Go Motivate Yourself - Ramos PDF

Go Motivate
Yourself
Stop Chasing Gurus
and Do the Hard Work
By Frank Ramos
To Ana
My love
To David and Michael

You’re the reasons I write
DRI
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Chicago, Illinois 60603
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All rights reserved. Published 2016.
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Table of Contents
About the Author........................................................................................................ 8
Foreword......................................................................................................................... 9
Seeking Motivation From Others....................................................................... 10
So Much “Self-Help”.............................................................................................. 10
Rags to Riches......................................................................................................... 10
Overcoming Failure..................................................................................................11
Darkest Before the Dawn.....................................................................................12
They Did It. So Can You.........................................................................................13
So They Did It? So What?....................................................................................13
How Did They Do It?............................................................................................. 14
What Can You Learn from What They Did?.................................................15
What Was Their Process?.....................................................................................15
What Attitude Did They Have?..........................................................................16
What Talents Did They Have?.............................................................................17
What Were Their Goals?.......................................................................................18
What Was Their Plan?............................................................................................18
What Was Their Process?.....................................................................................19
Don’t Seek Motivation from Others. Seek What Can Be
Reproduced................................................................................................................19
The Gurus.......................................................................................................................21
You Can Do It!............................................................................................................21
The Inspirational Stories.......................................................................................21
The Inspirational Quotes and Sayings...........................................................22
They Make Money Telling You to Get off Your Butts...............................23
The Sales Pitch.........................................................................................................23
So Many Books, So Many Programs...............................................................24
Why Does Motivation Cost So Much?............................................................25
Why Are You Listening to Them?....................................................................26
Cutting Through the Noise.................................................................................26
Be Your Own Guru..................................................................................................27
Create Your Own Motivation..............................................................................27
Only You Can Inspire You....................................................................................28
Chasing Others’ Dreams.........................................................................................29
Athletes.......................................................................................................................29
Celebrities..................................................................................................................29
Wealth......................................................................................................................... 30
Keeping Up with the Joneses........................................................................... 30
Professionals..............................................................................................................31
Family Expectations...............................................................................................31
Friends’ Expectations...........................................................................................32
Your Company’s or Law Firm’s Expectations.............................................32
Someone Else’s Star..............................................................................................33
Each of Us Has a Star to Chase........................................................................33
Motivating Yourself...................................................................................................35
Your Dreams...................................................................................................................35
What Did You Want to Do as a Kid?...............................................................35
What Did You Want to Do in College?...........................................................35
Go Motivate Yourself: Stop Chasing Gurus and Do the Hard Work 3

What Are Your Dreams as a Lawyer?............................................................ 36
What Are Your Dreams Outside the Law?...................................................38
What Are Your Dreams for Your Family?.....................................................38
What Have You Told Others About Your Dreams?.................................. 39
What Do You Do with Your Free Time?....................................................... 39
What Do You Day Dream About?...................................................................40
Write It Down..........................................................................................................40
Your Passions................................................................................................................ 42
What Gets You Excited?..................................................................................... 42
What Do You Do with Your Free Time?....................................................... 42
What Are Your Hobbies?.................................................................................... 43
What Do You Read?............................................................................................. 44
What News Do You Follow?.............................................................................. 45
What Conversations with Friends Get You Excited?.............................. 45
What Gets You Animated?................................................................................ 46
Write It Down...........................................................................................................47
Your Talents................................................................................................................... 48
What Are You Good At?..................................................................................... 48
What Have Others Complimented You For?.............................................. 48
What Comes Easy for You?............................................................................... 49
What Do You Find Intuitive?............................................................................. 50
What Skills Have You Sharpened?.................................................................. 50
What Do You Best at Your Job?........................................................................51
What Have You Received Awards For?.........................................................52
What Aren’t You Good At?.................................................................................52
What Activities Do You Avoid...........................................................................53
Write It Down...........................................................................................................53
Finding Your Purpose..............................................................................................55
What Do You Think You Should Be Doing with Your Life?...................55
What Do Those Who Know You Think You Should Be Doing?...........55
What Big Things Do You Want to Do?......................................................... 56
What One Dream Do You Want to Chase?..................................................57
Purpose Is Where Your Dreams, Passions and Talents Intersect........58
We All Have a Purpose.........................................................................................59
We All Have a Big, Impactful Purpose.......................................................... 60
Our Purpose Will Change Others................................................................... 60
Plotting Your Purpose............................................................................................61
Getting Back to the Gurus.....................................................................................62
Do You Wonder Why You Follow So Many of Them?.............................62
Why Have You Read So Many of Their Books?..........................................62
No One Can Tell You Who You Are Other than You................................63
Only You Can Figure Out Your Dreams, Passions and Talents............63
Only You Can Plot a Course to Fulfill Your Dreams................................ 64
Self Motivation........................................................................................................... 65
We Need Motivation to Do the Things We Don’t Want to Do............ 65
No One Needs to Tell Us to Do What We Enjoy....................................... 65
No One Needs to Light a Fire Under Us to Chase Our Dreams......... 66
4 Go Motivate Yourself: Stop Chasing Gurus and Do the Hard Work
If You’re Chasing the Gurus, You’re Seeking Their Help
for the Wrong Things............................................................................................67
Start with your Purpose and Motivation Will Follow...............................67
Lack of Motivation Is a Strong Indicator that You’re
Chasing Someone Else’s Dreams.....................................................................67
Let Your Passions Motivate You....................................................................... 68
Let Your Dreams Motivate You........................................................................ 69
The Values of a Self-Motivator......................................................................... 69
The Paradigm of a Self-Motivator................................................................... 70
Don’t Settle for Being a Dreamer.......................................................................72
Dreams Don’t Become Reality on Their Own.............................................72
Dreams Require a Plan.........................................................................................72
Dreams Require Work...........................................................................................73
Dreams Require Sacrifice....................................................................................73
Dreams Require Self Motivation.......................................................................74
It’s Up to You Whether Your Dreams Become a Reality........................74
Reality Check...............................................................................................................75
Most Don’t Care About Your Dreams.............................................................75
Many Want to See You Fail.................................................................................75
Most Don’t Want to Hear Your Plan................................................................76
Don’t Look for Encouragement from Others..............................................76
In Fact, Don’t Share What You’re Doing with Others..............................77
Don’t Discuss It on Social Media......................................................................77
Just Do It Quietly....................................................................................................77
Seek Advice Judiciously......................................................................................78
Where Talents and Passions Intersect..............................................................79
Find Common Ground Between Your Talents and Passions................79
What Have You Done Where They Intersected?.......................................79
What Can You Do to Ensure that They Intersect?................................... 80
Where at Your Job Do They Intersect?..........................................................81
Where in Your Personal Life Do They Intersect?........................................81
Ask a Spouse or Close Friend Where They See Them Intersect........82
Developing Your Talents.........................................................................................83
Talents Must Be Fed...............................................................................................83
Explore the Scope of Your Talents..................................................................83
Seek Out Opportunities to Use Your Talents............................................. 84
Use Your Talents in the Office...........................................................................85
Use Your Talents in Voluntary Bar Associations........................................85
Use Your Talents at Home.................................................................................. 86
Use Your Talents in the Community............................................................... 86
Grow Your Talents...................................................................................................87
Explore New Opportunities to Use Your Talents.......................................87
Seek Others with Complementary Talents................................................. 88
Fueling Your Talents With Your Passion......................................................... 89
Talent Isn’t Enough................................................................................................ 89
Passion Directs Your Talent............................................................................... 89
Passion Motivates You to Use Your Talents................................................ 89

Passion Informs You on How to Leverage Your Talents........................ 90
Talent Without Passion Is Dead....................................................................... 90
Search Out Others Who Are Like Minded.....................................................91
Find a Community of Others Like You..........................................................92
Defining Your Dreams..............................................................................................93
Review Your List of Dreams...............................................................................93
Optimistic, but Realistic.......................................................................................93
Career Dreams.........................................................................................................93
Family Dreams........................................................................................................ 94
Community Dreams...............................................................................................95
Other Dreams...........................................................................................................95
Journaling................................................................................................................. 96
Developing a Plan to Achieve Your Dreams..................................................97
Defining Your Goals...............................................................................................97
Developing a Plan to Fulfill the Goals........................................................... 98
Strategic Planning—What Is It?........................................................................ 99
Asking Yourself the Tough Questions......................................................... 100
Personal Survey.................................................................................................... 100
Asking Others the Tough Questions..............................................................101
Your “Business Plan”.............................................................................................101
Defining Processes...............................................................................................102
The Elements of Your Plan................................................................................103
Creating Concrete Actions to Accomplish the Plan..............................103
Macro Goals............................................................................................................ 104
Micro Goals..............................................................................................................105
Creating a Timeline for Your Plan..................................................................106
Making a Flexible Plan........................................................................................106
Sample Plan.............................................................................................................106
Implementing the Plan..........................................................................................108
Following Through...............................................................................................108
Investment of Time..............................................................................................108
Investment of Money...........................................................................................108
Taking Risks.............................................................................................................109
Believing in Yourself............................................................................................109
Rewarding Yourself...............................................................................................110
Having an Accountability Partner...................................................................110
Journaling.................................................................................................................. 111
Roadblocks.................................................................................................................. 112
What’s Standing in Your Way?......................................................................... 112
Physical Health Issues.......................................................................................... 112
Mental Heath Issues.............................................................................................. 112
Bad Habits................................................................................................................ 113
Self-Doubt................................................................................................................. 113
Fear of Failure......................................................................................................... 113
Procrastination........................................................................................................114
Laziness......................................................................................................................114
Naysayers.................................................................................................................. 115
Time Management................................................................................................. 115
Measuring Success................................................................................................ 115
Being Accountable................................................................................................ 116
Defining Success....................................................................................................... 117
Achieving Short Term Goals.............................................................................. 117
Achieving Long Term Goals.............................................................................. 118
Tweaking Your Plans............................................................................................. 118
I’ve Been Chasing the Wrong Dream.............................................................. 119
Counting the Costs............................................................................................... 119
Plan B.......................................................................................................................... 119
Getting the Buy-in................................................................................................120
Turning the Cruise Ship......................................................................................120
Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be.....................120
Helping Others Realize Their Dreams............................................................ 122
Your Company or Law Firm............................................................................. 122
Your Family.............................................................................................................. 122
Your Children.......................................................................................................... 122
Your House of Worship...................................................................................... 123
Your Organizations............................................................................................... 123
You’re the Rock Star............................................................................................... 124
Forget Oprah. You’re Oprah............................................................................. 124
Dreams Can Be Too Small, Not Too Big...................................................... 124
You Were Put on This Earth to Change It................................................... 124
Keep Chasing.......................................................................................................... 125
Now Stop Reading and Go Change the World........................................ 125
  

About the Author
Francisco (“Frank”) Ramos, Jr. is the administrative partner of the
Miami litigation boutique firm of Clarke Silverglate, P.A., where
he practices in the areas of personal injury defense, product
liability, employment and commercial litigation. He serves on the
board of the Defense Research Institute (DRI), is a member of the
Federation of Defense and Corporate Counsel (FDCC), where he
served as co-chair of the Deposition Boot Camp and serves as
co-chair of the Art of Marketing Seminar. He is a Past President
of the Florida Defense Lawyers Association and Past Chair of the
Eleventh Judicial Circuit Historical Society. He has served on the
boards of the Miami-Dade County Defense Bar Association, FIU
Honors’ Alumni Association, FIU Alumni Association, Parent to
Parent of Miami, Miami Legal Services and Florida Christian School.
This is his fifth book. He previously wrote From Law School to

Litigator, The Associates’ Handbook, Attorney Marketing 101
and Training Your Law Firm Associates. He has written over 150
articles and has edited four books—The Defense Speaks, The Trial
Tactics Defense Manual, The Deposition Manual and Leadership for
Lawyers. Please follow him on LinkedIn, where he regularly posts,
or feel free to e-mail him at framos@cspalaw.com.
  
Foreword
For those of us who have children, we want them to succeed
at everything they do, but that’s not possible for any of us. As
we raised our two boys, David and Michael, my wife Ana and I
realized that they were extraordinarily gifted in certain areas and
were handicapped in others. They had limitless potential when
pursuing certain activities and suffered nothing but defeat and
frustration when pursuing others. Instead of focusing on what
they lacked, we focused on what they had. Instead of despairing
over the issues they faced, we embraced the gifts with which they
were imbued. Today at 19 and 16, they are pursuing exactly what
they were placed on this earth to do—music. David, a sophomore
at FSU, plans on finishing his bachelor’s in Music and pursuing a
PhD in classical conducting. Michael, a junior in high school, will
be studying jazz in college and pursuing post graduate studies in
jazz performance. They were born to do this. Each of us is born
with dreams and with the talents to pursue them. Each of us
needs to find out for ourselves what our destiny is and pursue it
wholeheartedly. As parents, we have to help our children discover
their destiny. It is only by discovering what we were placed on
this earth to do and by doing it that we will experience the joy
and fulfillment each of us search for, each of us crave for. I hope
this book helps you define your talents, passions and dreams, and
guides you to develop and execute a plan to fulfill those dreams
and fulfill your destiny. By doing this, you will be a better lawyer,
spouse, parent, friend and leader.
  

Seeking Motivation From Others
So Much “Self-Help”
When I was younger, I spent a lot of time in the “self-help” aisle
in bookstores (there were a lot more book store chains then,
including Walden Books, B Dalton and Borders, and a lot more
Barnes & Noble locations). I read books about relationships,
communication, fitness, work, personal finance and motivation.
With each book I thought, “aha, this is going to help me figure out
what I want out of life and how to get it.” I read the classics—How
to Win Friends and Influence People, The Road Less Traveled, See
You at the Top, I’m OK You’re OK, The Power of Positive Thinking
and What to Say When You Talk to Yourself. They all had something
to offer and I applied their principles to my daily routine. I often
found, though, that the results were fleeting or non-existent, which
drove me back to the bookstore in search of the next best thing.
Now for those of you who have read these books or others like
them and found them to have changed your lives, I couldn’t be
happier for you. They simply did not have that effect on me. I was
trying to apply someone else’s paradigm to my life and despite
best efforts, I wasn’t seeing any results. Perhaps I was reading
the wrong books or asking the wrong questions, but these books
didn’t help me figure out what I wanted from life and how to get
it. Most of us have a desire to do great things with our lives—big,
meaningful, amazing things—but we have a hard time getting
from here to there. These books were not getting me from here
to there, but that didn’t stop me from reading more and more of
them. I was sure I was about to stumble onto something big. Just
one more book. Just one more. That book never came.
Rags to Riches
The Horatio Alger story—rags to riches. The story transforms the
American Dream into dollars and cents. Work hard, think big and
financial success is around the corner. So many “get rich quick”
schemes. Real estate, inventions, sales, investments. So many
opportunities to make money fast, without much thought given
to how you’re making the money or to what end you’re making
it. There are so many stories turned into books and seminars and
study guides about folks who had nothing but who had a dream
and gumption and some luck and made it big. And if you buy
their book or attend their conference, you too can make it big.
There’s no question that some of these stories are inspirational.
They started with nothing, sometimes less than nothing, and
they dug deep in themselves and pulled off what seems to be a
miracle. They struck it rich. I can strike it rich too. They overcame
obstacles, much bigger ones than I’m facing—I can overcome
them too. They’re no superheroes. They’re not other worldly.
They’re no better than me. They did it. I can too. But how? How
do you translate their success into your success? How does their
motivation become your motivation? How do their ideas become
your ideas? And then there was the question of why they did.
What made them get out of bed every morning to do it? I read a
lot of their stories, and was moved by them, but I couldn’t make
their stories mine.
Overcoming Failure
Motivational speakers love to say we should embrace failure.
Edison didn’t invent the light bulb on the first try. Abraham Lincoln
had his share of disappointments before being elected President.
And how are we supposed to learn and grow and tackle big ideas
without failure? Big ideas require big risks and they’re called risks
because they, at times, have bad outcomes. Don’t avoid failure,
they would say. Shake its hand, sit down with it, get to know it and
learn from it. Of course not fearing failure—believing in yourself
and your talents and taking calculated risks—is healthy and
necessary in life. Success is generally preceded by failure in some
form or manner. Some think the most important thing one can do
is to embrace, not fear, failure. By doing so, one changes one’s
paradigm from risk adverse to risk taking. As Shakespeare wrote
in Hamlet, “there is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
There are books simply dedicated to accepting and overcoming
failure, because these authors believe so strongly and so deeply
that by not doing so, achieving one’s dreams is virtually impossible.
There is no doubt that not succumbing to failure is integral to
success. But simply knowing others had done so didn’t translate
into meaning I could do so. And sometimes failure does mean it’s
time to move on. Sometimes fear is the appropriate response.
These were great stories of courage, strength and resilience but
again they weren’t my stories.
Darkest Before the Dawn

We’ve all heard stories of those who had their back against the
wall. They were broke or addicted or alone; they were anxious,
depressed, even suicidal; they were at the end of their rope with
no help, solace or escape in sight. Yet they reached deep inside
themselves, found hope, trudged forward and came out the other
end. And of course if they did it, so can you. Certainly I can make
the most of my day if others have gone through so much more
and didn’t break under the weight of it all. If they can focus and
believe the sun will come up again, then I can tackle anything that
comes my way. If someone can survive cancer, the loss of a limb,
loss of a loved one or even the Holocaust, then I can overcome
whatever challenges come my way. Often I’m left with the feeling
“Wow, this person is amazing! How courageous! Oh look, I got an
e-mail.” I may share their story with family and friends. I may try
to emulate their bravery. But within a few days, it’s another story
cataloged in my mind, which makes an appearance now and then
but leaves little lasting impact. I don’t remember ever saying to
myself, “That Olympic runner captured during WWII, the guy in
Unbroken, what’s his name? Oh yes, Zamperini. If he can survive
a prison camp and forgive his captors, I can do this.” I loved the
movie and the book, but I’m not Zamperini. I love stories where
through sheer will, others overcome the odds, but I don’t generally
find much application to my life. You need grit in this life. A whole
lot of it. But how do you teach it? How do you develop it? How do
you make it part of you?
They Did It. So Can You.
Many motivational books and speeches share inspirational stories.
The speaker may discuss the many obstacles she overcame to
become a CEO, or an Olympian or a performing artist. The author
may describe herself as an ordinary person who did extraordinary
things. She overcame poverty, illness, lack of roles models,
abusive parents, addiction, bankruptcy, divorce—you name it—and
despite it all, they did it. They really did it. They’re great, beautiful,
wonderful stories. But I always struggle finding the application
to my life. What do I learn from a gold medal Olympian about
being a better lawyer, husband or father? Work harder? Believe
in myself? Ignore the naysayers? Do I need an internal dialogue
based on someone else’s accomplishments? Roles models are
important. Many of us had them growing up and some of us
still have some. We have mentors and those we look toward for
advice. But how many of us chart our course based on what they
did? I love movies like Rudy, The Rookie, Hoosiers, Rocky, The
Blind Side, Friday Night Lights (wow, so many inspirational sports
movies), and they leave you pumped to tackle the world. But for
me, those moments quickly dissipated and reality set back in and
ideas such as teamwork, and leaving it all on the field and fighting
for every inch, as noble as they are, did not provide me continued
momentum to tackle whatever needed tackling.
So They Did It? So What?

An athlete wins a race, a musician creates a new genre of music,
an author makes it onto the New York Times bestseller list—each
of them beat the odds and did it. So what? What does that mean
for me? Yes, we’re happy for them. Great stories. Great testimonies.
We love the underdog. We love coming from behind, defying
the odds, and winning when no one thought it was possible. But
often these stories aren’t simply feel good stories. They’re shared
with us to motivate us to do be like them. They’re a mainstay of
motivational speeches and books. If Helen Keller, Amelia Earhart
and Thomas Edison did it, you can too. If others can climb Mount
Everest, travel to space or win a gold medal, you can do whatever
you want as well. Is that true? Is that how it works? Holding others
up as heroes and trying to emulate them is noble, and that works
for some, but for the rest of us, at least for me, I’m left figuring out
how to translate their success into my own. I can’t simply recreate
their sheer will. I can’t simply recreate their talent and drive. I can’t
recreate their upbringing, or their mentors or their challenges.
There’s a lot to be learned from them, but simply looking to them
as an inspiration for my own success, that’s never done it for me.
Maybe for you (which is great, by the way) but not for me. They
changed the world. How do I do it? By reading or watching how
they did it? Maybe. I’m not convinced.
How Did They Do It?

I am a process guy. I believe everything we do—all successes and
achievements—can be reduced to a process. You want to write
a book. There’s a process. You want to direct a documentary?
There’s a process. You want to become a killer deposition taker?
There’s a process. When we look at others who have accomplished
great things, perhaps we shouldn’t look at them as a fountain of
motivation but rather study them to see how they accomplished
what they did. Can we replicate it? Sometimes you can’t. Some
of the best musicians in the world are the worst teachers. Why?
Because you can’t teach talent. You can’t teach being a virtuoso.
That’s not translatable. My younger son, Michael, plays the jazz
bass guitar. He studies the music created by Jaco Pastorius. He
revolutionized how the bass guitar is played. He was brilliant. And
you can’t teach brilliance. Someone like Jaco has a relationship
with his instrument that few can have. Jaco hears music like few
others do. Things that come naturally to him - that are hard to
explain and harder to teach—those things are difficult to reduce
to a process and replicate.
On the other end of the spectrum from talent comes passion.

There are those who pour their lives and souls into an idea, a
project or a dream because they couldn’t imagine not pursuing
that adventure. Like talent, I don’t think you can teach passion
either. Passion isn’t something you create. You can’t teach it. It’s
something you have for something you love. Michael Jordan can’t
teach me to be passionate about basketball. He can show me how
to dribble, how to pass and how to shoot. But he can’t teach me to
fight and claw for every possession. So you can’t reduce passion
to a process either.
But there is good news. Each of us has at least one talent. Many of
us have more than one. Each of us is passionate about something.
Most of us are passionate about more than one thing. And we’ll
get into this more later, but invariably, and I do mean invariably,
there is an overlap between our talents and our passions. The point
of intersection, coincidentally, is where we find our dreams. You
achieve your dreams by identifying your talents, matching them up
with your passions and devising and implementing a plan making
the most of both. That’s why being impressed with how others
achieved a task isn’t much help. Studying how they did it, and
parceling out what you can replicate (without having their talents
or passions), is what matters. Don’t be motivated by what others
do. Determine what you can learn from how they did what they did.
What Can You Learn from What They Did?

When studying others’ achievements, what can you learn from
what they did? Forget the talent and the passion. Forget the daily
mantras and inspirational quotes. Forget the “darkest before the
dawn” and “you too can overcome anything life puts in your way
if you just believe in yourself.” None of this is process oriented.
There are few takeaways here. If you’re looking toward others as
role models to emulate, you need to study what they do that you
can do too. What’s their routine? What’s their schedule? What
do they read? What are their hobbies? What organizations do
they belong to? What do they do for those organizations? Being
inspired by others is great. But without goals and a plan to achieve
them, the inspiration won’t take hold. We can learn the “how”
from others. We can’t learn the “why” from them. Why we want
to do something—be a great trial lawyer, lead an organization,
write a book—that comes from us. The Olympian wanted to be
an Olympian. The war hero wanted to fight for his country. The
musician wanted to play music. They had a “why.” If you find your
“why,” you won’t need motivation. Your “why” is the motivation.
What Was Their Process?

Success is generally preceded with a process. It may be intentional
or it may simply be a habit or something one has always done
without much thought or planning. When reading or listening to
a motivational story, listen for the process the person relied on
for success. Let’s take, for example, a speech by an inventor who
secured a patent, started a business and now her products litter the
aisles of Walmart and Target. Now, her story doesn’t overlap our
stories of being trial attorneys, but there is a lot to learn from her
story. Yes, she believed in herself. Yes, she never stopped trying.
Yes, she never gave up on her dream. But in the midst of all that,
there was a process. For the inventor turned retail sales tycoon,
there was a plan. There was a plan in designing and then securing
patents for her products. There was a plan to market her products
to retailers. There was a plan to manufacture them for as little as
possible while maintaining quality control. This isn’t the sexy part
of her story. Reading books on business and developing a business
plan isn’t as motivational as the self-help quotes she would repeat
to herself every morning. “Nothing is ‘impossible.’ Look at the word
differently. It’s actually ‘I’m possible.’” That’s great, but I don’t
know if motivational quotes or posters I hang on my walls are going
to get me from A to B. So let’s look beyond those.
So, how did she do it? She mentioned seeking out mentors.
Check. She read everything there was to read to securing and
protecting a patent. Check. She prepared a business plan. Check.
She kept a journal of her ups and downs and recalibrated when
necessary. Check. Focus on process. Study process. What did she
do that worked that I should do to pursue my objectives. Learning
everything you can about what you want to do, seeking mentors
who do what you want to do, and creating a plan on how to get
from here to there are all important steps and part of a larger
process. That’s what you focus on. What she did that you can do—
that’s what you focus on. Always study process.
What Attitude Did They Have?

There is a difference between motivational sayings and one’s
attitude. People who succeed believe in themselves. They believe
in their ideas. They believe they can succeed. Do you need me to
share with you famous quotes, or inspirational songs or uplifting
stories to get you to believe in yourself? To boost your confidence?
To convince you to take the hill? You have to tackle any project
as if you’ve already done it, done it a thousand times, and that
you’ve already succeeded, but the circumstances simply have
not caught up to the success yet. People who succeed share this
attitude. You have to believe in yourself, in your idea, in your plan
and in your process. Most every motivational book talks about
this. How does the saying go—“It’s not your aptitude, but your
attitude, that determines your altitude.” How often have you heard
someone say that? Include it in a book? Reference it in a seminar?
How about some permutation of that? But you say, “I don’t have
that attitude? How do I get it?” Believe me when I say that you
have a gift, you have a passion about that gift and with the right
plan, you can leverage that gift to fulfill a dream. Believe me when
I say this. It’s true. It’s no less true than the law of gravity or that
2 + 2 is 4. Believe in this truth and you will have the attitude you
need to succeed.
What Talents Did They Have?

The sports, military, entertainment and business success stories
all share something – a person with one or more talents who uses
them to succeed. They identify their talents and work with and
improve them to achieve their goals. Physical or performing arts
talents likely aren’t transferable to the practice of law or business.
Being athletic or having a broad vocal range aren’t going to
help when trying a case or starting a business. Focus on those
talents that would help you achieve your goals. Were they natural
communicators? Leaders? Managers? Visionaries? What talents
did they have that would help you? More importantly which of
these talents are ones you have? Once you identify the talents,
study how they used them, applied them and developed them.
When did the talents come in handy? How were they leveraged?
How did they make the difference? Some of us look at talents
narrowly. In fact, there is a wide spectrum of talents that play a
role in helping you achieve your goals. A great memory is a talent.
Humor is a talent. Empathy can be a talent. Networking. Critical
thinking. Planning. Creativity. Imagination. Listening. These are all
talents. Playing by ear and having a killer hook shot are not the
only talents. When reading others’ stories, identify all the talents,
not just the obvious ones, determine if you have any of them, and
see how others developed them so you can too.
What Were Their Goals?
When reading or listening to motivational stories, study the
individuals’ goals:
 What did they want to accomplish?

 How reasonable were their goals?
 How attainable were they?
 When did they think of their goals?
 How did they decide upon those specific goals?
 Why not other goals?
 What was the purpose behind those goals?
 Why those goals?
 Why were those goals important to them?
They sat down, thought through what they wanted to achieve and
wrote one or more goals on paper, typed them into their phones
or on their computers or simply committed them to their heart
and their memory. Why we do what we do—that’s influenced by
our talents and passions. Do any of their goals resonate with you?
Are any of their goals your goals? Are any of their goals similar to
yours? Any plan starts with a goal. You decide what outcome you
want and create a plan on how to get there. So goal setting is the
beginning of achieving your dreams. When reading motivational
books, go beyond the person’s sayings and focus on what the
person wanted to achieve. What did she consider a win? What was
the ideal outcome? Focus on the goals and everything that went
into deciding upon them, shaping and molding them and finally
deciding—this is it. This is what I want hell or high water. This is
what I’m going to sacrifice for, take risks for and stake my time
and resources on. This is where it all begins.
What Was Their Plan?

Goals without plans are just dreams. They’re pleasant thoughts
of what I may do some day when I have more time, or energy, or
money or desire. Goals are the target. Without them, you never
have a target to shoot at. But without a plan, you may have a target,
but the odds of hitting it are low. To get from here and there, you
need a map. Otherwise you’re wasting time, energy and money.
When reading about others’ accomplishments, study what their
plans were. After they defined their goals, what plan did they create
for themselves to achieve them? Before starting a business, you
develop a business plan. You spell out how your business is going to
succeed. When you embark on a personal goal—being an effective
trial lawyer, developing a book of business, becoming an author or
meeting a need in your community—you need to create a step by
step plan on achieving that goal. Study others’ plans. Sometimes
they get lost in all the motivational quotes and sayings, because to
be blunt, plans aren’t sexy. They take time and hard work and a lot
of thinking and talking through and revisions—they generally get
little attention in the biopics. But they’re there. If you look carefully,
they’re there. It usually involved a routine—something they did
every day to get closer to their goals. It usually involved a mentor—
someone to help them realize their goals. It usually involved planned
setbacks—they knew they would face obstacles, and planned on
moving forward despite them. There was a road they laid out for
themselves to get to the destination. Study those roads. You may
need to take similar ones on the way to your destinations.
What Was Their Process?

I’m a process person. I believe everything we do—take an effective
deposition, learn to play an instrument, becoming a leader—
can be reduced to a process that can be followed by others to
achieve the same outcomes. All my books (including this one)
presume that goal X is simply made up a series of steps, and my
objective is to define each and every step and explain how to do
them. You do A, B and C and you will achieve goal X. Whether it’s
teaching associates how to take a deposition, teaching firms how
to implement an associate training program, or teaching you how
to achieve your dreams, everything involves a process. Sometimes
it’s obvious. Sometimes it’s not. But when studying how others do
what they do and how they do it well, look closely at all the barely
visible steps that when done together achieve the goal. Henry Ford
transformed the craft of making a car into a series of steps on an
assembly line, turning a craft into a semi-skilled job. Be Henry Ford
when looking at others’ stories and spell out for yourself the steps
they took. If you can identify all the steps in the correct order, you
should be able achieve similar results (assuming of course you have
the skills and passion. More on that later).
Don’t Seek Motivation from Others.

Seek What Can Be Reproduced.
If you love inspirational stories, watch them, read them and listen to
them. I love them too. But don’t seek motivation from them. Don’t
say to yourself, “He did it. I can too.” Don’t memorize their quotes
or sayings. The character Rocky Balboa gave some inspirational
speeches in his six plus movies (seven, including Creed). His
inspirational speech to his son in Rocky Balboa has close to 10
million downloads. He tells his son life is hard. That’s it’s not “all
sunshine and rainbows.” That life hits hard. Life hits all us hard. And
what separates winners is their ability to get hit and keep getting
hit and keep going. If you’re familiar with the Rocky movies, you
remember what a beating he took at the hands of Apollo Creed,
Clubber Lang and Ivan Drago, among others. He took hit after
hit and overcame them. So the speech to his son is grounded in
the character’s own experience. Great story. Great speech. But
when you’re questioning your goals and your plan, when you’re
wondering if you can fulfill the dreams you set out to achieve,
are you going to be relying on Rocky Balboa to get you through?
What can we learn from that character? He always out trained,
outworked and outsmarted his opponents. If you want to take
anything from inspirational stories, take what you can reproduce
(i.e., outwork your competition) and apply it to your circumstances.
You can replicate that. Replicating another’s motivation is much
more difficult to do.
  
The Gurus
You Can Do It!
Type “motivational speakers” on Google, and you get a flood of
entries. Type in “motivational speaker” on LinkedIn and you get
over 100,000 results. Motivational speakers, books, conferences,
speeches—there are so many people who want to motivate you.
Motivate you to exercise, diet, start a business, become rich, take
risks. Their mantra to you is that “you can do it.” They did. You can
do it. They share stories of others who did it. You can too. The thing
is, motivation from a book or seminar isn’t permanent. You read
a book, you get out of your seat, you run out and start chasing
a dream and soon life gets in the way and the book is forgotten.
You go to a seminar, you write a bunch of notes, you tape up
motivational sayings and quotes around your bedroom and office,
and soon you ignore them, eventually take them down, and move
on. Can you do it? Yes, you can do it. I said it. Does that make it
more likely that you will? No. External motivators help some, but
not everyone, and most external motivators are temporary, and
soon wear off. I think that’s why motivational speakers are so
popular. We need the regular fix of others encouraging us, pushing
us and believing in us to accomplish our goals. Getting others to
encourage you is time consuming and expensive. If you can figure
out your role in this world (we’ll talk about this later), you’ll develop
a wellspring of motivation inside yourself. No, this isn’t one of those
inspirational quotes. This is the truth.
The Inspirational Stories

There are so many anecdotes out there. Motivational speakers
talk about how they started with nothing (or less than nothing)
and achieved everything. So many self-help books are chocked
full of stories of famous and some not so famous individuals who
overcame overwhelming odds and fulfilled their dreams. They
did it. They’re not any better than you. You can too. That’s what it
comes down to. Others telling you that the only thing stopping you
is you. Of course, you have what it takes to make it. You just have
to commit to doing what it takes and then do it. The commitment
is the hard part. Setting aside time each day to advance toward
your goal is hard. But if you’re doing what you were meant to do—
if your talents and passions are aligned—you’ll generate your own
inspiration. If you’re chasing down your dreams and have a plan to
achieve them, you won’t need someone else to inspire you. Now of
course there are a lot of things we need to do that we don’t want
to. As lawyers, who likes preparing discovery or responding to it?
Who likes going through e-discovery? Who likes the overbearing
opposing counsel? From a personal perspective, who wants to
eat healthy all the time? Or run on the treadmill? Or lift weights? I
suppose a life coach could coax you through the tedious aspects
of our profession. I suppose a physical trainer could get another
five pushups out of you. The thing is, we’re grown men and
women. You want inspiration? Don’t do your job well, and there
will be consequences. Don’t eat well and exercise and there will be
consequences. We’re all adults here. My dad was a meatpacker for
decades. It’s one of the most dangerous jobs in America. He didn’t
do it because it was glamorous. He did it because he needed to
feed a family. He never listened to Zig Zigler on a Walkman or read
Norman Vincent Peale. He never looked to anyone to inspire him to
get up at 5 am and stay in a meat locker until well past 7. You want
an inspirational story? Ok, here it is. You have a job. Get off your
butt and do it better than everyone else. And don’t complain to me.
I don’t care, and I don’t want to hear it. How’s that for inspiration?
The Inspirational Quotes and Sayings

Maybe it’s because I’ve always struggled with memorization
(memorizing Mercutio’s monologue from Romeo & Juliet in 9th
grade was tough), and having the right quotes at my fingertips
at the right moments has never worked for me. I don’t remember
ever teaching my boys a life lesson through a famous quote. I
don’t ever remember using a famous quote when offering advice.
There’re those who do and do it well. But when I’m the recipient
of that advice, I quickly forget it (that bad memory thing). If I have
a goal I want to accomplish, I’ll ask you how to accomplish it. I
don’t want a quotation about chasing my dreams. The problem
with inspirational quotes is that they’re generally not process
oriented. They tell you why you should do something, not how.
The “why” has to come from you. The urgency, the drive, the grit—
that’s all you. Those are the product of pursuing something you’re
passionate about. If you need someone to tell you to do something,
you may be doing the wrong thing, or doing the right thing in the
wrong way. All these quotes come down to this—do what you’re
passionate about and have the skills for, outwork everyone else
and never give up. Not very flowery or inspirational, but that’s it
in a nutshell.
They Make Money Telling You

to Get off Your Butts
I’ve helped various voluntary bar associations over the years
find speakers for their events. Individuals who have compelling
life stories and put themselves out as motivational speakers are
always in demand. Their speaking fees can be quite high. It’s a
huge expenditure by organizations to shell out thousands and
thousands of dollars to share their inspirational story and motivate
the crowd. Sometimes they offer detailed plans on how to achieve
their goals—that’s great. That’s what to look for. But other times
it’s them being up their being our cheerleader. The platitudes
generally don’t have a long term effect on us. We pay them
money to have them tell us what we already know—our dreams
aren’t going to happen on their own. If we don’t get off our butts
and pursue them wholeheartedly, they’ll never become a reality.
They’re your dreams—chase them down and make them a reality.
We pay them to tell us what we already know. Business, leadership,
goal setting books tell us the virtues, talents, habits and plans
necessary to succeed. Those are worth our time. And there are
motivational speakers who quickly pivot from inspiration to real
life advice. They’re great too. But spending money on those who
are only offering a halftime speech probably isn’t the best use of
your resources.
The Sales Pitch

If you follow motivational speakers on social media or on their
websites, you may come across promos for their upcoming events,
generally a seminar at a city near you that promises to help you
achieve your dreams. The seminar generally goes for X, but for a
limited time, they are offering it for Y. They generally only provide
manual A, but for you, they’ll throw in manual B. They tell you how
much a life coach would charge for the same services and what a
great bargain their program is. I’m sure there are a lot of folks who
attend these seminars who find them life changing. I’ve been to a
few. Maybe it’s my cynicism, or maybe I wasn’t “all in,” or a “true
believer,” but I never found them to be life changing. I found them
to be time consuming and expensive and left me little practical
advice on how to define my goals and achieve them. But man, did
they have a great sales pitch. I’m sure it worked for some. But it
didn’t work for me. The programs simply didn’t live up to the hype.
So Many Books, So Many Programs

I believe in bookstores. I like walking down the aisles, pulling out
books, reading the book jackets, the table of contents, skimming
the chapters. I’m an avid reader, so I’ve read my share of self-help
books and business books and leadership books. What I’m looking
for is a central idea that resonates with me and a plan related to
that idea. For example, it can be as simple as “What question do
I ask myself when faced with a life changing decision?” There’s
a book addressing that—Ask It by Andy Stanley. Quick read. He
tells you that it is important to ask the right question when making
important decisions and tells you what the question is and why
that is the question you have to ask yourself. Great “self-help”
books have a simple yet important idea and the rest of the book
explains the idea and tells you how to use it in your life. In five
minutes you can look at any book and determine if it can help
you. Look for the idea. Often the idea itself captures you. You
know just based on the idea itself that you’ve found a book worth
reading. Now here’s the thing. If you take five minutes flitting
through the book, you’ll see how to apply that idea to your life.
The best books tell you in five minutes how to do something that
will change how you work, how you relate to others, how you lead,
etc. It takes five minutes to determine if a book has something to
say that’s worth saying and another five to learn how to apply it
to your life. The great non-fiction books can be consumed in 10
minutes. My book? This book you’re reading? I’ll reduce it to a few
declaratory sentences:
 Define your talents and your passions.

 Where they intersect is where you will find
your dreams.
 By pursuing your dreams, you’re pursuing
your purpose.
 Define and implement a plan that makes the most of
your talents and passions.
 Work hard to fulfill your plan.
 Do these things and you will achieve your dreams.
This formula isn’t meant to be motivational. I’m not telling you that
you have talents to motivate you. The fact is each of us has talents.
I’m not telling you to be passionate. You’re already passionate
about certain things. I’m not telling you all your dreams will come
true. I’m telling you what to do to make them come true. It’s a
process. You define terms—What are your talents? Your passions?
Your dreams? Then you devise a plan that makes the most of
your talents (your skill set) and your passions (your personal
motivators) to achieve your goals (your dreams). Will it be hard?
Yes. Will it require work and sacrifice? Yes. Will it work? Yes. That’s
my book. Look for other books you can reduce to a few sentences
and see if those few sentences work for you. If so, buy the book.
You don’t have to buy this one. It’s free.
Why Does Motivation Cost So Much?

Motivation can be expensive, right? Someone recommends you
buy their book, and at the end of the book they recommend more
books. You buy those. Then they recommend a series on DVD.
You buy that. And then they recommend a weekend conference.
You pay for that. Seems like a lot to pay to get you off your butt
and better yourself. If you’re not motivated, spending a lot of
money isn’t likely to help. Now you’re unmotivated and you’ve
spent your vacation money. A lot of folks achieved their dreams
without spending a small fortune on figuring out how to do it. I
wonder what Abraham Lincoln would think about how often he’s
used by motivational speakers who charge thousands of dollars to
tell his story to people who can simply read about him in a book?
How often have I heard about all the failures in his life—personal,
business, political—and despite them all he went on to be arguably
the best president ever. I don’t want to pay anyone to hear about
Lincoln anymore. Before you commit to a seminar or a life coach
or personal guru, take the time to think about what you want—
what you really want—and devise a plan to get there. I’ll discuss
how to do this later. Hint—it doesn’t take a three day seminar at a
posh resort to figure it out.
Why Are You Listening to Them?
Why do we listen to the gurus? Are we looking for motivation? Are
we looking for a great idea? Are we looking for a plan? Seek out
teachers, not motivators. Listen to those who have a process for
you to follow to reach your goals, as opposed to those who are
little more than cheerleaders. Anyone you follow should help you
with the following:
 Identifying your purpose
 Identifying your dreams
 Identifying your passions
 Identifying your talents
 Creating a plan that takes all this into consideration
 Implementing a plan
 Sticking with the plan
To enable you to do these things, a book or a speaker should guide
you as you ask questions to find out what you want, what you truly
want, and evaluate the skills and resources and passions you have
to make what you want a reality. Yes, you have to believe in yourself.
Yes, you need to be motivated. But these things don’t happen at
the beginning. You don’t start off believing in yourself and being
motivated by others and then proceed onto developing a plan to
make the most of this new found confidence. You sit down, you
evaluate yourself, you realize you have a lot to offer your family, your
firm or company and the world, you develop a plan to leverage this,
and by thinking through all this, you realize just how much value
you have to offer. Doing so boosts your confidence and motivates
you. Motivation doesn’t precede creating your personal plan. Your
personal plan creates the motivation. You see all you can do—big
things, exciting things—and you can’t help but follow through. Look
for writers and speakers who help you see the world this way.
Cutting Through the Noise

There’s no easy way to accomplish your goals. The bigger the
goal, the more robust the dream, the more work, investment and
time it will require. Success stories are not more common because
they require a vision, plan, hard work and faith. Search out those
who walk you through this process—defining a vision, creating a
plan to accomplish the visions and implementing the plan. There
are different approaches to this process and you should find the
one that works for you. You may find my process works for you.
You may prefer someone else’s process. But whatever process you
follow, remember this is a process—it doesn’t just happen. You can’t
simply will success into existence. You can’t simply repeat positive
statements to yourself every morning and expect your goals to
come to fruition. Believing in yourself is necessary. Accepting risks
is necessary. Overcoming failure is necessary. But sometimes you
need success, even if it’s a little success, to believe in yourself.
Sometimes you need to achieve something small before you believe
you can achieve something bigger. And you do that by creating a
plan that has both short term goals and long term goals. A plan that
enables you to achieve small successes and use them to springboard
to larger successes. Look for books, speakers, leaders and mentors
who have this world view. They’re the ones who can help.
Be Your Own Guru

Getting help defining your goals and creating and implementing
a plan is laudable. Creating a roadmap for your destiny doesn’t
come second nature to most. You need help with that? That’s
understandable. But getting up in the morning and implementing
your plan—doing the hard work day in and day out—that’s all you.
No one knows you better than you. No one knows what motivates
you, exasperates you, angers you, scares you, and inspires you
better than you. You don’t need others to drive you. No one knows
what drives you better than you. Maybe some of you do need that
daily, sometimes hourly, reminder from someone else that you
can do it. But when you sit down and write out a life plan, many of
you will realize that the only one that can get you to accomplish
your goals is you. Others can show you the way by telling you
how they did. But only you can make your dreams come true. You
need to figure out for yourself how to motivate yourself. That will
come with knowing that taking steps each day toward your goal
brings you closer to achieving it. Once you have a specific goal
with well thought out steps on how to achieve it, the motivation
should come. If it doesn’t, ask yourself what’s missing. Why are
you pursuing a goal? What will you accomplish once you achieve
it? How does accomplishing that goal fulfill your purpose on this
earth? Answering the big questions will help you motivate yourself.
Create Your Own Motivation

The right goal with the right plan often generates its own motivation.
No matter how big your ultimate goals are, they are comprised
of smaller goals that are manageable and easier to tackle. Treat
yourself each time you reach one of these goals. It may be movie
night at home, or a meal at your favorite restaurant, or reading
a new bestseller. Sometimes achieving these smaller, short term
goals are all the motivation you need to start working toward the
next short term goals. But sometimes you need additional incentive
to stay on track. When achieving a goal isn’t enough motivation in
and of itself, tie a reward to achieving the goal. Treat yourself to a
new book, a night out or watch a favorite movie on Netflix for the
10th time. Accomplishing a small goal deserves a small reward.
Accomplishing a large one deserves a large reward. You have an
article published in a voluntary bar association e-newsletter. Treat
yourself to a movie. You’re appointed to a committee chair or to a
board of an organization. That deserves a larger reward.
Journaling can be a source of motivation. Get used to carrying a

small journal that fits in your pocket. If you prefer, you can journal
on your phone. The benefit of a journal is that you can track your
progress toward your various goals. Flipping through the last few
weeks will remind you of all you’ve done and will motivate you to
stay on course. Right there in writing is a list of the articles you’ve
written, events you’ve attended, and leads you’ve pursued. We can
be hard on ourselves for not achieving enough quickly enough.
The journal, in black and white, reminds us how far we have come
and what we have already achieved. Success breeds success, and
accomplishments breed the desire to achieve more.
Only You Can Inspire You

Each of us needs to be the source of our own inspiration. Life’s too
short and there is too much we want to accomplish to constantly
be running back to books, seminars, CDs or downloads to reinforce
to ourselves that we can accomplish what we set our minds and
hearts to. If you’re a lawyer reading this book, you’ve already
accomplished a lot. College. Law School. Bar Exam. Job. You’ve
already done a lot. Reflect on these past successes as you work
toward new ones. And if you’ve stumbled along the way, even
fallen on your face, you’ve managed to get up and move forward.
Win, lose or draw, you’re still at it. You’re still getting up everyone
morning and facing the day. Life hasn’t gotten the best of you.
Focus on what you’ve done. If you’ve done it before you can do it
again, even if you’re facing different challenges, bigger challenges.
You have the talent and the passions and the dreams. Find where
they intersect and create a plan to leverage them and your urge
to visit the self-help aisle in the book store will subside.
  
Chasing Others’ Dreams
Athletes
Most of us have one or more favorite teams, collegiate and
professional. Most of us have athletics we follow and cheer for.
Some of us, even at my age, seek glory on the field or court.
Maybe it’s the immediacy of victory—you play and you win or
lose. Maybe it’s having fans watch and scream for you. For some
of us, even though our athletic days are behind us, we try to have
that dream live on through our children. Who hasn’t been at a
youth game and seen one or more parents get overly involved
or too boisterous. There is something visceral about sports—
fighting for every inch as Pacino says in Any Given Sunday, making
the winning shot like Hoosiers, or going the distance like Rocky.
There are real life equivalencies for each of these Hollywood
films. Sports get your adrenaline pumping, your excitement up
and your fight or flight reaction heightened. And there’s room in
our lives to play competitively—an attorney basketball league, a
foursome on Saturdays mornings, triathlons. That’s great. Exercise
should be part of your routine, and if you need to be competitive
to keep exercising, races, pickup games and tournaments are all
ways to keep yourself engaged. But at the end of the day, we’re
not professional athletics who have dedicated out entire lives to
master a sport. We are lawyers who have focused our talents and
energies into our profession. Following sports and participating in
them is great. Living vicariously through athletics or chasing that
dream only takes time away from chasing your dreams. Let LeBron
be LeBron and you be you.
Celebrities
Actors and actresses, singers, musicians, reality TV stars – a lot
of money, travel, attention and influence. We hold them up on
pedestals. Watch them on the big and small screens, listen to
their music, follow their lives on gossip shows and magazines
and websites. It seems glamorous, doesn’t it? Having no privacy.
Having others judge you constantly on your weight, appearance
and dress. Being careful about every word you use and every
public (and sometimes private) action you take. Sometimes we
want a bit of celebrity in our life. We want others to notice and
pay attention. But celebrity isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. There is a
high incidence of alcohol and drug abuse, divorce, depression and
suicide. It’s tough being “on” 24/7, with all eyes on you. Whatever
your dreams are, wanting to be the next big star shouldn’t be your
focus. There may be things you do that bring you attention, even
fame. But you do those things because they’re part of your plan
to achieve your goals. You don’t do them to garner the spotlight.
Self-aggrandizement should never be a goal.
Wealth
So many self-help books on becoming rich. Many don’t bother
explaining the purpose behind becoming rich. According to
them, it’s self-evident. Who doesn’t want to be rich? Of course,
many pursue a career in law because of its financial rewards. The
American Dream has, in some respects, become synonymous
with wealth. America—where anyone can start as working class
and through their entrepreneurial spirit, hard work and some luck
climb the socioeconomic ladder to the very top. There’s nothing
wrong with pursuing a better financial life for you and your family.
Houses, cars, college education, clothes, food, entertainment—
they all cost money. In pursuing your goals, including your legal
career, setting benchmarks for expected earnings is not only
appropriate, it’s necessary. Any budget is comprised primarily of
two line items—what comes in and what goes out—what you earn
and what you spend. So making money should be part of anyone’s
plan. Becoming wealthy for the sake of becoming wealthy, though,
shouldn’t be the focus. Making more and more money to have
more and more toys shouldn’t be the focus. Money should be a
means to an end—supporting a family, helping friends, charity—
money shouldn’t be the end.
Keeping Up with the Joneses

We all know someone who takes every opportunity to talk about
his stuff—his new car, his recent European vacation, his larger than
life television, his new golf clubs. These folks are toxic. Their lives
revolve around things, and they want to have more things than
you. They regularly compare what they have to what you have, and
make a point to argue they have more. It’s easy to get caught up
in a game of who has more. It’s easy to show off your latest toys
and gadgets. But keeping up with the Joneses isn’t healthy. First
of all, it’s not good for your mental health. When your focus is on
accumulating more and nicer things than the next guy, then you’re
overlooking what’s really important in your life—your family, your
faith and your friends. Everything becomes a competition. Do I
drive a nicer car than him? Is my house bigger? Do I make more?
Your dreams shouldn’t depend on outshining your neighbors and
friends. In fact, focusing on stuff gets in the way of focusing on the
more salient and more deserving goals that require your attention,
time and energy. The person who dies with the most toys doesn’t
win. He’s just a dead guy with a lot of regrets.
Professionals
We all have professional friends—other lawyers, doctors,
accountants and engineers. Each person has her own dreams
and goals. Each defines success differently. Each wants something
different out of life, out of their career and for their future.
Discussing with others their dreams and how they are achieving
them is a fruitful exercise because they offer you insight and ideas
on how to achieve your own goals. How a doctor developed a
successful practice or an engineer invented a new product can
enlighten you on how to achieve your goals. But never confuse
learning from how others pursue their dreams to adopting their
dreams as your own. It’s tempting to look at other successful
professionals and go from wanting to emulate them to being them.
But their dreams are theirs and yours are yours. Their dreams
work for them, not you. And vice versa. Each professional has her
own course. Each works for a given company or firm with its own
vision and values. Each specializes in her own area. Each has her
own family, friends, hobbies, interests and goals. Each has her
own struggles, challenges, issues and concerns. Each of us has a
purpose. Chasing someone else’s purpose impedes chasing yours.
Family Expectations
Even as adults, we feel the pressure from family to live up to their
expectations. They had dreams for us (still do). They wanted us to
attend certain schools, pursue certain careers, work for specific
firms or companies, earn a certain amount in salary, and overall
make them proud so they can brag about us to others and live
vicariously through us. Parents mean well (usually), but your life
is your life. Chasing their dreams for you may please them, but it
prevents you from achieving your full potential and only creates
animosity and strain in your relationships with them. If you’re a
parent, don’t be that parent who tells your kids what their dreams
should be. Certainly don’t be that parent who lives his dreams
through his children. And as an adult child, you can’t succumb
to your parents’ desires for your life. You can’t kowtow to older
siblings telling you what to do with your life. You can’t always
please your aunts, uncles or grandparents. You want to make
your parents proud? I get it. They sacrificed so much for you
and you want to show them you appreciate them for that? Been
there. Chasing their dreams builds resentment. You may avoid
the comments about what you’re doing with your life, but you’ve
placed yourself in a much worse position by not doing what you
really want to do with your life. Each of us has to figure out for
ourselves how to deal with family members who think they know
better than us regarding what’s best for us. But figure it out you
must, or you’ll spend the rest of your life living someone else’s life.
Friends’ Expectations
Some folks love reunions—high school, college and law school
reunions. Others hate them. They don’t want to be judged by
former friends (or so-called friends) asking us what we do, where
we live, what vacations we’ve been on—so many questions directed
to estimate our financial success “Are you married? Oh, divorced.
Kids? Just one, really? Where do you work? Oh that mid-tier firm,
that handle all the fungible work? You haven’t been to Europe yet?
Oh, you must go. Maybe after a promotion or something.” Many
folks are just glad to see you after 10, 20 or 30 years. But some
are sizing you and everyone else in the room up, making mental
notes about how much better their lives are compared to everyone
else’s. Quite petty. And if you fall for it, if you become concerned
with living up to friends’ expectations, or focus on goals you think
they want to achieve, then you’ve lost focus on who you are and
what you should become. You can’t base your life decisions on
what others think. You don’t have anything to prove to anyone.
And friends, real friends, aren’t going to judge you based on the
size of your house or your bank account. Friends shouldn’t have
expectations of what you do, what you earn or what you spend
money on. Those aren’t friends. Real friends aren’t going to care
what you do or judge you for it.
Your Company’s or Law Firm’s Expectations

Every company and firm has expectations of their employees.
You need to learn what these are early and decide whether
they’re your expectations. They want you to become an effective
trial lawyer. Is that what you want? They want you to become an
inverse condemnation expert. Is that what you want? Do you want
something different, something your employer hasn’t conceived?
Maybe create a new practice group? Lead an organization?
Speak at events? Your employer wants you to do certain things,
accomplish certain things, and distinguish yourself in certain ways.
If your plan for yourself at your company or firm doesn’t quite
match up with their plan for you, you need to explain why your
way, your plans, are even better for them than their plans for you.
The fact is that we do our best when we coordinate our passions
and talents, and plans based on this nexus are better both for you
and your employer. Maybe they had Plan A in mind for you. You
need to show them why plan B is better for everyone involved.
Employers want their companies and firms to succeed. They
want you to succeed because your success is tied into theirs. So
sometimes what they think is best for them isn’t best for you. You
have to show them that what’s best for you is also best for them.
Think of it like a Venn Diagram. There’s what they want, there’s
what you want, and there is some intersection between the two.
Focus on that and pitch that.
Someone Else’s Star

There are so many folks out there to emulate. So many who have
achieved success in a plethora of fields. It’s easy to look at them
and say you want to be like them. You want to achieve what they
did. You want to share their spotlight. But their achievements are
interwoven with who they are—their talents, their dreams, their
ambitions, their goals. The problem with hitching your wagon to
someone else’s star—trying to be like them and think like them and
act like them—is that you’re missing the boat on your own star.
Wanting someone else’s life deprives you of enjoying yours. Living
another’s dream precludes you from living yours to the fullest.
Each of us has a unique role to fill in this world that only each of
can accomplish. You live someone else’s life and you deprive the
world of what you were supposed to do to change the world one
person at a time in a way only you can do. You have to start with
the premise that you have a role in this world, you have talents
and passions to fulfill that role and with the right plan and follow
through, you’ll do just that. You can learn from others’ success,
experiences and failures, but apply what you learned to your own
dreams. Don’t simply chase theirs.
Each of Us Has a Star to Chase

We’ve always had dreams. We dreamed as kids, as teens, as
college students, as law students, as lawyers, as spouses and as
parents. Isn’t that curious? No matter what our interests or desires,
our background or upraising, each of us dreamt of something
more, something else, something bigger. We wanted to be lawyers,
doctors, scientists and engineers. We wanted to be singers,
musicians, athletes and movie stars. We wanted to be Perry Mason
and Atticus Finch. We wanted to do big things, huge things, and
wanted to leave a legacy. There is a desire in each of us that has
manifested itself throughout our lives, to dream and dream big.
That’s not an accident. That’s not a coincidence. Each of us has
a dream to chase. Sometimes more than one. Sometimes those
dreams change as we grow up. Sometimes they remain. Wouldn’t
it be a perverse joke if we had this desire but couldn’t satisfy
it? Wouldn’t it be cruel to have this innate wish to reach for our
own personal star and never be able to reach it? There’s often an
overlap between the big things we want to do with the talents and
passions we have. Let’s start with thinking about what our dreams
are, how they’ve changed over the years, and what we still want
to do. Let’s turn the page and talk about our dreams.
  
Motivating Yourself
Your Dreams
What Did You Want to Do as a Kid?
Let’s take a walk down memory lane. Let’s go back to when you
were a kid. And when I say a kid, I mean your first memories of what
you wanted to be when you grew up. Let’s go back to those days
when everything seemed possible and your parents or a teacher
told you (hopefully) you can be whatever you want to be. How
did you respond to that question? Or perhaps your parents made
their own suggestions. My parents told me I would be President
one day. They really did. My parents, immigrants from Cuba,
my dad a meatpacker and my mom a maid, who couldn’t speak
English and barely got by working double shifts, told me I would
be President one day. I must have been six. Maybe five. They said
this was America, and I could grow up to be President. That’s why
they encouraged me to become a lawyer. They assumed most
politicians were lawyers. I never wanted to be President, but I didn’t
have the heart to tell them that. But hey, if I could be President, I
could be anything, right? I did have some interest in politics, but
behind the scenes. I also loved art and writing stories. Ultimately, I
became a lawyer but never walked away from politics and writing.
I’m still a political junkie and as displayed by this book, my fifth, I
never abandoned my dream of writing.
What did you want to do when you were a child? What career?
What field? What did you daydream about? Where did your
imagination take you? You had big dreams because that’s what
kids have. We don’t know any better. Reality and life’s obligations
haven’t set in yet. We assume now that we let our imaginations get
the best of us, that we had no idea how many responsibilities we
would have as adults. But what if we were onto something then?
Maybe we were right then as kids and wrong now as adults. Is that
so crazy? Reflect on what you wanted when you were 6 and 8 and
10. Reflect when you were a tween and later a teen. What hobbies
did you have? What sports, if any, did you play? What shows and
movies did you watch? What did you read? No matter how crazy,
or silly, or impossible, think through your dreams as a child. They’ll
shed a lot of light on what you should be doing as an adult.
What Did You Want to Do in College?

Remember those late nights when you should have been cramming
with your study group and instead everyone went around sharing
what they wanted to do after graduation and made it into the real
world? In college you still felt like you could take on the world.
You didn’t just want to be a lawyer, you wanted to be a star trial
attorney like the ones on television or in the movies. You didn’t
just want to volunteer for the College Democrats or College
Republicans—you saw yourself running for Senate one day. You
envisioned heading your own company, starting your own law firm,
working for a mega firm or starting your own 501C3. We shared a
wide eyed optimism that life should watch out because we were
coming for it right out of the gate.
I don’t know when we started settling for less, when we started

putting away our oversized dreams in exchange for safety, security
and reliability. But for most of us, that hadn’t happened yet in
college. What did you want to be when you were in college? What
were your favorite classes? Which college groups did you belong
to? What internships, jobs, exchange trips and other experiences
left a lasting impression on you? The reason I ask isn’t to suggest
you shouldn’t have gone to law school. I’m not recommending you
go back and take that fork in the road and become a psychologist,
an engineer or a computer programmer. The reason I ask is that
in college, sooner or later, you decided to pursue a career in law.
It excited you. It captured your imagination. Think back and ask
yourself why? Why, in college, were you set on being a lawyer?
Forget the money or the status or the security. What seemed
exciting about it? If right now, as you read this, you’ve hit a wall
at your company or firm, go back and think why you’re here. You
had a reason. You had several. Reflect on them. They’ll help you
define your dreams as a lawyer.
What Are Your Dreams as a Lawyer?

Between the depositions and the hearings, between the memos
of law and e-mails with the client, what big things do you want
to accomplish as a lawyer? Let’s start with your practice. Do you
want to become an expert in a field? Which field? Doing what?
Don’t ask yourself “how” (not yet, anyway), ask yourself “what.”
Do you want to become a rainmaker? Do you want to become a
trial lawyer? Do you want to become a social activist? Give that
some thought. Nothing wrong with wanting to be the next great
trial lawyer, or next great criminal defense lawyer. Does your dream
involve you being the best in a legal field, becoming the go-to
attorney for cyber security, for example? That’s great. Don’t think
small. Dreams are called dreams because they are inherently larger
than life. And how about going beyond the practice of law? Do
you want to lead a voluntary bar association? A charity? Do you
want to speak? Write? Possibly write a book? As lawyers, there
are a lot of activities we pursue that go beyond or day to day
cases. Do you want to become President of a state bar? Become a
national (possibly international) speaker on a given topic? Assess
the following for yourself:
 What is your desired legal specialty?

 What clients do you want to represent?
 What type of cases do you want to handle?
 How do you want to use your law degree outside
your job?
 Do you want to lead an organization? Which one?
 Do you want to become a renowned speaker?
On what?
 Do you want to write articles? A book? A treatise?
On what?
 How do you want to be remembered as a lawyer after
you pass?
 What legacy do you want to leave as a lawyer?
Ask yourself the big questions. Your answers will help you steer
the proper course for your future.
What Are Your Dreams Outside the Law?
We are so much more than lawyers. We are also parents and
spouses. Sons and daughters. Friends and confidants. Servants
and leaders. Dreamers and doers. Put aside for a minute what you
want to accomplish as a lawyer. What else do you want to achieve?
Is there a charity near and dear your heart you want to volunteer
for? Is there a charity you want to start yourself? Do you want
to perform stand up? Theater? Sing? Compose? Write a novel?
Start a self-help group? Become a mentor? Be a sports coach? A
thought leader? A social media phenom? Did you want to speak
at TED Talks? Run a marathon? Do a triathlon? Start a business? A
restaurant? Sometimes your dreams outside the law advance your
law-related dreams. They don’t have to be mutually exclusive. They
often involve the same talents you use for your practice and draw
from the same passions that drive you to excel at your profession.
If you take a close look, your career dreams and your other dreams
often share things in common. So take the time and reflect upon
what you want beyond being a great lawyer. It may seem daunting.
At times it may feel like you’re balancing two jobs and chasing two
dreams (your professional and your personal), but take a chance
on yourself and let your talents, passions and dreams drive you to
tackle dreams outside the courtroom.
What Are Your Dreams for Your Family?

If you’re married, what are your dreams for you and your spouse?
What do you want to do together? Is there a local charity you two
volunteer at and you both want to assume a larger role? Possibly
plan additional events? Join the board? Create a related charity to
serve those not currently served? Do you want to travel? Write a
book together? Speak together on family-related topics like raising
children or tackling depression? Get involved in politics? What
does retirement look like? What do you two want to do when you
walk away from the legal profession after 30 or 40 years? What
foundation do you want to lay down now for a joyous, challenging
retirement, where you take your skill set and apply it elsewhere,
either in a business, a charity or writing a book?
Do you have kids? Have you helped them discover their talents,
passions and dreams? What plans do you have to help them
define and achieve their goals? How can you help them decide
upon careers and pursue them wholeheartedly? Maybe you want
to do something with your kids that’s bigger than all of you.
Perhaps fundraising for a charity, getting physically fit together,
or coaching their teams? Help your budding musician record his
music? Help your young artist sell her work? Perhaps your children
have extraordinary talents and need help developing them?
Helping your kids fulfill their dreams is one of the most rewarding
things we can do as parents.
What Have You Told Others About Your Dreams?

If you’ve gone to the trouble of sharing your dreams with others
then you’re serious about them. What have you told your spouse
about them? Your kids? Your colleagues? Friends? It takes courage
to share your dreams with others. When we do that, we risk being
ridiculed, undermined or dismissed. Despite that, what we want to
do has become so important to us, so much a part of us, that we
can’t help but share our ideas and our plans to make them a reality.
What do you tell your spouse when you’re lying in bed at night,
with the house finally quiet and dark, reflecting on what big things
you want to do with your life? By giving a voice to your dreams,
by articulating them out loud to others, you’re acknowledging
to yourself that they’re worth pursuing and you’re taking a step
toward making them a reality. Do you keep a journal? Do you
write down your long term goals? That’s a good place to look for
dreams waiting to be actualized. I have dozens of journals with
ideas—some I’ve followed through on and others I haven’t. Just
because some of those dreams have been dormant doesn’t mean
they can’t be woken up and pursued.
What Do You Do with Your Free Time?

What are your hobbies? Other than watching television, or going
to the movies or golfing, what are some of the other things you
do? Let’s start with what you read. You can learn a lot about a
person from what she reads? Fiction vs nonfiction? Literary vs
pulp fiction? Biographies? Self-help? Business? Marketing and
sales? Maybe you have a conscious plan about what you read
and when you read it? Many of us simply pick up books because
they speak to us, catch our fancy somehow. Whether we realize
it or not, we’re drawn to books that support our world view and
values and provide some guidance, either directly or not, about
pursuits we want to chase. Do you find yourself reading books by
great orators who’ve reduced their speeches and presentations
to writing? Maybe you want to emulate them in the courtroom
or before large audiences? Maybe you read biographies about
athletics or musicians? These are folks who made it to the top
of their demanding professions where very few make it. Maybe
there’s something you want to pursue that everyone has told you
is impossible and you’re looking for folks in other fields who faced
and overcame similar odds?
Other than reading, what do you do? Do you serve on any boards?
Volunteer? Coach? Play in a band? Are you writing the great
American novel? Taking improv classes? Maybe these hobbies are
a window into something bigger, some greater dream you want to
pursue? Maybe you have some moonlighting in your future. What
we do for fun, for pleasure, for free—these provide us insight as
to what we want to do with our future.
What Do You Daydream About?

When driving to and from work, depositions or hearings, when
you have the radio on, but let your mind wander—what are you
thinking about? What do you imagine yourself doing? Do you think
about a book you want to write? A song you want to compose?
The biography of someone you want to emulate? Despite being
surrounded by media 24/7, whether in our cars, offices or at home,
we still find time to zone out and day dream. We still play the role
of hero, or leader or thought leader in our thoughts as we’re stuck
in traffic. We play a role in our minds of someone we want to be
or something we want to do. We rarely share our day dreams
with others because first, we believe adults shouldn’t day dream,
and second, they often involve us doing bigger than life things.
But even if we would never do the things we day dream about,
there is something to learn from them. What we imagine ourselves
doing provides us insight into what we want to do with our lives.
Maybe we can’t be a hero, but there may be avenues where we can
positively affect others’ lives as if we were heroes. Analyze your
day dreams and draw a line from them to concrete goals you can
pursue in your life.
Write It Down
If you don’t have a journal, stop reading this book, login into your
Amazon account, and order one. You want to write down your
dreams, your talents, your passions, your goals and your plans.
You’re creating a blueprint for your life. If you were to prepare a
business plan, you would write it down. The same goes for your life
plan. Brainstorm, and write down your dreams, from your youth
until now, for your profession, for you personally and for your
family. You want to reduce your dreams to writing. First, seeing it
in black and white makes them more real. It’s just not in your mind
anymore. You wrote them down. The big things you want to do
with your life are now in your journal for you to refer back to, think
about and reflect upon. Writing down all your dreams from all the
stages in your life will reveal a pattern to you of what you want
most out of life. Our dreams, even if fanciful and meant only to
pass the time inform us of our desires, wishes and our personality.
Our minds wander to where we want to be and what we want to
do. In those quiet moments when you raise your head from a book
or look aside from the television, and let your imagination get the
best of you, where do you go? Write it down. Write down any and
all dreams, no matter how surreal or unrealistic they may seem.
You will see patterns. There will be repetition. Don’t ignore them.
They’re going to help you plot the rest of your life.
  
Your Passions
What Gets You Excited?
After you’ve identified your dreams, identify your passions.
They’re interrelated, but distinct. A dream is something you want
to accomplish. It’s bigger than life, and requires talent, hard work
and dedication. It also requires passion. Passion is what gets you
out of the bed earlier than most to prepare for a marathon, write a
book like this, go to night school for another degree, and any host
of other tasks that require drive, grit and heart. You can have a
dream, a very modest and manageable one, but without passion—
without the urge to convert your idea into a reality—it’s not going
anywhere. It’s dead on arrival. That’s why identifying your passions
is so important. If you’re not passionate about health, if you’re not
competitive, if exercise is the last thing you want to do—you’re not
going to have the passion to train for a marathon. Now, you can
develop a passion for running, but accomplishing such a dream
will be more realistic if you start with a passion to run and to win.
You can develop a passion for a task or goal, but the likelihood of
success of achieving your dreams improves if we work with our
existing passions, as opposed to developing new ones. (Of course,
you may have passions you haven’t discovered yet. These are
different from developing passions from whole cloth).
So let’s start with a direct question—What gets you excited? What

aspects of your job get you excited? What aspects of belonging
to a voluntary bar association get you excited? What books?
Television programs and movies? What type of news stories?
What volunteer work? Hobbies? What conversations do you
jump into? What do you post about? Your excitement level and
what causes it to rise reveals your passions. Passions are your
internal motivators. Discover what yours are and you’ll discover a
wellspring of motivation.
What Do You Do with Your Free Time?

Free time—for lawyers, that’s often in short supply. But let’s
assume we have our share of free time. What do you do with
it? Read? Exercise? Watch television? Travel? Volunteer? Write?
Family time? Sports? I’m not concerned what you do. I’m curious
about why you do it? Let’s say you watch television. With on
demand programming, where we can watch what we want when
we want, why are you watching the shows or movies you’re
watching? Let’s say, you watch science fiction. You watch the old
Twilight Zone episodes like me, you watch the sci-fi movies once
they hit Amazon Prime, and you highly anticipate the new Blade
Runner movie. I watch these shows because I love to see how
technology affects us—at work, at home and in our relationships.
So I take that “why” and think to myself how I can apply that to
work. Maybe I want to pursue a legal career in cyber security or
assume administrative responsibilities at my firm addressing how
we can make the most of technology and stay ahead of changes
that will alter how we provide legal services. So at first glance
loving sci-fi doesn’t translate into improving my career. But by
taking a closer look, I can start seeing the connections. Why do
you participate in a softball league? Coach little league? Are you
a natural competitor? Trial lawyers are natural competitors. They
argue to win. Maybe that’s you. Maybe that drive provides you the
constitution to fight in every case and fight to win. Often, what
we’re doing when we’re not working provides us insight into what
work best suits us.
What Are Your Hobbies?

As a young lawyer, I was told to pursue at least one hobby to help
me disconnect from the practice. Hobbies weren’t my thing and
I didn’t heed the advice. Eventually, I settled on writing. It was
mostly writing legal articles because that’s what I knew, but soon
that branched out into parenting and family advice, motivational
pieces and short stories—parables disguised as science fiction.
When we think of hobbies we think of golf, working out, hunting,
reading or movies, not so much writing. I mean as lawyers, that’s
most of what we do. Why would we want to use our free time to
do more of it? But that was my hobby. As you can guess, there’s
a clear nexus between enjoying writing and using that hobby
to advance your legal career. I’ve blogged, I’ve written books
for lawyers (like this one), I post regularly on LinkedIn and write
articles. All of this increases my exposure in the legal community.
What if writing isn’t your hobby? How does golf or hunting

advance your legal career? Well, you do these activities with
others, often other lawyers or business people. You get to network
while doing something you enjoy. Love reading? Start a book club
with other lawyers. Love movies? Sponsor a movie night at your
house with other business professionals. You love entertaining?
Create networking events. Analyze how your hobbies can help
you advance your career. Sometime your hobbies will reveal to
you that you’re pursuing the wrong career. You pursue certain
hobbies because you love them. Study why you love them, and
doing so will help you identify your passions. I write because I
feel others can learn from my life experiences—whether it’s how
to be a better lawyer, or better father or better leader. I’m driven
by an altruistic need to help others avoid the mistakes I’ve made,
and learn from both my failures and successes. Maybe you enjoy
playing basketball at your local Y on Saturdays because you love
competing. That urge to win can serve you well as a trial attorney.
Connect the dots between your hobbies and your profession and
see how you can apply your passions to your job.
What Do You Read?

What a person reads says a lot about her. First, please tell me you
read for pleasure. You need to read, like how you need to breathe,
eat and relieve yourself. It is a necessity. If you haven’t picked up
a book in a while, find a short business book or novel and read it.
See, that wasn’t so bad. Better then television, right? It may take
a few more books, but you’ll come to agree it’s better than T.V.
Ok, as to the rest of you who do read for pleasure, what are
you reading now? Fiction or nonfiction? Biography or self-help?
Reading takes time. First you have to decide on a book. Then
you have to find the time to read it. It’s not like watching a drama
on television or a movie on Netflix. You’ve decided that despite
what else you have going on in your life, reading a given book
is more important. Think about why you read the books you
read. Self-improvement? Learning? Entertainment? To spur your
imagination? Reflect on the topics and issues you read about, the
ideas you pursue while reading and what you learn from it. If you
keep reading biographies about musicians, why? Is it your love
for their music? Is it to learn their creative process? Is it to apply
their creative process to your own job? There are multiple reasons
that draw us to certain books. Think through all the reasons that
motivate you to read certain types of books If you can identify why
you read what you do, you can isolate the passions that make you
turn page after page and which will serve you at work and at home.
What News Do You Follow?

I’m a political junkie. I consume articles and television programs
on politics. I love the strategy (and at times lack thereof) political
parties and politicians employ to promote their messages, agenda
and themselves. There is the stated reason politicians do what
they do, and then there are the real reasons. Figuring out where
someone is really coming from is a great skill to have in a society
where everyone is trying to sell us something, including opposing
counsel and his client. Getting past the messaging and the
branding and the hard sell to the truth is invigorating. It’s pulling
back the curtain and finding there’s not much to Oz. Whether you
enjoy being informed or entertained, write down what you enjoy
learning about and what you find entertaining. Do you follow an
issue that is near and dear to you? Perhaps a cause with which
you want to get more involved? Maybe there is a legal angle to
the technology news you follow? Defining your passions and the
applicability of them to your career and family is crucial, because
these passions are going to motivate you to be better lawyers,
spouses and parents. Identifying the underlying reasons you read
the Washington Post or watch Anderson Cooper will guide you on
finding what at work and at home you want to pour your heart into.
What Conversations with

Friends Get You Excited?
What do you enjoy discussing with family and friends? Do you talk
about work? If so, what aspect of it? A challenging case? A novel
legal theory? Perhaps it has nothing to do with the cases you’re
handling. Office politics? Office gossip? Do you have political
debates? Deconstruct a favorite movie? Brag about your kids?
Discuss stocks? Share your next big idea? What gets you excited
reveals your passions. And as with books or news, there is not
always a direct line between your conversational topics and your
passions, but there is one if you look closely enough. Sometimes
it is self-evident, when you always find yourself discussing certain
cases you handle—maybe every noncompete agreement case
you handle is exciting to you and you want to share that with
others. Sometimes, there may be an aspect of litigation you enjoy,
like taking depositions, and you want to share how you secured
admissions that pave the way for a summary judgment. These
conversations provide a clear message as to the overlap of your
passions and your career. Sometimes the nexus is a bit more
tenuous, but there nonetheless. Regular discussions about pets
may reveal an interest in getting involved with the local humane
society, to volunteer and possibly join their board, wherein you’ll
meet other professionals from the community who one day may
refer you business. Often our passions, even if they’re not directly
tied to our career, tend to boost it. No one says you can’t do good
and get business at the same time.
What Gets You Animated?

We just talked about what gets you excited. Let’s take that a step
further. What gets you animated? What gets you angry? Gets
your blood boiling? Makes you say, “That’s just not right?” Do you
just say these things, or do you take action? Do you ever address
the issue? Write the powers that be? Protest? Volunteer? Do pro
bono? Perhaps you have a child with special needs? My older son
was diagnosed with Sensory Integration Dysfunction as a toddler.
I read everything there was about the disease and was frustrated
with our medical carrier who refused to pay for most of the services
he needed. I soon realized that there were a lot of other children
with David’s condition and many other families whose insurance
didn’t cover treatment. So I got involved. I joined a nonprofit that
helps parents with special needs children. I represented families
pro bono to help them secure services through the public school
system. I wrote about it. I spoke out about it. I tried to change
things because the status quo wasn’t fair and compassionate.
There are a lot of wrongs in the world, and your law degree, along
with your writing and oratory skills, can go a long way to address
them. And again, in the process of doing so, you meet other
professionals along the way, who are like-minded, and who may
need an attorney (or know someone who needs one) and will think
of you to address those needs.
Write It Down
Figuring yourself out requires a fair share of self-exploration. Just
as you wrote down your dreams, write down your passions. We
just went through a series of exercises to identify what you’re
passionate about, what drives you. Put all your answers down in
your journal, give it a day or two, go through your notes, and add
some more thoughts you overlooked. Your passions are yours.
Others’ passions are theirs. Your passions drive you to action.
Others’ passions don’t. That doesn’t mean you can’t develop new
passions as you grow and mature. The passions of a law student
are different from those of a young attorney with little kids, or a
partner with teenage kids, or a partner who is an empty nester
redefining his life and priorities with his spouse. But they have
to be your passions. Not what others think your passions should
be. We’re all different. We were all born with different drives,
motivators and passions. You have to tap into yours and work with
them. If you are doing what you were placed on this earth to do,
which only you can do (and only you can figure out what that is),
then you’ve tapped into your passions and you’re making them
work for you (and for others too). Write it all down, study it, see
where the connections are, and you will figure out not only what
your passions are but why you have them and how they drive you.
  
Your Talents
What Are You Good At?
So, ask yourself, what are you good at? I mean what comes
naturally for you? I’m not asking for skills that you have developed
over the years. I’m not asking about something you used to do
poorly, and now, after years of effort and practice, you do well.
I want to know your innate talents that were there with you at
birth, lying dormant until the time came that you got to use
them. Maybe from a young age you beat everyone at chess. You
picked up the piano at nine and never looked back. You were the
fastest student in your middle school track team. You were the
captain of your brain bowl team in high school. You were easily
elected president of the student body in college or advanced to
the nationals in moot court in law school. I’m talking about that
one thing (or more likely, several things) that you were simply
better at than most others. Sure you practiced, or studied or did
whatever else to improve your talents. But at the core, you simply
did it better than most everyone else. You were better at math,
or writing, or telling stories, or leading, or shooting a basketball,
or running, or debating or at science. Are maybe you had a huge
ego, and thought you were better at everything. Confidence is
a talent too. The things you did as a child, teen and now as an
adult that are second nature to you, write those down. It is not a
coincidence you have those talents. You were meant to use them
for your good and the good of others. You weren’t meant to
squander them. You have them for a reason. Write them all down
– the little and big talents alike. You need to identify all of them
before you can fully use them.
What Have Others Complimented You For?

It’s surprising how many of us do not even recognize our own
talents. We need others to point them out to us. Has anyone ever
told you you’re great at something? They’ve never seen anyone
take a deposition like you? Argue a motion like you? Write like
you? Give a presentation like you? How about skills that aren’t
directly related to your practice? Ability to fundraise? To create
consensus? To prioritize? To identify talent in others and develop
it? Ask yourself the following:
 What does your spouse say you do well?

 What do your children enjoy most about you?
 What do your friends compliment you about?
 What does your firm rely upon you to do?
 When others talk about you at cocktail parties or
conferences, what do they say about you?
 Has anyone ever written you an e-mail or a letter
thanking you for something? If so, what did they
thank you for?
 What awards have you received?
 What recognitions have you received?
Many of us don’t give ourselves enough credit as to acknowledging

what we do well. We either don’t notice these skills ourselves or
think it’s untoward to acknowledge we’re better than others when
it comes to certain skills or talents. But the fact is we are better
than others at certain things, just as we are worse than others
(sometimes much worse) at other things. This isn’t a question
of arrogance or pride coming before the fall. It’s an honest self-
assessment of your talents. You were born with several. Figure
out what they are.
What Comes Easy for You?

What things do you do that require little preparation or effort?
Preparing for a hearing? Preparing for a client meeting? Research?
Organizing an event? Leading an organization? Writing an article?
Preparing a speech? I have some quirky talents. First, I have an
endless list of ideas for articles and books and once the idea strikes
me I can reduce it to writing very quickly. The book you’re reading
now took me 4 weeks of nights and weekends to write. Two hours
a night, several hours each weekend. That’s it. I’m not bragging on
myself. I’m just acknowledging that I have this talent of developing
ideas and reducing them to writing. One can appreciate why this
skill helps my career as a lawyer. I can write a lot, in a short period
of time, and share my ideas with lawyers across the country who
may need local counsel in Miami, where I live. So that talent is easily
transferable to advancing my career.
I also have a unique talent to figure out the ending of a movie

(most any movie) within 15 minutes of watching it. I often can
even predict dialogue before it’s spoken. Somewhere along the
way, altogether unconsciously, I realized I knew where a movie
was going based on what was said, what was done, the setting,
the themes and the foreshadowing. By the way, I’m a terrible
companion at the movies. Often I’ll whisper in my wife’s ear what
I’m expecting to happen next. Luckily, she’s a good sport about it
(and to her credit, she has a similar talent and at times beats me
to the punch). So, how, exactly, does this “talent,” if you want to
call it one, help with my career? As lawyers, we tell stories. We tell
them to the judge in our motion practice, to the opposing party
in mediation and to juries at trial. So if you know the elements of
good story telling, and know intuitively where a story should go,
who should say what and how it should end, you can translate that
skill into better storytelling in your practice.
So take the time and ask yourself what comes easy for you? No
skill is too small or too unique or even too silly to jot down. You
just never know when it can come in handy. Often you hear you
need to work on your weaknesses. I believe you need to identify
your strengths and make them stronger. These strengths are what
will distinguish you from the rest of the pack. These strengths are
what are going to set you apart. Identify them.
What Do You Find Intuitive?

Is there anything you do that is simply intuitive for you? There isn’t
a process you follow and when asked you have difficulty explaining
how you did it? You simply respond, “I don’t know. I just did. I
can’t explain how.” My sons are both musically gifted. There are
things they do that amaze me. When I ask them how they did, they
struggle explaining their process. It just happened. They just heard
the notes in their head and they came to life on their instruments.
When a music instructor explains to them a new concept, they just
get it. And sometimes they get more than what the instructor was
trying to convey. It’s just natural for them. Each of us does at least
one thing that is intuitive for us. When pressed to explain how we
did it, we have a hard time providing a process we followed. We just
did it. That’s a gift, and each of us has that gift when it comes to
something in our lives. Some of us are innately compassionate and
empathetic and make great listeners (and amateur psychologists).
Some of us can size up a problem and blurt out a solution. The
solution makes perfect sense once it’s out of our mouths, but we
have a hard time explaining how we came up with it. Maybe you’re
a natural communicator, or problem-solver, or musician, or writer,
or something else which you do with little or no preparation. That
ability will serve you well when pursuing your dreams and goals.
What Skills Have You Sharpened?

It’s natural to gravitate toward one’s talents and work to improve
them. We’re good at something and we want to get better at it.
Things we do well, that we’re comfortable doing, that we enjoy
doing—we tend to do them over and over and in the process,
sharpen those talents. Why do we play to our strengths? Because
we excel at them and we get satisfaction at excelling at them.
There is a drive in us to make good even better. We tend to avoid
activities which require skills we lack. If we lack good eye hand
coordination, we’re likely avoiding the attorney flag football
league. If we don’t have good extemporaneous speaking skills,
we’re avoiding speaking in public settings. Now as attorneys, we
have to have a broad baseline skill set. But for now, let’s focus on
the talents you focus on. You enjoy cross examining witnesses at
deposition and at trial. Even though you enjoy it and are good at
it, you’re likely reading articles and books on cross examination,
because you want to get even better at it. You’re not satisfied at
being a good cross examiner, you want to be a great one. And if
you’re great at it, you want to be one of the best at it. As lawyers,
we’re competitive by nature, and wired that way, we want to be
the best at something. Study what talents you’ve honed over the
years. Those are the ones you want to continue focusing on and
evaluating how best to use them to achieve your goals.
What Do You Best at Your Job?

Do you always get sent to argue hearings? Take depositions? Take
expert depositions? Meet clients? Speak at conferences? What do
others at your firm say you do well, better than most? What comes
easy for you at the office? What do other attorneys ask you for help
with? Have you ever been asked to lead a discussion among those
in your office on a given topic? Maybe you’ve been asked by other
attorneys to proofread their writing? There are certain aspects of
your job you do better than most, that you enjoy more than most
and you gravitate towards, whether willingly or unconsciously.
What are you most recognized at work for? Once you’ve defined
what you do well at work, determine what skills you use to do
those tasks well. Are you a good writer? Fast thinker? Good on
your feet? Persuasive? Charming? Calm under pressure? There are
certain skills you have that enable you to flourish at certain aspects
of your job. Identify those skills and write them down.
I don’t want to know, nor do I care, what at work you’re not good
at. We play to our strengths, not our weaknesses, and right now
we’re identifying those strengths. Yes, as lawyers we all need a
baseline of skills. But the way we distinguish ourselves as lawyers is
identifying and playing to our strengths. There are few lawyers who
are great at every aspect of their job. Your goal is not to be one of
those lawyers. Your goal is to be extraordinary in some aspects of
your job and good at the rest. That’s how you distinguish yourself
from the rest of the pack. That’s how you maximize your talents
and your passions. And quite frankly there aren’t enough hours in
the day to be great at every aspect of being a lawyer. You may end
up achieving it, but you’ll find yourself very alone when you do.
What Have You Received Awards For?

Think back to school. What trophies, awards or certificates did
you receive? I’m not asking about participation trophies. I’m not
talking about an 8th place award. I’m asking about bigger than
life trophies that your parents wondered where the heck are we
going to keep that? I’m taking about awards that distinguished you
from the rest. Think through elementary school, middle school,
high school, college and law school. Any book awards in law
school? Any leadership awards? Awards for projects, speeches
or volunteer work? How about for athletics? Not just coming in
first or second, but awards for teamwork, leadership or attitude?
Sometimes, it takes others to recognize skills, traits and talents
in you that you ignore. Sometimes others have to point out the
obvious to you because you lack confidence to see it in yourself.
Go beyond school. How about since becoming an attorney?
Any awards? Have you distinguished yourself in a voluntary bar
association? Have you received awards for your articles, blogs or
books? For your presentations or leadership? Yes, there are too
many awards handed out today. But some are quite meaningful
and revelatory about who we are, what we’re good at and how
we can make an impact on others. Write down the awards you’ve
received and look at the list for any patterns. They’ll say a lot about
your strengths.
What Aren’t You Good At?

Just as you should know what your strengths are, you should know
what your weaknesses are. As lawyers, we can’t get away with blind
spots or a poor skill set. If you’re a bad writer, you can’t accept
that. You have to work at it. You may never become an exceptional
writer, but you have to become a good one. There are other skill
sets that, depending on your practice, you rarely call upon. For
those, you work on them but not overly focus on them. Knowing
what you’re not good at, what you don’t enjoy, what you don’t
particularly want to work on is important because you want to
avoid practice areas where those talents play a central role. Being
a transactional attorney is different from being a litigator. Handling
trusts and estates is different from handling regulatory issues in
house. Each requires its own set of skills. If what you’re lacking
is crucial for a given area of law, maybe you shouldn’t pursue a
career in that area. Of course if you have skills necessary for that
area but lack other necessary skills, that’s certainly something
you can work on. Do an honest assessment of what skills you
lack and what amount of time, work and energy will be required
to improve them. If you tackle a practice area needing skills you
lack, you need to ask yourself if you’re committed to working on
improving those skills. Remember that you’re more motivated to
work on skills you’re already good at than tackle ones that you are
poor at. That’s just human nature.
What Activities Do You Avoid?

What do you avoid? Cocktail receptions? You avoid crowds? Don’t
like mingling or networking? Volunteering to write an article or
speak at a conference? Identify what activities you avoid and
then ask yourself why. Maybe you have a good reason to avoid
them. Conversely, maybe you’re allowing fears, procrastination
or laziness get the best of you. Whatever it is, jot down what you
avoid and why you avoid it. Maybe you don’t give presentations
because you’re scared to death of speaking in front of a crowd.
You have something to say and can say it well, but all those
people. That’s not a lack of skill set. That’s fear, and you need to
get over that. Start small at a breakfast gathering, then maybe a
lunch reception until you’re not in Peoria anymore (yes, a dated
reference, but that’s my prerogative to use them). There are certain
activities you avoid because you simply don’t have the skill set to
do them. For those, you have to ask yourself how important are
those activities to my career, family and life and what’s involved to
developing the necessary skill set to do them and do them well?
What we don’t want to do often lines up with the skills we lack, and
what we do want to do often lines up with the skill set we have.
Therefore, take the time to evaluate what you don’t do and why.
Write It Down
I can’t emphasize enough how important is to write all this down,
especially your talents. Looking at them in black and white, you
can see what practice areas and what aspects of those practice
areas suit you. You’re looking to see what matches up between
what you do well and what you do. Draw a line down the middle
of a page in your journal. Title the left column “Talents” and the
right column “What Talents I Need for My Job.” On the left, having
thought through all the questions I posed in this section, write
down your talents. Don’t put them down in any particular order.
Just write them down. On the right column think about the skills
you need to do your job well. Not just the big skills like “good
orator” or “good writer,” include all that come to mind. Now look
at the two columns and see how much overlap there is. The greater
the overlap, the more suited you are for the job you have. If there
is little or no overlap, don’t assume you’re at the wrong company
or law firm. There may be other practice areas at your firm with
which you can get involved. There may be other skills that make
up for the ones you lack. However the list looks, there is no cause
for alarm. Yes, it is possible you’re working at the wrong firm for
you. And yes, it’s possible you’re in the wrong career altogether.
But for now, these are only possibilities. You may discover you
don’t have the skills you believe you lack because fear or laziness
is getting in the way of you developing them. There may be other
skills your job requires that you have but you don’t appreciate how
those skills are applicable for the tasks at hand. But this exercise
is necessary to make the most of your talents wherever you work.
Without self-analysis, we’ll never learn what we’re meant to do and
where we’re meant to do it.
  
Finding Your Purpose
What Do You Think You Should
Be Doing with Your Life?
We’ve talked about your dreams, your passions and your talents.
Let’s go above these, and look at your life from a larger, grander
scale. What do you think you should be doing with your life?
Each of us is on this earth for a reason. We all have a purpose.
You didn’t become a lawyer by accident. Even if ultimately you
change careers, you didn’t become a lawyer by accident. I don’t
care what your religious or spiritual background is, what your
beliefs are, or how random you think the world is. I’m telling you,
I have a purpose, we all have a purpose, and most importantly to
you, you have a purpose. This isn’t a motivational speech. This is
the truth. Look around. Don’t take my word for it. Look at family
and friends. Look at colleagues. Look at the news and biographies.
Aren’t you struck by what some of them are doing, by what they
are accomplishing, by how they’re changing lives? You know that
they’re fulfilling their purpose, and you’re asking yourself, “What’s
my purpose?” When I ask you about your purpose the question
resonates because you’ve asked yourself that before. We’ve all
asked ourselves this question. Why am I here? What am I supposed
to do with my life? What can I change? What will I be remembered
for? How will my obituary read? You know you have a purpose
because during your life, at least once, but probably multiple times,
you’ve asked yourself, “What am I doing here, on this planet, with
the time I have, to do something meaningful?” You have admitted
by now that you have dreams, passions and talents. The natural
next step is to ask, “What’s my purpose?” Let’s explore that.
What Do Those Who Know You

Think You Should Be Doing?
I would never suggest adopting someone’s purpose as your own
and deferring to them about what you should be doing with your
life. What I’m recommending is asking yourself what others have
told you about what you should be doing, what others think your
purpose is. I’m talking about your close friends and family, those
who know you, who have grown up with you, who have seen you
at your best and worst, and sometimes know you better than you
know you. First, did they see you as an attorney? If so, practicing
what? Where? Doing what? Using your skills to do what? Saving
the world? Saving it how? Have any of them said to you, “Hey, by
the way, I totally see you doing X. Why aren’t you doing X? Hey
so-and-so, come over here, don’t you see this person doing X?”
And they’re like, “Absolutely, you’re perfect for X.” Think about the
times others have seen your future when it remains blurry to you.
Again, I’m not asking you to think about those times your mom
insisted on you becoming a doctor or a lawyer because she wanted
to brag about you (really, brag about her, and what a great job she
did raising you). I’m asking about those moments when you did
or said something, something that may have even surprised you
when you said or did it, and others said, “You know, you were born
to be X.” Not to do X. But be X. I’m not talking about a job. I’m not
talking even about a career. I’m talking about your destiny. Where
who you are and what you do and what you say are all continuous
and you can’t tell where something ends and another begins. So,
getting back to the question—what do those who know you think
you should be doing?
What Big Things Do You Want to Do?

What’s on your wish list of things to do that you haven’t done yet?
I’m not asking about a trip you want to take or a vacation you want
to go on. I’m talking about a big accomplishment you have in mind.
As a lawyer, do you want to:
 Try a case?
 Try more cases?
 Try certain types of cases?
 Win more cases at trial?
 Argue before an appellate court?
 Argue before the Supreme Court?
 Become managing partner?
 Head a practice group?
 Start your own firm?
 Lead a voluntary bar association?
 Write a book for lawyers? Write several?
 Become a national, go-to speaker?
Go beyond your legal career. What else do you want to accomplish.

Do you want to:
 Become a leader for a charity?

 Start your own charity?
 Lead an organization?
 Start your own?
 Start a separate business? A restaurant? A legal
support company?
 Turn a hobby into a business—amateur photographer
into a professional one?
 Turn a passion into a reality—becoming a high
school coach, college referee or start a sports league
for lawyers?
Both in your profession and beyond it, what are the bigger than
life things you want to do? Start your own magazine? Brew your
own beer? Do a documentary with your family? You’ve thought
about this. Don’t tell me you haven’t. What are these things you’ve
been thinking about?
What One Dream Do You Want to Chase?

Let’s go beyond the big things you want to do. Let’s look bigger.
Let’s put all our cards on the table. What one big dream do
you have? How do you want to change the world? I ask that
intentionally. Usually our big dreams aren’t selfish. Yes, some of
us have a dream of striking it rich. But for many of us, our big
dream goes beyond amassing a lot of material goods. It’s more
than the big house or fancy car. I’m talking about chasing a game
changer. What would be called in business as an industry disrupter.
Maybe it’s a product, or process or an idea that is related to the
legal field that will change how we provide legal services, or train
associates, or offer CLE or handle disputes between parties. Maybe
it’s more altruistic and it changes how we view, assist and empower
the forgotten members of our community—the homeless, the
elderly and the poor. This one big thing that will require all your
imagination, heart and effort to make a reality, this potential game
changer that no one has thought of or has thought of but failed to
conquer it, this one big thing you want to embrace, pursue, wrestle
with and subdue—that’s your purpose. Affecting change for the
benefit of many—that’s a life filled and driven by purpose. I know
I’ve asked you repeatedly to write whatever comes to mind down
in your journal. But this, this takes time. This takes reflection and
meditation. This one big idea has the potential to change the lives
of so many. Something like this takes time to germinate in your
mind and heart. Take that time. This one thing, if you make it a
reality, may live on and be remembered for centuries.
Purpose Is Where Your Dreams,

Passions and Talents Intersect
This book can be reduced to the bold title above. If you are
searching for your purpose you will find it where your dreams,
passions and talents intersect. I cannot say this enough so I will
repeat it because it bears repeating—you will find your purpose in
life where your dreams, passions and talents intersect. Each of us
is imbued with talents, dreams and passions. It is not a coincidence
that your talents, dreams and passions overlap. It is not simply by
chance that your passions need your talents or that your talents
instruct your dreams. If we drew a Venn diagram here, and you
drew three circles, that common area where your talents, passions
and dreams overlap—that’s where your focus should be, that’s
where you expend your energies, that’s where you will find joy, and
meaning and fulfillment. Go back through your journal and study the
overlaps where you wrote about your dreams, talents and passions.
See what talents feed which passions. See what passions direct
which dreams. You cannot take too much time to do this exercise.
If you’ve been honest with yourself, if you’ve reflected and jotted
down what’s in your mind and heart, you will see the three pieces of
the puzzle—dreams, passions and talents —interlock and everything
will become clear to you—perhaps little by little, perhaps all at once,
an epiphany of sorts—and you will see your purpose. This exercise
is likely to create this aha moment—eureka! This is the career I
should be pursuing, this is the legal field I should be tackling, this is
how I should be raising my family, this is how I should be affecting
change in my firm, my community, my voluntary bar association,
my charity. Defining who you are and what you should be doing
with your life, that’s the precursor to changing you and everything
around you for the better. Stay on this page. Reread it again and
again. Read through your journal again and again. Where everything
intersects—that’s where you need to be.
We All Have a Purpose

To find our purpose we must start with the premise that we all have
one. We all have a purpose on this earth. At any given moment
on any given day we are where we are to impact someone else’s
life for the better. That’s a big statement and some of you will
disregard it, but whether you believe it or not, whether you think
our life is simply random loaded with coincidences, I am here to
tell you that you are here just as I am here to do more than make
a living. We are meant to do more than get up in the morning,
shower and brush our teeth and go to work, spend the day at work,
come home, watch television and eat dinner, go to sleep and do
the exact same thing the next day, the next week, the next decade.
We were meant for more than going through the motions. More
than simply earning a paycheck. More than following the best new
television series. More than comparing notes about the vacation
we just came back from or the next one we’re planning. I don’t care
what you do, what you earn, what you have, what you’re worth,
what your parents did, or whether they were even around, where
you grew up, or what schools you attended or what you believe is
holding you back from making big things happen in big ways. You
have a purpose, and only you can determine what that purpose is,
and only you can plan to make that purpose a reality, and only you
can do the hard work to achieve that purpose. If you don’t believe
you have a purpose and I can’t convince you otherwise, then you
may as well put this book down. It’s not for you. But if you want
to give me and yourself the benefit of the doubt, keep reading.
Because you were meant to do great things. Don’t lose sight of
that. Believe it, because it’s true.
We All Have a Big, Impactful Purpose
Let’s graduate from the truth that we all have a purpose to the
truth that we all have a big, impactful purpose. Yes, not only do
you a have purpose which is your life’s mission to fulfill, but that
purpose is no small, inconsequential one. We weren’t meant do
little things, to live lives, as Thoreau says, of quiet desperation.
Think about your biggest ideas, your “impossible” goals and your
greatest desires. Assume you have no limitations—none as it
applies to time, resources and energy. You can do anything. Pursue
anything. Make anything happen. What do you do? Become a
premier trial lawyer? Become the go-to lawyer in a practice field?
Become general counsel of a fortune 100 company? Create a
process, product or company that becomes a market disrupter
and changes how we provide and pay for legal services? Creating
your pro bono clinic? Creating programs that cater to those who
most need legal services but are least able to pay for it? Maybe
your big idea goes beyond the law. Maybe you have an idea for a
new start up, new product, novel, non-fiction book or something
else entirely. Let your imagination wander, your dreams soar and
give this some thought and write down what comes to mind. You
were meant to do something bigger than yourself.
Our Purpose Will Change Others

Our purpose is inherently unselfish. Our purpose isn’t directed
toward self-aggrandizement. Our purpose isn’t to finish the
race with the most toys. If you’re struggling with defining your
purpose, appreciate that it involves raising others up, encouraging
and empowering them, and improving their lives. You’re serving
your clients, your colleagues, your friends and family and your
community. We are all social creatures. We don’t live on our own
personal islands. We weren’t meant to only advance our own
self interests. Musicians don’t create music to simply listen to
it themselves. They don’t compose and perform simply for the
money. They believe their music will improve others’ lives, will
connect with others and affect them for the better. Those who just
do it for the money, you can hear it in the music. There’s nothing
there to learn or experience or delve into. Whatever big thing
you want to create, build, develop, lead or grow, you will see that
others, and their needs, will be the starting and ending point of
the discussion. Amassing toys is for small people with small minds.
Think bigger.
Plotting Your Purpose
We will discuss later how to plan to achieve your purpose, but
for now let me make the point that without a plan you will never
achieve your life’s purpose. You may discover what it is, you may
have the talent and passion to pursue it, but without sitting down
and developing a plan to achieve it, you never will. It would be
akin to starting a business without a business plan or writing a
book without an outline. Knowing what you want to accomplish—
reducing your purpose and dreams to goals—is necessary. You
can’t “win,” if you haven’t first defined what a “win” looks like.
You can’t achieve your dreams if you can’t reduce those dreams
to actual goals. For example, you want to become a fiction writer.
What does that look like for you? Writing one novel? Several? Self-
publishing? Securing an agent? Securing a multi-book contract
with a publisher? What’s your goal? So, as you keep reading I will
be discussing writing out your goals and developing a plan to
achieve them. Where many lose focus or interest is in the planning
phase. Developing a plan takes time, patience, imagination, hard
work and some external guidance. But you’ll get there. More on
that later.
  
Getting Back to the Gurus
Do You Wonder Why You
Follow So Many of Them?
There are so many motivational speakers on so many different
platforms telling you how to be successful. You can search for
them on Google, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, on radio,
on television, on Amazon—the list is endless. They have books
and plans and seminars and conferences all designed to help you
do better. I’ve heard and seen and read my share of their advice.
They’re great storytellers, they’re great speakers and granted, great
motivators. For some, their approach works. Many swear by them.
But for those who haven’t had a life changing response listening
to them, why keep chasing them? Perhaps they motivate you for
a little while, but without going back to them (over and over), you
don’t follow through. Perhaps something they say resonates with
you, but life gets in the way and you lose the impact of what they
said (perhaps forgetting altogether what they said). Regularly
going back to motivational speakers and writers for a monthly,
weekly or possibly even a daily fix of motivation is probably not
the best use of your time (and your money, considering how
expensive some of these conferences and retreats are). What they
say sounds great. And you want to go back to keep hearing it, but
at some point you need to move beyond external motivators to
internal motivators. If these folks aren’t helping you develop your
own motivators, ever reliant on their motivational saying or speech
of the day, then you’re not growing toward achieving your life’s
purpose. If you’re going the motivational speaker/writer route, do
it in moderation and develop your own motivators to become less
reliant on what others say to motivate you.
Why Have You Read So

Many of Their Books?
If you’ve read a lot of motivational books, you’re not alone. So
have I. I don’t remember most of what I’ve read in them. Mostly
stories and anecdotes of others beating the odds, often later in
their life well after most of us would have thrown in the towel,
and reaching the pinnacle in something—acting, music, business,
athletics. So many stories of so many people with not enough
talent, money or connections achieving big dreams. The fact that
others beat the odds is heartwarming but doesn’t get you very
far when you are trying to do the same. You want all these books
summarized in a sentence? Others did it, others who had less than
you, and therefore you can do it too. You’re not interested in the
fact that others made it with less. You’re interested in how they
did. Invariably, they had a plan and pursued it wholeheartedly,
to achieve their goals. If you want to read “motivational books,”
read books by other lawyers who made it to the top of their
profession and explain how they did it. If you want to be a novelist,
read how to books by successful novelists. If you want to lead
an organization, read books by CEOs and coaches and religious
leaders who have led companies, teams and houses of worship
and read how they did it. If you love reading about the underdog,
read about underdogs who pursued the same dreams you want
to pursue and focus on their plain and their actions on achieving
what they achieved.
No One Can Tell You Who

You Are Other than You
The problem with chasing gurus is that only you know who you
are. Only you can figure out what your purpose is. Only you can
identify your talents and develop them. Only you can identify your
passions and use them to motivate you. Only you know what will
get you out of bed earlier, or get you to turn off the television
or stop procrastinating. The purpose of this book is to have you
reflect on you. Study you. Investigate you. The journaling aids you
in figuring out what you should be doing with your life because
only you can figure that out. You can get thoughts and advice from
others, including family and friends, but at the end of the day it’s
up to you to decide who you are and where you need to go and
what you need to do to get there. Maybe you have issues to work
out. If so, get help. Maybe you have addictions you struggle with. If
so, get help. Maybe there are obstacles or challenges you need to
tackle. If so, get help and tackle them. You need to work on you and
you need to figure you out and you need to the do the work to get
from A to B, to get from where you are to where you want to be.
Gurus can’t help you with all this. That’s on you. It’s a journey you
need to take. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary. You need to do this.
Only You Can Figure Out Your

Dreams, Passions and Talents
As you work your way through the exercises in this book, where
you analyze your dreams, passions and talents and write them
down and reflect upon them, you realize that only you can figure
out your role as a lawyer, as a spouse, as a parent, as a friend and
as a colleague. Only you can come to understand what you should
do with your life and what tools and motivators you have to make
it happen. Self-discovery begins with you, asking yourself a lot of
personal questions, requiring honesty and self-critical analysis.
Maybe you don’t have the skill set you believe you have. Maybe
you’re not passionate about the work you’re doing and likely never
will be. Maybe what you’re destined to do requires risks you don’t
want to take. Perhaps you’re afraid others will mock your dreams.
The path we should take is not an easy one. It involves hard work,
sacrifices, risks and temporary failures. You may figure out what
you should be doing and decide it’s not worth doing. You may
come to terms with your purpose and choose not to pursue it.
These are decisions each of us has to make for ourselves and only
each of us can figure out the road we should follow and decide
whether the sacrifices that come with it are worth it. We are all
meant to do big things. It’s up to each of us to discover what those
big things are and commit to pursue them, or choose not to. There
are consequences to not pursuing our purpose, never fulfilling our
potential, but you don’t need me to tell you that.
Only You Can Plot a Course

to Fulfill Your Dreams
Once you know where you have to go in life, you have to plot a
course to get there. You can ask others for advice, you can read
how others achieved similar dreams, you can seek all the input
you want, but ultimately you get to decide how you’re going to
chase your dreams. You know you. If you’re honest with yourself,
you know what you can do, how to do it and how to motivate
yourself to do it. Each of us is unique. We each have had our set
of successes and failures, joys and tragedies, accomplishments
and missed opportunities, goals and dreams. There are billions
of people on this earth, but there is only one you. Your road is
different from everyone else’s. Where you’re going and what
you’re supposed to accomplish is different from everyone else.
Only you were meant to live your dreams and fulfill your purpose.
Only you can plot a course to get there. No one can tell you what
to do with your life. No one has a right to. It’s yours. Figure out
what you should do with it and do it.
  
Self-Motivation
We Need Motivation to Do the
Things We Don’t Want to Do
Each of us has things we prefer not to do and we need motivation
to do them. Some of us don’t enjoy exercising. We haven’t done it
in a while or don’t do it regularly. We seek out workout partners,
group classes and trainers to encourage and motivate us. Each of
us has tasks or projects we would rather not do. If you’re at a law
firm or legal department where they’re making the most of your
talents and you’re practicing in an area that you enjoy and find
rewarding, you don’t need motivation to go to work, roll up your
sleeves and tackle the tasks at hand. If this isn’t your experience,
then you need to explore what aspects of your job motivate you
and spend more time focusing on those aspects. Maybe there are
cases you’re currently not handling that you would enjoy working
on. Maybe a different practice group in the firm would be a better
fit for both you and your firm. We do what we enjoy. We avoid
what we don’t. We don’t need others to encourage us to do what
we want. We need them to encourage us when we’re at the wrong
job, or handling the wrong cases. I understand with the present
economy and the legal market being what it is, sometimes we have
to take jobs we would rather not take to pay students loans and
our other bills. But you must always be focused on seeking out
work that aligns with your skills or passions. If you do, you won’t
need much, if any, external motivators.
No One Needs to Tell Us to

Do What We Enjoy
The flipside of needing motivation to do the things we prefer not
to, is that we rarely need motivation to do the things we want to
do. No one needs to tell us, “go read that new bestseller you’ve
been waiting to be released,” or “go write that article on that
topic you love.” The more motivation we need to do something
the less likely it is aligned with our talents, passions and dreams.
The less motivation we need, the more likely it is aligned with
them. Seek out what you truly enjoy and you’ll find less of a need
(if any) to keep following motivators. At your job, chase the cases
for which you have an aptitude and positive attitude. At your job,
position yourself to work with the partners and practice groups
who handle matters that highlight your talents and that you
would enjoy tackling. It takes a lot of energy to make yourself
do something you don’t want to do. Why not direct that energy
toward doing something you enjoy? The more you can direct
your time, resources and efforts to doing what you love, the less
external motivators you’ll need. The motivation will bubble up
inside you like a wellspring.
No One Needs to Light a Fire

Under Us to Chase Our Dreams
We naturally want to chase our dreams and make them a reality. I
think what stops most of us from doing so isn’t a lack of motivation
but a lack of knowledge of how to do so. We hear that some
dreamers don’t have the work ethic and don’t want to make the
sacrifices to make their dreams a reality. That’s true for some, but
for many it’s not a lack of will but a lack of understanding how to
transform their dreams into reality. Dreams have to be reduced
to goals and a plan must be developed to fulfill those goals. This
process is foreign to many and because it is, many dreams remain
just that—dreams. Motivation isn’t the issue. Planning is the issue.
If folks are given the tools to pursue their dreams, many will do so.
Yes, some, even if given the tools to chase their dreams, won’t. But
for most of us, motivation isn’t what is keeping us from chasing
out dreams. Target your dreams, and motivation will follow. Target
someone else’s dreams, someone else’s life, and you’ll never get
your fill of external motivation.
If You’re Chasing the Gurus, You’re

Seeking Their Help for the Wrong Things
If you’re chasing gurus, ask yourself, “Why?” Is it for motivation?
Do you need someone to kick your proverbial rear end to do
something? Is it because you don’t really want to do that something
and need someone to push and cajole you into doing it? If you
need someone to make you do something you don’t want to do,
should you really pursue it? Let’s put exercise and dieting aside,
because granted, many of us hate to do both and simply because
we hate it doesn’t mean we should avoid doing them. We all need
to get exercise and eat well, and I’ll be the first to admit these
things aren’t easy to do, and motivation helps to do them. But let’s
move beyond maintaining our personal health and the obstacles
to doing so. Let’s talk about the dreams we want to accomplish
(having a healthy lifestyle is something we should all do, and unless
you’re training for a marathon or Mr. Universe, it’s not a “dream”
you’re pursuing). For chasing and fulfilling our purpose, we don’t
need gurus to cheer us on. If you need them to help you keep in
shape, I get it. But you likely don’t need them to encourage you
to chase your goals for your career, family and community. If you
want to follow them, see what they say about defining goals,
devising a plan to pursue them and implementing the plan. This
process is something we can all use help with and to the extent
the gurus can help you with it then yes, do chase them. Make sure
you’re seeking their help with the things you really need help with
and not motivation for chasing someone else’s dreams.
Start with Your Purpose and

Motivation Will Follow
For those who focus on the wrong goals for themselves, motivation
does not come easy. They are chasing a dream that is not theirs
and need someone else’s motivation to help them achieve it. There
are many who actually achieve greatness but achieve someone
else’s greatness and are left to wonder how they got there. For
those keeping up with the Joneses, for those chasing a shadow of
the “American Dream” heavy on accumulation and light on giving,
those goals can be achieved but the destination is not what was
meant for them. But for those of us who start with our purpose,
start by taking the time to reflect upon why we are here and what
we are meant to do with the large and small moments of our life,
crystallizing for ourselves what a life well lived looks like for us,
the motivation soon follows. Discover your purpose and unleash
your motivation. Embrace your purpose and you will find the
time, energy and resources to pursue it. Many of us chase after
motivation first. Identify your purpose first and you won’t have to
seek out motivation.
Lack of Motivation Is a Strong

Indicator that You’re Chasing
Someone Else’s Dreams
Are there any goals you’re working towards now and have little
if any motivation to pursue? Again, putting aside health related
goals (which we should all pursue and for which many of us lack
motivation), are there career or life goals that you set for yourself
and you’ve struggled to pursue them—struggled to find the
energy or time or effort? Let’s say you have a plan to become the
go-to lawyer in a niche practice area. You start strong but your
interest soon fizzles out. You need to ask yourself whether you
really thought through pursuing this practice area. Did you pursue
it because you were excited about becoming an expert in that area
or did you do it because others were doing it? It was the new hot
area and why not jump on the train? And of course, from everything
you’ve read and heard, it’s so lucrative. So why not pursue it? There
are attorneys who are a good fit for that practice area, but you may
not be one of them, not because you’re not smart or hard working,
but because you simply can’t get excited about it. There are some
attorneys meant to do insurance coverage. That may not include
you. There are some attorneys meant to defend product liability
cases. That may not be you. If you’re pursuing a practice area for
the wrong reasons, for reasons that have little or nothing to do with
your talents and passions, you’re probably not going to succeed,
and even if you do, you’re not likely to derive much pleasure from
succeeding. If you need regular motivation to chase your dreams,
you may be chasing someone else’s.
Let Your Passions Motivate You

Study your list of passions. They are motivators. They will get you
off your butt, they will help you focus and they will be the engine
that drives you. Do you love being a mentor? You can mentor other
lawyers or law students and use your passion not only to help them
but to build your brand as someone who understand the practice
of law and can teach others about it, and in doing so, is well suited
to represent clients, who knows how to serve their needs. You love
being the center of attention, love having the spotlight on you but
you don’t get to try many, if any, cases (with fewer and fewer trials,
that’s true for most litigators these days) where you get to shine
and be in the middle of it all. How about public speaking? More to
the point, speaking on issues relevant to your practice area, where
other attorneys who can refer you cases can listen to you and see
for themselves that you’re a go-to lawyer who can handle their
matters. Passions can open our eyes to opportunities that others
don’t see. You love writing science fiction. How can you direct that
passion in your legal practice? Where the practice of law is going
and what it will look like a few years from now (even a few months
from now) sounds a lot like sci-fi. What if you blogged about
existing and coming legal trends and interspersed science fiction
vignettes into your discussion about the evolution of the practice
and how companies and firms can prepare for it and better use
existing and upcoming technology? You can exploit your passion
for writing science fiction where storytelling and the future of the
practice intersect. There is even a name for such folks—they’re
called legal futurists and they’re in high demand both for speaking
engagements (where you can meet and develop relationships with
referral sources) and for writing. And if this example seems too
farfetched, let me tell you that I love writing science fiction and
had some of my short stories published in legal publications and
one of my future projects is a book about where science fiction
and the law have and will intersect. Play to your passions and let
them motivate you.
Let Your Dreams Motivate You

Just as you should let your passions motivate you, let your dreams
motivate you. Go through your list of dreams you jotted down
and how they’ve evolved since you were a child. What dreams are
you still hanging on to and which ones had you forgotten about
or ignored and want to revive? Doing something big, creating
something of your own, starting over, making a splash—that’s
exciting. Those sort of things keep your mind moving and your
heart pumping. You don’t need coffee to pursue your dreams—
the adrenaline is built into them. Think about how excited you get
thinking or talking about them, planning to achieve them, working
toward them. If you identify your dreams, and you are certain they
are yours and not someone else’s, and that by pursuing them you’re
pursuing your purpose, then you won’t need external motivators to
chase them down. Dreams are inherently inspirational. Draw your
inspiration and motivation from them.
The Values of a Self-Motivator

Once you know the goals you’re aiming for, because you’ve sat
down with your journal and jotted everything down and thought
everything through, you’ll be motivated to achieve them. When it
comes to self-motivation, keep the following values at the forefront
of your mind and everything you do:
 You’re autonomous. You prefer to make your own
plans and pursue them on your own terms. You’re
your own motivator.
 You’re creative. You’re focused on accomplishing
the goals you set out for yourself, so when one door
closes you look for the nearest window.
 You believe in hard work. You understand identifying
your goals and planning to achieve them is only the
start. Executing that plan is hard work and you’re up
for it.
 You don’t accept “No” as an answer. You have an
idea, you pitch it, you get turned down, and you ask
again. Or you ask others. Or you tweak your ask.
Failure is not an option.
 You have character and integrity. You understand
there are rules, you play within the confines of those
rules and you make your living within those confines.
 And of course, you’re responsible. You’re responsible
for yourself, your job and your family. You don’t
blame others or situations when things go awry. You
don’t blame others for your failures and you don’t
put your success in others’ hands. You don’t need
someone else to tell you what to do, what to think or
what to pursue. You’re responsible for your own life
and you direct it where it should go.
This is what it takes and these are the values that will sustain you.
Hold onto them. You will need them.
The Paradigm of a Self-Motivator

How you see the world affects how you interact with it. If your
paradigm is that you need others to motivate you, then you’re
dependent on them. You can’t accomplish anything without them.
If you need direction or advice, you’re looking toward them. But
what if you shifted your paradigm from looking toward others to
looking at yourself? What do you want? What are your plans to get
it? What do you have to do to get from A to B? Self-motivation is
taking responsibility for fulfilling your purpose in life. You have a
purpose, it’s big and important and will help others, and it’s up to
you to define it, plan to achieve it and pursue it. That’s on you. You
need motivation? Draw it from that. Draw it from pursuing your
purpose, because both the journey and destination will provide
you joy and fulfillment. Where others see the mountain and refrain
from climbing, you assume the challenge. You understand that it
involves time and sacrifice, obstacles and setbacks, and that there
will be failures along the way. And you understand that each of
us was meant for greatness, and that you don’t pick your destiny
but that it’s already picked you, waiting on you to figure that out
and pursue it. Most folks don’t believe they have a destiny. You
do and you know it’s waiting for you. That’s the paradigm of a
self-motivator.
  
Don’t Settle for Being a Dreamer
Dreams Don’t Become Reality on Their Own
Having dreams is just the beginning. They require a plan to
make them a reality and the plan needs your hard work hard to
succeed. Everyone has a product they want to patent. Everyone
has a get rich quick scheme. Everyone is a “entrepreneur.” But
when it comes to the planning and the hard work, when it comes
to taking risks and tackling challenges, most folks aren’t up to it.
They are spectators. They are not the ones in the arena. Consider
dreams to be both the beginning and end of a race. Dreams are
the beginning, because that’s what you start out with. You start
with what your dreams are—identifying them and writing them
down. That’s the starting gate. That’s where the pistol goes off.
Many folks start the race. But for most, it ends there. They don’t
see the finish line, where the dream is fulfilled. They don’t put in
the time, planning, energy and resources to finish the race, where
their dreams are waiting for them. Dreams have a starting point
and an ending point. Most step up to the starting line. Some even
run a bit but most walk away. Your dreams won’t happen on their
own. You need to make them a reality.
Dreams Require a Plan

You don’t settle on a dream one day and go chasing after it the
next. The dream is the end point. Between here and there, there
is a lot to do and you need to figure out what needs to be done,
how and when. All this requires a plan. You need to set goals for
yourself and create a plan to achieve those goals. You want to be
a leading attorney on cyber security? That’s not going to happen
overnight. You’ll need to master the law in the area, write on the
topic, present and speak on the topic, lead organizations that
address the topic, represent clients with matters in the area, win
cases in the areas and overall develop a reputation as the go-to
lawyer in the area. To do all this requires a plan where you spell
out your goals and the steps you will take to achieve them. You
set out a proposed calendar for yourself and find an accountability
partner to keep you focused and on task. You said you would
give yourself three months to read X to learn the practice area.
How is that going? How far along are you in completing the task
of learning the law in the area? So you’ve tackled this aspect and
you’re next short term goal was to write a column on the topic for
a trade magazine? How is that going? You need a plan, you need
to set benchmarks, you need to create deadlines for yourself for
achieving those benchmarks and you need to be prepared for any
obstacles or setbacks along the way. Your dreams simply don’t
become a reality without a plan.
Dreams Require Work

Dreams require work, a lot of it, to make them a reality. The bigger
the dream, the more the work. The higher the goals you set for
yourself, the higher the climb. Becoming a partner is a lot of work.
Becoming a practice chair takes more work. Becoming managing
partner takes even more work. Becoming a top rainmaker is even
more work. There are no shortcuts. This book isn’t about shortcuts.
There are no get rich quick schemes. You have a dream, you develop
a plan to achieve the dream and you work hard to accomplish the
plan. That’s it. What I have to say isn’t novel nor revolutionary. In
fact, I’m probably just confirming what you’ve already heard and
what you already know. This book is for those who are willing to put
in the hard work but don’t quite know what hard work to do. They’ll
put in the time and the long hours but want to make sure they’re
not spinning their wheels or running in several different directions
all at once. They’re willing to work hard. They just want to make
sure they’re working smart. It’s saying the obvious but it must be
said nonetheless—working hard is a prerequisite to accomplishing
any dream. Anything worth pursuing takes work.
Dreams Require Sacrifice

If you’re pursuing your dreams, you’re not setting your alarm for
8 am, or even 7 am. Try 6 am or even 5:30 am. If you’re working
toward your dreams, you’re not binge watching the new series
on Netflix. If you’re doing the work your dreams require, you’re
playing fewer rounds of golf or attending fewer sporting events
or reading fewer novels. There are only so many hours of the day,
so every hour you spend on your dreams is an hour that has to
come from somewhere else. You need to work, you need to eat,
you need to exercise and you need to sleep. Not many hours left.
So that favorite television show may become a casualty. Carousing
with friends may have to be reined in. Happy hours may have to be
reduced (unless you’re doing them for networking and business
development reasons). Just as dieting requires us to cut back
on desserts and exercise regimes require us to sweat and push
ourselves physically, chasing a dream requires us to say no to other
things so we can say yes to pursuing it. My television died in our
living room. We decided not to replace it. Without the distraction,
I’ve had the time to write much more, which is my dream. Find the
time wasters in your life and choose your dreams over them.
Dreams Require Self-Motivation

We’ve already talked about this (in fact, we’ve talked about it a lot),
but heck, let’s talk about it some more. No one is better at motivating
you to chase your dreams, which are personal to you, than you. You
know why they’re important to you. You know what they mean to
you. You know why you’re pursuing them. You know what’s at stake
if you don’t achieve them. No one else can tell you what happens if
you make them come true or what happens if you don’t. You know
what gets you up, gets your blood pumping, your mind racing, puts
a smile on your face and makes you fight and charge the hill. You
know all this. Look inside, find your voice and let it scream in your
ear that it’s time to get up and get to work. Sir, yes sir.
It’s Up to You Whether Your

Dreams Become a Reality
No one can make your dreams come true except you. They’re
your dreams. Own them. Embrace them. Live them. No one else
can put flesh and bone on your dreams. Everyone else has their
own dreams to pursue. They neither have the time, will nor desire
to help you pursue yours. You’re on your own on this one. That
can be overwhelming, but it’s also exhilarating. Think about it.
You have a dream. You have a plan to achieve. Your pursue it. You
achieve it. How cool is that? When I volunteer for a bar association,
such as the DRI for example, I propose a new idea, something
the organization hasn’t done before, possibly something no bar
association has done before. I explain the idea to the leadership,
propose a plan to bring the idea to fruition and then I take it upon
myself to make it a reality. Those are the three simple steps – idea,
plan and hard work. Turning an idea into reality is a lot of fun. And
when it’s done, you can look at it and say, from nothing came
something, and I was a part of that, and if I could do that, I can
tackle an even bigger project, an even larger dream. But making
this happen depends on you. Yes, depending on the project, you
may get help, you may need help. Yes, it may require a team to
accomplish it. But making your dreams come true, the idea, the
planning, the motivation, the momentum—that’s on you.
  
Reality Check
Most Don’t Care About Your Dreams
You know what most people think about your dreams? Nothing.
They don’t care. They have their own problems and concerns,
their own worries and obligations, and could care less about
your dreams. You talk to them about your purpose and destiny
and they politely listen and seek out the first opportunity to
change the subject. They’d rather talk about the news, or sports
or the hot new show that premiered last night. If you’re looking
for affirmation, don’t bother. If you’re wanting others to cheer
you on, you’re probably not going to get it. Actually, many will
scratch your heads about your dreams, and your plans and what
you’re doing to achieve the, because many folks don’t think
that way and the idea of pursuing one’s dreams is alien to them.
Sure, they want to do well at work, they want promotions, they
want to be valued. But pursuing big ideas? Many folks don’t
think in those terms and are confused, even taken back a little,
when others do. It can come across like one of those self-help
gurus we’ve been discussing. It doesn’t seem genuine because
from their view, who actually thinks that way? Who defines their
dreams and plots a course to make them a reality? So don’t be
surprised when others don’t want to hear about your dreams.
That’s just the way it is.
Many Want to See You Fail

Not only do others not want to hear about your dreams, some
of them actually want you to fail. Yes, they want you to fail. The
way they see it, the more you achieve, the less it appears they
have achieved by comparison. They don’t want to do the hard
work, so they’re envious when others do and make something of
themselves. They don’t have their own dreams, of if they do, they
lack the initiative, effort and work ethic to pursue them, so they
cringe when others achieve what they only dream of achieving.
They don’t appreciate that each of us has our own destiny, and
wasting time tearing others down prevents them from fulfilling
their purpose. It also creates a frame of mind where energies
better spent building themselves up are wasted on tearing
others down. We only have so much time, energy and effort to
make our dreams a reality. These folks would prefer to use those
precious resources on wishing ill to others. Therefore, be careful
with whom you share your aspirations. They may be praying for
you to fail.
Most Don’t Want to Hear Your Plan
To transform dreams into reality you need a plan. The bigger the
dream, the more moving parts the plan has. You’d be tempted to
share your plan, and all its minute details with others, partially so
you can hear how it out sounds out loud, partially to seek others’
input and partially to get a pat on your back. The fact is most
don’t want to hear about your dreams and could care even less
about your plans for achieving them. Plans take time to create and
because they can involve so many issues can take a long time to
explain. You could monopolize lunch conversations talking about
it, so don’t. Just don’t. If you need someone’s feedback, pick wisely.
Include your spouse, a close friend, maybe someone from work.
But keep your advisory board small and do the heavy lifting when
creating your plan so you don’t come to them with every little
detail. There’s a lot of planning and thought in developing and
executing a plan. Most of that is on you.
Don’t Look for Encouragement

from Others
You have to be your own cheerleader. Everybody enjoys the
occasional congratulations, but don’t seek it out. It’s great to have
an encouraging spouse, family and friends. You yourself should
go out of the way to encourage others, having experienced
firsthand the level of dedication required to work toward your
dreams. But don’t ask others for it. You need to be self-sufficient
when it comes to encouragement. It’s your vision. Your plan.
Your process. It needs to be your words playing in your head that
you’ve got this, that any setbacks or failures are temporary, and
that you’re going to proceed forward hell or high water. Pursuing
your destiny can be very lonely. It can be very discouraging. But
if you believe in the mission and believe in your heart of hearts
that you’re pursuing what you were put on this earth to do, you
can draw encouragement from that. And what’s the alternative?
Give in? Throw in the towel? To what end? To continue with the
daily slog without an end in sight, without an alternative where
you win and everyone lives happily ever after, fade to black and
roll the credits? We’re all looking for that joyous ending. There’s
going to be bumps on the way there. Press forward and don’t
look back.
In Fact, Don’t Share What
You’re Doing with Others
Trust me—your life will be easier and less stressful if you keep
your dreams, plans and efforts to yourself (with the exception of
close loved ones). Most don’t care. Many will offer criticism. Many
will offer unsolicited advice, which generally is unhelpful, and will
get annoyed when you don’t follow it. Many will play down your
accomplishments, talk about their own or simply patronize you.
I only let folks know after I’ve accomplished what I set out to
accomplish. I’m going to write a book? It’s need-to-know and it’s
not until after it’s published that I talk about it. At that point you’ve
done what you’ve set out to do, you fulfilled your goal, and there’s
little unwarranted criticism or advice that others can share with you
because you did it and you’re moving onto the next project. I wish
people didn’t behave this way, but too many do, and you’re not
the one who’s going to change them. Keep your plans to yourself
until you fulfill them.
Don’t Discuss It on Social Media

It’s one thing to share your plans with your close family and friends.
It’s quite the other to share it with everyone on social media. Some
use social media as a source of encouragement, sharing with others
their plans and achievements. Don’t do that. Many folks don’t want
to hear about your plans and most quickly tire of congratulating
you. Understand that social media is not the equivalent of deep,
personal relationships nor should it be a substitute for them. Social
media allows us to keep up with more people with less effort, and
it can feel at times all too real, all too personal. But it isn’t. It’ll
never substitute sitting down with others over a meal or a cup of
coffee. And because of that, you’re not going to get what you’re
looking for on social media. You can always lend others a word of
encouragement, let them know you’re thinking of them, but don’t
be that person who seeks that encouragement on social media.
You’re going to get a whole lot of silence and some negative
comments and little of what you really need.
Just Do It Quietly
Go about your business quietly. Don’t brag. Don’t over share. Don’t
take the opportunity when others ask you how it’s going or how
your weekend was to go on and on about your plans and dreams.
Whatever you do, be humble and keep it to yourself. Most folks
prefer banal conversation about the weather, television, movies or
music. Talking about your big ideas and dreams often isn’t received
well. It should be. We should all be sharing with one another our
plans and encouraging each other to achieve them. But that’s not
how the world works. There are just too many people who don’t
care, are too busy or too self-centered to listen patiently and give
valuable feedback. So you’re better off going about your business,
pursuing your dreams and keeping silent about it.
Seek Advice Judiciously

Opinions are, as they say, like noses, everyone has one. Everyone
you share your dreams with will have an opinion. Some will be
skeptical, and encourage you to abandon them. Others will be
supportive, but will offer unsolicited advice that doesn’t fit with
your plans. As we discussed earlier, we’re all unique, each with our
own special gifts and our own distinct destiny. And we all see the
world through the prism of our life experiences, our talents and our
own plans and dreams. So when you reach out to others, they’re
invariably going to offer advice through their own paradigm, not
yours. They are going to see the world differently than you. Most
folks give advice from their own vantage point and, accordingly,
that advice may be what’s best for them but not for you. And it’s
hard to encapsulate what you’re setting out to do and why in a
conversation to others’ when asking for their advice. There is too
much nuance and too many details to provide others a complete
picture (which they need to limit their own perspectives and biases
when offering advice) in any conversation. So be thoughtful about
who you ask for advice and the type of advice you seek. It may be
good advice generally, but it may be terrible advice for you.
  
Where Talents and Passions Intersect
Find Common Ground Between
Your Talents and Passions
You’ve written down your talents. You’ve written down your
passions. See where the two intersect. See where there is common
ground between them. You’ll find much overlap between your
talents and passions. You have the talents you have to serve your
passions. You have the passions you have to direct your talents.
There are no coincidences here. There is no coincidence that you
have oratory talents and you’re passionate about being a trial
lawyer. It’s not dumb luck that you’re a great storyteller and you
love to write. You will always find a nexus between what you’re
good at and what you’re passionate about. It may not be a perfect
nexus and there may not be complete overlap, but there is a strong
relationship between the two that cannot be denied and that must
be mined to advance our goals and dreams. I’m not sure which
came first—a bit of a chicken and egg scenario—do we start out
with talents that fuel our imaginations or do we have passions that
hone in on our talents that can advance those passions? Whichever
it is, there is a nexus there.
What Have You Done Where

They Intersected?
Write down a list of activities you have done where your talents
and passions have intersected. Don’t limit the list simply to
work activities. Include hobbies, volunteer work, community
involvement, serving on boards, etc. Where they’ve intersected
before is a good indicator of where they can intersect in the
future. If you’re a natural leader and have maximized this skill at
your house of worship or local charity, you can do the same at
your firm or voluntary bar association. If you’re exceptional at
the sciences and assist your kids with their chemistry homework,
you may be a perfect fit for a drug & medical device practice
group. Not many lawyers love the life sciences. That’s why they’re
lawyers and not doctors. So think about each time you’ve done
something where you were both great at it and loved doing it. Jot
those circumstances down. Maybe it was organizing a gala or a
conference, or rolling out a new initiative at work or at a charity, or
starting a pro bono service or directing a high school play. Maybe
you took up your long lost love of art, music or theater? Often,
what we love outside of work can benefit us at work. Helping a
struggling ballet troupe can put us in touch with business folks who
support the arts and need legal counsel for their companies. Study
the intersection points—there’s often overlap with your career.
What Can You Do to Ensure

that They Intersect?
Sometimes talents and passions intersect without much foresight
or effort from you. More likely, you need to sit down, list your
talents in one column, you passions in another, and reflect on
where you can make them come together, feed off one another
and use them in a complimentary fashion to help you achieve
favorable outcomes. At work, look for opportunities to represent
clients, handle cases and tackle tasks that play to your strengths
and for which you are passionate. If you love medical issues, you’ll
likely enjoy personal injury or product matters involving personal
injuries. You get to depose doctors and experts in their fields
through a forensic lens. I knew an attorney who worked at a large
firm and his sole role was to depose doctors in tobacco litigation
matters. That’s not my dream, but he loved it. If you’re doing
what you love and you’re good at it, you’ll do it well and you will
add value to your firm or corporate law department. Your boss, if
she’s a good leader, wants that for you, wants to make reasonable
accommodations to make that happen, because if you’re doing
this, you’re not only benefitting yourself but the firm or company,
and you’re providing the best value for her and for everyone else.
Where at Your Job Do They Intersect?

Make a list of tasks at work where your talents and passions
intersect. If you love writing, maybe you can focus on preparing
the memoranda and briefs on your firm’s cases and let others
handle other aspects. This division of labor works best at larger
firms where several attorneys are assigned to the same matter.
Research and writing attorneys may need to look at larger firms
which handle larger cases which have specific attorneys assigned
to handle the research and writing. Conversely, if you’re great at
taking depositions and are passionate about pinning witnesses
down and extracting favorable admissions, that could become
your niche at a firm. Of course, you should learn to handle a case
from soup to nuts, including trial, and whatever your preference,
you should make yourself handle all aspects of cases, even those
you don’t enjoy (who likes answering discovery, right?). But there
may be opportunities at your firm to spend more time handling a
specific aspect of litigation, and if you have that opportunity, and
neither you nor the firm pigeon hole you into that narrow window
of activity, then consider pursuing it. It will highlight your strengths
and will benefit the firm and its clients. Preferably, you can identify
types of cases that suit your repertoire of skills and passions and
handle those matters.
Where in Your Personal Life

Do They Intersect?
Our focus on our talents and passions need to go beyond their
application at work. How do they apply at home? How do they
apply in your interactions with your spouse and kids? With your
friends? At your house of worship? You’re a great storyteller. Do
you tell your kids bed time stories you make from whole cloth? Do
you make them the protagonists and get them to help tell the story,
training them to become storytellers too? Do you have the skills
to help your spouse’s dreams become a reality? Are there hobbies
you do together as a family, where your family gets to share their
talents and passions? We don’t have talents and passions simply
to advance our career. We have them to support our family, to
help spouses and kids achieve their dreams, to give back to our
community, to serve our family, friends and neighbors. We have
talents and passions not simply to serve our personal needs, but to
serve others. Not simply to advance our careers, but to help others
with theirs and their needs. So as much as you focus on maximizing
your talents and passions at work, do the same at home.
Ask a Spouse or Close Friend

Where They See Them Intersect
Sometimes we’re too close to things. We see the trees but not
the forest. We don’t see our destiny because we don’t see where
our talents and passions naturally intersect. Sometimes others
see what we don’t. Ask your spouse and your close friends where
they see the intersection points, where they see you doing what
you’re best suited for. They can answer the following questions for
you: When are you happiest? Most focused? What do you discuss
frequently? What gets your attention? What are you good at?
Where do you make the most impact? When are you in a groove?
They see first-hand your strengths and weaknesses, and see where,
when and how you use your strengths and when those strengths
are interwoven with your passions. Sometimes those closest to
you are not the most objective, but they have the most experience
seeing what you do and what makes you joyful and can open your
eyes to what you should be doing (or doing more of).
  
Developing Your Talents
Talents Must Be Fed
Talent isn’t enough. You need to work on them. You need to feed
them. My sons are gifted musicians. They don’t have to practice
as much as others to attain the same level of musicianship. They
do, however, have to practice. Not as much practice, but practice
nonetheless. Professional athletes may be natural athletes but that
doesn’t mean they don’t spend hours in the gym every morning
and the field or court every day improving those talents. They were
born to play professional sports—that was their destiny—but they
sacrificed a lot to get there. Talent, for them, was not enough. Let’s
say, you’re a natural public speaker. You love the attention, you
love the crowds, you love feeding off their energy, improvising.
Being satisfied with the same old opening lines and anecdotes
and jokes and the same delivery won’t get you far though. You’ll
want to watch other speakers give presentations and see what you
respond to as an audience member and what you don’t. You’ll want
to read books on public speaking. You may take the time and join
the local Toastmasters. Simply relying on your talent makes you
a good public speaker. Developing your talents will make you a
great one. No matter what your talents, provide them the proper
care and feeding.
Explore the Scope of Your Talents

How talented are you? Really, how broad and deep are your
talents? Find the right setting and put your talents to the test.
Don’t explore the scope of your talents on a case or working
with a client. Find something where little if nothing is at stake but
which requires you to use your talents, and see just how talented
you are. Let’s take an example. Let’s say you’re a good writer,
and to put a finer point on it, you’re a good non-fiction writer.
You write articles for legal publications and even have ventured
to write a book on a legal subject or practice area. The articles,
and especially the book, took longer than expected. You doubted
your writing talents and vacillated on the subject areas you were
writing about. You kept redoing the lead and the conclusion and
all in all, it took longer than expected and the final product, though
strong, wasn’t, in your opinion, strong enough. What happened?
You second guessed yourself throughout the process, and the
final piece wasn’t so much you as it was what you thought others
wanted it to be. In effect, you sabotaged your own talents. So
let’s start over. You’re a good writer. Others have told you so (not
just your spouse or friends). If you’re honest with yourself and not
being overly humble, you know you’re a good writer. So, let’s do
this. You’re going to write a 1000 word article over two nights at
home. You’re on a self-imposed deadline and you have to do the
best you can in 3 to 4 hours. What happens? I bet what happens
is that you write a pretty darn good article and discover you can
turn around a piece in short order. And suddenly you have some
clues about just how good a writer you are. And you have the
added benefit of knowing you can turn around articles on short
notice, which opens up new opportunities for you to get published.
I have an exercise I do. I give myself 30 days to write a book (which

I work on in the evenings and on the weekends). I don’t even
start with a topic in mind. I just start with a 30 day deadline. And
then I do it. I’ve written several books (including this one) with
this arbitrary self-imposed deadline. I’ve tested the scope of my
writing talents (and in the process, matured those talents), and
now, intuitively, know what I can and can’t do as a writer. Push your
talents to the failure point and see what amazing things you can
do. You’ll never know just how good you are at something until
you’ve tested the hypothesis that you are, in fact, quite good at it.
Seek Out Opportunities to Use Your Talents

Whether at work, at home, or while volunteering, seek out new
opportunities to use your talents for the benefit of others. Maybe
you’re a natural leader or a natural manager. Maybe you’re
natural at planning events, developing business plans, marketing
or fundraising. When opportunities present themselves (or you
search them out), ask yourself, “Do my talents fit the need,
and if so, how?” “How does this situation make the most of my
talents, and how can I use them to help others in this set of
circumstances?” You may have non-traditional talents requiring
you to seek out nontraditional opportunities to use them. Or you
may have traditional ones which may serve you and others in non-
traditional settings. What cases at work make the most of your
talents? Which voluntary organizations? Which activities? Which
projects? For example, when getting involved in an organization,
find what activities they do that most suit your talents, and
volunteer for those activities. If you’re a great writer, write for or
edit their publications. If you’re very thoughtful and logical, help
them with their strategic planning. If you’re empathic and a good
listener, assist with their new membership drive. If you do what
you’re good at, you will be maximizing your talents for the good
of the organization.
Use Your Talents in the Office
There’s a regular debate among professionals—do you play to
your strengths or do you work on your weaknesses? Of course,
you should do both. The better question is how much time and
energy should you devote to one over the other? As lawyers, we
wear a lot of hats and are called upon to handle a variety of issues,
matters and concerns. You can’t simply do one aspect of your
job and ignore the others. Even if we have a specialty, we’re still
utility players juggling several tasks at once. So yes, take the time
to work on your weaknesses, but take more time to play to your
strengths. Seek out opportunities on your cases to tackle issues
and tasks that highlight and make the most of your strengths. Seek
out practice groups or cases that call out for your strengths. Yes,
there will be aspects of those cases that will require skill sets you
need to improve. But, hopefully, there are large swaths of work to
be done in those cases for which you are well suited. Doing high
quality, distinctive work is what the client and your firm wants, so
seek out opportunities whether handling a case or volunteering
for a specific project on a case to do so.
Use Your Talents in Voluntary

Bar Associations
Applying your talents in a voluntary bar association is easy. Since
it’s volunteer based, no one makes you do anything. You get to
volunteer for what best suits your talents. You don’t have to write
if you don’t want to. You don’t have to speak if you don’t want
to. You don’t have to fundraise if you don’t want to. You can look
at an organization, study what they do and what they offer their
members, and choose those activities that highlight your talents.
When I volunteer for organizations I seek out two opportunities—
opportunities to write and opportunities to lead. I love writing
and I love developing a vision and a plan and implementing them.
So I write articles and books and edit publications and I propose
projects and plans to make them a reality (and then do the work
I decided needed to be done). There are certain things I’m not
good at—like fundraising, so I avoid tasks that involve fundraising.
If there’s a big gala that requires sponsorships, I’m not the best
person to seek out and secure those sponsorships. I can do it,
and I have, but others are much better at it than me and they
should be the ones tasked to do so. But you can do a lot for an
organization, get very well known in the organization, and develop
business through the organization by volunteering for tasks that
highlight your talents.
Use Your Talents at Home

Your talents’ usefulness isn’t limited to work. They have a role at
home too. They can help your spouse tackle volunteer projects.
They can help with upcoming PTA events. They can help your kids
evaluate their own talents and passions and aide them in pursuing
their destiny. In fact, there are few things more fulfilling than
helping your kids identify and pursue their dreams. Experiencing
with them their “aha” moments when they realize what their talents
are, what their passions are and plotting a plan for their dreams
and destiny. These moments, this process, witnessing it, being a
part of it—there is little that is more joyful, more heartwarming.
Often, there is a synergy between a child’s talents and passions
and one’s own. That’s not to say they have the same talents or
share similar destinies as you do, but just as you were imbued with
certain talents and passions to achieve your dreams, you were
provided those same talents and passions to compliment your
children’s and help them achieve their dreams. Not only are there
no coincidences as to the skill set with which we’re imbued, there
are no coincidences with those who come into our lives and need
our skill set to assist them in chasing their dreams.
Use Your Talents in the Community

Go beyond work and family and seek out opportunities to serve
your community. You could do it through working on a board of
a local non-profit, volunteering at community events or starting
something entirely new that benefits your neighbors. When
you volunteer, you get to choose what to do, so you can seek
out tasks that play to your strengths. In your pursuit to serve,
avoid tasks for which you’re not well suited. The purpose isn’t
simply to serve. The purpose is to serve through your talents.
Any organization, including a volunteer one, is comprised of
different individuals with different talents. No one of us can do
everything. And no organization can thrive when everyone shares
the same talents. So you need to do what you’re good at, and
others have to be chosen to do what they’re good at, and if the
leadership of the organization is doing its job, it’s matching the
right people with the right talents for the right jobs. If you want
to be a leader, you need to identify others talents and passions
and put them to work for the organization. One of the biggest
mistakes a leader makes is hiring a talented person for a job
where her talents go to waste, and she struggles to do a job for
which she is not well suited.
Grow Your Talents

Take the time to nurture and grow your talents. You want to learn
their applicability to your career, family, friends and community.
Talents are like muscles—they need to be used, and the more
you use them, the more they grow. Test them, apply them, find
different scenarios to use them—by doing so, not only will you
develop your existing talents, you may uncover secondary talents
you previously were unaware of. Most don’t have your talents and
no one can use and apply them like you. If you don’t develop them,
nurture them, push them to their limits, then there will be countless
opportunities—tasks that were meant for you to tackle, obstacles
for you to overcome, folks that needed your help—that will go to
waste. There are tasks to be done in this world that only you can
do. There are others who need help that only you can provide.
If your talents stagnate, then you’ll never completely fulfill your
destiny, and a half-lived life is a tragedy.
Explore New Opportunities

to Use Your Talents
Think of new ways to use your talents. Maybe you have a new
idea about how the firm can market its practice areas, or perhaps
you have an idea on how your local voluntary bar association can
generate revenue, or how your house of worship can raise funds
for a new sanctuary. Perhaps what you need is to apply your skills
to a goal or plan no one has thought of yet, a plan no one but you
has skills to execute. Some talents can be applied across a wide
array of opportunities waiting for them. Some talents are more
specialized and narrow and must be analyzed more thoroughly to
appreciate a wider application for them. Whatever your talents,
think about how they can be used in different circumstances and
situations. Ponder on a fit for them and on scenarios which benefit
both you and others. Tap into your imagination and ingenuity to
see opportunities others have yet to see. It is through this self-
exploration that new opportunities for you and your talents will
present themselves.
Seek Others with Complementary Talents
As leaders, we need to put together teams, and successful
teams are often comprised of talented individuals whose talents
complement one another. You’re good at X, he’s good at Y and
she’s good at Z. Acknowledge your weaknesses and seek out
those whose strengths are in those areas. When you evaluate
successful law firms or businesses, you see a wide variety of skill
sets across the individuals who comprise the organization. In a
firm, for example, you may have great writers, great orators, great
marketers, great managers and great visionaries. Each plays a
role in the sustainability and growth of the organization. No one
person can be great at all of this (if one can, it’s quite rare). The
right people for the right job can make an organization grow by
leaps and bounds. Placing folks where they belong is the sign of an
intuitive and successful leader. At your work and in the associations
you belong to, seek out folks with complementary skill sets and
see what synergies you have to tackle projects that neither of you
could do on your own, but by aggregating your skills, you can do
it collectively.
  
Fueling Your Talents With Your Passion
Talent Isn’t Enough
I don’t care how talented you are. I don’t care what skills you have.
It doesn’t matter how naturally you perform certain tasks. Talent
isn’t enough. If you’re not passionate about what you’re doing,
you’re going through the motions. If you’re not passionate about
your job, your skills aren’t being tested and challenged. If you’re
not passionate, then your talents don’t have the fuel they need for
you to do the best, to be the best. I know a lot of talented people
who don’t use their talents, or simply get by on them. They’re
talented writers, who don’t want to write for legal publications,
because who has the time. They’re talented speakers who don’t
want to market themselves. My boys are gifted student musicians.
They practice a lot because they love music. They have friends
who are also gifted, but skate by on their talents. They could be so
much more, but they choose not to be. Talent may get you across
the finish line, but it won’t get you across it first. You have to want
to finish first. You have to have the drive to do so. Without the
passion, you’ll never appreciate how far or deep your talents go
because you’ll only be working with what you need to do the job
at hand and little if nothing more. Talent plus passion is the key.
Passion Directs Your Talent

Think of your talent as the automobile and your passions as the
driver. Talent will get you to the destination but it needs passion
to direct it. What you find exciting, what drives you, what gets you
out of bed in the morning, what you dream of, what you read and
talk about—your passions —these will focus you on what goals
to pursue and will fuel your talents. Your talents may have varied
applicability, and your passions can find their right application for
you. What you love will direct how you use your talents. What gets
you excited will drive your passions to pursue what excites you.
Passion is the reason you love to do X. Let that passion instruct you
on how to apply your talents to X. You’ve already studied where
your talents and passions intersect. Let your passions make the
most of those intersection points and find new and novel ways to
make the most of your talents.
Passion Motivates You to Use Your Talents

Let’s revisit the motivational speakers. What they have to say
sometimes will resonate with you and sometimes it won’t. Their
inspirational sayings and anecdotes may be exactly what you
need one day and not the next. They’re not you. They don’t know
your talents and passions. It’s like drinking water but never having
it quench your thirst. Your passions provide a fountain that will
never run out, and will always, if you allow them, wake you up
early, keep you up late, skip television and avoid other diversions
and distractions that prevent you from using their talents to their
fullest. Passion keeps you from staring at your watch, makes
mornings and afternoons disappear without notice, helps you
focus and keeps you going when others have called it a day. Your
passions compel you to get up and move toward your goals. They
are drawn to your talents because they see them as a conduit to
those goals. If you let them, they will utilize your talents in ways you
never believed or anticipated. A motivational speaker can never
do this. Only your passions can.
Passion Informs You on How

to Leverage Your Talents
They say imagination is the mother of invention, but passion is what
drives your imagination to envision old and new ways to leverage
your talents. When you want something, really want something,
your passion for it is machinating every which way to get it. You’re
not coloring within the lines anymore. You’re out of the box,
reflecting on anything and everything you can do to achieve your
goal. Your passion to secure X, achieve Y or accomplish Z opens
up your mind’s horizon to apply your talents to get what you want.
Passion drives us to satisfy it and in so doing opens our eyes to new
avenues and possibilities on how our talents can be applied, grown,
expanded and recruited to serve it. Passion focuses us on the end
game, because it wants to win. Passion serves as a foil to our fear,
hesitancy and laziness. At the start of each day there is a struggle
between our passions and the status quo. A struggle between what
we want and what we’re satisfied with. If you allow your passions to
leverage your talents, most days your passions are going to have
the upper hand and dictate to you how the day will go. And when
it does, when the sun wanes and you’re back in bed, with your arm
under your pillow, you’ll say to yourself, this was a great day.
Talent Without Passion Is Dead

You can have all the talent in the world, but without passion
fueling it, directing it, driving it and maximizing it, your talent is
on life support. You have it, but you don’t quite know what to
do with it, you don’t feel compelled to use it or develop it, and it
atrophies. You may have talent to play the saxophone, but if you’re
not passionate about playing it, you’ll never practice and never
realize how good you could become. Remember that there is often
overlap between our talents and passions, so focus on that, and
use your passions to invigorate and drive your talents. You have to
want to use your talents to accomplish a goal. Without that desire,
your talents will be underutilized, if utilized at all.
Search Out Others Who Are Like Minded

Not only will your passions fuel your talents, others with similar
passions will do so too. If you love a burgeoning area of the law,
there is no doubt there is already an organization that caters to
attorneys who love it. Join the organization, volunteer, get involved
and get to know others with similar passions. They love this area
of the law. You love it. You have something in common to talk
about. You can learn from them more about the area and how to
flourish as an attorney handling matters in the area. Folks who
love the same thing love being together to talk about that thing.
There was a fiction phase of my life where I wrote short stories.
Since I didn’t have a fiction writing background, I joined a weekly
class at my local community college. I quickly made friends and
we talked about writing—a lot. How to brainstorm, how to deal
with writer’s block, how to outline a story and to whom to pitch
it. I’ve also been involved with practice committees in various bar
associations I’ve belonged to, including DRI, where I’ve socialized
and become friends with others in my practice area, and have
learned a lot, not only substantively, but about how to make the
most of my practice in that area. Working alongside like-minded
individuals creates an environment where everyone’s motivations
work off of each other and creates more motivation both for the
group and for the individuals who comprise it.
Find a Community of Others Like You

If you work out, you may belong to a class where everyone
encourages and pushes one another. If you enjoy reading, you
may belong to a book club where everyone discusses the latest
novel or non-fiction book by so and so. For your career, find a
local community of folks who share similar career plans and goals
and meet with them face to face on a monthly basis to discuss
plans, pursuits, ideas and goals so you can expand your frame of
reference of what you should be doing to achieve your dreams
and have accountability partners who help you stay on task and
whom you help to stay on task. Like-minded people can help one
another see new opportunities, maximize them and encourage
each other. Yes, we lawyers are competitive by nature, and it
may seem counterintuitive to seek out a community of potential
competitors for new business, but when pursuing goals, there is
a lot to learn from others’ successes and failures in pursuing the
same or similar dreams.
  
Defining Your Dreams
Review Your List of Dreams
Flip through your journal and find the page where you wrote down
your dreams. Review the whole list. Which ones excite you the
most? Which ones are those that you have had since you were
young and you’ve kept them through every stage of your life?
Which ones relate to your career? Your family? Your community?
How about personal dreams? With your journal open and a pen
in hand, organize your dreams according to category—Career,
Family, Community and Other. Once you’ve separated them out,
number the dreams in each category according to how each best
matches up to your talents and passions. By doing this, you can
see which of your dreams are really your dreams and which of
them you’ve glommed onto because of society, culture, family
or friends. At this point, there are no dreams that are too big, or
that you consider too ridiculous, to include in your lists. You want
to organize the full panoply of dreams you have, categorize and
number them and then look at them closely. Your destiny is in
that list. You just need to spend some time with the list to figure
that out.
Optimistic, but Realistic

Dreams are supposed to be big. That’s why they’re called dreams.
But there are big dreams, even huge dreams, and then there
are impossible ones. I can dream of playing professional sports,
but that’s never going to happen no matter how hard I try. I can
dream of becoming a pop vocalist, but that’s not going to happen.
Dreams that are rooted in your talents and passions are ones
you should focus on. Even if you have to muster every ounce of
optimism you have to see them come true, if they’re grounded in
your talents and passions, you have a real shot at them. It’s when
you’re relying on talents you don’t have or passions you lack that
dreams get out of reach. In fact, they’re probably not dreams
you should be pursuing. They’re just distractions from what you
should really be doing with your life. The greater the talents, the
greater the passion, the bigger you can dream and still consider
your dreams realistic.
Career Dreams
What dreams do you have for your career? Do you want to become
a specialist in a certain field? Do you want to become a national
expert in that field? Do you want to head a practice area that
handles cases in that field? Do you want to start a national practice
in that field? What are your long term dreams? Intermediate?
Short term? Do you want to become a rainmaker? How big of a
rainmaker? Do you want to help your firm grow? How big? Doing
what? Take the time and spell out exactly what your career dreams
are. Be as specific as possible. The more amorphous your dreams
are, the harder is to set goals to achieve them. You don’t have a
clear target so you’re not quite sure what to aim at.
Let’s assume you want to want to become a go-to attorney in

the area of cyber security. Look up attorneys who have a national
reputation in the area. Study their firm profiles. What does it look
like to be a national expert in the area? How does the attorney’s
practice area look in terms of size and scope? Has she written on
the topic? Spoken? Lead an organization involved with the area?
Is she involved in any industry groups? What you have in mind
may not imitate what this attorney has accomplished, but it will
provide you with insight and context as to what it looks like to
achieve the dream of being a national expert on cyber security.
When I was a younger lawyer, I studied the firm profiles of leading
civil defense attorneys. What had they accomplished? Who were
their clients (it was common then to list a firm’s clients on one’s
website)? What jury verdicts and published opinions did they
have? What organizations did they belong to? What awards had
they received? Looking at the bios of the attorneys you aspire to be
like will provide some meat on the bones for your career dreams.
Family Dreams
In addition to career dreams, you have dreams for your family.
If you’re married, what will retirement look like for you two?
If you have kids, what do you want to see them accomplish?
What are their talents, passions and dreams? How can you help
them achieve their destiny? As a family, you may have collective
dreams—dreams about starting a charity together, fundraising
together, teaching together, traveling together. As a family, each
member has his or her own dreams. You may play the role of
helping each family member achieve their individual dreams just
as you’re on the road to achieving your own professional dreams.
Your daughter wants to be a lawyer like you. You’ve been through
the process. You have ideas (some strong ones) about how to go
about it. You can be more than a parent—you can be a professional
mentor and accountability partner. Both my sons want to be
professional musicians. I’m tone deaf. So I don’t have the skills
or passion for music they do, but I’m a process guy, believing
every goal can be achieved with the right process. So I help them
brainstorm and think about what they should be doing to get
from here to there. For David, my older son, the dream is being a
professional conductor of an orchestra. For Michael the dream is
being a professional jazz musician. My family dream is to help their
dreams come true, and I do that by helping them find opportunities
to develop and showcase their talents. Think through your family
dreams and how you can make them a reality.
Community Dreams
What altruistic dreams do you have for your house of worship,
your community and for those less fortunate than you? Is there a
charity you want to start or lead? Is there a non-profit you want
to assist and help grow? We’re talking about dreams that change
others’ lives. Dreams that leave a legacy. Dreams that live on after
you’re gone. We should all have at least one dream that makes
the world a better place. What’s yours? Perhaps you belong to a
house of worship where attendance and giving is in decline. You
want to stop the slide and grow it back up. Your dream could be
to develop and implement a strategic plan to turn things around
and make your congregation larger, more engaged, more giving
and more grounded in the mission to help and serve others. We are
social creatures. We need one another. Put in solitary confinement
long enough and we lose our minds, our imaginations and our
identity. We are wired this way to engage with others, help them
and lift them up. We are less when we don’t do this. Community
dreams tend to be our biggest dreams. So take the time to think
them through.
Other Dreams
The catch all—other dreams. Did we miss any? Are there other
dreams in other categories we haven’t yet discussed? Maybe
something more personal? You want to run a marathon? You want
to climb a mountain? You want to walk the Appalachian Trail? Be
a bestselling author? Compete in body building competitions?
There’s something about doing something extraordinary that is
appealing. Doing something that few others have done. And not
just doing it. Excelling at it. Perhaps not being satisfied running a
marathon. Perhaps running several and cutting your time in each
subsequent race. Maybe starting with a manageable climb, and
then another and another until you’re scaling one of the bigger
mountains in the world. As lawyers, we’re competitive by nature.
We like scrapping and we especially like winning. So it’s no surprise
to hear from other lawyers that their personal dreams have a
competitive aspect to them. Write them down. They’re part of you.
They define you. They drive you.
Journaling
I keep going back to journaling, because writing down our
dreams and how we plan to achieve them is so important in
following through with them. There is something about writing
your dreams down, by hand, and going back and reading them
over and over, reflecting on them, studying them, and imagining
and brainstorming how to achieve them. The written word, in your
own handwriting, takes on a life of its own. It jumps off the page
and reminds you what you want to do with your life and how to
do it. I keep a business card in my wallet with my dreams written
on the back. I’ve misplaced it a few times and have to go back and
write a new one, but it’s there, and from time to time, I’ll look at
it and remind myself where I’m headed. Journaling accomplishes
the same thing. Now go write down your dreams.
  
Developing a Plan to Achieve Your Dreams
Defining Your Goals
Every dream can be broken down to several or more goals. Let’s
go back to the example of becoming a national expert in a given
field of law where you represent the top clients who need legal
services in that field. So let us start by stating the dream concisely:
Dream
I want to be a national expert on cyber security law,
and I want to represent the top clients in this field.
This dream is a big dream. It needs to be unpacked and reduced

to definitive goals. Let’s define the goals for this dream.
Goals
 Read all the leading materials on cyber security
 Be published regularly on cyber security
 Speak regularly on cyber security
 Lead an organization that focuses on cyber security
 Focus business development efforts on cyber
security clients
 Represent clients on smaller cyber security matters
 Represent clients on larger cyber security matters
 Become national counsel for clients on cyber
security matters
 Become de facto general counsel to clients on their
cyber security matters
You can probably think of several more goals, but let’s start with
these. Being the best at something is amorphous. How does
anyone become the best at anything? That dream has to be broken
down into goals that can be pursued. For example, reading all the
leading materials on cyber security. Go online, find the leading
treatises, articles, blogs, magazines and books on the topic, order
or download them and read them. That’s doable. I mean, sure, it’s
a lot of work, but it’s doable. The goal can be reduced to tasks
and you can perform those tasks. Simple enough. So when I say
taking your dream and define the goals that if achieved make your
dream a reality, do what I did above. Define all the goals, that if all
are accomplished, you achieve your dream. Thinking through this
takes time. Don’t run off to the next topic of the book. Take some
time and reflect on what goals, when taken together and achieved,
fulfill your dream. Be as specific as possible. If given the choice
between writing down a large goal or two or smaller goals, go with
the latter. If you make your goals too big, you’ll be discouraged
from pursuing them. And as always, write it down in your journal.
Developing a Plan to Fulfill the Goals

Once you’ve reduced you’re dream to writing and defined the goal
to achieve the dream, develop a plan to fulfill those goals. Create
a step by step list of tasks to achieve each goal. For example,
let’s say your goal is to become a sought out public speaker on
cyber security (which you want in order to achieve your dream
of becoming a national expert in the area). That goal has several
aspects. First, you need to become an effective and powerful
public speaker. To do that, several tasks come to mind:
 Read books on public speaking

 Watch YouTube videos on public speaking
 Watch YouTube videos of effective public speakers
 Join Toastmasters
 Join an improv class
 Teach a class so as to get used to being in front of
others (Sunday school class, lectures at your local law
school, moot court instructor)
 Get involved in the local speaking circuit
On a parallel track, you have to become a master of the subject
matter so you come across as knowledgeable and confidant. To
do so, consider doing the following:
 Subscribe to magazines, blogs, websites and other

resources about cyber security
 Create alerts to receive the newest cases, statutes
and regulations in the area
 Read the leading treatise and books on the subject
 Attend CLE on the subject
You can see how you can start at the 30,000 foot level—being a
national expert on cyber security, dip down to 10,000 foot level—
being a sought out speaker on cybersecurity—to the ground level
spelling each individual task to complete to fulfill the goal.
Your plan to achieve the goals which comprise the dream has to
spell out all the tasks that you need to do, the order to do them,
and a proposed deadlines by which to complete them. At this
point, you’ve moved on from your hand written journal to a word
document where you spell out your plan step by step.
Strategic Planning—What Is It?

If you belong to a voluntary bar association or nonprofit, you
probably hear this a lot: “We can’t do that. It’s not in keeping
with our strategic plan.” Or perhaps this: “How does this proposal
advance our strategic plan?” A strategic plan starts with defining
the organization’s mission, vision and values. By doing this,
you answer the “why” question—what is the purpose of the
organization and what should it do to fulfill its purpose. Without
fully appreciating it, you’ve already begun to prepare your
strategic plan. You’ve reflected on your purpose (your mission),
your dreams (your vision) and your values (your code). This forms
the core of why you’re on this earth and what you’re tasked to do.
Once you answer the “why,” you can plan on answering the “how,”
the goals and steps to achieving them. What we’ve been doing so
far is similar to what organizations do all the time to ensure they
have defined a “win,” established the “finish line,” and figured out
how to get from here to there. Just as every organization needs a
strategic plan, each of us needs one to define where we’re going
and how to get there.
Asking Yourself the Tough Questions
To develop your plan, you have to ask yourself the hard questions.
You’ve already started doing so by defining your dreams, purpose,
talents and passions. You’ve asked yourself what you’re good at,
admitted to yourself what you’re not good at, and studied the
intersections between your talents, passions and dreams. This
all took time and reflection. Now the elephant in the room we
haven’t talked about, but I’m sure in written down your dreams
you’ve already reflected upon, is—“Am I where I am supposed to
be, doing what I am supposed to be doing?” In other words, am I
working at the right place, pursuing the right career and doing the
right things? So, ask yourself the following questions:
 Am I handling the right cases?

 Am I specializing in the right area of law?
 Am I at the right firm?
 Am I doing enough to advance my career?
 Should I even be practicing law?
 Am I on the right career path?
 If not, what does the right career path look like?
 Am I neglecting the other aspects of my life?
 Am I the best spouse I can be?
 Am I the best parent I can be?
 Am I taking care of myself physically, emotionally
and spiritually?
Never assume you’re at the right place doing the right things. Just
going through the motions and going through life checking the
boxes isn’t living. You owe it to yourself, your family and your boss
to maximize your talents, rely on your passions and seek out your
dreams for your benefit and everyone else’s.
Personal Survey
If you have ever participated in strategic planning for an
organization, one of the things you’ll do is conduct surveys of the
leadership and the members. You want to hear from everyone
about what the organization should be doing and how to do it. If
you’re going to prepare a personal plan, then you need to conduct
a personal survey. Without realizing it, you’ve already completed
a fair amount of it.
 You’ve listed your talents
 You’ve listed your passions
 You’ve listed your dreams
 You’ve written down your purpose
 You’ve written down where these items intersect
By doing this, you’ve defined your life goals and have a destination.
In addition to what you have already written down in your journal
about these topics, also answer the following questions:
 Where do you see yourself, in terms of your career,

your family and your community in:
 Five years
 Ten years
 Twenty years
 Thirty years
 How do you want to be remembered?
 How do you want your obituary to read?
 How do you know when you’ve achieved your
purpose? Your destiny?
The more long term you look, the more you’ll get the big picture,
and the more in focus your life’s goals will be.
Asking Others the Tough Questions

Just as you asked yourself the hard questions, find two or three
close family or friends, and ask them to answer the tough questions
about you. They see and interact with you regularly. They’ve
experienced and seen firsthand what you’re good at and what
you’re not good at. They’ve seen when you’re passionate and
when you’re apathetic, when you’re excited and when you’re barely
registering interest. They’ve seen your skills for certain things and
seen your lack of skills for other things. They have their thoughts
about what you should be doing with your life, but have thought
better to share their thoughts with you. Interview them about you
and get their wisdom, thoughts and reflections on you—who you
are, what makes you you and where they see you 10, 20 and 30
years from now.
Your “Business Plan”

Writing a plan for your life is akin to writing a business plan for
your law firm or company. Let me show you:
Company Business Plan Personal Plan
Mission Statement Your Purpose
Vision Statement Your Dreams
The Company’s Strengths Your Talents
What Drives the Company Your Passions
The Company’s Goals Your Goals
Plan to Accomplish Its Goals Your Plans to
Accomplish Your Goals
Plan Details Plan Details
Measuring Progress Measuring Progress
Corporate Accountability Individual Accountability
As you can see, a business plan is similar to a personal plan.

You start with the fundamentals as to why you even exist—your
purpose. Where is your purpose taking you? What’s the end game?
Those are your goals. And then you prepare a plan detailing how
you get from here to there. You wouldn’t start a business without
a business plan. Likewise, don’t embark on the rest of your life
without a personal plan.
Defining Processes
I believe any activity can be reduced to a process—a series of steps,
which if carefully followed, will achieve what you are after. There’s a
process for everything you’re planning for. Let’s assume your plan
is to write a book. There’s a process for that. Let’s assume your
plan is become a leader of an organization. There is a process for
that. To discover that process you can do one of several things:
 Think through all the steps you believe you must take
to accomplish your goal. Study what each step entails
and the proper order of those steps. With proper
analysis, you can define the process to achieve
your goal.
 Ask others who have already achieved the goal you
have in mind what their process is. They may have had
a detailed process or possibly let their instinct take
charge, but either way, with thorough questioning you
can extract their process so you can imitate it.
 Read books by or about others which, whether
directly or not, discuss how they achieved what they
achieved. Study their process.
There’s a process to developing a national reputation in a field
of law, developing business, building your brand, attracting
clients, becoming a voluntary bar association leader, etc. There’s
a process to becoming a better spouse and parent. There’s a
process to improving your neighborhood. Go into your planning
believing that you can reduce your plan to a step by step guide
to get there.
The Elements of Your Plan

You’ve been journaling a lot. I mean a lot. You may be on your
second journal by now. Let’s take everything you’ve done and
reduce it to a step by step plan. Your plan should include the
following elements:
 Your Talents
 Your Passions
 Your Dreams
 Where Your Talents/Passions/Dreams Intersect
 Your Purpose
 Your Short Term Goals
 Your Mid-Range Goals
 Your Long Term Goals
 The Steps to Achieve Each Goal (The Process)
 A Calendar of Events
 A Budget
I would suggest you put down your pen, walk over to your
computer, and type up your plan. This is going to be a living
document that is going to direct your life. It will be easier to work
with if it’s a Word document you can modify and edit. You’re
putting together your personal blue print. Exciting, isn’t it?
Creating Concrete Actions to

Accomplish the Plan
Goals are what you want to achieve. Each goal has to be reduced to
concrete action steps. If you don’t have a concrete to do list, your
goals will simply remain goals. Let’s take a smaller goal—getting
published by a national bar association magazine or newsletter.
Admirable goal. How do you achieve it? Reduce it to action items.
They could include the following:
 Read several issues of the publication to learn the
types of articles they publish
 Read the publication’s writer’s guidelines
 Read a book on writing articles
 Settle on an idea that you feel comfortable writing on
and that suits the publication
 Pitch the magazine on your proposed article
 If rejected, shop the idea to other publications until
you have someone accept it
 Prepare an outline for the article
 Draft and edit the article
 Submit it
 Use that article to get other writing gigs
Each of these steps is an action item that you can do. Getting
published is a goal. These steps are the action items to accomplish
that goal. For every goal you list in your personal plan, you need to
spell out what steps to take and what order to take them. For some
goals, it will be intuitive what you need to do. For others, you’ll
need to research what achieving your goal entails. For example,
the steps above for getting published I learned from speaking with
published authors. Do your research and prepare your to do lists.
Macro Goals
Write down your long term macro goals. These are goals that will
take years to accomplish (possibly decades). These are the big
picture goals. Examples are:
 Becoming lead trial counsel for a fortune

100 company
 Becoming a national expert in a legal field
 Becoming president of a national or international
bar association
 Becoming the public face of a legal field, such as
cyber security
 Becoming a best-selling author
 Becoming a nationally recognized speaker
 Starting and growing a successful business, charity,
restaurant, etc.
The macro goals will largely be taken from your dreams (or will
be some permutation of them). These are the big things you want
to accomplish with your life. These are things you want to be
remembered for. These are the things which will leave a legacy.
These are long term. They will define you. They will take years
to accomplish. These are the marathon goals, where the journey
means as much as the destination. Take the time to make sure
these are your goals, that you are committed to them and that
you’re in it for the long haul to make them a reality.
Micro Goals
Once you’ve defined your long term goals, divide each up into
a series of micro goals. For example, to become a nationally
recognized expert in a legal field, there are several micro goals
you need to pursue. For example, there is a micro goal of getting
published on the topic, a micro goal of speaking on the topic, a
micro goal of securing a leadership position in an organization
that caters to those handling the topic, etc. Big goals have a lot
of moving parts. By reducing them to micro or mini goals, you
make your larger goals more manageable and provide a more
detailed road map to accomplishing them. There is an old joke—
“How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” Micro goals
allow you to reduce your large goals into bite-sized ones. And by
creating micro goals, you create more opportunities for you to
succeed and build upon those successes when tackling the next
set of micro goals.
Creating a Timeline for Your Plan

Once you have written down your macro and micro plans, create
a rough timetable of when you plan to accomplish them. By
creating deadlines for yourself, you create motivation to stay on
task and move forward on your plan. If you don’t create deadlines
for yourself, even though they may feel artificial, it’s easy to
continually push your goals to the back burner and do little to
achieve them. We’re lawyers. We’re driven by deadlines. “What,
discovery isn’t due for another 30 days? No rush.” “Trial is set
nine months away, what’s the hurry?” By creating a calendar of
events for yourself, where let’s say you give yourself 60 days to
get published, 90 days to secure a speaking opportunity, etc., you
create momentum. Momentum is key. So often we start projects
and we chug along for a few days, sometimes a few weeks, and
shortly thereafter we get distracted by life, and without even
realizing, we’ve given up pursuit and our goal is soon forgotten.
Deadlines keep the momentum going.
Making a Flexible Plan

Life is full of surprises. Some good. Some not so good. You have
to have a flexible plan. Your approach to your plans may not work
out. The steps you laid out for yourself to follow may prove not to
be the right ones for you and your plans. Your written plan needs
to be flexible to respond to these contingencies. Not everything
is going to work according to plan. Life doesn’t care if you have a
plan. Life isn’t going to apologize for making aspects of your plan
obsolete. You need to roll with the punches, get up when you get
knocked down, and improvise when necessary. You’re not going to
change your purpose or your dreams, but you need to be flexible
in how you achieve them. There are no right answers in getting
from A to B. There is no path written in stone to get where you’re
going. Change course when necessary.
Sample Plan
I’m not going to tell you what to include in your plan. I will, however,
suggest how you should lay it out:
DESTINY
PURPOSE
TALENTS
PASSIONS
DREAMS
THE POINTS OF INTERSECTION
MACRO GOALS
MICRO GOALS
STEPS FOR MICRO GOALS
CALENDAR
BUDGET
MEASURING PROGRESS
The section “Steps for Micro Goals,” which will include an action
plan for every micro goal (for every macro goal), will be the longest
and most detailed. Here, you will spell out every step to take to
achieve your goals. Take time to put this section together, and
research online, read books related to your goals and speak with
others who have achieved these goals to make informed decisions
on what steps to include in your plan.
  
Implementing the Plan
Following Through
Having a plan is only the beginning. If you stick it into a drawer,
and don’t review it regularly and tweak it as necessary, if you don’t
implement it, if you don’t do the tasks you outlined for yourself,
you won’t get any closer to making your dreams a reality. If you’re
pursuing your dreams and making the most of your talents, your
passion should serve to motivate you. Pay attention to and fuel
your passions to help you follow through with your plans. And start
with the smaller of the micro goals. They can be done more quickly
and doing several of them in consecutive order leads to quick
victories for you, improving your optimism and perseverance,
encouraging you to pursue other goals. Start with the low hanging
fruit, achieve some quick victories and use that as the fuel to climb
the next rungs of the ladder.
Investment of Time
Rome wasn’t built in a day and you won’t achieve all your dreams
by next Tuesday. You need to set aside time every day to do
something to complete the tasks you have laid out for yourself.
Some days you’ll be able to dedicate a block of time. Other days
you’ll only be able to spare a few minutes. But it’s important you
do something every day. Published authors will tell you that if you
want to write a book, you have to set aside time every day to write.
If you set aside time to work out, to watch your favorite program, to
golf, to go to happy hour then you can set aside time to make your
dreams a reality. Most folks’ dreams die here—the daily investment
of time and energy to make them a reality—most folks can’t bring
themselves to do it. That’s why our dreams often seem elusive,
because we’re not willing to put in the time. You already have the
talent. You have a plan to make the most of your talents. You’re
passionate about what you want to do. The only thing missing is
committing the time to do it. Include time in your schedule, every
day, to do something, even if it’s a small something. If you’re not
moving forward, you’re falling behind.
Investment of Money
Not only is there the cost of time and energy to pursue your
dreams, there is likely some hard costs for which you’ll need to
reach into your pocket. For your career goals, depending on what
firm or company you work for, your employer is likely to pick up
most of your expenses. They’ll likely pay for membership in an
organization, travel and attendance to an organization’s meetings,
and the like. Other expenses, like taking folks out to coffee or lunch,
will likely come out of your own pocket. I previously mentioned
seeking out others who can direct you on the right path to
achieving your goals. You’ll likely want to treat them to coffee,
lunch or drinks. That’s probably going to be on you. There may be
other expenses, for example stationary for hand written letters -
that will also be on you. You know what your personal budget is
and how much you can spend on such items. Prepare a budget for
your plans and try your best to stick to that budget. And offer your
firm or company a budget for what you want them to contribute
(these would be limited to goals that advance your employer’s
mission and goals). Likewise, stick to that budget.
Taking Risks
If you’re thinking big, you’re going to be taking risks. Want to
become an expert in a niche area? What if that area goes away?
After the market crash in 2008, several firms put all their eggs
in the foreclosure litigation basket. That lasted a few years and
then as suddenly as it appeared, it went away, and a number of
firms had to reinvent themselves on the fly or close their doors.
So yes, there will be risks in becoming a practice area expert. But
if you don’t take risks, you won’t reap the rewards. There are folks
who jumped into cyber security law long before it took off, not
knowing whether they made the right bet. Many have discovered
that they did. Life is about taking risks. The more safely you play,
the less likely you’ll achieve your dreams. To achieve big things,
you’re going to take chances. Yes, educated, researched chances,
but chances nonetheless. Failure often accompanies dreamers.
Just get up and try again. Adjust your plan, adjust your approach,
adjust your analysis, but don’t abandon the dream. Giving up isn’t
an option.
Believing in Yourself
If you don’t believe in yourself, if you lack confidence and conviction,
if you only see what can go wrong, then it’s going to be hard to
achieve your dreams. Small setbacks will seem like large ones and
large setbacks will be unmanageable. Remind yourself:
 You have a destiny.

 You have a purpose.
 You have been imbued with the talents to achieve
your purpose.
 You have been imbued with the passions to make
your dreams a reality.
 Only you can achieve what you were placed on this
earth to do.
 If you don’t fulfill your purpose, you will deprive
others. Your purpose goes beyond you.
Each of us is unique. Each of us is talented. Each of us has a

purpose. Each of us was meant to do something big. Each of
us is part of a larger tapestry where we are all called to share
ourselves for the larger good. So when you start doubting yourself,
remember you’re already destined to change the world in your
own way, you just haven’t done it yet. So go do it.
Rewarding Yourself
Don’t cheat yourself, treat yourself. Reward yourself when you
achieve a goal. Get an article published? Have a night out. Have
an effective presentation? Catch a movie. Get appointed to a
leadership position? Buy yourself something. What are the things
you enjoy doing in your free time? What music do you enjoy? What
books do you read? There are a variety of ways of treating yourself
after a job well done. These are appropriate gifts for accomplishing
minor goals. If you accomplish a larger goal, one that took months
or years to achieve, think bigger. Perhaps a short vacation, or
new golf clubs or some quick adventure like scuba diving or hang
gliding. If an employee exceeded her quotas at a job, she’d likely
receive a bonus. Give yourself a “bonus” by treating yourself when
you complete each goal, whether big or small.
Having an Accountability Partner

You need someone close to you, such as a spouse, sibling or friend,
with whom to meet regularly and discuss your progress on your
plan. If possible set aside time each week and get together for
coffee or a meal and discuss what you have done over the past
week to achieve your goals. Knowing that you have someone to
report to each week to provide a status update will encourage you
to do your share each week to work toward your goals. Also, you
will have a sounding board with whom you can discuss overcoming
obstacles and changes to your action plan. Sometimes you’ll only
be able to discuss these issues by phone, e-mail or text, but as
much as possible, meet in person. Your accountability partner will
help you stay on track.
Journaling
Never stop journaling. Keep track of your progress. Keep track
of the obstacles and setbacks. Keep track of the successes and
achievements. Journaling will help you stay focused and directed.
It will be a resource to review and help you decide how best to
forge ahead. And once you accomplish your goals, you will have
a written record of how you did it, which you can reduce to a how
to book and share with others to help them achieve their dreams.
  
Roadblocks
What’s Standing in Your Way?
Take the time to think through what’s standing in your way, both
internally and externally. Maybe it’s how you look at situations,
obstacles and challenges. Perhaps you have health issues you
need to address. Make a list of things that stand between you and
your dreams. Be honest and be thorough. And then reflect on how
you can remove or push aside these obstacles, or at least make
them less problematic. We each have our own demons, flaws and
shortcomings. We have our blind spots and misperceptions. We
have to take stock of all this and decide how we’re going to address
these issues. If you need help, get it. If you need advice, seek it
out. Do what you need to do to move hindrances out of your way.
Physical Health Issues

Our legal careers are a source of stress. Deadlines. Obstreperous
opposing counsel. Chasing a win. Multitasking. If we don’t watch
what we eat and don’t exercise, this stress can get the best of us
and affect our health. If you haven’t had a physical in some time,
get one. If you have chronic or persistent pain anywhere, get it
checked out. If you’re struggling with your weight, seek help to
get on a balanced diet and encouragement to stick with it. If you
haven’t exercised since the Clinton administration, see a doctor to
make sure you’re healthy enough to start an exercise regime and
find one that you’ll likely stick with. It could start with walking, and
then jogging and then running. It could be calisthenics at home. It
could be something more formal like joining a class or a gym. See
the doctor. Eat right. Exercise. It’s easier said than done, but not
doing this can result in long term health problems that will hamper
your ability to chase your dreams.
Mental Health Issues

Just as you have to tend to the body, you have to tend the mind.
Having lived through chronic depression, I know how hard it is to
do anything, much less chase your dreams, if you’re not managing
your mental health issues. There’s no shame in seeking professional
help or being prescribed medications. Mental health illness is just
that—an illness. In many respects, it’s no different from physical
illnesses like cancer, or high blood pressure or diabetes. You
need to seek treatment to address it. Not doing so can result
in the disease becoming unmanageable and may cause you to
have suicidal ideations. Reach out to family and friends, stay
connected to them, seek professional help and do everything you
can to secure the treatment and support you need to get through
depression, anxiety or any other mental health disease with which
you’re struggling.
Bad Habits
We all have them. Bad habits. We watch too much television. We
don’t get enough sleep. We get too much sleep. We eat fast foods.
We don’t take care of ourselves. We don’t stay in touch with family
or friends. We drink too much coffee. We eat too much. We don’t
eat enough. The list can go on and on. Think through things you
do unconsciously that are undermining your ability to perform at
and be your best. I don’t have a silver bullet for you in overcoming
your bad habits. The best insight I can give is first be honest with
yourself about what your bad habits are, then list them in order of
worst habit to just mildly annoying, and then tackle them in that
order. You can’t change all your bad habits all at once. If you try,
chances are you probably won’t change a single one. So take them
in order, and make a conscious effort of not doing them anymore.
Habits are just that. It’s something we do without thinking about it
much. Be more reflective about what you’re doing and stop before
you start falling into doing your unconscious acts.
Self-Doubt
You’re looking at your list of dreams, and asking yourself, “Can
I do this? Can I really do this?” Yes, yes you can. If you took the
time to reflect upon and think through what your talents, passions,
purpose and dreams are, then you’ve put together a plan that was
meant for you to execute, and only you. If you don’t do it, no one
else will. Don’t doubt you can do it. Reflect on what happens if you
don’t. You were meant to do this. Don’t doubt that, or yourself,
for a minute.
Fear of Failure
Just because you have a purpose in life and you’re pursuing it
doesn’t mean you won’t fall or fail along the way. In fact, you are
virtually guaranteed to do both, and possibly do them repeatedly.
If you have big dreams and want to do big things, there will be
disappointments. You’re trying to do things that perhaps others
have done but you haven’t. Or perhaps you’re trying to do
something never done before and you need to figure it out on your
own. There will be ups and downs. There will be hills and valleys. I
can’t tell you that you won’t fail, because you probably will. And I
can’t tell you it won’t suck when you do, because it will. But success
is often achieved after failure, sometimes a string of them. That’s
just the way it is. It’s not you. That’s just life. The universe isn’t out
to get you. To advance, you have to fall along the way. To make
it, you have come close to not making it. You’ll be better off for
failing. You know how they say, what doesn’t kill you makes you
stronger? They’re right. A failure free life where everything goes
just according to plan is an unlived life. It means you played it safe
all your life and you’ll look back and hate yourself for doing that.
Procrastination
Procrastination is a dream killer. To make your dreams a reality,
you have to work towards them every day. Procrastination
convinces you that you don’t need to do anything today. And
when tomorrow comes, you don’t have to do anything on that day
either. Procrastination convinces you that you can keep putting
off the tasks and acts you need to do to achieve your goals. It
convinces you that you’re better off watching television, taking
a nap, hanging out at happy hour or going to a sporting event
instead of proactively doing something. A good way to overcome
procrastination is to calendar an activity each day at a time you’re
available. Having a specific task pop up on your smart phone will
encourage you to turn off the television and do the task at hand.
Procrastination is a bad habit you can overcome by consciously
doing something each day that moves you closer to your dream.
Laziness
There’s no excuse for laziness. I suspect you’re not lazy because
you’re still reading this book and we’re closing in on the end. You
can hire the most talented candidates, but if they’re lazy, they will
adversely affect morale and undermine your firm’s mission and
purpose. A strong work ethic is needed to transform a vision into
a reality. As I previously said, talent is never enough. I don’t know
if there is a cure for laziness. Few times in my life have a seen a
lazy person transform into a hard worker. It can happen, but not
often. If you’re chasing your dream, and you have the skills and
passion to pursue it, I don’t see how you can be too lazy to pursue
it. It really just boggles the mind.
Naysayers
Ignore the critics. You know what most of them are? They’re lazy.
You would think being lazy is bad enough. But lazy people aren’t
satisfied with simply wasting away their own lives. They also want
to bring down others who have the work ethic to make something
of themselves. Other than family and close friends who have my
best interests at heart, I don’t see why anyone else should have an
opinion, or quite frankly care, what I’m trying to do with my life. I
don’t have time to think about, much less opine about someone
else’s plans. If you have naysayers in your life, ignore them. They’re
jealous because your success only makes them feel smaller. People
who dream big attract others who do so too. Seek out those folks
in your life. Their optimism is a breath of fresh air.
Time Management
There are so many parts to your plan, that unless you manage your
time, you’ll never get to all of it. Get used to using a calendar for
tasks related to your plan just as you use your calendar for work.
Just as you calendar every deposition, hearing and teleconference,
you must get in the habit of setting aside time and calendaring
activities that form the basis of your plan. Do you need to read a
book to learn more about topic X, because you need to understand
topic X to advance to the next step in your plan? Schedule an hour
a day to read X. Do you need to meet others who have already
accomplished your goals? Schedule coffee or meals with them.
The key to time management is being in charge of your calendar
instead of letting your calendar take charge of you. You can’t
be running from one emergency to the next because you didn’t
bother to calendar activities, which if done in a timely manner,
would have prevented a much more time consuming emergency.
Measuring Success
You need to establish criteria by which to measure your success.
You may be completing a lot of tasks, but are they truly helping
you achieve your goals? Analyze how what you’re doing is helping
you achieve success. You may be having a lot of articles published,
but if your motivation to write them is to increase referrals and you
haven’t secured a single referral, then maybe you need to adjust
your micro goal of getting published to better achieve your macro
goal of developing business. Conversely, perhaps you haven’t
presented much, but from your two speaking engagements you’ve
secured two referrals. Maybe you need to shift away from writing
and toward speaking more. Doing a lot isn’t the point. Doing what
works is. Getting back to writing articles. Maybe your purpose in
writing them isn’t to lure clients but rather it’s for the purpose of
creating a national reputation as an expert in the field, and that
reputation, over the long term, will result in clients. In that case,
you may want to continue writing, but cut back a bit to allow more
time for speaking. Pay attention to the results of the tasks you’re
performing and not just the fact that you’re completing them.
Completing a task is an accomplishment, but the goal is larger
than that.
Being Accountable
I mentioned getting an accountability partner. It’s so important that
I’ll emphasize it again. Get an accountability partner. Get someone
you can talk to on a regular basis who will hold you accountable for
sticking to your plan and working toward your goals. Find someone
who won’t put up with your excuses or whining or procrastination.
Knowing you have to report to someone once a week about what
you’re doing will motivate you to make the most of that week. Your
accountability partner may give you a pass for a week, but if you
do nothing for two or three weeks in a row, she’s going to kick you
in the rear. Actually she should be encouraged to be honest and
to kick you in the rear when necessary. An accountability partner
will help you keep focused and stay on task.
  
Defining Success
Achieving Short Term Goals
Ultimate success is fulfilling your purpose and living your destiny.
But there will be smaller successes along the way. Achieving your
short term (micro) goals is a measure of success. Moving toward
your goals is a success. Checking off tasks and staying on track
is a success. Of course achieving a short term goal is only truly
a success if it builds toward your larger goals. If they don’t, you
will need to modify your short terms goals. But whether they
do or don’t, take pride in accomplishing your short term goals.
Perhaps speaking at an event or securing a leadership position
in an organization didn’t have the payoff you expected, but that
doesn’t change the fact that you spoke at an event and that you
were appointed as a leader. Those accomplishments are still a
success even if they didn’t prove to be the ultimate success you
had hoped for.
Achieving Long Term Goals
Long term goals can take months, years and even decades.
These are your career, family and life goals. These are the goals
that define you. They are the ones that make your dreams come
true, make your purpose shine and fulfill your destiny. Achieving
them is the definition of success. You wanted to lead a national
bar organization and you were elected president? That’s success.
You wanted to become a national expert in a field of law and you
receive regular calls from the media, voluntary bar associations
and prospective clients about that field of law? That’s success. The
charity you started is serving local homeless veterans and getting
them the help they need to return to the workforce? That’s success.
Your book is on the New York Times bestseller list? That’s success.
Aiming at a target and hitting the bullseye is immensely gratifying.
And remember—success breeds success. It’s a confidence booster.
It builds your reputation and your brand. You’re seen as a force
to be reckoned with. You achieve something big and suddenly
the next big challenge doesn’t seem so big. Suddenly, there is no
mountain too high.
Tweaking Your Plans

Nothing is guaranteed in life and even the best laid plans fall short
or steer you wrong. Never abandon the dream. Never ignore
your purpose. Never turn your back on your destiny. But if your
plans aren’t achieving the results you want and expected, and
your dreams aren’t as close as they should be despite your best
efforts, don’t hesitate to study your plans, reflect on why they’re
not working and tweak them. In fact, you may even have to start
from scratch and start all over with them. Odds are you likely don’t
have to start over, but I say this to let you know that you have to
be willing to start over and have an open mind to doing so. If the
plan isn’t working it needs to be changed. Doing the same thing
and expecting a different result is not only the definition of insanity
but it will ensure that your dreams will simply remain dreams.
  
I’ve Been Chasing the Wrong Dream
Counting the Costs
You take stock of your talents, passions, purpose and dreams. You
define your goals and prepare a plan and you look at it all and you
pause and you sigh and you pause again and you realize up until
now you’ve been chasing the wrong dreams. Whoa. That can’t
be right, can it? You go through your journals again and realize
it is right. Some of you will put the journals away, put your plans
away and never think of them again. You have a family, you have
a mortgage, you have car payments and private school tuition for
your kids, and vacations you’re planning. These dreams you have
require an overhaul of how you’re living your life. I get it. Providing
for others and putting their needs before yours is noble.
But before you continue on the same path and shelve your dreams
for the life you have now, sit down and count the costs of changing
the course of your life. How much will it cost you, not just in terms
of dollars, but regarding every aspect of your life? Take stock,
evaluate, and reflect on what you need to change and the costs
associated with those changes. Big dreams aren’t easy. Big plans
come at a cost. I never said it was going to be easy. It’s going
to be hard. It’s especially hard if you realize you’re in the wrong
practice area, the wrong city, or even the wrong firm. Or worse, you
realize the practice isn’t for you. It’s up to you to continue doing
what you’re doing or do something different. I’m not here to tell
you how to live your life. It’s up to you to decide what risks, costs
and chances you want to take to change course. Give this a lot of
thought and speak to others who have made similar changes in
their life and ask them how they did it and what it cost them. This is
a crossroads. Take your time before you decide what route to take.
Plan B
Up until now you’ve been living life according to Plan A. We all
have a Plan A. So what happens if you’re living the wrong plan?
You fell into Plan A, or it seemed like the right plan, or others had
followed Plan A and it worked for them so why wouldn’t it work
for you? Your first option is to tweak Plan A. Perhaps Plan A isn’t
far off from the plans you wrote down for yourself. Perhaps Plan
A needs more work than some tweaks. Perhaps the core dreams
stay the same, but you’ve been approaching them the wrong way.
It’s when you’ve been chasing the wrong dreams and pursuing
the wrong purpose, that you need a Plan B, something more than
a mere recalibration, more than a remodeling. You’re taking a
wrecking ball and blow torch to Plan A and creating a Plan B for
your life. Most of you won’t have to do this. Some of you will. It’s
scary, isn’t it? You don’t have to do it, of course. You can make the
best of your current situation. By now, you have the plan in black
and white. Pursue Plan B? That’s up to you. Entirely up to you.
Getting the Buy-In

None of us is an island. If you’re changing course, then others are
changing course with you. Your spouse. Your kids. Your company
or law firm. It’s like tossing a stone in a pond. You will be creating
ripples that will affect many others. Sit down with your family and
work out the details with them. Do the same with your employer.
Remember, that our purpose goes beyond ourselves. Our purpose
isn’t about us. If you’re pursuing your true purpose, then it will
not only benefit you but it will benefit your family, your firm, your
colleagues and your community. Explain what you want to do,
why you want to do it, and how it lifts everyone up, not just you.
Because if it doesn’t, if it’s selfish and short sighted, if it’s all about
you, then you got this dream and purpose and destiny thinking
all wrong. But if you did the proper analysis, others will see the
positives and benefits of your plan.
Turning the Cruise Ship

If your new plans are significantly different from your existing
ones, you’re looking to make a big change. It’s like turning a cruise
ship. You do it too quickly, too suddenly, and you’ll be sending all
the passengers and cargo every which way. You can’t abandon
what you’re doing today to do what you want tomorrow. There
is a transition period, where you move from what you’re doing to
doing the tasks to achieve your new goals. You have obligations.
You have duties. You can’t abandon your current responsibilities
to chase your dreams. You have to do both. You won’t always have
to do both. One day, you’ll wake up and you’ll be doing what you
want to be doing and only that. But it will take time. Transitions
always do. Hang in there. You’ll get there.
Getting from Where You Are

to Where You Want to Be
Your plan should address the transition from where you are to
where you want to be. You’ll be juggling two lives for a while until
you fully transition into the life you want. Living two lives is a lot
of work. Making a calendar with deadlines for tasks will keep you
focused. Your family will need to know what you’re doing and
why because for a while you’ll be limiting your extracurricular
activities while you prepare to turn the ship around. It’s easy to
get caught up in your dreams and plans and ignore your family.
Never leave them behind. The fact is you’re changing course in
part for them so don’t focus so much on the destination but the
journey, which should include them and take them into account.
Time management is critical if you have a foot in each world and
are serving two masters. You have to eliminate all time wasters and
make the most of your time in the car or when running errands,
brainstorming and dictating into your smart phone. You can
make the transition, you just need to be prepared for what a time
commitment it is.
  
Helping Others Realize Their Dreams
Your Company or Law Firm
Much of what we have discussed thus far not only applies to you,
but it applies to those around you too. Not only do you want to
fulfill your destiny and live out your purpose, you want the same
for others too. Let’s start by discussing your company or law firm.
Are folks assigned to the positions that maximize their talents and
passions? Is everyone being utilized according to her gifts? Some
companies and firms may not think this process will help them and
believe it will encourage their employees to become dissatisfied
with their current positions and leave. The fact is if a firm wants to
become one of the best, then it needs to find the right people for
the right positions and equip them to shine. If the legal department
of a company wants to excel, it must ensure that all its folks are
there for the right reasons and they’re committed to the company’s
mission and vision because they have similar personal missions and
visions. This isn’t simply feel good psycho-babble. This process will
ensure that the company is pursuing the right mission for it, and
that it has the right people who buy into that mission to make it a
reality and success.
Your Family
Just as you plan to fulfill your purpose, help your family fulfill its
purpose. Every unit, whether a family, a firm, a company, a church,
etc.—has a collective purpose. A group can accomplish goals that
individuals can’t on their own. Your family has a purpose just like
you. They have a destiny just as each member of your family does.
You have complimentary talents and passions. Each of you has
something to contribute to the family to bring you all closer and
achieve things that help not only the family unit but others too.
Go through the same analysis you went through individually, but
go through it together as a family and see what each of you want
the family to do, why and how to get there. Having common goals
and working on joint projects together builds upon the fabric that
binds your family together. Those with common goals, who are
rowing in the same direction, grow closer. Doing this won’t resolve
all your familial problems, but it will help.
Your Children
I believe one of the primary responsibilities we have as parents is
to help our children identify and develop their talents, discover
their passions, define their purposes and develop plans to pursue
and achieve them. In fact, this book is loosely based on how my
wife Ana and I have raised our two boys. How I propose you plan
for your life is how we guide our boys to plan for theirs. If you
want to get closer to your kids, if you want to spend more quality
time with them and if you want to improve the likelihood of their
success, then work with them on developing their personal plans.
Sit down with them, and work through the exercises in this book
with them. At first, they may think it’s annoying or sappy, but I bet
they come around and will love you for it.
Your House of Worship

If you attend a house of worship and are involved with their
programming or leadership, share the ideas in this book with
them. Most of what they do relies on volunteers, and working with
volunteers requires its own set of skills and motivators. Often,
because of budgetary issues and lack of time, many houses of
worship don’t spend the required effort to develop a strategic
plan and ensure the right people are doing the things best suited
for them to help advance the strategic plan. If you have the time
and the patience, speak with the leaders and offer to work with
them on creating and implementing a strategic plan to increase
membership, volunteers and donations.
Your Organizations
I’m surprised how often I come across organizations that have
not taken the time to survey their leaders and membership about
why the organization exists, what it should be doing and how it
should be doing it. If you belong to an organization (voluntary bar
association or nonprofit) that hasn’t asked itself what its role is
and has no plan to fulfill that role, then speak to the organization’s
leadership and propose helping them put together a strategic plan.
They’ll appreciate your help, you’ll get to meet and network with
those in leadership and in the long term, it may result in referrals.
Alternatively, if an organization prepared a plan years ago and
shelved it and never enacted it, help them update it and make it
a reality.
  
You’re the Rock Star
Forget Oprah. You’re Oprah
Repeat after me: “Forget Oprah. I’m Oprah.” You don’t need to
listen to the Oprahs of the world to get motivated. (Not that I
have anything against Oprah. I am a native Chicagoan, after all).
You don’t need to chase down the gurus and hang on their every
word. I’m circling back to the first few pages of my book where I
told you that the only person who can consistently and effectively
motivate you is you. The motivational speakers out there will not
quench your thirst for motivation. They are not a living wellspring
from which you can draw week after week, day after day, hour after
hour, and remain motivated. You are you own Oprah. Your passions
will motivate you. Your talents will move you forward. Your plan
will keep you stay focused and directed. Do what you’re destined
to do with your life and you won’t have to keep shopping in the
self-improvement aisle at the bookstore.
Dreams Can Be Too Small, Not Too Big

If you’ve done all the exercises thus far you have a dream and a
plan to achieve it. But you may still be hesitant. What if your dream
is too big? Well, don’t worry about that. Dreams can be too small
but never too big. If you’ve carefully thought through everything
in this book then you’ve settled on a dream that was meant for you
to pursue. Each us has a dream to pursue. Most of them are big
dreams. A few are huge. If you’re pursuing your dream, the dream
that’s meant for you to pursue, then don’t worry about its size.
If it’s yours and you do your part to seize it, you will. You always
will. That’s why it’s yours. Don’t ask yourself whether your dream
is too big. Ask yourself what happens if you fail to chase it down?
You Were Put on This Earth to Change It

If you take anything away from this book, take this: each of us
has a destiny to improve others’ lives. It’s not about you. It’s not
about me. It’s about us. It’s about how each of us has innate
gifts and passions and are meant to use those gifts to help not
only ourselves but those around us—our family, friends, firm,
community. There is no coincidence that your talents, passions and
dreams naturally work together. They interlock for a reason. They
feed off of one another for a reason. You have them for a reason.
The people we run into each day—those “chance” encounters are
not a coincidence. I don’t believe in coincidences and you shouldn’t
either. We’re meant for big, wonderful things. We’re meant to serve
and help others through our talents and passions. We’re here to
create change one person at a time. We each have our own destiny,
but that destiny is interwoven with others’ destinies and together
we can serve and help even more individuals.
Keep Chasing
Reducing your life plan to writing is just the beginning. Every day
you need to do something—sometimes a lot, sometimes a little—
to move toward making your dreams a reality. This is a lifelong
commitment. This isn’t a job. It’s your life and you’ll be living out
your dreams until your last breath. You will take chances and risks
along the way. You will fail—a lot. But you will also succeed. You
will have ups and downs. You will have moments you want to walk
away from it all and there will be moments that you’ll be glad you
didn’t. Nothing’s easy. You will need to work hard. You will need to
say no to life’s distractions. You will need to keep chasing, moving
forward, advancing and climbing the hill. Sometimes a door will
close. Sometimes several will. Another will open. Keep at it. Be
patient. Be persistent. And most importantly know that great
things lie in store for you. You have already changed the world.
You’re just waiting for the future to catch up to this reality.
Now Stop Reading and Go

Change the World
That’s it. The book is over. You can stop reading and start doing.
The world is waiting. I wish each of you the best and I know whole
heartedly that if you chase your purpose and pursue your destiny,
nothing will stop you.
And for my boys, David and Michael, I know great, wondrous

things lie in store for you both. Your talent and passion for music
is unsurpassed. You’re going to change the world through your
music—performing, composing, conducting and teaching. This
book, as with most of what I do, is primarily for you. I can’t wait to
see your dreams materialize. I really can’t wait.

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Go Motivate

To David and Michael

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Go Motivate Yourself: Stop Chasing Gurus and Do the Hard Work 3

Go Motivate Yourself: Stop Chasing Gurus and Do the Hard Work 5

Go Motivate Yourself: Stop Chasing Gurus and Do the Hard Work 7

This is his fifth book. He previously wrote From Law School to

Go Motivate Yourself: Stop Chasing Gurus and Do the Hard Work 9

Darkest Before the Dawn

So They Did It? So What?

How Did They Do It?

On the other end of the spectrum from talent comes passion.

What Can You Learn from What They Did?

What Was Their Process?

What Attitude Did They Have?

What Talents Did They Have?

 What did they want to accomplish?

What Was Their Plan?

What Was Their Process?

Don’t Seek Motivation from Others.

The Inspirational Stories

The Inspirational Quotes and Sayings

They Make Money Telling You

The Sales Pitch

So Many Books, So Many Programs

 Define your talents and your passions.

Why Does Motivation Cost So Much?

Cutting Through the Noise

Be Your Own Guru

Create Your Own Motivation

Journaling can be a source of motivation. Get used to carrying a

Only You Can Inspire You

Keeping Up with the Joneses

Your Company’s or Law Firm’s Expectations

Someone Else’s Star

Each of Us Has a Star to Chase

What Did You Want to Do in College?

I don’t know when we started settling for less, when we started

What Are Your Dreams as a Lawyer?

 What is your desired legal specialty?

What Are Your Dreams for Your Family?

What Have You Told Others About Your Dreams?

What Do You Do with Your Free Time?

What Do You Daydream About?

So let’s start with a direct question—What gets you excited? What

What Do You Do with Your Free Time?

What Are Your Hobbies?

What if writing isn’t your hobby? How does golf or hunting

What Do You Read?

What News Do You Follow?

What Conversations with

What Gets You Animated?

What Have Others Complimented You For?

 What does your spouse say you do well?

Many of us don’t give ourselves enough credit as to acknowledging

What Comes Easy for You?

I also have a unique talent to figure out the ending of a movie

What Do You Find Intuitive?

What Skills Have You Sharpened?

What Do You Best at Your Job?

What Have You Received Awards For?

What Aren’t You Good At?

What Activities Do You Avoid?