For a variety of reasons, dropping out has become a serious issue among high school pupils.

According to the statistics given by some high school teachers, 6 out of 10 of pupils leave their
schools thinking that it is better for their future instead of wasting time on school chairs. In fact, it
Commented [a1]: The interviewees/respondents do not
give statistics. They give data, and that data is later turned
into stats by the researcher. You also need to specify how
that data was gathered (questionnaire/interview…etc)

is because they assume that searching for jobs at a young age will spare them the loss of time, Commented [a2]: Which institution? And when? And how
many teachers?

effort and energy. If we were to look at that way of thinking from a mature point of view, we would Commented [a3]: According to the APA, numbers less
than 10 are written alphabetically. So “six”, not “6”

realize that it is completely wrong and misleading. Anyhow, staying at schools and mastering your Commented [a4]: Change
Commented [a5]: It? Change it for an expression similar
studies guarantees better opportunities in finding more comfortable, suitable and well-leveled jobs to this: “they believe so”
Commented [a6]: “Loss” isn’t the most accurate. Change
than dropping out of school and engaging in whatever job available. In short, schools are of a great with “waste”.
Commented [a7]: Change with “their” to ensure the
importance to learners of all levels, and neglecting them will cause nothing but failure. Therefore, cohesion of sentences.
Commented [a8]: Subjectivity overloads! Never use adjs
raising awareness against such problem is a duty to everyone everyone’s duty, ; we should all such as “wrong” or “CoMpLeTely wrong”. Who are you!?
Commented [a9]: Informal.
come hand in hand in order to eliminate its spread and save as much many teen-agers from a lost
Commented [a10]: Inconsistency in the voice. Keep it 3rd
person
losing their future as possible.
Commented [a11]: Do you “master” your studies?
Commented [a12]: Use only “suitable” since it covers the
rest two adjectives.
Commented [a13]: “learners” has to do with language
learning. Use “students” in this case even to encompass
pupils.
Commented [a14]: Link them with a semi-colon rather
than a coordinating conjunction. There is no implied
coordination between the two sents.