who i was, from the

start
by darkaslay/daylightfireworks
prologue
The room bounced with the bass and Yuri put on her headphones to check if it wasn’t too loud.
She slid down the bass booster and no longer felt the music in the soles of her feet.

Nope, too low.

She brought it up a few notches until the low thump resounded in her fingers and left it alone.

Next to her the smoke machine started again and she breathed in the fake gas. It made her throat
tight, every time, and she reached for the water bottle under the booth.

Salt from her sweat mixed together when she licked her lips and she smiled—the crowd was
larger tonight than most days.

The current song winded down and she grazed her index finger along the groove of the record,
feeling, listening, for that certain moment and scratched the record, the vibration like adrenaline
running up her arm.

Her shoulder swiped the left headphone off her ear and the once dulled music burst from the
speakers. She raised the treble, the singer’s voice much more distinct now. Her finger was back
on the record instantly, her other hand occupied with the equalizers, searching for that perfect
beat, knowing she’ll never find it. But she tried week after week because by the end of her three
hour set she was close, so close that her blood flowed according to the song and perfection was
at her fingertips.

“Yul! Wake up, damn it!”

Yuri threw the headphones to rest on her shoulders, startled by the invasion. It was easy for her
to get lost in the world she created out of music and breaking the trance so violently always left
her a little shell shocked.

“What?!” she yelled back.

Seunghyun brought his arm up and tapped his watch. Yuri didn’t need to be told more. She
turned on her microphone and pulled it towards her before carefully lowering the music.

“Alright guys, that’s it for me. Time for the playback.” The crowd moaned collectively at Yuri’s
departure. Yuri was just as disheartened as they were. “See you next week.”

The whopping still went on even after Yuri stepped down from the stage.

In the employee lounge Seunghyun handed her a towel and water.

“Good job kid. You think you can go for another hour?”
2
Yuri’s legs hurt from standing for three hours straight, she was starving, her head was beginning
to pound characteristically, and the muscles in her hands felt too big for her skin.

“Hell yes.”

But there wasn’t any place better than that DJ booth.

It was one in the morning and Yuri’s day had begun.

Yoona pulled out the little umbrella from her drink and stuck it in her mouth. Somewhere in the
blur of bodies were her friends but everything was unrecognizable from the combination of the
staccato strobe light and alcohol.

Each week it was the same thing, over and over again, and Yoona started to find it difficult
putting events into separate nights. Maybe she was weird, because there were people that envied
her, that would have given up limbs to be her, to do and see the things she did. It was like
everyone refused to see beyond their bubble of riches and entertainment to acknowledge that a
whole other world lay outside of theirs and if you wanted to, you were considered a nutcase
because what other world was better than this one?

“Hi.” It was a boy from school, or at least she thought so, hoped so, because it wouldn’t feel so
desperate hooking up with a complete stranger. “Want to get out of here?”

Yoona looked back to the dance floor but saw no one familiar and put the umbrella back into her
full drink. The boy’s palm was sweaty and she could have done without the stench of his cologne
but she wasn’t going to be picky.

Guys like him broke the monotonous routine, if only for a few sparse hours and made Yoona feel
like the amazing life she was supposed be thankful for less like a trap.

Yuri stepped out from the club into the equally humid air of the outside. Between the buildings
from across the street she could see the sky tinged a lighter color; the sun would be up
momentarily. She unhooked her helmet from her bike and fast it on her head.

The night had been good to her and the high she was on would last until well into the day. She
started the engine, the bike roaring to life and left the lot, waiting for dark to begin again so she
could get a new hit.

He was babbling something about his yacht, or his father’s yacht, and Yoona was trying to listen
and be interested, she really was, but she wasn’t drunk enough to be humored.

3
“I’m happy you’re here, Yoona. I’ve liked you for a long time.”

“Oh.” Now she felt bad. “What’d you say your name was?”

“Seungi, Lee Seungi.”

His smile was something to admire and the least he deserved was her attention. He ushered her
out of the club, past a drunken couple laughing in the hall and into the night, or whatever was left
of it. It was much later (or much earlier depending on who you were) than Yoona had originally
thought. The streetlights would be turned off soon as natural light took over and another day
began.

“Wait here. I’ll go and get my car, okay?”

Yoona nodded and brought her coat tighter over herself though it wasn’t particularly cold. Her
dress didn’t cover much and there were too many leering goons huddling on corners that she
could only identify by the glow of their cigarettes. She was used to ignoring those kinds of eyes
and watched the cars pass by her, the odd time doing nothing to keep people off the roads. Soon
she’d be a part of them, though she doubted that their destinations were as unknown as hers was.
Half the time Yoona didn’t know where she was going but that rarely ever concerned her—as
long as she wasn’t alone, she didn’t worry.

Several shiny cars and a lone motorcycle sped by just as Seungi pulled up.

“You ready to go?”

The car smelled of new leather and the seats were warm, probably heated. She looked at her
silent phone—none of her friends had called or texted about her location, whether she was
conscious or lying in a ditch somewhere. Not that she could really blame them; she wouldn’t
have cared if they suddenly left either.

Seungi turned on some music to drown the silence between them and Yoona let her head rest
against the cool window. Her breath fogged the glass and in the smoky haze she drew a heart
with her finger.

“Do you want to open the window?”

Seungi pressed a button and the window rolled down, smearing Yoona’s heart.

She closed her eyes against the harsh wind and mouthed a quick prayer into the fading darkness.

“Someone, please…help.”

4
don't mistake a shadow for a soul
“…he rides up in this tricked out Eclipse, a spoiler, double exhaust, the works and—Yuri, you
listening?”

Yuri drowsily opened her eyes and brought her feet down from the desk.

“Yea, yea. Eclipse, New Moon, Twilight.”

“No stupid, I’m not talking about Twilight.” Donghae noticed Yuri was acting a little slow, in
terms of comprehension and physical activity. “What time did you get home?”

“Early.”

It wasn’t a lie.

“Early as in early in the morning, right? Did Seunghyun give you another set last night?”

Yuri grabbed a few work orders and flipped through them. Business was slow, not many people
went to a mechanic on Sunday but the inactivity was a good time to catch up on anything she
missed during the week. However, she also had homework to finish so the quicker she’d get
done, the better.

“It was a quick one since his regular cancelled on him.”

“Wow, either he wants to sleep with you or he likes the way you DJ.”

“Let’s hope it’s the latter,” Yuri mumbled, walking over to the desk to look through the catalog
for a certain part.

“Speak of the devil,” Donghae said.

Behind the cluttered window of the shop that overlooked the office they saw Seunghyun. Yuri
rushed to the office, almost knocking over the chair in her hurry.

“Hi Seunghyun. Something wrong with your car?”

Seunghyun slid off his sunglasses and opened his jacket, taking out some papers from the inside
pocket. Yuri feared what he wanted; his seriousness always made her wary of his presence.

“I stopped by because the Golden Fox has its opening next week and to show my gratitude for
last night, here are some passes. Who knows, maybe you’ll land another gig.”

“This is too much, Seunghyun. I can’t accept this.”

5
Yuri wouldn’t even know what to wear to a club opening.

“You earned it.”

He didn’t let Yuri say anything else and threw the tickets at her.

“Thanks!” she called out as Seunghyun left, clumsily grasping the tickets.

“What’d you get?”

Donghae peered over her shoulder. He didn’t like Seunghyun and stayed far from him so he had
watched the scene between him and Yuri through the window.

“Damn!” he swiped the passes out of Yuri’s hands. “The Golden Fox. I heard a bunch of actors
are going to be there.”

“That’s nice.”

Yuri was already back in the garage, her eyes glued to the binder.

“You cannot pass this up, Yul. I know you hate that scene but for people like us to get chances
like this comes around once in a lifetime.”

Donghae was being dramatic, they both knew it, and Yuri was not falling for it.

“You just want me to go so that I’ll take you with me.”

That was true but Donghae still smiled in that way whenever he needed to win someone over.
She couldn’t understand why girls weren’t chasing after him; he certainly had some charm.

“I’ll think about it.”

Before Yuri could finish the sentence Donghae was already jumping up and down with
excitement.

Maybe that was why he was single.

Lunch was Yoona’s most hated period. During it she was crowded from every angle and escape
was impossible if she wanted to keep her status at the school. But being there didn’t mean she
had to pay attention so on most days her imagination kept her head in the clouds, far, far away
from the nonsense her friends spewed.

“So where’d you go Saturday night? One minute you’re there, the next you’re gone.”

6
It took Yoona a few moments to realize the question was for her. She looked to Hyoyeon who
was already looking at her like a mental person.

“Um, nowhere. I just left. It was getting boring.”

They seemed satisfied with the answer and Yoona went back to spacing out.

“Yoona, hi.”

The quiet that erupted directed the entire table’s focus to the voice. Yoona cracked a smile
though it took a lot of effort.

“Hi Seungri, what’s up?”

The boy’s shoulders dropped distinctively, his embarrassment noted by the whole group.

“It’s Seungi, not Seungri.”

Stupid boy was making her feel bad again.

“Oh, right, Seungi. Did you want something?”

Seungi would have jumped out of a building if Yoona asked but he also knew when he wasn’t
wanted and Yoona was making it crystal clear.

“Nothing. You left this in my car on Saturday.”

He took out a lip gloss tube from his pocket and placed it on the table. When he left, Hyoyeon
jumped on her with the questions again.

“Why didn’t you tell us you left with Seungi? Does that mean it’s finally over with Khun? I
thought—”

“I didn’t leave with him,” Yoona sharply corrected what Hyoyeon was trying to imply. Her
minions immediately shut their traps. “He just gave me a ride.”

Once Yoona stopped glaring Taeyeon spoke up (with much trepidation and careful glances at
Yoona) about Seungi—dreamy, perfect Seungi.

When Hyoyeon no longer felt like a kicked puppy she brought up another topic.

“So have you guys heard about the Golden Fox? That place is supposed to be A list celebrities
only and very selective.” Hyoyeon smirked, looking around the table. “So when are we going?”

7
The last bell sounded and Yoona couldn’t get out of her seat fast enough.

“Yoona, wait up!”

Whoever it was, Yoona should have warned them that she was stronger than she looked and
could strangle someone if she had to.

Taeyeon struggled with her stack of books as they walked out of the classroom. The halls were
already filled with people and banging lockers.

“Hyoyeon heard some boy brag that he’s going to the Golden Fox thanks to some Yuri girl. She
said we should go and talk to Yuri. She’ll probably give up the passes if you let her hang out
with us for a week.”

Yoona stopped walking in the middle of the busy hallway and turned to Taeyeon, her voice low
and threatening.

“Don’t talk about her like you know her. She could care less about hanging out with us.”

Taeyeon shrunk before Yoona.

“O-okay, I’m sorry.” They resumed walking and Taeyeon tried again. “It wouldn’t hurt to talk to
her though.”

Yoona dodged a running classman but Taeyeon wasn’t as agile. Half of the girl’s books
collapsed to the floor. Yoona sighed, annoyed; now she would have to wait for Taeyeon.

“So should I tell Hyoyeon that you’ll talk to her?” Taeyeon questioned, stacking her fallen
books.

Yoona refused to talk to Yuri. They were strangers and Yoona wasn’t going to ask her for favors.

“Is it that important for us to—”

Yoona’s speech failed her when someone swooped down next to Taeyeon and started gathering
her books. Lots of people had long black hair at the school and Yoona couldn’t say how she
knew it was Yuri, she just knew.

Taeyeon thanked Yuri, picking up the last two books. Yuri straightened and Yoona kept standing
there, unsure of what to do.

“Yuri,” Yoona acknowledged simply.

Taeyeon messily pushed up her glasses before shifting her eyes between the two.

“This—this is Yuri?”

8
Never the impolite one Yuri offered Taeyeon a quick smile before looking back to Yoona. Her
smile disappeared.

“Hey Yoona. How are you?”

Yoona was going to respond but then she remembered who she was—her status and
expectations—and changed her demeanor instantly.

“We were just talking about you,” Yoona remarked offhandedly, ignoring Yuri’s question.

“Yes,” Taeyeon said. “We heard you were going to the Golden Fox.”

“I might be.”

“Do you think we could join you?”

Even to Yoona her own voice sounded strangely indifferent, like it wasn’t practiced, like she
truly no longer cared.

“Sure. Mention my name at the door. Try not to bring a lot of people, I only have so much pull.”

Taeyeon let out a happy squeal and dropped a book in the process.

“See you on Saturday,” Yoona said, showing no appreciation that Yuri extended her invitation to
them.

Yuri rolled her shoulder forward to fix her backpack strap, waiting—for what, she didn’t know.

“Yea, bye Yoong.”

Yuri froze for a split second from her slip of the tongue before walking past Yoona and Taeyeon.

“Yoong? Since when do people call you Yoong?”

Yoona had stood frozen as well at hearing her old nickname.

“Since never,” Yoona assured. She didn’t have the time or the will for any reminiscing. “Can we
go now? I can’t stay in this dump for another minute.”

Yoona wasn’t completely lying. No one called her Yoong, not her friends or her family. No one
but Yuri that was.

“Did you have to go and tell everyone about the Golden Fox opening?”

9
Donghae and Yuri slowly waded through the packs of teenagers. They lived close by and
sometimes walked to school but trying to pass through the reckless students in their cars was
hell.

“It’s not like I invited anyone,” Donghae responded defensively.

“People have a habit of inviting themselves, you know.”

“Nah, no one at our school is like that.”

Yuri grabbed the back of Donghae’s shirt and yanked him back as he stepped on the street, a car
almost running him over.

“Thanks,” he said, embarrassed that without Yuri he would have been road kill. Sixteen years old
but he might as well been six.

Technically Yoona had asked, though it seemed like she was forced to.

Yoona was a partygoer but she never crossed to Yuri’s side of town, the poor side. Era200 was
out of Yoona’s “cool” jurisdiction so Yuri never saw the girl. Yuri never made much of an effort
to hang out in flashy clubs like the Golden Fox either.

“Are you going to try to talk to the owner? See if you can get a job?” Donghae asked.

“I’m a steady at Era and I have the garage, I don’t need more work.”

“But I thought you always wanted to DJ at a club like that.”

“Yea, but not now. Maybe when I finish school.”

They finally got out of the school zone and entered their block.

“My mom’s making Italian tonight. You should come over.”

Donghae did this everyday and Yuri would thank him for the offer but she always declined. She
would never forget their hospitality and on a dark day she might use it but Yuri wasn’t a child
anymore and couldn’t be dependent on them.

At home Yuri went about switching on the lights and putting on music. She pulled out a folded
piece of paper from the back pocket on her jeans and noticed that her list was getting long. She
ripped out a clean sheet from her notebook and placed it next to the worn one so that she’d
remember to take it the next day.

On Mondays she wasn’t needed at the garage and she dreaded the long afternoon after school.
When she was finished with her homework it was dark outside, as per the norm. She reheated

10
some of the dinner she had left over and sat in the same chair she had been sitting since
childhood.

The other chairs were empty, gathering dust, but Yuri wouldn’t dare touch them. They served as
a daily reminder of everything Yuri had lost, of everything she missed but mostly of everything
she would never get back.

“Mom? Dad? Anyone home?”

Yoona stood still in the foyer, listening for any kind of sound but was met with nothing but her
own breathing. She should have known—the driveway was empty and the lights were off.

Feeling hungry she checked the fridge but found only scattered condiments and old Chinese that
she didn’t even want to risk opening.

“Unnie?”

Yoona closed the fridge and looked over to her little sister.

“Hey gorgeous,” Yoona said, lifting Jiyoung to rest the five year old on her hip. “Where’s
mommy?”

“Sparkly store! Only five minutes,” Jiyoung said, putting up an open hand.

Yoona doubted that.

“Are you hungry?” Jiyoung feverishly nodded while Yoona walked to the phone. “Want some
pizza?”

“Pizza again!”

Yoona set Jiyoung down and pressed the speed dial for the pizza place.

“Go get washed up and I’ll order, okay?”

Jiyoung was out the door, yelling about cheese, extra, extra cheese.

They ate their pizzas by the TV. It had been over two hours, not five minutes, before their
mother came home.

“I’m so sorry, guys.” Their mother gave them quick air kisses on their cheeks. “But Mr. Jung
was so stubborn. He expected me to pay the original price for this but after some convincing he
reduced it. Isn’t it lovely?”

11
Yoona’s mother showed her neck and the new diamond necklace.

“Yea mom, it’s nice.”

“Sparkly!” Jiyoung shouted, reaching for it with greasy fingers.

“No, no, no. This is not a toy.”

Yoona saw Jiyoung’s bottom lip start to quiver at her mother’s dismissal.

“Come on Jiji, let’s go take a bath with boatie. I’m sure he misses you.”

Jiyoung brightened at the mention of her toy boat and went to the bathroom without anymore
persuasion.

“Thank you, sweetie. I would do it but you’re so much better with her than I am.”

Her mother leaned forward but was hesitant with how to proceed. She ended up patting Yoona’s
head twice and went upstairs. Staring until her mother was gone, Yoona angrily hissed under her
breath.

“If you spent some time with her than she wouldn’t treat you like a stranger.”

But Yoona wouldn’t wish the horrible childhood she had at home on anyone. She could have
ignored Jiyoung but then the child would have grown up to be like Yoona and one miserable
person in their household was enough.

the people we once knew as us

Yuri didn’t arrive at the Golden Fox until well after midnight. She was planning on not going at
all but Donghae had texted her that the place was everything he had imagined and she’d be
stupid not to come. Curiosity got the best of her.

Her reluctance with going had nothing to do with the club but rather with the people who were
attending it. They were assholes and snobs and she didn’t need anyone’s condescending or
pitying looks.

But it would have been rude not to come after Seunghyun invited her.

She quickly changed into something more presentable and left the comfort of her bed. She would
say hi to Seunghyun and leave, avoiding everyone else at all costs.

Yuri knew she was in the right place when she rode up, the line inside going all the way down
the block. The bouncers weren’t letting anyone in and she wasn’t sure if she would be an

12
exception. One of the bouncers looked familiar and upon closer inspection she realized who it
was. Unfortunately, he noticed her before she could shirk away.

“Yuri, what’s up baby?”

Taek’s smile was revolting, his eyes running over every curve on Yuri’s body. It never ceased to
make her shudder in disgust.

“Please tell me this is a permanent job relocation.”

“Nah, I’m just helping out Seunghyun. I wouldn’t want you missing me too much.”

He winked but Yuri was too busy keeping down her vomit to notice it.

“The place is packed but I think I can find some space for you,” he said, unhooking the velvet
rope. “Just save a dance for me later.”

Yuri wouldn’t have held a spot for him in a bathroom line let alone saved him a dance.

The first thing her eyes landed on when she got inside was the DJ booth. It wasn’t the typical
arrangement like she had seen in most clubs, where it was either in the back of the room, or
somewhere off to the side. This booth was suspended on metal wires a few meters above the
ground in the center of the dance floor.

“I bet you’re rethinking about taking that job.”

Donghae put a drink in her hand but she pushed it away. She took her bike to the club and
planned to leave on it, sober.

“Have you seen Seunghyun?”

“Yea, he’s up in the VIP area. That place is banging, Yul. Go check it out.”

Yuri walked up the twisted steel steps to the upper level. It wasn’t as crowded but the lighting
made it horrible to see anyone. Two steps in Yuri brought a hand up to her throat, feeling the gas
of the smoke machine. Without water she’d start choking so she went to the small bar in the
corner.

“Hi, can I get a water?”

The bartender gave her a capped bottle and she drank it until that scratchy feeling was gone.

“Yuri?”

Yuri looked to her right and downwards to the short girl next to her.

13
“Hi; Taeyeon, right?”

“Yea, hi. Great club, huh?”

Leaning on the railing, Yuri looked to the dance floor and back to the DJ again. The DJs
turntables looked exquisite and Yuri was itching to get a better view of them. Era’s turntables
were worn out and Yuri didn’t have enough money to buy a new set. If there was anything
attractive about the club it wasn’t the setting or the popularity, it was the DJ booth.

“I guess.”

“We never got to thank you. Without your help we probably wouldn’t have gotten in.”

Taeyeon didn’t seem like the bitchy group of girls Yoona surrounded herself with, but if
anything, Taeyeon was the submissive type, an ideal quality to have to be in Yoona’s circle of
friends.

“There’s an after party at a hotel later. Are you going?”

“No, I’m just here to talk to someone and then I’m going home.”

Taeyeon was confused by that, like what normal seventeen year old went to a club just to “talk to
someone.”

On Yuri’s right Hyoyeon popped up.

“Then you’re leaving soon?” Hyoyeon asked.

Yuri nodded to avoid yelling over the music.

“This might be a little out of line but could you do us a favor? Yoona’s not feeling well and we
really want to get into that after party but by the time we get her home they might not let anyone
else in.”

Hyoyeon’s voice was sickeningly sweet, in a very fake way. Girls like her always knew what
angle to play to get what they wanted. Yuri was well versed in those tricks—Hyoyeon didn’t
directly ask for help because she wanted Yuri to offer and if Yuri offered then Hyoyeon owed
her nothing.

“Yea, I’ll get her home.”

“Really? Are you sure? Thanks so much. She’s at the table in the back.”

Taeyeon looked upset with how Hyoyeon used Yuri but one bark from Hyoyeon and Taeyeon
obeyed immediately.

14
Yoona was at the table like Hyoyeon had said but in a worse condition than Yuri expected.
Checking for any prying eyes, Yuri slid into the booth next to the slumped girl.

“Yoona, are you awake?”

No response, no movement.

Yuri leaned closer, smelling perfume and old cigarette smoke on Yoona’s body.

“Yoona,” Yuri said, louder.

Yoona’s head snapped upright with an irritated scowl the alcohol couldn’t mask.

“What? Oh, it’s you.”

“I’m here to take you home.”

“What are you? My mother? I’ll stay here as long as I like.”

“But the club’s closing and if we don’t go now, you’re going to end up walking home.”

It was a lie but one tug Yoona’s arm and she was up.

“Where’s Hyoyeon and Taeyeon?”

Yuri searched for an elevator because the stairs seemed like a death trap but found none. Stairs it
was then.

“I think they went to some after party.”

“Figures,” Yoona scoffed. “They’re so useless.”

“Maybe you need new friends.”

They took each declining step slowly with the utmost caution. Yuri’s grip on Yoona’s waist
probably hurt but it was nothing compared to what they would feel if they fell.

“Are you offering?”

Yoona turned her head to look at Yuri as she asked the question, completely missing the last step
and they stumbled forward but luckily Yuri’s sobriety and firm hold on Yoona kept them from
colliding with the floor.

“Let’s just get you in a taxi, okay?”

15
Yoona slid her hands off Yuri’s shoulders once they were on solid ground, feeling angry and
embarrassed. Yuri didn’t know her, she had no right to judge Yoona or look at her like she was
some failure or disappointment. They both lost that privilege years ago.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Yoona spat, pushing Yuri and her steady hands away.

“Like what?”

The hallway was relatively empty save for a couple making out at the end but the light barely
reached them so they were spared the indecency.

“Like, ‘Oh Yoona, what happened to you? You used to be such a nice girl.’” Yoona’s anger was
stemming from something else, it wasn’t Yuri’s fault, but Yoona was drunk and needed an outlet
so Yuri let the girl berate her. “You can’t judge me. You don’t even know me anymore.”

Yuri shrugged.

“That’s right, I don’t.”

Yoona was anticipating something more—anger, sadness, defense—not indifference.

“You never gave a shit, did you?”

Now Yuri was pissed. Maybe she should have given Yoona a pass seeing she was drunk and not
thinking straight but the years of suppression were boiling over. Before she could school Yoona,
a boy twice their size appeared from the hallway opposite them.

“Yoona? I thought that was you. What are you doing here?”

Yoona turned her back to Yuri and buried her head in the boy’s chest.

“Thank God you’re here, Khun. Can we go home?”

He ran his hand down her hair and spoke softly.

“Of course.” He looked to Yuri with an apologetic smile. “Thanks for watching out for her
Yuri.”

Yuri nodded and bent her head towards the dirtied floor as they left. Yoona’s life may have been
shit but if there was anyone who could help her, it was Khun.

As she made her way back into the club she remembered bitterly that there was a time when she
was in Khun’s place.

16
Meeting and talking with Yoona had done a number on Yuri so she allowed herself a small glass
of beer to numb the evening’s event but so far she’d only taken one sip. Alcohol just wasn’t her
thing.

“Well look who’s come to grace us snobby folk with her wholesome presence.”

Yuri saw the legs and heels first but she knew who it was before looking up.

“Hi to you too Tiffany.”

“You look like someone set your bike on fire. What’s the matter?”

Tiffany brushed Yuri’s hair behind her ear and Yuri leaned her head toward the familiar touch.

“Just seeing and talking to people I shouldn’t have seen and talked to.”

The smart thing would have been to ignore Tiffany’s hand on her neck and not get involved
again. Their relationship was a casual one but its ambiguity had taken a toll on Yuri; Yuri wanted
Tiffany, with all the strings attached and Tiffany didn’t. They had been through the flings over
and over and doing it again would have either proven Yuri’s stupidity or Tiffany’s invincible sex
appeal. How did that one proverb go? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

“Then let’s go somewhere quieter where we can talk. We can bad mouth the loser who made you
feel crappy, get trashed and you can spend the night at my place.”

“Thanks Tiffany but I—”

“Just to talk. I promise.”

It was better than driving back to that empty house, into an empty bed. Everyone always said to
listen to the heart and even though Yuri’s heart wasn’t exactly clear with its needs, she was sure
of one thing— she was lonely and she didn’t want to be anymore.

gentle light that strays and vanishes and

returns
Yoona pulled the covers over her head to keep the invading sun away.

A faint giggling kept her awake and once she heard her target was close enough she threw back
the covers and roared. Jiyoung screamed and Yoona lifted her onto the bed before she could run.

“I’m very hungry!” Yoona yelled out, tickling Jiyoung mercilessly. “Is this little monster hungry
too?”

17
“Yes!”

“What is the little monster hungry for?”

Jiyoung thought for a moment.

“Pancakes!”

“Then let’s go and make some pancakes.”

Jiyoung jumped on Yoona’s back and they ran to the living room to find Khun sprawled out on
the couch.

“Go to the kitchen and get out what you think we need for pancakes,” Yoona told Jiyoung and
set her down.

Yoona sat on the edge of the couch, her hip touching Khun’s. She didn’t want to wake him; the
boy was beautiful, especially in his sleep, but he would be much more comfortable on a bed.

After shaking his shoulder a bit he opened his eyes and once his vision cleared he smiled,
covering her hand with his.

“Morning.”

“You don’t have to wake up, you can go and sleep on my bed if you want.”

“No, no,” he sat up and rubbed his face, revealing another bright smile like he magically rubbed
the sleep away. His puffy eyes said otherwise. “I’m up.”

“Unnie, I’m ready!” Jiyoung shouted from the kitchen.

“Fine, if you’re up then go and help Jiyoung make pancakes while I put the covers back.”

Nichkun stretched his arms over his head and went to the kitchen. Yoona began folding the
blankets, still warm from Khun’s body. From the kitchen she heard him and Jiyoung squabble.

“Jiyoung, no one adds mayonnaise to pancakes, trust me!”

If it wasn’t for the whirr of the drill Yuri would have fallen asleep hours ago. The chair in the
garage was molded to her half sitting, half laying form and usually she had no trouble with
sleeping with all the banging and drilling but it just wasn’t working out for her that day.

“Rise and shine!”

18
Donghae cleaned some stuff off the desk, including Yuri’s feet and sat on the edge of the desk.

Yuri yawned, barely covering her gaping mouth, and refocused her tired eyes on Donghae’s
bright ones. He was a morning person and Yuri never went to sleep on time to be one as well.

“What do you want?”

“My dad doesn’t pay you to take naps.”

“Your dad doesn’t pay you at all but you still come here almost every day.”

Donghae contemplated that; Yuri had a point.

“I just wanted to see my favorite cousin and talk about the Golden Fox. It was awesome, wasn’t
it?”

Yuri wouldn’t have called it awesome. The words she could have described it as were more akin
to antonyms of awesome.

“Yea, awesome,” Yuri deadpanned.

Their conversation reminded her of something she had forgotten to check before coming to
work. She took out her list and scribbled quickly before stuffing the paper back into her pocket.

“By the way, where’d you go? I stopped by your place afterwards but no one answered.”

Donghae knew and saw more than he let on but Yoona was always a sensitive subject and it had
to be approached lightly.

“I’m here now, aren’t I?”

That was expected.

“I, uh, saw Yoona. Did you?”

Yuri was good; she showed no reaction to the name. Maybe the past had truly become the past.

“Yea, I did.”

“So you left with her, right?”

When Yuri looked at him like she had the desire to rip his head off, he began wishing he
continued with his ‘light’ approach.

“No, I didn’t.”

19
Now Donghae was confused. Yuri was never a liar. Even when they were eight and Yuri broke
his mom’s favorite vase, she admitted it immediately. The girl was beyond her years even as a
kid.

“Then with who?”

“With Santa Claus, okay?”

Whatever drowsiness Yuri felt was gone to make room for anger. She stood and walked to the
office, hoping to escape Donghae. Yuri may have been abnormally honest for a teenage girl but
she had a habit of shirking people so she wouldn’t have to tell the truth.

“Fine, be like that.”

He dropped it and they proceeded to give each other the silent treatment. Yuri kept to herself too
much for her own good (no one should have bottled up their feelings as much as Yuri did) and
Donghae was too nosy for his own good. How they managed to be such good friends could only
be attributed to their ability to forgive and their shared blood.

He thought back to the other night, remembering how ecstatic he felt when he saw Yuri talking
to Yoona. Those two had been inseparable as kids and it broke his heart whenever he saw Yoona
dissolving with those plastic bitches she called friends. They both had changed so much and
Donghae was almost positive that neither had changed for the better.

“She looked so sad,” he accidentally blurted while lost in his thoughts.

Yuri stopped ruffling the papers in the cabinet and looked to him.

She wanted to tell him to shut up but if it was the truth, then why should she?

Yoona decided to skip two days of school after the weekend of the Golden Fox opening. Her
father was working and her mother was God knows where, coming home at random times in the
day so it was up to Yoona to look after Jiyoung. On the third day Yoona called a daycare because
she had a test her teacher wouldn’t make up for any excuse.

Her friends inquired little, they knew Yoona liked to skip but assumed it was because of too
much partying. Her mother was fine with leaving Jiyoung alone but the burn mark on Yoona’s
thigh from trying to make tea when she was home alone at age six was a clear warning sign for
Yoona.

When school was over all she wanted to do was pick up Jiyoung and make sure she was safe.
Because of the days she missed she had to stay at school for longer than usual to finish her work.
At least the parking lot was cleared and she could leave the place much faster.

20
In the car she threw her bag to the passenger seat and stuck the key into the ignition. She turned
it but the car did nothing; it made no movement or sound. She tried it again but her car might as
well been without an engine.

“Shit!”

Yoona rammed the steering wheel with her hand. This was the icing on the cake. She ran through
her options: Nichkun was hours away so he was of no help; Hyoyeon and Taeyeon didn’t have
cars; her parents were gone and she didn’t know anyone else that well to ask for a ride. Her last
resort was a tow truck but she didn’t have the number for that. A lot of the manuals were stored
in the trunk so she went outside to check if in one of them there was a local tow truck service.

She was looking through a thick manual when she heard the purr of an engine not too far. It
caught her attention since she thought she was the only living thing in the parking lot. The sound
belonged to a motorcycle; it began to pass by her but then slowed and turned into the aisle she
was parked in.

Great, now some pervert was going to roll up while she was completely defenseless and with a
dead car.

The bike’s engine died once it was close to her car and the owner stepped off, the black helmet
masking any feature.

“Look asshole, I don’t need any help so you can go and try to save some other damsel in
distress.”

The biker froze for a moment before taking off its helmet.

“You sure you don’t need any help?” Yuri asked, smoothing down her hair.

Yoona stammered, befuddled that it was Yuri. You couldn’t blame her, it wasn’t everyday she
saw a girl on a motorcycle.

“I’m sorry. I thought you were—”

“An asshole,” Yuri finished.

Yoona smiled but behind it she was horrified with how she acted.

Yuri shrugged off her bulky motorcycle jacket and placed it next to her helmet on the bike’s seat.

“Car won’t start?”

“Yea. It was fine this morning but now it’s just dead. It won’t do anything.”

Yuri sat in the driver’s seat and checked for some of the more obvious things.

21
“Did you turn on the headlights now or have they been on since this morning?”

No, Yoona turned them off, she had to have.

“I’m not sure.”

With the mess her house was in and worrying about school and Jiyoung, maybe she forgot to
turn them off.

“Hopefully it’s just your battery. I’ll call the garage and get a tow truck here.”

“Will it take long to get it running again?”

“If it’s just your battery, then it’ll just take a few minutes.”

Yuri called her uncle and explained the situation. Normally it would take them about an hour but
Yuri said Yoona was a friend and to get someone out as soon as possible.

They didn’t speak while they waited for the tow truck though Yoona’s conscience nagged her to
apologize. Yuri had done nothing to deserve the treatment Yoona gave her at the Golden Fox.

Yuri wanted to apologize too though there was nothing she was sorry for. But she was taught to
be the bigger man sometimes. As much crap that had transpired that night, Yuri wouldn’t deny
that for a quick second, she felt eight again and that everything could be made right with cookies
and a hug.

The tow truck came before either of them could put their pride aside to talk. It turned out the car
was in worse shape than Yuri thought and needed to be taken to the shop. Yoona was forced to
call a taxi while the tow truck drove away with her car.

“Thanks for the help. The taxi will be here in a few minutes so you can go.”

Darkness was creeping up on them; Yuri wasn’t about to let Yoona wait by herself.

“It’s okay. I’ve got nowhere to be.”

They waited and waited until Yoona felt like she could choke on the awkwardness between
them.

“I can’t believe you got a motorcycle.”

Yuri ran her hand down the steering bar. She was proud of her bike, proud that she got it with her
hard earned money.

“I said I would, didn’t I?”

22
Yoona remembered Yuri’s ambition and determination to get a real motorcycle. It was a joke to
her, they were just kids then after all, but she had always underestimated Yuri.

“Before we really knew each other I used to sit by the window and watch you ride down the
block, back and forth, back and forth,” Yoona commented.

“That was after I got your doll right?”

Yoona nodded. She still had that doll somewhere, in the attic probably.

“I was too chicken to talk to you again and kind of hoped you’d stop by or something. But then I
got tired of waiting so I sat outside one day and—”

“I asked if your doll was okay.”

Yuri replayed the memory in her head. “You were so shy then. For the first week you didn’t say
more than ten words maybe.”

“You’re exaggerating. I said more than that.”

“I don’t know. For a while I thought you didn’t know how to speak at all.”

Yoona had been a shy child, especially with Yuri. No one would be able to tell now but Yuri was
once much taller and so Yoona thought Yuri was at least three years older. It wasn’t just the
height that intimidated Yoona either, it was Yuri’s maturity and composure. Yuri was like an old
soul trapped in a child’s body—she didn’t get jealous, didn’t fight over petty things, and wasn’t
bothered with trivialities like who had the better toy or who the cool kids were. More than that,
Yuri was a protector through and through and Yoona felt safe with her, even when they got into
trouble.

“Whatever,” Yoona said with a roll of her eyes.

The sun had set when the taxi arrived and even then Yuri wanted to follow the girl to make sure
she got home safely. Instead she got on her bike and drove to her own home. She was in a better
mood than she had been the day before or Monday, and it angered her (though she knew she had
no control over it) because Yoona shouldn’t have affected her this much anymore. It just wasn’t
fair.

Her house was one of the few with absolutely no lights on, inside or outside. It was a family
neighborhood and by this time most of the houses appeared as though there was some kind of
life going on inside them. The light in Donghae’s room was on but she wasn’t up to bothering
him. She parked the bike in her garage and thought it’d be best to go to sleep early.

“You’re home late.”

23
Yuri put down the set of keys to her house and turned around, the streetlight providing little but
enough light.

“Hey Tiffany.”

Tiffany opened the side door of her car and retrieved two large plastic bags. Yuri quickly went to
help, taking both bags from Tiffany’s hands.

“Always the gentleman, huh Yul?”

“You’d break a nail,” Yuri said over her shoulder.

Tiffany looked at her red fingernails like just the thought was upsetting.

Inside Yuri set the bags on the dining room table. The smell spread from the warm containers,
filling the air, and Yuri’s mouth watered.

“My roomie’s cooking class had to do a whole bunch of dishes with beef today. I thought I’d
steal some and we could devour it together.”

Tiffany opened a white Styrofoam box and picked out a piece doused with red sauce. She held
her other hand under it to keep it from dripping to the floor and put it next to Yuri’s mouth.

“Here, try some. It’s like a mouth orgasm.”

Yuri jerked her head back, taking the piece of meat to eat it herself. Tiffany licked her fingers as
she watched Yuri chew thoughtfully.

“Orgasm, right?”

Yuri smiled at Tiffany’s choice of words.

“Close.”

They ate most of the food on the floor in the living room, listening to the radio and talking. Yuri
liked to listen to Tiffany talk because she often exaggerated everything so it was never short of
entertaining. That and her loud voice kept the quiet thoughts in Yuri’s head away and that was
always a good thing.

“So where were you today? I thought you didn’t work on Wednesdays.”

Yuri rummaged through a container, looking for something more to eat. She was full but it
seemed like a waste not to eat the food then and there.

“A friend had car trouble. I was just helping.”

24
“A boy friend or a girl friend?”

“Why does it matter?”

Yuri put her fork in one of the containers and lied down. The food in her belly would last her for
a good two days. Tiffany observed the girl and began closing some of the boxes. Maybe it was
because Tiffany was majoring in psychology or maybe she was just perceptive, but she knew
how to read Yuri like a book and could see that she didn’t want to talk about it.

“What do you have for first period tomorrow?” Tiffany asked, crawling next to Yuri.

Yuri knew what the question meant and coupled with the grin Tiffany had, it never boded well
for Yuri’s academics.

“I can’t skip, Tiffany. Besides, don’t you have classes tomorrow?”

Tiffany positioned herself over Yuri but she was upside down and the only thing that didn’t look
alien to Yuri was Tiffany’s lips.

“In college there’s a lot of freedom with the whole going to classes thing.”

Tiffany leaned lower and kissed Yuri’s forehead, then Yuri’s eyebrow, then Yuri’s nose.

“Yea, but I’m still in high school. That doesn’t apply to me.”

Tiffany hovered over Yuri’s mouth. She knew that people showed little self control when it came
to her advances, but Yuri always tried to resist a little harder and it was partly why Tiffany kept
coming back to Yuri.

“What makes you think I care?”

Yuri sighed, knowing it was a lost fight. She kept still until Tiffany kissed her and forgot why
she resisted in the first place.

Memory #1,
Yuri is nine, Yoona is eight

Yuri considered heaven to be outside, on the open road (fine, open sidewalk), her legs peddling,
and the whir of the bike’s wheels turning with the whipping wind. The amusement park was fun,
the playgrounds were fun, swimming pools were fun but nothing compared to what riding her
bike made her feel like.

She was making her third round down the block when she spotted a girl by the edge of the road
where the woods began.

25
A long tire mark squealed behind her as she slammed on the brakes. Yuri heard sniffles
unmistakable for anything else other than crying once she was less than a foot away.

“Are you okay?”

The street was deserted and Yuri saw no sign of a parent or an older sibling. The girl turned to
Yuri, her face red and wet from crying.

“My doll fell down there,” she said, pointing down.

Yuri leaned her bike on the kickstand and walked over to the girl. The ditch was black and
brown so it was easy to spot the bright doll.

The girl’s dress was white and it reminded Yuri of those princesses she read about in her books.
The ditch was muddy and there was no way around it— if you stepped into it, you were going to
get dirty. Yuri looked down at her own wardrobe, jeans and a plain shirt. Her mother would kill
her when she got home but better a pair of jeans than a white dress.

Pulling up her sleeves, Yuri scrunched her face, drawing a mental map of the quickest and
easiest way down.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get it.”

She kneeled down and grabbed a fistful of grass as her feet scrambled against the slippery slope.
She hadn’t reached the bottom when she was up to her knees in mud. The doll was in pretty bad
shape too but nothing some water and soap couldn’t fix. But hauling it back up with her was
going to be twice as hard than coming down so Yuri needed to think of a different way of getting
the doll back to the girl.

“Hey, take a step back, I’m going to throw it.”

The girl moved backwards until Yuri could no longer see her and after flicking off a few clumps
of dirt Yuri threw the doll.

“I got it!”

Now Yuri was faced with the task of getting back up. A branch a couple of steps to her left
seemed like the most promising option. She tugged on it twice to check its stability and when she
was satisfied it wouldn’t break, she hoisted herself up but halfway up the branch snapped and her
body slid down.

“Here, take my hand.”

Yuri’s hand was wrist deep in mud and her feet were slipping further with each second that
passed so she grasped the small hand and with some struggle she climbed out of the ditch. She
crawled over to the sidewalk, leaving a trail of mud.

26
“Thank you,” Yuri said.

The girl stood holding the doll in her dirtied hand. Just that small amount of mud did not fit the
girl’s image at all.

“Come on, I know where we can go wash your doll.”

The mud on Yuri’s arms and legs dried quickly and she kept scratching everywhere as she
walked her bike. Once they arrived Yuri leaned the bike on the fence and ran over to the side of
the house.

She used a stick to knock on the window until it opened and a ragged haired boy stuck out his
face.

“Open the gate to the backyard,” Yuri ordered.

“What, why? And what happened to you?”

“Just go and open it.”

Donghae frowned; he hated when Yuri talked to him like she was his boss but if he wanted to be
spared a beating he did as he was told.

In the backyard Yuri untangled the hose and adjusted the nozzle. While she cleaned the doll, the
girl sat under a tree, looking very frail.

“Who is she?” Donghae asked, inspecting the girl from a safe distance.

“I don’t know. Go ask her.”

Donghae scoffed and crossed his arms in a failed attempt to look cool.

“Heck no. She has cooties.”

Yuri didn’t believe in that stuff; her parents had explained to her that there was no such thing as
cooties and their explanation seemed more viable than the one from the kids at school. When she
was finished she gave the clean, albeit wet, doll back.

“Maybe at home you could wash her hair with shampoo or something. I did the best I could with
water.”

The girl smoothed down the doll’s hair and straightened the tiny clothes.

Yuri looked to Donghae who was still by the hose, staring at them like he was waiting for a
bomb to explode.

27
“My name’s Yuri. What’s yours?”

“Yoona,” she said in a timid voice.

“Do you know how to get to your house?”

Yoona shook her head, holding the doll close to her chest.

“Okay, then let’s go and we’ll find it together.”

Yuri extended her hand and Yoona hesitated for a moment before taking it.

It was dusk by the time they found Yoona’s house and Yuri had no idea how Yoona had
wandered so far without anyone noticing or worrying.

“You shouldn’t go out by yourself like that.”

Yoona nodded feebly but it didn’t reassure Yuri.

“Promise me.”

“I promise.”

Yuri stayed by the massive gates until Yoona was safe inside. The mansion seemed fitting, it
suited a princess to live in a castle.

As she walked home, Yuri wondered what it would be like to be friends with a princess.

try again
For Yoona, the best way to wake her mother would be to dump ice cold water on her. It’d give
Yoona the most satisfaction anyway, but this was still her mother and she respected her to some
extent.

“Mom, I need to go to school. Jiyoung’s downstairs watching cartoons.”

Her mother mumbled something Yoona didn’t understand.

“Mom, did you hear me?”

Her mother flipped to the other side, her back to Yoona.

“Yes, yes, honey. Be good.”

28
Yoona stood by the foot of the bed a while longer, wondering if leaving her sister with their
comatose mother was truly a good idea. But Jiyoung was a smart kid and Yoona had already
gone through all the things not to touch or do with her.

It was just until the end of this year, Yoona thought as she went down the stairs, then Jiyoung
would be in school and she wouldn’t have to worry nonstop.

She kissed and hugged her sister goodbye, showing her for the tenth time how to use the phone
in case of emergency. Jiyoung listened obediently even though she had memorized the steps by
the second time.

In the foyer Yoona put her heels inside her backpack and slipped on her sneakers. She’d have to
walk to school and she was not doing it in heels.

She opened the door and stepped forward but the odd sight before her glued her shoes to the
ground.

“Good morning.”

Yoona closed the door behind her and slowly made her way across the stoned path.

“Hi,” she said skeptically.

Yuri dug her fingernails into the soft interior of her helmet. Yoona’s confused expression made
her doubt showing up at Yoona’s doorstep unannounced.

“I thought maybe you needed a ride since your car’s in the shop.”

Yoona just kept staring. She had forgotten that people could be this nice, that Yuri was this nice.
Yuri took Yoona’s silence as thanks, but no thanks.

“Unless Khun’s going to pick you up or you’re going to take a taxi. I should have called earlier.”

And Yuri would have called earlier but Tiffany had more or less kept her tied at home, quite
literally.

“No, it’s okay. I would love a ride.”

Yuri smiled brilliantly, not unlike the way Donghae would. They didn’t share much physical
resemblance but the smiles in their family could be identified easily.

The passenger’s safety was her priority so Yuri gave her helmet for Yoona to wear.

“You look kind of menacing with that,” Yuri joked, zipping up her jacket.

Yoona grinned and put the visor down, hiding her face with the tinted plastic.

29
Once Yoona was sitting behind Yuri she didn’t know what to do with her hands, whether to hold
Yuri or the hand rails in the back. Yuri answered for her when she took Yoona’s hand and
brought it around her waist.

“Hold tight.”

There was a big difference riding a car than riding a motorcycle. On a motorcycle you could feel
the speed, the wind, the freedom, the danger. Yoona looked at the asphalt below her feet only
once, the white strips blending together to make a long streak and her arms stiffened around
Yuri.

It wasn’t until the machine underneath her stilled on the school parking lot that she relaxed.

“Did I go too fast?”

Yoona took off the helmet, her fingers tapping against the plastic, only they weren’t tapping,
they were shaking.

“No. It was a lot of fun.”

A couple of students sent them stray glances and under the pavilion Yoona could see her group
of friends, all looking in her direction with the expression of revulsion and chagrin. Yoona was
crossing over to the dark side and it seemed like they were already planning her dethroning.

“Is it okay if I get a ride back home too?”

“Sure. I’ll meet you here after school.”

Yoona strolled to Hyoyeon, standing close to her to emphasize the height difference.

“What is this? Help the losers day?” Hyoyeon asked incredulously.

The snide remark got a few sniggers; only Taeyeon remained impassive.

“Something like that. Speaking of losers, how pathetic are you? Were you honestly waiting for
me this entire time?”

Hyoyeon was like a dog, if Yoona didn’t show her dominance, Hyoyeon would have walked all
over her.

The bell rang and Yoona went to class, leaving the scowling girls to grumble their discomfort.

Inside the classroom Taeyeon caught up with Yoona. She didn’t want to talk in front of Hyoyeon
and the others and thought a one on one approach would be much better.

“Did something happen to your car?” Taeyeon asked, taking a seat in the desk next to Yoona’s.

30
“Yea, it’s getting fixed right now.”

The bell rung and the teacher stood from his chair, moving as though he was covered in tar. No
one liked school, not even the teachers.

As the teacher talked about some atom’s nucleus, Donghae leaned over towards Taeyeon’s desk.

“Sorry to bother you, but do you have a pen I could borrow?”

Yoona looked over to them out of curiosity. Taeyeon dug into her backpack for a pen, her frantic
movements sounding throughout the whole room. She took out at least ten different pens and
held them out for Donghae.

“W-which one do you want?”

Donghae seemed fascinated by all the colors and picked out a fancy looking one.

“Thanks.”

He got back to his notebook to test out the new pen. Taeyeon stayed in place though, watching
Donghae doodle all over the page.

Yoona raised an eyebrow at the two. Interesting.

Yuri was out of class before Yoona. She was a senior so she had a little more privileges than the
underclassman. Yoona showed up quite early herself; as one of the most feared students at their
school, she also had a few privileges.

“Isn’t class still going on?” Yuri asked her.

Yoona shrugged. It might have been but her economics teacher wouldn’t have noticed she was
gone anyway.

“I was thinking we’d stop by the garage first and see how your car is.”

Yoona was already putting on the helmet. The destination didn’t matter to her, she just wanted to
sit on that bike again.

At the garage Yuri found out from one of the mechanics that the only thing they were waiting on
was a certain part for the battery since the car was custom made. One look under the hood and
Yuri thought she was looking at the inner workings of a computer, not a car.

“Good news is your car is fine other than the battery. Bad news is we have to wait a week until
the part gets in and we install it.”

31
Yoona was looking at some of the pictures on the wall in Mr. Lee’s office. There was one with
all three of them.

“That’s fine.” She pointed to the picture. “I looked like such a baby then.”

“We all did.”

Donghae was sitting on the grass, bare foot, with some kind of ball in his hand while Yoona
stood next to the tree behind him, her dress slightly lifted from the breeze. Yuri was in the tree,
grinning like she just climbed and conquered Mount Everest.

“Didn’t you jump down from the branch and almost break your ankle after we took this picture?”

Yuri stuck her nose in some papers. She had cried then; the whole thing was embarrassing for
her.

“Yea. I did.”

Another framed photo was of Yuri’s parents and Yuri, standing outside their house. Yoona gazed
up at the picture intently. She didn’t have any pictures of them and was beginning to forget what
they looked like.

“Should we go?”

Yoona didn’t know Yuri how survived, how she was still able to smile without her parents. Her
own parents weren’t much of anything, but to think of them gone would have destroyed Yoona.

“Yea.”

When she turned around, Yuri was standing in the doorway with a helmet in each hand.

“Since we’re here, I thought you could get your own helmet. Is green still your favorite color?”

The helmet was black with green spots; it looked like someone threw a bucket of green paint
over it.

“It is. How much is it?”

“It’s a gift, don’t worry about it.”

Yoona tried it on to see if it fit.

“It should be snug; tight but not too tight,” Yuri explained, clipping the strap underneath
Yoona’s chin.

32
Yoona smiled, though the padding blocked her cheeks and she may or may not have looked like
a complete dork.

“Does it look good?”

Yuri slapped the top of the helmet.

“It does.”

Yuri drove slower that time so as not to frighten Yoona but halfway home Yoona yelled for Yuri
to go faster. Yuri complied but she didn’t overdo it; by herself Yuri wouldn’t have cared but
Yoona was her passenger and her safety was Yuri’s responsibility.

“I think I can finally understand why you wanted a motorcycle so much now,” Yoona said once
they were at Yoona’s gate. Her mother’s car was in the driveway meaning she was home so
Yoona didn’t worry about Jiyoung.

Yuri looked at the towering house. The first time she went to play over at Yoona’s she truly felt
small next to the mansion. She always wondered if Yoona felt the same.

“Well, thanks for the ride. And the helmet.”

Not knowing what else to say Yoona nodded and turned to go inside but paused as Yuri
questioned hesitantly.

“Do you want another ride tomorrow?”

“I don’t want you going out of your way—”

“I’m not. I don’t mind.”

For some reason Yoona felt that Yuri would have said that even if she had to drive an hour to get
to Yoona’s house.

“Okay.”

“I’ll be here at 7:30.”

Yuri almost called her Yoong again but managed to catch it in time. As Yuri started the bike she
knew that either she was doing something she was never taught to do, which was make the same
mistake twice, or that she was mending a broken friendship.

She didn’t know what to think of the nagging feeling that it was more the former than the latter.

33
shells of ourselves
Fire drills were probably the best way to get out of class and not get in trouble. Yoona liked to
take the time to rest and usually did that far from where they would gather outside the school,
like in the gym (if there really was a fire then Yoona would have been screwed but she’d take the
chance), but they had a substitute teacher for her math class with the eyes of a hawk and Yoona
was forced to stick with the class.

“Do you think anyone is going to follow any of these rules if there was a real fire?”

Yoona saw her reflection in Donghae’s sunglasses as he stood next to her.

“I don’t think so.”

He pulled out his mp3 player from his pocket and unwound the earphones.

“Yea, me neither.” He offered an earphone to Yoona. “Want to listen to some music?”

Yoona had nothing better to do.

They sat on the brick wall and listened while they waited until it was “safe” to go back in.

“So how’ve you been?” he asked, guardedly, like the topic was off limits. It was amazing how
easily people broke ties and became strangers.

“Good. You?”

“Pretty good.”

She and Donghae never really clicked like she and Yuri did. Donghae was once jealous of their
close relationship but got over it very quickly.

They continued to listen to the music in silence. It was something similar to the stuff Yoona
heard in the clubs but much softer. There was still that techno vibe to it but it didn’t trash
Yoona’s eardrums and she could fall asleep to it.

“Who’s this song by?”

Donghae smiled like he knew something that Yoona didn’t.

“This cool DJ. She’s DJing tomorrow, you should stop by and check it out. If you like this then
what she does live is going to blow your mind.”

34
Yoona was supposed to go the Golden Fox again tomorrow (Hyoyeon apparently slept with one
of the bouncers and now they could get in whenever they wanted; so much for exclusivity) but
she could probably ditch them without too much interrogation.

“Okay. Which club?”

One of the teachers spoke over a speakerphone that everyone could resume their classes. Yoona
gave back her earphone to Donghae and they stood.

“Era200. You know where that is?”

“Not really, but I’ll look it up.”

“Cool. I hope I’ll see you there.”

At home Yoona found her mother’s car gone but Khun’s slick little convertible in its place.

“Wow, did your mom and dad get a new car?” Yuri asked.

“No, that’s actually Khun’s.”

“Oh. He has good taste in cars.”

Yoona wasn’t sure why but talking about Khun was like listening to nails on chalkboard.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Yoona nodded and watched as Yuri drove off. The helmet was heavy in her hand and as she
stepped through the front door she knew she would have to repay Yuri somehow. A normal
person would have never given a single glance at Yoona after what she had done but she had
underestimated Yuri once again.

“How was school?”

Khun was sitting on the couch when she walked in. She gave him a kiss before answering.

“We had a fire drill. Very exciting,” she said while he pulled her into his lap.

“It does sound very exciting.” He nodded at the helmet as she set it on the ground. “What’s that
about Evel Knieval?”

“Nothing. I thought it looked cool.”

35
“So that doesn’t mean you’re planning on buying a motorcycle? Because I don’t think they make
any that weigh less than you.”

She hit him in the shoulder, offended by his implications.

“We’ll see how witty you are when I gain ten kilos.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t yet. I asked Jiyoung if all the Hershey wrappers in her room were
hers but she said they were yours.”

They were, but he didn’t need to know that. As a distraction she kissed him and normally they
didn’t make out on the couch in the living room but Jiyoung was in her room and her parents
were gone.

“What were we talking about before?”

He laughed lightly and moved to the side of her neck.

“I don’t know.”

The shorts she was wearing were baggier than most and Khun let his hand run up Yoona’s thigh.
Alarmed, Yoona broke the kiss.

“I need to go to the bathroom,” she said, standing from the couch and pulling at her shorts.

Khun wasn’t going to do anything; he wasn’t someone who wanted to take advantage of Yoona
but they’d been dating for almost four years now and Yoona still got squeamish whenever he
wanted to take it a little further.

“Why do you always do that?”

“Do what?”

He didn’t want to make Yoona uncomfortable so he let it go.

“Nevermind. You go to the bathroom while I get Jiyoung and we’ll go out and get something to
eat.”

He kissed her and ran up the stairs. Yoona almost tripped over the helmet, forgetting that it was
there.

Something settled low in her gut, something very unwanted and uncomfortable. Khun would
have been happy to hear that she was patching things up with Yuri but she still lied to him.

36
Not wanting to bother Yuri (she wasn’t Yoona’s chauffeur) Yoona called a taxi to take her to
Era200.

It wasn’t like any of the clubs Yoona frequented. Just driving down the barren streets, past
boarded up windows and dark stores, Yoona knew why she never ventured to the other side of
town.

Unlike the clubs she’d been to, there was no entrance but a staircase in the ground that led to a
basement. She wouldn’t have known where it was if it wasn’t for the music filtering out of the
building.

Once in the basement Yoona followed the music and hoped it would lead her in the right
direction. A door near the end seemed like the closest thing to an entrance, a tall and dark haired
guy guarding the spot.

She gave him her fake ID. He examined it closely, looking back and forth between her and the
card.

“You really look like this girl I know.”

“That’s great. Can I go in?”

He moved aside and Yoona walked into the dimmed room. The place was more spacious than a
typical basement and looked more like a warehouse with its vaulted ceiling and windowless
walls.

“Yoona, you made it!” Donghae was about to call Yoona to see if she didn’t get lost or anything.
“Come on, I’ll get you a drink.”

They weaved through the crowd to get to the small station. It was almost empty and there was
nowhere to sit. Yoona was used to extravagant barstools and martinis, but judging by the packed
dance floor no one came here to drink, but to dance.

“You want to go see the DJ?”

Yoona sniffed the plastic cup; she didn’t care if it was water, she was not drinking it.

“Okay.”

A drop of sweat dripped down from Yuri’s cheek and dropped on the record she was spinning.
The air conditioner was broken and she was feeling the effects of the late summer heat. She used
the hem of her shirt to wipe her forehead and neck, never losing her concentration.

37
From the corner of her eye she saw Seunghyun on the bottom step, trying to get her attention.
She looked at her watch and saw that her hour was already up. It was too soon, always was, but
she ended the mix and stored her records in their case.

Another DJ passed by her as she walked down the steps and into the room in the back. A water
bottle and a towel were waiting for her on the ragged couch. She drank the water thirstily but
before lying down to rest she went to her locker and changed her shirt, throwing the soaked one
into the trash. She only wore tank tops when she DJ’ed since it was a guarantee she was going to
sweat so she kept packages of clean shirts in her locker.

“Nice set DJ Kwon,” Donghae said and flopped onto the couch.

“I told you I hate that—”

Yuri didn’t realize that someone came in with Donghae.

“You should have seen her face when she saw you up there, Yuri. It was like this the whole
time.” Donghae demonstrated, his mouth falling open and his expression dazed.

“I was a little surprised but I did not look like that.”

Yuri believed Donghae to an extent; Yoona probably had more grace than Donghae showed. She
closed her locker and went to sit at the table.

“I had no idea that you were a DJ,” Yoona said. She was still standing by the door, not because
there wasn’t anywhere to sit, but she felt out of place, like she was the odd one out.

“How could you have?”

The words stung Yoona.

“Well, no one really knows,” Donghae said, trying to fix the weird tension.

“No one that matters.”

Yuri didn’t know why she was angry all of a sudden. Part of it had to do with Yoona’s abrupt
appearance—this was Yuri’s secret haven, where she could escape all her problems. Having
Yoona there felt like someone just tainted the one place left that wasn’t filled with some kind of
memory from her past.

Yoona took a step backward. She didn’t need this. Yuri was still nothing to her and it was
obvious that wasn’t going to change.

“Yea, well I—” Yoona felt so lost in that one room and truly like an outcast. “I have to go
home,” she finished and fled the room.

38
“What the hell is your problem?”

Yuri turned her head from Donghae.

“She’s trying to make things better and you treat her like she’s some stranger you met once at a
party. Go after her!”

“She doesn’t belong here,” Yuri yelled back. She left the room too, not wanting to hear any more
lecturing from Donghae.

The music calmed Yuri considerably and she could feel the bass in her back as she leaned
against the wall. It drowned out the pounding in her head and helped her focus.

Her gut feeling had been right; it had been a mistake talking to Yoona. The girl had changed
beyond recognition and Yuri still couldn’t accept easily Yoona had once discarded her.

But another feeling, the same feeling that made Yuri approach the girl all those years ago, the
need to help, to protect, was what brought Yuri back to Yoona. Yoona might have thought she
could hide her emotions and play the part of the coldhearted bitch but Yuri knew better, knew
that it was an act, because she learned all of Yoona’s tricks and fears after spending five years as
her best friend.

One of her first memories as a child was about a toy that Donghae had broken. He did it by
accident but it was Yuri’s favorite toy and there was nothing that could pacify her. Her parents
sat her down after the incident and told her that holding a grudge was like holding a huge bucket
on your back. Whenever it would rain the bucket would fill with water and soon she wouldn’t be
able to move because it was so heavy.

Yuri didn’t understand it then and forgave Donghae simply because her parents forced her to.

Now that same bucket was dragging her down and the burden was becoming too much to carry.

Her heart had the natural inclination to forgive, and Yoona’s case was no different.

Yoona closed her phone and put it in her purse.

She hadn’t been expecting a confrontation but apparently shit followed her everywhere she went.
It wasn’t her fault, Yuri was the one who was being a grade A bitch. However, no matter how
much she convinced herself to blame Yuri, she could not ignore the guilt that had been festering
for years.

“Yoona.” Her name never sounded so strange coming from Yuri. There was something desperate
in the way Yuri said it and Yoona’s guilt multiplied. “Look, I—”

39
“You can stop pretending to be nice, Yuri. I get it.”

“I’m not pretending. I don’t mean to be angry, I’m just having a hard time getting used to this.
It’s not like I can switch a dial and automatically be your best friend again.”

“I never asked you to be.”

“Then is that it? Do you want nothing to do with me?”

“No but—” Yoona looked at Yuri and the words got clogged in her throat for moment. Yuri was
asking her to strip away all the walls Yoona had and the truth was Yoona hadn’t done that in
forever. What if she didn’t remember how to? “I don’t know if we can be friends again.”

“We can try though, can’t we?”

Could they? There was so much animosity engrained in their heads that Yoona wasn’t sure if
there was even a point in trying.

“I don’t know. I feel like that’s up to you.”

The Yoona Yuri had known and loved was still in there; that girl with the loud laugh and
laidback personality was there and Yuri wanted to bring her back.

“We won’t know unless we try.”

Yoona felt like it was a lost cause but there was a part of her that was pleading to say yes.

“Okay.”

Yuri didn’t know how much relief a single word could offer.

“Do you want me to take you home?”

The guilt should have disappeared but it only strengthened as Yoona declined.

“Actually I called Khun and he’ll pick me up.”

“Do you want me to wait with you?”

“No. Donghae said you have another set so go before you get in trouble.”

That wasn’t until another half hour or so but Yoona had already turned around, her tense back
facing Yuri and Yuri just receded, not wanting another fight.

Yoona crossed her arms and waited on the dark street. She had thought that Yuri was the only
person who really knew her, but she must have been wrong. Didn’t Yuri know? Yoona hated

40
being alone.

Memory #2
Yuri is ten, Yoona is nine

They’d been walking for at least half an hour and Yoona felt like the woods were never ending.
Then again that’s how she felt about school but she still got out at three every day.

“I don’t know why I let you drag me around everywhere. Why are we here in the first place?”

Yuri was ahead of Yoona, quite far ahead but it was easy to spot Yuri’s dark hair in the field of
snow. Yoona took her time because she wasn’t wearing the proper shoes for a hike and didn’t
want to ruin her jacket on the bare branches.

“I’ll show you, just keep walking.”

“But we’ve been walking for hours,” Yoona whined. She sidestepped a fallen tree and moved
faster to catch up with Yuri.

“No we haven’t. It’s been less than an hour.”

Yuri even checked her watch.

“My mom got me this coat for Christmas and I’ll kill you if I get a tear while we’re here.”

“I know, Yoong.” Yuri paused for a moment trying to remember if she should go left or right at
the great boulder. Left, it was definitely left. “You’ve told me that ten times already.”

Yoona may have bragged a little about her coat. It wasn’t everyday that her mother got her things
so the present meant a lot to her.

“All we have to do is get on top of that hill.”

Yuri pulled back a branch to let Yoona go without being harmed by it.

“What’s on top of the hill?”

“I’ll show you, just keep walking.”

Yoona mocked Yuri under her breath; she had heard that sentence every time Yuri wanted to
show Yoona something but wouldn’t say what it was. Yuri liked to give surprises and Yoona
didn’t have the heart to tell Yuri that she hated them.

41
To get to the top was easier said than done. Yoona’s shoes weren’t waterproof and snow got into
her socks, making her feet cold and wet. Yuri saw her struggle and skidded down to help.
Holding on to Yoona’s elbow, Yuri carefully led them to the top.

The hill overlooked most of the woods, not that anyone could see much because it was so thick
with trees but there was one thing in particular that was a sight to behold during the winter. The
pond under the hill had frozen over and seeing how adventurous Yuri was, of course she
discovered it one day while playing with Donghae.

“Neat, huh?”

Yoona looked down, amazed by the glittering ice. Yoona hated most surprises but Yuri knew
exactly what kind she did like.

“I found deer tracks too but I haven’t seen any deer yet. They’re probably too scared to come out
if they see that we’re here.”

“Can we go ice-skating on it?” Yoona asked, imagining the last time she went ice-skating. But
that was in a manmade rink and somehow ice-skating on a real pond seemed like more fun.

“I don’t think so. My dad says that it hasn’t been cold long enough for it to support our weight.”

Yuri’s parents trusted her, thankfully, so the only warning they issued was to not try stepping on
the ice or even going near it because there might be blind spots hidden by snow.

“But can we check back tomorrow and see?”

“I don’t think it’ll be ready tomorrow but I’ll ask my dad.”

They stood there until Yuri saw Yoona’s lower jaw begin to chatter.

“We should go back. I don’t want you to get sick.”

Yuri swept the area once more for deer while Yoona turned around. She froze in place as
something caught her eye and her hand scrambled to find Yuri’s.

“Yoong, what’s wrong?” Yuri asked, her hand hurting from Yoona’s firm grip.

Yuri looked to what frightened Yoona and spotted a boar lazily trotting by. It stopped near a tree
and stuck its snout in the snow, oblivious to Yoona and Yuri. Yuri squeezed Yoona’s hand and
whispered calmly.

“Just stay still and it won’t notice us.”

The boar hung around the tree for a minute or two before running off. Once they could no longer
see it Yuri pulled at Yoona’s hand.

42
“Come on, let’s go.”

Yoona didn’t trail behind anymore and kept holding Yuri’s hand. She turned her head at every
noise and rustle, fearing it was another boar.

“It’s okay, I won’t let anything happen to you.”

If Yoona was a little older she wouldn’t have believed Yuri. Yuri might have been taller but she
was just as scrawny as Yoona and even combined they wouldn’t have had a chance with that
boar. Luckily, Yoona thought Yuri was invincible and believed Yuri because she trusted her.

Yuri never gave Yoona a reason not to.

lust isn't love spelled backwards

Yuri wrote down a few words on her paper before folding it and flipping to a new page in the
book she was holding. The library was one of her favorite places at school. It was quiet and
peaceful and—

“I’m looking for a book on Karma Sutra. Do you guys have anything like that here?”

The book slipped in Yuri’s hands but she kept it from dropping. A student passing by gave them
a double take and Yuri wanted to hide under her book.

“You couldn’t say that any louder could you?” Yuri hissed, bringing Tiffany closer so that she
wouldn’t have to speak so loud.

“Mm, this is hot. We’ve never done it in a library before.”

Tiffany hooked her fingers in Yuri’s belt loops and pulled until Yuri collided into her.

“And we never will. Stop.”

The word came out halfhearted and Tiffany saw it as consent.

“How did you even know I was here?” Yuri asked in an attempt to start a conversation so they
wouldn’t be caught making out by someone.

“Donghae. You should really teach him some common sense. This is the fifth time I’ve fooled
him.”

Yuri sometimes wondered if Tiffany really understood what kind of affect she had on boys (and
some girls). A flip of her hair and a smile was all they needed for them to do anything she asked.
Donghae wasn’t an exception despite being tricked by Tiffany so many times.

43
“Okay, enough. We are not doing this in a library,” Yuri said, taking out Tiffany’s hand from
under her shirt.

“Fine.” Tiffany took a large step from Yuri. She was such a hot and cold person sometimes.
“Can I come over tonight? Sooyoung has her disgusting pig of a boyfriend coming over and I’m
not going to be able to fall asleep with all their grunting.”

Yuri smiled to herself; Tiffany never really understood the concept of too much information.

“I don’t mind.”

“Great. We’ll continue this later.”

Tiffany left, but not before giving Yuri one of those very short but ardent kisses that always
made Yuri forget where she was for a second or two. Yuri leaned on the book shelf and tried to
remember what she was doing before Tiffany appeared.

She went to the next shelf and put her book back. With all the free time she had as a senior she
sometimes helped out the staff and rearranged any books that were out of place. While she was
switching some of them she saw Yoona on the opposite side through a gap in the shelf.

“Need any help?”

Yoona looked around, not knowing where the voice was coming from but eventually found
Yuri’s face next to a thick encyclopedia.

“Not really. To tell you the truth, I don’t know why I’m here.”

Yoona’s literature class went to the library to research their authors for a paper they had to write
but she was sure they had left already.

“Well, the library’s a good place for wanderers. It doesn’t judge,” Yuri told her, smiling like she
didn’t have a care in the world. It reminded Yoona of the same smiles Yuri used to give her
when they were younger and about to do something that ended with one of them grounded for a
week.

“Yuri, are you finished over there? Because we need you in the back.”

Yuri straightened and turned to the librarian.

“I’ll be right there.”

She peeked through the books again.

“Sorry, but I got to go.”

44
“Wait, you took World History last year, right?”

“Yea.”

“I have a test on it tomorrow and I was wondering if you could help me out?”

Yoona had horribly failed the first test and the teacher told her that if she failed this one, there
was no way she was going to get a passing grade in the class. If she remembered correctly Yuri
loved history, much like her father once did.

“Yea, no problem.”

If they could spend a few hours without getting on each other’s nerves, then maybe there was
something still worth fighting for.

To be back in Yoona’s house was strange but it was even stranger to see everything in its same
place. Yuri knew where the refrigerator was or the downstairs bathroom or which step creaked
when two people stood on it; it was surreal.

Yoona’s room changed drastically though. There was new furniture and the floor was no longer
carpet but hardwood.

“I’m going to get a soda. You want one?” Yoona asked as she put her backpack on her chair.

“Sure, thanks.”

Yuri walked to Yoona’s vanity and the large mirror on it. Stuck between the frame were a few
pictures, some with Hyoyeon and Taeyeon at a club, some with Khun, and most with a little girl.

“Unnie, look at the picture I—”

Jiyoung froze upon seeing Yuri and not her sister.

“You must be Jiyoung,” Yuri said, crouching down to be at eye level with Jiyoung. “I’m Yuri.”

Jiyoung cowered at Yuri’s unfamiliar face. Yoona had implicitly told her not to speak to
strangers.

“Are those mountains?” Yuri pointed to the drawing Jiyoung was holding. Jiyoung nodded
meekly. “Can I see them?”

Jiyoung didn’t know what to do; Yuri didn’t seem like a bad person but sometimes on TV she
would see people who didn’t look like bad people do bad things.

45
“There you are. For a second there I thought you drove off with mommy’s car.”

Yoona set the cans on her desk and picked up Jiyoung.

“But I told you unnie, I don’t know how to drive yet.”

“Oh that’s right, sorry. I keep forgetting.”

Jiyoung giggled as Yoona blew a raspberry on the side of the girl’s neck.

“She’s grown up so much,” Yuri commented, looking at Jiyoung.

Yoona put Jiyoung down and took the drawing from her.

“You’ve met?”

“At your birthday party, that summer before I went to high school.” Of course, how could have
Yoona forgotten? “But she was a baby then.”

“Do you like it unnie?”

Yoona gave the drawing back to Jiyoung.

“I love it. Go and draw some more so we can fill up the fridge while Yuri and I study. Then we’ll
go and get some dinner, okay?”

Jiyoung nodded and ran back to her room.

Yoona’s home life didn’t seem to change much either. Only once did Yuri see Yoona’s mother’s
car in the driveway all the times she had picked her up and dropped her off. When they were kids
Yoona’s parents were barely found. Yoona’s father was a pilot so he was expected to be gone a
lot but Yoona’s mother had no excuse. The most Yuri saw her at home was when she was
pregnant with Jiyoung.

Yoona gave a soda can to Yuri and grudgingly opened her backpack as she spoke to Yuri.

“I should warn you, I hate history.”

Together they had gone through seven cans of soda and it was 8 PM. The floor was littered with
those cans, balled up sheets of quizzes Yuri had made for each chapter and two very heavy
textbooks on the Egyptians and Mesopotamian civilizations.

Yuri had thought it was going to be a quick review but Yoona hadn’t studied or even paid
attention in class the past two weeks so she basically had to teach the stuff to Yoona.

46
“It’s so boring, Yuri. I can fall asleep to this stuff.”

“Apparently you already do. Have you finished reading the last chapter?”

“Almost.”

Yuri flipped through the other textbook, highlighting some lines that she thought would be
useful. She was in the middle of reading about the Assyrian empire when her phone began
blaring the lyrics to David Guetta’s Sexy Chick.

Her hands flailed to stop the ringtone but by the time she got the phone they had heard, Damn,
you’s a sexy bitch at least ten times.

“Where are you?”

Of course, she should have known that it was Tiffany. The girl had mentioned something about
changing Yuri’s ringtone for her the other day but Yuri had brushed it off.

“Classy ringtone, Tiffany.”

Yuri stood up and made some distance between her and Yoona.

“It’s hot, right? I thought it suited me the best.”

Yoona tapped her pencil against the textbook, trying not to eavesdrop but the girl that Yuri was
speaking to was very loud.

“Use the spare key, I’ll be home soon.”

“If you’re with someone it’s okay, I can wait. Though you are going to need to take a shower
first.”

“Tiffany, I’m not—” Yuri was not about to explain to Tiffany that she wasn’t having sex at the
moment out loud. “We’ll talk later, bye.”

She closed the phone and immediately put it on vibrate in case Tiffany wanted to call her again.

“We can stop if you need to leave. Jiyoung’s probably starving so I should give her something to
eat too.”

Yoona had enough studying anyway.

“Alright. I guess whatever’s left you can do by yourself. Try not to fall asleep.”

“I’m not making any promises.”

47
It wasn’t five minutes after Yuri left that the doorbell rang.

“I brought Chinese,” Khun said, raising the bags in his hands.

“Just in time.”

Yoona greeted him with a kiss and they walked to the kitchen to set the table.

“Was Yuri here? I thought I saw her as I pulled in.”

“Yea, she was.”

Yoona set down three plates and went to get utensils.

“Are you guys hanging out again?”

“She just came by to drop off a book.”

Khun didn’t ask more and began talking about one of his professors that just assigned him a ten
page paper to write.

She had lied again and once again, she didn’t know why.

“So this friend’s house that you were over, was it the same friend that has the shitty car?”

Yuri took another plate from the dryer and began to wipe it.

“It’s not a shitty car.”

“Not the point. Now was it?”

“Yes, it was.”

Yuri was doing that thing again where she would avoid Tiffany’s eyes and answer in one or two
words. The only other time she would do that was when she talked about her parents.

“You can talk to me about it, you know.”

Yuri scoffed; she really did not want to do that.

“So you can psychoanalyze me? No thanks.”

“When did I ever do that?”

48
“You make me try to talk about my parents at every chance you get.”

“That’s bullshit and we both know it.”

Yuri practically threw the plate into the cupboard.

“I’m like the perfect subject to you though, aren’t I? Dead parents, loner life, trust issues—I’m
probably every psychologists dream.”

Tiffany grabbed her purse and shot up from her chair.

“You should add bitch to that little list of yours too.”

Yuri cursed silently and tossed the towel rag into the sink. She reached Tiffany just as the girl
was nearing her car.

“Tiffany, I’m sorry. Please, don’t go.”

She pressed Tiffany against the car with her hips.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, fine, just say so.”

“Her name—” Yuri sighed. Maybe it was finally time to just let it go. “Her name is Yoona.”

the truths and lies that bite

It was a week since Yoona’s car was brought in the garage. The part they ordered was installed
but as a precaution they were doing a service run to see if everything was working properly.
Yoona and Yuri decided to wait outside since it was like an oven in the garage with all the
machinery going on.

“I feel like this helmet will just go to waste now.”

Yoona ran her hand down the glossy plastic. Now that her car was back she wouldn’t need it.

“I can still give you rides from time to time. If you want. I mean, it’ll save us both gas.”

“Maybe,” Yoona sighed out. It was very practical but the possibilities of that felt slim.

The screech of tires made their heads turn to the candy red car that slid into the far end of the lot.
Its sporty look made Yoona think it belonged to some macho jock but unless this macho jock
was gay, no guy was going to be caught driving a car that color.

Yuri ran up to the car once the engine stopped. She saw her reflection disappear as the window
rolled down.
49
“Your car better be on the verge of exploding,” Yuri said, bending down to the low car.

“Actually, I need to get my oil changed.”

Tiffany grinned innocently.

“You had to pick today to do that, did you?”

Yuri opened the door for Tiffany who stepped out like it was the red carpet.

“Why, is something special happening today?”

Yuri had divulged almost her entire childhood with Yoona to Tiffany the other day. She was
regretting it deeply.

Yoona tried not to stare but Tiffany was like a celebrity—the way she walked, the attitude, even
her damn hair moved with the wind like it was staged.

Whatever confidence Yoona had was swept away when Tiffany shot her an instant smile as she
passed by.

“I’ll be back in a sec,” Yuri told Yoona and followed Tiffany inside the office.

Yuri closed the door once they were inside but through the car lifts Yoona could see them, well,
she could see them from the waist down. But she wasn’t about to spy so she directed her
attention to a bird on the other side of the street.

She thought she heard them emerge minutes later, but it was Donghae, swinging car keys. The
way she turned gave her a view of the office again and whatever they were doing, talking was
not involved. She snapped her head to the other direction.

“Hey, Donghae, who’s that girl Yuri’s talking to?”

Donghae stopped swinging the keys. He was heading toward the red car but stopped to answer.

“That’s Tiffany. She’s a friend of Yuri’s.”

“They seem close.”

Donghae laughed.

“Oh yea.” He then realized how insinuating that sounded and cleared his throat. “She helped
Yuri deal with the accident. She was the only one that got through to her.”

The guilt Yoona felt gnawed at the walls of her stomach like some animal trying to scrape its
way out. She was the one who should have been there for Yuri, not Tiffany.

50
“Are they—” Yoona didn’t know how to word it, so she left it ambiguous, “together?”

“Not really. Yuri doesn’t call her her girlfriend or anything.”

Donghae drove the car to the back of the garage and soon after Yuri appeared.

“Your car’s set. Follow me.”

Yuri took Yoona to the side of the garage where there was a line of parked cars. Yoona’s was the
closest one to them.

“If there are any problems, call me. Or the office, whichever,” Yuri said, dropping the keys into
Yoona’s hand.

“I’ll make this up to you, somehow. I promise.”

“What do you need to make up to me? You already paid for everything.”

Yoona had paid for fixing the car, but not for Yuri’s kindness. A simple thank you didn’t seem
like enough so she pulled Yuri into a hug, trying to fit every thank you and I’m sorry that Yuri
deserved into it.

“See you at school,” Yoona said into the collar of Yuri’s shirt and then got into the car.

Yuri stepped backwards to avoid the dust after Yoona drove off.

A distinct pang of worry struck her. She had seen Yoona leave many times, yet it wasn’t getting
any easier for her to watch.

A day went by, two days went by, the week went by and the most Yuri saw of Yoona was in the
parking lot. Things had seemed to go back to normal—Yoona’s friends were still moochers,
using Yoona to achieve high school status and whenever Yuri tried to get within a foot of the
girl, Hyoyeon would be there with an evil glare to push her back.

“She has a reputation to uphold and you do not fit in.” Hyoyeon had cornered her one day in the
girl’s bathroom and laid down the rules like it was law. “You don’t fit in with her. Your life is
completely different from hers and do you honestly want to take away the only good thing she
has left?”

“Do you hear yourself? Do you really believe that she has nothing good in her life except you?”

“I’ve been her friend for three years. Where were you?” Yuri gritted her teeth. As much as she
hated to admit it, Hyoyeon was right about that. “Do me a favor—no, do her a favor and
continue with what you were to her all this time, a stranger.”

51
Yuri wasn’t going to listen to that nonsense. So Hyoyeon had three years with Yoona, but Yuri
had her youth with Yoona. Hyoyeon had Yoona’s exasperation (Yuri saw it every day in the
cafeteria; Yoona’s eyes were always far off, not in that room, not even in that world) and
Hyoyeon had Yoona’s pity. But Yuri knew Yoona’s favorite breakfast food, knew where she
broke her arm when she was twelve, knew that Yoona had an irrational fear of boars, knew that
Yoona could never sleep without at least another person in the house.

These things had to count more than three years. And three years of what exactly? Was Yoona
even happy?

Having nothing else to do until her fourth period Yuri headed to the auditorium, her second
favorite place at school. The best time to be there was when it was completely empty and all the
lights were off. Yuri would feel like she was the only person on the planet which didn’t really
sound appealing but it was like arriving to a state of Zen in a sloppy, roundabout way.

To her dismay, a set of lights were on when she entered through the back door. She assumed it
was a janitor but the spotlight set on the center showed that it was Yoona sitting on the edge of
the stage.

Yuri sat down next to her and looked out at the empty seats.

“What brings you over to my secret place?”

“Your secret place? This is my secret place,” Yoona defended.

“Guess it’s our secret place now.” The declaration sounded odd to Yuri’s ears but in a good way.
“So how’s the car? Running well?”

“It’s perfect. I haven’t had any problems.”

Yoona dangled her feet, her heels hitting the stage. She didn’t know how to react to Yuri’s
presence since for the whole week it seemed like she was shunning Yoona. Whenever she
thought Yuri would finally speak to her the girl would back off at the last moment.

Across from them, a door opened and a group of boys walked in, whispering and laughing.

“What are you doing out of class?!” Yuri yelled in her best teacher voice.

The boys almost fell over each other running out of the auditorium. Yoona smiled, remembering
a similar incident. That smile grew into a giggle which grew into a laugh and in seconds Yoona’s
laughter projected throughout the whole auditorium.

“What are you laughing at?” Yuri asked, watching as Yoona clutched her stomach. Yoona tried
to stop but that only made it worse.

52
“I was just—” Yoona took a deep breath and quelled another burst of laughter. “I was thinking
about when we were in elementary school and you ran off all those boys from the playground.
God, they were ready to pee their pants whenever they saw you after that.”

Yuri put her head back, searching her brain for the memory.

“Oh yea, I remember that. They were really mean to everyone. Someone needed to show them
some respect.”

“I thought you believed that violence never solved anything?”

“I do…most of the time.”

Yuri couldn’t count on two hands how many scrapes, cuts and bruises she took for Yoona or to
protect her. It was never something she even thought twice about. She did it, because who else
would?

“Are you DJing this weekend too?”

“I’m doing it on Saturday this week.”

Yoona sounded unusually timid when she voiced her question.

“Is it okay if I came by?”

Yuri felt terrible that Yoona even had to ask.

“Of course. I’m really sorry for how—”

“It’s okay, Yuri. I don’t think there’s any wrong that you can do that will cancel out all the good
things you’ve done for me.”

It was the truth, and quite a scary one.

The second time Yoona visited Era200, things went much more smoothly. No one fought, no one
got hurt and Yoona couldn’t remember the last time she had so much fun.

Trying to play matchmaker, Yoona brought Taeyeon along knowing that Donghae would be
there. Unfortunately for her, Taeyeon seemed petrified with the thought of talking to Donghae
but that was what alcohol was for. Two drinks later and Taeyeon was dancing the night away
with him. On the other hand, Yoona was determined to enjoy the night without any alcohol and it
hadn’t been hard at all.

53
During a short break, Yuri brought up Yoona to the DJ booth and showed her some of the
equipment.

“And this is called a mixer,” Yuri said into Yoona’s ear. “It changes the sound from one
turntable to the other.”

Yoona could tell that Yuri was excited about showing all this stuff to her. She had that same look
on her when she talked about her bike—it was pride but like everything that Yuri did, it wasn’t
obnoxious or rude.

“You’re amazing,” Yoona shouted as the music blared.

“What?”

Yuri ducked her head closer to Yoona. Yoona faltered; her moment of courage had passed.

“I said that it’s amazing.”

Yuri nodded happily.

“I know, right?”

Once Yuri finished the small tour, Yoona went back to the dance floor. She danced with a few
boys but always refused when they wanted to buy her a drink or get her number. It was nothing
against them, she just didn’t need their company.

As the music played, Yuri looked for Yoona in the dense crowd. It should have been hard to spot
her, there were so many people and they all seemed to be the same person but Yuri still found
her. For a moment they locked eyes and Yoona gave her a shy smile before running a hand
through her hair and getting lost in the music again.

Yuri’s blood rushed to her face and ears, her heart breaking every record with its speed. She
sighed and stared at the spinning turntables.

“Not again.”

Memory #3
Yuri is eleven, Yoona is ten

“Ow, ow, OW!”

“Stop squirming around then it won’t hurt so much! Donghae, bring me the band aids.”

54
Donghae rushed into the house while Yuri inspected Yoona’s arm. The cut didn’t look that bad,
nothing Yuri hadn’t seen, but this was probably the first time Yoona had gotten hurt to the point
of blood.

“I’m going to lose my arm, aren’t I? And I’m right handed, too!” Yoona moaned painfully.

“You’re not going to lose your arm.”

Donghae came back, his arms full of boxes and packages. He dumped everything at Yuri’s feet.
At seeing all the supplies, Yoona’s fear doubled.

“Maybe we can just leave it as it is. I mean, it isn’t all that bad,” Yoona tried to reason as Yuri
unwrapped some clean bandages.

“It’ll become infected, Yoong. We can’t leave it.”

Yuri sifted through the pile for hydrogen peroxide and cotton balls. She turned over the bottle
once on the cotton ball to wet it and told Donghae to cap the bottle.

“Okay, this is going to sting a little—”

“No!” Yoona kicked her feet and pushed herself away from Yuri. “Can’t we just wash it with
water?”

“Water won’t disinfect it.” Yoona had tears in her eyes and if Yuri could she would have gladly
taken the cut for Yoona but she couldn’t. “Yoong, look at me. It will only hurt for a second, I
promise.”

Yoona sniffled and rubbed her eyes with her good arm. She gave the cut arm to Yuri and looked
in the opposite direction.

“On three, okay? One, two, thr—”

“OW!”

The next day Yuri, Yoona and Donghae gathered at recess where Yoona was boasting her battle
scar. Some of the kids had surrounded her to see the zigzagged cut. While Yoona was distracted
Yuri took the opportunity to speak to Donghae privately.

“Which one was it?”

Donghae pointed to the other side of the playground, next to the swings. The swings were a hot
commodity; everyone loved to play on them but only a few designated kids were allowed. Yoona
wasn’t one of those designated kids and it was how she got the cut.

55
Yuri had wanted to say something first, maybe explain to those morons that shoving someone
while they were on a swing was a stupid idea, but by the time she crossed the playground, her
hands were fisted and she was seeing red.

“If you push her or anyone else ever again, I’ll hit you twice as hard. Got it?”

She looked up at the rest of the dumbfounded boys as they fearfully backed away from Yuri.
They nodded their understanding and ran off, as did the boy with the bloodied nose.

Yuri got a week of detention after that. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d get in trouble because
of Yoona.

i don't have a choice--but I still choose

you
“Tiffany, come on, get off. I need to start getting ready.”

“Why, are you picking up Yoona again?”

Yuri yanked at her hands to free them from Tiffany but Tiffany’s looks were deceiving and she
didn’t budge.

“No, but I still start school at eight and you’re going to make me late. Again.”

“She’s been going to Era a lot. Well she’s been going whenever you’re there.”

“So? There are a lot of people who like the way I DJ. How do you know she’s been going
anyway?”

Tiffany curved her back, simultaneously pushing herself lower onto Yuri’s waist. It was
agonizing and Yuri had to bite down on her tongue, hard, to keep herself from jumping Tiffany.

“That bouncer, Taek. He calls her your twin from another mother. He would also love to know if
she’s interested in having a threesome. Apparently he has a thing for twins.”

“You ruined any possibility of sex with that comment, do you know that?”

“There was a possibility before?”

Yuri rolled her eyes and gathered her strength for a surprise attack. She managed to flip them so
that Tiffany was underneath her.

“I need to go to school,” Yuri spoke slowly and clearly so that Tiffany understood.

56
“A few months ago you would have never put up this kind of opposition. And strangely enough
it wasn’t until a few months ago that you started hanging out with Yoona.”

Yuri pulled out a shirt from her closet and put it on. She could feel Tiffany watching her from the
bed.

“This has nothing to do with Yoona. I just need to get to school.”

“Need to get to school to see Yoona.”

When Yuri turned back to Tiffany the girl was pouting. Yuri knelt on the bed and leaned over to
her.

“Please don’t do that. I hate it when you do that.”

Yuri closed her eyes to the pout; it had a history of winning every argument between them and
Yuri could not lose this time.

“Fine, go to school. Learn something,” Tiffany said, kissing Yuri once.

Yuri grabbed some breakfast and was about to leave when there was a knock. She went to the
door with her backpack on her shoulder hoping it was just mail or something. The man in the suit
didn’t look like any mailman Yuri had ever seen, though.

“Can I speak to the head of the household?”

“That’s me.”

He looked at his clipboard and flipped a page.

“You are Kwon, Yuri, is that correct?”

“Yes. Who are you?”

“I’m Mr. Kim. I’m from your home insurance company. I need to ask you some questions.”

So much for getting to school on time.

They sat in the kitchen as Mr. Kim took out a folder from his briefcase.

“It says here that you are seventeen, correct?”

“Yes.”

He flipped through more pages and looked at Yuri with sympathetic eyes. They looked sincere
but it made Yuri very anxious.

57
“I’m sorry but I’m going to have to sequester this property.”

“Excuse me?” This must have been some cruel joke. “My parents left me this house. It’s mine.”

“Yes, I understand but before their death the will that was written stated that you would receive
the property after your eighteenth birthday.”

Yuri couldn’t take it anymore. She stood up from her rage.

“How the hell were they supposed to know they would die before I turned eighteen?!”

“Ms. Kwon, I know that you are upset—”

“You can’t take this house from me.” Yuri was on the verge of tears now. The house was all she
had left of her parents. “I won’t let you.”

“I have no choice, Ms. Kwon. You are a minor and therefore legally, you cannot own this house
yet.”

“Yuri, what’s going on?”

Tiffany was getting dressed when she heard Yuri’s yells.

“He—he’s taking the house.”

“It’s just until she turns eighteen.”

Yuri didn’t know what to do. She felt like screaming until her lungs collapsed.

“Yuri, listen to me,” Tiffany cupped Yuri’s face and forced the girl to look at her, “go to school.
I will deal with this.”

The last thing Yuri wanted to do was leave the home that she was seconds from losing. But she
couldn’t stay either because she was seconds from crying and she wasn’t going to let anyone see
that.

She took her helmet and drove to the edge of the woods by her house. She left the bike at the dirt
path and ran until there was nothing left to breathe with. By the pond she landed on her knees,
her body heaving from exhaustion, and cried her heart out.

Yoona spun her phone on the table, unaware of the glares she was receiving from the library’s
occupants at the noise.

58
She was waiting for it to ring or buzz but it was as quiet as the library she was sitting in. Her
class came for more research but Yoona had skipped again and stayed in the library after they
went back to the classroom.

It had been two days since she had spoken to Yuri. And Yuri had always come to school even
though she was a senior and spent most periods wandering the hallways looking for something to
do.

School had become even more boring without Yuri around. It was like, now that Yuri was her
friend again (or quasi-friend, they still hadn’t established anything) Yoona didn’t want to go
back to the dismal life she had before Yuri.

She got up from the chair and went to the exit. There was an easy way of finding Yuri’s
whereabouts.

The shrill bell rung and almost every door in the hall opened with overflowing students. Yoona
waited until Donghae walked out, with Taeyeon by his side. He had those sunglasses again and
for a second she forgot why she sought him out because she had this unspeakable urge to tell him
that he looked like a douche with those Aviators.

“Why weren’t you in class?”

Luckily Taeyeon brought back her focus. She ignored Taeyeon and looked at Donghae.

“Where’s Yuri?”

This was why she hated sunglasses; it was impossible to see a person’s eyes with them.

“Um, she’s dealing with some—”

“Being vague is not going to help me. What’s going on?”

Donghae didn’t like the way Yoona was talking to him, like she was talking to one of her slaves.
It also didn’t sit well with him how she treated Taeyeon now that they started going out.

“If she didn’t tell you, it’s for a reason.”

Taeyeon wanted to calm both of them but Donghae was already walking away.

“Sorry,” Taeyeon said and ran to Donghae.

Yoona wasn’t angry at Donghae, she was angry because if Yuri really didn’t want to talk to her,
then there was nothing she could do about it.

59
*

Khun gently shook Yoona’s shoulders and whispered affectionately.

“Yoona, go to bed. You’re not going to get any rest here.”

Yoona opened her eyes and looked around, she was at home, at her dining table. She
immediately checked her phone for any missed calls but there was nothing.

“What time is it?” she asked him.

Khun helped her up. She stood awkwardly on her feet; sleeping in a chair never a good idea, no
matter what the circumstance.

“After two.”

Khun left her in the bathroom upstairs to brush her teeth. She bumped into her mother on the
way back to her room.

“Did you just get home?” Yoona asked as her mother began unclipping her bracelets and taking
off her rings.

“Yes. I was at a friend’s house.”

Of course she was. Yoona shook her head and turned to go to her room.

“Honey, could you come in here? I can’t take this necklace off by myself and I won’t get any
sleep if I wear it to bed.”

Yoona shuffled to the room, most of her body still half asleep.

“I was at Mrs. Kim’s house because they just got a new rug. She says it’s handmade and directly
from India but I don’t believe her.”

Yoona wasn’t listening. All her energy was being directed to her eyes and hands so that she
could take off the necklace and go to bed.

“But with the money her husband makes I wouldn’t be surprised. Business is booming, she told
me. He has such a distasteful job though. I don’t really understand but according to her, he goes
around and takes people’s houses, just like that. How does a man like that sleep at night? Just
today she was telling me how he had to take a house from some poor girl whose parents had died
when she was young. Such a tragedy.”

Yoona finally got the mechanics of the necklace and unlocked the clip.

“’Kay, mom, I’m going to bed.”

60
“In fact, I think you know which house it was. You used to go to that girl’s house when you were
younger. Gosh, I don’t remember what her name was…”

Yoona froze at the threshold of the room. All of a sudden she became very awake.

“Kwon Yuri?”

“Yes, that was it! Kwon Yuri.”

Yoona was flying down the stairs and slipping on her sneakers in seconds.

“Where are you going?”

Khun sat up from the couch and stared at Yoona as she moved frantically.

“I need to go to Yuri.”

Her brain wasn’t functioning at its fullest, she didn’t have any time to lie.

“Yuri? Why?”

Yoona grabbed her keys and opened the door. Khun barely heard Yoona before the door
slammed shut.

“She needs me.”

Waking up Donghae’s parents in the middle of the night wouldn’t have done anything; they
probably would have just sent her home.

She went to the side of the house and stared at the windows, trying to remember which one
belonged to Donghae’s room. She risked the bottom right one and knocked on it. When no one
appeared she did it again, her knocks much louder. She was about to knock for the third time but
she saw the window illuminate with light from the inside.

“Yoona? What the hell?”

“Get Yuri.”

“She’s sleeping, like everyone—”

He got cut off when Yuri pushed him to the side. He disappeared from Yoona’s view, grumbling,
as Yuri skillfully climbed out the window.

“I just found out,” Yoona said once they were face to face.

61
Yuri looked tired in the worst kind of way, like someone beat the life out of her.

“What are you going to do?”

“What am I supposed to do? I can’t do anything. That house is theirs until I’m eighteen.”

“That’s in a month. You just need to wait a month.”

It sounded like nothing, like a month was no big deal, but that meant Yuri was going to suffer for
that whole month. Yoona racked her brain for a better solution. She had been to Donghae’s
house before—it was tiny and he had two younger brothers that he shared his room with. There
was no way Yuri was going to be able to sleep in such a cramped space.

“The pool house. You can stay at my pool house.”

“What?”

Yoona brightened at the genius idea.

“There’s a bed there and a bathroom. It’s perfect, you can stay there.”

“I’m not staying at your pool house,” Yuri said, like it was the most absurd thing she had ever
heard.

“Why not? No one goes in there anyway and—”

“I don’t want your charity, Yoona. I’ll manage without your pool house.”

Yuri’s pride was usually never an issue but sometimes it did get in the way. Lucky for Yuri,
Yoona’s stubbornness could match Yuri’s pride.

“It isn’t charity. I’m doing this as a friend. I thought we were going to try being friends? Did it
not work out and you forgot to tell me? Because things were going pretty good until now.”

Yuri was exhausted. She had been kicked out of her house and forced to move in with Donghae
all in the span of a few days. Moving into a pool house wouldn’t be the craziest thing that
happened that week.

“I—I guess I could—”

“Go get your stuff.”

Yoona showed Yuri some of the basic things once they arrived at Yuri’s new home for the next
month. She’d explain more the next day; it was late and neither of them had gotten much sleep.

62
“The sheets are all clean so you don’t have to change them and the towels are in the closet that’s
in the bathroom.”

Yuri nodded wearily. The prospect of sleeping on an actual bed, not on a blown up mattress like
she did at Donghae’s, reminded her how tired she was.

“Thank you, Yoona. Thank you so much.”

Yoona shook her head and smiled hopefully. It was the least she could do for everything Yuri
had done.

“Go to sleep and get some rest. I’ll wake you in the morning.”

“Good night.”

There were no curtains or blinds in the pool house and from the sliding door in the main house
Yoona could see Yuri’s hunched body sitting on the bed, her face buried in her hands. It was the
second time Yoona tried to help Yuri, only to feel completely useless.

leave tonight, or live and die this way

“Man, I don’t remember this place being so big.”

Donghae dropped the box he was carrying near Yuri’s new bed and stretched himself over the
sheets as if he decided to live there too. He was supposed to be helping her move the stuff she
couldn’t fit on her bike but he was mostly gaping and lazing around.

“It’s just for the month, Donghae.”

“Month or not, this is definitely an upgrade.”

Yuri didn’t agree. It was nice but she would always choose her home over any house.

“I thought you could use a hand.”

Khun strolled in with two boxes and set them down in the room. He went to Donghae and shook
his hand.

“I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Nichkun.”

“Donghae.”

Donghae winced at Khun’s strong grip when no one was looking.

63
“I’m sorry about your house, Yuri. When I heard, I talked to my father about it but he says those
kinds of things are ironclad.”

“Thanks, Khun. But it’s just for the month, I’ll be fine.”

"Do you need anyone to talk to the insurance company? My father's a lawyer so I think he'd be
able to help."

"I have a friend who's working on the papers and everything, but thank you."

Tiffany had been in and out of the insurance offices the past few days and kept Yuri updated
frequently. Yuri had chosen not to think about it because no matter how she looked at it, she
would still have to wait a month.

Khun nodded and pointed to the outside.

“Do you have any more stuff to bring in?”

Donghae got up from the bed. His manhood wasn’t about to be challenged by the prince looking
ogre.

“Just a box or two. I’ll go get it,” Donghae said, dashing to the door before Khun could offer.

“He’s eager,” Khun said, looking at Donghae run to the car. “Well, I’ll be seeing you around
more often then. Bye Yuri.”

“Yea, bye.”

Donghae carried the last box to the room on unsteady legs. He wasn’t fit to be a mover but with
his build, that was to be expected.

“Please tell me this is the last of it,” he croaked, putting the box on the floor the moment he
stepped inside.

“That’s the last of it,” Yuri affirmed.

“That dude is something out of the fairy tales, huh?”

Donghae took the glass of water Yuri had set for him and drank greedily.

“What are you talking about?” Yuri asked, not really interested because she was in the middle of
putting her clothes in the closet.

“Nichkun,” Donghae clarified. “He’s such a pretty boy. Is he a model or something?”

“Why, do you want to ask him out?”

64
The water dribbled out of Donghae’s mouth.

“No! Can’t a guy acknowledge another guy’s attractiveness without being accused of being gay?
Girls do it all the time.”

He wiped his chin with the back of his hand, not hearing Yuri’s snickering.

“If you say so,” Yuri told him, continuing in unpacking her things.

“How do you know each other anyway? I’ve never seen him around you.”

“He went to our high school.” Yuri finished with one box and moved to another. She recalled
what she knew of Khun to Donghae. “We had gym once and talked sometimes. But after he
graduated we didn’t stay in touch.”

“Did you know he was going out with Yoona?”

“Only from gossip.”

Her hate towards Yoona had faded all too quickly after her parents’ funeral and Khun became
her sole source of information on Yoona. She never asked anything about Yoona but whenever
he spoke of her, she’d listen with a sharp focus, hanging on every word. Once the class was over,
they only saw each in hallways and Yoona turned into a case of ‘out of sight, out of mind’ for
Yuri.

“He’s kinda perfect though, isn’t he?”

Donghae looked out across the pool and Yuri followed his line of sight to where Yoona and
Khun were talking. Donghae was right; Khun was perfect, everything a girl could ever ask for.
Yuri should have been happy Yoona found someone like him.

But all she could think about was that as perfect as Khun was, he just wasn’t perfect for Yoona.

“Thanks for letting him hang out here.”

Donghae ran to the fence and did a full sprint back into the pool.

“He begged, Yuri. How could I have said no?”

Yuri didn’t waste her time being embarrassed on Donghae’s behalf. If he wanted to act like a
fool, then she wasn’t going to stop him.

“Did Khun leave already?” Yuri asked as Donghae cannonballed into the water. Yoona had been
smart and advised them to sit as far from the pool as possible.

65
“Yea. He has a two hour drive and classes tomorrow.”

If Khun was willing to drive two hours multiple times in the week to see Yoona it must have
meant something.

“You two seem pretty serious.”

Yoona had nothing to say and just shrugged. What was she supposed to do, gush over Nichkun?
It spoke volumes about Yoona’s feelings when she realized that she couldn’t.

“Do you love him?”

“I’ve been with him for three years.”

Yuri didn’t want to press the matter, but she needed to know. It was what would make a
difference in everything.

“But do you love him?”

Yoona kept her eyes on Donghae as he did a flip and bellyflopped into the water. She was glad
she was the one wearing sunglasses this time.

“I should.”

Yoona was mindlessly surfing through the TV channels when she heard Jiyoung running happily
down the stairs. The girl went straight to the foyer and took out her shoes. Yoona noticed the
bright purple backpack Jiyoung had on.

“And where are you going?”

“Sleepover!”

Yoona was going to ask Jiyoung more but then saw her mother coming down the stairs too and
instead asked her.

“She’s going to a sleepover?”

“Yes, I have a friend who has a girl the same age as Jiyoung. I’m surprised I haven’t thought of it
earlier.”

Yoona wasn’t.

“When will you be back?”

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“Oh, I decided to stay there too. We might have a drink or two and I wouldn’t want to drive
afterwards.” Yoona tried not to show her discomfort. This meant the house would be empty. “I
thought you might need a break from us and let you have the house to yourself.”

Why would Yoona need a break from someone she barely saw in the first place?

“Bye unnie.”

Jiyoung hugged Yoona and Yoona held on for a second longer.

She looked at her phone and thought about calling Khun but she wasn’t going to drag him to her
house just for the night. He was already there for most of the week and put up with sleeping on
the couch even though her mother allowed him to sleep in Yoona’s room.

“I trust you,” her mother had said, though it sounded more like she didn’t care if her daughter
was having sleepovers with her boyfriend in her own house.

Yoona shouldn’t have been shocked by her mother’s suggestion. On numerous occasions Yoona
would come back from clubs and parties, clearly drunk, and the only interest her mother showed
her was to tell her where to find the aspirin for hangovers.

Her friends envied such a “cool mom” but Yoona would have given anything to have a parent
who cared enough to yell or punish.

Once she saw the headlights cascade over the room and then disappear, she took the nearest
pillow and clutched it to her chest.

She wasn’t getting any sleep that night.

Yuri let out a slow breath and stretched her arms over her head. She had just come back from
visiting her home as she did every day. It was one thing to take the house from her but there was
no way they were going to keep her away from it. Not that there was much to see. The insurance
company had placed new locks so that no one (specifically Yuri) could get in. Yuri knew that
house like the back of her hand though and probably could have opened a window if she really
needed to get inside but it wasn’t worth the trouble. She would wait like the law abiding citizen
she was and then it would be acknowledged that the house belonged to her.

Her alarm clock shone in bright red numbers that it was already after midnight. Usually, she
would only spend a few minutes but it was a nice night, clear enough to see the stars, and she had
stayed longer.

As she hung her jacket on its hook and put away her list, she saw the lights on in Yoona’s room.
Thinking Yoona fell asleep watching TV or reading, Yuri left the pool house.

67
It was oddly quiet once she was inside, like there was no living soul in the house. Maybe Yoona
was out too but forgot to turn off her lights.

Yuri knocked on the door faintly in case Yoona was sleeping.

“Yea?”

Yuri poked her head through the opening.

“You’re not asleep?”

“Not really tired.”

Yoona’s appearance gave Yuri a different impression. Her eyes were barely open, her head was
lolling left and right, her body barely sitting upright—she looked ready to pass out.

Yuri had seen this before. She sat on the bed next to Yoona and took the TV remote from her
hand.

“Is anyone home?”

“No.” That explained everything. “My mom and Jiyoung are at a sleepover.”

Yoona cracked a smile at how ridiculous that sounded.

“Lie down. I’ll stay here.”

“What? No, it’s okay, I’ll—”

“Yoona, just go to sleep.”

Yoona protested no more and went under the covers while Yuri shut off the lights.

Yuri lied down on the other side of the bed with no intention of sleeping. She would wait until
Yoona fell asleep and then she’d go back to her own room but each passing minute made that
difficult. It didn’t take long for Yuri to get situated in the bed and when it seemed that Yoona
was sleeping was when Yuri felt the most comfortable.

Maybe she’d take a quick nap and tiptoe out later.

Yoona pulled Khun’s arm closer around her stomach. Khun must have lost a lot of weight in the
last twenty-four hours because his arm was lighter than she remembered it. She also didn’t
remember the last time he had his fingernails painted. Khun has never been in her bed anyway.

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The previous night’s events began filtering into Yoona’s head. Yuri said she would stay and she
did, though Yoona didn’t remember her being so close.

Her room was relatively dark so it definitely wasn’t time to wake up. A small sliver of sun did
escape between her blinds and she watched the dust float in the light. She didn’t want to get out
of bed; it was warm, comfortable, and even with the position they were in, it didn’t bother
Yoona.

She looked down at Yuri’s hand as it rose and fell with each breath. She traced the hand idly,
along the bumpy knuckles of her fingers and the smooth underside of her wrist. Her hand was
surprisingly no bigger than Yoona’s. The last time Yoona compared their hands was when they
held them and that felt like it happened in a different lifetime.

Yoona removed Yuri’s hand from where it rested on her stomach. She pressed her hands to her
forehead, feeling a slow headache building behind it.

This was so wrong.

Yuri had Tiffany and Yoona had Nichkun. There was no space for anyone else.

the almost fight, the almost breakup, the

almost kiss, the almost makeup
Yuri never forced herself to go to school, she simply would rather spend her time there than in an
empty house, but on the days when the sun blinded her and the heat seeped below the surface of
her skin she didn’t spend it inside four walls, school or not.

She had gotten in trouble twice for mindlessly walking the school grounds but the worst she got
was a wag of the finger from the teacher who caught her. It was probably senioritis, her
restlessness with staying in one place, but then Donghae had often said that Yuri had a
permanent case of Spring Fever. Whatever it was, Yuri couldn’t imagine wasting such bright
days rotting in a classroom.

The grounds were mostly made up of endless mowed lawns and a few paved areas for roads and
sidewalks. There wasn’t anything of striking interest to visit but she had heard rumors that her
old math teacher had a small garden not far from the classroom the woman taught in. She
checked for school staff before walking to the appropriate building. The classroom had their
broad windows open and she almost went by them but ducked in the last minute. It was calculus,
a subject she hated with a passion. Sticking close to the wall she scurried by unnoticed and upon
rounding the corner she realized that she had arrived at the garden.

It was a long rectangular grid that lined the wall and went as far as the end of the building. She
recognized some of the flowers from common knowledge—roses, daisies—but then there were

69
some that just looked flat out outrageous. A large patch of thick, fully bloomed white flowers
caught her eye. They looked like roses but the petal formation didn’t match and unlike roses, the
flowers had a visible yellow stigma.

The sun hadn’t reached the sky high enough for that part of the building and Yuri enjoyed the
cool shade immensely. She took a seat by the garden, running her fingers through the flowers,
some of the petals so light they moved at the slightest touch. The teacher’s monotone voice
drifted through the air, dulling Yuri’s concentration.

The warmth still got to her even in the shade and feeling drowsy she lied down with her arms
crossed behind her head. She watched the swirls of clouds float through the blue sky and felt her
eyelids become heavy.

Sleeping was a stupid idea, but she wasn’t thinking straight these days anyway.

Yoona calmly exited the girl’s bathroom and walked down the silent hallway. Her sixth period
teacher was a dinosaur so she was hoping he wouldn’t notice her absence when she slipped into
the auditorium.

She was disappointed to find all the lights off; that meant that it was empty. Maybe it would have
been nice to sit in the darkness but that felt a bit too depressing for her so she flicked on the lone
spotlight and took a seat at the edge of the stage.

Yuri was probably roaming around somewhere so Yoona began dialing her number but her
thumb hovered above the call button hesitantly. Things were going phenomenally well with
Yuri. They hadn’t fought once yet and were catching up on the three years they missed.
Everything that connected them in the beginning was still there.

But when Yoona got down to it, therein was where the problem lay. They were getting along a
bit too well. The line that separated friend and more was getting blurry.

She heard the back door open quietly and Yuri’s dark hair appeared in the space.

“I thought I’d find you here,” Yuri said, entering the room fully. She sat next to Yoona and they
both had a moment of déjà vu.

“Here.” Yuri presented the flower she had clipped from the garden. “It made me think of you.”

Yoona took it by the stem carefully and raised an eyebrow at the straightforward statement.

“What?”

Yuri blushed unwillingly.

70
“I mean, remember that time we went by the pond? You picked all those white flowers except
for two so that there would be more flowers the next year but—”

“None of them grew back,” Yoona said with a small smile, finishing the memory. “I even tried
watering them with bottled water because I thought that would work better.”

Yuri let out a delicate laugh, remembering all of it very well.

“What’d you do with those flowers you picked?”

Yoona twirled the flower between her fingers. They had been for her mother but all the woman
had done was scold Yoona for bringing bugs and dirt into the house.

“Nothing. I just thought they were pretty. Where’d you get this anyway?”

Yoona didn’t know of any flowers that were around the school. Yuri turned to her with a one
sided grin and something about it made Yoona look away shyly.

“It’s a secret.”

“You were doing something that could have gotten you in trouble, weren’t you?”

The flower smelled sweet and the petals tickled Yoona’s nose. It was also very cool and helped
chill her warmed cheeks.

“Nothing that would have gotten me suspended. Maybe detention, but even that’s a stretch. Does
it smell nice?”

Yuri hadn’t even thought to smell the flower before taking it. What if it was horribly pungent?

“It does,” Yoona said, tilting the flower towards Yuri. It wouldn’t have taken much more effort
to extend her arm and bring the flower closer to Yuri but maybe she wanted Yuri to come closer.

Yuri leaned in and inhaled the scent. It wasn’t half bad.

“Why aren’t you two in class?”

They split apart at the harsh voice from the opposite side of the stage.

“Sorry, we thought our class was meeting in here,” Yuri responded to the janitor politely.

The hall was exceptionally bright and it took them a second for their eyes to adjust. Yuri realized
that they needed to go in separate directions; Yoona had one more class and Yuri needed to go
do something productive.

“Please try not to get detention. I still need to get home somehow.”

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Yuri nodded with that same grin from earlier. Was it ridiculous that she found the best part of
school to be the beginning and the ending?

“Nothing will keep me away.”

Yuri gazed up at the dark sky. When she left school it had been so clear but instead of stars, she
saw nothing but gray. If it was going to rain soon then she would have to skip her daily visit to
her home.

Bad weather had never meshed well with Yuri. Not only did it dampen her mood but it prevented
her from going outside which made Yuri feel like she was in solitary confinement. She fell onto
her bed lifelessly, wishing that sleep would come and fast forward onto the next day.

However, sleep was going to be a big issue with that insistent tapping.

Yuri sat up, looking for the noise, and found it at her window. She barely opened the sliding door
when Tiffany pounced on her.

“God, how I missed you.”

The force of Tiffany’s impact propelled Yuri backwards and luckily on the bed, otherwise they
would have wounded up on the floor.

“Ti—Tiffany,” Yuri stuttered, finding it almost impossible to speak with the way Tiffany was
kissing her, “wait a second.”

“That phrase is not in my dictionary.”

Tiffany raised Yuri’s shirt, running her hands up the girl’s back. A burning rush seized Yuri in
the pit of her stomach, telling her to throw Tiffany onto the bed, but her heart was nowhere in it.

“Dictionaries don’t have phrases.”

In a distracted moment Yuri held off Tiffany’s hands and pulled them up into a sitting position.

“I haven’t seen you in days, Yul. Please don’t do this now.”

Yuri lowered her eyes to the small space between them, anywhere but Tiffany’s face. A fast
silence engulfed them and Tiffany knew something was irreparably different.

“Wow, you really mean it.”

Tiffany moved out of Yuri’s lap and they sat on the bed, side by side, like sudden strangers.

72
“This isn’t my house, Tiffany. It just feels wrong,” Yuri explained methodically.

Tiffany ran a hand through her hair, tilting her head to show the soft skin at her neck. Yuri had
bitten and kissed that neck countless of times but now, she didn’t want to anymore. Tiffany
caught her looking and smiled sadly.

“I’m going to miss you.”

Yuri face twisted into a puzzled frown.

“What are you talking about?”

Tiffany kissed her bottom lip, lingering there until Yuri exhaled the breath she was holding. It
was a habit; she always held her breath whenever someone kissed her.

“Nothing. You’re supposed to get some papers at the end of the month about the house. Call me
when you move back in, I’ll buy you a bottle of champagne and we’ll celebrate.”

As Tiffany fixed her shirt a wave of thunder shook the air outside.

“Bye Yuri.”

“Bye,” Yuri replied, still a little confused with the way Tiffany was acting.

In her car Tiffany reclined her seat to look at the sunroof. She had been a fool, waiting for so
long. Her chance had expired and there was nothing she could do but accept it nobly.

Yoona had been playing with the flower the whole day, bringing it to every room in the house
until a petal fell off and she gently placed it on her desk to preserve it for as long as possible.

She had homework to do but her mind wasn’t anywhere near the Roman Empire or the terms she
was supposed to memorize for her chemistry class. The flower lied on her desk almost
theatrically, the blossom hanging off the edge.

Her textbook had been slipping off her bed and it landed on the floor, the thump startling her and
she realized she had been staring again. The thoughts in her head were bouncing off the walls of
her skull and her focus was out the window. Out the window and across the pool, to be exact.

She rolled onto her back and had an upside down view of the pool house. It looked empty from
where she lay but her attention shifted when the motion sensor lights came on and someone,
some girl, walked into Yoona’s line of sight. Yoona turned over to get a normal look and
recognized Tiffany instantly; there was less attitude in her step than the first time they met but it
was undoubtedly her. When Tiffany’s body completely faded into the dark of the driveway,
Yoona pulled up her knees to her chest, her eyes going directly to the flower.

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She had been such a stupid girl.

Her first instinct was to get the flower out of sight and dump it into the trash along with her
worthless feelings of hope.

“Is your phone not working? I’ve been calling you.”

Khun hopped onto the bed, resting his head next to her legs.

“It might,” her thoughts were scattered again, like her voice. “I haven’t heard anything.”

“Are you okay? You look a little spaced out.” His eyes followed the direction she was looking in
and he noticed the flower. “Ooh, a Gardenia.”

He brought it onto the bed and held it up in the air. At least she knew what kind of flower it was
now.

“My mom used to grow them when she had a garden. She said there was a legend that explained
its meaning but I’m pretty sure she just made it up off the top of her head because I haven’t heard
it anywhere else.”

Yoona didn’t really care; she just wanted to be alone, but she couldn’t kick him out. She listened
to the story with mild interest.

“According to my mom there once was this poor peasant who fell in love with one of the
princesses of some kingdom way back then. The only way he was allowed to be close to her was
if he went to the army and became a part of the royal court. He trained for five years and during
that time he would write her love letters, tying a Gardenia to the letter so she’d have something
to recognize him by. It was like his signature.

“So this goes on for five years until he’s finally deemed worthy to be in the royal court. He wants
to reveal himself but the kingdom goes to war and he’s shipped off to some country to fight. He
never stops sending the letters and when he comes back in another five years she searches for
him because the messenger told her it was someone from the army. The poor guy’s in horrible
shape though and he thinks she deserves better so he keeps writing the letters but stops sending
them.

“Eventually he dies from his wounds and she finds the letters.” Khun took a deep breath after
finishing. He put his arms down and gave Yoona the flower. “He kept his love a secret until his
death, and that’s why the Gardenia means secret love. Did someone give it to you?”

“I found it.”

The lies were coming so easily now.

74
“Good. Otherwise I’d be worried,” he said with an easy smile. “By the way, I can’t stay the
night. I’ve got a few exams so I might not stop by until next week, okay?”

“Okay.”

He kissed her but she made no effort to kiss him back. She could not, with a good conscience,
hold that flower and kiss him.

When did it happen, she wondered as he left the room. When did her heart stop beating for him?

The rain began as a few drops, pitter-patter on the roof, and then out of nowhere morphed into
some monsoon.

Yuri hoped that Tiffany had gotten back to her dorm safely before the rain started. She was
staring at the pool—it appeared as though it was shaking with the way the rain hit it—when a
door opened and slammed close.

Yoona stayed glued to the door like behind it there was some monster chasing after her.

“Hold on, I’ll get you a towel.”

The towel quickly became wet as Yuri dried Yoona.

“Take off your clothes.” Yoona stared wide eyed at Yuri. “My stuff should fit you fine.”

Yuri took the towel from Yoona and gave Yoona a set of her clothes. The sweatpants fit well but
the sleeves of the shirt dangled halfway over her fingers. She pulled at the sleeves and made little
gloves out of them to cover her cold hands.

The bed was the only place to sit so they settled there, Yuri lifting the covers and draping them
over Yoona’s shoulders. The thundering rain was the only sound between them until there was a
sudden pop and all the lights went out.

Yoona screamed and hid her head in the covers. Yuri laughed; it seemed that Yoona’s fears
hadn’t changed much over the years.

“We just got to wait it out, it’ll pass soon. Is Jiyoung over there?”

Yoona shook her head, the covers still hiding most of her face.

“She and my mom went to another sleepover.”

It had happened a few times already and as much as Yoona disliked it, what could she do, drag
her sister from spending time with a friend? If that friend was half as good as Yuri then Yoona’s

75
lack of sleep would have been worth it. She could have called Yuri over but she had been scared
of what could have happened between them.

“You still kind of look like a scarecrow.”

“What?”

“Remember the last time it rained like this?”

Yoona smiled and it widened once she understood what Yuri was referring to.

“Well I bet you would still look like a wet rat if I dumped some water on you right now.”

Pretending to be offended, Yuri pushed Yoona down onto the bed, waging a tickle fight.

“Take it back!”

Yoona laughed as she squirmed under Yuri’s hands.

“Okay, I take it back!” Yoona shouted, laughing between every word.

Yuri stopped and lied down next to Yoona, propping her head up with a hand. She was highly
aware of the small amount of distance between them and how it still wasn’t close enough.

Yoona’s laughter ended with a wide smile, matching the one Yuri had. It was sincere but Yoona
thought of Tiffany and her smile faded.

“Did you know what kind of flower it was? The one you picked today?”

Yoona turned to lie on her side to freely observe Yuri.

“No. Do you?”

The legend was probably false but it sounded believable and something in Yoona was telling her
to believe it.

“Gardenia,” Yoona whispered. “Do you know what it means?”

Yoona’s whispers were so low that Yuri had to lean closer to hear. Her hair washed over
Yoona’s cheek and Yoona kept quiet so they could stay like that.

“What does it mean?”

“I love you secretly.”

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Yuri moved back and saw that Yoona had closed her eyes, giving off the appearance of sleep.
She scooted down and shifted as close as she could to Yoona without touching her.

If only Yuri knew that Yoona wasn’t just explaining the flower’s meaning.

Memory #4,
Yuri is thirteen and Yoona is twelve

No one below the age of twenty ever watched the weather channel willingly. Yuri and Yoona
were beginning to regret that.

They were coming back from a trip in the woods when the sky had turned an ominous gray and
the soft rumbles that they thought belonged to the stream were actually a predecessor to the
looming storm.

“I told you we should have stayed home,” Yoona fussed as more thunder rolled through the
clouds.

They had ventured further than usual and the darkness that was slowly developing was
destroying Yuri’s sense of direction. She needed Yoona’s support right now, not her
complaining.

“This is getting stupid too. How many times are we going to go into these woods? There’s
nothing here but dirt, rocks and trees. We could have gone to Hyoyeon’s party like I suggested
and I wouldn’t be ruining my new shoes right now!”

“You used to like coming here—”

“Yea, when I was eight!”

“Besides, that girl is mean. I don’t know why you would want to hang out with her.”

“Hyoyeon is awesome. I heard that her parents already bought her a car.”

“What for? So that she could sit in it?”

The sky growled again, much louder, like it was right overhead and in response Yoona took
Yuri’s hand. Yuri glanced at their hands; it was becoming a rarity these days. Yoona had decided
at some point that she was too old to hold Yuri’s hand though that only seemed to apply when
they weren’t alone. However, the time they had to themselves was becoming less and less. There
was always someone with them nowadays, someone butting in and whisking Yoona away.

“We’re going to get soaked and it’ll be all your fault.”

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“We’re not. Look, there’s the opening.”

“Finally.”

Yoona dropped Yuri’s hand and took the lead. For the first time Yuri was the one to trail behind.
When Yuri’s house came into view Yuri walked faster and got in step with Yoona. All they
needed to do was cross the street. They were about to when a few sudden bright flashes blinded
them. Acting on instinct, Yuri pulled Yoona close and clasped her hands over Yoona’s ears just
as the high pitched crackling of the lightning snapped to the ground. Yuri could feel the cement
underneath her shoes vibrate. Wherever the lightning had struck, it had been very close.

Yoona slowly peeled her eyes open, Yuri’s hands still covering her ears.

“Thanks.”

“We should go before it starts to—”

The rain gave no warning, coming down on them in buckets. It took them no more than ten
seconds but by the time they reached Yuri’s porch, they were wet from head to toe.

“Sorry. I guess we did get soaked.”

Yoona spread her arms to the sides, heavy water dripping from her clothes. Yuri couldn’t help
but laugh.

“You look like a scarecrow.”

Yoona glowered at Yuri but her expression changed when she saw how haggard the girl was as
well.

“Well you look like a wet rat.”

“Hey,” Yuri shouted, feeling insulted. She lowered her head and shook it, sending water onto
Yoona like a sprinkler.

In retaliation Yoona shed her wet jacket and used it to hit Yuri. The fight escalated steadily until
Yuri could take no more, having received one or two hard slaps from Yoona. She grasped
Yoona’s waist and tackled her towards the wall.

“Okay, okay, you win!” Yoona laughed out as Yuri began tickling her.

So Yoona wouldn’t have a chance at hitting her anymore Yuri held down the girl’s hands.

“Drop the weapon,” Yuri ordered, but she was still smiling and Yoona couldn’t take her
seriously. “Drop it.”

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Yoona rolled her eyes and complied. Their breathing was ragged from their little fight and
Yoona’s chest pressed against Yuri’s every time she exhaled.

“Okay, I dropped it. Now let me go.”

Yuri was going to but then somewhere in her brain that command perished. Her eyes drifted to
Yoona’s lips, covered in round droplets, and she wanted to wipe them but then Yoona’s tongue
darted out, licking the water away.

She looked back up at Yoona eyes, staring with the same kind of intent as Yuri. It seemed like
the next thing to do, to just lean forward and—

The sky exploded with another roar of thunder and Yoona shrieked, burying her head into Yuri’s
neck for shelter. It brought Yuri back to reality.

“Let’s go inside before we get sick.”

realizations (or the lack of them)

As a child, there wasn’t anywhere Yuri wouldn’t try exploring. It was second nature to her
whenever she landed somewhere new, to scan the area, find good hiding places, leave no stone
unturned. Her father called her an adventurer, a mini Indiana Jones and it was cute until she grew
older and adventure became synonymous with trouble. It was partly why she was a DJ and rode a
motorcycle but that didn’t necessarily mean she was a "bad” girl or a delinquent, although the
motorcycle and tough looks often attracted that vibe. So she punched out some boy when she
was eleven and wore a leather jacket—driving a motorcycle in heels and a miniskirt was not only
dangerous but awkward. It had nothing to do with fashion, but safety. As for the punch, well, the
kid was asking for it.

The school’s front gate was locked everyday at five in the afternoon, once all the janitors,
teachers and students serving detention got out. The lock was about the size of Yuri’s fist and she
didn’t have enough skills to pick it or enough strength to break it with some heavy duty clippers.
The fence, however, was only a meter taller than her and she had climbed worse.

She accounted for possible guards—lazy, fat men with beer bellies snoozing at their posts—but
didn’t consider them a threat.

It took her less than twenty minutes to complete her deed, excluding the drive to the school. She
needed to be cautious with her plastic bag, now weighing a little heavier than before. If she
crushed the contents than the whole trip would have been meaningless.

She crossed the grounds stealthily, feeling confident that her dark hair and clothes would help
her succeed. At the fence she pushed the bag under the small opening and planted a foot into the
flexible metal.

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“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?”

The flashlight illuminated her bike as it scanned the surrounding area. She had two options: turn
herself in, or make a run for it.

She let go of the fence and turned, squinting as the light hit her face. The guard did not look
happy.

“Sorry?”

“Trespassing? Really Yuri? Out of all the things, you trespass the school. You couldn’t have
picked something cooler, like a bank or a prison?”

“Why would I want to trespass a prison?”

Donghae raised his hand from the steering wheel.

“You’re missing the point Yul!”

Unfortunately, trespassing school grounds meant she had to serve a week’s detention. They also
impounded her bike for the night, which she wasn’t too worried about since her Uncle Lee was a
good friend of the impound lot’s owner.

Donghae’s frustration ended quickly as he glanced at the bag in Yuri’s lap.

“What’s in there? And what’s that smell?” he asked, crinkling his nose.

“Nothing, keep driving.”

Yuri rearranged the bag so that it was more evened out. She sat back and relaxed in the seat,
imagining the surprise on Yoona’s face. It would have made her endeavor worthwhile.

Yoona poked the cafeteria’s weird looking meat with her fork. It wasn’t appetizing at all and she
wasn’t hungry anyway. Hyoyeon and Taeyeon were smart and brought sandwiches. Yoona
would have done the same but she received a late call from Yuri that she was already at school
and Yoona had to drive her car that day and thus didn’t have enough time to pack a lunch.

“So Yoona, will you go?”

She hadn’t been paying attention, again.

“Um, what?”

80
“We’re going to the Golden Fox this weekend, are you coming with us? Or are you going to
spend another Saturday night at home? I bet that’s a lot of fun.”

Hyoyeon raised an eyebrow, as if challenging Yoona.

Yoona had been ditching Hyoyeon lately and the girls were starting to notice her absence. Could
she really be blamed though? Taeyeon seemed to be the only one who could hold an intelligent
conversation but she was constantly with Donghae.

“I might.”

Donghae turned up then, smiling as he greeted Taeyeon. His presence was very convenient.

“Where’s Yuri?” Yoona asked him.

He sat next to Taeyeon, picking some fruit from her lunchbox.

“Detention,” he said with a hint of disbelief. It was still unknown to him what Yuri was doing at
school in the middle of the night.

“What room?”

“On the first floor, the old computer room.”

Yoona was already moving.

Hyoyeon watched as Yoona left. Yuri always left a bad taste in her mouth and she had been
hearing the name at every turn recently.

Yuri’s knee bounced impatiently as the minute hand aligned neatly with the hour hand upon the
twelve. She had another half hour to go.

The teacher hadn’t been entirely cruel and trusted her to complete the detention alone. She had
no doubt that he was out in the hall, waiting for her to try to sneak out.

“You know, I can’t say that I’m surprised.”

Yoona sat atop one of the desks not far from Yuri. Yuri’s knee calmed and she straightened in
the seat.

“I’m innocent, I swear.”

“You must have done something.”

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Yuri puckered her lips as she looked to the ceiling thoughtfully.

“Would you believe me if I said I did graffiti in one of the classrooms?”

Yoona laughed at that.

“No.”

“Didn’t think so.”

Yuri turned in her seat towards Yoona. Detention wasn’t so unbearable anymore.

“Let’s just say that my intentions were honorable.”

“Looks like the school didn’t think so,” Yoona said, moving closer to Yuri to get out of the sun’s
glare.

“I’m not worrying about what the school thinks so much.”

Yoona was curious to know, but Yuri had a record of keeping secrets and her grin most likely
meant she wasn’t going to disclose anything.

“Does this mean I’ll be giving you a ride today?”

Yuri dropped the grin and replied despondently.

“I wish you could, but I have work today so Donghae’s going to take me to the garage.”

Yoona looked at the clock to hide her disappointment.

“But you’ll be home later right?”

Yuri leaned forward in her seat and the movement caused Yoona to look back at the girl. It
wasn’t home for Yuri but it was beginning to feel like it was the closest thing to it.

“I have nowhere else to go.”

At the end of the day Yoona treaded to the parking lot. Since Yuri was in detention, she was
forced to take her car to school for the rest of the week. It was weird driving it again, like when
getting off a horse after riding for it for hours and you think you might have forgotten how to
walk properly. To save gas she had been riding with Yuri to school on her bike, which always
provided a morning rush that no amount of coffee could beat.

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She was hunting for her keys at the bottom of her tote but stopped when she glanced at the car.
The parking lot was filled with students but no one in her near vicinity. The white flower was
strikingly familiar as she pulled it out from between the space of her door handle. There was
nothing attached to it, no note from who it was but from the goofy smile on her face, Yoona
knew exactly who the sender was.

“How sweet. Is it from Khun?”

Yoona swiveled around, the hand holding the flower dropping to her side in an instant.

“But he’s at school now, isn’t he? It must be someone from our school. I bet you feel special,
having a secret admirer.” Hyoyeon advanced slowly, having too much fun in torturing Yoona.
“That admirer isn’t much of a secret either.”

“Where are you getting at?”

Yoona wasn’t interested in playing games. Whatever Hyoyeon wanted to use against Yoona,
Yoona had enough dirt on the girl to throw back at her.

“What are you trying to prove, Yoona? Are you really that bored with Khun that you have to
slum it with trash like Yuri?”

Hyoyeon crossed too many lines with that comment. Yoona took an intimidating step forward
until she was nose to nose with Hyoyeon.

“Say one more thing about her and your own mother won’t recognize you once I’m finished.”

Yoona wasn’t a fighter, she had never even thrown a punch before, but that didn’t daunt her at
all.

“You like doing this, don’t you? Have little play things on the side? I’m not blind, you know.
Each time we go clubbing you leave with some different guy and then prance back to Khun
innocently. We both know that’s what Yuri is to you, just another fling. You’ll get bored with
her eventually and break her heart. And you won’t even care because it’s what you do, Yoona.
Don’t fool yourself into thinking you’re something you’re not.”

“And you’re so sure of this? You’ve predicted my entire future just like that. Maybe I should
start paying you for these fortunes.”

Hyoyeon became serious and spoke in a grave tone.

“I’m saying this from experience. She’s forgiven you this time for leaving; do you think she’ll do
it twice?”

It was a question Yoona had asked herself many times already. What if she made another
mistake? What if all the wrongs she’d done were already unforgivable?

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“Are you prepared to lose her again?”

The look on Yoona’s face conveyed what Hyoyeon had hoped to accomplish. She smirked
proudly and left the girl to contemplate the question.

The seed of doubt spread like poison in Yoona’s mind. Yoona already knew the answer to
Hyoyeon’s question. She let her fingers open and the flower fell to the ground.

Some things were just too important to risk.

Memory #5
Yuri is thirteen, Yoona is thirteen

Yuri stood at the gate, picking up on the noises that accompanied birthday parties. She was
atypically nervous—palms sweating, dry throat, jittery legs. It took a lot to make Kwon Yuri
nervous and although she was unfamiliar with the feeling she didn’t know any other way to deal
with it than to just move forward.

The house was a wild mess, in such a state that Yuri had never seen before. There were balloons
on everything that string could be tied to, scattered groups of teenagers, talking, laughing,
sucking the helium balloons. She could feel their hyena glimpses questioning (what is that doing
here?) and to keep herself from panicking she created a goal. They were distractions to be
avoided and she wasn’t here to entertain them.

“Excuse me, have you seen Yoona?”

The boy did a double take at Yuri, his sleazy smirk something that Yuri had been receiving more
and more from the male population since the start of the summer.

“No, but you should stay here. You’ll have more fun with me anyway.”

Did she not get some memo? Was it written somewhere that once everyone became a teen it was
appropriate to act like a horny dog?

“Nevermind. I’ll find her myself.”

Yuri checked in the obvious places first: the kitchen, Yoona’s room, the pool, and while there
were plenty of people in all three locations, Yoona wasn’t. There were many more rooms to
search through but the closed door of Yoona’s father’s study seemed odd. The study was always
open.

She opened the door and found everyone inside stiff as planks.

“God Yuri, you scared the crap out of us.”

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Yoona sighed in relief and Hyoyeon revealed the alcohol bottle she’d been hiding behind her
back when she thought it was an adult.

“What are you guys doing?”

Yuri regarded the bottle disagreeably as she closed the door and stepped further inside the quiet
room.

“What does it look like we’re doing?”

Hyoyeon untwisted the cap and took a swig, her face contorting at the strong liquid. She passed
it to Yoona who looked a bit more reluctant but tilted the bottle back and drank.

Yuri could watch no more. She took Yoona by the arm and hissed into her ear.

“Can we talk for a sec?”

Yoona rolled her eyes in annoyance but followed Yuri out. They went up to Yoona’s room
where it was quiet and private.

“You shouldn’t be drinking that, Yoong. Your dad’s going to be mad if he finds out you’ve been
drinking alcohol, his alcohol.”

Yoona sat on her bed with a bored expression.

“He’s never home and I don’t think he knows exactly how much is in every single bottle.”

“Why are you drinking that stuff anyway? It just makes people act stupid.”

“We just wanted to see what it tasted like. God Yuri, don’t be such a mom.”

Yuri found no appeal in things like drugs or drinking. Her parents had warned her and explained
what that stuff did to a person and she didn’t think any of it was fun or cool.

“Look, it’s your birthday and I didn’t come here to fight,” Yuri said tiredly.

They had been fighting a lot lately; stupid, insignificant things that weren’t even worth
mentioning but somehow created rifts. For one night Yuri didn’t want things to end with
squabbling or one of them stomping out of the room in anger.

She joined Yoona on the bed and fished in her pocket for her gift. The nerves reappeared,
shaking her fingers and seizing her tongue.

“My uncle finally agreed to let me work for him at the garage. Just paperwork and stuff like that
but I got just enough to get you a decent present.”

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Normally she would have asked her parents for some money but Yuri had learned that they had
hit a financial slump so she decided to pay for the present herself.

Yoona took the little box from Yuri with timid hands.

“You didn’t have to—”

“I wanted to. Open it.”

Yuri’s look of anticipation and excitement infected Yoona. She forgot about all the people
downstairs, half of them she didn’t even know and enjoyed another brief moment of childlike
happiness. The box was practically weightless but the necklace inside felt like the world in
Yoona’s hands.

“Do you like it?”

Yoona lifted the tiny pendant with her finger. The heart reflected the light with every move.

“Yuri, I—”

Yoona had no words. No one had ever given her something like this. Her mother always gave
her money if she wanted to buy something but there was a difference between a gift that had
taken thought and time, and dumping a roll of bills and told to buy whatever.

“It’s beautiful, Yul.”

It looked so fragile Yoona was afraid to take it out of its box. She wanted to keep it safe so she
wouldn’t lose it or get it scratched.

“I’m glad you like it because I wanted to tell you something. We’re probably not going to be
seeing each other a lot since I’m going to high school after the summer and maybe we’re too
young but I—”

Yoona lowered the box into her lap and focused on Yuri.

Yuri knew it was now or never. Her head was buzzing with white noise and it felt like every
muscle in her body was tense but she blocked out the obstacles and continued.

“I wanted to tell you—”

“What is that? Did you get it from one of those toy machines?” Hyoyeon barged into the room
with a small army behind her. “Man, I knew you were poor Yuri but couldn’t you have saved up
more than a few cents?”

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Yuri looked at all the sneering faces. This time she really did feel like a gazelle surrounded by
hungry hyenas. She turned to Yoona for help but the girl had shrunk into herself. Yuri was
defenseless against them.

Hyoyeon barked a short laugh.

“You’re not going to cry are you?” Hyoyeon mocked in a whiney voice.

Yuri’s eyes shook with frustration; she could feel them water despite how much she was willing
them not to. Yoona kept unresponsive, not having courage to look Yuri in the eye as she
abandoned her best friend.

“Come on, Yoona. Remember that boy I was talking about before, Nichkhun? The one who’s in
high school? He’s here and wants to meet you.”

Hyoyeon yanked Yoona up and dragged her away from Yuri.

Yoona turned back only for a second, the image of Yuri sitting dejectedly on her bed in her mind
and the sound of their breaking hearts in her ears.

“Sorry,” Yoona whispered and then she was gone.

Yuri could have chased after her but was there a point? She didn’t want to be humiliated
anymore and Yoona had obviously chosen her path. She was tired and done fighting every battle
by herself.

Neither of them knew it would be the last time they would speak as friends.

every plan is nothing but a prayer to

father time
Yoona’s bed creaked as Khun steadied himself directly over Yoona and placed his broad arms on
either side of her head.

They were on her bed, gradually slipping off clothing. It was obvious where they were headed
but Yoona didn’t like the pace they were doing it in. She had things to do and this was just
another one of them to be crossed off her list.

He stopped kissing her for a moment and ran a thumb down her cheek. He had been waiting
patiently for this—that didn’t mean he wouldn’t have waited more though—and he wanted
everything to be perfect.

“Are you okay?”

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He was being considerate—caring, sweet, gentle—the same Khun he had always been. It was the
worst time to be himself, because Yoona was sick of it.

“Can we just get this over with?”

He was momentarily stunned by her straightforwardness. She was never one to beat around the
bush but it was like she was irritated by the delay. This was supposed to be a good experience,
not filled with contempt. It wasn’t how he wanted their first time together to be but she didn’t
give him much of a choice. He kissed her softly, wanting to express how much this meant to
him. While he moved down to her neck his hand glided up her leg. She involuntarily twitched
and he stopped again, afraid he was upsetting her.

“Are you sure you’re—”

She didn’t want to hear it anymore. He was more hesitant with resuming when she kissed him
but it didn’t take much to get him to continue; he was a boy with needs after all.

The kissing turned more heated, his body straining at every muscle and without warning he
surprised her by slipping his hand under her shorts. She pushed at his chest at the touch and
scrambled out from under him.

“You did it again!”

Her hand clutched at her right thigh.

“Every time we get to this point you rip away from me like I’ve burned you.”

Yoona winced at the irony. She shook her head; maybe this wasn’t going to work out. None of it
was right. Her body was craving someone else, someone she shouldn’t have been thinking of
while kissing Khun.

There were warring thoughts in her head but there was something she agreed on.

“This wasn’t what I wanted,” she admitted.

“What do you want then?”

Yoona shrugged to avoid talking.

It wasn’t a matter of what, but whom.

The sun descended over the room, rotating Yuri’s shadow around the floor. She had endured
hours for Khun to leave. It was very hypocritical of her, giving Khun his time with Yoona so that

88
when he left she could sneak to Yoona like some adulterer. No matter how she looked at it, her
intentions double-crossed Khun and the truth was, betraying him only held her back so much.

When his car left the driveway she took a flower from her hidden stash she had stolen from the
school and went to the house. It was quiet save for the music coming from Yoona’s room. The
door was ajar and Yuri knocked twice before opening it. Yoona was at her vanity in a sleek gray
dress, looking like something off the runway.

“Going out?” Yuri asked stupidly. Of course Yoona was, but Yuri was nervous.

Yoona lowered her eyeliner and looked at Yuri through the mirror. Her body felt like a ticking
time bomb and Yuri was pushing all the wrong buttons. This wasn’t fair, for either of them, but it
needed to be done. Yoona had to sacrifice something.

“Yea, I’m meeting Hyoyeon and the girls at the Golden Fox.”

Yuri didn’t know Yoona still hung out with Hyoyeon. The girl was horrible but Yuri trusted
Yoona.

“Cool. Did you—” she was nervous despite there being no real reason to be, “did you get the
flower?”

Yoona steeled all the nerves in her face to remain expressionless.

“I did,” she replied curtly. “Is that all? Because I need to finish getting ready.”

Yuri was confused. Yoona was acting so much differently than she had for the past few weeks.

“Is everything okay?”

“Will everyone stop asking me that? Everything is fine.”

Yoona’s tone was sharp and it cut straight into Yuri.

“I’m sorry. I just—I—” Yuri recollected her thoughts and looked down at the flower. It wasn’t
supposed to be like this, not again. “Have fun.”

Yuri laid the flower on the desk unbeknownst to Yoona and left the room.

Yoona blew out a shaky breath, leaning on the vanity with weak arms. She spotted the gorgeous
flower in the mirror, its open blossom warm and inviting.

The petals were like silk in her hands and she traced them lovingly, muttering a sincere apology
before closing her eyes and sliding the flower into the trash.

This was intended to keep Yuri, but it felt like she was only tearing them apart.

89
*

A part of Yoona felt happy to be back in a familiar scene but that might have been because she
was supposed to be happy about it.

“It’s good to have you back.”

Hyoyeon raised her drink in cheers to Yoona. The rest of the girls did too and Yoona forced a
smile for their sake.

Boredom struck within a few songs. She kept glancing to the DJ booth as if Yuri would
magically be there but she was disappointed with each glance.

“I’m going to the restroom,” she announced to the remainder of the girls that weren’t dancing.

If only she had Taeyeon then it would be more tolerable but the girl was off with Donghae
somewhere. It was quite pathetic; she never really cared about the girl but now that she was
gone, Yoona was missing the friendly face.

The restroom smelled of beer and piss. She had no need to be there but it was quieter and the
smoke machine’s gas didn’t reach the tiled room.

She fixed her hair and washed her hands, inspected her lip gloss and reapplied it. She was just
wasting time now, doing whatever possible so that she didn’t have to go back out there. Clubs
were always crowded and on this night it was too much, too much like claustrophobia. She felt
trapped and the walls were closing in on her.

To waste more time she picked through her purse, cleaning out old gum and Hershey wrappers,
random receipts and the occasional messily written phone number from boys on scraps of paper
or napkins. Tucked at the bottom was something velvety and thin and she extracted it from
between a casing of makeup and her phone. It was a flower petal, now mangled and deformed.

Her life was no different than the petal. She was screwing up everything all over again and she
didn’t know how to fix it without hurting Khun or losing Yuri.

Angered by how helpless she was, she threw the petal to the piss stained floors and leaned
against the wall. Tears welled up in her eyes and she stared at the ceiling to keep them from
falling but it wasn’t something she could tell stop and it would listen obediently.

This was the right thing to do, to guard herself from Yuri so that if anything bad did happen, it
wouldn’t hurt as much as it did before.

Problem was Yoona didn’t know right from wrong anymore. She never did.

90
Yuri had waited until one in the morning and when there was no sign of Yoona she left the pool
house. They weren’t tied to each other, they weren’t obligated to be back at a certain time and
Yuri was just as free as Yoona. (It was anger telling her these things because every other feeling
was suggesting she rip her heart out of her chest.)

Tiffany’s dorm seemed like the most reasonable place to go—Donghae was with Taeyeon and
she didn’t really have any other close friends.

The dorm was having some kind of party, plastic cups littering the floor and people spilling out
of rooms. Yuri began to rethink her visit when she heard her name being called.

“Long time no see, Yuri. What’s been keeping you?”

Yuri recognized the girl as Sooyoung, Tiffany’s roommate. The boy at Sooyoung’s hip swayed
drunkenly but held the wall for support. They smelled like a mixture of chocolate cake and
alcohol.

“School. Work. Have you seen Tiffany?”

“The little nerd is in her room, studying. You should come to the party downstairs later.”
Sooyoung affectionately put down the raised collar of Yuri’s jacket but there was no reason why
she needed to be a centimeter away from Yuri to do it. “We’d entertain you much better than
Tiffany.”

They continued down the hall and Yuri did the same in the opposite direction, unsure what
Sooyoung was insinuating, or if she was insinuating anything at all.

Yuri gently rapped at Tiffany’s door once she found it. She could hear Tiffany’s muffled voice.

“Sooyoung, I told you I don’t want those brownies. I had nightmares for a week after—”

The door swung open and Tiffany’s bitter frown changed into a beaming smile.

“Much better than Sooyoung.”

Tiffany opened the door wider for Yuri.

“Brownies, huh?”

Yuri shrugged off her jacket and hung it on the chair next to Tiffany’s desk. She sat down in the
swivel chair and spun around. Sooyoung’s side of the room was a mess of strewn clothing. There
was less than ten steps from Sooyoung’s bed to Tiffany’s and Yuri tried imagining spending a
month in a dorm with two of the craziest college students she knew. Refusing Tiffany’s offer to
stay in the dorm was a smart decision.

91
“Sooyoung’s been experimenting with her two most favorite things, food and weed. Well, it’s
probably mostly just weed but food comes second because she gets crazy munchies. Anyway,
her special brownies have horrible side effects.”

Tiffany stuck out a hand and stopped the chair from spinning. She sat in Yuri’s lap, arms resting
on Yuri’s shoulders, her fingers running up and down the back of Yuri’s neck. The touch wasn’t
entirely unwanted.

“So to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?”

There was music playing, not the party music but something much softer and Yuri realized it was
Tiffany humming when their stomachs pressed together. Much like Tiffany’s speaking voice, her
singing was just as pleasant. Tiffany thought it nothing more than a hobby, but Yuri believed if
Tiffany didn’t like manipulating people so much through psychology, she’d make an amazing
singer.

“You haven’t called or texted in a while. I just wanted to say hi.”

“Okay, hi.”

Yuri craned her neck to the side to look at the cluttered desk behind her.

“You’ve been studying?”

“I have.”

“Do you have an exam this week?”

The words on the papers were foreign to Yuri; she could only comprehend the prepositions and
articles.

“I do. Are you done asking questions?”

Yuri turned back to Tiffany.

“I guess.”

Tiffany kissed her after the affirmation and Yuri let it happen, if just for old time’s sake. To her
Tiffany was like her brand of chicken noodle soup, a comfort food she sought when things got
complicated in her life. But when Yuri heard the low growl of her jeans’ zipper coming undone
she stilled Tiffany’s hands.

“Does every conversation we have always have to end on the bed? I’m starting to think the only
thing we have in common is sex.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

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“No, but I…I want something more than that.”

Tiffany grinned before placing a quick kiss on Yuri’s lips. She stood and walked to her dresser.

“Then you’re looking in the wrong direction, Yul. You know I can’t give you that. I thought
things were going well for you and Yoona?”

“Yoona and I aren’t—”

Tiffany went back to Yuri with extended hands closed in fists. She nudged Yuri to pick a hand.
Yuri picked the left and inside was a Hershey Kiss. Yuri took it while Tiffany took the one in her
other hand and sat on the floor, unwrapping the candy.

“I’m going to be a psychologist, Yuri, I can smell this stuff from a mile away.”

Yuri ate the chocolate and rather than bite it, she let it melt in her mouth.

“Oh yea? What’d you sniff out?”

“It’s a psychoanalysis; you won’t like it.”

“Humor me.”

“You asked for it. Hand me my glasses, they make me feel smarter.”

Yuri gave her the glasses and Tiffany slid them on like something out of a boy’s wet dream. Her
hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she was wearing sweats but she didn’t look anything short
of gorgeous.

Tiffany cleared her throat and began speaking analytically.

“You were her first white knight. You told me her parents are shit, right? You took her away
from that; you showed her there are people who love unconditionally in a way her parents never
did. When you were gone she searched for another white knight and found Khun.” Tiffany
smiled as she crinkled the wrapper and threw it in front of her. “But nothing ever compares to the
original. She looks at you like she’d look at a savior—with adoration, love, admiration and above
all else with the undeniable feeling of security.”

Yuri snorted with amusement.

“You got all that by seeing her once? You didn’t even speak to her.”

“I didn’t need to; you told me all about her.”

Perhaps Tiffany was right. Any advice would be beneficial at this point.

93
“There was something different about her today. Like she was withdrawing from me again. It felt
the exact same way those months leading up to that birthday party.”

“She’s just scared, Yuri. You have to give her time but don’t be afraid to make a move if she
tries to push you away. She expects you to back off not because it’s what she wants but because
it’s what she thinks is right.”

Yuri had listened carefully and nodded when Tiffany finished.

“That makes sense.”

“Of course it does. But don’t get used to this free stuff ‘cause I’m getting my license soon and
I’m not going to be cheap.”

Yuri snickered and joined Tiffany on the floor.

“Thank you. You’re always helping me.”

“Let’s skip the sentimental crap, I don’t deal well with it.”

“You want to be a psychologist and you can’t deal with the sentimentality?”

Tiffany got to her feet and put on her coat.

“Yea, I deal with the problem but everything that happens afterwards is not my concern. Now
come on.”

“Where are we going?”

Tiffany smiled mischievously but surprised Yuri with her answer.

“Ice cream!”

Yuri turned off the bike’s headlight and cut the engine next to Yoona’s car; it was in the same
spot. Yoona had taken a taxi earlier which most likely meant she had planned on drinking. Yuri
wanted to check up on Yoona but the lights were off in her room. She probably wasn’t even
home yet.

The motion sensor lights didn’t capture Yuri as she walked through the other side of the pool.
She didn’t want the harsh lights waking anyone.

She lived there long enough to find the jacket hook in the dark, easily slip off her shoes and walk
to her bed without bumping into anything. By the bed her hand patted for the lamp and when she

94
switched it on, it illuminated Yoona’s curled body lying on the sheets, in the same clothes Yuri
had seen before Yoona left.

Yuri crouched by Yoona’s head and got a whiff of alcohol as Yoona breathed deeply through her
mouth; the girl was out cold. Yoona was incredibly light so Yuri didn’t think she’d have any
trouble carrying her. She slid her arm under Yoona’s neck and began lifting her but the
movement stirred Yoona awake. Yoona put her arms around Yuri’s neck and kept her in place.

“Yoona, do you think you can get up? You accidentally came into my room.”

Yuri feared how drunk Yoona must have been to get their rooms mixed up.

“No,” Yoona mumbled sleepily.

“No, you really did. This is my room.”

“I didn’t do it accidentally.”

There was barely any coherency in Yoona’s slur. She locked her arms at Yuri’s neck and Yuri’s
elbows bent as she was pulled closer.

“You smell so nice. Like gardenias.”

“We should get you to your bed.”

“But this bed is good. It smells nice too.” With the way Yoona was dragging her words, Yuri
knew she was seconds away from losing her to sleep. “Stay with me. Please…”

Yoona’s grip didn’t loosen and Yuri hovered over Yoona’s body, debating whether this would
lead to a potential catastrophe in the morning. Yoona didn’t look like she would budge though.

Sighing her acceptance, Yuri awkwardly laid down next to Yoona.

Yuri could do no more than this--offer her friendship and a helping hand. It should have been
enough, they had gotten closer than Yuri had thought imaginable after ignoring each other's
existence for three years and they repaired a dead relationship.

It should have been enough, but it wasn’t.

Her hand pulled Yoona’s waist closer and she kissed her cheek, wishing sweet dreams.

She wanted Yoona so much, it was beginning to hurt.

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you were the one i didn't know where to
stop
Yuri awoke to an empty bed. Her body was stiff from the odd sleeping position but that wasn’t
what bothered her—Yoona was gone.

The sun was high; it was probably close to the afternoon. Yoona must have left a while ago
because her car was gone as well. Yuri tried calling but it went straight to voicemail.

She went inside the house hoping Jiyoung or her mother was there so she could get a clue to
where Yoona was. In the kitchen she found a different albeit familiar face.

“Mr. Im, you’re home,” she said in surprise.

“Yuri? I didn’t think I’d ever see you here again. How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been good, sir. You?”

“What’d I tell you about calling me sir? Sit down, let’s talk.”

Yuri sat next to the man at the table. She explained to him her situation about the house.

“I’m sorry about that. But I am glad I get to see you again.” His smile was tired and worn but
gracious; he was often the sole person who brought a feeling of home to the house, even though
he was rarely there. “I was hoping to see my daughters and wife but nobody’s home. However, I
am happy to see you. Do you know where Yoona might be?”

Yuri looked down at the table and spoke in a dejected whisper.

“No, I don’t.”

“Ah, well she’ll return tonight, right?”

“Yes.”

Hopefully soon.

Yuri hadn’t spent much time with Yoona’s father. When he was home, it was for a few days and
then he’d hit the skies again. That was where his heart lay but Yoona saw it as abandonment. She
believed that if he truly loved her, he’d choose his family over his passion. Yuri could
understand him somewhat but thought he was at fault more than he’d ever know. He was a good
man, but not much of a father.

96
“Well I’m going to go to sleep on my bed. Haven’t done that in a while.” He tucked his pilot hat
under his arm as he stood. “I really am glad you’re here, Yuri. You’ve always kept Yoona afloat,
but, lately, I feel like she’s been sinking…”

He paused, his eyes glazed over and when he resumed, there was so much sadness in his voice.

“I’m just an old man. She’ll never tell me what’s wrong if I ask and when I do, she tells me I
wouldn’t understand and perhaps she’s right. But you, I think you would understand her. I was
worried about her, but now, I feel like I don’t have to.”

He shouldn’t have spoken so soon. For all they knew, Yuri might have been doing more harm
than good.

Yuri drove to Donghae’s when she found out from him that Taeyeon was going to stop by later.
Taeyeon was the last person who would be able to help Yuri.

The two were sitting on Donghae’s steps, laughing happily about something. It was nice to know
Donghae and Taeyeon were doing well. She flicked her visor up and commented on their
appearance.

“You guys look like a married couple. Well, if married couples were ever happy.”

Taeyeon’s blush fit well with the red frame of her glasses. Donghae just laughed, he didn’t mind
Yuri calling them that.

“What brings you here?”

Yuri slightly leaned the bike on her left leg and kept the engine running. She only needed to ask
one thing.

“Have you seen Yoona maybe? Or heard from her?”

Both Yuri and Donghae looked to Taeyeon but the girl answered with a shake of her head.

“Hyoyeon only told me she was at the Golden Fox last night and got really drunk. But she does
this sometimes, disappears to cool off from something. I’m sure she’s fine.”

Yuri thanked her and left.

It looked like she was going to be waiting for Yoona again. That was all she ever did lately.

97
Yoona returned to the house before midnight with some guy trailing behind, their loud shushes
and whispers making Yuri’s blood boil. Enough was enough.

When Yuri approached Yoona the guy was nowhere to be found but the closed bathroom door
gave a hint.

“Where have you been?”

Yuri was determined to get everything out in the open now, once and for all.

“Out.”

“And who is he?” Yuri pointed to the bathroom.

“None of your business.”

“What about Khun? I thought—”

“I told you Yuri, it’s none of your business.” The smoky makeup around Yoona’s eyes made the
glare she was giving Yuri much more ominous. “Stay out of it.”

“Fine, let’s talk about something that is my business. You came into my room last night, drunk
out of your mind. Could you explain why?”

“It was an accident. Sorry.”

Yoona was so indifferent that it only enraged Yuri further.

“Stop acting like there’s nothing going on between us!”

Yoona was about to speak when her bathroom door opened and the guy came forward. He saw
Yuri and grinned like he approved.

“Wow. Yoona, where have you been hiding this one?”

Yoona could have punched that grin off his face.

“Go wait in the car. I’ll be right there.”

He didn’t stop staring at Yuri until he was forced to walk down the hall. Yoona stepped forward
and looked Yuri straight in her eyes as she talked.

“I don’t know what fantasy world you live in because there is nothing going on.”

On the surface Yoona appeared strong but Yuri knew something was wrong, she just didn’t
know what.

98
“What are you hiding? Or what are you so scared of? Talk to me,” Yuri pleaded.

Yoona couldn’t stay in that room any longer and swiftly turned from Yuri.

“Go ahead, leave. You did it before, I’m sure you have no problem with doing it again.”

Yuri didn’t like using such crass tactics—bringing up their past was a vicious thing to do, but
Yoona was hurting Yuri and Yuri wanted to do the same.

“Shut up,” Yoona snarled.

Yuri had struck a nerve and her anger snowballed; she couldn’t stop the words coming out of her
mouth.

“You don’t deserve Khun.”

Yoona had no retort, she barely had any air in her lungs. She walked out the door, hastily wiping
at her eyes.

What Yuri had said was right, Yoona didn’t deserve Khun and if she didn’t deserve him, she sure
as hell didn’t deserve Yuri.

At four in the morning a taxi dropped off Yoona at her gate. She retrieved her keys from her
purse, her arms and legs shuffling against the floor from exhaustion.

She longed for sleep, longed to fall into a dream and forget the horrible night. The Golden Fox’s
new bartender didn’t believe her ID so she had no alcohol in her system to numb her or help her
fall asleep; she was not in the mood for anything or anyone. But Yuri couldn’t have known that;
she had stayed in Yoona’s room after the fight. Her anger had vanished quickly when she heard
the door’s slam echo to her ears. She stayed and wanted to apologize.

“We are not doing this now. Just get out of my room, Yuri.”

Yoona tore off her coat, almost breaking the zipper with the force she pulled it down.

“I want to talk about this.”

“I don’t care what you want. You think you can say whatever the hell you want to me and then
talk about it? Screw you.”

The hostility brewing from Yoona made Yuri nervous but it couldn’t wait. They’d close in on
themselves, put the matter to the side but it’d show up somewhere down the road and the
backfire would be worse.

99
“I’m sorry, Yoona. I shouldn’t have said those things, I had no right to.”

Yoona bounced from one side of the room to the other, rearranging books or picking up clothes,
the fast pace almost dizzying Yuri. But Yoona needed to do something or she’d blow all her
anger on Yuri.

“I need some answers, Yoona. I need to know what we’re doing.”

“We’re friends. It’s not that complicated of an issue to understand.”

“I know we’re friends but—” Yuri couldn’t talk with Yoona running around so much. They
needed to have this conversation face to face. She grabbed Yoona’s wrist as the girl was making
another round to the other side of the room. “Calm down.”

Yoona tried yanking her hand free but Yuri held tight.

“You don’t get to tell me to calm down. Let go of me.”

“We need to talk.”

“We can do that without you holding my arm.”

Yoona tried freeing her arm again but her elbow hit the wall behind her. She didn’t even know
they were near it.

“I don’t want to.” Yuri forced Yoona against the wall and held her arm at her side. “I’m really
sorry, Yoona.”

Yoona was still angry and she scoffed at the quick apology.

“This can’t be fixed with a simple sorry.”

“Then what are we supposed to do? Not talk for another three years?”

“Maybe that’d be best.”

Yoona used her free arm to pry off Yuri’s but Yuri caught on quickly and pinned Yoona’s hands
to the wall.

“You’re willing to wait another three years?” They were very close, Yuri was practically leaning
on Yoona and Yoona jerked her head to the side to evade Yuri’s eyes. “Because you know what
another three years would do to me? It’d torture me, Yoona. I refuse to spend another three years
not knowing you. I don’t want to go through that again. I won’t.”

Yuri pushed Yoona’s hands upwards and above the girl’s head. Yoona felt very vulnerable in the
position but she didn’t resist.

100
“I don’t want you to get hurt,” Yoona finally professed after listening to Yuri.

“I already am.”

Yoona swallowed loudly but she could barely hear it over the pounding of her heart as she
looked at Yuri.

“Why?”

“Because I have you like this and I can’t do anything about it.”

“What’s stopping you?”

It felt like they were on a tight rope and an easy slip away from plummeting down.

“I don’t know.”

Yuri freed Yoona from her grip and their arms dropped to their sides in tandem. What was once
anger changed into a different sort of tension and Yuri knew whatever Yoona said or did after
this would either make them, or ruin them.

“Then do what you want.”

Even now, with both of them so weak in front of each other, Yoona couldn’t say exactly what
she wanted. She was still unsure, still waiting for Yuri to make the first move. And Yuri did,
kissing Yoona tentatively, like Yoona was some illusion and would disappear if she wasn’t
careful. But Yoona was very much real and she raised her hands to Yuri’s neck, pulling her close
and dismissing Yuri’s apprehension.

“We shouldn’t have done that,” Yuri gasped out between breaths but Yoona wasn’t listening and
quieted Yuri with another kiss.

There were multiple instances when Yuri tried to stop but Yoona still pushed her onto the bed.
There were instances where Yuri grabbed a hold of Yoona’s wrists and silently begged she’d
find the strength to stop those hands from pushing up her shirt. There were even instances where
she had the word stop on the tip of her tongue but it would perish in a mute breath before Yoona
kissed her again.

Dawn surprised both of them and they realized they spent the remainder of the night kissing.
With the rising sun came rising doubts and Yuri couldn’t let them continue.

“We need to go to school.”

Yoona’s mind was far from school or any scholarly thought. If she went to school there was no
way she would learn anything. She brushed back Yuri’s hair and continued kissing the underside
of her jaw.

101
“We are not going anywhere. We are going to stay here for a very, very long time.”

Yuri gritted her teeth until the pain in her jaw cancelled out the sensation of Yoona’s mouth on
her neck.

“But you’re on the brink of failing World History.”

Yoona raised her head enough to look at Yuri. She was going to say something, but Yuri’s lips
were bright and red and swollen and it only made Yoona kiss her again. Yuri sat up, taking
Yoona with her.

“When we get back we’ll do whatever you want.”

“Promise?” Yoona breathed and it took a lot of willpower for Yuri not to lower them onto the
bed again. She was doing this for her sake more than Yoona’s because she knew that at some
point, they wouldn’t stop and fact was Yoona was still with Nichkhun. Yuri was helping Yoona
cheat and it was going against everything she believed in.

She gave Yoona a half smile and kept in a sigh.

“I promise.”

won't stop 'til you surrender

Donghae was shooting baskets when he saw Yuri in the distance. His gym class was playing
basketball that day but because of the odd number of people (and Donghae’s inability to play the
sport) he wasn’t chosen to be on either team.

“Why did you register for team sports when you can’t play any sports?” Yuri asked, catching the
ball as it bounced off the rim.

“I can play sports! Basketball just isn’t my forte.”

“And what is?”

“Everything but basketball.”

She dribbled the ball as she walked over to him. He lifted a hand to shield his eyes from the sun
and watched her shoot. The ball swished through the hoop’s chains flawlessly.

“Beginner’s luck,” Donghae grumbled, running to get the ball back. He bounced it over to her
and she threw it again, getting another basket. “You’re not even in this class, okay? So it doesn’t
count.”

102
She laughed at his frustration. He went back to the three-point line and tried to mimic Yuri but
failed. She laughed again.

“Do you need something? Because you’re breaking my concentration.”

She dropped the smile and turned serious.

“Have you ever cheated?”

He jogged to the ball and stood closer to the hoop this time. It didn’t help, he still missed the
basket.

“You mean, like on a test?”

“No, in a relationship.”

The ball stilled in his hands as he looked at Yuri curiously.

“No. Why?”

“Just wondering.” She didn’t know whether to tell him but he was her cousin and there was no
one else to talk to. “I kissed Yoona.”

He was in the middle of making a throw when she spoke and he was so shocked by the statement
the ball sailed entirely over the backboard.

“You what?!”

His outburst made her flinch.

“Is it that surprising?”

“Uh, yes! I didn’t even know you liked her like that.”

He forgot about the ball and stood close to her, like he was scared someone would overhear
them. There were a few suspicious marks on Yuri’s neck but Donghae had assumed it was
Tiffany, not Yoona.

“I’ve always liked her like that, Donghae.”

It was weird saying it aloud but very relieving. She hadn’t ever admitted that to anyone.

“I always thought you guys were just close but it kinda makes sense now, with all those times
you took her into the woods.”

103
“You make it sound like I’m a rapist,” she shouted angrily. “We never did anything in the
woods. The first time we kissed was yesterday.”

“Alright, chill out.” He looked to his class where they were in the middle of arguing about a foul.
There were a lot of questions he wanted to ask. “Is this why you asked about the cheating thing?”

The tip of Yuri’s tattered Converse scuffed the black asphalt as she answered his question.

“Yes. She’s still with Khun, Donghae. I’m supposed to be happy and a part of me is, but then I
think of him and that happiness turns into guilt.”

“Well, that can be resolved simply.” She followed him as he retrieved the ball from the grassy
lawn. He passed the ball to her and explained. “You have to make her choose. If she feels the
same as you, then she has to break up with Khun. She can’t have you both.”

That made Yuri a bit queasy. How did any girl break up with a boy like Nichkhun?

“What if—” Yuri had a hard time getting the words out, even the thought of them hurt her, “what
if she doesn’t feel the same? What if she wants a friends with benefits kind of thing?”

Donghae wouldn’t have passed it by Yoona—he had heard a lot of stories about the girl’s secret
hookups and it was known that she got around. Everyone called her a slut and although Donghae
knew better than to believe gossip, there must have been some truth to it.

“Then there’s no point in chasing after her. You deserve better anyway.”

He was all for them renewing their friendship, but a relationship was a whole other thing.

A shrill whistle blew and Donghae’s teacher motioned for everyone to gather. Yuri bounced the
ball back to Donghae, her voice solemn but strikingly truthful in its clarity.

“I don’t want better. I want Yoona.”

On the road Yuri decided she’d talk to Yoona the first thing they got home. Donghae was right
(for once); Yoona had to choose. Yuri wouldn’t be anyone’s second best.

But as the gates opened she saw Khun’s convertible and her resolve crumbled. Who was she
kidding? She had no chance against prince charming. Compared to him, she was a lowly peasant.

“Are you going to come in?”

Yoona had been waiting all day and she wanted nothing more than to lock Yuri in a room for the
rest of the day and night.

104
“I can’t. I have a lot of homework.”

To avoid looking needy, Yoona nodded and acted like it meant nothing. They parted and Yoona
entered the house; she was a potent mixture of confused and angry. Yuri had promised, but
apparently that wasn’t worth much.

She stepped further inside, throwing her backpack onto the floor. If the previous night was a
fling, then Yoona had gotten her hopes up for nothing.

“Hi,” Khun emerged from the kitchen, his hands deep in his pockets. “I missed you.”

Yoona couldn’t look at him. She was mad (which was transforming into sadness) about Yuri and
he was only going to make her feel worse—make her feel like the cheating girlfriend that she
was.

“Hey.”

“I wanted to apologize. Last time when we were about to—” He left it hanging but Yoona
understood. “I just wanted to say sorry. I didn’t mean to pressure you or anything. I’m happy to
wait. Even until marriage if that’s what you want.”

The word pierced through Yoona’s ears like a hot bullet.

“What? What marriage?”

Khun backtracked, waving his hands in defense.

“I mean if we ever do get married.” He walked to where she was standing frigidly in the center
of the foyer. She was making so many mistakes and breaking so many moral codes that it was
finally starting to pile up. It was getting hard to breathe.

He took her by the hands and held them in his.

“I love you, Yoona and truth is, I can’t see myself married to anyone else.”

Yoona swallowed convulsively and took one of her hands out of Khun’s to put to her throat. It
was getting really hard to breathe.

“What are you saying?”

Khun saw the distress in Yoona’s face. She looked like she was seconds from having a panic
attack.

“I’m just saying one day. We’ll get married one day, right?” That did nothing to calm her so he
revised his sentence. “We might get married, right?”

105
She nodded distractedly, that word still too fresh in her mind to think of anything else. Khun, on
the other hand, took whatever Yoona would offer and hugged her.

In his embrace she realized that she had taken things too far. He was in love and she was going
to break his heart, regardless whether she stayed with him or not.

It was dark when Yuri arrived at the pool house. There had been a mix-up at the garage and she
had to complete an ungodly amount of paperwork before she was allowed to go home. At work
she had run through possible conversation starters but the result would be blunt no matter how
Yuri would word it: Either Yoona was with her, or with Khun. Pick.

As ruthless as it was, Yuri had to get a clear answer. Her chances against Khun were slim, but
she wouldn’t fool around with Yoona behind his back. Either she had Yoona entirely to herself,
or didn’t have her at all. Their friendship would mend itself in time if things didn’t work out.

But it was late, and Yuri was tired—after school the next day she would confront Yoona.

She placed her helmet on the floor by the door, putting her keys and list next to it as she closed
the door with her foot. Once she untied her shoes and stood upright she noticed she wasn’t alone.

“I brought you dinner. My dad cooked something. I’m actually not sure what it is.”

Yoona had her arms wrapped around herself—the girl was naturally small but now she just
looked tiny.

“Thank you.”

Yuri walked to her and wasn’t sure what was suitable. Should they hug, kiss, or do anything at
all? She watched Yoona’s hands rise and run down her jacket and go to the zipper. The zipper
slowly traveled down and when it was completely unzipped Yoona brought her hands under the
jacket, pushing it off Yuri’s shoulders until it dropped to the floor.

Yoona inched closer and pressed her lips to Yuri’s.

“Yoona, wait. I don’t think we should—”

Yoona clutched at Yuri’s neck and bit down on Yuri’s lip. She didn’t want to talk; she just
wanted to forget everything and she wanted Yuri to help her.

“You promised,” Yoona said simply, but there was a raw desperation in her words that made her
feel worthless, like a beggar on the street asking for spare change.

It was wrong, Yuri knew that very well, but saying no to Yoona was like breathing underwater—
it just wasn’t possible.

106
*

Yoona was the first to wake and she rose from the bed soundlessly, glancing at Yuri’s clock on
the nightstand. In two hours school would start. She forgot about the extra sleep and began
tiptoeing out.

“Please don’t do this again Yoona. Stop treating me like a one night stand.”

They hadn’t done more than kiss, all their clothes were on the whole time but it was demeaning
all the same when Yoona would disappear in the mornings without a word.

Yoona turned to face the bed, feeling ashamed.

“What are we doing? What am I to you?” Yuri demanded.

“I told you, you’re my friend.”

Yuri’s throat tightened. It wasn’t the answer she was expecting—no, she did expect it, but it
wasn’t the answer she wanted.

“Just friends? Friends don’t do whatever the hell it is we’re doing. ”

Yuri left the bed and moved to Yoona. The sun was rising and in the brightening light Yuri could
see Yoona’s eyes glisten with welling tears. Yuri took Yoona’s face in her hands gently,
thumbing her cheeks and kissing her eyes. Maybe it was inappropriate but Yuri felt like she had
nothing left to lose.

“Do you love Khun?”

Yoona couldn’t be ambiguous like she was when Yuri asked that question last time.

“No.”

It was nothing that Yuri didn’t know before but it stunned her nonetheless to hear it out loud. Her
lips moved against Yoona’s as she said what she’d been dying to say since they started speaking
again.

“Then leave him, and love me.”

notice someone like me

Yoona spun the combination for her locker absentmindedly but when she pulled at it, it didn’t
open. She reset the lock and began spinning it again for the third time. The hallways were empty,
first period had already started but she was late and she didn’t really care so she was taking her
time.
107
Just as she was nearing the last number a rapid set of snapping sounds destroyed her focus. She
looked toward the direction of the noise (it belonged to heels) and her hand became motionless.
The snapping sound stopped and Yoona stared at the girl in the middle of the hallway.

Tiffany smiled, a quick flash of blinding white and Yoona couldn’t stop staring as Tiffany
moved closer. It was hypnotizing.

“I don’t think we’ve ever met properly. I’m Tiffany.”

Her hand was like touching fresh dough— warm and soft. Yoona was embarrassed because she
was sure her own skin was cold and dry.

Yoona introduced herself but she had none of that natural confidence she’d always been able to
conjure. Tiffany was Yoona’s personal Kryptonite.

“Mind if I try?” Tiffany eyed the lock Yoona had forgotten about.

Yoona was going to decline but Tiffany was holding the lock within seconds and Yoona wasn’t
about to tell the girl to beat it (despite how much she wanted to).

“The combination is 13-33-2.”

Tiffany infuriated Yoona further when she spun the lock gracefully like she was doing some
commercial for it.

“There you go.”

Tiffany unhooked the lock and swung the locker open. Both of their eyes went to the flower
neatly taped to the inside of the door. Yoona felt like she won some invisible battle between
them.

“I’m guessing that’s from Yuri? She’s quite the romantic.”

Yoona peeled the tape off the stem and wondered if Yuri had ever given flowers to Tiffany or
done anything like this for her.

Regaining her confidence, Yoona exchanged some of her books and ordered brashly.

“Did you need something? Because I have class.”

“The library, can you show me where it is?”

“Upstairs.”

Yoona closed the locker and clasped the lock on the door.

108
“It’s my first time here. Could you show me where it is?”

Tiffany’s voice was sweet, but not overtly; it wasn’t forced, it was effortless, and Yoona wanted
to hate her for it.

“Excuse me, do you two have a hall pass?”

Tiffany hooked an arm through Yoona’s and smiled at the staff member.

“I’m sorry, I’m new here and she was just helping me get to my class.”

There was a distinct accent in Tiffany’s words that was surprisingly believable. The guard’s face
changed into something more sympathetic but he tried to cover it with a stern voice.

“Alright, well, get to class. There’s no loitering in the halls at this school.”

“Of course,” Tiffany said and started walking with Yoona.

Once they rounded a corner and got to the stairs Tiffany let go of Yoona’s arm.

“God, it’s like taking candy from a baby with those morons,” Tiffany jeered as they made their
way up the stairs. “But I bet you know all about that, right?”

Yoona’s eyes narrowed at the comment. She didn’t like what it implied.

Tiffany walked in front of Yoona and after a few minutes Yoona realized that Tiffany had been
lying because she knew very well where to go to get to the library. Yoona did not like being
made for a fool. Tiffany sat down in one of the tables once they were inside. Yoona planted a
hand on the table and lowered herself to meet Tiffany’s gaze.

“Looks like you didn’t need too much of my help. You must have an amazing sense of
direction,” Yoona mocked.

“Have a seat. Let’s talk.”

Like there was any way Yoona would listen to Tiffany.

“I have class,” Yoona replied and turned to leave.

“No, I really think you should sit down, Yoona.”

Something in Tiffany’s tone sent icicles throughout Yoona’s body. She set the flower on the
table and sat across from Tiffany.

“What do you want?”

109
Yoona skipped the pleasantries; it was obvious Tiffany had also.

“You probably know what I want to talk about,” Tiffany said, shifting in her seat so that she was
sitting sideways. She crossed her legs and reached for the flower but Yoona used her finger to
bring it closer to herself. Tiffany sighed like she was inconvenienced by Yoona.

“I don’t know how much Yuri has told you but I’m in school to be a psychologist. A few more
months and I’ll have my license.”

Yoona smiled sarcastically.

“Good for you.”

Tiffany ignored it and continued.

“In that world, Yuri is considered an anomaly. An outlier. A bizarre condition. Do you know
why?” Yoona stayed quiet and Tiffany shifted, leaning as close as she could to Yoona. Her voice
was cold and Yoona got that icicle sensation again. “Because the world made her its bitch. It
tortured her, beat her until she could barely stand and then it snatched all the reasons to keep her
standing. Do you agree?”

Yoona felt like Tiffany had her by the neck, squeezing the air out of her lungs. Tiffany took the
silence as agreement and kept talking.

“But it didn’t destroy her. If you didn’t know her you wouldn’t know her parents died when she
was fourteen, that her best friend ditched her for a bunch of fake skanks, that she went home to
an empty house every night because it was all she had left.”

Yoona was shaking with anger, but it was all true which was what made it all the more painful.

“All my textbooks, lectures, academic journals say that she’s supposed to hate you. She’s
supposed to be vengeful and unforgiving, but she’s not.”

Tiffany paused and when she spoke again her temperament was gone.

“But that’s the definition of human nature, right? People are supposed to surprise you because if
they didn’t then everyone would be predictable.”

Tiffany stood with a sigh, relieved she got that all off her chest. Yoona thought that Tiffany was
going to leave but the girl stopped at Yoona’s seat and bent down to whisper in her ear.

“She’s giving you a second chance and she’d probably give you a hundred more because that’s
the kind of person she is, but I won’t let her. I’ll do everything in my power to keep her away
from you, so don’t screw up.”

110
Yoona hated that she was actually intimidated by Tiffany. She put her hand over the flower,
hoping it would give her some strength.

“Is that a threat?” Yoona asked as Tiffany began walking.

Tiffany turned back to Yoona at the last moment and she smiled, but it was more like a snarl
because the way her lip curved reminded Yoona of a sickle ready to slice.

“Yes, it is.”

Yoona nibbled on a dried apricot as she tried to concentrate on her homework. In the background
she could hear Yuri tinker with a car and truthfully, that was interesting her much more. Yuri
usually didn’t work on Mondays but her uncle was short on mechanics and she was forced to
come and help out with as much as she could, like changing the oil. Yoona thought it was a good
opportunity to talk (the majority of the two hours they had that morning was spent in bed,
sleeping, which was why they were late to school) but Yoona didn’t know how to begin.

“Can you give me one?”

Yoona offered the bag but she glanced at Yuri’s hands, covered in black grease, and instead took
out one strip and put it to Yuri’s mouth.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to take you home? I think I’m going to be here for a while,”
Yuri said, chewing on the fruit.

“I want to wait with you.”

Yuri nodded and stuck her head under the hood. Yoona returned to her own work but none of it
was entering her brain. She sat in the chair and proceeded to eat half of the bag of apricots. Her
conversation with Tiffany in the library earlier that day had rattled her and the situation triggered
a small case of compulsive eating.

“Can you give me another?”

Yoona reached her hand into the bag but her fingers touched nothing but plastic and crumbs.

“You could have told me if you were hungry,” Yuri said, amused that Yoona had eaten the entire
bag.

“I’m not, I didn’t even know…”

Yuri bit her lip to keep herself from smiling as Yoona peered into the bag with a puzzled pout.

“It’s okay. There’s another bag in the bottom drawer.”

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Yoona retrieved the bag and put a fresh strip on Yuri’s tongue after she opened it. Her thoughts
wandered to Tiffany as Yuri went back to the car.

“Why’d you start speaking to me again?” Yuri stalled for a moment before she answered,
shutting the hood of the car and wiping her hands on an old rag. “I mean, at Era, you said you
wanted to try being friends. Why?”

“Was it a bad idea?” Yuri asked jokingly but Yoona kept staring expectantly. Yuri sat on the
edge of the car and stated with a shrug, “I missed you.”

“That’s it?”

“Does there have to be more?”

Yoona hung her head. She was expecting something a bit more extravagant.

Yuri raised an eyebrow curiously at Yoona’s reaction but before she could say anything more her
uncle told her to start on another car if she was finished with the current one.

Yoona dismissed the thought and returned to her book. Maybe it wasn’t some lengthy speech or
love declaration but if Yuri hadn’t missed her, than they probably wouldn’t have ever spoken
again and Yoona was overwhelmingly grateful for that.

After all the trips over the weeks, the motorcycle wasn’t much of a thrill for Yoona anymore.
That wasn’t to say she didn’t enjoy it because she did, immensely. She would close her eyes for
the entire trip and listen to the muffled sounds of the world outside her helmet and feel the low
hum of the bike when Yuri would rev it. It also gave her a reason to constantly hold Yuri without
question or suspicion. The thrill was still there, but it was more subdued and instead of making
her heart race, the trips calmed it.

As usual Yoona didn’t open her eyes until Yuri completely turned off the bike but she noticed
that the surroundings didn’t match that of her home, but were familiar nonetheless. Seconds later
and she knew exactly where they were.

Yoona pulled off the helmet and shook out her hair asking, “Why are we at your house?”

“I wanted to show you something.”

They stalked to the back of the house, but Yoona was more than nervous about the venture.

“Isn’t this illegal?” she hissed as Yuri pried open a window. “What if they have like, laser beams
or security cameras?”

Yuri stopped fiddling with the window and turned to Yoona with an amused expression.

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“Laser beams? Yoona, it’s not like my house is some museum.”

Yoona watched uneasily as Yuri slid the window up and hauled herself through the small
opening. Once Yuri was inside she helped Yoona in. At first Yoona didn’t know which room it
was but soon the memories started flooding in, one by one. They were in Yuri’s room, but the
only way Yoona recognized it by was the bedspread, the same dark caramel covers that Yuri had
the last time Yoona was there.

There was a bookcase in the corner of Yuri’s room that Yoona didn’t remember ever seeing,
lined with books. She walked closer to it and realized that they weren’t books but notebooks and
binders.

Yuri swept her eyes over the rows in the bookcase until she found the one she wanted and then
walked to the window with it. The low afternoon sun provided light and even though Yuri
doubted anyone was doing surveillance on the house, she didn’t want to advertise her presence
by turning on lights. She skimmed the contents as she flipped the pages. The lines she was
searching for caught her eye when she landed on the page, the highlighted words fluorescent in
the light.

Yoona stayed by the bookcase, looking for titles or clues as to what the binders and notebooks
held, but her ears were focused on Yuri.

“I’m not good with words,” Yuri started, trying to control the waver in her voice. “It’s why I like
music, and books and poems and DJing—they express the things I can’t with words. It might not
have meant a lot when I told you that I decided to talk to you again because I missed you, and it
doesn’t—”

“Yuri, I didn’t mean for to sound like it was nothing,” Yoona said quietly, moving closer to Yuri.

“No, you were right. Everyone is always missing someone and it’s never a big deal. But I did
more than miss you, Yoona; I just don’t know how to say it.” Yuri swallowed, glancing at
Yoona, who was now standing right across from her. “I always liked these lines because I could
relate to them the most. It isn’t much, but I think it’s better than a simple I missed you.”

Yuri read from the notebook,

“Missing someone is like hearing

a name sung quietly from somewhere
behind you. Even after you know
no one is there, you keep looking back
until on a silver afternoon like this
you find yourself breathing just enough
to make a small dent in the air.”

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Yuri closed the notebook, setting it aside, and hid her trembling hands in her pockets to keep
from further embarrassing herself. The tips of Yoona’s shoes were touching Yuri’s when she
looked at the floor.

“You were everywhere, Yoona—in hallways, in classrooms, in clubs—places that I could have
easily found. You were reachable, but never attainable.” Yuri smiled wistfully, finally looking
up, “And I missed you.”

No one gave Yoona lines from a poem. No one gave her poems or gardenias or missed her in the
way Yuri did. She was used to settling, whether it was friends or her boyfriend or family,
because she didn’t think she deserved better.

Yoona leaned in to kiss Yuri, because her words are worthless, they aren’t from poems. Yuri
dipped her head and kept their lips from touching.

“We promised, remember?” Yuri said with her eyes screwed shut. Looking at Yoona would only
make things that much harder.

Yoona slowly exhaled a breath, trying to calm the urge to defy the promise they made earlier.

To be fair they had established to no longer do anything behind Nichkhun’s back while Yoona
was still with him.

A promise was a promise and Yoona wanted to honor Yuri’s wishes. She hugged Yuri since it
was the closest thing she could get for now and whispered into her neck.

“You’re going to kill me with that promise.”

have you lost your mind, or has she taken

all of yours too?
Yoona wound her hands into fists as she stood in front of the window, watching the pool. The
sun had risen but Yoona had woken up earlier than that when she heard odd splashing sounds
coming from outside. The splashes were caused by Yuri who apparently had decided to go for a
morning swim.

The other day Yuri had asked Yoona if it was alright to use the pool. Yoona all but pushed Yuri
into the water and told her it was fine, of course. Yet Yuri’s schedule never gave her more than
thirty minutes of free time so Yoona didn’t go around waiting for Yuri.

The distance shrunk Yuri’s body significantly and Yoona traced the girl’s figure on the glass as
Yuri stepped out of the pool and dried herself with a towel.

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It was absurd how she was lusting after Yuri so much. She had always admired Khun’s body, but
that might have been because she was trained by the world to love a body like his.

Yuri constantly made her feel like a runner at a start line waiting for the gun shot. Yoona was
ready to expend all her pent up energy and Yuri was just sitting there with her finger on the
trigger.

When Yuri disappeared inside the pool house Yoona flung herself onto the bed and screamed
into her pillow.

She had always been the impatient type, always hated to wait, always hated when she couldn’t
get what she wanted, when she wanted it. Yuri was making her do all three.

It wasn’t often that Yuri went to class but when she did, she did her best in staying awake and
being attentive. However, doing her best didn’t pan out for her sometimes and she would find the
swaying grass outside the classroom’s window more interesting than her teacher.

She was being entertained by two squirrels running around and chasing each other when the
intercom came on with a buzzed static.

“Kwon Yuri, please report to the administration office. Your cousin is here to pick you up.”

Yuri stayed still in her seat as the intercom’s buzz died. Her classmates and teacher turned quiet
and looked at her. It made no sense, because the only cousin Yuri knew about was Donghae.
With a bit of confusion stalling her she packed up her books and bag and exited the classroom as
the teacher began lecturing again.

She entered the office and was about to tell the secretary that there must have been a mistake
when a hand slid around her waist.

“Hey cous’,” Tiffany purred. “I’m here to take you to that dentist appointment.”

The secretary peered at them from above her glasses at their curious affection.

“Oh, right. Dentist. I forgot,” Yuri said with a slow nod.

Tiffany thanked the secretary and led Yuri outside. The woman kept staring when Tiffany patted
Yuri’s butt as they walked down the hall.

“You know I can get into serious trouble if they find out you’re not my cousin. Why’d you take
me out of class anyway?”

Yuri removed Tiffany’s hand while the girl responded.

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“How can you complain when I just helped you ditch with a good excuse?”

It was pure coincidence Tiffany had bumped into Yoona the other day and to avoid suspicion she
thought it’d be best to wait a few days before going back to the school. She had wanted to see
Yuri all along but seeing Yoona had been a good opportunity for them to get closer. Closer by
Tiffany’s standards, that is.

Tiffany’s car beeped as she unlocked it and slid inside. Yuri stood in front of the passenger’s seat
and looked back at the school.

“Get in the car, Yul. Or do I have to kidnap you? I can use that rope that you liked whe—”

“Alright!” Yuri yelled as she opened the door. She rolled down the window in hopes that the
wind would cool her face.

After twenty minutes of silence Yuri finally calmed down enough to speak.

“You have to stop saying things like that in public.”

“You didn’t care so much before. I’m sure Yoona wasn’t within earshot.”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“Fine, I’ll try to keep the dirty talk in bed from now on,” Tiffany said with a grin as she pulled
into a parking space.

Yuri saw that they were at the diner they often visited. They picked an empty table outside, one
in the back, secluded from everyone else.

“So are you going to tell me why we’re here?” Yuri asked.

Tiffany fixed her bangs using her sunglasses as a mirror before putting them back on and tucking
a hand under her chin.

“I was hungry.”

A waiter showed up and took their orders. They had been there often enough for the staff to
recognize them but the waiters always asked in case they decided to deviate from their usual.

“I need to be back before school ends,” Yuri said, looking at her ice clink as she twirled her
water with a straw.

“I know. Wouldn’t want to keep Yoona waiting. How is that going anyway?”

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Yuri left the water alone and sat back in her seat, turning her head toward the parking lot. Tiffany
noted all of it mentally. It wasn’t on purpose, she knew that Yuri hated to be analyzed but it was
what Tiffany had been trained to do and it had become a habit.

“Good. We’re taking it slow.”

“Slow as in…?”

“Slow as in slow.”

“Oh come on, you’re talking to a friend, not a psychologist. I just want to know if everything’s
going well.”

“Why are you so interested?”

The question took Tiffany aback but she dismissed it before she could show a reaction. She
smiled suggestively and replied.

“Anything to do with you interests me.”

Yuri shook her head and tried to hide a smile. Sometimes the way Tiffany looked at her made
her feel naked.

“We’re just getting to know each other again. We’ve got three years to catch up on.”

“What about Khun? How did he take it?”

Yuri fiddled with a napkin.

“She hasn’t told him yet.”

“Ooh, this sounds like something out of a One Tree Hill episode.”

“What?”

“Nevermind. Is she planning on telling him or is the adultery thing a turn on for you two?”

“Tiffany,” Yuri said in a reprimanding tone. “She’s waiting until she can do it face to face which
she’s going to do next week when he comes to see her.”

As the waiter placed their food on the table, Tiffany grinned slyly and commented.

“That poor boy is probably going to be vulnerable and is going to need someone to comfort
him.”

Yuri shook her head again and stuck a French fry into Tiffany’s mouth.

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“Just eat.”

“Thanks for the lunch.”

Tiffany stopped the car in front of the school’s main building. There was no use in parking it
since she just wanted drop Yuri off. Tiffany traced her car’s logo on the steering wheel as she
mused aloud.

“I wonder how different things would be if we took it slow.”

“I don’t know if you’re capable of taking anything slow.” Yuri meant it as a joke but she didn’t
get a laugh or even a smile out of Tiffany. “We probably would—”

Tiffany waved a hand and cut Yuri off.

“Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.” Yuri’s phone beeped somewhere in her backpack and
Tiffany composed herself. “Look, if that girl ever bores you, you know where to find me.”

Yuri paused in looking for her phone and focused on Tiffany. There was something odd in
Tiffany’s tone before but it was gone now and Yuri didn’t dwell on it. Tiffany always deflected
and Yuri had grown accustomed to it.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Yuri opened the door but turned back to Tiffany for another minute.
“Maybe we could hang out soon? I’d really want for you to meet her.”

“Maybe.”

Yuri stepped out and gave Tiffany a slight wave goodbye as she drove away. She resumed in
searching for her phone and upon finding it, she saw that she got a text message.

The time on her phone told her she should have went to her math class but she made her way to
the auditorium instead.

Yoona growled as she lost another game of Tetris on her phone. She wanted to throw it to the
ground but decided it’d be better for her and the phone if she just quit playing the game. She had
only done it to pass the time while she waited for a reply from Yuri but she hadn’t received
anything yet. Maybe the girl was actually in class and learning, like Yoona should have been
doing.

She stood so she could turn off the auditorium lights and go back to her classroom when she was
suddenly blanketed in darkness. Panic kept her stationary and it resonated in her voice.

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“Hello? Who’s there?”

It was quiet for a moment before she heard someone speak.

“I think it’s harder for them to catch us this way.” Yoona swiveled towards the voice but could
see nothing. “Sorry, did I scare you?”

All of Yoona’s four senses were heightened now that she couldn’t use her vision and those
senses could feel Yuri’s presence. She reached out to touch her but touched only air.

“I’m right here.”

Yuri took a step forward and took Yoona’s searching hand.

“You could have texted me that you were coming,” Yoona said in annoyance but that was
because Yuri had scared her. That feeling was starting to weaken now that Yuri was with her.

“I’m sorry. I forgot you were afraid of the dark.”

The clanging of a door opening kept Yoona from speaking. The voices that followed were that of
adults and Yuri recognized one of them belonged to the principal’s and knew that if they were to
be caught, it’d mean punishment.

“Follow me,” Yuri said quietly and took Yoona to a nook that she’d sometimes hide in whenever
she thought someone was approaching. However, she had forgotten to take into account the area
was extremely small for two people. She squirmed to give Yoona some space but it was
ineffective and concluded their best option was to stay still. If either of them tried to get out,
they’d give away their hiding spot.

The whir of all the lights being turned on drowned out the voices but it did help Yuri and Yoona
see each other. That became more of a curse than a blessing because it showed the precarious
position the two were in. Yuri’s leg was stuck between Yoona’s and moving it was a dangerous
situation without causing some kind of noise.

“…yes, I think this stage is suitable for the musical. We could probably remove the second set of
curtains and it’d give us more room. Is that possible?”

Yuri didn’t bother to listen anymore and relaxed the muscles in her arms. They were beginning
to get pins and needles and she saw no other option than to rest her hands above Yoona on the
opposite wall.

The teachers and principal continued to talk and each passing minute created a small hell on
Earth for them. Yuri thought about holding her breath because every time she did breathe, she
only pressed herself further into Yoona and in any moment she was going to go insane.

“Alright, that’s settled then. If rehearsals start next week then we’ll have plenty of time…”

119
The lights were turned off again while the footsteps and voices faded with the shutting of the
door.

“You should probably go first,” Yuri suggested.

Yoona did, cautiously detangling herself. They stood at a distance, thankful for the veil of
invisibility the dark provided. Yoona laughed nervously and took a step towards Yuri but her
heart sank when she heard the girl take a step back simultaneously.

“That’s not a good idea,” Yuri muttered, shoving her hands into her pockets because she didn’t
trust them.

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to break our promise.”

In a heated and frustrated moment Yoona opened her mouth to tell Yuri they should screw the
promise but before she could, her phone buzzed and she retrieved it, the screen’s soft glow
illuminating her face. They should have used their phones for light from the start.

Yoona read the text and angrily whispered.

“Damn it.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Taeyeon just found out from an earlier period that our World History teacher is giving out a pop
quiz.” Yoona looked at the time on the phone and quickly calculated in her head. “There’s
twenty minutes left of lunch, I’m going to go study with Taeyeon.”

“Of course, go.”

Yoona kept her phone on and made her way to the exit. A burst of light flooded the auditorium
when she opened the door but Yuri called her as she stepped out.

“Wait, your World History class is next to the gym, right?”

“Yea. Why?”

“Just curious.”

Yoona suspected it was more than that judging by Yuri’s little grin but she didn’t inquire more
and left.

Once the door shut Yuri took out her phone and scrolled through her list of contacts until she
found her desired person. Her smile beamed in the dark auditorium as the person picked up.

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“Heechul? Hey, I need a favor.”

Yoona bit the end of her pen as she reread the question in front of her.

Who was the first emperor of the Roman Empire?

There were so many names floating around in her head, she didn’t know who to choose. She
remembered talking to Taeyeon about a Nero but he was the nutty one who played a fiddle while
Rome burned, so it couldn’t have been him; he was probably the last emperor.

She was ready to write down her own father as an answer out of frustration when the classroom
door creaked open.

“Good afternoon. I apologize for interrupting, but this is from the principal’s office.”

Yoona watched as Yuri crossed the room to give the note to the teacher. The man’s face twisted
in terror as he looked at Yuri.

“Stay here and watch over them. They’re taking a quiz so no talking, no notes. I’ll be right
back,” he said hurriedly, already walking away. “This must be a mistake…”

Yuri had been his best student and he trusted her. She wasn’t too proud about taking advantage
of that trust but she’d give him a free oil change or something as retribution.

“What’d you do?” Yoona asked worriedly. Yuri’s antics had a tendency of getting out of control,
Yoona knew from experience.

“Nothing. I just reunited him with a long lost relative,” Yuri said as she strolled over to Yoona’s
desk.

Yoona dropped it, she was afraid to know.

A boy in the front waved his pencil in the air to get Yuri’s attention.

“Are you going to tell on us if we look at our notes?”

Yuri knew the boy. He was a gossip monger, worse than the girls at the school. Some of the
rumors he spread were about Yoona—disgusting and disparaging things that out of anger, she
once snuck into the boy’s locker room during gym and doused his clothes with formaldehyde.

“I don’t know, that depends on how much you annoy me with your questions.”

“Hey, be nice,” Yoona chided, slapping Yuri on the thigh.

121
Taeyeon suppressed her laughter with a snort. “Says the reigning bitch queen.”

Taeyeon’s hand flew to her mouth when she realized what she said. The class sat in silence,
awaiting an explosion of anger from Yoona. Yoona glared at Taeyeon but then broke out in a
wide smile.

“Yea, I guess I shouldn’t be the one telling someone to be nice.”

Yuri looked at Yoona with admiration. It must have been difficult for the girl to not exert her
superiority over Taeyeon especially when she was being teased in front of her classmates.

“Alright, let’s see,” Yuri said, leaning over Yoona to look at her quiz. “Not bad, but three is
wrong.”

“What’s the answer?”

Some distressed wails sounded from the hall and Yuri took it as her cue.

“I’ll give you hint: it’s not A, C or D,” Yuri said behind Yoona’s ear before heading to the front
of the classroom.

Yoona smiled and marked her answer. There were only four choices.

“Father, please don’t do this!”

The class turned towards the door as a dark haired boy was dragged down the hall by security.
They saw their teacher shout to the boy.

“I don’t have a son! I’m not even married!”

The disheveled teacher came into the classroom and everyone brought their eyes to their quizzes.

“Thank you, Yuri. You may go now.”

Yuri stood by the teacher’s desk, asking loud enough for the whole class to hear.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes, just a misunderstanding.”

“Or a prank,” Yoona mumbled to herself.

But she wasn’t going to complain. Yuri had guaranteed Yoona a possible perfect score on a quiz
in her worst subject.

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It brought about an uneasy feeling though as Yuri glanced at her before leaving the classroom.
Once more, Yuri had risked possible suspension with that prank to help Yoona. She had proved
her friendship to Yoona and but what had Yoona done in return?

Yuri was amazing, in every sense of the word, and all Yoona had done was bring them
heartbreak, time and time again.

“How pretty.”

Yoona took out her earphones as her father walked to the row of gardenia’s hanging by strings.
Yoona was drying them and kept them close to her bed; the smell helped her sleep.

“It’s nice to see that Khun still gives you flowers from time to time. It’s sweet.”

Yoona paused her mp3 player, feeling her father was not leaving her alone anytime soon. She
corrected him confidently.

“They’re not from Khun.”

Her father let go of one of the hardened blossoms and hid his look of disappointment. He had
loved that boy like a son.

“Oh. Well, at least boys haven’t completely forgotten how to court a girl.”

Yoona couldn’t help but smile as she corrected her father again.

“They’re not from a boy. Yuri gave them to me.”

“That’s…surprising.” He didn’t know how to react but he was not happy with the news. It wasn’t
because Yuri was a girl, but he had envisioned a future of walking his daughter down the aisle
and at the end was supposed to be Nichkhun. Nichkhun was supposed to be everything Yoona’s
father couldn’t be. “I’m not sure I approve.”

Yoona let out a laugh in disbelief.

“Good thing I’m not seeking your approval.”

He tried to reason with her sympathetically.

“Yoona, have you thought this through? You and Khun have been together for so long and
you’re just going to let that go? You were so happy with him.”

“When’s the last time you even saw me with him, Dad? You’re never here to know anything
about what does or doesn’t make me happy,” Yoona said disdainfully. She was not going to let

123
him dictate her life, in any way. It didn’t matter he only wanted what was best for her—he
should have started caring from the beginning of her life.

“I work to provide for you, to make sure you live comfortably. I will not have you speaking to
me in that tone.”

“You work so you have an excuse not to come home.”

There was such malice in her words it rendered him speechless. He had tried to speak to her
rationally but she was obviously not complying. He needed to show her that he was still her
father and as long as she was under his roof, she was going to obey him whether she liked it or
not.

“This,” he said, tearing the flowers off the strings, “ends now. If I see anything inappropriate
between you and that girl, she will no longer be welcome in my home.”

Yoona stared at the crumbs that littered her floor, a trail of dead and broken petals leading out of
her room. It was a devastating sight but Yoona blinked back her tears. She would not cry because
of her father. He was sorely mistaken if he thought he had any control over her.

your love will be safe with me

Yoona crouched in front of the oven to set the timer. The box said to bake for twenty-two
minutes but she set it for twenty minutes because she liked the cookies to be a bit doughy.

“I’m starving,” Yuri moaned as she entered the kitchen. She eyed the bowl Yoona and Jiyoung
had used to mix the ingredients. “Are you finished with this?”

Yoona nodded and Yuri snatched the bowl, scraping out any leftover dough.

“Don’t eat that, you’re going to get a stomachache,” Yoona said, moving to take the bowl out of
Yuri’s hands but the stench that emitted from Yuri pushed her backwards. “Oh God, why do you
smell like you’ve been swimming in vodka?”

“Some moron spilled his drink all over me.”

“You just came back from the club?”

It was eight in the morning; Yuri usually returned to the pool house around three or four, five the
latest when she DJ’ed.

“Yea. Didn’t I tell you? Seunghyun gave me the full shift but then he invited me to this party
afterwards and I accidentally fell asleep there for a few hours.”

Yoona began putting some of the dishes and utensils into the dishwasher.
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“Must have been some party,” Yoona mumbled, the jealousy evident in her voice. She had no
reason to be, Yuri wasn’t the type to fool around, but Yoona knew exactly what went on at those
parties and how they changed people.

“I was exhausted. From work. I was barely awake for that party.”

Yuri leaned on the counter and tilted her head back, enjoying the small pieces of cookie dough.
She hadn’t eaten since the day before and had been on her feet the whole time, except for when
she took a nap at the party.

Yoona paused in putting away the dishes, entranced by Yuri. She gripped the plate in her hand,
her fingernails scraping against the surface. Yuri sucked on the sweet spoon, completely unaware
of the effect she was having on Yoona. Yoona licked her lips and let her mouth fall open—she
had never been so envious of an inanimate object before.

“That was good,” Yuri sighed in content, dropping the bowl into the sink.

Yoona rushed to the refrigerator and opened the freezer, her warm face greeting the icy air
happily. She made a show of looking for something as she asked Yuri, unable to hide her slight
stutter.

“Do—do you want me to make you a sandwich? It’s better than eating raw cookie dough.”

“It’s okay. I’m just going to go shower and sleep.”

When Yuri was gone Yoona closed the freezer and put her cheek to the door. There was only so
much she could endure before she reached a cracking point, and she was rapidly nearing it.

With Yuri out cold, Yoona didn’t have much to do. Usually it was her that would party until
Saturday morning, sleep the day away, repeat the process and wait for Monday. She thought she
could play with Jiyoung but after making cookies, the girl had crashed from a sugar rush and was
snoozing in her bed as well.

A swim would have done her good so she gathered the necessary things and went outside. After
a few laps she was distracted with the distant opening and closing of a car door. It could have
been one of her parents but the music that played before the car was shut off wasn’t anything her
mother or father listened to.

She floated in the water, waiting. When she saw who it was, she wished she could have dived
into the water and disappeared.

Tiffany slid her sunglasses on the top of her head as she stepped to the pool.

“How’s the water?”

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“Fine.”

Yoona had absolutely no desire in conversing with Tiffany, but Tiffany had other thoughts.

“I’ve always wanted a big pool like this but my family went for the skimpy, fancy kind. I used to
hide boys behind the waterfall but they could never hold their breath long enough.”

Tiffany grinned, like she was implying something else but despite how suggestive it was, it was
still beautiful. How did a girl like Tiffany manage to be otherworldly sexy but classy at the same
time?

“If you’re looking for Yuri, she’s sleeping.”

“So that’s why she hasn’t been answering her phone. I wasn’t sure if I was interrupting
anything…” Tiffany bent to slip off her shoes. “If you don’t mind, I’ll stay until the cat wakes
up.”

“Cat?”

Tiffany sat at the edge of the pool and put her legs into the water.

“Yea, you know. She sticks her tongue out when she sleeps, like cats sometimes do.”

There was one reaction Tiffany expected right off the bat from Yoona—anger—which Yoona
showed quickly but there was hidden resentment there as well, as if she was jealous Tiffany got
to see such an intimate act and Yoona didn’t. Tiffany wasn’t pestering Yoona for fun; it was a
proven fact that a person was more likely to tell the truth than lie when angry.

“You haven’t seen it yet? That’s a shame, it’s kinda cute.”

Yoona suddenly felt very naked in her swimsuit, even if the water covered her. It also didn’t help
that Tiffany had some upper hand; Yoona wasn’t used to being the one bullied.

“Does Yuri talk about me?”

The water was getting cold and Yoona wanted out but she really didn’t want to walk out half
naked in front of Tiffany. Instead, she swam to the corner of the pool and responded without
looking at Tiffany.

“No.”

Tiffany wasn’t offended but it wasn’t the answer she wanted. If Yuri was over Tiffany, then she
should have had no problem talking about her. However, it was possible she never came up in a
conversation. None of it mattered though, if Tiffany couldn’t see Yoona’s reaction than there
was no point in further irritating Yoona. People lied, but the face never did.

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Luckily for Yoona, Yuri had awoken and came outside. She looked between the two of them
warily.

“Tiffany, hey.”

“Afternoon loser. Sleep well?”

“Yes…” Yuri drew out the word, still very unsure what Tiffany was doing here. “Did you need
to talk to me?”

Tiffany took her legs out of the water and stood, taking her shoes with her.

“The insurance company sent me some papers you need to sign. I came by to drop them off.”

Yuri followed Tiffany to the car hoping Tiffany would give her the papers and leave.

“You can’t just show up like this Tiffany.”

“I called, Yuri. I’m sorry for thinking this was too important to wait.”

Yuri didn’t mean to be rude. But Tiffany was a bit unhinged sometimes and Yuri feared what the
girl talked about with Yoona.

“You surprised me, I’m sorry.”

Tiffany sat in the driver’s seat with the car door wide open while she opened the glove box and
obtained the large manila envelope for Yuri.

“I gave the guy my address since I didn’t know where you were going to be staying at the time
so that’s why I got it. He told me that on your birthday you have to get these notarized, bring
them back to the office and the house is yours. For good.”

It was less than two weeks away. Yuri would be back home and in her bed in less than two
weeks; the feeling was unbelievably relieving.

“Thank you.”

Tiffany turned on the car and leaned against the headrest while she looked up.

“You need to talk to Yoona about us.”

The sudden change in topic flustered Yuri.

“W-what?”

“She knows we were more than friends. Or she at least suspects it.”

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“How do you know that? What’d you tell her?”

“I didn’t tell her anything, but she looks at me like I’m the child of Satan and I don’t think she
would if she didn’t think I was sleeping with you. You need to reassure her because if you don’t
do it now and often, there will be problems later on.”

“Are you telling me as a psychologist or a friend?”

“Both. Neither of you trusts the other implicitly and that’s already going to start shit—”

“You don’t know what we were like before, things were different.”

“Exactly, that was years ago. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can go back to being happy
go lucky BFFs.”

It was a miserable thing to hear, but true. Yuri wasn’t sure if they could fix everything that broke
them and that scared her more than anything. The look of worry on Yuri’s face hurt Tiffany more
than it should have. She took Yuri’s hand and tried to sound as encouraging as she could.

“But that doesn’t mean you can’t be better.” Tiffany thought that would lift Yuri’s mood but the
girl’s expression didn’t change. “Want to know a secret?”

Yuri grinned, anticipating some cocky or suggestive advice but was instead met with the utmost
sincerity.

“Don’t let anyone tell you that love isn’t enough, because it is. All the issues people use as
excuses to end relationships—trust, loyalty, honesty—if you love someone, really love them,
then you’ll work it out.”

“That seems a bit idealist.”

Tiffany was never pessimistic, but she was never this optimistic either.

“Would you rather have me be a cynical cranky prick?”

That would have been impossible, it just wasn’t in Tiffany’s nature. It was why Yuri had always
been so attracted to the girl.

“No, I guess not. What am I going to do when you get your license? I’m not going to be able to
afford your advice.”

Tiffany’s small moment of seriousness passed and she smiled, running her fingers up Yuri’s arm.

“I’m sure I could find you a different form of payment.” Yuri laughed and shooed Tiffany’s hand
away. “Alright, I’m going to go. When I left, Sooyoung was playing Rock Band and sometimes

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she gets a little bit too into it. I keep telling her that when the dude on the screen starts smashing
his guitar, it doesn’t mean she has to but she never listens.”

Yuri laughed again and told Tiffany goodbye before stepping back from the car. She stayed on
the driveway until Tiffany’s car was out of sight and then walked back to the pool. Yoona was
still in the water and Yuri didn’t speak until Yoona swam to the edge.

“So, that was Tiffany. I was hoping I’d be there when you met her.”

“It’s okay, we didn’t wait long.”

They talked long enough for Tiffany to come up with an analysis and that was already too long
for Yuri.

Yuri put the envelope with the papers on a pool chair and sat down with her legs in the water as
she asked Yoona in a nonchalant manner.

“What did you guys talk about?”

“Nothing really. Like I said, we didn’t wait long,” Yoona replied, resting her elbows on the tiles
not far from Yuri.

Obviously, it was a lie but Yuri didn’t push. It mustn’t have been anything too incriminating.

Yoona wanted to know more about Tiffany’s relationship with Yuri but she needed to be careful
and act like she was completely clueless. She rubbed her finger on the grout between the tiles as
she asked her question.

“Is she a friend of the family or…?”

Yuri took a deep breath; this was what Tiffany had mentioned and even though Yuri didn’t think
it was necessary, she thought it would be better to be safe than sorry. She began explaining from
the day she met Tiffany.

“No, we met in high school.”

“High school? Our high school?”

“Yea, but you’ve never seen her before because she had already graduated by the time you came
to the school.”

Yoona found that odd, because it was rare for a senior to ever interact with lowerclassmen,
especially someone as low as a freshman.

“So you met her when she was a senior?”

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Yuri picked up on Yoona’s hint of disbelief.

“I wouldn’t have if it weren’t for my circumstances.” Yuri paused, recollecting her memories. It
wasn’t something she liked remembering let alone talking about but she pushed forward. “After
the accident, I stopped eating. My appetite was gone completely and on some days I had to force
myself to eat something as small as an apple or a piece of bread. It got so bad that teachers
started to notice and I was sent to the counselor because everyone thought I was anorexic.”

With each word Yoona felt like an angry hand was squeezing the blood out of her heart. She
wasn’t there to see Yuri in that state because she was still in middle school but that wasn’t an
excuse. If they had remained friends then she would have known.

“Since I had no one to pay for proper therapy, the school issued a mandatory counseling session
a couple of times a week. Part of that counseling was to talk to someone, a “peer,” as they put it.
Someone close to my age, who could understand the stress of being a student, loss—that kind of
stuff.”

“And the person was Tiffany,” Yoona inferred, fitting all the pieces into place.

“At first I didn’t understand how anyone let such a crazy person be part of counseling because
sometimes the things that came out of her mouth were just—”

Yuri didn’t finish and remembered those sessions with Tiffany as she smiled. They were
outrageous and often had nothing to do with counseling but maybe that was the point. Maybe
Tiffany knew it was better to laugh about something stupid than to let Yuri painfully wallow in
the memories of her lost parents.

“But it worked, didn’t it? She helped you.”

Yuri nodded and leaned forward with the heel of her palms gripping the edge of the pool. The
water slapped against the walls of the pool as she moved her legs.

“She did. I gradually started to eat more and returned to a healthy weight. But I didn’t stop
seeing Tiffany after the counseling was over.” She had never been ashamed of being with
Tiffany, but explaining it to Yoona was something she didn’t think she’d have to do this soon.
“By that time I had alienated so many people, I didn’t really have any close friends in high
school. Tiffany stuck by me for the rest of the year. She said I was more mature than half of the
seniors she knew.”

“What happened when she graduated?” Yoona asked, drawing closer to Yuri.

“She went to college but she visited often. I assumed it was to see her parents, or that she was
homesick but she started staying at my house almost every time she came to town. I thought she
pitied me or something, but it turned out it was more than that.”

Yoona’s voice dropped down to a whisper when she spoke.

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“She fell in love with you.”

Yuri smiled sadly and she shook her head.

“Tiffany loved me, but she never fell in love with me. She said it messed people up and she was
already considered insane by most so she couldn’t afford to be even more damaged. She said she
didn’t want to be like the patients she would treat.”

Yuri remembered being furious, she remembered telling Tiffany to never come back, she
remembered crying because she didn’t understand why everyone kept leaving her. But Tiffany
did come back, and Yuri hadn’t been strong enough to keep pushing her away.

“Did you fall in love with her?”

Yoona almost didn’t want an answer. Yuri talked about Tiffany like the girl was some lost love.
Yuri might as well have told Yoona she didn’t stand a chance, so why bother.

“I could have, but she didn’t let me.” Yuri used her index finger to smudge some of the water on
Yoona’s arm. The skin was covered in goosebumps. “You should get out of the water, it’s
getting dark.”

Yoona hadn’t noticed the gray clouds that hid the sun. She swam to the steps and walked out.
Yuri waited for her with a towel and draped it over Yoona’s shoulders. She took the corner of the
towel and tenderly wiped Yoona’s cheeks and neck.

“Would you have fallen for her now if she let you?”

The question paralyzed Yuri for a second. She quickly recovered and resumed drying Yoona.
Her hand moved to Yoona’s chin, her thumb dangerously close to Yoona’s mouth. She smiled
because the answer couldn't be any clearer for her.

“No, because I’m already in love with someone else.”

disenchanted
Yuri had just finished another set and was at her locker, ripping open a new package of tank tops
after using her last one. The air conditioner had yet to be fixed and the club was filled with
people, as per usual. Yuri had hoped the weather would cool now that winter was nearing but it
continued to be abnormally hot and humid.

She straightened the thin cotton over her stomach and walked to the table where her phone was
buzzing with a text. It was from Donghae.

[just letting you know, I saw taek making his way to the lounge]

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Yuri muttered a quick curse before frantically gathering her things to leave. She got to the door
and swung it open, only to reveal Taek with a swelling cheek.

“Shit, what happened?” she asked him as he breezed by her to get to the refrigerator.

“This idiot thought it’d be cute to try to get inside even after I told him we were over capacity.
He threw one at me after I pushed him off.”

He took an ice pack from the freezer and put it to his face. The club kept ice packs at hand since
there was bound to be someone who wanted to pick a fight against the bouncer. Taek hadn’t ever
lost though.

He noticed Yuri had her jacket on.

“Are you done for the night?”

“Yea, I was heading out.”

“Cool, I’ll walk with you,” he said, taking the pack with him.

Yuri opened her mouth to refuse but she saw his reddened cheek and hid her grimace. They
made their way through the crowd and Yuri had to slap his hand away when it drifted from her
lower back to her butt.

Taek tried to defend himself once they reached the parking lot.

“It was dark, I didn’t see!”

She was used to his excuses.

“Whatever, Taek. You can leave now.”

He continued to follow her until she accidentally dropped her keys and had to bend down to pick
them up. When she lifted her head she caught him looking down her shirt.

“For God’s sake, Taek,” she yelled out.

“I was just appreciating them. They’re very nice and—”

She really didn’t want to hear him talk about her chest. She poked him in his hurt cheek roughly
and he brought his hand up in pain.

“That hurt!”

“Good.”

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She unbuckled her helmet from the motorcycle as he rubbed his bruise. He stopped her just as
she sat on the bike.

“Wait, I actually need to talk to you about something.”

“What is it?”

Her patience was running out and he was to blame.

“Has Seunghyun talked to you about what he’s going to do with the club for winter break?”

“We had a meeting about this, Taek. He said he was going on vacation so he’s closing it down
for that week.”

“I know that, but has he mentioned anything about other work? In a different club?”

She put her key in the ignition and rested her hands on the gas tank.

“No. Why? Has he said something to you?”

Seunghyun knew of Yuri’s situation so he always gave her tips when clubs were looking for DJs.
She needed all the work she could get to pay for bills and other necessities.

“I just overheard something but I didn’t know if it was true.”

“If there’s anything, I’m sure he’d tell us.”

She started the bike and he took the hint. She slowly maneuvered onto the street and he walked
to the curb, watching her go. He stayed until the bike’s taillight vanished around a corner and he
dismally made his way back to the front of the club.

Yoona twirled a pen in her hand while lying on the floor of her bedroom. It was sometime after
two in the morning and she was restless. Khun had called a few hours ago and had told her he’d
be in town the next day.

It was going to be the day she would break up with him.

“Unnie, are you okay?”

Yoona saw Jiyoung’s toes from under the bed on the other side of her room. She sat up and held
out her arms for a hug.

“What are you doing up so late? You should be in bed,” Yoona said as Jiyoung walked into her
arms.

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“The light was on. Are you waiting for Yuri unnie?”

Yoona marveled at how well her sister sensed things.

“Not really, but she’ll probably be here soon.”

“Is Yuri unnie going to stay with us forever?”

It would have been nice, but that wasn’t going to happen.

“No, she’s going back home in a few days.”

Jiyoung fidgeted out of Yoona’s arms and climbed onto the bed. She pointed to Yoona’s barren
wall and asked confusedly.

“Where are the flowers?”

Yoona could have told Jiyoung how harshly their father had acted but refrained from doing so.
When Jiyoung was older she would create her own opinions, Yoona didn’t want to force her own
on the young girl.

“Daddy took them.” She stood and lifted Jiyoung from the bed. “When you get to be as old as
me you can stay up for as long as you want but for now, you have to go to sleep at your
bedtime.”

Yoona carried Jiyoung to bed and tucked her in before returning to her room. She lied on the
floor again and spread out her arms and legs. It felt comforting being so close to the ground; it
made her feel more balanced and less like she was teetering on some precipice.

Her room suddenly was cast in light from outside her balcony doors. She sat up and leaned back
on her arms, spotting Yuri near the pool house. When she saw Yuri walking towards her room
she slid open the door and stepped out onto the balcony.

“Did I wake you? I was going to go around but the sprinklers were on.”

Yoona crossed her arms on the railing and rested her head on them.

“No, I wasn’t sleeping.”

Yuri cocked her head to the side and looked up at Yoona with a smile.

“Then what are you doing up?”

“Khun called. I’m seeing him tomorrow.”

Yuri lost the smile and stepped closer to the balcony.

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“Are you okay?”

Yoona curled her toes and pressed them to the cool tiles as she thought. She wasn’t sure what she
felt.

“It’s a little underwhelming. I don’t know how else to describe it.”

“Are you having second thoughts?”

Yoona didn’t really have any thoughts on it in the first place. Her mind was vacant and
disturbingly calm.

“No, but…it feels right. I don’t love him and he should be with someone who does.” After
admitting that, Yoona felt like she could sleep peacefully. “I think I’m going to lie down. Maybe
I’ll finally fall asleep.”

Once they had told each other goodnight Yoona went to her bed. She was tired, though there was
no real reason to be.

In her mind, she scrutinized her memories with Khun, hunting for one where she had thought she
was undeniably in love with him and came to the startling conclusion there was none. All the
obvious choices that stuck out—birthdays, anniversaries, holidays—were nice and nothing more.

Yoona didn’t want nice, she wanted to crave someone, to need someone so much it was hard to
breathe without them. She wanted to be speechless but wanting to say so much at the same time,
to be thoughtless because they were the only thing on her mind.

Incidentally, Yoona did have all those things, just not with Khun.

Khun closed the door of his car and looked out at the empty playground.

“This is where Yuri, Donghae and I went to middle school,” Yoona said as she joined him by the
short wooden gate. It was painted white, but when she went to school it was a dark brown.

The playground was public so they went inside. Yoona went straight for the swings.

“I didn’t know you guys went so far back.”

Khun sat sideways on the other swing, facing Yoona, since he didn’t fit in the child sized space.

“We did everything together when we were younger. No one could separate us.”

Naivety made Yoona think that. But she was a kid then, and when someone told her forever, she
believed it.

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“I didn’t know that either. You never really talked about it. If you were so close, what
happened?”

Yoona raised herself as she swung, her legs folding in and out with each swing. She kept
swinging until the wind stung her eyes and the chains creaked loudly.

“I made a mistake,” she practically yelled out, but the creaking was getting louder and she
needed Khun to hear her.

Khun watched with increasing uneasiness as Yoona rose higher and higher.

“A mistake?”

“I hurt Yuri. I hurt her really badly, Khun.”

“Yoona, can you stop? You’re making me nervous.”

The momentum slowed when she stopped moving her legs and once it was safe she dragged her
feet against the ground until she skidded to a complete stop. She walked out towards the center
of the playground and wrapped her arms around herself.

Khun left the swings as well and she spoke when she could hear him directly behind her.

“I made so many mistakes that day.”

“What day?”

She faced him and pursed her lips to keep them from quivering.

“My thirteenth birthday, the day we met. Why did you ask me out then? Why were you even
there?”

He didn’t understand why she was asking this now and especially with a look like she was
moments from crying.

“I was friends with Hyoyeon’s brother and I was hanging out with him that day when he came to
pick her up from the party. And I asked you out because you were cute and funny and I liked
you.”

“I was horrible. I was mean and a snob and a complete bitch.”

“You were different around me or Jiyoung.”

“We shouldn’t have happened that day, Nichkhun.”

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Yoona’s sharp breath cut through the silence and Khun felt like his heart was going to drag him
to the ground.

“What are you trying to say?” he asked, his tongue fumbling on the words like he was choking
on them.

“You want marriage, Khun. You want a life with me and I don’t. Not with you.”

He tilted his head back and looked at the blank sky, bringing his heavy hands to his forehead.

“I want to be surprised, but I’m not.” He kept staring at the sky because Yoona’s face would only
tear him to pieces. “I saw that look in your eye that day when I told you I wanted to marry you.
You looked like I was enslaving you. And all those guys. I didn’t care about them because I
didn’t want you to feel trapped. I wanted you to have your fun but I always thought it’d stop
eventually and you’d settle down with me.”

It only struck him now how pathetic he was. Love was at fault, it brought this entire mess upon
him and it felt like he was stuck in a glass case. Now he could only look, and never touch again.

Yoona brought her chin to her chest in shame, digging her nails into her arms. He wasn’t ever
supposed to find out about them, even if all the things he heard were probably lies. It pained her
to see him like this and worse, that she was the cause.

“I wish you were the one. I wanted you to be,” Yoona told him.

He smiled because it was how much he loved her. She was destroying him and he was going to
smile through it because what else could he have done.

“People change.”

But then they didn’t, because here Yoona was, in love with Yuri, like she had been from the
start.

Khun dropped off Yoona at her house and hugged her one last time. They kept their goodbyes
short and he drove away, gas pedal pressed to the floor, like his car was fast enough to leave the
part of him behind that still belonged to Yoona.

Yoona trudged upstairs to her room. She was too tired to stay awake but nothing in her body was
relaxed for sleep. Yuri showed up at some point and Yoona’s catatonic state frightened her, like
she was watching Yoona lose her will to live.

The bed dipped with Yuri’s weight and Yoona closed her eyes, waiting for questions she didn’t
know the answers to. But Yuri asked nothing and the bed shifted again. Yuri wanted to help, but
didn’t know how.

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“Why aren’t I heartbroken?”

Yuri stopped moving at Yoona’s frail voice and went back to sit on the bed. The questions kept
pouring out of Yoona.

“Why aren’t I crying? Why do I feel absolutely nothing?”

“Maybe it hasn’t hit you yet. Sometimes people feel numb for a while after stuff like this.”

“When will it stop?”

“I don’t know, but you can go to sleep.” Yuri lied down, putting her forehead to Yoona’s as the
girl’s breaths slowly evened out. “I’ll be here when it happens.”

It happened unexpectedly, when Yoona thought maybe she had bypassed the aftershock and was
finally on the path to recovery.

She was cleaning out her drawers and stumbled upon old pictures of Khun, little notes they had
sometimes written to one another and other things that reminded her of him.

The tears spilled out onto a picture of them on her first day of high school, when things were a
bit simpler, when Yuri wasn’t a lost cause. She had foolishly thought then she could right things,
that she could put everything back into place and be happy again. But things only turned more
complicated, Yuri fell out of reach and everything slipped out of the capability of her hands.

Yuri found Yoona on the floor with the scattered pictures and pulled her into her arms. Yoona
grabbed Yuri’s shirt in her fists, sobbing into her shoulder and Yuri only held her closer.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

Yuri whispered words of comfort until her mouth went dry, held Yoona until her shoulders
burned and stayed with Yoona until her legs fell asleep. It was nothing; she didn’t understand
limits, not when it came to Yoona.

just love me already

After the breakup, Yuri distanced herself from Yoona. The only remedy was time and if Yoona
was anything like Yuri then she would want some space. When Yoona finally healed, she would
know where to find Yuri.

While Yoona spent most of her time in the house, Yuri found more work at the garage or at the
club. There was less than a week until she could go back home so when she wasn’t working she
was sorting out any matters concerning the house. Yuri didn’t understand half of the legal jargon
138
in the papers she was supposed to notarize so Tiffany suggested that Sooyoung’s boyfriend
should look them over since he was a law student.

“You should make yourself comfortable, he’s going to take a while.”

Sooyoung took a swig from her water bottle and waved her hand around her shared room with
Tiffany like Yuri was allowed to use the entire space.

Yuri moved to Tiffany’s side of the room since she never really ventured to Sooyoung’s side.
“Thanks. Did Tiffany say when she was going to be back?”

“No. You’re stuck with me for now.”

Sooyoung sat at Tiffany’s desk and pulled out a drawer, looking for the girl’s secret stash of
Hershey Kisses.

“She’s been studying a lot lately, something she does only when she’s really bored.” Sooyoung
found the bag under a bunch of CDs and grabbed a handful. “You’re usually the one she goes to
to ease her boredom. Did you two get into a fight or something?”

Yuri refused the chocolate when Sooyoung dangled one in front of her by its paper tail and
answered vaguely.

“Or something.”

Sooyoung balled the foil and threw it into the trash can. She was well aware Yuri wasn’t one to
spill all information at the drop of a dime. However, Tiffany had been unusually mute whenever
Sooyoung asked about the two of them and she was worried they had broken all ties.

“You were the only one who could really tame her.”

Yuri frowned at the odd comment.

“Tame her? She’s not an animal.”

“Many would disagree.” Sooyoung took another Kiss and began unwrapping it. “I think it’s
obvious she's not exactly the poster child for chastity and balance. We both know how wild she
can get.”

It was true Tiffany always lived a little harder than the rest of the world, taking every moment
and situation by the reins so she could get the most out of it. She was like a tornado, ripping up
her path, shredding lives and people to unrecognizable pieces, and it was enthralling to watch.

“I’m just saying,” Sooyoung continued, “you were the only one who ever made her think that
maybe there were some things meant to be relished and should be given more than a passing
glance. She could love you if you gave her the chance.”

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Yuri’s expression hardened, her tone more spiteful than she wanted it to be.

“I gave her a chance. I gave her a lot of chances.”

Sooyoung didn’t know all the details but Tiffany had mentioned Yuri’s numerous love
confessions. They had laughed it off because Tiffany wasn’t a stranger to getting told someone
was in love with her. But as the years went by, the confessions became less funny and more
serious.

“So everything you felt for her is gone? Nothing’s ever that simple.”

“Maybe not, but I’m learning to deal with it.”

“Why deal with it when you can love her and be happy?”

“Because I’m in love with someone else.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

But Yuri had hesitated before answering and she feared what it meant.

Yoona stared despondently at the empty seat across from her. Her so called friends had ditched
her and she was all alone at the table people once flocked to join. Hyoyeon had learned of
Yoona’s and Nichkhun’s breakup and used it as fuel to burn Yoona down once and for all.
Ordinarily, she wouldn’t have cared because Yuri would sit with her but the girl had been an
absent presence as of late.

“Yoona!”

Yoona’s head snapped to the urgent voice. Donghae looked like he had been trying to get
Yoona’s attention for a while.

“Is it okay if I sit here?”

Yoona responded by moving her untouched food to make room for Donghae. He sat down and
quietly unpacked his lunch. She wondered if he was doing this out of pity or out of obligation to
his cousin. Whatever it was, Yoona was thankful. She wasn’t accustomed to being the one left
out.

“Where’s Taeyeon?” Yoona asked as Donghae took out an apple.

140
Taeyeon alternated between sitting with Yoona and Hyoyeon for lunch but Yoona hadn’t seen
her since the previous day.

“Sick. She started throwing up yesterday and when I went to pick her up this morning she was a
lot worse.”

Yoona nodded and took out her phone to shoot Taeyeon a quick hope you feel better text.

Donghae bit his apple but only left an imprint of his teeth as he lowered it from his mouth and
shifted to get a closer look of Yoona’s neck.

“Wow, I didn’t know she actually gave it to you,” Donghae said, taking a bite of the apple.

Yoona put her phone away after she sent the message, confused with what Donghae was talking
about. He pointed to Yoona’s neck to clarify.

“The necklace. I didn’t know Yuri gave it to you. I thought with what happened on your
birthday—” He didn’t finish seeing as it wasn’t his business. “But it would have been stupid not
to give it to you after everything she went through to get it.”

Yoona had found the necklace after getting rid of Khun’s stuff. She wore it for months after her
birthday and clung onto it like she clung onto the hope Yuri would someday come back to her.
But the hope transformed into a burden and the small weight of the pendant against her chest felt
more and more like a rock pushing the air out of her lungs.

When she tried it on again, that feeling was gone.

“What do you mean?”

Donghae kept the apple close to his mouth as he explained.

“I don’t know if she told you but she started working at my dad’s garage so she could get you
that. I thought she was crazy because it was the beginning of summer, it was hot as hell and
instead of enjoying her vacation, she decided to go to work. She worked nonstop but it still
wasn’t enough so she went to my dad to ask for a two months’ worth advance on her paychecks.
He laughed in her face, of course, but you know how Yuri gets. She wouldn’t take no for an
answer and my dad eventually gave in.”

He took a bite and chewed before speaking again.

“I told her she should’ve just got this other necklace made out of sterling silver that was a hell of
a lot cheaper but, obviously, she thought that wasn’t good enough for you.” He thought pensively
and came to a realization. “I should have known she had a thing for you then. No one goes to
those kinds of lengths just for a friend.”

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Donghae’s words swirled in Yoona’s head. It felt like Yuri was giving her the necklace and she
was searching for the right words to say all over again. She didn’t know how much Yuri earned
from working at the garage, but two paychecks had to be a lot of money, no matter what
profession.

“How much did she pay for this?”

Donghae shrugged.

“Beats me. But white gold isn’t cheap. By the way, have you—where’re you going?”

Yoona was standing and gathering all her things.

“I just remembered I have to do something.”

“Wait, but we’re getting the topics today for our World History test next week.”

“I’ll just get them later,” Yoona said as she walked further away from Donghae. She practically
ran out of the cafeteria and Donghae watched, wondering what her rush was.

Sooyoung’s boyfriend had looked over the papers twice before handing them back to Yuri. He
hadn’t found anything peculiar, only obvious statements that had to be signed and dealt with
when buying a house. Yuri thanked him for his help and was going to drive to school but there
was only one period left so she decided to go to the pool house instead. There was less and less
time until she moved home so it would have been wise to start packing.

She was by the closet, sorting out clothes for the remainder of the week and packing the rest
when a force tackled her and pinned her to the bed.

“You are ridiculously amazing,” Yoona stated and if it wasn’t for her grin, Yuri would have
thought she meant it as a vice.

“Thank you?”

Yoona let go of Yuri’s wrists but Yuri made no move to push Yoona off.

“How am I supposed to compete with someone ridiculously amazing?” Yoona lowered her head
and put her mouth to Yuri’s neck as she spoke. “What am I supposed to do to repay you?”

Yoona felt the tendon in Yuri’s neck jut when she pressed an open mouthed kiss to the soft skin.

Yuri struggled with replying. “It’s not a competition.”

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“I know.” Yoona pulled back and looked at Yuri, her tone much more vulnerable. “I just feel like
you’re way out of my league.”

Yuri was about to tell Yoona how wrong she was but Yoona’s necklace slipped out from her
shirt and the small pendant hit Yuri’s chin, distracting her.

“You still have this?”

Yuri held the delicate necklace, following the thin string until her fingers rested on the back of
Yoona’s neck.

“I think the better question would be why I would not have it.”

The necklace brought about unwanted memories so Yuri skipped to another topic.

“How’ve you been?”

“Good,” then much more confidently, “better, but lonelier. You’ve been kind of distant.”

Yuri thread her fingers through Yoona’s hair, letting the strands slip down. It was so simple, but
something Yuri thought she’d never be able to do, even when she was thirteen and about to
confess her love to Yoona. She hadn’t dreamed of getting this, or getting anything at all.

“Not your fault. I’ve been busy with the house, but I was wondering, are you doing anything
tonight?”

“No, not really.”

“Can I take you out on a date?”

Yoona’s impulse was to scream yes, but she controlled her eagerness and grinned coyly instead.

“You can, but you should know, I’m hard to please.”

Yuri saw right through the little façade but played along. She rolled them and put her face
directly above Yoona’s.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Yuri said and tilted her head. Yoona took the bait, thinking Yuri was
going to kiss her but at the last moment Yuri moved to Yoona’s ear and whispered.

“And you should know, I don’t kiss on the first date.”

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First dates were usually at the movies, or over a simple dinner, not an evening walk in the
woods. Yoona felt like she was punted into her childhood, where she was back to following Yuri
blindly, even if the girl took her to the edge of the Earth.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

“Are you serious? We are not five, Yuri, you cannot pull that crap on me anymore.”

The woods were just as annoying as Yoona remembered them, only now they were creepier too.
There was no moon or any stars for light and Yoona had left her phone at home due to her rush
to leave with Yuri.

“We didn’t even know each other when we were five.”

“You know what I mean!”

Yoona almost shrieked when a branch poked her in the back. She kept to the center of the trail
and huffed her discomfort. This wasn’t clever or romantic and Yoona never understood the
appeal of the woods like Yuri did.

She was concentrating on following the path when she became aware the sounds of snapping
twigs and crunching leaves were only coming from her. She stood still, listening for movement
from someone other than herself.

“Yuri? Where are you?” The only response was a low howl of wind and shaking leaves. “I call
shenanigans, Kwon!”*

Yoona continued on the path, her ears on high alert.

“Shenanigans?”

Yoona turned to the left sharply where she heard Yuri’s voice. Yuri’s dark eyes stared back at
her.

“That wasn’t funny,” Yoona yelled, hitting Yuri in the shoulder. The dark was a fear she never
got over. She calmed when Yuri took her hand.

“Sorry, I was just looking for something. Do you see it?”

Yoona strained her eyes in the darkness.

“See what? I can barely see you.”

Yuri splayed Yoona’s fingers and put them to the tree.

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“Okay, then feel it.”

“Feel wh—” The words died on Yoona’s lips as Yuri pressed her index finger to a thin groove in
the bark. She followed the direction of the line and moved her hand a centimeter, feeling another
circular groove. Her smile beamed in the darkness when she realized what Yuri was showing
her.

“How did you find this?”

Yuri put her hand to the bark as well, feeling the letters they had carved in years ago. It was on a
random tree but Yuri had visited it often afterwards and could easily find it, even in the dark.

“I didn’t forget about it. I never imagined that our friendship was going to last longer on a tree
than it did in our lives.”

“But it didn’t, because here we are.”

Yoona traced their names, remembering how Yuri wouldn’t let her carve her own name because
she was worried Yoona would cut herself.

Yuri leaned her shoulder on the tree and faced Yoona.

“So, how is this for a first date?”

Yoona shrugged and started walking away.

“It’s nothing special,” Yoona replied arrogantly.

Yuri caught her arm and pushed her up against the tree. Yoona couldn’t see much, but she could
feel Yuri’s breaths on her cheek.

“Is there anything I can do to change your mind?”

“There might be.” Yoona stayed still, forcing Yuri to be the one to initiate the kiss, but before
their lips touched Yoona freed herself. “But you have that no kissing on the first date thing so
we’ll just have to think of something else.”

Yuri was getting beaten at her own game and she didn’t cope well with losing.

“What did you have in mind?”

“You’ll see.”

“Your homework? Seriously?”

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“Why would I be joking?”

The expression on Yoona’s face told Yuri not to hold her breath. She looked at the stack of
books on Yoona’s desk and scrunched her nose like the books were trash.

“It’s not like I’m asking you to do it, just to check it.”

“But—”

Apparently Yoona’s mind was not on the same wavelength as Yuri’s.

Yuri took the papers and books from the desk and put them on the floor next to the bed, readying
herself for a long night of proofreading and checking.

“I’ll be back later to see how you’re doing,” Yoona said, leaving Yuri to work in peace.

Yoona knocked on the door of her parent’s bedroom and listened for someone but as usual, no
one answered and it was empty.

She began her search, opening every drawer and looking through every shelf. Finding something
other than clothes or jewelry or accessories was a challenge since her mother devoted so much
space for it.

After checking the entire side of her mother’s room, Yoona moved to the small desk on her
father’s side. In the bottom drawer she found a rolodex and sat down in the plush chair, putting
the rolodex on the desk. She flipped through each one until she found the surname she was
looking for in the Rs. The business card presented her with the information she needed and she
wrote all of it on a separate piece of paper.

She put everything back as it was and left the room. It was early afternoon in Italy as shown on
the global time zone map on her phone, so she dialed the number she had written and locked
herself in a bathroom for privacy.

By the time Yoona finished the phone call and worked out all the details, Yuri was snoring softly
on her bed.

Yoona bit her bottom lip to keep down a laugh when she neared the sleeping girl whose tongue
was sticking out, just as Tiffany had said. Tiffany was right, it was very cute. She took her place
next to Yuri on the bed, pushing the books off Yuri’s stomach and replacing them with her hand.

It usually took her an hour or so before she could fall asleep, but Yuri’s heart was like a
metronome and its steady beat lulled her to sleep.

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*

Mr. Im loosened his tie as he walked down the hall to his bedroom. He hadn’t slept in over two
days after mix-ups in his schedule and delayed flights. His career as a pilot was fulfilling but it
was taking a toll on his body.

He stopped at his eldest daughter’s room, seeing a small stream of light peer out of the partly
opened door. The lamp cast a soft glow on the bed but his smile dropped into a deep frown as he
looked at his daughter holding Yuri.

There was nothing more he wanted than to see his daughters happy and surely, Yoona must have
been happy if he could see it even in her sleep. He was conflicted but there was little he could do.
Yoona had always been rebellious and if he was honest, his objection to their relationship was
due to how disobediently Yoona had acted.

He turned off the lamp and silently left the room as he had entered it.

If he could love Nichkhun like a son, maybe he could learn to love Yuri like a daughter.

*property of YoonYulTV

young love at its best

Yuri paced anxiously in front of her home insurance company. It would open in less than five
minutes but she’d been up since dawn with barely any sleep the night before. All she could think
about was moving back into her home. Living with Yoona had been bliss, especially the past
week or so but she couldn’t wait to be in much more familiar surroundings.

Inside the offices, a woman came to the front and unlocked the door.

“It’s not very often we get customers the second we open,” the woman remarked, holding the
door for Yuri who walked inside like she was a kid walking into a toy store.

“I have all the papers for my house signed and notarized. I’m here to pick up my keys.”

Yuri held the papers out and the woman smiled at Yuri’s excitement.

“This way.”

While the woman checked the papers Yuri had brought in, the heel of Yuri’s foot bounced
against the floor. She wouldn’t interrupt the woman, but she needed those keys, now.

“We apologize for the trouble,” the woman spoke up and put the papers back into the large
envelope. She walked to a cabinet and opened it with a key from her jangling key ring. “With the
economy in such horrible shape, everyone is looking for a way to make a little more money.”
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The woman presented a small white envelope and Yuri almost jumped at the sight.

“We will be coming by the house to remove our locks and pick up these keys sometime this
week. Once again, we apologize.”

Yuri nodded absentmindedly, her eyes on the keys. She took them for the lady and thanked her
politely (though she wished she could curse her instead) and almost tripped over her own feet
while exiting the office.

The first thing Yuri did was open all the windows to get some fresh air into the stuffy house.
Then she went to her room, smiling like an idiot because no one could tell her it didn’t belong to
her anymore.

She fell onto the bed, breathing in the detergent she always used. It was good to be home and she
didn’t want to bask in the happiness alone. She dialed the number of the first person who entered
her mind.

“Guess where I am?” Yuri asked the caller, her smile threatening to split her face in half.

Yoona looked through Yuri’s temporary birthday gift once more before getting out of her car and
walking to the house. She would have joined Yuri to pick up her keys but Yoona had woken up
to find the girl nowhere in sight and not answering her phone. She had to go to school anyway
but now that it was over she could celebrate with Yuri.

Yuri opened the door after Yoona had rung the doorbell.

“Yoona! I’m so glad you’re here.” Yuri squeezed Yoona in a hug. It was then Yoona realized
Yuri was home, her true home, and wasn’t going to be just across the pool like she had been for
the past month. The occasion was a bittersweet one for Yoona. “Come in, we were just about to
have champagne.”

Yoona put the present on the dining table, though her mind was stuck on the ‘we’ part Yuri had
said. One step into the kitchen and she saw who ‘we’ was.

“Champagne, Yoona?” Tiffany asked, raising the bottle.

It was Yuri’s birthday so Yoona disregarded the urge to scratch the grin off Tiffany’s face.

“Sure,” she responded, disguising her bitterness well.

Yoona stayed polite and kept a smile on her face the entire time Tiffany was there. Tiffany
stayed for a small glass of champagne but she knew Yoona wasn’t welcoming her presence. She

148
told them she had an exam that evening, which was true, and left though Yoona was the real
reason for leaving.

“So, how does it feel to be eighteen?”

They were in Yuri’s bedroom, sipping the warming champagne glass by glass.

“I’m not sure if it’s because I got the house back today, but it does feel different.”

Yoona ran her hand through the rug she was lying on. Yuri was on the bed, had been there since
Tiffany left, like she had to catch up on all the nights she hadn’t slept on it.

“Getting a house is one heck of a birthday present,” Yoona said, smiling, but there was a
heaviness in her voice. She knew the burden Yuri had to bear, more or less, alone. The past
reared its guilt inducing jaws once more and Yoona physically had to sit up and shake her head
to get rid of it. “Be right back.”

When Yoona returned Yuri gave her another glass of champagne, which Yoona downed in a few
gulps. Yuri did the same, despite hating alcohol. It only provoked stupidity, but she had her
house back, it was her birthday, Yoona was with her—for once, everything was as it should have
been and maybe Yuri had afforded some stupidity after being careful all her life.

“Now,” Yoona began, putting the glass down and sitting next to Yuri on the bed, “this isn’t your
real birthday present. Your real one will be here by next week, but I thought I should still get you
something.”

Yoona held the plastic bag upside down and let the contents fall out. Yuri’s eyes immediately
went to the largest thing, which was a magazine. She flipped it to the cover and showed it to
Yoona with a widening smile.

“This is a Playboy, Yoona.”

Then Yuri saw the cigarettes, a lottery ticket and a Get Out of Jail Free card from the Monopoly
board game. There was some kind of theme.

“I know. I was going to buy an actual porn magazine but those things are kind of filthy.”

Yuri couldn’t contain her laughter.

“What are you trying to do? Warn me of all the addictions out there?” she asked, picking up the
Monopoly card.

“No, it’s all the things you can do once you turn eighteen. You can buy cigarettes, buy a lottery
ticket, buy porn and if you’re not careful,” Yoona said, grinning smugly as she snatched the card
from Yuri’s hands, “you can go to jail.”

149
“But that means get out of jail free, which doesn’t really exist unless you live in Monopoly
world,” Yuri explained like she was an expert on the matter. Yuri’s attempt to act arrogant
humored Yoona; it didn’t suit the older girl at all.

“It’s just supposed to symbolize jail. Don’t take it so literally.”

Yoona threw the card onto the half-naked Playboy girl and looked at the champagne bottle. She
recognized it as the more expensive kind.

“What did Tiffany get you?”

Yuri leaned back against the headboard, listening to Yoona’s odd change of tone. It didn’t sound
like she was jealous, just sad.

“A male stripper,” Yuri responded truthfully.

“Wow, that must have been…exciting,” Yoona said, at a loss for a better word.

“It really wasn’t. He just sat there for half an hour because I didn’t want a lap dance.”

“You probably destroyed whatever was left of his self-esteem.”

Yuri nodded in agreement. They turned quiet and Yuri watched the smile slip from Yoona’s lips.
She didn’t like seeing Yoona look defeated. It wasn’t some battle for Yuri’s affections, because
no matter what, Yoona would always win anyway. She moved down the bed and sat directly
across from Yoona.

“Thank you for the present, I love it.”

“It’s stupid,” Yoona mumbled.

Yuri wasn’t used to this. She never had to comfort Tiffany or reassure her. Tiffany was confident
even when she was wrong and Yuri couldn’t remember a time when Tiffany was vulnerable.
Yoona kept her head down and asked morosely.

“Who did you call first when you got the keys? Me or her?”

Yuri wanted to lie, she wanted to spare Yoona the unnecessary hurt, but it wasn’t who she was.

“Her,” Yuri said regrettably.

Yoona’s hair hung around her face like she was embarrassed to show it and Yuri brushed it
behind Yoona’s ear, moving even closer. But Yoona shook her head, bringing the hair back
down, shielding her face again and Yuri withdrew her hand.

“What’s wrong?”

150
“Never mind, it’s nothing.” Yoona swung her legs and put her feet on the floor. “I think I’m
going to go. I have some homework I need to finish.”

Yoona felt like sand slipping through Yuri’s fingers. She didn’t want Yoona to leave but the girl
was already moving.

“Can I pick you up tomorrow?”

Yoona turned from Yuri and nodded. Before Yoona could leave Yuri reached for the girl’s hand
and held it by Yoona’s fingertips. Yuri had done something wrong, Yoona wouldn’t be acting
this way if she hadn’t but she didn’t know how to fix it.

Because it was Yuri’s birthday, Yoona kissed her on the cheek and forgot about Tiffany.

“Happy birthday, Yuri. I hope you get everything you wished for.”

Yuri removed her shoulders from a locker as the lock dug into her back. Two more minutes and
classes would be out for the period. She could see the teacher and the front row of students, their
eyes not on him but on the clock. The window was small and if she moved she would be able to
see the back of the room but she didn’t want Yoona to spot her.

The bell rung, doors flew open like they were ready to be ripped off their hinges and the dead
quiet erupted with noise. Yuri stayed by the lockers, her eyes darting from student to student
until she recognized three heads.

When she was close enough, Yuri could hear Yoona’s voice, lightly tinged with annoyance as
she spoke about some assignment and Donghae vehemently agreeing. There were too many
people, too much happening; Yoona wouldn’t possibly notice. Yuri did what she came to do and
let the crowd devour her.

Yoona spun around, her hand ready to slap the moron who thought he could get away with
touching her butt.

“You alright?”

Donghae and Taeyeon had noticed Yoona had stopped walking and they looked to her,
wondering why.

No one stood out, everyone looked the same, was doing the same and all Yoona could do was
silently curse. She brushed her hand over her butt, the spot where she was touched and her frown
deepened when she felt something protruding out of her back pocket. She took the object out and
saw that it was a flower, a Gardenia.

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Taeyeon ran her eyes through the thinning halls before looking back to the flower Yoona had
magically acquired.

“Where’d you get that from?”

There was paper wrapped around the stem and Yoona unrolled it. She smiled as she read the note
and took a step backward, much to the worry of Taeyeon.

“Yoona, you cannot skip class again.”

Yoona put the paper in her pocket and began walking backwards, away from the pair.

“Cover for me,” she told Taeyeon, still smiling.

“No, I will not. Im Yoona, get back here, I won’t—” But Yoona had already turned around.
Taeyeon looked up to Donghae. “Do something!”

Donghae’s mouth opened and closed, surprised by his frustrated girlfriend’s sudden demand.

“Like what?” Donghae put his arm around Taeyeon and turned them from Yoona. “She’s a
goner, Tete. There’s nothing we can do.”

Taeyeon didn’t like the sound of that. Donghae treated Yoona like someone diagnosed with a
terminal disease. Love wasn’t a terminal disease. Or it shouldn’t sound like one.

Yoona was unnecessarily stealthy about getting to the place Yuri had written in the note. She
acted like it was some ninja mission, complete with rolling on the ground and crawling
commando style.

Yuri saw the whole thing and almost blew their cover with her laughter.

“You watch way too many movies, Yoong.”

“I was just being careful,” Yoona said, brushing the grass and dirt off her body.

Yuri shook her head and took Yoona’s hand to take her to the garden but Yoona didn’t move.

“What’s wrong?”

The sun made Yoona squint as she looked at Yuri with a small smile.

“You called me Yoong.”

“Should I stop?”

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Hearing her nickname without it being regretted or quickly retracted made Yoona feel like
everything had become full circle. It instilled a sort of calmness for them to finally be back to
how they used to be.

“No, it’s nice.”

They fell to the ground once they arrived at the garden, with Yuri shushing Yoona while the girl
silently laughed with her head thrown back like she had gone crazy. Yuri pleaded for Yoona to
quiet down but Yoona had fallen into a giggle fit with no signs of stopping. Not knowing what
else to do, she brought Yoona’s face to hers and kissed her. It worked.

“So is that why you brought me here?” The giggles passed but Yoona was still left smiling. “I
will admit, gardens are more romantic than going behind the bleachers.”

“You were going to get us caught, it was a last resort.”

The clipped grass scratched Yoona’s face as she twisted her neck to look behind her and at the
garden. Out of all the flowers, she recognized the gardenias first. The shrub was almost bare,
with only three or four blossoms left.

“This is where you’ve been getting the flowers from?”

“It is, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to anymore. It’s become obvious with the state it’s
in.”

It was for the best. Winter was approaching and Yoona didn’t want to repeat the same mistake
like the incident by the pond when she was younger.

Yoona looked down the length of the garden. There were many more different types of flowers,
all of them were aesthetically pleasing, but even as bare as the gardenia shrub was, she liked it
the most.

“I’m sorry it took us so long to get here,” Yuri said and Yoona pulled her eyes away from the
flowers to find Yuri’s across the thick green blades. They were apologetic and Yoona couldn’t
hide the confusion in her voice.

“No it didn’t.”

“I don’t mean the garden, Yoona.”

A sharp gust of wind swiped through and the grass danced wildly between them.

“You shouldn’t be the one who’s sorry.”

153
There was so much they had to talk about. Nothing from their past had been resolved and if they
didn’t at least acknowledge their past mistakes, they’d either be repeated or worse, used against
one another.

A shadow passed over Yuri’s face and Yoona thought it was a cloud but Yuri’s eyes widened in
fear, their focus somewhere beyond Yoona. Yoona turned her head and met the face of a very
angry looking teacher.

“Principal’s office. Now.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you had World History this period?”

Yuri wasn’t happy that Yoona had skipped a class Yoona wasn’t exactly excelling in. Even more
at the fact she was partly at fault for it.

“It’s not a big deal. We weren’t doing anything important today.”

“You probably say that for each class.”

It couldn’t be helped. There was nothing history did for her, except maybe help her fall asleep.

The principal walked in then, interrupting their brief conversation. The man quickly glanced at
Yuri but studied Yoona more closely as he walked to his desk.

“I thought we agreed we wouldn’t see each other on such terms anymore, Yuri.” Yuri
straightened in her seat, trying to appear as responsible as she could. “And what’s worse, you’ve
dragged a fellow student down with you.”

Yoona chimed in to protect Yuri, “It’s not her fault, I—Ow!” She shot Yuri a look, its expression
silently asking, what the hell? as she rubbed her sore calf.

“I apologize, sir. This is my fault, solely. I’ll take full responsibility.”

Yoona was about to object but received another kick from Yuri and kept quiet.

The principal wasn’t convinced but he didn’t care. Everything was made a lot easier for him
once someone took the blame. He opened a folder and scanned the documents.

“It seems Ms. Yoona isn’t fairing well in her World History class.”

His eyes remained on Yoona’s grades as he spoke irritably.

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“Rather than punishing you directly, Yuri, I’ll have your fate rest on Ms. Yoona’s shoulders. She
has a test before winter break and if she does not pass, both of you will be serving detention until
I feel like you’ve learned your lesson. Is that clear?”

He looked up and neither girl thought to challenge the verdict.

“I really don’t need you saving me all the time.”

Yoona shouldn’t have been complaining but she’d been fine without Yuri’s help for the past
three years. She opened her locker and reached for a book but was gently pushed aside. Yuri
took Yoona’s shoulder bag and stuffed it into the locker after taking out her gigantic history
textbook.

“All my stuff’s in there!”

“Exactly. You won’t need anything where we’re going.”

Yoona interpreted the ‘anything’ in Yuri’s sentence as clothes and was about to ask why Yuri
was acting perverted during the middle of school but forgot about it as she was hauled down the
hall like a sack of potatoes. Scattered students looked on as the most popular girl was being
manhandled by one of the least popular girls.

“I am not going to date someone who’s a history dunce.”

“And everyone says I’m shallow,” Yoona mumbled. “And you know what else, this someone
you’re dating? Her leg hurts after being kicked!”

Taeyeon and Donghae watched the scene from their classroom and they turned to each other for
an explanation but knew better than to ask.

Yoona pulled out a chair at the nearest empty table but Yuri continued walking. She kept her
voice low so as not to disturb anyone in the library.

“Where are you going? This table is fine.”

“You’ll get distracted. I know of a better place.”

Yuri’s spot truly was secluded and the only distraction was one of those motivational posters
stuck on the wall. It seemed very old and when Yoona tapped a curled corner, dust flew out.
Since they were so far from the front, Yoona didn’t bother whispering.

“How do you even know about this place?”

155
“Free time begets boredom, boredom begets curiosity,” Yuri told her, sitting against a shelf full
of reference books.

“Is that a quote or something?”

“No, it’s the truth. Sit.”

Yoona turned from the crinkled poster and saw Yuri pat the floor next to her with a notebook.

“I want you to make an outline for all the chapters your next test will cover.” Yoona opened the
textbook and set it in her lap. “Then write the definitions for all the bolded words.”

The work Yuri handed out was more than anything she’d done for the class at a single time.

“This isn’t exactly smart. I have a class so this is considered skipping.”

“Study hall isn’t a class, Yoona.”

Her attempt at lessening her workload failed.

“What are you going to do? Babysit me?”

Yuri leaned her body down a shelf, her shirt riding up and exposing her lower back the farther
she stretched. When she returned to a normal position, Yoona’s eyes darted to the barbarian on
the cover page of the chapter.

“I’m going to read while you work.”

The book Yuri had taken out had seen better days. A few pages fell out and the hard cover was
reduced to mush.

Yoona fixated on the book, wondering why it was here, in the midst of reference books and what
it contained. She kept staring until Yuri instructed her starkly.

“Work.”

An hour later, Yoona finished all the work she had been assigned.

“My hand is cramping, Yuri, I’m serious.”

Yuri looked over the neat handwriting while Yoona rubbed her wrist and flexed her fingers.

“There are questions at the end of the chapters. You should probably start on those.”

156
The lone light bulb above them flickered as the final bell sounded. Yoona stood and almost
started bouncing from happiness. Yuri put her attention back to the book and spoke without
looking at Yoona.

“We’re not going anywhere. Do the questions.”

“But school’s over Kwon Stalin.”

“Stalin is a surname. His first name was Joseph.”

“Kwon Joseph doesn’t sound intimidating at all.”

“Neither does Kwon Stalin, now sit down and do the questions.”

Yoona didn’t and stood there but Yuri proved to be the more determined one. Yoona let out a
whine and slumped back to the floor.

The papers rustled violently when Yoona put the book back into her lap. “Half hour and then
either we leave or I get a break.”

Yuri responded by flipping a page in her book.

Yoona scribbled an answer while out of the corner of her eye she saw Yuri losing to sleep.
Yuri’s head jerked up and fell every few seconds as she tried to stay conscious. The half hour
was almost up and they both needed a break. She raised her arms and exaggerated a yawn.

“Can I please take that break now?”

Yuri fully awakened and gave Yoona a halfhearted nod.

“Lie down. I want to use you as a cushion,” Yoona said, pushing Yuri to the side.

Yuri complied, though it seemed she only listened because her body was too weak to resist
Yoona’s push.

It took less than a minute for Yuri to start nodding off again, her hand turning more and more
lifeless with each gentle comb through Yoona’s hair. Yoona watched in amusement until Yuri
stopped fighting it, and Yoona closed her eyes, feeling oddly content on a hard floor, in the back
of a library.

For it to be so quiet was normal but when Yoona awoke to darkness as well, her heart quickened
with panic.

157
“Yuri, wake up.”

Yuri pulled herself up and rolled her neck to get out a crick. “Why are the lights off?”

“I don’t know. I was going to ask you.”

Even if one of the bulbs did go out, there were plenty of other lights around the library, but all
Yuri saw was the soft glow of the emergency exit sign.

“I’ll go up front to see what’s going on.”

Yoona scrambled to her feet, latching onto Yuri’s arm.

“I’m going with you. The person left behind always gets killed first.”

“I’m guessing this knowledge comes from movies?”

“No, it’s the truth.”

They walked past the bookcases, listening for the normal sounds that occupied a library—
whispering, the beeping the scanner made, chairs squeaking but none of it was there. When they
reached the main area, they stopped and Yoona squeezed Yuri’s arm.

“It’s empty.”

Yuri had a faint idea what was going on but hoped she was wrong. She went up to the door with
Yoona still by her side and pulled on the handle. The door banged against the lock.

“It’s locked?” Yoona asked, trying for herself but got the same outcome.

The days were getting shorter as winter neared so it was too dark to see the clocks on the walls.
Yuri turned to the window and lifted her watch at an angle so that she could see the time. Her
arm dropped to her side and she threw her head back, moaning like she was in pain.

“It’s 5:30.”

Yoona stopped jingling the doors, asking, “So?”

“So all staff leaves at five.”

The understanding of the situation came to Yoona slowly but when it did, she exploded.

“We’re locked in here?!”

While Yoona pounded on the doors crazily, yelling for help, Yuri took out her phone and stated
loudly over the noise.

158
“I’ll just call Donghae. He’ll get someone to open the doors.”

The phone was off, which couldn’t have meant anything good. She held the power button and
smiled when the little jingle played. The screen lit up for a second before going blank. Her smile
vanished and she tried powering it up again, but it did nothing that time.

“Um, Yoona, can I use your phone?”

Yoona’s eyes looked like they were about to burst into flames as she said through gritted teeth, “I
don’t have it. It’s in my bag, which is in my locker after you put it in there.”

Yuri nodded and surveyed her surroundings. A vent above the librarian’s station seemed
promising but getting to it was impossible without a ladder. Her smile pleaded for Yoona’s
forgiveness.

“Think of this as a camping trip.”

Yoona let out a piercing scream.

5:43 PM

“…nothing good would come out of studying. If we hadn’t gone all the way in the back, closed
off from civilization we probably would have noticed how late it was and that…”

Yoona was rambling and pacing, and being the good girlfriend Yuri was, Yuri listened and
allowed Yoona to vent even if it was at her expense.

When she was finished, Yoona crossed her arms angrily, closing herself off from Yuri. She
watched as the girl hopped off the counter and walked to her, but Yoona was prepared, she
wasn’t going to give into Yuri, there was nothing Yuri could say or do to make any of this better.
Her willpower didn’t amount to much, not when Yuri could obliterate it with a soft kiss, making
Yoona’s anger vanish in a cartoony poof.

“I’m sorry.”

“I hate you so much.”

Yuri grinned at Yoona’s frustrated whimper and kissed her again.

6:20 PM

159
They were lucky there were bathrooms in the library otherwise the disaster they were stuck in
would have been much worse. Hunger was an entirely different problem.

“I’m hungry,” Yoona thought aloud from where she was sprawled out on a table.

Yuri was somewhere in the nonfiction section, browsing authors. Getting free time like this at a
library never happened so she planned to use as much of it as she could. Her list was out and she
was writing down a few sentences from a book when she heard Yoona’s voice echo. She put the
book away and went to her jacket to get her wallet. They were also lucky there was a vending
machine in the small worker’s lounge.

“Anything specific you want?”

Yoona’s head hung over the ledge of the table, her throat bobbing as she talked.

“Hershey bar.”

Yuri left to get the bar, smiling at the choice.

Yoona sat up at the clanking of the vending machine and happily unwrapped the candy once
Yuri brought it.

“You really like Hershey’s, don’t you?”

The chocolate was divided into small squares and Yoona put four into her mouth at once.

“Mmhm. It’s the only chocolate I’ll eat.”

Yuri had heard a similar sentence once said by someone else.

“Tiffany only eats Hershey chocolate too.”

Yoona slowed her rapid chewing. There wasn’t a name for the feeling Yoona had whenever she
heard Tiffany’s name. She was simply wary of the girl. Tiffany had backed off without so much
as a peep and Tiffany didn’t seem like the type to just surrender. Tiffany’s threat hadn’t slipped
Yoona’s mind either. It was like Yoona had to keep peeking around corners to see if Tiffany
wouldn’t pop up and take Yuri away from her.

She ate the rest of the chocolate but it wasn’t enough. Yuri sensed it wouldn’t be and produced
another bar from her back pocket.

“I think you and Tiffany have much more in common than you think,” Yuri said, tapping
Yoona’s nose once with the chocolate before going back to perusing the infinite books.

“Yes,” Yoona mumbled, eating a new square. “We both have a thing for girls in leather jackets.”

160
*

6:31 PM

“I’m hungry again!”

7:04 PM

Yuri didn’t have enough money to feed Yoona’s endless appetite but after rummaging through
her backpack for at least a piece of gum for Yoona, she found half a bag of dried apricots.

They ate together under a window, where the waning moon cast a long shadow of the fixture.

“Won’t your mom be worried?” Yuri asked, thinking of the people who might notice their
absence.

Yoona snorted.

“She didn’t even know you were living us until last week when my dad mentioned it. What about
Donghae?”

“It’s not like he checks up on me every night.”

There was only one person left that came to Yoona’s mind.

“Tiffany?”

Yuri bit half of an apricot and shook her head.

“She’ll be pissed I didn’t pick up my phone but she’d probably figure I fell asleep or was busy.”

“You guys talk a lot?”

“Couple times a week. Mostly she just calls to complain about her roommate, Sooyoung, or to
tell me something that happened on some TV show.”

The way Yuri talked about Tiffany made Yoona envious, not of their relationship but the
easiness of it all. The more she learned about them the more she doubted what Yuri had told her.
How could Tiffany not fall in love with Yuri?

“What about Jiyoung? Will she be okay?”

“She’s been alone for a night more than once.”

161
The apricots satiated Yoona and she extended her arm to the light. She played with her shadow
by wiggling her fingers, making shapes, a heart with her cupped hands and a flying bird.

“Are you tired yet?”

“Nope. What else can we do in here?” Yoona asked, looking around. She jumped when she felt
fingers press into her bare hip.

Yuri whispered hotly against Yoona’s neck.

“I have an idea.”

9:17 PM

“Marco!”

“Polo!”

Yoona whipped around and charged to the voice and collided straight into a bookcase. Yuri
found her with a complete anthology of Shakespeare’s works around her.

“Maybe we should stop playing this game.”

“This was as bad as playing tag,” Yoona said, while Yuri helped her up.

Tag had ended with Yuri tripping over a chair and a bruise forming on her shin. Yoona had to
give Yuri a piggyback ride to a table because her leg hurt too much. Then Yuri suggested playing
Marco Polo and its results were just as painful.

After putting all the fallen books away, Yuri advised smartly, “Let’s just sit and do something
that doesn’t have the possibility of breaking one of our bones.”

10:00 PM

Hangman was fun but hard on the eyes when playing in the dark. They were lying on the floor
under the emergency exit sign, a pile of crumpled papers surrounding them.

Yuri was able to candidly study Yoona while the girl concentrated on solving the sentence Yuri
had wrote. The colored light gave Yoona’s hair a reddish tint as it fell over her shoulder when
she brought her face closer to the notebook. A thought sprang to her mind about her birthday and
Yoona’s parting words, how coincidental it was Yoona said them.

162
“I wished for you.”

Yoona looked up from the paper and grinned at the corny line even though she didn’t really
understand what Yuri meant by it.

“For every birthday after we stopped speaking, I wished for you. I wished for a minute with you,
even if it was just to say hi.”

Yoona propped her chin up with a hand and Yuri could see Yoona’s smile by the brightness of
her teeth.

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“You should know.”

Yuri didn’t know how else to tell Yoona how much she wanted her even when they considered
each other strangers.

“Speaking of your birthday,” Yoona tapped the pen on the paper, glad it was too dark for Yuri to
see her face and her blush. “Your real present should be here by the end of the week.”

Yuri didn’t need anything else but she wouldn’t deny the sweet gesture Yoona wanted to do.

“Can’t wait.”

11:38 PM

They moved to the tables after hangman and were running out of things to do. Sleep was an
obvious choice but neither was tired enough.

Yuri took out her list and twirled the neatly folded square on the smooth surface of the table.

“What is that? I’ve seen you carry it around everywhere.”

Yoona reached across the table for the paper and unfolded it. The words were illegible in the
dark.

“They’re sentences, titles, authors. Sometimes all three.”

“Of what?”

“Poems, books I like.”

“Why?”

163
“Sometimes they say things I don’t know how to.”

Yoona had a taste of the poems Yuri had when they broke into her house and she wanted one for
her own.

“Things like what?”

Yuri hooked her finger, motioning for Yoona to come closer. She thought Yoona would get out
of her chair and walk but instead, Yoona climbed onto the table and crawled to where Yuri was
sitting.

It wasn’t common for her to memorize poems, that was what the list was for, but she had found
one earlier and thought it fit well and couldn’t get it out of her head.

“You keep me in a little pearl,

barefoot, unlucky,
tasting of apricots…”

She paused, kissing Yoona simply because the girl was close.

“I look and I think,

There's something about you that I adore,
and isn't freedom expensive
when you pay with the shackles you love.”

Yoona wasn’t particularly fond of poems, but this one she could fall in love with.

“Remember when I said you were ridiculously amazing?”

Yuri nodded and kept her lips on Yoona’s cheek as she listened to the whisper.

“You just went beyond that.”

By one in the morning they fell asleep under a table and woke up when the janitors unlocked all
the doors in the morning. They gathered their things and snuck out, making a pit stop at Yoona’s
locker to get the rest of her things.

The parking lot was empty except for Yuri’s motorcycle and Yoona’s car. They promised to see
each other in a few hours, when school began again, and then left.

Yoona’s body ached from spending a night on the floor and all she wanted was to shower and get
a change of clothes. That didn’t change the fact she would never think of a library the same way
again.

164
start new without ditching the old
Yuri stood outside Seunghyun's open office, wondering whether she should go in. The club
wouldn't be opened for another hour so it was empty save for her and a few other employees. She
saw Taek from across the room and he joined her by the door.

"Did he call you over too?"

Taek nodded and lifted his hand. "After you."

She rolled her eyes, knowing behind the gentlemanly act, he was probably staring at her ass as
she walked in.

They stood awkwardly by Seunghyun's desk as he finished a phone call. He gestured for them to
sit.

"As you know, I'm closing Era for a week starting on Monday. Not many go clubbing during
winter and after going it over with my accountant, it's actually better for me financially to
completely close it down than waste money for a few stragglers. Since I want neither of you
jobless for a week, I spoke with a friend of mine and he's agreed to see how you work tonight. If
he likes what he sees, he'll take you off my hands while I'm gone."

The phone started ringing and whatever questions Taek and Yuri had were dismissed with a
wave of his hand. Taek closed the door, his eyes traveling down Yuri's body.

"Do you think it's another club?"

"Probably," she said, turning around to face him. He averted his gaze elsewhere but she had seen
where he was staring.

She gave him a slap on the forehead.

"Stop ogling me!"

"Think of it as a compliment! You seriously have one of the finest, pert as--"

She raised her hand to smack him again but he caught her wrist before she could make the hit.
He stepped closer while she was dazed.

"If you want to touch me, then just ask," he breathed and it sent all kinds of wrong shivers
through her body.

"Can I touch you with a baseball bat?"

He grinned and released her arm.

165
Taek always saw their tension as sexual. He didn't want Yuri to like him or love him, he just
wanted her to admit how amazing their sex could be if she just gave it a try.

As she left, his smug shout could be heard throughout the club.

"One day you're going to realize we're meant to be, Yuri!"

The notes on her page were blending together. Yoona couldn't tell the Romans from the Gauls
and all the dates she memorized weren't attached to any events. It wouldn't have been so
worrisome if the test only reflected her performance but now that it affected Yuri too, there was
an added pressure upon her.

"Is that a textbook? Are those notes? Are you studying?"

Taeyeon gaped at Yoona's huddled body and the frenzied tapping of her pen.

"I'm capable of studying, Taeyeon. Where's Donghae?"

Lately, Taeyeon and Donghae had become a two for one deal--if you wanted to see one of them,
you automatically got the other.

"Making up a quiz. Yuri?"

Yoona and Yuri weren't so different.

"She's at Era, working out her schedule for winter break."

Taeyeon took out a salad from her lunch and gave Yoona her baby carrots since it seemed like
the girl hadn't eaten anything.

"I can't wait until I'm a senior. The only time I'll come to class is for tests."

"Yuri doesn't skip that much. But today's Friday and her boss called so she took the day off,"
Yoona explained, biting down on a carrot.

"How do you feel about the test?"

The information in Yoona's head felt like it was bubbling out of her ears. There was only so
much she could take in.

"I don't know. I've been going over it in my head so many times it's like verbatim, but I keep
second guessing myself."

166
Taeyeon put down her fork and closed the textbook. She hid the notes as well so Yoona couldn't
see the words on the pages.

"That's a sign telling you to stop. You need a break. Besides, all that extra time in the library
probably did some good." The look on Yoona's face sparked Taeyeon's interest, for her smile
was a bit too wide considering no sane person would view spending a night in a school library as
joyful. "You didn't, you know...with Yuri...in the library, did you?"

Yoona caught on what Taeyeon was asking and vigorously shook her head.

"Ew, no. It's a library, Taeyeon. Encyclopedias aren't really much of a turn on."

Taeyeon stabbed some leaves of lettuce with her fork, mumbling loud enough only for Yoona to
hear.

"I just thought with you two being girls, you don't have to worry about getting pregnant or--"

Carrot bits flew out of Yoona's mouth when she hissed her question.

"Are you pregnant?"

"No!" Taeyeon looked around to see if anyone was near them. "How did you jump to that
conclusion?"

"Because I don't know why we would be talking about pregnancies in the middle of lunch." And
Yoona remembered Donghae telling her Taeyeon was sick not too long ago.

"I was just saying. No, I'm not pregnant."

Taeyeon bit her lip, continuing to stab her lettuce. Yoona felt relieved for only a few seconds
before Taeyeon mumbled her next words.

"At least I don't think so."

"Oh Lord have mercy," Yoona sobbed, throwing her carrot up in the air.

"We didn't plan it. It just kind of happened!"

"You know, everyone always says that but I still don't understand it. How can it just kind of
happen?!" Yoona put her hands over her ears, retracting her question with a shake of her head.
"Do not answer that."

She calmed and scratched her forehead in thought.

"Does Donghae know?"

167
"He does. I'm going to the doctor to find out for sure tomorrow."

Yoona hadn't been much of a friend to Taeyeon, but she didn't want their relationship to be so
one-sided anymore.

"Do you want me to go with you?"

Taeyeon showed her appreciation to the offer with a smile.

"Thanks for asking, but Donghae will be there."

The test was shoved down a few notches on Yoona's priorities. Her friend could possibly be
pregnant, though Taeyeon sure wasn't reacting in any way Yoona would have.

"How can you be so calm?"

The question didn't faze Taeyeon. The short girl's blank expression was an answer in itself.

"How am I supposed to concentrate on a test when you might be pregnant?"

Taeyeon wasn't as composed about it as Yoona thought but she'd been given a lot more time to
process the information than Yoona. The way she saw it was, either she could spend the next
twenty-four hours stressing out over something that could be nothing, or continue living her life.

"I know it's strange but I'm not going to worry about it now, especially since it might be false.
Whatever we'll find out tomorrow, we'll deal with it. What's done is done and there isn't much I
can do."

It seemed like Taeyeon was taking lessons from Yuri's philosophy on life.

The bell rang but Yoona remained in her seat; she would have given anything for a pillow and a
nap. A loud laugh caught Yoona's attention and she spotted Hyoyeon and some girls across the
cafeteria. They passed Yoona in ignorance and Yoona couldn't bring herself to care.

"I don't get Hyoyeon," Yoona said as Taeyeon collected her belongings. "I mean, she worked so
hard to keep me away from Yuri and be her friend, but now she acts like we've never even seen
each other before."

"Maybe she feels betrayed."

A staff member began circling them like a vulture so Yoona finally stood and packed her things.
The cafeteria's noise left with the flow of the students and Yoona no longer needed to raise her
voice to be heard.

"It's not like I ditched her."

168
"Yoona, that's exactly what you did." They were two of the last students out and strolled down
the emptying halls without any hurry. "Look, I'm not calling Hyoyeon a saint by any means, but
she became friends with the bitchy version of you. Now that you're not bitchy, you don't have
anything in common anymore and she probably feels left out."

The closer they got to their classroom, the more Yoona remembered the test and how much she
was dreading it.

"I'm not going to apologize for being who I am. I don't want to be that fake girl."

"So then tell her. Maybe she'll respect you again if you do."

Being on Hyoyeon's bad side wasn't smart. The girl was capable of ruining people and they still
had a year left of school together. If she learned one thing from her mistake with Yuri it was
sometimes a confrontation led to good things.

Taeyeon looked somewhere behind Yoona and backed towards the classroom.

"I'll see you inside."

"Why? I need to take this test too--"

"Hi."

Yoona understood why Taeyeon left so abruptly once Yuri turned up next to her. As stressed as
she was about Taeyeon's hypothetical baby and the test, how important it was, Yuri's presence
made it all seem trivial.

"D-time."

Yuri didn't understand. "What's D-time?"

"You know, like D-Day, when the allies had that important win in Normandy during World War
II." She paused while Yuri grinned proudly. "I can't believe I can give you an explanation of D-
Day."

"I didn't know your test covered World War II."

"It doesn't but this is what happens when you spend hours with a History textbook."

Yoona had knowledge of presidents and wars and cultural movements--basically a bunch of stuff
she'd never find use for.

"Here, this is for you."

Yuri pulled out a strip of paper from the front pocket of her jeans.

169
"A cheat sheet?"

Yoona reached for the paper excitedly, but Yuri withheld it by drawing her arm away.

"No dork, it's just something I got at lunch today but I thought it'd help you more than it'd help
me. Don't read it until right before the test."

If it wasn't answers than Yoona doubted it would be of any use but she kept the paper.

When the final bell sounded she unfolded it and read the printed numbers, dubbed as lucky in
bold. How the hell were lucky numbers supposed to help her? She flipped the paper, annoyed,
like it was some joke she couldn't make sense of, but the text on the other side coincided much
better with what Yuri had said.

Trust your intuition. The universe is guiding your life.

"I hope that isn't what I think it is."

Yoona's teacher glared at the paper and Yoona gave him a confident smile.

"Not at all. You can have it."

He took the paper without looking what was inside and she started her test, smiling as she wrote
about the fall of the Roman Empire and all the other tragedies and triumphs. All that mattered
was she could tell of them and do it astonishingly well.

That night, Yoona, Donghae and Taeyeon celebrated the beginning of their winter break by
going to Era. Yoona wanted to make most of the night considering the next day Taeyeon's and
Donghae's life could be turned upside down. Yuri had learned of the news from Donghae earlier
and was greatly responsible for calming him and helping him think rationally.

It was the calm before the storm and they planned on taking advantage of it.

At the end of Yuri's set they gathered in the employee's lounge. Yuri loved the club, but when
spending hours in its hectic atmosphere, she would need to get away.

"I've always thought fortune cookies were a scam, but looks like they aren't so useless."

Taeyeon and Donghae were on the couch so Yoona and Yuri stayed at the table. Yoona wished
she had her test results but she'd have to wait until after the break.

"I'm glad I could be of use," Yuri said, drawing over the veins on Yoona's hand; at a crossroad,
her fingers split and she continued following the separate paths until the soft green color
disappeared.

170
The sudden affection showed how tired Yuri was--the girl became oddly touchy with Yoona
whenever she was sleepy. It was a simple reason, but one Yuri was still too shy to admit,
touching Yoona kept Yuri's senses awake, even if her body was pleading for sleep.

When Taek showed up, no one paid attention, the room was for employees after all, until he
spoke and everyone quieted.

"Seunghyun wants to see us. I think his friend is here."

Yuri excused herself and left with Taek.

Yoona watched them, especially Taek and his face, seeing how his eyes lingered over Yuri's
body or the excuses to touch her masked as politeness. He didn't unnerve her like Tiffany did,
but to blatantly see someone admire Yuri so outwardly inflamed her jealousy.

Yuri had spun an amazing set and had no worries about landing the job. However, when she and
Taek entered the office and Seunghyun looked at them with those caustic eyes, like they could
burn right through her, her confidence receded. She almost didn't notice the other man sitting
next to him.

"Jiyong, meet Taek--he's the one who worked on the opening--and Yuri, my DJ."

Jiyong examined them and Yuri could feel his judgmental look as if it were physically touching
her.

"She's just a kid," Jiyong spoke like Yuri wasn't right there in front of him.

"She's the best I got."

Jiyong wasn't convinced and his frown proved it.

"You said you needed a DJ--a clean, responsible, hardworking DJ," Seunghyun said, turning his
head to the side as he lighted a cigarette with a match. The smoke tickled Yuri's nose and she
swallowed, trying to get rid of the smell. "Yuri is as clean, responsible and hardworking as they
get, kid or not."

The praise was unforeseen. Seunghyun hadn't ever looked anything but simply satisfied with her
DJ'ing.

Trapped in deep thought and contemplation, Jiyong looked Yuri up and down once more. He got
up and stood in front of Yuri, his eyes not as intimidating as Seunghyun's but just as callous.

"Have you ever been to jail or juvie? Messed around with any substances?"

"No, sir."

171
Jiyong cracked a smile, a quick upturn of his mouth, like he was amused by the answer.

"I don't know if you're trying to be a smartass or if you're legit."

"She's legit," Seunghyun assured, a trail of smoke following the words.

Appearing satisfied, Jiyong pointed to Taek and turned to Seunghyun.

"What am I supposed to do with him? I already have enough bouncers."

"I'll do whatever you need," Taek spoke up.

Yuri had kept her sights on the wall straight ahead of her but she saw the glint in Jiyong's eyes,
part mischief, part danger, as he approached Taek.

"You shouldn't make promises you can't keep."

It was like the entire room was sucked of air with Jiyong's sentence. Yuri felt like they pissed off
a mafia boss and were about to pay dearly for it.

"Stop scaring them, Jiyong," Seunghyun told him after the cold, momentary silence.

Jiyong smiled again, much more genuinely this time.

"I'm just messing with you." He slapped Taek's shoulder and Yuri could see the muscles in
Taek's arms relax. "Yea, I'll find a place for the both of you. You start tomorrow."

"Where will we be working?" Yuri asked after Jiyong returned to his seat on the leather sofa.

Jiyong shot Seunghyun a look of disappointment.

"You didn't tell them?"

"I'm not going to brag for you," Seunghyun deadpanned, tapping the ashes off his cigarette.

Their exchange was so laidback and brotherly. They must have been very close since Yuri had
never seen Seunghyun so playful with another person.

"You'll be working at my newest club," Jiyong informed them, baring his teeth in a wide smile.
"The Golden Fox."

Yuri kept the job change to herself. Taeyeon and Donghae were more important and she didn't
think it was wise to blurt, in the middle of the waiting room, that she was going to work at the
Golden Fox for the week.

172
They sat in uncomfortable chairs at Taeyeon's doctor, the three of them, chins in their hands,
waiting for Taeyeon to come back with the results. Although Taeyeon didn't want Yoona there
they came. Yoona was there as Taeyeon's support and Yuri was Donghae's. They kept their gaze
on the floor, only looking up when someone passed them, thinking it could have been Taeyeon.

"I never even asked her if she wanted to keep it."

Yoona and Yuri turned towards Donghae, his voice so small and fragile like anything above a
whisper would shatter him.

"I should propose, right?" He looked at Yuri, pleadingly, like she was God and with all the right
answers. "I mean, if she's pregnant and wants to keep it, we should get married. Right?"

Yuri put her arm around him, comforting him in the only way she knew how.

"We'll talk about it later."

Donghae sighed, his shoulders drooping low. He imagined his life, first the most immediate
things like getting a job, finding someplace to live and trying to do all this while finishing his
final year of high school. Then he thought of his baby, the diapers, the baby food, the clothes.
Finally he thought of him and Taeyeon--would this be a miracle in disguise or would they grow
up to be bitter, hating the other for the situation they were stuck in.

"Who died?"

All three heads flew up to the voice. Donghae stood, his hand on the armrest, in case his legs
failed him.

"Are you--?"

"No. It was negative. I'm not pregnant."

The smile plastered on Taeyeon's face made much more sense now. Yoona and Yuri stood, ready
to hug Taeyeon but Donghae got to her first, almost knocking her down.

Yuri gave Yoona a quick nod towards the door to give Donghae and Taeyeon a minute by
themselves. As they left, Donghae and Taeyeon were still stuck in a hug, with no intention of
letting go anytime soon.

Taek and Yuri arrived at the Golden Fox before the club opened. Unlike Era, the place was
bustling even when closed. Yuri couldn't take her eyes off the DJ booth above her when they
entered the expansive space. The excitement translated onto her face; she simply could not stop
smiling.

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Jiyong gave them their schedules (Yuri didn't pay attention to the hours, her mind preoccupied
with daydreams of DJ'ing above a crowd) and gave them a tour. His rules were straightforward:
"Do what I tell you, when I tell you; be punctual, and everyone will be happy."

The tour made Yuri see how much of a perfectionist Jiyong was. He was constantly giving out
orders, focusing on the smallest of details and his voice was like a cracking whip--it spurred
everyone to work. His presence was commanding and Yuri wondered if Jiyong and Seunghyun
were related.

They ended the tour at the bar, where Jiyong wanted to introduce some of the staff.

"I'd start with the bartender, but I don't think she's here yet--Oh, nevermind."

They turned to the club's entrance where a girl began making her way towards them.

"I didn't know we were hiring," the girl said, casting Taek and Yuri a bored look. Taek was
practically salivating at her sight.

"It's just for the week. This is our new DJ, Yuri, and Taek. I haven't decided what I'll do with him
yet."

The girl smiled, polite but fake, and went behind the bar, putting her hair into a messy bun.
Jiyong had waited for her to introduce herself but when she started cleaning glasses, ignoring
them completely, he did it for her.

"And this is our bartender, Jessica."

that hateful kind of love

"I don't understand how you deal with him at Era. An hour ago, I wanted to break a beer bottle
over his head after he kept calling me an angel."

Yuri covered her mouth to keep the water from spewing.

"Wait until he starts wiggling his eyebrows after everything he says, like it means something
sexy," Yuri said with a grim smile.

Jessica's mouth twisted into a similar smile.

"Sounds awesome."

It was Yuri's second night working at the Golden Fox and she had found a friend at the club.
Jessica had been unapproachable at first but they soon found common ground in their mutual
disgust of Taek. Yuri had worried Jessica would be an introverted person but she only reserved
that persona for the people who annoyed or bothered her, and luckily, Yuri didn't do any of that.
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Yuri had learned a lot about Jessica in the short time they knew each other. Jessica was taking a
break from her studies to earn some money, hence her being the Golden Fox's bartender; she was
single (Yuri assumed it wasn't a lie when Jessica told Taek, "No, I'm not dating anyone but the
thought of dating you makes me want to slit my wrists"); she did her job with diligence and
honor, even when people were unforgivably rude. She was also stunningly gorgeous, even in the
same outfit night after night and all she did was pour drinks. People stared because she made
beauty effortless and Yuri could think of one other person who did the same.

"She's your type," Yuri said, wiping down the body of her bike after having washed it.

"Thanks, but I think I can get a date on my own."

Tiffany was trying not to stare every time Yuri bent or turned or just moved really, but she had
been deprived since they "broke up" and it wasn't her fault Yuri's body still did crazy,
uncontrollable things to her sex drive.

"I don't doubt that but shamelessly flirting with everyone isn't the same thing as dating."

The topic was beginning to bore Tiffany. She switched the attention onto Yuri.

"I think you should be more concerned about your sex life than mine. I have a feeling you and
Yoona don't have much of one."

Yuri threw the rag onto the bike's seat and threw her hands up.

"How the hell do you see these things?! And don't tell me it's some deep psychological crap. You
can't know that just by a person's face, I don't care how good you are."

"No, it's nothing psychological." Tiffany advanced forward and Yuri backed into her bike.
Tiffany's hands wandered up Yuri's back and fingers pressed into her shoulder blades. It wasn't
good that Tiffany could still do this, that she could still paralyze Yuri with one touch. "You get
tense right here and I only know of one way to get rid of it."

The hands dropped and Tiffany took a step away from Yuri, suddenly ashamed by the obvious
discomfort she was causing the girl. She didn't want them to be stuck in some weird, awkward
"the exes that were still friends" relationship. They were more than that.

Tiffany rubbed her eye and defined them more safely as the patient and the treatment.

"Do you have any idea why she might be so reluctant?"

"We're taking it slow, Tiffany. Not everyone has sex the moment they start dating."

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"Yea, I know but she looks at you like--" Tiffany thought for the right way to describe it, missing
the light blush on Yuri's face. "Like she wants to devour you whole but at the same time make
sure she doesn't do anything to hurt you. It doesn't make sense that she's holding back so much."

There were a number of reasons to explain it. It could have been a matter of insecurity but
Tiffany doubted that, Yoona was beautiful and had nothing to be insecure about. A traumatic
event in her past, such as sexual abuse, was also a possibility but Tiffany wouldn't speak a word
of it to Yuri unless she was positive.

Tiffany turned to the car that pulled into the driveway. It stopped behind Yuri's bike and Yoona
stepped out, carrying a large, decorative box, the kind department stores gave out.

"Hi Tiffany."

Being civil to each other proved easier than anyone had thought. Tiffany didn't really care nor
did she have an opinion on it, and Yoona realized Tiffany wasn't going anywhere so she might as
well try to play nice.

"I was just leaving," Tiffany said, already feeling ignored as a bubble formed around Yoona and
Yuri. She could probably spontaneously combust on Yuri's driveway and they'd only notice after
the world stopped spinning around them.

The box wasn't light or heavy and when Yuri shook it, whatever was inside hit the walls with
soft thumps.

"Stop trying to guess what it is and just open it."

Yuri grinned at Yoona's enthusiasm and threw the lid off. The smell of leather from the jacket
went straight to her nose and almost stung her eyes.

"I noticed the jacket you have now was getting worn so I thought I'd get you a new one,
especially since it's winter and all. Try it on."

The bottom of the box dropped to the floor and Yuri unfolded the jacket, soft but sturdy in her
hands. The present excited her beyond measure, the feeling obvious by her stutter and shaky
fingers.

"I will, just--just, let me shower first. I'm dirty from washing the bike and--"

Yoona laughed and gave Yuri a light push. "Okay, okay go."

Yuri dashed to the door but suddenly stopped like she had forgotten something and went back to
Yoona, only to kiss her.

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After Yoona heard the bathroom door close, she opened her clenched fists and stared at the
crescent marks embedded in her palms. It wasn't the first time Yuri kissed her, but it might as
well have been. She wondered when she would get used to it.

Yuri quickly dried her hair with one hand, reaching for her bra and shirt with her other but then
she saw the jacket hanging on the back of her door. She thought of what Tiffany had said earlier
and was struck with the urge to prove her wrong. All she needed to do was entice Yoona a little,
something Yuri had no trouble doing.

She shook her hair, leaving it damp and put the cool leather of the jacket over her naked back.

Yoona set her phone on the stand next to Yuri's bed at the sound of the bathroom door unlocking.
She was oblivious to Yuri had planned, wasn't prepared for it, but preparation probably wouldn't
have helped her any. The look on Yuri's face was something she hadn't seen before, her irises
dark, almost black and Yoona felt warm, pleasantly so, like after a long day in the sun.

"Does it fit okay? I told the tailor my measurements and added an extra two centimeters for the
arm length."

Changing the measurements would have been a terrible hassle since Yoona would have had to
ship it back to Italy but from where she was sitting, the jacket hugged and held Yuri in all the
right places.

"It's perfect, but could you help me with the zipper? I think it's stuck."

Yoona moved down the bed, to its edge, and took the zipper. It went down smoothly, without
any stunt and it wasn't until Yoona was halfway done she realized Yuri was naked underneath.
She stared at the strip of skin the zipper revealed and licked her lips, thinking how easily and
quickly she could take that jacket off. But stripping Yuri meant she'd have to strip in turn and she
wasn't ready for that, wasn't ready for the disgust Yuri would look at her with.

Her hand flew up, zipping the jacket and she made an about-face, counting numbers in her head
as a distraction but she was so unfocused the numbers started correlating with Yuri.

One jacket to take off. Two hands to take off that jacket. Three kisses before she could take off
the jacket. Four seconds before Yuri could be completely naked--

"I am so embarrassed," Yuri muttered, her hands hiding her reddened face.

Yoona rested her hand on her right thigh, almost feeling the marred skin under her skirt.

"Yuri, it's not you. I know it sounds stupid but I swear, it's not you, it's me."

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But Yuri wasn't listening, didn't hear the sincerity or the hidden apology because she had just
made a fool of herself.

"It's alright." Yuri gathered what was left of her pride and stood. The jacket covered her upper
body but she had never felt more naked. "I just wanted to thank you--" Her face reddened again
and all she wanted to do was escape. "But really, thank you, I love it. I'm going to start getting
ready for work."

The bathroom door opened and closed again and Yoona sighed out the breath she was holding. If
the universe had any mercy on her, it'd turn back time, just a few minutes and erase this memory.

Obviously, the universe would never be so kind to her.

The Golden Fox's doors opened at eight but Yuri wouldn't start spinning till midnight, or eleven,
depending on how many people showed up.

It was past nine when Tiffany arrived. She hadn't been able to see Yuri DJ at the Golden Fox
because of school but she finally had some free time. The layout of the club was unfamiliar and
she had no clue where Yuri could be so she walked to the closest person who was an employee,
the bartender.

"Do you know where the DJ might be?"

The chick made no response to Tiffany's appearance besides the gentle bobbing of her head as
she peeled a tangerine. Tiffany didn't see the headphones in the bartender's ears.

"Hey, are you deaf?"

Tiffany didn't like being ignored. It was like ignoring a small fire--leave it unnoticed for too long
and it'd only grow bigger. Tiffany grabbed some peanuts out of the small bowl on the counter
and aimed for the bartender's head. The peanut bounced off the blonde hair and dropped to the
floor.

"What the hell is your problem?" Jessica asked, pulling out an earphone.

"My problem? Aren't you supposed to be working?"

Tiffany's tone did not humor Jessica. A peanut was thrown at her; Tiffany shouldn’t have
anticipated a warm welcome.

"Why, are you the new bitch in charge?"

Tiffany still had peanuts in her hand and she was not afraid to use them.

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"I don't have time for this. Just tell me where the DJ is."

It would be mean to send the bitch to Yuri but Jessica sure as hell didn't want her sticking around
the bar. She pointed to the left corner of the club.

"She should be there."

Tiffany smirked, satisfied she got an answer but didn't know what to think of the same smirk on
Jessica's face. "Thanks for not being completely useless, Barbie."

"Sure thing, Cruella."

The new nickname would have been hilarious if Tiffany didn't already hate Jessica.

Jessica returned to peeling her tangerine, her crossed leg swinging happily. She hummed the
song playing on her mp3 player and ate a slice, just as Tiffany clacked back to the bar.

"That was a supply closet!"

"Oops." There was nothing that showed Jessica was even a tiny bit remorseful for misdirecting
Tiffany. "My mistake."

Worse than being ignored, Tiffany hated being played for a fool. Her hand slid down the bar to
the bowl of peanuts. A flick of her finger and the bowl, and its contents, toppled and spilled over
Jessica's pristine bar.

"Oops, my mistake."

Tiffany sauntered away and all Jessica could do was gape at the mess she'd have to clean.

There was a wall forming between them. Yoona hated it. She couldn't apologize without
explaining why, Yuri would only glance at her before turning, and even Donghae and Taeyeon
fled upon seeing the distraught couple, like there was some sign planted on their foreheads.

Yuri was lying on the couch, reading a magazine. The club had a separate room just for the DJ
since the previous one had insisted for extra space so as not to stifle his creativity and Jiyong
never got around to using the room for storage. Yuri didn't need a room all to herself but the
privacy and quiet was not something she'd refuse. She was in the middle of an article when
Yoona appeared over the magazine.

"What are you reading?"

"About some director."

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Yoona's necklace dangled near a page and Yuri lowered the magazine to get a better look at it. It
seemed smaller than she remembered, or maybe Yoona had just grown.

"You're mad at me," Yoona stated, sitting on Yuri's legs now that the magazine was out of the
way.

"No, I'm not--"

"You'll find out soon. I'll tell you."

Yuri hadn't the faintest clue what Yoona was referring to but she didn't care, she just wanted
them to go back to before the incident in Yuri's room. She made an attempt to move but got
nowhere when Yoona lied down on top of her.

"You shouldn't worry." The magazine's spine bent in Yuri's tightening fist as Yoona put a hand
on Yuri's hip, hooking her fingers in the jeans. "I think about it all the time." Yoona kissed Yuri's
throat, moved lower and mumbled into the spot right above Yuri's heart. "I want you so much,
you have no idea."

With a nudge of her hand, Yuri brought Yoona to her lips and kissed her, no longer caring about
what bothered them before. She lifted her leg, pulling Yoona closer with it.

"Then show me."

"Finally."

After searching the place, Tiffany found the employee's lounge, which led to the spare room,
marked for the DJ. She opened the door and saw Yuri in Yoona's lap, so picture perfect, like
those couples featured on the covers of magazines.

"You know sometimes distance is a good thing in a relationship. It makes the heart grow fonder
and all that nonsense."

"When you call it nonsense it really doesn't make it convincing," Yuri said, as Tiffany walked to
the other side of the room where there was another, smaller sofa. Both Yoona and Yuri stared at
the girl's legs, each step hiking up Tiffany's dress teasingly.

"This place loses its allure when you have someone providing free entrance," Tiffany said with
amounting boredom, looking up at the ceiling and the various posters on the wall.

Yoona and Yuri turned to each other with accusatory looks, but neither had an excuse. They
shrugged and silently admitted Tiffany was like a painting--sometimes it was just nice to look at.

A buzz sounded from Yuri and Yoona jumped up, throwing Yuri off of her.

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Tiffany paused in the middle of flipping a page of the fashion magazine she was browsing
through to look at them, her eyes going back and forth between the two.

"It was my phone," Yuri explained from the floor, giving Yoona a weird look. "It's from Jiyong.
He needs to talk to me about something. I'll be right back."

Yuri left, taking the comfortable atmosphere with her, but that didn't faze Yoona or Tiffany.
They were used to dealing with awkwardness and frankly, didn't care.

"Yuri's phone vibrates really well, doesn't it?"

Yet, Tiffany always had an advantage, always knew exactly what to say to make Yoona squirm.
Yoona didn't humor Tiffany with an answer and just fumed on the couch.

"Wanna kiss?"

Tiffany had Yoona bumbling for words, as usual, until she looked at the girl and saw the
chocolate in her hand.

"Yea, sure. Thanks."

Yoona missed Tiffany's amused smile and caught the Kiss. That was the extent of their
conversation and they ate their chocolate in silence.

"You wanted to see me?"

Jiyong waved Yuri in. His office was twice as big as Seunghyun's and it was still odd seeing
Jiyong's face whenever she had to go see her boss. Spinning at the Golden Fox was an amazing
opportunity but Yuri felt detached from it--the celebrities, the expensive alcohol, the clothes. It
was like that game, which one of these is different from the others, and Yuri would always be
picked.

"That motorcycle you drive, is it yours?"

"It is."

"How long have you been riding it?"

The questions were out of the blue and Yuri wondered why Jiyong was suddenly interested.

"A few years."

"Seunghyun mentioned you dabbled with motocross a while back."

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She had, but the novelty had worn off quickly. Too much dirt and physical strain. Jiyong eyed
her carefully, like he was debating about something, and Yuri noticed the small index card he
was twirling on his desk.

"He also mentioned to direct you to some quick cash flow if I found anything. I think I found
something."

The card flew across his desk and landed near the edge. Yuri took the paper and saw an address
and telephone written on it.

"I have a friend who sets up races. Most of the participants are suits going through a midlife
crisis and want some fun. Practically none of them have any experience and you do."

It wasn't an uncommon thing. Yuri had heard of underground races but hadn't ever considered
them, even for fun. They were dangerous, physically and legally.

"Aren't these things illegal?"

"Aren't all fun things?" Yuri didn't share the same opinion. "It's just a suggestion. Think of it as a
last way out, if things get really bad."

Yuri wouldn't let it come to that. She thanked him anyway and put the card in her pocket, with
plans on trashing it as soon as she could.

It didn't take long before Tiffany became bored. She left Yoona alone in the room and headed
back to the bar, forgetting that Barbie was manning it. The girl was completing some ritzy drink,
the liquid green.

Jessica moved down the bar once she was finished and upon recognizing Tiffany, the smile she'd
greet her customers with disappeared. She had learned trying to be nice to Tiffany was like
looking into the eyes of Medusa.

"What was that last drink you made?"

"Apple martini."

Tiffany wasn't partial to martinis but she hadn't ever tried an apple one. "Fine, I'll have that."

"I need to see your ID."

Tiffany let out a short laugh. Surely, Barbie must have been kidding; Tiffany hadn't been ID'ed
since her senior year of high school, but the blank eyes that stared back at her were resolute.
Tiffany shoved her driver's license in front of Jessica.

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"Happy?"

Jessica looked over it. It seemed Cruella did have a name and age and wasn't a demon. She took
her sweet time making the drink, much to Tiffany's irritation. When Tiffany did get the drink,
she wanted it to taste horrible, but it didn't.

"It tastes like a green Jolly Rancher."

Jessica put her elbows on the bar and leaned forward. Her smile was full of pride and kind of
adorable. But Tiffany didn't think it was special; Barbies were supposed to look like that.

"Sweet, but tart. It's my favorite."

Tiffany didn't care. She turned away and towards the crowd, surveying it for any potential
suitors. Picking up someone at a club was cake for Tiffany but she wasn't really in the mood for
small talk. The routine game did nothing for her anymore.

Upstairs, she saw Yoona, her mouth opened to its limit, laughing about something and Yuri next
to her, buckled at the waist, laughing along. Her professor would have been so proud of Tiffany
if he knew she actually helped Yoona and Yuri, rather than going along with her original plan,
which was more exciting but possibly more messy.

She downed the rest of the martini and left. Yuri had finished her set and there was no reason for
her to stay.

Jessica was no psychologist but she was a bartender, someone surrounded by people day in, day
out and had learned to observe people quite well. She looked to where Tiffany had been staring
intently before and saw the couple.

"Huh," was all she could say before someone flagged her down and she forgot about it all. She
shouldn't have cared anyway.

wonderfall vs. wonderwall

Yuri had two books opened at her dining room table, scratching away at filling paper.

"You looking for another poem for me?"

There was a bag of dried apricots in Yoona's hands, the plastic crinkling whenever she took one
out.

"Not really, because I'm scared you're going to become completely conceited," Yuri replied,
ducking her head to hide a grin.

Yoona pulled out a chair, frowning at Yuri's comment. She wasn't that conceited. Was she?
183
"Oh, Yoona," Yoona paused in sitting, her hand gripping the chair, "could you not sit there?"

The chair looked fine, not wobbly or dirty.

"Why not?"

"My mom sat there." Yuri put her head down, her voice faint. "I just--no one's sat there since the
accident."

Yoona took the other seat next to Yuri and glanced at the chair at the head of the table, picturing
a ghost sitting there.

"Where'd your dad sit?"

Yuri pointed with her pen to the chair across from them and Yoona made sure to never sit there
either.

"Your parents are the reason why I never liked playing at my house when we were younger." It
was a random thing to say, but Yoona wanted to share it. "Your mom and dad never left you
alone. One of them was always here, to look after us."

But it hadn't been that way for years.

Yuri straightened her watch to see the time and began closing the books. Her uncle had asked her
to come to the garage since it was short staffed again and work would start in less than an hour.

"I have to go. You can stay, though you'll probably bore yourself to death if you do."

Yuri put on a smile but Yoona didn't believe it.

Yoona felt like she crossed an invisible line and because she did, Yuri had to retreat and
recuperate. It wasn't what she had intended, but when it came to Yuri's parents, she might have
been over her head.

The house, when Yoona left for Yuri's that morning, was quiet but there was laughter now and it
wasn't Jiyoung's laugh either, it was her father's. It was like stepping into the Twilight Zone.

"Yoona, you're home. I was making a sandwich for Jiyoung, would you like one too?"

There was a mess on the kitchen counter, one Yoona hadn't ever seen. Not because it was so bad,
it wasn't, but no one except Yoona used the kitchen to make food.

"No, thanks." He dipped the knife into a jar and slathered something on two slices of bread as
she asked, "What were you laughing at?"

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"Jiyoung's drawing. It's on the refrigerator."

The fridge was plastered with Jiyoung's drawings, but the one in the middle was new. From the
cloaks and scarves Yoona guessed it was a Harry Potter drawing.

"She said she wanted to be a wizard when she grew up and took a twig from the front lawn,
casting spells on everything."

Yoona imagined it and smiled to herself. A couple of days ago, Jiyoung told her she wanted to be
an astronaut because of Buzz Lightyear. The kid changed professions almost every day of the
week.

Simply to supervise, Yoona sat at the breakfast table and observed her father. It would be his
first entire week at home that day and Yoona wondered if he was itching to leave, just waiting
for his phone to ring with work.

"Jiyoung doesn't like tomatoes," Yoona told him as he held the fruit. He put it away but she
wasn't finished. "Also, she likes the crust. You didn't need to cut it off."

His hands were suspended in the air, looking at the half-made sandwich like it was completely
ruined. He was trying and Yoona was compelled to pity him.

"But if you top the sandwich with a toothpick and an olive, she probably won't notice."

He looked at her quizzically, his voice full of skepticism.

"She likes olives?"

"No, but she saw it in a commercial once and thought it looked cool."

He nodded, like it made perfect sense. For a five year old, it did.

With that done, Yoona got out of her seat to leave but her father wasn't ready to let her go. He
just wanted a few more minutes with her, even if it was spent in silence.

"How are you enjoying your break?"

She leaned on the wall next to the threshold, one foot in the kitchen and the other in the dining
room, like if need be, she could make a run for it.

"It's fine."

If he wanted to make small talk, she wasn't going to make it easy.

"You've been going out a lot. I hope you aren't getting yourself into any trouble," he said in a
light tone, not to be taken seriously but Yoona wouldn't give him a break.

185
"I'm not." Then, added, hoping her words were like a knife in an open wound, "I've been with
Yuri."

He nodded, grimly, his lips pursed tightly, as if he was restraining himself from saying anything.

The lack of response confused Yoona, almost to the point of anger because one minute he was
telling her she wasn't allowed to be with Yuri and now he was acting like it didn't matter
anymore.

"That's it? Nothing you want to say?"

The wrinkles around his eyes seemed deeper than she could remember and he looked like a man
who had come back from war.

"I don't think you'd listen," he said with a smile, because he didn't want to fight.

"Right." She turned and muttered, "I don't know why I thought you'd care."

But he had heard the words clearly.

"I'm trying, Yoona!" The outburst kept her from moving further. "I'm trying to be understanding
and see it through your perspective, but everything I do is wrong. I go to work and you think it's
because I want to avoid you; I try to talk to you about Khun and you claim I don't know anything
about your relationship; I leave you and Yuri alone and you say that I don't care. What do you
want me to do?"

Maybe there was an appropriate answer to his question, but right now, Yoona didn't have it.

"I don't know."

"Donghae, do you know what we're supposed to do with this?"

They stood in front of a car, staring at the tubes and wires and bulging plastic, completely
clueless. Donghae tapped a yellow cover on the bottom left corner.

"This looks important."

"That's the washer fluid."

He put his face closer for a better view.

"Oh, I get it, the little fountain thingy is the liquid."

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Only Donghae, son of a mechanic, would have about as much knowledge on cars as he did on
basketball. He never made an effort to learn, cars never interested him, but he hung around the
garage often since Yuri was there.

"Why does Uncle Lee still think you know anything about cars?"

She let out a long yawn, hiding it with a hand before going to the phone to tell a proper mechanic
to look at the car. The phone beeped with a busy signal. She could walk to the office, but she
could always try again in another minute or two as well.

"You seem more tired now that you've moved back to your house than when you were at
Yoona's."

Usually, she had no trouble juggling school, work and the club but Jiyong made her DJ every
night, until dawn. When she found time to sleep during the day, she would have work at the
garage or Yoona would show. Not that Yuri minded; the girl had ways of keeping Yuri awake.

"You're supposed to get more rest this week. It's why it's called a vacation."

Yuri slouched in the chair, arms crossed and closed her eyes but was interrupted from any
possible napping when her phone buzzed violently in her back pocket.

Donghae watched her and the smile that spread until her cheeks strained and her teeth showed.

"Yoona?" he questioned, without a hint of doubt.

Yuri looked over the text and shook her head at the words. Her eyes shut again but that smile
was still there.

"No, Tiffany."

The correction threw off Donghae. He didn't expect Tiffany to magically evaporate into thin air
after Yuri and Yoona got together but he had thought Tiffany would slowly and gradually fade
from Yuri's life, but it was like nothing between Yuri and Tiffany had changed.

"Yoona doesn't care you guys spend so much time with each other?"

"No," Yuri said firmly, but after a moment's silence the question settled and the worry in it
annoyed her. "Why would she care?"

"You can be so blind sometimes, Yul. Imagine Nichkhun started popping up everywhere,
hanging out with Yoona like they never broke up."

"But they did." She wouldn't let Donghae's paranoid mind affect her. "Anyway, even if she did, I
trust her."

187
Donghae rolled his eyes.

"Fine, maybe you would, but the rest of us aren't as trustworthy, always giving everyone the
benefit of the doubt. Some of us get jealous and insecure." Yuri drew her eyebrows together,
unhappy with what Donghae was saying. "You and Tiffany weren't some high school fling. And
as happy as I am for you about Yoona, I always thought you'd end up with her. You two
just...fit."

Funny thing was, Yuri always thought she'd end up with Tiffany too. A year after Yoona and
Yuri stopped speaking, Yuri gave up hope and pushed Yoona into the back of her mind. She
didn't forget about her, that was near impossible, but Tiffany filled the gaping void Yoona left.

"I already told Yoona I wasn't in love with Tiffany."

He made a face as if she told him the sky was purple.

"If it wasn't love then what was it?"

First Sooyoung badgered Yuri about this, now Donghae. She rubbed her eyes and covered them
with a hand, feeling like the increasing lack of sleep hit her all at once and when she spoke,
Donghae didn't know if he heard exhaustion or uncertainty.

"It was something close to love. Close."

"You shouldn't be out here. You're going to get sick."

Yoona lifted her head and pulled her sweater over her knees as Yuri walked around the pool. It
was cold but definitely not as cold as it should have been and Yoona wanted to take advantage of
the warm winter. After her talk with her father she played with Jiyoung for a while, then came
down to rest on the lawn chairs.

"I'll survive," Yoona said, moving to make space for Yuri. They curled up together on the lawn
chair and Yuri instantly closed her eyes, her head resting against Yoona's warm shoulder.

"What'd you do today?" Yuri asked after a quick yawn.

"Nothing much. Jiyoung has a picture she wants to show you."

"Another interpretation of the Muppet cast?"

"No, Harry Potter this time."

Yuri smiled into Yoona's sweater.

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"If she keeps this up she'll have a portfolio by the time she goes to school."

The number of Jiyoung's drawings far surpassed a portfolio. She could start a gallery with them.

"Was the garage busy?"

Yoona jerked when Yuri put a freezing hand under her clothes and on her stomach for warmth.

"No."

Thankfully, because in two hours she needed to go to the club. Yuri's fingernails delicately
scraped across Yoona's stomach and once they reached her hip, Yuri hugged her, like the closer
she'd get to Yoona, the further her thoughts would be from Tiffany.

"Who was your first kiss Yoong?"

"Khun." She didn't elaborate, because if she was honest, she had forgotten about it. When she
kissed Yuri, it wiped every other kiss from her memory. "You?"

"Tiffany...but it would have been you."

Yoona moved her head and tried to look at Yuri's face but Yuri was too tired to open her eyes
and raise them to Yoona's.

"What? When?"

"I was thirteen, I think. We were coming back from the woods and it started raining and--" it
played like a movie behind Yuri's eyelids, so vivid that she could smell the rain and hear the
thunder, "--and I realized I wanted to kiss you."

Yoona remembered but she always thought she was imagining things, that it was all in her head.

"Why didn't you?"

"The timing wasn't right, we were just kids, I was scared you'd never speak to me again, a
combination of all three. You pick." Yuri was reduced to mumbling, her conscious fading into
sleep. "But I don't think about that moment, because I'd be trapped in it, forever, thinking, what
if. I don't want to be trapped, at least not in a what if. There are better places to be trapped in."

Getting trapped anywhere seemed horrible but Yoona thought of the library, and maybe it
wouldn't be so bad if she was with the right person. She stretched her legs out and retrieved her
phone to look at the time. It wasn't cold and they had more than an hour so Yoona gave Yuri
some peace and let her sleep.

189
"Are you the only bartender here, Barbie? Shouldn't you give someone else a chance to be a
glorified waiter?"

Business was slow as it was early and Jessica was eating a tangerine again, awaiting the rush but
instead got Cruella.

"Was that supposed to be funny? Am I supposed to laugh?"

"If you had any sense of humor and were human, you would, but Barbies are made of plastic,
right?"

Jessica threw a piece of tangerine peel to the floor angrily and stood, putting her face close to
Tiffany's. Tiffany could smell the fruit as Jessica spoke.

"Don't you have Dalmatians to slaughter?"

A tingle of satisfaction sparked in Tiffany. She liked riling up Jessica; the girl hit back as hard as
Tiffany hit and Tiffany found it almost as fun as shopping.

"Spots aren't really my thing, Barbie."

The nickname was getting old and Jessica never really liked it in the first place.

"My name's Jessica."

Tiffany liked Barbie better. A guy at the end of the bar caught Tiffany's eye but he was walking
away and she was losing interest in their chat.

"Uh-huh, sure thing, Barbie."

Jessica watched as Tiffany dismissed her, like Jessica had as much worth as the gum under the
barstools. She looked for something to occupy her before she threw a half eaten tangerine at
Tiffany's head. The wet rag slammed onto the counter and she wiped furiously, muttering like a
crazed person.

"God, that girl is unbelievable. She's so, so--"

Her hand squeezed at the rag, water seeping from between her fingers. She couldn't find an
appropriate adjective to describe the bane of her existence that was Tiffany Hwang.

"Frustrating?" Yuri finished for Jessica. She had overheard their conversation and sympathized
with the blonde.

"She's such a complicated and unrelenting ball of sarcastic anger. I've never met anyone like
her."

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Yuri liked Jessica. The girl was nice without being a pushover and knew when to stand her
ground. But it took a lot of patience to understand Tiffany and Jessica appeared to be running out
of it.

"I know it doesn't seem like it's worth it now but she's an amazing person once you get to know
her."

"That's great and all, but how am I supposed to get to know her when all she does is bark insults
at me?"

Yuri sat on the barstool, breathing in deeply like she was about to bestow some sage knowledge
upon Jessica.

"Never tell her that she looks good or hot or pretty--she knows she's sexy and doesn't need your
opinion. Don't give her your life story and expect something in return. She gets bored easily and
likes people who are difficult to read. She loves beer but she'll never drink it in public because
beer isn't classy. She hates exercising but loves running. She loves all kinds of music, there's
nothing she doesn't listen to and if you find something she hasn't heard before, she'll be
impressed. You'll know when she's in a bad mood but you'll never know when she's in a good
one. Don't assume anything about her and most importantly, when she smiles and I don't mean
the sarcastic smirks or suggestive grins or that fake smile she does whenever she wants
something--when it's real and trust me, you'll know it when you see it--do not stare for too long."

Yuri was absolutely serious, like she was warning Jessica about a bomb threat.

"Why not?"

"Because you'll never want to see anything else."

They stared at each other, the atmosphere rigid and stifling, before Jessica laughed, a much
needed release in the midst of all the tension.

"You sound like you're her number one fan. Why don't you just date her?"

Yuri looked away, but her expression did nothing to disguise the obvious and what she wanted to
hide. Everything turned much more interesting for Jessica.

"Why are you giving me a guide on dating her?"

Yuri grinned and nodded to her right without taking her eyes off Jessica.

"You're probably much better than him."

Jessica turned her head to the right and saw Tiffany draped over some guy. He didn't look
appealing but somehow, with Tiffany on his arm, he could have been a model. Tiffany was like a
human cherry--put it on top and it automatically made something better.

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"Don't hate her just yet," Yuri advised, sliding off the chair and then leaving with a weary smile.

Jessica scoffed and looked back to Tiffany and the guy, who were at each other mouths like
hungry animals now. She wanted to believe Yuri, but Tiffany had painted herself in such vile
colors Jessica wasn't sure she could see her any differently.

The advice was appreciated, but nevertheless, much too late.

easy come, easy (let me) go

Yoona scanned her DVDs, searching for something she, Yuri and Jiyoung could watch. She went
through each DVD twice, all seventy-eight of them before picking The Lion King. The movie
was a classic and not to mention her favorite; till this day, Mufasa's death still made her cry.

Jiyoung and Yuri were talking when she left to get a movie but it was strangely quiet now. She
walked down the stairs, reading the back cover and talking absentmindedly.

"Did you know The Lion King was made in 1994? It doesn't--"

On the bottom step, she stopped, both talking and walking, and got a glimpse of Jiyoung swiping
something behind her back, face stricken with fear. Her eyes then went to Yuri, sleeping on the
couch.

"Why does Yuri unnie sleep with her tongue out?" Jiyoung asked in an attempt to distract
Yoona.

Yoona walked closer to them, almost dropping the movie once she got a clear view of Yuri. Her
laughter burst through her words but she tried hard to be serious in front of Jiyoung and used a
stage whisper.

"Why did you draw on Yuri unnie's face?!"

Jiyoung shook her head, more guilt than fear now creasing her babyish features.

"I'm sorry, unnie! Please don't be mad."

How could Yoona be mad when she was on the verge of laughing her lungs out? In addition to
the hilarious sight of Yuri sticking her tongue out, Jiyoung had drew a moustache, thin lines
extending to Yuri's cheeks then curving at the end like something out of a pirate movie.

Yoona put a fist to her mouth and turned from Jiyoung so she wouldn't see her smiling. When
she composed herself, she turned back to her sister, her words cold and demanding.

"Go up to your room right now and no TV."

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Jiyoung said a quiet sorry to Yuri before marching up the stairs. Yoona didn't need to follow the
girl to see if her orders were listened to. The guilt alone would be punishment enough for
Jiyoung.

Yoona thought what to do. It would have been cruel to wake Yuri since the girl barely had any
time to sleep the past few days, but Yoona wouldn't leave her with the moustache. She took a
marker and drew a zigzag line on Yuri's forehead. Before her laughter awoke Yuri she took a
post it from the den, wrote a note for Yuri to call her when she woke and stuck it to Yuri's
forehead, leaving the girl to sleep.

Tiffany didn't get why department stores always played the crappiest music. It seemed like their
entire repertoire consisted of dinky tunes her grandparents wouldn't even listen to.

Malls weren't her favorite place to shop in but she needed some kind of lip balm. There was no
worse feeling than chapped lips and considering they were her favorite part of her body, Tiffany
took care of them.

The saleslady hounded her the second she stepped in and her nasally voice made Tiffany cringe.
She bought the first balm she saw and ran out to the Starbucks a few stores down.

There was a line, so Tiffany turned to the customers sitting in their tables and booths and
imagined little stories about their lives to pass the time. Her third victim hid behind a book, but
Tiffany was too far away to see the title. Too busy trying to read the cover, she didn't
immediately see the face behind the book when the reader lowered it.

The hair color diverted her attention and she saw it was Jessica, though not in any way Tiffany
had seen. The bartender's hair was down, and blonder than Tiffany remembered but maybe that
was because she was seeing her in daylight for the first time.

"Miss? Are you ready to order?"

She got her coffee and when she left, Jessica didn't notice her.

On the way out, Tiffany paused by a toy store, their display bombarded with new Barbies.
Tiffany took two sips of her coffee before going into the store and finding an employee.

"You have those career Barbies, right?"

The mousy employee nodded, staring up at Tiffany like the goddess Athena was visiting him.

"What about Bartender Barbie?"

His face scrambled, a mess of a twisted mouth and furrowed eyebrows.

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"Bartending? That's hardly a career."

"I know, right?"

Finally, someone who agreed with her.

Since she was there she looked around, pressing the bellies of tickling Elmos and spinning a toy
that obnoxiously yelled farm animal sounds (a cow goes mooooooo!) and before leaving the
mall, she stopped by the display again. They were all of the same model, the same doll at every
turn, all legs and boobs and wide eyes and soft, perfect hair and Tiffany wished she could dump
her coffee over the glossy, pink boxes.

She gave the one closest to her a nasty glare and the doll, naturally, kept her plastic smile and
rosy cheeks.

"Stupid Barbie," Tiffany said to it and walked out, trying to forget about the stupid Barbie and its
stupid smile.

"Did you tell your parents about the pregnancy?"

The peach in Taeyeon's hand dropped to the floor, nectar spitting over hers and Yoona's shoes.
Yoona hit her shoe against the glossy supermarket tiles and the few drops rolled down. She was
thankful she wore sneakers that day.

Taeyeon gave her a wry look, bordering on angry and went to find another peach.

"There was no pregnancy, so what's the point?"

Yoona slung her arms over the grocery cart lazily, tailing Taeyeon.

"It's kind of a big deal though, isn't it? I mean, you almost had a baby."

"Key word being almost. It didn't happen and it's not going to happen anytime soon."

Taeyeon turned over a new peach several times before dropping it in a bag and continued along
the other fruits. Yoona wondered if Taeyeon knew Donghae wanted to propose, but she kept it to
herself because if not, then Taeyeon deserved to hear it from Donghae, not Yoona.

Yoona pushed the cart until she caught up with Taeyeon.

"Were you scared of telling him?"

Taeyeon let out a breath of a laugh and smiled, but Yoona thought if circumstances were
different there would have been no smile.

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"Yes. Terrified."

They walked through the aisles, stopping every so often so Taeyeon could drop something into
the cart. A metal can of corn banged and rolled to a corner as Yoona kept asking.

"What did you do to get over the fear?"

"I didn't."

"Wait, I don't get it."

This wasn't the kind of talk people had during grocery shopping and Taeyeon was about to tell
Yoona that but when she looked at the girl, there was a certain need there, like Taeyeon was the
only one who could possibly help her. So Taeyeon explained as best as she could.

"The fear was always there-- when I found out, when I called him and told him to come over so
we could talk, when he sat on my bed and started rambling because he thought I was going to
break up with him, and even when I told him. It was always there."

It was the first time Taeyeon was recalling it since it happened. She had gotten a second chance
and there wasn't a morning when she woke up knowing how different her life could have been.

"What made you go through with it?

"He would have been the father, but mostly, because I trusted him. At that point I knew I had
nothing to lose by telling him. He'd find out eventually and if he would be a dirtbag about it, I'd
rather him out of my life then and there."

Yoona nodded, but her face showed no indication of peace. Taeyeon took a wild stab as to what
the problem might have been and hoped she hit somewhere close.

"Yuri's a lot like Donghae. They're both very understanding."

That seemed to relieve Yoona more than anything and Taeyeon smiled, hoping Yoona would
catch on and she did, her smile smaller but not anywhere less significant.

"Are you sure you don't want any help?"

"Yoona, you've already done enough. Thank you for driving me around." Yoona stuck her head
out the sunroof and watched Taeyeon take the groceries from the trunk. "Put your head back in
the car."

"I'm fine, it's in park."

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Taeyeon put the bags on the sidewalk in front of her house and leaned to the passenger window
as Yoona sat normally in the seat.

"I know Yuri called you. Your foot's probably on the gas already."

It was the truth and Yoona revved the car to prove it.

"Are you and Donghae coming to the Golden Fox tonight?"

"I think we're going to skip it. Too much partying this week. We've only got a few days left so
we want to do something less exciting."

Yoona would have liked to do that too, but Yuri had to DJ and even though it was becoming
monotonous, she wanted to support Yuri. It was that, or spend the nights in her room, by herself.

"Yuri was right, you two are like a married couple."

Taeyeon laughed a sarcastic haha and gathered the groceries. Once she was inside, Yoona put
the car in drive and left Taeyeon's street with screeching tires.

Yuri felt hands. A bit demanding as they roughly threw off her shirt and pulled at her hair but
when she reached for them, they were soft and their palms were hot against hers when she
twined her fingers with them.

Her head throbbed above her right temple and the pain forced her to stop the kiss. Through the
hazy smog she saw twists and swirls until she recognized a mouth, nose, chin and finally eyes as
they stared back at her, irises black.

Tiffany smiled, wickedly, and it drugged every sense in Yuri's body. She kissed Yuri again, and
Yuri tried to push Tiffany off but it was like her hands went right through Tiffany. There was
nothing she could grab a hold of; Tiffany's body was ghostly, fading in and out, unlike the girl's
mouth, which felt undeniably real.

Yuri surrendered, falling and soon drowning in Tiffany's kiss and hands.

Her shrieking phone awoke her. She searched the room for Tiffany as if her dream might turn
into a horrible reality. She was already losing fragments of it and by the time she sat up, half of it
was gone from her memory. The loss wasn't complete and that was disappointing, because she
would have gladly have forgotten such a nightmare.

The ringtone was Yoona's and Yuri picked up the phone on the last ring.

"Were you still sleeping?"

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Yuri's voice would probably be thick and groggy so she cleared her throat before talking.

"Yea, but I needed to wake up so it's okay. I'm at the Golden Fox already. Jiyong got new
speakers and he needed me to do a test run."

"I'm on my way."

Yuri still had the phone next to her ear when Yoona hung up, telling the low beep of the dial
tone, "Get here soon, Yoona."

The dream haunted her until well after Yoona arrived and Yuri latched onto the girl, the guilt so
stifling it choked all explanations in the middle of Yuri's throat.

Since Yoona stepped inside the room, she worried. Yuri's eyes, covered by heavy eyelids
worried her and when Yuri curled up by Yoona's waist to hold her, Yoona worried more.

"I had this nightmare and it just-- it felt so real."

No person would tell Yuri she was cheating, because it was a dream, something illogical her
mind conjured, but then what of the guilt that swallowed every faithful beat of her heart?

"What was it about?"

Yuri couldn't tell Yoona. If Donghae was right, if Yoona was envious of Tiffany, then this would
only add fuel to the fire.

"It's not important anymore," Yuri said, sitting up and looking at Yoona. Yoona's worry was
evident, Yuri could tell from the girl's upturned eyebrows, asking questions and begging for
answers all at once.

Yuri kissed her and with each sharp intake of air the dream slowly evaporated until Yoona was
all she could feel and taste. Yuri wouldn't speak of it, but her kiss screamed of love, love for only
Yoona.

It wasn't long before the room came alive with laughs and giggles. Yoona showed her reluctance
with furtive, offhand questions, trying to pry it out of Yuri but Yuri was just as persistent. For
every question or worried glance Yuri kissed her and they were like straight shots of vodka, each
one warping Yoona's attention, and soon she was drunk on Yuri.

As they sat on the couch, passing the time before Yuri had to go, Yoona brought out her hand
from her folded arms and lightly grazed her finger across Yuri's forehead, remembering the bold
mark.

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"I hope it didn't take you too long to get the marker off your face."

Yuri could always appreciate a good prank.

"It wasn't too bad."

Thinking she got away with the scribble she did, Yoona sighed like the matter was out of her
hands.

"I told Jiyoung it was a bad thing to do, but I can't suppress the artist in her Yuri. It might make
her like that one painter who cut off his ear."

However, Yuri wasn't as uninformed as Yoona thought she was.

"The moustache, yea, but she told me the masterpiece here belonged to you," Yuri said, pointing
to her forehead. "She called me Yuri Potter, Yoong."

Yoona laughed, its sound drawing a laugh out of Yuri as well.

One of Jiyong's assistants knocked and entered, reminding Yuri she started in fifteen minutes.
Yuri went, pulling herself away from Yoona by force.

In the empty room, Yoona put her hand over where her burn mark was and vowed not to let it
control her anymore.

The metal steps clanged as Yuri jogged up to get to the booth, rolling her shoulders to relax
them. Through the spaces in the stairs she saw Tiffany, her face aglow as the lights flashed
intermittingly and her movement timed in short bursts as she lazily brought a glass to her mouth.

Yuri waited for a sign, something to tell her what to do, but nothing came and in the fog clogged
room, Yuri started to see things clearly. She ran down the steps and pushed through people to get
to Tiffany.

Her entrance was anything but graceful, she practically fell into Tiffany's lap but the proximity
let her voice her question without yelling.

"Can we talk?"

Tiffany set the drink down and followed. They got as far away from the speakers as they could
and went to the hallway near the front of the club. It was the same place Yuri and Yoona fought
before Khun showed all those months ago and despite the anger she felt then, she could smile at
the memory now.

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"I love you," Yuri told Tiffany and later, when Tiffany would think back to this moment, she'll
wish she would have stopped Yuri there or just walked out. Anything to keep herself from
hearing what Yuri said next. "I love you but not like I love Yoona. I don't regret us. I don't regret
the way we were or how we were; we had fun. I know you never felt the same, but now I'm kind
of glad you didn't. I probably would have never looked at Yoona twice if I was with you. I love
you, Tiffany, but I want you to know I'm done trying. I'm letting go."

Yuri smiled so happily, and Tiffany felt like whatever was left of their relationship had truly
been severed. Tiffany remained motionless when Yuri hugged her and stayed that way after Yuri
said something about work but Tiffany didn't hear any of it.

Reality reappeared in a startling snap when someone bumped into her and sent her into a wall.
She walked out of the club, but her legs didn't feel her own and even in the freezing weather she
felt like she was still in that club and Yuri was still telling her little speech. In that alternate
world Tiffany did remember to breathe and remembered to say, "You never had to try."

Jessica flicked her cigarette to the ground and blew the smoke toward the stars, watching it do
nothing to dim their twinkling. A rasp down the alley put her head back down and made her eyes
strain for the source in the dark. It might have been a rat or a stray cat, but for as long as Jessica
had worked here, she had never seen either. The sound repeated, much closer to Jessica.

"Someone there?"

A figure crept closer and Jessica became partly relieved it wasn't a rabid animal but Tiffany.
Although, Tiffany sometimes was like a rabid animal.

"Aren't you supposed to be turning people into alcoholics right now?"

"Alcohol isn't the only thing I serve."

Tiffany snorted and leaned on the vibrating wall of the club.

"Alcohol is the only thing worth serving."

The usual bite in Tiffany's voice was gone and Jessica thought it was the most morbid thing she
had ever heard Tiffany say. She watched Tiffany retrieve something from her purse and rub it
across her lips. The substance made them shine.

Jessica reached to the side and pulled out two beer bottles from the crate of the new shipment
that came that afternoon. She lifted one to Tiffany, already prepared for the look of disgust
Tiffany shot her.

"I don't drink beer."

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Jessica smiled knowingly and snapped off the cap skillfully with the other bottle in one quick try.

"Yea you do. There's no one here but us. Indulge."

Tiffany took the bottle and drank, enjoying the burn in her chest from the onslaught of the
carbonated drink. "This doesn't make us friends or anything. I still hate you, Barbie."

Jessica used another bottle to open hers and made herself comfortable against the brick wall. She
smiled, Tiffany's response amusing her more than irritating her.

"Right back at ya, Cruella."

Yuri didn't bother turning off her bike and tilted it marginally as Yoona got off. They took off
their helmets and Yuri opened her mouth to say goodbye but Yoona was quicker.

"Come inside."

"It's late Yoong, I'll come over tomorrow."

The air was dry and cold and Yoona was not in the mood for negotiation.

"A few minutes. Please."

Yuri gave in and cut the engine, leaving it on Yoona's roundabout driveway. They went straight
to Yoona's room and Yuri didn't allow herself to go in any further than Yoona's desk because if
she sat, on anything, there was a good chance she would fall asleep. It was probably the lack of
focus but she didn't think twice when Yoona closed the door and locked it.

Yoona put her coat away, still jittery (more from nerves than cold now) and flicked the switch on
her lamp, thinking of the best way to do this.

"I need to tell you something. Or, rather show you."

The solemnity that seized Yoona's voice changed Yuri's earlier decisions and she sat down next
to Yoona. Sleep wasn't a problem anymore even if the mattress was like a siren, calling her to lie
down.

Yoona stood to unzip her jeans and wiggled out of them. They dropped in a heap at her ankles
and she kicked them behind her, her right arm already positioning itself over the scar but the
whole point of this was to show it so she swallowed hard and moved her arm.

"I got this when I was six. It was cold and I wanted to make tea. I saw my mom do it hundreds of
times, it didn't look hard."

200
Yuri didn't need to hear the rest because the result of the story was on Yoona's thigh, a small
patch of skin a shade darker than the rest of Yoona's body.

"I couldn't let you see it because I didn't want you to be disgusted."

Yoona's voice was shaking slightly with fear, each syllable uttered with a tremble like they
would threaten to shatter before Yoona could speak them. The fear was still there, like Taeyeon
said, even though all Yoona had to do now was anticipate Yuri's response.

"Yoona, no." Yuri shook her head vehemently, appalled by what Yoona had said. "You're not
disgusting. How could you even say that?"

Yuri held Yoona by her hips and rested her forehead on the girl's clothed torso. She glided her
fingertips down Yoona's hip and to the burned skin. Yoona's instinct was to flee but she reined
her muscles and didn't move.

"There's not a fault in you, or a scar on you, that can change how I feel about you."

The sentence was a promise, even if Yoona didn't realize it yet.

Yuri guided Yoona to lie down and then balanced herself over her. She stretched her arms
behind her, pulling at the sleeves of her jacket while leaning down to kiss Yoona, full of an
urgency she had been restraining until now.

Yuri's belt jingled as Yoona unbuckled the clasp with frantic hands and then moved to
unbuttoning Yuri's jeans. There was nothing in their way anymore and Yoona could not wait any
longer.

It took a lot of willpower for Yuri to stop them as she wrestled with her conscience.

"Yoona we can't. Not here. Your parents--"

"Won't come in here." Yuri struggled with the idea but Yoona wasn't going to let anything stop
them. She wanted this too much. "They won't," she reassured.

Yuri lifted her upper body and Yoona almost groaned from the loss but Yuri did it only to take
off her shirt, throwing it to the side and then doing to the same to Yoona's. Yoona whimpered
when Yuri returned, not sure whether it was from the kiss or the cold belt that dug into her bare
stomach.

Yoona tried to stay calm, to control herself a little but she lost it every time Yuri so much as
touched her, innocent or otherwise. People said it was like a spark, electrical, but all Yoona felt
was fire as if her rapid breaths were propane and her sweat was gasoline. When Yuri traced the
waistband of her underwear with a thumb, her hand flew to the sheets, holding tightly.

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Yuri grinned, so aware of everything Yoona did and how her own body responded in turn. Her
voice was playful when she spoke for the final time that night.

"Try not to be too loud."

i'm not crazy (yet)

Sooyoung held her key next to the lock, her muscles frozen in perfect stillness any street
performer could admire. Her ears were trained on every sound beyond her dorm's door, listening
for either music or speech.

When she was about to give up she heard the gentle rise of a voice, building up volume with
each word. Sooyoung didn't know the song yet, but if the singing went on, she'd be able to figure
it out.

"...take good care of my baby, please don't ever make her bluuuue..."

The voice cracked at the end of the note, sounding completely despondent as if the lyrics weren't
depressing enough already. Sooyoung banged her head against the door and finally opened it.

Tiffany kept on singing and now that she had a few line's practice, she sounded impeccable.
Tragically beautiful if it were possible.

"Fany, come on, stop this. Go out in the daylight. All you've been doing is singing the Beatles for
the past four hours and not the happy songs."

"Would you like All You Need Is Love? But we both know what a load of bullshit that is."

Tiffany burrowed under her covers when Sooyoung sat on her bed.

"You're freaking me out. Can't you just tell me what it is?"

Sometimes Tiffany had her bad days and belted out some old tunes to get by but Sooyoung had
never seen it go on for four hours straight. Despite her blunt personality, Tiffany was bubbly and
seeing her like this was cause for worry. Not only that, Sooyoung had heard Tiffany come back
home when she awoke to go to class, which started at nine. Tiffany had never stayed out that
late.

"But it's so much more fun when you guess," Tiffany replied sardonically.

Sooyoungs sighed like she was the one with the problem and went to the grocery bag from the
convenience store she just returned from. She was planning on using the contents to lure Tiffany
out. It had always worked before.

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The rustling was enough to make Tiffany peep through a hole in her bunched covers. She
emerged from hiding completely when she saw the bars of chocolate spread out like a fan in
Sooyoung's hand.

"I am not below bribery," Sooyoung told her before throwing one bar to Tiffany. The girl took a
scornful bite of the chocolate and chewed. Her face went through a range of expressions, going
from revulsion to contempt and ending at misery.

"It tastes horrible, Sooyoung."

Sooyoung thought it was the candy and she ate a piece but found nothing wrong with it. The
chocolate was fine; it was Tiffany that was the problem.

"Just tell me what I can do to make it better."

Better. Tiffany rolled the word on her tongue, swashed with the fading taste of chocolate. Better
was possible, it existed, but Tiffany was nowhere near better right now and the concept was
foreign to her.

"I'm fine. I think it's the research mice we've been using. They're all antisocial and get bitter
when the team would rather hang out with the cool mice."

Sooyoung knew better than to believe Tiffany, even if she looked completely serious.

"You're crazy."

"Yea, I know," Tiffany said, collapsing back onto the bed. She turned to face the wall and took
out her phone. It wasn't five minutes that she lost to sleep with the phone opened and close to
her.

Sooyoung put the chocolate in their mini fridge and threw the plastic bag in the trash, discretely
listening for Tiffany's breathing to smooth and deepen. When it was safe she sat on the edge of
the bed and pried the phone out of Tiffany's loosened grip. The display was dark but by pressing
a random button it illuminated with a picture of Yuri, asleep. The image was horizontal and
Tiffany probably took it when she was on the bed herself, lying right next to Yuri.

Sooyoung sighed and rubbed Tiffany's shoulder with the utmost care for her best friend.

"It's always fun and games until someone falls in love, right?"

Yuri nuzzled her head deeper into the pillow, sinking further into the cotton surrounding her. The
curtains were drawn and she saw no hint of the sun. Thinking it might still be nighttime she
pulled her hand out from the covers into the cold, open air and looked at her watch. It was after
eleven in the morning.

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She pictured gray skies outside, heavy with snow, hopefully, not rain, and wanted nothing to do
with them. The little cocoon she had here was perfect and until it was absolutely necessary, she
wasn't leaving.

As tired as she was the other day, she was amazed by how relaxed she felt now. The
uncomfortable knots in her shoulders and back were gone when she reached a hand behind her to
massage the muscles. Tiffany was right yet again.

Her back curved upward in a content stretch, feeling satisfying aches in a few places. She turned
to the bundle across from her and slid closer. Yoona had her back to Yuri, hands neatly tucked
under her chin and although Yuri wanted to see her face, she didn't want to wake Yoona by
trying to turn her over or getting up. So instead Yuri played with Yoona's hair, traced a finger
along the faint outline of a shoulder blade and counted littered freckles.

But as always, Yuri got fidgety. Being as quiet as she could she picked up her strewn clothes
from around the room and once she had most of them on, she started looking for pen and paper
to leave Yoona a note. A drawer in Yoona's desk gave her both but a marker rolled out as well
and it gave her another idea.

After writing the note she returned to the bed, settling close to Yoona, and uncapped the marker
with her teeth. Using her free hand she made the skin taut so the marker wouldn't stall and
scribbled with the other.

The marker tickled Yoona and eventually woke her. Luckily, Yuri was done by the time Yoona
did.

"What are you doing?"

Yuri blew some air to dry the fresh ink.

"Payback. You didn't think you'd get away with drawing on my face, did you?"

Yoona tried to look over her shoulder, eyes half lidded in half sleep, moving her neck in each
and every way but didn't see a thing. A mirror would help but she momentarily forgot about that
when she saw Yuri.

"Why are you dressed?"

"Should I not be?"

"No, you shouldn't."

Yoona went through the chore of undressing Yuri again. If all her chores were as fun, she'd be
more inclined to do them.

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Yuri left after breakfast, or lunch considering the time, a feast of cheese sandwiches since no one
had gone shopping. To pass the time Yoona decided to go buy some food so Jiyoung wouldn't
starve but as she walked to her bedroom's bathroom to take a shower she remembered Yuri had
doodled something and skipped her room to go to Jiyoung's.

"Jiji, can you tell me what's drawn on my back?"

Yoona bunched the back of her shirt to her neck and showed it to Jiyoung.

"Words," Jiyoung told her, happy to be of help.

Yoona frowned in confusion, trying again to see what Yuri had written. Since Jiyoung couldn't
read well yet Yoona asked her sister to mimic what was written. She dropped her shirt over her
back once Jiyoung was done and thanked her.

Walking to her room, Yoona read the awkward letters and skewed sentence in bright red crayon.

I wish I could show you, when you are lonely, or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own
being.

"Come on Sooyoung! Keep up!"

Sooyoung was doubled over, hand gripping the trunk of a tree as she gasped for air. Sweat rolled
off the tip of her nose and to the ground and Sooyoung had the raging desire to kill the
weatherman who said it was supposed to be below freezing for the rest of the day. Winter was
acting like a bipolar person, switching from hot to cold whenever the hell it wanted.

The muscles in her legs ached and it felt like her heart was punching her in the chest with each
beat but she continued running. The things she did for Tiffany.

They reached the park off their campus and Tiffany stopped at a bench when Sooyoung started
lagging again.

"If you laid off all that pot maybe you wouldn't be wheezing right now."

"You are a monster. Evil," Sooyoung swallowed and tried to wet her dry throat but her tongue
roughly scratched over the roof of her mouth, "evil monster."

"There's a water fountain over there. Go drink before you dehydrate and collapse."

Tiffany did a little stretching and sat down, breathing in through her nose and out through her
mouth until her heart rate steadied. The scraggly trees next to her scratched the air with their bare
branches, shivering as the wind blew.

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"God Sooyoung, I told you to drink the water not bathe in it."

Sooyoung halfheartedly wobbled to the bench, her bangs sticking to her watered forehead. Half
of her sweater was drenched, the gray color now much darker.

"Shut up. You don't get to speak right now."

Tiffany shrugged a shoulder and took out her lip balm. It was her second tube this week, but it
smelled amazing and didn't dry in a weird way that made her lips feel like they were coated with
wax.

"Can I have some of that?"

Sooyoung took the tube from Tiffany and swiped it once over her bottom lip.

"This smells really good," she said, handing it back to Tiffany. "Like citrus. Oranges or
something."

Tiffany hadn't really thought what it smelled like but it sure as hell didn't smell like citrus.
Orange flavored lip balm seemed like the worst idea. It made no sense.

"No it doesn't," Tiffany countered, her voice close to a shout.

Sooyoung's eyebrow jumped upward at Tiffany's reaction. The girl seemed so incensed by
Sooyoung's comment.

"Fine. It smells like pineapples and wet socks, calm down."

Pineapples were a much better choice than oranges.

"Can we start running again?" Tiffany asked, putting the balm away.

"I think I'll stay here for a minute or hour longer."

Tiffany was already up, bouncing lightly on her toes. "So you can get gang banged? I don't think
so."

Their campus wasn't exactly safe after dark and with the shorter winter days, it wasn't smart to
hang out in places like the park.

"Good thing my best friend is a psychologist. You'd heal the emotional scaring and nurse me
back to mental health."

No one understood Tiffany's often sinister sense of humor like Sooyoung did. It was what made
them friends when they sat together in freshman physics class, cracking jokes over a man who

206
had his head cut off and then cryogenically frozen in hopes one day science would bring him
back to life. They had found it hilarious, much to the annoyance of their professor.

"Are you going to that club tonight, the popular one you've been going to all week?"

Combing her bangs to the side, Tiffany's expression remained neutral, almost aloof.

"I don't know. Didn't think about it."

"I haven't been anywhere so maybe we could go? Have some fun?"

The best medicine Sooyoung could think of was to go to a place where there would be no sign of
Yuri, somewhere where Tiffany could spend a night in a world Yuri didn't exist in. Tiffany didn't
see any harm in it. She didn't care.

"Sure, whatever."

Tiffany stayed by Sooyoung for another few minutes before dragging the girl to her feet and
resuming their run. She ran harder this time until the distance between her and Sooyoung turned
from meters to kilometers and her lungs threatened to explode with each breath. When she
reached their building there was a moment where she couldn't hear anything, not even her heart,
and it was the best she felt in over twenty four hours.

Yoona checked out her new tattoo in Yuri's bathroom mirror, smiling at the curved script over
her left shoulder blade. The tattoo was of the sentence Yuri had left and Yoona had to admit, it
looked gorgeous.

"Hey Yul, could you come here?"

Yuri put her mail down, half of it bills and notices of late payment. She was a bit behind but as
soon as Jiyong paid her, she would be fine.

The bathroom's door was open and Yoona stood in the middle of the room, shirtless. Yuri's eyes
widened as they traveled from Yoona's smiling face to the black words on Yoona's skin in the
mirror. Something constricted in Yuri's chest, something that felt like an impending heart attack.

"Oh God, please tell me you didn't. Tell me you didn't," Yuri cried hysterically, turning Yoona
and licking her thumb, trying to erase the tattoo. It didn't work. She turned Yoona again and took
the girl's face in her hands. "What the hell were you thinking?! These things are permanent and--
"

Yoona kept smiling. She was relishing Yuri's freak out a little too much.

"This one isn't."

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The unfaltering smile Yoona had confused Yuri and her hands left Yoona's face.

"What do you mean?"

"It's Henna. It'll wash out in a week or so."

All strength drained from her body, Yuri leaned on Yoona, bringing her arms up to hug the girl.

"Why would you scare me like that?"

The joke didn't seem so worth it anymore with Yuri sagging in Yoona's arms. Yoona brought her
hands to the back of Yuri's thighs and lifted her. Yuri clutched Yoona's neck in surprise as
Yoona easily walked to Yuri's bedroom. She never knew Yoona was strong enough to lift her
like that.

"Sorry, I just wanted to get back at you," Yoona said, setting Yuri down on the bed. "Is it really
that bad?"

Yoona moved to sit down, but Yuri caught her wrist and pulled until Yoona crawled over her.
Yoona didn't have any time to grab her shirt from the bathroom and Yuri took full advantage of
that, her hands bold in their wandering.

"I don't like the thought of it. A needle piercing your skin like that, tearing it--it's painful, and
such a vulgar way of marking yourself."

Yoona set her mouth over Yuri's, quieting the distressed girl.

"That's unfair," Yoona said, nipping on Yuri's lip, "you marked me more than once last night."

Yuri's grin was full of pride and it'd annoy Yoona if she wasn't busy trying to take off Yuri's
shirt.

"Those are temporary."

Yoona did have something she wanted to respond with but then Yuri flipped them, kissed her
senseless and Yoona forgot her tongue was meant for speech as well.

"You're drunk," Sooyoung stated, pushing Tiffany into a booth.

No, Sooyoung was wrong. There was a difference between tipsy and drunk. To get Tiffany drunk
it'd take a lot more than three shots of tequila.

"Oh please, you look worse than me and you're on your first martini."

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Sooyoung's alcohol tolerance wasn't high, much lower than Tiffany's for sure, but she was still
very much sober. They had arrived hours ago, alternating between dancing and drinking and
talking. Sooyoung hadn't known Yuri DJ'ed at the club but her conversation with Tiffany about
the matter was short.

"Why didn't you tell me she DJ'ed here? We could have gone somewhere else."

"Why? She's a good DJ."

Tiffany had looked like Sooyoung was off her rocker and Sooyoung saw nothing in Tiffany that
told the girl felt otherwise. After so many years together, Tiffany still confused Sooyoung with
her ability to be drowning in sorrow one second and the sexy bitch Sooyoung always knew her
as in the next. Tiffany took things to another level, to the point where Sooyoung liked to think
Tiffany was amazing in everything she was--amazingly confusing, amazingly beautiful,
amazingly complicated, amazingly bitchy, amazingly sexy, amazingly smart. Even if it was a
vice, Tiffany made it amazing.

"Go get me another drink," Tiffany said, a little demanding but her cute pout showed it was all in
good nature.

"You've been sending me to the bar all night. Go get it yourself."

"I don't want to see the stupid Barbie."

"Who?"

Tiffany rolled her eyes, even though she knew it wasn't Sooyoung's fault she didn't know who
Barbie was. A tall guy passed by their booth, giving Tiffany a nice smile. She forgot about the
drink and followed him.

Sooyoung could only watch. Tiffany's mood changes were beginning to give her whiplash.

Turned out the guy, as attractive as he was, had the most hilarious lisp in the world which
somehow translated into his kissing. He left after a few minutes when Tiffany couldn't stop
laughing every other second.

Enjoying the fresh air, she wandered to the side of the club and to the alleyway between
buildings. In the dark she saw a faint glow, a bright orange dot in a sea of black, and like a moth
to a flame, she followed it.

Jessica had noticed Tiffany when she was on the sidewalk, a street lamp casting heavy shadows
over Tiffany's face and then consuming her entirely as she left the light.

"You're not stalking me now--"

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When Tiffany got close, close enough for Jessica to see the girl's eyes, Jessica quickly shut up.
They twinkled in the only way eyes could after alcohol consumption but they were also
incredibly clear, sharp. The brown in Tiffany's irises was thick, almost like tar, and Jessica felt
them stricken her with immobility.

Tiffany took the cigarette from Jessica's fingers and took a long, smooth drag, never taking her
eyes off of Jessica's. She blew the smoke forward and Jessica was forced to blink her stinging
eyes. The cigarette bounced to the floor and rolled away when Tiffany tossed it, its fiery tip
dying within moments.

Jessica didn't have a reason why she stayed frozen when Tiffany raised her arm, a hand hovering
in front of Jessica's mouth. It was curiosity, probably, maybe, hopefully. Tiffany put her thumb
to Jessica's bottom lip, pressing down until her lips parted and Tiffany could feel hot breath over
the top of her hand.

"A mouth like yours shouldn't smell like an ashtray."

Jessica slapped Tiffany's hand roughly, convinced Tiffany was trying to mess with her head.

"What the hell are you doing?"

With a blink of her eyes, whatever was possessing Tiffany left, and Tiffany remembered she
hated Jessica.

"I was just saying that because you're Barbie, right? Barbies aren't supposed to smoke."

"Are you going to think of something original anytime soon? The Barbie thing stopped being
funny the first time you said it."

"This coming from the girl who stares into space like a brain dead vegetable at anything people
say."

"At least I don't whore myself out to anyone that looks at me!" Jessica yelled out, unsure if she
was angry because of Tiffany or the comment itself.

Neither of them realized they had been watching each other that week, even if it was to use the
information against each other.

"God, I can't listen to you anymore. Your banshee shrieks are going to make me tone deaf."

Tiffany stomped back to the club and fetched Sooyoung, asking to leave at once, to which
Sooyoung had no problem with, thinking it had to do with Yuri.

For the entire ride home, Tiffany stared out the window of the taxi, cursing the stupid blonde
under her breath. It was unbelievable what Jessica made her feel and do. Tiffany considered
herself mature but with Jessica she might as well passed for a bratty kindergartner.

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Tiffany identified the raving feeling Jessica produced as anger. It had to be.

no one knows it, but she saved me

Yuri turned for the umpteenth time that night, trying to find a good position but each one made
her uncomfortable. Her eyes opened to the darkened room to look at the ceiling. According to
her alarm clock it was five in the morning and usually, she was dead asleep but there were too
many things on her mind.

Grabbing her clothes, she got dressed and took her keys off the counter. The stack of unpaid bills
and notices was growing, its height begging for attention but she ignored it again and left the
house.

There was no real destination Yuri had in mind so she drove around and ended up uptown, not
far from Tiffany's campus. She parked the bike in the empty lot outside a park and began
walking. She needed to clear her head and the cold air hollowed out her worried thoughts.

She wasn't expecting to see Tiffany, but was glad to see her nonetheless when the girl was out
for a run.

"Yuri? What are you doing here?"

"I've never been to this park. It's nice."

The deflection easily stood out for Tiffany.

"Yea, it is. There's a good coffee place near the entrance. I was going to go there. Wanna come
with?"

Yuri nodded, almost too eagerly, and they set out in a normal pace.

"It's finally getting cold, huh?"

Tiffany glimpsed at Yuri from the corners of her eyes. The small talk questions and abrupt
appearance made Tiffany nervous. Anyone with eyes could see something was troubling Yuri
and now Tiffany had the task of figuring out what it was.

"It is. It makes me wonder what you're doing here at six in the morning."

Yuri hunched her shoulders, either from the cold or Tiffany's comment.

"Couldn't sleep."

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Tiffany refrained from mentioning that going to Yoona would have probably been a better choice
if Yuri was suffering from a little insomnia. It meant this had to do with Yoona or something
Yuri didn't want Yoona knowing.

They got to the shop just as it was opening and sat in a table as they waited for their coffees.
Tiffany didn't particularly like doing anything, let alone drinking coffee, after a run but for Yuri
she'd persevere.

"So did you want to talk about something, or have you just been missing me?"

In fear of sounding stupid, or maybe it was fear of crossing boundaries, Yuri wouldn't admit it
was both.

"Could you talk? About anything. Just...talk."

The request was simple but Yuri's face pleaded like a dying man pleaded for water and Tiffany
had to squeeze her hands together under the table to keep them from going out to Yuri, even if
the touch would be only friendly.

So Tiffany talked. She talked about the perverted doctor she was doing research for, complained
about Sooyoung transporting pot everywhere by hiding it on her body, in her underwear, talked
about spring and summer and how she missed those seasons. Every so often she elicited a laugh
from Yuri, or a smile and Tiffany stopped worrying.

They went outside after they were finished and Tiffany held the air deep in her lungs, chilling
herself from the inside.

"It's my last night at the Golden Fox today. Are you coming?"

Tiffany thought about her schedule as she licked her lips and felt them dry instantly. She took out
her lip balm and applied it generously.

"I guess. It's too bad though. After tonight you won't have any excuses to get me to hang out with
you." Tiffany held out the lip balm for Yuri. "Want some?"

Yuri removed a hand from her jacket's pocket and took the clear tube from Tiffany.

"I remember a time when you told me I didn't need an excuse to see you."

That was years ago but it'd take a lot more than a few years for Tiffany to forget anything about
Yuri.

"I don't recall," Tiffany said, her smile saying otherwise. "Besides, I got a reputation to uphold.
What will people think of me when they find out I hang out with a high school kid?"

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But then Tiffany thought about it and it'd probably boost her infamous reputation rather than
destroy it.

Yuri exhaled a short laugh, its only evidence vanishing in a puff.

"Knowing you, you'd actually brag about it. This stuff is good, by the way. Where'd you get it?"

Tiffany put the balm into her pocket.

"A mall." There was no use in saying which one. They were probably common everywhere.

"It's like drinking orange juice," Yuri said, putting her tongue to the corner of her lip. "Or
tangerines maybe."

Tiffany all but stomped her foot when she looked at Yuri incredulously.

"What is it with yours and Sooyoung's taste buds? Did you burn your tongue or something? This
does not taste like oranges, or stupid tangerines."

Unlike Sooyoung, Yuri didn't like letting Tiffany win without a childish argument.

"Yes it does."

"No, it doesn't."

They made their way back to the park, where Yuri's bike was, exchanging "It does" and "It
doesn't" for the entire walk.

"You've been hanging out with too many immature people, it's making you annoying," Tiffany
said once Yuri's bike was in view and they were (almost) done with their bickering. "Or maybe
it's the alignment of the stars, elevating your hormones and messing up your chemical balance."

Tiffany said it in all seriousness, like she was telling Yuri she had cancer, and Yuri went with it
because if anything, it made her laugh.

"It may come as a surprise to you, but you're one of those immature people."

Tiffany nodded with mild consent. It had been dawning on her that maybe she wasn't acting her
age as often as she should. Society was ultimately screwed because Tiffany didn't follow the
standard rules and liked making her own.

"So I'll see you tonight?" Yuri asked as she removed her helmet from the bike.

"I guess I can make some time for you."

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They hugged and unable to pass on the opportunity, Tiffany gave Yuri's butt a playful squeeze.
Now that Yuri had broken off everything romantic between them, Tiffany didn't have to worry
about her actions being taken in the wrong way. Intimate gestures were off limits but through
exaggerated ones she expressed her love.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist."

If it were any other person, Yuri would have decked them in the face, but Tiffany was the
exception to this, as she was often the exception to everything.

Yoona cracked open an eye and used her arms to push herself up into a sitting position. A loud
tick sound came from her balcony and it must have been what awoke her. She pushed off the
covers and shuffled to the doors, running a heavy and sleepy hand through her messy hair.

After throwing the curtains back, she saw Yuri staring at her through the glass, a small spot of
condensation forming on the window in front of Yuri's mouth. It must have been freezing yet
Yuri smiled like the weather was nice for standing outside of the balcony of her girlfriend's
house.

Yoona grabbed Yuri by the sleeve and pulled her into the warmth of her room. Even from a
distance she could feel the cold on Yuri.

"Why are you up so early?"

Yuri said nothing, tore off her jacket as calmly as she could and jumped into the bed, pulling the
still warm covers up to her chin.

Yoona blinked blearily with a sigh and meandered back to the bed. She hissed between her teeth
when Yuri enveloped her in a hug once she lied down.

"Are you going to tell me why you're here so early?"

Yuri pressed her cold nose to the nape of Yoona's neck and slipped a hand under Yoona's pajama
bottoms to rest on Yoona's right thigh. She smiled when Yoona didn't react in any way to the
touch. It had taken a few times for Yoona to get accustomed to Yuri touching the scar without
twitching or redirecting Yuri's hand elsewhere. Yuri only wanted to show she loved Yoona,
every inch of her.

"I didn't want to wait anymore to see you."

Even on the brink of unconsciousness, Yoona felt the words jolt something within her. "Why
doesn't the scar bother you?"

"What kind of reaction were you expecting?"

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"Disgust, revulsion, pity, horr--"

"Stop." Yuri hugged Yoona closer, wincing like the words were physical blows. "Is that how
Khun reacted?"

"No." Thinking of Khun sprouted a dull ache in Yoona's chest. She didn't love him but he was
the only person she could count on when Yuri wasn't there. Now if things didn't work out with
Yuri, she'd have no one at all. "He never saw it. You and my parents are the only people who
have seen it."

Yuri was close to snoozing but Yoona's explanation sent her thoughts haywire.

"But he was here all the time."

"Yea and he slept on the couch all the time. No one's slept in my bed before. No one except
you."

This was news to Yuri. She wanted to sit up but was afraid to look Yoona in the face.

"But all the guys you were with, the rumors--"

"Were rumors."

Yuri would have kicked herself if she could. She never believed them, but after being surrounded
by so much gossip for years, it stuck.

With the bed's shifting and the warmth next to her gone, Yoona turned to find Yuri in a sitting
position, hands fiddling in her lap.

"You should have told me you were a virgin."

"It wasn't what I was thinking about at the time." Yoona finally understood why sometimes
people explained it as "it just sort of happened." It was easy to get caught up in the moment and
rush and there was only a split second where you thought logically but for the rest of the time,
your body wasn't your own, because you surrendered it to emotions. "It would have just made
you nervous."

"I was already nervous."

Yoona sat up as well, her knee touching Yuri's.

"Then you would have been more nervous. And it's not like I hadn't been waiting." Yoona was
the one nervous now, whispering sheepishly. "I didn't want to wait any longer."

215
Yuri tilted her head to Yoona, her smile bordering on cocky. "I didn't want to either." She lied
back down and tugged on Yoona's shirt for her to do the same. "You think we can get away with
sleeping for a few more hours?"

Yoona had already closed her eyes, grateful Yuri didn't make her get up yet.

"We're good until Jiyoung starts getting bored."

Which Jiyoung did, not a full twenty minutes later.

"Hey, Uncle Lee, you called?"

"Yes, yes I did. Please sit."

It wasn't a working day for Yuri at the garage but if her uncle needed some extra work done, she
wouldn't have minded at all. The money it would produce would calm the growing uneasiness
about her bills.

"I have some unfortunate news," he began, rustling papers left and right. He was a hard working
man, but never looked it, however today, it seemed like the years were catching up. Once there
was some order on the desk, he pulled up his chair and sat down. "Business hasn't been going
well. People are complaining about the amount of time it's taking to get a car fixed and with so
many of my mechanics doing such a poor job, I had to let them go and hire new ones."

Yuri edged closer to the end of the seat. She didn't like where this was going but listened without
interrupting.

"What this means is I'm not going to be able to keep you on the payroll anymore. I greatly
appreciate the work you've done for me over the years but in order for the garage to stay alive, I
need your salary for the new mechanics. You know I'd love to keep you here, but right now, it's
just not possible."

Yuri faked a bright smile and it thankfully relieved her uncle's worried expression. She couldn't
let him feel guilty after all he'd done for her.

He gave her a quick hug and told her to come over for dinner sometime this week to which she
nodded robotically.

Numbness overcame her and she went through the motions, turned on her bike, put on her
helmet, switched gears mindlessly, giving the spinning world not an iota of her attention.

Once she was home she sat on the doorstep, ashamed to walk into the house she was slowly
losing again, feeling like a passerby watching a car crash and not being able to do anything about
it. Her list crinkled in the back pocket of her jeans and she took it out, smoothing it over her bent

216
knees but noticed a smaller piece of paper fall out from its neat folding. She picked it up and saw
it was the information Jiyong had given to her days ago about the street races.

She stared at it, possibilities rushing through her head, and upon reaching a decision she entered
the house. Time was running out, as well as her options, and she had little choice.

If she stayed careful and cautious, no one would find out.

As professional as he was, Jiyong liked to flaunt his popularity and status every once in a while.
On Yuri's last night as the Golden Fox's DJ, he invited her to the VIP room for a small going
away party before her set.

"You," he snapped his fingers at the girl sitting on the low sofa, "get off. Yuri, sit."

The girl shot Yuri a nasty look as they passed each other and Yuri was fine standing but she was
still on Jiyong's territory and until he gave her a check, she was his employee and didn't want to
aggravate him.

He snapped another finger at someone else and gestured for another glass of champagne. She
took it, dabbing her lips with the liquid before lowering the drink. The short table in front of her
was littered with toppled over glasses and bottles and at the end was a rectangular mirror with
three neat lines of white powder.

"So how was I as a boss? I didn't piss you off too much, did I?"

Yuri immediately stopped staring and his good-natured grin eased her increasing heartbeat.
Everyone had their faults and she wouldn't judge Jiyong about his.

"It's different than at Era, but I liked DJ'ing here. I wish I could continue."

Without putting it into a question, Yuri made her request for a permanent position at the Golden
Fox. It wasn't particularly smart; school was starting on Monday and the late hours would
destroy her concentration in class but she'd manage as long as she had a steady income.

Jiyong sighed, unaware of the hopeful tone in Yuri's voice.

"Trust me, I do too, but my partners aren't as excited. I had to convince them to let you work here
for the week. They aren't too keen on letting someone so young fraternize with this kind of
crowd. It sends out the wrong image."

Jiyong ended with a finality Yuri couldn't challenge. Her pride kept her from begging and it was
her pride that would force her down a banned path.

"Of course, I understand."

217
She picked up the champagne and drunk the rest with one mouthful. Drinking alcohol was the
least of her worries now.

Jessica chewed her bubblegum anxiously, her hand wandering to her vest's pocket but instead of
the usual small carton was a pack of gum. She took it out with a grumble and leaned down to the
trashcan to spit out her worn gum.

A giggle sounded from nearby the bar and she paused in unwrapping a new piece of gum to look
in its direction. Tiffany pushed at a guy's chest halfheartedly and he kissed her neck when she
turned her head. Jessica occupied herself with drying some glasses and twisted her back to the
couple. Not that they could really be called a couple. It was just another guy Tiffany played with
and then discarded. More like playthings rather than boyfriends.

"Vodka Red Bull, Barbie."

Jessica would have recognized the voice even if Tiffany hadn't used the nickname. How pathetic
and disturbing.

"He was cute," Jessica commented, placing down a napkin and then the drink in front of Tiffany.

"And dumb as a rock. Just the way I like them."

Tiffany was being sarcastic and Jessica sensed it immediately. In the short time they knew each
other, Jessica still picked up on things, more specifically the light changes in Tiffany's voice.
Jessica told herself it was because they grew up in the States.

"Why doesn't anyone have a personality anymore?" Tiffany wondered aloud, searching the dance
floor for another candidate after her last one didn't understand the word no and she told him to go
screw a pig if he was that horny. Her eyes landed on the DJ booth and she tried her best not to
scowl, but failed.

"Maybe you're just looking in the wrong place."

Tiffany laughed, the sound joyless and hollow, as she kept her gaze upward.

"Why bother looking? Everyone's the same."

"Do you really believe that?"

Jessica was genuinely curious if Tiffany truly felt that way.

"I didn't always, but I do now."

218
Tiffany saw Yuri looking somewhere below and she followed the line of sight downward.
Wrapped up in a conversation with a girl was Yoona, oblivious to Yuri's staring. Tiffany took
another sip of the alcohol and contorted her face at the taste. Nothing tasted right anymore.

"They don't make you think differently? You can't tell me you believe what they have is the
same thing as waking up from a one night stand with some random person."

Jessica said this with a nod and Tiffany didn't have to look to know who she was referring to.

Yoona and Yuri were turning into that couple. The couple every single person hated because it
was exactly what they wanted, what they wished for every night before falling asleep and cursing
them in the morning after realizing they couldn't have it.

"They're in high school."

"So you don't think they'll last?"

Tiffany turned to face the bar again, battling a sudden wave of nausea.

"Statistics say so." She babbled off numbers and percentages about high divorce rate and
relationship failures. Tiffany wished Yoona and Yuri the best, but they were fighting against
such great odds that were depressing no matter how you looked at them.

Jessica gave her a weird look.

"What?" Tiffany spat. "Don't look at me like that. I get this stuff shoved into my face daily. It's
not like I looked it up for fun."

Fair enough, but something still didn't add up. Yuri had mentioned Tiffany was great at giving
beneficial advice, especially helpful when Yuri and Yoona were in the early stages of their
relationship. Jessica didn't believe it then, still didn't, but maybe Tiffany could prove her wrong.

"Then why did you help them?"

It felt like someone put a hot pack on the back of Tiffany's head. The heat turned into a slow
throb, a sign of a headache and Tiffany lost her will for conversation but didn't want to appear
weak in front of Barbie.

"Because she deserved someone better."

"She?"

Tiffany bit her tongue at the slip. Her head swirled and she closed her eyes, but still smelled the
sweetness of the Red Bull and it made her headache worse. Something was starting to sting her
eyes too, like they were being poked with needles.

219
"They deserved each other, I mean. God, did you slip me roofies?"

Jessica noticed Tiffany's declining state and reached out to touch her but Tiffany shot away from
her hand.

"Don't. Do not--"

Tiffany then stood and briskly walked away, shoving people in every direction until Jessica lost
her in the crowd. Jessica took a purposeful step forward towards the girl but that was as far as
she got. It wasn't her job to help Tiffany. A friend had that kind of responsibility, and Jessica
certainly wasn't a friend.

Yuri crept inside the pristine bathroom, checking behind her to see if Yoona hadn't followed. She
took the paper from her pocket, along with her phone and walked to a corner.

The bathroom was relatively quiet. Yuri heard someone throwing up in a stall and a group of
chattering girls. They started whispering and pointing fingers at Yuri when they saw her huddled
with her phone. Yuri turned the opposite direction, not wanting to hear their derisive remarks.

Nobody picked up but the name on the voicemail matched the name Jiyong had written. Yuri
simply stated she was interested in doing business and gave her number. After finishing the call
she glanced upward and did a double take, seeing the girls she had tried to avoid surrounding
her.

"You're the DJ, right?"

Yuri saw diamonds on one of the girls' bracelets on one hand, a Rolex on the other. She wouldn't
have cared but they were touching her. A girl put her fingers on Yuri's elbow, running down her
forearm and to her wrist.

"You must be really good with your hands."

The girl grinned slyly and the others followed suit, like Yuri was a new toy all theirs to play
with.

"I, um, excuse me."

She slid between their human barricade and fled, hearing a combination of different laughs
bouncing off the tiled walls. She went straight to Yoona and saw that Taeyeon was gone.

"Where's Taeyeon?"

"Left with Donghae. She wanted to go to sleep before dawn to get used to waking up for school
this week."

220
Yuri nodded understandingly and ducked her head when the girls from the bathroom walked by
her.

"Are you ready to go?"

Yoona shrugged indifferently and moved off the barstool. They went to the bar so Yuri could say
goodbye to Jessica. Without Jessica's company, working there wouldn't have been as enjoyable.

"Have you seen Tiffany by any chance?"

Yuri had noticed Tiffany by the bar sometimes and had always been meaning to ask if she and
Jessica had hit it off, but whenever she saw them together, neither of them looked pleased.

Jessica shook her head.

"She left a while ago. I haven't seen her since."

After an exchange of numbers and a promise to see each other somewhere outside of a club, Yuri
and Yoona walked to the front of the club to leave. Near the door, a voice called out, stopping
Yuri in her tracks.

"Bye DJ Yuri. I hope I'll see you around."

Yuri smiled nervously and held Yoona's hand tighter as they walked out. Yoona's arm lifted and
became horizontal with Yuri's as Yuri practically dragged her down the sidewalk.

"What was that about?"

Yuri didn't want to keep it from Yoona. There was no reason to.

"I was in the bathroom and, she, these girls cornered me. I don't know what they wanted," Yuri
said, finding her motorcycle between a Porsche and a Maserati.

From the tone of the girl's voice, it was obvious to Yoona what she wanted.

"They wanted you, Yul."

Yuri shook her hair back and pulled her helmet up but Yoona's amused smile stilled her arms.

"Yea right. Maybe to make fun of me."

Yoona put her hand on the helmet and pushed it down when Yuri lifted it again. To be this
oblivious could only be cute on Yuri.

"Yuri, most of the people who stare at you don't do so because they think you don't fit in. They
usually stare because you're hot."

221
Yuri leaned on the bike, tapping the hard plastic with a fingernail as she pursed her lips in
thought. It was a habit for Yuri, one Yoona enjoyed because the look always made her want to
kiss Yuri.

"I don't think I like that."

But Yoona stopped halfway to Yuri's mouth and drew back.

"What? Why not?"

Who didn't want to be appreciated?

"I don't want people staring at you, imagining things..."

Yoona did kiss her that time. A cold wind blew and Yoona just pressed herself closer to Yuri to
shield them from it.

"So? Let them. Then they can envy you because you get to do all the things they can only
imagine."

Yuri laughed, the sound dying with an insistent kiss, Yoona's tongue against hers spreading
warmth all over even if it was freezing.

There were so many things Yuri had to worry about and she wanted to ask how Yoona did it,
how she made it seem like none of it mattered.

Her nerves were combusting, one by one, and Jessica screwed her attempt at quitting smoking.
She flicked her thumb on the lighter, cursing when each try resulted in nothing more than a
spark. A shuffling to her left paused her frantic attempts at getting a light.

Tiffany stepped forward but kept enough distance so Jessica couldn't see her face.

"Ugh, why are you here?"

"I work here."

Jessica tried the lighter once more then resigned. The urge to smoke was gone and Jessica's
nerves stabilized, like something else had relaxed her. She put the cigarette in her vest pocket
and angled her head to look at Tiffany but still couldn't see her from the neck up well.

It quickly got too quiet for Jessica and she thought it was a good time as any to put Yuri's advice
to some kind of use.

222
"I got introduced to this band a few days ago. They're called Nell. I had their songs on repeat for
the past two days. They calm me a lot, like smoking calms me but that's weird because I only
thought smoking could calm me that way. I'm scared I'll get sick of the songs, so I've been
chewing gum but--"

"Is this your idea of cheering someone up? You suck at everything but bartending, don't you?"

Tiffany moved forward, not a full step, but at least Jessica could see her from the neck down
now.

"I didn't know you needed cheering up."

"I don't."

"But you just said--oh never mind." It was pointless, talking with Cruella about one subject
always turned into a shouting match. "I'll just take your backhanded compliment and forget the
rest."

"You do that."

"I will do that."

Tiffany wanted to go over to Jessica and slap her, or kick her maybe, but she stayed in the dark.
"You make me want to stab myself in the eye with a pencil sometimes, you know that?"

Jessica didn't dwell on why it was only sometimes.

"I have some pencils in the storage closet, should I go get some?"

The response got a smile out of Tiffany but Jessica didn't see it.

"Why won't you ever just back down?"

Tiffany didn't ask it because she wanted Jessica to, but for all her knowledge on psychology and
human nature, Jessica seemed to defy it. Tiffany wanted to know what the hell was so special
about Jessica that made her so different. No one kept up with Tiffany. They'd tell her she was a
lunatic and leave, but Jessica stayed, and Tiffany wanted to know why.

But Jessica was as surprised as Tiffany. Maybe there was a reason, but she couldn't explain it
even if she wanted to.

"You're entertaining."

That was only part of it but it was the only part Jessica could properly identify. The other parts
confused her and made her feel like she was climbing a mountain. The higher she got, the less
oxygen got to her brain, the less she thought rationally.

223
Tiffany finally chose to completely reveal herself. Her face was a bit paler, but it was probably
from the cold. She lifted her eyes upward and they were so dark, like a black abyss, but because
of it, Jessica could see the stars reflected in them.

"I'm not right," Tiffany said to the sky.

It was said in a whisper and Jessica wasn't sure if she was meant to hear it. But she did hear and
she couldn't act like she didn't. After all, she knew what Tiffany meant, knew Tiffany felt
broken, like she was damaged goods and beyond repair.

Jessica's whisper was just as quiet.

"I know, but, these days, who is?"

For once, they didn't ruin the silence with mindless fighting.

i'll break whatever won't bend

Sooyoung opened the door to the apartment, almost falling inside, her boyfriend doing the same.
Her laughter quieted immediately when she saw the figure on the bed. She hit Youngbae in the
arm and told him to shut up when he wouldn't stop laughing.

"Ow! What the hell you hitting me--" She landed a punch square in his chest and he tumbled out
of the room and into the hallway. She kissed him on his wrinkled forehead, face scrunched in
pain.

"I'll call you later."

"But we were supposed to--"

Yongbae got cut off with the slamming of the door. He raised his fist then bit down on the hand,
refraining from pounding on the door.

"I swear that girl, all she does is order me around..."

Adjusting his cap to shield his eyes, he made his way down the hallway.

Sooyoung carried her bag to her bed and put it down without making any noise. She walked to
the other side of the room and saw Tiffany was asleep. It was the late afternoon, any other time
Sooyoung would have been worried (Tiffany didn't take naps, she said they were for old people)
but Sooyoung was just thankful Tiffany was finally sleeping.

The week had dragged on cruelly; Tiffany came and went at odd times in the day and not once
did Sooyoung see her in bed. She was starting to worry over Tiffany's wellbeing, sleeping so
little was never a good sign, but, for now, she could relax.
224
Tiffany's desk was cluttered, but not with the usual books or papers. There were a few open CD
cases and glancing back at Tiffany, Sooyoung saw the girl had her headphones on and an old CD
player resting on her stomach. Sooyoung closed one of the cases and read the name of the group.

"Nell."

Whoever they were, they did more than Sooyoung could.

Yuri put down her phone after checking it again. There were no new messages and there hadn't
been any new messages since she made the call at the Golden Fox earlier that week. The wages
she received from DJ'ing at the club were substantial and got rid of some of the collectors but
they'd only stay away for as long as Yuri had money. DJ'ing at Era was only a weekend thing,
Seunghyun had other DJs to fill in during the week and Yuri couldn't ask him to fire them so she
could work instead. The races were her last option, but now, even that wasn't looking plausible.

"Wow, you look really different in the day."

Yuri looked up and smiled at Jessica.

"Same here. I can actually see the color of your eyes."

Jessica sat in the chair and Yuri put her phone away so it wouldn't distract her.

"How're things going?" Yuri asked, scooting closer to the table and watching Jessica put the
small menu to the side. They had arranged to meet up, like promised, and talk. Yuri had picked
up her last check from her uncle when Jessica called.

"Well, but boring. There's no one to talk to anymore."

The pout Jessica gave made Yuri laugh. It was uncharacteristic, or maybe it wasn't, but Yuri
hadn't known Jessica long enough to notice.

"Yea, school isn't exactly fun either."

"But at least you get to see the sun." Jessica flicked her head once, shifting her bangs more to the
left. "I feel like I'm becoming nocturnal."

It hadn't taken long for Yuri to get adjusted to functioning at normal hours but she did get kicked
out of her math class for falling asleep on the first day back to school.

"Don't act like you don't love it."

As tiring as the job was, Jessica didn't want to do anything else until she had to start school
again. It kept her busy and free from relying on her parents.

225
"What about you? You're a senior, have you applied to any colleges yet?"

College was the last thing on Yuri's mind. It wasn't like she didn't have the grades, but unless she
found a good job, there was no way she'd be able to afford college.

"There aren't really any DJ colleges that I know of."

"Maybe not, but there are music ones."

"I don't have any experience. The only thing I know about music is through the songs I mix."

Jessica reached somewhere below the table and took out a small Ziploc bag. The transparency
allowed Yuri to see the bag held peeled slices of tangerines and some grapes.

"And why wouldn't that be enough? With a business class or two, I think you'd make a great
producer. You have a natural feel for music. Now all you have to do is continue building it."

Yuri gave a short shake of her head when Jessica opened the bag and tilted it towards her.
Jessica's face was mostly unreadable, she was just casually eating fruit, but in the daylight, Yuri
saw something more, something that said Jessica knew more than she was revealing.

"Why the sudden encouragement?"

"Because it'd be a shame to waste your talent." Jessica bit an end on one of the tangerine slices
and put her tongue to it, tasting the sweet juice as she turned more thoughtful. "And no one
should think they're not enough, in whatever they are or want to do."

It sounded like Jessica had knowledge on the matter, or, more suitably, experience. Yuri propped
her head up with a hand, palm against her cheek as she smiled and looked at Jessica in a different
light. A much more familiar light.

"You remind me of Tiffany."

Jessica had half of a tangerine sticking out from her mouth when she looked at Yuri, wide eyed
and absolutely hilarious.

"What you just said," Yuri explained, chuckling softly, "you sounded a lot like her."

The tangerine disappeared and Jessica dropped the shocked expression.

"We couldn't be any more opposite from each other," Jessica said, like she didn't want to be
associated to Tiffany in any way.

"True."

226
Yuri had failed to bring Jessica and Tiffany together. They were as incompatible as oil and
vinegar. Together they did more destruction than restoration and Yuri fittingly thought they were
like colliding nuclei of atoms--amazing to watch, but had devastating results.

"She hasn't gone completely crazy yet, has she?" Jessica stuffed another tangerine in her mouth
after asking the question, like she was trying to prevent herself from asking more.

"No. I haven't really talked to her a lot this week," Yuri said, frowning as she spoke the words.
Since Yuri could remember, she and Tiffany talked everyday but their nightly phone
conversations were dwindling. Yuri didn't know if it was because what she had told Tiffany at
the Golden Fox, or if it was something else entirely.

"I still don't understand how you could have liked her or dated her."

"She's not that bad."

"I'd rather get shot in the face with a paintball gun, repeatedly, than spend an hour in the same
room with her."

Maybe that was a stretch. Tiffany had her moments, or just moment for now, singular, a couple
of days ago outside the club when Jessica saw Tiffany wasn't all bluster and insults and
possessed a hint of vulnerability.

"That's...oddly specific. You've thought about this haven't you?"

Jessica chewed on a grape, popping it in two between her teeth viciously.

"I don't think about her," Jessica mumbled, sounding like an irritated child.

"I never said that, I just said you've thought about what you would rather do than be with
Tiffany." Yuri wondered why Jessica even thought about anything concerning Tiffany if she
disliked the girl so much. "Look, Tiffany likes pushing people. Not necessarily pushing them
away, though she's very good at that too, but she likes seeing how far they can go before
snapping. When she was a kid--"

Jessica stopped any movement and listened intently but Yuri clamped her mouth shut. It wasn't
her place to tell Jessica because if anyone should tell her, it was Tiffany.

"Just know--" Yuri's phone buzzed and she quickly retrieved it, reading the instructions in the
text twice. Jiyong's contact had finally responded.

"Just know what?"

The text had completely sidetracked Yuri. She put the phone away and turned back to Jessica.

"Just know...crap, I forgot what I was going to say."

227
"It's okay."

Jessica sat back and ate another tangerine. Nothing Yuri said would have changed Jessica's mind
anyway.

"Unnie you can't make the grass blue! Grass is green."

"Well, then I'll flip the picture and make it the sky."

"But now your house is in the sky."

Indeed, with the paper flipped, Yoona's house was upside down and in the sky.

"It's a special floating house," Yoona reasoned, dabbing her middle finger into more blue paint.

Yoona was in Jiyoung's room and they were finger painting. Yoona had finished all her
homework (after much pleading from Yuri over the phone) and she thought she'd spend some
time with her sister before Yuri came over.

"There's no such thing as floating houses. It's dumb."

Jiyoung looked positively offended Yoona's house was defying gravity. Yoona rolled onto her
stomach and tried to look behind Jiyoung.

"Oh yea? What'd you draw?"

A hand pushed Yoona's face away, a tiny hand covered in yellow paint. Jiyoung gasped at the
yellow handprint on Yoona's cheek and then fell into a fit of giggles. Yoona faked an angry face
but Jiyoung knew better to believe it when Yoona smiled as well.

"You're lucky I like you so much," Yoona said, kissing Jiyoung's forehead and getting up. She
needed to go to the bathroom and wash her face before the paint dried.

In the bathroom, Yoona hunched over the sink, scrubbing her cheek with warm water. The loud
rush of water next to her ear prevented her from hearing the door open and close. She
straightened into a standing position when she felt hands on the small of her back where her shirt
didn't reach her pants, prepared to give the intruder an elbow in the face. But her intruder was
Yuri and she lowered her elbow.

"Were you going to elbow me?" Yuri asked, astonished by the fierce look on Yoona's face in the
mirror in front of them.

"I was! Don't sneak up on me like that."

228
Yoona turned off the faucet and pulled the hand towel out of the circular rack.

"Did you get your test results back?" Yuri asked, wiping some of the stray droplets from Yoona's
neck.

"I did and no detention for either of us. I aced it."

Yuri didn't show much of a reaction because she wasn't surprised. She knew Yoona would do
well.

There was a spot of paint near Yoona's ear and Yuri scratched at it lightly with a fingernail. She
was able to get all of it off. "What were you doing?"

"Finger painting." Yuri moved closer, pressing herself into Yoona so that they were waist to
waist. "Jiyoung used my face as a canvas."

Yoona could feel Yuri's smile below her ear and then Yuri's mouth kiss the spot.

"I can see that."

The towel slipped from Yoona's hand as she took a hold of Yuri's hip. Yuri pushed Yoona
further into the sink's edge and Yoona lifted herself on her toes so she could sit on it. Once
Yoona was sitting Yuri kissed her, splaying her fingers to the side of Yoona's neck and then
bringing them to Yoona's throat where she could feel it work as the girl swallowed when they
pulled apart momentarily.

Yuri kept grinning and Yoona kissed her again, this time more earnestly, determined to get rid of
Yuri's grin.

A loud knock at the door forced them to separate.

"Yoona unnie, Yuri unnie, I'm finished with my picture! Wanna see?"

Yoona brought her head back with a groan, licking her lips and erasing any evidence of their
kissing. "Why does she even know you're in here?"

"She was the one that told me you were in the bathroom. Come on," Yuri kissed the base of
Yoona's exposed throat, "there'll be plenty of time for this later."

"I'll hold you to that," Yoona said, pointing a finger at Yuri and standing on the floor again. Yuri
grabbed the finger with one hand and pinched Yoona's butt with the other as the girl was opening
the door. Jiyoung stood in front of them so Yoona couldn't say anything, instead she gave Yuri's
hand a light slap to which Yuri responded with by interlocking their fingers.

"See?"

229
Jiyoung put the picture over her head. Yoona took it and Jiyoung rushed to Yoona's side,
pointing at the page excitedly.

"This is Yuri unnie, and Yoona unnie--"

"Who's the elf right here?" Yoona tapped at the shorter stick figure on the far left of the page.

"I'm not an elf!"

Yuri pointed at the bright yellow and black blob in the background. "What's this?"

"Yuri unnie's fast bike," Jiyoung answered cheerfully. At an angle and in the right light, it might
have looked like Yuri's motorcycle. "When I grow up, I want a fast bike too."

"We'll see about that."

The three of them looked to Yoona's father as he walked out of his bedroom. Jiyoung took the
drawing out of Yoona's hands and ran to her father. He picked her up and walked closer to them.

"Why can't I have a fast bike?"

"Who would teach you how to drive it?"

Yuri felt her hand tighten in Yoona's grip. She gave a short squeeze back.

"Yuri unnie!"

"Well, have you asked her?" He turned to Yuri and the warmth in his smile confused Yoona.
"What do you say Yuri? You think you can teach her?"

"I don't know. You have to have strong arms and legs so you don't fall."

"I'm strong," Jiyoung said, bending her arm at the elbow to show nonexistent muscles.

Yuri and Yoona's father laughed at the gesture but Yoona still kept him at arm's length, unable to
trust him.

"You know what's good at getting muscles? Cleaning up a room. How about we go clean yours?"

With Jiyoung still in his arms, he walked past Yoona and Yuri and into Jiyoung's room.

Yoona took Yuri into her own room and closed the door. She would not sit still, doing her own
version of pacing by rearranging things and Yuri sat on the bed, watching for a few minutes.

"What's wrong?"

230
"I don't understand him." Yoona was at her vanity, clinking sounds from her jewelry
accompanying her voice. "He's bipolar. One minute he doesn't want us together, the next he's like
this."

Yuri stood from the bed, hearing this from Yoona for the first time.

"You talked to him about us?"

A ring fell out of Yoona's hands and spun on the wooden surface loudly before Yuri snatched it
to let Yoona speak.

"I didn't directly tell him but he knows. He didn't approve, he made that very clear," Yoona
remembered the fury in his eyes as he ripped the flowers from her room, "but he's made a total
180 and I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

Yuri held the ring in a closed fist, feeling the design embedding itself in her palm.

"You should talk to him, ask him why. Maybe this is him trying in the only way he knows how
Yoong. Give him a chance."

Yoona dropped the various bracelets and earrings back into the jewelry box and turned to face
Yuri, resting her hip against the vanity.

"Why should I care what he thinks now?"

Yuri held the ring tighter, her nails digging into her palm. She didn't want to lash out at Yoona, it
wouldn't have done any good to yell, but Yoona had a father to be angry at, Yuri didn't. Yoona
could still repair her relationship with him and the only relationship Yuri had with her father was
in her memories.

"Because he's your father." Yuri opened her hand, palm up, and examined the ring more closely.
The small stone in the center of the ring was probably a diamond, nothing Yoona's family
couldn't afford. "This is pretty."

After being held in Yuri's hand for so long, the ring was unbearably hot when Yuri took Yoona's
left hand and slid it on.

"You should wear it more often."

It was like something out of the movies, only usually a certain question was asked before the ring
was put on.

Yoona stopped staring at her finger when she heard Yuri's breathy laughter.

"You're blushing like crazy," Yuri said, putting the back of her hand to Yoona's hot cheek. It
only deepened Yoona's blush. "Why?"

231
Yoona pulled Yuri in by the neck and kissed her. Yuri's hand drifted from Yoona's cheek to her
shoulder, down her arm and finally wrapped itself around Yoona's waist.

"Say I do," Yoona said breathlessly, kissing Yuri before the girl could even respond.

"Why?"

"Just say it."

Yuri gave her a questioning smile but Yoona wouldn't explain so she complied.

"I do."

Before Yoona could properly react to the words, Yuri's phone rang and the girl put her back to
Yoona, going for the phone like God was making the call.

"Yes...This is her."

The previous words kept Yoona in a state of shock and she listened to them repeat in her head
but she wasn't too shocked to listen to Yuri as well. The voice on the other end was
indistinguishable, but undoubtedly male.

"Yes, I can be there. Yes. Yes. Thank you."

Yuri held the phone in front of her until it vibrated with a text, as expected. She read the second
set of instructions as Yoona spoke up.

"Who was that?"

"It's just some extra work," committing the text to memory, Yuri went back to Yoona, "Uncle
Lee had to let me go so I'm just trying to find something to occupy me."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it was no big deal." Yoona opened her mouth to ask something else but Yuri cut her off
with a kiss. "I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow at school. Don't forget to talk to your father."

Yuri was out the door before Yoona could say anything else. Yoona walked into the hallway,
touching the ring with her thumb as Yuri skipped down the stairs. Once Yuri had left the house
Yoona went to her room. She looked at the ring for a minute or two, extending her arm and
pulling it close at various angles. It didn't matter though--at a distance, close to her face, in the
light, in the shade--the ring was still hers and not one Yuri had given her.

She plucked it off and threw it into the jewelry box. Her hand went to her neck and the small
heart that dangled there. The ring was pretty, but she preferred the necklace.

232
*

Most of Jessica's face was buried in a scarf, her collar popped up to shield her neck and her
hands stuffed deep into the pockets of her pea coat. She concentrated on walking, her footsteps
brisk and rhythmic against the pavement; it helped to think about something else than the
freezing weather.

But with her eyes only focused on the ground before her, it prevented her from seeing anyone
else on the sidewalk. She hit an oncoming person just as lost in their thoughts as Jessica and
bounced back like a pin ball.

"Watch where the hell you're going!"

That voice. That shrill, annoying, toe curling voice was one Jessica could pick out anywhere. She
hid her face deeper behind the scarf hoping Tiffany wouldn't recognize her. But Tiffany's
features almost softened at the sight of Jessica rather than some random blind stranger.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

It was only a little past midnight. The Golden Fox never closed that early.

Jessica thought of playing ignorant but Tiffany didn't look like someone who could be easily
fooled. She straightened and replied into her warm scarf.

"There was a fight, police came, and Jiyong had to close it down early."

Tiffany let out an irritated growl. She was supposed to meet someone there.

With nothing else to say Jessica started walking again, only to reconsider a few steps in and
turning back to Tiffany. Maybe the cold was numbing all those feelings for Tiffany, particularly
the ones where she wanted to strangle the girl in her sleep.

"I live down the block. You can call a taxi and wait at my place."

"You're not the only one who owns a telephone Barbie," Tiffany said, waving her cell phone in
the air mockingly.

Jessica didn't know why she even tried.

"Fine, I hope you freeze to death."

And with that they both continued going their separate ways.

233
The deserted building was unkempt, surrounded in knee high grass and weeds, and a tattered
metal fence which's purpose was definitely not to keep intruders away. The fence was there for
show and Yuri suspected the unsightly building was there for the same reason.

She ducked under a curled portion at the corner of the fence and walked down the length of the
building, staying close to the wall. The chilling quiet gave Yuri a bad foreboding but she
continued and was soon met with the sounds of a drill, much like the ones in her uncle's garage.

"You Yuri?"

Yuri almost fell to the ground at the voice. She barely saw the outline of a human figure near the
wall and would have nodded to keep from speaking but it would have been a useless action since
it was so dark.

"Yes."

"Follow me."

Yuri breathed in deeply, trying to steady the violent beating of her heart. She was scared, but
showing it in this situation would only endanger her safety even further.

The figure led her to the back of the building and she saw a row of cars, some of them covered in
a dark tarp. Instead of going into the building where the drilling sounds were and faint sparks of
light illuminated the windows, they walked past the cars and to a small shed in the back.

Yuri couldn't hear anything but her pulse at this point. She wanted to run, go to her bike and get
the hell out of here but the door to the shed opened and Yuri swallowed her overwhelming fear
to step inside. At one end there was a desk and the other side had stacked boxes. The man at the
desk put out his cigarette in the filling ashtray, the lone lamp catching his every move as a sharp
shadow behind him. The smoke lingered everywhere, creating a haze in the small space and Yuri
fought back a cough. At least the door stayed open and allowed some fresh air.

"What's your name again?"

His voice was rough, probably from the smoking and Yuri recognized it as the one she spoke to
over the phone earlier.

"Yuri."

"Great. Yuri. I'm Junjie, but you can call me JJ," he said, shoving some of the files and papers on
his desk into drawers. He hadn't looked anywhere near her direction yet.

When he did look up, she saw the scar on his right cheek. It ran from his ear and stopped short at
the corner of his mouth. There wasn't anything malicious in the way he spoke, but his expression
remained hardened, like all the muscles in his face were secured in that position.

234
"The races are set up a few times a week. You'll get a text before a race. The text will lead you to
a pickup location where one of my men will be waiting. You give him the entry fee and he gives
you a slip. The slips are limited so don't fuck around; get there as fast as you can 'cause no slip
means you don't race. The slip will tell you where the race will be, the date and the time. That's
it."

"How many slips are there?"

"Five."

"What happens if I win?"

A corner of his mouth lifted and Yuri assumed it was a smile.

"If you win, you get sixty percent of the winnings."

"How much is the entry fee?"

"Two hundred grand."

Yuri did a quick calculation in her head and the sum was pleasing. It was a lot of money to win
and adversely, a lot to lose.

JJ scratched his scarred cheek, sizing Yuri up for the first time. The kid looked like his niece, one
he only saw in pictures since his sister wouldn't let him anywhere near the family. He was
feeling more generous than usual because of that.

"Your competition is men, men in their forties trying to get away from nagging wives by buying
a crotch rocket and reasserting their egos by hanging out with other men, and you," he waved his
hand up and down at her, "the tight jeans and tight shirt isn't going to work. They'll know you're
a girl with one glance and if you win, they're not going to be happy a girl popped their egos."

"What should I do?"

"Wear something baggy, something that will make you look like less of a girl. Keep your hair
hidden, talk in a low voice, that kind of stuff."

Yuri looked down at herself, already preparing to ask Donghae for some of his clothes. He was
taller than her so his clothes would be loose on her.

"What about violence?" she asked. If it was a guys only club, fights had to come with the
territory.

"Don't stick your nose where it doesn't belong and you'll be fine."

"And the police?"

235
"This isn't a Sunday drive, kid. It's illegal, what do you expect?"

His tone had changed and it made Yuri cower like she had angered an abusive father.

"Yes, I know, but does it happen often?"

"Once in a while. You got to be on your toes the moment you show up. Pigs could be hiding at
every corner."

Yuri wouldn't think about it. She'd have it in the back of her mind but her priority was getting
from the start to the finish line in one piece and be the first to do it.

"Alright, I got work. Get the hell out."

He watched her leave and got out another cigarette. The tip flamed orange as he inhaled and he
threw his lighter on the desk. Thumbing his scar, he thought of Yuri's face, guessed she wasn't
any older than seventeen or so.

Years ago, his conscience would have booted her out the moment she stepped in. She seemed
like a good kid and didn't deserve getting sent to jail, or worse, getting killed.

It was too bad there was nothing left of his conscience.

Jessica chopped a pepper meticulously, tossed it into a bowl and moved on to a carrot. She was
so hungry when she came home she didn't bother changing out of her work clothes and went
straight to the kitchen but there had been nothing in her refrigerator but a few vegetables a day or
two away from rotting. It had been too late for take out or pizza so she gathered the vegetables
and was making a salad.

Underneath the even sound of the knife against the cutting board, Jessica heard a knock at her
door. She wiped her hands on a dishcloth and glanced at the clock. It was one in the morning,
who the hell could it have been?

She opened the door as much as her string lock allowed.

"Tiffany?"

"No, it's a girl scout. Want to buy some cookies?"

Jessica could have done without the sarcastic quip but she was actually growing used to it. She
closed the door and fully unlocked it. Tiffany walked, more like barged, in when Jessica opened
the door.

"You said something about a taxi?"

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Tiffany didn't look cold, Jessica noticed, and she wondered how long Tiffany had been inside her
building.

"How'd you get past the front door?"

"The old guy that looks like Santa Claus let me in." And it was he who told Tiffany which
apartment "the annoying Barbie looking girl with zombie eyes" lived in.

That would have been Jessica's landlord. It was true, he did look like Santa Claus.

Tiffany gave the place a once over and turned to Jessica.

"So that taxi?" she demanded impatiently.

Jessica forwent replying to Tiffany's rudeness and took the business card of a taxi company
under a magnet on the fridge. Tiffany called and Jessica went back to making her salad. A brief
moment of talking over the phone and Tiffany returned to pester Jessica.

"So where's Ken?"

Jessica kept chopping but heard Tiffany advance to the kitchen by the sound of her heels.
"What?"

"The Ken to your Barbie."

"There's no Ken."

Tiffany leaned her back on the kitchen island, next to Jessica who was wielding a very sharp
knife.

"No Ken, no pink convertible, no dream house. You're a disappointment to all Barbies."

The knife gave a piercing slap against the cutting board.

"What about you? Where's your Ken? You probably went through fifty of them by now, haven't
you?"

Jessica's whole arm shook from the grip she had on the knife. Tiffany noticed.

"Why do you care?"

"I don't." Jessica returned to chopping and took a few deep breaths to keep calm. She didn't
understand why Tiffany had this uncontrollable ability to turn her reserved personality into a
crazy, intangible mess. "What Yuri saw in you, I'll never know."

The words were like acid on a healing wound.

237
"Guess that makes two of us," Tiffany snapped back, but as harsh as it sounded, Jessica could
still hear the hurt Tiffany was trying to disguise.

Jessica's wrist slowed and the knife became slack in her hand. She turned her head an inch, just
to see the profile of Tiffany's face as the girl gave the wall a cold stare. Even when mad, Tiffany
was beautiful.

The knife dropped on the cutting board with a clang and Jessica moved to the opposite side of
the kitchen, across from Tiffany. She couldn't be near Tiffany because it made her want to do
stupid things like touch her.

Everyone went through what Tiffany was going through. Everyone lived through heartbreak but
sometimes Tiffany looked like there was something much deeper within her that was broken.
Jessica's hands were clasped on the counter behind her, like she was bracing herself, and spoke
to Tiffany but kept her eyes to the floor.

"No one can beat you up like your heart can."

"And right now my heart is beating the shit out of me."

Tiffany regretted the words as soon as she spoke them. She blamed Jessica's voice, its softness,
like all this time Tiffany was falling and instead of hitting the hard ground, she hit Jessica
instead.

They lifted their eyes at the same time and looked at each other. Tiffany had a cruel comment
loaded and ready to strike but Jessica had surrendered and Tiffany couldn't bring herself to take
down someone so vulnerable. She hated when they were alone. Things were different when they
were alone, the kind of different that led to people getting hurt.

"What are you doing to me?" Tiffany asked, practically begged.

The pain in Jessica's tense fingers just multiplied with the question. She tried to look away but
Tiffany's eyes kept luring her back.

"You have to do it, Tiffany. You have to be the one, I can't--"

Jessica didn't get to say anything more as Tiffany pushed herself away from the island and into
Jessica, kissing the words from her mouth. That feeling of climbing a mountain crashed over
Jessica and it felt like every time Tiffany breathed, she simultaneously took a breath away from
Jessica.

To regain some kind of control, Jessica pushed Tiffany back into the island and pulled her up
onto it. Her hands went up Tiffany's thighs and under her dress, searching for where the striped
pantyhose began. But she lost patience and instead, she pinched the elastic fabric at the inside of
Tiffany's thigh and ripped it.

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"What the hell?! These are Armani!" Tiffany shouted, tearing her mouth from Jessica's.

"Armani makes pantyhose?"

"Oh my God, you are so clueless."

But Tiffany had plenty more at her dorm so she let it slide. She dipped down to kiss Jessica again
and everything else was forgotten.

Jessica's salad bowl crashed to the ground when Jessica climbed up onto the island. The bowl
rolled and various vegetables littered the floor, but no one noticed.

different names for the same things

"I have..."Jessica searched through her unkempt freezer and found something in the back, "ice
cream bars."

Tiffany was sitting on the floor, next to the refrigerator, her eyes traveling up Jessica's bare legs,
watching as Jessica shifted her weight from her left leg to her right. She bit down on the inside of
her cheek painfully and looked away.

"Ice cream bars? Really? You're like a teenager pretending to be an adult."

"Takes one to know one."

"Is that you trying to be witty?"

"This is me trying to be polite but I guess you can't--" Jessica began closing the freezer and
Tiffany shot out a hand.

"No!" It was an impulse reaction, she couldn't help it. "Give me the stupid ice cream."

A victory for Jessica, a small one, but Jessica knew victories against Tiffany were meant to be
celebrated. She gave the ice cream to Tiffany and sat down across from her, taking a bite.

"Do you tack on stupid to every noun? Everything is stupid to you," Jessica said, chewing on the
melting ice cream.

Stupid Barbie made Tiffany do it. It was her who made Tiffany frustrated to the point where yes,
everything became stupid.

"Do you always talk with your mouth full like a Neanderthal?"

Jessica shouldn't have smiled but she shouldn't have had sex with the enemy either. As long as
she was spiraling down, she would have some fun.
239
After desecrating Jessica's kitchen, Jessica took Tiffany to her room to give her something to
wear. They went at it again in the bedroom because Tiffany couldn't let go how easily Jessica
had overpowered her. Now they were back in the kitchen, avoiding the subject of their
spontaneous sex by using hunger as an excuse.

"You know most of our conversations are just questions?" Jessica said after coming to the
realization.

It was a miracle they had conversations in the first place.

Tiffany surveyed the apartment casually, nothing standing out of interest. It wasn't necessarily
bland but Tiffany grew up in mansions, villas in Spain and vacation homes on the beach so there
wasn't much that impressed her anyway.

"So was being bartender Barbie your dream as a child or did you just screw up in life?"

It was the first question either of them had asked that had some relevance to their lives. The
attempt wasn't lost on Jessica.

"I just kept falling short in everything I did except bartending so I did what I'm good at."

"Stop speaking in tongues and give me a straight answer."

Jessica didn't know it yet, but this was Tiffany's tactic at getting people to talk since obviously,
Jessica wasn't speaking in tongues. Jessica complied only because she could see right through
Tiffany's tactic.

"My sister is the prodigy child in the family. Whatever I did, she did better. I never cared, but my
parents always pushed me to be like her. I couldn't be, so one day I thought I'd stop trying to live
up to their expectations and try something different."

Without prompting, Tiffany had already created a little file in her head for Jessica, making notes
and deductions, but before she could start analyzing and picking Jessica apart like an
experimental subject, she willed her brain to stop.

This was why she couldn't interact with people on an emotional level, it always turned out the
same. She'd diagnose them as patients and pick out their issues. No one liked to be treated like a
patient, especially when they were a person with flaws, like everyone else in the damn world. So
Tiffany went through people like they were inanimate objects. She didn't want to get to know
them, because that meant getting to know their flaws, their problems and she'd never be able to
see them as an individual but as an example of a disorder or a lecture from class. Somewhere
along the way, Sooyoung and Yuri became two of a tiny group of people Tiffany appreciated as
human beings.

"Rebel bartender with mommy and daddy issues. How original."

240
Jessica listened for spite, the usual brush off in Tiffany's speech, but didn't find it, and heard
something like curiosity instead. She looked at Tiffany's face for an explanation but Tiffany was
just eating her ice cream, bright red tongue tracing white frozen sugar.

"So is your life any more original?"

"Of course."

Jessica waited for more out of Tiffany but didn't get anything.

"Are you going to tell me?"

"Why the hell would I do that?"

One step forward, two steps back. Jessica ate the rest of her ice cream and threw the paper in the
trash. The scattered utensils and bowl and leafs of lettuce reminded her of the mess she needed to
clean up because of Tiffany. Again.

"I should start cleaning this stuff up."

"You should since it seems to be the only thing you're good at." Jessica's glare was vicious but
Tiffany just looked at her, unaffected. "What? You said it yourself."

Explaining the difference between a maid and a bartender would be lost on Tiffany. The girl
would probably find some way to insult her, so Jessica spared her breath. Instead, she got up and
brought her face to Tiffany's, her voice calm but uncompromising.

"If we're going to do this, then the condescending remarks need to stop, okay?"

It then hit Tiffany for the first time, like someone had slapped her in the back of the head and
returned her to the real world: she fucked bartender Barbie and now there was a 'this.'

"This? Exactly what do you think this is?"

And just like that, their bubble burst. Jessica felt like an idiot, hated the feeling and turned
defensive, shielding herself from Tiffany. She didn't even try to answer the question.

"Sorry for thinking you were capable of human feelings."

Tiffany stood, throwing her wrapper to the floor and grabbed her dress, momentum propelling
her.

"Never expect anything of me, Barbie. You'll just be disappointed."

241
In a moment of silence where they just looked at each other, Tiffany thought she saw Jessica's
eyes steel with strength, strength Tiffany didn't have, and Tiffany wouldn't have minded so much
if she were proven wrong this time.

"Already am."

But the moment passed, as did everything, and Tiffany left the apartment with a slam of the door,
not giving a damn she was running out into the freezing weather in a oversized t-shirt and ripped
pantyhose, looking like a whore. She probably deserved it.

"Does everyone understand?"

Steady silence passed over the classroom. If anyone didn't understand, none of them cared
enough to voice it. Or some of them were like Yuri and their attention was not anywhere on the
teacher or the lesson.

She drowned him out as he returned to the whiteboard and she took out her phone. It was
possibly the tenth time she had checked it in the last five minutes, but it might have turned off by
itself, or maybe it didn't vibrate well enough for Yuri to feel it. She flipped the screen open and
saw nothing but her usual wallpaper. Her annoyed huff was heard by the students in the desks
surrounding her but she didn't notice.

It had been less than twenty-four hours since her meeting with JJ and since she left him, her
whole body was tense with anticipation for the text. She even snapped at a classmate that
accidentally bumped into her in the bathroom. The races were forming troubles for her already
and she hadn't even participated in one yet.

No amount of anxiety could have willed the text to come, it wasn't up to her, so for a brief
minute she listened to her teacher and tried to absorb the information. When the text did appear,
it startled her that the chair scraped against the floor when she jumped in her seat. She checked it
and had to read it twice to understand it.

The slip was approximately seven minutes from the school. The clock was ticking down the
seconds but class didn't end until another fifteen minutes. Who knew if there would be any slips
by the time she got out? Her competitors might have been farther from the slip than she was, but
maybe they weren't.

Another glance at the clock. One minute wasted.

She didn't take the gamble and burst out of her seat to the shock of the entire classroom including
her teacher who yelled after her as she zigzagged through the desks.

"Yuri! What do you think you're--"

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She didn't hear the rest, heard her rapid footsteps instead and charged through the building's
doors.

A man in a gray jacket and black jeans was who Yuri was looking for. Her right hand released
the gas and she let the bike slowly glide down the street as she searched. At the corner she
spotted her target, huddled under a store's awning. There weren't any other motorcycles in sight
and she didn't see many people on the sidewalk either so she drove up onto the raised cement and
next to the man. Her leg extended and she put the bike's weight on it.

He didn't look at her when he spoke.

"I need to see the message."

She assumed he meant the text message and grabbed her phone from the inside pocket of her
jacket where her entry fee was as well. He barely looked at the phone when she presented it to
him.

"The money?" he asked in a gruff and she dodged his prying eyes when they searched for hers
behind the helmet's tinted visor.

They traded, the money for the slip and she opened it there, since it was just a folded piece of
paper. There were three lines, the words capital and numbers bold, the location in the first, date
in the second and time in the third. The race was in two days. She tucked the slip into the pocket
where the money was.

Before leaving she pushed up the chin of her helmet to expose her mouth and lowered her head
as well as her voice, hoping she sounded like a guy and not like a girl trying to sound like a guy.

"Which slip is this?"

If he was suspicious of Yuri, he didn't show any sign of it and responded with growing irritation.

"The first. Congratulations. Now could you leave?"

He checked up and down the street and Yuri didn't stick around any longer. She adjusted her
helmet and used her feet to push the bike off the sidewalk. From two different directions she
heard the low whine of motorcycles once she was on the street. One of them passed by her as she
headed back to school and she smiled. Getting the first slip meant nothing, she hadn't won
anything yet, but the rush she got could easily be mistaken for happiness.

Sooyoung power walked down the hall of their dorm, dialing Tiffany's number again. She had
lost count how many times she had called Tiffany which was already a terrible sign. Tiffany

243
hadn't picked up or returned any of her calls and if Sooyoung didn't have classes to go to, she
would have dragged her friends and Youngbae to create a search party.

The door barely closed when she tapped it lightly, engrossed with holding her phone with one
hand and trying to undo her scarf with the other. She threw the long scarf haphazardly onto the
bed and then went for the buttons on her jacket when a familiar ringtone froze all her motions.
She lowered the cell phone from her ear and turned to Tiffany's side of the room where she saw
the phone buzz in a circle on Tiffany's desk.

She clicked the end button on her phone and put it on her bed. With her unoccupied hands she
continued to take off her coat and took a few steps towards Tiffany's bed. There was Tiffany's
dress lying in a messy ball near the pillow, Tiffany's purse next to it and under both items was a
shabby white cloth. Sooyoung tugged on an end and pulled until she saw it to be a shirt, a button
up kind, like a man's dress shirt, but there was something odd about it.

The creak on the door's hinge warned her of someone's presence and she dropped the cuff of the
clothing and took a quick step towards Tiffany's desk.

"Are you going to tell me where you were?"

Tiffany's hand stopped ruffling her hair with the towel as she dropped onto her bed, crossing her
legs and effectively hiding the shirt.

"Don't worry, I used protection," Tiffany replied and went back to drying her hair.

Sooyoung arched an eyebrow and kept her back to Tiffany because if she showed her face,
Tiffany might have read the curiosity all over it.

"Was he someone from school?"

"No. You don't know him."

Tiffany wasn't one to lie so whoever it was, it must have been someone worth hiding and lying
about. Sooyoung sat down next to Tiffany and shoved her hand under Tiffany's thigh.

"What the hell--?!"

Sooyoung found the shirt and yanked on it that Tiffany toppled in the opposite direction.

"This is pink. I don't see many guys wearing pink," Sooyoung said, lifting the now crinkled shirt
by the collar.

Tiffany shook out her dark hair and ran a hand through it to flip it to the side as she shot back a
bored answer.

"That's because the only guy you see is your dipwad of a boyfriend."

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Sooyoung brought the front of the clothing and sniffed lightly.

"It smells like Dior perfume."

"He's a transitioning transvestite and wanted one last romp with a girl."

Sooyoung turned the shirt to Tiffany and tapped the tag. Tiffany didn't show any interest.

"This is a small, a woman's small."

"Yea, didn't you hear what I just said? Transvestite."

"I know you don't discriminate when it comes to sex, but somehow I think you're lying." Tiffany
sighed, full of annoyance and boredom and stood. Sooyoung squinted her eyes as she watched
Tiffany move about the room. "You're sleeping with Yuri again."

Tiffany showed no response to Sooyoung's accusation and just shrugged her shoulders. "Sure."

But Tiffany's unresponsive attitude revealed more than it hid. Sooyoung furrowed her eyebrows
and looked at the shirt again. It was definitely a woman's shirt.

"If it's not Yuri's, then who does this belong to?"

Tiffany took a book off her shelf and grabbed the shirt from Sooyoung's hands roughly, then
threw it into the corner where Tiffany's laundry was. She then sat at her desk and opened the
book. Sooyoung barely heard the mumble.

"It belongs to a mistake."

"I need your clothes."

Donghae scratched the top of his head, at a loss of a response and just let Yuri inside his house.
She went to his room, but not before greeting his parents. He closed the room's door and pushed
his bewilderment aside.

"Why do you need my clothes?"

"I don't want new stuff, just the things you don't wear anymore. I don't need a lot, just a pair of
jeans and maybe a t-shirt or two."

The closet's doors were pulled open as she stood in the middle of them, scraping hangers against
the railing as she looked through his clothes.

"Would you like my boxers too?"

245
She turned to him and made an unpleasant face.

"That's just weird."

"Oh, and you coming into my house asking for my clothes isn't? Why do you need them?"

He gently took her arm and made her take a few steps backward, away from his closet. There
was a box in the back, of the things he outgrew, and he retrieved it before she made a bigger
mess of his closet.

"I need to look like a boy."

Donghae paused in the middle of opening the box and gave a shake of his head.

"If this is some kind of roleplay you and Yoona are doing, then I don't want to know."

She lifted the buckle dangling from her jacket and fervently rubbed at a nonexistent smudge as
he started taking out neatly folded clothes from the box.

"It's nothing like that."

"What's the real reason then?"

A pair of jeans torn at the knees seemed promising and she unfolded them.

"I need to fool some people."

The pant legs were longer and wider than what Yuri would have wore and the waist would have
been loose, but that was exactly what she was looking for. Putting the pants on the bed, she took
a black hoodie he had just unpacked and slid off her jacket to try it on. The hood covered most of
her face when she saw herself in the mirror. It was perfect.

"This feels like another elaborate prank of yours. Do you need more?"

She laid the hoodie next to the pants and scooped up a long sleeved shirt with a hood.

"No, I'm good. Thanks for this."

He nodded, knowing helping her might have meant helping her get into trouble. But his loyalty
to Yuri was unshakable. He would have backed Yuri up even if the world was against her.

She put her jacket back on and ran a finger along the velvet box in her pocket she found before
Donghae pushed her away from the closet. When he returned the box full of clothes to the closet
and closed its door she took the small box out. She let out a high whistle at the ring inside it.

He looked at her then at what she was holding and snatched it out of her hand.

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"When did you buy it?" she asked as he stuffed the box into the drawer nearest to him.

He sighed and stammered twice before speaking normally.

"The next morning after the doctor's visit."

"You work fast," she said, smiling with a happiness you could only get from seeing others
happy.

"Don't look at me like that. It's creepy."

She took the clothes and wrapped them in an organized bundle before putting them in her
backpack. He hadn't moved from the drawer, a loose pinky holding the drawer's handle and she
continued smiling.

"It's nice to know we're capable of doing such things, right?"

"What things?"

"Loving another so much we risk acting crazy for them."

He laughed and nodded in complete agreement. "It is crazy, isn't it?"

She zipped her jacket and slid her arms through the backpack straps.

"It is, and I think we have that in common, Donghae," she said with a smile and left.

Jessica pulled at a corner of her vest and managed to get it unbuttoned. Her bag dropped to the
floor in the middle of the room and behind it, by the door, was her thick coat. Every movement
she made was stinted with fatigue from a long day of work and no sleep from the night before.
She was hungry, but she was more tired than hungry and didn't even turn on the lights as she
trudged to her bedroom.

The pillows bounced when she fell onto the bed and she pulled out one arm from her shirt but
was too exhausted to do the other. She took a deep breath, finally relaxing and she was so sleepy-
-until she smelled her covers. Her feet and arms scrambled as she jumped off the bed. She bent
down and put her nose to the covers, hoping she was wrong, she was too tired for this, but the
same smell clouded her thoughts.

Tiffany. Tiffany's perfume, lotion, just Tiffany was all over Jessica's bed.

Sheets and covers and pillows flew across her room as she yanked everything from her bed,
leaving it completely bare and at the end of it she stood with a lone pillow, breathing harshly
from the sudden strenuous activity.

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The pillow soared to her nightstand and knocked her lamp over when she flung it. She put a hand
over her eyes, air streaming evenly from her nose and tried to calm her racing heart. Now truly
exhausted beyond belief, she collapsed to the scratchy mattress and closed her eyes, but knew
another sleepless night awaited her.

Yoona had just returned from brushing her teeth and changing into her pajamas when there was a
tap on her balcony door. She knew it was Yuri, no one else climbed up the scaffolding and stood
freezing outside in front of Yoona's room. That, and she called Yuri to come over since the house
was empty again.

"Why don't you ever use the front door?"

Yuri was too cold to give an answer and swung her jacket over Yoona's chair. Yoona drew in her
curtains after shutting the door, still shivering from the burst of cold that escaped. It would have
been nice for it to snow, then the weather wouldn't have been so burdensome.

A few minutes inside and Yuri's teeth were no longer clattering but her hands still felt like icicles
and she alternated between rubbing them together or blowing warm air into them while Yoona
turned off lights.

"I heard you ran out of class today," Yoona softly yelled from the bathroom.

Yuri lowered her cupped hands from her face and put them on the sides of her neck. Their
temperature made her back twitch.

"Only for a few minutes. How'd you hear about it anyway?"

Yoona flicked the switch on her lamp and had to blink a few times for her eyes to adjust to the
dark.

"You're dating me. People are going to talk," Yoona explained, walking over to where Yuri was
sitting on the bed.

Although Yoona's popularity wasn't astronomical anymore, it was still very high due to her
relationship with Yuri. The school kept tabs on both of them now, much to Yuri's dissatisfaction.
She liked it better when she was invisible, but wouldn't think of trading such privacy for Yoona.

Yuri leaned forward once Yoona was close, using her nose to push up Yoona's thin shirt and
kissing the skin she exposed. The light caresses tickled Yoona and she instinctively hunched
over but Yuri's hands were there to bring her back.

The strings on Yoona's pajama bottoms hung limply and Yuri took one between her fingers,
pulling on it until the flimsy knot came undone and one side of the pajamas drooped down over
Yoona's hip. Another tug on a pant leg and they slid down completely.

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Yoona stepped out of the pajamas and straddled Yuri's waist, taking the hem of Yuri's shirt and
Yuri lifted her arms for Yoona to pull it off. Yoona sunk her fingertips onto Yuri's bare stomach
and felt it tremble under their touch.

"You're shaking," Yoona whispered, worrying Yuri might be cold.

Yuri exhaled shakily, a little embarrassed Yoona noticed. She didn't like being this vulnerable, to
be helplessly dependent on another, but Yoona kept doing it so simply. One touch from Yoona
could put Yuri to her knees.

"Yea, you do that sometimes."

To downplay the admission, Yuri worked on removing Yoona's shirt and when it was off she
pressed a kiss to her shoulder, moving down to the collarbone and stopping to kiss Yoona's
throat. She could feel Yoona's sigh sputter from her lips and she bit down gently, running her
palms up the thighs around her waist.

They fell to the bed, entirely consumed with one another. Their lust was like a parasite, relentless
and with an endless appetite. Nothing was ever enough, no amount of time Yoona and Yuri spent
together satisfied it and each second apart only strengthened it. They were weak against it,
against each other, and more often than not they willingly let it control them.

Yuri wrongly believed she was the only weak one, but what she didn't know was Yoona felt
exactly the same, if not worse.

my heart thinks me a criminal

Yuri lied on her back and stuck a hand under her pillow. A thicker shadow of branches spread
across her ceiling and she watched, the movement a much needed diversion from the phone
resting on her belly. It was set to vibrate in precisely three minutes. She lifted her head an inch to
look at Yoona, the sleeping girl oblivious to what Yuri was about to do, and the guilt forced Yuri
to look away.

Unable to lie still anymore, Yuri went to her closet for the clothes from Donghae. Yoona hadn't
moved when Yuri emerged from the closet and a small part of Yuri wished Yoona would awake,
would tell her not to go, but then her phone vibrated and the second thoughts are replaced with
thoughts of her race and its winnings.

She pulled her hair over one shoulder, holding it close to her body and then leaned over to
Yoona, pressing a light kiss to the girl's temple. Yoona continued to sleep and Yuri crept out,
flicking the hood of the sweater over her head.

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There were more people than Yuri had imagined; two motorcycles, but a mass of spectators. She
stuck to the back and away from the crowd. As the minutes passed, another two motorcycles
arrived and soon thereafter, a large black SUV. Among the people that exited the car, she saw JJ,
scowling and unhappy, but didn't think much of it because his entourage was acting the opposite.
JJ reminded her a little of Seunghyun, only Seunghyun didn't reek of turpitude like JJ. The man's
aura was menacing, the kind animals would sense and retreat from. Yuri felt it too.

Her finger hovered over the start button to the engine when behind a few parked cars a familiar
face popped up. She froze, caught in a stare as she watched Taek stride to JJ's group and shake a
few hands. There wasn't much she could do, the motorcycles had already begun lining up and the
wait was over. Her bike was by far the least flashy and least expensive, and Taek had seen it
almost every weekend for the past year, but maybe she'd be lucky and Taek would overlook it.

She positioned her bike at the end of the line, behind a white spray painted line. The machines
next to her were more powerful than hers and she knew she'd have to rely on her experience to
win, because brute force wouldn't do.

The growing crowd remained docile for the most part. A few glances left and right and Yuri saw
they were mostly civilians, mostly male, in loosened ties and suits, and the rest might have
passed for Yuri's age, maybe college students.

The man she got the slip from walked down the line with an extended hand and she was the last
one to give her slip. He looked through the papers, gave a thumbs up to JJ and disappeared. Yuri
flexed her fingers over the handles, clutching and releasing, trying to loosen her stiff joints. The
other riders were decked out in motorcycle gear from head to toe and the rider next to her was
wearing nothing but name brands. Yuri wouldn't have been able to afford a sleeve of the guy's
jacket. Her attire was casual-- simple jeans and the jacket Yoona gave her-- but it might fool the
others into thinking she was inexperienced.

One by one, Taek began approaching the participants. There was a short talk with each of them,
he did most of the talking and when it was her turn, she put her head to the side despite the
relative darkness and her helmet. He passed a careless glance over her and she thought she had
gone by unnoticed but Taek's expression of indifference changed into anger.

"Yuri?" He shoved his face close to her helmet. "What the hell are you doing here?"

She ignored him and kept looking in the other direction.

"I know it's you."

"You've got me mistaken for someone else."

Her voice was surprisingly low and believable, but not for Taek. He knew her a bit too well.

"You've got two scars on the knuckles of your right hand. Pinky and ring finger."

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She didn't need to look to know he was right. Those scars had been there since she was fifteen,
when her fist collided with a brick wall. She didn't have time to be surprised at the fact he
noticed something so trivial as a scar on her hand.

"Just leave me alone Taek."

"You are an idiot!" He didn't say it too loud, but Yuri could definitely hear the exigency in the
statement, like he might have been actually worried. "Leave. Right now, Yuri."

Yuri finally looked at him and he found her eyes instantly, even though the visor should have
made it a harder task.

"Back off," she cautioned, her voice unyielding and he knew the only way she was going to leave
was if someone dragged her away, and he only became angrier because he couldn't.

A shout from the sidelines turned Taek from Yuri.

"What's the hold up, Taecyeon?"

"Just a sec!" He looked back to her. If he couldn't get her to leave, he might as well help her win.
"It's one lap around the block. Take the first left at every chance you get."

In the distance, way past the first left on the street, were cones showing which way to turn.
Cones Yuri saw being set up earlier by JJ's men.

"But the cones--"

"Trust me. Every first left."

He walked away with a thumbs up. JJ pushed himself out of the crowd and went to the front, a
few meters from the starting line. She felt the bikes next to her vibrate the ground but she didn't
respond to the intimidating revs and concentrated her energy to her left hand, fingers on the
clutch, and her left foot, twitching to shift gears.

JJ brought his arms up but Yuri was looking past him, only seeing him as a figure in the
background. The first street that went left was her real target, but her faith in Taek was
indecisive. He had never harmed her, despite his sleazy tendencies. Other than his endless
pursuit to get into her pants, he had been a decent guy.

The roaring bikes got louder and Yuri just became more focused with the rising volume.

Taek might have led her to a victory, or a defeat. All she had to do was choose whether to trust
him.

JJ's arms swung down and Yuri released the brake, her wrist snapping downward on the gas. The
force jerked her backward but she responded by leaning her upper body forward. Unsurprisingly,

251
three bikes overtook her immediately, but she could hear the irregular whine of their engines as
they passed. It was important to know exactly when to shift gears to achieve maximum speed
without losing any time and Yuri knew none of the riders had that experience.

The first left loomed and to make the turn, she would need to slow down. She looked back and
forth between the turns and at the last moment decided against it. Her hands and foot worked in
sync with each other, clutch and shift, clutch and shift, and she followed the red taillights of the
bikes ahead of her. But even at fourth gear, their lead only progressed and so did the sound of the
motorcycle behind her.

She cursed inside her helmet. The cones outlined a sharp turn up ahead and she could make it
without slowing down significantly but it wouldn't have assured a lead. Before the coned turn,
her headlight illuminated a small alleyway. It was completely unreliable, maybe a dead end, but
she realized continuing by the cones' direction wasn't going to grant her a win; the bikers were
too far ahead for her to catch up. Bracing herself for what she was about to do, she slammed on
the brakes while turning the handle bars sharply left. The bike slid with a screech, the muscles in
her arms tensing to keep control. However, she braked a second too late and gets slammed into
the wall of the alleyway. Like an electrocution, pain spread throughout her right leg as it briefly
got trapped between the wall and her bike, but she ignored it and her hands and foot reacted on
instinct, shooting the bike forward.

She turned on the high headlights to see further down the alley, maneuvering between cardboard
boxes and other small obstacles. The alley didn't go far and split left and right at ninety degree
angles. Taking the left would have just send her back to where she started so she timed the turn
carefully and slid her bike again. Such types of turns were easier on lighter motorcycles and if it
wasn't for the year she spent dabbling with motocross, she wouldn't have had as much luck as
she did now.

The track she was supposed to be on came into view and she increased the gas. As three
motorcycles zip by her, she returned to that street, trailing right behind them. There was a final
turn before the last straight leg of the race and while the others braked too much, or not enough,
Yuri stuck to the inside corner of the turn and passed them.

She didn't slow down until she was well past the finish and then made a quick u-turn back. The
other racers settled near the spray painted line and she watched for signs of disgruntlement. They
didn't do anything but strip off their helmets, exchanging a few handshakes. Some raised their
hands in acknowledgment to her and then left. JJ approached her first, simply to give her the
money, and he drove off in his SUV right after.

When the crowd began to disperse, she finally breathed.

"You didn't take the first left."

Her hands were shaking, pale and frozen, and her joints creaked from their stiffened position.
She put the thick envelope with the money inside her jacket, stuffing it as close to her chest as
possible. Her body warmed the cold paper instantly.

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"I won, it doesn't matter."

Taek took a step back when she swung her leg off the bike.

"You jumped out of an alley. You didn't take the first left, but you took the second--whoa."

The jammed knee buckled under her weight when she attempted to stand but Taek caught her
before she could fall. She bent the leg and shifted to stand on her other, pushing at Taek's chest
but it was like pushing a rock.

"I'm fine. Get off."

"You're limping."

She pushed at him again and used the bike as support. The pain shot through her veins, like pure
heat, and she unzipped her jacket to cool down. Mostly everyone was gone, but she kept her
helmet on and turned up her visor to speak without yelling.

"How did you get involved in this?"

"How did you?"

"I need the money."

"So do I."

It was an argument neither of them could fight against. When it came to money, for people like
them, who didn't have the luxury of a rich family or good connections, they made do with what
they could get their hands on.

She tried standing on her other leg and bit her lip at how much it hurt. It was like someone was
drilling a hole from the inside of her kneecap.

"Was anyone suspicious?" she asked, finally looking up once the pain subsided.

"Of the fact you're a girl? Or that you cheated?"

She couldn't read the look on his face, mostly because he was staring at her limp leg.

"Both."

"It was quiet. I heard someone mention you came out of nowhere, but they figured your
headlight was busted. You fooled them well with your little costume. You should have asked me
if you wanted some clothes."

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And the Taek she always knew was back, which was a good thing; she was quite unsure what to
think of his sudden concern for her. His grin was a nice sight, it was familiar, and at least she had
someone to share her victory with.

"The last turn, you almost crashed to the ground," he mentioned.

She was aware of that. Her knee almost scraped against the asphalt; a little lower and she would
have been possible road kill.

"I know."

"If you plan on continuing in the races, you should hit the gym. I can help if you want."

Of course he would. She rolled her eyes, but he did have a point. In daily rides to school and
home, she didn't have to strain her body to control her bike, but the danger and need for control
multiplied with higher speeds. Gaining some muscle was necessary if she didn't want to further
hurt herself.

The adrenaline numbed her leg but now that it was fading, she could feel the harsh cold and the
pain. It was time for her to go.

"Thank you, Taek," she said grudgingly and sat back on the bike. She didn't like owing Taek
anything but without his help, she wouldn't have won.

"Sure."

She left and he watched her go, like always.

Yuri was positive she didn't make a sound when she entered the house. She even turned off the
bike and walked it the last few meters so it wouldn't make any noise or cast any light. Yoona still
sat with her knees to her chest when Yuri got to the room.

Yuri locked her jaw and walked normally to the bed. A light sweat covered her by the time she
reached the bed and she lowered herself onto it, lying next to Yoona, immediately feeling relief.

"What are you wearing?" Yoona asked. The clothes were too bulky, nothing like Yuri would
wear.

"I went for a drive. I borrowed some of Donghae's clothes since they're warmer. What are you
doing up?"

Yoona meld her body to fit Yuri's, sliding arms and legs over the girl and resting her chin on
Yuri's chest.

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"You left me alone. I couldn't sleep."

The pain in Yuri's leg was nothing compared to what Yoona could do with a few words. Yuri
pulled Yoona up to her mouth, only breaking the kiss to rasp out a quick promise.

"I'm sorry. I won't leave you again."

"I'm going out, okay?"

Tiffany raised her hand over her head to let Sooyoung know she was listening. The door closed
and Tiffany resumed reading another article. She rolled her highlighter up and down the desk but
soon got bored and stood. She walked around the room with the article in hand, pensively biting
the end of the highlighter every time she read something she didn't understand.

It was a Sunday afternoon, she should have been outside, and she gave the window a forlorn
glance when she passed by it. Four cars drove down the street, one yellow, two red and one
silver. She was distracted yet again and threw the article behind her, the pages fluttering to the
floor. It was useless trying to study right now.

She took a shower, third one that day, wishing some of her focus would return with it. A change
of clothes later she gathered the article and sat down at her desk. Before trying to read it again,
she took out a small tube from her drawer, next to her Kisses. She glossed her lips with the balm
and went back to reading the article. Somewhere between the third and fourth sentence she lost
her concentration, the words blurring and doubling as her mind drifted.

She had licked her lips, tasting the balm, but she didn’t, because she tasted Jessica instead.

Tangerines. Her mouth was filled with the taste of tangerines.

Stupid Barbie tainted everything.

The first thing Yuri did when she awoke was bend her left knee. There was a twinge but it was
manageable. The real test would be whether she could stand on it. She moved to detach herself
from Yoona but was only pulled closer.

"It's Sunday, Yul. Just keep sleeping."

Yuri pursed her lips, a bit peeved, but remained motionless. Yoona had way too much reign over
her. They were lucky Yuri didn't mind so much.

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A hand floated across Yuri's stomach to her hip and Yuri looked at the back of Yoona's head
lying on her shoulder. The hand scooted lower, nails skating down her thigh and Yuri
instinctively gripped the back of Yoona's shirt. Seconds later, she embarrassingly let go.

"Next time you'll tell me when you leave, right?"

Yuri wondered if the money she got from the race was worth Yoona's doubts. A small yawn
sounded from Yoona but Yuri felt it as a hum against her chest and felt Yoona's body ripple
when the girl stretched.

It was possible there was nothing that had as much worth as Yoona's anything, doubts or
whatever else.

"It was a onetime thing. Not going to happen again."

Yuri shifted gently, pushing herself up with an elbow. Yoona's hand fell from Yuri's hip but kept
close to her stomach.

"I don't mind." She did. "I trust you." She did. "I just don't like it when you disappear in the
middle of the night without a word." God, that she didn't.

"I won't anymore."

Yuri traced her bottom lip against a reddened love mark on Yoona's neck from the night before.
She didn't like them, thought they were tacky and a bit ostentatious but Yuri usually did them by
accident. It was hard to control herself when Yoona would moan her name just so.

Yoona dissolved into a fit of giggles and Yuri pulled the sheets over them, with the intent of
shushing her.

The clanging of Yoona's keys echoed up the stairs and it baited Yoona's father from his bedroom.
He had just returned from another trip and had brought something for Jiyoung and Yoona.
Jiyoung had received her present and he had been waiting for Yoona to come home so she could
get hers.

Yoona's foot stalled mid step when she saw her father hovering near her room.

"Hi Dad."

"Hello, Yoona. How has your day been?"

She was about to brush him off, close the door in his face but saw Yuri's disapproving eyes on
the white wall, and with great trouble turned back to her father.

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"Fine Dad, did you need something?"

He stepped nearer and she noticed how short he was, how small he had become. As a child she
felt like she'd never be able to grow as tall and now she was a few centimeters from looking
down at him. Not long ago that would have brought her great satisfaction, now it practically
meant nothing. It almost hurt actually.

"One of my flights was cancelled in Italy. In Rome to be precise." He held something in his hand
Yoona couldn't see until he raised his hand to her. It was a coin. "I had almost an entire day to
waste and I stopped by this beautiful fountain. It wasn't until later that I found out how famous it
was. But I found this in the water," he turned the coin and Yoona could make a faint outline of
the number ten on it, "it's ten lire and it's a little rare. The production of the lira stopped because
of the Euro."

Yoona leaned on the door, taking the coin from his hand. It was scratched up and faded, with a
flattened edge.

"So it's useless basically?"

Her father gave a small laugh at the blunt remark.

"Basically, yes. But there's a tradition at the fountain. If you throw it over your shoulder, it
means you will return to Rome."

"I didn't throw this though."

"No, but maybe some of the magic from the person who did will come to you."

It sounded like a plot from a movie, but she didn't say it. She sighed through her nose and started
walking to her room, putting the coin between her fingers. "So what else did you see in Rome?"

He smiled in relief and followed her. To anyone else, this wasn't much, but he was elated.
Second chances were hard to come by.

"Yuri!" Yuri toppled into the wall from Sooyoung's hug. "Where have you been hiding? I know
you got yourself a new squeeze but that doesn't mean you have to bail on us."

Squeeze?

"I've just been a little busy."

"Sure you have," Sooyoung cooed, ruffling Yuri's hair. Yuri realized then Sooyoung was high. It
explained the sudden affection. "Tiffany isn't here, but she just went to the café to get me a
sandwich. Munchies are starting to kick in."

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The room had the lingering smell of pot, musky and sweet, and Yuri wished she could have
pulled her shirt over her nose without making it seem rude. She spun Tiffany's desk chair out and
sat. Sooyoung inspected her like she was a suspect of some sort and Yuri fidgeted in the chair
under the girl's eyes.

"I'm going to ask you something, and I want you to be honest with me," Sooyoung said, sitting
on the bed with folded hands. "Can you do that Yuri? Can you be honest with me?"

It had to be the pot talking because Sooyoung was ridiculous, but not to this extent.

"Yes, Sooyoung," Yuri responded, resisting a smile, "I can be honest."

"But with me, can you--"

"Sooyoung, I'll answer honestly."

"Because I need you to be really honest, not just a little honest, really--"

"Sooyoung!" Sooyoung blinked like someone just woke her up from sleep. "I'll be honest, I
swear."

"Okay, good." A piece of paper and pencil appeared in Sooyoung's hand after she looked under
her bed, throwing a sock she found to the side in the process. Her speech drawled, slow like it
was taking a leisurely stroll along the park on a Saturday afternoon. "Now, when's the last time
you spoke to Tiffany?"

Sooyoung attempted at acting like a cold cop but Yuri couldn't take the interrogation seriously
when Sooyoung tapped her cheek with the pencil and almost stabbed her eye. But there was no
reason for Yuri to lie.

"A week ago. Not entirely, but it's been somewhere around a week."

"Are you being honest with me, Yuri? Because I really need--"

"Sooyoung, the last time I saw her and talked to her was at the park. I promise I'm not lying."

The eraser of the pencil rubbed against Sooyoung's temple as she thought and double checked
her scribbled note. She barely could read the handwriting and told herself writing when high
wasn't a good idea.

"Damn it." Sooyoung crossed something out, then trashed the paper, the pencil accidentally
going into the waste bin as well but she was too lazy to take it out. Her head flopped to the
pillow as she spoke more to herself than to Yuri, "Then who could it be?"

"What's going on?"

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Sooyoung looked at Yuri like she forgot there was someone else in the room with her.

"Oh, it's about Tiffany."

Maybe Yuri shouldn't have been eager to know what it was, but Tiffany walked with her to hell
and back, been with Yuri when she was at her darkest and Yuri would have given up organs to
help if something was wrong.

"What about her?"

There was a helplessness Yuri recognized in Sooyoung's eyes even if they were bloodshot. It was
the feeling of wanting to help but not knowing how or where to start.

"She's only been like this with you." Sooyoung sighed and almost looked sober when she sat up
again and stared at Yuri. "I really thought it was you."

"Like what?"

"She doesn't bring people here anymore. When you two stopped seeing each other, there was
always someone with her, sometimes they changed in the span of a few hours. But now there's
no one. She goes out every night, but always comes back alone."

Tiffany's exploits weren't a shock to Yuri.

"So? She did the same when we were together," Yuri said, trying to sound indifferent, but the
words came out choked, like it was a truth she couldn't swallow.

"What? No." Now Sooyoung was the one looking at Yuri like she was high. "She was faithful to
you, Yuri."

Yuri didn't react for a long second, unable to believe Sooyoung. She gave a small and quick
shake of her head.

"No, she wasn't."

"Oh Yuri," Sooyoung bemoaned with a smile like Yuri was a naïve child and Sooyoung was
about to tell her unicorns didn't exist. "But I don't blame you, she fooled me too. I mean, she
wasn't completely faithful, she would mess around with a boy if she got drunk, but the longer she
was with you, the less she did it."

The door opened but Yuri didn't hear it or see it. Her world had been turned slightly upside
down.

"Okay, I tried to tell the worker you wanted every kind of ham but he--Oh, hey Yuri!"

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Tiffany flung the sandwich at Sooyoung's head and gave Yuri a tight hug, sitting down in the
girl's lap. Yuri's knee twitched at the impact.

"How nice of you to visit," Tiffany said, pinching Yuri's cheek.

Yuri pulled Tiffany's arms from her neck and avoided her eyes. Sooyoung took a slow bite,
quickly sensing something odd between the two. She pointed to the door with the sandwich.

"I'm going to go outside. Sandwiches taste better outside."

Neither Yuri nor Tiffany said anything to the lame excuse and they didn't see Sooyoung leave
the door ajar.

Tiffany moved out of Yuri's lap and Yuri stood, taking a few steps away. There was a train of
thoughts billowing through Yuri's head and she was trying to make sense of it, but she was the
one who felt drugged now, like one plus one no longer equaled two.

"You--Did you--" Yuri stopped her fumbling tongue and took a breath, but even then it was not
enough, she still felt like the room was running out of air. She was just supposed to come by to
see Tiffany, ask her how her week had been, that was all. She didn't want what Sooyoung had
told her. "When we were together, did you sleep with anyone else?"

A trained eye would have seen the way Tiffany's pupils dilated or how the muscles in her arms
tightened just below the skin. But Yuri wasn't trained and she missed all of it.

"Why?"

"Were you faithful when we were together? Just answer the question, Tiffany," Yuri pleaded.

It wasn't a complete surprise. These kinds of questions were asked at one point in a relationship,
no matter how casual Tiffany made it out to be. But Tiffany never decided how she would
answer.

She remembered what she learned about detecting when someone was lying.

A liar would avoid eye contact.

Tiffany looked at Yuri directly in her eyes.

"No, I wasn't."

A statement with a contraction was more likely to be truthful.

"You're great, but let's not kid ourselves."

A liar might add unnecessary pauses and fidget.

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Tiffany's words streamed from her mouth effortlessly and she stayed still.

"Sorry Yuri, I thought you understood when I said I didn't want anything serious."

Yuri nodded and was glad to have cleared the air, but she couldn't be there anymore. She couldn't
be in the same room with Tiffany and not have it feel like her heart was a fist, rattling her from
the inside out. So she left, passing by Sooyoung who was just outside the door, listening to the
whole conversation.

The sandwich was in Sooyoung's hands, but she hadn't taken a bite since she stepped out. She
went back into the room and stared at the foil, listening to Tiffany exhale deep breaths, each one
shakier than the last.

"Why did you lie?"

Tiffany cocked her head to Sooyoung, acting like Sooyoung was asking what she wanted to eat
for lunch.

"What would have the truth done?"

"A lot." But Tiffany didn't seem to care and it angered Sooyoung because no matter how much
she tried, she couldn't shake any sense into Tiffany. "Stop trying to be a martyr because in the
end, the only one who loses is you."

"What do you think she would have done, Sooyoung? Do you think she would have left Yoona?
Do you think it would have changed anything?" They both knew the answers to those questions.
Nothing, no and no. "The truth would have only screwed everything
up."

"You don't know that."

Tiffany rolled her eyes and went to her closet, pulling out all the outerwear necessary to go
outside.

"Sooyoung, you have my permission to withdraw."

Easily distracted, Sooyoung forgot about what they were talking about and slammed a fist onto
her knee causing a piece of lettuce to fall to the floor from the sandwich.

"You always say that and I still don't get it!"

"Just say thank you and get out."

"This is my room too bitch!"

"Whore!"

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"Slut!"

"I'm going to the library. Need anything?"

The sudden switch from crazed yelling to an ordinary conversation was normal. Only for them.

"No, I picked up the Zombie Survival Guide yesterday."

"'Kay, I'll see you later then."

Sooyoung nodded and watched Tiffany leave. Once the door was closed, Sooyoung looked
around the room and to the sandwich. It wasn't how she wanted to resolve Tiffany's problem but
maybe the whole thing was irresolvable.

"Oh well," she sighed and continued eating.

if cupid's got a gun, then he's shooting

They were supposed to be doing homework, or at least Yoona was, but somewhere between
world history and biology Yoona got bored. Mostly it was because Yuri had left Yoona in the
dining room and then disappeared to another part of the house.

It was silent so Yuri couldn't have been watching TV or listening to music. Maybe she was
reading. Or collecting more poems.

The chair tipped backwards and Yoona held onto the table, trying to see into Yuri's room but saw
nothing. She carefully put the chair back on all four legs before she crashed to the floor and
broke her neck. The colorful picture of a mitochondria wasn't enough to persuade her to study so
she left the books and quietly walked to Yuri's room.

When Yoona poked her head in, Yuri was doing sit ups. She counted twenty of them (who knew
how many Yuri had done before Yoona came) before going around and sitting in front of Yuri.

It had been two weeks since Yuri's race and since then she was doing all kinds of small exercises
to get into better shape. Her knee had mostly healed and the ugly bruise that formed was
beginning to fade. Luckily, Yoona had yet to see it but Yuri was required to make excuses every
time Yoona wanted to shower together. The knee was bothersome, not just in the sense of
physical pain.

"This is new," Yoona said, resting her arm on Yuri's knees as the girl completed more sit ups.
Her eyes naturally descended to Yuri's stomach, watching the muscles contract and loosen. Now
this was a biology she could easily get into.

"I'm out of shape. Hanging out with you has made me a little soft."

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Yoona's hands roamed down Yuri's thighs, to her hips and then under. Yuri paused halfway, her
stomach quaking in strain as Yoona spoke, completely serious.

"But I like you soft."

Yoona pulled Yuri's knees apart and crawled in between them, pushing Yuri to the floor.

"You should be doing homework," Yuri said but her legs still wrapped around Yoona to bring
her closer.

"I should be doing a lot of things."

Yoona flicked her tongue against Yuri's top lip, curious to how Yuri would react and grinned at
the kiss she received. Yuri should have put up more of an effort to oppose Yoona's mouth and
she should have continued exercising. They should have stopped taking off their clothes in the
middle of the room and they probably should have moved to the bed.

There was a lot of should haves, but Yuri and Yoona were teenagers and lacked the discipline to
follow them.

Tiffany only stood a few minutes outside the building, partly debating whether she should just
trash the shirt but she didn't want Barbie using anything against her. An older lady was leaving
and Tiffany slipped inside before the doors closed. She walked up the two floors to Jessica's
apartment and surprisingly had no trouble remembering where the apartment was. It was
probably because people often remembered traumatizing moments vividly.

She knocked twice before starting to get angry. Jessica was draining her patience and the girl
wasn't even there.

"Fine, you won't open the door, then--"

But the door did open and the two girls frowned at each other like hated enemies.

"Selling more girl scout cookies?"

"I didn't know your salary could afford such luxuries."

"As cookies?"

Tiffany's pretty face contorted into another scowl, but even then it just looked cute and it made
Jessica want to poke her in the cheek. Jessica closed her eyes at the weird thought. The hell was
she thinking? Going against every rational thought in her head she opened the door wider and
Tiffany walked in, also going against every rational thought in her head.

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After taking the shirt, Jessica backed into the other side of the room, far from Tiffany.
Unintentionally, she got a scent of the shirt, but could smell nothing of Tiffany except for the
detergent she used.

Tiffany looked at Jessica, but Jessica wasn't looking at her, somehow making this whole trip
seem worthless. She turned to leave but Jessica's voice just roped her back in.

"This isn't all we have to be. We could--" Jessica changed the sentence, because she couldn't
speak on behalf of Tiffany, so she spoke what she knew for certain. "I could love you."

"Why the hell would you want to do something like that?" Tiffany questioned crassly, like the
idea of Jessica loving Tiffany equaled torture. In a way, it did.

Jessica couldn't deal with being this vulnerable with Tiffany and still be punished for it. She
answered defensively, the words almost a shout by the time she stops speaking.

"Maybe if you stuck around for long enough, I could find out."

And Tiffany couldn't deal with being vulnerable at all. She didn't like what Jessica did to her and
what her eyes did to her. Maybe Tiffany lied. Jessica's eyes weren't like a zombie's, only in the
sense they scared the living hell out of Tiffany.

"Do you even know what love is?" Tiffany turned around and distanced herself from Jessica with
every word without even moving anywhere. "Love is needing someone, really needing them,
physically, emotionally, mentally, and still letting them leave you. Then each second after that is
hell and you think it couldn't possibly get any worse, but you get proved wrong every passing
second. Love is the asshole that beats you in every way possible and everyone is an idiot for
crawling back to it. Not me. I refuse to be that idiot."

The door slammed and everything became quiet again.

Tiffany was right and Jessica agreed completely. Oddly enough though, it did little to change
how she felt.

Yoona finished her homework at some point and would have stayed at Yuri's but her father
called to tell her she needed to come home because there was a meeting he needed to attend and
didn't want to leave Jiyoung alone.

On the way home, Yoona stopped by a pizza place to buy their dinner. When she was done
placing the order, she went to an empty table and waited. In the back, sitting alone, she found
Nichkhun. He spotted her seconds later and lifted his hand an inch to give her a short wave. She
did the same and in a few hand motions asked if it was okay for her to come over. He
enthusiastically gestured for her to sit with him.

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He stood when she was by the table and she went for a hug, but he stuck his hand out for a
handshake and they laughed nervously before Khun put his arms around her. He was skinnier,
she could feel it, but his chest was just as soft when she put her cheek against him. She had
missed him and didn't even know it until now.

They sat and from habit she extended her hand to hold his but stopped herself midway and
dropped the hand onto the table.

"So how've you been?" he began, giving her a disarming smile. It eased her but simultaneously
she got hit with a nostalgia that kept her eyes on the napkins.

"Good. School is keeping me busy. How was your winter break?"

"I went skiing with Hyoyeon's brother and his family in Austria."

That explained why Hyoyeon wasn't at the Golden Fox. Yoona was expecting plenty of drama
from the girl but when she was absent for the whole week, Yoona thought it was because of pure
luck.

"Sounds fun."

"It was, but it got boring by the end of the week. You can only ski so much. How was yours?"

"I stayed home, went to the Golden Fox mostly."

The corners of his mouth lifted, tugging at another smile and she found herself smiling back.

"Sounds pretty tame compared to your usual routine."

"My usual routine has changed. It's a lot calmer now."

"You're not bored with it? I can't remember the last time you liked it when things were calm."

He still saw her as the party girl, restless and bored, playing with fire night after night, and she
didn't blame him. However, that girl had died long ago.

"You'd be surprised," she said, and he was surprised, because the girl sitting before him wasn't
the one he fell in love with. She was better.

An order was called out and it was Khun's. Yoona went with him to pick it up and he paid,
drawing out the seconds he had left with her. They could hang out, maybe grab a coffee, he
could tell her he missed her--

"It was good seeing you."

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There was no space in the statement, no space for him. His smile was dimmer this time, the small
bit of life he got from seeing her was just as quickly snatched away. He picked up the pizza from
the counter and turned to her.

"You too."

There was something saying he should tell her more, ask her about that coffee or mention he
thought about her everyday still, but he couldn't. Not physically, because he had a working
mouth and voice, yet, another look at this new Yoona and he realized he didn't know her. It was
strange; he was missing a girl that didn't even exist anymore.

Tiffany reached for her CD player but remembered she threw out all those new CDs she bought.

A restless kind of tired had her pinned to the bed. It weighed on her limbs and chest, heavy and
unrelenting, and each time she got up dizziness put her straight down. It was probably from the
cake Sooyoung made earlier. She wanted to call Sooyoung and bitch about it but didn't have the
strength for that either. Sooyoung was with Youngbae anyway, which meant she wouldn't be
back until the next day so at least Tiffany could sleep peacefully.

But then someone was knocking, no, banging, on her door.

"Go away!" she yelled and turned her back to the door, like the offending person could see.

The banging persisted. She got up and was about to tell the frat boy who had been trying to get
with her his breath smelled like dead raccoon but when she opened the door, it was no frat boy.

"How did you find me?"

Jessica didn't answer because she promised Yuri she wouldn't reveal her as the source and
walked in the room. She was on a mission anyway, a one way track, and nothing was throwing
her off.

"I don't want the shirt anymore. It smells."

It didn't, actually, but it made Jessica think of Tiffany so it was cause enough. She threw it to
Tiffany's feet.

"I washed it," Tiffany said, kicking the shirt back to Jessica.

"I don't want it."

"I don't want it either!"

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Jessica picked up the shirt and wondered if throwing it at Tiffany's face would make her feel
better. "Why are you so insufferable?!"

"Me?! You're the one who comes here trying to give me your shirt. Why would I want a shirt
even Sasquatch wouldn't want to wear?!"

"When are you going to stop?"

Jessica didn't yell it angrily. Her voice had softened so much, so close to a whisper, and Tiffany
thought it completely unfair. It was like Jessica had resorted to a forbidden warfare Tiffany
couldn't defend herself from.

"When are you?"

"I did." Jessica shrugged and put her palms out, like she was making herself an open target. "I
don't expect you to do the same, but if this is all we're going to do, just yell at each other, then I
don't want any part in it."

All of Tiffany's knowledge on the brain and human emotions was worthless when it came to
Jessica. She didn't know what Jessica wanted, she couldn't read her face, nothing made sense. It
terrified her.

"Well at least you held out for this long. It's been fun, Barbie."

Even with no expectations, Jessica held onto some small hope--how stupid of her. She went for
the door but only got it opened an inch before it was shut.

Tiffany's hand remained on the door and Jessica could feel Tiffany's words as hot breath on her
neck.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do when you're close." Tiffany scratched the paint on the
door with a finger and spoke what she realized seconds ago when Jessica wanted to walk away
from her. "It's like, I thought I was in love with Yuri, but...then you came along."

Jessica sighed, expelling the air with such relief she even felt lighter. When she turned around,
Tiffany didn't avoid her eyes, she was still so stubborn, but Jessica didn't feel so hopeless
anymore.

"You're doing that zombie staring thing again. It's really unattractive," Tiffany said, unable to
take the silence. She took her hand back and tried to look to the side but Jessica was smiling and
maybe it had the slight ability of holding the entirety of Tiffany's attention. Maybe.

"If you don't like it then just look away."

With a roll of her eyes, Tiffany did just that and walked to her bed. It had been a weird day and
she was still tired.

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"You have my permission to withdraw," Tiffany told Jessica, raising her hand like she was
dismissing her.

There was no response right away and Tiffany wasn't surprised, though a bit disappointed.

"If you were a princess and this was Rome, maybe I'd listen."

The reply stunned Tiffany with disbelief. Jessica actually understood the reference.

And if Tiffany Hwang was capable of doing something as ridiculous as swooning, she would
have.

"How's your knee?"

Taek nodded to the leg and Yuri hid it behind her bike. She really didn't like the way he looked
at her and she actually preferred it when he was being perverted. At Era he did the same, asked
the same, and doing it now, minutes before a race, was ridiculous.

"It's fine." She glanced around but no one was watching them. Still, she wouldn't look at him
when she spoke. "You need to stop hanging around me. People are going to start noticing."

JJ never said anything about cheating, but she was sure he wouldn't react kindly if he found out.

It was her third race and she was growing accustomed to it, but that was nothing to be proud of.
After each race the reality of what she was doing created a revolting guilt in her stomach. Each
glance at Yoona made it worse. Keeping the races from Yoona was beginning to exhaust Yuri.
When she opened her mouth to talk about it, Yoona's eyes blockaded the words and they were
like a traffic jam in the middle of her throat. Taek's information made the entire ordeal that much
easier as well. She wouldn't have stood a chance if he hadn't divulged secrets on winning for
each race. It was foolish, wholly foolish; she suspected Taek wasn't one to give out such
promising information without some kind of reward. And who knew what JJ was capable of
doing.

But the adrenaline after a win was breathtaking. It had the characteristics of a drug, addicting and
damaging, especially when she went back to it knowing the consequences well outweighed the
benefits. She was screwed if she did, screwed if she didn't.

"That was awesome! The last turn? I can't believe you pulled a move like that."

Taek hadn't stopped smiling since she crossed the finish line, running past the throng so he could
be first. She smiled too because it was simple human instinct: she had won something and was
extremely happy.

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The regular racers who had been with her through all three races congratulated her, hearty slaps
on the back always knocking a breath out of her. They tried to engage in a conversation, some of
them questioning how she managed to spring to first place every time but luckily Taek told them
to back off and luckily they listened.

JJ opened the SUV door and stepped out into the night, cursing the weather. These kinds of
freezing temperatures fouled his mood that even his friends knew not to bother him unless it was
dire. In this case, it was very dire.

"JJ, we need to talk."

It was one of the guys on his payroll, JJ recognized, but barely, which meant it must be someone
who worked undercover. JJ stuck the envelope of money into a pocket and they walked to the
side.

"What is it?"

"Taecyeon. We think he's helping someone cheat."

JJ's hand rose to his scar. It was not apparent, but he was seething. "Take care of him and the
racer."

"How severe?"

JJ was already walking to Yuri to give her the money when he responded chillingly.

"Just make sure they don't try the same bullshit again."

"So are you going to leave anytime soon, Barbie?"

"Are you ever going to call me by my actual name?"

"Why would I do that?"

It was always one step forward, a hundred steps back. Jessica moved her leg because it was
cramping but Tiffany thought she was leaving and impulsively blurted something out.

"Why don't you make yourself useful and give me a lap dance or something since you're here."

Most people would laugh in Tiffany's face, trying to hide a blush. Maybe they'd tell her off and
wonder if she was possibly insane. Or they'd actually comply because Tiffany always got what
she wanted. Jessica didn't do any of that.

"Why don't you give me one?"

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Tiffany waited for Jessica to blink first or look away. She would have waited forever.

"I have work. My shift starts soon," Jessica spoke up after a short stare contest.

Right, bartender Barbie. Tiffany smiled in a moment of brief daydreaming, picturing Jessica in a
neat box with captions such as, "Accessories include a rag and martini shaker!"

"Hello, what are you so happy about?"

The daydream dissolved, though Jessica was still there.

"Nothing, mind your own business. God, you're so annoying."

Jessica nodded, thought whatever, and slid off the bed. In the time she put her jacket and gloves
on, an appropriate way of telling Tiffany goodnight didn't come. There wasn't much of a point
anyway. The only predictability Jessica was certain of was Tiffany was unpredictable and as
much as she didn't want it to be, it was charming. It was why she didn't say a word when she left.
They were going to come back to each other, one way or another, sooner or later.

There was no explanation for it but Tiffany wouldn't give up her search. The moment she did
was the moment she'd make the same mistake twice.

Yoona's body mostly moved from habit when she got up to get to her balcony doors. She had
been asleep, like any sane person would be at three in the morning but Yuri's occasional
midnight drives often led the girl to Yoona.

There was no warning when the door opened and Yuri breezed through the curtains, in those
same raggedy clothes, straight to Yoona's mouth. Every cell in Yoona's body shuddered from
Yuri's cold body, but it fizzed out within seconds and soon she started shuddering for different
reasons.

By the bed, Yoona managed to get a word out when Yuri took off her shirt. More like ripped it
off because Yoona could hear a seam tear when Yuri pulled at the hem.

"What's gotten into you?"

Yuri realized how she was acting but the adrenaline was still rushing and there was only one
activity that could burn it out. However, she would never force anything on Yoona.

"I'm sorry, I--" Yuri cupped Yoona's ribs, fitting her fingers into the faint grooves. It'd torture her
horribly if Yoona refused her right now. "I'm sorry. I'll go."

Yoona's hair gave a short swish as she shook her head once, fingers deftly working on a jean's
zipper. "I didn't say that."

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Yuri leaned her forehead onto Yoona's for support, her mouth spouting quick breaths. Yoona
kissed her, a bit sloppily because most of her focus was directed toward getting Yuri out of her
clothes. Yuri didn't have her jacket off when they started panting, growing impatient and eager
and it hadn't even been five minutes yet.

Once they were lying down Yuri moved lower, only stopping to say a quick warning onto
Yoona's stomach.

"This isn't my place, you can't be loud."

Yoona twisted her neck into the pillow and covered her mouth with half of it. It should have
more or less muffled any sound.

There were only two keys to Jessica's apartment. Her landlord had one of them and Jessica had
the other. So why Tiffany was sitting on her couch baffled Jessica.

"How did you--?"

Jessica looked at the locks, searching for signs of a break in.

"Santa Claus let me in. I told him I was your dying sister from Kazakhstan, that you had my
medicine and without it I would die."

It was possibly illegal but Tiffany wasn't worried. She had paid off the police once before.

"Why are you here?" Jessica asked, hanging her coat and then stuffing her gloves into its pocket.

"I was in the neighborhood."

"Doing what?"

"Visiting my psychic."

Jessica was in her room, out of Tiffany's sight, and so smiled freely. After putting her vest away
she closed the closet, revealing Tiffany on the other side but Jessica paid no attention. She
unbuttoned the top button of her shirt and pulled at the collar to loosen it.

"Okay, but why are you here?"

"Are you really going to make me say it?"

"Why can't you?"

"Why should I when we both want it?"

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Their question conversations were never going to get them anywhere, Jessica realized that, but it
was the only way they could talk and Jessica would take whatever she could get. She filled her
lungs with air for an impending sigh but she had been sighing too much these days, especially
when it concerned Tiffany, so she breathed it out as a question.

"How do you know what I want?"

Tiffany didn't, and she would never say it but it pissed her off more than old people who thought
they could still drive. She could only assume and the thing with assumptions was they could be
proven wrong.

Jessica waited for an answer but Tiffany was gazing up at the ceiling like it had stars so Jessica
left the room. Tiffany didn't want to follow like some puppy and glanced at the window for a fire
escape or something, but she was in heels and it could kill her. Stupid one bedroom apartment.

"If you can't say it," Tiffany started saying, going to the threshold, becoming increasingly
annoyed, "then imagine how hard it is for me."

But that was not the response Jessica was going for. She didn't want to play games anymore.

"Just come here and make out with me," Tiffany whined.

"Go make out with someone else."

Tiffany hung her head, speaking more to the floor than to Jessica. "No one kisses like you do..."

"What? Stop mumbling."

Tiffany refused to cower to anyone or anything, even if it was her pride she was up against.

"I like it when you're near." She walked to Jessica, cornering her against the island. "I can't give
you a better explanation than that."

Jessica didn't need one. Her finger traced the faceplate of Tiffany's watch and she smiled because
it was from Tiffany & Co. "Was that so hard?"

Tiffany pulled at Jessica's shirt, messily untucking it and then putting her palm flat against
Jessica's stomach like it was the cold water to Tiffany's fevered hand.

"You have no idea."

The girl Tiffany was months ago would have been disgusted with how she was acting now. But
those kinds of feelings had little value to an addict.

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The sun was an invading presence. It was disturbing Yoona's sleep terribly and she needed all
she could get considering she hadn't been sleeping for more than two hours. She heard the bed
creak and felt cool hair wash over her cheek.

"Yoong, I have to go." Yoona didn't need to open her eyes to know Yuri was already dressed--
she could smell the leather of the jacket. "I'll see you at school."

Yuri moved in absolute silence, heading down the stairs like it was a mine field. She was so
close to the foyer, so close to getting out unnoticed when she was stopped by a voice from the
kitchen.

"Good morning, Yuri."

Yuri stayed frozen, only moving her eyes to the kitchen to see Yoona's father, a piece of toast in
his hand. It was five in the morning, early for Yuri and Yoona, but parents were a different story.

The one day she chose to use the front door...

"Good morning sir."

He wiped his mouth with a napkin and stood with his coffee. His pace was leisurely when he
walked over to Yuri and she was expecting a brutal lashing of lecturing but his serene face was
much more frightening.

"Could you go and get Yoona please?"

Yuri didn't question why and followed the order, bringing Yoona down. It was too early for
Yoona, her brain wasn't functioning at full speed but even when half conscious she knew when
not to irritate her father.

"There need to be some rules," Yoona's father began once they were both in front of him, rigid
like soldiers in front of their commanding officer. "From now on, no sleepovers during school
nights and your curfew is eleven o'clock."

Yoona opened her mouth to object but her father continued, cutting her off.

"Yuri is allowed to stay the night during weekends no more than three times a month, in the
guest room. All of this must go through me first. Is this understood?"

"Yes sir," Yuri replied first.

Yoona locked her jaw, defiant against these sudden rules but Yuri's fingers found her hand,
prying her fist open and that was all it took. Yoona conceded to her father with a nod, sliding her
fingers between Yuri's.

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He was ready for a fight from Yoona, for shouting and noncooperation. A glimpse at the girls'
hands and he understood why Yoona was compliant but not how. How Yuri did more in months
than he could in years. How, possibly, his teenage daughter's relationship had more love than his
twenty year marriage to his wife.

Yoona pulled Yuri to the door, away from her father and he watched until they moved closer
together. He never thought there would be a day when he would be envious of his daughter.

the past is told by those who win

Memory #6
Yuri is fourteen, Yoona is thirteen

The sun almost seemed blasphemous. It was bright, cheerful, and everyone wished it gone.

It was insufferably hot and the black clothes only made the heat worse. Yoona was lucky she
could hide behind the shade of a tree and sympathized with the crowd standing in the thickest
heat of the sun. She could hardly see Yuri but she knew the girl was at the front of the group,
Donghae and his parents close by as well. It was silent—no cars, no breeze, no talking—so the
priest’s voice was clear despite the large distance between him and Yoona. Her head bowed low
to his words as six handfuls of earth descended into the ground.

“…earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in the sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to
eternal life.”

She joined in saying the ending prayer, the sentences once said out of repetition and memory
now taking on a newer meaning.

After a chorus of Amen, the crowd began to dissolve. Some approached Yuri, some Donghae’s
parents but Yuri didn’t react, her stoic eyes glued to the two deep trenches before her that were
beginning to fill with dirt.

Yoona scratched at her shoulder, her black dress’s fabric making her itchy and uncomfortable.
She was going to burn it when she got home, or trash it, but she wasn’t ever going to wear it
again.

Soon Yuri and Donghae were the only ones left by the fresh graves. He stuck by her side and
spoke to her but she didn’t respond and after a few minutes he walked off, leaving Yuri alone.

There would have been no better time for Yoona to come forward but she couldn’t. What would
she say? Everything in her head sounded trite and she didn’t even know if Yuri wanted to see
her. Her parents had just died and she and Yuri had stopped speaking months ago; Yoona didn’t
know if she had any right to try to console Yuri.

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It wasn’t fair. They were good people and Yuri modeled them like a perfect replica; they hadn’t
deserved to die and Yuri didn’t deserve having to bury her parents as a child. It was supposed to
happen in the future, somewhere far down the line after Yuri had created enough memories with
them to hold onto. But now Yuri wasn’t left with much, just a few scarce family dinners and
holidays, occasional trips and vacations, all crammed into a neat package. People mourned death
even when they lived well into old age, saying it was too short—how must have Yuri felt when
all she had with them was a meager fourteen years.

Yoona grazed the pendent at her neck with a finger, the one Yuri had given her less than three
months ago. She had been wearing it every day so she wouldn’t forget Yuri and pay silent
homage to their friendship. But what did it matter? Did she think she was doing some noble
service by wearing a necklace? She had deserted Yuri and now when Yuri needed her most,
Yoona couldn’t do anything.

But she had to try.

She stepped down the slanted hill, passing gray tombstones until she was standing next to Yuri.
From this close Yuri looked like a statue, pale and lifeless.

“Yuri, I’m so sorry.”

Yuri lifted her head, just enough to bore those vacant eyes into Yoona and Yoona made a small
sound in the back of her throat from fright. It was like looking at a ghost.

“You’re as dead to me as they are. Your apologies aren’t worth anything.”

Yoona clenched her teeth and throat, begging not to cry as Yuri walked away from her. She
gasped in a breath and exhaled unsteadily but couldn’t hold back the tears.

The crying turned into uncontrollable sobs, her hands trembling as she covered her mouth, wet
with tears. She was saying goodbye to too many things at that moment and it crippled her; she
wasn’t strong, she wasn’t like Yuri.

So she cried for Yuri. She cried for her, for the untimely death of her parents, for the unfairness
of it all. Then she cried for her own loss, because although Yuri wasn’t dead, she might as well
have been.

Taeyeon had a white apron with three spots of what appeared to be three different sauces or
foods when she opened the door for Yoona. It wouldn't have been so surprising if Yoona was
visiting Taeyeon's house, but she was at Donghae's.

"I was making dinner. Are you going to stay over?" Taeyeon asked as they walked to the living
room.

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"No, thanks. I just wanted to know if Donghae's seen Yuri."

It had been two weeks since Yoona's father's installment of the new rules. Yoona and Yuri had
been doing well on following them, although they had cheated once or twice. After months of
freedom, yielding to limitations was harder than they had expected but it was getting easier.
They made most of their time but for the past few days Yuri seemed like she was avoiding
Yoona.

Donghae was on the couch and Yoona sat down, waiting until Taeyeon disappeared back into the
kitchen to speak.

"You two really should just get married."

Donghae laughed, but the laughter was higher in pitch than normal. Yoona didn't acknowledge
it; she was here for a specific reason.

"Have you seen Yuri?"

The TV's screen flickered with light as Donghae surfed through the channels. His shoulder lifted
in a shrug.

"Not since yesterday at school."

That didn't help Yoona. She looked past the TV and to the window behind it, the sun streaming
warmth and light into the room. Spring had arrived, not that there had been much of a winter.
Winter was usually Yoona's favorite season but the lack of snow and bitter cold had had her
wishing for spring. She had planned a whole day with Yuri now that it was warmer, but two texts
and three calls later there was still no sign of Yuri.

"I keep calling but she hasn't answered. It's not like her."

It truly was an oddity for Yuri to ignore Yoona. The weatherman on the TV told them the
forecast for the rest of the week, the drought continued, and the date for that Friday was a jolt of
memorization for Donghae. Yuri's avoidance suddenly became very understandable.

"You don't know what this Friday is, do you?"

Yoona counted forward and thought if anything special was happening, but nothing came to
mind.

"No. What's going on this Friday?"

"Yuri's parent's anniversary."

Yoona's memory of the funeral was much too clear and she knew for a fact it was during the
summer, just days before the start of school.

276
"But the accident--"

"Not of the accident," Donghae gently corrected. "Their wedding anniversary. It was Tiffany's
suggestion and it's pretty smart if you think about it. She said Yuri should celebrate a happy day,
not a bad one."

It was smart. Who knew Tiffany was capable of doing something other than ooze sex?

"I had no idea. She didn't say anything."

"Don't be mad." He changed the channel again and they watched something about the
construction of submarines. "She likes to be alone during that time. It's nothing against you."

Maybe it wasn't, but Yoona couldn't help taking it personally. If their past was no longer an
issue, then why couldn't Yuri talk to her about it?

Yoona had shown Yuri her scar, but Yuri had yet to show her own.

"Only you spend your free time in a library."

Yuri looked up from the page she was reading as Tiffany tilted her head to read the spines of the
books in the shelves Yuri was sitting against. They hadn't spoken since the incident at Tiffany's
dorm but it wasn't due to resentment. Tiffany knew they would naturally mend whatever dent she
had caused in their relationship in time, but when Yoona called Tiffany to ask where Yuri was,
Tiffany treated it as the universe's way of speeding things up.

Tiffany sat down next to Yuri, although Tiffany's skirt made sitting a little awkward. As long as
no one sat down across from them, she wouldn't have to worry about possibly flashing her
underwear to anyone. She picked out a random book from the shelf and turned to a random page.
They read in silence until Yuri's phone buzzed with a call.

"She's been looking for you," Tiffany mentioned after Yuri quieted the phone. No further
explanation about who the person Tiffany referred to was needed.

"I'll talk to her soon."

Time was of the essence so Tiffany went straight to the point.

"Have you forgiven her about what she did when you two were kids?"

Yuri didn't think twice. "Of course."

"Then why are you here?"

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Tiffany didn't expect an answer, she just needed Yuri to think about it. There was no doubt in her
mind Yuri would make the right choice. She gave Yuri a minute before changing the subject.

"So what's the poem of the week?"

Poems depended too much on tapping into the feelings of a human, which shouldn't have been
difficult for Tiffany, someone who was studying what people felt and why, but when it came to
her own feelings, Tiffany had become an expert at keeping them locked away. She didn't
appreciate poems the way Yuri did, but for Yuri, she could tolerate them.

Yuri didn't have a particular poem for the week, so she read the one she was in the middle of
when Tiffany showed up. By the end of it, Tiffany was partly bored and wholly confused.

"Oh my God, Yuri, you and your stupid poems never make any sense."

A common reaction from Tiffany. Yuri put the poem into terms Tiffany could understand.

"I think it means some people don't care about the things you've done or how messed up you
might believe yourself to be. They welcome you as are, whatever you are."

"Why couldn't you just say that?"

Yuri smiled, in a way that was like a needle to Tiffany's heart, not excruciating, but it still hurt,
and Tiffany had to turn to the poem and away from Yuri to keep another needle from piercing
her.

"It's more romantic this way, don't you think?"

"Maybe for you." The poem had struck something within Tiffany, enough to make her think and
it bothered her greatly. She got up and did a quick shake of her hair. When she looked at Yuri,
the girl was staring, eyes glazed over, and Tiffany wouldn't deny the satisfaction that spread. It
was nice to know she still had an effect on Yuri. "Too bad we're not all as eloquent as you."

Yuri looked away, knowing she had been caught. Tiffany didn't cause the same feelings as she
did before, Yoona seemed to be the only one who could do that these days, but Tiffany still had
the effect akin to seeing a celebrity.

Tiffany dropped her book onto the ground and began walking away but at the end of the aisle she
realized the poem didn't apply to only her. "You think that poem holds any truth?"

The supposedly random book Tiffany pulled out was a biography on Sigmund Freud. Yuri
smiled, short of a laugh because it was so appropriate. Maybe nothing in the universe was ever
random, we only chose to believe it was.

"There's never such a thing as a half truth, Tiffany. But yea, I think the poem is true."

278
"What about Yoona? You think she'd find it true?"

The poem Yuri was reading became nonsense as she contemplated the question. When she
figured out an answer, she also figured out the reason for Tiffany's visit.

"I think so," Yuri responded, but Tiffany was no longer there to hear it.

Jessica's forehead creased as she listened to the soft but unmistakable sound of a snore. She
opened an eye and found Tiffany's mouth right across from her, giving off snores with each
exhale.

Goddess of bitch and sex, Tiffany Hwang, snored. Snored.

Opening both eyes, Jessica moved her head to get a clearer view of the girl but when she did,
Tiffany's snoring stopped.

"Watching someone sleep is never romantic, it's just creepy," Tiffany said to her.

"And showing up in someone's bed without notice is perfectly fine?"

"Not my fault your landlord is dumb enough to always let me in."

Tiffany's voice was suspiciously clear, too clear for someone who looked like they were sleeping
deeply just seconds ago.

"You snore," Jessica commented casually.

"It's part of my charm."

"You're kind of full of yourself."

"I have reason to be."

"That just makes you more full of yourself."

"Are you expecting me to deny it? Because I'm not going to."

"Do you find your narcissism attractive?"

"Do you?"

Jessica hesitated for less than a second, but it was a hesitation nonetheless.

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"No."

Tiffany had her eyes closed the entire time and once they opened, Jessica saw amusement flicker
in them like the stars they always seemed to reflect.

Before Tiffany could really start boasting her narcissism, Jessica continued with a more serious
question.

“Do you even like me? Or just like to fuck me?”

It was something Tiffany had pondered, almost as much as she pondered the philosophy of
materialism and last time she had spent seven hours of the eight she slept thinking about that, so
simply said, a whole hell of a lot.

“Sometimes I like you. Like when you’re naked. Or when you sleep. I like you then.”

Jessica scoffed and kicked off the sheets, looking for more clothes to cover herself with. It was
completely unfair how naked Tiffany made her feel, even when she was decent. But when
Tiffany pulled her back down on the bed, she didn't put up much of a fight.

“Don’t you know you shouldn’t take anything I say seriously?” Tiffany asked, trying not to
sound annoyed.

“How do I know when you actually say something serious then?”

“When am I ever serious?”

They were doing the questions thing again and it should have irritated Jessica like it used to, but
now it was just comfortable. Surprisingly, she didn't want it to change.

“Why are you never serious?”

“It’s no fun.”

Jessica relaxed on the bed, her back to Tiffany, and Tiffany moved lower, pressing her nose
between Jessica’s shoulder blades.

“I can only think of tangerines whenever I kiss you. Did you know that?”

Tiffany delicately scratched indiscernible words on the small of Jessica’s back and Jessica felt
like she was being assaulted with senses, from Tiffany’s breath on her skin to the ticklish
scribbles.

“Just tangerines?”

“Sometimes Snoopy too.”

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Jessica smiled and turned around to face Tiffany, asking smugly, "It's because we’re both cute,
isn’t it?”

“You think tangerines are cute?”

"I meant Snoopy."

"What does that have to do with tangerines?"

Jessica rolled her eyes and Tiffany thought maybe she should stop trying to annoy her, but then
Jessica smiled and Tiffany knew she had a good reason for spouting nonsense all the time.

"I like you, Tiffany."

Something weird happened deep in Tiffany's chest, like her heart was a gong and the
reverberations after the hit undulated throughout her body. It was so annoying.

“Good, you’re supposed to.” Jessica kept staring at her and Tiffany sighed, burying her face into
Jessica’s neck because she couldn’t really speak with Jessica looking at her like that. “You’re not
so bad either.”

It was not exactly what Jessica wanted to hear, but it was something and it was good enough.

The balcony doors from Yoona's room clicked with opening locks and a creaky handle. Yoona
gave herself a quick reminder to tell her father about the creakiness before stepping outside. It
was Yuri who had texted her to step outside and for the first time in a long while, Yoona didn't
know what to do.

"I'm sorry," Yuri said right away. She knew she had done wrong by avoiding Yoona, knew she
unintentionally hurt her, but this time she wasn't going to wait three years before doing
something about it. "It's my parents' anniversary this Friday and I'm sorry for avoiding you."

Yoona slid down to sit on the tiles, warm from the entire day of sun.

"I understand if you want to be alone."

Yuri glanced at the window of Yoona's parents' bedroom. The light was on in it but it was past
the curfew Yoona's father set up so Yuri didn't risk climbing up the scaffolding no matter how
much her legs twitched to do so.

"That's just it though, I don't want to. I've been alone for every year since they're death and I
don't want to be anymore."

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Invisible specks of dust chipped away as Yoona nervously picked at an edge of a tile. A fat
teardrop rolled off her chin and wetted her fingers. Another joined, then another, and soon she
was crying.

Yuri thought this was her fault and she reached out between the railings to Yoona, her fingertips
barely grazing Yoona's cheek.

"Please don't cry, Yoong, I'm sorry."

Yoona took Yuri's hand from her face, not to push it away, but to hold it.

"How can you apologize after everything I've done to you? I should be the one begging you to
forgive me."

Yuri smiled ruefully. "We both made some mistakes but I think we've been punished enough for
it."

The crying stopped as quickly as it started and Yoona cleaned her eyes with a sleeve as Yuri
spoke.

"I never blamed you, Yoona. And what I said at the funeral--"

"You were angry. You had every right to be. I never blamed you for anything either, Yuri. I was
the one that pushed you away, it was my fau--"

Yuri twisted her fingers and glided them over Yoona's wrist. The pulse there was jumpy and
slightly out of control and Yuri could imagine Yoona's heart doing exactly the same.

"Don't say it," Yuri interrupted. "I forgave you before there was anything to forgive."

It was extremely stupid of Yuri to do that, to forgive Yoona with just one glance at her face. Yuri
remembered the first time it happened. The day of the funeral, before Yuri drove away in
Donghae's parents' car, she turned back and saw Yoona in tears and whatever satisfaction Yuri
thought it'd provide to insult Yoona was swept away with that glance. Even when numb to
everything, Yoona was able to break Yuri's heart all over again. Yuri might have tried to stay
mad and tried to convince herself they could never be friends again, but trying didn't always
equal success. Tiffany had described it as a defense mechanism and Yuri didn't speak to her for a
week after she mentioned it, but Tiffany had been right, Yuri just didn't want to admit it.

"What are you thinking about?"

The trip down memory lane vanished and Yuri returned to the humid air of the outside and the
questioning stare of Yoona's eyes.

"How weird it is for a person to be right about almost everything."

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Yoona didn't ask who Yuri was referring to, she didn't really care because all her focus was on
the gentle brushes of Yuri's thumb outlining the creases on her wrist. It was soothing her more
than such a simple action should have, but Yuri had proven to do more with just a look than
some people could do with paragraphs of words.

"Come up," Yoona told Yuri, moving even lower to the ground to be just a little closer.

"Your father will be mad. I don't want to break his rules in his own house."

Yoona's father was only down the hall and most likely very aware Yuri was outside since the
motion sensor lights had been on the whole time. He hadn't separated them yet so there was no
point in risking it now. They had plenty of time to be together anyway.

Yoona didn't want Yuri to go though, and would have talked about almost anything to keep her
from leaving.

"Have anymore poems for me?"

Yuri wrapped her arms around the thin bars surrounding Yoona's balcony as Yoona lied down.

"What would you like to hear?"

"I don't know. Something pretty."

Something pretty was vague, but sufficient. Yuri took out her list, technically, lists, because
every poem she read these days was nice and her list had turned into four pages of notebook
paper and a floral decorated napkin (she couldn't find paper for that particular poem). The one on
the napkin was suitable, but a bit too long, so she only recited her favorite parts.

"Tonight, everyone is in love.

Gaze at the face
of the spilling moon
and tell me this is not so."

Yoona tipped her head back towards the moon, but saw nothing special, definitely not anything
about love. Eyes still on the moon, she listened to Yuri.

"Tonight, everyone is in love.

Look at the night's blazing buckle of moon
and try telling
the desperate stars otherwise."

"Stars don't have ears, even I know that."

283
Yuri smiled and flipped the napkin over, but she looked up at Yoona, who was looking up at the
moon, and completed the poem from memory.

"Tonight, under the spilling moon,

I confess to you:

everyone is in love."

Something pulled Yoona's eyes downward and to Yuri, her honest smile, and just when she
thought she couldn't be any more in love than she was ten seconds ago, Yuri proved her wrong.

"I agree."

In another room, behind a curtained window, Yoona's mother watched. She couldn’t hear them,
but she could see her daughter's face and she could see Yuri's face and she didn't need to hear
them. Everything she was supposed to hear, she could blatantly see.

"They're teenagers but I think they know more about love than I do," she said, drawing the
curtains back in.

Yoona's father finished buttoning up his pajamas, getting a quick glimpse of the scene on his
daughter's balcony. "I've found myself getting jealous of them. It's silly, isn't it?"

They took their places in the bed, him on the right, her on the left and a foot of space between
them. In the darkness they stayed awake, backs to each other, and stared at the walls. Yoona's
mother's eyes wandered to the curtains where she saw her daughter in a kind of love supposed to
exist in movies or books or more properly, fantasies. Yet Yoona and Yuri defied logic and
reasoning and even gave hope to a pessimist like her.

"Silly or not, it doesn't make it any less true."

The phone in Yuri's pocket vibrated again and this time she wouldn't ignore it. People had been
calling her all night but she didn't want to be rude and take the call while she was with Yoona.
She closed Yoona's side gate quietly and took out the phone.

284
"Hello?"

"Yuri."

It was Taek, but his voice sounded so distant and almost lifeless. Maybe he was sick.

"Did you need something?"

"There's a race tonight."

Yuri pulled out the keys to her bike and swung them around her finger. She hadn't been
expecting a race, let alone one so out of the blue, and wasn't really in the mood. Her meeting
with Yoona had left her deliriously happy and she didn't want to compromise the feeling.

"Thanks Taek, but I--"

"It's triple the pay. You'll get enough so you won't have to race anymore after this one."

The keys slapped into Yuri's palm after one last swing. The offer was tempting and she was too
busy calculating the money to think how shady it was that Taek was calling about a race or why
the money was so high.

It would be the last time, Yuri promised herself. She could be the girlfriend Yoona deserved and
keep her house and never dabble with something so risky ever again.

"When is it?"

There was some static, like a rush of air blew into the receiver and then Taek spoke, sounding
like it was with his last breath.

"I'll text you the details."

The phone disappeared from Taek's ear and he brought his head to his chest. The number of
times he had cried in his life could once be counted on one hand. Now it could be counted on
two.

The man who had held the phone to Taek's ear used the same phone to write a text message as he
asked with complete disinterest for Taek's deteriorating health, "Did she believe you?"

Taek nodded, his head low with shame.

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Taek's captor began walking away after the response. The light was stolen with the closing of the
door and finally in the privacy of complete isolation, Taek allowed himself to really weep.

"Please don't hurt her. Please don't hurt her. Please don't hurt her."

It truly would be the last time Yuri raced. JJ would make sure of it.

i was a heavy heart to carry

Yuri adjusted the Velcro band on her gloves and eyed her surroundings. The racers around her
were people she hadn’t seen before but that was probably due to the suddenness of the race.
Taek’s text had been ingrained to memory already, the shortcut for this race a clear highlighted
route in her head.

As exciting as it was, it was incredibly nerve-wracking as well. Triple the pay meant triple the
loss. Yuri couldn’t afford to lose that much money. There was only one option and that was to
win.

"Kid! You made it.”

Yuri twisted her body from her seat on the bike to the voice. JJ strolled to her with a pleasant
smile, quite unusual from his normal expression. Yuri thought it odd and that’s all she thought
about it.

“Hi, JJ.”

“I see you can’t stay away from us,” he joked, placing a hand on the passenger seat of her bike
and leaning on it.

She smiled, but mostly just to be polite and kept her eyes from his as he spoke again.

“Sorry about the short notice, but it’ll be worth it if you win. You have quite the winning streak;
think you can do another?”

His smile probed at her like a stick to her side, a very sharp stick.

“I’ll try.”

He removed his hand from the bike to give her a not too gentle slap on her back, making her tip
forward.

“I’ll be rooting for you,” he finished with a wink and left.

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Yuri muttered a thanks and started her engine.

The last lap contained the shortcut she needed to take and judging by her position in second
place, if she made it, she would win. The amount of money she’d win flooded her thoughts and
concentration like a broken dam. She dreamt of all the things she could buy for herself, for
Yoona. She dreamt of the security of a stable bank account, of not having to stress over
collection notices, buying groceries, paying bills. She dreamt of school, of college, of getting the
education she thought she’d never have a chance to receive. She dreamt of relaxing, of finally
obtaining a peace of mind since the death of her parents.

She dreamt like it was all within reach, like all she needed to do was extend her hand and it was
hers, right there to grasp. Yet the universe was cruel and merciless, as it always was, and
whispered in her ear sadistically right before her tires hit the spikes of a speed trap, you dreamt
too soon.

The impact of her head against the pavement startled her. The helmet sounded a disgusting
crack, like the snapping of a wooden baseball bat and her body rolled and bounced down the
alley, stopping only when she came in contact with a wall.

Buzzing. She heard the low and dying sound of the buzzing engine of her bike meters away from
her. At first she didn’t understand why the bike was on its side, on the floor, so far away. She
tried to turn her head to it and that’s when the pain hit her. Everything hurt. Everything in her
body felt broken, bruised and battered. The moment she felt the pain, she realized what had
happened. The spikes. The squeal of her tires as she braked too late. The quick loss of control as
the bike swerved and collided with the hard asphalt. Now she was here, on her back, on the
ground, breathing, but barely. The gravity of the situation became obvious when it hurt to
breathe.

The pain just increased. It spread and grew until it spilled over every cell in her body like it was
blood itself. But what she felt the most, like a ball of fire burning right through her skin, muscles
and bones, was in her left side, against her ribs. She had to have broken them.

It got worse. The fiery burn grew more and more intense until she could barely take it without
groaning miserably. Her mind collected whatever logic uninfected by the pain and she began to
think. To stay here, without help, could possibly kill her. She wouldn’t sugarcoat it and assumed
the worst. Feebly and carefully she lifted her right arm to get to her pocket which had her phone,
hoping with as much power as she felt pain she hadn’t crushed it when she fell. She looked
downward and saw what her gloves didn’t cover-- her fingers shaking unbelievably, against her
will, dripping with blood. Tears blurred her vision at the sight. She brought her eyes to the sky
and away from her body.

She didn’t want to know. She didn’t want to know exactly how thin the thread her life was
hanging from was. Once the phone was out she brought it up to dial a number and more tears
filled her eyes. The screen was cracked.

287
Her hand drooped down to rest on her helmet. It hurt to cry. Each sob and gasp of breath brought
more pain than it did relief.

The brightness that appeared above her then was confusing. She refused to believe in the stories
of walking into the bright light but she didn’t know what it could have been until she heard the
click of opening doors and the sound of them shutting.

Someone had found her and all in good time because her chest felt heavier. The edges of her
consciousness were beginning to fray and she knew if she didn’t get some kind of treatment
soon, things would not end well.

A shadow blocked some of the light and became more refined as the outline of a human body as
it got closer. Her visor slid open and she looked up into the saddened face of JJ.

“Oh kid,” JJ sighed, resting his arms on his knees as he crouched before her. He made a few tsk
tsk sounds and shook his head. “I didn’t want to do this, I really didn’t, but you cheated. You
made me look like a fool. Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?”

Yuri closed her eyes. It was too much energy to keep them open. She had accepted her fate. All
she wanted to do was sleep now. She begged to just fall asleep.

“I tried to help you out and you thank me by screwing me over…”

JJ kept speaking but Yuri tuned him out. She only registered his absence when he stood and
walked away.

Yoona. Yuri could feel herself relax at the thought of the girl. It was easy to visualize Yoona
across the darkness of Yuri's eyelids. The steady rhythm Yuri heard in her head slowed and the
pain began to fade, bit by bit. Her breaths grew a little shorter and it began to feel like she was
breathing through a straw. The lack of oxygen made every thought process fuzzy. The clear
picture of Yoona started to blur. Yoona’s smile disappeared and the black of her pupils dilated
until it engulfed the iris’s color, then the eyes entirely.

“Yuri! Yuri, I’m right here. Stay with me, open your eyes, stay with me.”

The voice was comforting. A bit loud and dire, but comforting nonetheless.

More seconds passed and Yoona’s image blackened completely. Yuri silently apologized to the
girl and finally, thankfully, succumbed to sleep.

Yoona hummed as she put a bag of popcorn in the microwave. She set it for a minute and hopped
onto the counter. Jiyoung could be heard singing from upstairs and even though it was mostly
gibberish, the girl could hold a note. It was the music Yoona was humming along to.

288
Yoona was happy, blissfully so. Things were truly right for once. Her past with Yuri was finally
resolved and there was nothing between them anymore. They could start new and the sudden
possibility of that made Yoona's world much less bleak.

Her current trains of thoughts all led to Yuri and Yoona took out her phone to send the girl a
quick text. She wrote the words with a smile as the microwave beeped.

"i love you. that's all. just wanted you to know."

Taek wasn't one to know his own strength. He spent hours in the gym but couldn't understand the
ability to lift ninety kilograms was about the same as throwing a man of the same weight.

"I need to be with her! She doesn't have-- She's--"

Two more paramedics came to restrain Taek as he tried to get into the ambulance. His eyes
couldn't focus on anything, frantically monitoring everything.

"We need to get her to the hospital but you cannot come with us. I'm sorry. Do you understand?"

Taek wasn't looking at the man's face, rather looked over his head, watching as another
paramedic shut the ambulance door after climbing inside. Through the little window, Taek saw
Yuri and the oxygen mask obscuring most of her face. He wanted to cry all over again.

"Just help her," he begged and stepped back, allowing the paramedics to leave.

He began walking and soon broke into a run, following the blare of sirens.

Donghae laughed openly as Taeyeon hit him in the arm repeatedly.

"Hey! Stop laughing, it's not funny!"

But Donghae would not stop laughing, because it was funny. Not everyone could say their
genius girlfriend did simple arithmetic equations in their sleep, incorrectly.

Taeyeon was deeply affronted by the lack of her boyfriend's sympathy. She was well on her way
to valedictorian next year but had trouble answering what 3+6 was, even if it was in her sleep.

As they neared Taeyeon's house and Taeyeon still seemed peeved he took a few quicker steps
than Taeyeon's and blocked her from walking.

"Look up," he told her. When she did, her mouth open and eyes searching the night sky,
Donghae kissed her nose.

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"Better?" he asked.

Taeyeon reddened and hid her face, even if it was dark and Donghae probably wouldn't have
noticed anyway. He took her hand briefly but let go when he felt his phone vibrating in his coat.
The number was unfamiliar but he answered it anyway, just in case.

They slowed into a crawling pace and Taeyeon turned to Donghae curiously. She watched as his
smiled dropped catastrophically, then wringed in fear. Something was wrong.

"Donghae?"

Donghae put the phone down but Taeyeon could still hear someone speaking on the other end.

"It's Yuri. She--she was in an accident."

“Doctor, I believe the patient has regained consciousness.”

“Ms. Kwon, do you know where you are?”

Yuri blinked and felt like the fluorescent lights were going to fry right through her eyes and to
her brain. The voice was persistent though.

“Ms. Kwon, you were in a severe motorcycle accident. You’re in the ICU of a hospital. Are
you…”

No, Yuri was too tired. She’d talk later.

The second time Yuri opened her eyes was better. The room wasn’t so bright and there was no
irritating voice deafening her. Her mouth was dry and she’d give anything for a drop of water.

Sleeping in the tiny chair next to her bed was Taek, hands folded on his belly, body sagging
uncomfortably. His face was swollen, a white gauze plastered on the side of his head. He looked
horrible, but much better than Yuri.

Yuri had been awake for only a minute but already the fatigue made her eyelids heavy. She
swallowed through her desert of a mouth and went back to sleep.

"...I didn't think he would punch me back, but he did and I was surprised but only--"

“God,” Yuri croaked, turning her head from the voice. “Shut. Up.”

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“Yul? Yul, you awake?”

Yuri groaned, not having enough energy to tell Taek to shut up again.

Taek sprung from his chair and to the door, opening it and sticking his head out into the hall.

“Nurse, she’s up, she talked.”

A nurse walked in after Taek, definitely not as excited as he looked. The nurse checked Yuri's
pulse and blood pressure on the small screen. She looked at Taek while carefully lowering Yuri’s
covers.

“I’m going to have to check her stitches, please step outside.”

“Oh, it won’t be anything I haven’t seen.”

The woman gave Taek one look and although Yuri didn’t see it, it mustn't have been friendly. He
listened to the nurse and exited the room.

“Could I have water, please?” Yuri asked. Water was the only thing she wanted at that moment.

The nurse handed the full glass to Yuri’s hand. It never felt so heavy than it did then. She felt
like a newborn, weak, vulnerable and helpless. The water dribbled down her chin as she gulped it
in mouthfuls.

“Your fiancé hasn’t left your side since yesterday. He must care a lot about you.”

The water in Yuri’s throat paused halfway down causing her to cough uncontrollably. After a
few pats from the nurse and the coughing subsided, Yuri spat out the word like it was foul food
in her mouth.

“Fiance?”

“Yes, he’s been here all night. Only leaves when a nurse or doctor comes by.”

“Stupid, lying, arrogant pervert…” Yuri began muttering under her breath.

“What was that?”

Yuri smiled forcefully. “Nothing at all.”

The woman also mentioned Donghae and his parents had visited, taking care of various
paperwork, and while they stayed as long as they could, they couldn't spend too much time, and
relayed the information they'd visit often and for Yuri not to worry. Yuri understood and didn't
want to bother them further. She had gotten herself into this mess and didn't want to be a burden.

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The inspection took a few minutes but would have taken shorter time if Yuri hadn’t hissed and
recoiled in pain at every touch. Everything was under control, the nurse said, and all Yuri could
do now was rest and rest and rest some more.

Taek returned once the nurse left and although Yuri was beginning to feel tired again, she was
strong enough to give him a piece of her mind.

“Fiance? FIANCE?”

He made a ‘calm down’ motion with his hands.

“Yuri, it was the only way they’d let me be here. Only family, you know? And since we don’t
share the same surname, fiancé was the first thing that I thought of. I didn’t want to leave you
alone.”

There was no point in raising her blood pressure because of this. She leaned back against the
pillows and gently put her hand to her bandaged ribs. The pain came and went in waves,
sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker but she still felt sore from head to toe. That mattered
little though. What mattered was she was alive.

“Is there anyone you want me to call? Donghae?...Yoona?” Taek asked.

Yuri screwed her eyes shut at Yoona’s name. It made her feel so ashamed. Without opening her
eyes she cleared her tightening throat.

“Tiffany. Call Tiffany.”

“Miss, you are not allowed- If you’re not family, then you cannot—”

“Like hell I can’t.”

Yuri winced when the door of her hospital room burst open. The poor nurse who had chased
Tiffany down the hall was right behind her, looking completely defeated. Yuri sympathized.

“You,” Tiffany said, her hard gaze on Taek, “out.”

Taek stood with a lowered head like a kicked puppy. Tiffany pulled him down to her by the
collar of his shirt when he passed by.

“And don’t even think of running because…”

Yuri didn’t hear the rest but she saw all the tanned color drain from Taek’s face. Whatever
Tiffany threatened him with Taek undoubtedly believed, and rightfully so, because Tiffany was
not one to back down from them.

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When alone, Yuri sat up as much as her body let her. Tiffany threw her purse to the flattened seat
of Taek’s chair (one he had yet to leave) and began pacing. Yuri took a deep breath and prepared
herself.

“You are so stupid,” Tiffany said.

“I am.”

“You have no brain.”

“I don’t.”

“Mentally challenged mice are smarter than you.”

“They are.”

“Taek is smarter than you.”

“He—now, wait, that really is insulting.”

Tiffany finally walked over to Yuri but that didn’t go well. Up close, Tiffany clearly saw the
bandages and bruises and only became angrier.

“You think this is funny?! You could have broke something more than just two ribs, you could
have been paralyzed, you could have turned into a vegetable, you could have di--!” Tiffany
couldn’t say the word because they were a reality she would not accept, no matter how real it
was, especially with how Yuri looked right now. She tried to though, saying it with none of the
anger from earlier but with all the despair in the world. “You could have di--…”

Yuri took Tiffany’s hand, trying to calm her. “Tiffany, I’m fine, I—”

Tiffany seemed as though she was given an electric shock when she felt Yuri’s fingers touch her.
She followed the tube protruding from Yuri’s wrist to the beeping monitor. Who knew life could
be measured so neatly? Tiffany yanked her hand away and stepped backward and into the chair.
Her legs gave out like she had run a marathon.

“You okay, Tiffany?”

To be okay Tiffany would need a lot of alcohol and possibly Sooyoung’s special brownies but
that could wait.

“Just tell me what you need.”

Yuri’s purpose for calling Tiffany was to make sure all the hospital and insurance forms were
completed correctly. Then there was matters with her motorcycle, the money she lost and JJ. It

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took Yuri an exhausting hour to explain everything, tell every detail, that by the end of it she was
too tired to stay awake.

Tiffany left her to sleep and planned to go straight home to start untangling the mess Yuri had
gotten herself into, but the blonde in the midst of sterilized white and gray was too colorful to
ignore.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Tiffany snapped.

Jessica nudged herself forward in the waiting room chair and shifted. She hated hospitals.

“How is she?”

Jessica had been informed by Taek the basics when she called him that morning to ask why he
hadn’t shown up for work.

“She’s perfect. She can fly a plane and do jumping jacks and scale Mt. Everest.”

“Doesn’t seem too hard.”

Tiffany sighed. Since she stepped inside the hospital she had taken her first real breath.

“Here,” Jessica said, raising the coffee in her hand to Tiffany.

“Do I look like a trash can?” Tiffany asked, thinking Jessica wanted her to throw the cup away.

Jessica opened her mouth to retort but Tiffany caught her blunder before Jessica could make a
sound.

“Never mind, do not answer that.”

“Seriously though, this is for you. Drink.”

Tiffany debated it for a moment (what if it was poisoned? It was a legitimate question) but she
could use a coffee. By two sips it calmed her shaking nerves and after four it was like that
soothing feeling of burying yourself under freshly washed covers on a cold day.

Two orderlies passed by them and in a moment of closed eyes, Tiffany listened to the coughing,
the dismal talking, the rolling carts and the characteristic sound of death that always roamed the
halls. She hated hospitals.

“I’m going to go home,” Jessica sighed out as she stood. She stood in front of Tiffany and
Tiffany’s eyes traveled up the tennis shoes Jessica wore to work, the black slacks and up to
Jessica’s tired face. The girl must have left work and came straight to the hospital.

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Tiffany turned her head away quickly. She didn’t like when someone towered over her, looked
down at her; it was why she wore heels so much. Her fingers tapped at the coffee cup but
stopped abruptly when she felt Jessica’s mouth on her forehead.

“You know where to find me,” Jessica spoke, her lips millimeters from Tiffany’s head and then
she was gone.

A kiss on the forehead. Tiffany scoffed. How stupid and childish. What the hell was this, a
Hollywood romantic comedy? Was Tiffany supposed to get an epiphany now? She scoffed again
and walked to the trash can, dumping the half full coffee harshly.

There was too much Tiffany needed to do to think about kisses on the forehead.

White. There was too much white for Yoona. Don’t get her wrong, she liked white, but it was
everywhere. The lab coats were white, the tiles were white, the walls and ceilings were white, the
sheets were white. White, pale and ashen. She hated hospitals.

She crept into Yuri’s room like a prisoner into their cell. She treaded haltingly like a misstep
would result in an exploding tile. Waking Yuri or drawing attention to herself was unwanted.

At the foot of the bed Yoona switched her weight from leg to leg like an anxious student before
their teacher. Yuri looked fine from that spot. A little bruised (the hospital gown showed Yuri's
arms from the elbows down) but her expression was serene, not at all pained like Yoona had first
imagined. The words "motorcycle accident" brought horrific images to her mind yet Yuri seemed
like a less severe case her imagination created.

Yoona moved to the side of the bed. It was big, big enough to make Yuri seem like a child in it.
A little wiggling and curling and Yoona could fit next to Yuri. But there was that chance Yoona
would wake her and the nurse implicitly told Yoona not to disturb Yuri. She sucked in a corner
of her bottom lip and silently debated, silently observed.

After counting three visible bruises and listening to the blips of Yuri's steady heartbeat, Yoona
decided she needed to be closer. She sat on the edge of the bed, waited a minute, her back to
Yuri, then swung her legs over. Once she was completely on the bed she turned to her side, using
the blips as her unit of time.

Yuri was warm, warm and felt exactly the same way Yoona remembered when waking up in the
girl's arms. She missed that, even though it hadn't been more than a day since they last saw each
other. Yuri didn't stir, the blips didn't quicken or slow, her breathing remained the same when
Yoona lifted Yuri's arm to bring around her shoulder. That was the easy part.

Yoona wasn't sleepy but she could think of nothing else to do. Bringing Yuri's hand closer, she
splayed out her fingers in Yuri's palm and slid them between Yuri's curled and limp ones. That
was the mistake. At first glance it looked like dirt, like Yuri had been digging into the black

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ground ruthlessly, but the caked substance underneath her nails flaked and had much more of a
copper color to be dirt.

Yoona had done well up to that point. The hospital, the blipping monitor , the IV line, the
bruises, the white, white rooms and halls hadn't broken Yoona in any way until Yoona saw
Yuri's blood, thick and dry, against her own hand. Where else was Yuri's blood? Pooling into the
asphalt somewhere? On latex gloves, decomposing in the hazardous waste bin in the hall?
Sinking into Yuri's clothes, a dark and disgusting brown now? Tainting bleached scrubs and
joining the blood of other unluckies doctors had tried to revive, successfully, or maybe in
failure?

Yoona could have been elsewhere. She could have been standing before another coffin, in
another black dress, saying another forgotten prayer.

That broke her. That tore her apart, ripped her to shreds, leaving jigsaw pieces to a puzzle that
was incomplete to begin with. And what could she do but cry about it? Simply bury her face to
Yuri's side, and cry.

Drinking alcohol was a choice, but Tiffany would beg to differ. She thought better inebriated
anyway. But other times alcohol did what it usually did to people, which was turn them into
complete idiots and this was, beyond any reasonable doubt, one of those times.

Tiffany stopped at the threshold of Jessica's room, looking everywhere but the occupied bed. She
insulted everything her eyes came across-- the peeling paint on the walls, the crooked dresser
with a wobbly leg, the creaky floorboard and finally Jessica. Stupid blonde bartender Barbie.

"Bitch," Tiffany cursed, slurred. Who did she think she was? Kissing Tiffany in the middle of
hospital hallways. Had Barbie fooled herself into thinking they were a couple? Couples were for
the lazy and stupid who held some archaic belief humans were monogamous animals. Tiffany
liked Jessica today--no, not even that. She liked her right now, this moment, but she couldn't
speak for the future, be it next year or the next second. Why should Tiffany promise her lifetime
to one person? That seemed so boring...and long.

"Tiffany?"

A preemptive strike and it hit Tiffany right in the chest. Why did her name sound so different
coming from Jessica's mouth?

Jessica sat up to Tiffany's unresponsiveness, the covers slipping to show Jessica's bony shoulder.
You don't eat enough, Tiffany wanted to tell her. A gruesome, reccurring dream had been
haunting Tiffany for days now where she touched Jessica, whether it was on the cheek, the arm,
the hand, and Jessica would dissolve like she was made of sand.

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"Come to bed," Jessica mumbled sleepily before lying back down, unaware of how intoxicated
Tiffany was.

It wasn't a demand, but Tiffany's legs still treated it as one, carrying her to the opposite side of
the bed. Jessica's Barbie blonde hair spanned all the way to Tiffany's pillow. Great, now she had
to sleep with hair in her face. She angrily turned so they were back to back. Her vicious frown
loosened as the alcohol numbed and dulled her, Jessica's breathing behind her slow and deep.
She fell asleep almost instantly.

In the middle of the night the dream frightened Tiffany from sleep and she spent the rest of the
dark hours sitting in the chair across from Jessica, facing the window. Her matted bangs clung to
her damp forehead and she brushed them back, wondering how the hell she let it come to this
again.

When Yoona awoke her eyes were wet. In the nook of a bathroom she washed her face after
staring at her reflection in the mirror. She felt five again. She wanted her mother, or at least the
version of her Yoona remembered best and loved most. After splashing her face a few times with
icy water she stood over the sink, watching the water run and the droplets drip from her nose and
chin.

"Yoong?"

Yoona snapped out of her trance and shut off the water. Another look at her face and she found
she didn't look any better.

Yuri did her best to smile decently but her lips were chapped and her left temple throbbed and
her right arm was itchy at the crook of her elbow where the tubes emerged from her skin. Yoona
sat at the opposite end of the bed, near Yuri's feet and tucked in a leg underneath her.

"Yoona, I--" Yuri began but quickly shut up when Yoona shook her head at the oncoming
apology. Yoona was biting her lip and when she released it, Yuri could see three sharp outlines
of Yoona's teeth.

"I forgive you. It's okay," Yoona said, nodding afterward like it was some helpful affirmation.
She couldn't bear to hear how Yuri got involved or the details of the accident because frankly,
she was sick of crying. That didn't help the tears though as they brimmed her eyelids defiantly.
With her head down, she scooted down the bed, over Yuri's legs and aimlessly threw her arms
around Yuri's neck. Yuri froze with surprise then relaxed in the embrace.

They stayed like that and even when both their bodies cramped in the stiff positions, neither
would let go.

Everyone hated hospitals except for Yuri. Yuri loved them because without them, she wouldn’t
be alive.

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The Ballad of Jessica and Tiffany
christ you know it ain't easy,
you know how hard it can be
the way things are going,
they're gonna crucify me.

Tiffany always made a point of leaving Jessica's apartment before Jessica awoke early in the
morning. Sometimes she'd even slip out at night, sometimes noiselessly, sometimes loudly if she
was in the mood for a confrontation, or sex. However, Jessica never seemed to be in the mood
for confrontations like Tiffany was (although sex was another story) and Tiffany would leave
fuming, stomping down the halls because Jessica was so nonchalant all the time. She didn't like
the domesticity of it all either and the awkwardness of getting breakfast or dressing in each
other's presence. It was a conundrum Tiffany mused in bars late at night drunkenly, with
bartenders not half annoying as Jessica which, for some reason, made them even more annoying.

"Why is it we have no trouble taking off our clothes before fucking someone but putting on
clothes afterwards is something everyone wants to avoid, hm? Riddle me that," Tiffany said,
jabbing her finger towards the bartender's face.

The bartender sighed, like he always did when Tiffany visited him.

"I don't know, Fany."

Tiffany snorted at the nickname and circled her finger around her full shot glass. It was her first
at this bar. She had plenty in about three other bars and clubs before getting to this one. Someone
sat in the stool next to her, reaching a beefy arm over Tiffany and taking her shot.

"Whiskey?" Taek croaked after he downed the drink, grimacing at the taste then shaking his head
once as if to get rid of it. His hair was always thickly gelled and slicked to the side like some
greaser's out of the 50s but by the end of the night it always loosened and his bangs appeared.

Understanding Tiffany meant understanding her palate towards alcohol was dependent on her
mood. Tequila meant she was looking for fun; martinis meant she was bored and wanted to get
buzzed, not drunk; clean, straight up vodka meant she was intent on getting plastered and for
everything else, there was whiskey. Whiskey could have meant anything, but usually meant
something on the left of neutral in the mood spectrum because there were specific alcohols for
Tiffany's happy moods.

She straightened in her seat and ruffled her hair, getting a glimpse of herself in the mirror behind
the rows of bottles then turning to Taek, staring at his forehead rather than looking in his eyes.

"Let's go."

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Jellybeans were beginning to litter underneath Yuri's hospital bed. Yoona and Yuri had been
using them to throw at each other's mouths and most of the time, they kept missing but on
occasion, one of them succeeded.

Yoona threw her arms up in victory when she managed to get a flying jellybean. She chewed
happily with a perfect smile.

"That's not fair," Yuri whined from her place on the bed. She wasn't allowed to move from it.
"You can unhinge your jaw."

"Hey!" Yoona yelled, throwing a jellybean at Yuri from the other side of the room.

They began laughing until the room's door open and Jessica poked her head in.

"Am I interrupting?" Jessica asked.

The girls' laughter subsided and Yoona went by Yuri's bed to pick up her backpack as she replied
to the question.

"Not at all, I was just leaving."

Before leaving, Yoona kissed Yuri, lingering there. They took their time these days when it came
to kisses or hugs, knowing they were too fleeting to begin with.

Jessica moved to the chair Taek hadn't occupied in a week now. Yuri didn't know where he had
disappeared to and didn't care, she was just relieved he was gone. Jessica dropped a container
into Yuri's lap. Yuri took off the lid and saw a neat arrangement of tangerines, grapes and apple
slices.

"The hospital food isn't that bad, Jessica, you didn't have to get me food."

Jessica's eyebrow rose, turning her expression bored, curious and challenging all at once. "What
makes you think I got you this?"

Yuri looked down at the container again and started bumbling embarrassedly. "Oh, sorry, I
assumed, 'cause of the tangerines, I thought--"

Jessica laughed lightly and with it dispelled Yuri's nervousness. Yuri didn't know anyone who
could become so easygoing from such a serious demeanor so quickly. Jessica could change
expressions like a chameleon changed colors.

"I was just kidding around," Jessica said, flashing Yuri a smile.

The fruits were juicy and sweet and a nice change from the bland food Yuri had been eating.

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"I'm getting out in three days," Yuri said between bites when Jessica asked how much longer
Yuri had to stay. "Technically, I could leave now but they need me under observation."

They spoke about the club, how Jiyong was doing, how annoying Taek continued to be, and how
a man kept asking about Yuri at the Golden Fox. Yuri stiffened, thinking it was JJ.

"What did he look like?" Yuri inquired, putting the container aside because her appetite was
suddenly gone.

"Short, chubby but wealthy. Each time I see him he's wearing a new Rolex."

Yuri sank into the pillows with relief. As long as it wasn't JJ, or any of his tough goons, Yuri
didn't worry so much about the man.

"So..." Yuri dragged out, wondering if she had any place to ask her next question. "How are
things with Tiffany?"

After Jessica had inquired about Tiffany's dorm, with a distraught look on her face that day, Yuri
knew there was something between them, but what, she didn't know yet.

"There is no 'with Tiffany,'" Jessica explained, standing up and walking to the window. The time
Yuri spent with Tiffany was useful since she learned some of the psychology Tiffany was
studying, things like avoidance tactics.

"You sure?" Yuri prodded gently.

Jessica sighed heavily. In actuality, she was wishing she had someone to talk to but she wasn't
sure if Tiffany's ex and the girl she had loved was the ideal person.

"We're--" Jessica wanted to say going out, dating, seeing each other but they weren't really doing
any of that. They weren't a couple. Jessica didn't know what she and Tiffany had, or what they
were.

The sound of a car alarm cut through the quick silence. Yuri didn't say a thing and let Jessica
speak at her own pace, in her own terms.

"I don't know if I'm strong enough to be with someone like her." It was an awfully honest
confession for Jessica but somehow made easier by keeping her back to Yuri. "I feel like if
things get serious, she'll drag me down into whatever crap she's going through."

"If things get serious?" Yuri questioned skeptically. Yuri had been in the same place as Jessica
and could see things didn't have the possibility of getting serious because they already were.
"You're knee deep in it already, Jessica."

Jessica turned back to see Yuri smiling ruefully before looking out the window again.

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"What do I do?" Jessica asked hopelessly.

Yuri's lips thinned out and lost the smile.

"If you love her, you try. And if you don't, you let her go."

In a quiet moment Jessica contemplated her next question.

"Trying doesn't mean it'll work out, does it?"

Yuri answered from experience.

"No. But at least you can say you tried."

Taek hummed contentedly, pulling his arm behind his head as Tiffany sat on the edge of the bed,
fiddling with her blouse. She had another conundrum. Why was it she had no trouble undressing
or dressing in front of Taek?

"You could stay a while, you know. There isn't a time limit," he told her.

Tiffany disregarded the statement entirely, acting like he hadn't said anything at all.

As much as Taek loved all things female, he didn't understand girls but Tiffany was a friend at
the least and thought he should help.

"Is everything okay?"

Now Tiffany was getting angry. Didn't he know that when someone didn't speak the first time
they didn't intend on doing it anytime soon? Besides, Tiffany hated that question because it was
never asked when things were okay. She faced him, hoping the anger was evident in her eyes but
Taek was clueless to those kinds of hints. His hand lifted like it wanted to brush Tiffany's hair
back or touch her face but it recoiled quickly. He tilted his head as if to study her. He didn't see
anger in Tiffany's eyes, but something completely different.

"You look guilty."

Instead of snapping a usual Tiffany-esque comment, a rude comeback of some sort, or a

disparaging insult, Tiffany got the rest of her clothes and got the hell out of there.

Tiffany didn't have regrets. It simply was not a part of her philosophy. Regrets meant there were
mistakes but without mistakes a person didn't grow as an individual so while Tiffany had more
mistakes than there were numbers, she'd never regret them. Those mistakes made her the person

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she was today and although she didn't particularly like herself some days, she was better than
most because whatever she did, she followed through, and never looked back.

The world had been giving out free passes for her to wreak havoc, but lately, everything was
catching up, piling on top of her and she felt like a cornered mouse. No one could corner Tiffany
Hwang until the day someone did and Tiffany couldn't stand it. She yearned to be free from
attachments because it was the only kind of freedom she knew.

Tiffany had entered and exited Jessica's apartment building at least four times. She never second
guessed. She never thought twice. She always resolved to a choice, followed through, never
looked back.

The only person who should have been able to change Tiffany was Tiffany. That was no longer
true and it didn't just terrify Tiffany, it downright infuriated her. So she lashed out, with the
intent of hurting. She climbed up the steps and to Jessica's door, walking inside the room
resolutely, sober to her core, her mind startlingly clear.

"You said you could love me. Do you?"

They both had their backs to each other, Tiffany in the kitchen and Jessica at the door, her hand
still on the doorknob.

"And if I did?" Jessica asked, hoping they'd play the question game.

"Stop." The question game had long lost its entertainment. Well, that wasn't true. Tiffany merely
needed a straight answer for once. "Do you?"

"I..." Jessica thought of her feelings for Tiffany and how maybe in that myriad there was love,
but who could really know? "I despise you actually."

Tiffany whirled around, not knowing if she should be more pissed at the fact Jessica despised her
or that she was shocked by the answer. Jessica smiled; she had been doing research on what she
felt for Tiffany.

"I abhor and detest you. You're offensive, ostentatious, awful, despicable, obnoxious, vile and
wretched."

Tiffany was fuming. From her wrinkled nose and furrowed eyebrows to the way her clenching
jaw matched her rigid shoulders, Jessica enjoyed saying her next words.

"And despite all that, yea, I love you."

It wasn't a fact necessarily. Jessica was sure it was something akin to love-- that overwhelming
desire to want and to be wanted in its fullest glory. If it was love, then it was love Jessica
believed, a so-be-it kind of thing. She only knew she wanted Tiffany and in Jessica's mind that
made Tiffany worth sticking around.

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"You could've just said that last part. Was the other stuff really necessary?"

Jessica sighed and went to turn on the pot for coffee. As frustrating as it was, there was a relief in
Tiffany's ability to ignore the main points of a conversation and focus on insignificant details.
Little Jessica knew, Tiffany was treating the situation all too casually, taking it from the view of
an observer, not a participant. She had detached herself completely from it and if only Jessica
knew how disastrous that was.

"You think love is enough?" Tiffany asked, simply to test a theory. Jessica didn't know she was
being led into Tiffany's psychological playfield.

"I think it depends."

"Depends on what?"

"Depends on how committed the people in the relationship are. You can't say I love you and
forget about the promises you make when you say it. Saying I love you isn't hard. People think it
is, but it's what comes afterwards that makes everyone struggle."

Tiffany balled her hand into a fist. This wasn't how she planned it. She didn't plan on Jessica
having a response that would stump her. It made her hopeful, which was something entirely
unexpected and if Tiffany would have just put her pride aside they would have had a chance. But
Tiffany was mistakenly positive hope was nothing but disappointment in disguise.

"I've been sleeping with Taek."

Jessica looked up from the cup she was pouring coffee into and over to Tiffany. She soon forgot
the pot was still tilted and the cup overflowed, spilling onto the counter. There was no
appropriate response for the confession, well none Jessica could possibly think of at the moment.
Instead she took a dishcloth and patted down the spilled liquid. Her voice was cold, calm, and
empty.

"If that's all you wanted to tell me, you should leave."

This also wasn't how Tiffany planned this. Jessica should have been yelling, perhaps even
throwing things. She should have been screaming expletives at Tiffany, damning her to hell,
telling her she was a whore, scum, not worth Jessica's time.

"You don't care?" Tiffany asked.

Jessica did, but once again, she couldn't strip herself raw for Tiffany and be humiliated for it.

"Do you want me to care?"

Tiffany did, but how could anyone expect her to admit it?

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"Do whatever you want."

Tiffany left the apartment, didn't look back and she should have been proud, because it meant
she was returning to her old self. There was a much more poignant feeling settling in her gut
though, like a foul foreboding this was a mistake she'd soon regret.

The doctor by Yuri's bed was familiar. Yuri couldn't exactly place him to a name or even a
memory but he looked so familiar. Maybe he had been a customer at the auto shop or maybe she
had seen him at a club--well, that was a stretch; he didn't look like the usual crowd Yuri DJ'ed
for.

"You're healing quite well Ms. Kwon. We might even discharge you a day sooner."

That would have been heavenly. Yuri was getting homesick and antsy to move and as grateful as
she was to be alive, being stuck in a hospital room didn't make her feel alive.

He hung her chart at the edge of her bed and pulled out a large, dark sheet.

"I have the X-ray from your ribs here." He lifted it to the lights, his face scrunching to meet the
point of his nose. Yuri couldn't tell if it was a good or bad expression. "We're lucky both ribs
were broken only at one point each and because you're young and healthy they're already
beginning to mend."

Yuri could hear her heart slow on the monitor.

"However, this doesn't mean you'll be at full strength," he continued, putting the image away.
"For the next two months I want you to put the most minimal amount of strain on your body.
Now, it's come to my understanding you live alone. Is there a relative or someone you can stay
with? It would speed up your recovery if you had someone with you at all times."

The first person to come to mind was Yoona, then Donghae. Yoona had already done so much
for Yuri, Yuri didn't want to further burden her.

"I'll speak to my cousin. It should be okay with him."

The doctor smiled and dropped a pen into his lab coat pocket as he walked over to Yuri. Now
that he was closer she could see his medical badge. She was about to question him but his
saddened face made her quiet.

"I always have a hard time seeing kids like you with these types of injuries. I have a daughter
your age. If anything like this happened to her, I don't know what I'd do."

Before she could ask Dr. Kim anything, he warmly patted her shoulder and left.

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*

"Hi Yoona."

Yoona was startled mid-step by Taek's gruff voice. The swelling on his face had gone down but
the bruise was still there, a tan yellow now. It added a phony charisma to his smarmy smile.

"Why are you here?" she asked, slightly annoyed.

He had been at the hospital more than Yoona and while it was gallant at first, Yoona didn't like
him hanging around Yuri so much. Yoona didn't know all the details, but she knew Taek had
some kind of involvement with Yuri's accident.

His shoulders dropped at the harshness in Yoona's tone. He knew he wasn't wanted, by either
Yuri or Yoona but he was responsible and needed to repent somehow. This was the only way he
knew.

"I'm sorry, Yoona. I never wanted to put her in any danger, I didn't think--"

"Save it, Taecyeon."

His remorse was blatant, the look on his face sure to tug on the heartstrings of any passerby but
Yoona was still too angry to forgive. When she was close to doing so, she'd remember Yuri's
bruises and the hospital bed and forgiveness was out of the question.

"I wanted to help. I messed up. I'm sorry," he said and bowed his head, breaking their eye
contact.

She lingered next to him for a bit, her conscience reminding her of the past and her own
mistakes.

"Yuri doesn't hold grudges; she's not that type of person. She's already forgiven you and if you
hadn't come back for her--" She paused and he looked up and they shared a moment of
understanding. "So, it's okay."

It was the best Yoona could do at the present time. Maybe later when Yuri was healed and all
this was was a memory, she could actually forgive him.

"Thanks. You don't mind if I stay here though? At least until she's out of the hospital."

What harm could he do now?

"Sure."

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Yoona left Taek in the waiting room and continued down the hall to Yuri's room. The nurses all
recognized her and knew her by name, some stopping even to say hi, but another person
interrupted her again before she could reach Yuri.

"Yoona?"

At the nurses' station sat Hyoyeon, comfortably reclining in the swivel chair like she was lord of
the land.

Yoona approached the counter, very confused by Hyoyeon's presence.

"Are--are you here to see Yuri?" Yoona asked, although aloud the question sounded even more
preposterous.

"Yuri? Why would I see Yuri here? I'm waiting for my father to finish his rounds." Hyoyeon
leaned forward as she pondered Yoona's question more thoroughly. "Is Yuri in the hospital?"

Yoona couldn't have known Hyoyeon was the daughter of one of the doctor's, otherwise she
wouldn't have hinted anything about Yuri. It was a difficult situation to escape from. As mean as
Hyoyeon could be, she was also giftedly perceptive.

"No, we're just doing some volunteer work. I thought you might have seen her."

But the gears in Hyoyeon's head were already churning. Yuri had been absent from school for at
least a week, if Hyoyeon remembered correctly that was. Her priority hardly was to keep track of
people like Yuri. Then there was the family dinner a few nights ago. Her father spoke of a patient
in a motorcycle accident, something about being Hyoyeon's age and how lucky and blessed the
patient was. Hyoyeon hadn't really paid attention but now she was scouring her memory banks
for more clues and information. Because of patient confidentiality her father didn't reveal Yuri's
name but Hyoyeon could connect the dots.

"Yuri was in an accident," Hyoyeon stated, only to see Yoona's reaction and the reaction she
received confirmed her suspicions. Yoona's eyes narrowed in a glare for a millisecond before
returning to normal. Being Yoona's friend for the last few years made it easy to find telltale
signs.

"No, she wasn't. I just told you--"

"Two broken bones, almost a punctured lung. Wow, she could be dead right now." Then
Hyoyeon remembered something particularly interesting. "Wasn't she gambling? Illegally?
Looks like even orphans have to pay the consequences."

Yoona's eyes narrowed again but this time they were also shaking in the tears that began to fill
them.

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"Consequences? You think she deserved this?" Yoona's tears subsided with her rising anger.
"Why are you like this? What did she ever do to you? What did I ever do to you? What do you
want, Hyoyeon? Because whatever it is, you can have it."

The sudden turn of tables caught Hyoyeon off guard, not to mention Yoona's blunt demand at
asking what Hyoyeon wanted. Hyoyeon would tell her, if Hyoyeon could put it into words. The
increasing silence further embarrassed Hyoyeon by the second as Yoona waited for an answer
Hyoyeon could not provide.

"Hyoyeon, darling, sorry to keep you waiting."

A doctor strode in from the hallway behind Yoona. He paused by the counter and looked
between Hyoyeon and Yoona, unaware of the heightened tension.

"Do you need some help, Miss?" he asked Yoona, putting down a chart. He seemed eager to
help, exuded nothing but warmth and yet Hyoyeon was his daughter. Some things simply did not
make sense.

"No, thank you," Yoona replied graciously, casting one last glance at Hyoyeon. Hyoyeon didn't
see though and had busied herself in front of the computer. She stared at the back of Yoona's
head when the girl walked away, with no contempt, no malice, just plain confusion.

The passed out college kid at the landing before the steps to Sooyoung's and Tiffany's dorm's
hallway was about to get a very sharp heel jammed into his appendix. Tiffany didn't even
stumble as she stepped on him and his resounding groan of pain didn't slow her down either.

She passed her room and went straight to the bathrooms. They weren't empty (a girl was
brushing her teeth at one sink and there was water running in a stall) but Tiffany fixed that.

"Hey," Tiffany said to the girl, someone she had seen around her building once or twice, "did
you hear about the asbestos warning in here?"

The girl's face screwed up in a look of horror.

"Are you serious?" she asked with a mouthful of toothpaste.

"Who the hell jokes about something like that?"

The girl wasted no time in rinsing her mouth and running to the stall, informing the person in it
of the supposed asbestos. No less than five minutes later, the communal bathroom was all hers.
Tiffany thought of locking the doors but word would travel fast and there was a party going on,
so it would travel even faster.

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She had forgotten it was the semester end party, the party before finals began and everyone got it
out of their systems before holing up and studying until exhaustion.

A party was the last thing Tiffany wanted. She wanted quiet and good acoustics. Her voice
echoed around her as she sang.

"What can we do, we both feel hurt, we're getting further..."

Sooyoung had heard the asbestos rumor while she was beating some loser who thought he was
better at guitar in Rock Band than her. Even blitzed she whooped his ass.

The rumor would have been more believable if Sooyoung hadn't experienced a similar situation
in a chemistry class a few years ago when a student sent out a mass email saying there was an
outbreak of cholera in the building. No one came for the midterm that day. The student was none
other than Tiffany.

People began leaving the party in droves and Sooyoung waited until the trampling stampede was
over to start roaming the halls. It didn't take long for Sooyoung to get an irrefutable clue as to
where Tiffany was.

Tiffany's voice led her to the bathroom but along the way Sooyoung had listened to her and to
the lyrics and knew by the time she arrived to find Tiffany huddling between sinks, Tiffany was
not doing well.

"Tiffany?"

"There's asbestos, leave."

Sooyoung had grabbed a beer and some weed before beginning her quest for Tiffany and
slumped down next to Tiffany with her entertainment. She was careful not to sit too close since
Tiffany had claustrophobic tendencies, especially in bad situations.

Tiffany's senses were on overdrive and she could smell the beer and weed emitting from
Sooyoung. It was making her feel a new kind of nauseous and when Sooyoung offered the weed
Tiffany disgustingly looked away and remained her gaze away from the offending objects.

It was quiet and Tiffany could hear the rolling paper crackle as Sooyoung smoked, could smell
the unusually sweet smell of the smoke and wondered where Sooyoung had been getting her
stuff.

They stayed like that until Tiffany couldn't hear the crackle or smell the smoke but she didn't
want Sooyoung to leave. She wanted to stay like this for the night or maybe for the next week or
so and just be happy in the empty bathroom of her building where no one can bother them.

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"Jessica loves me."

Tiffany turned her head to look straight ahead but the angle was just enough so that she could see
Sooyoung's reaction, the pleasant (and doped up) grin on her face.

"Yea? Are you happy?"

Tiffany stared off onto some unknown spot, thought maybe if she stared long enough she could
see past the wall and past the houses and look at something beautiful. She was talking before she
could stop herself and the words sounded so weird in her voice, like she was listening to
someone else say them.

"No, I thought she was different."

"Hey, Yoong," Yuri greeted the girl. She sat up in her bed and reached over to the stack of DVDs
Yoona had brought from home. "So I thought we could watch Pocahontas? I'm craving a sing
along to Colors of the Wind, what do you think?"

Yoona dropped her handbag on the chair, walking and breathing like a robot. She was running on
autopilot.

Yuri saw Yoona's distracted face and could clearly see something was on Yoona's mind.

"What happened?" Yuri asked with growing concern. The vacant look did not suit Yoona.

Even though Yoona should have known better by now, she could do nothing to prevent the
startling effect Hyoyeon's words had on her.

"Wow, she could be dead right now."

Yoona remembered her old self. She remembered her defense mechanism, her ability to box
away all those unpleasant feelings and focus on something else. It was exactly what she did. She
slid onto Yuri's bed, pushing away some of the covers and climbing into Yuri's lap.

Yuri hid the grimaces she felt when Yoona's knees pinched her waist and ribs. It was a small
price to pay. She forgot about Yoona's blank face when the girl kissed her. The kisses were
sweet, almost as if Yoona was treating Yuri's mouth as what was bruised in the accident.

"Wow, she could be dead right now."

The docility was short-lived when Hyoyeon's words rung again. Yoona had her fingers in Yuri's
hair but she moved her hand and brought it to Yuri's jaw. Using the heel of her hand, Yoona
pressed down, causing Yuri's mouth to fall open and letting Yoona's tongue in. Yuri's hips shot
up and in turn Yoona rolled hers down. They broke apart from their kiss with a cross between a

309
shared gasp and a moan, forgetting decency and consumed with urgency. Yoona found Yuri's
eyes and rolled her hips down again.

Yuri swayed forward with every movement, brushing her lips against Yoona's in lazy kisses, too
immersed in odd combination of pain and pleasure as Yoona's legs dug into Yuri's sides.

"Don't leave me," Yoona said, releasing her insecurities in messy whispers. "Don't leave me,
don't leave me."

"Yoona, I--" Yuri drew in a hissing breath through her nose as Yoona's mouth turned more
forceful. "I won't leave you. I promise."

Yoona withdrew momentarily, realizing how crazily she was acting. Yuri's lips glistened from
Yoona's onslaught and Yoona felt the quick pants that breezed through them against her neck.

"I think I love you too much," Yoona said, suddenly uninterested in satisfying her hormones.

The next kiss from Yuri scratched at Yoona's initial worries of abandonment. But it was more
like clawing, not scratching, and when Yuri sweetly nuzzled her neck Yoona choked back a sob.

"Do you ever feel like that?" Yoona asked, hiccupping through a breath. It was painfully
embarrassing for Yoona to have Yuri witness her at her worst and Yoona had quick impulses of
fleeing, like electrical shocks that made her even antsier.

"I feel...I..." Yuri mumbled, frustrated with the mess in her head. Articulating thoughts to words
was a simple task, it shouldn't have felt like attempting alchemy.

"Moths are attracted to light, right?" Yuri began explaining, staring at a lone freckle on Yoona's
shoulder. "Some, actually, are so transfixed by light's allure that they fly straight into fire. I'm the
moth to your flame, Yoona. I gravitate towards you because of your warmth and if by chance
you burn me then so be it. I'd die happily." Yuri lifted her head, saw Yoona's eyes and the wet
streaks underneath them. She used the back of her fingers and delicately wiped Yoona's cheeks,
asking, "Does that answer your question?"

Yoona shifted on the bed and off Yuri. She lied down beside Yuri and moved to a comfortable
position, placing her head between Yuri's chest and shoulder. Yuri could hear the fatigue in
Yoona's voice, but it didn't make Yoona sound any less believable.

"I'll make you proud one day. I'll give you everything you want, even the things you didn't know
you wanted until you had them. And when people ask if you remember what heartbreak feels
like, you'll tell them no, because I'll be the one that made you forget."

Out in the hall, lights were dimming and soon a nurse stopped by Yuri's room. The woman's
shoulders dropped in quiet admonishing and Yuri mouthed a "sorry." The nurse nodded and
smiled before turning off the light and leaving the room without disturbing the pair.

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"Yoong, you asleep?" Yuri asked in the darkness.

"Mm," Yoona hummed, cuddling deeper towards Yuri.

"You're okay sleeping like this?"

"Mm."

"You do know you're probably going to wake up sore?"

"Mm."

"You're not listening, are you?"

"Mm."

Yuri smiled happily, even if her girlfriend was absolutely ignoring her. Truth was she couldn't
have cared less. She closed her eyes and followed Yoona to sleep.

They were aware how lucky they were. Elsewhere, people were going to bed alone, crying over
losses both permanent and temporary, while others were stifled by mistakes that would soon turn
into regrets, paralyzed with indecision or fear. So, they knew they were lucky because it only
took a fraction less of patience, a few misplaced words, a wrong action or reaction to shatter the
unbreakable.

They had love, and they were lucky love wanted them too.

It looked horrible, Yuri's bruise. It took up almost the entire left side of her torso, the colors
reminding her of vomit. She tried twisting her body to get a better view of her back but the pain
knocked the air out of her lungs. She leaned on the sink, knocking over her pain killers. The
capped bottle rolled back and forth in the sink, rattling loudly.

"Yul, you okay in there?" Donghae shouted from outside the bathroom. He was on the first shift
of Yuri Watch, a nifty little idea Yoona thought of to make sure Yuri was never alone at any
time. Donghae would take the day hours and Yoona would sleep over at night. This way Yuri
didn't have to leave the comfort of her home.

"Fine!" Yuri replied, righting the medicine bottle. "Just fine."

The bruise wasn't the worst part of the accident. Yuri could deal with the ugliness and even with
some of the pain but nothing was as irritating as feeling helpless. She couldn't DJ, she couldn't
work, she couldn't ride her bike; she was an invalid confined to her bed and home.

311
No, she wouldn't complain. Sucking in a breath, she straightened and stared hard at her
reflection.

"You did this. It's your fault."

Her reflection had no comeback.

Sooyoung bit down on her pencil's eraser, chewing lightly on the rubber as she looked at
Tiffany's laptop for the fourth time. It was open and Tiffany rarely left it open. Sooyoung
remembered Tiffany leaving in a rush that morning and closed the monitor only halfway.

The curiosity was killing Sooyoung.

In normal circumstances, Sooyoung wouldn't have cared but these weren't normal circumstances.
Tiffany was acting out more than usual, splitting her time between partying and studying with
nothing in between. Sooyoung didn't even know if the girl was getting any sleep. Then, at the
crack of dawn today Tiffany was clacking away at her laptop for at least two hours straight
which was odd considering Tiffany didn't like computers and believed they were modern day
Death Eaters.

What had been Tiffany writing?

Just a quick glance, just to check if it wasn't a suicide note or something, Sooyoung put the
pencil down and stepped to the computer. She pushed the monitor back and first saw the royal
blue heading and the white letters stamped along it, Berkeley. Sooyoung didn't know a lot of
English but she didn't need to to understand the sentence on the center of the page.

"Thank you for applying to the University of California."

"I'll be in the living room, watching TV."

Donghae left Yuri and Tiffany in Yuri's room.

Yuri was pacing. Not from anxiety but rather just to move. She'd been lying down for too long.

"I looked into this JJ guy," Tiffany said, taking out some papers.

Now Yuri was pacing from anxiety.

"He'll be going to jail soon," Tiffany added.

Yuri stopped pacing and faced Tiffany. "What? How did-- You did that?"

312
"I have a friend at the station and I needed a favor repaid so I asked him to see if the guy had a
criminal background," Tiffany replied monotonously. "They don't know if JJ will be tried for the
street racing but there's enough evidence to put him away for that chop shop he's running."

So that was what Yuri saw and heard when they first met. JJ was stripping stolen cars and selling
their parts by day and dealing street races at night. What a lucrative endeavor-- incredibly
dangerous and stupid, but lucrative.

"What about me?" Yuri asked fearfully.

Tiffany's expression brought a whole new meaning to anger.

"You," Tiffany began, almost biting with each new word, "are going to forget about it and not say
a word. That night you were driving home, took a shortcut and popped your tires on some nails.
Understood?"

Yuri nodded with renewed shame.

Tiffany flipped to a page in the packet she had printed and looked at the numbers there again.
"Your money's gone though, I can't get that back."

The money itself wasn't what was important, it was what the money did. Yuri had barely enough
saved to get her by for the next three months and how was she supposed to sustain herself
without a job? At least the hospital bills were paid by her insurance.

Yuri turned to Tiffany with a hopeful look. Tiffany was the only one she could go to with this.

"What do I do?" Yuri asked her.

Tiffany retrieved more packets and folders from her bag and laid them out on the bed. Yuri
picked one up, confused by the big school building and happy student faces on the cover.

"These are all scholarships you're more than qualified for and some schools that'll give you a full
ride," Tiffany explained as Yuri sat down with the folder. "You're smart, Yul. Smart and talented
and you deserve this."

Tiffany had never steered Yuri wrong. She always looked after Yuri, helped her in any way she
could and the least Yuri could do was listen and try.

"Okay," Yuri said with a determined nod. "I'll look at these."

Having done all she came for, Tiffany gathered her things to go. She stood up in front of Yuri
and allowed herself to smile for a moment.

"You'll be okay, Yul."

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Yuri let out a wry laugh and smiled along with Tiffany.

"Mostly thanks to you. I really don't know what I'd do without you."

Tiffany's smile weakened, but she forced a new one, if only for Yuri's sake.

"You'd be okay. You'll see."

Since peeking at the laptop, Sooyoung hadn't moved from the room. She was waiting for Tiffany
and would not move an inch until they spoke.

Sooyoung's stomach growled in protest.

"Oh shut up," she said and put a hand to it.

Food could wait. Her best friend leaving the country couldn't.

Luckily it wasn't one of Tiffany's all nighters and within an hour she came back to the dorm.
Sooyoung bolted upright and then forgot everything she wanted to say.

"Youasblogrefh," was what came from Sooyoung's mouth.

"I knew the weed would screw you up one way or another," Tiffany said, sighing, and crossing
to her side of the room.

Sooyoung collected her brain from the floor. "Shut up!"

It wasn't one of their playful shut ups they'd throw around. Sooyoung meant it.

"What the hell is your problem?" Tiffany asked, pausing in putting her things away.

"Why did you apply to Berkeley?"

Tiffany's eyebrows drew over her eyes in confusion and then she looked at her partly opened
laptop.

"Why are you such a monkey, Sooyoung? Do you have to touch everything?" Tiffany snapped,
slapping the monitor down harshly.

"Shut up and tell me!" Sooyoung yelled back.

In less than a second Tiffany cooled down. She wasn't going to fight with Sooyoung about this,
but she did want to make it entertaining. She sat down on the bed and folded her hands over her
crossed legs in mockery.

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"You're giving me two conflicting demands there, Sooyoungie."

That did not improve anything and only further riled up Sooyoung.

"Running to another country isn't going to make her disappear, Tiffany!"

Sooyoung's response wasn't intentional. There were too many things she was feeling and they
were all colliding with each other but as low as a blow it was, it did get to the point.

The fun in teasing Sooyoung was gone. Tiffany was mad all over again. "Not if a black hole
devours her!"

"Well, at least the chance of that happening is more likely than you actually trying for once!"

It became quiet.

Sooyoung knew she had gone too far. There was a silent understanding between them that they
accepted but wouldn't acknowledge each other's flaws. It's what made their friendship work.

"Sorry," Sooyoung apologized softly.

"I want a free dinner as retribution for the traumatic experience."

"I hurt your feelings?"

"No, your yelling blew out my eardrum. Now my dreams of becoming a Bollywood singer are
ruined," Tiffany replied flatly. It didn't sound like she was particularly affected by the loss.

Sooyoung couldn't help but smile. She hesitated by her bed but eventually trekked over to
Tiffany's side and sat down next to her. She tried again, without the yelling part.

"When are you leaving?"

It was supposed to be a secret until the last minute. But technically, time was relative; what was
last minute for Tiffany didn't mean it was the same for Sooyoung.

"Next week."

That was definitely last minute for Sooyoung.

"What?" Sooyoung was beyond surprised, she was stunned. "You don't even know if you got in!
And classes don't start until fall, why are you leaving now?"

"I'm taking summer classes and it's a long trip. I want to get adjusted as soon as possible."

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New thoughts arose the more Sooyoung thought about it. Her best friend was leaving. She'd have
to get a new roommate. What if the new roommate didn't like that she was a slob and smoked
pot? What if this roommate was one of those people who never came out of their rooms and/or
worshipped Satan? Who was going to go get sandwiches for her in the middle of the night when
she got the munchies? How was she--

"It has nothing to do with her," Tiffany said definitively, cutting through Sooyoung's spiraling
turmoil. "There's just nothing left for me here."

That wounded Sooyoung.

"I'm not enough to stay?"

"You're welcome to come with me."

The invitation was a farfetched one but Tiffany would have loved for Sooyoung to tag along.
Only problem was Sooyoung's home was here and Tiffany's was... somewhere she hadn't found
yet. It was why she was leaving.

Tiffany playfully bumped her shoulder into Sooyoung's. "I'll visit. You'll visit too. I'll show you
how to surf."

"You know how to surf?" Sooyoung asked in surprise.

"No," Tiffany said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I'll find someone who does."

Sooyoung looked around the room and tried to imagine it half empty. It depressed her.

"I'm gonna miss you a lot," Sooyoung said offhandedly. She wouldn't make a scene out of this;
it'd just make things worse.

Tiffany thought the exact same thing.

"Me too."

Yuri was trying not to smile. Her lips were tightly pressed but each time Yoona giggled it made
not smiling that much harder.

"I'm not kidding, Yuri! Your stomach sounds like it's growling the bass line to a song."

Yoona puckered her mouth and tried to imitate a techno sounding beat. The sight alone was
enough to crack Yuri's resolve. She tried to stifle the laughs with a hand.

316
Yoona laughed too because it was the happiest she'd seen Yuri in weeks. They kept laughing,
most of it resulting from the faces they made while laughing and it was a continuous cycle until
their bellies hurt and they were running out of air.

"You sure you don't want me to cook you something? Or I can always order out if you want
something specific," Yoona said, slowly recovering from all the laughter. She poked at Yuri's
belly to see if it'd gurgle some more.

Yuri wiped at her teary eyes. "No, no, I'm not hungry."

But Yoona wasn't so convinced.

"Yea, right, I bet you're--" Yoona had lifted Yuri's shirt with the intent of visually proving Yuri
was hungry (okay, it was an excuse to see her stomach) but Yuri's bruise left Yoona speechless.

Yuri was quick to cover herself again.

"It's not that bad, Yoong," Yuri said reassuringly.

Yoona propped herself on an elbow and played with a stray thread on Yuri's shirt. She'd never
seen a bruise that big up close and in person. It was so out of place on Yuri's body.

"It looks like it hurts."

"Only if I move too much or lean on it. Otherwise, I don't really know it's there."

That was a lie. Yuri felt it all the time, even if all she was doing was breathing. It worried her
whether it'd always be there, like when people said their joints were sore if the weather was bad.
She worried whether she'd always feel like she was a little broken now.

Yuri put her worries in the back of her mind and smiled at Yoona's own worried face. She
pushed her fingers into Yoona's cheek, pinching and pulling.

"Having fun?" Yoona asked, the words mumbled as Yuri used both hands now.

Yuri used her thumbs to lift the corners of Yoona's mouth into something of a smile.

"That's better," Yuri said, admiring her handiwork.

Yoona shook her head and got Yuri to remove her hands. She kept her head down, unable to look
into Yuri's eyes.

Yuri tugged on Yoona's arm. "Come here."

Yoona did so but without lifting her head. She looked somewhere below them even when they
were face to face.

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Yuri kissed Yoona's pouting bottom lip and when that did nothing, she pushed away Yoona's
hair and kissed her again. She kept pressing kisses until she could feel Yoona kiss back.

Carefully repositioning herself so that none of her body weight was on Yuri's blotching bruise,
Yoona asked timidly, "How is it you take care of me even when you're the one who's hurt?"

What an easy question.

"I wouldn't know how to do the opposite."

The warming days of spring brought a humid and sleepy haze upon the house and its rooms.
Yoona had only wanted to blink but found her eyes unwilling to open. It felt a little like an ever
after, one Yoona had been chasing since childhood, one Yuri was always one step behind. Where
their paths had once diverged, they had ultimately reconvened and everything was right.
Everything was finally right.

Tiffany hadn't told everyone she was leaving, just a select few people. That meant the only two
people attending the going away party Sooyoung threw were Tiffany and Sooyoung. It was
awfully lame. To add to its lameness, Tiffany said the party needed to be during the day because
she had "stuff" to do at night. Whatever "stuff" was. She also didn't want Sooyoung spreading
word about her departure. Sooyoung didn't know if even Yuri knew what Tiffany was planning.
But Sooyoung wouldn't interfere. If Tiffany wanted to sever ties then that was her problem.
Sooyoung would play no part in it. She was just going to sit in her room and smoke her weed and
keep calm.

The windows were open to let fresh air in and Sooyoung heard the nearby church's bell ring the
new hour. As though the sound was some activation, the heel of Sooyoung's foot began to
bounce against the floor.

Long ago, when Sooyoung and Tiffany first met they established ground rules and one of those
rules neither of them had broken was the rule to not meddle. Their friendship persevered through
the first few months because of that rule. Sooyoung learned Tiffany was a glorified masochist
and it took everything in Sooyoung to not try and reach out to help. She developed a soft spot for
Tiffany and realized after countless hookups and subsequent breakups, Tiffany was not looking
for attention, she was not looking for help; she was resilient --maybe a little messed up-- but she
certainly did not need any saving.

So Sooyoung wasn't going to do it this time either. She wasn't going to save Tiffany.

To still her legs (both of her heels had started pounding on the floor like a drum roll) she lied
down on her bed and stared at the ceiling. The sun's light illuminated bright rectangles and a bird
flew--

318
Sooyoung jumped from the bed, bumping into the table and spilling Tiffany's jar of pens and
pencils.

"Shit."

She collected all of it and like a manic compulsive she rearranged them by color and height and
width and put the jar at the left corner then the right then in the center.

"Crap. Crapcrapcrapcrap."

Sooyoung felt like there was a bomb somewhere in the room and she could hear it ticking but
couldn't find it. Yuri should know and what if she didn't? It was idiocy on Tiffany's part, that's
what it was. Tiffany was being a moron. Definitely. A big bitchy moron.

Peeking through the blinds, Sooyoung saw a group of students on the lawn. They were talking,
laughing. They looked happy. They probably didn't have to deal with bitchy morons as friends.
None of them looked bitchy or moronic.

Sooyoung clasped her hands on the back of her neck and walked to the door then took a few
steps back.

And what about Jessica?

Sooyoung's snarled at the thought of the girl. Then she felt guilty because it wasn't Jessica's fault.

Sooyoung liked Jessica. She really did. Jessica was strong, capable and independent; kind,
helpful and overall a good person. But Sooyoung liked Yuri more.

With Yuri, Tiffany was caught on a confusing border between love and lust, bouncing back and
forth between the neighboring feelings and sometimes sitting smack-dab in the middle, right on
the line, and all was well. Tiffany didn't stick to one spot for long if she ever crossed over
completely either. She'd be in lust after spending too much time in love and vice versa.

Tiffany could control herself with Yuri. She knew when too little wasn't enough and when to sit
on the sidelines to simply observe. So despite the weeks of depression Tiffany suffered after the
end of her relationship with Yuri, Sooyoung never worried. She had complete confidence
Tiffany would recover, find another plaything as a rebound and return to her old self, bitchiness
and sexiness personified.

Jessica was the plaything rebound Sooyoung had hoped for. Although Yuri put Tiffany through a
loop sometimes, bent her backwards too far on occasion, Tiffany always had enough sanity to
know how to stand upright afterwards. But Jessica did more than just put Tiffany through a loop-
- she put her through a continuous rollercoaster.

With Jessica, Tiffany didn't know left from right, up from down. She was blinded and deafened
and the logic she could always rely on when things were a bit out of control was polluted by

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feelings she couldn't segregate. She was lost, losing control and instead of regaining it, all she
did was spiral downward.

Jessica had the power of doing two ultimates to Tiffany, strengthen her, or tear her down and she
did both randomly. But Jessica wasn't to blame. She couldn't have known just what kind of
power she held and it wouldn't have been any less dangerous if she did know. Sooyoung believed
Tiffany was capable of doing the same to Jessica anyway so it was only fair.

Tiffany didn't border on lust and love when it came to Jessica. She was in love, stationed there
like it was home, even though she was walking through its desert alone.

"Shit," Sooyoung repeated again as she came to a staggering conclusion.

It was up to her. She could keep quiet or tell them--one of them. Yuri or Jessica. She sure as hell
wouldn't be responsible for telling both of them.

Now, which one?

Tiffany needed Yuri. They were inseparable once. There wasn't ever going to be another Yuri in
Tiffany's life. Yuri wasn't going to be more than a friend for Tiffany though, whereas Jessica
could be. But Jessica could also be the one thing that could bring Tiffany down for good and
Sooyoung couldn't do that. She didn't want to hurt Tiffany.

Sooyoung grabbed her keys and rushed out the door. No one ever got anything done by sitting
idly. Halfway down the hall she realized she forgot her shoes and had to go back to her room to
put them on. On her second trip out she managed to get to the lobby before getting sidetracked
again, but this time the cause was much more pertinent.

"You late for your Druggies Anonymous meeting?" Tiffany asked, eyeing Sooyoung's
disheveled appearance with amusement and concern. The girl looked strung out.

There was no time to waste and Sooyoung skipped the idle chat.

"Does Yuri know? Like, have you told her at all? 'Cause she deserves to know and-and, other
people deserve to know too. Other people with blonde hair. Blonde haired people should know."

Now Tiffany definitely knew Sooyoung was strung out. While most people would calm down
when they smoked pot, Sooyoung had an unfortunate side effect of bouncing off the walls if
something in particular was worrying her. The pot kicked her emotions into overdrive and it
turned her into a basket case.

"Okay, I love you, but look at your life. Look at your choices," Tiffany reprimanded.

Sooyoung stood still, perplexed.

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Tiffany took Sooyoung's arm and led her back upstairs. Once back in the room, Tiffany pushed
Sooyoung onto the bed and took out her phone to dial Youngbae's number. He could babysit
Sooyoung.

"Your girlfriend is spazzing out. You need to come here and make sure she doesn't do anything
stupid," Tiffany explained, examining her nails. Over on the bed, Sooyoung was thrashing.

"WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN? I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU AND YOUR EVIL WAYS.
I'M HAPPY YOU'RE LEAVING. YEA, GO. GO BACK TO YOUR HOME ON WHORE
ISLAND."

Youngbae agreed to come right over.

After it seemed Sooyoung had fallen asleep, Tiffany got up from her bed to leave. But like some
sleeper agent, Sooyoung sprung to life at Tiffany's movement. The girl fell out of bed and rolled
on the floor once before grasping Tiffany's leg to keep her in place.

"No, wait. Waitwaitiwait. Tell them. Or one of them. You have to."

Tiffany cricked her head to the side and blew out a sigh that lasted at least five seconds. Her
patience was being tested.

"Yuri will be fine." A moment of contemplation later and Tiffany decided she could pacify
Sooyoung by mentioning Jessica too. "And Barbie doesn't care. I told her I slept with Taek and
she did nothing. I doubt she'd care what I did now."

Sooyoung's mouth fell open incredulously.

"You did whaaaat? But you explained right? You explained that you don't really--"

"Sooyoung, remember that movie we watched in the lecture hall a few months ago?"

It was enough for Sooyoung to loosen her grip on Tiffany's leg as she thought and Tiffany
walked away freely, closing the door behind her but hearing Sooyoung's shrieking well down the
hall.

"YOU ARE A BITCHY MCBITCHFACE!"

Yoona rarely ever woke up first but this was one of those rare times. She sat up in the bed and
looked at Yuri, who was sleeping with her tongue sticking out. Yoona snorted loudly before
snapping a picture of Yuri with her phone. Blackmail was never not useful.

Seeing as Yuri was on rest only duty for the next month, Yoona was hesitant to bother her sleep
even if she was beginning to get bored. She surveyed Yuri's room, looking for entertainment or

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distraction. Everything outside of the room was out of the question--she didn't want to be that far
away.

On Yuri's nightstand was a notepad with a half filled page and a marker. Yoona took the marker
and a peek at the writing. It seemed to be another poem, which Yoona didn't bother reading
further than the first few words because it didn't make any sense and if it was for her Yuri would
explain it. Instead, she twirled the marker between her fingers, thinking of what she could write
and more precisely, where.

Yuri tried turning in her sleep and Yoona watched the pained expression on the girl's face at the
attempt. It must have hurt to even try. Yoona uncovered the bruise and grazed her fingertips
against the skin, imagining the millions of blood vessels that ruptured like water balloons. That's
what happened, right? They burst?

Yoona closed her eyes tightly to erase the images they created. Bruises were an iniquitous
punishment; they added insult to injury, they weren't voluntary and were quite unsightly. Biting
down on the cap, Yoona withdrew the marker and crouched in front of Yuri's torso. She was
going to do her own set of decorations.

"What if I promised to send you sexy pictures?"

Sooyoung was sure that would sway Youngbae. He had been standing guard and refused to let
her step outside and she was trying to bribe him.

"You already do that. Not that your idea of sexy is my idea of sexy."

The last "sexy" picture Sooyoung sent him was of her favorite actor, shirtless. Then his friends
all thought he was secretly gay for a good month. It wasn't something he liked thinking about.

"YOU ARE GETTING IN THE WAY OF DESTINY," Sooyoung shouted, on the brink of
desperation.

"IF IT'S DESTINY IT DOESN'T MATTER, IT'LL HAPPEN ANYWAY."

Sooyoung was about to yell back but fell silent. He was right. If it was meant to be, it would
happen. It was her job to prove it.

She sauntered up to him and rested her arms on his shoulders. He didn't avoid her eyes when she
sought his. (That would be the first thing to attract Sooyoung to the boy; when others were
daunted by her height, he saw past her as just the girl with the long legs.) She pressed their noses
together and smiled before kissing him sweetly.

"You'll forgive me, right?" she whispered into his ear seductively and he could feel his back
twitch at the upcoming goosebumps, even if he was confused by the question.

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"What do you--" Was all Youngbae could say before Sooyoung's knee collided into his stomach.
At least she didn't aim for his groin. He crumbled to the ground and Sooyoung sprinted out.

"I LOVE YOU AND I'M SORRY."

Yuri blinked open her eyes to a darkened room, empty and quiet. She tried to sit up but that felt
like someone hit her ribs with a baseball bat. Her body immediately recoiled and sent her flat on
her back. She put her hand to the bruise as if she could physically touch her sore muscles and
damaged tissue and looked there.

Her eyes scrunched at what she saw, the squiggles and drawings, temporary tattoos spanning
across her side and some of her stomach. Everything seemed to originate from a single point,
starting at her belly button. Her belly button was the center of a flower, with petals around it and
the stem a vine, circling her belly button and stretching to her side, sprouting leaves and more
flowers along the way. In the spots where there was more purple and yellow were more flowers
and the green was reserved for leaves. It was an intricate design and actually, quite beautiful.

"Yoong?" Yuri called out.

In a few seconds Yoona appeared in the threshold, holding a notepad.

"Hey, you're up."

Yuri rubbed her side, asking, "How long did this take you?"

Yoona's mouth shifted toward her right cheek and she tried to remember time when all she could
remember was how Yuri kept swatting at Yoona's hands until Yoona had to grab it and squeeze
every so often to keep it still. If it wasn't for that hand, it probably would have taken Yoona
much less time, she knew that much.

"I don't know," Yoona answered as she went to the bed and kneeled in front of Yuri, placing the
notepad down.

Only few understood real need. Yoona understood it. She lived it daily, both fleeting and
prolonged, intense and dull. However, it was almost always there and sometimes she thought it
was in the air and she could even breathe it in. How else could she explain it? Because she'd
never admit how much she needed Yuri, especially in the physical sense, and what she felt
couldn't be contained as simple attraction. She was embarrassed of it more often than not and
forced to hide it, only able to steal lustful glances and covert touches.

What was it called when you stole what was rightfully yours?

Yoona leaned into Yuri, indulging in the way she could visibly see Yuri's throat work down a
gulp when her hand drifted over her stomach and how Yuri's eyelids did a quick flutter when her

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hand drifted even lower and Yoona felt maybe Yuri understood need too. She moved closer and
Yuri tried to kiss her but Yoona stayed out of reach. Yuri couldn't move too much because of her
ribs but she was moments away from risking excruciating pain.

"I read some of the poems in your notebook while you were sleeping. I hope you don't mind,"
Yoona said, smiling, because Yuri tried kissing her again but Yoona still wouldn't let her.

"Which one?"

Something stirred inside of Yoona at the breathless response and it was possibly crazy, how so
little could do so much to her. She recited the small bit she remembered, her favorite part, while
her nails scratched their way under Yuri's shirt.

"Maps are never skin. I know that you're only a guide--" Yuri lunged this time, catching Yoona
in the kiss she wanted and Yoona submitted without any of the previous evasion, because that
need had a funny way of appearing when she least expected it. "I know that you're only a guide,"
Yoona said again against Yuri's mouth, her hand close to completely lifting Yuri's shirt, "but I
prefer to pretend otherwise."

Yoona ducked down, kissing Yuri's stomach, biting where she saw fit then running her tongue
over the grooves her teeth left.

"Let me spread you open, let me undo the tangle of rivers, interstates and country roads," Yoona
kissed upward, rising gradually until Yuri was arching to her mouth, "until they spill out soft as
hair across my lap."

Yuri didn't let Yoona go anywhere else once their lips met again. She was done with talking.

"Take off your shirt," Yuri demanded.

Yoona smiled and threw her shirt behind her, saying, "I can see why you like poems so much."

To which Yuri didn't say anything because they were back to kissing and everything else became
that much less important.

Sooyoung ran a quarter of the distance to the Golden Fox before she realized she could call a
cab. It was fairly early into the evening but the club's lights were on and she hoped Jessica was
around. Even if she wasn't, Sooyoung could wait. Unless they kicked her out. Then she would
wait outside.

There was a sign of life inside, in particular some guy huddled at the wall, near the entrance to
the dance floor. The lights were dimmed so Sooyoung didn't know who it was until it was too
late to go by unnoticed.

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"Hey, you're," Taek craned his neck more closely to Sooyoung, who was practically bouncing in
place, "you're Tiffany's friend, right?"

"Sure. I'm looking for Jessica, know where she is?"

Taek pointed to a lit room with an opened door downstairs. "If she's not there, she's at the bar."

Sooyoung jumped down two steps at a time but backtracked halfway and ran back to Taek. He
looked up just in time to see her leg lift and the tip of her sneaker collide into his shin. His own
leg reacted instantly, curling up as he grabbed it in pain.

"What the fu--!" he yelled out but Sooyoung was skipping down the stairs again.

"Stay away from Tiffany!" Sooyoung warned, leaving Taek to nurse his shin.

Sooyoung sprinted to the room but the momentum was too great when she had to turn, causing
her to skid against the waxed floors, her feet slipping underneath her. She caught herself and
went straight for the room. Feeling accomplished she stopped at the threshold and looked inside,
only to find it empty. She leaned in, looking between rows of shelves and boxes and bottles and
found no one.

"Excuse me," someone said behind her and Sooyoung turned around and although she had never
formally met Jessica, all of Tiffany's whining started to make sense-- the zombie eyes, the stoic
face, the Barbie hair.

Sooyoung moved out of Jessica's way and watched her for a moment. She thought Jessica would
shine somehow, be something spectacular, unique. Or something. But Jessica didn't look much
different than who she appeared to be. Just a bartender at a club. But she wasn't just that, because
Tiffany didn't associate with boring people. Jessica had to be spectacular in some way. Maybe
Tiffany was the only one who knew which way.

"I'm Tiffany's roommate, Sooyoung."

Jessica was in the middle of pulling out wine bottles and there was a short lapse between lifting
and holding that made a bottle fall down. Luckily it didn't break.

"Are you?" Jessica replied, going back to work seamlessly.

Then Sooyoung saw it again. The quick brush off and indifference. Jessica had a similar ability
as Tiffany -- an atomic bomb could have gone off and they could turn their backs to it.

"She's leaving. For California, and I'm 99.35% sure it's because of you," Sooyoung said, going
on her knees and shuffling to Jessica.

Jessica didn't move but looked at Sooyoung through the edges of her peripheral vision. It was the
first time she really looked at her and she didn't know what to think of the wide eyes and the

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wildness there, the tousled hair, the look of a maniacal genius who had just found the answer to
life and no one believed him. It was scary.

"That's nice," Jessica said simply and stood upright. Sooyoung immediately followed.

"You have to stop her. She's being stupid and you're the only one who can stop her. I think. I
hope. It's why I'm here."

Jessica didn't even blink and repeated, "That's nice," before stepping aside to leave. Sooyoung let
her because her brain was a mess and she wanted to say everything but didn't know the words to
do so.

"I need her too."

And Jessica had to stop at that because there was nothing like sharing a tragedy with someone
when you thought you were alone.

Sooyoung went to block Jessica again and her brain was back to whirring like an engine on the
brink of overheating.

"Okay, here's--" Sooyoung swiped at her bangs violently, their annoying ends poking at her
eyelids and destroying her focus, "here's the thing. I donno if I'll make any sense, but just try to
understand. You have to try."

Jessica regarded Sooyoung curiously and listened to the frantic jumbled mess that erupted from
Sooyoung's mouth.

"It's like, Tiffany's on some island and they speak a language she's never even heard of. It's so
weird and completely different from anything she's known. None of it ever makes sense. She
spends her whole life on that island, right? Her whole life, listening and trying to learn the
language. Her whole life."

Sooyoung's hands started accompanying her speech, moving left and right, up and down,
zigzagging and waving and it added more desperation to the tumultuous explanation. But Jessica
said nothing, allowing Sooyoung to continue.

"She never gets it though. She spends her whole life trying and she gives up at some point. I
mean, she learns a few things. Basic stuff. Hi and goodbye, food and bed, water and bathroom.
Essential stuff, things you need to get by with. But she never has a real conversation, you
know?"

Jessica's expression unknowingly morphed from detached confusion to earnest captivation and
ironically, through Sooyoung's inebriated haze did Jessica begin to see clarity.

"And then you happen. You come from nowhere and you don't know the island's language either
but you know Tiffany's. You can talk to her. Out of all the people around her, you can talk to her.

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You're the only one that can understand what she's saying." Sooyoung sighed in relief,
expressing the one thing she really wanted to say, "You're the only one who understands her."

Sooyoung exhaled and the world resumed its turning. The tornado that was Sooyoung's
monologue dissolved and Jessica rested in the calm, contemplating.

"We all have people who are a part of our pasts and nothing more," Sooyoung told Jessica,
reaching for a sympathetic note as she felt her mind and body settle down like dust. "They can
fall into two categories: the ones you've loved and lost and the ones you've loved and chose to let
go. Tiffany's going to fall into one of those categories and the choice isn't which one, because
neither is good. The choice is whether you'll let Tiffany become just a person of your past."

Jessica's eyes wandered to the other side of the club, then to the wine bottles in her hands as she
twisted her fingers around their necks.

"I appreciate what you're trying to do, Sooyoung. You're a good friend. But I've told her
everything. She knows how I feel and what she does with that is up to her."

This wasn't working how Sooyoung had planned it. Jessica was supposed to get some dramatic
revelation and run to Tiffany and get her to stay. If movies were based on reality why did none of
that stuff ever happen in Sooyoung's reality?

"Taek!" Sooyoung blurted, remembering what Tiffany said about him. "You know, she doesn't
sleep sleep with him. She just sleeps with him. He has one of those Tempur-Pedic mattresses and
she loves sleeping there. That's all it is. Just sleep."

But Jessica didn't react to the information at all. Instead she shrugged her shoulders.

"I know. She once said she would rather spend the night with a human sized radioactive
cockroach than sleep with Taek. I know what she meant when she told me she was sleeping with
him. But that's just it, I'm sick of her dishonesty and her stupid games. I can't pick up the pieces
every time she breaks us. It's-- it's tiring."

Sooyoung could only imagine how tiring it was. How exhausting. She nodded and took a step to
the side, giving Jessica space to leave, but not before adding something else.

"People say opposites attract, but you..." Sooyoung smiled; even in the short amount of time of
sharing a room with Jessica, she truly believed what she was saying, "you and Tiffany are very
alike and in this case it's better because if you know yourself, then you know the other. You
know how she thinks and why she does what she does. So, do you know why she's running
away?"

"I do."

"Why?"

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Jessica sighed, her shoulders dropping and the bottles clanking.

"Because she's in love with me."

Yuri traced the scar with a fingernail, making sharp turns at the jagged lines, Yoona’s tiny hairs
tickling her finger. The girl stirred, as Yuri had hoped because she didn’t want to wake Yoona
brashly and rather made it seem like Yoona awoke naturally.

“How long have you been up?”

“A few minutes.”

“Liar,” Yoona called her with a sleepy voice and a lazy grin.

The next few moments were quiet and Yuri thought Yoona had slipped back into slumber but
then Yoona spook again, eyes still shut.

“Tell me that poem again. The one about apricots and you adoring me.”

Yuri’s cheek pushed into the pillow as she smiled and she recited the poem. Yoona listened and
said it in her head; she had memorized it the night after the incident in the library.

Halfway through the poem, Yoona began missing the lips the words were coming from and she
kissed Yuri, her fingers tiptoeing down Yuri’s stomach. The night repeated itself.

Sooyoung didn't take a cab back to her dorm. Instead she made a stroll of it; the weather was
nice and she wasn't in any rush.

She tried. Failed, but she tried. It was all very sad, really. Not even frustrating anymore, just sad.

Her phone rang from her pocket and the ringtone was Youngbae's.

"Hi," she sighed out, forgetting what had happened before she left for the club.

"HI? THAT'S WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY?"

Then Sooyoung remembered.

"Sorry Youngbae," she apologized miserably. "Looks like I kicked you for nothing."

She kicked a rock and watched it skid and skip over the pavement. She walked toward it when it
stopped and kicked it again.

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"I'm sorry, Sooyoung."

Sooyoung said nothing.

"Wanna go to the ravine tonight? I'll bring some blankets and snacks. There hasn't been any rain
so we can camp out," Youngbae suggested.

It was a nice idea, one Sooyoung normally jumped at but she wasn't in the mood tonight.

"Thanks, but I think I'm just going to go home and sleep."

They said their goodbyes and Sooyoung put her phone on vibrate. Around her, the trees swayed
and the leaves rustled and Sooyoung didn't even have to button up her coat it was so warm.
Maybe she was still partly high when she thought of the song, or maybe it was the current
atmosphere and situation and she knew California wasn't the same as Hawaii, but as she slowly
made her way home, she hummed Aloha 'Oe and with it said a different goodbye.

One week later

"What the hell, Jessica?!"

Taek stumbled backwards as Jessica sped right by him. Usually he didn't mind being
manhandled by a girl, but Jessica was pushing it. She was moody lately, to the point where he
had to avoid her to escape injury. He had tried talking to her but she'd give him the worst glare
he'd ever seen, like he murdered her family or something.

On his way back to the club, he saw Yuri and walked more quickly to intercept her. They hadn't
spoken since her last hospital visit and he was eager to find out how she was. She didn't look as
excited as he was.

"Hey Yul!" Excited or not, Yuri was on her feet and moving about and that was good news for
him. "How you been?"

Yuri gave the best smile she could muster.

"Okay, more or less. Is Jessica around?"

He almost rolled his eyes, but he had no right to be upset. Yuri was never interested in him and
after what he put her through, it was a miracle she still acknowledged him. He'd take what he
could get.

"Yea," he said, nodding to the back door, "she's outside."

"Thanks," she told him and went in that direction.

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Yuri didn't have to look for Jessica since the girl was right next to the door, loitering by the wall.
They hadn't seen each other since that time in the hospital too.

Jessica noticed her immediately.

"Yuri," she said in happy surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"I miss clubs, I thought I'd visit," Yuri replied as they hugged.

Jessica didn't hug too tightly and Yuri felt her hesitance. Even Yoona did it and she knew they
were only trying to be careful but she was tired of everyone treating her like fragile glass.

"You look good," Jessica told her, remembering a more battered version of Yuri in the hospital.

"Getting there."

Yuri caught a whiff of cigarette smoke and looked toward Jessica's hands.

"You're smoking again?" Yuri asked, seeing the cigarette between Jessica's fingers.

Jessica dropped it and crushed it with her shoe. Her foot didn't move from the spot.

"Old habits die hard."

A loud couple on the far side of the sidewalk walked by and Yuri didn't speak until their
laughing was out of range.

"So, I know you're on break and I don't want to waste your time but I was wondering," Yuri
didn't look at Jessica directly, she couldn't because she felt like she was somewhat responsible
for this whole mess, "have you heard from Tiffany?"

"No, I haven't," and Jessica wasn't going to say anything else because she didn't care but she
couldn't help herself, "have you?"

Yuri reached into her pocket and pulled out a piece of folded paper.

"No, but she left me this. I haven't read it yet."

Jessica wasn't so interested anymore.

"Why not?"

"I'm still really mad at her." Yuri shook her head, disappointed and frustrated, but not at all
surprised. She always knew Tiffany was capable of it, capable of leaving without a word or a
trace. "I just wish she left a phone number or, or, anything. I know Sooyoung knows something,
but she's not saying a thing."

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Jessica thumbed an edge of the cigarette carton and dug her finger into its corner. The music was
louder at times than others when the club doors opened and someone left or entered and suddenly
Jessica was so fed up with the place, the music and the people. Everything was annoying her.

"Tiffany's always been good at this. She's been doing it since I can remember, to almost
everyone that came into contact with her," Yuri reminisced bittersweetly.

"You mean running away?"

Yuri wished it was that. "No, I mean breaking hearts."

Jessica took out a cigarette and lit it as quickly as she could, sucking on the filter until a piece of
ash fell from the tip. She kept the smoke in her lungs and welcomed the pain before releasing it
into the air.

"That's what's special about the heart," Jessica said, staring at the lamp post and envisioning the
shadow that once was there.

Jessica rid herself of the fantasy, of the what ifs and maybes. They did nothing but waste time.
The world was still spinning, she was still alive and breathing and in reality, not much had
changed.

"What is?"

"It keeps beating even when it's broken."

They spoke for another minute or so before Jessica needed to go back to work. Jessica did
mention the man that had asked about Yuri was still around and often visited the club but Yuri
feared who it was and declined Jessica's offer to look for him.

But as luck would have it, even when she tried to avoid trouble, it went looking for her.

"Excuse me, are you Kwon Yuri?"

The shorter man must have sensed Yuri's panic for he began waving his hands and shaking his
head. "I don't mean any harm, please don't be alarmed. My name is Shindong and I work for
Robbie Rivera. Do you know of him?"

Yuri took a better look at the guy. Yes, she did know of Robbie Rivera; she was one of the DJ's
biggest fans. It was hard to believe someone who worked for Robbie Rivera was looking for
someone like Yuri.

"Yes, I do."

The club's music thrummed inside Yuri and she looked out to the DJ balcony, missing it like
never before. She wanted to be back up there.

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The man produced a business card from his inside pocket and gave it to Yuri, speaking as best as
he could over the song playing.

"He's going on tour this summer. I've been sent to scout new talent and we'd love it if you'd be a
part of his opening act."

Yuri looked at the business card, full of skepticism but her heart started pounding with
excitement nonetheless.

"If you're interested, please call us. We'll make an appointment and I'll tell you all the details."

He lifted his hand and it took Yuri a moment to realize he meant it for a handshake, the lights
decorating his suit in flashes of neon. They shook hands and he disappeared into the dark crowd.

The song changed and everyone began jumping; Yuri could feel the ground vibrate. Things were
shifting. Not just for her but for everyone. She could feel it.

Tiffany stepped inside her apartment, dumping three newly bought books onto the floor since she
had no table or shelves yet. She passed her unpacked boxes and took a water bottle out of her
near empty fridge. The jet lag had not only screwed up her sleep cycle but it brought headaches
and a constant nausea that wouldn't go away. The California heat wasn't helping either.

The floor of her new apartment was a bit of a maze, with boxes and suitcases, stacks of books
and papers. She didn't like the mess, but didn't have time to clean it. School was still her top
priority and it had her busy most of the day and sometimes well into the night.

She wiped at her forehead with the back of her hand and walked around the apartment, opening
each window, hoping a breeze would come from the ocean. Sticking her head out of a window,
she breathed in deeply, hoping it'd soothe her constricting stomach and ringing ears.

The approaching summer days had never been so vengeful, the heat brutalizing her body and
there were often hours upon hours where she felt like her insides were being cooked in her own
blood.

She went to the bathroom, put her cheek to the cool, porcelain bowl, and wished she could vomit
because she thought that might make it better. Nothing came up though; how could it when there
was nothing in her body, no substance, nothing but her heart drumming to the same old tune,
GoBack, GoBack, GoBack.

Jessica twirled the rectangular piece of paper on her counter under her finger, waiting until it
slowed to spin it again. She had been doing this for a good half hour now, lost in thought and

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torn between hope and that feeling of disappointment that seemed to be on her doorstep for
months now, like an unwanted puppy she was supposed to take in and suddenly care for.

Her clock rang the new hour and she lifted her finger, watching the paper spin to a stop, its
letters upside down. She'd have to leave soon but knew somewhere in her brain a rational
thought was crying out for her to stay.

Jessica took the paper and keys and left, locking the door behind her. She walked down to the 2 nd
floor and to her landlord. It took him a while before he opened the door after she knocked.

"Oh, Ms. Jessica, how are you?"

"I'm okay Mr. Song. I was wondering whether you could do me a favor?"

He was wheezing already and kept clearing his throat, peering at Jessica like he was looking at
her under a microscope.

"Of course, of course," he said, running his fingers across his white beard. "What can I do for
you?"

Jessica held up her keys.

"I'm going on vacation for a bit. Could you keep my keys for me?"

Something gurgled in his throat and he cleared it as he took the keys. "Of course, of course. Are
you going to see your sister in Kazakhstan?"

Jessica was about to think the old man was beginning to lose his mind along with his physical
health but realized what he was talking about. The smile that started due to the question spread
quickly and broadly.

"No, no, I'm not."

He smiled with her.

"Is she feeling better?"

Jessica couldn't stop smiling. She was almost laughing.

"I'm not sure actually."

"But you'll tell her I wish her well?"

Jessica nodded sheepishly, feeling a little ashamed she was so amused he actually believed she
had a sister in Kazakhstan.

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"I will. Thank you, Mr. Song."

"Have a good trip," he said before closing his door and she could hear him shuffle slowly inside.

Near the end of the stairs, Jessica finally let herself laugh and even if it was only for a split
second, she felt relief.

Yuri double checked the path for any school security or staff before hurrying across the
buildings. Her ribs were healing each day and she could do a fast walk without having to stop to
catch her breath. She got to the side of the building without any problem, but even that much
exercise had her breathing heavily. All those months she had spent training for the motorcycle
races had probably gone down the drain. Karma was a bitch.

The garden was doing well although most of the grass around it had dried and turned yellow. The
teacher must have been watering the flowers since there wasn't any rain. She found a spot by the
gardenia patch and sat down. There were a few buds but they were still very green and probably
wouldn't bloom for a while.

She fished around in her back pocket for the business card Shindong had given her. It had been a
few days but she had yet to call. She had looked at it multiple times and a process had developed
where she'd stare at it and dial the number but always hang up before the call went through.

Touring with a DJ. There was nothing more she wanted to do. She had applied to a few schools
and some scholarships just as Tiffany had suggested but her summer was still completely open.
Not only did this give her something to do but the experience and knowledge she could gain
from touring with a professional DJ would benefit her greatly.

It wouldn't hurt to call. If she didn't like what she heard, she could always decline. There would
be plenty to do around town and Seunghyun did tell her she could come back to DJ for Era as
soon as she was well enough.

It rang twice before someone picked up.

"Hello, Mr. Shindong? This is Yuri, we met at the Golden Fox?"

"Yuri! I was beginning to think you wouldn't call."

Yuri drew in the dirt with a stick, poking at it nervously. She wanted this to be the real thing.

"I'm sorry for making you wait."

"No problem at all. Are you interested in my proposition?"

Yuri voiced her biggest problem.

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"I am, but I have no money. How much would it cost?"

"You don't need to worry about that," Shindong said and Yuri heard him whisper something
away from the phone. "It's an all expenses paid trip. All you need to do is bring your own clothes
and we'll give you hotel rooms, meals and transportation."

It sounded too good to be true.

"And it's for the whole summer?"

"Six weeks, 37 cities. It's a lot of work but I can promise you, it'll be something you'll never
forget."

The number of cities worried Yuri.

"Thirty-seven cities? Where would we be going?"

"It's all across Europe. Do you want to make an appointment and meet me at my office? We can
go over the details and I'll answer any question you have."

Yuri gnawed on her bottom lip, thinking feverishly. Too much had been taken away from her
and she wanted to get something back.

"Is tomorrow at three, okay?"

Tiffany looked at her watch when the knock on her door came and she took the twenty dollar bill
off the counter. The pizza guy was quite early and hopefully cute so she wouldn't have to wait
while he looked for change and could tell him it was an aesthetic tip.

She opened the locks and swung the door open, forgetting (but not really caring) she was in
nothing but an oversized shirt. It wasn't the pizza guy or anyone she was expecting in the least.
The bill floated to the ground as she stared.

"I only want one thing from you," Jessica said resolutely. "Look me in the eye and tell me you
don't want me."

But Tiffany couldn't do that. She was so bare in front of Jessica then, and even if she lied, Jessica
would see right through her like the transparent excuse for a human Tiffany was. Fearing this
was another one of her dreams, Tiffany yanked Jessica into the room and when Jessica didn't
vanish Tiffany hoped her dreams weren't this cruel. She pulled Jessica in and kissed her,
whimpering when their lips touched. The door slammed shut when Tiffany pushed Jessica into it
and for a moment her hand left Jessica's body and went for the knob, locking it and whispering
right through Jessica's lips.

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"I want you. I want you."

The only real piece of furniture in Tiffany's apartment was her bed and it was all she needed,
frankly. Especially now.

Jessica returned from the kitchen and lied down again, taking the left spot while Tiffany had the
right. She gave Tiffany a water bottle and drank from her own.

They hadn't talked yet, which Tiffany was fine with but knew Jessica thought oppositely. For
once, though, it was night and she wasn't wide awake and would have just loved to fall asleep.

"I don't know how to be a person that loves you. It's baffling to me," Tiffany said, fighting sleep.

Jessica brought her knees to her chest and leaned forward on them, twisting her arms and even
though her limbs weren't particularly long, Tiffany felt like they were. How else could they have
spanned oceans and countries and reached Tiffany so easily?

"I can't force you to do anything, Tiffany. If you can't handle--"

Tiffany shot up. "I'm not a stunted person incapable of human emotion. God, what do you think I
am, a real housewife of LA?"

Jessica side-eyed Tiffany with a smile she tried to hide, partly confused but mostly very amused.

"I don't think--"

Tiffany interrupted Jessica again. "Why can't we just make out and sleep together and be close to
each other when we want and leave when we don't?"

"Okay. We can start with that."

They didn't have to be everything or figure out everything. Nothing about them was going to be
conventional anyway.

Tiffany brushed her bangs across her forehead and behind her ear. She moved so that she sat
back to back with Jessica and even though her voice had dropped volumes, Jessica could still
feel the vibrations.

"We might not be better than this. This could be as good as it gets for us."

"This could be," Jessica agreed.

Tiffany leaned back and rested her head on Jessica's shoulder.

336
Neither would admit that if this was, indeed, the best they could be, then that was perfectly okay.

"Why aren't you tired of me yet?"

They still hadn't faced each other. An hour had passed and the conversation came and went with
comfortable silences in between.

Jessica thought a long while about the question, but there was no real answer.

"You dream at night," Jessica said instead. "You toss and turn and kick and say gibberish but
even though it's gibberish you always sound so scared. What do you dream about?"

"I don't remember," Tiffany lied.

Jessica left out the little piece of information that Tiffany always said two things: Jessica's name
and please. It broke Jessica's heart every night she heard it.

"You're still entertaining," Jessica said, crossing her legs and picking at her fingers in her lap.

"What?" Tiffany snapped.

"Why I'm not tired of you yet. You don't bore me."

"What happened to you when you were a kid?" Jessica ventured, knowing that territory was
probably under strict lock and key and covered in mines. She was right.

"It's none of your business."

Tiffany slid off the bed and walked out of the room. Jessica followed, but at a safe distance.

"It kind of is actually."

"Is that what you want to hear? You want a sob story to justify why I'm so screwed up? Because
there isn't any. I don’t know what Sooyoung or Yuri told you but this is who I am. I don't have
anything to tell you so you can feel bad for me."

The water bottle in Jessica's hand crackled as she squeezed it. "I don't know why I thought you
would be different this time!"

"Well no one asked you to come here!"

The sharp jut of Tiffany's jaw blurred and Jessica could feel a wet drop roll down her cheek.

337
"You haven't changed at all. You destroy. You step into a room and light it up but you leave
setting it on fire. That's who you are, it's what you do."

"I don't need you to tell me who I am."

"But you need me for everything else."

Tiffany bowed her head to release the claustrophobic grip Jessica had on her eyes. But Jessica's
eyes hammered at her viciously, alternating hits between Tiffany's temple and her stomach. It
explained why she was feeling lightheaded and nauseous at the same time.

"If you're right, I'll destroy you too," Tiffany said with conviction, as though this was the piece
of evidence that'd destroy any defense Jessica had.

But Jessica didn't see this as some legal battle with rational points or facts backed up by logic.

"I know."

The second that came after Jessica's response was grueling. Tiffany waited eternities in that
second, watching Jessica for any twitch, waiting to be proven wrong.

Tiffany sat down on the floor in the kitchen; it would've been even better if she could melt into a
gelatinous mass and seep between the paneling and just disappear into some limbo where Jessica
didn't exist and her feelings didn't feel like a straitjacket.

"Can you accept that I might never love you like you love me?" Tiffany asked as Jessica kneeled
down in front of her.

"You'll love me the only way you know how. I can't ask for more."

Tiffany didn't know what to say, so she said what she knew and saw now. She put her hand to
Jessica's wet cheek, feeling her fingers slide down the skin, soon slick with tears.

"God, you are so pretty when you cry."

Jessica found Tiffany's eyes, tears still spilling from her own, asking vulnerably, "So what about
us?"

"We--" Tiffany shook her head. No, that's not how she wanted it to start. "I think about you even
when I don't. I know that doesn't make any sense, but you seem to do that to me. I'm senseless
around you."

It wasn't an I love you, but was pretty damn good too.

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Jessica scribbled on a paper, drawing little lines and circles just to have something to occupy her
eyes from seeking Tiffany's.

"I need to ask you something and I'd like for you to be serious, if you could," Jessica said,
drawing a cloud in a corner.

Tiffany pinched her fingers together and from where she was lying on the floor, she could squish
Jessica's head.

"Can't hurt to try asking."

"What's the difference between me and Yuri?"

Tiffany dropped her hand then put it back up, against the light from the window. It created a halo
around her fingers.

"You're Barbie. You have zombie eyes and you bartend and have an obsession with tangerines
that I'm still trying to prove is a clinical addiction. I already found an article but it was written
by--"

"Tiffany," Jessica said firmly, her pencil creating a sharp line that looked like a thunderbolt.

"Jesss-i-ca," Tiffany mocked. She looked from her shining hand over to Jessica who was
hunched over her paper. Her shoulders reminded Tiffany of a brick wall-- staunch and
unyielding. "What are you really asking, Barbie?"

The best approach was always the most direct one, wasn't it?

"If Yuri showed up right now and told you she wanted to be with you, would you go with her?"

Tiffany went back to staring at her hand and Jessica resigned to living in ignorance. Maybe it
was best she didn't know the answer.

Nell was playing in the background; the singer's voice added a much too real mood that was
starting to unsettle Tiffany. She had grown to love the band, but their songs often told the
realities Tiffany was trying so hard to turn her back on. The band wasn't to blame, it was Jessica
who introduced her to them and Tiffany realized from this day on she'd never separate the two.
Nell and Jessica would be interconnected forever. Tiffany let her neck go slack and watched
Jessica and her impenetrable shoulders and felt very hopeless.

"I'm paralyzed," Tiffany uttered and even though she wasn't a good actress, she did sound like
she was in actual distress and Jessica could hear it so she turned around but Tiffany exaggerated
nine times out of ten. Jessica remained in her seat.

"You're not."

339
"For argument's sake, let's say I am and let's say you believe me."

Jessica tapped the point of the pencil on the table once, refusing to participate in Tiffany's
childish antics, but gave up momentarily. Tiffany had that effect.

Once Jessica was close enough, Tiffany grabbed her by the wrist.

"Just--" Tiffany didn't know what she wanted to say. She directed her gaze toward her hand and
saw how tiny Jessica's wrist was. It fit perfectly in Tiffany's grasp.

"You ask stupid questions," Tiffany said, her tone abrasive but her grip on Jessica was secure.

"Do I?" Jessica asked, unamused.

Seeing how testy Jessica was turning, Tiffany let go of Jessica and sat up. When Jessica didn't
immediately leave, Tiffany didn't risk it with speaking.

Where the sun had haloed Tiffany's hand, Jessica was instead. The light completely obscured her
face making Tiffany move closer to get the sun out of the way.

Jessica turned her head away. "Exactly why is it so stupid?"

Tiffany bit her tongue till it hurt, released it and began saying, "Because I don't see your eyes
when I look into them." Jessica wouldn't be able to explain what made her unconsciously look at
Tiffany again but it was the most instinctual reaction. "I see--"

Tiffany raised her index finger but stalled, hand in the air, because she didn't do these kinds of
things, for anyone. The finger bumped into Jessica's chest, just below the center of her
collarbones and Tiffany gave a small scoff. This was stupid. She didn't do what she wanted, it
was too corny, and just pushed forward until Jessica lied down.

They kissed and Tiffany felt Jessica's heart press into her finger with every beat.

After grabbing breakfast (Fruit Loops; Tiffany had been eating the cereal at least twice a day she
missed them so much) Jessica began getting ready to leave.

"Come by around 5 tomorrow. I already know one place we can eat for free and I'm pretty sure I
don't have to repay the favor," Tiffany said.

Jessica checked her phone and found three missed calls from her sister. She had to call back
soon; after all, she was here to see her family too.

"I can't," Jessica told Tiffany, putting away the phone.

340
"The day after then?"

"Nope."

Tiffany was getting the feeling Jessica was yanking her chain.

"Is this your clone or something and the real thing is back in Korea? 'Cause if so, then tell her she
can stay there."

Jessica walked up to Tiffany and gave her a very simple, but very loving kiss.

"I'll be back home next week," Jessica explained and then took a step backward, toward the door.
"I've ran after you, Tiffany. Now it's your turn."

Then Jessica left, taking all of Tiffany with her.

who i was, in the end

"This is crazy. We shouldn't be doing this yet. She shouldn't be doing this yet," Donghae
moaned, his knee bouncing up and down as he sat in the wooden chair.

Yuri observed the seated crowd outside the window. Everyone was ready for the ceremony to
begin and they were getting fidgety with how long it was taking. The sun was shortening their
patience and Yuri was happy she was shielded from it for now.

"She's more than ready, Donghae. So are you. And it's not like you have to do much."

Donghae wasn't really listening and focused on the bothersome thoughts in his head. He stood up
and pulled at his tie. He hated ties, they felt like a noose. Yuri caught him doing so and stepped
over to him to adjust it. Again.

"If I'm like this," he said, twisting his neck from the tightening cloth. "I can't imagine what she's
going through."

"Taeyeon!" Yoona shouted as she fanned at the poor girl's head resting on her lap.

Hyoyeon came just in time with a cup of water. She crouched in front of Taeyeon and tilted the
cup to the girl's mouth, letting Taeyeon drink. Once Taeyeon was done Hyoyeon set the cup
down and helped Yoona with fanning.

"I shouldn't be doing this yet. Not now. Not yet," Taeyeon repeated to herself with closed eyes.

341
Yoona looked at her watch and noted they only had a few minutes before Taeyeon had to be up
there. "Taeyeon, I know you're scared and I know this is a pretty big deal for you but it'll be over
before you know it. Just take a few deep breaths. You'll do great."

Hyoyeon wasn't good with words so she nodded to what Yoona had said in agreement.

Taeyeon did just that, her chest filling with air then gradually depleting.

"Okay. Let's do this."

Yoona let Taeyeon stand and Hyoyeon made sure she wouldn't faint and fall. With her shoulders
squared and her head high, Taeyeon walked out of the room wordlessly.

"For a scared-y cat, she really does know when to gather her shit and push through it," Hyoyeon
commented.

Yoona let out a small laugh and smiled proudly at Taeyeon's courage. She saw the tail end of a
similar smile on Hyoyeon's face. They hadn't become instant friends but Hyoyeon seemed to be
making a greater effort to be less of a complete bitch and Yoona responded in kind. (She
believed Taeyeon had something to do with it.) They put their differences aside for Taeyeon,
their common ground.

"Yea, she's really good at that."

"Yoona!"

Yoona whipped around to the loud whisper. Yuri was hiding behind a thick tree, motioning for
Yoona to come nearer. Yoona glanced back to the crowd and to the stage where Taeyeon was
making her speech (she would be such a bad friend to miss it) but promised herself it'd only be a
few minutes.

"Why are you here?" Yoona asked, wanting to reach over and fix Yuri's hair and cap but
strangely found herself repressing the desire.

"I already have my diploma. I'm just doing this as a formality," Yuri said with an apologetic
smile. She'd been smiling that way for weeks now.

"Okay. Well, I'm going to go. I don't want to miss Taeyeon's speech."

"Yoona, wait." Yuri caught Yoona's arm to keep her from leaving. Yoona stopped but kept her
back to Yuri.

"Can you please talk to me?" Yuri begged.

342
"I wouldn't know what to say," Yoona replied truthfully. Her feelings hadn't changed since Yuri
told her she was leaving after graduation-- she was still unbelievably hurt.

"I love you," Yuri told her, not knowing what else to say to fix the situation. She had apologized
a countless number of times, but that didn't help; she promised to call and write every day, but
that didn't help; she told Yoona she'd miss her and think of her every moment, but none of it
helped. Yuri didn't know what else to do.

"I love you too. Can I please go now?"

Yuri reluctantly released Yoona and watched her walk away. She touched her healed ribs and
tried to remember how much it hurt then, but she couldn't, even though it was only a month ago.
Now, something more important was breaking and she didn't know if it could be as easily
repaired.

"You were amazing!"

Donghae hugged Taeyeon, lifting her small body off the ground in the process. Graduates and
teachers had been complimenting her and thanking her for stepping up when the senior
valedictorian came down with the flu and couldn't be present.

"Yea, it's not every day a junior gets to be valedictorian for a class they're not even graduating
in," Yoona said, laughing, as Taeyeon began hitting Donghae to put her down.

"She's right! Even though we're not the ones graduating, we still should go celebrate your
genius," Donghae proclaimed, giving Taeyeon a proud kiss on the cheek.

Taeyeon blushed and smoothed down her dress and fixed her glasses and looked to the side,
avoiding everyone's eyes. Yoona just kept smiling at the pair.

"Okay, let me just go tell my parents," Taeyeon said quietly before heading into the throng of
people around them.

A couple of newly graduated students whooped, followed by yelling the word "Party!" and
shouting incoherencies.

Donghae and Yoona stood together awkwardly, neither of them looking at the other, praying
Taeyeon would get back soon.

"I hope you don't mind me taking Yuri's side in this. It's just, she's family, you know? It's nothing
personal," Donghae spoke up, pushing his tie down as the breeze sent it flying to the right. "I
don't think it's anyone's fault anyway."

Yoona looked at him, his smile so much like Yuri's.

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"It's okay, Donghae." Yoona grinned crookedly, adding, "I have Taeyeon on my side."

He laughed and the tension between them cracked under the pressure of their easy smiles. But
Donghae thought of Yuri and wherever she was right now, she probably wasn't smiling.

"She loves you, Yoona. Probably more than you and I will ever understand. It seems silly after
all you two been through, this would affect you. I'm not assuming I know how you feel, but
know this is tearing her apart too, Yoona."

Yoona's smile faded at the words and her throat tightened uncomfortably. She'd been crying for
too long to not know what that meant.

"I know, Donghae, and I wish that somehow made things better."

Donghae put his hands in his pockets and looked around, sighing heavily. They stood in silence
for the rest of the time, the only mourners on a happy day.

Yuri used her sleeve to wipe at a smudge on her bike and inspected it before taking the key out
of the ignition and stepping down. After a tire replacement and some body mending, her bike
was in better shape than she expected. It wasn't what it once was, but after what happened, she
was happy it was still operating.

There were two days until she left for Budapest to start the tour and while Shindong had been
spreading excitement at every turn, Yuri was a bit more reserved. She was happy, but not as
happy as she could be.

She went to her room to put away her diploma, but felt an eerie sensation and found her room
was not empty.

"Your parents would have been proud."

Tiffany was sitting on the windowsill and the curtains were brushing her arms and shoulders and
Yuri was compelled to grab a camera and take a picture because if Tiffany was going to
disappear again, Yuri wanted something to remember her by.

"I'm proud of you too," Tiffany said. She started walking to Yuri but Yuri put her hand up,
halting the girl.

"Don't."

Even with how happy the sight of Tiffany made Yuri, Yuri still felt betrayed. "You left. I didn't
know--"

"I didn't leave. I ran away. I didn't want to be found."

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Yuri shook her head, smiling bitterly.

"You can use that bullshit with everyone else, but not with me. Because I'm special to you. I
know you don't like admitting that but it's true. I don't have a lot, Tiffany, and whatever's left of
my family, you're a part of it. You're my family and I needed you this month. I needed your help
and I needed to talk to you and you ran away."

Yuri stood tall and proud, even if her cheeks were covered with tears. She sniffed and wiped her
nose, looking at the wall.

Tiffany approached cautiously and when she was close enough to touch Yuri, Yuri didn't push
her away, because what she said was still true. She needed Tiffany and Tiffany always read her
perfectly no matter what language Yuri put her feelings in.

"I'm so sorry, Yul. I won't leave you like that ever again."

For the month, Yuri had to convince herself if worst came to worst, she would be miserable but
she could survive without Yoona or Tiffany. While she failed when it came to Yoona (Yuri
couldn't live let alone survive without the girl) a part of her actually believed she'd be okay
without Tiffany. Yet, here she was, clutching Tiffany like a baby to her mother, remembering
what real loss felt like.

"Wow, Europe?"

Yuri nodded, stretching her legs on the cool tile floor. She and Tiffany had gone to the kitchen
for something to drink and ended up staying there. The kitchen fan whirled above them, giving
off a clicking noise at each rotation and it comforted Yuri. During the summers, her father
always turned on the fan in the morning and Yuri remembered walking to the kitchen after
waking and hearing it in background, under her mother's laugh, the tap water, her father's soft
voice.

"And Yoona hates me for it."

"Oh, please. There's nothing you're capable of that she'd hate," Tiffany scoffed.

"Then why are we going through this? It's like we're together but we're not. It doesn't feel right,
and no matter what I do, I can't bring it back to what we were."

When Tiffany started studying psychology, her intentions on applying the knowledge weren't
noble. Technically, they still weren't, but with Yuri, she could at least use some of it to help. Yuri
had always been her own Jiminy Cricket, sans the ridiculous suit. Although Yuri could probably
rock one.

345
"She's not angry at you. On the surface, yea, but come on, Yul, you know her. When she gets
angry, what does it really mean?"

Yuri stared into space for a second then shut her eyes and lightly banged her head against the
cupboard behind her. It unnerved her a little Tiffany knew her girlfriend more than she did.

"She's scared."

"I'd give you a cookie as a prize but I don't have any on me. Want me to reward you with
something else?"

Yuri's smile was nervous because Tiffany's eyes were lecherous. Not in a vulgar way though,
because Yuri had learned to distinguish when Tiffany was being playful and when her obscenity
was real. There was affection in Tiffany's eyes now, something Yuri had always mistaken for
love.

The refrigerator next to them started whirring and Yuri remembered something Tiffany had said
about love long ago, that it was always enough. She trusted Tiffany, even if Tiffany didn't.

"You turned into a cynical prick," Yuri had thought and then said aloud.

A corner of Tiffany's mouth shot upward. Her naturally fake smirk that boasted confidence and
arrogance hadn't changed much.

"I did," Tiffany consented; lying was getting so arduous and it was doing horrible things to her
hair.

"Why?"

For a second Tiffany considered it, considered telling Yuri all the truths she'd been boxing away
because people did say they always found a way out. She must have been too busy taping them
in when everyone was saying that. Instead, Tiffany leaned into Yuri's neck, smirking as she
whispered right into the girl's ear.

"Because I'm a sociopath."

Yuri cringed, because Tiffany's voice sounded more twisted than ever, even it was a joke. But
Yuri wouldn't give up on her, because when Yuri was at her weakest Tiffany hadn't either.
Words and arguments were pointless; Tiffany had a comeback for everything, so Yuri simply
reached over and took Tiffany's hand.

It was then Tiffany apologized and Yuri forgave, all in the quiet of Yuri's kitchen.

346
Jessica had deleted Tiffany's number from her cell phone two weeks ago. First she blocked it,
then got rid of it altogether. Cruella was such an unpleasant name to have to scroll past whenever
she was going through her contacts.

That didn't stop Tiffany from calling though.

"I'm pretty sure I can put a restraining order on you by now," Jessica said to the phone with
gritted teeth as she deleted another of Tiffany's voicemails. She hadn't listened to any of them,
because they were probably very persuasive and Jessica was past the point of persuasion. Well,
she wasn't, but that was why she wasn't listening to them.

She glanced around the lobby to see if anyone was there before saying and hoping Tiffany
would get the message without Jessica having to actually speak to her, "Please just go away."

However, she mustn't have checked very well because when she hung up her phone and turned
around, she was looking at the chest of an oaf.

"Get out of my way, Taecyeon."

He did and wondered if Jessica was going to step off her rage train anytime soon. He liked his
women with a little fire but Jessica was just plain hell.

"I was just gonna ask if I could bum a cigarette."

Jessica prepared to snap at him again but upon seeing his face, which was uncharacteristically
sheepish and almost a little concerned, she composed herself. She was aware how terribly she
was acting but she couldn't help it. All she could feel was an inconsolable anger.

"Yea, um, sorry. Here." She took out the carton from her vest pocket and handed Taek a
cigarette.

"Got a light?"

With that he managed to get Jessica to walk over to him. He lit the tip and gave Jessica back the
lighter, who lit her own cigarette as well.

"You're too good for this stuff. You should quit," he told her, simply because he couldn't get it
out of his head the references Tiffany would make to Jessica as Barbie. He never saw a Barbie
that smoked.

"Says the one who's blowing smoke in my face right now," she said. She was only tolerating
him; Taek's mere presence would always agitate her.

Taek was slow sometimes and usually knew when to keep his mouth shut and when he wasn't
wanted. He knew, but that didn't mean he'd submit. Getting on people's nerves was too much fun.
Yet this time, he could sincerely say he was feeling sympathetic.

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"I'm sorry about your deal with Tiffany."

It wasn't any of his business and Jessica was about to tell him so but his face caught her off guard
once again and she just tapped her filter, watching the ashes fall into the tray.

Stupidly he assumed silence meant acquiescence.

"Man, even back in elementary school she was pissing everybody off. She really didn't like being
told what to do." He laughed at the memories but the happy memories always gave way to more
painful ones. "But I guess if you come from a family like that, it makes sense."

Taek quickly turned from a waste of space to a fountain of information.

"Wait, you knew Tiffany in elementary school?"

"Yea, small world right? We knew each other in elementary school. We didn't hang out but I
knew her. It was hard not to. You don't just ignore Tiffany Hwang."

How true. One of the Golden Fox's supply guys passed through and Taek slicked back his hair,
waiting for the man to leave.

"She moved out of California way before I did. When I got here I looked her up, thinking I could
crash at her place until I found my own. But she was living in the dorm already, which shouldn't
have really surprised me."

Jessica hadn't been paying any attention to her cigarette and stubbed it out when she saw the ash
hanging and about to break off. "Why not?" she asked.

"Her parents were psychos, man," Taek said like it was an obvious fact Jessica should have
known. She didn't.

"How so?" Jessica asked, unsure if she was prepared to hear what Taek had to say.

"They're therapists or something and they kinda used Tiffany for experiments or whatever. You
know, they screwed with her head a lot, told her a bunch of stupid stuff, see how she'd react." He
paused and stubbed his cigarette too while shaking his head and Jessica wanted to punch his face
because he had this look of complete pity and she knew Tiffany would have absolutely abhorred
it. "I think it's like, the world fucked with her, now she has to fuck with the world."

But Tiffany never used it as an excuse, obviously. Jessica had asked more than once about
Tiffany's past and was met with nothing but hostility. Jessica had seen Tiffany twist every which
way to get something she wanted, but never used her past.

"She's not a bitch because of that though," Taek added, smiling admiringly, like Tiffany was his
hero. "She's a bitch because she can. Because people listen to her when she's a bitch and they
don't walk all over her and use her."

348
Then Jessica realized why Tiffany hadn't told her about her parents. Tiffany didn't use them as an
excuse and she didn't want Jessica to either. She didn't want some tragedy dangling above Jessica
every time Tiffany did something wrong so Jessica could blame anything but Tiffany. Maybe it
was why Tiffany screwed up so much, maybe she wanted to know how far Jessica could be
pushed. It was unfortunate Jessica came to the realization just now, because Jessica hadn't only
been pushed off, she had hit the ground already.

"Unnie, come onnnnn," Jiyoung whined, tugging on Yoona's arm that simply would not budge
no matter which way Jiyoung pulled.

"Unnie is too tired to play, Jiyoung," Yoona said, mumbling against her warm pillow. Her bed
was just too comfortable and she was too lazy.

Jiyoung blew out a frustrated hmph and Yoona thought it'd be the end of that but Jiyoung put
Yoona's arm over her shoulder and pulled with everything she had. Usually, by this time Jiyoung
would quit but Yoona noticed the small girl was oddly determined.

"Okay, okay," Yoona assented because she'd hate for all of Jiyoung's efforts to go to waste.

Jiyoung's face lit up with excitement, her eyes widening with anticipation as Yoona dragged
herself out of bed.

"Follow me unnie!" Jiyoung bellowed as she ran out of the room and Yoona could hear her little
feet scurry down the steps.

"Slow down, you're going to fall!" Yoona shouted in warning, smoothing down her hair to fix it
as best she could. She looked at herself in her vanity mirror and brought a hand up to her swollen
eyes. She looked like she hadn't slept for weeks or had been crying equally as long. Or both.

She tore her eyes away from the mirror when she heard the downstairs front door slam.

"Jiyoung?"

A low rumble from outside blended with Yoona's footsteps as she descended downstairs. She
walked out barefoot, too preoccupied with finding Jiyoung to think of shoes because her heart
was pounding and she had come close to near death accidents to not have them pollute her mind.
But Jiyoung was on the pathway, next to a motorcycle, next to a kneeling Yuri. Seconds later,
Jiyoung ran back into the house, lollipop in hand.

Yoona stepped out onto the path, a little hesitant and she hated feeling that way around Yuri.

"Bribing my little sister to get to me. Someone's getting desperate," Yoona joked, her smile
tightlipped and devoid of any real happiness. If there was any part of her that was happy, it was
because Yuri was there, still on common soil.

349
"You know I'd do anything," Yuri responded sincerely.

The sentence alone was enough to punch through Yoona's composure. It seemed like everything
made her cry these days.

"Whatever you want Yuri, do it quick? I'm sick of crying."

Yuri looked up to the sky, past the roof of Yoona's house where gray, billowy clouds were
advancing ominously. They'd cover up the sun soon.

"I know this isn't easy for you, but it isn't for me either. I'm hurting you, I know that. I hate that
I'm the one doing it. You have no idea what that feels like."

"Oh yea? Does it feel a little like being abandoned?"

Yuri recoiled visibly and Yoona instantly regretted what she said.

"This was supposed to be our summer," Yoona told Yuri, approaching her with a volatile
mixture of emotions, all of them ready to either spill over or drown Yoona. "We were supposed
to be together because we couldn't do that for years. Does that mean nothing to you?"

"It means everything to me!" Yuri yelled out, her voice breaking because it wasn't used to ever
being so loud. Yoona couldn't remember the last time Yuri yelled.

"Then why are you leaving me?!"

They were faced with a battle neither could fully understand. Yuri couldn't explain to Yoona she
wasn't leaving her, just the country, and Yoona couldn't explain that her feelings saw no
difference because it still meant Yuri was leaving.

Normally, Yoona would have been frightened by the rumbling thunder but a different noise was
filling her ears, blocking out all other sounds as she moved closer to Yuri.

"I need you, don't you get that? I need you because I don't have anyone else like you but then
you come and tell me you're going to Europe for the whole summer and it's amazing Yuri, it
really is and I'm happy for you but--" Yoona didn't know how else to put it; selfish or not, she
couldn't help what she felt, "I need you. What am I supposed to do without you?"

Yuri knew there wasn't anything she could say to comfort Yoona. This was beyond words. She
filled the distance between them with her arms, bringing Yoona as close as she could, sealing
spaces and gaps until there was absolutely nothing between them.

"I love you," Yuri said, her lips brushing against Yoona's ear and hair. "I love you so much."

When Yoona's shoulders began to shake, Yuri hugged her tighter, ignoring the roaring skies
above them, their warning calls lost on either girl.

350
"I love you. I love you," Yuri repeated because she knew love was enough, she just needed
Yoona to believe it too.

"I'm sorry, Yul," Yoona said into Yuri's neck and she thought how unfair memories were
because the feelings in a memory were never as good as the real thing. For two months all she'd
be able to do is remember how it was to be safe without ever feeling it.

"We're better than this. We're better than thinking we can't survive this. Because we can and we
will."

And then the clouds broke with rain, sending Yoona and Yuri running to the safety of Yoona's
house. They huddled under the small awning as the world around them morphed into a distorted
blur.

"Here we are again," Yoona breathed out, swallowing the rain from her lips.

Yuri ran her fingers through her wet hair, the matted clumps sticking to her face and neck, and
looked at Yoona curiously.

"Here we are outside again, soaked to our skin, hiding from a storm." Yoona waited until Yuri
understood, the girl's questioning eyes softening. "What are you going to do this time, Yuri?"

Lightning flashed behind Yuri and Yoona winced, pressing her cheek into her left shoulder. She
didn't see Yuri step forward until she felt Yuri's fingers coaxing Yoona to look at her. Yoona
endured more thunder and opened her eyes.

Yuri took in Yoona's face, wiping away the rain or the tears --she didn't know which--and kissed
her. She kissed her to take back the memory when they were thirteen and Yuri was too scared to
take the chance; to take back all the times she was kissing someone else when she should have
been kissing Yoona. In all the changes they went through, the years they spent apart, the time
wasted, the hope lost, none of it mattered because this was how they were then and it was how
they'd always be-- in love with each other.

Tiffany had always been quite a tiny person. Anyone who had the privilege to hug her or have
her in her arms knew that. They also knew Tiffany had a remarkable ability of making you feel
like she fit in your arms. She made you believe it, then broke your heart when she walked away.

Jessica knew that too and curled up on Jessica's armchair, Tiffany fit there. It was such a waste.

"You have to leave, Tiffany."

Jessica was still by her door, just having entered but she couldn't really go inside because even in
Jessica's apartment, it was Tiffany's territory. In reality, Tiffany owned the place, she owned
everything Jessica had.

351
"I know I'm a month late," Tiffany said, standing from the chair and Jessica wished there was a
switch somewhere for her ears because she could close her eyes to erase Tiffany from her sight
but she could do nothing to stop hearing her voice. "For months I tried to convince myself you
were a mistake and I succeeded, because I always had an explanation to why I could leave you
but there was nothing that could tell me why I kept coming back."

With every step Tiffany dissembled the barricade Jessica had began to build the moment she laid
eyes on Tiffany.

"We're told to never make the same mistake twice, right?" Tiffany's legs worked all on their own
to move her because if Tiffany had any say in it she'd be running back to California again. "That
we're supposed to learn from our mistakes."

"What are you saying, Tiffany?" Jessica asked, the question burdened with weary helplessness.

"You can be my mistake. You can be the mistake I make over and over again and I won't care if I
ever learn from it."

Jessica didn't know what to think of the confession. It's pure Tiffany, passionate but
incomprehensible. She shouldn't-- Tiffany was detrimental to her health, mentally and
physically, but then Tiffany's fingers were on her neck, curling at the nape and grazing past the
goosebumps there. Tiffany moved closer, bringing her mouth under Jessica's ear.

"Do you still love me?"

Jessica wanted to feel everything except for what she was feeling then. She wanted to be angry,
frustrated, whiney, selfish, intolerable; she wanted to hurt Tiffany the same way Tiffany did. But
Tiffany's touch was the incinerator to Jessica's paper feelings and Jessica surrendered again.

"Yes."

Tiffany kissed her, pulling the air from Jessica's lungs and Jessica felt like a body without a
skeleton.

"Please," Tiffany said, flinching at the word, but there was no other way to say it. Tiffany had
finally surrendered too. "Don't love anyone else."

Jessica brought her mouth back to Tiffany's and in the living room of Jessica's apartment, Jessica
echoed what she had once said months ago.

"Say it. You have to say it."

Tiffany did, smiling, and it was like cymbals crashing in Jessica's ears because she remembered
what Yuri had said about Tiffany's smile, the real one, and it was right there, only for her. Jessica
understood now and she understood just how right Yuri was.

352
"I love you too."

Yuri squeezed her shirt hanging on Yoona's chair to check how damp it was. It seemed like it
had dried off enough. She took off Yoona's sweater and held it out for Yoona.

"Keep it. It looks good on you," Yoona said fondly.

Yuri gladly held onto it.

"You have to call me every day. I don't care about the time difference. I would also like a lot of
pictures and remember to drink a lot of water," Yoona said, listing out her demands. Yoona
didn't bother telling Yuri to stay away from drugs and alcohol because she knew Yuri didn't need
reminders about that stuff.

"I will, I will, and I'll remember," Yuri reassured Yoona as she sat down next to her on the bed.

"What time's your flight?"

"8:15. Shindong is picking me up. We have two stops before we land in Budapest and I'll call
you from each one."

"Good." Yoona saw the time on her clock and buried a sigh. The rain had stopped too and Yuri
could drive safely home. "You should go. It's late and you need to sleep."

They stood and hugged, both of them engraining the feeling into their minds. When they pulled
apart (more reluctantly than ever), Yuri dug into her pocket and took out a small piece of paper.

"Don't read this until I'm gone, okay?"

Yoona took the note and flipped it over. It was small strip, like a fortune cookie's but made out of
looseleaf paper.

They shared one last kiss before Yoona walked Yuri to the door. Yoona's parents came by to say
their farewells and wish Yuri a good trip and Jiyoung handed Yuri another drawing she made
with the three of them in front of Yoona's house, so, as Jiyoung put it, Yuri wouldn't forget
where home was.

When the front door closed and everyone began to disperse, Yoona stayed in the foyer, unsure of
what to do.

"Yoona, will you be okay?"

Yoona's father gave her his best smile and it actually eased her.

353
"Yea, Dad, I will be."

On her way to her room, Yoona remembered the note and unfolded it. What Yuri didn't know
wouldn't hurt her and what difference did a few hours make anyway? It was just a sentence but it
left her grinning, so happily, that she bounded up the steps two at a time and rushed to her
balcony doors. She burst them open, almost slipping on the wet tiles when she clumsily slid onto
them but she caught herself on the railing. Yuri was still in the driveway.

"Hey!"

Yuri swiveled her body to the voice then looked upward to Yoona's balcony.

Yoona waved the note.

"What poem is this from?"

They smiled at one another and anyone with eyes could see what Yoona and Yuri felt in only a
simple glance.

"It isn't!" Yuri replied.

It wasn't like Yoona wasn't surprised daily by the things Yuri did for her, but now she was
impressed and had never felt so adored.

"You should be a poet Kwon Yuri!"

Yuri's smile widened for a laugh and they gave each other a final wave of goodbye.

Yoona went back to her room and wedged the note into the molding around her vanity mirror,
right next to the two pictures of her and Yuri, one from back when they were kids, toothless grins
and dirtied faces, and another taken recently.

Her calendar showed all the days Yoona had left but she had waited years, what was another two
months?

Looking back to the note, she faintly ran her fingers against the penned letters and said it to
herself aloud,

your love is like look but don't touch, you know? And I'll never stop staring for the life of me.

As far as Yoona knew, she wouldn't stop staring either.

epilogue

354
Yuri didn't see the appeal in four post beds. Over the course of the tour she'd been in at least
twenty and their grandeur put her in a stupor each time but she liked open spaces better and
would have slept on the couch if she could. Some of the couches were bigger than her bed at
home.

The life she was living now might as well have been one from an alternate universe. A new hotel
keycard each night (she had saved around 30, a stack held together by rubber bands), venues on
street names she couldn't pronounce and crowds big enough to be a fire hazard. There were still
moments during shows where the ground would shake and she'd fear it was an earthquake.

Yuri could tell it would be another temperature breaking day because even behind the thick red
drapes the sun turned them a dark pink, a stream of light escaping from underneath. She didn't
know what time it was, and didn't really care. As long as it was daylight her schedule was free.

Miles away, on the coffee table, her phone blinked with a message and she probably should have
responded. In the beginning she kept up with messages and phone calls, even when her body
threatened to collapse with just the weight of the phone in her hand. But after a while Yuri had
little to say, since she was saying the same thing over and over and she knew Donghae was only
concerned about her safety but she could take care of herself, she'd been doing it since she was a
child. Their last conversation ended on a sour note when he had said something about her
changing and she almost hung up on him. He had wanted to know what Yoona thought but Yuri
had just shrugged and told the truth, that Yoona had said little about the subject.

This was her dream come true and Donghae would not be the thorn to pop that dream.

No longer in any mood to stay in bed, Yuri sat up, combing her hair down knowing she most
likely had ridiculous bed head from the night before. Speaking of, she looked over to the cotton
spun lump of a body next to her, not that much cotton was covering it. Guilt pricked her
stomach, turning it uneasily. She shouldn't have left Doojoon and Gratia without saying anything
but they've all had disappearing acts once or twice before.

Yuri discounted the phone as she went to the ceiling high window, kicking a pair of bras towards
the bed and grabbing her jeans strewn across the sofa. Carefully, she slid behind the drapes and
immersed herself in the blinding brightness. The window was tilted enough for her to step out
onto the small terrace, the stone almost burning the soles of her feet when she came into contact
with them. Within moments she could feel the sun beating down on the top of her head, her dark
hair catching all its heat.

There was a soft shuffle of fabric and soon a different kind of warmth pressed up behind her.

"You get up too early," came a gruff whisper at Yuri's neck.

Yuri let arms wrap around her waist and slid her hands on top of them. It was too hot for this
much contact but Yuri didn't mind so much.

"The day is too nice to spend sleeping."

355
Yuri bowed her head to the kisses on her neck that moved down and to her shoulders and to the
hands unzipping her jeans.

"Who said anything about sleeping?"

Yuri was turned around and led back into the room where she complacently followed, grinning
madly while she ignored yet another phone call.

Donghae shut his phone in a loud slap, frowning in frustration.

"She'll call when she gets the chance, Donghae. She's probably still sleeping. What time is it in
Rome?"

"After twelve in the afternoon."

Taeyeon bit down on her strawberry ice cream cone, eyeing a large stuffed Tweety Bird hanging
off the back of a booth. They were at a carnival, enjoying their time off since they were both
busy during the day. Taeyeon was babysitting where she could and studying when she could
while Donghae took over a lot of work at the garage. It was summer but it seemed like they saw
each other less than they did during the school year.

"Have you tried calling Yoona? Maybe she knows what Yuri's doing?"

"I tried. Neither of them is picking up."

Donghae needed a distraction. He had been worrying about Yuri and obsessing over the phone
wouldn't help.

"I bet you you can't win that Tweety Bird," Taeyeon challenged, pointing to the booth with the
toy.

Donghae had been gazing up at the brightly lit Ferris wheel, feeling weird tingles at the back of
his legs since he was scared of heights. So far he and Taeyeon had gone on the bumper cars and
he kept her from the roller coasters. The Ferris wheel was his number one enemy.

"Of course I can win it," he scoffed, not even looking in her direction.

"Oh good, because I want it," Taeyeon said, walking to the booth.

"Wait--what?"

Taeyeon was already at the counter, waiting. Donghae looked to the Ferris wheel in the distance.
This was far better than that. He rolled up his sleeves and approached the booth.

356
*

"Ugh, will you shut up? I'm trying to serenade you."

Jessica kept laughing, her hand gripping her shaking stomach. "But you're singing Umbrella.
That's hardly serenading material."

Jessica's laughter died with a yelp when Tiffany put her hand on the inside of her thigh.

"Just shut up," Tiffany murmured before kissing Jessica again.

The intercom above them crackled and a low, barely understandable voice filtered through.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we will be arriving in Oxnard in approximately fifteen minutes, we

hope..."

The information pulled Tiffany's mouth from Jessica's and she directed her attention to the
window and the passing landscape. The desert of California began to peek through as the palm
trees began to fade and the cacti increased.

"Are you going to tell me where we're going now?" Jessica asked, watching Tiffany's darting
eyes shift back and forth, trying to catch the flying scenery.

"Ojai. We have some business we have to finish there."

Their trip had been long since their departure from the humid cityscape of Los Angeles to the
gradually empty plains of a more rural and abandoned California. It reminded Jessica of westerns
and she half expected to see stampedes of cattle and wild horses, but the train tracks seemed to
hug the Pacific Ocean's coastline and water was never far from their view.

"We?" Jessica asked apprehensively. After all, it was only two days ago Tiffany picked Jessica
up in a taxi after work and drove them to the airport where they hopped on a plane to the States.
Tiffany's excuse was that David Beckham was playing his last match in California and it would
be a shame to miss him play. When Jessica asked what sport David Beckham played, Tiffany
said basketball. Jessica didn't ask any more questions, she obviously wasn't going to get any
straight answers.

Instead, Jessica relaxed into the seat and vowed to not worry. Things had a habit of working
themselves out wherever Tiffany was concerned.

Yoona gave her waiter a courteous smile as he placed down her coffee, the condensation
darkening the napkin underneath and the whipped cream spilling from the edges. She took the
long spoon given and scooped out a dollop, the cream almost melting instantly when it hit her
tongue.

357
Tourists were beginning to flock and most of the tables were filling, giving everyone less and
less room to navigate. Yoona was still astonished how waiters and waitresses fit between the
miniscule spaces as they carried tiers of food and beverages.

The water from the fountain across from her looked good enough to swim in and she would've
loved to cool down somewhat as the sun beat down. Her coffee would have to do for now. She
ate the rest of the cream and drank the iced coffee. Once it was gone, she flagged down a waiter.

"Granita, per favore," she told him and he gave a nod before squeezing away between tables. She
looked back to the fountain and waited.

"Another Yoong?"

"It's hot." A pigeon swooped down and almost dove into the water but docked on the statue of a
horse. Yoona would have chosen the water. "How much trouble do you think we'd get if we
jumped into that fountain?"

When Yoona received no answer, she changed her focus to the person in front of her and her lips
curled with pure cunning.

"Well?" she asked challengingly.

Yuri smiled back, equally as devious, and stood up. They shared a three second long stare before
Yuri jumped the railing and Yoona followed, less than a step behind.

"Just sign here."

Jessica snapped out of her trance, tearing her eyes away from the mural she'd been fixated with.
It was the only thing to look at in the room beside the toddler who gave her the stink eye once or
twice, which Jessica returned, then stopped, realizing she was acting like a toddler herself. She
gave the document Tiffany handed to her only a quick glance.

"What is this?"

Tiffany's expression turned pensive, little wrinkles appearing above her nose, near her eyebrows.
"Have you ever been asked to blindly put your faith into something?"

Most of the document's words were obstructed from view, Tiffany's hand resting right in the
middle of it, her index finger tapping the page.

"Yes, I have."

"I'm asking you to do the same for me."

358
Tiffany's eyes were sincere, Jessica saw and felt it, but Tiffany's eyes were also often wild,
impulsive, reckless. Yet there was no explanation why she still took the pen and signed it without
asking twice.

Tiffany snatched up the paper and folded it, proudly stating as she practically skipped out of the
office, "Thanks, now I have enough souls to exchange for mine!"

Jessica stared at the doors Tiffany exited at first, then moved her eyes to the clerk in the window.
The woman gave her an unpleasant glare and Jessica hurried off, embarrassed but stifling a
laugh.

"That cool you down enough?" Yuri asked between pants. She peeked around the corner to see if
there was any sign of the police.

Yoona slid down against the stone building and raised her hand to hit Yuri's leg, only to have it
fall lifelessly from exhaustion.

"Next time I'll stick to coffee."

In the clear for now, Yuri settled next to Yoona and together they breathed harshly and deeply,
trying to catch their breath.

"You know if you hadn't come to Italy, I probably would have avoided a whole slew of messes,"
Yuri said, remembering some of the incidents they'd gotten into since Yoona's arrival. There was
that time Yoona dared Yuri to step out into the hall of their hotel half naked; that time they broke
a chair while making a fortress in their hotel room; and who could forget when Yoona drew on
Yuri's face while Yuri was asleep after a night of DJing and let her go to breakfast with not just a
moustache, but a full beard.

Yoona was remembering the same things and smiled at all of them. She turned to Yuri and
pulled the girl in by the hem of her shirt. "You can't ever say you're bored with me around."

Yuri kissed her and didn't even bother trying to deny it.

When Jessica saw the trees, she mentioned them to Tiffany because she didn't think they'd get
any closer. But they did, the car pulling into green pasture with a sign made with 2x4s pointing
to Churchill Orchard.

An older man in overalls and a baseball cap approached them as they got out of the car. He
introduced himself to Tiffany and bid a "Hello, Miss," to Jessica. Jessica followed them as they
began walking into what was Churchill Orchard, noticing what appeared to be orange trees in the
distance. In front of her, she heard bits and pieces of a conversation.

359
"We'll have someone watching your trees year round, but March through June is when you'll be
getting your shipments."

They had entered a grove and Tiffany peered up at the trees, the sunlight making a kaleidoscope
of the leaves and fruits.

"What happens to the remaining ninety percent of profit we agreed upon still stands?" she asked,
turning her head to the man but only so she could check if Jessica was still behind them.

"Yes, Miss Hwang. It was all arranged during your previous visit."

They continued down the grove until Tiffany made an abrupt stop. Jessica had lagged too far
behind to see why and the man was returning toward where they came from. He passed by
Jessica and took her hand to shake it warmly.

"Thank you for purchasing the field. Me and my family are eternally grateful. Thank you."

Jessica smiled dumbly and rushed to Tiffany once the man stopped shaking her hand.

"Why did he just tell me I bought a field, Tiffany?"

Tiffany had plucked off a citrus from a tree and was peeling it in the shade. She was very
engrossed in her work.

"Legally you did."

A cork lodged itself in Jessica's throat, or at least that's what it felt like. Her voice dropped to a
threatening level and each word was like a loaded gun.

"Stephanie, what did you do?"

Tiffany had succeeded in peeling the fruit and split it into two halves, completely unaffected by
Jessica's deathly tone.

"Is that what I signed?" Jessica continued, on the verge of screaming. "This is not funny,
Tiffany! I can't afford anything like this, I can't believe you would do something so stupid, what
am I supposed to--"

Jessica had to shut up when Tiffany stuck a wedge of the fruit into Jessica's mouth.

"Is it any good?" Tiffany asked, watching Jessica's face for signs of a reaction. "Because it'd be a
waste if it wasn't."

It took Jessica the time to chew and swallow to figure out what was going on. It didn't make her
any happier and she was about to voice her unhappiness when Tiffany put another wedge in her
mouth and spoke instead.

360
"On paper, it's yours. You don't have to worry about anything though. I asked Sooyoung's
boyfriend to help me write a contract so you're not responsible for the grove yet are entitled to its
worth. I pay for the expenses, I take care of the maintenance, I do the work. You don't have to
worry about anything." Tiffany put the rest of the fruit into Jessica's hand. "It's yours."

After finishing a second piece of the fruit, Jessica also realized it wasn't just any citrus.

"You bought me...a field of tangerine trees?"

Tiffany had faced a tree but shot Jessica a demeaning sort of look, like she found the question
funny and quite stupid.

"I bought myself a field of tangerine trees. It's a good business venture. I'm sure there are plenty
of other tangerine addicts. It has nothing to do with you, Barbie."

Jessica knew better. She had signed the contract as Tiffany's partner in the "business venture"
after all. However, in typical Tiffany fashion, the girl loved extravagant gestures without
providing any real explanation and this was nothing less.

Checking the vicinity and finding no one, Jessica crept up from behind, putting her hand to
Tiffany's back affectionately. "It's okay, Tiffany. I forgave you already."

Tiffany's eyes flashed relief when she turned around, but it was gone in an instant and they were
back to their natural apathetic state Jessica had learned to tolerate, then had grown to love.

Beneath the hanging tangerines, Jessica gently pushed Tiffany back into the tree and kissed her
every thank you and promise of forgiveness on Tiffany's lips.

Yuri sighed as she zipped up her suitcase and put it near the door. Within a week, the room
became familiar, as their belongings decorated the cabinets and drawers and the table but now
that everything of theirs was gone, it was stripped of its familiarity and had returned to nothing
but a hotel room.

"What are you staring at?" Yoona asked, looking in Yuri's general direction.

"Oh, nothing. Hotel rooms are weird to me."

Yoona laughed, its sound light and carefree and so infectious it had Yuri smiling. "Oh yea?
Why?"

"People come here, they live here and then they leave and sometimes never come back but for a
short time it's still a sort of a home. I wonder how many people came through here."

"You want to visit again?"

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"Maybe. We did throw those coins in the fountain. Means we'll come back someday," Yuri said
playfully, but all the while hoping it was true.

Yoona put her suitcase beside Yuri's and they stood together, looking at the room one last time.
Yuri leaned into Yoona until she could press her mouth against the girl's ear.

"Thank you for coming to see me."

The ticklish whisper made Yoona shudder and she nodded to keep it from being noticeable.

"I missed you too much."

Yuri had too, to the point where she asked Yoona to come to Italy for the last leg of the tour.
Yoona had little problem doing so; money wasn't an issue and her father had agreed on the trip
under a few reasonable conditions. The entire tour was an amazing experience, but with Yoona
around it only became better.

They went downstairs to the lobby to see Yuri's companion DJs since the beginning. Yuri had
met Robbie Rivera only a few times and the language barrier left them both lacking words but
luckily, to DJ little words were used. She learned a great deal from him and from the other DJs
accompanying the tour and even had the privilege of gaining some friends. In two months, Gratia
and Doojoon became more than just coworkers to Yuri. Set after set, night after night forced the
three to bond, and even despite the differences in language, they did whatever they could to
communicate and usually had no trouble understanding each other.

Yuri spotted Gratia easily, her model tall height gathering attention even when she wasn't
looking for it.

"Are you ready to go?" Gratia asked when Yoona and Yuri were within talking distance, her
thick Norwegian accent breaking through every syllable.

"We are. Where's Doojoon?"

"He went to get a coffee."

Yuri could see the bus outside and knew they were already running low on time. If they didn't
leave soon they'd miss their flights.

"Yoong, I have to go check out, you mind getting Doojoon?"

Yoona made a face, very unwilling to go but rolled her eyes and left anyway, getting a kiss from
Yuri for her troubles. Doojoon had become smitten with Yoona and often bothered her endlessly.
Yoona found it annoying, Yuri found it funny.

Gratia watched with a wistful gaze at Yoona and Yuri. A tender spot formed in her heart for the
couple after seeing them. When Yuri had become increasingly homesick, Yoona's presence made

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Yuri happier and more fun, like a dial had been turned and all was back to normal. Their love
made her envious, but only shortly, because it was hard not to smile when they were around.

"In Norway, we have a name for your feelings for people like you."

Yuri immediately became rigid at the statement, especially upon hearing people like you. It didn't
sit right with Yuri. She liked Gratia well enough, but not enough to stand for insults.

"Look Gratia, I don't need--"

"Forelsket," Gratia said with a smile too kind to be thought ill-natured. "It means the happiness
and excitement of a first love. But it is different for you."

"Different?" Yuri questioned, making sure she heard correctly.

"Forelsket is for short time. But you and Yoona have been together very long."

Yuri signed her name to check out but was listening closely.

"We haven't been together that long, it's only been a few months."

"You have been together for years, since you first meet. You did not know, but you had forelsket
then, like you do now."

There wasn't any argument Yuri could come up with against Gratia's statement. It made her
proud to know her and Yoona's love was that obvious, that anyone could see it.

"It's not supposed to last this long, huh?"

"No, it's not, but for you, it does."

When they were back in Korea, Yoona and Yuri had little time to relax. School was starting and
they needed to prepare. Yuri had most of her paperwork done, but everyone knew she was going
to be part of the freshman class at Tiffany's university. She had told Yoona first, mostly doing so
to ask silent approval. Yoona showed nothing but happiness at the news. Besides, Tiffany was
practically living with Jessica and whatever those two had was not something that could be
easily meddled with.

To celebrate the last day of summer, Yuri invited everyone to her house for some food. Yuri also
saw it as a way to apologize to Donghae for ignoring his calls. Coincidentally, Donghae and
Taeyeon were the first to arrive.

Yuri remained cautious as Donghae came up to them. She saw Taeyeon behind him looking
anxious and Yuri felt the same.

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"I'm sorry, Donghae. I just got caught up with--"

But Donghae smiled and pulled Yuri into a hug, patting her back.

"It's okay Yul, I know, it's okay."

She turned, her back to Taeyeon, to watch Donghae walk away and heard a snort behind her.
Taeyeon immediately straightened when Yuri looked back to her.

"It's good to have the both of you back," Taeyeon said and followed Donghae.

Yuri shrugged off their weirdness and went back to setting up the table but was soon met with
three kicks to her calves. Yuri spun around, but was caught in a hug by Tiffany's arms before she
could say anything.

"I lost a bet because of you," Tiffany yelled, still squeezing Yuri tightly.

"Bet?" Yuri croaked out.

Jessica smacked Tiffany's arm to release Yuri. "Yea, to me. She said while you were gone she'd
have to bail you out of jail at some point. I said you'd be fine."

"Oh, well it's nice to know Jessica has more faith in me than you do," Yuri told Tiffany.

Tiffany shrugged. "Faith isn't cheap."

Sooyoung was there too and hooked an arm around Yuri's neck as they walked to the kitchen.
"So is it true what they say about Amsterdam?"

Once everyone was settled, they joined near the table, talking amongst themselves. The group of
people was an odd combination; everyone was so different from one another.

"We have a weird family," Yoona mentioned to Yuri as she saw Sooyoung devour an ice cream.

Sooyoung chomped off a quarter of the ice cream in one bite, smiling blissfully as it cooled her.

"Mm, it tastes just like coconut lotion."

Jessica was standing next to them and gave Sooyoung an odd look, before sharing it with Yuri
and smiling in unison.

"But never boring," Yuri defended.

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When Yoona leaned over behind Yuri to get a drink, she saw the "Kick me" sign Yuri had taped
on her back. She covered her mouth to muffle her giggles and decided Yuri could live through a
few more kicks.

"Next year will be better right? No love triangles or quadrangles," Yoona said.

The chatting had died down and everyone had heard Yoona, adding their own hopes.

"No illegal racing," Donghae said, looking directly at Yuri.

Yuri smiled sheepishly but retorted with a toast aimed at Donghae, "No unwanted pregnancy
scares."

Donghae admitted defeat and blushed along with Taeyeon.

"No disappearing off to different countries," Jessica said jokingly to which Tiffany rolled her
eyes to but nodded anyway.

"To less Taek," Tiffany offered, something everyone agreed on.

"And to more love!" Sooyoung shouted, but everyone looked at her like a reject. She shrunk.
"Okay, never mind."

Everyone burst into laughter and murmured to love as well.

They raised their cups and brought them together. The toasts were only for entertainment value
because each of them knew if they could survive the year they had and still come out fighting,
there was little else that could tear them down. They had proved they could beat the odds and
would continue to do so for a long time coming.

END.

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