Cohabitation, better known as “live-in” is the practice of two people living

together without getting married (in terms of gender, that is another story).
Such partners carry the adjective “common-law” alongside their status as
husband or wife. People cohabitating are gaining ground, suggesting they are
becoming more favorable over marriage. There are reasons why there are
people who favor live-in’s over marriage.

One obvious reason is the financial aspect. Weddings, especially those

performed in places of worship, cost a lot. People who opt for a grand wedding
will spend almost a million. The least expensive wedding averages 100,000
Pesos. This usually covers everything from “renting” the church to engaging the
services of photographers and videographers.

Those who live-in feel weddings are an expense they can dispense with though
they know the need to formalize their union. Some will get married when they
are ready for it (financially). What matters to them is they enjoy each other’s
company and are willing to commit to living together come what may.

Another reason is certain issues that would cause an impediment to marriage –

religion and even sexual orientation. When a couple professes different
religions and none of them would want to convert, they could opt here. It is a
similar case with the LGBT community who are likely to be denied weddings and
will likely turn to living-in. The same can be said of couples who are separated
from their married partners and cannot marry because it has not been annulled
yet.
 One reason
couples favor living-in is to see if they are compatible with one another. Should they separate,
closure is quick and easy; no messy and costly divorce and annulment. Source: Wedding Bee
One more reason cohabitation is favorable is that weddings are no assurance
they will stay together. It is apparent they are aware of marriages that did not
last and ended in separation or divorce. Furthermore, living-in gives them the
opportunity to “experiment,” to see if they can cope with being together just
like formally married couples; to test if they are compatible with one another.

What can be gleaned from this reason is couples are aware that they will face
trials, most especially those leading to infidelity. What makes this better than
marriage is they can separate “cleanly.” No legal issues to follow considering
separation, divorce and annulment are time-consuming and very costly.

It can be further inferred that the Roman Catholic Church, the predominant
religion in the Philippines is no longer that powerful or influential. In the past,
living-in is frowned upon and even considered immoral because it is not
sanctified by marriage which the Church requires the faithful to follow. They
even go so far to say those cohabitiating are sinful (of course these couples
would prove them wrong).

But now it is different. It is a reflection on how open-minded society has

become, not merely because we are imitating western culture. What used to be
forbidden is not so bad after all. This is attributed mainly to education and
actual experience. A number of couples who have been living-in have
demonstrated they could live a relatively happy life without the need to be
formally married (though they could still get married in a civil ceremony); and a
number of them would even outlast those married but eventually separated.

It can also be gleaned that those who live-in know that living together, married
or not, is a life-long commitment and it is a matter of dedication and
perseverance among two people that will ensure a lasting relationship, not a
piece of paper that says “Wedding Contract.”

Disclaimer: Teenage couples should not try this just because they are in love
does not mean they can live together right away. This topic focuses on those
who have reached the age of maturity. This does not discourage marriage but
explains why such people do not (need to) marry.

“Come on, guys. It’s 2017.”

These were the words of a visibly-irked Nadine Lustre, as she was asked by a reporter about her
rumored “live-in” arrangements with boyfriend (and surprisingly decent recording artist) James
Reid. Something about this—the question, how it was asked, and how she responded—seemed to
really strike a chord with people, because within a few hours, social media was ablaze with it.
The implication, from the tone of the reporter and from online commentators, was that it was
wrong for an unmarried couple to live together. Granted, Nadine’s argument—that there are even
younger couples living together—might not have been the best defense of premarital
cohabitation, but it does beg the question: Why does living with a partner before marriage still
seem to be such a big deal for our country in the 21st century?
I’d argue that cohabitation isn’t a bad thing, and in fact, could even be beneficial to an unmarried
couple.
The first argument is that it’s cheaper and more practical. In a situation where you and your
partner both live away from your families, deciding to share a place together immediately seems
better than the alternatives: renting separately, which is more expensive; or boarding with other
people with whom you may or may not get along. I personally prefer living alone to living in a
boarding house, but based on my experience of cohabitation with my girlfriend, I must say that
it’s even better. I can be comfortable and be myself at home, because we know exactly how to
treat each other. There’s none of the awkwardness that typically arises when living with other
people. Also, having someone in the house other than myself ensures that I always make a
conscious effort on my end to keep the space habitable for her. We saved money on rent, on
utilities, and even on transportation (I can no longer count how many early morning commutes I
used to take just to get back to my place and after spending the night at hers). When we did
grocery shopping together, it never felt like a chore, and it was certainly cheaper in terms of
portions. We didn’t have to worry about spending enough time together, and instead of going on
dates outside, we would take the cheaper route of having a home-cooked meal together while
binge-watching something on Netflix.
The second argument is that living together enables you to get to know your partner in
different ways. In an age when it’s so easy to connect with others, there’s something special
about seeing who a person is in their smaller moments—just before bed, or when they wake up
in the morning. Of course, issues will arise: He snores louder than a construction site; she leaves
her stuff all around the house. He keeps forgetting to flush the toilet; she hogs the covers. But
these issues can be resolved, and can even make you better together and closer to each other—
regardless of whether or not you’re married.
But then there are also deal breakers: issues that neither of you could deal with, and that would
bring you to the decision that it’s better to part. What if your partner is unjustifiably mean to the
household help all the time? What if he or she refuses to pull their weight around the house?
Imagine finding out about these issues after marriage. If counseling won’t cut it, you’ll be left
with the lengthy and expensive annulment proceedings, as divorce isn’t an option here in the
Philippines. Isn’t it better to get know your partner as much as you can, so that you can be sure
before deciding to marry and spend the rest of your lives with each other?
So if cohabitation has these benefits, why are so many people against it? Perhaps it’s
because from an early age, we’re taught that it’s wrong for two people who aren’t
married to be living under the same roof. Frankly, I believe this to be outdated and
backwards. Sadly, though, a lot of us go through life accepting it.

Some of us have it in our minds that a couple’s decision to live together primarily comes from
sexual desire. I’m not saying it’s not a factor to consider, but for couples who are serious about
living together, it’s so much more than that. Based on my own experience, sex was definitely not
among our top priorities when my girlfriend and I were considering moving in together. Living
with a partner is essentially not that different from having a roommate—it just so happens that
your roommate is also the person you’re in a relationship with. And there is absolutely nothing
wrong with that. If we could only have this mindset, or as Nadine put it, be more “open-minded”
about the issue, I think we can get rid of the stigma attached to cohabitation. If two consenting,
responsible adults are in a relationship, and they decide that they want to live together, there
should be no reason to think that it’s wrong. As someone who has been happily living together
with his fiancée, I think that at this point, it shouldn’t even be an issue anymore.
https://www.esquiremag.ph/culture/lifestyle/the-case-for-cohabitation-by-someone-who-s-been-there-
a1731-20170717-lfrm

Living Together is Not the Sin

August 3, 2016 by Katherine S. 18 Comments

Living together is very much still a hot topic, especially here in the South, where we’re still
hanging on to the last button on the Bible belt. It’s communally known as “shacking up” and
everyone knows what it means. You’re “living in sin” because you’re living with your
boyfriend, girlfriend, finance(e) and you’re committing a sin against God, not upholding your
responsibilities as a Christian and defiling your body before God.

Let me make a quick confession: My husband and I lived together before we were married.

It was a really trying time.

I do not regret doing it…I am actually glad that we did it. It opened our eyes to a lot of things
about each other and helped us to really test our compatibility in a pressure cooker. But I
wouldn’t recommend it to others.
Here’s the truth about premarital cohabitation. Living together isn’t a sin, but shacking up is.
The difference (and the sin) is often found when you close your doors. Shacking up is
defined + described as:

o casually moving in with someone you regularly hit the sheets with
o Couples who live together (often while having sex) and are not married
o Regularly hitting the sheets with someone you are not dating
o living in sin
o to live together as spouses without being legally married
o to have illicit sexual relations

So why is everyone so up in arms about unmarried people living together?

The issue is not living together, but the sin of fornication. Fornication has always been
rampant and it was just easier for our parents and grandparents to fuss at us about putting
ourselves in situations that were presumed to increase the chances of hooking up versus
actually dealing with the real issue. And contrary to some beliefs, a shared house is not the
only place were couples can get hot and steamy, so fussing about living together is only the
beginning of the conversation.

The Bible doesn’t actually say anything about living together before marriage but it speaks
consistently about purity and keeping your body as a Holy temple. When the Scriptures
don’t speak about one thing explicitly, we are to use the commands and guidance left for us
to deduce the appropriate response. How does this apply to shacking up or moving in
together before the wedding?

o “Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but
the immoral man sins against his own body.” {1 Cor 6:18} The devil is on the
prowl. He’s out to get people on his team and he’s aggressively pursuing those who
are already #TeamJesus. Think about this: when you are baptized, you receive an
indwelling measure of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit and sin cannot exist in the same
place. Your body is the temple where the Holy Spirit resides. When you open yourself
to sin {opening your legs, spewing sin through your words, letting sinful thoughts into
your ears and mind} the Holy Spirit is like nah, I can’t be here right now…and *throws
deuces* You open yourself to sin and the punishment of sin to enter in because you
have no spiritual protection left. You have to guard your heart {Proverbs 4:23} and
your mind {1 Peter 1:13; Rom 12:2} and your eyes {Psalm 101:3} so if living with your
intended before bands are in place breaks down your guards, then rethink that.

o “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to
test you, as though something strange were happening to you.” {1 Peter 4:12}
This Scripture is talking about suffering for being a Christian, but as it applies to this
situation, here is a common sense interpretation: You jumped into the pot, so don’t be
surprised that the water is hot! Can you resist his beard? Can you resist her curves? If
the answer is anything other than a resounding YES! then maybe you shouldn’t move
in before you’re married. It’s very easy to say that you can resist the temptation but
actions speak much louder than words. To thine own self be true…you know what
your temptations and weaknesses are. Don’t put yourself into a situation and then be
caught off guard by all of the decisions you have to make in the interest of your
salvation. You can’t be mad at anyone but yourself when the water bill goes up
because someone is running a cold shower every other hour…

o “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?
Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor
effeminate, nor homosexuals,…” {1 Cor 6:19} How much do you really love your
S.O.? When we were premaritally co-habitating, it was hard to resist sexual
temptation. Have you seen the beard on that man?? But I had to do it. I had to
consider how much I loved him. Like, love loved him. I knew that I loved him enough
to not condemn his soul. All I could think about was the “what-ifs?” What if we gave in
and he died in his sleep? What if we hooked up and I died in a car accident the next
day? My friends laughed at my obsession with death, but I had to be spiritually
realistic about it. No man knows the time or the hour and we didn’t want to take away
our salvation or put ourselves in a place where we didn’t have the chance to repent. If
he was going down, it wasn’t going to be because of me! Remember Eph 5:5

o No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God
is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when
you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. {1 Cor
10:13} What is the floor plan of your dwelling? Is it a loft-style apartment that calls for
you to be in close contact every moment? Do you have separate rooms on opposite
sides of the house? How many pillows do you own? When we lived together pre-
 marriage, there were times that he did sleep in the bed with me, but we didn’t cuddle.
We didn’t even hold hands. I often slept directly on the mattress because I needed a
little extra barrier that night. I mean, look at that beard…!

Living together is not the sin. But the temptation of fornication is not restricted to your living
arrangements. We survived our ordeal of living together with our salvation…and a little bit of
our sanity…intact. I don’t know if we would make the same decision if we went back in time,
but we know in the midst of it all, we always make sure that we know what’s most important
in our relationship…our responsibility to and relationship with Christ.
Marriage may not be right for everyone. Some couples may want to avoid the formalities
involved with legal marriage. Others may want to keep their financial affairs and debt
burdens separate. Whatever the case may be, some couples choose to live together
without the benefit of a legal union. There are, however, differences between how
marriage and cohabitation relationships are treated under the law. Below, you’ll find
explanations of a number of these differences.

MARRIAGE COHABITATION (Living Together)

Marriage requirements -- which Cohabitation can be entered into any time, by

vary from state to state -- include anybody of any age and any gender, with no
a license, a waiting period, blood formal requirements.
tests, minimum ages, a ceremony
officiated by a clergyperson or an
officer of the court, and
witnesses.

Marriage must be ended by a Usually can be ended simply and informally

formal, legal divorce or annulment upon the agreement of the parties. Often,
process that can be costly, time however, the emotional costs are the same as
consuming, complicated, and or similar to those experienced at the end of a
emotionally draining. marriage.

Divorcing spouses have the At the end of a cohabitation relationship, the

obligation to divide parties can usually divide property however
their property by legally they wish. However, the absence of legal
prescribed methods. guidelines may create even more conflict as to
who gets what.

A higher-wage-earning spouse Couples who live together and then split up

may have the obligation to
provide financial support for the
other spouse upon separation or
divorce.
usually do not incur the obligation
to support each other after the break-up,
unless they have entered into a contract
providing otherwise. While this may seem a
boon to the supporting partner, a partner who
has become accustomed to being supported
may face unexpected financial hardship after
the split.

If one spouse becomes ill or
incompetent, the other spouse
generally has the right to make
decisions on the ill spouse's
behalf, on issues including health
care and finances.
No matter how close the bond or how long the
relationship has existed, a cohabitant may need
to defer to immediate family members when it
comes to making decisions for an ill or
incompetent unmarried partner, unless a
general power of attorney or health care power

When one spouse dies, the other
spouse has the legal right
to inherita portion of the
deceased spouse's estate.
Children born during the
marriage are presumed to be the
offspring of the husband and wife.
Children born to married couples
must be
financially supportedduring the
marriage.
After separation or divorce, the
non-custodial parent generally is
legally obligated to help
financially support the children of
the marriage.
of attorney give that authority to the
cohabitating partner.
When one cohabitant dies, his or her property
will pass to whomever is named in the will or, if
there is no will, to family members according to
state laws. The surviving partner has no claim
to the estate unless he or she was named in the
deceased partner's will.
The father of a child born to unmarried
cohabitants is not entitled to a legal
presumption of paternity, and may have
to establish his paternity through blood tests
and a legal action.
The male in a cohabitating partnership does not
incur an immediate legal obligation
to support children born during the
cohabitation, but may do so voluntarily (and
MUST do so if paternity is established).
After a cohabitating relationship ends, the non-
custodial parent has the same legal obligation
to support his or her children as legally
separated or divorced parents, if parentage has
been established.
Many couples choose to live together or buy property together before they
get married — or, in many cases, instead of marriage altogether.

You may not realize this, especially if you’ve been in a relationship for a
significant amount of time, but living together actually gives you and your
partner no legal rights when it comes to making medical, financial or legal
decisions on each other’s behalf. Without the default protections of
marriage — or, in some states, a legally recognized common-law marriage —
you’ll need to take extra steps to protect both yourself and your partner.

Use these legal documents to get similar protections to those of a married

couple.

1. Cohabitation Agreements

Cohabitation agreements are permitted by many states, and allow

unmarried couples to agree on financial obligations to each other, both
during cohabitation and after it ends (either due to breaking up or death).
For example, a cohabitation agreement can detail who is responsible for
which of your monthly expenses, or how much money each of you is
expected to put in a joint account in order to pay for these monthly
expenses; this can be especially helpful if you have disparate salaries.

If you own property with your partner, the agreement can also outline what
happens to the property if you break up — who will purchase the other’s
interest, and for how much, and who will move out and when.

If you want, the agreement can additionally state what each of you promises
to leave to the other upon death — such as each other’s interest in the real
estate, for example.
2. Wills and Beneficiary Designations

If you were to die without a will, your state’s intestacy laws would dictate
who will inherit your property. If you’re unmarried with no children, these
laws typically leave assets to your parents or siblings. So if you want your
partner to inherit your property, you’ll need a will that says so explicitly.

Some assets, such as retirement benefits and life insurance, pass by

beneficiary designation rather than by your will. So if you want your partner
to inherit these assets as well, it is also extremely important to make sure
your beneficiary designation forms for all retirement accounts and life
insurance policies — whether through your employer or not — are executed
properly.

3. Advance Directives for Health Care

While no one has the automatic power to make your health care decisions if
you become incapacitated, doctors typically look to a patient’s closest living
relatives, provided there are no major disagreements.

If you’re married, your spouse may be considered your closest living

relative. If you’re unmarried with no children, your closest relatives are your
parents, if they’re living; if they’re not, then it’s your siblings.

Either way, your (unmarried) significant other has no legal rights.

The solution is to make sure you have a valid advanced directive for health
care, such as a health care proxy or a durable power of attorney for health
care. These documents essentially let you appoint your significant other to
make your medical decisions if a physician determines you are unable to do
so yourself.

Each state has its own specific rules, but states typically provide a form
online that complies with their own law.

4. Durable Powers of Attorney

Like health care advance directives, durable powers of attorney are intended
for use if you become incapacitated and cannot make decisions for yourself.
In this case, durable powers are used to manage your financial affairs; the
documents let you grant legal and financial authority to a named individual
(called an attorney-in-fact).

If you and your live-in partner share financial assets and responsibilities, it
may be wise to execute these documents and give each other the authority to
act on each other’s behalf. Beware, however, that these documents give your
partner access to all of your finances. Sign powers of attorney in favor of
only those individuals that you trust implicitly.

Living together or owning property with your significant other can be an

incredible thing. But it’s important to be smart and protect yourself too. By
getting the right legal documents in place early on, you can protect yourself,
your finances, and your property — and give yourself peace of mind as well.

Cohabiting couples are happier than

wedded ones
January 23, 2012
Musick

When it comes to the well-being of married vs. cohabitating couples, the

wedded ones experience few advantages in psychological well-being, health
or social ties, according to a new study in the February issue of the Journal of
Marriage and Family (74:1).
The research, co-authored by Kelly Musick, associate professor of policy
analysis and management at Cornell's College of Human Ecology, and
sociologist Larry Bumpass of the University of Wisconsin-Madison, reports a
spike in well-being immediately following both marriage and cohabitation as
couples experienced a honeymoon period with higher levels of happiness and
fewer depressive symptoms compared with singles. However, these
advantages are short-lived.
Marriage and cohabitation both resulted in less contact with parents and
friends compared with remaining single -- and these effects appeared to
persist over time.
"We found that differences between marriage and cohabitation tend to be
small and dissipate after a honeymoon period. Also while married couples
experienced health gains -- likely linked to the formal benefits of marriage
such as shared health care plans -- cohabiting couples experienced greater
gains in happiness and self-esteem. For some, cohabitation may come with
fewer unwanted obligations than marriage and allow for more flexibility,
autonomy and personal growth," said Musick.
"Marriage has long been an important social institution, but in recent decades
western societies have experienced increases in cohabitation, before or
instead of marriage, and increases in children born outside of marriage," said
Musick. "These changes have blurred the boundaries of marriage, leading to
questions about what difference marriage makes in comparison to
alternatives."
Previous research has sought to prove a link between marriage and well-
being, but many studies compared marriage to being single, or compared
marriages and cohabitations at a single point in time.
This study compares marriage to cohabitation while using a fixed-effects
approach that focuses on what changes occur when single men and women
move into marriage or cohabitation and the extent to which any effects of
marriage and cohabitation persist over time.
The researchers used a sample from the National Survey of Families and
Households of 2,737 single men and women, 896 of whom married or moved
in with a partner over the course of six years. The study focused on key areas
of well-being, considering questions on happiness, levels of depression,
health and social ties.
"Compared to most industrial countries, America continues to value marriage
above other family forms," concluded Musick. "However our research shows
that marriage is by no means unique in promoting well-being and that other
forms of romantic relationships can provide many of the same benefits."
The study was funded in part by the National Institute of Child Health and
Human Development and the Office of Behavioral and Social Sciences.

http://news.cornell.edu/stories/2012/01/cohabiting-couples-are-happier-
wedded-ones
We've heard married people are happier, but that might not be a reason to rush to the
altar, according to a new study.

In terms of health, self-esteem, and psychological well-being, marriage offers little

benefit over simply living together without wedding rings, the study found.

It's the relationship itself, rather than its official status, that's key to its benefits, said
study researcher Kelly Musick, an associate professor of policy analysis and
management at Cornell University's College of Human Ecology.

"Being in a romantic relationship, irrespective of the legal form, does provide benefits
over remaining single," Musick said.
Moreover, the findings suggest that for some, cohabitation may be the better option than
marriage, Musick said. Participants who cohabited in the study were happier and had
greater self-esteem than those who were married. This may be because cohabitation
offers more room for independence and personal growth, which may be particularly
important for some people at certain stages in life, Musick said.

The study is published in the February issue of the Journal of Marriage and Family.

Marriage vs. cohabitation

Many previous studies looking at the benefits of marriage have focused on comparing
married couples with single people, or comparing married with cohabiting couples at
one point in time.

The new study followed 2,737 single men and women over six years to see what
happened when they entered a relationship or got married. The study data were drawn
from national surveys given in the late 1980s and early 1990s.

Participants rated their overall health and happiness, and were also asked questions to
assess their self -esteem, depression and the strength of their ties to friends and family.

Over the study period, close to 900 participants married or began living with a romantic
partner.

In general, both marriage and cohabitation came with an uptick in well being. Those
who got married or started living with a partner experienced higher levels of happiness,
and lower levels of depression, than those who remained single, although these
advantages faded with time.

People who married did report better overall health compared with those who cohabited,
which may be explained by the entitlements (such as health insurance for spouses) that
come with marriage.

However, marriage and cohabitation also reduced contact with family and friends
compared to being single, and this effect lasted over time.
The researchers noted it's been about 20 years since the surveys they used were
performed, and the relative benefits of marriage versus cohabitation may have changed
in recent years.

However, it's not clear whether their findings would be more or less true today, Musick
said. On the one hand, the experiences of marriage and cohabitation have become
increasingly similar. But on the other hand, marriage may still hold a greater social
status than cohabitation in the United States, she said.

Better off married?

The new findings are extremely valuable because they provide a clearer picture of the
advantages of marriage, and counter the view that "marriage is the solution to so many
of our problems" said Gary Lee, professor and chair department of sociology at Bowling
Green State University in Ohio, who was not involved in the study. "I think that’s an
incredibly naive view," Lee said.

People who claim marriage brings great benefits to everyone "are kind of cherry-picking
the research," Lee said.

In reality, the people who aren't getting married may not be doing so because it won’t
make them any better off, Lee said. In today's economic environment, marriage does
not bring the same financial benefits as it used it, he said.

The researchers emphasized that "we are certainly not saying that marriage is irrelevant
for individual well-being," Musick said. For some, marriage may be a great source of
happiness.
Still, the findings call into question the value of using limited resources on campaigns to
promote marriage over other family forms, Musick said. More research is needed to
better inform policy-makers about the advantages, or lack thereof, of such campaigns.

https://www.livescience.com/18026-marriage-cohabitation-benefits.html