You are on page 1of 18

Pauline Boss University of Minnesota

The Context and Process of Theory Development:


The Story of Ambiguous Loss

This is the story of how the theory of ambigu- Like a Möbius strip, theory building is a pro-
ous loss was born—the context of time and space cess that never ends. Family theories especially
in which it developed; the misunderstandings, must be tested continually to determine their rel-
clarifications, and corrections; and now, the the- evance for the ever-shifting context of family
ory’s cultural updates. From an early interest in life. Although theory developers are expected to
family stress theory, I coined the term ambigu- test their own theories, it is even more impor-
ous loss to name a previously unidentified stres- tant to have others, less invested, continue and
sor common to families everywhere. Discovering expand the testing. This special issue is a trib-
this phenomenon and developing the theory has ute to a new generation of researchers who are,
been a lifelong process, but with a new gener- in new ways, testing and applying what is now
ation of scholars, the theory continues to build called the theory of ambiguous loss. By improv-
and improve. This narrative is my tribute to a ing its relevance across cultures, contexts, and
new generation of scholars, many of whom are circumstances, their work and that of others pre-
testing the theory and broadening its applica- viously published, continues this necessary and
tion across cultures, disciplines, and types of unending process.
ambiguous loss. May this account also stimulate My task here is twofold: to tell the story
the building of other useful theories of the mid- of how the term ambiguous loss and the the-
dle range that include, without bias, the broad ory originated; and second, to update what has
diversity of families today. been discovered since its inception to clarify and
improve the theory. In telling this story, much
of it personal, I hope to encourage others, espe-
Scientific discoveries happen not through method cially students and new researchers and practi-
or magic, but from being open to discovery, by tioners, to value theory as a coherent guide and
listening to one’s emotions, and responding to to be open to new discoveries, not just about
intuition. Like a poet, the researcher as well as ambiguous loss, but also about easing the stress
the therapist needs the ability to imagine what the and suffering of families wherever they are.
truth might be. Each tests it, but in a different In a nutshell, with more details to follow, the
way. The poet words a couplet, the therapist tries
a strategy, and the researcher tests hypotheses.
idea of ambiguous loss began in the 1970s, when
A theorist, however, must be aware of all three. I was a graduate student at the University of
(Adapted from Boss, 1987b) Wisconsin–Madison. My first construct was psy-
chological absence, then physical absence, both
of which morphed into boundary ambiguity, and
Professor Emeritus, Department of Family Social Science,
finally in the mid-1970s, upon recommendation
University of Minnesota, 1985 Buford Avenue, 290 from a wise professor who pressed for more
McNeal Hall, St. Paul, MN 55108 (pboss@umn.edu). abstraction, I coined the term ambiguous loss.
Key Words: Ambiguous loss, boundary ambiguity, family The first research upon which the theory of
stress, no closure, resilience, theory building. ambiguous loss was built took place in the early
Journal of Family Theory & Review 8 (September 2016): 269–286 269
DOI:10.1111/jftr.12152
270 Journal of Family Theory & Review

1970s with families of pilots who had been know where their loved ones are or whether
declared missing in action (MIA) during the they are dead or alive. A person is physically
Vietnam War (Boss, 1977, 1980b). The sec- absent, yet kept psychologically present because
ond major testing occurred in the 1980s with there is no proof of death or permanent loss.
families of veterans diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Families call this “gone, but not for sure.” The
disease (Boss, Caron, & Horbal, 1988; Boss, second type of ambiguous loss is psychological:
Caron, Horbal, & Mortimer, 1990; Caron, Boss, A family member is physically present, yet
& Mortimer, 1999). On the basis of both sets psychologically missing, as a result of some
of research, I wrote the book Ambiguous Loss cognitive impairment or memory loss from
(1999), which argues that the phenomenon of illness, injury, addiction, or obsession (see Boss,
ambiguous loss exists and that it leads to bound- 1999, 2006, 2011). Family members refer to this
ary ambiguity, a continuous variable, which pre- type of ambiguous loss as “here, but not here.”
dicts family conflict and personal symptoms of With both types of ambiguous loss, people must
depression and anxiety. Today it is translated construct their own meaning of the situation
and read around the world by researchers and within a paradox of absence and presence (see
professionals across disciplines, as well as the Boss, 2007).
general public. In 2006, following my work The stressor, ambiguous loss, leads to a per-
with families of the missing in New York City ceptual variable called boundary ambiguity; it
after the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on is defined as not knowing who is in or out of
the World Trade Center, as well as my family one’s family system, and thus there is incongru-
therapy practice (Boss, 2002a, 2002b, 2004b), ence among individual perceptions about family
I wrote a book for academics and profession- membership and roles. Is the missing person ever
als, Loss, Trauma, and Resilience (2006), which coming back? Do we keep his or her roles open
extends the theory and answers the question of until we know for sure? Am I still married if my
how to treat or prevent the negative effects of spouse has been missing for years? Am I wife
ambiguous loss.1 Today, this book, also trans- or widow? Am I still the child if I am parenting
lated, is used globally to guide and test inter- my parent who no longer knows who I am? Such
ventions after disasters such as earthquakes and questions indicate ambiguity about who is in or
tsunamis, kidnappings, political disappearances, out of the family system. While family bound-
and in 2014, the mysterious disappearance of aries are never absolutely clear, a high degree of
Malaysia Airlines flight 370—as well as more boundary ambiguity is a risk factor for individual
ordinary ambiguous losses. In 2011, I wrote Lov- and family well-being.
ing Someone Who Has Dementia for family care- To differentiate further between ambiguous
givers whose loved ones have dementia. This loss and boundary ambiguity, it helps to see
book is also translated and used internationally. where these constructs fit heuristically into the
Overall, it appears that the term ambiguous loss Contextual Model of Family Stress (CMFS)
is now part of a global lexicon. (Boss, 2002c, 2004b; Boss, Bryant, & Mancini,
in press) (see Figure 2). Ambiguous loss is the
The Theory of Ambiguous Loss: An stressor (A factor), which leads to boundary
Overview ambiguity (C factor), the perceptions of the
ambiguous loss by individual family members
Definitions as well as the family as a whole. Boundary
Ambiguous loss is defined as a situation of ambiguity is a continuous variable that predicts
unclear loss that remains unverified and thus the outcome (X factor), with a high degree
without resolution (Boss 1999, 2007). There are being immobilizing, systemically and relation-
two types of ambiguous loss: Type 1 is physical, ally. Congruent with the recursive CMFS model,
and Type 2 is psychological (see Figure 1). the process of struggling with ambiguous loss is
With physical ambiguous loss, families do not also circular and continuous.

The Premise
1 For more details, see Boss (1999), which introduces
the theory, and Boss (2006), which expands the theory for The basic premise is this: Ambiguous loss is
professionals and researchers and includes six guidelines for the most stressful type of loss because it defies
intervention. resolution. Unlike with death, there is no official
Theory Development: The Story of Ambiguous Loss 271

Figure 1. Two Types of Ambiguous Loss.

PHYSICAL PSYCHOLOGICAL
ABSENCE ABSENCE
with with
Psychological Physical
Presence Presence

Examples: Examples:
War, terrorism (missing soldiers, Alzheimer’s disease or other dementia

civilians) Traumatic brain injury

Natural disasters (missing persons) Autism

Kidnapping, hostage taking Coma

Desertion, disappearance Chronic mental illness

Missing body (murder, plane crash, Addictions: drugs, alcohol, gambling

lost at sea) Depression

Incarceration Complicated grief

Immigration, migration, expatriation Homesickness (immigration, migration)

Foster care, adoption Preoccupation with lost person, with work

Divorce Obsessions: computer games, Internet

Work relocation Gender transitioning (also physical absence)

Military deployment

Young adults leaving home

Mate or child moving to care facility

verification of loss and thus no finality with 1. A phenomenon can exist even if it cannot be
rituals of support. Instead, people are often crit- measured.
icized for not “finding closure” and left on their 2. With ambiguous loss, we assume that truth is
own to cope, isolated and trapped between hope not attainable and thus is relative. Instead of
and despair, with lingering grief that is often the usual epistemological questions, we ask
unfairly diagnosed as personal or family pathol- how people manage to live well despite the
ogy (Boss, 1999, 2006, 2007).
absence of truth. Many do, and we learn from
them.
Underlying Assumptions 3. Ambiguous loss is a relational phenomenon;
it assumes attachment to the missing per-
Family theories are social constructions
son. The theory is thus useful for studying
because the knowledge on which they are
based is influenced by one’s context. They couples and families as well as other close
are more subjective than objective. Given relationships.
this stance—and influenced early on by 4. Cultural beliefs and values influence how
Gouldner (1970), who called for revelation individuals, families, and communities
of assumptions—the following underlie the tolerate ambiguous loss, as well as how
theory of ambiguous loss: they perceive it. We assume the primacy of
272 Journal of Family Theory & Review

Figure 2. The Contextual Model of Family Stress.

Source: Adapted from Boss (2002c).

perceptions but are aware that they are not all dead—and maybe not”; “My grandfather who
that matters. has dementia is still here but also gone.”
5. With ambiguous loss, the source of pathol- 9. With ambiguous loss, resilience has a specific
ogy lies in the type of loss and not in the meaning; that is, resilience means increas-
type of grief (Boss, 2010, 2012a, 2015a; Boss ing one’s tolerance for ambiguity. Ambigu-
& Carnes, 2012; Boss & Dahl, 2014; Boss, ous loss theory, built on the CMFS (see
Roos, & Harris, 2011). Figure 2; Boss, 1987a, 1988, 1999, 2002c,
6. With ambiguous loss, closure is a myth. 2004b, 2006, 2014; Boss et al., in press),
Without finality, the loss and grief may con- assumes a natural resilience in families (Mas-
tinue indefinitely, for years or a lifetime, and ten, 2007, 2014), but we assume that the tol-
even across generations (e.g., slavery, the erance for ambiguity can be influenced by the
Holocaust, genocide, war, terrorism, forced family’s cultural beliefs and values.
migrations). 10. Core to the theory of ambiguous loss is the
7. People cannot cope with a problem until they assumption that families can be both physical
know what the problem is. Naming the stres- and psychological entities and that both are
sor as ambiguous loss therefore allows the sources of resilience. A psychological family
coping process to begin. is the family in one’s mind. It comprises loved
8. If a loss remains unclear and ambiguous, it ones near or far, related or not related, alive
is still possible to find some kind of mean- or dead. The psychological family is made up
ing in the experience. This requires a new of the people we lean on (physically or sym-
way of thinking, one that is not binary, but bolically) in times of adversity or celebration.
dialectic. For example, “She is both gone, For example, a bride and groom light candles
and maybe not”; “He is both here and also at their wedding to symbolically acknowledge
gone”; “My kidnapped husband is probably the presence of deceased parents; a student,
Theory Development: The Story of Ambiguous Loss 273

far away from home, texts or phones a par- Interventions


ent for help. A traveler is invited to the home
Dialectical thinking. People often respond to
of strangers to celebrate a religious holiday
ambiguous loss with absolute thinking, either
they all value. Or close friends become fam-
acting as if the missing person were definitely
ily for one another in lieu of biological fam-
dead or denying the loss and acting as if nothing
ilies who are unavailable or unsupportive. To
has changed. Neither binary is helpful. Instead,
assess the presence of a psychological fam-
I recommend dialectical or both–and thinking
ily, we ask the following questions: Who is
there for you now? Who is there for you in (Boss, 2006). That is, the only way people can
times of sadness or joy? Who do you want to lower the stress of ambiguous loss is by holding
be present at your special events—birthday, two opposing ideas in their minds at the same
graduation, wedding—or holiday gatherings? time, for example, “He’s both dead, and maybe
Who can you call when you need help? not,” or “She’s both here, and also gone.”
Cross-culturally, the answers vary, and often A granddaughter told me that such both–and
surprise. Recently, I learned that many fami- thinking reminded her of the thought exper-
lies who survived the earthquake and tsunami iment by physicist Erwin Schrödinger, called
of 2011 in Japan find comfort in the belief that Schrödinger’s cat. Theoretically, a cat is placed
their ancestors are looking after their missing in a closed box containing a lethal substance that
loved ones (Boss & Ishii, 2015). Once again, may or may not activate. Because no one knows
I was reminded that the psychological family whether the cat is alive or dead until he or she
manifests itself differently across cultures. opens the lid, the cat is thus simultaneously, for
that period of time, both alive and dead (Gribbin,
These 10 assumptions anchor the theory of 1984).
ambiguous loss. They alert you to what is to She was right—but just partly. With ambigu-
come. While I aimed for assumptions that would ous loss, a similar paradox exists about the pos-
be inclusive across cultures, I was always aware sibility of both life and death, but here there is
that my own experience and context were influ- no box to open. For the families of the missing,
encing my thinking. the mystery continues without end. For them, the
box may stay closed forever.
Effects
The effects of ambiguous loss are viewed dif- Six guidelines. Because an ambiguous loss may
ferently on the basis of one’s discipline or train- never be clarified, the goal of intervention is
ing. From a sociological perspective, the clarity resilience—the resilience to go the distance, the
needed for boundary maintenance is unattain- resilience to live well despite “not knowing.”
able. The problem is structural—not knowing To strengthen resilience, we externalize the
who is in or out of the family circle—and thus pathology by telling families that their distress
leads to a high degree of boundary ambiguity. is not their fault (Boss, 2006; White & Epston,
Roles may be unfilled, decisions delayed, tasks 1990). Symptoms are attributed not to indi-
undone, and all too often, rituals and celebra- vidual or family dysfunction but rather to an
tions canceled. The family and its members are external dysfunction—the context of ambiguity
immobilized. surrounding the loss. Families feel relieved
From a psychological perspective, the res- when guilt is lifted and thus are more likely to
olution of loss and grief is impossible without accept support.
knowing the status of a loved one as absent or For clinicians trained to focus on medical
present, or dead or alive (Boss, 1999, 2004b). symptoms, ambiguous loss theory provides a
Ambiguous loss is problematic psychologically new lens for intervention (Boss, 2004b). To
when feelings of hopelessness and helpless- help, six guidelines were proposed for increas-
ness lead to depression. It is also a problem ing resilience in the face of ambiguous loss:
psychologically when conflicted feelings of (i) finding meaning, (ii) adjusting mastery, (iii)
ambivalence lead to guilt, anxiety, and immo- reconstructing identity, (iv) normalizing ambiva-
bilization. Overall, however, and whatever lence, (v) revising attachment, and (vi) discover-
the discipline, people experiencing ambigu- ing new hope (Boss, 2006). For more details on
ous loss are immobilized both socially and each guideline, see Boss (2006), but meanwhile,
psychologically (Boss, 1999, 2004a, 2006). more to the aim of this article, how did I come
274 Journal of Family Theory & Review

up with this idea of ambiguous loss? What was of censors, only a few transatlantic letters got
the context? What was the process? through, but two managed to arrive. One was
from my Swiss grandmother to my father. Read-
ing it years later, I saw that it reflected what I
The Story of Ambiguous Loss
then sensed: that they were during the duration
Looking back, I suspect my curiosity about of World War II psychologically present for one
ambiguous loss began when I was a child in the another even though physically cut off (Boss,
1930s. It was the time of the Great Depression, 1993).
and I lived in an extended immigrant family on In 1942, she wrote:
a southern Wisconsin farm. We were poor but
happy. Our family consisted of parents, four chil- Meine Lieben: Finally a few lines from me. I had
dren, my mother’s mother and brothers, “hired the blues badly today. I was longing for my dear
man” and “hired girl,” and often boys from town ones far away . . . . I think of you every day. You
who were in trouble for minor infractions and have two big girls now [one was me]. I wish I
in need of guidance, which my good parents could see them . . . . May God protect you always,
Mother. (Boss, 1993, pp. 372–373)
provided.
Most relevant, however, for our topic, is the
fact that I grew up around a father and mater- In a 1943 letter, she wrote:
nal grandmother who were often pining for
their respective families back in Switzerland. I Meine Lieben: I am asked by your brothers and
sisters if I have any news from you. After such a
watched my father mourn deeply after the death
long silence, we are longing for a letter from you
of his beloved mother in Bern, Switzerland, and and to find out how you are doing . . . . Even if it is
then over the years, his seven siblings. I knew not possible to write, I am with you at all times …
none of them but could see how close he was to in my thoughts. I am sure you have two big sons
them despite being thousands of miles away. His by now. I wish I could see them in person. Many
mind was often with them, across the Atlantic, times, I take the pictures out of the drawer to just
even though he was physically with us in Wis- look at them. Write as soon as you can. May God
consin. Once, when I was older, I overheard him protect you always, Mother. (Boss, 1993, p. 373)
telling a young student from Switzerland who
had come for his counsel that he should not stay More pertinent perhaps for our discussion
in America longer than 3 months or he would here were the research advances made during
never again know where home was. I have never World War II that affected theory development
forgotten those words. in the family studies field. In 1936, Alan Turing
My maternal grandmother was also torn made a machine that was the precursor of com-
between two families, but she manifested this puters as we know them today (Hodges, 2014).
in another way. She refused to learn English His lifework from 1936 to 1954, along with that
because she said (in her Swiss dialect, which I of Hewlett and Packard and a barrage of oth-
had to learn to communicate with her) that she ers, set off the explosion of computer technology
had “lost” her mother, her home, the mountains, from 1940 to 1950, which then led to our field’s
and her friends back in Glarus, Switzerland, preference for quantification. I was told that the
and so she would not also lose her language. case study approach of the 1930s Depression-era
She was often sad. The village doctor called it family research was no longer acceptable. From
melancholia, a condition he said was common then on into the 1950s, the dominant theory
among the immigrants in my hometown because and methods in family social science and family
so many were separated from loved ones far sociology were based on the quantifiable roles
away (Boss, 1996; Schindler, 1954). Early on, of structure functionalism and measured numer-
I sensed this yearning for the loss of homeland ically via computer analysis. As late as 1973, I
and family; it was all around me—in my home was told that if a phenomenon could not be quan-
and in the Swiss American community of New tified, it did not exist.
Glarus, Wisconsin, where we lived. No wonder Also important during World War II was the
I became curious about ambiguous loss. fact that many small-group researchers (Talcott
In the 1940s, as World War II raged on, Parsons and Robert Bales, among others) trans-
surrounding the borders of neutral Switzerland, ferred their research to the military, much of it
I became even more aware of such loss. Because with bomber crews. Their work became known
Theory Development: The Story of Ambiguous Loss 275

as “cockpit dynamics” (Milanovich, Driskell, protests, the burning of draft cards, the feminist
Stout, & Salas, 1998). Back then, it was found movement, and the beginning of the gay rights
that small groups functioned best if there was movement. Being miles away from campus, I
an “instrumental leader” (to connect to the out- witnessed history being made—on TV.
side world and to see that tasks were fulfilled) A decade later, in the 1970s, when my chil-
and an “expressive leader” (to care for peo- dren were in school and with the help of my par-
ple and their emotions inside the group). After ents who cared for them after school, I was once
the war, the researchers returned to their uni- again on the road to Madison, this time to earn
versities and began transferring findings about a master’s degree. My thesis research involved
optimal small-group functioning to what then three generations of Swiss American and Amish
became the “normal American family” (Par- women and girls (Boss, 1971). Research was
sons, 1965; Parsons & Bales, 1955). The major exciting so I decided to keep going.
flaw in this idea, perhaps influenced by the I was majoring in child development and fam-
Freudian psychology of the day, was that the ily studies but took coursework across campus,
two family leadership roles were split by gen- notably a theory-building seminar from Jerald
der: the husband-father was to be the instru- Hage in sociology. I wrote a paper on father
mental leader; the wife-mother was to be the absence in intact families—a phenomenon I
expressive leader. Her role was in the home observed in a family therapy clinic in psychia-
while her husband’s place was in the outside try. It was still the 1970s when a father routinely
world at work (Boss & Thorne, 1989; Osmond complained that the children were their mother’s
& Thorne, 1993). This family model dominated concern, so why did he need to be there? Didn’t
after the war and into the 1950s and 1960s, we know that he needed to be at work? Gender
when its rigidity and sexism were heavily crit- roles were still rigidly split into public versus pri-
icized. Today, the historian Stephanie Coontz vate, and the fatherhood movement had not yet
(1992) has documented that this model of the been born.
isolated nuclear family with rigidly prescribed In 1973, then a doctoral student, I presented
sex roles was an aberration of postwar America my first conference paper, “Psychological Father
and not found in any other period in the history Absence in Intact Families,” at the National
of family. Council on Family Relations annual meeting.2
In 1952, I began studying children and fami- Afterward, I was offered the opportunity by
lies at the University of Wisconsin–Madison, but Hamilton McCubbin and Edna Hunter, from
what I was learning did not fit the family I knew. the Center of Prisoner of War Studies in San
Aside from being extended, parental roles were Diego, who were present at my presentation,
not prescribed by gender. My mother made the to interview wives of pilots still missing in
wine; my father sang to us. My mother helped in action from the Vietnam War (see Boss, 1986).
the fields; my father often took care of us when Although I was a student at the University of
we were sick or hurt, as his Swiss mother had Wisconsin–Madison, the center had assigned its
taught him homeopathy. I was curious and kept consultant, Reuben Hill, to meet with me. For the
studying. The behemoth campus in Madison rest of his life, Dr. Hill was a valued mentor (see
was freeing. New ideas! New people! And yet Boss, 2002c, on our last meeting). He noticed my
the traditional mores in my community—kinder, dissatisfaction with existing family theories. The
kirche, und küche (children, church, and isolated nuclear family was a foreign idea to me;
kitchen)—pulled at me. In 1953, I moved so was the Duvall and Hill (1945) model of nor-
back to my hometown, married my high school mal family development (Boss, 1980a). Dr. Hill
sweetheart, commuted to complete my bach- and I debated often, yet he continued to support
elor’s degree, then raised two children and my ideas. I shall never forget that.
helped cook church suppers, but never gave Meanwhile, the University of Wisconsin–
up hope of returning to the University of Madison students continued to challenge every-
Wisconsin–Madison campus for more learning. thing, including family theories that did not
In the decade of the 1960s, I was quietly at
home, raising two dear children and out of the
loop for the decade of rebellion and change. 2 Its
publication, which did not come until 1986, is titled
Meanwhile, in the nation and on campus, a lot “Psychological Absence in the Intact Family: A Systems
was happening—civil rights protests, antiwar Approach to the Study of Fathering.”
276 Journal of Family Theory & Review

reflect racial and gender equality. I knew the Now this caught my eye! Goffman did not
tide had shifted as even my mention of the term consider “issues of framing” that are never put
role was being challenged. It was freeing. Hill to rest. And that is the hardest part. What
recommended I read Erving Goffman, a sym- he referred to as “puzzlement” is often never
bolic interactionist more attuned to the protests cleared up for families (p. 302). With ambiguous
of the 1970s. loss, there is, all too often, no “retrieval machin-
Goffman’s book Frame Analysis (1974) ery.”
inspired me. What he meant by frame was the Acutely aware of this missing piece because I
bracketing or the putting in order of a person’s was at the time interviewing wives of pilots still
experience. (I thought of meaning.) Whether missing in action, I knew I was on the right track
for my dissertation research. These wives and
one’s experience was ordinary or full of confu-
children suffered because there were no “spe-
sion, Goffman’s (1974) premise was that frame
cialists” in our society to “frame” their “puz-
could be analyzed by asking, “What is going on zlement.” Instead, they alone were required to
here?” (p. 8)—and the answer would reveal the initiate the phone call and paperwork to request
structure (frame) of that person’s experience. a change in their husband’s status from “miss-
In hindsight, I realize that in all my years as a ing” to “killed.” Many told me they felt as if they
family therapist, working with families experi- would be “killing” their husband with this act.3
encing ambiguous loss, the question I ask most I then linked the lack of frame with ambiguous
often is, “What does this mean to you?” There loss. My committee members, however, except
is the echo of Goffman. for Carl Whitaker, wanted simplification with
Yet Goffman inspired me more by what he quantification, so boundary ambiguity became
left unsaid. In the index of Frame Analysis was the focus (Boss, 1975a, 1977, 1980a; see also
the term boundary ambiguities (Goffman, 1974, Boss, Greenberg, & Pearce-McCall, 1990, and
p. 578), but he never used the term or discussed the website www.ambiguousloss.com for Mea-
it in his text. More important, Goffman never surement of Boundary Ambiguity in Families).4
addressed the lack of frame that families of the I knew there was more, but I could wait.
missing might endure—but he did discuss what I While doing this research, pioneer family
thought were lesser ambiguities. He wrote, “We therapist Whitaker asked me to be his cothera-
often give over to specialists the task of clearing pist on a case that continued for a year and a half.
up an ambiguity of frame.” For example, “when From him, I learned about intuition, paradox,
and the symbolic (Boss, 1987b, 1995). About
a man dies during a bar fight, we call in a medical
the psychological family, I saw that it was real.
examiner” to verify the facts of death (Goffman,
About ambiguous loss, I saw its pain. Whitaker
1974, p. 303). I saw this as an example of how became my right-brain mentor.
social frame shields people from having to deter- In 1975, I finished my dissertation, “Psy-
mine the fact and finality of death themselves. chological Father Absence and Presence: A
Although Goffman recognized the problem Theoretical Formulation for an Investigation into
of missing persons, he naively assumed that Family Systems Pathology”; earned a doctorate
families would shortly have an answer, a frame. from the University of Wisconsin–Madison;
He wrote: started life as an assistant professor there; and
received tenure in 1980. In 1981, with my
The sudden disappearance of an individual also children in college, I moved to the University
leaves matters fully up in the air until he can be of Minnesota, where my research focused on
found. Incidentally, this latter source of ambiguity Type 2 ambiguous loss—psychological absence
is very much limited by the retrieval machinery we with physical presence, caused by the dementia
have for persons, this making it very difficult for
them to disappear from everyone’s view, although
disappearance from the view of family and friends 3 More recently, I heard this same expression from a
is not so uncommon. When it appears that an woman whose husband vanished at sea (Boss & Carnes,
individual has suffered foul play, it is important to 2012). We also hear similar expressions in the media from
discover his remains, unsettling as this may be, not families of the people who vanished without a trace on
merely so that they can be given a decent burial, but Malaysia Airlines flight 370.
so that issues of frame can be decently put to rest. 4 Jane Allen Pilavin, chair; Bert Adams; William Mar-

(Goffman, 1974, pp. 307–308) shall; Kathryn Beach; and Carl Whitaker.
Theory Development: The Story of Ambiguous Loss 277

and memory loss of Alzheimer’s disease (Boss, either increasing or decreasing one’s sense of
Caron, & Horbal, 1988; Boss, Caron, Horbal, mastery), depending on cultural assumptions of
& Mortimer, 1990). My team and I surveyed agency. For example, many of the wives of miss-
family caregivers and also organized family ing men in Eastern patriarchal cultures needed
meetings (videotaped) to study their perceptions more mastery, not less (see Robins, 2010, 2013).
about living with a loved one who has dementia. On the basis of this finding, I have here and in
Family was self-defined, so meetings often recent writings updated the title of this guideline
included multiple generations and sometimes to “Adjusting Mastery.”
a friend or neighbor. These meetings were not Second, we found in Japan, as we did with
family therapy, but they were therapeutic. 9/11 families in New York (Boss, Beaulieu,
After the decade of the 1980s, which focused Wieling, Turner, & LaCruz, 2003) that, in
almost totally on the psychological type of addition to professionals, community leaders
ambiguous loss (from dementia), family ther- and paraprofessionals could also understand
apists began noticing my work. Froma Walsh and apply the theory of ambiguous loss. After
and Monica McGoldrick invited me to write the March 11, 2011 earthquake and tsunami
a chapter for their now-classic book Living in northeast Japan, I have been training (first
Beyond Loss: Death in the Family (Boss, 1991, directly and now via Skype) family therapists,
2004a). “Ambiguous Loss” became my chapter
social workers, nurses, and psychologists,
title, and later, in 1999, with Harvard University
who then train local family helpers from the
Press, my book title. Ambiguous loss was then
Fukushima region (Boss & Ishii, 2015). For
a new term in the lexicon of psychology, sociol-
ogy, and family therapy (Boss 1999), nationally example, a Japanese psychiatrist and a family
and internationally.5 therapist translated Boss (2006) to bring its
Today, I continue to train and mentor fam- stress-based approach to the tsunami area (see
ily therapists, researchers, and other profession- Boss, 2015b). The theory is proving useful at
als as they work with individuals and families various levels because its focus is on stress
around the world who suffer with various kinds rather than on pathology and because it allows
of ambiguous loss. At age 81, my role now is to for shaping interventions to fit a local culture
mentor, encourage, and cheer on this new gener- where teachers and paraprofessionals work
ation of scholars who are improving the theory more directly with children and families than do
of ambiguous loss. To them, I say thank you. psychologists or psychiatrists. Although more
research is needed, we see once again that if
theory is understandable, more people are able
Theory Updates to use it to help at the local level. In this context,
First, humanitarian field workers for the Interna- a theoretical framework that is easily understood
tional Committee of the Red Cross (ICRC) have and parsimonious is especially important.
been testing the theory’s usefulness in Eastern
cultures (see Hollander, 2016; Robins, 2016).
Thus far, ambiguous loss theory has been sup-
ported in Eastern cultures with one correction: Theoretical Clarifications
The guideline “Tempering Mastery” (i.e., low-
ering the need to be in control of one’s life) For this article, I reviewed my own writings
needs to be changed to adjusting mastery (i.e., from the 1970s to the present. This body of
work reveals a pattern of curiosity and study
that evolved from psychological father absence
5 Ambiguous Loss (Harvard University Press, 1999) in intact families (1973, 1975a, 1977) to physi-
translations: Chinese; Taiwan Chinese; German (C. H. cal father absence in families of missing (1975a,
Beck, 2000, Munich); Japanese (Gakubun-Sha, 2005, 1975b, 1977), to ambiguity of frame and ambi-
Tokyo); Marathi (Mehta, 2006, Maharashtra, India); Span- guity of boundary (1977, 1980a), to bound-
ish (Gedisa, 2001, Barcelona). Loss, Trauma, and Resilience ary ambiguity (Boss & Greenberg, 1984), and
(Norton, 2006) translations: German (Klett-Cotta, 2008,
finally to writings explicitly about ambiguous
Stuttgart, Germany); Japanese (Seishin Shobo, 2015,
Tokyo). Loving Someone Who Has Dementia (Jossey-Bass, loss (1988–present). I noticed, however, that
2011) translations: German (Ruffer & Rub, 2014, hardcover; early in the process, there were two examples of
2015, audiobook; Zurich); Norwegian (in press). imprecise terms.
278 Journal of Family Theory & Review

Ambiguity Versus Ambivalence 1999, 2002a, 2002b, 2002c, 2004a, 2004b, 2006,
First, in Boss (1977), the concepts of ambiguity 2007; Boss et al., in press). Readers are therefore
and ambivalence were blurred. My subsequent encouraged to check the later sources, especially
writings differentiated the two terms, but to Boss (2006, 2007), and the third edition of Fam-
clarify here: Ambiguous loss and ambivalence ily Stress Management (Boss et al., in press).
are neither synonymous nor interchangeable. Readers interested in quantitative measurement
In the theory of ambiguous loss, ambivalence are also encouraged to read Carroll, Olson, and
means conflicted emotions such as love and Buckmiller (2007).
hate, whereas ambiguity means a lack of clar- Most gratifying is that recent research on
ity or simply being unclear (see articles by both concepts—ambiguous loss and boundary
Boss from 1980 to present; for a summary, see ambiguity—indicates that terms are for the most
Boss, 2006). part being used correctly. Scholars now know
Although ambiguity and ambivalence are that ambiguous loss is the stressor event or situ-
very different constructs, they are theoretically ation (A factor), whereas boundary ambiguity is
linked: Ambiguous loss (in the relational sense) the perception of that stressor (C factor). (Revisit
leads to ambivalence (in the social sense). That Figure 2 and definitions earlier in this article.)
is, the lack of clarity (ambiguity) surrounding Know that both constructs have merit, but the
a loss leads to conflicted feelings and emo- one you select depends on your research ques-
tions (ambivalence) about that missing person tion or practice challenge (see Table 1).
(Boss & Kaplan, 2004). A frequent example
of ambivalence resulting from a situation of The Crucible of Application
ambiguous loss is the wish for “it to be over”
and then feeling guilty for having that wish. It was not until the terrorist attack on New
Why? Wishing for “it” to be over is construed as York’s World Trade Center Towers on Septem-
wishing the missing person were dead. The con- ber 11, 2001 that I realized the usefulness of
flicted feelings (wishing for death and wishing theory to guide interventions needed swiftly
for life) create a level of guilt and anxiety that and in an unfamiliar place. What became the
often becomes overwhelming. If so, we recom- MN-NY team (Boss, Beaulieu, Wieling, Turner,
mend professional treatment and talking with & LaCruz, 2003) had only 3 weeks to develop
peers to normalize the ambivalent feelings—but an intervention to help the families of the union
not harmful actions. workers who had serviced and maintained the
twin towers and who were missing. I met with
New York City colleagues. Should we develop
Ambiguous Loss Versus Boundary Ambiguity a new intervention on short notice? Or could
The second example of blurring terms in the we instead apply the theoretical model used for
early 1970s concerned ambiguous loss and Minnesota families with psychological ambigu-
boundary ambiguity (Boss, 1977). In hind- ous loss (Boss 1999; Boss, Caron, Horbal, &
sight, I had not yet clarified the difference for Mortimer, 1990; Caron, Boss, & Mortimer,
myself—perhaps because of the need to quan- 1999)? If the theory of ambiguous loss was
tify roles and boundaries rather than study the indeed inclusive and applicable across cultures
more phenomenological construct of ambiguous and situations, could we not apply it in this new
loss. By early 1980, however, I had figured it setting with new families experiencing a new
out. I began to clarify the difference between kind of ambiguous loss? It was a tough test.
ambiguous loss and boundary ambiguity by With a team of University of Minnesota and
classifying “types of stressor events” (clear vs. New York therapists, my graduate students, and
ambiguous) (Boss, 1980a; 1988, p. 40) and by language-proficient interns from the Roberto
placing the two terms heuristically in an update Clemente Center in Lower Manhattan, the
of Hill’s (1949) ABC-X family stress frame- family- and community-based meetings began
work, now known as the Contextual Model of (Boss, 2002a, 2002b, 2004b, 2006; Boss et al.,
Family Stress (Boss, 1987a, 2002c, 2004b; Boss 2003). Common to all of the family meetings
et al., in press). was this goal: to protect and support the natural
From the mid-1980s to the present, the con- resilience of each individual and family. That
structs of ambiguous loss and boundary ambi- goal required that the theory that guided us be
guity were increasingly clarified (Boss, 1987a, multicultural because the families we worked
Theory Development: The Story of Ambiguous Loss 279

Table 1. Differences Between Ambiguous Loss and Boundary Ambiguity

Ambiguous Loss Boundary Ambiguity

Definition Event or situation of unclear loss that has no Perception of event or situation about who is in
closure or out of the family
Theory base Social construction (see Berger & Neo–structure functionalism (see Boss, 2007;
Luckmann, 1966; Gergen, 2001) Kingsbury & Scanzoni, 1993)
Assessment Qualitative primarily (see Boss, Dahl, & Quantitative (see Boundary Ambiguity Scale in
Kaplan, 1996; Dahl & Boss, 2005; Fravel Boss, Greenberg, & Pearce-McCall, 1990,
& Boss, 1992; Robins, 2010) and www.ambiguousloss.com)
Variable Categorical Continuous
Goals for treatment Resilience via meaning (both–and thinking) Resilience via structure (roles, membership)
and intervention

with there came from 60 different countries or it pushed my thinking and my feelings to the
islands and spoke 24 different languages (Boss brink. My experiences with the families of work-
et al., 2003). ers who vanished on that terrible day tested my
For the next year and a half, we contin- assumptions—and me—more rigorously than any
research test could have. The challenge was to
ued the family meetings every few months
apply the theory to this catastrophe and to help this
at the union headquarters building. Families immensely diverse group of families. The work
were self-defined—often with three genera- was exceedingly difficult those first few weeks and
tions, sometimes with a friend or neighbor or called for frequent time-outs to reflect. On one of
clergy—but all considered family. The theory of those early days, I looked out of the window from
ambiguous loss remained our guide, but induc- the 21st floor of the union building where we were
tively we discovered what was useful and what working with the families. The smoke was still
was not. The goal was to strengthen individual rising from Ground Zero. I hungered for another
and systemic resilience in order to carry the view, but only later did I find a more comforting
stress and anxiety of “not knowing”—perhaps view. At a friend’s high-rise home in lower Man-
hattan, in the late afternoon sun, I saw the Statue of
for a lifetime (Boss, 2012b). Still today, half
Liberty—the same statue that welcomed my father
the families who lost loved ones on 9/11 do not and my maternal grandparents into the New York
have DNA proof of death (Dunlap, 2015). harbor so long ago. I realized then that I had come
Out of the crucible of 9/11 emerged a broader full circle, back to where my family had begun life
theory of ambiguous loss with six nonlinear in the United States. I felt a deep calm. Hope and
guidelines for intervention based on meaning, loss had merged for them, and now for me, too.
mastery, identity, ambivalence, attachment, Out of this new insight, came renewed strength.
and hope (Boss, 2006). All of these constructs Many of the families we worked with had come
are redefined to increase one’s tolerance for to this shore, like my elders, hoping for a bet-
ambiguity. Pathology is also redefined—and ter life. By uprooting, they, too, had lost con-
reassigned—to an external context. Impor- tact with parents and siblings. After 9/11, they
tantly, living with ambiguous loss requires faced an ambiguous loss even more horrendous.
long-term support, so we were pleased to hear Could they regain their resiliency and strength
that when the 9/11 project ended, many of the while being cut off from loved ones in faraway
families, who became acquainted through the islands or countries? Thankfully, with family-
and community-based interventions, many have.
family meetings, continued to meet in their
(Boss, 2006, pp. xx–xxi)
neighborhoods on their own.
Upon reflection, working in New York after
9/11 with families of the missing moved me What was learned from 9/11 is that we
away from the Midwest to an international need this new model to understand and treat
community of human suffering—even though it the reactions of the majority of families after
was still in the United States. In 2006, I wrote: large-scale disappearances. Some people need
medical help, but the majority can recover from
Working in New York after 9/11 brought me a traumatic loss if given intervention of family
out of the ivory tower into the community, and and community support (Bonanno, 2004; Boss,
280 Journal of Family Theory & Review

2006; Landau & Saul, 2004; Speck & Attneave, Closure is a good term for real estate and
1973). business deals in which there are true abso-
lutes and clear conclusions, but it is not a valid
term for human relationships (Boss, 2011; Boss
New Directions and New Propositions & Carnes, 2012). In my neighborhood in Min-
My latest proposition, still untested, is that neapolis, I often see evidence of no closure. At a
symptoms resulting from ambiguous loss are Thai restaurant nearby, the owners place a plate
either the same as, or similar to, those of com- of fresh food for their ancestors in their window
plicated grief, a disorder based on prolonged daily. Is that a disorder? No. It simply means that
grief from a death (Shear, Boelen, & Neimeyer, for them a psychological family exists. As you
2011). The symptoms of prolonged grief from may already realize, the idea of closure is anti-
ambiguous loss have most often been diagnosed thetical to the idea of a psychological family.
symptomatically, not contextually, and thus
viewed as pathology or disorder. Even the grief Criteria for Evaluating Family Theory
that lingers from more common ambiguous
losses (e.g., divorce, adoption, immigration) is In this article, I have alluded throughout to the
viewed as suspect. For these reasons, I propose idea that context influences the process of the-
that with any ambiguous loss, catastrophic or ory building. Our experiences of time and place
common, the pathology lies in the type of loss shape our curiosity and thus the research ques-
(unclear and irresolvable) and not in the family tions we ask. Theories are a product of who we
or individual experiencing it. Said another way, are and where we have been.
ambiguous loss is a complicated type of loss What I have learned is that we can develop
that leads to a complicated type of grief. more useful and inclusive family theories by
That complicated loss leads to complicated focusing on more universal family experience.
grief is a controversial idea and requires further Why loss has not been studied more in family
research. The propositions above all need test- social science is a mystery to me. It may be that
ing because new diagnostic guidelines (DSM-5) its inevitability makes it too painful to study.
appear to be pathologizing grief, especially grief I, too, had second thoughts, for as I did this
that is ongoing (American Psychiatric Asso- work, I lost my little brother, my father, sister,
ciation, 2013; Boss & Dahl, 2014). Although mother, former husband, and now, most of my
old friends. Surely, this leaves a mark.
some symptoms do need medical attention, the
Although it is essential to pay attention to
cause of those symptoms, I propose, is the stress
one’s own experience while doing the work of
and trauma from immobilizing ambiguity. Espe-
theory building, there are also objective crite-
cially in can-do and mastery-oriented cultures,
ria for evaluating one’s work (e.g., Burr, 1973;
the inability to find a solution is a major stres-
Chafetz, 1978; Hage, 1972; Klein, 1973; Shaw
sor. To make matters worse, such cultures often
& Costanzo, 1982). In 1993, this list of 17 crite-
stigmatize people for not finding answers, or clo-
ria was offered for evaluating theory:
sure. The idea of closure, I propose, is linked to
values of mastery and needing to find answers to 1. Richness of ideas
all problems all the time. 2. Clarity of concepts
Finally, on the basis of the above and my 3. Coherence of connections among concepts
more than 40 years of being a family therapist, 4. Simplicity or parsimony
I propose that closure is a myth. Incessantly 5. Clarity of theoretical assumptions and presup-
spoken by the media and general public, this positions
term—closure—and the ideas embedded in it, 6. Consistency with its own assumptions and
will, I propose, erode the resilience of families presuppositions
suffering from losses, both ambiguous and clear. 7. Acknowledgment of its sociocultural context
For the readers of the Journal of Family Theory 8. Acknowledgment of underlying values posi-
& Review (JFTR), know that the idea of closure tions
is incompatible with the theory of ambiguous 9. Acknowledgement of theoretical forebears
loss and any words or ideas that smack of the 10. Potential for validation and current level of
binary (dead or alive, absent or present) are unac- validation
ceptable. That’s the point; there is no closure 11. Acknowledgment of limits and points of
with ambiguous loss. breakdown
Theory Development: The Story of Ambiguous Loss 281

12. Complementarity with other theories and lev- select a sample of families in which the affected
els of explanation person has been medically diagnosed as hav-
13. Openness to change and modification ing that specific illness or condition under study.
14. Ethical implications With physical ambiguous loss, select a sample
15. Sensitivity to pluralistic human experience that has verification from witnesses and officials
16. Ability to combine personal experience and who agree that a family member is indeed phys-
academic rigor ically missing. Verification of ambiguous loss is
17. Potential to inform application for education, necessary to validate that we are studying what
therapy, advocacy, social action, or public we think we are studying.
policy (Doherty, Boss, LaRossa, Schumm, &
Steinmetz, 1993, pp. 24–26)
Why We Need Family Theory
And I add one more: Theory summarizes disparate information into
18. Inclusivity and usefulness across cultures, a unified whole so that regardless of time and
east and west, north and south. This means place, it provides us with more understanding
that family theories must accommodate mul- and direction for the challenge at hand. The
ticulturalism and families that vary in race, challenge for me has been ambiguous loss.
class, religion, gender, generation, and sexual Today, the theory of ambiguous loss helps
orientation. ordinary people as well as professionals and
scholars to understand this heretofore-unnoticed
These 18 criteria are presented as a starting phenomenon. It helps us to answer the question,
point for dialogue about the process of theory “Why?” Why, given the same stressor, do some
development. Readers can decide if the theory families remain resilient while others collapse?
of ambiguous loss is proceeding in the right Why, after loved ones go missing, are some
direction. people debilitated while others grow stronger?
How can we help individuals, couples, and fam-
ilies live well despite ambiguous loss? These
The Limits of Theory
questions have fed my curiosity—and I hope
Stephen Hawking aside, a theory cannot include now yours.
everything or it is a theory of nothing. Most Because of the variation among families
recently, a young man asked me if the loss of today, we need more middle-range family
his cell phone could be an ambiguous loss. He theories—theories that consider stressors that
knew that attachment was a prerequisite, and I occur across diversities and cultures. Ambigu-
knew that, for many, the loss of treasured family ous loss is just one example. When asked why
items such as photo albums or mementos were I did not consider ambiguous gain, I answered
perceived as ambiguous loss. So why not a cell that loss affected every family at some time
phone, which the young man said, “has all of my or place, and thus its study was more urgent.
life on it”? To quote the symbolic interactionist Although I learned that ambiguous loss is the
W. I. Thomas (1928), “If [people] define things most stressful of family losses, I also learned
as real, they are real in their consequences” that many individuals and families are amaz-
(p. 572). I believe that. But although perceptions ingly resilient. There lies the hope and joy in
matter, they are not all that matters (Boss, 1992). this work.
How I answer such questions as this young
man asked depends on the hat I am wearing at
the time. In clinical work, if a client perceives the Conclusion
loss of an inanimate object—a house, a photo, or I have emphasized that the process of theory
perhaps even a cell phone—as ambiguous loss, development never ends. This point is tested
then I proceed within that framework to cocon- by real life as well. After both of my parents
struct their meaning of that loss. If, however, died, and I was emptying their house, I found
researchers ask me about studying ambiguous my father’s leather wallet. In what was then
loss, I advise them to select one that is unequivo- called the “secret compartment,” there was a
cally and indisputably ambiguous. For example, yellowed photo postcard, cut in half to fit a
if you are researching ambiguous loss created wallet. His eldest brother had sent the card to
by Alzheimer’s disease or autism or brain injury, my father in 1929, after he had immigrated to
282 Journal of Family Theory & Review

the United States. On it was the picture of their Simon Robins has authored “Discursive
home in Burgdorf, Switzerland, where they grew Approaches to Ambiguous Loss: Theorizing
up, and the bluffs behind the house where they Community-Based Therapy After Enforced
had played together as boys. I was stunned. My Disappearance,” thus being the first to clarify in
father had carried this photo, the symbol of his depth the postmodern base of ambiguous loss
Swiss home and family, close to him for his theory. He is a humanitarian practitioner and
entire life in Wisconsin. researcher who focuses on transitional justice,
What I had sensed as a child was real and life- humanitarian protection, and human rights.
long for my immigrant father. That I lived with With the ICRC, he has applied the theory of
ambiguous loss allowed me to see it—and then ambiguous loss to construct more humanitar-
label it. New theories are rarely premeditated; ian and culturally relevant interventions with
more often, they are the result of being open to families of the missing. This new humanitarian
discovery. approach, based on ambiguous loss theory, has
been applied in Nepal and East Timor.
Testing the Theory of Ambiguous Loss: A New Rose Perez is the author of “Lifelong
Generation Ambiguous Loss: The Case of Cuban American
Exiles.” She applies the theory of ambiguous
If family theories are to explain the “why” of to loss of one’s homeland. As a researcher
ever-shifting human experience across time and and educator at Fordham University in New
place, then they need continuous testing in new York City, she focuses on the well-being of
times and new places and with new examples immigrants and refugees in the context of social
of ambiguous loss. In the past 10 years, studies services. She uses ambiguous loss theory to
testing and applying the theory of ambiguous better understand the often lifelong grieving and
loss increasingly include a wider range of popu- yearning of people cut off from their homeland
lations: same-sex couples, lesbian couples with
and family as a result of politically enforced
children, international disappearances, immi-
migration.
gration, refugee diaspora, military deployment,
Catherine Solheim and Jaime Ballard, coau-
Down’s syndrome, mild cognitive impairment,
thors of “Ambiguous Loss Due to Separation
epilepsy, chronically ill children, autism, mater-
in Voluntary Transnational Families,” show
nal depression, stillbirth, and effects on families
after a member transitions to another gender that ambiguous loss exists even with voluntary
(for a review, see Boss et al., in press). migration. This is the inevitable push and pull
For this special issue of JFTR, I am delighted of uprooting and moving to a new country.
to introduce to you a new generation of Their work as family social scientists at the
researchers who are doing just that—studying University of Minnesota focuses on economic
different populations, cultures, genders, and and social decisions in transnational, immigrant
stressor situations ranging from global to local. and refugee families, generally Southeast Asian
The following authors, representing various refugee families including Hmong, Laotian,
disciplines, have applied and tested the theory Bhutanese, and Karen (from Myanmar).
of ambiguous loss. Monique Mitchell, author of “The Family
Theo Hollander is the author of “Ambiguous Dance: Ambiguous Loss, Meaning Making,
Loss and Complicated Grief: Understanding the and the Psychological Family in Foster Care,”
Grief of Parents of the Disappeared in North- applies ambiguous loss theory to frame the
ern Uganda.” Based on his research in northern experience of foster children from their own
Uganda, he addresses the link and also the essen- views. She is the first to acknowledge the grief
tial difference between ambiguous loss and com- of foster children when they are removed from
plicated grief. He is currently working in Burma their own parents and siblings and from subse-
(Myanmar). He works with international devel- quent foster parents and foster siblings. Trained
opment and studies the complex relations of con- in psychology, anthropology, family relations
flict, justice, and gender. With a strong focus on and human development, and thanatology, her
the impact of armed conflict on affected commu- research at University of South Carolina is
nities and individuals, he is currently working as interdisciplinary.
a peace-building adviser for the Department for Jenifer McGuire and Jory Catalpa, Univer-
International Development Burma. sity of Minnesota; Vanessa Lacey, Transgender
Theory Development: The Story of Ambiguous Loss 283

Equality Network Ireland (TENI); and Kather- Berger, P. L., & Luckmann, T. (1966). The social
ine Kuvalanka, Miami University of Ohio are construction of reality: A treatise in the sociology
coauthors of “Ambiguous Loss as a Framework of knowledge. New York, NY: Doubleday.
for Interpreting Gender Transitions in Families.” Bonanno, G. A. (2004). Loss, trauma, and human
Family studies and human development schol- resilience: Have we underestimated the human
capacity to thrive after extremely aversive
ars and practitioners, McGuire and her coauthors
events? American Psychologist, 59(1), 20–28.
conduct community- as well as clinically-based doi: 10.1037/0003-066x.59.1.20
research on transgender youth. Their work is Boss, P. (1971). Cross-cultural and cross-
situated internationally with studies from the generational sex role perceptions of Swiss-
United States, Ireland, and the Netherlands. In American and Amish females (Unpublished
this issue, they apply the ambiguous loss frame- master’s thesis). University of Wisconsin, Madi-
work to interpret the complexities of gender tran- son, WI.
sitions as both ambiguous loss and ambiguous Boss, P. (1973, October). Psychological father
gain and also affecting both the transitioning absence in intact families. Presentation at the
youth and their family. annual meeting of the National Council on Family
In “Ambiguous Loss and Emotional Recovery Relations, Research and Theory Section, Toronto,
After Traumatic Brain Injury,” Jeffrey Kreutzer, ON.
Boss, P. (1975a). Psychological father absence and
Ana Mills, and Jennifer Marwitz illustrate presence: A theoretical formulation for an inves-
how family members regain their emotional tigation into family systems pathology (Unpub-
strength while a loved one suffers from trau- lished doctoral dissertation). University of Wiscon-
matic brain injury (TBI) or other neurological sin, Madison, WI.
disorders. They illustrate how the theory of Boss, P. (1975b). Psychological father presence in
ambiguous loss influenced their development of the missing-in-action (MIA) family: Its effects on
a research-based, manualized intervention for family functioning. In Proceedings: Third Annual
families where the stressor is Type 2, or psycho- Joint Medical Meeting Concerning POW/MIA
logical ambiguous loss. Kreutzer is a clinical Matters (pp. 61–65). San Diego, CA: Naval
psychologist at Virginia Commonwealth Uni- Health Research Center, Center for Prisoner of
versity, with specialties in neuropsychology, War Studies.
Boss, P. (1977). A clarification of the concept of psy-
rehabilitation psychology, and family therapy.
chological father presence in families experiencing
Finally, I want to thank Ann Masten for her ambiguity of boundary. Journal of Marriage and
insightful commentary advancing family and the Family, 39(1), 141–151. doi: 10.2307/351070
child theory development across multiple dis- Boss, P. (1980a). Normative family stress: Family
ciplines. She is the first to reveal so clearly boundary changes across the lifespan. Family Rela-
the common factors across ambiguous loss the- tions, 29(4), 445–450. doi: 10.2307/584457
ory and developmental resilience science. This Boss, P. (1980b). The relationship of psychologi-
parallel development hopefully encourages new cal father presence, wife’s personal qualities, and
researchers and practitioners to work across dis- wife/family dysfunction in families of missing
ciplines to understand resilience in families and fathers. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 42(3),
children who face adversities that have no clo- 541–549. doi: 10.2307/351898
sure. Building on theoretical commonalities, we Boss, P. (1986). Psychological absence in the intact
family: A systems approach to the study of father-
strengthen both families and children, who after
ing. Marriage & Family Review, 10(1), 11–39. doi:
all, are inseparable. 10.1300/j002v10n01_02
It is at the interaction between disciplines that Boss, P. (1987a). Family stress: Perception and con-
new discoveries and insights tend to emerge, text. In M. Sussman & S. Steinmetz (Eds.), Hand-
but first, it is through broader theoretical discus- book of marriage and family (pp. 695–723). New
sions that disciplinary borders are softened. That York, NY: Plenum.
JFTR is the platform where many of these inter- Boss, P. (1987b). The role of intuition in family
disciplinary discussions are now taking place is research: Three issues of ethics. Contemporary
thanks to our editor, Libby Blume. Family Therapy, 9(1–2), 146–159. doi: 10.1007/
bf00890270
Boss, P. (1988). Family stress management. Newbury
References Park, CA: Sage.
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnos- Boss, P. (1991). Ambiguous loss. In F. Walsh & M.
tic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th McGoldrick (Eds.), Living beyond loss: Death in
ed.). Washington, DC: Author. the family (pp. 164–175). New York, NY: Norton.
284 Journal of Family Theory & Review

Boss, P. (1992). Primacy of perception in family Boss, P. (2012a). The ambiguous loss of dementia:
stress theory and measurement. Journal of Fam- A relational view of complicated grief in care-
ily Psychology, 6(2), 113–119. doi: 10.1037/0893- givers. In M. O’Reilly-Landry (Ed.), A psychody-
3200.6.2.113 namic understanding of modern medicine: Plac-
Boss, P. (1993). The experience of immigration for ing the person at the center of care (pp. 183–193).
the mother left behind: The use of qualitative fem- London, UK: Radcliffe.
inist strategies to analyze letters from my Swiss Boss, P. (2012b). Resilience as tolerance for ambi-
guity. In D. S. Becvar (Ed.), Handbook of family
grandmother to my father. Marriage & Family
resilience (pp. 285–297). New York, NY: Springer.
Review, 19(3–4), 365–378. [Reprinted in Settles, Boss, P. (2014). Family stress. In A. C. Micha-
B. H., Hanks, D. E., III, & Sussman, M. B. (Eds.). los (Ed.), Encyclopedia of quality of life and
(1993). Families on the move: Migration, immigra- well-being research (pp. 2202–2208). Dordrecht,
tion, emigration, and mobility (pp. 365–378). New Netherlands: Springer.
York, NY: Haworth.] Boss, P. (2015a). Coping with the suffering of ambigu-
Boss, P. (1995, July–August). That man Whitaker! ous loss. In R. E. Anderson (Ed.), World suffering
Family Therapy Networker, 58–59. and the quality of life (pp. 125–134). New York,
Boss, P. (1996). They did it quietly: The meaning of NY: Springer.
immigration for women. In H. Rhyner (Ed.), Jubi- Boss, P. (2015b). Loss, trauma, and resilience [Recov-
laumsbuch 150 jahr New Glarus: America’s little ering from ambiguous loss and trauma: Resilience
Switzerland errinert sich [150-year anniversary of of family and community] (S. Nakajima & C. Ishii,
New Glarus, Wisconsin: America’s little Switzer- Trans.). Tokyo, Japan: Seishin Shobo.
Boss, P., Beaulieu, L., Wieling, E., Turner, W.,
land remembers] (pp. 35–102). Glarus, Switzer-
& LaCruz, S. (2003). Healing loss, ambiguity,
land: Tschudi. and trauma: A community-based intervention
Boss, P. (1999). Ambiguous loss: Learning to live with families of union workers missing after
with unresolved grief . Cambridge, MA: Harvard the 9/11 attack in New York City. Journal of
University Press. Marital and Family Therapy, 29(4), 455–467. doi:
Boss, P. (2002a). Ambiguous loss in families 10.1111/j.1752-0606.2003.tb01688.x
of the missing. The Lancet, 360, 39–40. doi: Boss, P., Bryant, C., & Mancini, J. (in press). Family
10.1016/s0140-6736(02)11815-0 stress management: A contextual approach (3rd
Boss, P. (2002b). Ambiguous loss: Working with fam- ed.). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
ilies of the missing. Family Process, 41(1), 14–17. Boss, P., & Carnes, D. (2012). The myth of clo-
doi: 10.1111/j.1545-5300.2002.40102000014.x sure. Family Process, 51(4), 456–469. doi:
Boss, P. (2002c). Family stress management: A con- 10.1111/famp.12005
textual approach (2nd ed.). Thousand Oaks, CA: Boss, P., Caron, W., & Horbal, J. (1988). Alzheimer’s
Sage. disease and ambiguous loss. In C. S. Chilman & E.
W. Nunnally (Eds.), Chronic illness and disability:
Boss, P. (2004a). Ambiguous loss. In F. Walsh & M.
Families in trouble series (Vol. 2, pp. 123–140).
McGoldrick (Eds.), Living beyond loss: Death in Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
the family (2nd ed., pp. 237–246). New York, NY: Boss, P., Caron, W., Horbal, J., & Mortimer, J.
Norton. (1990). Predictors of depression in caregivers
Boss, P. (2004b). Ambiguous loss research, theory, of dementia patients: Boundary ambiguity and
and practice: Reflections after 9/11. Journal of mastery. Family Process, 29(3), 245–254. doi:
Marriage & Family, 66(3), 551–566. doi: 10.1111/ 10.1111/j.1545-5300.1990.00245.x
j.0022-2445.2004.00037.x Boss, P., & Dahl, C. M. (2014). Family therapy for
Boss, P. (2006). Loss, trauma, and resilience: Thera- the unresolved grief of ambiguous loss. In D. W.
peutic work with ambiguous loss. New York, NY: Kissane & F. Parnes (Eds.), Bereavement care for
Norton. families (pp. 171–182). New York, NY: Routledge.
Boss, P. (2007). Ambiguous loss theory: Chal- Boss, P., Dahl, C., & Kaplan, L. (1996). The meaning
lenges for scholars and practitioners. [Special of family: The phenomenological perspective in
family research. In S. Moon & D. Sprenkle (Eds.),
issue.] Family Relations, 56(2), 105–111. doi:
Research methods in family therapy (pp. 83–106).
10.1111/j.1741-3729.2007.00444.x New York, NY: Guilford.
Boss, P. (2010). The trauma and complicated grief Boss, P., & Greenberg, J. (1984). Family bound-
of ambiguous loss. Pastoral Psychology, 59(2), ary ambiguity: A new variable in family stress
137–145. doi: 10.1007/s11089-009-0264-0 theory. Family Process, 23(4), 535–546. doi:
Boss, P. (2011). Loving someone who has dementia: 10.1111/j.1545-5300.1984.00535.x
How to find hope while coping with stress and Boss, P., Greenberg, J., & Pearce-McCall, D. (1990).
grief . San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass. Measurement of boundary ambiguity in families
Theory Development: The Story of Ambiguous Loss 285

(Minnesota Agricultural Experiment Station Bul- com/2015/03/20/nyregion/victim-of-9-11-trade-


letin No. 593-1990, Item No. Ad-SB 3763). St. center-attack-is-positively-identified.html?_r=0
Paul, MN: University of Minnesota. Duvall, E. M., & Hill, R. (1945). When you marry.
Boss, P., & Ishii, C. (2015). Trauma and ambigu- Boston, MA: Heath.
ous loss: The lingering presence of the physi- Fravel, D. L., & Boss, P. (1992). An in-depth inter-
cally absent. In K. Cherry (Ed.), Traumatic stress view with the parents of missing children. In J. F.
and long-term recovery: Coping with disasters Gilgun, K. Daly, & G. Handel (Eds.), Qualitative
and other negative life events (pp. 271–289). New methods in family research (pp. 126–145). Thou-
York, NY: Springer. sand Oaks, CA: Sage.
Boss, P., & Kaplan, L (2004). Ambiguous loss and Gergen, K. J. (2001). Social construction in context.
ambivalence when a parent has dementia. In K. London, UK: Sage.
Pillemer & K. Luescher (Eds.), Intergenerational Goffman, E. (1974). Frame analysis: An essay on
ambivalences: New perspectives on parent-child the organization of experience. New York, NY:
relations in later life (pp. 207–224). Oxford, UK: HarperCollins.
Elsevier. Gouldner, A. W. (1970). The coming crisis of Western
Boss, P., Roos, S., & Harris, D. L. (2011). Grief in sociology. New York, NY: Basic.
the midst of uncertainty and ambiguity. In R. A. Gribbin, J. (1984). In search of Schrödinger’s cat:
Neimeyer, D. L Harris, H. R. Winokuer, & G. F. Quantum physics and reality. Toronto, ON:
Thornton (Eds.), Grief and bereavement in con- Bantam.
temporary society: Bridging research and practice Hage, J. (1972). Techniques and problems of theory
(pp. 163–175). New York, NY: Taylor and Francis. construction in sociology. New York, NY: Wiley.
Boss, P., & Thorne, B. (1989). Family sociology Hill, R. (1949). Families under stress: Adjustment to
and family therapy: A feminist linkage. In M. the crises of war separation and reunion. New
McGoldrick, C. Anderson, & F. Walsh (Eds.), York, NY: Harper.
Women in families: A framework for family therapy Hodges, A. (2014). Alan Turing: The enigma.
(pp. 78–96). New York, NY: Norton. London, UK: Vintage.
Burr, W. R. (1973). Theory construction and the soci- Hollander, T. (2016). Ambiguous loss and compli-
ology of the family. New York, NY: Wiley. cated grief: Understanding the grief of parents of
Caron, W., Boss, P., & Mortimer, J. (1999). Fam- the disappeared in Northern Uganda. Journal of
ily boundary ambiguity predicts Alzheimer’s Family Theory & Review, 8(3), 294–307.
outcomes. Psychiatry: Interpersonal & Biolog- Kingsbury, N., & Scanzoni, J. (1993).
ical Processes, 62(4), 347–356. doi: 10.1521/ Structural-functionalism. In P. G. Boss, W. J.
00332747.1999.11024882 Doherty, R. LaRossa, W. R. Schumm, & S. K.
Carroll, J. S., Olson, C. D., & Buckmiller, N. (2007). Steinmetz (Eds.), Sourcebook of family theo-
Family boundary ambiguity: A 30-year review ries and methods: A contextual approach (pp.
of theory, research, and measurement. Family 195–221). New York, NY: Plenum.
Relations, 56(2), 210–230. doi: 10.1111/j.1741- Klein, D. M. (1973). Criteria for evaluating theories.
3729.2007.00453.x Unpublished manuscript, University of Minnesota,
Chafetz, J. S. (1978). A primer on the construction Minneapolis, MN.
and testing of theories in sociology. Itasca, IL: Landau, J., & Saul, J. (2004). Facilitating family and
Peacock. community resilience in response to major disas-
Coontz, S. (1992). The way we never were: American ter. In F. Walsh & M. McGoldrick (Eds.), Liv-
families and the nostalgia trap. New York, NY: ing beyond loss: Death in the family (2nd ed., pp.
Basic. 285–309). New York, NY: Norton.
Dahl, C., & Boss, P. (2005). The use of phenomenol- Masten, A. S. (2007). Resilience in developing sys-
ogy for family therapy research: The search for tems: Progress and promise as the fourth wave
meaning. In D. Sprenkle & F. Piercy (Eds.), rises. Development and Psychopathology, 19(3),
Research methods in family therapy (2nd ed., pp. 921–930. doi: 10.1017/s0954579407000442
63–84). New York, NY: Guilford. Masten, A. S. (2014). Ordinary magic: Resilience in
Doherty, W. J., Boss, P. G., LaRossa, R., Schumm, development. New York, NY: Guilford.
W. R., & Steinmetz, S. K. (1993). Family theories Milanovich, D. M., Driskell, J. E., Stout, R. J., &
and methods: A contextual approach. In P. Boss, W. Salas, E. (1998). Status and cockpit dynamics:
Doherty, R. LaRossa, W. Schumm, & S. Steinmetz A review and empirical study. Group Dynamics:
(Eds.), Sourcebook of family theories and methods: Theory, Research, and Practice, 2(3), 155–167.
A contextual approach (pp. 3–30). New York, NY: doi: 10.1037/1089-2699.2.3.155
Plenum Press. Osmond, M. W., & Thorne, B. (1993). Feminist the-
Dunlap, D. W. (2015, March 19). Remains of 9/11 ories: The social construction of gender in fam-
victim at World Trade Center are identified. New ilies and society. In P. G. Boss, W. J. Doherty,
York Times. Retrieved from http://www.nytimes. R. LaRossa, W. R. Schumm, & S. K. Steinmetz
286 Journal of Family Theory & Review

(Eds.), Sourcebook of family theories and methods: after enforced disappearance. Journal of Family
A contextual approach (pp. 591–623). New York, Theory & Review, 8(3), 308–323.
NY: Plenum. Schindler, J. A. (1954). How to live 365 days a year.
Parsons, T. (1965). The normal American family. In New York, NY: Prentice-Hall.
S. M. Farber, P. Mustacchi, & R. H. L. Wil- Shaw, M. E., & Costanzo, P. R. (1982). Theories of
son (Eds.), Man and civilization: The family’s social psychology. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.
search for survival (pp. 31–50). New York, NY: Shear, K., Boelen, P. A., & Neimeyer, R. A.
McGraw-Hill. (2011). Treating complicated grief: Converg-
Parsons, T., & Bales, R. F. (1955). Family, socializa- ing approaches. In R. Neimeyer, D. Harris,
tion and interaction process. New York, NY: Free H. Winokuer, & G. Thornton (Eds.), Grief
Press. and bereavement in contemporary society (pp.
Robins, S. (2010). Ambiguous loss in a non-Western 139–162). New York, NY: Routledge.
context: Families of the disappeared in Speck, R. V., & Attneave, C. L. (1973). Family net-
post-conflict Nepal. Family Relations, 59(3), works. New York, NY: Pantheon.
253–268. doi: 10.1111/j.1741-3729.2010.00600.x Thomas, W. I. (1928). The child in America. New
Robins, S. (2013). Families of the missing: A test for York, NY: Knopf.
contemporary approaches to transitional justice. White, M., & Epston, D. (1990). Narrative means to
New York, NY: Routledge Glasshouse. therapeutic ends. New York, NY: Norton.
Robins, S. (2016). Discursive approaches to ambigu-
ous loss: Theorizing community-based therapy

You might also like