Fruit That Is Never Out Of Season: Gentleness

by John Maxwell

Galatians 5:22,23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
goodness, faithfulness, GENTLENESS and self-control. Against such things
there is no law.

With the help and the grace of God this morning, I want to talk to you about
a gentleness that helps us to conquer ourselves. If you'll look at that
verse that we've been looking at, Galatians 5:22, it talks about how God's
Spirit makes us loving, happy, peaceful, patient, kind, good, -- and the
last three -- faithful, gentle, and self controlled. I think these three are
listed last because they really show maturity when we're able to conquer the
flesh and be filled with the Spirit of God within our lives.

About 5 years ago, Robert Ringer wrote the book Looking Out For Number One.
That whole book was completely opposite of what we're going to talk about
this morning, which is having a gentleness about our life. That whole book
was basically, "Look out for yourself. Put yourself first." And about 16
months later, he wrote another book called, Winning Through Intimidation.

But when we talk about gentleness and meekness, we read that Jesus said,
"The meek shall inherit the earth." When we talk about this subject, there's
a tendency for many of us to kind of recoil. It's kind of like the
businessman who was leaving church after hearing the pastor say that the
meek shall inherit the earth; he said to his wife, "All I've got to say, if
the meek are going to inherit the earth, they'd better become a lot more
aggressive." And I heard another quote the other day that said, "If the meek
will inherit the earth, what will happen to us tigers?"

Let's talk about this gentleness. Now, when he talked about meekness, he
talked about gentleness. The Greeks understood immediately what he was
saying because they knew well the teachings of Aristotle, who said that
virtue was the mean between two extremes. For example, Aristotle would teach
that in the middle of rage or indifference would be the virtue: meekness or
gentleness of spirit.

He would illustrate with Socrates, even though he drank poison, how that he
wasn't raging against authorities, nor was he indifferent. Instead, as he
was dying, he was speaking the truth with clarity and conviction, and with a
gentleness or meekness in his life. The Bible says that Moses was a meek
man; in fact, God's word in Numbers 12:3 says, "He was more humble than
anyone else on the face of the earth." Now, let's look at Moses for a
moment. When the Bible says that he was meek or gentle, you've got to
realize it didn't mean that Moses was perfect.

Remember he killed an Egyptian. Remember he grumbled and complained about

the grumbling children of Israel and all the things that he had to lead them
through. He had difficulties with the Lord concerning even going to Egypt
and delivering the children of Israel. He argued with God. When you look at
Moses' life, there are a lot of things that show he wasn't a perfect person.
But the Bible says he was a meek person. And let me illustrate it by one
example in the Bible, the story of his brother and sister, Aaron and Miriam,
who were not showing him the respect due him as a called person of God. And
they were grumbling. They had a spirit of discontentment under his
leadership. In Numbers 12:6-8, the Lord addresses Aaron and Miriam and gives
them what I would call a few well chosen words: "When a prophet of the Lord
is among you, I reveal myself to him in visions, I speak to him in dreams.
But this is not true of my servant Moses; he is faithful in all of my house.
With him I speak face to face, clearly and not in riddles; he sees the form
of the Lord." And then God addresses Miriam and Aaron and says, "Why then
were you not afraid to speak against my servant Moses?" In other words, he
was saying to Miriam and Aaron, "You've got to understand, this is the one I've
chosen. Why are you doing this to him?"

Now, what's interesting is, this was a family controversy. Miriam didn't
like her sister in law, the lady Moses married. Moses married a black lady.
And so God gave Miriam leprosy. There's all kind of interpretation there.
The moment she was stricken with leprosy, Moses, instead of trying to defend
himself,cried out and asked the Lord to heal her. I think what pleased God
was the fact that Moses, who had unbelievable power, had great restraint in
using it and had a humbleness of spirit. Even when he was accused or
slandered, even though some under him were not loyal, he had a spirit of
gentleness that pleased the heart of God.

Let me just talk to you for a moment about people and power. Each one of us
has been given some power. I always watch with interest how people handle
power in their life. It's very difficult to handle it correctly, or with
humility or simplicity. It's very difficult not to abuse it. I think that
although failure is difficult to handle, success is even more difficult to
handle. Because with failure you're usually beaten down and you lose
options, but with success and power you have more options and more
influence. And I always like to watch a person when they're given power to
see how they respond, to see if they use that power to help people or to
abuse people. Moses was pleasing to God because although he had this
incredible power, there was a gentleness about him. He didn't feel that he
had to put people in their place. He didn't feel that he had to fix
everything and everybody. There's a great passage of Scripture that Jesus
gives us. He says, "Come unto me, all you that are weary and burdened, and I
will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle
and humble in heart." The Lord asks you and me to walk alongside him,
literally, to yoke up with him, and he'll teach us this gentleness.

Nowhere probably, do we have a better example of that gentleness than in the

triumphant entry of Jesus. Listen to these words in Matthew 21:5, "Say to
the daughter of Zion, 'See, your King comes to you, gentle and riding on a
donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey.'" Jesus certainly wasn't trying to
impress anybody when he came into Jerusalem. There was gentleness about him.
There was a spirit about Jesus that basically said, "My father's in control;
I don't have to hustle. I don't have to look out for number one. I don't
have to grab for the gusto nor do I have to grab for the leverage power
because God is in control." Now, let me say one thing and then we're going
to take notes like crazy. There are two steps or ingredients to becoming
biblically a meek or a gentle person.

I think the first thing that I would want you to realize is that only God's
grace can do this for us. It is not human for us to be meek or gentle. The
evil, sinful nature that dwells within man in the beginning is a grabbing,
greedy, climb the ladder and knock the-other-person-off-the-rung-if-you-can
kind of a mindset. So only the grace of God can help you and me to have this
wonderful aspect of the fruit of the spirit in our life.

The second thing I would want you to notice is that it's a conscious
decision. It is a conscious decision when the person who has the power or
position or privilege chooses to submit to the Lordship of Jesus Christ, and
allow himself or herself to be God-controlled. In your sermon section, Dr.
Martyn Lloyd Jones does a tremendous job describing this gentleness and
meekness.

"The man who is meek is not even sensitive about himself. He is not always
watching himself and his own interests. He is not always on the defensive
... all that is gone. The man who is truly meek never pities himself, he is
never sorry for himself. He never talks to himself and says, 'You are having
a hard time, how unkind these people are not to understand you.' He never
thinks: 'How wonderful I really am, if only other people gave me a chance.'
Self pity! What hours and years we waste in this! But the man who has become
meek has finished with all that. To be meek, in other words, means that you
have finished with yourself altogether, and you've come to see that you have
no rights or desserts at all. The man who is truly meek is the one who is
amazed that God and man can think of him as well as they do and treat him as
well as they do. That, it seems to me, is its essential quality." - Dr.
Martyn Lloyd Jones

Gentleness is power under God's control. Philippians 4:5

Five elements of gentle people:

P - Personality ... under God's control.

A gentle person takes the personality that God has given them, unique as it
is, and places it under the control of God. I think of Jesus' three closest
friends, Peter, James, and John. Now, this is a great illustration of how
God doesn't give up on us when we're not gentle or we're not meek or we're
not the person we need to be. This is a beautiful illustration of how God
just keeps loving us.

Remember the time the Lord sent James and John ahead to Samaria. This was a
time when Jesus was extremely unpopular. They weren't well received and,
really, the bottom line is that Jesus and the disciples couldn't stay at the
Samaritan Hilton that night. And they were really ticked, and they say said,
"Let's call fire down from heaven."

That is not a gentle person. Remember the time that James' and John's mother
came to Jesus and said, "Lord, when you come into your kingdom can Jim sit
on one side and can Johnny sit on the other"? That is not a gentle request.
That's truly looking out for number one.

How about Peter? There are many illustrations of Peter demonstrating not a
gentleness but an impulsiveness and arrogance. What blesses my heart is,
despite their personalities, Jesus never gave up on them, but he kept
working on them and maturing them. Today you may not be the gentle person
that you want to be, but the good news is that through God's grace and
maturity and seasoning, you can become that person.

You see we have four different temperaments. We all know them: The choleric,
who needs a lot of gentleness, training and teaching, because the choleric
wants to control everything. The melancholic, who needs a lot of gentleness,
training and teaching, because they're judgmental and highly, highly
critical. The phlegmatic -- you know, I suppose we have a tendency to think
that the temperament that God is pleased with the most on this subject is a
phlegmatic. But I know something about phlegmatics: although they kind of
acquiesce on the outside, they are really quiet, stubborn people who are
kicking patooty on the inside. And the gentleness that we're talking about
isn't just an outward emotion, but it's an inward settling of our own spirit
within us that we allow God to do that work on us.

So no matter what personality we have, we don't want to change the

personality. I don't want to make a choleric a phlegmatic, but what I want
us to do is put it under the control of God.

O - Outlook ... under God's control. Philippians 2:4

The results? We start working for the benefit of others not just ourselves.

Philippians 2, "Don't just think about your own affairs but be interested in
others' too and in what they're doing." Your attitude should be the same as
of Jesus Christ.

Gentle people are understanding. Acts 20:35; II Peter 1:7

Look at II Peter 1:7, "Learn to put aside your own desires so that you will
become patient and godly." This will make the next step possible, which is
for you to enjoy other people and like them and finally grow to love them
deeply. That's a fabulous, fabulous verse for people to process a better
relationship with others. I wish I had time to really dissect that verse.
Let's look at it one more time, "Learn to put aside your own desires so that
you will become patient and godly." The first thing is, I have to put aside
John Maxwell's desires. Now, this will make the next step possible, which is
for you to enjoy other people.

Gentle people are not demanding. James 4:1-2; 3:16

James 3:16, "Wherever there is jealousy or selfish ambition, there will be

disorder and every kind of evil."

W - Words ... under God's control. Ephesians 4:29; James 3:6,8

You know it isn't the things that go in one ear and out the other that cause
damage. It's the things that go in one ear, get all mixed up and come out
the mouth. That's what causes the problems. Words under God's control.
Ephesians 4, "Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of
your mouth. Say only what helps. Each word is a gift."

And James is clear, isn't he? "The tongue is a flame of fire. It's full of
wickedness and poisons every part of the body. The tongue is set on fire by
hell itself and can turn our whole lives into a blazing flame of destruction
and disaster, but no human being can tame the tongue. It's always ready to
pour out its deadly poison." Let's accept that we cannot tame it with our
own strength; it must be seasoned by the grace of God.

E - Expectations ... under God's control. Eph. 4:2; Proverbs 15:4

When we are gentle people, we not only place our personality, outlook, and
words under God's control, but even our expectations. Ephesians 4:2, "Be
humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each
other's faults because of your love." Let me ask you a question, when
someone disappoints you -- and we've all been disappointed by people -- are
you gentle or judgmental? It's a good question, isn't it?

Classic Old Testament example: Elijah. The greatest day in Elijah's life was
on Mount Carmel, when the fire came and man, I'm telling you, God showed
himself. But we know that Elijah went from the greatest day of his ministry
to a time of depression. Off he ran and said, "I'm no better than anybody
else." And he went right into the emotional tank. Remember what God said to
him?

God said, "Elijah I want you to go to the cave." This phrase right here has
always amused me. It's kind of like when I was bad in elementary school and
the teacher would say, "John, I want you to go to the coatroom." I knew the
teacher was going to finish teaching for a period of time, but there would
be a visit later on. And at that visit I would then see how bad it was going
to be. God said, "Elijah, I want you to go to the cave." And can you imagine
what Elijah thought, wondering what God was going to do now? "Man, I've
disappointed him. I've blown it big time. Haven't been the man of God I
wanted to be. Where was my faith? Somehow I lost it awful quick. Where was
my courage? Man, I lost all those things. I wonder what God's going to do."

Remember what he did? When he came to Elijah he told him to come out of that
cave and stand before him. And then some amazing things happened there on
the side of that mountain. First of all, there was a strong, mighty wind. I
mean, a powerful wind. And after that wind subsided, the Bible says that God
was not in the wind. And then came an earthquake. And after the earthquake
was over it says that God was not in the earthquake. And then came a fire
and afterward, it says that God was not in the fire. And then it says, "And
then there was a gentle voice, and God was in the gentle voice."

You know what God was doing? God wasn't beating up Elijah. He was loving
Elijah. He was saying, "I know you're down and I know you failed and I know
you feel bad." For three months we've been on the fruit of the spirit, and
can I just ask a question? Is there anybody here this morning that would
say, "Pastor, I must raise my hand and tell you that I have all the fruit of
the spirit perfected and I just want you to know that I have scored a
hundred every week you have taught. And I just want to go on record to say
that the series has been good, but I want you to know I am a perfect
person." Anybody want to raise their hand so the rest of us can throw stones
at you? Can I tell you something? None of us are there.

I thought about last week's sermon when I preached on faithfulness to your

spouse. I know in an auditorium this size with literally thousands of people
in this congregation that there were no doubt dozens, possibly hundreds of
people that while I preached that message who sat there and thought, "Well,
I've already blown it. I've already messed up."

And you would give anything to go back, but you can't. And you know what,
God tells you just like he said to Elijah, he said, "Just go to the cave for
a moment." And he's not going to send an earthquake and he's not going to
send a fire. He's going to be like the father of the prodigal son. When the
boy came home, Poppa had his arms out and said, "Hey, I love you." If
Christianity is anything, it's not people always being perfect, but it is
people who want to be holy, who desire to do what God wants and then are
willing to let God's grace cover and forgive every sin that they've ever
committed until he washes them white as snow, wipes the slate clean, and
makes them new people in Christ Jesus. The message to us is this: We don't
have all of the fruit of the spirit lined up, and we're not perfect yet, but
I want to tell you something, in the areas where you fall a little short,
just let God's goodness and grace cover and forgive you. Pick up your chin;
you're a child of God. You can say, "I'm not the person I used to be because
of the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ."

R - Response ... under God's control.

Gentle people are proactive, not reactive. Proverbs 16:32; 15:4

A proactive person is self- controlled.

A reactive person is other- controlled.

Haven't we all said on occasion, "You make me so mad. You upset me so much"
? Well, a gentle person is not controlled by the response of others. They're
God-controlled.

How to become a proactive person:

Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Proverbs 15:2

So many times we do it reversed. We want to be understood before we seek to

understand. Seek first to understand before being understood.

As you know, my father was in the ministry all of his life, and I grew up a
preacher's kid, in the parsonage. When I was in the fourth grade, my father
became a district superintendent and by the time I was in high school he'd
become the president of a college. After I had graduated from college and I
was in my second pastorate, in my late 20s, I began to realize that my
father had some very trying, difficult times in college board meetings. What
would happen is pastors would come from all over the denomination and work
with my father in these meetings, and they weren't in the circle as far as
knowing what was happening. And there were two or three that wanted to
control and tell him how to run the school.

Now, I want to tell you something: I would sit down with my dad and I would
watch him hurt after some of those meetings. And I would give him a pep
talk. Now, in my youth I didn't realize that he didn't need a pep talk. What
he needed was just somebody to listen to him. But I'd give him a pep talk
and say something like this: "Dad, the next time, when those guys don't have
a clue what they're talking about, go in and let them have it." And I'd kind
of Al Capone encourage him. You know what I mean. Get a hit man. But I would
watch my father not really listen to my advice. Many years later, probably
in the last 10 years, I had a pastor come to me one day and say, "John, let
me tell you something. I remember well one board meeting was extremely
difficult because they were building buildings. I watched your dad as the
heat was heavy, and he just backed off and smiled and took a servant's
attitude. But it got so hot we just called it for a 30 minute break."

And so he said, "I just decided to walk around the campus. I went from the
administration building to the library. And I sat down, just started to
reflect, and pretty soon I heard someone groaning. So I got up and I walked
back through the books and through the library. I got clear over in the
corner and I saw your dad. He was laying on his face on the floor before
God. And he was just pouring his heart out to God concerning the load, and
the burden and the stress and the strife and the trouble. Your dad doesn't
even know I was there. But I did something that day, I decided to never let
him know that I saw him, but I decided to stay close enough to him to hear
his prayer. John, his prayer was a prayer of forgiveness for those board
members. And he was telling God that he forgave their attitude, and he
forgave their spirit and he forgave their motives. For 15 minutes I sat and
I heard your dad forgive these people. It was the closest to God that I'd
ever felt in my life. It just made me seek God."

I think in my life I've made a lot of people see red. And all week long, God's
been tenderizing my spirit, and I've been letting him work on me. And I have
one great determination. I'm not there yet, but I'll tell you where I'm
heading. I want to have that gentleness of spirit where somehow when people
are around me, it gets them off themselves and what they want, and begins to
refocus them upon God and who he is. I would like it to be said about me
like it was about my pop. Some day I would like someone to say, "You know, I
was around John for a while, and I just felt like I was in the presence of
God."