1

00:00:08,259 --> 00:00:12,394

Oh! You only make that face
when your dick is on fire.

2
00:00:12,430 --> 00:00:13,929
So, you're certain?

3
00:00:13,954 --> 00:00:15,180
Definitively.

4
00:00:15,205 --> 00:00:18,066
The 36 HooliPhones
that blew up at Hoolicon

5
00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:20,668
and the 17 that blew up around the US

6
00:00:20,703 --> 00:00:22,136
all had our code on them.

7
00:00:22,172 --> 00:00:24,839
Richard, these are real people

8
00:00:24,874 --> 00:00:27,508
with real crotches, and they're burning.

9
00:00:27,543 --> 00:00:30,244
We have to tell someone.
This was our fault.

10
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:34,381
No. No, no. Keenan's demo was
built to run on a $10,000 rig.

11
00:00:34,416 --> 00:00:37,250
Jack ported it to a phone in four days.

12
00:00:37,286 --> 00:00:39,052
They wrote sloppy code that's pinging

13
00:00:39,088 --> 00:00:41,336
the antenna constantly,
looking for the goggles.

14
00:00:41,361 --> 00:00:44,924
That had to have caused the phone's
antenna to draw too much power...

15
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:47,394
Which would overheat the subpar battery.

16
00:00:47,419 --> 00:00:49,543
And when we pinged our
network on top of all that...

17
00:00:49,568 --> 00:00:51,122
- Dick fire.
- Richard,

18
00:00:51,147 --> 00:00:54,075
what happened to being
Honest Abe from now on?

19
00:00:54,192 --> 00:00:56,259
We committed a crime here.

20
00:00:56,284 --> 00:00:58,784
- Barely, Jared.
- The fact that we hacked those phones

21
00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:01,010
works in our favor. All
of our code is hidden.

22
00:01:01,045 --> 00:01:05,148
Agreed. And when Hooli launches a
new software update to fix the phones,

23
00:01:05,183 --> 00:01:08,150
our network will still be
functional, Melcher will be happy,

24
00:01:08,185 --> 00:01:11,286
Monica will fund us, and no
one will ever know what we did.

25
00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:14,623
- I'll know!
- Yes! I'll know too, but I'm okay with it.

26
00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:16,090
I'm sorry.
27
00:01:23,700 --> 00:01:24,666
What the fuck is this?

28
00:01:24,701 --> 00:01:27,168
I write three letters
every time I start a job...

29
00:01:28,077 --> 00:01:29,676
a personal action plan,

30
00:01:29,711 --> 00:01:31,678
a letter to my 40-year-old self,

31
00:01:31,713 --> 00:01:34,114
and that, a resignation letter.

32
00:01:34,805 --> 00:01:38,185
Uh, I'll be moving my
things back into my condo.

33
00:01:38,220 --> 00:01:40,887
- What about your squatter?
- Oh, he's been out for months.

34
00:01:40,923 --> 00:01:44,723
He left to go sell cocaine at
the Keystone Pipeline protests.

35
00:01:44,759 --> 00:01:47,293
I've just been staying in
the garage out of solidarity.

36
00:01:47,562 --> 00:01:48,928
You can't leave.

37
00:01:49,135 --> 00:01:50,796
- Don't beg, Richard.
- I'm not.

38
00:01:50,831 --> 00:01:53,466
According to the employee handbook,

39
00:01:53,501 --> 00:01:57,319
which you wrote, an
employee cannot leave
40
00:01:57,344 --> 00:01:59,237
without giving two weeks' notice.

41
00:02:00,541 --> 00:02:02,307
You... you read the handbook?

42
00:02:02,342 --> 00:02:06,078
- Yeah, I did.
- All right, fine.

43
00:02:06,113 --> 00:02:07,946
I'll fulfill my duties under protest,

44
00:02:07,981 --> 00:02:10,449
but I will not do anything illegal

45
00:02:10,484 --> 00:02:13,051
nor unethical, and I will not lie.

46
00:02:13,087 --> 00:02:16,753
I already have upwards of 50
burnt perinea on my conscience.

47
00:02:16,789 --> 00:02:18,189
Richard, that's enough.

48
00:02:19,525 --> 00:02:21,592
Consider that my two weeks' notice.

49
00:02:26,465 --> 00:02:28,513
All right. Keep an eye on HooliNews,

50
00:02:28,538 --> 00:02:31,972
and let me know when Jack
announces the HooliPhone update.

51
00:02:32,007 --> 00:02:35,608
What do you mean you're not
issuing a software update?

52
00:02:35,644 --> 00:02:39,279
Who can say why the phone
Gavin Belson brought to market

53
00:02:39,314 --> 00:02:44,750
started exploding when we put Keenan
Feldspar's technology on it? Huh?

54
00:02:44,786 --> 00:02:48,254
Is it Gavin's fault? Is it Keenan's
fault? Is it 50-50? Who knows?

55
00:02:48,290 --> 00:02:50,322
We need to change the narrative here.

56
00:02:50,357 --> 00:02:53,392
Has anyone flown commercial recently?

57
00:02:55,262 --> 00:02:58,797
Nor have I, but apparently they're
still making the announcements

58
00:02:58,832 --> 00:03:02,568
at the gate about Samsung
Galaxy Note 7 being banned.

59
00:03:02,603 --> 00:03:06,360
We can't have people believing
that our phones blow up airplanes,

60
00:03:06,385 --> 00:03:09,840
no matter how much Gavin and/or
Keenan may have wanted it.

61
00:03:09,875 --> 00:03:11,909
It's lethal PR.

62
00:03:11,944 --> 00:03:14,011
We need to get ahead of this one,

63
00:03:14,046 --> 00:03:16,013
which is why I am going to pull

64
00:03:16,048 --> 00:03:19,650
every last affected
HooliPhone out of circulation

65
00:03:19,686 --> 00:03:21,919
and replace it in the next three days.

66
00:03:21,954 --> 00:03:24,621
That's over nine million devices.

67
00:03:24,656 --> 00:03:28,325
Gavin Belson had to move heaven
and earth to get our China plants

68
00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:30,627
up to a capacity of two million per day,

69
00:03:30,662 --> 00:03:33,996
and his negotiations with
labor were extremely delicate.

70
00:03:34,032 --> 00:03:37,434
Well, China has never
negotiated with Jack Barker.

71
00:03:37,469 --> 00:03:40,470
What you're proposing
is staggeringly expensive

72
00:03:40,505 --> 00:03:42,671
and borderline impossible.

73
00:03:42,707 --> 00:03:43,872
We won't approve it.

74
00:03:46,043 --> 00:03:48,711
I see. Uh...

75
00:03:48,746 --> 00:03:51,947
Slight hitch. I may have
instructed my comms team

76
00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:55,384
to issue a press release
announcing the recall...

77
00:03:55,419 --> 00:03:57,353
and it should be going out at...

78
00:03:58,988 --> 00:04:00,821
- Yeah, it's out.
- Jack.

79
00:04:00,857 --> 00:04:04,259
I'll tell you what: let's
just gas up that HooliJet,

80
00:04:04,294 --> 00:04:08,730
and I am going to go
ahead and go to China!

81
00:04:20,676 --> 00:04:23,926
So, every fucking
HooliPhone that we're on

82
00:04:23,950 --> 00:04:25,647
is being pulled out
of service and replaced

83
00:04:25,648 --> 00:04:27,481
with a new one that
doesn't have our code on it.

84
00:04:27,516 --> 00:04:29,583
Half of our storage capacity just gone.

85
00:04:29,618 --> 00:04:32,618
Where the fuck are we gonna
put all of Melcher's data?

86
00:04:33,090 --> 00:04:37,228
Wait. We have a server
farm in the garage, right?

87
00:04:37,253 --> 00:04:39,370
Now, don't you think if
Anton could've saved our ass,

88
00:04:39,394 --> 00:04:40,560
I would've suggested it by now?

89
00:04:40,561 --> 00:04:42,762
- Why can't it work?
- What are you, fucking stupid?

90
00:04:42,797 --> 00:04:44,463
In order to hold that much data,

91
00:04:44,499 --> 00:04:46,925
we would have to go
RAID zero, no backup,

92
00:04:46,950 --> 00:04:48,834
so if we lose even one platter,

93
00:04:48,869 --> 00:04:51,035
we lose Melcher's data... permanently.

94
00:04:51,070 --> 00:04:53,004
Plus, in Anton's present condition,

95
00:04:53,029 --> 00:04:54,472
I'm afraid he might totally melt down.

96
00:04:54,508 --> 00:04:57,275
- We have to call Melcher.
- No, we are not calling Melcher.

97
00:04:57,311 --> 00:05:00,044
If we tell him about any of
this, that would be suicide.

98
00:05:00,079 --> 00:05:01,879
Look, if we're gonna
die, let's just die.

99
00:05:01,915 --> 00:05:03,418
Why do we have to take Anton with us?

100
00:05:03,443 --> 00:05:05,917
Jesus, man. You know that
thing's not alive, right?

101
00:05:05,952 --> 00:05:08,051
- Fuck your dumb machine.
- Wait. Do you?

102
00:05:08,086 --> 00:05:09,620
Do you actually fuck your dumb machine?

103
00:05:09,655 --> 00:05:11,355
- Is that the secret on your phone?
- Fuck you.

104
00:05:11,390 --> 00:05:13,136
- Fuck you! Do you raw-dog it?
- Guys. Guys. Guys!

105
00:05:13,161 --> 00:05:15,795
Or do you put a condom on your
tiny penis and fuck it in safe mode?

106
00:05:15,820 --> 00:05:17,795
Just fuck each other and get it
over with. "Oh, Anton, fuck me!"

107
00:05:17,830 --> 00:05:20,163
I will fuck both of you...

108
00:05:20,199 --> 00:05:23,700
- Gentlemen! This is Gladys.
- Fuck you.

109
00:05:23,735 --> 00:05:26,001
She's interviewing to be my replacement.

110
00:05:27,038 --> 00:05:28,103
Hello.

111
00:05:28,922 --> 00:05:30,054
I like your sweater.

112
00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:31,679
Maybe let's talk outside.

113
00:05:31,843 --> 00:05:33,843
- Great.
- It's just right through here.

114
00:05:34,813 --> 00:05:37,513
Gilfoyle, Anton is
going to be fine, okay?

115
00:05:37,549 --> 00:05:40,349
Just spin him up. Please?

116
00:05:40,384 --> 00:05:42,217
All right, buddy.

117
00:05:43,025 --> 00:05:44,786
Let's see what you're made of.
118
00:06:01,057 --> 00:06:02,613
Outstanding.

119
00:06:02,638 --> 00:06:05,840
I'm sorry that you had to
witness that scene in there.

120
00:06:05,875 --> 00:06:09,643
It probably gave you the impression
that the company is in disarray,

121
00:06:09,679 --> 00:06:13,547
but I can assure you, there's a
very simple explanation for that.

122
00:06:13,583 --> 00:06:16,148
- It... it is.
- Sorry?

123
00:06:16,184 --> 00:06:19,986
Yeah, even setting aside
our CEO's sexual distortion,

124
00:06:20,021 --> 00:06:23,423
adultery, and lowbrow
scatlogical vandalism,

125
00:06:23,458 --> 00:06:27,273
we're still essentially
a... a criminal operation

126
00:06:27,298 --> 00:06:31,200
whose only real product
is dangerous malware.

127
00:06:32,044 --> 00:06:34,812
I see you're fluent in Japanese.

128
00:06:34,902 --> 00:06:38,003
Are... are you gonna be
comfortable with casual racism?

129
00:06:39,260 --> 00:06:41,828
I'm sorry. What happened here?

130
00:06:43,411 --> 00:06:44,543
Uh, arson.

131
00:06:55,021 --> 00:06:58,355
- Hsst! Gavin.
- What?

132
00:06:58,391 --> 00:07:00,625
That wasn't really breakfast, was it?

133
00:07:01,861 --> 00:07:02,827
Yeah.

134
00:07:02,862 --> 00:07:05,029
- Seriously?
- Shh!

135
00:07:16,107 --> 00:07:17,006
What are you doing?

136
00:07:17,042 --> 00:07:18,909
Well, I'm watching an episode of House.

137
00:07:18,944 --> 00:07:21,745
Put that fucking thing away.

138
00:07:21,780 --> 00:07:23,111
Are you afraid it's gonna blow up?

139
00:07:23,147 --> 00:07:25,047
'Cause it won't. It's not a HooliPhone.

140
00:07:28,218 --> 00:07:30,052
Why would a HooliPhone blow up?

141
00:07:31,255 --> 00:07:33,422
Hey! We're done with the migrating!

142
00:07:33,458 --> 00:07:34,957
How's it going in here?

143
00:07:34,992 --> 00:07:37,760
Don't touch the fucking lights.
One surge and we're dead.

144
00:07:37,795 --> 00:07:40,204
- What the fuck?
- What?

145
00:07:40,688 --> 00:07:42,597
Oh, the eyes. They're contacts.

146
00:07:42,632 --> 00:07:44,065
Okay, how we looking?

147
00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:45,667
Jesus Christ!

148
00:07:45,702 --> 00:07:48,503
I broke my glasses. I
don't have an extra pair,

149
00:07:48,538 --> 00:07:51,973
so I had to pull these out of a drawer.
I had 'em made for All Hallows' Eve.

150
00:07:52,008 --> 00:07:53,441
I was a cat.

151
00:07:53,477 --> 00:07:55,376
How are we looking? Did it all fit?

152
00:07:55,411 --> 00:07:58,011
Yes, but Anton is overheating already.

153
00:07:58,046 --> 00:07:59,980
We're about to fry
three of our platters.

154
00:08:00,420 --> 00:08:01,849
I said this was a bad idea.

155
00:08:01,884 --> 00:08:04,518
Fuck. What are we gonna do?

156
00:08:04,553 --> 00:08:09,255
Excuse me. Just FYI,
Gladys turned us down.

157
00:08:18,716 --> 00:08:21,000
Oh, hey, Richard, long time, no talk.
158
00:08:21,035 --> 00:08:22,568
Yeah, we've all been busy, so.

159
00:08:22,604 --> 00:08:24,871
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah. Hey, listen, Big Head,

160
00:08:24,896 --> 00:08:27,375
do you think I could
get your Stanford login

161
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,609
so I can access the
faculty server array?

162
00:08:29,644 --> 00:08:33,478
Oh jeez. Uh, I don't
think I can do that, man.

163
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:36,347
Sure you can, man. Just
click on "Forgot password."

164
00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:40,351
No, um, it-it... it's just,
um, I'm kinda on super-thin ice

165
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:42,387
with the head of the
CS department right now.

166
00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:44,288
After Erlich's whole SeeFood thing,

167
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,958
Standford started looking
into my academic background,

168
00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:48,592
realized that I don't really have one,

169
00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:50,293
and now I'm on probation,

170
00:08:50,329 --> 00:08:52,963
and they've got this real
teacher sitting in, watching me.

171
00:08:52,999 --> 00:08:55,098
That is... that is a
bummer. But hey, Big Head,

172
00:08:55,134 --> 00:08:58,135
they do, um, genome sequence
analysis on the Sherlock cluster.

173
00:08:58,170 --> 00:09:01,734
They're not gonna notice a few
more measly petabytes, all right?

174
00:09:01,759 --> 00:09:05,427
We'll just get on and get off before
anyone even notices we're there.

175
00:09:05,452 --> 00:09:09,387
Yeah? Come on, man. I need this, all
right? I wouldn't ask you otherwise.

176
00:09:09,412 --> 00:09:13,783
All right. My username is "password"

177
00:09:13,818 --> 00:09:16,561
and my password is "password."

178
00:09:16,586 --> 00:09:18,320
Your username is "password"?

179
00:09:18,356 --> 00:09:19,722
It was just easier.

180
00:09:19,758 --> 00:09:21,657
Okay, Big Head came through.

181
00:09:21,692 --> 00:09:23,158
I've already reserved the resources.

182
00:09:23,193 --> 00:09:24,826
We can start the transfer
whenever we're ready.

183
00:09:24,862 --> 00:09:27,195
Slight problem. I can't get online.
184
00:09:27,230 --> 00:09:28,564
What the fuck?

185
00:09:29,522 --> 00:09:30,655
I can't get on either.

186
00:09:30,901 --> 00:09:33,926
Gilfoyle, did you fry
the fucking router again?

187
00:09:33,951 --> 00:09:34,824
No!

188
00:09:34,849 --> 00:09:37,105
Jared! Did you pay the broadband bill?

189
00:09:37,140 --> 00:09:40,140
No. I mean, we don't have the funds.

190
00:09:40,176 --> 00:09:42,810
- What?
- I tried to bring it to your attention,

191
00:09:42,845 --> 00:09:44,577
but you said, "Fuck off, Mom."

192
00:09:44,602 --> 00:09:45,702
Wait.

193
00:09:45,727 --> 00:09:49,077
Are you telling me Anton is completely
cut off from the outside world?

194
00:09:49,102 --> 00:09:51,351
Which means Melcher's data is offline.

195
00:09:51,387 --> 00:09:52,753
We're in breach.

196
00:09:54,190 --> 00:09:56,856
Shit. Okay, uh...

197
00:09:56,892 --> 00:10:00,994
you guys keep Anton alive. I
will... figure something out.

198
00:10:01,029 --> 00:10:03,296
A product recall on that scale?

199
00:10:03,331 --> 00:10:05,732
What the fuck is Barker thinking?

200
00:10:05,767 --> 00:10:07,634
Uh, I was only at eight percent,

201
00:10:07,669 --> 00:10:10,604
so if you could close some applications.

202
00:10:10,639 --> 00:10:12,705
Cell phone?

203
00:10:12,740 --> 00:10:16,875
Lama-la, I... I need to know
what Hooli stock is doing.

204
00:10:17,979 --> 00:10:19,277
Enlightenment...

205
00:10:20,414 --> 00:10:22,047
or ignorance.

206
00:10:23,151 --> 00:10:24,451
You must choose.

207
00:10:26,420 --> 00:10:27,786
Erlich, get the bags.

208
00:10:31,791 --> 00:10:34,092
Richard Hendricks. What's up?

209
00:10:34,127 --> 00:10:38,062
Hi. I was just calling to
let you know that, um...

210
00:10:38,098 --> 00:10:39,697
we're gonna have to
take the network down

211
00:10:39,733 --> 00:10:42,700
just for a little bit for
some routine maintenance,

212
00:10:42,736 --> 00:10:45,169
so your data might be inaccessible.

213
00:10:45,194 --> 00:10:46,038
What?

214
00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:47,835
Yeah. Oh, just for an hour or two.

215
00:10:47,860 --> 00:10:50,707
- Nothing major.
- Richard...

216
00:10:50,743 --> 00:10:54,011
you're supposed to give me 72 hours'
notice for any disruption of service.

217
00:10:54,046 --> 00:10:56,847
No, I know, I know, I know,
but this is just to improve

218
00:10:56,882 --> 00:10:59,516
- your user experience, because we care.
- Falling! Falling!

219
00:10:59,551 --> 00:11:00,917
What the fuck are you doing?

220
00:11:00,953 --> 00:11:03,453
- Would you fucking...
- Is everything okay over there?

221
00:11:04,588 --> 00:11:07,322
Yeah. "Okay"? Yeah. Yeah.

222
00:11:07,358 --> 00:11:08,724
Dan. Danny, Dan-Dan.

223
00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:11,160
It's totally normal. Totally normal.

224
00:11:11,195 --> 00:11:13,829
Look, as long as you have
it back online, you know,

225
00:11:13,865 --> 00:11:16,165
- before we open in the morning.
- Yes, of course.

226
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,034
Hey, you want to talk to Liz?

227
00:11:18,069 --> 00:11:21,231
- No. No, no. I...
- I'm gonna go get some cake from the back.

228
00:11:21,256 --> 00:11:22,692
Why? They bring it to us.

229
00:11:22,717 --> 00:11:26,152
That's okay. I'm just
gonna... go to them.

230
00:11:27,443 --> 00:11:29,911
All right. She's going to them.

231
00:11:30,486 --> 00:11:33,514
- Never get married, Richard.
- Women, right?

232
00:11:33,550 --> 00:11:35,216
- I'll talk to you. Yes.
- Bye.

233
00:11:42,024 --> 00:11:43,290
We'll go to them.

234
00:11:45,027 --> 00:11:47,027
Guys, we'll go to them.

235
00:11:47,063 --> 00:11:48,929
- Who?
- Standford!

236
00:11:48,964 --> 00:11:52,800
If we move Anton to Stanford, we can
plug him directly into the cluster,

237
00:11:52,835 --> 00:11:56,302
and we'll be back online before
Fiduciated opens. It's perfect.

238
00:11:56,337 --> 00:12:00,006
Yeah, except for the part about
moving Anton to fucking Stanford.

239
00:12:00,041 --> 00:12:01,373
How the fuck are we gonna do that?

240
00:12:01,409 --> 00:12:04,077
We take him apart, move
him, put him back together.

241
00:12:04,112 --> 00:12:06,145
- That's insane.
- Okay, well,

242
00:12:06,181 --> 00:12:09,015
unless you happen to have a
three-mile long Ethernet cable

243
00:12:09,050 --> 00:12:11,783
hidden up your fucking
asshole, that's the plan!

244
00:12:11,819 --> 00:12:14,086
Is Big Head gonna be okay
with us just showing up

245
00:12:14,121 --> 00:12:16,421
with three tons of
unauthorized equipment?

246
00:12:16,456 --> 00:12:18,757
Yeah! I just spoke to him on the phone.

247
00:12:18,792 --> 00:12:20,235
He was like, "Uh, yeah."

248
00:12:20,260 --> 00:12:23,336
Okay, do it. I'll get the
truck. I'll get a truck.

249
00:12:23,361 --> 00:12:25,525
You know, I flew all the way here,
250
00:12:25,550 --> 00:12:27,999
to Tibet, on my own dime.

251
00:12:28,035 --> 00:12:29,200
You've killed my battery.

252
00:12:29,235 --> 00:12:32,336
I don't feel the slightest
bit more spiritually centered.

253
00:12:32,371 --> 00:12:33,804
Can this thing go any faster?

254
00:12:37,376 --> 00:12:39,804
- Richard.
- Oh. Yeah.

255
00:12:39,829 --> 00:12:40,844
Okay. Thank you, Jared.

256
00:12:40,869 --> 00:12:44,192
Uh, so, what... what time did
Big Head say he needed us there?

257
00:12:44,217 --> 00:12:45,849
I don't know. He said whenever.

258
00:12:45,884 --> 00:12:48,611
Typically, campus security
requires a specific window

259
00:12:48,636 --> 00:12:50,486
- for deliveries of this size.
- Okay.

260
00:12:50,521 --> 00:12:53,489
Did you send him an inventory,
so that he could request

261
00:12:53,524 --> 00:12:55,759
and clear a static IP
address for each server?

262
00:12:55,784 --> 00:12:57,393
No. No. I wouldn't worry about it.
263
00:12:57,428 --> 00:12:58,461
Maybe I'll just give him a call.

264
00:12:58,496 --> 00:13:00,263
Nah, it's fine. It's
fine. It'll be fine.

265
00:13:00,298 --> 00:13:03,132
- Well, maybe I'll just text him.
- Jared! Oh my God!

266
00:13:03,167 --> 00:13:06,935
Just... just stop with the
second-guessing, hand-wringing,

267
00:13:06,971 --> 00:13:09,905
pearl-clutching bullshit, okay,
for just, like, a fucking minute.

268
00:13:11,075 --> 00:13:13,876
You know what? Um, I
waive your two weeks.

269
00:13:14,340 --> 00:13:15,944
- You can go.
- What?

270
00:13:15,980 --> 00:13:17,913
You wanted to go? Go.

271
00:13:20,784 --> 00:13:22,150
Bye. Thanks.

272
00:13:24,587 --> 00:13:26,954
I'll order a Lyft home and...

273
00:13:28,758 --> 00:13:30,958
What the fuck was that? You fired him?

274
00:13:30,994 --> 00:13:33,027
He already quit, remember?

275
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:34,929
Besides, he was being a fucking asshole.

276
00:13:34,964 --> 00:13:36,863
Jared was being an asshole?

277
00:13:38,293 --> 00:13:39,666
Do you want to go with him?

278
00:13:39,701 --> 00:13:41,434
Because, if you haven't noticed,

279
00:13:41,469 --> 00:13:43,557
if we don't get this shit to Standford

280
00:13:43,582 --> 00:13:45,605
and all set up by 9:00 a.m.,

281
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:47,199
we are fucked!

282
00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:49,575
Okay, listen up, everybody,

283
00:13:49,611 --> 00:13:51,036
here's the deal.

284
00:13:51,061 --> 00:13:54,694
I was just talking to
your foreman, Jung-Sho...

285
00:13:58,585 --> 00:14:03,689
and he seems to feel that you are
all working at maximum capacity

286
00:14:03,724 --> 00:14:06,058
and that you cannot work any harder.

287
00:14:06,093 --> 00:14:09,761
But I have just flown from America,

288
00:14:09,797 --> 00:14:13,965
and I'm here to prove
to you that he is wrong.

289
00:14:15,035 --> 00:14:17,869
You can work harder, much harder.

290
00:14:17,904 --> 00:14:21,539
How? With a little system I like to call

291
00:14:21,574 --> 00:14:24,876
the conjoined triangles of success!

292
00:14:25,745 --> 00:14:27,245
Come on.

293
00:14:29,215 --> 00:14:30,647
Breaking news.

294
00:14:30,682 --> 00:14:32,049
Hooli CEO Jack Barker

295
00:14:32,084 --> 00:14:33,976
has been taken hostage by workers

296
00:14:34,001 --> 00:14:35,919
at a Hooli factory in China,

297
00:14:35,955 --> 00:14:37,654
which produces cell phones.

298
00:14:37,689 --> 00:14:40,790
I want everyone to know
I haven't been harmed...

299
00:14:40,826 --> 00:14:43,426
and the workers here have assured me

300
00:14:43,462 --> 00:14:46,829
that I will only be held
as their honored guest

301
00:14:46,865 --> 00:14:49,932
until Hooli has met their
very reasonable request

302
00:14:49,968 --> 00:14:53,769
for fair wages and
for humane conditions.

303
00:14:53,804 --> 00:14:57,539
On a more personal note, honey...
304
00:14:58,005 --> 00:15:00,175
I have to stop now.

305
00:15:01,846 --> 00:15:03,178
All right.

306
00:15:03,213 --> 00:15:05,981
Holy shit. I think we
can actually make it.

307
00:15:06,016 --> 00:15:07,115
All right.

308
00:15:07,150 --> 00:15:08,350
Okay.

309
00:15:11,721 --> 00:15:13,121
What the fuck?

310
00:15:13,156 --> 00:15:15,957
Shit. We must've left the
work lights on all night.

311
00:15:15,993 --> 00:15:17,625
Well, do we have jumper cables?

312
00:15:17,660 --> 00:15:19,493
- Jared did.
- Triple-A?

313
00:15:19,528 --> 00:15:22,462
- Sounds like a Jared thing.
- Wait.

314
00:15:22,498 --> 00:15:26,133
Aren't Anton's racks
full of backup batteries?

315
00:15:28,237 --> 00:15:30,170
Okay. How much longer?

316
00:15:30,206 --> 00:15:33,473
Give us a minute. We just
need to connect a few more.

317
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:37,234
Uh, try it now.

318
00:15:37,412 --> 00:15:39,645
Just fuck the batteries!
We don't need 'em! Let's go!

319
00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:42,916
- Okay, hold on.
- Oh my God, just throw them away!

320
00:15:45,353 --> 00:15:47,486
Okay, dude. Go, go.

321
00:15:47,522 --> 00:15:49,255
Oh Jesus! Shit.

322
00:15:49,291 --> 00:15:51,424
Oh, hey, Ashley. That was close.

323
00:15:51,459 --> 00:15:54,226
Well, look, it won't be the
last time you stop traffic, huh?

324
00:15:54,261 --> 00:15:55,460
Little hottie.

325
00:15:55,495 --> 00:15:57,095
But not now, when you're older.

326
00:15:57,131 --> 00:15:58,964
I'm sorry, we have
to... We have to go. Bye.

327
00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:00,899
Back up, back up. Thank you.

328
00:16:00,935 --> 00:16:03,435
Big Head. Hey, I need you to
meet me at the loading dock

329
00:16:03,470 --> 00:16:05,804
behind Spilker in 10
minutes. I'll explain there.

330
00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:08,340
Now's not really a great time, Richard.

331
00:16:08,375 --> 00:16:10,772
I'm sort of in the middle of something.

332
00:16:10,797 --> 00:16:12,977
Wait. You said you already explained.

333
00:16:13,238 --> 00:16:17,006
Yeah, I know. I did. Yeah,
it's just... Big Head.

334
00:16:17,850 --> 00:16:19,383
Come on, buddy, I need you.

335
00:16:19,419 --> 00:16:21,518
Okay. Be right there.

336
00:16:24,890 --> 00:16:27,290
Can I go to the bathroom?

337
00:16:27,326 --> 00:16:30,760
Are you sure? We don't
want to inconvenience you.

338
00:16:30,795 --> 00:16:34,097
It's no trouble at all, and there's
no need to send a negotiator.

339
00:16:34,132 --> 00:16:35,298
I'm in Tibet. It's right next door.

340
00:16:35,334 --> 00:16:38,701
Well, we'd be grateful to
have this in such good hands.

341
00:16:38,736 --> 00:16:41,004
We've missed you, Gavin.

342
00:16:41,039 --> 00:16:42,705
Perhaps when you return, we...

343
00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:45,540
Please. The only thing I'm
concerned with right now
344
00:16:45,576 --> 00:16:47,542
is bringing our boy home safe.

345
00:16:49,431 --> 00:16:51,464
Fuck you, Jack Barker!

346
00:16:51,648 --> 00:16:53,648
Hah!

347
00:16:55,353 --> 00:16:57,086
Hey.

348
00:16:57,121 --> 00:16:59,921
Opium? Are you fucking kidding me?

349
00:16:59,957 --> 00:17:01,956
I was on the phone for,
like, three minutes.

350
00:17:02,679 --> 00:17:05,814
Big... Head.

351
00:17:06,029 --> 00:17:07,595
Come on, get up.

352
00:17:07,630 --> 00:17:09,230
We need to get to the airstrip.

353
00:17:13,836 --> 00:17:15,609
_

354
00:17:16,531 --> 00:17:19,180
_

355
00:17:21,828 --> 00:17:24,375
_

356
00:17:29,437 --> 00:17:30,625
_

357
00:17:30,845 --> 00:17:31,884
_

358
00:17:40,528 --> 00:17:42,361
Shit. Shit. Come on. Let's go, let's go.

359
00:17:42,397 --> 00:17:43,595
Start unloading it. Come on.

360
00:17:43,631 --> 00:17:46,932
Hey, man, so did you ever
transfer all that data?

361
00:17:46,967 --> 00:17:50,602
No, we just gotta unload our
servers near the Sherlock arrays.

362
00:17:50,638 --> 00:17:54,406
Servers? Richard, man, I told you,
now is not a good time for this.

363
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:56,371
- I know, I know, I know.
- You dick.

364
00:17:56,396 --> 00:17:57,752
You never told Big Head

365
00:17:57,777 --> 00:18:00,745
- we were bringing Anton here, did you?
- Who's Anton?

366
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:02,447
He's everything that's
packed into the back

367
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:04,149
of this giant fucking truck.

368
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:05,850
And you want to set it all up here?

369
00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:07,452
Oh, dude, come on.

370
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:09,953
I told you I'm, like, so
close to getting fired.

371
00:18:11,123 --> 00:18:12,683
Big Head, come on. It's just for a bit.

372
00:18:12,708 --> 00:18:15,613
Richard, you specifically told us
that Big Head said this was okay.

373
00:18:15,638 --> 00:18:16,937
That's what you fucking told us!

374
00:18:16,962 --> 00:18:19,496
You lied to our faces again.

375
00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:20,947
Come on, guys, we don't
have time for this.

376
00:18:20,972 --> 00:18:23,544
You were just going to show
up and fucking steamroll him?

377
00:18:23,569 --> 00:18:26,235
That was your whole plan?
He's your oldest friend,

378
00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:28,037
and you're okay just getting him fired?

379
00:18:28,073 --> 00:18:29,172
He's Big Head!

380
00:18:29,207 --> 00:18:31,607
He's gonna fall ass-backward
into something, you know?

381
00:18:31,642 --> 00:18:33,778
- He always does.
- I'm not doing it.

382
00:18:33,803 --> 00:18:35,878
- What?
- I'm out too.

383
00:18:35,913 --> 00:18:39,715
Now? We're-we're-we're... we're so...

384
00:18:39,750 --> 00:18:42,118
We... we got it. We're
here. W-we did it.

385
00:18:43,738 --> 00:18:46,606
You... hypocrites.

386
00:18:47,045 --> 00:18:49,157
You fucking hypocrites.

387
00:18:49,193 --> 00:18:51,560
When I wouldn't use the fake
users, you called me a pussy.

388
00:18:51,595 --> 00:18:53,195
When I wouldn't lie on the stand,

389
00:18:53,230 --> 00:18:54,496
you called me a pussy.

390
00:18:54,531 --> 00:18:56,398
But now, when I'm actually doing

391
00:18:56,433 --> 00:18:59,968
what you've been wanting
me to do, you quit?

392
00:19:00,343 --> 00:19:02,769
You're the pussies. You are the pussies.

393
00:19:02,805 --> 00:19:05,706
I'm the only one that's
trying to fucking...

394
00:19:05,741 --> 00:19:07,808
save what we do here!

395
00:19:07,843 --> 00:19:10,311
All this time we spent
building this thing, and now,

396
00:19:10,346 --> 00:19:12,480
now it falls apart because
you two don't fucking do it?

397
00:19:12,515 --> 00:19:15,416
- This is too much for you? Well, fuck you!
- Hey, guys?

398
00:19:16,385 --> 00:19:17,517
This is fine.

399
00:19:18,598 --> 00:19:20,019
- What?
- Yeah, my bad.

400
00:19:20,054 --> 00:19:23,022
I thought you were talking
about a lot more stuff.

401
00:19:23,047 --> 00:19:24,079
Gre...

402
00:19:27,329 --> 00:19:28,794
- Oh...
- Fuck.

403
00:19:30,565 --> 00:19:32,832
Fuck.

404
00:19:35,236 --> 00:19:37,302
So, anyways, my office is unlocked

405
00:19:37,338 --> 00:19:40,858
if you guys just wanna, like,
toss that on my desk or whatever.

406
00:19:40,883 --> 00:19:42,109
I should probably get back, though,

407
00:19:42,149 --> 00:19:44,853
before that teacher
guy gets me in trouble.

408
00:19:44,878 --> 00:19:46,178
I'll see you guys.

409
00:19:48,782 --> 00:19:50,015
How?

410
00:19:51,395 --> 00:19:52,560
Who?
411
00:19:52,752 --> 00:19:57,087
You had me open up the
back... to get the batteries,

412
00:19:57,123 --> 00:19:59,557
and then you told me
not to put them back,

413
00:19:59,592 --> 00:20:02,527
so... no one...

414
00:20:04,364 --> 00:20:06,864
You know who would've
remembered to close the door?

415
00:20:08,067 --> 00:20:09,032
Jared.

416
00:20:12,729 --> 00:20:14,462
It's Melcher.

417
00:20:14,939 --> 00:20:16,173
Good luck with that.

418
00:20:30,593 --> 00:20:32,921
_

419
00:20:45,835 --> 00:20:46,901
Richard.

420
00:20:46,936 --> 00:20:47,835
Can I come in?

421
00:20:47,870 --> 00:20:50,838
Umm... I have company.

422
00:20:51,974 --> 00:20:53,274
Is there a girl in there?

423
00:20:55,512 --> 00:20:56,744
How many girls are in there?

424
00:20:56,779 --> 00:20:59,681
Richard, what do you want
from me? Nothing, it's just...
425
00:20:59,706 --> 00:21:01,829
you were right about all of it.

426
00:21:01,854 --> 00:21:03,852
I killed Anton,

427
00:21:03,877 --> 00:21:07,487
and, uh, I lost all of Melcher's data,

428
00:21:07,512 --> 00:21:09,018
everybody fucking hates me,

429
00:21:09,043 --> 00:21:14,519
and I'm basically one blood boy
away from being Gavin Belson.

430
00:21:15,698 --> 00:21:17,096
I did not...

431
00:21:17,131 --> 00:21:19,932
run the company with integrity...

432
00:21:21,302 --> 00:21:22,935
but...

433
00:21:24,004 --> 00:21:25,638
I'm gonna end it with some.

434
00:21:25,868 --> 00:21:29,002
I'm going to Melcher's
office, and I'm coming clean.

435
00:21:29,586 --> 00:21:32,220
Anyway...

436
00:21:32,380 --> 00:21:34,546
I'm really fucking sorry, man.

437
00:21:36,316 --> 00:21:38,483
Well, I'll leave you alone now.

438
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:42,128
Hey. "This guy fucks."
439
00:21:48,295 --> 00:21:49,794
Richard!

440
00:21:58,237 --> 00:22:00,804
- What's this?
- It's a job application.

441
00:22:00,839 --> 00:22:03,940
I'd like to submit myself for
a position with Pied Piper.

442
00:22:03,976 --> 00:22:06,744
I'd really like to be
there till the bitter end.

443
00:22:17,322 --> 00:22:19,489
"Lordy, Lordy, looks who's 40."

444
00:22:21,326 --> 00:22:22,425
That's the wrong one.

445
00:22:24,328 --> 00:22:25,694
I gotta say, Gavin...

446
00:22:27,069 --> 00:22:28,597
when that storeroom door opened,

447
00:22:28,632 --> 00:22:30,732
and I saw your face grinning down at me,

448
00:22:30,768 --> 00:22:33,067
I thought it was an angel.

449
00:22:33,103 --> 00:22:35,804
When we get home, I'm going
to do everything in my power

450
00:22:35,839 --> 00:22:38,440
to get you back in the good
graces of the Hooli board.

451
00:22:39,276 --> 00:22:42,339
I can use a fellow of your talents, sir.

452
00:22:42,364 --> 00:22:45,479
That's very gracious
of you, Jack. Thank you.

453
00:22:45,504 --> 00:22:46,853
Welcome aboard, gentlemen.

454
00:22:46,878 --> 00:22:50,284
Our flying time to Mountain
View is 11 hours and 36 minutes,

455
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:52,787
and we will be stopping
off in Jackson Hole first.

456
00:22:52,822 --> 00:22:56,324
Oh. Stopping off at Jackson
Hole, are you, Gavin?

457
00:22:56,349 --> 00:22:58,815
No, Jack. You are.

458
00:23:02,030 --> 00:23:06,248
Jackson Hole is definitively out
of the way. Everyone knows that.

459
00:23:06,273 --> 00:23:07,801
But I don't mind dropping you off first,

460
00:23:07,836 --> 00:23:10,203
this one last time.

461
00:23:17,678 --> 00:23:20,412
Hey. What are you guys doing here?

462
00:23:20,448 --> 00:23:21,580
Jared called us.

463
00:23:21,615 --> 00:23:23,549
If you're gonna eat a giant
plate of steaming hot shit,

464
00:23:23,584 --> 00:23:25,584
we figured it should
probably be a team effort.

465
00:23:27,421 --> 00:23:29,722
Okay. Thanks.

466
00:23:29,757 --> 00:23:31,256
Uh, I'll go check in.

467
00:23:33,393 --> 00:23:36,126
Hi, could you tell Dan
Melcher that Richard Hendricks

468
00:23:36,162 --> 00:23:37,862
and the guys from Pied
Piper are here to see him?

469
00:23:37,897 --> 00:23:39,997
You guys are Pied
Piper? The guys who built

470
00:23:40,032 --> 00:23:42,066
our data storage network? It's awesome.

471
00:23:42,101 --> 00:23:45,302
Oh. yeah, it was awesome
until it crashed this morning.

472
00:23:45,338 --> 00:23:47,839
I was just using it two
minutes ago. It's working fine.

473
00:23:50,108 --> 00:23:51,941
- Really?
- Yeah.

474
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:56,780
Uh... what's he talking about?

475
00:24:01,194 --> 00:24:02,661
It's up.

476
00:24:02,686 --> 00:24:04,496
All of Melcher's data is there.

477
00:24:04,523 --> 00:24:05,522
How is that possible?

478
00:24:05,557 --> 00:24:07,523
What are those devices?
Those aren't phones.

479
00:24:10,661 --> 00:24:12,060
Why the fuck are you laughing?

480
00:24:12,096 --> 00:24:15,130
You look fucking insane right now.

481
00:24:15,165 --> 00:24:17,900
Look at that OUI prefixes
in these MAC addresses.

482
00:24:17,935 --> 00:24:19,735
Yeah, okay, so what are those?

483
00:24:19,771 --> 00:24:21,236
Smart fridges.

484
00:24:22,033 --> 00:24:23,805
About 30,000 of them.

485
00:24:23,893 --> 00:24:24,938
Come again?

486
00:24:24,963 --> 00:24:27,375
Jian-Yang's smart fridge must
have been self-correcting.

487
00:24:27,411 --> 00:24:30,978
In order to fit my "Suck it,
Jian-Yang" video onto his fridge,

488
00:24:31,014 --> 00:24:33,648
I had to add Pied Piper
libraries to the firmware.

489
00:24:33,683 --> 00:24:36,484
Other smart fridges must've
seen this as an update.

490
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:39,487
- What?
- The smart fridges talk to each other,

491
00:24:39,523 --> 00:24:40,921
and they share the new software.
492
00:24:40,956 --> 00:24:43,757
Right, so when we put
that data onto Anton,

493
00:24:43,793 --> 00:24:45,125
the last thing he did before he died

494
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:49,830
was back himself up onto a
huge network of smart fridges.

495
00:24:50,656 --> 00:24:53,123
Anton died so we could live.

496
00:24:53,268 --> 00:24:54,367
Like Jesus.

497
00:24:54,783 --> 00:24:56,236
Oh fuck.

498
00:24:56,271 --> 00:24:58,805
Guys, do you realize what just happened?

499
00:24:58,848 --> 00:25:01,449
We're still alive.
The network is stable.

500
00:25:01,476 --> 00:25:03,146
- Mm-hmm.
- The new Internet works,

501
00:25:03,171 --> 00:25:04,373
and this is the proof.

502
00:25:04,427 --> 00:25:06,513
- We did it!
- Yes, we did.

503
00:25:06,538 --> 00:25:07,937
Wait a minute.

504
00:25:08,541 --> 00:25:11,551
If Melcher never lost access to
his data, what's he so upset about?
505
00:25:11,586 --> 00:25:13,586
Richard! Richard! I'm so sorry.

506
00:25:13,621 --> 00:25:16,054
We were tasting cakes,
and then you called,

507
00:25:16,089 --> 00:25:18,790
- and then it just... came out.
- What came out?

508
00:25:18,826 --> 00:25:22,360
- You son of a bitch!
- Save yourself!

509
00:25:23,113 --> 00:25:24,596
I'm guessing there's a story here.

510
00:25:24,631 --> 00:25:27,866
- Stand down! No, no, no!
- That's it! Help!

511
00:25:32,872 --> 00:25:35,662
- Gavin.
- Mmm.

512
00:25:35,687 --> 00:25:36,674
I like your hair.

513
00:25:36,709 --> 00:25:37,741
I like your eye.

514
00:25:37,777 --> 00:25:39,710
Yeah, I... I got it from a woman.

515
00:25:39,745 --> 00:25:41,808
She didn't hit me. No, the man did...

516
00:25:41,833 --> 00:25:44,968
because of sex... that I gave to her.

517
00:25:45,703 --> 00:25:48,229
So... welcome home,

518
00:25:48,254 --> 00:25:50,653
and congratulations on
getting your business back.

519
00:25:50,689 --> 00:25:52,088
Thank you. And I should congratulate you

520
00:25:52,123 --> 00:25:53,690
on your remarkable tech breakthrough.

521
00:25:53,725 --> 00:25:55,959
I hear you're swimming
in funding offers.

522
00:25:55,994 --> 00:25:59,295
A few. I think we're
gonna go with Bream-Hall.

523
00:25:59,330 --> 00:26:02,932
- They seem to get us.
- You haven't seen all the offers yet.

524
00:26:07,671 --> 00:26:10,105
Richard, we were partners once.

525
00:26:10,140 --> 00:26:11,913
I'd like to do it again.

526
00:26:11,938 --> 00:26:13,274
This is an acquisition offer,

527
00:26:13,310 --> 00:26:16,144
and it will make you a very wealthy man.

528
00:26:16,180 --> 00:26:18,714
Let's do this together.

529
00:26:18,749 --> 00:26:20,181
That's very kind of you.

530
00:26:21,652 --> 00:26:24,084
- But...
- Richard, at least look it over.

531
00:26:24,120 --> 00:26:28,102
I can help you get exactly
where you want to go.
532
00:26:28,127 --> 00:26:32,226
I'm pretty sure I know where I
want to go and how to get there.

533
00:26:32,261 --> 00:26:36,497
If you reject me now, Richard, I
will come after you. I'll devour you.

534
00:26:36,533 --> 00:26:39,033
Think very carefully about
what you're doing here.

535
00:26:39,068 --> 00:26:40,967
Here's what I think, Gavin.

536
00:26:41,003 --> 00:26:43,803
I think my decentralized Internet

537
00:26:43,839 --> 00:26:46,886
threatens Hooli's box business model.

538
00:26:47,354 --> 00:26:50,644
I think, basically, you are
just a server company now,

539
00:26:50,679 --> 00:26:52,846
and we intend to make servers obsolete.

540
00:26:52,881 --> 00:26:58,884
So, I think perhaps in the end,
I will be the one devouring you.

541
00:27:00,300 --> 00:27:02,167
I gave you that patent.

542
00:27:03,223 --> 00:27:04,289
Thanks.

543
00:27:09,230 --> 00:27:10,446
Fair enough, Richard.

544
00:27:12,567 --> 00:27:14,532
I shall look forward to the fight.

545
00:27:15,474 --> 00:27:17,240
Right back at you, Gavy, baby.

546
00:27:18,337 --> 00:27:19,403
Gavin.

547
00:27:22,108 --> 00:27:25,342
Oh, um, did Erlich
ever show up in Tibet?

548
00:27:26,613 --> 00:27:27,645
No.

549
00:27:40,425 --> 00:27:42,025
Jesus. What the hell did he order?

550
00:27:44,096 --> 00:27:45,395
No. No. no, no, no.

551
00:27:45,430 --> 00:27:47,997
No, no, no, no. Stop. Stop it. Stop it.

552
00:27:48,032 --> 00:27:49,799
No. Don't.

553
00:28:01,242 --> 00:28:06,242
Synced and corrected by Octavia
- www.addic7ed.com -