MINISTERING through

Listening
/// 25 Questions to Effectively Engage Teenagers
Teenagers are notorious for
being hard to engage. Whether
that stereotype is true or not, the
task of getting to know teens on
a deeper level can be daunting,
even for youth leaders. The ways
young people communicate, It takes practice and tenacity,
the approaches to which they but building relationships —
respond best, what they think especially with teenagers —
is valuable — it changes more takes time. The leaders whose
quickly than ever in today’s insights are included below
society. How do adults engage have walked the walk, and they
in meaningful relationships with know what has been effective
teenagers? Is it even possible, or in building those relationships
are teens totally shut off to the in their own lives.
idea of mentorship and
discipleship?

A primary way adults can

enter into relationships
with teens is by asking
questions. Not just any
questions, though —
questions with intention,
regardless of how
surface-level or deep These 25 questions are
they are. Questions that
beg more than just a one- a perfect starting point
word answer. for considering how you
can better engage
the teenagers in your
church and community.
 This set of questions is helpful in
understanding what a teenager sees in
the mirror. Once we can understand how
they view their own identity, then we can
ask more questions to help them discover
the truth about what God says about them.

1. What do you think are some of the

hardest things your peers face?
This is a helpful question because teenagers are much quicker to talk
about their friends’ struggles than their own, especially if you have not
yet earned their trust. This helps give you an inside perspective as to
how they view their own life through the lens of their peers.

2. What are some words your friends might use

to describe you?

3. What are some words your parents might use

to describe you?

4. Do you think those are accurate of

who you really are?

5. What are some words you think God

might use to describe you?

WISDOM FROM
DREW PASTOR, Church of the Redeemer, Greensboro, N.C.

HILL AUTHOR, Alongside: Loving Teenagers with the Gospel

 6. In what situations do you feel
pressured or tense?

7. Have you ever told the Lord how you feel?

8. What do you desperately hope

will last in your life?

9. What do you think you need?

10. What things do you invest time in daily?

Be curious about the whole person. I define the whole person as their
thoughts, emotions, desires and choices. Most people are genuinely
curious about young people’s thoughts and choices, but rarely inquire
about deeper desires and emotions.

11. Tell me more.

The most practical way to stay curious with young people is to use
the simple phrase “tell me more.” Curiosity relieves the pressure to
ask redundant questions like “How was your day?” and “What did
you do today?” Familiarity can stifle curiosity and lead to dead-end,
superfluous questions that require only one-word answers—the kind
teenagers dodge like a bullet. The next time students open up to us,
that is our cue to stay curious and ask questions of discovery.

WISDOM FROM
GREG
D. MIN, STUDENT MINISTRIES DIRECTOR,
Fellowship Bible Church, Brentwood TN

JOINER AUTHOR, RISER: A Practical Toolkit for

Strengthening Your Relationships with Young People
 12. What is God teaching you lately?
If I met with this student on a regular basis, I would regularly
ask this. It is more than just “where did you read in your Bible;” it
forces them to take what they have learned through Bible study
and prayer and formulate that into application.

13. Who is Jesus to you?

I would ask this question if I were just getting to know a student.
This clearly shows how they see Jesus and whether they have a
relationship with him. It also shows if they see Jesus as Lord, or
if Jesus is just who they run to when they are in trouble.

14. What areas of your life do you need to work on?

I also regularly ask this question, because gives me a look into where
they struggle, and helps me know how to better pray for them.

WISDOM FROM
ANGELA DIRECTOR OF EVENTS, YM360
TERRY
 15. What’s the thing you feel like you’re spending the
most time thinking about recently?
Go deeper than asking, “How are you?” Digging into what’s taking up
their thoughts will help give you an idea of what matters to them right
now and how you can step into helping them navigate it.

16. What have your friends and family done recently

to make you feel like they truly get you?
Make them feel known. Find out whether or not they even feel seen or
heard by the people around them and what it would take to help them
feel more known by their friends, families, and mentors.

17. How do you feel about God right now and

how do you think he feels about you?
Give them space to say what they really think about God.
Do they see Him as a loving Father or just another authority
figure in their life? What characteristics of God could you
teach them about in order to help them know His true
character more?

WISDOM FROM
KATY PAST YOUTH LEADER, Young Life

BOATMAN YOUTH MENTOR, Nashville, TN

 18. What’s been the best and what’s been the
hardest part of your week?
Asking this simple question can give you a window into what is really
going on in their lives. You can celebrate the good and press into the hard.

19. If you had to describe your relationship with the

Lord right now in one word, what would it be?
This often helps them be honest with what’s going on and narrow down
how their relationship is going. The first word that pops into their heads
when asked this question is usually the honest answer. That can lead you
to further follow-up on if that’s good or hard or lead them to practical
steps of growth and prayer.

20. What does your heart need from Jesus right now?
Most teenagers (or people) don’t take the time to even think about or
process the state of their hearts. They are overcommitted or busy or don’t
want to dig into their own heart, so they distract themselves with other
things. Actually getting them to think about how their heart is and what it
needs from Jesus is a huge step of self-awareness and reflection vital to
spiritual growth.

21. A few months from now, what truth about who

God is or who you are in Christ do you want to
believe more deeply for yourself?
To grow, we have to be proactive in pursuing growth. The world and
our own sin nature throws so many lies of the enemy at us. We have to
remind ourselves of the truth of who God is and who we are in Him. If we
can get teens thinking about what they need to believe more deeply for
themselves, they may make actual strides towards that becoming a reality.

22. What’s one thing you can do this week that

brings rest and joy to your soul?
Most of us are terrible at self-care. We run the hamster wheel of life and
don’t even realize how depleted and exhausted we are until we are forced
to stop or our body stops for us because it can’t keep going at that pace.
Getting teenagers to think about making time for rest and soul care and
the benefits they bring can make a huge difference in their physical,
emotional, and spiritual health.

WISDOM FROM
STEPHANIE HIGHSCHOOL WOMEN’S DIRECTOR,
Fellowship Bible Church, Brentwood TN
TODD
 23. What are some of your hopes and dreams
for your life?
This helps me understand if they have a Kingdom-focused view or
a worldly view of life. It doesn’t have to be well-formed or anything,
but I look to a reference to surrender to God in some way with life
plans and goals.

24. If you were to sit down with God for a

face-to-face conversation, what do you
think he would say to you?
If they say anything other than a reference to the love and grace
of God, I try to expose that and remind them of the invitation to or
enjoyment of being God’s beloved son or daughter. With this question,
you learn what their view of God is.

25. What are some of your strengths and

what are some of your weaknesses?
This helps them own their God-given ability and helps you discern their
self-awareness. It also helps you know how to encourage them to use
their strenghts and support them in their weaknesses. Here, you learn
what their view of themselves is.

WISDOM FROM
DAVE CITY DIRECTOR,

BACHMAN Nashville Navigators