OPTION C: THEORIES OF LOVE AND YOU

Identify some relationships that you have observed in the past (either your own or other’s) and
evaluate those relationships using either or both of Lee’s and Sternberg’s theories of love. Since
we may know some of these people, try not to use real names. For your paper, describe the
relationship and then tell what type of love they had in their relationship. Explain how you
arrived at your conclusion.

I like romantic movies, stories, books and music with a message of love. Most of us

describe love as a deep feeling, but it’s also a power to act and do what is correct. It is through

love that we have the capacity to change and strengthen our relationships. Love can be painful

and complicated, but it is also one of the most basic and fundamental needs. Love can be

uncertain. We cannot buy it or demand someone love us, and it catches us by surprise. In other

words, love is complicated, but worthy of trying. Chapter 5 in our book provides us with

information about the theories of love. Psychologist John R. Lee, in his theory of love styles

teaches there is different styles of love and also cautions us “… that we need to be aware these

are relationships styles not individual styles--He adds that the style of love may, change as the

relationship changes or when individuals enter different relationships…” (Strong & Cohen,

2016, p. 168). Following, I share my three concepts about love styles.

Eros’ style: This is most commonly portrayed in movies as love at first sight. This is

romantic or passionate love. People who experience this style of love…”are fascinated by every

detail of their beloved…” (Strong & Cohen, 2016, p. 168). It contains strong physical and

emotional attraction. Florentino Ariza, the main character in Gabriel Garcia Marquez’ novel

Love in the Time of Cholera concludes that the symptoms of love were the same as those of
cholera: Physical strong feeling that can make you feel sick. Eros’ style creates excitement at

the beginning of our relationships and tends to idealize love.

In contrast with Eros style, Storge’s style is characterized by profound love between

companions. Lee described it as, “…Love without fever, tumult, or folly, a peaceful and

enchanting affection…” (Strong & Cohen, 2016, p. 108). This style is a process, people

experience love gradually and slowly. This is the type of love that parents feel for their children

or couples for their spouses. It is natural and unforced. Through this style we develop mutual

protection caring for our families. Also, it usually “… Begins as friendship and then gradually

deepens into love - This type of love occurs and ends gradually -The couple eventually becomes

friends again…” (Strong & Cohen, 2016, p. 168). I have been the benefactor of this love

through my own family.

Agape’s style is described as the purest form of love. It is altruistic, unconditional,

selfless and willing to sacrifice for the welfare of others. This type of love is attributed to saints,

missionaries and people who love you just the way you are. When I think about this love, I

realize that Jean Valjean, the maintain character in Les Miserables, has it within him. People

who have this type of love in their relationships want to feel worthy and it is important for them

to know that others love them. In the case of Jean Valjean, his reward was to know that God

forgave his sins and he was worthy of going to heaven. In our text book we read that “… love is

also expressed behaviorally…” (Strong & Cohen, 2016, p. 167). Agape’s love gives symbolic

evidence with actions such as giving gifts, sharing physical and spiritual things, doing small

favors, and doing more for others than they do for us, without expecting anything in return.
 I like the section in the book which highlights “… contrary to what pessimist believe,

many people find love in their lives - Although we increasingly understand the dynamics and

varied components of love, it is important to remember that love is present in the everyday

world…” (Strong & Cohen, 2016, p. 189). Unconditional love is the essence of our lives. It

feels good to love and be loved.

References:

Strong, B., & Cohen, T. F. (2017). The marriage and family experience: Intimate relationships
in a changing society (13th ed.). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth

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