Family Adjustment In Middle Adulthood:

Marriage And Partnering:

The sharing of one’s life and building of a shared future with a chosen, significant other

person is what most of us envisage by the terms marriage or partnering. Every culture and

possibly sub-culture has its own precise form of such an arrangement. In some cultures, the two

people concerned choose each other freely; in other cultures the choice may be partly limited, for

instance by financial, cultural or social norms; in a few cultures the choice is made for the couple

concerned by other people such as the family or parents. However, the fact that in most cultures

people pair up, whether for a period of time or for life, indicates that this type of close

relationship is innate in the human psyche.

The traditional western marriage has been the most investigated partnership between two

people, with interest in both the types of marriage and the themes within a marriage as research

areas.

THE EFFECTS OF MARRIAGE ON INDIVIDUAL:

In current western culture the statistics show, amazingly, that over 90 per cent of adults

marry, once at least. This is surprising, for the comments from the media suggest that marriage

is outdated; that it is a failing institution; that it is rejected by many especially the 30-something

generation; that divorces outnumber marriages. But even though social changes are constantly

happening it must also be true that marriages are still taking place and that almost everyone will

at some point be married. One overall finding about marriage and satisfaction/happiness has

suggested that a marriage starts off with high levels of positive emotions, but these levels drop in

mid-adulthood. They then pick up again in late adulthood.

MARRIAGE AS LIFE EVENT:

Living closely with another person, whether as a married couple or as cohabitees,

involves great adjustments and, almost certainly, a time of increased stress until the

readjustments are accepted. we promote the ideal of equality within a relationship, almost all of

us show a need to have a known place in our social or other order. We also adapt our self-image

to circumstances and need to adapt to our new image as part of a couple instead of a girl- or boy-

friend or fiancé. So self- acceptance as well as dominance are two areas in which a couple have

to make significant adjustments. This is probably as true today as it was in the 1960s, even

though some of the adjustments may be slightly different. Adjustments also need to be made

throughout the marriage, of course. Couples report that in the early years they spend a lot of time

together, interact a lot, talk and share recreational time together a great deal, as well as arguing

and making up! Having children to care for means that the couple are not able to spend so much

time together, whether on their own as a two-some or being together for social activities. Then as

they age they are once more able to be a couple together for most of their shared time, and many

people reported this was a satisfying adjustment to have made. Duval (1971) suggested a model

of adulthood called the family life cycle, which suggested that initially marriage had a

‘honeymoon period’ recalled by people as the most happy in spite of the readjustments which

they have to make when they share real and emotional space with their loved other. The amount

of time spent in this period would vary from couple to couple, typically ending with the birth of

the first child.

EVALUATION OF DUVAL’S MODEL:

This model falls down as it is both biased to the traditional western marriage, and does
not look at the variety of marriages we have today. Second marriages, for instance, are ignored.

Most marriages also do not exist in a family vacuum! The young couples’ parents are likely to be

closely involved in the first stages, providing various kinds of support and encouragement.

However, a good point of this model is the way it shows marriage as a dynamic relationship and

not a fixed one.

Divorce in Martial life:

Definition Of Divorce

Judicial declaration dissolving a marriage in whole or in part, especially one that releases

the marriage partners from all matrimonial obligations. So this stressful life event is a common

behaviour. It has been suggested that some personalities are more likely to divorce, that there

might be some innate traits which make divorce more likely. This could be an inherited

predisposition to unhappiness, or any other trait which would make a person less easy to live

with.

Occurrence Of Divorce

  Divorce is more likely to happen during certain times in a marriage, that is during the

first five years, and after fifteen to twenty-five years (Turnbull 1995). This doesn’t support the

common idea of the so-called seven-year itch! 

Stages Of Divorce

   No life event just happens, out of the blue. There is always a progression, however

short, and several psychologists have tried to identify such a progression for divorce. One such

model which ties in with both common sense and anecdotal comments is Bohannon’s (1970).

This suggests a progression of six stages culminating in the divorced couple coming to terms

with their new life apart.

Major Cause Of Divorce:  

The 3 Major Causes of Divorce

1. Laziness:

People don't want to work at marriage. There is a misguided belief that marriage will

make us happy. As if marriage is a separate entity, something outside ourselves that will survive

and thrive with little input from a husband and wife. What happens when both become

disillusioned with their marriage? They start looking outside themselves to define the problems

in the marriage instead of looking at the situation and asking, "What can I do to make things

better?” Blame seems to be the path of least resistance. It is easier to blame a spouse or marriage

in general than to take responsibility. People are too lazy to do the self-exploration, learn better

relationship skills and put the needed personal effort into a marriage. Bottom line, marriage takes

hard work and if someone is not committed to working hard a marriage won't last.

2. Lack of Communication Skills: 

 The most important conversations people have are with a spouse yet they put so little

effort into wisely expressing their feelings and openly listening to their spouse.

It is also common for spouses to want to avoid conversation they fear will cause them or

their spouse pain. If they can't communicate, they can't solve marital problems. The easiest way

to build trust in a marital relationship is via open and honest communication skills. If TALKING

and LISTENING don't become a habit there is no hope.

Communication involves talking about the bad things and coming together to develop a

plan of action for solving marital problems. Marital problems can’t be solved without a

willingness to communicate.

3. High Expectations: 
  Expectations and laziness can go hand in hand when it comes to predicting whether a

marriage will end in divorce. Men and women both make a lot of assumptions when it comes to

marriage and what to expect from a marriage. These assumptions are based on many variables

and problems arise when the outcome (marriage) doesn't meet the assumptions or expectations.

Marital expectations rarely align with the realities of what life is like inside marriage. 

The Emotional Impact Divorce Has on Kids

Divorce creates emotional turmoil for the entire family, but for kids, the situation can be

quite scary, confusing, and frustrating:

1. Young children often struggle to understand why they must go between two

homes. They may worry that if their parents can stop loving one another that

someday, their parents may stop loving them.

2. Grade school children may worry that the divorce is their fault. They may fear

they misbehaved or they may assume they did something wrong.

3. Teenagers may become quite angry about a divorce and the changes it creates.

They may blame one parent for the dissolution of the marriage or they may resent

one or both parents for the upheaval in the family.

Of course, each situation is unique. In extreme circumstances, a child may feel relieved

by the separation—if a divorce means fewer arguments and less stress.

Divorce May Increase the Risk for Mental Health Problems

Divorce may increase the risk for mental health problem in children and adolescence.

Regardless of age, gender, and culture, children of divorced parents experience increased

psychological problems.

Divorce may trigger an adjustment disorder in children that resolves within a few months.
Divorce May Increase Behavior Problems

Children from divorced families may experience more externalizing problems, such as

conduct disorders, delinquency, and impulsive behavior than kids from two-parent families. In

addition to increased behavior problems, children may also experience more conflict with peers

after a divorce.

Divorce May Affect Academic Performance

Children from divorced families don’t always perform as well academically. However, a

study published in 2019 suggested kids from divorced families tended to have trouble with

school if the divorce was unexpected, whereas children from families where divorce was likely

didn't have the same outcome.

Children With Divorced Parents Are More Likely to Take Risks

Adolescents with divorced parents are more likely to engage in risky behavior, such as

substance use and early sexual activity. In the United States, adolescents with divorced parents

drink alcohol earlier and report higher alcohol, marijuana, tobacco, and drug use than their peers.

Adolescents whose parents divorced when they were 5 years old or younger were at

particularly high risk for becoming sexually active prior to the age of 16, according to a study

published in 2010

Positive Side Of Divorce Card.

  Divorce and health What divorce actually means to people varies a great deal. It

certainly affects people’s physical and mental health, which ties in with the stress experienced.

Divorced people are much more likely to suffer from mental problems, and their overall health is

worse than that of unmarried or widowed people. But there are exceptions. Buunk (1996)
identified several factors which made divorcing people less likely to have health difficulties, as

follows:

 • A more distant relationship with their former partner 

• Taking the initiative to end the marriage/relationship 

• Having strong social network(s) 

• In another intimate and satisfying relationship

 • Having high self-esteem 

• Being independent 

• Tolerating change well 

• Having an egalitarian sex-role attitude (choosing equality).

All the above help to make the divorce experience less stressful and easier to cope with,

but common sense would say that it is unlikely to-impossible that both of a divorcing pair should

have all the above advantageous factors. It is also possible that the stress and stress-related health

problems might be the cause, and not the effect, of the relationship break-up. 

Parenting

Erikson (1968) thought of parenthood as the resolution of part of the generativity crisis,

as having a child can mean the opportunity to care for or nurture another person as well as

making a contribution to the future. He saw parenthood as part of the developmental process,

especially for women. In his model, he discussed that, a woman needs to develop her ‘productive

inner space’ if she is to be truly fulfifilled, and being a parent is one sure way to this fulfifilment.

Galinsky (1981) suggests that most people don’t actually realise how much their lives will

change once they have a baby, and the tiredness and the disruption of the adults’ routines is a
probable cause of pre-baby times being seen as idyllic, even though most of the couples

interviewed said the baby was wanted and regarded as delightful.

On the other hand, many people also say that the desire for a child is an innate drive,

nothing to do with social norms or society’s views or one’s own overt beliefs. This certainly

might help to explain the very great lengths some couples are prepared to go to in order to have a

family.

Types of parenting:

Much of the research on parenthood has been done in western culture, so care needs to be

taken in generalizing to people worldwide. Parenthood may be a planned state, or unplanned; it

may be welcomed or unwanted; it can occur within or outside marriage; it can be the result of

many different motivations.

Gender differences in parenting:

In western and several other cultures parenting seems to have been seen as a female task

rather than a male task. This is possibly because of the biological aspects of motherhood, but the

assumption that parenting is more a ‘woman thing’ than a ‘couple thing’ now seems to be at odds

with modern thought, though not perhaps with everyday reality. Within this general idea there

are some different psychological views; Mead’s highly personal opinion, the psychodynamic

approach, the humanistic approach and the modern western model.

First is Mead’s (1949) pronouncement that fathers are a ‘biological necessity but a social

accident’! Not many people today would support this idea because it seems so prejudiced, very

gender-biased, and disrespectful of the many fathers who are responsible partners and parents.

Second is psychodynamic theory, and Benedek (1959) points out the possible link

between a girl’s early identifification with her mother and the later development of her own
maternal instinct. In this way she could re-experience the pleasures and pains of her own early

years as she cares for her own child. Alternatively, psychodynamic theory could also suggest that

by caring for her infant the woman could heal her own ‘inner child’ of any traumatic or unhappy

memories from early childhood. This does not explain why a man might not need to experience

just those same things, however, and like almost all psychodynamic theory the problem is the

difficulty or impossibility of obtaining any empirical evidence either for or against its

suggestions.

Third is the Humanistic approach, suggesting that we progress, individually, through life

and make our way up through a series or hierarchy of needs (Maslow 1968). Central among

these needs are love and belonging. A close adult relationship and a family to care for would

dovetail with these two main needs, and this approach offers an alternative view of

marriage/partnerships and parenting. It suggests that we have a drive for love and belonging

which can be fulfifilled in a close emotional relationship and in being parents. This explanation

can explain the powerful drive many adults experience to become parents, but as with the

psychodynamic approach empirical evidence is lacking.

In some parts of modern western society there is a fourth view regarding the male

parent’s role. This role seems to have increased as it is now often the norm for a father to be

present at his child’s birth so he can be involved from the beginning. Lugo and Hershey (1979)

suggested that careful preparation for and better understanding of the

male and female parental roles would improve the experience of parenting. 

Effects of parenting on the individual:

It is common sense as well as a research conclusion that when a couple have a young

child they will have much less time and attention for each other. Especially if there is little
support available from the traditional extended family, the couple will spend less time together,

whether for chatting and sharing experiences and ideas, or sexually. Generally speaking, research

studies show that happiness in their relationship or marriage once the couple become parents is

greatest if they are young and well-off fifinancially. None of this means parents are dissatisfified

with their new status and responsibilities, nor that the baby or child is unwelcome. After all, we

humans are well used to having mixed up feelings! Most parents also admit to being delighted at

having their baby, and report that they feel the positive aspects of having the child outweigh the

negative ones.

These views could be interpreted as support for Turner and Helms’ (1989) theory that

parenthood gives:

 A sense of purpose, and responsibility

 A sense of achievement, in Erikson’s terms the successful resolution of the generativity

versus stagnation conflict.

 Fulfifilment of what the person’s culture expects of them

 Control and authority over one’s dependants

 Legitimate exchange of love and affection

 Increased personal happiness and stability through the new, stable family unit.

This theory is very useful as it can explain, at least partially, why some people are

prepared to go to great lengths with, for example, IVF or adoption to become parents. Their

motivation could be an innate drive, a social drive, or could be based on the six ideas listed

above.

Delayed parenthood:
 It is also true that in our own culture couples are not just marrying later but also waiting

till their later 20s, 30s or their 40s to become parents. It is suggested that the move towards

delaying parenthood until the 30s is a trend, not a ‘blip’ in society, and the causes include the

knock-on effect of student gap years, the increase in four-year degree courses, and women

wanting to build their careers before taking a motherhood break.

This new society has been depicted very successfully by various books and films which

show the conflict between career, independence and the biological clock’s ticking. And a small

but possibly increasing number of today’s young women are choosing not to become parents at

all. In 1980 only 1 in 10 women aged 40 were childless, whereas in 2002 the number has risen to

1 in 5.

Empty nest or crowded nest:

Many parents feel a great increase in satisfaction when their children are grown and ready

to join the adult world. This may be because of a sense of a job well done; the baby has been

cared for, the child has been prepared for its adult life. Or it may be anticipation of the child

flying the nest, leaving home to make her or his own way in life!

Certainly the ‘empty-nest syndrome’, where one or both parents feel almost bereaved

when their child moves on into adulthood and leaves home, is not experienced by all couples.

There are individuals who do, deeply, miss their child or children and see their going as the end

of the most important and enjoyable phase of their own life. But

research shows that many people have the opposite experience. A large number of

couples admit to relishing the rediscovery of their own freedom, each other, and other resources

for themselves again. This is enhanced if it is combined with feelings of pleasure and satisfaction

in how the child or children have turned out.

 In the last few years another scenario has started to become more well-known, that is the

‘crowded nest’. This is where the adult child does not leave or returns to their family home and

cohabits as an adult with their parents. 

Vocational Development and Adjustment:

Occupational adjustment is a person’s adaptation to their work. This can be to the

physical requirements, for example becoming fitter as a building worker or developing repetitive

strain injury through data input or psychological adjustment to the pace of work, and the social

challenges of the work place. It can also be conceptualized as a complex biopsychosocial process

of change. Think for example of the way shift work can affect many aspects of people lives.

Work/career choice affects not only socioeconomic status but also friends, political rules,

residence location, child care, job stress, and many other aspects of life. And while income is

important in both career selection and career longevity, so are achievement, recognition,

satisfaction, security, and challenge. In the modern cultures of many nations, the careers of both

spouses or partners frequently must be considered in making job choices.

Adjustment in middle adulthood:

After much experimenting in early adulthood, people settle into chosen occupations in

their 30s and strive for success. Ultimately, they prepare for the end of their careers, make the

transition

into retirement, and attempt to establish a satisfying lifestyle during their “golden years.”

Establishing a Career:

Early Adulthood:

Early adulthood is a time for exploring vocational possibilities, launching careers,

making tentative commitments, revising them if necessary, seeking advancement, and

establishing yourself firmly in what you hope is a suitable occupation. This often takes time and

involves lots of false starts and job changes.

Middle Adulthood:

After their relatively unsettled 20s and decision-making 30s, adults often reach the peaks

of their careers in their 40s (Simonton, 1990). They often have major responsibilities and define

themselves in terms of their work.

Factors of Successful Vocational Life:

The factors effecting the success of vocational life are as following:

1. Personality:

Personality is an important influence on how successful a person becomes. Vocational

success is consistently correlated with Big Five qualities such as:

1. Conscientiousness

2. Agreeableness

3. Extraversion

4. Emotional stability

2. Environment

Person–environment fit can be critical too: People tend to perform poorly and become

open to leaving their jobs when the fit between their personality and aptitudes and the demands

of their job or workplace is poor.

3. Gender:

Gender is another significant influence on vocational choice and development. Although

women are entering a much wider range of fields today and aiming higher than they were a few
decades ago, most administrative assistants, teachers, and nurses are still women, and overall

working women still earn less than men.

Although gender discrimination is a contributor, gender differences in vocational success

and earnings also arise because traditional gender-role norms have led many women to

subordinate career goals to family goals. Women are more likely than men to interrupt their

careers, drop down to part-time work, take less demanding jobs, and turn down promotions that

would require transferring to a new location so that they can have and raise children. In the

process, women have ended up with lower odds of rising to higher paid, more responsible

positions.

Job Loss and Unemployment:

Effect on the individual:

Joblessness unemployment can cave following impact on an individual:

1. Work is such a central part of adulthood, job loss and unemployment can threaten adults’

identities, disrupt their goals, and lower their self-esteem.

2. Job loss is likely to be accompanied by a cascade of other stressors such as:

 the need to apply for unemployment benefits

 alter routines

 move to cheaper housing

 borrow money, etc.

3. It can have negative effects on both physical and mental health.

 In the long run, one instance of unemployment may not have much lasting effect.
  After they have retired, adults who had repeated periods of unemployment experience

more depression and anxiety symptoms and have lower life satisfaction than those

who managed to stay employed during their adult years.

Effect on the individual’s family

1. Unemployment also affects the individual’s whole family. Not only may job losers become

angry and depressed, but their partners may too, and the quality of the couple’s relationship

may suffer.

2. When economic hardship causes parents to be depressed and to fight with one another,

parenting often deteriorates. As a result, children’s behavior problems tend to increase while

their performance in school and their well-being suffer. In sum, the whole family may need

help coping with job loss.

The Aging Workers:

Stereotype regarding aging workers:

Many people believe that adults become less able or less motivated to perform well on

the job as they approach retirement. As it turns out, the job performance of workers in their 50s

and 60s is largely similar overall to that of younger workers. Judging from a meta-analysis of

multiple studies (Ng & Feldman, 2008), age is largely unrelated to quality of task performance

and creativity on the job. Older workers actually outperform younger workers in areas such as

good citizenship and safety and have fewer problems with counterproductive behavior such as

aggression, substance use, tardiness, and absenteeism. Most negative stereotypes of older

workers are baseless.

Impact of the age-related physical and cognitive decline on work

 These declines typically do not become significant until people are in their 70s and 80s,

long after they have retired, and even then they do not affect everyone. The “older” workers in

most studies are mainly middle-aged adults in their 40s, 50s, and 60s.

The older workers have often accumulated a good deal of on-the-job expertise that helps

them continue to perform well.

Discrimination faced by elderly people:

Job applicants in their 60s, especially women, are still discriminated against by

employers, even when they have the same credentials as younger applicants and older workers

still have more difficulty than younger ones getting rehired after losing a job. So, much remains

to be done to combat ageism in the workplace and to meet the needs of those who have the desire

and ability to continue working well into old age.

Retirement:

Retirement is not a single event; it is a process that often plays out over a number of

years. While some workers do retire all at once, many others retire gradually, cutting back their

work hours, becoming self-employed, taking part-time “bridge” jobs between full-time work and

retirement, and sometimes cycling in and out of retirement multiple times before they settle into

full retirement.

How do people adjust to the final chapter of the work life cycle?

They face two main challenges:

1. Adjusting to the loss of their work role

2. Developing a satisfying and meaningful lifestyle in retirement.

Robert Atchley (1976) proposed that adults progress through phases as they make the
transition from worker to retiree.

1. Preretirement phase:

The process of adjustment begins with a preretirement phase in which workers

nearing retirement gather information and plan for the. Discussing retirement with one’s

spouse and working out a financial plan during the preretirement phase are likely to pay off

in greater well-being after retirement.

2. Honeymoon phase:

Just after they retire, workers often experience a honeymoon phase in which they relish their

newfound freedom; they head for the beach, golf course, or camp grounds and do all the projects

they never had time to do while they worked.

3. Disenchantment phase:

Then, according to Atchley, many enter a disenchantment phase as the novelty wears off;

they feel aimless and sometimes unhappy.

4. Reorientation phase:

Finally, they move to a reorientation phase in which they begin to put together a realistic and

satisfying lifestyle

What makes for a good adjustment?

According to research (Bender, 2012; Palmore et al., 1985; Wang, Henkens, & va

Solinge, 2011; Wong & Earl, 2009), good long-term adjustment to retirement is most likely

among adults who:

 retire voluntarily rather than involuntarily and feel in control of their retirement decision
 enjoy good physical and mental health

 have positive personality traits such as agreeableness and emotional stability

 have the financial resources to live comfortably

 are married or otherwise have strong social support

(Bentley)