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Laura Shuppert

Professor Sandy-Smith

ENG 1201

15 July 2021

Getting Divorced: Are your Children Scarred for Life?

As someone who recently discovered her parents are filing for divorce, I knew

researching the impact divorced parents have on children would be difficult due to my new

sensitivity to the topic. Growing up in a low conflict household, this divorce was somewhat

unexpected, making it more difficult to digest.

Fig. 1. My family before the divorce in March 2017 (Anna Zajac)

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However, I was curious to learn how I could be affected in the long run and how my view of

marriage could be different than people who have parents that have forever demonstrated love

and loyalty. After hours of research, I uncovered troubling truths. In comparison to children with

nuclear families, children of divorced parents face long-term consequences, including either or

both personal difficulties and different perceptions related to marriage, resulting in the higher

likelihood that they will also undergo divorce.

Divorce has always been such a taboo subject that not everyone realizes how children of

divorce are impacted, how often divorce occurs, or how divorce itself has changed over time.

According to Amato, Loomis, and Booth’s journal, one million kids experience parental divorce

every year. Due to this overwhelmingly large number, there is an abundance of information

relating to this topic. Understanding how these children are affected is vital when discussing

divorce, and most sources prove that children of divorce can be negatively impacted in their

marriages and overall well-being. However, there is research that suggests that due to the current

high divorce rate, the increasing normalization surrounding divorce can decrease these adverse

effects. Today, because around 50% of marriages in the United States end in divorce, the option

of pursuing divorce has become normalized. This has the potential of weakening the negative

impact on children of divorce (Wolfinger). Although divorce rates are high, the likelihood of

children of divorce experiencing their divorce compared to children of nuclear families has

decreased over time: Pinsker states that in the 1970s, married children of divorce were twice as

likely to get divorced than children from married parents, but now, they are only 1.2 times as

likely to get divorced. Regardless, considering the high rates of divorce and the number of

children who endure their parents’ tragic separation, the long-term impacts they face are still

relevant and important to understand.

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Children of divorce are more likely to experience negative impacts on their well-being

than children of intact families because of the conflict they witness between their parents.

Through several studies, it has been proved that children of divorce score lower on measures of

academic achievement, conduct, psychological adjustment, social relations, self-concept, and

relations with their parents (Amato et al.). Tasker and Richards’s journal supports Amato’s

claims by reiterating that these children are likely to experience behavioral problems and

difficulties with psychological adjustment. These long-term consequences are often related to

parent conflict before the divorce and these same consequences are true for people who live in

high-conflict households even when their parents are together. Because these adverse effects are

seen in both children of divorce and children of marriage with high parent conflict, it becomes

clear that it is not always the divorce that causes these issues, but the conflict that occurs between

parents. However, as divorce becomes more normalized throughout America, the two situations

are becoming the same.

Children of divorce have an increased likelihood to experience poor mental health

because of the conflict between their parents and the stressors associated with divorce. The

mental health effects on different genders can vary. According to Chase-Lansdale, Lindsay, and

Cherlin’s article, the emotional effects on boys of parental divorce are apparent from preschool

through adolescence. On the other hand, girls of divorce adapt easier to early divorce and tend to

be like girls with married parents. By the time a girl of parental divorce reaches adolescence,

they “are more likely than girls in non-divorced families to demonstrate more antisocial

behavior, depression, and withdrawal, in addition to difficulties in sexual behavior and

relationships with boys” (Chase Lansdale et al.). Although the emotional impacts of divorce may

vary between genders, they are both still affected. Chase Lansdale and Cherlin said that “82% of
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women and 94% of men whose parents divorced were predicted to fall below the clinical cutoff.”

These statistics prove that both genders of parental divorce experience emotional difficulties

beginning in their early age until they reach adulthood, which suggests this is a common result of

parental divorce. Although only a minority of children of divorce experience serious mental

health problems, the effects are still apparent, and these children have an increased chance of

experiencing mental health problems than people with married parents.

Due to the trauma children of divorced parents endure during childhood, they often seek

comfort in marrying earlier than those who come from nuclear families. These children often

marry at a much younger age. According to Wolfinger’s article, children of divorced parents are

more likely to marry before the age of 20 than children from nuclear families. However, after the

age of 20, they are more likely to avoid marriage completely if they are still single. The

increased likelihood of these children marrying before reaching their 20s occurs for a variety of

reasons. In many cases, they could be seeking an escape from their households. Dealing with

more household issues and parental conflict, they also may have more experience with adult

responsibilities, making them feel more mature at a younger age. It is especially common for

women from separated households to get married earlier in a search for financial stability. If they

are not financially stable and marry early, they often have a better chance of reaching their

desired economic stability. Because marriage can provide new economic opportunities, it tends

to be driven by financial resources and these resources provide a sense of comfort. Furthermore,

children of divorce are more likely to be sexually active at a young age, potentially resulting in

an unplanned pregnancy, which can in turn result in an earlier marriage. On the other hand, if

they are still single by their twenties, children of divorce are more likely to avoid marriage due to

fear or certain behavioral issues they have developed due to their parents’ divorce. While
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children of divorce may continue to seek stability in a partner at a young age, as they mature,

remembering the troubles in their households, they often choose to avoid the troubles that come

alongside marriage.

Because children of divorce face behavioral issues that often affect their academic

performance, they are often subject to lower educational opportunities; in turn, they are more

likely to marry those with a similar educational background because of their desire to have a

homogamous marriage. Children who experience divorce between the ages of 3-5 years show

that it can “negatively affect a child’s motivation, engagement, and learn-related behavior in the

classroom, which results in lower academic success” (Nusinovici et al.). Because children of

divorce are likely to experience obstacles in the classroom, they are likely to perform lower in

school. Children of divorce’s likelihood to have a lower education correlates with who they will

end up marrying because many people decide to marry someone with similar educational

backgrounds, which supports the idea that children of divorce are more likely to marry people

with less education. A study conducted in Finland claims that “children of divorce have a lower

likelihood of marrying spouses with secondary education or more, and especially low rates of

marrying someone with a tertiary degree” (Erola et al.). The cause of this gap is related to the

fact that children of divorce are less likely to have secondary education or tertiary degree,

meaning they are less likely to marry someone with that degree due to their educational

differences. However, this gap is less apparent for children of divorce with a tertiary degree

because they are likely to marry someone with equal or similar education. While the study does

state that children of divorce who manage to obtain a tertiary degree often have successful

homogeneous marriages with partners of an equivalent educational background, it also suggests

that most marry those with much lower educational backgrounds. In general, people who have
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endured a divorce between their parents are more likely to marry those who have similar life

experiences, which education being a large aspect of those experiences. Because children of

divorce are likely to have lower education, they are more likely to marry someone who has a

similar educational background as them. Although results on whether children of divorce marry

at higher or lower rates are inconsistent, these “lower marriage rates among children of divorce

are actually lower rates of marrying certain people, in this case, these with higher educational

qualification.” Research states that children of divorce are 13% less likely to marry someone

with an intermediate secondary education, 20% less likely to marry someone with higher

secondary education, and 28% less likely to marry someone with tertiary education. (Erola et

al.). However, children of divorce who are highly educated are likely to marry someone with

similar education because many people choose others who are like themselves. Furthermore, due

to not only their own lower educational status but certain behavioral problems, children of

divorce may also appear as unfavorable partners to both themselves and others. The study

continues to say that children of divorce tend to have behaviors that cause them to be seen as less

marriageable candidates. Both behavioral issues and diminished self-worth contribute to this

issue. The diminished desirability of those who come from a background of divorce further

demonstrates the long-term effects that divorce has on children.

Children of divorce experience higher rates of marital conflict and divorce compared to

children who grew up in stable, loving families. In Amato’s article, he says that adults who grew

up in divorced families have a lower level of marital well-being. When children live through

their parents’ divorce, it can cause emotional damage that can carry over into their marital

relationships in the future. This damage tends to be from the conflict that occurred before their

parents’ divorce. Because children of divorce are more likely to experience divorce and it is
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associated with conflict before their parents’ divorce, children whose parents had low conflict

before the divorce are more likely to divorce than those with high conflict parents (Braithwaite et

al.). Many children who live in low-conflict households, but still experience parental divorce,

feel that their parents were not fully committed to the relationship. This causes those children to

lack understanding of proper commitment and a successful relationship because there is less

understating about why their parents got divorced or they feel like their parents did not make the

necessary effort to stay together. Additionally, people with divorced parents are more likely to

marry other people with divorced parents and couples with both children of divorce are more

likely to get divorced than couples with only one child from parental divorce (Pinsker). The rates

of divorce for children of divorced families are shown to be greater than those who have married

parents, which could result in fear or distorted views towards their marriage.

Influenced by the family dynamics seen between their own parents’ relationships during

childhood, spouses with divorced parents are more likely to go through a divorce themselves.

There are many reasons as to why children of divorce are more likely to go through their

divorces, one of those being their perception of marriage. When a child experiences parental

divorce their view of marriage is more likely to be negative than those with married parents.

Although each parental divorce is different, some children are left feeling like their own

marriage will not work out or they never want to get married because of how their parents’

relationship ended. According to Braithwaite, children of divorce are more likely to imitate their

parents’ interpersonal process in their romantic relationships because that was what they saw

growing up. When children have divorced parents, they tend to be less favorable towards

marriage and less likely to see the benefits of having married parents. Also, some children may

not understand the commitment that goes into a relationship and what goes into a successful
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marriage: Wolfinger says, “if your parents stay together, they fight and then you realize these

things aren’t fatal to marriage. If you’re from a divorced family, you don’t learn that message,

and it seems like things are untenable. And so you bounce” (Pinsker). Children’s experiences

while growing up have a huge impact on how they will act in the future. When a child does not

see work being put in or commitment in their parents’ relationship, it can lead to the same habits

in their relationships. The environment that a child grows up in can shape their values and more

importantly teach them lifelong lessons. Additionally, in Erola’s article, he states children of

divorce are more likely to have problematic skills, behavioral patterns, and lower marital

commitment. Without these skills, it can be difficult to maintain a healthy marriage and these

children are likely to believe that divorce is the only solution to the conflict. Children who

experience parental divorce can be left without positive views towards marriage and feeling like

marriage is impossible to make work. All the aspects contribute to the higher divorce rates for

children of divorce.

Although most of the research focuses on the negative impacts of divorce, children of

divorce can benefit from divorce in specific situations. In Amato’s article, he states that children

are better off in a single-parent family than having 2 parents with high conflict. For those living

in high conflict households, divorce could be a positive outcome. Because the long-term effects

of divorce on children are directly correlated with conflict before the divorce, parents getting the

divorce could create a better living environment for the child if there were a lot of conflicts.

Divorce for high conflict households could truly benefit the child because if the conflict stops or

decreases, the child is less likely to see negative consequences towards their well-being and own

marriage in the future. Also, in Pinsker’s article, he explains that children of divorce could take

marriage more seriously because they understand the consequences of divorce. If a child has
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first-hand experience with parental divorce, they are more aware of what could go wrong in the

marriage and be more selective in who they choose to marry. This could result in a more

successful marriage or a better chance of their marriage lasting. Overall, more research focuses

on the negative impacts of parental divorce, but it is important to understand that not all

situations of divorce are negative, and children learn from their parents’ mistakes.

Although most of the research associated with the effects of parental divorce concludes

that children of divorce experience high divorce rates than those with married parents, some

studies find inconclusive results. In Wolfinger’s article, he argues that parental divorce can result

in higher or lower marriage rates and there is not a conclusive answer. He defends the argument

that parental divorce can decrease marriage rates for their children because of negative attitudes

towards marriage or they have developed behaviors that would make marriage difficult.

However, he claims that parental divorce can also increase marriage rates for children of divorce

because they want to leave their household, suffer economically, or seek romance. Wolfinger

does not conclude on whether parental divorce increases or decreases marriage for children of

divorce, however, he provides a new argument that contradicts the other research. Although

Wolfinger defends both sides of marriage rates for children of divorce, most of the research can

conclude that marriage rates for children of divorce are higher than those with married parents

and this conclusion is supported by many credited authors.

Children of divorce face long-term consequences, including personal difficulties and/or

different perceptions related to marriage, which cause a higher likelihood they will experience

divorce compared to children from intact families. As proven throughout the essay, many aspects

cause children of divorce to have higher divorce rates like education, mental health, negative

image of marriage, and more. Before reading this essay, it may have been an assumed fact that
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children of divorce were more likely to experience divorce than children of married parents.

However, the reason for that statement was not obvious and needed more explanation. Without

understanding that parental conflict before the divorce is one of the main reasons why children

experience higher divorce rates, it would not be clear what part of the divorce causes harm to

children of divorce. As divorce rates remain high in the United States, more children are

experiencing mental health and personal difficulties that they would be less likely to experience

if they had married parents.

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Works Cited

Amato, Paul R., et al. "Parental divorce, marital conflict, and offspring well-being during early

adulthood." Social Forces, vol. 73, no. 3, 1995, p. 895+. Gale In Context: Opposing

Viewpoints, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A16955693/OVIC?u=dayt30401&sid=bookmark-

OVIC&xid=6c5d32a8. Accessed 11 July 2021.

Braithwaite, Scott, et al. “The Unique Influences of Parental Divorce and Parental Conflict on

Emerging Adults in Romantic Relationships.” Journal of Adult Development, vol. 23, no.

4, Dec. 2016, pp. 214-225. EBSCOhost, doi: 10.1007/s10804-016-9237-6.

Chase-Lansdale, P. Lindsay, and Andrew J. Cherlin. “The Long-Term Effects of Parental

Divorce on Mental Health of Young Adults: A Development Perspective.” Child

Development, vol. 66, no.6, Dec. 1995, pp. 1614-1634. EBSCOhost,

doi:10.2307/1131900.

Erola, Jani, et al. "More careful or less marriageable? Parental divorce, spouse selection and

entry into marriage." Social Forces, vol. 90, no. 4, 2012, p. 1323+. Gale In Context:

Opposing Viewpoints, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A300885963/OVIC?

u=dayt30401&sid=bookmark-OVIC&xid=8c9adc24. Accessed 16 July 2021.

Nusinovici, Simon, et al. “Impact of parental separation of divorce on school performance in

preterm children: A population-based study.” PLoS ONE, vol. 13, no. 9, 2018, p.

e0202080. Gale In Context: Opposing Viewpoints,

link.gale.com/apps/doc/A557791700/OVIC?u=dayt30401&sid=bookmark-

OVIC&xid=e715030e. Accessed 18 July 2021.

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Pinsker, Joe. “How Successful Are the Marriages of People With Divorced Parents?” The

Atlantic, Atlantic Media Company, 30 May 2019,

www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/05/divorced-parents-marriage/590425/.

Tasker, Fiona L., and Martin P. M. Richards. “Adolescents’ Attitudes toward Marriage and

Marital Prospects after Parental Divorce: A Review.” Journal of Adolescent Research,

vol. 9, no. 3, July 1994, p.340. EBSCOhost, doi: 10.1177/074355489493004.

Wolfinger, Nicholas H. “Parental Divorce and Offspring Marriage: Early of Late?” Social

Forces, vol. 82, no. 1, Sept. 2003, pp. 337-353. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1353/sof.2003.0108.

Zajac, Anna. March 2017.