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Kendra Skrlac

Hellmers

Eng. Comp. 1201

12 Dec. 2021

How do Parental Divorces Affect Children?

As a child of divorce myself, I know that there are several impacts that the divorce has on

children. Every divorce is different, but no matter what, the children are affected in some way,

shape, or form. My parents split about a year and a half ago, so I was only sixteen at the time. At

first, I was not too bothered by it because I knew that a divorce was needed for the sake of me

and the rest of my family. As time has gone by, I have started to become more uncomfortable

about the situation. I have found myself blaming my mom for the entire mess, and I still do to

this day. Also, I have caught myself thinking that there is a good parent and a bad parent, which I

decide upon depending on the day. Since I am now seventeen, my impacts of the divorce are

different from my brother's affects, which are different from kids who are different ages. From

this situation, I have become stressed, depressed, anxious, and furious at times, but I know that

some kids have it a lot worse than I do, but there are also kids who have it better than I do.

Through this experience, I have learned that all divorces are different, and every child is

different, but all of the children are negatively impacted somehow. There are several different

negative effects that divorce has on children, but there are also a variety of coping mechanisms.

As authors Weisberg and Appleton explain, the children of divorced parents will receive

two contrasting worlds to live in, which will cause an array of symptoms (724). Children of

divorce can suffer from medical and or mental side effects. Nurses are trained to watch for these

ramifications of divorce, and most of the time they are the first professionals to notice the
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symptoms (Oppawsky 5). As Hart discusses in her article, “How Divorce Affects Children’s

Mental Health'', during the burdensome part of the divorce, a child could develop depression,

anxiety, mood swings and irritability, and hopelessness and disillusion. Most of the time with

depression, children undergo heartbreak, and begin to remove themselves from social situations.

Depression can also cause other mental illnesses, which causes even more harm to the child. Dr.

E, Mavis Hetherington, emeritus professor of psychology at the University of Virginia,

researched divorce for 30 years, and discovered that 20 percent to 25 percent of children whose

parents divorce are at risk for lifelong emotional or behavioral problems, compared with only 10

percent of children whose parents stay married (Duenwald). Hart also discusses how anxiety can

cause a child to be tense and nervous. This is more likely to happen in younger children rather

than older children because younger kids depend on their parents more, which will be discussed

later on. In addition to that, children may also experience strong amounts of anger and irritability

towards people. These mood swings usually tend to happen towards family and close peers.

Children could also possibly feel hopeless due to stress and a lack of attention and care from

their parents. All of these problems are likely to progressively get worse (Hart). Once nurses

identify these symptoms, they can “then facilitate the prevention of psychological and physical

damages, repair damage already done, and facilitate the children’s normal growth from infancy

to adolescence and adult years” (Oppawsky 2). Numerous studies have been done to see how

children react to divorces.

In Janet Shansky’s academic article, she discusses a variety of studies done on children of

divorce. She explains that there are countless theories that delineate the connection between

divorce and the negative outcomes on the children. Shansky focuses on “the “marital disruption”

theory, the “reduced sources” theory, and the “parental conflict” theory” (Shansky 73).
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Researchers Sun and Li studied the well being of adolescence before and after their parents

separate. The authors examined a total of 9,524 predominantly Caucasion students, and they

were measured on “educational achievement, educational aspiration, self-esteem, and locus of

control; how much control people think they have over situations in their lives. The controlled

variables in this study were gender and ethnicity. Sun and Li established that disturbance from

parental splits impact children before and after the divorce is set in place. The authors also

figured out that they cannot prove the theory that any bleak consequences of the divorce are not

caused pre-divorce situations within the home (Shansky 73-74).

Researcher Amato updated one of his old studies by researching newer studies from the

1990’s about the impacts that divirce has on children. The researcher found that children with

divorced parents have much worse mental health/ impacts than children of happily-married do.

All of the negative effects had a vast change from the first study to his newest study. All of the

effects showed that they have gotten worse over the years, especially because divorces are easier

to get than they were before. The author states that “only social relations showed little change in

effect sizes over the years...”, but everything else had a rapid change (Shansky 75). Amato

created two interpretations for the cause of the prompt changes. The first explanation is the split

up of parents in families who are not as unsettled. This causes the children to have more grief

than usual. The second idea is that there is an increase in divorces due to financial arguments

between parents. Overall, Amato came to the conclusion that children of divorced parents do

worse mentally than children of healthy, married parents (Shansky 76).

Another study that Shansky discusses is a study done by researcher Simons. Simons

wanted to figure out how the behavior of children with divorced parents contrasts from those

with married parents. In order to do this, he looked at two studies on families in Iowa from 1989
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and 1991. These studies examined a total of 534 families, where 328 families have married

parents, and the rest of the families have split parents. All of the people in this study are white

and live in minuscule communities, and the children are an average age of 14. The studies that

Simons used questioned parental factors, such as “(income, parenting practices, parents’

depression and conflict) as well as children’s adjustment problems (conduct problems and

depression)” (Shanksy 76). The authors find that there is a strong connection between divirce

and child adjustment problems. The results for males differ from the female results. The boy's

results have to do with parenting practices: Mothers’ depression and fathers’ decrease of

participation, the divorce causes the boys to become essentially depressed. With the girls’,

mothers’ depression impairs their parenting skills, causing their daughters to become depressed

as well. Through all of their research, the authors’ concluded that damaged parenting skills are

responsible for the impacts on their children, and conflict between parents does not affect the

children other than menacing a possible divorce (Shansky 77). Author Shansky of the academic

article, “Negative Effects of Divorce on Child and Adolescent Psychosocial Adjustment”, breaks

down countless more studies, but all of the results are the same as the other studies already

discussed. Even though all of the impacts discussed can happen to any child, the effects can

happen to children differently depending on their ages.

As people can imagine, a divorce is difficult during all stages of it, but “Many people

imagine that the hardest time for children of divorce is the moment when their parents first part.

That moment is hard, but it is only the beginning” (Weisburg and Appleton 724). So, no matter

what age someone is, the divorce can and will for sure be difficult to cope with. Writer Laura

Broadwell composed an article entitled “Age-by-Age Guide on the Effects of Divorce on

Children”, which discusses how children of divorced parents behave at different ages. Broadwell
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discusses that during infancy (birth to 18 months), the babies can feel the strain between the two,

and will become exasperated. Sometimes, these children can undergo a delay in development,

due to the stress and tension from the parental split. Toddlers will struggle to comprehend the

situation, so they start to put the blame on themselves for the cause of the break up. These

children may start to break down easier than normal, and they will crave more attention. Also,

toddlers will “regress and return to thumb sucking, resist toilet training, have a fear of being

abandoned, or have trouble going to sleep or sleeping alone at night...” (Broadwell). No matter

how strong the tension will get in the home, three to six year olds will want their parents to stay

together no matter what. Divorce is a hard subject for these young kids to understand, so they

feel like they have no power in whatever the outcome of the situation yet. Even at that age,

children will still feel as if the separation is their own fault rather than their parents. Children

ages five to eight worry about being abandoned by their parents. In addition to that, they try to

get their parents to get back together. As the author states, children “feel as if their parents are

divorcing them” (Broadwell). As mentioned earlier, children ages eight to eleven see one of their

parents as the “good” parent and view the other one as the “bad” parent. These kids will begin to

accuse their parents of acting malicious, and the children will take their anger out on others

(Broadwell). During any age, children of divorced parents will feel intense amounts of stress and

anger at any moment in time.

In Hart’s article, “How Divirce Affects Children’s Mental Health”, she discussed

psychological impacts of parents separating on children. Countless factors tie into the effects of

divorce, but no matter what, every child is affected negatively in some way, shape, or form. No

matter the child’s “gender, age, and culture, children of divorced parents have shown an

increased risk of psychological problems'' (Hart). This statement is used as the backbone to the
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evidence that was explained in Broadwell’s article. As issues in these children arise, they will

also experience troubles outside of home.

Due to children’s stress, they can encounter issues in their school life and their future

relationships. Author of “Effects of Divorce and Separation on Academic Performance of

Vulnerable Children in Nigeria: Social Work as a Panacea”, Jane Roli Adebusuyi, states that

children’s original learning scenarios are “centred in the homes; his ideas, attitude and general

pattern of behaviour are as a result of his childhood rearing” (Adebusuyi 11896). Researcher

Ichado (1998) explains that when parents constantly argue, it hurts children emotionally and

intellectually, which could increase issues in academic performance during school (Adebusuyi

11895). In Adebusuyi’s article, they discuss a wide-ranging study from “Researcher’s Field

Work” from 2017, that took place in Nigeria.

Fig. 1. From this table, it is clear to see that a majority of the students feel like their

parental divorces have had a negative impact on their academic performance in school. The bulk

of students’ likely feel like this because they have experienced pressure, stress, and trauma from

their home life (Adebusuyi 11902).

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Fig. 2. This table shows clear evidence that a vast majority of the students can see

negative impacts on their schoolwork because of their at home life with separated parents. Both

tables show facts from actual students and how they feel (Adebusuyi 11905). The impacts of

divorce will stick with children, even into adulthood. The relationship between these parents and

their children is defined by minimal communications and signs of affection, even after they

become adults (Adebusuyi 11896). Overall, author Adebusuyi proves that there is a strong

connection between the academic performance of students and parental divorce.

Along with academic issues, there can also be issues in future relationships. Author

Piorkowski studied how divorce still impacts children in adulthood. She states that “adults who

grew up in divorced families are twice as likely to get divorced as others, and three times more

likely if both partners came from divorced homes...”, which is a tremendous deal for

relationships (Piorkowski). Adults who come from homes with separated parents do not fully

understand what goes into a relationship to make it work in a healthy way. Even one little

inconvenience in the marriage could make them consider divorce right away, because it is the

only solution they know.

Adults who never lived around parents with healthy relationships, will view any little

problem as a red flag, even though it is a normal situation for any couple, because they are scared

that they will end up with a relationship similar to their parents. Adults will attempt to “master

what went wrong in childhood is part of the motivation, but the similarity to the original parent

becomes their undoing” (Piorkowski). Since some of these adults lacked a model of a healthy

parental relationship, they turn to television shows and other media as a reference to strong

relationships. For example, some shows and movies will make people believe in “love at first

sight”, but in reality, a healthy relationship needs “emotional intimacy or closeness that develops
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slowly over time as people get to know one another” (Piorkowski). They may also believe that

they can change their partner for the better. They fall in love with who someone could potentially

be, not who they genuinely are, which is not healthy or realistic. Although it seems like love is

impossible for adults who come from separated homes, there are a variety of strategies to make a

healthy relationship work.

Adults in these situations need to know what they want in a relationship. It is important to

figure out what traits and qualities are important for each person. It is also significant to be

optimistic while choosing a partner, but to also choose wisely. A romantic partner should be a

best friend; someone who is trustworthy, responsible, and any of the characteristics that are

important to that specific person (Piorkowski). If an adult chooses to date someone who has no

similarities or common interests as them, the relationship most likely would not work out. The

negative impacts of divorce on children and adults is a heavy topic, but there is a list of multiple

coping strategies to deal with the negativity.

Coping strategies are different for children in different age groups. At home, there are a

variety of things that parents can do to help their children through the tough transition. For

babies, it is important to keep the same daily routine, and provide “security toys” (Broadwell).

Parents need to remain open and positive when discussing their child’s feelings on the topic.

They also need to make sure that the children are seeing both parents, if possible and reasonable.

Quality time with parents is also important so that children can continue to build a strong bond

with their parents. Depending on their age, usually in kids ages eight and older, parents should

try to get their sons and daughters involved in school, church, and any other activities. They need

to help their child “rekindle her self-esteem, and encourage her to reach out to others and not

withdraw from the world” (Broadwell). Parents overall just need to have a great deal of
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communication skills with their children. Adults need to let their children know that the break up

is not their fault, and they need to give them regular reassurance (Hart). Support systems are

crucial to kids in order to reduce stress, so parents also need to stay involved in their children's

lives as much as possible. Children need to be able to truly express their feelings without feeling

judged, so parents want to make their kids comfortable enough to do it around them. In addition,

it is necessary that parents react calmly to the situation. They need to try their best to not have

any arguments in front of their children, as it can cause them even more stress (Hart). It is also

important to get children help outside of home.

Researchers Sun and Li, who are mentioned in Shansky’s article, “Negative Effects of

Divorce on Child and Adolescent Psychosocial Adjustment”, came to a conclusion with their

study. They suggest that children seek counseling and or professional help before and after the

divorce takes place (74). This way, the child knows what to expect throughout the entire stressful

process. Researcher Amato also suggests that parents should enroll in parenting classes, in order

to benefit their child (Shanksy 76). Sometimes, counselling may be necessary for the entire

family in order to “continue being attentive and loving parents'' (Hart). It is beyond important for

children to listen to their children's needs and provide them with any helpful resources, care, and

information in order to decrease the effects of the divorce.

As I explained at the beginning of the essay, I am a child of separated parents as well.

Throughout my research, I was able to see my own habits and stress in all of the articles I shared.

I never went to counseling, or reached out to anyone for help. Now I realize that reaching out to

parents and or professionals is highly important to do while watching parents go through a

divorce, since divorces impact the children more than the parents. I have watched my own

academic performance decrease due to parental divorce. My school work has improved since the
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beginning of the divorce, but at the time, I never realized how much of an impact that the divorce

had on my everyday life. To this day, I still drive back and forth between both of my parents

houses, and I still stress out over it to this day. Since the separation between my parents, I have

seen myself starting to get upset, furious, and anxious. As stated above, I see myself second

guessing things that happen in my romantic relationship. My boyfriend does not view some

situations negatively the way I do, because I get scared due to the trauma I have received from

my own parents' relationship. I continue to use coping mechanisms every single day in order to

improve my life. There are plenty of coping strategies for dealing with the negative effects that

divirce has on children.

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Works Cited

Adebusuyi, Jane Roli. “Effects of Divorce and Separation on Academic Performance of

Vulnerable Children in Nigeria: Social Work as a Panacea.” Gender & Behaviour, vol.

16, no. 3, Dec. 2018, pp. 11894–11907. EBSCOhost,

search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=134055080&site=ehost-live.

Accessed 16 Oct. 2021.

Broadwell, Laura. “Age-by-Age Guide on the Effects of Divorce on Children.” Parents, 3

Oct.2005.https://www.parents.com/parenting/divorce/coping/age-by-age-guide-to-what-c

hildren-understand-about-divorce/. Accessed 12 Oct. 2021.

Duenwald, Mary. "2 portraits of children of divorce: rosy and dark." New York Times, 26 Mar.

2002, p. F6. Gale In Context: Opposing Viewpoints,

link.gale.com/apps/doc/A84188379/OVIC?u=dayt30401&sid=bookmark-OVIC&xid=d9

60e207. Accessed 16 Oct. 2021.

Hart, Wendy. “How Divorce Affects Children's Mental Health.” Living Well By Design, Living

Well By Design, 26 Nov. 2018,

www.livingwellbydesign.ca/blog/2018/11/26/how-divorce-affects-childrens-mental-healt

h. Accessed 13 Oct. 2021.

Oppawsky, Jolene. “The Nurse Sees It First The Effects of Parental Divorce on Children and

Adolescents.” Annals of Psychotherapy & Integrative Health, July 2014, pp. 1–8.

EBSCOhost,

search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=103010834&site=ehost-live.

Accessed 15 Oct. 2021.

Piorkowski, Geraldine K. "Adult Children of Divorce Are More Likely to Have Relationship
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Issues." Divorce and Children, edited by Roman Espejo, Greenhaven Press, 2015. At

Issue. Gale In Context: Opposing Viewpoints,

link.gale.com/apps/doc/EJ3010953211/OVIC?u=dayt30401&sid=bookmark-OVIC&xid=

38133e53. Accessed 16 Oct. 2021.

Shansky, Janet. “Negative Effects of Divorce on Child and Adolescent Psychosocial

Adjustment.” Journal of Pastoral Counseling, vol. 37, Nov. 2002, p. 73. EBSCOhost,

search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=10072912&site=ehost-live.

Accessed 14 Oct. 2021.

Weisberg, D.Kelly, and Susan Frelich Appleton. “VII. Child Custody A. INTRODUCTION:

EFFECTS OF PARENTAL DIVORCE.” Modern Family Law: Cases & Materials

(9780735524002), Wolters Kluwer Legal & Regulatory, 2003, pp. 723–726. EBSCOhost,

search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=22286084&site=ehost-live.

Accessed 15 Oct. 2021.