Being selfish and greedy is not everything 

in life 
One day in Miami a young adult with the name Frederick, he has a lot of money.but, he only has

his grandma that be 76 years old, they all days talk about the life of Frederick, one day the

grandma says to Frederick that he need help because he is greedy and in that instant Frederick

thinks that he need help because that is a problem for him and his grandma. The stars to search

help, and he thought in the most secret his brother with the name Chris was a secret because when

his father's die he went to the other city because Chris feel too bad about that. Frederick starts to

search about Chris until he found it, they talk and Chris think that he need to help Frederick and

Chris had a purpose that was help Frederick and recover the lost time with Frederick and his

grandma. Chris first ask for Frederick what was the problem and Frederick talk that was the

greedy. Chris first want to pass more time with Frederick. They go to Boston Ma and there they

are looking for pass time when they go to the beach they knew a person who help a people how

Frederick, so they ask for the person his name and the name was Camilla they in the travel stars to

working in the problem but Camilla say that is take a long of time they first need to take a house in

Boston because they live in Miami, so they found a house comfortable for Frederick and Chris

then they need to pass along of day in the consulting room for take test for help Frederick but At

this moment Frederick received a call, and he receives a bad notice his grandma die in this instance

Frederick had to go back Miami for things of the funeral, and then he so sad go again to Boston

with his brother he so sad say that he need like two mounts the time for get some rest and go back

for Camilla he so sad thing in pass to live in Boston because he wants to be far from Miami. After
the two mouths the stars again with Camilla everyday try to help him a little while getting the cure

for Frederick. Chris are worried because Frederick did not eat and did not sleep to think that he

was going to run out of money and every day he was more selfish with him and with people. Chris

at that moment called Camilla and when Chris told Camilla, Camilla started to take letters about

the matter, he began to meet people where she works to do a series of tests to Frederick because

every day he was more selfish. Then Frederick was summoned to the tests that he was going to do,

but Frederick refused because he was still sad because of his grandmother's death, at that moment

he thought that he would end up losing all the money he had, at that moment said I need to speak

clearly with Camilla because this was getting very far. Camilla and Chris began to take Frederick

to a lake, so he relaxes after two weeks Camilla took him to an office where they were going to do

the tests so when he was the one he told Chris that those tests were not going to work, Chris

surprised to see that Frederick also did not put his help for him to improve, Chris spoke with

Camilla and Camilla said no matter the tests only matter if the workers find a cure, During the test

results Camilla and Chris went to have a coffee and talk a little about Frederick because Frederick

did not want to do his part to improve, they were very confused but Chris said we hoped the results

soon there could be a quick cure for Frederick, after two days the tests already had their result and

the results were nothing, this was because as Frederick did not put on his part the mind of him was

blocked then the tests were not going to serve until he does his part. Then Camilla tried to reflect

with Frederick about letting him help because this could go a long way. Then Frederick went to his

home and made a coffee, he lay in bed to think about what everyone told him, but he continued

with his selfishness and walking down the street he met a very pretty woman, At that moment he

was surprised and without thinking I ask his name the name of the woman was Alexandra and
without discomfort they gave their cell phone numbers. Later in the night he did not stop thinking

about her because she was very pretty besides Frederick all his life he was alone. “But he did not

hurt that is like a problem because all people need a person” the next day he was going to call, but

he was very afraid that Alexandra would realize that he had the problem of being selfish he thinks

that Alexandra will re chased him At this moment he feels very bad he starts to think in what to do.

The day passed, and he did not call her and at that moment he thought of Camilla when he thought

that he called Camilla and told him if he wanted to do his part so that he would not be more selfish.

Then when Camilla heard that she was very happy to see that Frederick wanted to help. Camilla

put an appointment to return to be the tests and Frederick with the greatest enthusiasm went to the

appointment and could do the tests. After the tests Camilla invited him to a cafe to talk they talked

and Camilla asked him why he was so happy, and he was doing his part and Frederick told him

that he had met a woman he was falling in love with, but he was afraid that did not give him a

chance because of the problem he had.spent an hour and Frederick and Camilla are still talking

then Camilla tells Fredrick that she will do everything possible for him to be cured, and he can be

with Alexandra Frederick thanks him very much for everything he has done for him and Camilla

tells him no problem. Night passed and Frederick went home, and he still thought of Alexandra.

The next day he was full of courage and I call her to invite her to a restaurant as she was in the

process of the cure. But that night the cat did everything Alexandra asked him and when they

finished dinner and said goodbye Frederick was surprised because he spend so much money

because he was selfish. Is after he did not pay much attention to that and I wait for the results of

the tests when he was uncontrolled with Camilla she told him that he had good news and that the

problem could be cured but with time like about 5 months he did not pay too much attention, and
he said he was fine because he was in love with Alexandra, Camilla seeing so much progress in

Frederick he was very proud that all the effort he gave to Frederick to help him was giving results.

During this time Frederick was very happy because Alexandra was waiting him more and Camilla

was very attentive with the progress of Frederick and Frederick was spending time with Alexandra

one Saturday morning, he called his brother and asked him if he wanted to go to a five-day walk

with Camilla, Alexandra and the because I had to tell them something and spend during the trip

Frederick made a reservation to a restaurant but 8 pm to tell them what he needed and what was so

important to him was a very good news, but he was very afraid in that, and he doesn't go to the

reservation because he feels band and Chris go to the room to talk with Frederick At this moment

Chris ask Frederick what happens why you don't go to the reservation and Frederick answers that

he are scared to tell the notice to Camilla because he thinks that it was disrespectful to Camilla

because Camilla help him with the problem and Chris At this moment laugh because that's not

canned a happen then Frederick decide to tell the notice, and he goes again to the restaurant, the

news was that he and Alexandra were getting married at that time Camilla and Chris they were

very happy. The trip was good but Camilla feel sick, and they say to her don't worried about

Camilla forgot that in the lunchtime Camilla fainting and Frederick and Chris Camilla was taken to

the doctor to go when the doctor said the news was bad because Camilla had been intoxicated with

the food of last day, so they had to cancel everything they had planned to help Camilla, and they

had to wait for Camilla to get better to return to make the plans that they had. After six days,

Camilla got better. She had to rest for two weeks. Frederick and Alexandra waited without

problems for Camilla to get better after those two weeks. Frederick and Camilla got married.

Camilla told Frederick that he was cured and all the effort they put into helping Frederick was
worth. After that Frederick talk with Alexandra because Alexandra don't know about the problem

of greedy but Frederick decide that because he is cured, but he was afraid that Alexandra I did not

understand that he was already cured, and she would regret opening the case with the one he

wanted because he did not want to have any lie between them.everything that happened was bad

things and Alexandra did not believe Frederick because she thought that he only married so that

others would think he was cured. But the truth is that if he had healed now he had the intention that

Alexandra would believe him then he started calling Alexandra, but Alexandra did not answer him

then he had to call Alexandra's sister to tell him where he was because he missed him so much so

Alexandra's sister to see that told him that at that time was in the airport to go to Miami at that time

Frederick He felt like he was dying and called an uber to go fast to the airport but when he arrived

it was too late. Frederick had to buy a ticket for Miami and when he arrived in Miami it was 11:00,

so he had to pay for a hotel that was very expensive, but he did not care, that moment he thought of

calling Alexandra's sister if she He knew where he was at, the sister told him he was in the house

of her mother. Frederick asked him the address to go and the next day he went to the house. And I

clarify things to Alexandra, but she did not believe he had to call Camilla to go to Miami but there

was a problem and it was that Camilla did not have money he told her that he would pay

everything but that he went to Miami and when he Camilla I came to Miami and I told him that

Frederick was already cured and that he was paying all the expenses of him and Camilla, which

means that he was no longer selfish with him or with people.then Alexandra told Frederick that he

believed him but that he wanted to stay for a while in Miami Frederick told him that if it happened

for three days Alexandra and Frederick went back to Boston, and they remained married and with

goals to fulfill, and at that moment Frederick realized that was completely happy.

Rubric rating submitted on: 11/4/2018, 4:42:17 PM by atoorish@rpsk12.org

 4 (yes, and) 3 (yes) 2 (yes, but) 1 (no)

Use of Theme in Theme is fully Theme is clear and Theme is somewhat There is no
Conflict developed and is consistent through developed, but is connection to a
3 (yes) consistent through the narrative. The unclear or larger theme in the
the narrative. author creates a inconsistent. narrative; there is no
Author makes a clear conflict that Conflict is unclear conflict in the story.
powerful statement drives the action. or unconnected to
about the theme by the theme.
creating a clear
conflict that drives
the action.

Sequence & Pacing Writer expertly Writer uses Writer uses some Important moments
2 (yes, but) slows down or effective pacing to pacing in the story; are only briefly
speeds up time for slow down or parts are rushed or mentioned. Story
emphasis and speeds up time for drawn out. Some sequence is
dramatic effect. The emphasis. The confusion in confusing or plot
sequence of the sequence of the sequence, or plot elements are
story adds effect. story is logical. elements unclear. missing.

Characters & Descriptive details Descriptive details Writer used some The writing reads
Details make the writing enhance some descriptive details like a summary, not
2 (yes, but) rich and vivid and moments. but work was more a story: all tell, no
bring characters to Characters are clear “tell” than “show”. show. Characters
life. and realistic. Character work are two
needed. dimensional.

Reflective Ending makes the Ending follows Ending feels forced There is no
Resolution point of the story from the story and or rushed. Doesn’t resolution to the
3 (yes) clear. Reader is left reflects on the reflect on a theme, story, or the
with something theme. or is confusing. resolution is
important to ponder. illogical and
unconnected.

Clarity & Cohesion Meaning is totally Meaning is clear. Meaning is Meaning is often
2 (yes, but) clear. Writer Writer creates somewhat clear. confusing. Ideas are
artfully creates transitions, clarifies Clarification of left unexplained.
transitions and relationships among relationships and Transitions are
clarifies ideas and events. ideas is needed. confusing.
relationships among
ideas and events.

Tone & Style Choice of words, Choice of words, Choice of words, Choice of words,
2 (yes, but) sentence structure, sentence structures, sentence structures, sentence structures,
and tone enhance and tone are and tone are and tone are not
writing. Established appropriate for the sometimes appropriate for the
and maintained an task & audience. appropriate for the task & audience.
 effective and Established and task & audience. Ineffective style.
original style. maintained an Mostly uses an
effective style. effective style.

Grammar, Spelling, Precise grammar, Correct use of Some mistakes in Misuse of spelling,
Punctuation spelling, grammar, spelling, grammar, spelling, grammar,
2 (yes, but) punctuation, and punctuation, and punctuation or punctuation, and
capitalization add to capitalization. capitalization. capitalization
the story’s clarity. Effective use of a Needs more variety detracts from
Effective use of a variety of sentence in sentence meaning. No
variety of sentence structures. structure. variety in sentence
structures. structure.

Comments:
84/100

thematic connection: 45/50