Romantic couples with a large age gap often raise eyebrows.

Studies have found partners with If you both are on the same level of maturity, don't let the attached age number cloud your decision.
more than a 10-year gap in age experience social disapproval. But when it comes to our own
relationships, both men and women prefer someone their own age, but are open to someone 10-15
Maybe you met an older lover when you were still immature. Each person we meet has a purpose in
years their junior or senior.
our life.
While there is variation across cultures in the size of the difference in age-gap couples, all cultures
demonstrate the age-gap couple phenomenon. In some non-Western countries, the average age
gap is much larger than in Western countries. For example, in some African countries about 30 per Maybe this person isn't meant for you during your years of evolution, but you'll come back to each
cent of unions reflect a large age gap. other when you each hold the same mindset. Or, maybe this person was in your life at the wrong
So does age matter? And do couples with large age gaps experience poorer relationship outcomes? time to teach you something. Whatever the case, it may have happened for a reason.

Michela Ravasio
Across Western countries, about eight per cent of all married heterosexual couples can be
classified as having a large age gap (10 years or more). These generally involve older men
partnered with younger women. About one per cent of age-gap couples involve an older woman Maybe he's 30 and you are 20, but he is just as confused about his life as you are about yours. It
partnered with a younger man. might be scary having a 10-year difference in age, but you both are experiencing similar things in
The limited evidence on same-sex couples, however, suggests the prevalence rates are higher. life. I don't see why that number should stop the blossoming between two lovebirds.
About 25 per cent of male-male unions and 15 per cent of female-female unions demonstrate a
large age gap.
Of course, he has seen more days on this Earth, but that doesn't mean he understands where he
Many of the reasons proposed for age-gap couples have been largely rooted in evolutionary
stands in life more than you do.
explanations, and focus on explaining older man-younger woman pairings.

If you both want the same thing from the relationship, then you have settled half the battle. Just like
It's thought men’s preferences for younger women and women’s preferences for older men relate couples who are the same age, if you aren't on the same page, things will be just as difficult.
to reproductive fitness. That is, the extent to which someone has “good genes” – indicated by their
attractiveness and sense of energy – and the extent to which they are a “good investment” –
Not only does society judge dating outside our ages, but it also expects that we all age and develop
indicated by their status and resources as well as their warmth and sense of trust.
at the same rate. Furthermore, it is expected that with age comes maturity, which isn't true.
Although men and women place importance on a partner who is warm and trustworthy, women
place more importance on the status and resources of their male partner. This is largely because,
with women being the child bearers, the investment is very high on their behalf (time and effort in Maturity is something that develops after experiences we face in life; you don't just magically
child bearing and rearing). So they are attuned to looking for a partner who will also invest become mature on your 25th birthday. You can mature at a very young age, or maybe, you never
resources into a relationship and family. truly mature.
But because the building of resources takes time, we tend to acquire resources later in life and so
are older by the time we have acquired enough wealth and resources to comfortably provide for
But, society makes us feel that if we haven't figured out ourselves by our mid-20s, we have lived
others. So, women’s attunement to status and resources might explain why some women may be
and are continuing to live incorrectly. The majority of us have future plans and hope to be at a
attracted to older men.
certain point by a certain age, but that isn't always the reality of the situation.

In contrast, there’s evidence to suggest men value attractiveness and vitality more than women People always say, “Act your age.” We are expected to leave our childish behaviors at our high
because, from an evolutionary standpoint, youth is seen as an indicator of fertility. school graduations and be mature “adults.” That is not the case for everyone, though, because we
are all on our own, natural paths.

But the evolutionary explanation is limited in that it doesn’t explain why the reverse occurs (an
older woman-younger man pairing), or why age gaps exist within same-sex couples. For this, socio- Simone Becchetti
cultural explanations might provide insights.
Experiences happen to people at different times in life, causing some to grow up faster or slower
than the norm. You can be 24 years old with the mindset of a 45-year-old or vice versa.
With more women working, in higher positions and being paid more, they no longer have such a
reliance on men for resources. So fewer women will prioritise resources when looking for a mate.
Though I'm not an expert in relationships by any means, ultimately, leave all judgment behind when
you find someone truly special. No two people are the same, just like no two romances are the
As for same-sex couples, there’s very little research. Some suggest a lack of, or a reduced pool of, same. Take each person as he or she comes.
suitable age-similar mates may bring about same-sex coupling with large age differences.
Many people assume that age-gap couples fare poorly when it comes to relationship outcomes. I know lovers who are nine years apart and just as happy as those who are two months apart in
But some studies find the relationship satisfaction reported by age-gap couples is higher. These age. Don't close yourself off based on age, but take into consideration where people of different
couples also seem to report greater trust and commitment and lower jealousy than similar-age ages are in their lives.
couples. Over three-quarters of couples where younger women are partnered with older men
report satisfying romantic relationships.
A factor that does impact on the relationship outcomes of age-gap couples is their perceptions of Just because someone is a certain age doesn't mean he or she fits a certain status quo.
social disapproval. That is, if people in age-gap couples believe their family, friends and wider
community disapprove of their union, then relationship commitment decreases and the risk of Allow love to work its mysterious magic if you find yourself having a special connection with
break-up increases. someone who is older or younger than you. Explore it and let it grow beautifully.
These effects appear to apply to heterosexual and same-sex couples.

Age is just a number and not a measure of compatibility.

Another factor at play may have to do with the stage of life each partner is experiencing. For
instance, a ten-year gap between a 20-year-old and a 30-year-old may bring up different
challenges and issues than for a ten-year gap where one partner is 53 and the other is 63.
The success of a relationship depends on the extent to which partners share similar values, beliefs
and goals about their relationship; support each other in achieving personal goals; foster
relationship commitment, trust and intimacy; and resolve problems in constructive ways. These
factors have little do with age.
Age Is Just A Number: Maturity's What Really Matters In Relationships
BY ANNE TTE S ZP R OC H
DEC 26, 2014
When you fall, you’re not falling about age. When you are building a relationship, you're not building
an age. Relationship is a matter of compatibility and not of numbers. There are younger people with
matured thinking and there are older people with childish thinking. It’s not about age, it’s about
maturity and compatibility. As long as you are both happy then age is not a hindrance.
Love is a bond that cannot be broken.
I’m 23 my husband is 48. We have been married for 3 years have one son together. I already have
another son by another guy plus he does. We still get along and talk to each other all the time and
do the same activities together. Our age does not stop us from living normal. I hang out with his
friends and he hangs out with mine.

“The heart wants what the heart wants” is a cliché that couldn't be more accurate. We truly can't
help with whom we fall in love. Love doesn't care if someone is older or younger, but we certainly
do.

Society holds a negative stigma regarding age differences, which causes people to obsess over it.
And, that is why when we start developing feelings for people outside of our age brackets, we think
our feelings are wrong.

We often put up walls and flee for the mountains, but before shutting the door on the chance at love,
think about your potential lover's maturity level.