Aunt Flo.

Arianna Alfano
Aunties should always be loved by their nieces. We always
bring lovely gifts and teach heartfelt lessons, so what is there
not to be fond of? Being that I am an aunt to millions of people,
I always expect such love and praise to be adorned onto me
when I make my monthly visit. However, so very often
teenagers and women alike complain about me. “Aunt Flo! Why
can’t you just go away?” “Aunt Flo! You weren’t supposed to
come for another two days!” The thing is, these complaints are
SO unnecessary! I always have the right intentions. I’m just a
casually compassionate, cuddly, candid caring aunt that comes
one week every month to shower my nieces with love and
affection. Just take a look at it through my perspective when I
come to visit my favorite niece, Nicole …

1
 -Day 1-
Day 1 is probably always the hardest day for my nieces.
Nobody really ever expects me, and Nicole is not divergent
in this case. However, the fun of showing up is most certainly in the
incredulity of my appearance! Morning, midday, or night, the
fun is in the surprise. I remember this August showing up to Nicole’s
doorstep at 12:30 in the afternoon.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
I went on the oak wood door. She was so shocked to see me that
she exclaimed “OH MY GOD” and rushed toward me, embracing
me in some sort of white, cloth blanket. Every time I see her, I tell
her not to call me that. I’m not God! Overall, though, I suppose I am
pretty fantastic. Right after seeing me and handing me her blanket,
she called her boyfriend. He promised to bring back chocolates and all
sorts of sweets—all because of me! Isn’t that great?!

2
 -Day 2-
Nicole had plans for the beach today. It seemed like a good
idea, so I let her begin her day without hesitation. In fact, by
noon, she had already sprayed suntan lotion all over herself,
climbed into her white coverup, and gave me another blanket.
She seemed so extraordinarily joyous to be with her close
friends that I did not have any desire to bother her at all.
Unfortunately, as much as I desperately wanted to allow
Nicole to have a wonderful time, I found that the 90 °
weather was much too hot for me to wear the white blanket.
As she swam about with her friends, I decided to just quickly
throw the blanket off and cool off for a short while.

3
There really should have been no problem with that. I promised myself
I would behave, and not act embarrassingly without being covered up
by the blanket. I reasoned with myself and even came to the conclusion
that if I were to slip up, it would not be problematic. I always want to
leave my mark on my nieces—it helps them grow into real women. The
only issue came about later that afternoon when Nicole realized that I
was no longer wearing my blanket. Suddenly, she became hysterical
and dragged me into the bathroom, exclaiming: “Aunt Flo! You’re such
an ignominious aunt! How could you?! You know how much I wanted
to have fun today!” To which I responded, “It was hot, Nicole!
Anyway, having fun has no correlation with my presence. You just
need to be a bit more mature. Involve your auntie in your activities. I
only get to be here for another 5 days. Why can’t we do something that
doesn’t involve me wearing the blanket?” Quickly, she realized how
important it was to make sure that I was not left alone. I’m so glad to
have been able to teach her the virtues of womanhood.
4
 -Day 3-

I am such a busy woman that I only ever get to see

Nicole for a few days over the course of a month. Thus, I
was inclined to ensure sure that each day I spent with
her was spent well. With the beach fiasco on the second
day of my visit, I was sure to wake Nicole up bright and
early on day 3. All it took was a singular, super small,
sleepy sneeze early this morning, and Nicole woke up
instantly, trying to avoid any sanguine coloring on her
sheets. I understand, of course, that the mark I leave on
my nieces is sometimes a little vibrant; however, it does
get them up in the morning!

5
On this day, I convinced her to cancel her plans to hang
out with me—she didn’t want another blanket disaster,
anyway. Instead, we spent the day inside. I laid on a
pillow, and we watched rom-coms all afternoon. Crying,
perhaps, is my second favorite hobby—right after
visiting Nicole! Therefore, of course, we had to choose the
most incredible films: A Walk to Remember, To All the
Boys I’ve Loved Before, and even Cinderella. These are
such classic tales of romance, and I am so glad to have
brought them into Nicole’s life once again! Who could
blame us for wanting to re-watch them, anyway? The
romance, the love—it’s all Nicole has ever wanted from
her boyfriend.

6
 -Day 4-
Speaking of the boyfriend, Nicole and I realized, by day 4, that if
Vincent was not going to step up his game, he better step out of her
life. How he thought he could not become a Peter Kavinsky or a Prince
Charming and still keep Nicole as his girlfriend is beyond me. I
remember distinctly stating, “Nicole, you know you’re so much better
than him. When was the last time he said I love you?” She responded,
“I don’t know, Aunt Flo. Yesterday?” which caused me to state,
“Okay. Sure. But did he even mean it?” I love helping Nicole realize
her self-worth. She deserves a man that will love her like the goddess
she is. After all, what’s the point of her being his girlfriend if he
doesn’t treat her right? Immediately after I began talking some sense
into her, she called his cell phone and told him he better “shape up
because she needs a man.” I’m so proud of her for learning from me and
becoming more outspoken.

7
 -Day 5-
I, very obviously, have high expectations for Nicole and her life. I
could not have her living with a sub-par boyfriend when she was
playing the role of avant-garde girlfriend. Instead, I forced her to
learn to digest hard to swallow pills. Take the 5th day of my visit
as an example. Vincent, finally, came back home to apologize for
not being as clearly head-over-heels in love with Nicole as he
needed to be. Even more than that, he bought gifts for us! Things
such as roses, ice cream, and medicine made us swoon. Nicole was
so grateful to see a bottle of Midol amongst the other lovely
presents that I could not spoil her happiness. Instead of acting
with ingratitude, as I knew these pills would bother me, I taught
Nicole how to swallow them! Incredibly, she had never learned.
This key tactic is essential for life—both literally and
metaphorically. I really am such a great auntie.

8
 -Day 6-
Perhaps one of my best qualities is that I am always able to
teach such useful lessons to my nieces. By the 6th day of my
visit, I am always convincing them that it is okay to wear
comfortable clothing. Pajama pants and a button up? If that’s
what you like to wear, rock it! You are your best accessory—
you need to feel comfortable and confident at all times! Day 6,
in particular, is one of the best days to do this because I don’t
need to wear such a heavy blanket. Instead, in this case, I
wore a light sheet and convinced Nicole to wear a multitude
of black clothing. Black sweats, black sweatshirts, and black
socks. Nothing is as comfy as sweats, and nothing is as
flattering as the color black! I am, without a doubt, a fashion
icon for the ages and Nicole has been, most certainly,
fortunate to learn fashion first-hand from me.

9
 -Day 7-
At this point in time, I have already started to leave Nicole
alone. I knew how hard it must have been for Nicole to
accommodate me every day this week, but I, also, knew how
important it was for her to do so. This week alone, I’ve
already given out so many life-saving tips. Finally, by the 7th
day, her acne was subsiding, and I decided to thoroughly
teach Nicole the principles of “Treat Yo’ Self.” Medicine and
crying are not always the best ways to hang out with me.
Sometimes, I prefer face masks and pedicures. I felt it was
important that, while I was here, I kept Nicole entertained.
On this day, I painted our nails red, and we went for blood
mask facial treatments. It only made sense for us to do so;
blood is my signature color. It may have been about $300 in
the end, but what auntie does not spoil their niece? -Day 8-

10
I knew I should have been gone by this point in time,
and I did feel awful about the short notice, but I
completely forgot to pack my things after the pedicures
that we did the day prior. Nicole did not seem too keen
on having me for yet another day, but I could not help
it! She was used to me at this point, anyway. On her
own, by day 8, she remembered to eat the foods she
craved, wear black sweats, watch romantic comedies,
keep her boyfriend in check, and, most of all, be friendly
to me and NOT smother me in a huge, heavy blanket. It
almost seemed like she no longer needed me. I supposed,
on that note, I could leave. I saw then that my work
here was done. By 3pm that day, I said my farewells
and promised to visit again next month.

11
 -2 months later-

I always find it freakishly funny how fickle females

can be. Last month, I figured I would give Nicole a
break—I had stayed an extra day in August, and I did
not want to impose on her plans in September. Instead,
I skipped a month. I know that I had promised her
that I would return soon, but I figured she would
prefer not hosting me that for that September week.
However, it seems as though I thought incorrectly.
October had just begun and, right before I knocked on
the door, I heard “Please she can’t be late again! I’m
not ready for a baby!” It was in that moment that I
realized there is no more need for excuses. I am always
the bearer of good news.

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