Dubin, Fabliaux Translations © 1994
Le Prestre crucefié
Un essample voil coumencier
qu’apris de monseignor Rogier,
le franc mestre, le debonaire,
qui bien savoit images fere
5 & bien entaillier crucefis;
il n’en estoit mie aprentis,
ainz entailloit & bel & bien;
& sa fame sor toute rien
avoit aamé un prevoire.
10 Ses sires li a fait a croire
que au marchié voloit aler
& un ymage ou lui porter
dont il avra asez deniers,
& la dame molt volentiers
15 li otroie, s’en fu molt liee,
& il vit sa chiere haitiee,
si se prist a apercevoir
qu’elle le vouloit decevoir
si comme ele a acoutumé.
20 A tant a sor son col levé
un crucefiz par achoison,
si se depart de la maison,
en la vile va, s’i demoure
& atendi jusque a cele ore
25 qu’il sot que il furent ensemble.
De mautalent & d’ire tremble;
a son ostel est revenuz,
par un pertuis les a veüz
que il seoient au mengier.
30 Il apela, mes a dangier
li ala l’en son huis ouvrir.
Li prestres n’ot par ou fuïr:
« Deus! dist li prestres, que ferai? »
Dist la dame: « Je vous dirai.
35 Despoilliez vous & si alez
laiens & si vous estendez
avec ces autres crucefis. »
Ou volentiers ou en envis
le fist li prestres, ce sachiez:
40 tretouz nus s’est lués despoilliez,
emmi les ymages s’estut
comme s’il fust dolez de fust.
Quant li preudom ne l’a veü,
si a tantost aperceü
45 que il est entre ses ymages;
The Crucified Priest
A short exemplum about Roger,
the frank and worthy master carver,
I now propose to undertake.
He had the skill one needs to make
statues and crucifixes; he
had joined the guild and artfully
carved sculptures in the finest fashion.
His wife, carried away by passion,
had taken a priest as her lover.
Her husband told her as a cover
he had to go to market, so
he’d bring a statuette in tow
to drop off for a tidy profit,
and she agreed promptly enough—it
elated her to see him leave,
and he was not slow to perceive
her joyful look, by which he knew
she had in mind to be untrue,
which was, for her, by now tradition.
Then he lifts up into position
a crucifix as a pretext
and steps out of the house, and next
goes into town and cools his heels
and waits around until he feels
that it’s time for their tête-à-tête.
Shaking from spite and all irate,
he hurries home. When he got back,
he looked in on them through a crack
and saw them sitting down to dine.
He called out, but it took some time
before someone let him inside.
The priest had no place he could hide.
He said, ‘Lord! what shall I do now?’
The lady said, ‘I’ll tell you how.
Go in the shop, take off your clothes,
and, standing still, assume a pose
among my husband’s holy carvings.’
Right willingly, or with misgivings,
the priest obeyed her then and there:
without his clothes, completely bare,
among the images he stood
as if he’d been carved out of wood.
Seeing he isn’t in the room,
the good man is led to assume
he’s hidden with his sculpted figures.

de ce fist que cortois & sages:
primes a mengié & beü
tant comme bon & bel li fu.
Quant il fu levé du mengier,
50 si coumença a aguisier
ung sien coutel a une cueuz.
Li preudom, qui fu fort & preuz,
a dit: « Dame, tost m’alumez
une chandelle, & si venez
55 laienz o moi ou ge ai afaire. »
La dame ne l’osa retraire;
une chandoille a alumee,
o son seignor en est alee
en l’ouvreor inelement,
60 & li sires tout aroument
le prevoire tout estendu
vit, si l’a bien reconeü
a la coille & au vit qui pent.
« Dame, fait il, vilainement
65 ot en cest ymage mespris!
J’estoie yvres, ce vous plevis,
quant telz menbres je y laissé!
Allumez, si l’amenderé. »
Le prestre ne s’osa mouvoir,
70 & ge vous di tretout por voir
que vit & coilles li trencha
que onques riens ne li laissa
que tretout n’ait outre trenchié.
Quant li prestre se sent blecié,
75 si s’en est tost torné fuiant,
& li preudom tout maintenant
s’est escrïé a molt haut cris:
« Seignor, prenez mon croucefis
qui orendroit m’est eschapé! »
80 A tant a .ii. garçons trouvé
li prestre, portant une jarle—
molt li venist mieus estre a Arle,
car il i ot un pautonier
qui en sa main tint un levier,
85 si l’en feri parmi le col
qu’il l’abati en un tai mol,
& quant i[l] l’ot jus abatu,
es lor le preudomme venu,
si le remaine en sa maison.
90 .xv. livres de raençon
li fist inel les pas paier
que onques n’en failli denier.
Dubin, Crucified Priest – p. 2
‘Might as well take it slow,’ he figures,
so first he drinks and has a bite
as if he thinks things are all right.
After his dinner, when he’d done,
he went and got a whetting-stone
and started sharpening a knife.
The sturdy carver told his wife,
‘Now, lady, light a candle quickly
and come into the workshop with me,
where I’ve some business to prepare.’
No word of protest did she dare,
but with her husband made her way
directly to his atelier,
holding a candle to give light.
The master carver soon caught sight
of the priest with his arms stretched out,
whom he could spot beyond a doubt,
seeing his hanging cock and balls.
‘Lady,’ he said, ‘how it appals
me, this indecent crucifix!
Such holy objects don’t have pricks!
I must have had too much to drink.
Some light! I’ll fix it in a wink.’
The terrified priest never stirred.
The husband, you can take my word,
cut off the prelate’s genitalia
and left him nothing, without failure,
to warrant further amputation.
The priest, feeling the laceration,
took to his heels and ran away.
The worthy man without delay
cried after him with piercing shrieks,
‘Good people, catch my crucifix
which is escaping down the street!’
The priest had the bad luck to meet
two fellows carrying a barrel.
He’d have been better off in Arles,
because one rascal in that band
who had a crowbar in his hand
swung at his neck with it and struck
him down into a pile of muck.
When he’d been beaten to the ground,
just then the good man came around
and dragged him home, where he was forced
to buy his freedom, and it cost
him fifteen pounds. He made him pay
it right then, every last denier.

Cest essample vous moutre bien
que nul prestre por nule rien
95 ne devroit autrui fame amer
n’a cele venir ni aler,
qui onques fust en calengage,
qu’i[l] n’i laissast la coille en gage
si comme fist prestres Coustanz,
100 qui i laissa les .iii. pendanz.
Dubin, Crucified Priest – p. 3
This parable has demonstrated,
no matter who is implicated,
in no case should a clergyman
mess with the wife of any man
or hang around her. I allege
he’ll leave his balls there as a pledge,
just as the priest, Father Coustenz,
left his three hanging ornaments.