Tick Tock

Tick tock, tick tock… tick tock, tick tock. That’s the sound of my heart beating
Every minute feels like ten years and every day like an eternity
I wake up every morning and what greets me is not serenity
The morning buzzes likes an electrical appliance gone wrong, like terrible signal in a Geostorm
Storm? The whirlwind that goes around and around in my brain making it difficult to think and to
understand and to live
I know you are probably thinking that I am some sad lonely person…
Who had a terrible childhood, filled with abuse and disappointment but sorry to disappoint you
I had a stellar childhood, the best parents, best schools, you name it. . . I had it
No, have it! A great life and great friends. I was always the best, always had to be the best.
And that started with my parents working so hard to put me through school
I had to make her proud and so I worked harder than everyone else
Came out on top of the class every time so now everyone expects me to all the time!
So what? You are disappointed in me now? Think I am one of those ungrateful people?
Have it all and still not satisfied? Pathetic spoil child waiting for someone to pat him on the back?
I live in a big house, my parents drive a nice car, great education, and everyone knows my name
What else could I possible want? Well most days I just want it to end!
Go to sleep and never wake up and just enjoy the silence
Break the sirens; neutralize the buzz, hang up on the static, dim the flashing lights and silence the
whispers like rushing waters and rustling winds… the judgments
Yes the judgments! Your judgments!
Every day you condemn me to a life in hell with your condescending remarks
Your words wrap around my neck like a cowboy’s lasso infringing on my right to breathe with every
unwarranted opinion
Every time you talk about me to someone else, criticize my efforts, discredit my accomplishments
You draw that rope a little tighter restricting the movement of my lungs
And so I look at these pills and they entice me because I want it to end… STOP!
Put a rope around my neck and hope that if I jump fast enough it would just end without pain
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock… That’s your time running out because until I jump from a rope, put a
bullet through my skull or swallow my entire month’s prescription
This is murder not suicide and you are killing me slowly but you can still save me
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock . . .