Planck 1

Christina Planck

Professor Stalbird

English 1201

October 25, 2020

Parents Must Work Together

Life does not always work out the way we planned. Unforeseen circumstances such as a

divorce may cause contention in our lives. What could possibly be worse than the “D” word?

Perhaps divorce involving children. The choice to divorce, or separate, as parents may grow into

an exhausting, trying, and unhappy time for all of those involved. Regardless of how one parent

feels about the other, one fact remains, they still have a child(ren) together. The “show must go

on,” but how? The answer appears to dominate research, articles, and studies. Successful co-

parenting seems to impact children more positively than sole physical custody, so parents should

be compelled to work together to raise their children in a co-parenting environment.

The process of divorce or separation may resemble rush hour traffic during interstate

construction, but without warning signs guiding the way. Parents may develop intrusive,

worrisome thoughts affecting "normal" daily life. Change lurks around the corner, good and bad.

Modifications to schools, living environments, friendships, and time spent with parents will

occur. Emotions more than likely will run high, and the cost of litigation can significantly impact

a bank account. "Interstate construction without guidance" is tough on parents, but children feel

the effects as well! A child may start to blame themselves for their parent's decision to split.

Impacted by trauma, children's under-developed cognitive portion of minds may tip-toe into

depression wondering why they are not good enough. “Parental divorce causes damaging effects
Figure 1Child Torn Between Parents
 Planck 2

on children and can lead to antisocial and behavioral problems and psychological and health

problems,” such as PTSD, anxiety, personality disorders, weight gain/loss and so on. (Ipken and

Ezume) Perhaps some children may lean on using drugs and alcohol to cope. Supporting and

adding the previous statement, another article found research suggesting children of divorced

parents pose higher risks for social, psychological, and educational issues. (Braver and Votruba)

When searching with the term “divorced parents” in a Google search engine, Figure 1

was found. Figure 1 provides a visual of how a child may feel during the divorce/separation

process. A child could feel torn when parents have conflict and do not work together to raise

their child. Additionally, equal care from both of their most important role models in their life is

not occuring. Parents may ask, what are we supposed to do to ease the negative impacts the

legacy of divorce makes? A father may ask, when do I get to see my child!? Both parents may

question which style of parenting works best? Who is picking him/her up from daycare? Joint

physical custody (co-parenting) or sole physical custody? Is there a book on how to parent after

separating and divorce? Unless a family has faced serious issues involving the parents, such as

abuse of any kind, or a parent has a severe illness preventing them from raising a child, co-

parenting has prevailed dominantly to be the best style of parenting. (Warshak) When custody

agreements with children are made, co-parenting mostly proves healthier, more positive

outcomes than sole physical custody providing parents are working together without major

conflict.
 Planck 3

In the litigation process, the two most common parenting styles are co-parenting or sole

custodial parent. The term "co-parenting" refers to the way parents work together to care for their

child in two separate homes after a separation or divorce. Co-parenting can be referred to as

shared parenting, joint custody, or joint physical custody. (Biscontini) Parent-child relationships

in co-parenting resemble the relationships of parents and children from families who are still

“intact,” which are called nuclear families. Nuclear families have both biological mother and

father living in the same household raising their child. (Bastaits and Pateels) There may or may

not be child support paid by the parents. Co-parenting generally means the child has two

different places of residence, one for each parent. A study conducted by Amandine Baude and

associates focused on child adjustment in joint physical custody compared to sole custody with

using joint custody based on the most common time splits of 50/50 percent and 70/30 percent.

(Baude 340)

Sole physical custody is best described as one parent primarily making most, if not all the

decisions in a child’s life. They may often be referred to as a sole custodial parent, single parent,

or residential parent. The other parent is named non-custodial parent or non-residential parent.

Information about the sole custodial parenting time guidelines was taken from Dr610.1 (Rev.

2/17) In the Court of Common Pleas Division of Domestic Relations in Butler County, Ohio.

The sole custodial parent’s home is their child’s “home base” and where the child spends most of

their time. Sole custodial parent's children often do not see the non-custodial parent but every

other weekend, holidays, and an extended stay in the summer. Some situations provide even less

time for non-custodial parents. Generally, they pay child support to the other parent.

Furthermore, co-parents support each other and share responsibilities in raising their child

or children. Co-parents must have minimal conflict when making decisions affecting their child.
 Planck 4

Parents cannot undermine or slander each other. Nor should there be competition for their child’s

attention. The love and the desire for wanting what is best for their child must be the primary

focus in their parenting journey. Both parents must agree on where the child will go to school,

which doctor will take care of the child, as well as any other major medical decisions.

Extracurricular activities the child will participate in or if any at all need to be considered and

agreed upon. Parents who successfully co-parent consider each other's schedules while making

decisions. They accommodate and supplement each other. Understanding the significance of the

child seeing them get along while problem-solving for the child helps parents remain focused

while making decisions. The child will reap positive benefits and outcomes from these activities.

Clinical research regarding co-parenting started in the mid-1950s but took off in the late

1970s and early 1980s as more families found themselves trying to parent post-divorce.

(Rodriguez et al.) Living conditions for children have dramatically changed over the last 40

years regarding family make-up, consequently affecting almost 40% of children. These children

will end up living with cohabiting parents at some point in their childhood. (Karberg and Cabera)

Cohabiting is when two individuals live together and are not married but are part of a child’s

upbringing.

Sole parental custody used to be the norm, but more recent times have changed. In these

types of custody agreements. mothers would generally have custody of children while their

father seemed more of an extended family member by only allowing him to visit providing, he

was following the schedule. When one parent makes decisions from anger it will be reflected in

the child. An example being one parent becomes sole custodial parent to keep their child from

the other parent the child’s heart could be broken inevitability. Fairly speculating, the extended
 Planck 5

family who does not get to see the child would be negatively impacted as well. More

importantly, a child’s world has been significantly impacted.

The American Psychological Association (APA) lists stressors and pressures that single-

parent families face other parents may not because they are single parents. They are summarized

in the following statements. Extended family bonds may be broken, and the stress of visitations

and custody may affect the single parent too. The schoolwork of children in this environment

may be negatively impacted. The child’s interaction with peers may be affected as well.

Typically, after a divorce or separation family’s finances and resources are reduced. A single

parent may have to work more to cover the expenses. They may become overwhelmed with

finances and what may be worse is taking time from the child who only has one parent due to

having to work more since they are the primary caregiver. Ongoing issues with visitations

additionally increase stress in single parents and their child(ren.) (American Psychological

Association.)

Children need each of their parents to be in their lives equally. They need to feel loved

and develop a bond with both parents. Results from a study show the quantity of time a child

spends with a parent will undoubtedly affect the parent and child relationship. (Bastaits and

Pasteels) The relationships and bonds with their parents are crucial to development throughout a

child’s life. This helps to create a strong secure emotional bond later in life with their peers and

their intimate partners as adults. (Fraley) If children lack the attachment to a caring adult, or

nurturing is inconsistent, this will consequently affect their overall well-being. Outwardly, the

preeminent way to ensure children have a close relationship with both parents and have all their

essential needs met suggests a co-parenting environment.

 Planck 6

Also, many experts are aware successful co-parenting proves to show enhanced results in

comparison to the single parenting approach. (Biscontini) Co-parented children feel more

confident that both parents love and support them, tend to feel more secure, and have higher self-

esteem. Despite the parent’s indifferences and their inability to carry on a romantic relationship,

they need to work together to co-parent. Co-parenting teaches children excellent problem-solving

skills by showing them how it is possible to work through conflict. The children may later apply

these skills to their own lives.

Additionally, co-parenting has different styles but mainly focuses on the upbringing and

making decisions in the best interest of the child. Matthew Sullivan says there are two essential

functions of co-parenting. First, make sure the exchange of information remains child-focused.

Second, keep the decision-making process child-focused as well. Making decisions may be

easier by following those ideas. Sullivan suggests if parents keep these two ideas in mind, they

can provide children with a more of a chance of adjusting to life after a divorce or separation.

Furthermore, one study’s results show joint physical custody (co-parenting) will provide

the best structure to maintain and shape a relationship with both parents, proving the hypothesis

to be true that co-parenting provides more positive outcomes better than that of a single parent

custody agreement. (Bastaits and Pasteels) Children shape the future and are still learning and

developing into their late adolescent years. Critical to a child's development, children should be

raised by both parents in a co-parenting environment. (Sullivan)

 Planck 7

Figure 2 Table III

Scandinavian Journal of Public Health published an article wrote by Emma Fransson and

her associates. In the article one study looked at children in sole physical custody, co-parenting,

and nuclear families. The study factored in socioeconomic differences and differences in parental

ill-health. Figure 2, Table III above shows the complaints by child and family characteristics.

The study showed that complaints in joint physical custody were around the same as the nuclear

intact “original” families. Complaints were higher in sole physical custody settings than that of

intact “original” families and co-parenting. Concluding, regardless of parental health or

socioeconomics, joint physical custody seemed to not affect children as negatively as children in

single physical custody. (Franssom et al.)

However, not everyone agrees that co-parenting is the best style of parenting when

divorce or separation happens. Bergström M and his associates wrote an article about co-
 Planck 8

parenting. They point out a few opposing views. Some may oppose co-parenting thinking it is

impossible to get along “well enough” with the other parent to agree on decisions for the child.

They may resent the other parent, feel concerned about the other’s parenting abilities, or think it

is impossible to overcome conflicts while remaining calm. This seems to be false. Some

scientists and parents hypothesize children are being exposed to too much stress from going back

and forth between two homes. They suggest that children feel “torn” between two parents. Some

have even thought that children would not be able to adjust to having two homes. (Bergström M

et al.) Although these opposing views may seem valid, an American study resulted in an

argument that the value of a parent and child relationship was more vital than if parents had

conflicts with each other. The conflicts did not get in the way of being able to co-parent. It may

seem like a difficult task to set aside differences, but when the importance of why it must be

done, these opposing views appear to be wrong.

Now moving on to a highly credible author, researcher, and professor of adolescent and

educational psychology, Linda Nielsen. Her work has been cited by other researchers many

times. Nielsen has summarized 60 studies involving the topic of co-parenting and sole physical

custody. Linda Nielsen has found that children who have co-parenting families were generally

better off than those whose children came from single-parent families. The studies showed

children had better grades and cognitive development. The studies also showed the children to be

in better physical health, display lower levels of aggression, and overall, their mental health was

better than those who did not co-parent but decided on sole physical custody. Nielsen’s findings

show the children’s likeliness of using alcohol and tobacco were less than those whose parents

decided to rely on single parent sole custody for raising their children. (Braver and Votruba.)
 Planck 9

Linda Nielsen pointed out an author spends a significant amount of time on their

research, taking notes, updating, and reviewing other's articles. In one of Nielsen’s articles, she

discusses sole physical custody and joint custody independent of parent and child relationships

with income and conflict. She reviews 60 studies for this publication. The article concludes that

“joint physical custody (co-parenting) is generally linked to better outcomes than sole physical

custody (single parenting) independent of parenting factors, family income, or the level of

conflict between families.” (Nielsen)

An additional opposing view to co-parenting happens when others have stereotyped

mothers to be the primary caregiver staying at home taking care of the children while the father

goes to work solely being the financial provider. The idea that a woman’s place is in the kitchen

may be outdated. The reality is both parents have different interchangeable roles in present times

compared to historic times. Some people have even attacked a woman for sharing an article

about her co-parenting experience, saying she is lazy because she does not have the child full-

time. The woman is giving her child the best of both worlds in a tough situation.

Bergstrom and his associates wrote, “Attachment theory describes how children form a

relationship(s) of a special emotional quality from birth onwards and the quality of these early

attachment patterns has been found to predict developmental outcomes later in childhood.”

(Bergstrom et al) Some people think that in terms of attachment theory children will develop

problems and struggle due to the fact a child has attached to one parent and staying overnight

with the other parent, frequently going back and forth, will cause disruptions to the well-being of

the child. They even think having two-family cultures will cause adjustment problems. Studies

have shown that it is possible to have a parallel attachment, meaning an attachment with both
 Planck 10

parents that is equally the same. Encouragement and support for fathers and mothers to be

equally present in the child’s life are offered by many professionals.

Several studies show the importance of the father being in the lives of their children as

well as the mother. School-aged children whose parents were co-parenting in these studies had

better behavioral adjustments than those compared to sole physical custody. For ages of children

in school and teenagers, health and behavior adjustments have shown to be better in comparison

to children from sole physical custody households. (Bergstrom et al) One of the biggest

advantages co-parenting creates enhanced family relationships. In 22 of 23 studies that looked at

co-parenting families, they found the children to communicate more and become closer with

both parents. (Sandler et al)

To add more understanding, I interviewed a ten-year-old child providing insight into the

emotional standpoint of a child in a co-parenting situation who has also been a child of a single

parenting lifestyle. For privacy purposes their name has been left out, let it be noted permission

was given by both parents to interview the child. The first question asked, how you would

describe the best parts of your family? The child named every member in both households and

their personal items such as game systems. The naming of the child’s half-sibling, stepparent,

and the other parent’s significant other seemed equally as important to the child as naming their

father and mother. The second question asked how the child would feel if something changed in

their current schedule that took time away from one of their parents. Lowering their head down

and the child replied, “Sad. I would be very sad because I would miss them. If I only saw my

mom for one day I couldn’t talk and explain my life to her. I would forget her.” This supports

earlier statements about the importance of a child needing both of their parents equally.
 Planck 11

Being a child who has experienced single parenting and co-parenting, their words should

be considered credible. The child’s next answer described which one they liked better, single

parenting, or co-parenting. Informing co-parenting was better because the child could see both

parents equally. They explained co-parenting made them feel more confident and loved more

than the single parenting style. Another question revealed that both child’s parents attended their

school and sports activities. The child said this caused them to feel good, telling themselves, “I

gotta keep holding on,” when they looked out into the crowd and were able to spot both parents.

Relating to schoolwork, the child added that their dad was not good at math, but their mother

was so, “it worked out good.”

The interview with the child supports the studies that have been discussed. Without both

parents, a child may become sad, have less confidence, not feel supported, have a lower self-

esteem, and may not feel as loved. (Biscontini)The child likes seeing their parents equally and

thinks the best part of their family is ALL of their family.

When parents want the best for their child, making decisions based on what works best

for the child comes easier than expected. Although not always stress-free, co-parenting is

possible. Many articles have been written providing advice and giving tips for successful co-

parenting. Therapy is also available for parents, and some services are even based on a sliding

scale fee for those who do not have the financial means to pay for therapy. A parent may even

find support groups online with other co-parents. Finding a county directory would help guide

anyone in the right direction whom would need any of this information.

When it comes to court rulings, judges tend to lean more towards co-parenting. Court

systems want to see minimal change and prefer for parents to come to an agreement delegating

parental responsibilities. Children are strangers to judges and magistrates. How could they know
 Planck 12

what was personally best for the child by going off testimonies, and evidence that may not be

accurate? They use a standard schedule for children and parenting time like the mentioning of

the Dr610.1 (Rev 2/17) Children do not fit into standardized schedules. They are each unique

with different needs, but one thing remains the same, they need both parents. Even in other

countries where studies have been conducted to confirm that children do better when parents are

co-parenting as mentioned in the Scandinavian Journal of Public Health published article. The

image below shows successful co-parenting, which was found on google images with the term

co-parenting. The names on the back let you know who is who. The activity had to be agreed

upon, both parents are there, supporting their child. This is perhaps what the child was talking

about in the interview and when they looked out into the audience to see their parents and how it

made them, “keep holding on.”

Figure 3 Successful Co-Parenting

Co-parents must get along “well-enough” to take on raising a child. Research has

suggested that the quality of the relationship between co-parents is influential on a child's well-

being mentally and emotionally. (Block and Smith) If a child sees their parents fighting it hurts

them. The likeliness of the child blaming themselves, becoming depressed, or developing anxiety

greatly increases. Sole physical custody decided out of spite for another parent or stemming from

a place of hurt and negative emotions, or to "get back" at the other parent may scar children
 Planck 13

depriving them of what they deserve, both parents. Children benefit from co-parenting by feeling

secure and are mentally and emotionally healthier as opposed to conflicted parents. (Block and

Smith)

Again, some may ask, what about if the mother is suffering from anxiety? What if the

father’s house is smaller? What if the mother must shop at Goodwill and the father is going to

Hollister? These questions can be answered by knowing the child needs to feel love and security,

have both parents, and do not seem to be affected any more than nuclear families from those

things. Although divorce and separation may be tough the negative effects can be overcome

when parents work together to co-parent. The children in a co-parenting environment can be

assumed to show better outcomes than a single parent sole custody environment. “Joint physical

custody (co-parenting) might counteract the potential negative effects of parental separation.”

(Fransson et al.) In conclusion, parents need to do whatever it takes to put the best interest of the

child(ren) first and raise their child(ren) together after a separation or divorce.
 Planck 14

Works Cited

American Psychological Association. (2019, October 31). Families: Single Parenting and

Today's Family http://www.apa.org/topics/single-parent

Anonymous Child. Interviewed 26 Oct. 2020

Bastaits, Kim, and Inge Pasteels. “Is Joint Physical Custody in the Best Interests of the Child?

Parent–Child Relationships and Custodial Arrangements.” Journal of Social and Personal

Relationships, vol. 36, no. 11–12, Nov. 2019, pp. 3752–3772,

doi:10.1177/0265407519838071.

Bergström M, Sarkadi A, Hjern A, Fransson E (2019) “We also communicate through a book in

the diaper bag”—Separated parents´ ways to coparent and promote adaptation of their 1-4

year olds in equal joint physical custody. PLOS ONE 14(4):

e0214913.https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0214913

Biscontini, Tyler. “Coparenting.” Salem Press Encyclopedia of Health,

2020.http://sinclair.ohionet.org:80/login?url=https://search.ebcohost.com/login.aspx?

direct=true&db=ers&AN=142379042&site=es-live

Block M.A., Jocelyn, Smith M.A., Melinda. “Coparenting Tips for Divorced Parents,”

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/parenting-family/co-parenting-tips-for-divorced-

parents.htm last updated November 2019, accessed 25 Oct. 2020.

Braver, Sanford L., and Votruba, Ashley M. “Does Joint Physical Custody ‘Cause’ Children’s

Better Outcomes?” Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, vol.59, no. 5, July 2018, pp 452-

468. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1080/10502556.2018.1454203.

 Planck 15

Fransson, Emma, et al. “Psychological Complaints among Children in Joint Physical Custody

and Other Family Types: Considering Parental Factors.”Scandinavian Journal of Public

Health, vol. 44, no. 2, Mar. 2016, pp. 177–183, doi:10.1177/1403494815614463 Figure

2, Table III

Fox 5 Atlanta Credit: Emilee Plaayer/Facebook Figure 3 Successful Co-parenting

https://www.fox5atlanta.com/news/viral-photo-proves-co-parenting-can-work

Hovmund, Amalie. Figure 1 Child Torn Between Parents. “Growing up with divorced parents

isn’t a pain I would wish for any child to go through.”

https://medium.com/@amaliehovmund/growing-up-with-divorced-parents-isnt-a-pain-i-

would-wish-for-any-child-to-go-through-d5e0b63fea38, Accessed 7 Nov 2020.

Ikpe Justice Akpan & Izuchukwu C. Ezeume (2020) The Challenges Faced by Parents and

Children From Divorce, Challenge,DOI: 10.1080/05775132.2020.1842025

Karberg, Elizabeth, and Natasha J. Cabrera. "Children’s Adjustment to Parents’ Breakup: The

Mediational Effects of Parenting and Coparenting." Journal of Family Issues, vol. 41, no.

10, 2020, pp. 1810-1833. OhioLINK Electronic Journal Center,

doi:10.1177/0192513X19894347.

Nielsen, Linda, “Joint Versus Sole Physical Custody: Children’s Outcomes Independent of

Parent-Child Relationships, Income, and Conflict in 60 Studies.” Journal of Divorce &

Remarriage, 10502556, May/Jun2018, Vol. 59, Issue 4

Rodriguez, Yuliana, and Heather M. Helms. "Co‐Parenting." The Wiley Blackwell Encyclopedia

of Family Studies, edited by Constance L. Shehan, Wiley, 1st edition, 2016.Credo

Reference, http://sinclair.ohionet.org/login?
 Planck 16

url=https://search.credoreference.com/content/entry/wileyfamily/co_parenting/0?

institutionId=6043. Accessed 25 Oct. 2020.

Sullivan, Matthew. "Divorced Parents Must Work to Coparent Their Children." Divorce and

Children, edited by Roman Espejo, Greenhaven Press, 2015. At Issue. Gale In Context:

Opposing Viewpoints, https://link.gale.com/apps/doc/EJ3010953208/OVIC?

u=dayt30401&sid=OVIC&xid=567646b7. Accessed 26 Oct. 2020. Originally published

as "Coparenting: A Lifelong Partnership," Family Advocate, vol. 36, no. 1, Summer

2013.

Warshak, Richard A. “Social Science and Parenting Plans for Young Children: A Consensus

Report.” Psychology, public policy, and law, vol. 20, no. 1, Feb. 2014, pp 46-67.

EBSCOhost, doi:1037/law0000005