the society we live in is

rigid and unforgiving. it

leaves no place for
those who are not also
rigid and unforgiving. it
creates narratives of
sharpness, of rigidity, to
tell people to be hard. it
tells people they have to
take care of themselves.
it tells people to suck it
up. it tells people to be
uncomfortable at all
times.
being soft is a
revolutionary act.
what is being soft?
softness is
> being cozy
> crying on public transit
> rejecting Toughen Up narratives
> accepting the softness of the body
> a rejection of capitalism
> a reclamation of tenderness
> having pride in the quiet
> fostering care through the community
> loving ur friends
> loving ur self as best you can
> being a warm person
we are taught when
we are young that to
show emotion is bad,
that to cry is bad, that
to feel is bad. we are
taught that emotions,
specifically negative
ones, need to be
locked up in ourselves
and never let out. we
are taught that
showing weakness is
unacceptable in the
face of an opponent.
we are told we cannot
be wimps, that we
have to be strong.

but we don't have to

be strong all the time.
we can cry when we
need to, we can
express our sadness
and our vulnerability.
we can be weak
before our opponents,
because we are only
human, and we
cannot be hard as
diamond

and besides, do we
want to be?
in the 1960s there was a style of architecture called
brutalism that was primarily made of molded concrete
with very few windows, sharp lines, and a tendency to
be monolithic in size. it was very popular among
governmental bodies and institutions. it was serious
and unforgiving.

brutalism shows up a lot in canada and has haunted

me from coast to coast. the tiny fortress windows open
up on the wide prairie and let in no light, the concrete
walls gather snow in the winter and turn dark grey as it
melts months later.

i rub my palm on the concrete of a brutalist building

and i try to soften its lines into curves, but my skin is
not sandpaper. instead my palm is bitten into by the
rough sand, but i do not bleed.

there is forgiveness in the body for the rigidity of the

world.

the people inside the buildings will go home and see

the prairie from the windows of the light rail train.
we do emotional labour for each other and we
hold each of our friends very close and we eat a
lot of candy and watch cartoons and we take
care of each other because right now nobody
thinks we are worth the resources it would take to
take care of us, and instead the resources go
towards the world bristling with sharp objects,
with new ways to become emotionally detached
from others
when you are sad, i say, come over and i will
make you dinner. when you need a friend, i say, i
will be that friend.
the body wants to be soft. the body insulates and
prepares and is careful by being soft. the body is
beautiful when it is soft, at rest. the body does not
need to be strong. the body should never ask to be
accomodated, it should be given what it needs
without question. the body is a vessel that is
immensely powerful. the body does not need to be
sharp to be powerful. the body is a place of love and
tenderness.

some people shape their body into a place they feel

better living in. sometimes this place is sharper
because society mandates that our bodies must be
as sharp as the rest of the world. these people must
remember to be soft to themselves as they shape
their bodies.
softness
is about
mutability
we are taught to be one thing or another. we are taught to
stay in one place and never move. we are taught to keep
doing the same thing. why can't we be more flexible?
softness allows us to define ourselves, to shape our
amorphousness into something recognizable, or to remain
impossible to understand in the eyes of anything that is not
soft.

softness rejects hegemony. softness rebuilds and negates

gender.
it is possible to be angry and soft. it is possible to have
spiny feelings that emerge from you when you are hurt.
but softness is a thing that fills the holes left after the
spines break, softness is what soothes the anger after
it is expressed. softness comes back for you like a
loyal pet. once you learn to be soft, all your wounds will
begin to heal.

all the scars from being angry and having nothing to fill
that void will melt away. all the holes in your heart from
being hard and never letting on that there is weakness
in you will fill up.

the world takes away a lot from us. softness can start
to give it back.
softness is learning to forgive yourself for being
human and all the little mistakes that being human
entails.

we can't be perfect. we can't fold ourselves into the

shapes other people want of us. but we can be what
we want, and we can love who we are.

and when we are soft, loving ourselves, we can

reach out and teach others to love themselves too.
loosen the tenseness in your
back. cover yourself in a
blanket. be warm. eat until
you're full and satisfied. call
your family, whether that
family comes by birth or by
choice. burn a candle. realize
that we are small sturdy
creatures on a vast planet.
realize that while many of
these sturdy creatures are
doing things for their own
benefit you don't have to.
realize that you carry and
pilot yourself. realize that you
can let the expectations to be
independent roll right off you.

maybe the next day, you will

bake raisin bread and bring it
to your friend's house. you will
eat it with warm tea and talk
about your lives, and maybe
later you will watch the land
before time and cry a little,
together.

softness is the willingness to

look around and realize that
you are not alone.
be gentle