The Changing American Family

by Cris Beam
Originally published in American Baby magazine, May 2005.
http://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/style/changing-american-family/?page=5

Fewer than 25 percent of American households are made up of a married man and woman with their children. So what do families look like now?

Shifting Demographics
If all you did was watch television commercials for minivans, you might think that the traditional All-American family was still intact -
- Mom, Dad, dog, and the 2.5 kids buckle up and drive off every day on TV. But ads (depending on your perspective) are either
selling aspirations or guilt: This is the family you're supposed to have, supposed to want.

In real life, in big cities and in smaller towns, families are single moms, they're stepfamilies, they're boyfriends and girlfriends not
getting married at the moment, they're foster parents, they're two dads or two moms, they're a village. In real life, in 2005, families
are richly diverse. And are only getting more so.

In fact, the very definition of "family" is changing dramatically. The year 2000 marked the first time that less than a quarter (23.5
percent) of American households were made up of a married man and woman and one or more of their children -- a drop from 45
percent in 1960. This number is expected to fall to 20 percent by 2010.

Why the Changes?

The change in the makeup of the American family is the result of two primary factors, says Martin O'Connell, chief of fertility and
family statistics at the U.S. Census Bureau, which collects such figures every 10 years. First, more babies (about a third) are now
born out of wedlock, and second, divorce rates continue to climb so that nearly half of all marriage contracts are broken.

What's Normal Now?

The overall attitude toward relationships and commitment has shifted. More than half of female high school seniors say that having
a child outside of marriage is acceptable, according to a recent poll from the University of Michigan Survey Research Center. And
census data shows that 26 percent of all households are made up of a single person, living alone (as opposed to 13 percent back in
1960).While a good portion of these singles are likely senior citizens, others are younger career folks who don't feel yesteryear's
societal pressure to rush into partnerships. "In 2002, the median age for a woman's first marriage was 27," says O'Connell. That's
five years older than it was even in 1980. Sometimes young singles establish their individual identities so solidly that they never
marry, even if they have children. These couples may partner up -- but without the papers.

Adoption, no marriage: Such was the case with Steve Wilson and Erin Mayes, a couple in their mid-30s living in Austin, Texas.
They've been together for 10 years, own a home together, and though they've talked about it, have decided it isn't necessary to get
married. Still, they wanted a family and, last June, adopted a baby boy.

Wedding after baby: Another example is Jared and Lori Goldman, of San Mateo, California. Their relationship was relatively new
when Lori got pregnant in 2000. They agreed to raise the child together but didn't get engaged. But not long after their daughter
was born, Jared proposed. "Reverse order worked better for us," he says. Lori agrees: "Our wedding felt more meaningful
happening on its own time instead of on the traditional schedule. What girl wants a shotgun wedding?"

Single moms on the rise: Of course, because currently one-third of all babies are born out of wedlock, it's no surprise that many
mothers remain single. When she got pregnant, Pam Hansell says her boyfriend initially seemed supportive. Then he began dodging
her phone calls and e-mails, and eventually cut contact. Deeply hurt but determined to give her child a good life, Hansell moved in
with her parents, outside of Philadelphia, and gave birth to a daughter in March. "When I realized I couldn't count on the father, it
was devastating. I'm so thankful that family and friends have stepped in," Hansell says.

Two dads: Finally, Dean Larkin and Paul Park are living out another common-in-today's-world scenario. They live together in Los
Angeles, and Larkin has a 21-year-old daughter from a previous marriage. Now he and Park are planning a second child, via a
surrogate mother. They'd like to marry, but gay marriage is not legal nationally.