Alice in Wonderland

__________________________

One-act play

Adaptation written by T.C. Baker

Original Story written by Lewis Carroll

 2.

LIST OF CHARACTERS

CHESHIRE CAT: A Cat with a grin on its face most of the time. Conniving. Very Mischievous.
Loves to mess with Alice and somewhat antagonizes her at times. Loves playing games.

(The CAT will be playing more than one role. He will disguise himself as: the White Rabbit, the
Tweedles, the Caterpillar, the Mad Hatter, and the White Knight)

ALICE: A 13 year old girl with a horrid attitude. Boastful. Bad Temper but proper when needed.
Can have a sweet side and can be very afraid of what she doesn’t understand.

MOM and DAD: parents of Alice. Never seen on stage but can be heard. Their dialogue consists
of mostly common lecturing to a rebellious child.

SISTER: Alice’s sister: Elizabeth. Never seen on stage but can be heard. Always trying to love
her sister even when Alice never does.

MARCH HARE: Absolutely cooky in every manner of the word. Constant mood swings. Can do
pretty much anything he wants at the table.

DORMOUSE: Always sleeping. Hardly does anything except respond to sudden jolts of waking.

ROSE: Leader of the talking flowers. Always means well and is kind but very much against
anything that goes against the rules of the flowerbed.

IRIS: Very pompous and snooty. Doesn’t like Alice the moments she meets her.

LILY: Very giggly always thinking about someone she likes or about fashion.

THREE: Head of the card painters. Trying to get the job done but has to deal with the nonsense
of his coworkers.

ACE: Bickers a lot with Two. Will not stop at nothing unless he gets the last say so.

TWO: Bickers a lot with Ace. Loves to snitch on Ace whenever he gets the chance.

FOUR: slowest thinker of the painters. Usually doesn’t get what the others are talking about until
it’s emphasized to him.

QUEEN OF HEARTS: Very pompous and has a very bad temper. Mood shifts from angry to
very polite and sweet from time to time. Will stop at nothing to have her way.

KING OF HEARTS: Very timid. He may be taller than the queen but his confidence is very low.
He is always asking for as much attention possible since he is the king, after all.
 3.

BAILIFF: keeper of the courts attention. Calls out witnesses and keeps the trial going.

OTHER CARD SOLDIERS: Ready at attention. Never disobey the queen and cheer whenever
the queen announces an execution or if she wins at something. Very fearful of the queen.

SETTING

Mostly in the woods of Wonderland. Trees all around. One occurrence of mushrooms appearing.
At the very end, there is a courtroom but a very simple one comprising of a raised platform.

PRODUCTION NOTES

The trees of the woods are all two-dimensional and on wheels. When a scene changes, they will
be moved by cast members who are not in the next scene. They are merely placing them in
different spots than the last scene to give the indication that this is a different part of the woods.
There is music but only a little bit at the beginning and at the end where no dialogue is
happening.

SLUGLINE

Alice makes a deal with the Cheshire cat to leave her boring life and enter one of whimsical
wonder. Little does she know that this is a trap to keep her there forever and she won’t have the
“heart” to leave.

SYNOPSIS

Alice never liked her family or her friends because she felt that they were holding her heart back.
She is offered a deal by the Cheshire cat to leave her world to go into a whimsical one where
there are no rules. She accepts only to realize that her heart and her ability to know what real
love is had been stolen by the Cheshire cat. The Cheshire cat plans to keep Alice here in
Wonderland forever but wants to make a game out of it. The only way for her to escape is to find
her heart in this world created by the Cat and hopefully realize that her heart is where her love is
for others.
 4.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

To Lewis Carroll
Always has been an inspiration to me
And has given me my own love of madness

SCENE 1

The scene starts off The CAT comes

on stage and sits on the front edge of
the stage with a big smile on his
face.

CHESHIRE CAT
All in the golden afternoon full leisurely we glide; for both our oars, with little skill, by little
arms are plied while little hands make vain pretence our wanderings to guide. Anon, to sudden
silence won, in fancy they pursue the dream-child moving through a land of wonders wild and
new. In friendly chat with bird or beast – and half believe it true.

A door is lit on the stage

Thus grew the tale of Wonderland; thus slowly, one by one, for those who dare not believe this
tale, I’d say it’s time you begun…

The Cat opens the door to reveal

ALICE. She walks out onto middle
stage and the Cat walks into it and
disappears. Voices are heard off
stage of Alice’s DAD, MOM,
SISTER, and FRIEND

ALICE’S DAD
(Lecturing)
Alice, why can’t you listen to us when you are told, young lady!

ALICE’S MOM
(Lecturing but loving)
Alice, please…You’re making me very sad. You think of no one but yourself! You cannot
expect us to take this sitting down. We are your mother and father and we want what’s best for
you.
 5.

ALICE
(Rebellious)
No you don’t, all you want to do is put me in your little bubble of priorities! It’s boring and no
fun at all!

ALICE’S SISTER
(Trying to get along with)
Sister, why can’t we ever get along? I know I’m the eldest but I do love you. Why can’t you see
that!?

ALICE
(Spiteful)
You don’t love me! You and your “high-society” taste are always too good for me!

ALICE’S SISTER
(Trying to reason)
You know that’s not what it is at all. I don’t think-

ALICE
(Interrupts)
Well, then you shouldn’t talk!

ALICE’S FRIEND
(Sick of Alice’s boastfulness)
You are so bossy, Alice! We’re all trying to have fun and you always ruin it with your constant
bossiness and being a know-it-all!

ALICE
That’s because you don’t know enough. I have improved your silly game. I grow tired of playing
with you.

ALICE’S DAD
You are so obsessed with things that make no sense at all. Stop day-dreaming all the time. It is
unhealthy!

ALICE
Nonsense is far better than anything you’ve been telling me! I can day-dream if I want to.

ALICE’S MOM
You can’t just go throughout your life playing games of fantasy and grandeur. You make no
time for those who care deeply for you. You need to grow up!

ALICE
I don’t want to grow up! Grown-ups are so dull! You have no fun at all!
 6.

SISTER
You can be so cruel to us you know! Just because you think you’re the prettiest doesn’t mean
that you can demean your own sibling.
ALICE
I am prettier than you! You just can’t admit it!

ALICE’S FRIEND
Stop it! I don’t want to play with you, Alice! You’re horrid!

ALICE
And you all are a bunch of fuddy-duddy’s.

ALL
You’re such a stubborn girl, Alice!!

ALICE
(Distraught and thinking while talking to her cat)
I’M NOT STUBBORN! YOU ALL ARE!!! Humph! Oh, Dinah! It’s awfully dreadful! They’ll
never understand me. “Oh, you wicked, wicked little thing! Really, we really ought to have
taught you better manners.” That’s all I hear from my parents! They never talk about what I
want. And my sister is no help either. She always wants me to be just like her! I’m nothing like
her yet she constantly is bombarding me with her constant talks on proper etiquette. And then
there are my so-called friends. It’s not my fault I know so much and they so little. I know so
much about things that nobody else cares for. Well I care for them even if I have to care for them
by myself. Oh, I wish there was a way I could escape from all this: No more manners, no more
rules, and no more sense…wait! Yes, that’s it, Dinah! If I had a world of my own, everything
would be nonsense! Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn’t. And,
contrariwise, whatever it would be it wouldn’t be and whatever it wouldn’t be it would. Don’t
you see, Dinah? Well, if only such a place existed. I would give anything to go to a place like
that.

CHESHIRE CAT
(To himself, and offstage but can be heard by Alice)
Predictably rash, curious, and confused as ever...with brain hard as steel yet light as a
feather…come to me, Alice. I’ll show you to the true measure of your madness.

ALICE
What was that do you suppose? I wonder where it’s coming- OH! Oh, dear me…

Alice jumps with surprise to see the

Cat leaning against a tree just
looking at her and smiling.
 7.

CHESIRE CAT
Hello, Alice.

The Cat jumps in front of Alice

and just looks at her and continues
to smile. Alice backs up a bit.

ALICE
(Intimidated)
Y-you know my name…but…I’ve never met you before…whatever it is you are…

CHESIRE CAT
Of course you haven’t. We’ve just met. Makes you wonder why I know your name, doesn’t it?

ALICE
Well, yes. It does make me wonder…wonder.

CHESIRE CAT
(Sort of mocking)
Wonder wonder wonder! I couldn’t help but listen to yourself talking to your delightful friend
about something truly sorrowful.

ALICE
(Looking at her cat)
OH!

CHESIRE CAT
But no worries, I’m no-one to judge and yet I am someone to judge all together. After all, you
haven’t even asked me a question. You’re more than deserving of it.

ALICE
(Suspiciously inquiring)
Are you…a cat?

CHESIRE CAT
A Cheshire cat, my dear; but please don’t try to figure me out…you’ll only exhaust yourself.
Now let’s not dwindle on such boring topics. Let’s talk about you. That is what you like isn’t it?

ALICE
(Sort of embarrassed)
Well I-

CHESIRE CAT
What if I was to tell you that I could help you with your little…problem?
 8.

ALICE
(Very suspicious)
What do you mean?

CHESIRE CAT
I can give you exactly what you want: an escape from this very dull world where everyone does
nothing but pester you and tell you what to. Doesn’t that sound wonderful?

ALICE
(Considering but then retracts her thoughts)
It does actually. But I don’t see how anyone could possibly-

CHESIRE CAT
Who’s to say that things are possible? I deal in the things that are indeed impossible. I’m not one
for giving things out for free. A free sample merely shows you the possibility of utter
disappointment. So why don’t we cut a little deal.

ALICE
(Worried and suspicious)
A deal?

CHESIRE CAT
Yes, now here’s the deal: I will give you your world of nonsense where you never have to be part
of societal norms ever again. In exchange, I take one thing from you. Think of it as…a trade.

ALICE
(Needing to know)
What will take from me?

CHESIRE CAT
Oh, just a token, merely a trifle. You won’t even miss it.

ALICE
Oh, well as long as it’s nothing important like my hair or my shoes or even my fancy dresses. A
girl like me always needs to make a good appearance. I need those things you know. One cannot
possibly live without those necessities.

CHESIRE CAT
Quite; …have we got a deal?

ALICE
(I don’t see why not)
…Alright. I don’t see how you can do anything. But I’ve never seen a cat that could smile so it
may be possible.
 9.

CHESHIRE CAT
Nothing’s impossible, Alice. Now listen. This is important. In a few moments a Rite Whabbit
will appear in a hurry. Follow it.

ALICE
Um, don’t you mean “White Rabbit?”

CHESHIRE CAT
What are you talking about? What rabbit? Oh, never mind. Just be on the lookout for that Rite
Whabbit and follow it urgently. You’ll know it when you see it. It’s wearing a waist coat. Ta-ta,
Alice. I am sure we will meet again soon. Remember to never look back and always ahead. Look
forward to what you feel…. Or look back at what you dread.

The Cat walks away from Alice

not turning his head until he is off
stage.

ALICE
So strange, I didn’t know cats could smile. Nor did I think there would be White Rabbits with
waist coats…oh, excuse me…Rite Whabbits.

Suddenly from the other side of the

stage, the Cat (disguised as the
White Rabbit) runs around the stage
for a bit looking frantically at his
watch now and again.

WHITE RABBIT
Oh goodness! Oh my fur and whiskers! I’m late! I’m late! I’m late!

ALICE
(Acting motherly to her cat)
A waist coat and a watch! Most curious. No, Dinah. Stay here. I’ll be back shortly…I hope. Mr.
Rabbit! Wait! Where are you going!?

The White Rabbit speeds past

Alice in a flash and makes his way
to the other side of the stage.

WHITE RABBIT
No, no, no, no! I’m overdue! I’m really in a stew! No time to say goodbye, hello! I’m late! I’m
late! I’m late!

The White Rabbit dives into stage

left as if diving into a hole. Alice
runs to far stage left and kneels down
 10.

as if looking into a hole and begins

to crawl into it. The stage blacks out
as Alice speaks.

ALICE
He must have gone down here. But what a peculiar thing to hide in! It’s not very deep…wait, yes
it is very deep I feel like I’m…I’m…I’m falling! AAAAAAGGGHH!!

ALICE’S DAD
(Echoed)
Stop day-dreaming!

ALICE’S MOM
(Echoed)
It’s time to grow up!

SISTER
(Echoed)
Why can’t you understand!

FRIEND
(Echoed)
You’re so stubborn!

ALL
(Echoed)
So stubborn! So stubborn! So stubborn!

CHESHIRE CAT
A shattered mirror can be re-assembled. A little paste and a lot of patience make all the
difference…though perhaps not in this case.

As the stage is still black, trees are

wheeled into position along with the
door from the beginning. A
loud thump is heard and the lights go
up revealing ALICE on the ground.
 11.

SCENE 2

ALICE (Cont.)
Oof! Oh dear me, I must have fallen a long time to have landed so softly. After this I shall think
nothing of falling downstairs. No time for that. Now where is that Rabbit? He couldn’t have
gotten far. I wonder where exactly I am. Have I landed where people walk upside down? Oh
that’s just silly. Oh...I feel so strange. What’s happened to me…that fall really shook me up.

The Cat walks behind her without

her realizing and stands there as she
talks.

CHESHIRE CAT
You are much more than shaken up…or perhaps you are less now that you have finished your
fall. Some things are meant to be lost if they are not understood. I did just say we would meet
again. I am a cat of my word.

Alice jumps at the Cat’s line and

backs up a bit.

ALICE
(Demanding an answer)
So, what are you saying? What’s going on? Where am I?

CHESHIRE CAT
You haven’t figured it out yet? Oh, this is absolutely marvelous. You’re making this easy for me.

ALICE
Wait a minute; you know exactly what I lost and you know where I am! Tell me right now! This
is becoming very uncomfortable very fast.

CHESHIRE CAT
Why Alice, you have such a sharp tongue! I wouldn’t suspect anything less from you. You, my
child are in Wonderland! As a cat of my word I have given you the haven of nonsense, the
kingdom of crazy, the world of nothing more than the maddest of qualities!

ALICE
Hmph! It sounds like a rather silly place. The deal is off, cat. I have no more time to waste. Now
if you excuse me I’ll be taking my leave by waking up from this dream.

CHESHIRE CAT
Oh! You think this is a dream? Now that is crazy to say. You’re going to fit in just fine!

Alice goes to the door and tries to

open it but it seems to be locked.
 12.

ALICE
Open this door, cat!

CHESHIRE CAT
And why would I do that? Actually it pains me to tell you that I cannot open it…nor would I
want to. You cannot leave…not now...

ALICE
And why not!

CHESHIRE CAT
You cannot leave because you have lost something that is indeed irreplaceable. Without it, you
cannot possibly live.

ALICE
Well, go on! What is it!

CHESHIRE CAT
You already know what you have lost! Or perhaps you are too ignorant and childish to what it is
that you have lost. Listen deep within you and tell me what you do not hear anymore. Try finding
the beat to the rhythm…if you catch my drift….Oh I do hope it’s nothing not worth losing as
you’ve said many times.

ALICE
…my heart….I can’t hear my heart beat.

CHESHIRE CAT
Ah, now you’re catching on.

ALICE
What…what did you do!

CHESHIRE CAT
Don’t you remember our deal? I got what I wanted from you the moment you fell into that rabbit
hole. And now this world is made because of your…sacrifice. Love is now nothing but a stranger
to you. Not that it mattered much to you anyways. I bet it feels so liberating to know that you
have no need to feel love. So sit back and relax. You have what you wanted and so do I. “The
train is coming with its shiny cars, comfy seats, and wheels of stars. So hush my little one, have
no fear. The man in the moon is the engineer.”

ALICE
No…no! This isn’t…you better tell me where my heart is right now!

CHESHIRE CAT
Oh no no no. I can’t do that. That isn’t how deals work, Alice.
 13.

ALICE
You’re nothing but a cheeky cat! I want my heart back now!

CHESHIRE CAT
Why?

ALICE
Because…because…well I don’t know! That’s why! Now give it back!

CHESHIRE CAT
Well since you asked so politely…how badly do you want it back?

ALICE
I’ll pull that smile right off your face if you don’t tell me!

The Cat stands and ponders a bit

just to get Alice more riled up with
her demanding for her heart
back.

CHESHIRE CAT
Hmm…tell you what: how about a little game?

ALICE
A game? What kind of game?

CHESHIRE CAT
This world of yours is your game field. Somewhere deep within it I have hidden what you have
lost. If you are able to back what you find precious to you, I’ll let you go home. But if you
cannot find it in the time I provide…then you have to stay here…forever.

ALICE
(Afraid)
And how much time do I have?

CHESHIRE CAT
Hmm…I think I’ll keep that information to myself…just to keep you on edge.

ALICE
But why!? You’re being unfair!

CHESHIRE CAT
In here, there’s no such thing as a “fair” game. Not in this world. There is no sense here. You
will learn that in time. And you might as well accept my terms…otherwise you will be trapped
here. So will you play with me? Please?
 14.

ALICE
(Thinking for a moment)
Alright, fine! I’ll play your odious game, only because I want to go home!

CHESHIRE CAT
For now you want to…now hurry along through that door. Your precious treasure awaits your
rescue, Alice. But be careful. Only a very few find the way and some don’t even recognize it
when they do…some don’t ever want to. Let your need guide your behavior. Suppress your
instinct to lead…and pursue the Rabbit…

Alice runs off stage. The

Cat stays behind and pulls out a
small, black heart and holds it in his
hands.

(Chuckling to himself)
Hm, such a fragile thing. It brings joy to some and breaks others into such sorrow. It may be
fragile but it is also very unstable. A puppet never realizes that it has strings or understands why
it moves so abruptly. The puppet master decides every step its slave will make. The pieces are
set and the game board is ready…it’s time to play and white always goes first…your move
Alice...

ALICE’S DAD
(Disappointed)
You’re such a stubborn girl, Alice.

The Cat walks through the door

himself and proceeds to transform
into the RABBIT again. Alice
appears on stage again from the
opposite side of the Cat.

SCENE 3

ALICE
Oh, this is useless. I have absolutely no idea where to go or where to look. And that cat, oh that
cat! I’ll give him a good kick if I see him again.

WHITE RABBIT
I’m late! I’m late! I’m late!

ALICE
The rabbit! Oh, Mr. Rabbit! Wait! Drat! I’ll never catch him at this rate!

Alice runs around to the other side

of the stage. The CAT (as
 15.

TWEEDLEDUM and
TWEEDLEDEE) is standing
onstage perfectly still behind her.

ALICE (Cont.)
I wonder if he’s hiding. Maybe in here, no. Oh! My, what curious figures.

The Tweedles jump as Alice is

examining their collars and she is
started by it.

TWEEDLEDUM
If you think we’re wax works you ought to pay you know!

The Tweedles nudge each other

each time they finish a line of
dialogue.

TWEEDLEDEE
Contrariwise if you think we’re real you ought to speak to us!

BOTH
That’s logic!

ALICE
I’m sure I’m very sorry...but I-

Tweedledum begins to recite

with Tweedledee as if Alice
had not spoken at all.

TWEEDLEDUM
Tweedledum and Tweedledee agreed to have a battle;

TWEEDLEDEE
For Tweedledum said Tweedledee had spoiled his nice new rattle.

ALICE
Um, I really don’t understand but I must-

TWEEDLEDUM
Just then flew down a monstrous crow, as black as a tar barrel

TWEEDLEDEE
Which frightened both the heroes so,
 16.

BOTH
They quite forgot their quarrel.

ALICE
Hmm, that’s quite a little story for a couple of…siblings I guess.

TWEEDLEDUM
I know what you’re thinking about, but it isn’t no how.

TWEEDLEDEE
Contrariwise, if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t.

BOTH
That’s logic!

ALICE
Well, if that’s all then I must go now

TWEEDLEDUM
You’re beginning backwards

TWEEDLEDEE
The first thing in a visit is to say…

The Tweedles wag Alice’s

arms wildly around and hop around
her a little bit as they do their little
number.

BOTH
(Sing songish)
“How d’ye do?” and shake hands, shake hands, shake hands. “How d’ye do?” and shake hands
and state your name and business. That’s manners!

ALICE
Really? Well, my name is Alice, and I’m looking for my-

TWEEDLEDUM
You like recitations?

ALICE
Well, yes I do. But I-
 17.

TWEEDLEDEE
What shall we repeat to her?

TWEEDLEDUM
How about…“The Walrus and the Carpenter” that’s a good one

TWEEDLEDEE
Perfect!

ALICE
But, wait, I don’t want-

TWEEDLEDEE
Sit down now, this’ll be a real treat for you! Let’s begin!

The Tweedles push her into a seat

and the stand in center stage as they
begin their story. A spotlight shines
on the Tweedles.

TWEEDLEDUM
The sun was shining on the sea shining with all its might

TWEEDLEDEE
He did his very best to make the billows smooth and bright.

TWEEDLEDUM
And this was odd, because it was

BOTH
The middle of the night!

TWEEDLEDUM
The Walrus and the Carpenter were walking close at hand

TWEEDLEDEE
They wept like anything to see such quantities of sand:

TWEEDLEDUM
“If this were only cleared away,” they said, “it surely would be grand!”
 18.

TWEEDLEDEE
“Mr. Walrus”, the carpenter said, “my mind begins to perk…we’ll sweep this clear in half the
year…if you don’t mind doing the work.”

TWEEDLEDUM
“The time has come,” the walrus said, “to talk of other things: of shoes and ships and ceiling wax
and cabbages and kings. And why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings. Calloo!
Callay! No work today! With the cabbages and kings!

The Tweedles act as if a group of

oysters are coming to their feet.

TWEEDLEDEE
“O oysters, come and walk with us!” the Walrus did beseech. “A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk
along the briny beach. We cannot do with more than four, to give a hand to each.” But mother
Oyster winked her eye and shook her heavy head – meaning to say she did not choose to leave
the oyster bed.

TWEEDLEDUM
But four young Oysters hurried up, all eager for the treat. Their coats were brushed, their faces
washed their shoes were clean and neat and this was odd, because you know,

TWEEDLEDEE
They hadn’t any feet. Four other Oysters followed them and yet another four and thick and fast
they came at last and more, and more, and more – all hopping through the frothy waves, and
scrambling to the shore.

The Tweedles march around and

look back as if the oysters were
following them. When they get off
the stage an “OMNOM NOM NOM”
is heard off stage. The Tweedles
come back with a handkerchief in
hand.

TWEEDLEDUM
(Hiccups)
I weep for you,” the walrus said: “I deeply sympathize for I’ve enjoyed your company more than
you realize.” With sobs and tears he snorted out those of the largest size, holding his pocket-
handkerchief before his streaming eyes.

TWEEDLEDEE
“O Oysters,” said the Carpenter, “You’ve had a pleasant run! Shall we be trotting home again?”
But answer there came none – and this was scarcely odd, because…
 19.

BOTH
They’d eaten every one! The end!

ALICE
That was a very sad story. But I liked the Walrus best because you see he was a little sorry for
the poor oysters.

TWEEDLEDUM
He at more than the Carpenter, though.

ALICE
Oh, then I liked the Carpenter best.

TWEEDLEDEE
But he ate as many as he could get. This is what happens when two of a pair fights to see who
can be better than the other.

TWEEDLEDUM
But you know that I’m the best, brother!

TWEEDLEDEE
Keep that up and I’ll knock your block off!

SISTER
(Offstage)
I may be the oldest, but I do love you very much.

ALICE
(A little sad with a pain in her chest)
Oh…yes, I see…

TWEEDLEDUM
Would you like another one?

ALICE
(Distracted by the Tweedles)
Oh no, I couldn’t ask for…

BOTH
“You are Old Father William”! First Verse!

TWEEDLEDUM
You are old, Father William, the young man said, and your hear has become very white; and yet
you incessantly stand on your head do you think at your age it is right?
 20.

TWEEDLEDEE
In my youth, Father William replied to his son, I’d do it again and again and again and again and
again and again…

CHESHIRE CAT
What two fighting siblings or friends don’t know is that not one is right and not one is
wrong…turns out that they are both rather stupid to start fighting in the first place.

The stage trees move around again.

SCENE 4

WHITE RABBIT
Mary Anne! Oh, drat! Where is that girl? Mary Anne!

ALICE
The Rabbit! Oh Mr. Rabbit! I need your help. Could you please…

The White Rabbit is looking

around while Alice is talking. Once
he sees her he stomps over to her
very crossly.

WHITE RABBIT
Why, Mary Anne! What are you doing out here!?

ALICE
(Confused)
Mary Anne?

The Rabbit starts shoving her to

the other side of the stage in a hurry.

WHITE RABBIT
Don’t just do something! Stand there! No no! Go get my gloves! I’m late!

ALICE
But I need you to tell me –

WHITE RABBIT
My gloves! At once! Wait! Drink this! Now go! Go! Do you hear!

ALICE
Goodness! I suppose I’ll be taking orders from Dinah next.

Alice exits.
 21.

CHESHIRE CAT
(Jealous)
Heh! Dinah, you are quite a precious friend to her aren’t you? It’s amazing that you listen to her.
She’s quite the beastly girl. I suppose she has to have “some” friend to listen to her selfish
problems. I do envy you. Now, let’s see, ah yes…that should be enough of an adjustment. The
whole world is quite vast to man…but the humble hill is the universe to the comprehension of a
blossom…everyone knows that.
The Cat runs off stage chuckling to
himself. Alice appears on stage
again with a group of talking flowers
standing perfectly still as if they
were ordinary flowers. When Alice
mentions seeing a bug she will look
as if it is flying around her head as
the buzzing sound effect is played.

SCENE 5

ALICE
Oh dear, now where do you suppose I am. Wait a minute. Have I…well…now I know how an
ant feels when he’s off to make his queen happy with a crumb of bread. But I can’t go on this
search as small as this. What am I to do? Oh look at that, it’s a…curious butterfly?

ROSE
(Remaining frozen in place)
Bread and butterfly you mean

ALICE
OH! Who do you suppose that was? Oh that’s a horsefly…a rocking horse fly!

LILY
Naturally!

ALICE
I beg your pardon, but what did you… oh nonsense, flowers can’t talk

ROSE
(Super sweet)
But of course we can talk, my dear

IRIS
(Self-important)
If there’s anyone worth talking to
 22.

LILY
(As if thinking about a cute guy and giggling)
Or about!

ALICE
Can all flowers talk?

IRIS
As well as you can and a great deal louder!

ROSE
You can learn a lot of things from the flowers you know! We are prone to hear many things
given that most don’t realize we can hear them…leads to much gossip that’s for sure!

ALICE
Really? Like what?

LILY
Well, bread and butter flies kiss the tulips only in the month of June,

IRIS
Tiger lilies love the Dandy lions in the spring…that is if the dandy lion doesn’t shed that year.

ROSE
There are dogs and caterpillars and a copper centipede

LILY
Daisies are lazy in the summer sun.

ROSE
Violets are shy around their buds.

IRIS
And don’t even get us going on about those dizzy daffodils!

ALICE
(Impressed. Wincing with pain at the end of her line)
That’s amazing! I shall have debates with my mother’s posies when I get home…oh…my
mother.

ALICE’S MOM
Alice…please. You’re making me very sad.
 23.

CHESHIRE CAT
(Hidden)
Seek and ye shall find as they say…but they never say “what” you’ll find…

LILY
What kind of garden do you come from?

ALICE
(Getting over her pain)
Oh, I’m not from a garden.

LILY
Do you suppose she’s a wild flower?

ALICE
Oh, I’m not a wild flower

ROSE
Of what species or, shall we say, genus are you, my dear?

ALICE
I guess you could say that I’m a genus, humanus…Alice!

LILY
Have you ever seen an “Alice” with a bloom like that?

IRIS
Come to think of it, have you ever, seen an “Alice”?

LILY
(Messing with Alice’s outfit)
And did you notice her petals? What a peculiar color!

IRIS
(Picks up a bit of her hair and sniffs it)
And no fragrance

ROSE
(Exclaiming at her ankles)
Oh, just look at those stems!

IRIS
Rather scrawny, I’d say.
 24.

ALICE
But I’m not a flower

IRIS
(Accusation and then gossips to the other flowers)
AHA! Just as I suspected. She’s nothing more than a common mobile vulgaris!

ROSE AND LILY

(As if a nerdy boy is in front of them)
Oh, No!

ALICE
A common what?

IRIS
(Blunt)
To put it bluntly: a weed.

ALICE
(Insulted)
I am not a weed!

LILY
(Not surprised at her response)
Well, you wouldn’t expect her to admit it

ALL FLOWERS
(Clamoring to one another like high school girls)
Can you imagine! Well Goodness! Don’t let her stay here! Nasty things, weeds! We don’t want
weeds in our bed! Go one shoo shoo! Go away!

ALICE
(Very Hurt)
Well fine, if that’s how you really feel! But if I were my right size I’d pick every one of you!
That’d teach you! You can learn a lot of things from the flowers. Hmph! I suppose they could
learn a thing or two about manners.

Smoke begins to appear and the

CATERPILLAR is seen smoking
and singing on top of a mushroom.
Alice goes up to him and sits on a
mushroom beside the one the
Caterpillar is on to listen.
 25.

CATERPILLAR
(Not even noticing Alice at first)
A puff of passion. A scent of sorrow. Will the sun bask in the valley of tomorrow? A whiff of
woe and a jolt of joy. Great hookah! Spring forth your songs to employ! Who are you?

ALICE
I – I hardly know, Sir, just at present – at least I know who I was when I got up this morning. But
I’ve changed so many times since then.

CATERPILLAR
What do you mean by that? Explain yourself.

ALICE
I can’t explain myself, I’m afraid, Sir, because I’m not myself, you see

CATERPILLAR
I do not see

ALICE
I’m afraid I can’t put it more clearly, for I can’t understand it myself, to begin with; being the
same one moment and different the next. It’s so very confusing.

CATERPILLAR
It is not.

ALICE
Well it is to me.

CATERPILLAR
Why?

ALICE
Well, I can’t remember things that I used to, and…

CATERPILLAR
Recite.

ALICE
Oh, yes sir. Ahem. How doth the busy bee improve his shining…

CATERPILLAR
Stop! That is not spoken correctically. It goes like this.
 26.

When the Caterpillar begins,

he notices that there is no smoke
coming out of his hookah. So he
shakes it up. This makes Alice
laugh. He begins reciting.

CATERPILLAR (Cont.)
How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail? And pour the waters of the Nile, on every
golden scale. How cheerfully he seems to grin, how neatly he spreads his claws and welcomes
little fishes in, with gently smiling jaws.

ALICE
(Confused)
Well, I must say I’ve never heard it said like that before

CATERPILLAR
(Pompous)
I know. I have improved it.

FRIEND
(Voice)
Know-it-all!

ALICE
(Wincing in pain)
Well, if you ask me…

CATERPILLAR
You? Who Are You?

ALICE
(Fed up)
I told you I don’t…Oh forget it! I’m done with this.

CATERPILLAR
You, girl! Wait! Come back! I have something important to say!

Alice comes back in a huff to hear

what the Caterpillar has to say.

ALICE
(Impatient)
Well?

CATERPILLAR
Keep your temper.
 27.

ALICE
(Really annoyed)
Is that all?

CATERPILLAR
No. exactically what is your problem?

ALICE
Well, I want to get back to normal height and continue my search.

CATERPILLAR
Why?

ALICE
Well, three inches high isn’t a very good height.

CATERPILLAR
(Angrily)
I am exactically three inches high! And it is a very good height INDEED!! Ahem. One side will
make you grow taller…

ALICE
(Confused)
One side of what?

CATERPILLAR
And the other side will make you grow shorter.

ALICE
(Asking louder)
The other side of what!?

CATERPILLAR
(Furiously annoyed)
THE MUSHROOM OF COURSE!!!!

The Caterpillar walks off stage

leaving the hookah behind and
holding his end off the ground.
Alice looks at the mushroom the
Caterpillar had been sitting on and
takes two pieces off.
 28.

ALICE
(Concerned at first but then does not care then realizes she needs to hurry)
Oh, here we are. Let me see. Which side is which? Oh, this is ridiculous. I’ll just try one and be
off with it. Besides, I’m tired of being three inches high! OH! Am...Am I back to normal?

CHESHIRE CAT
(Hidden)
I find that highly doubtful.

ALICE
At this rate, I shall forget what normal is! This pain I’ve been feeling…is this what it’s like to
have no heart…shall I ever be the same again? I must hurry!

Alice exits and the Cheshire cat

comes back on stage watching her
again. He is smoking the hookah of
the caterpillar.

ALICE’S DAD
It’s time for you to grow up, Alice!

CHESHIRE CAT
Yes, hurry along, dear Alice. Time is of the essence! The time has come to time yourself
accordingly and the time is drawing near….I do believe I’ve made quite a mess. Time is not
doing its job. This doesn’t come as a surprise really. I feel that she would be delighted to see a
more familiar face. Once a face meets another…that face shall never leave the mind of the
beholder…my thoughts exactly…

Alice walks on again looking at the

signs that are on the trees. She is
confused since they don’t just show
left and right but up, down, and any
other way available.

SCENE 6

ALICE
Now, where am I to go now? I feel like I’m just walking in circles in this crazy place. But which
way is the…

The Cat is singing without

appearing yet. Alice can hear him
and begins to be very intent in
finding where he’s hiding.
 29.

CHESHIRE CAT
‘Twas brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe. All a mimsy were the
borogroves and the mome wraths outgrabe.

ALICE
I’d recognize that voice anywhere. Show yourself you mangy thing!

The Cat appears behind her and taps her

on the shoulder. This makes her jump and
turn sharply to him.

CHESHIRE CAT
Lose something?

ALICE
(Fumed)
“Lose” something! That “something” you are referring to is something you STOLE from me! If
you were in my world you would be charged indefinitely for theft!

CHESHIRE CAT
You wouldn’t be able to charge me…you wouldn’t “have the heart” to do so!

ALICE
Ugh!

CHESHIRE CAT
Besides, I never get involved in politics. I suppose you need SOME assistance if this is going to
be any fun for me. You may know a lot but, as you already must know, I sure don’t need a
weathervane to tell where the wind blows. How about a little hint? I won’t tell you where your
precious treasure is…

ALICE
(With a “Hmph”)
Well then you are no help to me! I can find it on my own!

SISTER
You’re such a stubborn girl, Alice!

CHESHIRE CAT
…however, I will give you a direction on where to go to get out of this wooded glen…maybe.
Since knowing where you’re going is preferable to being lost…ask and.
 30.

ALICE
(Frustrated but needs help)
Fine, tell me!

CHESHIRE CAT
Ah ah ah, not until you ASK politely first.

ALICE
(Gritting her teeth)
Alright, Chesshire Cat, would you tell me PLEASE which way I ought to go from here?

CHESHIRE CAT
Well, that depends a good deal on where you want to get to.

ALICE
(Knew this was going to go this way)
I don’t much care where I –

CHESHIRE CAT
Then it really doesn’t matter which way you go!

ALICE
(Trying to get an answer)
Well as long as I can get somewhere

CHESHIRE CAT
You’re sure to do that if you walk far enough.

ALICE
Ugh! You’re enjoying this way too much!

CHESHIRE CAT
Oh, by the way. If you’d really like to know…he went that way.

ALICE
Who did?

CHESHIRE CAT
The Rite Whabbit

ALICE
He did?

CHESHIRE CAT
He did what?
 31.

ALICE
Go that way.

CHESHIRE CAT
Who did?

ALICE
The White Rabbit!

CHESHIRE CAT
What rabbit?

ALICE
But didn’t you just say…oh never mind! You can go now. I’m already very much on edge as of
late…no thanks to you.

CHESHIRE CAT
Perfect, when you’re not on edge, you’re taking up too much space. Never let someone drive you
mad…it’s nearby anyways and the walk is good for you.

ALICE
Beastly thing!

CHESHIRE CAT
However, if I were looking a white rabbit, I’d ask the Mad Hatter. He lives that way.

ALICE
A “mad” Hatter, oh no, I don’t think I would want to –

CHESHIRE CAT
Oh, there’s also the March Hare in that direction.

ALICE
Oh, then I will go visit him then. Goodbye –

CHESHIRE CAT
Of course, he’s mad too.

ALICE
But I don’t want to go among “mad” people

CHESHIRE CAT
(Leaning up close to Alice to frighten her a bit)
Oh you can’t help that. We’re all mad here! You may have noticed that I’m not all
there…myself. Ah ha ha ha ha ha. And you’re mad too you know.
 32.

ALICE
(Insulted)
What a rude thing to say!

CHESHIRE CAT
(Snarky)
Good thing you’re calling the kettle black. It’s almost time for tea at March Hare’s residence.

ALICE
(Trying to justify her sanity)
And how exactly am I mad?

CHESHIRE CAT
You must be, or you wouldn’t have come here.

ALICE
You made me come here!

CHESHIRE CAT
Actually, I didn’t. You came here of your own free will. You didn’t have to follow that rabbit.
You didn’t have to fall into that hole.

ALICE
Alright, fine! And how do you know that you’re mad minus what I’ve already gathered from
your despicable character?

CHESHIRE CAT
Well, when a dog growls, he is angry. And when he wags his tail he is happy. I growl when I’m
happy and wag my tail when I’m angry. Therefore, I’m mad.

ALICE
I believe it’s called purring, not growling.

CHESHIRE CAT
Call it what you like. Now I do believe you should be going to visit the March Hare, correct?

ALICE
Well, I suppose I must. I will win this “game” of yours. Just you watch!

CHESHIRE CAT
Oh believe me, I will be.

Alice is about to walk off but the Cat

stops her.
 33.

CHESHIRE CAT
Oh, before you go, I have a question: How do you run from what’s inside your head?

ALICE
What are you talking about? I haven’t the foggiest idea of what that means.

CHESHIRE CAT
I thought so. Off you go now.

Alice leaves stage right towards

the way to the March Hare’s house.
The Cat stays and leans against one
of the trees and pulls out the heart
and is surprised to see that it is no
longer black but now gray.

CHESHIRE CAT (Cont.)

Indeed…where to run….how to run…why to run…Well, this wasn’t supposed to happen. And I
had been so careful too…yes…to careful. Yes…fear can make anyone do something
desperate…for is fear that will make the heart weak. And I do believe that my dear Alice is quite
afraid. We shall see just how afraid you can be of your own misgivings. Beware your
fear…Beware…the Jabberwock, my dear. The jaws that bite, the claws that catch, beware his
eyes of flame…for it is you he’s come to snatch! Run, Alice. Run! And the mome raths
outgrabe………………

A loud roar is heard off stage along

with the sound of a stomping noise.
Everything fades to black.

SISTER
(Sorrowful)
Why…why can’t you understand! I love you, Alice!

SCENE 7

The lights come on to reveal the

MAD HATTER, the MARCH
HARE, and the DORMOUS E
having a tea party singing “A Very
Merry Unbirthday”. ALICE enters in
as they are singing and stops to listen
before approaching them.

MARCH HARE
Wake up Dormy! It’s time for the tea party!
 34.

DORMOUSE
But it’s in the middle of my daily 23-hour nap…I should probably make it 24 now.

MAD HATTER
Come! Come! Let’s begin! Ahem! A round and round and round we fly!

MARCH HARE
Bring out the tea, and cakes, and pie!

MAD HATTER
Earl gray and jasmine too!

DORMOUSE
For it’s a merry unbirthday to you…

MAD HATTER
So pour the cups and serve the wine

MARCH HARE
For today’s the day that we shall dine!

MAD HATTER
Oolong, Chamomile, and herbal brew!

DORMOUSE
Let’s have a merry unbirthday to you…

The Hare and the Hatter begin

chatting with themselves. Their
elbows are on the sleeping
Dormouse.

ALICE
It must be very uncomfortable for the Dormouse. Only as it’s asleep, I suppose it doesn’t mind.

The Hatter and the Hare

hear ALICE and turn swiftly
to her and then start clamoring and
running around to the front of the
table to block ALICE.

BOTH
(Clamoring randomly)
No Room No Room! No Vacancy! No Room! NO ROOM!
 35.

ALICE
But I thought there was plenty of room! But it doesn’t matter; I haven’t the time for –

Hare grabs Alice and

sits her down at the head of the
table.

MARCH HARE
Ah but it’s very rude to sit down when not being invited.

MAD HATTER
I’ll say it’s rude! It’s very, very rude indeed!

DORMOUSE
(Sleepily)
Very, very rude indeed…

ALICE
But if there’s no room for me, then I must –

MARCH HARE
Have some wine!

ALICE
But I don’t see any wine.

MARCH HARE
There isn’t any

ALICE
It’s not very civilized to offer some if there isn’t any

MARCH HARE
It's not very civilized to sit when not being invited

MAD HATTER
I’ll say it’s not civilized. It’s very not civilized indeed…you must have a cup of tea!

MARCH HARE
(Pouring tea)
Yes, indeed! You must have a cup of tea!

ALICE
But I’m interrupting your birthday party, I really must be –
 36.

MARCH HARE
(Surprised and a little insulted)
Birthday!? My child this is NOT a birthday party!

MAD HATTER
Of course not! This is an unbirthday party!

ALICE
Unbirthday? What is that?

MARCH HARE
(Trying to explain but doesn’t seem to know it himself)
Well you see now…thirty days accept….uh….on a birthday if you have a birthday….she doesn’t
know what an unbirthday is!

MAD HATTER
You don’t! Well, I shall illuminate this query! Now statistics prove that you have but ONE
birthday.

MARCH HARE
That’s right, just one birthday every year!

MAD HATTER
Ah, but there are 364 unbirthdays!

MARCH HARE
This is exactly why we’re here to cheer!

ALICE
Oh, that makes absolutely no sense.

Hatter pulls out a pocket

watch from his hat and shakes it and
dips it in his tea.

MAD HATTER
Speaking of which, what day is it?

ALICE
Excuse me?

MAD HATTER
(Furiously)
WHAT DAY IS IT!?
 37.

ALICE
(Frightened)
Uh-uh the fourth!

MAD HATTER
Aha! Two days slow! This clock is two days slow!

MARCH HARE
Two days slow!?

ALICE
Two days slow? But why would a watch tell what day it is instead of the time?

MAD HATTER
Why not? Does your watch tell you what year it is?

ALICE
No, but –

MAD HATTER
(Calling for butter)
Of course! It needs some butter! BUTTER!

MARCH HARE
(Passing the message to Alice)
BUTTER!

Hare grabs a plate of

butter and passes it to Alice who
passes it to the Hatter. He
begins spreading it on the watch.

ALICE
(Worried for the sake of a nice watch)
Butter? But wait! You’ll get crumbs all over it!

MAD HATTER
But it’s the very best butter! Yes, there we go. Now, what else?

MARCH HARE
TEA!

MAD HATTER
OH! Tea! I forgot about tea! Oh! Earl Grey! Good year!
 38.

ALICE
(Urging)
But that’s going to –

MARCH HARE
JAM!

MAD HATTER
Jam, yes, jam! Very good! Not Strawberry, please!

ALICE
(Desperately urging)
Wait, you mustn’t do that!

MARCH HARE
SUGAR!

MAD HATTER
Oh! Two spoons please!

MARCH HARE
MUSTARD!

The Hatter takes the mustard but

during his line he stops and puts the
mustard away and grabs a slice of
lemon and squeezes it on the watch.

MAD HATTER
Mustard yes mus- MUSTARD!? Let’s not be silly. Lemon, that’s different. There! That should
do it!

The Hatter holds the watch

in his hands but then he starts to
shake violently as if the watch was
going crazy and starts running
around with the watch in his grasp.

MAD HATTER and MARCH HARE

Uh-oh! Look at that! Goodness! Oh dear! It’s going mad! The tea was too strong! It might have
been the jam! But it was the best butter! Mad watch! Mad watch! MAD WATCH!!
 39.

MARCH HARE
There’s only one way to stop a mad watch!

The March Hare takes out a

mallet and smashes the watch on the
table.

MAD HATTER
(As if nothing happened before the crazy watch)
It’s two days slow. That’s what it is.

The Hatter tosses the watch to Alice.

Alice looks at the broken thing and
is very annoyed.

ALICE
(Had enough and needs to go)
Well, great! Now the watch is ruined! Now as much as I have “loved” this neglect for manners
and any care for trinkets that keep time, I must –

MAD HATTER
Clean cup! Clean cup! Move down! Move DOWN!

The Mad Hatter grabs Alice’s

hand and runs around the table. The
March Hare follows close behind.
They end up right back in their
original spots. The Dormouse
stays asleep in his same chair.

MARCH HARE
Move down! Move down! Move DOWN!

ALICE
(Fixes her hair after quite a shock)
Goodness! You both have no manners!

MAD HATTER
Why is a raven like a writing desk?

ALICE
(Challenge accepted)
A riddle, now we shall have some fun. Let me see...
 40.

MAD HATTER
The Dormouse is asleep again!

The March Hare takes one of the

tea pots and pours some tea on the
Dormouse’s nose. The
Dormouse jolts and wakes up
only to fall asleep again after his
line.

DORMOUSE
(Awake at first but then falls asleep again)
Of course. Of course. It was the best butter indeed…

MAD HATTER
Have you guessed the riddle yet?

ALICE
Uh…I give up. What’s the answer?

MAD HATTER
I haven’t the faintest idea!

ALICE
(Annoyed)
You really shouldn’t waste time asking riddles you don’t know the answer to!

MAD HATTER
If you knew time as well as I, you wouldn’t dream of wasting “it”! It’s “him”!

ALICE
I don’t know what you mean.

MAD HATTER
Of course you don’t. I dare say you’ve never even spoken to Time.

ALICE
Perhaps not; but I know I have to beat time when I learn music.

MAD HATTER
Aha! That accounts for it! He won’t stand a beating. If you were on good terms with time you
could make an 8 hour day feel like a short 30 seconds. You needn’t worry about lessons for it
could be dinner time in a flash! Lessons have no importance when it’s dinner time! Everyone
knows that!
 41.

ALICE
I can’t imagine anyone wanting to do that.

MAD HATTER
(A nod to the audience)
I can, lots of people wish it were so. I could do it all the time…but sadly, not anymore.

ALICE
Why not? Did you have a fall out with time?

MAD HATTER
Indeed! We quarreled last March…just before “he” went mad. It was a great concert for the
queen of hearts! And I had to sing…

The trio starts to sing but it’s more

like yelling like maniacs in very poor
rhythm.

MAD HATTER, MARCH HARE, AND DORMOUSE

Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! How I wonder what you’re at!

MAD HATTER
I’m sure you’ve heard of it.

ALICE
I’ve heard something like it, but…

MAD HATTER
It goes on you know…like this!

MAD HATTER, MARCH HARE, AND DORMOUSE

Up above the world you fly! Like a tea tray in the sky! Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle…

The trio of lunatics continues

to sing “Twinkle” until
Alice’s next line.

ALICE
Are you quite done?

MAD HATTER
When, all of a sudden, the queen cries out, “He’s murdering the time! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!”

ALICE
How dreadful!
 42.

MAD HATTER
And now, time won’t do a thing I say! It’s always 6 o’ clock and we have no time to clean up the
dishes between meals!

ALICE
(Unfeeling)
Pity…

ALICE’S MOM
You make no time for those who care deeply for you!

MARCH HARE
I have an excellent idea! Let’s change the subject! I vote the lady should tell us a story.

ALICE
(Sure of herself at first but then comes to a horrible realization)
Oh, sure! I know a lot of wonderful stories….don’t I? Oh no! I feel as if I’m losing more and
more as time goes by…is time going by….am I drifting….floating….oh this pain! I can’t seem
to be rid of it!

As she is saying her last line, the

Cat, disguised as the Hatter,
looks into the heart again
without her seeing him do so since
she is very lost in thought. He then
puts it away to resume his role as the
Hatter.

CHESHIRE CAT
(Looking into the heart and talking to himself.)
Steps to enlightenment brighten the way. But the steps are steep. Take them one at a time.

MARCH HARE
Well if you can’t make polite conversation with a story…then the dormouse shall!

MAD HATTER AND MARCH HARE

Wake up, dormouse!
The two pinch the mouse on both his
arms and he springs awake.

DORMOUSE
Oh yes, quite right! I was going to remark that…myself…

MARCH HARE
Tell us a story, Dormouse!
 43.

MAD HATTER
And be quick about it, otherwise you may fall asleep again!

DORMOUSE
Once upon a time there were three sisters, whose names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie. And they
lived at the bottom of a well.

ALICE
What did they live on?

DORMOUSE
They lived on treacle.

ALICE
They couldn’t have done that. They would’ve gotten ill

DORMOUSE
So they were, very ill!

The Hatter jumps in Alice’s face

with a teapot and a cup. Alice
leans back a bit.

MAD HATTER
Would you like some more tea?

ALICE
(Pushes Hatter back a bit with her hand to his face…not a smack)
I haven’t had any. So I can’t possibly take more.

MARCH HARE
You mean you can’t take less.

MAD HATTER
That’s right! You can always take more than nothing!

DORMOUSE
So these three sisters were learning to draw.

ALICE
What did they draw?

DORMOUSE
Treacle! They also drew things that begin with the letter “M”.
 44.

ALICE
Why with the letter “M”?

MARCH HARE
(Furiously)
WHY NOT!?

DORMOUSE
They drew things such as mousetraps, the moon, and muchness. I’m sure you’ve seen much of
muchness such as a drawing of a muchness. Haven’t you?

ALICE
Now you ask me! I don’t think-

MAD HATTER
THEN YOU SHOULDN’T TALK!

As the Hatter says his line the

sound of her family is heard along
with him. Alice pauses before saying
her next line to process what she’s
heard.

MOTHER and FATHER

(Offstage)
We are your mother and father and we will not take this sitting down!

ALICE
That’s it! I’ve had it with you lunatics! I’m leaving!

As Alice is leaving, the Mad Hatter

and March Hare begin placing a tea
pot on the Dormouse’s head
laughing like maniacs.

ALICE (Cont.)
This has got to be the stupidest tea party I’ve ever been to in all my life!

MARCH HARE AND MAD HATTER

A very merry unbirthday…to US!!!

The stage goes dim and the trees

move around again. The table is
 45.

removed from the stage. The scene is

now very dark as Alice continues
her search. The sounds of different
creatures can be heard including the
sound of the Jabberwock.

SCENE 8

ALICE
(To the point of crying and then sobs a bit before she ends her line)
Um…I don’t suppose that this could be way out…or maybe that way. That noise…is it following
me! No! I must calm down! Oh, it’s useless! I’m lost again! This is awful! What if I never find
my …what was I looking for again? No, I can’t even remember what I was even doing in this
place! And what if I never get out!? Shall I never see my family again!? That noise. What is it?
And why am I so intent on running from it? It sounds so nasty. And…well…I guess I may have
been…a little nasty as well…to my family. And maybe I only wanted my own way and never
stopped to reason. Maybe they were just trying to advice on what the right thing to do is. But, I
give myself good advice all the time. Things like: if you hold a red-hot poker for too long, you
surely will get burnt. Or if you cut yourself with a knife deep enough, you’ll bleed. And
especially if you drink from a bottle marked poison…it is almost certain to disagree with you
sooner or later. Even if I gave myself all the advice in the world…I’d very seldom follow it. I
guess that’s how I always get into trouble! I’m here…because I wanted to be…well…you got
what you wanted…didn’t you, Alice? I want to see my family again…don’t I? I can’t even
remember what they look like! It’s that horrid cat’s fault! No, I can’t give in now! Pull yourself
together Alice! There will be no crying! Shame on you!

CHESHIRE CAT
(As a voice of “guidance”)
Confront what frightens or offends you; reckless or insulting talk should never go unchallenged.

Alice wipes the tears out of her eyes.

The WHITE KNIGHT (Cat)
rides on stage on a stick horse and
constantly falls off it. He is wearing
a helmet when he calls out to Alice.

WHITE KNIGHT
(Falls over again)
Ahoy! Ahoy! Check! Check!

ALICE
(Confused)
Hm?

WHITE KNIGHT
You there! Milady!
 46.

ALICE
(Hopeful)
A White Knight? Perhaps you have come to my rescue!

WHITE KNIGHT
(Falls over again)
That would be correct! Oof! I think! Now if I can just find my way back myself!

ALICE
You probably can’t see where you’re going. Would you mind removing your helmet so that I
may see my rescuer’s face?

WHITE KNIGHT
Certainly!

The Knight removes his helmet to

reveal his face. It is the Cat’s face
and at first Alice seems to recognize
him but then soon forgets as if
something compelled her to forget.
ALICE
(Shocked with confusion)
Huh!? The Cat!?

WHITE KNIGHT
Cat? Where! Oh, you think I’m a cat. Well I might have been one when I had my milk at
morning brunch…did I have brunch today? I swear, it’s as if I can’t even remember my morning
routine for….what day is it anyways…the fifth or the fourth…

ALICE
Oh, great. Another loony with no idea of where or who he is.

WHITE KNIGHT
(Falls over again)
Who are you calling a loony, milady! That is quite untrue! I am captain of the guard to the Queen
of Hearts!

ALICE
A Queen? I haven’t met any queen here yet! But perhaps the Queen of “Hearts” might know
where my –

WHITE KNIGHT
But let’s not dwell on that! Do you know what this is?
 47.

The White Knight takes out a

beehive from his satchel.

ALICE
Uh…yes!

WHITE KNIGHT
It’s my latest invention. If I hang it on a tree, bees should nest in it…or birds….possibly weasels.

ALICE
I doubt it.

WHITE KNIGHT
Have you seen this before, milady?

The Knight pulls out a mousetrap

and holds it close to Alice’s face.
She steps back with worry that it will
snap.

ALICE
Yes. It’s a -

WHITE KNIGHT
It’s a mousetrap. This will help the bees keep the mice away…or the mice keep the bees
away…vice versa…huh. I never thought about that yet.

ALICE
If you are done rambling, tell me more about this Queen you spoke of!

WHITE KNIGHT
(Falls over again)
The Queen, oh yes, the greatest and loudest monarch of all the land! Hearts are her thing…so
don’t take them lest you want her to take your head as a trade. All ways are her ways! She knows
everything and nothing at the same time! Her tarts are the most delicious of morsels in all the
land!

ALICE
Do you think she may know where my heart is? I know that sounds silly…but you probably are
used to things sounding silly.

WHITE KNIGHT
(Falls over again at the end of his line)
You lost your what!? Why, milady, for someone to have lost something that precious, you must
be a nervous wreck!
 48.

ALICE
Well, I’ll get there quicker if you don’t stop jabbering and help me out!

The sound of the Jabberwocky can

be heard faintly. Alice is startled by
it.

ALICE’S DAD
Always talking of things that make no sense!

WHITE KNIGHT
Oh, goodness! Milady, we must be on our way! The Queen’s croquet match is almost about to
begin and you must be in attendance at once! I shall lead you out of the woods and into the
queen’s garden. You’re on your own afterwards!

ALICE
But you haven’t even answered…

WHITE KNIGHT
Quick! Onward, milady! Ho Ho Ho!

The White Knight grabs

Alice’s hand and runs off with her
on stage. Before they get off stage,
the Knight falls over
again. Rolling her eyes, Alice picks
him back up again and the two head
off stage. The trees move around
again. They now have white roses
that are slightly painted red on
certain parts. Four CARD
SOLDIERS are singing as they are
painting the roses red. ALICE comes
on stage to see their work.

SCENE 9

CARDS 1-4
All day and night we paint the white off with the crimson red

TWO
We cannot sleep

FOUR
(Sorrowful)
We cannot eat
 49.

THREE
(Sorrowful)
But many tears we shed

ACE
(Sorrowful)
Yet do we know

TWO
(Sorrowful)
They’ll never grow. At least, that’s what we said

ALL
(Sobbing at first but then normal again)
All day and night we fix our plight and paint the roses red.

The Card, Two, accidentally bumps into

Three and a little bit of paint splashes him.
The other two cards, Ace and Four,
giggle to each other like kids on a
playground.

THREE
(Angry)
Look out now, two! Don’t go splashing paint all over me like that!

TWO
(Tattling)
I couldn’t help it! The Ace jogged my elbow.

ACE
(Very brat-like)
That’s right, Two! Always lay the blame on others!

TWO
You’d better not talk! I heard the Queen say only yesterday you deserved to be beheaded.

FOUR
What for?

ACE
That’s none of your business, Four!
 50.

TWO
Yes, it is his business. And I’ll tell him – it was for bringing the cook tulip roots instead of
onions!

ACE
Well, of all the unjust things –

THREE
That’s enough out of you both! Seriously, I’d rather get my head removed than have to listen to
you all bickering.

ALICE
Um, but pardon me, why Mr. Three, why must you paint the roses red?

ALL CARDS
(Confused at first but then have a realization)
Huh? OOOOOH!

THREE
(Planting a rose as he talks)
Well you see, the fact is, miss; we planted the white roses by mistake. And…

CARDS
(Painting in a hurried fashion while singing)
The queen, the queen, the vicious queen! Her roses must be red.

TWO
If these are white

FOUR
Within her sight

ACE
(Grim)
She’ll lop off all our heads

ALICE
(Shocked and scared)
Goodness!

CARDS
(Shaking and Scared)
So don’t just stand there! Hear our plea! Save all our heads and paint with glee!
 51.

Alice picks up a bucket of paint and a

brush to try and help the Card painters out.

ALICE
Oh dear! Yes, let me help you!

PAINTERS
From bush to bush and hedge to hedge our brushes swiftly flow!

THREE
From white to red

TWO
That’s what we said

FOUR and ACE

These roses are sure to go!

CARDS
So hurry on and quickly now!

ALICE
(somewhat in pain)
No dreamings in your head

THREE and ACE

We must not dilly

TWO and FOUR

Or dally today

ALICE
We’re painting the roses red!

ALL
(Finishing their song and work)
We’re painting the roses RED!

A trumpet sounds and the four

Painters go running in all different
directions in a panic!
 52.

CARDS
(Panicking)
THE QUEEN! THE QUEEN! MAKE WAY FOR THE QUEEN!!!

ALICE
The Queen!

A line of card-soldiers march to

the front of the stage in a
synchronized fashion. They march
for a bit and then circle around the
back of the stage and stand at
attention when the next line is called
out by one of the Captain’s
voice (Cat). The Painters and
Alice lay on the ground in
reverence.

WHITE KNIGHT
CARDS HALT! SOUND OFF!

SOLDIERS
(In unison)
ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX SEVEN EIGHT NINE TEN! JACK!

The White Rabbit, who appears

in a page uniform with
a scroll in hand. The Cat’s tail can
be seen by Alice.

ALICE
(Suspicious)
It’s the rabbit….wait…was that… his tail I just saw…no it couldn’t be.

WHITE RABBIT
(Out of breath but triumphantly)
Her imperial highness, her Excellency, her grace, her royal majesty: The Queen of Hearts!

All the Cards cheer loudly as the

QUEEN appears! The KING nudges
the Rabbit and points to himself.

(With little interest)

WHITE RABBIT (Cont.)
…and the King
 53.

A smaller cheer is heard. The

Queen then walks over to the
painted roses sinisterly and then
turns to the cards who were painting.

QUEEN
(Furiously)
Who’s been painting my roses red? WHO’S BEEN PAINTING MY ROSES RED!? Come clean
right now! I’ll show you how! I’LL TAKE YOUR STUPID HEAD! Someone must dread of
what I’ve said for painting the whole of the royal flower bed! Well!?

THREE
(Begging pointing at FOUR)
Oh no! Your majesty, please! It’s all her fault!

FOUR
(Laying the Blame)
Not me, your grace! The Ace! The Ace!

QUEEN
You?

ACE
(Acting innocent and blaming TWO)
No! Two!

QUEEN
The Deuce you say!?

TWO
(Blaming Three)
Not me! The Three!

QUEEN
(Furious)
THAT’S ENOUGH! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!

The Soldiers cheer as the four

Painters are carried off stage by a
couple of the card soldiers!

SOLDIERS
(Chanting)
Off! Off! Off with their heads! Off! Off! Off with their heads! Off! Off! Off with their –
 54.

QUEEN
(Furiously yelling)
SILENCE!!!

The Soldiers jump at the Queen’s line

and huddle up around each other in fear.
They get out of the way for the Queen and
King to see Alice.

ALICE
(Desperate to help the painters out)
Oh, please! Your majesty, they were just trying to…

QUEEN
(Interrupts and demanding)
And who is this!?

KING
(Trying to please his wife, he check’s Alice’s facial features.)
Well, let’s see who it is, my dear. It certainly isn’t a heart. Do you suppose it’s a club?

QUEEN
(Mood changes to being absolutely delighted)
Why, it’s a little girl!

ALICE
Um, yes. You see, I was hoping if you could –

QUEEN
(Demanding again)
Look up. Speak nicely. AND DON’T TWIDDLE YOUR FINGERS! Turn out your toes. Curtsy.
Open your mouth a little wider and always say, “YES, YOUR MAJESTY!”

ALICE
(Mimicking the queen)
Yes, your majesty!

QUEEN
(Sweet again)
Now, where do you come from and where are you going?

ALICE
Well, your majesty, I was trying to find my way –
 55.

QUEEN
(Surprised but amused then furious)
Your way? Oh, don’t be silly! In case you haven’t heard…ALL WAYS HERE ARE MY
WAYS!!!

ALICE
(Nervous)
Yes, I know. But I was just thinking –

QUEEN
(Mood shift to sweet again)
Curtsy while you’re thinking. It saves time.

ALICE
(Curtsies again)
Yes, your majesty. Now, if I may ask –

QUEEN
(Self-important)
I’ll ask the questions! Can you do addition?

ALICE
I’m sorry, what?

QUEEN
What’s one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one?

ALICE
I-I don’t know. I lost count.

KING
(Shocked)
She can’t do addition!

QUEEN
Can you do Subtraction? Take nine from eight!

ALICE
Nine from - I can’t, you know. But –

KING
She can’t do subtraction! Oh goodness!

QUEEN
Can you do Division! Divide a loaf by a knife!
 56.

ALICE
I suppose –

QUEEN
Times up! It is obviously bread and butter!

KING
(Over-complimenting)
Correct, my dear!

QUEEN
(Stern at first but then sweet at the end of the line)
We are through with lessons! Time for something different! Do you play croquet?

ALICE
(Nervous)
Um, a little bit. But –

QUEEN
(Triumphantly yelling)
THEN LET THE GAME BEGIN!

SCENE 10

KING
Places! Places, everyone! Hurry!

The Soldiers scurry around the stage

grouping in twos to make arches for
the game. A card soldier brings out
two balls and two flamingos to the
Queen and Alice. The Queen takes
the first shot and totally misses but
the crowd cheers for her. Alice takes
a shot but everybody boos her until
she actually makes a shot. The
Queen orders “Off with his head” to
the one card that cheers for her.

QUEEN
OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!

KING
(Acting as if he gave the order)
Off with his head. Off with his head. By order of the king…you heard what she said.
 57.

While the Queen takes her next turn,

the Cat appears and motions for
Alice. Alice, in a huff, stomps over
to him. In her huff, the sound of the
Jabberwock can be heard faintly.

CHESHIRE CAT
I say, how are you getting on?

ALICE
That’s quite enough of that, cat! I’m the one asking the questions this time! What exactly have
you been doing this whole time? As far as I know, you never show up unless you intend it. But I
may have seen you more than just those times, haven’t I?

CHESHIRE CAT
Whatever do you mean? I’ve just been minding my own business like any good cat would do.

ALICE
Are you sure? Because I’m starting to believe that you have a much bigger part in this “game”.
Wouldn’t you agree?

CHESHIRE CAT
(As if he didn’t hear her)
Beg pardon?

ALICE
(As loud as possible for him to hear it)
I SAID…

QUEEN
(Angrily annoyed)
WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO!?

ALICE
(Simply answering)
Oh, the Cheshire cat, your majesty

QUEEN
(Looking around)
Cat? What? Where?

ALICE
Right there!

QUEEN
Huh!?
 58.

ALICE
There he is again!

QUEEN
(Seething with fury)
I’m warning you, child: If I lose my temper…YOU’LL LOSE YOUR HEAD!
UNDERSTAND!?

ALICE
Y-yes your majesty

QUEEN
(Hungry)
All this yelling has made me hungry. BRING ME MY TARTS!

KING
The Tarts! The Tarts! Hurry now, by order of the king!

A CARD SOLDIER brings out a tray of

tarts and places them on a stand. The Queen
goes off to take her next turn. The Cat sees
the tarts and sneaks on over and eats them
up except for one. He goes back to Alice
again.

CHESHIRE CAT
You know, we could make her really angry. Shall we try?

ALICE
(Realizing how much trouble she’s in)
Wait…did you…YOU DIDN’T!

CARD SOLDIER
(Alert)
The tarts! The tarts! Someone has stolen the tarts!

QUEEN
WHAT!? WHO DARES TAKE MY DELICIOUS TARTS!? Hmm!?

The Queen starts sniffing like a

dog. She soon approaches Alice
and the Cat. As the Queen is closing
in on the Cat and Alice, the Cat
places the tart in Alice’s hands and
disappears during his next line.
 59.

CHESHIRE CAT
(Quickly and mischievously)
Hungry? Here you are! Bye!

ALICE
Wait! No! I didn’t –

QUEEN
AHA!

ALICE
(Smiling sheepishly)
Oh…hello, your majesty…

QUEEN
(Boiling up)
Someone’s head’s gonna roll for this…YOURS!!!

ALICE
(Begging for her life)
Oh no! Please, I didn’t –

QUEEN
(Furious but interrupted)
OFF WITH HER –

KING
(Interrupting the Queen)
Wait, consider, my dear. Couldn’t she have a trial first?

QUEEN
TRIAL!?

KING
(Pleading playfully to calm his wife down)
Just a small trial? Hm?

QUEEN
(Patting her husband’s head)
Oh, very well. LET THE TRIAL COMMENCE!!

The Card Soldiers move the trees off

stage and bring in a raised platform
with two chairs for the Queen and
King. Alice is moved the side in a
 60.

chair for the guilty party. The other

Card soldiers stand on one side of
the stage and acts as the jury. The
Bailiff makes his way in a
powdered wig towards the King’s
side of the platform.

SCENE 11

BAILIFF
(Official and referring to the audience when he says, “Loyal subjects”)
Your royal majesty, members of the jury, loyal subjects…

KING
(Desiring attention)
Ahem!

BAILIFF
(Uninterested in the Kings need for attention)
…and the King. The prisoner at the bar is charged with thievery of the Queen’s delicious tarts
thereby willfully starving, tormenting, and otherwise annoying our beloved…

QUEEN
(Wanting to hurry things along so she can do what she wants)
Don’t mind all that! Get to the part where I lose my temper!

BAILIFF
(Finishing quickly)
…thereby causing the Queen to lose her temper!

QUEEN
(Excited)
Now then, are you ready for your sentence?

ALICE
(Correcting)
Sentence? But there needs to be a verdict first!

QUEEN
(Her way of doing things)
SENTENCE FIRST! VERDICT AFTERWARDS!

ALICE
But that’s not the way –
 61.

QUEEN
(Furiously banging her gavel)
ALL WAYS ARE –

ALICE
(Finishing her sentence trying to appease her)
…y-your ways, your majesty.

QUEEN
Thank you…OFF WITH HER –

KING
(Interrupting and a desire to continue the trial)
Consider my dear. We have called no witnesses. Couldn’t we hear maybe one or two?

QUEEN
Oh, very well. BUT GET ON WITH IT!!

KING
First witness! First witness!

BAILIFF
The Tweedle Brothers

The Cat disguises himself as the Tweedles

quickly and proceeds to the witness stand.
Alice sees the process of the Cat
disappearing and the Tweedles appearing.
She seems very suspicious.

KING
(Questioning)
And what do you two know about this dreadful occurrence?

When the Tweedles answer, we hear the

dialogue of Alice’s sister. This acts as a
memory to Alice. What they actually say
is “nothing”.

SISTER
Sister, why can’t we ever get along? I know I’m the eldest but I do love you. Why can’t you see
that!?
 62.

ALICE
(Astonished and confused)
What did you…say?

TWEEDLES
Nothing, we know nothing.

QUEEN
Nothing whatever!?

TWEEDLES
NOTHING WHATEVER!

QUEEN
THAT’S VERY IMPORTANT!! Jury, write that down!

ALICE
Very Unimportant, your majesty means.

QUEEN
(Banging her gavel)
SILENCE!!

KING
Next witnesses!

BAILIFF
The Mad Hatter, March Hare, and the Dormouse

The Tweedles run off the stage

and the Cat transforms again into
the Mad Hatter and
accompanies the Hare and
Dormouse. The cat’s tail is visible to
Alice again.

ALICE
Wait a minute! There’s that tail again! Did he…

QUEEN
OFF WITH YOUR HAT!

MAD HATTER
Oh, goodness! Please! I am a poor man!
 63.

DORMOUSE
I’m very sleepy

MARCH HARE
And I’m….not sure what I’m supposed to be.

KING
What do you know about this?

Again, when the Hatter speaks, we hear

the dialogue of Alice’s mother and father as
another memory.

ALICE’S MOM
You think of no one but yourself! You cannot expect us to take this sitting down. We are your
mother and father and we want what’s best for you!

ALICE’S DAD
Why can’t you listen when you are spoken to, young lady!

ALICE
There it is again! Hold on a minute!

QUEEN
(Silencing Alice then turning to the Mouse)
SILENCE!! MOUSE, WHAT –

ALL
(Quiet! The Dormouse is sleeping!)
Shhhhh!

QUEEN
(Whispering into the Dormouse’s ear)
What do you know about this?

DORMOUSE
(Sleep talking)
Twinkle, twinkle little bat. How I wonder what you’re at…

QUEEN
That’s the most important piece of evidence we’ve heard yet. WRITE THAT DOWN!!

The March Hare and Dormouse

leave the witness stand but the Mad
Hatter stays.
 64.

KING
Please bring in the final witness!

CHESHIRE CAT
(Sinisterly to himself and just reaching Alice’s ears)
Every picture tells a story. Sometimes we don’t like the ending…sometimes we can’t understand
it.

ALICE
Now hold on a moment…the people, the creatures…everything that I’ve been seeing must have
been -

BAILIFF
The Cheshire cat!!

The Cat takes off his Mad Hatter

guise and presents himself to the court.
Alice, so appalled at the trickery she has
gone through leaves the bar to confront the
cat at the witness stand. The Cat does not
move. In fact, he welcomes her
confrontation.

ALICE
You…it was YOU! You’re the one behind all of this! The people, this world, everything has
been nothing but your cheeky tricks!

CHESHIRE CAT
It took you that long to figure that out? You more stupid than I thought. But it doesn’t matter;
your time is up! We made a deal, Alice. And believe me, you’ll find my commitment to a deal to
be almost…disturbing.

ALICE
(Frustrated and sad)
No, it can’t be!

The Jabberwocky’s roar is heard faintly but

not too faint.

CHESHIRE CAT
You look nervous…afraid even. Are you quite alright? Or maybe you’ve now come to realize
that you can run from strangers, you can run from beasts and nasty things...but the one thing that
you cannot run from…is yourself! That thing you’ve been hearing is none other than what you
have become! All your fears…all your doubts…all of your ignorance and attitude….that is what
lies within that darkness…the Jabberwock…is YOU!
 65.

ALICE
(Feeling guilty)
No… It can’t be…I’m that monster?

CHESHIRE CAT
(Accusing)
SHE ADMITS IT! Guilty!

QUEEN
(Feeling victorious)
GUILTY! YES, THE PRISONER’s GUILTY! OFF WITH HER –

ALICE
(Fed up)
Shut up you fat, pompous, bad-tempered, old tyrant!!

Everyone gasps at ALICE’s line. The

Jabberwocky’s roar is at its loudest! Alice
clasps her hands on her mouth horrified at
what she had just said in a fit of anger!

QUEEN
(About to snap, her eye is twitching)
What did you just call me?

CHESHIRE CAT
(Repeating what she said in a very mischievous manner that makes him laugh)
Well, she simply said that you’re a fat, pompous, bad-tempered, old tyrant!

QUEEN
(Biggest outrage ever)
OFF WITH HER HEAD!!!

SCENE 12

The stage goes black. Sounds can be

heard of a chase ensuing and the
queen yelling “DON’T LET HER
GET AWAY! OFF WITH HER
HEAD! The cards then start cheering
quietly, “Off, off, off with her head”
over and over again. The stage lights
up to see Alice coming on to where
the Cat is. She is out of breath for a
moment during the Cat’s line.
 66.

CHESHIRE CAT
(Smiling wide)
Leaving so soon, Alice? Too bad you don’t have…this.

ALICE
(Shuddering with excitement and fear)
Is that…that is it! Isn’t it?

CHESHIRE CAT
(As if he is the winner)
You are correct. But it doesn’t matter! You have lost. You have feasted on your last tart…now
it’s time to pay!

ALICE
(Sobbing)
No! I couldn’t have lost! No! No!

CHESHIRE CAT
(Feeling a little sinister and reflecting Alice’s heart)
Ah, the unstable are more than merely mad…they have other parts. You didn’t think I wouldn’t
deprive you of what’s left of your deranged soul. Now the door is locked…it will never
open…and there is no key.

ALICE
(In pain and sobbing)
No! This can’t be real! This has to be a nightmare!

Alice falls to her knees.

CHESHIRE CAT
(Feeling unappreciated but triumphant)
You should be grateful to me! I set you free from everything you hated: nagging parents, an
annoying sister, and boring friends. I gave it all to you! Yet you constantly wanted to leave. You
tried to hold on to what you wanted to let go of. You’ve always worn a mask of your insecurities.
Now you can never hide what you are and you shall linger here FOREVER! Off! Off! Off with
her head…

The mob is now circled close around Alice

and the Cat. Alice stands up from her
sobbing as the chanting is as loud as ever.

ALICE
(Stern and loud but not shouting)
ENOUGH!
 67.

Everyone, except for Alice and the Cat,

freezes in place.

CHESHIRE CAT
(Shocked that everything froze)
What!

ALICE
(Wise, realizing, and happy)
Now I understand. Do you know why a mother tells a child not to play in the street or not to
touch a burning candle? A child doesn’t get it the first time. But then that child soon realizes the
danger of doing such things. That child sees that her mother was looking out for her baby. I am
that foolish child, aren’t I? And I know now that it wasn’t my heart that I was looking for…it
was my love: my love for my family and friends. That beast that you sent after me wasn’t really
there… and yet it was. I was running from something: it was my fear of myself. I was my own
monster like you said…but not anymore. I’ve seen the error of my ways…I’ve seen the many
tears that I’ve made my mother shed. I feel so horrid to put my parents through such anguish. My
heart was always with me…it was my love for those that I truly care about that you took from
me. I need those feelings back…because I need them to help me grow…they are my precious
treasures…each of them are. May I please have that which belongs to me?

Alice reaches out her hand to the Cat.

The Cat, with much reluctance, places the
heart in her hands. Hands empty, he
gives a flick of his wrist and all the other
characters leave the stage. The trees are
rolled away and the door at the beginning is
brought back to the stage. His face has a
great disappointed frown upon it.

CHESHIRE CAT
(Disappointed)
Checkmate. Funny how my intentions got the better than me. Curiosity did kill the cat, but it
makes the Cheshire cat wiser…but not this time.

ALICE
(Surprised at how easy that was)
Wait. That was it? All had to do was…

CHESHIRE CAT
I did say repeatedly you needed to ask politely, didn’t I? I suppose it’s for the best. Now…get
out. The door will now open. Feel free to drop by…oh wait…that would mean you’d have to see
me again. That’s probably the last thing on your mind right now isn’t it?
 68.

Alice giggles she steps to the door. The Cat

sits down on the center stage to mope. Alice
walks back to the Cat for some final words.

ALICE
You know, it may have been a very distressing journey and you had no intention of letting me
go, but, thanks to you, I was able to realize how much of a fool I’ve been to my loved ones. So,
thank you.

Alice pets the Cat like a normal

cat.

CHESHIRE CAT
(Sarcastically)
Oh, it was my pleasure…

Alice is about to go through the door but

the Cat speaks to make her stop for a
moment.

You could stay. I had a lot of fun with you…and I get dreadfully lonely.

ALICE
(Cheerfully)
Thanks, but that is an invitation I shall have to decline. Sorry.

CHESHIRE CAT
(Didn’t think anything less)
I thought so. Well, you’d better run along then. I don’t want to keep your “loved ones” waiting.

ALICE
What? No riddle to ask me before I leave? I always thought you had a knack for that.

CHESHIRE CAT
No…I’m all out of riddles…but I will leave you with this: Being a family means you are part of
something very wonderful. It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life no matter
what…but what would I know about that?

ALICE
(Very impressed and surprised)
No…I think you actually said something...that made sense for a change.

CHESHIRE CAT
Hm…sometimes I surprise myself.
 69.

ALICE
Well, I must go now. I guess I can leave you with a saying as well: the journey of a lifetime
begins with a single step…but that first one is always the most treacherous. I’ve taken that step
and have decided to keep on going. I’m coming home, mom, dad, Lizzie!

Alice runs through the door and offstage.

The Cat closes the door behind her and
moves it to the center of the stage. He sits at
the front of the stage like he did at the
beginning of the play. His frown turns into a
grin and he laughs to himself.

CHESHIRE CAT
(Reciting and remembering)
And now the tale is done, and home we steer, a merry crew, beneath the setting sun. Ever drifting
down the stream – Lingering in the golden gleam – Life…was it but a dream? Good bye, Alice.

The CAT stands up and opens the door

himself. Looks back one time to the
audience and then closes the door behind
him. Everything fades to black.

THE END