Jessica Contreras

Personal Statement

I remember crying, looking at myself in front of the mirror, asking myself, “Is this
who you really want to be? ” Time kept slipping away and I wasn’t realizing anything except my
own failure. I was contemplating if I was going to even make it out alive. My heart raced as I kept
thinking thought after thought. I began to feel numb and all I could feel was the burning sensation of
the tears rolling down my cheeks. I rocked back and forth, pleading to God to let the storm pass. I
kept pleading for every time I felt I was closer to death. Eventually, I saw the weight bright light,
then colors, then the vivid dreams and nightmares I encountered. My body completely went numb. It
felt like hours and then, I snapped back into reality. I woke up on the bathroom floor and before I
tried to lift up my head I felt a huge weight weighing me down. I knew that I fainted. I laid there
waiting until I could feel again. I got up and I just sat on the table, wondering why this would happen
to me. Was it because my father left me when I was only two? Was it because my mother didn’t have
enough time for me since she had to work to put food in my stomach? Was it because my “best
friend” whom was my sister left me when I needed her the most? Was it because of them? The two
men whom took what I had left? Was it the depression? I didn’t know what I was thinking. All I
could think was knowing that everything was my fault and I needed to go. I lost so much in my life I
didn’t realize I had depression and anxiety. I didn’t realize it simply because I forgot the life I had
before. I’d spend nights in a row crying in bed, wondering why I had to go through this. I was at my
breaking point and I messaged the only boy who knew what I was going through, my best friend. I
told him that I doubt I could go on when all I saw was pain.
“I’ve known you since freshman year and I can tell that you’ll make it through. This crisis is
temporary. You’re a strong person, vibrant personality, but I mean strong willed. You’re better than
this and you can’t let things get to you. Your identity is not what you’ve been through, but how
you’ve grown from those things after withstanding them. You’re gifted. You have the potential. I
know you’ll achieve.”
My best friend sending that text had saved me. Saved me from many things that could’ve happened.
Never in a million year did I think I would be telling this story or that I would’ve overcome the
demon that possessed my mind that night. I had never heard anyone tell me those words in my life. It
worked so well that it gave me the courage to stand up and fight for myself. I fought for me. I woke
up the next day after and it was like a switch went off. My grades began to improve over the months,
my mind and spirit was growing. I started to feel better. The anxiety never left but It helped me
accomplish the talents I thought I’d never see ever again. I painted my feelings with passion, made
music to match my personality, and sang my heart out. Eventually, everything began to make sense.
The storm had passed and I began to take control of my mind instead of my mind controlling me and
that’s when I heard god finally tell me, “I had to break you to show you why I created you. You had
to go through pain to fulfill your purpose.” Now I know that pain is my greatest strength. That pain
helped me overcome what I was most afraid of. I finally found myself after years of searching. I
finally can say with pride, “I love myself.”