Love Unconditionally

The word unconditional means “without limitations.”

Perhaps a more complete definition of the term,
though,
is “without limitations and without regrets.” When you
love others unconditionally, you acknowledge their
shortcomings
and do not judge them. They may frustrate you,
disappoint you, test your patience, and at times drive
you
crazy, but you never regret loving them because
you’ve
made a conscious choice to accept them for who they
are
and are willing to embrace the heartburn that may
come
with that decision. This is different from conditional
love,
where failing to meet certain expectations or
provisions
in a relationship can be a major source of regret that
may
ultimately end the relationship.
Someone I love unconditionally is Billy, my Little
Brother. When I joined the Big Brothers program back
in 1991, he had just turned ten and was living on
welfare
with his mom and sisters. Growing up as an African-
American young male in a neighborhood with primarily
people of different ethnicities was diffi cult for him and
often resulted in physical confrontations. Crime was
rampant,
drive-by shootings were frequent, and pressure to
join a gang was persistent. Yet much of that seemed to
fade
away when Billy and I were together.
My commitment to Billy was that I would always be
his Big Brother and love him unconditionally,
regardless
of what happened to him in life. This got put to the
test
on many occasions in the years that followed, whether
he
had diffi culty with making grades at school, holding a
job,
managing his money, or staying out of trouble. “I’m
here
to help you, not judge you,” I’d say, but the
disappointments
he’d experienced growing up and his chronic issues
with self-esteem made it hard for him to believe I’d
really
always be there for him.
One day I got a call from Billy and it sounded like
he had hit rock bottom. In his own words, he had failed
everyone including himself—he had no job, no money,
and nowhere to go. My wife and I asked him to come
live
with us and told him he could stay as long as he
wanted.
For the better part of a year, Billy took up residence at
our house while he worked on turning his life around.
We
gave him the run of the place, helped him get his
résumé
together, and continued to reinforce that we were
there to
support him in good times and bad.
Upon returning home with our kids one afternoon,
we found Billy’s packed suitcase by the door to his
room.
Billy was sitting inside on the sofa bed with his head
buried
in his arms. After a bit of coaxing, he showed his face
but couldn’t speak. Then he slowly got up and pointed
to
where he had been sitting. A huge hole had been
burned
through the sofa cushion. “I was late for work and
forgot
to turn off the iron,” he said, mortifi ed. “You’ve put so
much trust in me and now look how I’ve blown it.”
I was fl oored—did Billy really think we’d kick him
out of the house over this? I gave him a big hug and
said,
“When I told you that I unconditionally loved you, I
meant it and I’ll never regret it. And by the way, it will
take a lot more than ruining a couch to get rid of me.”
Billy managed to smile and together we unpacked his
bag.
Loving someone unconditionally requires tolerance,
dedication, acceptance, and patience, even if this
person
occasionally lets you down or falls short of your
expectations.
It also requires making sure you don’t get taken
advantage of in the process, meaning that mutual
respect
is still important. Take a moment to think about a
current
or past relationship and evaluate how well it fi ts the
defi nition
of unconditional—this could be a relationship with
a friend, a lover, a boss, a coworker, a sibling, a
parent, a
child, a relative, or even a pet. Would you describe this
relationship as one without limitations and regrets?
The challenge with unconditional love is being able to
withhold the urge to judge people or to try to force
them
to change and instead learning how to accept them for
who they are. Once you embrace the reality that what
you
see may be exactly what you get, being in that
relationship
will no longer be a source of regret. Love
unconditionally
and experience the beauty of loving someone without
limitations or regrets.