoming a single mother?

These questions are flexible and can be changed and adjusted according to the situation.
Especially the parts concerning the father’s role in the relationship, there is possibilities that
the father is no longer alive thus those questions might be eliminated and changed to a more
suitable question. Follow up questions will be asked if there is any need of further
information or to clarify any indefinite information.

Data Analysis Strategy

Data was selected through open coding, axial coding and selective coding method.
From there on data will be analyzed with content analysis and narrative analysis. Researchers
regard content analysis as a flexible method for analyzing text data. Content analysis
describes a family of analytic approaches ranging from impressionistic, intuitive, interpretive
analyses to systematic, strict textual analysis. The specific type of content analysis approach
chosen by a researcher varies with the theoretical. Narrative analysis is to interpret stories
that are told within the context of research and/or are shared in everyday life.
RESULT

VERBATIM DATA

Ezra – Interviewer : (E)

Subject : (S)

E: Kita mulai dari pertanyaan pertama, kalo boleh tau alasan apa yang membuat ibu pisah
dari suami ibu?
S: Kalo itu memang dari awal udah banyak berantem makin lama makin lama makin ketauan
ga cocoknya
E: Trus hubungan ibu dengan suami ibu saat ini gimana? Sudah cerai kah atau gimana?
S: Kalau status masih nikah ribet soalnya kalua cerai surat yang diurus banyak dan itu bukan
saat cerainya doang setelah setelahnya juga
S: Kalau cerai mau buat bisnis pun susah mau daftar anak sekolah susah yah.. banyak lah
susahnya
E: Oh gitu.. Suami ibu sekarang ada dimana sekarang?
S: Ga tau juga udah lama ga ketemu soalnya terakhir sih saya tau nya di Salatiga tapi gatau
E: Oh udah berapa lama ga ketemu bu memangnya?
S: Udah 3 tahun lebih deh kayaknya. Ngomong juga ga pernah komunikasi ga ada ga tau lagi
dia udah dimana.
E: Oh komunikasi juga udah tidak ada sama sekali?
S: Udah ga ada sama sekali ga ngomong tiga tahun lebih
E: Berarti anaknya juga udah tiga tahun lebih ya ga liat bapaknya
S: Iya.. waktu pisah itu dia umur 4 tahun. Tahun awal masih sering dateng liatin, jemput, ajak
jalan jalan. Tapi ya setiap dateng berantem juga akhirnya terus sama saya berantem terus
saya juga capek kasian anak juga liat orang tua berantem terus ga enak ya akhirnya saya
putusin, meningan dia gausah balik balik lagi.
E: Jadi di tahun awal bapaknya masih sering dateng ya.. tapi ibu bilang gausah dateng lagi?
S: Iya karna kan setiap dateng juga teriak teriak ya saya mikirin anak saya lah
E: Jadi salah satu alasan ibu pisah sama suami ibu karna anak?
S: Bukan salah satu lagi emang itu alasannya ya berantem saya juga capek tapi saya ga mau
anak saya terpengaruh.
E: Anak nya setiap ibu berantem reaksi nya gimana?
S: Dia sih kayaknya gak ngerti ya gak keliatan takut ketawa ketawa aja, setiap bapaknya
dateng dia seneng – seneng aja. Sering nanyain bapak dimana ya saya jawab aja udah
pulang kerumahnya ga disini lagi
E: Oh.. Bu, menurut ibu kira kira selama ini ibu berantem, teriak, kira kira ada efek nya ga di
anak nya?
S: saya sih belom liat ya ada tingkah yang aneh atau apa.. paling ini sih dia itu suaranya keras
sering banget guru nya ngelaporin kalo dia suka teriak di kelas. Bukan yang negatif cuman
suaranya aja jauh lebih keras dari temen temennya
S: Mungkin ini karna di rumah suka teriak teriak kali ya dia mikir kalo suara kenceng itu
normal. Selain itu sih saya ga ngeliat yang apa apa.
E: Hmm oke.. saya mau nanya, biasa jadwal sehari-hari ibu gimana ya?
S: Dari pagi biasanya saya mulai masak langsung, selesai masak saya bangunin anak suruh
dia makan dan mandi sambal saya beresin barang dia sekolah. Habis dia selesai, beres,
saya bolehin main di luar dulu 15 menit sambil saya beres beres diri. Ini penting nih dia itu
sebelum sekolah harus banget main 15 menit saya ga peduli saya udah telat kantor atau
gimana yang penting dia main.
E: Oh ibu ngantor sekarang?
S: Sekarang udah engga saya udah keluar. Sekarang saya kerja jual alat kimia sendiri. Dulu
sih ngantor di perusahaan kimia juga, tapi terlalu banyak masalah lah
E: Masalahnya apa tuh bu?
S: Ya dulu waktu dia masih kecil kalo saya ngantor anak mesti di titipin ke penitipan, nganter
ke penitipan itu agak jauh dan akhirnya saya sering telat. Atasan saya tau, tapi saya ga
mungkin umbar masalah personal ke bawahan saya. Akhirnya memang image saya jadi
jelek.
S: Saya juga sering bawa anak ke kantor, ini karna setiap pulang dari penitipan anak saya
selalu kelaperan padahal dia makannya biasanya susah. Saya jadi curiga sama tempat
penitipannya, anaknya juga sering setiap mau pergi ke penitipan dia nangis bilang ga mau
pergi. Mau gimana lagi terpaksa saya bawa ke kantor, ya gimana ya perasaan saya juga ga
tenang kalo anak aja sampe ngerengek ga mau pergi padahal biasanya nurut.
S: Tapi bawa di kantor juga saya ga seneng. Namanya juga perusahaan kimia, setiap bongkar
barang atau apapun itu debu, asap dan semua semuanya kan juga ga bagus buat anak.
Banyak masalah numpuk akhirnya saya izin keluar. Udah lama sih mau keluar Cuma
ditahan tahan sama atasan akhirnya saya juga ga kuat.
E: Berarti ibu sekarang kerja mandiri? Jual beli bahan kimia?
S: Iya saya lebih ke distributornya, dari perusahaan sebelumnya kan saya dapet kenalan info
yang bantu buat jualan dan jadi klien ya gitu.
E: Oh.. apa ibu lebih nyaman kerja sekarang ini?
S: Ya kalo nyamain sih.. kerja gini lebih susah ya. Sebelum saya kerja ini saya nyoba nyoba
kerjaan lain juga pernah jualan siomai jualan baju dan tas semuanya bisa dibilang gagal
dan balik ke kerja ini memang lebih menguntungkan buat saya.
E: Jadi secara finansial sudah tercukupi gitu bu? Lebih menguntungkan?
S: Dibilang untung juga engga pas pas an lah kadang rugi kadang rejeki. Jelas hasil sekarang
lebih rendah dari waktu saya kerja di perusahaan tapi waktu yang saya punya buat anak
saya nambah jadi menurut saya ini jelas lebih worth it.
E: Kesusahannya kerja sekarang ini apa aja bu?
S: Paling yang bikin saya ribet tuh surat suratannya ya perijinan karna kan status saya
sekarang masih terikat dengan suami jadi untuk perijinan tuh harus ada ijin suami
sedangkan saya ngomong aja engga. Sama mungkin sekarang kan kerjaan saya kadang
saya harus keluar kota buat nagih uang dan buat berhadapan dengan bapak bapak di
daerah yang serem ga ada suami saya itu takut juga. Biasanya anak saya bawa, soalnya
gabisa dititip kemana mana, nanti dia nunggu di mobil sambil saya turun gitu..
E: Memangnya ga ada keluarga atau teman yang bisa jaga anaknya dulu?
S: Temen saya ada sekali dua kali kalo daerah nya saya beneran ga yakin tapi ga enak juga
nitipin anak terus. Keluarga saya semua ga ada yang di Bandung semua Jakarta ketemu
agak jarang sih.
E: Apa bapaknya masih ngasih bantuan finansial bu?
S: Engga udah ga ada sama sekali udah ini saya dan anak aja
E: Ibu kalo lagi penat.. atau stress itu biasa minta bantuannya ke siapa?
S: Saya bukan tipe yang gampang ngomong ke orang tentang masalah saya sih.. kalo ada
masalah ya jalanin aja dulu nanti pasti ketemu jawabannya Tuhan pasti bantu. Ya saya
kalo memang udah stress banget paling saya cuman bisa berdoa.. mangkanya itu juga saya
tanpa sadar sering marahin anak salah dikit saya marahin abis itu saya minta maaf lagi ke
dia.
E: Berarti ibu buat mengahadapi stress itu ga ngapa ngapain? Kalo butuh liburan gitu? Waktu
sendiri?
S: Ya ga ada waktu sendiri lagi semua waktu saya udah buat anak saya liburan juga harus
sama anak saya. Saya sering juga berdua gitu jalan jalan ke luar kota ke Jogja itu sering
main main aja terus pulang. Itu aja saya udah seneng banget berdua sama anak saya.
E: Jadi menurut ibu waktu berdua dengan anak itu paling bahagia ya?
S: Jelas..
E: Menurut ibu kira kira ada gak waktu dimana ibu nyesel.. harusnya saya ga ngelakuin itu..
S: Ga ada sih sampe sekarang.. saya merasa Tuhan sudah ngasih saya jalan seperti ini ya saya
harus jalanin. Dia pasti ngasih ini ke saya untuk pelajaran buat saya. Ga pernah saya
nyesal vito lahir atau pisah sama bapaknya. Ga ada saya nyesal keluar dari kerjaan.
E: Oke.. menurut ibu di kesuluruhan susahnya jadi seorang single mom itu apa?
S: Paling susah mental nya mesti kuat karna beneran capek banget. Susah juga di urusan
perijinan ya negara kita tuh ga ada pengertiaannya buat janda atau apa gitu. Susah juga
jujur jaga anak sendiri, mesti gercep, mesti lincah, mesti teliti. Mesti pinter buat jelasin
dan bantu anak ya semuanya lah susah tapi itu tergantung kita nya juga sih
E: Kalo hal yang paling dikenang.. hal yang paling membahagiakan dari seorang single mom
itu apa?
S: Semua hal saya anggap membahagiakan buat saya.. semua waktu bareng anak saya itu
berkenang buat saya. Bahagia kok saya jadi seorang single mom.

DATA ANALYSIS

Category Construct Quotes from Interview

Social Interest Reason behind living " awal udah banyak berantem makin lama makin lama
seperately makin ketauan ga cocoknya "
" capek kasian anak juga liat orang tua berantem terus ga
enak ya akhirnya saya putusin "
No specific impact on " saya sih belom liat ya ada tingkah yang aneh atau apa "
child, except loud " di rumah suka teriak teriak kali ya dia mikir kalo suara
voice kenceng itu normal "
Mental support " saya bukan tipe yang gampang ngomong ke orang
tentang masalah saya "
" udah stress banget paling saya cuman bisa berdoa "
" keluarga saya semua ga ada yang di Bandung "
Working Life Inconvinient working " nganter ke penitipan itu agak jauh dan akhirnya saya
environment sering telat "
" saya juga sering bawa anak ke kantor "
" paling yang bikin saya ribet tuh surat suratannya ya
 perijinan "
Financial level is " dibilang untung juga engga pas pas an lah kadang rugi
decreasing kadang rejeki "
" jelas hasil sekarang lebih rendah dari waktu saya kerja di
perusahaan "
Parenting Parenting needs extra " susah juga jujur jaga anak sendiri, mesti gercep, mesti
skills and lincah, mesti teliti "
understanding " mesti pinter buat jelasin dan bantu anak "
" harus banget main 15 menit saya ga peduli saya udah
telat kantor atau gimana yang penting dia main "
" waktu yang saya punya buat anak saya nambah jadi
menurut saya ini jelas lebih worth it "
The Individual Becoming more " saya tanpa sadar sering marahin anak "
sensitive toward
people " ga ada suami saya itu takut juga "
child is the source of " semua waktu bareng anak saya itu berkenang buat saya "
happiness " Saya sering juga berdua gitu jalan jalan ke luar kota ke
Jogja itu sering main main aja terus pulang. Itu aja saya
udah seneng banget berdua sama anak saya "
Table 1. Open coding data analysis

Open Code Axial Code Selective Code

Mental support Lack of support and Becoming a single mother
Inconvinient working understanding from carries a lot of burden
environment society increase
Financial level is decreasing
Parenting needs extra skills and challenges

understanding
Reason behind living seperately Wiser decision, extra
Becoming more sensitive toward skills and deeper
people understanding are
Parenting needs extra skills and
required
understanding
child is the source of happiness Coping skill
Table 2. Axial and selective coding data analysis
REFERENCES
Amato, P. R. & DeBoer, D. D. (2001). The transmission of marital instability across
generations: relationship skills or commitment to marriage. Journal of marriage and
family, 63 (4), 1038–1051
Astone, Nan Marie, & McLanahan, Sara (1991). Family structure, parental practices and high
school completion. American Sociological Review, 56, 309–320.
Carlson, M. J. (2006). Family structure, father involvement and adolescent behavioral
outcomes. Journal of marriage and family, 68 (1), 137–154.
DeLeire, T. & Kalil, A. (2002). Good things come in threes: single-parent multigenerational
family structure and adolescent adjustment. Demography, 39 (2), 393-413.
Duncan, Greg J., & Hoffman, Saul D. (1985). A reconsideration of the economic
consequences of marital disruption. Demography, 22, 485–498.
Emery, Robert E. (1988). Marriage, divorce and children's adjustment. Beverly Hills, CA:
Sage.
Glăveanu, S. M. (2015). The Parental Competence of Single-parent Families from Vulnerable
Groups. Procedia - Social and Behavioral Sciences,187, 201-205.
doi:10.1016/j.sbspro.2015.03.038
Hamid, S. R., & Salleh, S. (2013). Exploring Single Parenting Process in Malaysia: Issues
and Coping Strategies. Procedia - Social and Behavioral Sciences,84, 1154-1159.
doi:10.1016/j.sbspro.2013.06.718
Kavas, S., & Gündüz-Hoşgör, A. (2013). The parenting practice of single mothers in Turkey:
Challenges and strategies. Women’s Studies International Forum, 40, 56–67.
doi:10.1016/j.wsif.2013.05.004
Lee, Valerie E., Burkam, David T., Zimiles, Herbert, & Ladewski, Barbara (1994). Family
structure and its effect on behavioral and emotional problems in young adolescents.
Journal of Research on Adolescence, 4, 405–437.
Leman, K. (2006). Single parenting that works: six keys to raising happy, healthy children in
a single-parent home. Carol Stream: Tyndale House Publishers.
Liang, L. A., Berger, U., & Brand, C. (2018). Psychosocial factors associated with symptoms
of depression, anxiety and stress among single mothers with young children: A
population-based study. Journal of Affective Disorders.doi:10.1016/j.jad.2018.08.013
Nevid, J. S., Rathus, S. A., & Greene, B. (2011). Abnormal psychology in a changing world.
8th ed. Boston: Prentice Hall.
“ RI women struggle to fight harassment, stigmatization ‟ (2009) The Jakarta Post
Schneider, W. (2017). Single mothers, the role of fathers, and the risk for child maltreatment.
Children and Youth Services Review, 81, 81–93.doi:10.1016/j.childyouth.2017.07.025
Steinberg, Laurence (1987). Single parents, stepparents, and the susceptibility of adolescents
to antisocial peer-pressure. Child Development, 58, 269–275.
“ Women Single Mothers Children Female Headed Households Employment.” (2010)
Country Advice Indonesia  , Refugee Review Tribunal,
www.refworld.org/pdfid/4f4b82cc2.pdf.
Zimiles, Herbert, & Lee, Valerie (1991). Adolescent family structure and educational
progress. Developmental Psychology, 27, 314–320.