Entry #1

So, I’m creating this journal so if I die everyone that was close to me could have a part of me
after I leave. I am a grenade. My lungs are failing so that means at any moment I can just
explode. A ticking time bomb. In a way I feel a certain amount of empathy for my parents
because once I die they will have nothing else. I am their only child and without me what else
would they do? In certain ways their lives revolve around me. Some people wonder how I’m not
afraid of dying. In a way I’ve learned to accept it. I am dying just like everyone else but I’m just
doing it at a faster pace. Okay, this is extremely depressing all I’ve talked about in this entry is
death and if my close people in life are reading this after I die I’m probably making them very
upset. But anyways, I finished reading an Imperial Affliction for probably, the fourth time this
month. Mom wants me to go to this support group but I really don’t want to go. What do I need a
support group for? I’d rather just be sitting on the couch watching America’s Next Top Model.

Entry #2

Okay, so the support group wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. We sat all in a circle in a
church where, as the host described it ‘was the heart of Jesus’. We started off the group by the
host introducing himself and how he used to have ball cancer but he’s a survivor and better
now. We went around the room introducing ourselves as I refrained from making any eye
contact with the other people in the circle. I dreaded my turn to speak as when I spoke I often
stumbled or spoke to fast. I listened to about half the circle say their name, age, and stories until
it was my turn. I hesitantly stood up not ready to publicly speak even though it was a pretty
small group. Once the host pointed to me I said, “Hello, my name is Hazel Grace Lancaster and
I developed lung cancer that started in my thyroid” a quick introduction but a thorough one.
Everyone else’s stories seemed the same; boring. Except for Augustus Waters’. Something
about him; maybe it was his personality or his smile but I knew he was great. And now I had his
number.

Entry #3

I really hit things off with Agustus. He spoke so wisely, way beyond his years. We broke all of
his basketball trophies as to show that wasn’t Agustus’ passion and that was just something his
dad made him do. I showed Agustus an Imperial Affliction and he promised he would read it if I
read one of his video game books. While I did enjoy the literary piece selected for me I was
anxious to see what he thought of the book. When he finally finished it and the painstaking wait
was over, he told me he loved it and thought it was thought provoking but, like me also thought
that the ending was terrible as we not wanted, but NEEDED to know what happened to the
characters. A few weeks later he told me that he had written to Peter Van Houten, (well his
secretary) and that they said we could come over anytime to find out the ends of the books. The
only problem was we lived in Indianapolis and they lived in Amsterdam. I thought it was
impossible to go see them and I have to tell you, I was pretty devastated when I thought I
couldn’t. But then Agustus took me on a date by a Museum and made me the happiest girl alive
at the moment and told me he was going to use his wish from Make a Wish and take me and
him to Amsterdam (I couldn’t use my wish I had stupidly used it on damn Disney World).
Although, I talked with my doctors and we don’t know if I can go because of the condition I’m in
and as of now I don’t see Amsterdam in my future.

Entry #4

Everything sucks. The world is full of shi— okay I shouldn’t use profanity my family might
see this one day. I hate everything. Now before I go raging, I am in Amsterdam. What happened
was, there was a special type of medicine my doctors and I tried to go to Amsterdam. They
ultimately gave the okay and I was on my way. We left for Amsterdam watching movies on the
plane the whole time. We arrived at a beautiful place with so many buildings and beautiful
people. It was almost like a dream. We checked into the hotel where everything was ready for
us including all of my oxygen tanks. I was so excited to meet Peter Van Houten I didn’t know if I
could contain my excitement for a whole day. A while later Augustus took me to the most
amazing restaurant where we both had a glass of sparkling champagne and it tastes so bubbly
and warm as it ran down my throat. The next day we met Peter Van crap face. He turned out to
be an alcoholic who wouldn’t tell us anything about the ending and then just made up a weird
ending. I wanted to slap him in his fat middle aged face. The secretary felt very bad and quit.
She then took us to Anne Frank’s house. It was beautiful yet, I had so much trouble going up
the stairs. We got to the top and Agustus kissed me in front of everyone. Everyone in the room
with us clapped and I felt an adrenaline rush. It was perfect like something from a movie or a
novel.

Entry #5

I’m going to say everything that happened but at the same time I’m going to keep it short so I
don’t fall into my own sadness. In Amsterdam I got the devastating news when Agustus told me
that his cancer came back. I was scared but also angered because I wanted him to tell me
earlier when it came back but I respected his decision to tell me now. We came home from
Amsterdam and we went back to our normal lives. Then, one night Agustus called in the midst
of the early morning. I was confused and half asleep when I answered the phone. He told me to
come to a specific gas station, he needed help. I was terrified and drove there as fast as I could.
He was doing terrible and needed medical attention immediately. He was vomiting and needed
serious help. He got the pack of cigarettes he had (they’re metaphorical he doesn’t actually
smoke) he needed the paramedics but he didn’t want me to call them. I needed to though. He
ended up dying anyway. But I’ll always remember him when I see the stars.